0:16

So everyone, welcome to

0:18

absolute cuts. We are

0:20

in my living room.

0:22

There's a storm then. My

0:25

abode, yes. Because there's a

0:27

storm coming. Yeah, I didn't

0:30

know about this until like

0:32

earlier today. Storm Owen,

0:34

is it? So it's not Owen,

0:37

but it's... I think that's how

0:39

you... Joan, or Wayne, I think it

0:41

is, Wayne, but... because I thought

0:43

it was Irish. Yeah, I thought...

0:46

Yeah, that could be that but

0:48

then my wife is just in

0:50

for me that a part that's

0:52

just taken from Lord of the

0:54

Rings Storm Gollum but that would

0:57

mean but that we're not fucking

0:59

run at a names yet. Yeah,

1:01

yeah, you've not had one. No,

1:03

no, yeah, Storm Nelson. There seems

1:06

to be... Storm Nelson sounds bad.

1:08

Storm Nelson. Storm Nelson does sound

1:10

good actually. Yeah, yeah, but they... yeah.

1:12

Apparently it's the bit... I saw

1:14

it, there's a... There's a

1:16

weather a person, a Judas Ralston,

1:19

I don't know if you know

1:21

Judas, she's a... I said she

1:23

said Judas? Judas, yeah Judas

1:26

Ralston. She's like fucking hell,

1:28

is that way? She tells

1:30

you the weather's gonna be

1:32

a specific way, then stabs

1:35

you in the back in

1:37

terms that it's totally different.

1:39

Judas is, she's like a,

1:41

she's like... She's like the

1:44

kind of wank material for a lot

1:46

of dads. Oh no. She's quite as

1:48

sexy. Oh yeah, we have ours

1:50

and Irish weather goes. Yeah. Tina G.

1:53

Tina G. G. G. G. G. G.

1:55

G. Gah her. Tina G. G. G. G. G.

1:57

G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G.

1:59

G. G. Do you remember a

2:01

teenager? Oh remember when

2:04

she competed in the

2:06

Eurovision song? Oh fuck,

2:08

I don't know. Just

2:10

a little bit, a

2:12

little bit of rain.

2:14

The pocket's stupid. But

2:16

I, it's, she said that

2:18

it is the worst weather

2:20

front. she has ever seen in

2:23

all of her career? Oh

2:25

no. Seriously, yeah, well that's

2:27

it. That's global warming. That's

2:29

them chemtials. The government's dropping

2:31

down. But I hate when it's...

2:33

because I looked it earlier on

2:35

and it's going to happen at like

2:37

five in the morning. I hate that.

2:40

Why? Because you want to see it?

2:42

I want to see it. I'm a

2:44

huge fan of extreme weather. You know

2:46

what? I am too in fairness. I

2:48

always love it. Do you know, like,

2:51

if you watch Twister and thought I'd

2:53

love to, I'd love that job. Yeah.

2:55

Yeah. I like, I just like the

2:57

panic around it. I see when there's

3:00

a shit load and snow and stuff

3:02

and people start panic buying.

3:04

I like all of that.

3:06

I don't like panic. And

3:08

obviously. I hate it when work

3:10

gets cancelled. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

3:12

But I do like seeing

3:15

extreme weather. Yeah, yeah. I

3:17

like Y2K. That was my

3:19

big panic one. Yeah, Chris,

3:21

Chris Jericho. Yeah, that's what

3:23

it was. Oh, Chris! Not again.

3:25

It keeps turning up. Yeah, you've

3:27

just made the point that we're

3:29

dressed exact almost exactly well. There's it's

3:32

it's it's it's it feels like

3:34

we've come in some sort of like

3:36

a uniform we've it's feel like

3:38

we've come in either SS uniforms which

3:40

off Judy off-duty yeah casual SS

3:42

guards we're about to start a barfied

3:45

yeah I think one swiggy whiskey was

3:47

like you know who you're fucking with

3:49

buddy SS guards on their downtime. Have

3:51

you been watching that show special ops

3:53

lion lion lion lion lion lion lying

3:56

in their downtime time? This is... No?

3:59

Lioness. Yeah, is that about

4:01

the England women's football team? Believe

4:03

it or not, no, not how

4:05

to do a fit, no. It's

4:07

special ops. It's kind of alright,

4:09

it's just, it's like, it's like

4:12

lesbians battering each other. Really?

4:14

Yeah, I've got enough of watching that to

4:16

be honest. Yeah, yeah, no, it's Zoe Saldana

4:19

and... Fucking Nicole Kidmans in it and Morgan

4:21

Freeman's in the new one. What is that

4:23

one? It's like, it's like, sky or something.

4:25

I kind of came across it and I

4:28

went, I was like, this is quite a

4:30

massive, like, thing for never hearing it. I

4:32

saw a tick-talk of it. And most

4:34

of it's not, it's not actually that

4:36

much action-based, it's more just like intelligence

4:39

and there's a person going on undercover

4:41

undercover until like some sort of fucked

4:43

up bin salmon type this situation, you

4:45

know, you know, trying to catch him,

4:47

trying to catch him. What have

4:49

you made of the our new

4:52

Nazi overlords? Yeah, I

4:54

want to throw my

4:56

heart out to everyone.

4:59

I can't even do

5:01

it because it's like

5:03

clearly a fucking like salute.

5:05

You're out there. Yeah, you

5:08

know, you can do it.

5:10

My heart goes out to

5:12

you like. There's other two

5:14

things you either think this guy is

5:16

clearly doing it or else he's clearly

5:18

purposely playing up to it. Both are

5:20

drastically terrible things. So I'm like pick

5:23

your fight. Yeah. So there's no real

5:25

point. Yeah. Genuine lunatic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

5:27

Did he seem like there's so many

5:29

clips of him during that. Like there's

5:32

a bit where he's like fucking bouncing

5:34

about like a wee boy. I think

5:36

he's on Benzos or something. And then

5:38

there's a bit that looks like he's

5:40

just coming up coming up. Was that

5:43

the one in behind everyone? Yeah, yeah.

5:45

And then, um, Trump's son? That big

5:47

massive fucking bastard. Yeah, that fucking.

5:49

He reminds me of like the, um,

5:52

do you know, I think he would

5:54

do a good job as that

5:56

character, the new Star Wars films

5:58

that don't look least. those yes

6:00

I like Darfighters yeah like an

6:02

empire commandant yes yeah yeah I

6:05

think that's what he is yeah

6:07

but yeah but even does the

6:09

movements yeah he did this like

6:12

he had this like he had

6:14

just scored a screamer I know

6:16

I know I know I know I know

6:18

I know just because of a chat in

6:20

his name yeah he looks like a really

6:23

tall like salt shaker I don't know

6:25

how to describe it he's got like

6:27

a kind of shape Like a cone

6:29

shape. You know, he almost seems like

6:32

wide at the bottom. I don't know

6:34

if it's the coat he was wearing,

6:36

but he seems wide and then he

6:38

gets the top and comes to a

6:40

point. A bizarre looking human. He is

6:43

bizarre. He looks like, I think if

6:45

anybody was going to play him as

6:47

well in the film, it would be

6:49

like someone like crisp and glover.

6:51

Yes. Yes. Just with a greasy

6:54

head. Yeah. How old is he like 20? You

6:56

know Matt? Yeah, he's bound to do

6:58

it. He's not got the haircut

7:00

that a 20 year old should

7:02

have. No. He has the

7:04

haircut of a fucking lady's

7:07

Wall Street wanker. Imagine the

7:09

woman, he shags Baron Trump.

7:11

What age is Baron Trump?

7:14

I gotta find this out

7:16

in case he's like

7:18

50 and I reckon

7:20

he's purely prostitutes. Probably

7:22

right after his death.

7:25

Right, he's 18, he's

7:27

just, he's 18, right?

7:29

We're just sliding off

7:31

an 18-year-old team. Well,

7:33

who cares on? Byron

7:35

trumps Taylor, gushes over

7:37

hospitable first son's drive,

7:39

sent to humor? No,

7:41

nice. Oh, very nice.

7:43

Yeah, look at that,

7:45

fucking rat. Besarad. Yeah,

7:48

I reckon, I wonder,

7:50

I wonder, um... Does that

7:52

mean he gets to Stentron Towers for free

7:54

wherever he goes? I imagine so. You'd imagine so.

7:56

I mean he gets, I wonder what happens, do you get

7:58

your own room in the water? as well. The

8:00

sun? Hi. I know, Biden was

8:03

about to go to the brack

8:05

and Michelle have a child.

8:07

I have no idea whether, I

8:09

don't know if they are. I

8:11

don't think so. Two career driven.

8:13

Jill and Joe. Oh yeah, you're

8:15

sure. Hunter, hunter, hunter, hunter,

8:17

hunter, hunter. You couldn't give

8:20

hunter a fucking room. Give

8:22

him a panic room. Yeah.

8:24

You'd have a glory hole

8:26

going out to the hall.

8:28

No, but they have fucking,

8:30

like, Kim Jong-il or something,

8:33

coming down the hill, and

8:35

there's a cock hanging out

8:37

on the bed, that's just

8:39

hunter's bedroom, there's just meth,

8:41

like, you know, like, the

8:44

smoke coming out from underneath

8:46

the thing, like, don't heal

8:48

that. I'll be fucking incredible.

8:50

State visits, this is the

8:53

first, this is the first

8:55

state visit by a German

8:57

Chancellor. in years, Angela Merkel just

8:59

settling down at night and

9:01

just hunter Biden's caught appearing through

9:04

the wall. He's like, ah, do

9:06

you know like the alarms

9:08

go off? He's like, oh my

9:10

god, there's someone in it, he

9:13

goes, nah, it's just a

9:15

fucking kitchen and he's melted a

9:17

dildo in the microwave

9:19

or something? Just taking

9:21

Patsy in. Did you see the

9:24

most mental thing about it was,

9:26

um... Trump was joined. I thought it

9:28

was the inauguration and I

9:30

was like this is this is insane

9:32

but it was the night before the

9:35

speech the night before where the

9:37

actual well the actual village people

9:39

came on stage but there's only

9:41

one village person left so the

9:44

other ones are dead yeah so

9:46

there's one village person I think

9:48

he's the cop okay the cop

9:50

still and he's the only one

9:52

of the original members that isn't

9:55

gay. So I just brought in

9:57

the one non-gay... You brought in the one

9:59

non-gay person. And it's almost like now

10:01

that the all the gay guys are

10:03

dead, we can finally align

10:06

ourselves with Trump completely.

10:08

That's fucking ridiculous. Isn't

10:10

Wright said Fred a

10:12

bit like that now too? Oh,

10:15

Wright said Fred have gone, they've

10:17

gone full right for years. Oh,

10:19

have they? Right said Fred, the

10:21

guy, Richard Ferbras from Wright said

10:23

Fred, used to follow me on

10:26

Twitter and would... contact me quite

10:28

a lot not contact me but

10:31

comment on my shit quite a

10:33

lot actually yeah bizarrely because initially

10:35

that's just before they went mental

10:38

and initially you can I go the

10:40

fucking guy for his this is

10:42

awesome yeah but yeah he's gone

10:44

mental do you think you know

10:46

I think it's quite a ballsy

10:48

move because I'm pretty sure they

10:50

don't they don't get what the

10:52

village people were about I'm pretty

10:54

sure nobody's checked that up Like,

10:56

well, hold on, right, so, but

10:58

you know, like, he's away, you're

11:00

completely just destroyed rights for most

11:02

LGBT, Q, whatever, fuck it, like,

11:04

pretty much immediately, he was sitting

11:06

on the stage signing them. I

11:08

thought, like, they only brought the

11:10

village people in, so he could

11:13

arrest them. Get the cop to

11:15

arrest him. Get the only non-gay

11:17

member who has a cop to

11:20

arrest her. If you don't arrest

11:22

your four band members. Yeah, yeah.

11:24

You get, you're going down to

11:26

go. Send them. Send the Native

11:29

American. Yeah right, we're deporting you

11:31

back to where you came from.

11:33

This is what I came from.

11:36

I was here before you. Yeah

11:38

well. Canada then. We're gonna we're

11:40

gonna demand the Native American

11:42

remains where he was born

11:44

It's fucking amazing Send him to

11:47

India where he belongs They

11:49

must all over the place

11:51

They must notice it even

11:53

Trump must notice a gay answer.

11:55

That's why he does do we

11:57

wanking off a giraffe dance? Oh you think?

11:59

He says it was adopted as a

12:02

gay anthem but it's not like

12:04

the village people. I don't think

12:06

I don't think the gay community

12:08

particularly like this only

12:11

remaining member of the village

12:13

people because he kept it was

12:15

him that came out and said

12:17

it's not it's not about

12:20

homosexuality the song. I mean he

12:22

says it was adopted as a

12:24

gay anthem but it's nothing about and

12:26

I'm like well I mean That's

12:28

even worse because at least if it

12:30

was a gay answer, we would have

12:32

some so you wrote a song about

12:35

the Young Men's Christian Association.

12:37

What the fuck you're talking about?

12:39

So much worse! I'd rather it

12:42

was guys getting railed by

12:44

double-enders all over. I wish it

12:46

was that specific. That sounds like

12:48

it's now then. He's more like

12:51

pedaway. Yeah, but well you when

12:53

you hear Christian boys, I suppose

12:55

that's where my head's going. But

12:57

it's also now you're going, well

13:00

you've got a song about what

13:02

is essentially a youth hostel. You're

13:04

talking about, what, an anthem that's

13:06

about backpackers having somewhere to crash

13:08

for the night, fuck off. He's

13:11

never clearly been to a hostel

13:13

and you're like, a native American,

13:15

a cop? Yeah, there's, there's never

13:17

that amount of juviality or fun

13:20

when I've stayed in. hostels with

13:22

if you tried to start a

13:24

sing song and then had a

13:26

choreograph dance in a hostel I've

13:28

stayed in you'd get He'd get

13:30

some Sri Lankan doctor telling

13:32

you to shut the fuck up.

13:35

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shouldn't shut

13:37

your fuck up. I had a,

13:39

I was chatting this guy,

13:41

he was a Czechoslovakian. I know

13:43

the country doesn't exist anymore,

13:45

don't know why I said that.

13:48

It's from the Czech Republic,

13:50

basically. It's not even the Czech

13:52

Republic anymore, isn't it? I thought

13:55

it was still the Czech

13:57

Republic, but it's not Chechnya. No,

13:59

it changed now, but. So I might be wrong.

14:01

I'm going off flash scores here for

14:03

my politics. So I think I might

14:05

be wrong with that now to be

14:08

honest. I think I just saw it.

14:10

I'm only going off one football match

14:12

I saw and it changed again to

14:14

whatever and I went. So unless flash

14:16

scores are well in the past. So

14:19

I might be wrong. I'm going off

14:21

flash scores here for my politics. So

14:23

like He was like, he was like,

14:25

all right, you're so nice in the

14:28

hostel and then he went to sleep

14:30

and he just started screaming in his

14:32

sleep and his nightmares. He was just

14:34

sitting there going, why, why am I

14:36

here? Jesus Christ. What's he been up

14:39

to? It's Prague's check probably, yeah. You've

14:41

been a Prague? Nope, never been. Awesome,

14:43

awesome city. We've, I've been there from

14:45

multiple stag dues and there was a

14:48

guy that was running the, yeah. There

14:50

are certain activities and unless it's one

14:52

of those factors that is just literally

14:54

you arrive, you get hammered, you go

14:56

home. You get hammered for three days

14:59

and then you go home, right? Sometimes

15:01

there will be excursions. Excursions make some

15:03

sound boring as fuck. That sounds like

15:05

you're going to a museum and shit.

15:07

There'll be activities. So if it's in

15:10

Britain that will normally be you'll go

15:12

paintballing, some counts will go to the

15:14

comedy clubs. Yeah. Or you'll go carting

15:16

or something like that. like and but

15:19

in our one it was literally I

15:21

think I've told you this before they

15:23

had the thing they had a bar

15:25

where you would there was a like

15:27

a scoreboard up on the the screen

15:30

and you poured your own pines right

15:32

but because that's very stag heavy obviously

15:34

you had to have a go-between guy

15:36

Not a go between guy, this sounds

15:38

like a mafia, but like I kind

15:41

of, a guy that would book you

15:43

in. This is Pauli. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

15:45

yeah. The guy that booked you in,

15:47

so that's, there was this guy that

15:50

we, and he obviously tries to upsell

15:52

you everything. And a, like, oh, do

15:54

you want to go and do this?

15:56

Do you want to go in? Like,

15:58

really all we want. to do is

16:01

get into this bar where you can

16:03

compete with other people to see who

16:05

gets drunk the quickest. Yeah, yeah. It's

16:07

like, right, cool. So I was kind

16:09

of trying to organize it with a

16:11

guy. And I don't know why I'm

16:14

asking this, you ever tried to speak

16:16

Czech, right? But yeah, they're really

16:18

difficult name because there's a

16:20

lot of vowels that don't,

16:22

there's a lot of vowels without

16:24

vowels next to them. KWK said.

16:26

Hense the fact is CZ is

16:29

the start of the fucking, right?

16:31

So it's really different and because

16:33

we don't have that Slavic kind

16:35

of a thing to our, that's why

16:38

we could, yeah, we could, we could,

16:40

or the Scottish people could understand like

16:42

German names more, because we've got that

16:44

kind of thing, but we couldn't understand

16:47

that. So I was trying to be

16:49

nice to this guy. ended up, I

16:51

think he was one of these folks

16:53

that ended up wanting to be on

16:56

the stag doing anyway. Yeah, yeah. Right.

16:58

And so I was trying to get

17:00

him to, I was like, I can't

17:03

keep getting this fucking count's name wrong.

17:05

Yeah, yeah. Right. And he spoke quite

17:07

good English. And I was like, I'm really,

17:09

really sorry. And then went to see his

17:11

name. And I was like, could you write

17:13

down your name phonetically? And he

17:15

was like. And I was like,

17:18

why the fuck would you know it

17:20

phonetically? Yeah, yeah. So I was like,

17:22

obviously, I don't know the check word

17:25

for phonetically. So I was like,

17:27

well, can you write it down as

17:29

it sounds? Right. Yeah. And I was

17:31

like, can you just write down your

17:34

name and ask them about five times?

17:36

Right. So I got, I got this

17:38

bit of paper, right? And I

17:40

was like, can you write, can you

17:43

write like your name? Can you just

17:45

write down your name? You're

17:49

a fucking fucking decade. Oh

17:51

god. That's the longest one

17:54

yet. That was fucking hurt.

17:56

I just invented an entire

17:58

story. Oh! I was like,

18:00

where the fuck's he going? Just

18:03

at the end there is the...

18:05

You're a fucking wank, a blank

18:07

check. Oh, yes. Fucking decade. I

18:09

actually forgot that was a thing

18:11

in the podcast. It's been a

18:13

while since I've done one. So

18:16

I was determined I was going

18:18

to get one today. And then

18:20

it was like, oh. You fucking...

18:22

I actually want to hit you

18:24

just so ha. There's no other

18:27

thing or I just like planching

18:29

my fist slowly or you fucking...

18:31

Yeah, it's very funny. Well if

18:33

you want to know what happened

18:35

to me there last day, here's

18:38

a good one because I told

18:40

it and put it on a

18:42

WhatsApp group because it was far

18:44

too funny to me. You got

18:46

mixed up, you know, accents, even

18:48

though I just found out you

18:51

lied about all of it. We

18:53

had a terrible misunderstanding in a

18:55

charity shop. Right. So what happened

18:57

was I was handing a moving

18:59

house so I've been like putting

19:02

some stuff into the charity shop

19:04

instead of dumping it like puzzles.

19:06

Right, okay. And board games and

19:08

shit. I was like, here, look,

19:10

get rid of this shit, right?

19:13

So I walk in and I

19:15

hand it and they go, oh,

19:17

thank you so much, blah, blah,

19:19

blah, blah. You know, they're very

19:21

nice. And I was like, great.

19:24

Going off my e-balls. And then

19:26

you go, actually, is there any

19:28

chance you could fill in this

19:30

form? You know, it's like, actually,

19:32

is there any chance you could

19:34

fill it, right? Um, what's, she

19:37

goes, she goes, uh, what, what's

19:39

your email here? Is that, does

19:41

that say, N-I-G-G-E? And I was

19:43

like, who, who, I've put a

19:45

hand up, like I say, whoop,

19:48

take it easy there Sharon, that

19:50

does not say that at all.

19:52

And I, and then I had,

19:54

like, two or three people, looking

19:56

at me, I was like, first

19:59

of all, not. not even letters

20:01

yeah she got well how are

20:03

you writing your nines though I

20:05

don't fucking know if you've if

20:07

you've written so the n1 if you've not

20:09

put to be stroke on it you

20:11

can easily see how that would come

20:14

up as ni sure if you do

20:16

nines I have some seen some people

20:18

do because I'll write a n9 like

20:20

that with a straight like yeah some

20:22

people do nines like it would be

20:24

on a 99 cone right where

20:27

circle and then a wee

20:29

tail like that now if

20:31

you do two of them

20:34

close enough to the line

20:36

which is small when you're

20:38

writing something out anyway that

20:40

could potentially look like n

20:43

i g g g and

20:45

then your brain is filling

20:47

in there jump in there

20:49

It's not N-A-G-G, it's N-1-9,

20:52

and then she went, oh,

20:54

oh, okay. And then, like,

20:56

I just couldn't stop, like, giggling

20:59

in front of her, right? It

21:01

was her, it was like, her,

21:03

she was from Edinburgh, and then,

21:06

like, an Indian woman, the tomb,

21:08

just staring at me, and like,

21:10

two other people looking in, right?

21:13

And like, I was like, oh,

21:15

thank you for your charity, Mr.

21:17

Yeah. Yeah. Is there any charge

21:20

you could, you're in the charity

21:22

shop, you've just given to charity?

21:24

And then someone goes, any chance

21:26

you could fill this in, so

21:29

we get more, it goes, yeah

21:31

I'll fucking fill it in, as

21:33

if you were going like wasting

21:35

10 more seconds of my life?

21:37

Yeah, I'll show you. Fuck just

21:39

writing racial slurs in all the

21:41

boxes. It's even worse if you

21:43

were like, if it was genuine,

21:46

you're like, yeah, I'm a racist,

21:48

but I also like to give

21:50

back. I want to know exactly

21:52

where this charity money's going to.

21:54

What is it? What is it?

21:56

What is it? What? Save Africa?

21:59

No, no. No, no, no.

22:01

It was like, that puzzle

22:03

is 14 plus, don't make

22:05

it that far. As you

22:07

can clearly see, buy my

22:09

email address, this is not

22:11

the charity shop for me.

22:13

For fuck's sake. Also, my

22:15

name was in the start

22:17

of it. I know, I

22:19

know, I know. I'll tell

22:22

you what is, it's Ryan.

22:24

Nah. It's like I got

22:26

progressively incredibly worse while writing my name

22:28

given I got to the end of

22:31

it and you know what That's so

22:33

funny That is so funny. It was

22:35

a thing before we get to this

22:37

god-awful film Yeah These are these fucking

22:40

choices are bunching up. There was a

22:42

thing this week. No in the shit

22:44

no we've been you were in Newcastle

22:47

for Yeah, both lies in Ashington. Yeah

22:49

for punch junk. Yeah. And then I

22:51

went over because Milo was there as

22:54

well. Mm. And then I went over

22:56

to Dublin and Belfast with Milo. Who's

22:58

Troy Hawk? You'll know him as. Um,

23:00

and he showed me a thing. He

23:03

was like, I have to show you

23:05

this thing that we've been laughing at.

23:07

And it's a, it's a reanimation of.

23:10

a northern Irish guy? Repeatedly getting bricks

23:12

dropped and he's... It's... it is tapped

23:14

here. Honestly, if you get a chance...

23:17

I'll put it up on the discord

23:19

and patron and stuff like that. It's

23:21

one of those things that if you

23:23

find it funny it will be the

23:26

funniest thing you have ever seen in

23:28

your life. Yeah. And if you don't...

23:30

you'll just look at it. Because I

23:33

was pissing myself laughing at it and

23:35

I kept watching it in the airport

23:37

on the way home and it was

23:40

getting funnier over there. Damn Narrow Anne!

23:42

And I was dying laughing right? And

23:44

then I came home and I was

23:46

like to email I can't wait to

23:49

show you this, could show this and

23:51

she just looked at me like I

23:53

had learning difficult. that's great that's great

23:56

that's great and there's not that there's

23:58

nothing that makes you feel more like

24:00

a piece of shit than when you're

24:03

showing someone something and they have no

24:05

reaction to it yeah yeah yeah my

24:07

my my i put it into like

24:09

not the family group can and just

24:12

good blank and then I was like

24:14

this is the funniest thing yeah I

24:16

will put it I guess Patrick O'Malley

24:19

I think it was and I can't

24:21

remember what it is thing is but

24:23

little animations he is another one that's

24:26

better about a com chef but I'll

24:28

have to show you that good

24:30

you know like I caught Milo

24:32

before the gig watching it himself

24:34

I kept one of the green

24:36

room he's sitting there himself like

24:39

you just kept watching them all

24:41

He was obsessed, very funny. How

24:43

were the punch drunk gigs? A

24:45

fucking class, they're always good, they're

24:47

always great. Some boys. Although some

24:50

of the punch drunk people poring

24:52

scorn and doubting my marathon plans.

24:54

Oh, fuck me, yeah, that's right.

24:56

Which have started to take shape,

24:58

more? I have the eye. Manchester at the

25:01

weekend, I had 10 pints in

25:03

one sitting, so I'm almost halfway

25:05

there for that part of it.

25:07

That's not, that's not how this

25:09

works. I was fucking wrecked. Absolutely

25:11

wrecked. So yes, I am very

25:13

much at the start of this

25:16

trading schedule. I love the way

25:18

you started the drinking first. Well

25:20

I feel like it's the harder

25:22

part. It's not the harder part.

25:24

The harder part. The harder part.

25:26

The harder part's also running while

25:28

you're drinking. You just spewing every

25:30

fucking. Yeah, yeah. There was a lot

25:33

of people. Yeah, he came up to

25:35

me and was just like, like, eat

25:37

this. one of the stupidest ideas of

25:39

a rare like we've done marathons and

25:42

half marathons and he was like that

25:44

is fucking like you all be sick

25:46

every 25 seconds yeah that is a die

25:48

of dehydration yeah and many other things

25:50

there's you what there's many things that

25:52

and you can't do it the fucking

25:55

state of you well you don't know that

25:57

I don't know when did you do the

25:59

marathons last as well over 10

26:01

years ago. We had to we

26:03

had to register for a new

26:05

doctor this morning. Well what happened

26:08

to the old one? Who's moved?

26:10

Oh sorry I thought there was

26:12

a scandal coming but we had

26:14

to go in and you have

26:16

to give like you don't get

26:18

full medical but they had to

26:20

give height and weight right and

26:22

I never I didn't realize how

26:24

close I was to six foot

26:26

until an actual professional measured me.

26:28

Yeah, I am so close. It

26:30

is genuinely fucking annoying. I'm like

26:32

two centimeters away. Fucking hell. I'm

26:34

so angry about it. Because I'll

26:36

never ever get there. You'll go

26:39

smaller. I'm really angry. You get

26:41

some wee platforms on you? I

26:43

always thought I was just sitting

26:45

on five feet 11, but it

26:47

turns out I'm over five foot

26:49

11 and a half. You get

26:51

the rack or some like medieval

26:53

torture device. Yeah, it must be

26:55

some way. Get that going. Yeah,

26:57

I mean, we are strapped up

26:59

to the back wall. I could

27:01

wear, I know like Tom Cruise

27:03

wears like platforms, heels and stuff.

27:05

I don't want to go, but

27:07

you know, you know, you know,

27:10

you know, you know, there's air

27:12

cushion thing, you know, in souls

27:14

you can get for your feet.

27:16

And then you could get like

27:18

a, like a memory foam one.

27:20

Yeah. And it just makes walking.

27:22

like feel like you're walking in

27:24

clouds. Yeah, I stack three of

27:26

them up. You do that. In

27:28

my shoes. You stack three memory

27:30

foam fucking insoles. Insoles into your

27:32

shoes. And stand on them. I

27:34

reckon that would take me above

27:36

the six foot. You do that?

27:38

No, I don't do that. Oh,

27:41

right. I thought you'd do that.

27:43

I could do that. But you're

27:45

just going to sink into them.

27:47

That's the problem. I don't know

27:49

how much I'd need to replace

27:51

them on a month by month

27:53

basis. And souls. You can trip

27:55

up your own souls to get

27:57

over six spots so you can

27:59

do your 20s. Because I discovered

28:01

those cushioned insoles by mistake because

28:03

I had a pair of, I had a pair

28:05

of Sambers that were, they were absolutely

28:08

fine because Sambers last fucking years,

28:10

but the inside bit had got

28:12

like, I think it was like wet

28:14

or something when I was down and

28:16

my mom had stuck them in like

28:18

the washing machine, I was like, fuck

28:20

you doing. But the Sambers, the actual leather

28:23

on the outside was fine and the

28:25

sole was fine, but it is the

28:27

insole. So it kind of tattered away. So

28:29

I was like, you need new insoles

28:31

for this. So I just went to

28:33

a shoe shop and I was like,

28:35

do the insoles? And the guy was

28:37

like, try these. So you get them

28:39

and they're like big massive clown feet,

28:42

right? But they've got a dotted lines

28:44

where you can cut out the size

28:46

of your own foot. Yeah. So you just

28:48

cut that out and then stick in the

28:50

shoe and see when you first walk on them.

28:52

Good God, mighty. It's literally like. That did it.

28:54

You float? I put a hole in my shoe

28:56

in Latvia. And I went in and got in souls

28:58

in the place. And they were, they're like, they're proper

29:00

cheap as well. They're not like that bad. I was

29:02

like, give me the good ones then. Let me go

29:04

699 rather than one pound. And like, oh my God.

29:06

Like, I don't like, mine's weren't even big fancy memory

29:08

from ones. They were just kind of like regularly, kind

29:10

of cushioned ones. And I was like, like, my God. You

29:13

feel like, you feel like, you feel like,

29:15

you feel like, you feel like, you feel

29:17

like, you could sprint, you could sprint, you

29:19

could sprint, you could sprint, you could sprint.

29:21

You feel like, you could sprint. You feel

29:23

like, you could sprint. Yeah, you know, you

29:25

want to be like, anybody want to race?

29:27

And they're like, we're Latvian. No. You're a

29:29

watch day. You're a worn crocks. I have

29:31

no ever worn. I have them. Are they

29:33

comfy? Right, here's the thing. I

29:35

was very much against them. I

29:37

think they look stupid and ugly.

29:39

And I hate when people pretend

29:41

they're some sort of hilarious fashion

29:43

accessory, right? I used to abuse

29:45

slash for them because he always

29:47

had them. Because they don't even

29:49

look comfortable. No, they don't. That's

29:51

the thing. I don't understand. They

29:53

don't. They don't. And then you

29:56

get a pair and they're just

29:58

so handy for literally. They're like...

30:00

slippers for around the house because you can

30:02

do everything with it and you go outside with

30:04

it you want to worry about it fucking thing

30:06

you know they're sports mode and that's where they

30:08

strap you in a wee bit more you can

30:10

flip the little thing around it's called sports mode

30:13

and then they just go like now you can

30:15

fucking half run on them things if you wanted

30:17

to. So we need to chase an assailant yeah

30:19

they're handy their handy as fuck I think they're

30:21

more handy than anything else you know because they're

30:24

they're the the the the footwear choice choice of

30:26

the or the dentist. I can

30:28

absolutely see why that's perfect because

30:30

on your feet all day just

30:32

on your feet comfortable

30:34

breathe. I mean they just when people

30:37

are they do look shy to them.

30:39

I don't understand why they look shy.

30:41

Sure did it was away. That is

30:44

quite a plus point the breeze ability

30:46

over them. There is briefability you know

30:48

but little decorations on them. Because

30:51

I have quite a... I got

30:53

a weed plant, because there was

30:55

only one there. One of the

30:58

cat, black cat's face, and a

31:00

peach. A peach? Where'd you get

31:02

these from? I can't remember

31:04

where I got them. Was it not...

31:06

So do you last seen in the

31:08

shop? No, they're just... I think

31:11

I got them in like a

31:13

market or something like that. They

31:15

were just... I was like, oh,

31:17

for crocks, great. Yeah, I have

31:19

quite a... I have quite a sweaty

31:21

foot. Yeah, but that sounds like

31:23

your one's alright. No, they're both

31:26

bad. Oh, the left one. Oh,

31:28

the left one when you get

31:30

it going. Oh, really bad, actually,

31:32

sometimes. Nice, nice. Well, yeah. And

31:34

souls are green when you take

31:37

them out? They squeeze the smell out

31:39

of them. I might get up here. Do

31:41

it, do it. This, we'll go into the film

31:43

now, now, may as well. because this week

31:45

was it wasn't revenge because I don't know it

31:47

felt like revenge and then you were like

31:49

what's the revenge for what do you yeah and

31:52

I'm like I don't know but it was

31:54

revenge all right and I think we were doing

31:56

we did loads of Christmas films that's what

31:58

it is and when we started the year

32:00

were too well in my opinion we

32:02

speed yeah so this week we're doing

32:04

John Tucker must die yeah you don't

32:07

look too happy about this it's a

32:09

film I'd never heard of you'd never

32:11

seen I'd never heard of it in

32:13

my life oh I remember I definitely

32:16

remember it when it was out because

32:18

I remember it was that guy's one

32:20

film Yeah, because of Desperate Housewives.

32:22

Jesse Metcalfe. Yeah, so Jesse Metcalfe,

32:25

yeah, if you don't know his

32:27

storyline on Desperate Housewives was he

32:29

was sexually assaulted by evil Angoria.

32:31

Yes, you know, could it happen

32:34

to worse? Yeah, it could. Storyline

32:36

is absolutely mental when you look

32:38

back. I kind of remember this.

32:40

I didn't really watch, obviously

32:43

Desperate Housewives wasn't massively aimed

32:45

at me. What was me being.

32:47

I watched all of it first.

32:49

What age, what year was Desperate

32:52

House House like early 2000s? I

32:54

would say that, yeah, I would

32:56

go 2003, 4 or 56. So

32:58

I'm like in my early 20s.

33:00

Yeah, yeah. So I'm not watching

33:03

Desperate House. I've seen episodes. Yeah,

33:05

yeah, yeah. And obviously I knew

33:07

I knew who Terry Hatcher was

33:09

and I knew who Mike Delphino.

33:11

No, I don't know who that

33:13

is. That's the character

33:15

that's a dude. Felicity Huffman?

33:17

Oh, that's true. I don't,

33:20

I know that name, but

33:22

I pretty... You don't do

33:24

it here, you don't kill

33:26

someone or some shit. Maybe.

33:28

I mean, I don't really...

33:30

vehicular manslaughter. vehicular manslaughter. Yeah,

33:33

women's married to William H. Macy's

33:35

in it. Who's that? One of

33:37

the, one of the, one of them

33:39

is one of the housewives. And were

33:41

they all desperate for just cock? No.

33:44

No, one of them is. Is that

33:46

Eva Longoria? Well, yeah, she keeps, like,

33:48

yeah, shaggen, 15-year-old. Was her husband, an

33:50

actual, I've seen, like, a drug dealer,

33:52

like, a drug lord or something. I

33:54

think so often he did, around later

33:57

season, I can't believe it, getting into

33:59

desperate housewives. I can't remember he was

34:01

a he was like a big fancy

34:03

job at one stage in a way

34:05

and then he definitely did something mad

34:07

criminal. Yeah he went to jail didn't

34:10

he? He eventually went to jail and

34:12

yeah. So he was a gardener. Yeah,

34:14

I suggest him, my calf was only

34:16

12 years old. He was like, I

34:19

mean, he was turned, he had just

34:21

turned 16 and then he went on

34:23

going to Shaggym all the time. Right.

34:25

And then like leading them on and

34:27

stuff. And now he was just quite

34:30

funny. You're like, oh, that's

34:32

mental, that's not on, you know.

34:34

But now if that was made now,

34:36

did you be like, I hate him

34:38

as a character. I don't know, we'll

34:40

get to that. I hate him as

34:42

a human. Oh really? I don't even

34:44

know the guy or anything, but I

34:46

just, I think the character has just

34:48

seeped in where I hate him beyond

34:50

the earth. Yeah, okay. So I looked

34:52

him up, right, to see what else.

34:54

So he has been, he's been in,

34:56

he's been in films. Okay, right, okay.

34:58

Right. But very little that you will

35:01

ever, ever, ever have heard of. Yeah. So

35:03

John Tucker must die, and then he did

35:05

a must die. And then he did a

35:07

must die. The first God's not

35:10

dead, but he wasn't God's not

35:12

dead, too. Okay. In fact, he

35:14

seems to have, he's supposed to

35:16

join things in their sequels, because

35:19

he's in escape plan too. That's

35:21

it, fuck. Apparently. I don't remember

35:23

him on that. And then he's

35:25

in both Dead Rising Watchtower and

35:28

Dead Rising End Game. Again, never

35:30

in the first Dead Rising. Never,

35:32

always, always, not interested, unless there's

35:34

a bride, always a bride, always

35:37

a bride, old Metcalfe. Because I

35:39

was like, I fucking hate this piece

35:41

of shit. Largely because he's, he's

35:43

like good looking and shit. But,

35:45

so there's not much about his

35:47

early life. Yeah. but his career

35:50

he did this and then

35:52

he's on like Hallmark

35:54

TV channel stuff now

35:56

but this is this is

35:59

the interest and stuff.

36:01

Right, okay. Here's the

36:03

good stuff, right? In March

36:06

2006, yeah. Right, which

36:08

Irish singer do you

36:10

think he had a

36:13

long-term relationship with?

36:15

Long term being two

36:18

years. Fuck, Jesse

36:20

Maccalfe had a

36:22

two-year relationship with

36:24

an Irish singer.

36:26

No. Nadine Coyle.

36:28

Why the fuck is that ringing

36:30

a bell now all of a

36:33

sudden? Jesus, Nadine. This shocked

36:35

me. That is shocking. That

36:37

shocked me. The only other

36:39

two... The only other

36:41

two interesting things are,

36:43

in 2013 Metcalfe was

36:46

entered into a Toyota

36:48

celebrity race, but did

36:50

not start it. This

36:52

is good though. In March 2007, so

36:54

this may be what led

36:57

to the breakup. March 2007,

36:59

Metcalfe entered rehabilitation to seek

37:01

treatment for alcoholism. And it

37:03

clearly didn't go well because in

37:05

November 2008, he hosted the World

37:08

Music Awards in Monaco. While at

37:10

the after party for the ceremony,

37:12

Metcalfe fell 33 feet to the

37:14

ground from a second story balcony.

37:17

I fucking hell limpened it. That's

37:19

fucking amazing. 33 feet? How the

37:21

fuck's he all right? That's quite

37:24

a fall. All he did was

37:26

fracture this fibula. You're right,

37:28

I'm starting to come around to

37:30

him though. Jesus. Yeah, it didn't really

37:32

pan them down as an alcoholic.

37:35

No. That's very funny. You managed to

37:37

fall 33 feet. 33 feet that's a

37:39

long way yeah yeah Nideen's probably like

37:41

I can't have this now he was

37:43

also the second series of the mask

37:46

the dancer oh the mask singer's

37:48

thing yeah that's his mass dancer I think

37:50

it was a mass dancer I didn't know

37:52

that I didn't know that or astronaut okay

37:54

right well you can see an astronaut's face

37:56

so I'd you know I'd be like is

37:59

that Jesse Metcalfe and an astronaut. How

38:01

can you be an astronaut? How

38:03

can you be a mast? What

38:05

the fuck is mass dancer? It just

38:07

must be what it says in the

38:10

10 years. You can't hear of this

38:12

in my life. You can't sing,

38:14

we'll get you in to do a

38:16

wee fucking. Let's find it. The

38:19

masked dancer. Who presented

38:21

this piece of shit? Oh. Joe

38:23

Domet. What's exactly the same? Yeah,

38:25

okay. Right. But it was an

38:27

ITV. It was originally based.

38:29

What? Is this the same fucking

38:32

thing? It's quite disturbing if anybody

38:34

ever got that. That's the thing

38:36

I don't trust about that show.

38:38

Because the celebrities aren't big enough.

38:40

So you can't just be like...

38:42

Did you see the way he

38:44

spun? That is clearly the USA

38:46

Metcalf. So it's exactly like

38:49

the mass singer, but it's for

38:51

dancers. So other contestants that

38:53

were on it with them. These are not

38:55

going to be big big big. Where

38:57

Adam Garcia. Yeah. Wait, who

38:59

I think had an

39:02

unfair advantage considering he

39:04

judges people dancing. Okay.

39:06

Kimberly Walsh from Girls

39:09

Aloud? Right. Denise Lewis,

39:11

the athletes. Kimbo Slice.

39:13

David Seaman. Jesus, fucking

39:16

Christ. This is

39:18

utterly ridiculous. See, he

39:20

played astronaut, right? Wasn't

39:23

it how shy some of the

39:25

people got, right? He played the

39:27

astronaut. Kimberly Walsh

39:29

played odd socks and Denise

39:32

Lewis played sea slug and

39:34

then the actress Joanna played

39:36

pig. You're all you're perfect

39:38

for pig. You're perfect for

39:40

pig. Oh you have any

39:42

fun trying to say? coin

39:45

you get in your fucking

39:47

couch. Yeah yeah yeah yeah

39:49

yeah you smell a shit.

39:51

So it's gonna be a

39:53

perfect fit for you. That's

39:55

amazing. Yeah yeah. By the

39:57

way, what would you give

39:59

this? Now by the way you can't as I

40:01

said about mass singer or dancer you can't

40:03

like you can't get that right? No. There's

40:06

no way you can do a twirl and

40:08

thing and go well that's obviously Jesse Metcalfe

40:10

season one of. Exactly but also is that

40:12

not the deal I've never watched a mass

40:14

singer so. Is that not the deal?

40:16

You can't actually really tell who's

40:19

singing the songs because I assume,

40:21

as I saw, I saw some

40:23

news reporter about how, what's her

40:25

name, I tried to shake a

40:27

band. This is great. Mr Jones.

40:29

So she stormed off because she

40:31

was like voted off or

40:33

discovered third or some shit

40:35

like that. I'm assuming she's not

40:38

coming out and singing like... Macey

40:40

Gray because you'd guess it immediately. There must

40:42

be some kind of... And this is just,

40:44

if it was Macey, Macey Gray and Christopher

40:46

Walken, I feel like that's it. Anyone else,

40:49

you're not going to get. Aye. Like me,

40:51

but that's such a distinctive voice. You could

40:53

have like James Brown on it. Yeah. James

40:55

Brown singing the fucking Ed Sheen and goes,

40:58

ah, God! And then folk going, oh, I

41:00

don't know, I think that I think that.

41:02

It's that. It's like a neck from the

41:04

neck from the back from the back from

41:07

the back from the back from the back.

41:09

It's from the back. It was Brad Pitt.

41:11

Oh! I love that. I loved watching that

41:13

when people would genuinely guess that they were

41:16

actual celebrities. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's, I

41:18

think you've even said about this in

41:20

the podcast before. Ken Young. Yeah, yeah,

41:22

we have. Yeah, we have. Yeah, they

41:25

were having it. God discussed this fucking

41:27

show before. Yeah, because of Ken Young.

41:29

Yeah, we were saying about Ken Young.

41:32

Yeah, we were saying about Ken Young.

41:34

Go on like, oh, is it. and

41:36

shit into your ear. Amy this morning.

41:38

Do you know the guy that's on

41:40

social media a lot that plays

41:42

the David Brent look like? Yeah. And

41:44

he turns up on, but people invite

41:47

him to their wedding. And then, so

41:49

they get the whole congregation come in,

41:51

the wedding party come in and he's

41:53

like sprawled out on the top table

41:55

like that. And then he goes and

41:57

staggered is a lot. But he's there.

42:00

for the full day. Because I saw it,

42:02

because boys at Screen Rock podcast did

42:04

it where he gets invited to the

42:06

stag do it, but he's there first

42:08

thing in the morning. And then they

42:10

made a great point that that's funny

42:13

for about the first 30 seconds. By

42:15

hour 10, you're like, this guy fuck

42:17

off. Right? So Amy was watching it

42:19

and she was like, I didn't really

42:21

get it. And I was like, how'd

42:23

you mean? And she was like, well,

42:26

why is he doing it? And

42:28

I was like, well, he's making

42:30

money from it. She was like,

42:32

she can't, but he can't, he

42:34

can't need the money. And I said,

42:37

what do you mean he can't

42:39

need the money? She was

42:41

like, he's a millionaire. And

42:43

I was like, are you

42:45

under the impression this is

42:47

the actual wreckage of your

42:49

face? The two of the

42:51

most successful and best sitcoms

42:53

of all time and hosted

42:55

the Golden Globe who lives

42:57

in LA is coming back

42:59

to do a fucking stag

43:02

doing roder them for 60

43:04

quit what are you talking

43:06

about? Boys I have to

43:08

go Golden Globes in two hours.

43:10

Okay Sheffield? That's so good. By

43:12

this film. Oh well do you

43:15

want to rate the film out

43:17

of 10? No. Yeah. No. No is

43:19

not only that I don't want

43:21

to. It is also my score out

43:23

of 10. Right. No out of 10.

43:26

Right. I'll tell you one thing about,

43:28

I'll say before I go into

43:30

this, right, I thought that this was

43:32

a very different type of film.

43:34

Right. Because as far as I remember,

43:37

it was like, John, I think

43:39

I got this mixed up slightly with

43:41

Win a date with Tad Hamilton. Right?

43:43

Where I thought it was like slightly

43:46

more of an older age thing. I

43:48

didn't know this was like a straight up

43:50

teenage in high school thing. I actually thought

43:52

there would be like, I mean, they're all

43:54

art 27. They'll look good for 27. But

43:56

I mean, I didn't think this was going

43:59

to be pretty much. like high school

44:01

musical without the songs. Yeah.

44:03

You know. The check, the

44:05

check that plays, um, like

44:07

the vegan girl in it. Yeah.

44:09

She plays, she is in, I know

44:11

her, I see, she's playing a college

44:14

student in Van Wilder.

44:16

three years before this film. That's how old

44:18

she is. No, no, no, no. And she's

44:20

back to playing a 16-year-old in this film.

44:23

Oh, Jesus Christ. Chebs out on Van Wilder.

44:25

And I'm sitting there with a fuck at

44:27

all. Can I just also say, not one

44:29

person in this film acts like they're 16

44:32

years old? No. Not one person. Yeah. One

44:34

stage I was like, I don't think whoever

44:36

wrote this phone has ever spoken to a

44:38

woman before, right? But then when I got

44:40

to the end to the end of the

44:42

end of the end of the end of

44:44

the end of it. I was like, I don't

44:46

think this person wrote this has ever

44:48

spoken to a man before either. Yeah.

44:50

So it's not really, it's like, John

44:52

Tucker must die sure, but so should

44:54

most of the people involved in making

44:56

the film? Yes, yes. Yeah, real bad.

44:58

Like, and also, I'll get this right

45:00

of the way, my biggest bug bear

45:02

with this film is. Yeah. I thought

45:04

they were actually plotting the murder of this

45:07

guy. Yeah, the basic storyline is

45:09

three girls three girls

45:11

from different and it's

45:13

by the way Americans

45:15

it's fucking clique. It's a

45:18

clique stop calling a clique

45:20

It's not, it's clique, there's a

45:22

cue you, it's clique, they fucking,

45:24

she says, oh yeah, he always

45:26

dates girls from different cliques. Like

45:28

no, it's not, I don't care

45:30

how you think you say it,

45:32

you're wrong, right? You're just fucking

45:34

wrong. The fuking ridiculous is that they

45:37

go and go to the same high school,

45:39

but they don't know. Yeah, yeah, oh

45:41

sure, it's, I have shagging them in

45:43

the, the, the, the fucking like, like,

45:45

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

45:47

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

45:49

like, Yeah, put them for different towns.

45:51

Yeah, different high schools. Yeah, three lasses

45:53

that are at some fucking water park

45:55

or some week suddenly find out they're

45:58

all there to meet the same guy.

46:00

Yeah. plausible than three girls in the

46:02

same year of high school. It also

46:04

implies there's more than them free. So

46:06

he's got like seven or eight going

46:08

basically on the go but these three

46:11

find out together. Yeah and then they decide

46:13

that the only way they have to get

46:15

back at them right they have to get

46:17

back at them but get back at

46:19

them he's embarrassing them in some way

46:22

and then when that doesn't work they

46:24

decide that the only way they're gonna

46:26

get back on is by making the

46:28

new girl who I don't know how

46:30

fucking long she's been there but nobody

46:33

knows who she is they're gonna

46:35

get her to they're gonna

46:37

get him to fall in love

46:39

with her and then they're gonna break

46:42

his heart the way he has broken

46:44

theirs yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

46:46

you know I feel like the first

46:48

30 40 first 40 minutes was

46:51

lying up like this could be

46:53

a young feminist This could be

46:55

good for the, like it could

46:57

be a strong little point here

46:59

for feminism and then the last

47:02

40 minutes ended up like the

47:04

worst ever point for FEMA, like

47:06

it kind of lost its, I

47:08

think it lost its fucking everything.

47:10

It would mind you it had nothing

47:12

either, but but like I know that

47:15

guy as well, this brother, that's Penn

47:17

badge, he's big now. Yeah, P-E-N, like

47:19

Penn and Teller. All right. Yeah,

47:21

yeah. Pen. Same name's Badgley. What's

47:23

a shit name? Yeah, he was

47:26

a new, you know, a stocker

47:28

thing, the show. I know you.

47:30

Yeah, yeah. Pain, Badgley. Pen, badgley.

47:32

Pen, shit. Pen, badgley and Jesse

47:35

Metcalfe. And Brittany Snowe.

47:37

And Jesse Metcalfe. And

47:39

Brittany Snowe's called Sophia

47:41

Bush. Sophia Bush. They all got

47:44

stupid names, basically is what we

47:46

said. I my problem is if

47:48

I've been a film we are

47:51

they genuinely try and kill this

47:53

if they tried to murder this man

47:55

yeah I'd have been invested yeah I

47:57

think that could have been yes that

47:59

could That's a good premise for

48:02

a film. Yeah, yeah. Three

48:04

high school students are fed up

48:06

getting cheated on by this dude.

48:08

So they plot and carry out

48:10

his murder. That's a fucking great

48:12

film. I will say one thing. In

48:15

the grand scheme of whatever

48:17

happens in this film, he

48:19

isn't as much as a bad guy

48:21

is them for. I wrestled with

48:23

this. Right. I've come to this

48:25

conclusion. I have two. I have

48:27

two. Right. Well, he's he's clearly

48:29

like a fuck boy. Whatever

48:31

leading these girls on cheating on

48:34

them, right? But they drug him.

48:36

My dear, it's rough, he's true,

48:38

you know, we'll get to that.

48:40

That's amazing. Right, but they drug,

48:43

they drug him, they like, you

48:45

know, they're trying to humiliate him

48:47

naked in public. They didn't get

48:49

him killed climbing across a balcony.

48:52

He's like, you're still wearing a

48:54

thaw. Man he loves that show

48:56

he loves that film. It's his

48:58

one thing John took him his

49:00

day to bring it up at

49:03

all opportunities I think that Yeah, I kind

49:05

of the ground's here. I feel like if

49:07

the police were to come in they'd

49:09

be like well, we're gonna have to

49:11

arrest you three arguably. Yes. He doesn't

49:13

do any wrong. He just he does

49:16

do things wrong. He does stuff wrong,

49:18

but he doesn't do anything criminal. He

49:20

doesn't get any of them pregnant. Yes,

49:22

he doesn't sexually abuse any of them

49:24

which I feel like if it's realistic

49:26

that is what he's doing that he

49:29

is absolutely he's the he's the captain

49:31

of the high school basketball team he

49:33

is a date rapist if you had

49:35

to design a date rapist yes yes

49:37

they've just they've just went let's

49:39

go 12 instead of 15s in this

49:42

one but that's that's really what that's

49:44

what he is yeah but he doesn't

49:46

do any of that he's nice to them

49:48

when he is actually with them all he's

49:50

doing and to be fair to him He's

49:52

not actually going out with any

49:54

of them. Yes, so he says

49:56

he can't have a girlfriend because

49:58

of basketball season. his dad won't

50:01

allow it because it takes away

50:03

from his game. But if you're

50:05

quite willing to just hang about

50:07

and fuck around with me, happy

50:10

days. They all say absolutely. Yes.

50:12

Yeah, yeah. So he's just, he's

50:14

a fuck boy. He's like lying.

50:16

There's this crime. He's lying to

50:19

these people. He's kind of like,

50:21

he's up from. but lying about

50:23

it. He's a liar. So he's

50:25

a liar and all that type

50:28

of shit. And then you're just

50:30

like, right, that's cool. This is

50:32

what I feel like if the

50:34

movie went a little bit up,

50:37

a gear, this could have been,

50:39

like, if he was like a

50:41

dodgy lad, like a proper dodgy

50:43

lad, like a dodgy lad, like

50:46

a dodgy lad, I mean, like,

50:48

dodgy, like, yeah, don't stay away.

50:50

Like it yeah, oh it makes

50:52

more sense. It makes more sense.

50:55

Yeah, and then they go try

50:57

and kill him. Aye That would

50:59

be perfect. Yeah, but also right

51:01

and also they should have just

51:04

the film would should have been

51:06

like 12 minutes long. Just let's

51:08

excuse him. Marie. Fuck this. Yeah,

51:10

yeah. Yeah. There's a lot. Because

51:13

right. Yes, he doesn't do that

51:15

much wrong. Right apart from he

51:17

does lie to them and he

51:19

does who drink them and make

51:22

them look foolish. Right? The things

51:24

I'll say about it is, imagine

51:26

the roles were reversed. Imagine this

51:28

was a film about four dudes

51:31

going, I mean if fucking take

51:33

that bitch down. Do you imagine

51:35

how sinister a film that would

51:37

be? Are you fucking stopping with

51:40

testosterone? Bad, we're going to get,

51:42

we're going to put her in

51:44

mailboxers and we're going to hang

51:46

her outside. We're going to hang

51:49

her outside on a balcony to

51:51

the point where she breaks in

51:53

to a middle-aged man's room. He's

51:55

going to come in, find her

51:58

in underway. Right? How fucking... What

52:01

we're going to do is, what

52:03

we're going to do is, right, we're

52:05

going to, we're going to get

52:07

her naked, right, and then we're going

52:09

to take her out to the

52:11

woods and some, a stranger is going

52:13

to come in and take photos

52:15

of them and then we're going to

52:17

spread those photos all over, all

52:19

over the cinema screen and say that

52:21

she's got, say that she's got

52:23

the clap. That's what we're going to

52:25

do. That'll fucking show her, right.

52:28

Yeah, we're going to, yeah, yeah, that

52:30

fucking, you know, that healthy, that

52:32

fucking insulin she takes every day, that

52:34

fucking inject testosterone, right, so she

52:36

grows a cock. That's what we're going

52:38

to fucking do. How horrible a

52:40

film is that. Mandy Tucker must die.

52:43

Exactly. Even the name must

52:45

die. It stopped being

52:48

a light hearted, pretend famous

52:50

high school comedy to

52:52

being like a fucking tape

52:54

brothers manifesto. Yeah, yeah.

52:56

The, the brovers. Yeah. The

53:00

brovers. Mine's better actually. Right.

53:03

I had some notes about

53:05

this, right? Right. I

53:07

was first of all, I was sitting there

53:09

going like, you remember the scene where they

53:11

bring out a PowerPoint presentation? They were like,

53:13

oh, you know, we, first we need to

53:15

describe John. It doesn't really make sense. They're

53:17

just trying to make a scene happen, even

53:20

though none really made sense. I was just

53:22

like, imagine what they'd write on a PowerPoint

53:24

about your appearance. Go

53:30

on then. No,

53:32

that's enough. We

53:34

need a 40 X screen just to fit

53:36

you on. Somebody's,

53:39

somebody's wheeling on a projector. So

53:44

big enough. Just fine. Shine on the

53:46

wall. Shine on the wall. They're like, we

53:48

have to make this guy undatable. And

53:50

I was like, well, he's to make him

53:52

presbyterian. Didn't

53:55

pray fucking good job.

53:57

I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. But

53:59

right. So, but they

54:01

had that. Photoshop didn't really make too much

54:03

sense. He just kind of went with it. No

54:05

one really makes sense. This is a shy phone

54:08

basically is what we're trying to say. The herpes

54:10

advert in the cinema, right? Like you've never seen

54:12

a cinema in front of like they're going to

54:14

be watching Gladiator. Usually it's like proper like Coca-Cola.

54:16

I was like how much does that cost that

54:18

advert first of all? I don't want to be

54:20

jumping in here but that's like a 25 grand

54:22

advert at least at least. Right. To get it.

54:24

A big screen, a weekend screening, yes. Yeah,

54:27

yeah, yeah. And it's just a tapless

54:29

gun thing. And it's like three PowerPoint

54:31

slides, basically. And there's no way they

54:33

would be like, yeah, yeah, I fucking

54:35

play it. Right, but the last ones,

54:37

yeah, I have it. Yeah, yeah, and

54:39

then they knew he was going to

54:42

be at the cinema. That makes no

54:44

sense at all. At that time. They

54:46

knew he was going to take this

54:48

girl to that specific screen and that

54:50

specific cinema shite. How do they get

54:52

access? So they have either, like you

54:54

said, managed to edit together a fake

54:57

advert in days and then sold it.

54:59

to the cinema or whoever takes care

55:01

of the advertising or they've hacked into

55:04

the screen and they've managed to splice

55:06

it into the projector shite. Also, like

55:08

you say, I have never, I've never

55:10

been sitting there waiting for the cinema

55:13

to start and before the trailers it's

55:15

just gone. Do you, do dick of

55:17

rich? You would have scabbie bits in

55:19

your balls. You ever piss blood? You

55:22

might have hair peas. We all have

55:24

hair peas. Don't worry about it.

55:26

And why? Why the fuck? Why?

55:28

What award exists for highlighting the

55:30

troubles? He gets an award. This

55:32

is the problem. None of their

55:35

plans work because he ends up

55:37

turning it on his own advantage.

55:39

Owning it. Yeah, owning it. Yeah.

55:41

So he gets an award for

55:43

highlighting the plight of teenagers with

55:45

hair peas. Yeah, yeah. It's not

55:47

a thing. the wise and then

55:49

so not only does he get

55:52

this award there's a shit load

55:54

of kids with hairpiece on the stage

55:56

try to kiss him we get like the

55:58

big fucking push jewels and then a bizarre

56:00

mental bit where there's a deaf

56:02

girl in the crowd and she

56:04

signs is he getting an award

56:07

for her peas and the other

56:09

person signs back no he's getting

56:11

an award for the clap and

56:13

you like what the what? None

56:15

of that fucking yeah yeah nothing

56:17

really scanning as their plans a

56:19

lot of them were like setups

56:22

for just make something happen like

56:24

I said the appearance thing there's

56:26

no need for them to do

56:28

a PowerPoint presentation of it I

56:30

think they just wanted like some

56:32

sort of a joker singing it

56:34

that one like how is it

56:37

going to own hairpiece like they

56:39

wrote that part and then how

56:41

is it going to own it

56:43

just say he brought light to

56:45

it yeah yeah yeah yeah he

56:47

highlighted the play within a day

56:49

too yeah exactly they happened to

56:51

have this count yeah five thousand

56:54

people and they're taking a fucking

56:56

yeah there some awards committee committee

56:58

go in There's literally no standout

57:00

candidate for the highlighting of herpes

57:02

award this year. And you know,

57:04

I heard what John Tucker's done.

57:06

I thought he was going to

57:09

dice. Oh my God. Then the

57:11

second one is, because he's this

57:13

boss, also, right, this fucking kid

57:15

is, I reckon, five seven. Right,

57:17

he's not a tall dude. Messie.

57:19

Five eight. Five eight at best.

57:21

Messie. Let's find out. Messie, stall

57:23

of his wife. Messie jet calf.

57:26

See if he's, if he's, has

57:28

he got his. Messie jet calves

57:30

in fairness because he's done quite

57:32

a lot of slam dunks. They

57:34

had a couple of slam dunk

57:36

shots. He's wearing number 23 too.

57:38

He wore Jordan's number. Oh, this

57:41

is fucking believable. Right. Does it

57:43

have his height? He plays like,

57:45

he plays like, do you ever

57:47

play NBA Jam? Yeah. Every, there's,

57:49

this kid never scores a normal

57:51

point. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Also,

57:53

he's white. Let's not, let's fucking

57:55

address the elephant in the room

57:58

here. He's a white. Five foot

58:00

eight basketball player high yeah, every

58:02

yeah, every I'm not don't give

58:04

me a fucking larry bird shit

58:06

Not larry bird. Yeah, Justin Williams,

58:08

he was tiny But did he

58:10

ever do they ever score? No,

58:13

he was all dunks at this

58:15

kid's no He was more skill

58:17

passes and like like little small

58:19

aloebs. Never this gets fucking Jordan

58:21

like either scores the most the

58:23

kind of dunks that you know

58:25

when they have the slam dunk

58:28

competition and the all-stars weekend but

58:30

they're allowed to use a trampoline

58:32

yes every dunk he scores is

58:34

like that at one point he

58:36

does a full front flip and

58:38

then dunks it. The only thing

58:40

that's missing is that NBA jam

58:42

thing where you put it down

58:45

and the balls on fire. Yeah,

58:47

yeah, the thing backboard smashes. So

58:49

it's either that or three pointers.

58:51

But not even normal three pointers.

58:53

No, he's holding some of the

58:55

way for like 50. And everyone

58:57

has three pointers. And everyone has

59:00

three pointers is from the halfway

59:02

line. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's

59:04

literally staff curry or Michael Jordan

59:06

at all times. Yeah, it's fucking.

59:08

protein shakes and they put estrogen

59:10

in it. This is. And the

59:12

estrogen works so quickly that from

59:14

him going a double dose of

59:17

estrogen to the next game basically

59:19

on the most emotionally charged period

59:21

that any woman has ever had.

59:23

I found it so I was

59:25

like first of all like I

59:27

was quite shocked because I was

59:29

just like uh... they were like

59:32

we're gonna put it we're gonna

59:34

spike him with estrogen you know

59:36

and i was like my god

59:38

that's terrible because what happens we

59:40

care like you'll probably crash his

59:42

car or something no no come

59:44

on I did find

59:46

it way more but it was really

59:49

funny how sexist it was as much

59:51

as that joke is the actual thing

59:53

was will give him estrogen and then

59:56

he'll immediately become shaded basketball yeah he

59:58

actually immediately just became shaded basketball how

1:00:00

could we make him shit at all

1:00:03

sports. Let's make him a woman. If

1:00:05

they were basically like, they're like, if

1:00:07

he takes history and it'll be the

1:00:10

W&B and nobody by watching. That's embarrassing.

1:00:12

He's not going to get paid

1:00:14

anything for these slam dogs. Oh,

1:00:16

fuck me. The drugging of Eastern

1:00:18

was so funny. I mean, it's

1:00:21

so illegal. It's ridiculous. So highly

1:00:23

illegal. Also ticking from the

1:00:25

longest yard. Is it? I would remember

1:00:27

that. I would remember that.

1:00:29

Yeah, not the old one. That's

1:00:32

why. Ah, they just acknowledge. Yeah,

1:00:34

well, the fuck you. It's when

1:00:36

it woke 20 times better. It's

1:00:38

one of the greatest films of

1:00:40

all time. There's a wrestler. Is

1:00:42

it Kevin Nash? Kevin Nash. Yeah,

1:00:45

Kevin Nash. They are. Big Daddy,

1:00:47

cool. Goldberg spikes from a feast

1:00:49

region. And he just started, yeah,

1:00:51

and he just starts crying and

1:00:53

being emotional. So is the same

1:00:55

joke. Yeah, the exact same thing.

1:00:58

Yeah, it's true. The original or

1:01:00

the make I feel like

1:01:02

it might have been later,

1:01:04

but what was this so you

1:01:06

type in are you writing in

1:01:09

the longest yard? The youngest

1:01:11

large 2005. Okay, so John

1:01:13

Tucker which one is still taking

1:01:15

the joke? 2006 John Tucker one

1:01:17

year after. Oh, that is that's

1:01:20

too soon as well. That's fucking.

1:01:22

Oh, yeah, they spiked him. Another

1:01:24

strike against John Tucker. Yeah, John.

1:01:27

Oh, John. I have a real,

1:01:29

real, real problem with how much

1:01:31

they act like adults. First of

1:01:34

all, I don't like the

1:01:36

fact that there's so many

1:01:38

bits that you kind of go,

1:01:40

you have to take yourself out

1:01:43

the film and go, remember these

1:01:45

are 16 year old children. Yeah,

1:01:47

yeah. The bit where she's cutting a

1:01:50

bit on laundry. You know when

1:01:52

they dress her up? I'm weird.

1:01:54

You should wear a word of

1:01:56

school. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The

1:01:59

16-year-old, yeah. The two, one bit's

1:02:01

weird and one bit's just annoying.

1:02:03

The weirdest bit is, the reason

1:02:06

that they all find out each other is

1:02:08

going out with them is because they

1:02:10

have to share a PE class because

1:02:13

they're all indifferent PE classes. Yeah.

1:02:15

But because one of the, they

1:02:17

only have, I mean, let's be

1:02:19

honest, they only have about four

1:02:22

teachers in the whole fucking school

1:02:24

because we only ever see a

1:02:26

couple of them. useless as always.

1:02:28

Oh God, there, there is, they've

1:02:31

only got two PE teachers so

1:02:33

they need to combine classes and

1:02:35

the reason they have to do

1:02:38

that is because a PE

1:02:40

teacher dies, mid-fifties PE teacher

1:02:42

dies because John Tucker smiles

1:02:44

at her and she is

1:02:47

so desperate for that 16

1:02:49

year old hot cock. that

1:02:52

she has a heart attack

1:02:54

on the stairs and dies.

1:02:57

How fucking ridiculously weird a

1:02:59

film is this? A 50-year-old

1:03:01

woman looking at a young

1:03:04

man and going, Jesus Christ,

1:03:06

he's so hot, my heart

1:03:09

can't even take this

1:03:11

bustling, sloppy, wet, sweaty,

1:03:13

tanned, young cock. You

1:03:15

see when your balls

1:03:17

drop John? Drop them

1:03:19

in my mouth? That

1:03:21

has a fucking heart

1:03:23

attack. Slumps down the

1:03:25

fucking... Slam mad dunk.

1:03:27

Get it right in

1:03:29

my gaunt. So that's

1:03:31

just weird. The annoying

1:03:33

one is what 60

1:03:35

year olds ask each

1:03:37

other out for dinner?

1:03:39

Yeah, yeah, who goes to dinner when

1:03:41

you're when you're 16 you have

1:03:43

so little money and you wouldn't

1:03:45

have a you wouldn't have a

1:03:47

fucking clue What restaurant to book

1:03:49

let alone a French restaurant that

1:03:51

sells lobster he orders lobster at

1:03:54

one point, right? The cuts got

1:03:56

a boat a boat that is

1:03:58

basically the most excellent consulting

1:04:00

a Brunei's yacht, right? And then another

1:04:02

point, right, the worst bit when they're

1:04:04

talking about, so he's now going out

1:04:06

with the new girl, Brittany Snow, and

1:04:09

He hasn't so they've obviously so when

1:04:11

they get back in the locker room

1:04:13

after a basketball game all the guys

1:04:15

are like so you fucking tap that

1:04:17

yeah you fucking and then they're all

1:04:20

they're all ribbing them because like oh

1:04:22

you're so wet you're so wet with

1:04:24

a woman spy on it yeah again

1:04:26

flip the gender one like fucking John

1:04:28

McLean in the air dock filming on

1:04:31

like the film again if it was

1:04:33

the guy in filming all the women's

1:04:35

a part of the film to show

1:04:37

later on. What we doing in there?

1:04:39

I was getting some locker room footage

1:04:41

of the girls to splice into the

1:04:44

documentary I'm making about them. And Mandy

1:04:46

Tucker must say. So they are they're

1:04:48

all ribbing them going, oh my God,

1:04:50

you've not shag that yet, you're so

1:04:52

whipped. And then he goes. gentlemen it's

1:04:55

like having an 82 Bordeaux and they

1:04:57

all nod to him he's right there

1:04:59

he's right there about the 82 if

1:05:01

it was an 83 Bordeaux of 16

1:05:03

year old kids they've not fucking clue

1:05:06

what an 82 but never heard the

1:05:08

word Bordeaux in my life when I

1:05:10

was 16. Yeah yeah they couldn't count

1:05:12

you any two? They were fucking horseholes.

1:05:14

Yeah yeah and also that really does

1:05:17

add an extra layer to the whole

1:05:19

in the cinema whoever didn't check these

1:05:21

adverts who's like this guy's 16 year

1:05:23

old this guy's got a hair base

1:05:25

everyone to the local town. Is he

1:05:28

the main guy that's ripping him as

1:05:30

well? Right, the big massive, big fat

1:05:32

dude. Right, and he's like that, hey

1:05:34

John you're gonna come into the party

1:05:36

tonight and he's like no I'm gonna

1:05:39

go and see Kate and he's like

1:05:41

well I've got to slam all these

1:05:43

high school checks myself. You play the

1:05:45

mascot! You play the mascot! You're not

1:05:47

even a guy! in the mascot! Like

1:05:49

how good a team are you when

1:05:52

even the mascot's getting tail? Fuck off!

1:05:54

You get fuck off! You're getting fuck

1:05:56

off for a start because they look

1:05:58

at the state of you. But you're

1:06:00

also getting fuck off because you play

1:06:03

the mascot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I fucking

1:06:05

hate mascots too. Stupid. Like a, you

1:06:07

know, like a fucking, gunnersaurus. Like, fuck

1:06:09

off. Remember, I was trying to try

1:06:11

to get rid of them. I'll still

1:06:14

try to get rid of him to

1:06:16

cut funding. They're like, we're not paying

1:06:18

this guy 50 grand. The rug around

1:06:20

is the thing. And Ozel was like,

1:06:22

I'll pay for it. It's one publicity

1:06:25

stunt. And then they were like, all

1:06:27

right, we'll keep it going and you

1:06:29

can fuck off Ozel. Right. I'm getting

1:06:31

very quickly going to go through things

1:06:33

that. annoys me. Here's a couple of,

1:06:36

first of all I found it very

1:06:38

funny, you know, if he did fall

1:06:40

off the balcony of his song, how

1:06:42

fucking a tragic again that would be

1:06:44

his whole family howling at the bottom,

1:06:46

like it would be a pretty tragic

1:06:49

death, right? You've been up sticking an

1:06:51

orange in his mouth? Yeah, yeah, right,

1:06:53

but the other one was, do you

1:06:55

know, with the fong part? they were

1:06:57

putting them in a thong and he

1:07:00

starts owning wearing a thong and he's

1:07:02

like oh it's it's it's quick it

1:07:04

makes me move quicker blah blah blah

1:07:06

and then all the guys start wearing

1:07:08

it right and then they all put

1:07:11

on thongs and immediately turn into the

1:07:13

Harlem Globe Traders that's when you were

1:07:15

talking what they did the they were

1:07:17

doing the backboard bouncing thing like you

1:07:19

know every single one of them scores

1:07:22

a dot even the fucking mascot's getting

1:07:24

a nonsense like I'm wearing one now

1:07:26

I can't play basketball I can't play

1:07:28

basketball when he's so the three girls

1:07:30

are all different so one of them

1:07:33

who's a shanty is the head cheerleader

1:07:35

right one of them her thing seems

1:07:37

to be she runs the school TV

1:07:39

studio which you're going why the first

1:07:41

of all why the fuck is the

1:07:44

school's own TV show yeah news bulletin

1:07:46

and then they're is just a vegan

1:07:48

but she's a vegan but she's also

1:07:50

a slag yeah that's basically that's basically

1:07:52

the only one type of meat yeah

1:07:54

that's that's a line She gets, she

1:07:57

can I cook, comes up to him

1:07:59

and goes, you know, for John, I

1:08:01

don't have to give up all meat.

1:08:03

I didn't, I missed it. She says,

1:08:05

so when, they make out heart, she

1:08:08

gets, she gets called a slot a

1:08:10

lot in this film. And even she's

1:08:12

like, oh my God, I'm a fucking

1:08:14

take this all the time. Even God,

1:08:16

I can't, I can't get enough of

1:08:19

it. At one point, she whispers to

1:08:21

him. And goes, do you know John,

1:08:23

John, John, for you know John, for

1:08:25

you, for you, for you, I don't,

1:08:27

I don't have to give up, I

1:08:30

don't have to give up, I don't

1:08:32

have to give up, I don't have

1:08:34

to give up, I don't have to

1:08:36

give up, I don't have to give

1:08:38

up, all meat, all meat, all meat,

1:08:41

all meat. Did you find anything funny

1:08:43

in this? No. I had one. What?

1:08:45

There was one funny, but it was

1:08:47

just at the end. You know when

1:08:49

they were doing the big dramatic, they're

1:08:51

both on stage. Yeah. And like, you

1:08:54

know, she's explaining to him and like,

1:08:56

somebody of the crowd just goes, Lour,

1:08:58

that killed me. So he's saying, I

1:09:00

want to hear what's going on, Lour,

1:09:02

and then she just picks the mic

1:09:05

and starts to make. I laughed at

1:09:07

that. I laughed at that. I thought

1:09:09

that. I thought that. But then, I

1:09:11

thought that. But they've ruined it. Yeah,

1:09:13

nobody learns a fucking thing in this

1:09:16

film. Nobody comes out a better person.

1:09:18

They all come out arguably worse. They

1:09:20

do. She's a piece of shit, even

1:09:22

though she's the person that's supposed to

1:09:24

be the moral crusader. She's lied and

1:09:27

she's become everything that she hated. And

1:09:29

even though she comes out of the

1:09:31

end, it goes with a normal guy.

1:09:33

And then... he's learned fucko because at

1:09:35

the end even though he's going oh

1:09:38

yes I've lied I've lied they end

1:09:40

these like that hey lady my girlfriend

1:09:42

but I'm gonna be completely up front

1:09:44

this is my other girlfriend so just

1:09:46

a polyamorous took a minute let's go

1:09:49

and have a nah let's go to

1:09:51

a fucking three way yeah and then

1:09:53

em so he hasn't changed really he's

1:09:55

not changed the three the three way

1:09:57

other girls haven't changed in the slightest

1:09:59

because they're just this fucking ars holy

1:10:02

yeah none of the None of the

1:10:04

schools learned any message because even when

1:10:06

he's going, listen, I've lied to women

1:10:08

and everyone's like, fucking, yeah! Like, no,

1:10:10

no, it's wrong and they're like, how

1:10:13

can it be wrong? You banged so

1:10:15

many chicks. Yeah, that good. They have

1:10:17

gone. Yeah, yeah. And then like, she

1:10:19

comes out of it the worst because

1:10:21

like, she just comes like, yeah, you

1:10:24

know, I didn't really get the guy,

1:10:26

blah blah blah, didn't get the other

1:10:28

guy. We're friends now. Yeah, exactly. You're

1:10:30

like, what was that? Is a

1:10:32

terrible message to... I'm not... So

1:10:35

if you're taking messages from John

1:10:37

Tucker Mustai, you need to be

1:10:39

shot anyway, but... But... There's a

1:10:41

sick Americans era. Right. Very quickly,

1:10:43

things annoyed me. Right. Also, I

1:10:45

hate the party. It's fucking MC.

1:10:47

It's got a band. It's everything

1:10:49

that's wrong with American parties. Yeah.

1:10:52

I hate... I've just put this

1:10:54

count as a boat. Yeah

1:10:56

yeah

1:10:58

yeah

1:11:01

yeah

1:11:03

I

1:11:05

hated

1:11:07

how

1:11:10

they

1:11:12

found

1:11:14

out

1:11:16

because

1:11:18

that's

1:11:21

stupid

1:11:23

fucking

1:11:25

asshole that runs the TV station

1:11:27

when it's on the DL but

1:11:30

and then covers her mouth but

1:11:32

yells louder than anything else you

1:11:34

say well it's on the DL

1:11:36

but I'm dating John Tucker and

1:11:39

then they're all like that you're

1:11:41

fucking dating who ya cow the

1:11:43

the teacher have an absolutely no

1:11:45

authorities just falling over everything and

1:11:48

the only other thing I wanted

1:11:50

to talk about oh I told

1:11:52

you there was a cool a

1:11:54

cool fact about this. It's

1:11:56

a cool it's an interesting

1:11:59

fact. rather than a cool

1:12:01

fact because it's actually pretty fucking

1:12:03

disgusting. Okay. The Coca-Cola logo

1:12:05

appears in every single scene of this film.

1:12:07

Fuck off. I did I did write a note

1:12:09

down that Diet Coke was heavily involved

1:12:11

in everything. There was on the kitchen

1:12:14

table, it was on the parties, there

1:12:16

was cans in Coke. There was always

1:12:18

someone at the basketball games drinking it,

1:12:20

drinking it. Everyone at the, at

1:12:23

least one person at the parties

1:12:25

got a Coke can. the Coca-Cola

1:12:27

symbol is in every when you

1:12:29

drive away at the start they're

1:12:31

leaving the old home a Coke

1:12:33

van comes around when the 16

1:12:35

year olds go and like look

1:12:37

at me and lingeries get a

1:12:39

little tramp stamp a Coca-Cola they're

1:12:42

like well well maybe not that

1:12:44

scene We don't want to get

1:12:46

involved in this. He's like, oh

1:12:48

yeah, really, I really want to

1:12:50

pump you and watch your Coca-Cola

1:12:52

side. Is Pepsi all right?

1:12:54

Pepsi, all right. Pepsi, Max.

1:12:57

Is this a subway? Why

1:12:59

is only Pepsi Max available?

1:13:01

That fucks me off. What

1:13:04

does this say, as to Cola

1:13:06

with a key? Freeway Cola. Yeah.

1:13:08

Yeah. Did you have, yeah,

1:13:10

that's pretty fucked. Is she? Is

1:13:13

that who that was? Is that

1:13:15

who that was? I don't know

1:13:17

if you go remember, Jenny McCarthy.

1:13:19

I do know who she is.

1:13:21

Jenny McCarthyism. Yeah, yeah. Jenny McCarthyism

1:13:23

was when she tried to hunt

1:13:25

down all the communists and Hollywood.

1:13:27

Jenny McCarthy is. Jenny McCarthy is.

1:13:29

Trotsky says hello. Rams are fucking

1:13:32

ice cube. An ice cube? Not

1:13:34

even an ice pick. An ice

1:13:36

cube. And someone's eyes. Jenny McCarthy.

1:13:38

Shagging all the communists and Hollywood

1:13:40

out of the play. That's so

1:13:42

good. Jenny McCarthy was like a playboy

1:13:44

money. She was a playboy model. I

1:13:46

don't know if she was in B

1:13:48

watch, possibly. But she was like, I

1:13:50

had her as just so but like

1:13:53

that. She was in the front cover

1:13:55

of all men's magazines magazines magazines at

1:13:57

one point. And no looking at it,

1:13:59

she's not at. She's got an

1:14:01

incredible body. She's not actually

1:14:03

that... No, no. She's got

1:14:05

a very slapped in the

1:14:07

face with a shovel face.

1:14:09

Yeah. It's a very flat

1:14:11

face. 80s play, boy, bunny.

1:14:13

Yeah. They're all kind of

1:14:15

like that. But she's a

1:14:17

massive vaccine denier. Oh, she

1:14:19

fucks me. She refuses to

1:14:21

have anyone vaccinated. That's her

1:14:23

kids and all that. Okay.

1:14:25

That's the only new thing

1:14:27

I know about Jenny McCarthy.

1:14:30

That's just the meat one. You've just

1:14:33

done it. I have done exactly. It's

1:14:35

a better one. But it is the

1:14:37

thing. I have two things on it

1:14:39

and I was like about making the

1:14:41

thing. It would, again, number one, it

1:14:43

would be good if they actually did

1:14:45

end the film movie. You know, if

1:14:47

it was the exact same movie, but

1:14:49

the last thing they actually just... Like

1:14:51

cut up in his throat and shit

1:14:53

in his woodpipe or something, right? And

1:14:55

they're like, Jesus! Because it would have,

1:14:58

then that would have came out in

1:15:00

nowhere, right? But I have a good one,

1:15:02

right? I say, right, if it was the same

1:15:04

for them, but the last second, you

1:15:06

know, it's zoom out there at that

1:15:08

high school. It zooms out, and it

1:15:10

says, April 20th, 1999, right? and that

1:15:12

is the first thing John Tucker he's

1:15:14

being he must die because he's he's

1:15:17

the shooter he turns into that little

1:15:19

kid Ed or something oh my god

1:15:21

that's what it is he that's what

1:15:23

cracks him because they're trying to ruin

1:15:25

his life you know and then like

1:15:27

if there was another scene it would

1:15:29

do them four hiding under the bleachers

1:15:31

and him rolling the gun off the

1:15:33

varnish floor trying to hunt them down them

1:15:36

down. That's what I actually think we could

1:15:38

take that we could take that further John

1:15:40

Tucker must die was the police was the

1:15:42

I think, I can't think of any high

1:15:45

school film. You know how in most high

1:15:47

school films there's a triumphant scene

1:15:49

at the end and normally what

1:15:51

will happen is they'll all have

1:15:53

learned but it will have the

1:15:55

two main characters and they'll reunite

1:15:57

or they'll get off each other

1:15:59

or... they'll settle their differences and

1:16:02

then they'll walk away and

1:16:04

the camera will pan up to

1:16:06

a full load of the school

1:16:08

and everyone just milling about going

1:16:10

to classes and stuff. Yeah, the

1:16:13

credits will roll. Effing every single

1:16:15

high school film it panned up

1:16:17

and then just somewhere in it

1:16:19

there was one kid coming in,

1:16:21

walking in with a massive bag

1:16:23

and a trench coat on. If

1:16:25

you could put the column, the

1:16:28

boys from Callum Biden in the

1:16:30

last scene of every high school

1:16:32

film, that'd be fucking amazing. It

1:16:34

was like remember me, it would

1:16:37

have been the same shock as

1:16:39

remember me, the ROMcom and 9-11.

1:16:41

Oh my god, the end of

1:16:43

American Pie, did you just see

1:16:45

stiff looking mowed down? You fuck

1:16:48

my mom? AR 15 and to

1:16:50

themselves? Yeah yeah. So that would

1:16:53

have been it. That would have

1:16:55

improved immensely. Yeah, because then you

1:16:57

would have been like, oh my

1:17:00

God, there's a heavy message in

1:17:02

this. Don't turn people into school

1:17:05

shooters. Yes, see? Right. Do you

1:17:07

want to know what to do

1:17:09

next week? Yes, let me see.

1:17:11

Let me see what we're doing next

1:17:13

week. Have you, is this going to

1:17:15

be, right, no, just shit, fine. Well,

1:17:17

a lot of people will think this

1:17:20

is us back to doing a decent

1:17:22

film. Me personally, I think

1:17:24

it's us keeping on the

1:17:26

same trajectory of utter shite.

1:17:28

Okay, good. So, it is. Amite Shimoland's

1:17:30

Signs. Oh! This, sorry, this

1:17:32

film is going to be

1:17:34

perfect because this is actually

1:17:37

a big film, it's enjoyable,

1:17:39

but it's shit. Like all

1:17:41

his films, it's pure plot

1:17:43

lines, top holes. And it's

1:17:45

got my boy Gibson in

1:17:47

it. Yeah, yeah, fuck's sake.

1:17:49

And he's losing his mind.

1:17:51

Yeah, but he's losing his

1:17:53

mind. Yeah, but Joe Rogan.

1:17:55

Perfect. Signs next. Brilliant. But

1:17:57

apart from that. Ryan specials

1:17:59

out. the dreaded. It's out. It's

1:18:01

finally out. Yeah. Yeah, that's out.

1:18:03

Go watch it. It's on the roast

1:18:06

battle. I was like finally put

1:18:08

it out and I was just

1:18:10

like, okay, this was meant to

1:18:12

be for clips. But it's out.

1:18:14

You still be for clips? It's still be

1:18:16

for clips. It is. It's going to be.

1:18:18

two days, I guess, well it's been out

1:18:20

two days and a two and a half

1:18:23

days, so it was about two thousand, three

1:18:25

thousand Jews, it's all right, a little big

1:18:27

grand. And fairness, like I didn't have anything

1:18:29

on my actual YouTube, so I was like,

1:18:31

if I get five grand, if I get

1:18:34

five thousand people watching this, I'll be shocked

1:18:36

to be really honest, because it's just traffic

1:18:38

reasons, I'm not into the internet as much

1:18:40

as whatever. And then, um... And then they

1:18:42

were doing it and I go, oh,

1:18:44

well, I'll probably will hit the 5,000

1:18:47

in a week or something. So that's

1:18:49

pretty handy. Good stuff. Handy enough. So

1:18:51

yeah, please go and watch that.

1:18:53

Obviously, I'll put the link for the

1:18:55

special and for your tour. Yeah, at

1:18:57

the bottom of that. Emanator. I've also

1:18:59

got my tour dates up. And if

1:19:01

you were at the Belfast or Dublin

1:19:04

shows, I was opening for Troy Hawk, then

1:19:06

I now have Belfast and Dublin

1:19:08

dates and Dublin dates. like

1:19:10

wheelings and lavaries. So

1:19:13

that would be good.

1:19:15

Two belters. Yeah, and

1:19:17

if you were at

1:19:19

Manchester as well, the

1:19:21

Manchester date is on sale

1:19:23

as well. And then more dates

1:19:25

will hopefully be going up

1:19:28

before the end of the

1:19:30

months. N-N-N-N-N-N-A. Nah, fuck it.

1:19:32

We'll go on to, we'll

1:19:34

go on to, we'll see

1:19:36

you next week for signs.