0:00

My new special Lucky

0:02

is streaming right now

0:04

on Netflix. Check out.

0:06

100% to you. Welcome to

0:09

another episode of Two

0:11

Bears One Cave. Today's

0:14

topics, the situation in

0:16

Ukraine, the market continues

0:19

to go down and

0:22

there's no better person

0:24

to discuss real world...

0:26

issues with that my regular co-host

0:29

fat Bert Chrysler, but he is

0:31

at Fat Camp and so as

0:33

he continues to Try to lose

0:35

a hundred and fifty pounds We

0:37

have an incredible fill in this

0:40

guy. You've seen him on CNN.

0:42

You've seen him on Fox News.

0:44

You've seen him on PBS. You've

0:46

seen on 60 minutes. It's Kyle

0:48

down again everybody. Yeah, thanks to

0:51

my credits I'm not even 150

0:53

pounds, so you lose more than

0:55

I am. How much do you

0:57

weigh? I'm really light. I haven't

0:59

weighed myself in a couple months,

1:01

but like I'm about buck 40. Dude.

1:04

Yeah. What's that like? It's good for

1:06

jumping and... I bet you can run

1:08

like the wind, right? I can run

1:11

pretty fast. Girls can pick me up.

1:13

That's kind of hot. Yeah, they think

1:15

it's hot. Do you ever hook

1:17

up with like a chick who's like

1:19

significantly? Yeah, how was

1:22

that. It's a little weird, but uh...

1:24

Did you kind of like it though?

1:26

I have to like change, you know,

1:28

my kink has to be like baby,

1:30

like I'm a baby. Yeah, yeah. You know,

1:33

that's what's wrong with that? Nothing.

1:35

And then, yeah, you get like

1:37

a diaper and like I think, but,

1:39

uh, it is... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like...

1:41

It feels like a different

1:43

species when a woman's like...

1:46

Yeah, yeah, like that much bigger than me.

1:48

Well, sometimes, like, I remember I did

1:50

a show one time, and after the

1:52

show, there was a woman in the

1:54

lobby, she was six four, and somebody

1:56

was like, oh yeah, she plays for

1:59

Team USA Volleyball. And I looked at

2:01

her like she was a sculpture

2:03

in a museum. Like I went

2:05

up there and I was like,

2:07

like just admired her. I was

2:09

like, Jesus Christ. She was also

2:11

super feminine. Like she wasn't right.

2:14

Yeah. You can be like, that's

2:16

beautiful, but you don't sexualize them

2:18

because it's just like a different

2:20

species. It's a species. Yeah. Women

2:22

love tall too. They like men

2:24

to be tall more than ever.

2:26

I know. It's like sometimes it's

2:28

people's like their bio. Don't talk

2:30

to me if you're not, you

2:33

know what I mean? Yeah, I'm

2:35

a dating app. It's like under

2:37

five, ten, don't bother. Don't bother.

2:39

Don't bother, ouch. Which is crazy,

2:41

I think, because it's always been

2:43

a thing where I go, yeah,

2:45

most men, like we go, well

2:47

I dated a girl that was

2:49

five feet, and I dated a

2:52

girl that was six feet, no.

2:54

Yeah, I... I tell them, I

2:56

say, eventually I get hot after

2:58

a while. Yeah. And they just

3:00

don't believe me. Are you dating

3:02

now? I go on dates and

3:04

it's not being good. Why? Well,

3:06

I, I, I, it might be,

3:08

like, I'm definitely the common denominator,

3:11

but I don't think I'm weird.

3:13

I think I'm doing a good

3:15

job on the dates. Okay. But

3:17

there's a lot of, yeah, you

3:19

gotta pay for the thing, which

3:21

is fine. Yeah, but then something

3:23

like this one girl came and

3:25

you know just like like ragged

3:27

armpit hair and it's like if

3:30

we're doing the I'm a man

3:32

you're a woman you gotta do

3:34

the woman thing we're doing it

3:36

yes yes yeah yeah so that

3:38

and then I don't know I

3:40

find um I think it's like

3:42

really hard for people to go

3:44

on dates it's just a lot

3:46

of pressure and then you the

3:49

guy has to you have to

3:51

plan the date Yeah, that's another

3:53

thing which I don't do the

3:55

stuff like I don't so I'm

3:57

presenting like this is who I

3:59

am not right right away from

4:01

month I'm like oh you want to

4:03

go wine tasting I know it's not

4:06

me I don't do that but so

4:08

isn't it better like because that's what

4:10

we all everybody who's been on a date

4:13

knows what you're talking about which

4:15

is you're presenting who you

4:17

think yeah like and then after month

4:19

you go he's dead yeah yeah you'll never

4:21

see him again I don't drink wine no

4:24

the fuck is wrong with you I do

4:26

have to I do like to drink on

4:28

a first date but I don't really drink

4:30

much but just to loosen it up yeah

4:32

but that also feels like a stand

4:34

it's better than coffee oh yeah don't

4:37

take someone for coffee everyone's got a

4:39

shit like everyone has to start shitting

4:41

yeah the worst date is a movie date

4:44

because you don't know them yeah and

4:46

you walk in and for two hours

4:48

you're together and you don't know each

4:50

other and you walk out hours have

4:52

gone by and you're still strangers and

4:55

something in your brain goes like yeah

4:57

no movie dates a bad idea I've

4:59

been with this person too long I

5:01

saw Amy Winehouse movie with this girl

5:04

I really liked date one it was our

5:06

second date okay and it was

5:08

just such a bummer but we both

5:10

walked out depressed it was like bad

5:12

hey she's that doesn't end well that

5:15

Amy Wine House story I just saw

5:17

this guy, he was on our show

5:19

once and I was like, what do you

5:21

like to do on a date? He's like,

5:23

oh, you know, a girl comes over and,

5:26

you know, we just like watch a movie,

5:28

just chill. I was like, yeah, it's pretty

5:30

cool. I go, do you have like

5:32

a favorite movie? And he goes, yeah.

5:34

And he named, he goes, I like,

5:37

like, like, it was some Sandler movie?

5:39

Like, one of the, one, my

5:41

other go-to is Dallas Buyers Club.

5:43

When I was like, the AIDS movie?

5:45

He was like, yeah, it's a great

5:47

movie. I was like, that's your first

5:50

date movie? He was like, sometimes. That's

5:52

insane, dude. So crazy. Does he have

5:54

him just come over right away for

5:56

it? Come over in the apartment? He's

5:59

not 100% okay. Okay, yeah, I don't

6:01

know I um Yeah, I do the

6:03

thing I ask questions and I do

6:05

the thing I talked about them this

6:08

one girl goes um I let her

6:10

pick a restaurant, pick the most expensive

6:12

restaurant. She did? In Los Angeles. That's

6:15

pretty crazy. Okay. And then she's talking

6:17

about herself, didn't ask me, any hour

6:19

and a half goes by, it became

6:21

interesting. Like, she never, she didn't know

6:24

anything about me. And then she goes,

6:26

I love Portland, blah blah. And I

6:28

was just in Portland. I go, I

6:31

was just in Portland. And she just

6:33

went right over it. Yeah. Aw awkward

6:35

pause. Yeah, it was weird. That's, but

6:37

that's such a, I mean, it sucks

6:40

you had to spend the money to

6:42

figure it out, but it's such a

6:44

good way to be like, y'all never

6:46

see this person. Also, pretty, like, I'm

6:49

down, you know, I think you're the

6:51

man, you pay for the first date,

6:53

but for the person to go, let

6:56

me pick the most expensive place. as

6:58

a first date. Rude. It's pretty, it's

7:00

kind of, yeah. That's bold. Ferry. What

7:02

about this thing when you hook up,

7:05

you know, and then like a bunch

7:07

of months go by and they go,

7:09

hey, let's go check out, whatever, a

7:12

movie, you know. And you haven't seen

7:14

her since you hooked up? Yeah. And

7:16

then like you go and you pay

7:18

for the movie and then after she's

7:21

like, hey, let's get dinner and then

7:23

you pay for dinner and then you

7:25

pay for dinner and then you pay

7:27

for dinner and then she's like, you

7:30

pay for dinner and then you pay

7:32

for dinner and then you for dinner

7:34

and then you. That's like hat, you

7:37

know. Hat, friends then you should go

7:39

have it. Yeah. I don't know. And

7:41

you had hooked up months before. Yeah,

7:43

you know who you are. You know,

7:46

you are. Just, you know, yeah. Fucking

7:48

Venmo him. I would love that. That'd

7:50

be awesome if right after this comes

7:53

out, you just goes ding, that might

7:55

happen. That might happen. That would be

7:57

awesome. Well, it's a shitty thing to

7:59

do. It's a shitty thing to do.

8:02

You guys. Unless you're feeling sick. Let

8:04

me tell everybody because right now, as

8:06

of this moment... Uh, kill or be

8:09

killed is out now. It's on Netflix.

8:11

It's a special episode of Kill Tony.

8:13

We were both at that and participated

8:15

in. Yes, we did. Some way I

8:18

participated in it in sitting there. And

8:20

like, they were just like, yeah, they

8:22

were like, just don't, I don't know,

8:24

just react. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Watch the

8:27

show. I was like, okay. Yeah. Yeah.

8:29

Yeah. So we just sit on stage

8:31

and then. It was, and you'll see

8:34

if you go check this out, it

8:36

was so funny. It was one of

8:38

the funniest like night's fever dream of

8:40

a show. It was so crazy. Again,

8:43

you can see it. It's on Netflix

8:45

and obviously Killtoni comes out every Monday.

8:47

It's always a fun ride of craziness,

8:50

but I feel like it was also,

8:52

because this is a special event where

8:54

it's like the first time it's going

8:56

on Netflix, it was in... Overdrive it

8:59

was Yeah, of like especially with characters

9:01

right because like the show has you

9:03

know They're kind of their regulars that

9:05

do their time and then these bucket

9:08

pools were like random open mikers basically

9:10

are kind of Yeah, and it was

9:12

a full rate you get the full

9:15

range of like hey, that was impressive.

9:17

Oh my god. That was terrible and

9:19

some funny things between but like Shane

9:21

was Trump Adam Ray did Biden and

9:24

Dr. Phil. And you did. Elon Musk

9:26

and RFK Jr. And dude it was

9:28

it was some of the funniest shit

9:31

I've ever seen. I started the show

9:33

in the balcony. I was just watching

9:35

from the balcony and I was told

9:37

that you were doing Elon and I

9:40

was like I wonder what this will

9:42

be like. And it was so fucking

9:44

funny to watch you. do these like

9:47

these quirks and mannerisms like you know

9:49

the show to roll the show roll

9:51

uh... this the uh... his accent and

9:53

that the the the the the the

9:56

stammering so so yeah yeah and his

9:58

laugh is like I almost pass out

10:00

it's so much air to do his

10:02

laugh he's like a major pretty cool

10:05

yeah yeah that whole dude night was

10:07

and the best of what added so

10:09

much to it was like hey I

10:12

was like I don't think I've seen

10:14

I don't know that I've seen someone

10:16

do an Elon yeah and you had

10:18

like the hat and like you had

10:21

an outfit like you were wearing crazy

10:23

it was crazy it was crazy you

10:25

had a crate yeah he looks crazy

10:28

but also the fact that you were

10:30

sitting next to Rogan yeah and you're

10:32

like this is my good friend good

10:34

friend like best friend yeah I had

10:37

gotten because I look nothing he was

10:39

so uncomfortable it looked like I didn't

10:41

know what to do I know I

10:43

felt bad but it was so funny

10:46

I look nothing like, you know, the

10:48

opposite, like, I have a long neck,

10:50

he has no neck, I have a

10:53

peanut face, he has a watermelon, and

10:55

so I had to get a prosthetic,

10:57

just to look, but it came out

10:59

crazy, I looked, yeah, I mean, that

11:02

with the hat, that was, you were

11:04

there wearing the hat and everything. Yeah,

11:06

but the, the, no, I know, the

11:09

face, I look like fat bastard from

11:11

Austin Powers, so it was like, it

11:13

was insane, it was insane. But, yeah.

11:15

Yeah. I don't know how I don't

11:18

know how it turned. I thank you

11:20

for saying it was good. I was

11:22

just like out of my mind. Oh

11:25

my god. I think so many people

11:27

too were like, they didn't know, like,

11:29

you were nailing it and they were

11:31

just like, I think a lot of

11:34

people were like, I don't even know

11:36

like what an Elon Musk impression is.

11:38

Yeah. Like they were just trying to

11:40

like figure it out, but it was,

11:43

I was absolutely dying at that. Oh

11:45

my god, so fun. Do you feel

11:47

like too? Because I remember I asked

11:50

one time, another comedian who's like really

11:52

good at doing impressions of people. Yeah.

11:54

I was like, how do you know?

11:56

He's like, you honestly just try and

11:59

you either are like, I have it

12:01

or I, or like. can't do this

12:03

one. Yeah, you kind of lean into

12:06

it if you can and if you

12:08

can't, you know, like I can't do

12:10

that one. Yeah, there's some I just

12:12

can't do and some come easy and

12:15

some are a little bit of work,

12:17

but it was just the level of,

12:19

like when you go, you know, Saturday

12:21

Live, you know, it's like, it's nerve-wracking,

12:24

I'm sure, and you go out there,

12:26

but you want to, you know, do

12:28

a thing. and yeah it's a really

12:31

it's very good a good workout yeah

12:33

I mean like you know if you

12:35

did it like more you know get

12:37

better and better out of it oh

12:40

my god if you were doing this

12:42

like weekly a couple days a week

12:44

like putting on it like it would

12:47

you would just like get into such

12:49

a crazy zone yeah because you can't

12:51

you can't practice that it's like I

12:53

sit on my couch as we talked

12:56

about for months you know basically alone

12:58

and then it's like go out and

13:00

do that and like oh the I'm

13:03

alone a lot. Dude, I'm alone so

13:05

much. I'm not kidding. I'm in my

13:07

dreams, I'm alone. In your dreams? Yeah,

13:09

like my brain doesn't know for out

13:12

what company is. And it's like, we're

13:14

in a field. But do you prefer

13:16

it? Kinda, yeah. What's your favorite, what's

13:18

your, what's the best dating app for

13:21

you? Yeah, I mean, I. I've hinged,

13:23

I think, might be the best. It's

13:25

connected to friends or something. So I

13:28

like to work out before I come

13:30

to work. And what I do is

13:32

I work out and then I walk

13:34

to work. And sometimes when I get

13:37

here, something's burning or a podcast or

13:39

two bears is already about to start.

13:41

And I don't have time to manage

13:44

my odor the way I'd like to.

13:46

It's been somewhat of a challenge. And

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because it's just such a. disaster.

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It's the primo post though, right?

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That's the top shelf stuff. Look,

17:52

I'm not doing well on these

17:54

apps. Really? Yeah. I just pay,

17:57

I'm there to pay for dinners.

17:59

So we got to get you

18:01

off the apps and into, well

18:03

you're alone. So we got to

18:05

get you into social circles. I've

18:07

actually, it's funny you said, because

18:09

I did tell myself that, and

18:11

so I've signed up for a

18:13

bunch of, like too many classes.

18:15

Like I have a pickleball league,

18:17

and then I'm at a league.

18:19

Yeah, I'm going to do Jiu-Jitsu,

18:21

which I shouldn't do Jiu-Jitsu. That's

18:23

like a neck. No, do it

18:25

do it. Do it. I'm like

18:27

30% neck and that's like whole

18:29

thing I was like neck holes

18:31

Just strangling people it kind of

18:33

and then I got yeah, I

18:35

went to a get into one

18:37

with has chicks in it No,

18:39

I did it like super beginner.

18:41

Yeah, although that's probably a creepy

18:43

thing But then like softball. I

18:46

like you know, it's gonna have

18:48

girls on something. That's a fun

18:50

one. I like that Yeah, like

18:52

softball But yeah, so I'm pushing

18:54

myself out there I'm doing myself

18:56

out there I'm doing the things

18:58

I'm doing the massage school or

19:00

something That seems

19:02

like a... And then just what we

19:04

rub women? Yeah. And then you just

19:07

be like, oh, I'm interested in like

19:09

anatomy. So like you just have a

19:11

good cover story. All right. I'll try

19:14

that. Then you're like, oops, did I

19:16

come? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't go

19:18

to massage parlors because, you know, they...

19:20

I don't want... Nothing it's hand jobs.

19:23

Right. Like, I don't want that humiliation

19:25

in my life. which remediation just like

19:27

when they're like you want you want

19:30

a happy ending or whatever you can

19:32

just go get a regular massage no

19:34

I know but sometimes you don't know

19:37

like I if I and I really

19:39

go when I go to get a

19:41

massage I just try to look like

19:44

I don't want a hand job what

19:46

does that look like I'll tell you

19:48

tell me don't wear a baseball hat

19:50

because that's why I didn't like just

19:53

like yeah and then be like jolly

19:55

yeah like jolly yeah And then they're

19:57

like, this guy's a little too. He

20:00

doesn't want to, yeah. You police? Huh?

20:02

Police? Yeah. Yes, oh, that's another way

20:04

to do it. Hello, I'm Officer Kyle,

20:07

I'm here for my appointment. My regular

20:09

massage? Yeah. Yeah, so I'm getting social.

20:11

Doing some stuff. Making effort. But yeah,

20:14

dating, just when you go, here's a

20:16

date, it's just, it's a lot of

20:18

pressure too. When's the last time you

20:20

had like a long term. relationship so

20:23

long ago for real yeah except in

20:25

years that's like this is my girlfriend

20:27

was like seven years ago yeah we

20:30

got to get you a girlfriend I've

20:32

dated some I did this girl she

20:34

was so weird tell me she was

20:37

so weird what was weird and she's

20:39

a writer and she's a pretty successful

20:41

writer rogue I don't know what that

20:44

is nicotine no thank you I'm not

20:46

sure how I'll behave on that okay

20:48

so she would This doesn't go out

20:51

to like no one knows he's okay,

20:53

so She got in in bed. You

20:55

know what I mean? Yeah, like this

20:57

is first of all. She was like

21:00

contrarian. Okay. So everything you say like

21:02

you know. Oh it's raining out. No.

21:04

It's not it's drizzling. Oh right. Oh

21:07

okay. Yeah sure I know like but

21:09

I'm maybe it'll progress into rain right

21:11

at it Right, but my bar is

21:14

very low and I'm like, I can

21:16

handle like all these things like that.

21:18

But then like in the bedroom, like

21:21

she would talk about herself and she

21:23

was verbal, you know, she's a writer

21:25

and everything was like verbal and she's

21:27

like, I'm in a bar and like

21:30

guys are watching and stuff like that.

21:32

And then she would tell me about

21:34

like a blow job. Tell me about

21:37

it. She's like, I'm on my knees,

21:39

I'm in front of you, I put

21:41

you in my mouth. Like, she's not

21:44

doing it, but she's right, I'm like,

21:46

it's right there. Is that crazy? Wait

21:48

a minute. This is like her, this

21:51

is like a kink, like a turn

21:53

on for her. Are you laying next

21:55

to each other in bed? We're fully

21:57

naked making out, yeah. And then she's

22:00

just whispering to you like, I'm on

22:02

my knees and I'm, your penis is

22:04

in my mouth. And you're like, great,

22:07

let's see it. Let's make it happen.

22:09

Yeah, I'm like, love the buildup, let's

22:11

act on that. It's almost like I'm

22:14

not blowing. Yeah. It happened once and

22:16

like we dated her for like we

22:18

were never like boyfriend up like over

22:21

three months We went on like maybe

22:23

ten dates. Did you ever ask her

22:25

be like hey, what the fuck is

22:28

up with this narration? You know what?

22:30

No, I didn't It's insane. It's insane.

22:32

I mean, it's it's here's a thing

22:34

I respect it as like part like

22:37

your sex like if she was like

22:39

one of the things she's into is

22:41

like doing these descriptions and like doing

22:44

these descriptions and like but where that's

22:46

fun would be if you were like

22:48

here like here and she was there

22:51

and she told you over the phone

22:53

right like can't wait till I get

22:55

back and you get back and she

22:58

acts out the things she described you

23:00

that's a normal person yeah yeah yeah

23:02

and then she just never listened to

23:04

me women don't listen to me I

23:07

gotta figure out you know what I

23:09

like and she's like anyway I don't

23:11

care yeah even like basic stuff like

23:14

I can't read I never like when

23:16

I'm gonna read how to read and

23:18

I'm just for real no I can

23:21

read but like I'm very slow read

23:23

or whatever I never got tested but

23:25

Like I took a Spanish class and

23:28

it's usually like all your D's and

23:30

B's are backwards. You're dyslexic. Yeah, yeah,

23:32

something. But I never had tested, but

23:34

I read like a third grader. And

23:37

that's one thing she knew about me.

23:39

And the other thing she knew was

23:41

like I don't eat dairy. So for

23:44

my birthday, which is nice, she got

23:46

me gifts. She got me a giant

23:48

book, the count of Monty Crisco, and

23:51

a dairy cupcake. Which is sort of

23:53

like a... Kind of a fuck you.

23:55

I don't know. Yeah, right? That's a

23:58

really weird... thing yeah she was fun

24:00

in a weird way the funny thing

24:02

about that is that feels like like

24:05

this feels like a role reversal

24:07

that you see where I would imagine this

24:09

story coming from a woman going

24:11

like this is how how little this

24:13

guy it's always guys that don't pay

24:15

attention yeah you know the guy would

24:17

be like here's the dairy and then

24:19

the girl goes I'm fucking I don't

24:21

drink dairy right I was the woman

24:23

yeah and then but she's oblivious like

24:25

not paying attention yeah which is usually

24:27

Not how it goes. Yeah, she couldn't

24:29

give a shit. She won't time, um,

24:32

gave me, you know, like, she gave

24:34

a shit about, but one time she

24:36

gave me, I took a picture of

24:38

her, you know? Do you remember that

24:40

I don't eat dairy? What? I don't

24:43

give a shit. I don't care. Eat

24:45

it! You're like, I don't eat this

24:47

though. I took a picture of her

24:49

and this picture is she never took

24:51

a picture of me or us or

24:54

anything and she asked me to send me

24:56

the picture of her. There was picture

24:58

of me and her and she actually

25:00

can you see the picture of me

25:02

where I look cute? The one I'm

25:04

alone in. Yes. Every time I saw

25:07

her something weird, something weird, she doesn't

25:09

mean weird. That is fucking hilarious. And

25:11

then, was it a natural fizzle out?

25:13

Or did you? It was, I did

25:15

the fake, because she actually had a

25:18

tough upbringing. I mean, she wrote this

25:20

book that's like a massive hit

25:22

and I always felt like, like,

25:24

like, 11 million copies. What? Yes.

25:26

Oh, okay. Uh, yeah. Oh, so she really

25:29

is good at the... telling us like yeah

25:31

she's very smart but she grew up like

25:33

a culty kind of thing and had a

25:35

bad I mean you basically have said her

25:37

name by now no no no no no no

25:39

no no no no no no no one's watching

25:41

this I know but I mean like the details

25:43

are all there right I don't think anybody's could

25:45

figure out who grew up like this and sold

25:47

11 million cop okay go ahead yeah the 11

25:50

million is probably a bad I don't think she

25:52

watches I think she has reads this reads that's

25:54

fine yeah we can If you want to. I

25:56

wonder if you want to just tell me her

25:58

name and then we'll cut that out. Yeah. Who

26:00

is it? Wait, no, really though? Yeah,

26:02

we'll cut it out. I don't believe

26:05

you. No, of course we will. I

26:07

don't believe you. We got shit out

26:09

every week, man. How do we get?

26:11

Now confirm, we'll cut it out. I

26:13

had voice, but I didn't even know

26:16

who that was. Oh, the voice that

26:18

I don't know said it. Come on.

26:20

We will cut it out. I would

26:22

not do that to you, dude, dude.

26:24

I'm like trying to figure out what

26:27

I get in trouble or is that

26:29

like no I think it would be

26:31

good for her to know because she

26:33

needs to probably be helpful for her.

26:36

Well then do you want to say?

26:38

Huh? Do you want to say it?

26:40

No no no. Okay. Now you have

26:42

internet sleuths hunting. I know it's worse.

26:44

I know. Can we cut the whole

26:47

we cut a lot of it out?

26:49

We'll cut the whole we'll just go

26:51

from you said two bears with Kyle

26:53

To make a hobby. It should be

26:56

it should be one bear and a

26:58

twink. Don't give out her name. What's

27:00

the name of the book? She said

27:02

Okay, okay. That makes it. And then

27:04

everyone would have to figure that out

27:07

There were so many things that she

27:09

did that sorry there's every time I

27:11

saw her she had something funny. Yeah,

27:13

she was funny to me We went

27:15

bowling three couples, you know, and so

27:18

it was like guys versus girls first,

27:20

you know, and I'm bad at bowling,

27:22

but we were all bad. Yeah, I

27:24

think the high score was like a

27:27

72. I got like a 59, whatever,

27:29

I'm not good. Yeah, kind of proud

27:31

of that not being good at bowling.

27:33

So, so then we go, okay, now

27:35

let's do couples. Can I get a

27:38

water, please? Thank you. Go ahead, you

27:40

want one? Are you good? I have

27:42

so many drinks. round of bowl and

27:44

then we go, okay, now let's do

27:46

couples, first couples. You know, we're on

27:49

a first date, all meet each other?

27:51

And she goes, no, he's not very

27:53

good. And it wasn't a joke, but

27:55

she wouldn't, I want to compete. Yeah,

27:58

in bowling, where we're all bad. Which

28:00

is supposed to be just a fun,

28:02

who cares, kind of thing. Who cares?

28:04

Thanks, buddy. It's not like we're playing

28:06

for money. But anyway, that made me

28:09

laugh. How, man. So how did the

28:11

second round go? Did she switch it

28:13

up? Oh, I fucking strike spare, I

28:15

can just destroy, because then I was

28:17

like, oh yeah, you want to see?

28:20

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awesome. I get in the bowling zone.

30:59

I can't be stopped. It's like, it

31:01

can be very fun. Yeah. Did you

31:04

guys meet on Raya? Yeah. Yeah. High

31:06

achievers. Yeah, but I want to meet,

31:08

I'm going to meet my next person,

31:10

like, in person. I just don't go

31:12

up to people. That's right. I think

31:15

that's better, dude. I feel so creepy

31:17

and weird about going up to a

31:19

strange woman. Yeah. I've never gone up

31:21

to somebody in my life and gone,

31:23

hey, I think you're pretty attractive sitting

31:26

over here in your chair and your

31:28

thing that you're drinking. I know. Would

31:30

you like to talk to me? Yeah.

31:32

Have you ever done that? I think

31:35

I have, yeah. I also, but I

31:37

wasn't good at it, dude. I remember

31:39

one time I was out and I

31:41

saw this beautiful woman across the bar.

31:43

Yeah. I looked at her and then

31:46

we made eye contact and then I'm

31:48

with people and then we look at

31:50

each other again and everyone with me

31:52

is like well she was looking at

31:54

you and I was just like yeah

31:57

I don't know what to do and

31:59

so I looked again and looked at

32:01

her and I was just like you

32:03

know like really like looking at her

32:06

right yeah she's clocking it and I

32:08

still was like like what we're saying

32:10

I'm like I don't want to say

32:12

so that she came over she goes

32:14

hey I noticed you're fucking looking at

32:17

me like do you want to say

32:19

what's up and I was like oh

32:21

yeah what's up like it was like

32:23

she totally did you end up dating

32:25

her for a while no nope did

32:28

you blow it or is she just

32:30

weird I think I blew it I

32:32

think she was probably normal yeah I

32:34

was just too I had a woman

32:37

friend mine tell me Yeah look just

32:39

look at him don't look creepy but

32:41

like look and if she looks back

32:43

then like you talked to her those

32:45

five years ago it's never happened. I'm

32:48

trying to remember like the only things

32:50

that have ever worked for me because

32:52

it's been so long has honestly just

32:54

been not trying to do something just

32:56

normal conversation like you know what I

32:59

mean like yeah hi like just literally

33:01

introducing yourself was like it's sad sound

33:03

but like it was a thing that

33:05

led to The best results was just

33:08

not trying. I had a friend who

33:10

was like, one of these guys you

33:12

see on these like, let me show

33:14

you how to pick up chicks thing

33:16

and you'd be like, oh my god.

33:19

And it would work for him. But

33:21

I think that's his personality. Like, I

33:23

was with this guy one time at

33:25

a bar and he sees this girl

33:27

and I'm like, oh my god. I

33:30

stand next to him. He's like, hey,

33:32

baby. She's like, how are you? He

33:34

goes a lot better now that I'm

33:36

talking to you. No. And I was

33:39

like, no. And they left together. They

33:41

just left. I was like, this is

33:43

insane. I could never put a sentence

33:45

together like that, you know. Yeah, it

33:47

feels really cheesy. It's super cheesy, but

33:50

you know, it worked for some dudes.

33:52

I don't think I have the chin

33:54

to pull that off. You can do,

33:56

hi, this place is weird. Yeah, but

33:58

I come over like, hi, I'm Kyle,

34:01

you know? If I come over myself,

34:03

it's not good. I don't come off

34:05

manly, like, you know what I mean?

34:07

Like, that guy in the bar. What's

34:10

your favorite, do you have a type

34:12

of girl you like besides hot? Hot.

34:14

I like a girl who's, you know,

34:16

I have a sense of humor. Yeah,

34:18

I definitely need that. Like I said,

34:21

but this too tall kind of don't

34:23

sexualize, but I'm not like... What's your

34:25

max height? Six? Six? I think I

34:27

can go six, one. No, that's probably

34:30

two, maybe six feet? Six feet? How

34:32

tall are you? I was five, nine.

34:34

I don't think I am anymore. I'm

34:36

shrinking. I'm like five, eight. Five eight

34:38

and a half, maybe. Yeah, there's plenty

34:41

of women that fit this category for

34:43

you. No, but they have to like,

34:45

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

34:47

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

34:49

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

34:52

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

34:54

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

34:56

like, like, like, You're a good looking

34:58

guy, you're an entertainer, you're funny, you're

35:01

charismatic, what's the problem? I appreciate that.

35:03

Well, I don't know, I think they

35:05

have a good time to go on

35:07

dates, there's a conversation on laughter. I

35:09

just might not be their type looks

35:12

wise. I mean, I think I... I

35:14

don't think that's true. I think I

35:16

peeked at like a six, and it's

35:18

just... Look, height is very important now.

35:20

It's become way more important for women.

35:23

And I think I have a theory

35:25

that's because it's the only thing we

35:27

have left that they can't do. You

35:29

know what I mean? Like we used

35:32

to kill the buffalo and stuff. Yeah.

35:34

Now we're just like, can reach that

35:36

dish in the cupboard. Yeah, but you

35:38

don't focus on height too much. No,

35:40

listen, when I go out, I'm telling

35:43

you like, when I, well, I do

35:45

appear, I think have like a decent

35:47

amount of confidence. I

35:50

do, someone else taught me this, is actually

35:52

good advice for guys out there dating. Tell

35:54

me. It's like you touch the person, like

35:56

on the arm, touch, touch, put... But your

35:58

leg, if your legs, they aren't touching her

36:00

leg. This is what Nikki Glazer actually, a

36:03

technique, taught me. Yeah. And they leave their

36:05

leg there. That means. That's a signal. It's

36:07

a signal. Yeah. Because sometimes you like going

36:09

for a kiss at the end. But you

36:11

want to get like little signals. Watch their

36:14

body when you touch them. They recoil, then

36:16

like don't. Of course. Yeah. But they don't

36:18

teach you that. No. In school. Also, another

36:20

thing is, is so many women. I discovered

36:22

this. We're like. They just want the guy

36:24

to make decisions like a lot of women

36:27

hate when a guy goes When I go

36:29

out Friday and they're like sure and you're

36:31

like cool like where do you want to

36:33

go or like what should we do? Women

36:35

are attracted a lot of times to like

36:38

decisive men men who go like There's this

36:40

new show. I want to go check it

36:42

out. There's this restaurant. I want to try

36:44

it or I love this place. Yeah, we're

36:46

doing this in this For a lot of

36:49

women that's at turn, oh, like, you're making

36:51

decisions and I just get to go along

36:53

with what you picked. Yeah. Yeah. So being

36:55

decisive is a big thing. I do that,

36:57

and yeah, I do that in the beginning.

36:59

Oh, it does get uncomfortable. It does feel

37:02

uncomfortable. It does feel like, for me to

37:04

be like, yeah, there's this really great art

37:06

exhibit, I want to check out. Yeah, well,

37:08

no, decide something. Yeah. That's again, like, like,

37:10

like, like, pretending. Pretending. To be someone else,

37:13

when you're not an adventure, you gotta be

37:15

like, I don't know, I really wanna go

37:17

do that thing. But I'm taking a break

37:19

right now, Tom. I'm not, I'm on a

37:21

break from dating apps and stuff right now.

37:23

That's good. You're gonna go to Jiu-jitsu and

37:26

strangle some chick and then she's gonna be

37:28

like, fucking hey, what's your name? It's gonna

37:30

be all dudes. That's not really like the

37:32

place to, but I think Jiujitsu is like

37:34

a good thing to do for a good

37:37

thing to do for a good thing to

37:39

do for, for, for, for, for, for, for,

37:41

for, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

37:43

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

37:45

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

37:47

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

37:50

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh I'm

37:52

having trouble sleeping. Just tire you out? Yeah,

37:54

I gotta get tired. And also, I think

37:56

the confidence of knowing how to fight that

37:58

gives you like self-esteem. Shoulders are back.

38:01

Yeah, I can fight because I will tell

38:03

you I was with a woman one time

38:05

We were going down the street and this

38:07

guy was coming at like Got her in

38:10

his sights like a crazy person. Yeah, and

38:12

like he's coming at her and I had

38:14

to in my head calculate is I don't

38:16

really know this person is this worth

38:19

like getting a huge fight? Do you

38:21

know what I mean? Yeah, and like happened

38:23

like that and he like went like up

38:25

like up like this around her and then

38:28

I felt so bad that This is years

38:30

ago. Yeah. I really didn't like, I

38:32

was like, I should have jumped in

38:34

front of her and been like a

38:36

man. Yeah. But then recent, like

38:38

a month ago, same situation. And

38:41

like, the guy walked, he started

38:43

coming out this girl was

38:45

walking on the street with. And I

38:47

like got in front of her and

38:49

like took her away from the

38:51

situation. And like, she thought that

38:53

was really hot. Course. But then

38:55

I haven't seen her since. What

38:57

happened that night. Did she describe

39:00

a blow job to you? Did

39:02

she describe a blow job to you?

39:04

Yeah, actually, yeah, she just grabbed a

39:06

rim job and a blow job. You

39:08

did make out with her though. Yeah.

39:11

She was all turned on by you being

39:13

the man. Yeah, felt very unnatural.

39:16

I don't know. I feel like we

39:18

help people out there, like a

39:20

guy who's dating. Yeah, some

39:22

good advice in there. There's

39:24

definitely some good advice in

39:26

there. Yeah. Also I live

39:28

alone and that's all that's Once

39:30

you live alone for so long. Yeah,

39:32

you get used to I Can't

39:34

imagine your ways. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm

39:37

coming into what's a typical Kyle day?

39:39

Oh He'll Kyle will get up around

39:41

like 6 a.m. and go shit. I

39:43

only slept three hours and Kyle will

39:45

lay in bed for another three hours.

39:47

Okay, and be like God damn it.

39:50

Why don't I just get up? You

39:52

know what I mean? Sure I'm exhausted,

39:54

but let's just do that and then

39:56

maybe like I'll get like a little

39:58

bit of work done. I'll go go

40:00

to a coffee shop and I

40:03

work there a little bit, editing

40:05

usually, and then talk to a

40:07

friend and then call it a

40:10

day. Are you doing spots a

40:12

lot? Yeah, I do spots like

40:14

maybe three days a week in

40:16

New York. I'm in New York

40:19

City. You are in New York.

40:21

I didn't realize that. I moved.

40:23

I got out of LA. During...

40:26

Like 2023 a couple years ago.

40:28

Oh, okay. Yeah two years ago

40:30

But my house was like sliding

40:32

down a hill and I was

40:35

like I gotta get are you

40:37

loving New York? I do like

40:39

it the weather I really Yeah,

40:42

I didn't I forgot I used

40:44

to live their years ago in

40:46

a park slope Brooklyn. Yeah Brooklyn.

40:48

It's cool. But yeah my house

40:51

in LA there was this railing,

40:53

you know, it's on a hill

40:55

and there was this this steep

40:58

embankment and there was a railing

41:00

and it came out of the

41:02

cement. Time to go. Yeah so

41:04

then every year I was there

41:07

for like seven years it would

41:09

move like an inch you know

41:11

then there was like two months

41:14

of rain it moved eight inches

41:16

down this this thing and I

41:18

can't get insurance they won't insure

41:20

your house yeah it's on a

41:23

hill there also no fire insurance.

41:25

You're speaking of editing your IG

41:27

because the characters are insane dude.

41:30

Thank you. Um, and one thing

41:32

I wonder, can we pull up

41:34

his IG? Look at that. Look

41:36

at that. Look at that handsome

41:39

guy. Look at that handsome guy.

41:41

There's me and my mother saying.

41:43

Oh, that's right. Because you would,

41:46

that's my mother. Wouldn't you, wouldn't

41:48

you, because I fuck with my

41:50

mom constantly. But your mom, but

41:52

it was so funny. Yeah, she's

41:55

singing in, my mom's fun. She's

41:57

also in my Craig videos, I

41:59

do that. Aren't you doing things

42:02

where she's like just fucking stop?

42:04

With my mom we showed her

42:06

a screening of my new series.

42:08

Uh-huh. She was like, you can't

42:11

put this out. so great and

42:13

she didn't know there's hidden cameras

42:15

in this screening room oh that's

42:18

so funny she goes you have

42:20

to tell them no and I

42:22

go what do you mean it's

42:24

coming on Netflix she's like no

42:27

no she's like give them the

42:29

money back that's how them tell

42:31

them no what was like she

42:34

was like she was just like

42:36

she was you cannot go any

42:38

lower than you just did like

42:40

it's so disgusting she's like this

42:43

is not who you are that's

42:45

a great promos for your show

42:47

yeah they're gonna use to promote

42:49

it so But she went on

42:52

and on. She was like, you

42:54

are absolutely, she goes, does it

42:56

just make you happy to be

42:59

disgusting? And I'm like, yeah, sometimes.

43:01

She's proud you though, right? Gotta

43:03

be. Yeah, she's proud, but she's

43:05

also disgusted, disgusted. Yeah, she's always

43:08

like, she'll see some guy tell

43:10

like a nice joke. Yeah. Some

43:12

of the characters let's scroll here.

43:15

I want to see Bill Marr.

43:17

Bill Marr. You do an amazing

43:19

now. Did I hear does he

43:21

not like it? Yeah, I don't

43:24

know why he had he had

43:26

a problem with me early This

43:28

is like I had not many

43:31

followers and I had Just really

43:33

innocuous like him reading to children.

43:35

It was like oh, should you

43:37

eat eggs that are green? Like

43:40

it was a dumb, like hacky

43:42

kind of whatever. And then I

43:44

found out A.J. Benzo was like,

43:47

he doesn't like your impression. I

43:49

showed him and he got mad.

43:51

And I was like, really? Really?

43:53

And then he went on Rogan

43:56

and out of nowhere he goes,

43:58

you're playing some guy, he was

44:00

doing a terrible impression of me.

44:03

Like it just ragged on me.

44:05

Yeah. You know. And it's so

44:07

spot on. Thank you. Thank you.

44:09

Hear that Bill. So then he

44:12

goes, I don't know who he

44:14

was. I don't know who he

44:16

was. Like he was just trying

44:19

to shit on me. I'm like

44:21

saying, and so after that, then

44:23

I started making some Bill Maher,

44:25

I hadn't gangbanged in my next

44:28

video, but I didn't, before that

44:30

I wasn't being mean. He started

44:32

out. Oh, and then I was

44:35

in, hmm, Whole Foods? Yeah. And

44:37

this lady comes up and goes,

44:39

I just have to tell you,

44:41

I was a stewardess on Bill

44:44

Mars playing. and I said, do

44:46

you have ever seen Kyle Dunnegan's

44:48

impression of you? And he turned

44:51

away from me and he wouldn't

44:53

look at me. And they told

44:55

me they told me to go

44:57

to the back of the plane

45:00

and they wouldn't, I didn't get

45:02

a tip. What? Like he hates

45:04

this impression. A tip. You're supposed

45:07

to tip him? At a private

45:09

plane. You tipped the flight attendant?

45:11

She said she didn't get a

45:13

tip. So I guess they normally

45:16

get tips. I didn't know you

45:18

had to do that. I've made

45:20

it. Let's hit this. Let's do

45:23

this. Okay. Calm down. Come down,

45:25

papal. I know it's exciting to

45:27

see a big star on your

45:29

little... Circus here. No, I'm kidding.

45:32

I'm a big fan of the

45:34

show. What was your name against

45:36

me? I don't. I'm Tony. Okay,

45:38

that's our show. Next week, my

45:41

guests are Benjamin Netanyahu and the

45:43

hot-tula girl. Do it terrible? It's

45:45

hilarious then. I can't also most

45:48

people what's interesting to me is

45:50

if you have a distinct enough

45:52

like personality level of familiarity celebrity

45:54

with people and people doing impressions

45:57

of youth it's usually seen as

45:59

like a flattering thing I I

46:01

know even if you hate it

46:04

you have to just say yeah

46:06

I thought it's great yeah you

46:08

don't look like here it bothers

46:10

you wow it's funny that it

46:13

bothers him though I know You

46:15

scroll down here. Oh, there's RFK

46:17

in the middle there. I can't

46:20

stay too long I actually liked

46:22

it. his voice was too low

46:24

there. He's actually a little bit

46:26

higher. Yeah, like I had him

46:29

a little bit too low. You

46:31

know what's funny is that I

46:33

really I guess RFK Jr. only

46:36

came into sort of my you

46:38

know ecosystem yeah in the last

46:40

couple years and I know that

46:42

he has a condition which is

46:45

why his voice is like that.

46:47

But I didn't realize I saw

46:49

a video of him 20 years

46:52

ago and he's speaking in a

46:54

I didn't realize it was something

46:56

era just kind of came about.

46:58

I guess. I thought it was

47:01

like a lifelong thing. Yeah, I

47:03

did too. I guess, yeah, I

47:05

didn't know he spoke. Yeah, he,

47:08

um, he, he's such a funny,

47:10

I was so glad when he

47:12

got accepted into being whatever the

47:14

health guy. Yeah, he's had the

47:17

FDA now? No, he's head of

47:19

the, is the secretary of health

47:21

and human service? What is he?

47:24

His, yeah, it's called like spasmodic

47:26

dysponia. Oh yeah, at age 42.

47:28

Weird. You know what's funny? Because

47:30

that show killed. Health and Human

47:33

Services. Two hours long. So I'm

47:35

talking like this for two hours.

47:37

Yeah. And I couldn't stop. And

47:40

I was like, I had a

47:42

thought like, am I never gonna?

47:44

went to bed and I had

47:46

my voice back but I was

47:49

stuck it stayed there yeah you

47:51

don't want to do that too

47:53

long yeah it doesn't seem like

47:56

it's probably good for the world

47:58

no it's not very crazy if

48:00

doing your impression you induced spasmodic

48:02

dysphyse I mean I did for

48:05

a couple hours after I couldn't

48:07

stop talking like that now you

48:09

do a lot of times on

48:12

IG you do the face replacement

48:14

stuff yeah yeah how to be

48:16

How would, like, what is the,

48:18

how does that work? Oh, I

48:21

just do a, it's like a

48:23

snap camera or something. They actually

48:25

canceled it and someone, my friend

48:27

of mine made a server. So

48:30

it was. So you could keep

48:32

doing it? Yeah, but I can't

48:34

make new ones. I have to

48:37

figure out if I'm gonna do.

48:39

Because you were doing card, I

48:41

remember you did cardashions. That's like,

48:43

like, Caitlin Jenner. Yeah, baby. Wait,

48:46

so there's, oh wait, there's Bill

48:48

Maher Christmas? Towards the minute before

48:50

my hooker gets here, and all

48:53

through the house, my banis was

48:55

stirring, because I just took a

48:57

dick pill. Yeah, I got meaner.

48:59

So while we wait for my

49:02

whore and my boner, I would

49:04

like to take this minute to

49:06

explain to zilenials what being an

49:09

adult is. This is so his

49:11

voice. It's when you take money

49:13

you worked hard for at a

49:15

job To give to a black

49:18

cooker He likes black cooker inside

49:20

a house that isn't owned by

49:22

your parents I'm sorry I forgot

49:25

Twirking isn't for giving a man

49:27

a boner. It's for teaching women.

49:29

It's exactly him. I mean, it's

49:31

you sound a hundred percent like

49:34

it Yeah, his voice is the

49:36

closest to my yes, and you

49:38

do all the his he has

49:41

these like he has like he's

49:43

like a Makes a really loud.

49:45

Okay, and the way he punched

49:47

the inflection goes the way he

49:50

goes up and down with it.

49:52

Okay, people. Yeah Okay. I'm still

49:54

I'm so amazed that it bothers

49:57

him. I I was shocked Because

49:59

again it wasn't even mean the

50:01

first ones weren't like they got

50:03

they got a little meaner I

50:06

started bringing up black hookers and

50:08

gang thing I did. Okay people.

50:10

In 2018 I sold all of

50:13

my house which is pretty epic

50:15

of me. Now I'm couch surfing

50:17

with my super cool friends and

50:19

I'm taking you along with me.

50:22

This is house hopping with me.

50:24

This is house hopping with Elon

50:26

Musk. Dude.

50:30

Hey, Bobby! Bobby! Bobby! Bob, Bob,

50:32

Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob,

50:34

Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Iran. It's

50:36

good. What, what, what you're doing

50:38

here? Hey, I just wonder if

50:41

I could crash you a place

50:43

tonight? But that's not a good

50:45

time. I will give you $100

50:47

million. This is what I do

50:49

with my time. Come on in.

50:51

Go. Nice Nicknack. Looks like a

50:53

penis. I love the Elon quality

50:56

of... He's... It's so peculiar. To

50:58

me he's always been... It's so

51:00

fascinating that somebody who is... You

51:02

can argue he's objectively the most

51:04

successful person on earth. Yeah. And

51:06

you go, I guess they're bored

51:09

of that? Because now it's just

51:11

like, I want to be liked.

51:13

Uh-huh. and also be told that

51:15

I'm funny. Yeah. I want to

51:17

be the, I don't want to

51:19

just be, like, what I have

51:22

isn't enough. I want people to

51:24

tell me I'm a genius, tell

51:26

me I'm cool. Yeah. And know

51:28

that I'm funny and cool. It's

51:30

such an interesting personality. It's very

51:32

human. I mean, it's like how

51:35

like a lot of things want

51:37

to be rock stars and rock

51:39

stars want to be comedians. Everyone

51:41

wants to be what they're not.

51:43

Yeah, because you don't like value.

51:45

It probably comes, yeah, it's really,

51:48

and he has like an eight

51:50

year old sense of humor. is

51:52

funny. Yeah, like his car is

51:54

far, like he's, that's what a

51:56

girl would do. That's pretty cool.

51:58

Yeah, makes a thought sound. My

52:01

car is flying around Uranus. It's,

52:03

but it is a really interesting

52:05

person out. Yeah. And he also,

52:07

I always am fascinated by someone

52:09

who has time for bullshit, like

52:11

the pettiness, where you're like, you

52:14

know, like if you send a

52:16

whatever, enough tweets about. Jeff Bezos

52:18

or something like he's never going

52:20

to respond to you You know

52:22

Carlos Slim's never going to be

52:24

like oh, you're making fun of

52:27

me But it gets on Elon's

52:29

radar where you know and like

52:31

he'll strike back at someone I'm

52:33

like how are you not too

52:35

busy? Yeah, that's that's what I

52:37

understand is is he tweets so

52:40

much If that was my only

52:42

job was to tweet, I would

52:44

be exhausted. And then he's got

52:46

six more multi-billion dollar companies. Every

52:48

phone call has got to be

52:50

an emergency. Yeah. When you have

52:53

that many companies and you're also

52:55

doing Doge, which he's constantly tweeting

52:57

about that. Yeah. The time management

52:59

thing is wild of what he's

53:01

got going on. And I almost

53:03

don't believe that... And the other

53:06

weird thing is the amount of

53:08

fan boys. Yeah. Like their bio

53:10

line is like, I'm a Elon

53:12

zone. I'm like, this is who

53:14

you're a super fan of? Yep.

53:16

Just a. There's super fans and

53:19

super haters. There's just like both.

53:21

He for some reason, like really.

53:23

He's a very polarizing guy. Yeah,

53:25

really polarizing. People burning Tesla's? Yeah,

53:27

insane. I have the little Tesla

53:29

stock and I have not been

53:32

happy about. I wish you would

53:34

stop Doge. Soon as possible that

53:36

hasn't been good. It's has with

53:38

stocks been going down. Maybe get

53:40

some more now I I mean

53:42

I I I need some money

53:45

to put I need any money

53:47

to get in that So I

53:49

still leverage yeah Yeah, these are

53:51

they're amazing dude. Wait, do you

53:53

do Tim Robbins who? No, that

53:55

guy, why is that on there?

53:58

I did his birthday. Oh my

54:00

god, I bombed harder than I've

54:02

ever bombed my life at Tony

54:04

Robbins birthday party. He was, huh?

54:06

He had like comics performer. He,

54:08

for some reason, wanted me to

54:11

perform at his birthday party, which

54:13

I didn't. I was a big

54:15

Tony Robbins thing, yeah, I read

54:17

like a couple of books and

54:19

I was younger and I was

54:21

like, yeah, I want to do

54:24

that. But I knew deep down

54:26

my subconscious did some calculating, I

54:28

knew my gut like, this is

54:30

going to, this is bad, but

54:32

I was trying to like hide

54:34

myself like this is paying like

54:37

more money than I normally get.

54:39

I don't want to say exactly

54:41

how much. But it's like, it's

54:43

like, it's like, it's like, $25

54:45

thousand. And his hand, those did

54:47

a zoom call beforehand, like this

54:50

is what Tony wants. You're gonna

54:52

be on big screen and you're

54:54

gonna be Joe Biden, he's gonna

54:56

introduce you and say, we get

54:58

the present here and then you'll

55:00

come up. And I was like,

55:03

they might think it's actually gonna

55:05

be Joe Biden, I'm a little

55:07

worried that they're gonna be disappointed.

55:09

Yeah. You know, and they were

55:11

just like. This is what Tony

55:13

wants. There's no, like, there's a

55:16

cold, there's what Tony wants. Yeah.

55:18

Doing, there's no discussion here. And

55:20

I was like, okay. So I

55:22

went down there and it was

55:24

just, people just jumping up and

55:26

it's like 11 at night. That

55:28

guy Sumner's was on before me.

55:31

Larry Sumner's, who like, was the

55:33

reason we had that 2008 collapse.

55:35

I don't know why they keep

55:37

keeping that guy money and power.

55:39

He's a total dirtbag. Yeah, real.

55:41

But he was getting laughs. So

55:44

he goes on an hour and

55:46

a half and he talks like

55:48

this. He went for an hour

55:50

and a half? Hour and a

55:52

half. Now it's like midnight something.

55:54

Yeah, this guy. I don't know

55:57

why they keep this guy money.

55:59

Yeah, his birthday part. It was

56:01

a weekend of his like, you

56:03

know, VIP people. It was like

56:05

300 people in this, he has

56:07

this amazing studio. And then there's

56:10

just all these screens of people

56:12

zooming in from all over the

56:14

world. Oh my God. And it's

56:16

late now. And they've been up

56:18

since 5 o'clock like shark hunting.

56:20

You know, these retreats that they

56:23

do. They get them up early

56:25

and they make them do these

56:27

insane things to show like, like,

56:29

I can do it. Yeah. Yeah.

56:31

So beforehand he comes up to

56:33

me, giant, hand is like a

56:36

giant catcher's mitt and he's like,

56:38

give him hell, you know, base

56:40

a shit. And I was like,

56:42

oh, thanks Tony. That's a cool,

56:44

that's a cool headline. It says

56:46

Tony Robbins filmed using N-word. Like,

56:49

leekly, like that. Sorry. Is there

56:51

a video of this? That'd be

56:53

awesome. Oh, in the 80s. I

56:55

mean, I would love to go

56:57

to this seminar. Oh. Oh, yeah.

56:59

Take control of your emotions. Be

57:02

who you are. You want to

57:04

say it? Say it. You are.

57:06

He's like this. Oh my God,

57:08

that's... So... And it was like...

57:10

Oh, there it is. Oh. He

57:12

looks young. As long

57:15

as somebody can do that, as

57:17

long as something's calling you... Get

57:19

that kind of response, I've seen

57:21

you right now, where you're ready

57:23

to explode, and what you've done

57:25

is given that person absolute control

57:27

of you. You have no control

57:29

in your life, you are still

57:31

a slave. I said, you are

57:33

still a slave. I said, you

57:35

are a slave. I said, you

57:37

are still a slave. I said,

57:39

I'm free, I'm free, I'm free,

57:41

I said, stand up. Come on,

57:43

try something with me, trust me

57:45

just for a moment, for ten

57:47

months. Why don't you know? I

57:49

can't understand that, right? Now I'll

57:51

stand up, I said, now you

57:53

guys just do what I do,

57:55

just for a minute, if you

57:57

really want to be free, if

57:59

you want to have some fun.

58:01

So let's try this. I stood

58:03

up and I said, okay, follow

58:05

me, do what I say. I

58:07

say, what I say, move the

58:09

way I move. I mean, you're...

58:11

I mean, you're like, what I'm

58:13

doing? I say, okay, when I'm

58:15

done, repeat up to me, I'm

58:18

a honky, I'm a honky, I

58:20

say, okay, when I'm done, repeat

58:22

up to me, I'm honky, I'm

58:24

honky, you're a honky, honky, we

58:26

do this whole thing, they're paying

58:28

each other, I'm going. He's doing

58:30

great, yeah, yeah. It's just Netflix

58:32

special. That was a good bit.

58:34

Sorry. Yeah, no, I needed to

58:36

see that. That was pretty cool.

58:38

We all needed to. Yeah. Well,

58:40

yeah. So then there was like

58:42

all these dancing people jump on

58:44

stage after Larry Sumner's like, let's

58:46

get our energy. And there's a

58:48

big screen in front of me.

58:50

And I'm, you know, like, starting

58:52

to get really nervous. Because I

58:54

deep down, you know, like, this

58:56

is not the right environment. Yeah.

58:58

Yeah, yeah. Because they're all about

59:00

positivity about positivity. you know and

59:02

I'm doing this sort of you

59:04

know stand-up is kind of sarcastic

59:06

and you're doing it you're just

59:08

gonna come out your plan is

59:10

I'm Biden they have a big

59:12

screen in front of me like

59:14

30 feet tall and I'm gonna

59:16

be project on that I'm behind

59:18

it in a desk and then

59:20

I'm gonna introduce Kyle Dunnigan to

59:22

round off the show with some

59:24

stand-up comedy yeah and I have

59:26

a wig Tom on the desk

59:28

here of Caitlin Jenner because he

59:30

wanted me to sing happy birthday

59:33

to him with as Caitlin Jenner

59:35

So he starts going are you

59:37

guys ready for the surprise of

59:39

your life? You know and I'm

59:41

like no no no and then

59:43

he goes oh wait and then

59:45

he plays a video of him

59:47

meeting every president since you know

59:49

Carter so it's like they're primed

59:51

and they're already like murmuring no

59:53

way and then he goes have

59:55

I ever disappointed you and they're

59:57

like no mine pure or whatever

59:59

he goes he goes zooming in

1:00:01

from the White House and the

1:00:03

whole place. is like, brah. I

1:00:05

mean, they just had Larry Sumner's

1:00:07

right there. It's not weird. Yeah,

1:00:09

that the president zoomed. So I

1:00:11

was like, oh, I was like,

1:00:13

ah. And then my head comes

1:00:15

up, my bad wig, and I

1:00:17

pop up in the screen, and

1:00:19

the whole audience goes, oh. Like

1:00:21

all together, yeah, oh, like that.

1:00:23

And I was like, yeah, it's

1:00:25

Tony Baloney's birthday. It turned, da

1:00:27

da da da da da. Dead

1:00:29

silence. And I'm. In my head,

1:00:31

I'm like, this was like my

1:00:33

strongest stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's

1:00:35

getting dead silence. What's the rest

1:00:37

gonna be? So then I was

1:00:39

like, ah, no, Kyle, don't you?

1:00:41

And I come out and I'm

1:00:43

just trying, I'm, I had a

1:00:46

plan, but like the first thing

1:00:48

that works, I'm like, let me

1:00:50

jump to the piano, like I

1:00:52

have like a piano, like I

1:00:54

had a piano, like I had

1:00:56

like a piano song, because it

1:00:58

was that ended everything. And people

1:01:00

started walking out to go to

1:01:02

the bathroom and stuff. I did

1:01:04

a girl was, she was 19

1:01:06

years younger than me. Don't judge,

1:01:08

I was in college, that's an

1:01:10

experiment. And then a woman goes,

1:01:12

that's a child. That's a child.

1:01:14

Yeah. Anyway, and then I'd explain

1:01:16

that I didn't really do that.

1:01:18

And then afterwards, I was like

1:01:20

wrapping up my shit, trying to

1:01:22

get out of there, and I

1:01:24

hear him go, did you have

1:01:26

a day you'll never forget? And

1:01:28

there was like, yeah, and he

1:01:30

goes, this is a night I'd

1:01:32

like to forget. Like talking about,

1:01:34

have you ever heard Tony Robbins

1:01:36

say anything negative? Did he see,

1:01:38

did he talk to you after

1:01:40

the thing? No, I never saw

1:01:42

him again. But anyway, that was

1:01:44

painful. So hard. I bombed so

1:01:46

hard. At private events. So hard.

1:01:48

Which is the worst one. Do

1:01:50

you have like a worst one?

1:01:52

And, well, I'll tell you the

1:01:54

most recent one was like two

1:01:56

months ago. I got really yeah

1:01:58

I was like I got booked

1:02:01

for this thing and I remember

1:02:03

I always asked now I'm like

1:02:05

do they They know, they specifically

1:02:07

ask for you, and I'm like,

1:02:09

okay. Yeah, they know that it's

1:02:11

me. And they know that I'm

1:02:13

not, because I realize that a

1:02:15

private event goes, oh, I know

1:02:17

this person's like a capable comedian,

1:02:19

and then when I book them,

1:02:21

they'll do stuff that will be

1:02:23

right for us. And I'm like,

1:02:25

I'm not doing that. Yeah. I'm

1:02:27

just gonna put on my show.

1:02:29

Yeah. And they're like, they know,

1:02:31

they know, and they're, and they

1:02:33

specifically ask for you. And I

1:02:35

ask for you. And so it

1:02:37

was a it was a convention

1:02:39

of jewelers like a jewelry convention.

1:02:41

Do you have a jewelry trunk?

1:02:43

Dude, right before I went on,

1:02:45

it's in a ballroom. Yeah. And

1:02:47

they did, um, and auctions are

1:02:49

good. Yeah. That's a great environment.

1:02:51

Great environment. Nice and bright. Nice

1:02:53

and bright, like a, I don't

1:02:55

know, two foot stage. So it's

1:02:57

just like a plat, like basically

1:02:59

a platform. They did an auction.

1:03:01

And they were auctioning things to

1:03:03

support like a children in need

1:03:05

fund. And so they were like,

1:03:07

they're like, how about a like

1:03:09

a three day trip to Iceland?

1:03:11

And no one was bidding. And

1:03:13

the lady was like, this is

1:03:16

going to help children that are

1:03:18

being abused. And like still no,

1:03:20

and she just like kept pushing

1:03:22

it. And then you would hear

1:03:24

things like. Just because it's not

1:03:26

a real PA system. It's just

1:03:28

like for the thing and I

1:03:30

was like looking I was like

1:03:32

this can be bad man this

1:03:34

can be real bad and When

1:03:36

I got introduced They're like giving

1:03:38

up. I walked this long walk

1:03:40

from like the wings to the

1:03:42

center of the room. Yeah to

1:03:44

like essentially no applause, which I

1:03:46

was like this bad sign. You

1:03:48

know like they were just like

1:03:51

They didn't know who you are and

1:03:53

it's always whenever I go like who'd

1:03:55

you have last they'll name a Really

1:03:57

clean comic who was really good, and

1:03:59

I'm like, well, yeah but like he's

1:04:02

good for this for this environment or

1:04:04

somebody who's like oh this person did

1:04:06

like George Bush like they did a

1:04:08

right a character and I'm like sure

1:04:10

that might have been a right for

1:04:13

this crowd too and then I got

1:04:15

up there and it was the only

1:04:17

thing that got me through the set

1:04:19

was turning on them like making like

1:04:21

I'd be like you guys are the

1:04:24

worst oh they started laughing at that

1:04:26

well some and then some of them

1:04:28

got more upset which made it but

1:04:30

it made it more fun for me

1:04:32

yeah yeah I was like I did

1:04:35

a joke and it didn't go and

1:04:37

I was like first of all you

1:04:39

are the lowest of the low I

1:04:41

go you are below mortgage lenders predatory

1:04:43

more you're jewelers you're the absolute lowest

1:04:46

people on the totem pole wow some

1:04:48

of them would like yell something back

1:04:50

I'd be like shut the fuck out

1:04:52

of here you just like taking African

1:04:54

children's blood and tears to sell your

1:04:57

shit. I was worried I wasn't going

1:04:59

to get my check. You weren't worried?

1:05:01

No. I wasn't worried about that. I

1:05:03

was just like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I

1:05:05

was just trying to like muscle my

1:05:08

way through it. Could you see the

1:05:10

person who booked you, like how they

1:05:12

were their face? No. I know that

1:05:14

when I was done, the person that

1:05:16

booked me... Talked to my tour manager

1:05:18

who was with me. Yeah, what the

1:05:21

fuck man like they they were like

1:05:23

that was So God damn vile and

1:05:25

all the things that were said and

1:05:27

he was like well. Yeah, this way

1:05:29

you hired. Yeah, you hired this like

1:05:32

Yeah, that's what's what's but but I

1:05:34

remember one the one that I remember

1:05:36

stood out was I was living in

1:05:38

California and I did the Irvine improv

1:05:40

and it was a regular show. Yeah,

1:05:43

good show after the show they're like

1:05:45

hey come meet These people They work

1:05:47

with Carson Palmer, who was at the

1:05:49

time the quarterback for the Bengals. He

1:05:51

played at USC, the California guy. And

1:05:54

Carson's having this like private event, and

1:05:56

they want to have like a stand-up

1:05:58

host the event and do some time.

1:06:00

And they're at the show, but they're

1:06:02

seeing like a... regular show and they're

1:06:05

like this was great yeah like we'd

1:06:07

love to have you at the thing

1:06:09

I'm like oh cool so I go

1:06:11

to the event and it's at a

1:06:13

like a restaurant that's but they shut

1:06:16

down like the this one big room

1:06:18

so people are mingling right like let's

1:06:20

say 200 plus people are mingling in

1:06:22

the room and then the guys like

1:06:24

okay let's start the show and I

1:06:27

was like cool like Are you going

1:06:29

to like tell everybody's time to start

1:06:31

the show? And they're like, well, you

1:06:33

do that. Like, you're the host. And

1:06:35

I'm like, oh, okay. So I go,

1:06:38

well, at least introduce me. So in

1:06:40

the back of the room, he's like,

1:06:42

no, no, no, like, here's the host

1:06:44

for your evening. Thomas, girl. It is

1:06:46

as if nothing changed. So nobody stopped

1:06:49

mingling. Do you know what I mean?

1:06:51

Like, like, so I got up there.

1:06:53

Like, here we go, it's showtime, and

1:06:55

it's just like if you were at

1:06:57

a bar on a Saturday night, and

1:06:59

it's just, you know, loud in there?

1:07:02

Right. It's that level of volume. Yeah.

1:07:04

So I look at the guy, and

1:07:06

then he looks at me, he's like,

1:07:08

well, fucking do it. Like, you do

1:07:10

it. So I fucking, that's good. Yeah,

1:07:13

then you have to be like the

1:07:15

enforcer, which is really not even like

1:07:17

you're bombing. It's like no one that's

1:07:19

like nothing's happening. Nothing's happening. You're in

1:07:21

a dream. I'm in a dream. I'm

1:07:24

like, so the funny thing is, I

1:07:26

forgot this part. He was like, oh

1:07:28

yeah, so the thing is the event

1:07:30

Saturday, Sunday is the golf outing. Uh,

1:07:32

like the, oh, they don't have to

1:07:35

play golf with everybody. And I was

1:07:37

like, am I doing that? They're like,

1:07:39

unless you're not going to that. Uh,

1:07:41

uh, so. We go through this thing,

1:07:43

I'm trying to introduce things, no one's

1:07:46

listening. At one point I go, all

1:07:48

right now, Carson, come on. off stage

1:07:50

everybody stops like like a record stopped

1:07:52

turns faces the stage listens with every

1:07:54

ounce of their attention they look at

1:07:57

him he says his thing gets off

1:07:59

stage everybody turns back I get off

1:08:01

and I'm like I don't even know

1:08:03

what happened right do you feel like

1:08:05

like in humiliation or do you like

1:08:08

I don't feel like it was more

1:08:10

that was more like a person doesn't

1:08:12

get rattled like well that was more

1:08:14

frustration is more like when you're trying

1:08:16

everyone's listening and you're literally not nothing's

1:08:19

happening yeah I feel like that's more

1:08:21

humiliating where you're like I'm trying to

1:08:23

you and they hate me this was

1:08:25

like how come nobody will even write

1:08:27

right right yeah but I remember I

1:08:29

walk there's other bunch of NFL players

1:08:32

there and there and I was like

1:08:34

recognized I was like hey was it

1:08:36

that was rough man I was like

1:08:38

thanks and then I go to the

1:08:40

like organizer guy I was like so

1:08:43

what time is the golf outing tomorrow

1:08:45

And he's like, we'll let you know.

1:08:47

Oh man. I was like, I'm like

1:08:49

a guy, I was like, I don't

1:08:51

want him either there. I don't want

1:08:54

him there. That guy just fucking ruined

1:08:56

our thing. They don't think, like they

1:08:58

think it's like a band, like you

1:09:00

need to do stamp, you have to

1:09:02

have people paying attention to every word.

1:09:05

It's not like music in the back

1:09:07

home, but they go, oh comedian, that's

1:09:09

the thing we'll have there. And the

1:09:11

thing we'll have to that for me.

1:09:13

I'm not going to wrangle him. Yeah,

1:09:16

that's so not funny to be like

1:09:18

their teacher and then like not hear

1:09:20

jokes. But it was like embarrassing. I

1:09:22

was like, I had that same like

1:09:24

after that Tony Robbins thing. I was

1:09:27

like this lady who like booked me

1:09:29

or whatever like what's my handler was

1:09:31

like, I go, oh, I feel like

1:09:33

it ruined his birthday. He goes, no,

1:09:35

he had fun this afternoon. Like not

1:09:38

even helping me. And then we go

1:09:40

before you got there. It was great.

1:09:42

I go back in a car with

1:09:44

this other guy who's like Tony's right

1:09:46

hand man. He was like, Tony doesn't

1:09:49

get up. He was like, Tony doesn't

1:09:51

get up early. Actually, I got up.

1:09:53

I got up early this morning. He's

1:09:55

like shit. Like, shit, he's like 20

1:09:57

to me. And he goes, you want

1:09:59

to get some food at the hotel?

1:10:02

I'm like, yeah, starving. So I go

1:10:04

and we check a lap and it's

1:10:06

like the audience was at this buffet.

1:10:08

I didn't, I thought it was just,

1:10:10

so I go, no, I'm good, I'm

1:10:13

good, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good,

1:10:15

I'm good, I'm good, I'm good, I'm

1:10:17

good, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good,

1:10:19

I'm good, because I'm good, I'm good,

1:10:21

because I'm good, because I'm good, because

1:10:24

I'm good, because I'm good, because I'm

1:10:26

good, because I'm good, I'm good, because

1:10:28

I'm good, I'm good, I'm good, I'm

1:10:30

good, I'm good, because I'm good, I'm

1:10:32

good, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good,

1:10:35

because I'm good, I'm good, I'm good,

1:10:37

I'm good, I'm Epic Set, man. Like

1:10:39

real Tony Robbins' positivity. Yeah. And I

1:10:41

was like, thanks. And I realized, oh,

1:10:43

he found a way to say something

1:10:46

to me that wasn't a lie. And

1:10:48

like, he gave me positive enter, Tony

1:10:50

Robbins enter. Tony, yeah, yeah. He learned

1:10:52

that that weekend, which was cool. Yeah.

1:10:54

It wasn't epic, it was epic. Yeah.

1:10:57

Epic, yeah, horrible. I know, I wouldn't

1:10:59

do corporates if, yeah. I know, I

1:11:01

wouldn't do corporates, I don't think I

1:11:03

don't think I can. I've got to

1:11:05

turn, the last three times I've accepted.

1:11:08

Everyone's like, why did you say yes

1:11:10

to this? Yeah, why do you? Because

1:11:12

in the moment, you get a call

1:11:14

and they're like, they're gonna pay me

1:11:16

to just do that? I know, you're

1:11:19

like, yeah, I can do that. It's

1:11:21

like I should turn it down. Yeah.

1:11:23

Yeah. I'm never going to turn down,

1:11:25

Tom, were you like, oh. Like

1:11:28

be honest like in your bank

1:11:30

where you don't have to work

1:11:32

ever again You have a perfect

1:11:34

life where you Give you know

1:11:36

money to you know your kids

1:11:38

whatever. Yeah, and just everything but

1:11:40

it's all you're gonna make from

1:11:42

here on out. What is the

1:11:44

number that sits in the bank?

1:11:46

It just sits there recruiting for

1:11:49

three to four percent a year.

1:11:51

I don't know man, but like

1:11:53

you live don't you don't think

1:11:55

about money You're gonna go private

1:11:57

jets probably vacations probably vacations So

1:11:59

it's a really nice lifestyle. Yeah,

1:12:01

and you have like 10 years.

1:12:03

years to live or wherever you

1:12:05

have left. They have way more

1:12:07

than I was choking. You have

1:12:09

probably a good 40 years left.

1:12:11

40? Probably 40. Oh, 40. Not

1:12:13

only I have 40 years left.

1:12:16

No? I'm 45. How old is

1:12:18

your parents? Are they still alive?

1:12:20

My mom's 80. She's alive. Oh,

1:12:22

there you go. Yeah, my dad's

1:12:24

dead. He died at 74. My

1:12:26

dad died at 60. 60. Yeah.

1:12:28

Oh, that's young. Yeah. thing to

1:12:30

bring up. Hilarious. Kind of good.

1:12:32

It's not bad. You look healthy?

1:12:34

Are you healthy? I think, I

1:12:36

don't sleep enough. Like I did

1:12:38

that aura ring where it tells

1:12:40

you I used to sleep and

1:12:43

it was like go see something

1:12:45

like that. Wait, what's your number?

1:12:47

What's your money number? I think

1:12:49

it's $35 million. Which I think,

1:12:51

which sounds ridiculous. I was going

1:12:53

to say $175 million? I

1:12:58

don't, you know, now I'm feeling like

1:13:00

35 is way low. Well, I mean,

1:13:02

it just depends on your formula. I

1:13:04

have kids. I do it. Yeah, you

1:13:06

got kids. Yeah, each of those has

1:13:08

got to be at least. And you

1:13:11

want to do that yacht vacation, you

1:13:13

know, in like. Yeah, you don't want

1:13:15

to do the white lotus, we have

1:13:17

like a yacht. Yeah, and that's like,

1:13:19

how much of that, that's like $100,

1:13:21

$100,000, a week or something like a

1:13:23

week or something like that. Forever Yeah,

1:13:25

but I also like working here's the

1:13:28

thing I'm not chasing that right we're

1:13:30

not doing office work I'm I just

1:13:32

like I like doing this stuff. I

1:13:34

like doing stand-up. I like making a

1:13:36

show I like it making a show

1:13:38

I like it's not I don't go

1:13:40

like I need to do this I

1:13:42

need to do this because I have

1:13:44

to pay this or I need to

1:13:47

accrue I like working right what would

1:13:49

you do? Yeah, I wouldn't I become

1:13:51

completely out of my if you gave

1:13:53

me all that money right now I

1:13:55

would still what am I gonna do

1:13:57

tomorrow yeah, right? I wanted a vacation

1:13:59

for three days and I had to

1:14:01

come back home. I was supposed to

1:14:03

be there longer. I went by myself

1:14:06

because people will go like I traveled

1:14:08

Europe and I but for a month

1:14:10

I know I was like oh I

1:14:12

want to be that guy, you know.

1:14:14

Yeah, where'd you go? I went to

1:14:16

Porta Vallarta in Mexico. You say for

1:14:18

three days? I was supposed to be

1:14:20

a week and I left. Well I

1:14:23

get there, this is where I knew

1:14:25

I was a problem and I go,

1:14:27

yeah, just me, nobody else. So I

1:14:29

get there and it's just all family

1:14:31

no one goes alone to this resort

1:14:33

and I was just this weird Alone

1:14:35

guy guy walker like I got in

1:14:37

the giant that just seems like it's

1:14:39

the wrong place you went to though

1:14:42

I guess maybe no because a vacationing

1:14:44

alone makes a lot of sense but

1:14:46

if you go to like a place

1:14:48

that is mostly families or like that's

1:14:50

a yeah that's a different thing I

1:14:52

got that big jacuzzi you know the

1:14:54

jacuzzi where they go the whole everyone

1:14:56

you know big and like three people

1:14:58

like got out right got out right

1:15:01

got out right right right right right

1:15:03

away Bubbles and people would turn the

1:15:05

corner because you couldn't see the jacuzzi

1:15:07

as you came around the corner like

1:15:09

planning to go to the jacuzzi and

1:15:11

they would just saw you and just

1:15:13

people just kept coming and turning like

1:15:15

that guy that's checking off everywhere is

1:15:17

in this season yeah and we all

1:15:20

ate together so I was always just

1:15:22

alone eating it was hard a horrible

1:15:24

time point being yeah I probably won't

1:15:26

stop working either no don't stop yeah

1:15:28

what are we gonna do? I'm never

1:15:30

going on vacation again. No, you need

1:15:32

to. Let's plan it together. No, but

1:15:34

I would have to, I'd have to

1:15:37

like go with like a friends or

1:15:39

like a girlfriend or something. I can't

1:15:41

go alone ever again. Come with my

1:15:43

family. I would love that. Really? I

1:15:45

think you guys would like me there.

1:15:47

I think we would too. I really

1:15:49

like Christina too. You know, we shared

1:15:51

a flight together. Did you tell you

1:15:53

about a flight we shared? who was

1:15:56

like just kind of gross, but then

1:15:58

there's other fat disgusting. We're playing a

1:16:00

game where it was like, would you...

1:16:02

I'd rather put you, like you have

1:16:04

to put your face in this fat

1:16:06

gross guy's asshole. Oh, this is, you

1:16:08

playing this game with Christina? Yeah, and

1:16:10

I love this game. Yeah, and that's,

1:16:12

that's like, and like, yeah, put your

1:16:15

face in the guy's ass with like

1:16:17

a full three minutes or Mary Linda

1:16:19

and live with her for six months.

1:16:21

Like, just scenarios. She loves this game.

1:16:23

We did that for like, yeah, three

1:16:25

hours. You probably did the guy's ass,

1:16:27

right? Right. Yeah. Yeah. Three minutes is

1:16:29

bad, but it's not as bad as

1:16:32

six months from Linda. I think I

1:16:34

think Christina married Linda. She did. I

1:16:36

think she did. Oh, I'd eat that

1:16:38

guy's ass. I didn't say you had

1:16:40

to eat it. Oh. Just sit there

1:16:42

with it. Just get in there and

1:16:44

like breathe it and like take it.

1:16:46

Just big difference with eating it. Big

1:16:48

deep yoga breaths? Yeah. Anyway,

1:16:52

I'd love to come to the vacation.

1:16:54

So next time I'll make you this

1:16:56

deal. Next time I go on a

1:16:58

family vacation. I am gonna mess message

1:17:01

you and be like, this is what

1:17:03

we're doing. Are you coming? I promise

1:17:05

I'll say no, but you should do

1:17:08

that. You really won't come? That would

1:17:10

be, wouldn't that be, that would be

1:17:12

so weird? You'd be so fun. I

1:17:15

would maybe feel even more alone to

1:17:17

be with a family. I don't know.

1:17:19

I do want to go to London.

1:17:22

We went to London, we would have

1:17:24

been like, all right, we're going to

1:17:26

go to the park now, do you

1:17:29

want to come? I know, I know

1:17:31

a girl in London. There you go.

1:17:33

You know, we're not like... Kyle, we're

1:17:36

having dinner, do you want to have

1:17:38

dinner with us? Yeah, I'll be right

1:17:40

down. And then my kids would be

1:17:43

like, who is this guy? Yeah. He's

1:17:45

your new brother. He's your uncle. I

1:17:47

really, I know we're a joke, but

1:17:50

I would like to be adopted by

1:17:52

your family. We can do it. We

1:17:54

gotta do some paperwork, we can do

1:17:57

it. I'll sign, literally, whatever, yeah, I

1:17:59

won't even read it. Okay, cool, cool.

1:18:01

Where can people see you? You're a

1:18:03

tour. On tour at Kyle dunnigan.com. The

1:18:06

Instagram is a fun, fun place to

1:18:08

live with Kyle. It's at Kyle Dunnigan

1:18:10

One on Instagram. If you haven't yet

1:18:13

checked it out, see Kill or be

1:18:15

killed. It's out now on Netflix. It's

1:18:17

the live Kill Tony. You are

1:18:20

absolutely hilarious on it. Thank you.

1:18:22

Thank you for coming in. Thank

1:18:24

you for having me on One

1:18:26

Bear. One. You wanna wish? Best wishes

1:18:29

to Burt for his weight loss

1:18:31

journey? Burt, um, keep going buddy. You

1:18:33

gotta lose one Kyle and you'll be

1:18:35

there. You'll be there soon, pal. A

1:18:37

little more than a Kyle. Yeah, a

1:18:39

little bit. All right, thanks guys. Bye.

1:18:42

Bert, Tom, Tom, and Bert.

1:18:44

One goes the top, and

1:18:46

while the other wears the

1:18:48

shirt. Tom tells stories in

1:18:51

Bert's the machine. There's not

1:18:53

a chance in hell that

1:18:55

they'll keep it clean. Here's

1:18:57

what we call. Two bears

1:19:00

one cave.