0:02

Well , hello everybody , victoria

0:04

and Dana here . It's been a while

0:06

, or maybe not a while for you guys

0:09

, but it's been a while for us , because we've been

0:11

busy doing things like surgeries

0:14

, and you know what

0:16

we do every day . I guess I say

0:18

surgeries because I'm looking at my lovely

0:21

sister from another mister who had

0:24

another surgery . She does not look

0:26

like how and she needs to stop talking about herself

0:28

that way and putting that energy into the universe

0:30

. But we are very happy to be

0:32

back together , dynamic

0:34

duo ready

0:36

to answer . Hopefully we can answer some actual

0:38

questions .

0:40

Yes , excuse

0:42

me , I'm piling up , I'm

0:44

having to clear my throat because I

0:46

had a breathing tube , I'm 48 hours post-op

0:49

and so , yeah

0:51

, I have all sorts of like

0:54

tape and found out I have stitches under

0:56

the tape and I have a device that looks like a pacemaker

0:58

tape in my back . I'm just all sorts of wrapped

1:01

up without a pretty well , I guess you could say red though , but whatever . Sorts

1:03

of wrapped up without a pretty well , I guess you can say red though

1:05

, but whatever . So , yeah , it's so much fun and they're like you can't

1:07

turn , you can't twist , you can't bend , you

1:12

can't bend over , you can't do this , you can't do that

1:14

, and you're like what the hell do you want me to do ?

1:16

Like , what am I supposed to do ? I know that's how I felt . I mean I

1:18

did . I'm laughing because you

1:21

know I always tell you I have no pain tolerance

1:23

and I'm such a weenie baby Like if you

1:25

pinch me or look at me the wrong way I'll

1:27

cry . And I don't know how you do these surgeries

1:29

without painkillers and you go

1:31

through . You've had so many surgeries and

1:33

here I had a stupid testosterone

1:36

pellet stuck in my butt cheek

1:38

last week by my hormone doctor because I'm

1:41

going through that change and my

1:43

God , god , it still hurts and that's all

1:45

I can complain about . And they told me I can't

1:47

do squats and lunges and like

1:49

workout and stuff because the pill might pop

1:51

out of my butt cheek . There's like tape

1:53

holding it in place because they

1:55

put a hole in my ass . So

1:57

when does it dissolve ? When do you ? It

2:00

steadily releases over three months

2:02

so that I can go get a pellet put it in another

2:04

part of my ass and my ass is going

2:06

to be obliterated by the time I'm done with

2:08

the freaking chain in a few

2:10

years . But that's nothing compared to what

2:13

you've been through . Don't come out looking like

2:15

J-Lo . I

2:18

can get cosmetic surgery , I suppose

2:21

, if I want to be that vain . But no , I'm

2:23

a baby . I hear you've had like your

2:25

spine and your brain tapped into

2:28

and I get a pellet in my ass . Electrocution

2:30

yeah , don't throw

2:33

that in to make me feel worse .

2:35

Oh , I even have a little remote control which I've hid

2:37

from Michael because I was like , don't even try to prank me and

2:39

turn it off , because I'm warning you

2:41

.

2:43

What is the remote control for ? To send the

2:45

electrical impulses when you have

2:47

pain ? I'm getting them 24-7 .

2:49

But , like , if I find an

2:51

activity is more strenuous and causes

2:53

me more pain , I can turn the level up

2:55

. And it will do more , and

2:58

so I'm . And then when I get the

3:00

app put in , when I get the permanent one put

3:02

in , then I can like touch the phone and

3:05

say go into bed , so bedtime would

3:07

come on , and so if my arm doesn't stay elevated

3:09

then it will increase

3:11

what it does . And then like sitting at

3:13

the desk , or like the first time

3:15

when people take all sorts of crap for granted it

3:18

was the first time I tried driving . Yesterday

3:20

for the first time because I wasn't under any

3:22

pain meds and

3:26

like first time ever I was able to put my left arm and elbow on

3:29

the door , like sit it on the door , rest

3:31

. And I was just like it's Christmas

3:33

because I put

3:35

my arm on the door and and

3:37

my husband was just looking at me and I'm like

3:39

you don't understand what that's like

3:41

to never be able to do it . And now

3:43

I I can't . He's like but you can't turn

3:45

to see oncoming traffic . This is my new thing today

3:48

. I just I'm lifting a finger for all of those

3:50

that need it .

3:51

Yeah , but you know what I ? I

3:54

think that's a really great story because I think

3:56

we all do take so much for granted

3:58

. Like here's me with a pellet in my ass

4:00

, you know , bitching and moaning and crying

4:02

, and everybody in their daily lives

4:04

. All the things we take for granted and

4:06

we complain when something isn't convenient

4:09

or whatever , and you

4:11

have this simple little thing

4:13

give you so much joy of putting your art

4:15

, which you know I would think

4:18

a lot of listeners could

4:20

probably do more than not and it's something

4:22

we take for granted and it's something that brought you granted

4:24

and it's something that brought you so much joy . So

4:27

I appreciate that you shared that , because

4:29

I think we all need that perspective once in a while

4:31

. It's not about comparing pain or

4:33

comparing lives , but just to remember

4:35

that the things we take for granted sometimes

4:38

are the things that somebody else is so desperately

4:40

wishing for .

4:41

Right , and it was just like oh

4:43

you know , like I haven't been able , I can't put my hair

4:45

in a ponytail because I can't do it one armed and I can't

4:47

braid it .

4:48

So when they were braiding it I was like oh my God , my hair is

4:50

being braided for surgery .

4:51

So I don't know if anybody has seen , but

4:54

I was doing something funny before they

4:56

came in . I did a Snapchat

4:58

video with aha take on me and I'm in the

5:00

hospital room in my gown and

5:03

I'm , like , you know , doing the back and forth thing and it's

5:05

like fun and I'm like I'm self-abusing

5:07

, because they first canceled me

5:09

the day before , at the very last second

5:11

, and then they called me in the morning when I was supposed to have it

5:13

and said all right , hurry up

5:16

, get over here , I don't care , you're

5:18

two hours away and we're going to

5:20

start in two hours and 20 minutes . And

5:22

I'm like , oh my God , so I

5:24

get there . And I'm like I need caffeine

5:27

, I have headache , you know , whatever

5:29

. And so they were trying

5:31

to get me ready and my husband and child

5:33

were out in the waiting area , and so I

5:35

was just like taking the phone and doing this , you know

5:38

, and just having fun , waiting

5:40

, waiting , yeah .

5:41

And we were talking about that actually before we came

5:44

on . I think that's important . Sorry , I just

5:46

knocked myself here . I have

5:48

to move all the time . I can't do squats

5:50

and lunges , so I'm like putting my feet

5:53

up and my knee , you know , legs up on

5:55

this . I need to stretch and

5:57

move and anyway . But

5:59

we were talking about like we need to

6:01

remember to do those things that

6:04

bring us joy . Joy even in the worst circumstances

6:06

. You were you're basically having impromptu

6:09

surgery , like major

6:11

and it's a pretty . When you were

6:13

describing it to me it scared me , but I

6:15

mean I love that you could like take a minute

6:17

to like remember to be you and have

6:19

fun and just do do something joyful

6:22

, because that's what we lose in life is that

6:24

playfulness and the fun . Even

6:26

in the worst of circumstances , you can find

6:29

something that's positive .

6:31

Well , and of course , knowing who

6:33

I am , as I'm being wheeled down and I'm

6:35

like I don't want for set .

6:36

I don't want any of this . I don't , I don't .

6:37

Nope , nope , nope . I love the coldness

6:39

of an operating room . I

6:45

love how freezing cold it is . I think it's fantastic . So , as I'm going

6:47

in , I'm like you have kids . I know a surgeon has kids . You have kids and I'm

6:49

passing out stucco squad membership for

6:51

their kids and I'm like here's a bracelet for your kid

6:53

, here's a bracelet for your kid , you know . And they're like

6:55

that's not sanitary . And I'm like , well

6:57

, nobody's gone in and done what they're supposed to at this hospital

7:00

. And I was like so here you

7:02

go , here you go , here you go . I'm like handing out little

7:04

bracelets for their kids and vip cards

7:07

. And I don't , I love it . I love how you're like marketing

7:09

in the surgical room . I'm like

7:11

that's what you guys can't afford , it

7:13

, but it's free for your kids , it's helping

7:16

realize how amazing they are . Right , the

7:18

self-esteem , there's no fee to it . And

7:20

I'm like , because you know , a lot of doctors are

7:22

cheap , and I'm like here , not to us , but

7:24

to themselves and I'm like here , you know , and

7:26

let your kids have a bracelet

7:28

and go , sign on and have fun

7:31

. You know , yeah

7:33

, that was all sorts of loving and exciting

7:35

me

7:48

. Why is it that the narcissistic parent gets like scot-free away with everything ? And I

7:51

can agree with that because , like my sperm donor , you know , as shocking

7:53

as it is , is like knock

7:55

on wood as I knock on my head outside

7:57

of injuries . You know , I've

7:59

never been sick like outside of injuries

8:02

and um , he

8:04

, his , his bloodline , bloodline my

8:06

, my grandmother had cancer , my grandfather had

8:08

cancer , my grandfather had heart conditions

8:11

. And why ? I've

8:13

had people ask why does it seem like

8:15

even the demons don't

8:18

want to infect the narcissistic

8:20

parent because they're never sick . Nothing

8:22

ever happens to them , they get away .

8:23

No , they're not . I can explain

8:25

that . I mean , if somebody really wants an answer

8:27

, unless you were about to explain it

8:30

, yeah , I

8:32

don't think that people understand , because I

8:34

didn't understand it until we've

8:36

all heard that stress can kill you . And

8:39

you know , if anyone has read my first

8:41

book , gasping for Air , that's what made me

8:43

sick was what I call life

8:45

stress , chronic stress . It

8:48

actually causes when you have

8:50

that much cortisol , the stress hormone

8:53

and other things happening in your body

8:55

as a result of chronic stress

8:57

, which being abused , living

9:00

with a narcissist , even if it's just

9:02

I hate to say just verbal abuse , because

9:04

it's almost the worst of all of them , but

9:06

you know that is stressful

9:08

. That is considered stress that actually

9:11

causes inflammation in your joints

9:13

. It causes white blood cells , red

9:15

blood cells , everything is happening

9:17

in your body . Cancer people

9:19

don't realize comes from inflammation

9:22

. The toxins in the foods you

9:24

eat come from , you know , or

9:26

create the inflammation . So

9:28

, yes , living under that

9:30

stress makes you sick

9:33

. Autoimmunity is directly

9:35

linked and solidly correlated

9:38

over and over to abuse

9:40

and abusive situations my lung

9:42

syndrome to abuse and abusive situations . My lung syndrome

9:45

, although very rare and a lot

9:47

of doctors have never even heard of it . Guess

9:49

what ? It is highly common

9:51

in victims of abuse . So

9:54

, yes , if you're in an abusive situation

9:57

, so what that means is the narcissist

9:59

, yeah , they're going to live till freaking

10:01

forever because they don't

10:03

get sick . You know why ? Because they have

10:05

no remorse and no empathy . Right

10:07

, but that's , that's my long explanation

10:09

of they're not living under stress in

10:12

their world . It's all about them

10:14

and they . But I think this speaks

10:16

to narcissism , because we can

10:18

lay out a hundred different qualities

10:20

of narcissists , but the two

10:22

real big ones and all

10:25

the different types are no remorse

10:27

, no empathy . If you're

10:29

not worried about what other people are feeling

10:31

or thinking , you just don't give a flying

10:34

F . Well , of course , then

10:36

you're living pretty stress-free

10:38

. Because I think one of the problems with

10:40

the rest of us is we worry too much . We're worried . If I say this , problems with

10:42

the rest of us is we worry too much . We're worried if I say this , if

10:44

I do that , what will they think ? My kid

10:46

needs this . Nevermind me that they

10:49

don't care , it's all about them . And

10:58

what a nice way to live . No stress and they have no remorse . So they actually think that they are

11:00

entitled and justified in doing all the things that they do , so they don't have the doubt

11:02

and the worry and anxiety and all this other stuff that creates all the stress that they do , so

11:04

they don't have the doubt and the worry and anxiety and all this other

11:06

stuff that creates all the stress

11:08

in our bodies , that creates the inflammation

11:10

that causes us to have joint pain and back pain

11:12

and cancers and this and that so

11:14

sorry , I'm ranting because

11:17

it pisses me off . This

11:20

is where that that that listener that

11:22

said where is the Puerto Rican going

11:24

to come out ? This is when the Puerto Rican comes out

11:26

. I love it . It pisses me the F off that

11:29

, yeah , they're going to live till they're F-ing 100

11:31

with no freaking problems and no cares

11:34

in the world and they sleep real F-ing

11:36

good at night , while you and I can barely

11:38

get two or three hours of straight freaking

11:40

sleep because we're so

11:42

consumed with all the crap in our

11:44

head of what they did to us . So that

11:46

should answer everybody's questions . A

11:48

lot of what we go through honestly does

11:51

come to chemical bodily

11:53

things , whether it's directly

11:55

from our brain or in our bodies . But

11:57

it's

11:59

a very real mind-body connection

12:01

and for those listeners that haven't really delved

12:04

into that , I would encourage you really delved into that . I would encourage

12:06

you to start looking into that , because

12:08

even when I was a kid I , oh

12:10

my gosh , once my mom moved

12:12

us in with that man , that she's still married

12:15

to my abusive stepfather

12:17

. I mean , I really didn't get too

12:19

much into it in my in my second book

12:21

, but the stomach aches and the headaches

12:23

, but most I mean to

12:26

say it was chronic and I mean like

12:28

chronic , like to the point

12:30

where I just didn't want to play with the other

12:32

kids or summer camp . I was always like

12:34

huddled under a tree , like

12:36

just holding my stomach and my head

12:38

hurt and the heat didn't help and the

12:40

sunshine and it's just a miserable

12:43

way to grow up . But nobody thought

12:45

anything of it . You know , of course my mother

12:47

thought I was faking it , but it was

12:49

. I'm realizing , looking

12:51

back , what I know now . Those were

12:53

all signs . All the miscarriages

12:56

I had in my first marriage , before

12:58

and after my son , those were

13:00

all because my body was like not

13:02

trying , you know , to carry

13:04

a baby . I couldn't even barely function

13:07

because I was living in survival mode . So

13:09

how could I , how could I survive and

13:11

allow a baby to survive with me

13:13

? It's just your body really

13:16

is an amazing thing

13:18

the way it works , but it

13:21

all goes back to what's what's up

13:23

here , and when we're undergoing that much stress

13:25

and the emotions , it really

13:27

does affect the way our body works against

13:29

us , unfortunately right .

13:31

And I'm just curious because so

13:34

many people say how come nothing ever happens to them

13:36

? It's not fair . And you're right , it is absolutely

13:38

not fair . It is a thousand percent

13:41

not fair that they

13:43

get to like skirt through and just be them . I mean

13:45

, but you know it's fair that they get to like skirt through and just be them .

13:46

I mean , but you know it's not that they

13:48

get to , they choose to . That's

13:50

the thing they choose to because they're making

13:52

as narcissists . They are choosing

13:55

not to care about anybody but themselves

13:57

. They don't have the capability to

13:59

care about anyone but themselves , and so there

14:01

is no doubt , there is no anxiety

14:03

, there is none of that stuff that creates

14:05

all the illness . So they're not going to be sick

14:07

, you know , and so it actually

14:10

makes perfect sense . But no , it's not

14:12

fair , it's not right , but it's

14:14

the way it is , and what we need to do

14:16

is learn to be , cause

14:19

we all have some narcissistic qualities

14:21

, but we don't want to be like them . But

14:23

we want to be like them in the sense that

14:25

we work , we heal

14:27

enough to get rid of that self-doubt and

14:29

to not have that anxiety , to stand

14:32

firm in our truth and to assert

14:34

ourselves and set boundaries . We're

14:37

still going to have a little of that like

14:39

should I , shouldn't I ? I'm worried about if

14:41

I say this or do that . But if

14:44

we can get pretty confident

14:46

in who we are and stand in

14:48

our worth , then we can eliminate

14:50

a lot of that . But no , we don't want to strive

14:52

, certainly , to be like them .

14:55

Right , and you know I this is probably

14:57

kind of out left field , but I just wanted to give

14:59

the edification of it to

15:01

do this process with

15:04

this device in my back . It

15:07

goes into your brain , it goes up in your neck

15:09

and it goes into your brain . And

15:12

the thing is is that what

15:14

I found to be ironic is that they make

15:16

you sit with a psychiatrist for four hours and

15:18

you have to do it , or insurance doesn't approve it , and

15:21

the psychiatrist has to explain

15:23

to you that you're going to get some kind of foreign body into

15:26

your body and how your body has to get acclimated

15:28

to it . Right ? So I meet

15:30

with this psychiatrist sweet

15:32

, wonderful woman and she's

15:35

like I said , listen , do I really have to do

15:37

four hours of this ? This is not my first game . I

15:39

have a toolbox within my body . I am full

15:41

of tools and plates and screws

15:43

. I mean I'm like a dinner collection at Macy's

15:46

and I said this is nowhere near my first go . I mean I'm like a dinner collection at

15:48

Macy's and I said this is nowhere near my first

15:50

go . I mean my shoulder has been replaced . I have

15:52

a plate here and I have 32

15:54

pieces in my face or 26 , whatever it

15:56

is . I was like I'm full of metal and

15:58

I really don't think I need this four hour thing

16:00

. And she's like well , I have to have you

16:02

do questions and stuff so that I can do this . So

16:10

we're we're talking , excuse me . And so she goes on and she's like yeah , I think after about 40 minutes

16:12

we're done . And so I was like thank you , I said , but let me ask you

16:14

something . Why is it that

16:16

we have to go through to be tested

16:18

to see if we are psychologically

16:21

sane and stable to

16:23

get a device put in us , but

16:25

people who are abused their

16:28

abusers don't have to do anything ? And she's

16:30

like I know I don't understand it at all at

16:32

all . And she's like because most

16:34

people that I have to interview have been through

16:36

something traumatic in order to get this

16:39

kind of device put in , and most

16:41

of the time it's a car accident or something

16:43

like that and I get it . But

16:45

she's like I don't understand why

16:47

you know all these other adjectives

16:51

don't have to go through any

16:53

of this . And she's like it makes no sense to

16:56

me at all . And she's like our system

16:58

is so backwards and and messed

17:00

up because first thing should be done

17:02

is like a huge psycho

17:04

, psychological evaluation on these

17:06

idiots who are doing so

17:09

many things wrong and

17:11

they're not . They're just getting a big old , good old boy

17:13

pat on the back and they mosey on their

17:15

way .

17:17

Yeah , I mean it's very true . But

17:19

then you know I what recalled

17:22

in my mind when you were talking

17:24

like that and I agree with you wholeheartedly

17:26

talking

17:29

like that , and I agree with you wholeheartedly . But you know I remember when my mother and stepfather

17:32

wanted to once again scapegoat

17:34

me that I must be crazy , you

17:37

know , or whatever , because you know they weren't

17:39

. They were neglectful and abusive

17:41

. But my mother insisted on

17:43

taking me to the hospital because I had to

17:45

be on drugs , because I was crying over

17:47

. You know something that happened at

17:49

school was being teased be on drugs because I was

17:51

crying over . You know something that happened at school was being teased

17:53

a lot and I was just having a hard time

17:56

and you

17:59

know I had emotions and she didn't know what to do with me having emotions

18:01

. So I had to be on drugs that was like a theme of my

18:04

childhood and fast forward at the hospital . You

18:06

know I get she insisted , I get tested for everything

18:08

and of course I actually , to this

18:10

day 49 , never done any recreational

18:13

drugs , never smoked pot , nothing , never smoked

18:15

a cigarette actually either . But

18:22

you know they did end up bringing a psychiatrist at her insistence

18:24

and you know I didn't . I mean , he noticed , you know , and

18:27

my mother actually pointed out oh look , she must

18:29

be self-inflicting . You know , she's got marks

18:31

on her and I'm like , yeah , because you just

18:33

like strangled me and threw me downstairs and stuff

18:35

, and that was another night . Sorry

18:37

, I can't keep track of these , but there

18:40

was a scuffle at home and yeah

18:42

, I had red marks

18:44

, my bruises , scratches

18:47

, everything , and I

18:49

didn't say anything . But

18:55

you know , of course I mean especially . I mean you work with a lot of kids that

18:57

you know have been in abusive homes or are currently , and they're

18:59

afraid , you're afraid to say

19:02

anything , like I almost

19:04

did just take the fall . I would

19:06

have taken the fall and just been thought

19:08

crazy , diagnosed as crazy

19:11

, instead of admitting what actually happened

19:13

because of that fear . But

19:15

no , it's just like when people say , oh

19:17

, can a narcissist be rehabilitated

19:19

? Because strangely , there are actually

19:21

people that believe in this

19:24

diagnosis , you know , and

19:26

believe that , oh , with two

19:28

years of therapy , they , they'll

19:30

be better . And you know , bull

19:33

crap , I don't believe that for a

19:35

damn second , because there is no , unless

19:37

it's a covert narcissist that's

19:39

trying to gain , like

19:41

you'll see these , like on TikTok , I

19:44

see them . Oh , I , you

19:46

know , here's a narcissist on a live

19:48

. You know that . Asked me anything

19:50

about narcissists ? But I'm a rehabilitated

19:53

bullcrap Using

19:55

the term . You are trying to

19:57

gain attention for yourself

19:59

. You are hopping

20:02

on a trend for the

20:04

notoriety and the fame . You

20:06

are not admitting you're a narcissist

20:09

. You stupid shit .

20:11

It's like that Feed Me , seymour from you

20:13

know that movie , oh , 100% . And

20:15

it's like feed me , feed my ego , feed me feed

20:18

me , exactly , exactly .

20:20

And the only reason they're going to go to therapy

20:22

is if they can make you out to

20:25

be a crazy person or somehow

20:27

get some kind of gain from it

20:29

. But they're not going to go willingly

20:31

and say , yeah , there's something wrong with me , are

20:33

you kidding ? It's always going to be something wrong with you

20:36

, yeah absolutely Always

20:38

.

20:38

There's always going to be something and they cannot

20:40

take responsibility , they can't take accountability

20:43

for any of their actions . They can't and

20:45

they won't , it doesn't matter . And you

20:48

know , it's mind boggling

20:50

to me that these

20:52

people just think that really and truly they've

20:54

done nothing wrong . And it's not

20:56

them , it's us , right . And I

20:58

just want to , like , take

21:00

my you know again , my psychological

21:04

evaluation and put it in their face and

21:06

be like , hey , momo here , look , you know

21:09

, and it's like it's not us but the people

21:11

who need to be on the couch are the ones that never want to go

21:13

, right , they , they don't want to go , they're

21:16

just like no . And you know one of the

21:18

parents that I'm

21:20

working this horrific case this is probably

21:22

probably one of the

21:24

top two cases I've ever worked with . That

21:26

was so much

21:29

work and part

21:31

of the family is just a godsend

21:33

. They're amazing . And then there's another part of the family where I'm

21:35

just like Beetlejuice and

21:37

like they knew I had

21:39

surgery and I'm going to be very cryptic . They knew I had

21:41

surgery . So this is day two , because

21:44

I had it on Wednesday . So

21:46

yesterday I tried

21:49

to just drive in my neighborhood just to

21:51

make sure , because you can't turn or twist , and I want to make sure

21:53

, if God gets something happening to Faith , that I can drive

21:56

. And for those

21:58

of you who maybe knew , we welcome you , but Faith

22:00

has had a lot of medical issues . So

22:03

if people are like , why is Mom driving ? Faith

22:05

has had a lot of medical issues

22:08

and was life-threatening issues a

22:10

year ago . So I'm a medical

22:12

mom on top of everything else and so I'm always ready

22:14

, god forbid . So this

22:18

person that I'm helping messages

22:20

me , knowing I just had surgery , and asked me to go

22:22

pick up your child . And I was like what

22:25

? And I looked at my husband . I

22:27

was like , are you serious right now ? And

22:30

I was like go pick up your

22:32

cane , because you don't want to put three

22:35

other kids in car seats and go get your

22:37

child yourself . And

22:40

I'm like , oh my , when this

22:42

court ? I have court next week for this

22:45

, with them as their advocate

22:47

. I'm done Like it's

22:49

. You know I will go to the moon and

22:51

back . Anybody

22:54

who knows me knows that I will go to the moon and back and I am your

22:56

biggest advocate . I will fight for you with you , by you . Anything I

22:58

can do , I will do , but if you won't get

23:00

your ass off of the pot and do something

23:02

for yourself and those kids . More importantly , forget

23:04

you work about these kids and you don't

23:06

want to do what's right by these kids . Then

23:09

you know what you don't deserve these kids Like

23:12

yeah , agreed I mean .

23:20

I'm going to say we all know you're very giving and generous and all that , and I'm not

23:22

dismissing that . But you should not ever have to qualify

23:24

why you feel the way you feel , because

23:26

that is just the narcissistic

23:28

temperament . You know , somebody

23:30

just asked me earlier today what

23:33

was it about you that

23:36

your narcissistic ex found

23:38

attractive , like , why did they prey

23:41

on you ? And I said servitude

23:43

. That's what every narcissist wants

23:45

Servitude . He sniffed

23:47

me out , coming out of an abusive

23:50

childhood , even though I was like nobody's

23:52

ever going to treat me that way again . I'm going

23:54

to you know I'm strong and I'm independent

23:56

and I'm smart and all this . He

23:59

sniffed out that

24:01

I would do anything for

24:03

the love that I hadn't gotten in my childhood

24:06

. I would hold onto it for dear

24:08

life and try and put my all

24:10

to the thousand percent . Servitude

24:13

Served me up on a silver

24:16

platter to that mother trucker , and

24:18

that's how I ended up in that 20 . Yes

24:20

, they lure you , they say they

24:22

. He said exactly what I needed to

24:24

hear you tell a girl that never experienced

24:27

love from either parents in her whole

24:29

freaking childhood and was beaten and called

24:31

all kinds of things . Oh , it's the

24:33

two of us against the world . It's

24:35

you and me forever God

24:37

. I didn't like him , but that was

24:39

very alluring to me . That would

24:41

. That was a fantasy , and

24:43

he promised it to me . He promised

24:45

me everything I ever wanted and

24:48

he promised it to me .

24:48

He promised me everything I ever wanted , and they're very charismatic . They're so

24:51

charismatic it is a sick

24:53

and twisted talent that they

24:55

possess . They have

24:57

on this ability to find

24:59

your weakness and placate

25:01

on it . Like

25:04

, I wanted kids so badly , I wanted to be a mom so badly , and

25:06

when Michael and I had broken up

25:08

, I was devastated . I knew he

25:10

was mine forever . I knew back then and

25:13

I was devastated . And then all

25:15

of a sudden this thing comes

25:18

into my life and it was like you

25:20

would be such a great mom and my , my

25:22

family fosters , foster kids and

25:24

you know , everything

25:27

in there . And

25:29

then I was like I'm so selfish because I

25:31

wasn't attracted to him . There was nothing

25:34

I could find I can relate , right

25:37

, and I'm like maybe I'm

25:39

just being so shallow . And and then

25:42

, right , it's like , well , you give all

25:44

this time to him and you didn't go anywhere

25:46

. Why don't you ? And then , the next thing , you know , you're like in

25:48

the express lane of a relationship

25:50

. You're like , dude , slow down , and

25:53

it's , it really is , it's , it's .

25:55

They literally sweep you off your

25:57

feet . They know they

26:00

are able . I mean , I've heard

26:02

it said about like you know certain

26:04

really good salesmen , or or

26:07

you know people in high positions that you know certain really good salesmen

26:09

, or you know people in high positions that you know they just have this

26:11

gift of just . They can meet you

26:13

in two , three seconds , know your weakness

26:15

and know how to sell you that whatever

26:18

. Whatever it is and it's the

26:20

same with narcissists they literally do

26:22

have a sense . They , they know , and

26:25

you don't even know , that you're giving off

26:27

the vibe or giving the information . But

26:29

the one thing if I can

26:31

give anyone any information I

26:34

had learned a little late , but you have

26:36

to learn to just keep everything close

26:39

, because the one

26:41

thing that I can say that

26:43

I have given to my son

26:45

is this gift of knowledge that if you

26:47

want to keep something a secret , you

26:49

don't tell anyone because I don't care . You tell

26:51

your best friend , your mama , your sister

26:53

, oh , don't tell , oh , they're going

26:56

to tell . Okay , how many times have all of

26:58

us said I'm not supposed to tell , but

27:00

hey , honey , at dinnertime , but

27:03

don't tell anybody because I wasn't supposed to tell

27:05

you . And the next thing , you know the whole damn town knows

27:07

, at

27:13

least that's how it works out here . So you know you don't say anything because you know what

27:15

happens with narcissists and I have had narcissists that I didn't know were narcissists

27:17

that ended up . This last one , really

27:19

just , she has taken every damn thing

27:21

I've ever said or done and twisted

27:24

it real good , really

27:27

well . She's very crafty , but everything

27:29

. It could be your favorite color , it

27:31

could be your favorite ice cream

27:33

, it could be something you wore one

27:36

time . It doesn't matter

27:38

Any tiny bit of information

27:40

they're collecting in their head because

27:43

they will find a way it's going to be used

27:45

to lure you , to smear you

27:47

, to hurt you . Whatever it

27:49

is , you don't even know . Oh

27:51

, I look , I have one child

27:54

. He's my everything . Oh well

27:56

, now , now you've just told them that

27:58

the way that they're going to hurt you is

28:00

to pit that kid against you one day , or

28:02

to do something to your kid , or to smear

28:04

your kid's name , because then you're going to react

28:07

and they can say oh look , she's crazy . See

28:09

, I told you she was nuts . You know

28:11

they're very interesting . So

28:13

I always tell people if you even think

28:15

somebody's a narcissist and , believe me , we've all had

28:17

conversations with people and had no

28:19

clue . But keep things

28:21

close because everything

28:23

will be used against you , literally

28:25

.

28:26

Yeah everything , everything does , and

28:28

it's . It's sad because I'm

28:31

so sorry , I hate this because that too much .

28:33

It's okay , honey , you don't have to be sorry . You had

28:35

surgery .

28:38

But it's . It's the fact that , like you

28:40

know , you go above and beyond to help people and they find

28:43

that that one weakness , and you know , most

28:45

people don't realize the bigger

28:47

. And when I say this , some people are like what

28:49

? And I really want our listeners to

28:51

hear this , because what

28:53

most people don't realize is people are so threatened

28:56

by the narcissist right that the narcissist is

28:58

that that evil that

29:00

you know , is the opposite of live , turn , live around

29:02

and it spells out evil right .

29:04

So it does , and

29:06

it's like no , I know that the character

29:08

in my last book . What was the evelyn

29:11

? Because the beginning of that is evil .

29:13

Yeah , and damien

29:16

was mine because of the demon . But

29:19

the thing is is that when you think about it

29:21

, and they are just this horrific

29:23

mastermind who placates

29:26

on you , but then , as it goes

29:28

on and on , do you know

29:30

who really is the one that has it ? It's the black

29:32

sheep , because we are the ones

29:34

that will come out and

29:37

we know the truth . And so they

29:39

try to belittle us because , in their

29:41

mind , as a narcissist , they

29:44

fear the black sheep and that's

29:46

why they try so hard to tear

29:48

us down , not only to ourselves but

29:50

to everyone around , that we're

29:52

the liars , that we're the crazy ones , because

29:55

we hold the truth and

29:57

they don't want it to come to fruition . So

29:59

, in a way , we are their

30:02

biggest fear , because

30:04

they but see , so many of

30:06

our listeners haven't realized that

30:08

yet . I really wanted us to talk about

30:10

that today , because so many people are like it's the narcissist who ruins

30:12

our life , it's the narcissist who has

30:15

so , so much control . But see , they

30:17

take who they consider to be the weak one , which

30:19

is the golden child , and they , you

30:21

know , put them up on such a platter that they're wonderful

30:23

, and then they keep the siblings apart so

30:25

that they don't communicate with each other . But

30:28

it's the strong-willed ones who

30:30

get all the proof and the evidence , like we

30:32

have , that know the truth . But

30:34

the narcissists think they can scare

30:36

us into submission where we

30:39

won't be forthcoming with it . But

30:41

at the end of the day , the narcissist has

30:43

to threaten us with left , right and

30:45

center of everything , like one of

30:47

the dumbest , and I will

30:49

own it . One of the absolute dumbest things

30:51

and I've been doing this 19 years that I've ever

30:54

heard from a narcissist is if

30:56

you tell your mother that

30:59

I'm seeing another woman , I'm going to make

31:01

her believe that you made me do it and

31:03

this actually came from my sperm donor .

31:05

Right , this is actually at home , but he

31:07

would do that . That's the thing they don't

31:09

care . I know I . I read

31:11

your book narc narc , who's there

31:13

?

31:13

that's what this podcast is named after

31:15

who in the hell can

31:17

actually as women ? You know , most

31:19

of our listeners are women . There are some men and

31:22

we welcome everyone . But who

31:24

in the hell can say , okay

31:27

, my spouse is cheating on me and my child

31:29

made them do it ? Let me do this as

31:31

ungraphic as possible . We don't make

31:33

that other person put anything

31:35

of theirs or the other one the narcissist

31:38

into one another . We're not like

31:40

playing Legos . We're not connecting them together . Their

31:42

actions are doing it and they're trying

31:44

to push it off on us as an escape group . It

31:51

and they're trying to push it off on us as an escape group . So when my , my sperm

31:53

donor said , hey , if you advise your egg donor that I'm

31:55

seeing other women , I'm gonna make her believe you made

31:57

me . Well , let's dissect that for just a minute

31:59

, because so many people who listen to us don't understand

32:02

the minds of a narcissist , and that's great because that means

32:04

you're . You're really not this control of narcissists

32:07

. But the narcissist realizes

32:09

that the black sheep has this information . They

32:13

are a little concerned and worried that

32:15

maybe you would give it out . So that's another

32:17

reason they try to make you out to be a habitual liar

32:19

, that you're psychotic , you're crazy , you're bipolar

32:21

, you're this , you're that .

32:24

May I intervene ? One thing Absolutely I

32:27

don't think they're scared or worried . I

32:30

think they do that intentionally . I

32:34

don't think they're capable of concern

32:36

or worry . They want you to have

32:38

that information . They want

32:40

you to know , because now their responsibility

32:43

is on you and it's their test

32:45

. Are you going to be loyal to me or

32:48

are you going to be loyal to that other person

32:50

?

32:50

Right , and you're going to get

32:52

screwed regardless Either

32:54

way , right ? So it was my

32:56

fault quote unquote that my

32:58

son took a woman away for a

33:01

weekend . We'll just use that analogy . But

33:04

we didn't . But they try

33:06

to make it where it's almost like they

33:08

don't take ownership for anything . And you need

33:10

to realize that they have no ability

33:13

to have accountability

33:15

, no ability to take responsibility

33:17

when something happens . It's never

33:19

their fault , it's always someone

33:21

else's fault . It doesn't matter where you are . You can be

33:23

in a different state , you could be in a different

33:25

country , it doesn't matter . It's still your fault

33:28

, because whatever the

33:30

narcissist want didn't fall into place

33:32

correctly and they cannot hold

33:34

themselves accountable for their incorrectness

33:37

. They can't

33:39

say that they will not .

33:40

Well , they have an agenda . They have an agenda

33:42

and what they have to do is , if you

33:44

are threatening their agenda for

33:47

themselves , then you have

33:49

to either be on board with

33:51

them . You either have to be for

33:54

them , and if you are not for them

33:56

, you are against them .

33:58

That is how it is .

33:58

So they I always like say my stepfather

34:01

, I was the horse he couldn't break

34:03

, because I never looked at my brother

34:05

necessarily as weak it was

34:07

, just he was . I call it pliable

34:09

because , you know , fathers

34:12

and mothers are , should love

34:14

their children , they should be Well , they

34:16

were with him , they were with

34:19

him and so in my

34:21

brother's mind he's thinking

34:23

I must be the problem because

34:26

the same two people

34:28

are parenting him and they

34:30

are the best parents that anybody could ever

34:32

even imagine having , which they

34:34

were to him Even I will say to him they

34:36

were absolutely that to me it

34:38

was a fricking horror show . And

34:41

and it's

34:43

just very interesting , you know narcissistic

34:45

parents and narcissistic partners . It's very

34:48

similar . I mean , it's all the same . But either

34:50

way , they have an agenda

34:52

and the agenda is always putting them

34:55

at the top , putting them , and it's . You

34:57

know , even in narcissistic friendships

34:59

. If you threaten something

35:02

about them , some insecurity that they

35:04

have about themselves , if they think you're

35:06

going to do better , be better , god

35:08

forbid . If they think you're a little prettier

35:10

than them , especially women . Forgive me , but

35:12

women are the worst narcissists ever when

35:15

it comes to narcissistic friendships

35:17

. They're just nasty . I

35:19

just can't deal with it . But

35:21

you're going to be ruined . You are going to

35:23

be . They will take everything and

35:26

what they do , trying to call you crazy and

35:28

everything else , basically everything they are

35:30

. They will say you are including , you're

35:33

the narcissist . And it

35:36

the only thing that I think , and I think

35:38

everybody will agree . I

35:40

still struggle to understand

35:42

, like in my own experiences . I

35:45

know , I literally know somebody who's

35:47

a rocket scientist for NASA that

35:50

has been swayed by narcissistic

35:52

bullshit and I'm like , like

35:56

you're a

35:58

supremely intelligent person

36:00

. I know doctors

36:02

, surgeons , judges

36:04

, attorneys that have

36:07

believed with no

36:09

evidence , no proof whatsoever

36:12

, and become flying monkeys

36:14

for these narcissists and I just

36:16

that's the thing that always stunts

36:19

me is because I try to think

36:21

I'm always trying to play devil's

36:23

advocate , even if I feel a certain

36:25

way . I'm like , okay , like let's look at

36:27

this . You know , like , maybe this

36:29

or maybe where , where can we find

36:32

some element of proof or substantiate

36:35

this somehow ? But I

36:37

don't know how they do it with with nothing

36:39

but taking . You know they can take

36:41

one , one line text

36:43

and you mean this and

36:46

they know what you mean , but they will

36:48

twist it around and make everybody , buddy

36:50

, believe this . You're villainized and

36:52

you're , you're the horrible human being

36:54

. You know I recently I don't , I

36:56

don't know if you remember I had somebody

36:59

my most recent narcissist , the one

37:01

in book three , evelyn , had

37:05

one of her flying monkeys

37:07

who happens to be a 70-some-year-old

37:10

woman who is a well-respected

37:12

government employee , a judge

37:15

in our government . She

37:18

actually somehow got this

37:20

woman to post a review on

37:22

one of my books and , by the way , it was supposed

37:25

to be a review of book three but she accidentally

37:27

I guess they should get their information

37:30

right she put it on book two . But

37:32

this woman actually put that

37:34

like . She made it out , like she knows

37:36

me personally . That's how she started

37:39

to set like she knows me personally

37:41

and she's got the dirt because we're

37:43

like , we're so close and I'm like

37:45

, yeah , I knew that she was a client

37:47

of mine at one point . We

37:51

never engaged socially , never

37:53

, ever . I never said anything

37:55

to her about any anyway . So

37:58

this third narcissist somehow

38:00

convinced the 70 some year old

38:02

judge that I used to know

38:04

that was a client to say she knew me personally

38:07

and she knows for a fact that I'm

38:09

really the narcissist that she's

38:11

staying as cold hearted and manipulative

38:14

. And then she did cross the

38:16

line , though I'm not going to lie , I

38:18

was annoyed by this , but I was

38:21

pissed when she

38:23

spoke my like . She brought my son

38:25

into it and said she knows for a

38:27

fact that I abused

38:29

my son for years and I'm like

38:31

now you better watch it . If

38:33

you're a small town like just

38:35

running around running your mouth , I

38:37

could almost let that go . But

38:40

knowing this is from a judge

38:42

a judge whose

38:44

whole career is based

38:46

on evidence and finding

38:48

truth and substantiating

38:51

claims with proof and you're

38:53

going to defame my character

38:55

when there is zero , zero

38:57

evidence . Not to mention , I am

38:59

a victim of child abuse myself and

39:01

in that marriage with my son , I

39:04

did everything to protect him , including

39:06

throwing my little , tiny hundred pound

39:08

body over him , even

39:11

when he was 17 years old , to

39:13

protect him from his father's fist . So

39:15

kiss my ass , you stupid

39:18

bitch . But beyond that

39:20

, I'm still pissed . That like how

39:22

, how does somebody with

39:24

an intelligent brain

39:26

believe bullshit

39:29

? Excuse my language , everybody , I'm

39:33

on it , right ? No ? But I think it's an

39:35

interesting thing because it's like , okay

39:37

, the narcissist or an a-hole is an a-hole

39:39

, right , I always say that . But

39:42

the flying monkeys are what get me , because

39:45

this goes back to what you were starting

39:47

to say about your sperm donor Cause

39:50

. What got me about that situation

39:53

? When I did read Narc Narc , who's there

39:55

? Your latest book , it

39:57

was that , yes , if , if

39:59

you tell your mother , it's going

40:01

to be blamed on you . But my

40:04

problem is is that , like my

40:06

mother , she would probably

40:08

believe it . So the problem's not so much

40:10

the narcissist but again , the people

40:12

who believe it . Why would ? I

40:14

can't speak for your mother . I have

40:16

an idea , but I can speak for mine

40:19

. My mother would believe it because

40:21

my mother , I mean we can talk about all the abuse

40:23

she endured in her life and obviously

40:25

, I can presume at the hands

40:27

of her own husband . But my mother's

40:29

a dissociator , she's a gaslighter

40:32

. None of that ever happened . Like

40:34

, even when I would be like being literally

40:37

abused , five feet behind

40:39

her and screaming for her to help me

40:41

as I'm getting beat the crap out of

40:43

, she would just be washing dishes

40:45

, looking out the window , like she can dissociate

40:48

, like nobody's business and

40:50

like take herself . I don't know if she was like

40:52

astrally relocating , but like

40:54

literally , just like remove

40:57

herself from the situation . And

40:59

I think that in my case , if

41:01

that had happened to me , you know

41:03

, my mother would have believed that it

41:05

was my fault . My mother would have believed

41:07

that I somehow hooked them up and

41:09

just invited them on this you know weekend

41:12

thing , that I was going on so that they could

41:14

consummate their you know

41:16

, forbidden love or whatever

41:19

. It would be my fault , it wouldn't be

41:21

his fault , it wouldn't be the other woman's

41:23

fault , it would be my fault , just

41:26

like , I think , with your mother . I think that these

41:28

women know exactly what they're in and

41:30

they know exactly what they're dealing with . And your

41:32

mother's a peach in herself , but you know

41:34

. Egg donor sorry , but you

41:37

know , I think that they tolerate

41:40

. I always say they enable , excuse and tolerate

41:43

because they're getting a benefit

41:45

In my mother's case . My mother has actually

41:47

told me on a few occasions

41:50

that well , if , if

41:52

, she would ever leave her husband , she

41:54

, she , she likes her big , fancy

41:57

house and she likes her fancy cars and

41:59

she likes her fancy , she can go

42:01

and shop and buy and do and nothing

42:03

else matters , including me . So

42:06

you know , and that's her . You know

42:08

what we can just

42:10

say horrible is a judgment , and I agree

42:12

I'm not like that . But at the same time

42:14

you know what . That's her choice . We

42:16

all have free will . It's

42:20

her loss , she all have free will .

42:21

That's her loss .

42:22

Oh , absolutely , I'm fabulous . You are

42:24

beyond that . But

42:27

you know , what the thing is is that I always

42:30

say this . I say this almost every

42:32

episode Biology

42:34

does not make you inherently compatible

42:36

with people on a social level . Just

42:39

putting steam out of somebody's body

42:41

does not mean you're going to get along . I

42:43

wish , I wish that

42:45

every girl had the

42:47

relationship that you have with

42:49

your daughter , that mother-daughter

42:52

relationship . Every woman should

42:54

have you as a mom and every daughter

42:56

should have that mom that they

42:58

know , no matter what they go through in life . My

43:01

mom's got my back and it

43:03

sickens me . My

43:06

mom has left me hang out to dry and

43:08

literally fend for my life by myself . Nobody

43:11

should and I hate the word should but nobody

43:13

should have to endure that . It should be

43:15

what you and your daughter have . You

43:17

know even me and my son . We're

43:19

good , but not like you and your

43:22

daughter . You know what I mean and and

43:24

I wish he at least had his dad , even

43:26

though his dad's a POS , you know , but

43:28

he doesn't even have that with his dad it's

43:31

. It just doesn't work that way . It just

43:33

doesn't work that way . So we find our

43:35

family in the people that do love

43:37

us and accept us , and I would even go so

43:39

far in my experience to argue

43:41

that the people that love you

43:43

and they don't have an obligation to , because they're

43:45

not your blood relation , they're not your second

43:47

cousin on your mother's side , separated by

43:49

six or whatever . They don't . Get

43:51

people that love you willingly

43:54

and want to love you , that's

43:56

better than somebody that's supposed

43:59

to love you . That's all I'm saying

44:01

. So find your people . The

44:03

people are out there and you don't maybe

44:06

need a whole big bunch of people

44:08

. Maybe it's just one or two . Even

44:10

that's better than nothing . That's

44:12

better . That's better than anything .

44:14

Honestly , I have to tell you like

44:16

, even when I was having this last

44:18

surgery , and Faith

44:21

is in there , the doctor comes in , anesthesiology

44:24

comes in and she's

44:26

like good luck , because my mom's not doing her set , my mom's

44:28

not doing this . She's like and

44:30

I'm very smart about whenever I'm having

44:32

it I was like do you guys have any questions ? For

44:35

the team , because I want her to feel heard , I want

44:37

her to feel vocalized . So she was

44:39

like , yeah , come here . And for the team , because I want her to feel heard , I

44:41

want her to feel vocalized . And so she was like , yeah , come here . And so the

44:43

guy walks over and she was like how many times have you done this ? How

44:45

many times have you put these wires into

44:47

someone's brain ? How many times ? It's a valid question

44:49

, Right . And so she's like I'm not

44:52

done , so don't answer me . And you know I'm sitting

44:54

there and I'm trying so hard not to laugh

44:56

. And she was like let me make sure you understand

44:58

this . And she's like I might be little , but

45:00

I'm powerful and I have a very big mouth

45:02

and I'm not putting up with any crap

45:04

. And I'm telling you right now that I

45:07

better not hear that you made not even one , not

45:09

even one mistake on my mom . I mean

45:11

it because the only thing you have going

45:13

for you is that there's empty beds in

45:15

this facility . That's what she said . She's like

45:17

because I can't replace my mom , Nobody

45:20

can replace my mom and if something happens

45:22

, I can't function without my mom because I

45:25

have obstacles that I've had to come over and

45:27

there are things that I know I can't do

45:29

that my mom has to help me do . But she tries

45:32

to teach me in different ways and , of course

45:34

, my husband was like what about me ? And she's like what about you ? And so she

45:36

told the doctor she was like what about you ? No , it's not the

45:38

same , yeah . And so she told the doctor she's

45:40

like I don't want you to do anything

45:43

that causes one iota of

45:45

unnecessary pain on my mom , like

45:47

, and she's like I wonder how many times

45:49

you've put these wires in someone's head . I want to

45:51

know , you know . And she's like I don't want a blood

45:53

clot , I don't want this , I

45:56

don't want that . And she's you better say

45:58

you're going to do your best care . And

46:00

she's like I want to know if you're tired . It's the end of

46:02

the day . You called her in at the last minute

46:05

. Is this your last surgery for the day

46:07

? My mom is not a case , she is a person

46:09

. And I'm just sitting there , I'm so proud

46:11

, I'm like such a mom . And she's like my

46:14

mom takes care of me and I take care of her . And

46:16

it was like and then it was the sweetest thing

46:18

, because people don't do that anymore , Like you

46:20

know , they don't . And then she was like I'm

46:23

I'm small , so be careful , because I

46:25

can find you . And you know it's

46:27

just , it's adorable . And she was serious

46:30

.

46:30

And then you know what it's , because she understands

46:33

she loves so fiercely

46:36

and so loyally

46:38

. I mean , I , I , I

46:40

I'm going to interfere with just a little

46:42

tidbit , my favorite memory of

46:45

her , that that this reminds me of , and

46:47

it was just like a couple months ago , but like

46:49

out of nowhere , like we weren't even like

46:51

communicating . She just randomly texts

46:54

me you know like what's your

46:56

husband's name ? And I said Doug , and

46:58

she goes is Doug good to you ? I

47:04

said yeah , he's very good to me , and she goes are you sure ? Are you sure I'm like

47:06

? Yeah , I'm very sure why she's like , because if he's not , I can do stuff

47:08

I can make you know I'm like honey

47:11

, are you looking for a fight ? But

47:14

it was like . That was her way of saying I

47:16

love you .

47:17

That was like she

47:19

goes to kiss me on the forehead when they're about to wheel me

47:21

out and she takes her two fingers

47:23

and puts them to her eyes and to their eyes and

47:25

she's like I'm watching you , I'm watching you

47:27

and she's like I'm ready

47:29

. And then she starts to crack

47:31

her knuckles and I'm like all right , billy

47:34

, bad Butt , go , sit down . I mean

47:36

, she's only like five , three and you

47:38

know she's cute , she's tough

47:40

and she's like I'm I'm warning

47:42

you , I'm she's like I'm not scrappy for a reason

47:45

and it's just so cute and I'm like I love

47:47

you , she's like I love you . And then , as they're willing

47:49

to be down the hall , she's like I warned you

47:51

, like really , really loud , and

47:53

it's just the sweetest , sweetest kid

47:55

you know . And and that's the thing , and she

47:58

worships you , like this is aunt

48:00

dana , like she'll be messaging , and

48:02

she's laughing . I'm like what are you laughing at ? She's like

48:04

, oh , and dana and I are talking and I'm like do

48:06

you mind telling her sister says hi , the

48:08

sister from another mister . She's like I'll get to it , mom , are

48:11

you serious ? I was like she messages you more than she

48:13

messages me .

48:14

She's like don't be mad , it's okay I'm

48:17

like I message her because there are a few

48:19

people . There are very few people . It's

48:21

not like I'm too good or too busy

48:23

for anybody , but I mean I got

48:26

. I do have a lot going on right now

48:28

. Like I am honestly overwhelmed , like I'm

48:30

an octopus all

48:32

eight tentacles of my octopusism

48:34

here is like they're like being stretched

48:36

way thin . But there

48:39

are very few people that I will always respond

48:41

to , and your daughter's one of them , although

48:43

if I don't respond to her right away , I

48:45

get like , when I come back to my phone , the question

48:48

marks and I'm like honey , stop question marking

48:50

me , I will get to you when

48:52

I can . If I don't respond to you right away

48:54

, it's because I'm on a zoom with a client

48:56

, whatever , yeah , she , she

48:58

doesn't care . So I get questions I

49:01

get all the time . I can't even respond quick enough

49:04

. I know she's very impatient

49:06

that way , but it's okay . You know what ? I

49:08

appreciate that she asserts herself , because

49:10

I know for a fact that

49:12

there is no way in hell that anybody's

49:14

ever going to mess with her , and I wish

49:17

that for all of us , including

49:19

you and me and all of our listeners

49:21

. I mean , one of the most powerful

49:23

things we can do is stand very firm

49:26

in knowing who we

49:28

are , what we deserve , what

49:30

we will and will not tolerate

49:32

, and I mean making

49:34

it very clear to the people who we

49:36

allow in our lives , and I

49:38

think that's an important thing , because that's your . You

49:41

know , people want to know , or what are the red flags

49:43

that screw the red flags and all

49:45

that ? That the reality is , if you set those

49:47

boundaries and you're very clear , that

49:50

that's it . There is

49:52

no compromising . There is no

49:54

compromising . I've been , you know

49:56

, Doug does often , you know

49:58

, bring up that I'm a little rigid

50:00

, I'm a lot rigid . But I

50:02

told him , unfortunately , I'm

50:05

not even sure , I had boundaries . If

50:07

I did , they were very loose , they were floating

50:09

around in the Atlantic Ocean somewhere , maybe

50:12

the Pacific , because I like Hawaii , but

50:14

you know , they were nowhere near Now

50:16

, man , those boundaries are

50:19

there , were

50:22

nowhere near now . Man , those boundaries are there . They're like an electric

50:24

effing fence that I that you will get shocked if you cross one of those or

50:26

if you even try to . And I said , sometimes

50:28

you , you know , yeah , your balls get zapped

50:30

. Because I need to be

50:32

very firm . Right now I'm

50:35

going to be probably too firm

50:37

on my boundaries because that

50:39

is my way of ensuring that nobody's

50:41

ever well , somebody's probably

50:43

still going to hurt me , but I at least will

50:45

ensure that I will never be abused

50:47

or mistreated by anybody . You

50:49

know , unexpectedly

50:52

, I guess , is the best way to say

50:54

it , but I , you know , faith is

50:56

an amazing example of that , and

50:59

I think it's an example of what

51:01

happens when the things

51:03

that have happened to you , you

51:05

know , occur , that you don't want that to

51:07

happen to your daughter . And we all know that

51:09

we're not going to live forever . And we got to , we

51:12

got to instill all of our wisdom

51:14

and all the things that we wished , we knew

51:16

and that we had in ourselves , in

51:19

our children , because we never know when our

51:21

time's up . And so I think you

51:23

have , you have very clearly done

51:25

that because she's trying to , you know , beat

51:27

my husband's ass and he's as

51:29

big as your husband and we're a few

51:31

states over

51:35

, so she has

51:37

no like . There is nothing that's going

51:39

to stop her . If

51:41

I said he was mean to me and I'm crying

51:44

, man , I'm pretty sure she'd be here

51:46

in a few hours banging on the door

51:48

ready to brass knuckle him . I

51:50

know she would , and

51:52

God love it , god love it . But

51:54

we need to all take a little lesson from

51:57

her . Even if we a little well

51:59

, we can take it down a little bit of a notch and

52:01

not go looking for those fights .

52:03

But we'll leave

52:05

like mom told me I can't start it but I can

52:07

stop . And I'm like well , don't

52:09

instate them either . Right , we're gonna

52:11

just right . You know , right , exactly

52:14

, she's so sweet because in front of our bed is

52:16

like one of those benches that you sit on , and she was

52:18

like mom , I can findches that you sit on . And she was like mom

52:20

, I can find a way to sit on that and sleep on

52:22

that , be in here with you . And I was like that is so

52:25

sweet . No , because I worry

52:27

, because she used to have seizures , she used to have epilepsy

52:30

. If she hits her head , they can't come back

52:32

. And so she's like mom , I could , I

52:34

could sleep on the bench . And I was like no . And

52:36

then she's like how about ? Dad sleeps on the sofa

52:39

? And I'm like yeah

52:41

, I was gonna say that's not a bad idea and

52:44

so I'm

52:46

like you know , and she's

52:49

like I'm right here and like it's so funny because she'll

52:51

text me constantly Like mom

52:56

, are you okay ? And I tried to explain to her that one . I only have one hand , which I think by now

52:58

she'd know . So I don't hold the phone in my hand 24-7 . So

53:01

let's just say , for instance , right now the phone is on the other side

53:03

of my desk and I'm not

53:05

allowed to turn , twist , pull , push

53:07

, bend over nothing . So if

53:09

I try to reach over , just like you just

53:11

said , and it takes me a minute because I have

53:13

to like reel the chair and I have to get on the phone

53:15

, I have to get on the phone . I have like 18 question marks

53:18

. Why didn't you answer me ? What's the problem

53:20

? What's going on ? Why didn't I hear anything ? Hello , and

53:22

I'm like I was reaching for the phone . Why did it take you so

53:24

long ? What's the problem ? And I'm

53:26

like you know , and it's

53:28

cute , because she doesn't have the ability to understand time management

53:31

.

53:42

And I get it . But it's good , especially with her watching out for you . I mean , it shows

53:44

that she's concerned , but it also is comforting at

53:46

least for me not being anywhere near you

53:48

that she would know . You know

53:50

, and maybe it's a little excessive with

53:52

the question marks and the worry , but

53:54

it's not a bad

53:56

thing , you know , especially because you do . You

53:59

two do have to look out for each other's medical

54:01

situations and if anything's going to happen

54:03

to you , it would be discovered pretty quickly

54:06

if there was an issue . But yes , believe

54:08

me , I know I have to text her . Like I'm

54:10

now at the point where I'm like , okay

54:12

, so like I have like back-to-back

54:15

appointments all day , or I'm going to be at a family

54:17

thing or something , like I'm not

54:19

going to have my phone on me , so if

54:21

I don't , she's still you know , but

54:23

.

54:23

But I try to like she's

54:27

like I never want to lose my Andean , never , never , never , never

54:29

, never . There's no losing anybody

54:31

. And I was like you're

54:33

good and like the other day , getting

54:35

ready for surgery , like you have to jump in and take an antibacterial

54:38

shower because the the wash

54:40

wipes they use , I can't use them . So I'm

54:42

like , okay , I'm gonna jump in the shower , I drop the shampoo

54:44

bottle and I swear to you , I don't know who ran upstairs

54:46

first . They're banging on the door . What

54:49

happened ? Are you okay ? What happened ? What happened ? I'm like I

54:51

dropped the shampoo bottle . It

54:53

was slippery , it's good , I'm

54:55

good , I'm fine , really , just it's

54:58

good .

54:59

But you , know what , if you were with

55:01

a narcissist and that happened , there

55:04

would be nobody coming .

55:06

No , that's so true .

55:07

They would turn up the TV , or that's

55:09

what my ex liked to do . Just turn up the TV

55:12

drown me out . So you

55:14

know that's a good thing that they're coming checking

55:17

on you . That's that's

55:19

healthy . We want healthy relationships

55:21

.

55:22

I know we still have so

55:24

many I can't even imagine oh

55:26

my goodness , chapters of

55:28

questions that I'm still putting together

55:30

. So we are going to get better . This

55:33

is all my fault , because of my surgeries , that

55:35

we haven't been able to do an episode lately

55:37

, and y'all can count me for that

55:39

, because that's on me , so I'm

55:41

gonna . If she , I'll

55:44

get on her schedule soon enough .

55:45

We're both yeah , we're both just very busy , so

55:48

it's not a big deal . We will get to these

55:50

questions . We are going to keep chucking away

55:52

and we'll get there . But I think I speak

55:54

for everybody , victoria , that we just want

55:56

you to get better . We are hopeful

55:58

that this surgery will help you not

56:01

have as much pain as you've had to deal

56:03

with . I know you're like tough and rough

56:06

and no , no medication

56:08

, no painkillers , and here

56:10

I whine about my pellet in my ass

56:12

hurting . But you know , we

56:14

just want you to be good , we want you to

56:16

feel good and , despite what

56:18

you say , you are beautiful and you

56:20

look amazing

56:25

. It's fine . I only

56:27

have the makeup and hair done today . I mean

56:29

, not that I don't love you and try to look okay

56:31

for you , but I don't care what I look

56:33

like when I come on . I just have had

56:36

other things today that I had to look like

56:38

. I didn't crawl out of the TV like the

56:40

girl from the ring , so that's all . No

56:42

, you do not look like . Don't point at you

56:45

.

56:45

I can't even raise my hands above my neck .

56:47

I'm not allowed to have my hand over my no , who

56:49

walks around with their hands over their head ? You

56:51

don't need to raise your hands over your head to

56:54

get drugs . I like your . You got like a

56:56

track suit on .

56:57

It's like I can't even put a bra

56:59

on underneath it , so it's you know , so

57:01

I never wear a bra .

57:02

I probably shouldn't say that on a podcast

57:05

that so many people listen to . I don't wear bras

57:07

. They're annoying . Or are your titties big

57:10

? You have big boobs , don't you ?

57:11

I've had a reduction because they replaced my shoulder

57:13

, but they're still not as tall .

57:16

Okay , well

57:21

, okay , well , I've never had that problem . I mean , you know , I always get the guys that are like my grandpa

57:24

said more than a handful of ways that I mean , when you've had that said

57:26

you numerous times , you're like okay , I got

57:28

little titties , I get it they

57:32

give you .

57:32

When you have a reduction , they lift you , so you never

57:34

really have to wear a bra again , which is great , and

57:37

you don't have to worry about flopping over to the sides

57:39

.

57:39

That's great , but uh , yeah

57:41

so I wish I had problems

57:44

of flopping and I don't

57:46

know .

57:46

Yeah , if I had a walk

57:48

around naked are you kidding me ? I

57:50

would always be walking around like I'd

57:54

be going around the hospital with my gown open in the

57:56

back . Yeah , look at this .

57:57

Yeah , I can't

57:59

see that right now on

58:02

Thursday .

58:02

Like you know it's , that's what I do like

58:04

. Look at this .

58:05

It's a solar eclipse right here , extra

58:08

padding too much no I am

58:10

actually digging your like . Your track

58:12

suit reminds me of like 80s

58:15

, that group in the 80s . I know I'm

58:17

thinking , like I'm thinking . I

58:19

have the song playing in my head and I can't think

58:22

of it . You say Minuto , I'm hanging up . No

58:24

, it wasn't Minuto . I had a Minuto t-shirt

58:26

, though they were Puerto Ricans . No , the rap group

58:28

Run DMC . It's

58:30

tricky . Yes , run DMC , I'm

58:33

like running the song it

58:40

. So we just have to get matching track suits and we can make a video or something me , you and and

58:42

faith . Well , I'd say michael and doug , but I don't know if they make track

58:44

suits for men that are , we

58:47

can't even find them .

58:48

Shoes right , like , no

58:50

, I'm wearing this because it's it's . I

58:52

wear surgically friendly clothes and they

58:54

, like I literally have to wear waistband

58:57

pants so that they can not

58:59

hit all the stuff all over my back . I

59:01

think I don't have hair on my back Cause I

59:03

think I'd be not a happy person . Then

59:06

this is just a zip up because

59:08

I can't you know , I can't button right

59:10

now . You can't like reach up here and button and

59:13

I just zip it up and it's like I'm not

59:15

going anywhere , I'm home . No , it's

59:22

cute . I like run dmc . I can still jam to it . I can't do the right

59:25

stuff , I can't do it right now . I'm just like

59:27

, and the drive home was the longest drive because my

59:29

husband had to drive it and I'm like this is the

59:31

longest two hours of my life , like , and

59:33

I'm sitting there and and you know , he used

59:35

to be a cop too and I'm like , dude

59:37

, the speed limit is 70 , grandmas

59:40

are passing you . You're doing 45 on the

59:42

interstate . For the crying out loud , could

59:44

you put a little metal in the foot ? Like I

59:46

, do you have any idea ? He had precious

59:48

cargo on board . No , he was

59:51

tired and I couldn't drive . And

59:54

so I'm like , for the love of God . You know , right

59:56

now , instead of a two etm you have a two-hour

59:58

41 minute eta . Could you kind of just ? You

1:00:01

know there's no , just a little push

1:00:03

down a little bit on the accelerator . It's the one next

1:00:05

to the brake . You used to be in high-speed

1:00:07

chases for crying out loud .

1:00:09

What do you need to get him one of those like automatic

1:00:12

driving cars that they drive

1:00:14

themselves ? but he'll definitely I

1:00:17

rented one , a car that was like

1:00:19

that it it was gosh . It was a few years back

1:00:21

but honestly it freaked me out because I like

1:00:23

to be in control on the road and like it was

1:00:25

like bumper to bumper traffic , like it would start

1:00:28

going and then and I mean the car was

1:00:30

doing it but it was like it was I

1:00:32

was going to panic , like it

1:00:34

was not fun . But I would recommend

1:00:36

Michael gets one so

1:00:38

that he can drive the speed limit .

1:00:40

He'll be ordering and be in a restaurant

1:00:42

. He'll start ordering .

1:00:42

He'll just like Are you serious

1:00:45

? Then three seconds . If we

1:00:47

ever got together , we just have to make sure there's

1:00:49

two recliners , because I love Doug

1:00:51

very much , but I don't know

1:00:53

if it's because he's older than me

1:00:56

or it's just him , but

1:00:58

, my God , he can go to sleep anywhere

1:01:00

anytime . And then he like does

1:01:02

this thing where he's like

1:01:05

forgive me , everybody hears me snort

1:01:07

like a pig , Cause I'm like pretending to wake

1:01:10

up from being asleep for the last

1:01:12

10 minutes . And then he'll be like oh

1:01:14

, yeah , yeah , like pretending like

1:01:16

he , he knows what's going on on TV

1:01:18

. I know , I literally look at him . I'm like

1:01:20

you have no freaking clue what's going on , don't

1:01:22

even .

1:01:24

He's like I think I fell asleep . No

1:01:26

, no , what ? No , we

1:01:28

had a group of kids in the car and they

1:01:30

were all like that's impossible . He went

1:01:32

to sleep between the light turning yellow

1:01:35

and red . Like how , how did

1:01:37

he do that ?

1:01:41

I wish I could do that . I wish I could do it

1:01:43

.

1:01:43

I need that superpower , right like I thought I was about to doze off

1:01:45

and they're all like . You're sorry , I'm like

1:01:47

all right

1:01:49

.

1:01:49

Well , y'all heard enough about our husbands

1:01:51

and their sleeping issues and my

1:01:54

butt hurts , and your back

1:01:56

, and I'm left in stitching

1:01:58

they

1:02:01

actually stitched me up and then put tape on top of

1:02:03

it , so that's gonna be fun to take off .

1:02:05

Let me tell you , oh my gosh , and

1:02:08

they did it where I can't take them out myself mean

1:02:11

people .

1:02:11

Well , probably that's a good thing , because you do

1:02:13

too much by yourself , but

1:02:16

who shouldn't be doing that stuff ?

1:02:19

all right , well , thank you all for

1:02:21

listening we'll

1:02:25

get back on it and get

1:02:27

to these questions and please

1:02:29

send us , keep sending us , more questions

1:02:32

.

1:02:32

We will eventually get to them . You know christmas

1:02:34

is coming and you know eight months or so

1:02:36

, so eight months it's

1:02:40

actually it's six months

1:02:42

.

1:02:42

Oh , it's eight months from today .

1:02:44

It's christmas there you go , and

1:02:47

you were trying to prove me wrong , sister

1:02:49

never

1:02:52

all right .

1:02:53

Thank you guys for listening . I will get us back on

1:02:55

schedule where we are doing this like we're supposed to

1:02:57

. My apologies again , blame me , that's fine

1:03:00

, that's okay .

1:03:00

No , we're gonna . There's no blame

1:03:03

involved . People just love listening

1:03:05

to us and our fun redhead

1:03:07

and our fun lives , and we'll

1:03:10

get it together , people . Thank you . I'll

1:03:12

talk to y'all soon bye .