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Be you. With Byte. What

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is that? What is that? For

1:36

our listeners, I got a seashell. I

1:39

got some sea glass. I got

1:41

some motherfucking sea pottery. I

1:43

got some crockery from

1:45

the sea. No one has ever said, and I'm

1:47

sure. I've got some motherfucking

1:50

sea pottery. No one is

1:52

ever getting gangsta with the sea pottery. I'm

1:57

not. I'm not. I'm not.

1:59

I'm not. Sorry

2:10

everybody, I'm just showing a pop-tart. A

2:12

chocolate pop-tart, Al, because it's my nickname.

2:14

Hey, ooh. Welcome to Adult Saying.

2:17

This is Jordan Carlos. I'm Michelle B. Tome.

2:19

He is a motherfucking gangster when it comes

2:21

to sea, glass, and pottery. That's me. Tell

2:23

the people where you got it. Where'd I

2:25

get it? From your backyard, yo. From your

2:27

backyard. My son tucked all

2:29

this stuff into my jacket. I only

2:32

noticed it. I was like, why the

2:34

fuck have I got seashells by the

2:36

seashell in my pockets? My son

2:38

is six years old. Yeah. And he came to

2:40

your party dressed as a banana, a life-size banana.

2:42

Yeah. I like to do

2:45

a little family-themed, couples-themed Halloween

2:47

party. Yes. And also, if

2:49

you ain't in a couple and you single and you

2:51

have a dog, figure out a theme. You

2:55

really are who you are. Yeah. And I

2:57

remember when I was little, I used to host

2:59

every Saturday morning a Pound Puppy

3:01

Cabbage Patch Kid Club meeting where

3:04

I would bake something the night

3:06

before because I loved baking

3:08

and everybody would go around and

3:10

tell stories of their Pound Puppy

3:12

and Cabbage Patch Kid. Oh, I

3:15

loved Pound Puppies. Me too.

3:18

Pound Puppies was cool. I

3:20

just was hoping it wasn't a kill shelter. But...

3:24

Yes. I still forced my friends to come over to dress

3:27

up and your family wasn't

3:30

themed. No. But

3:32

the theme was, we tried. The

3:35

theme was, we tried. Good Lord. The

3:37

year before that, we were themed. This year, it was just too

3:39

much going on, on

3:42

that day. Sister

3:44

Girl was coming right from dance class. I

3:46

was like, listen, you dressed as a ballerina

3:49

for dance. How about we just have you

3:51

dress as Missy Copeland? She's like, these

3:54

are my special clothes, Dad. I'm not going to

3:56

wear my special clothes to

3:58

this event. And I was like, okay. Okay,

4:00

fine. I tried, Papa tried, and

4:02

there just was like no time. She's such

4:04

a young lady. How old is she now? She's

4:06

10, going on 49. Why

4:09

does she feel like she's 13? She feels like a

4:11

teenager. Because it's the Wednesday

4:13

Addams of it all. Like some kids- She

4:15

dressed up as Wednesday Addams and it was real cute.

4:18

Yes, it's the Wednesday Addams of it

4:20

all. Wednesday Addams has taken over so

4:22

much real estate in my child's mind.

4:24

And I'm sure other tweens' minds

4:26

as well, the darkness. Oh yeah, the

4:29

emo. The emo. When I was a

4:31

kid, I loved Christina Ricci. Still do.

4:34

Shout out to Christina Ricci, I know you're listening. All right, so basically

4:37

that kind of hair split, my

4:39

daughter did that as well. Like

4:41

the split down the middle. And like she just

4:43

loves the darkness of it all. I don't know.

4:46

Yeah, I get it because even

4:48

now with my four and a half

4:50

year old twins, everything is so pink,

4:53

blue, purple, butterflies, glitter. That by the

4:55

time you start feeling feelings, it's like,

4:57

yeah, let's get a little emo. Like,

5:00

I'm here for it. Here's what I forgot.

5:02

Here's what I forgot. I forgot

5:04

you could go on the Zahn

5:06

and get costumes in a

5:09

day or like a couple hours. And so I

5:11

was like, let's scrounge and make some costumes out

5:13

here. Let's get the guy with the shit out

5:15

of this. But I should have done that. I

5:17

should have done that. I was my bad. I'll

5:19

do better, there's still next year. My

5:21

family were Smurfs. Yes,

5:23

they were. My family were Smurfs. You

5:26

were cute Smurfs. I'm assuming Hice was

5:28

Papa Smurf. Everyone is just like, what

5:30

was he? He was a big ass Smurf

5:32

with red pants on. Of course he was

5:34

Papa Smurf. He also, and I should post

5:36

pictures. I have them. We could not find

5:39

a Smurf hat that fit

5:41

our noggins because

5:44

the adult ones like fit our kids. And

5:46

so Hice decided to make Smurf hats because

5:49

he is quite artistic. Okay.

5:52

But when I put this hat on, I didn't

5:54

even realize till I was well into the party,

5:56

it just looked like a big sperm. Or like,

5:58

my sperm looked like a sperm. I'm like, no,

6:00

it's more of like a full condom. And

6:02

I'm like, but I'm wearing this. And I

6:05

put like uggs on because I thought it

6:07

looked like elf shoes. But then

6:09

when I looked at myself in a picture, I'm like, is

6:11

this what I look like? You ever see it pushing yourself,

6:13

you're like, it felt different. That was my wedding.

6:16

But I'm like, I felt beautiful. You

6:20

looked great. Can I, okay, should we just

6:22

post it? We should post it on the

6:24

IT. Yes, but give me the highlights. Highlights

6:26

for me were first of all, just

6:28

coming straight in and the, and the

6:30

sp-red you had because I went straight

6:33

chicken wings. I was trying to talk to you,

6:35

but like I couldn't, there was just chicken wings.

6:37

And so I was like, ain't nobody touched these

6:40

chicken wings yet. So I did

6:42

the chicken wings. And then my son

6:44

being a COVID child was like, take me to

6:46

the beach. Let's lose these people. So we went

6:48

to the beach. We dug a crater. Aww.

6:51

Somebody said there's a coffee truck. I was able

6:54

to outfox my son and get to the coffee

6:56

truck. And yeah, it's good.

6:58

You know what? Interesting. If

7:00

you have like, just like some money

7:02

to splurge, getting a

7:04

little coffee truck or a food truck or

7:06

like some cute little nosh, they're so affordable.

7:08

They're more affordable than you think. And

7:11

you really are supporting a small business. And like, you know,

7:13

I live out there. I live in a borough that starts

7:15

with the word the. The Bronx, I'm

7:17

far. You have to take

7:20

highways. Do you know

7:22

what I mean? Like the highway to Hévonne. Like

7:24

the Bronx, we out there. So

7:26

I'm like, here's like some caffeine or

7:28

not like a lemonade or whatever it

7:30

is. And so I actually love supporting

7:32

small businesses because I feel like comedy

7:34

is sort of a small business as

7:36

well. It's just like something that

7:38

you curate and create and just like hope that

7:40

seven people like. And so I love that. And

7:43

I also love walking around my backyard and

7:45

being like, coffee truck is outside. My

7:49

best 10 year old dream. Best.

7:52

Breast. What did you get? I'm gonna tell you what I

7:55

got. Tell me what you got. Okay. Yeah.

7:58

What do I like? I'm gonna give you. a

8:00

shot just one shot what do I what's my vibe

8:02

what am I what you know me I do I'm

8:04

I'm different like that I know what it is I

8:07

know what it is I know it is what the

8:09

child it's a child latte you're so close that's half

8:11

of it a dirty

8:13

chai yes I got a

8:15

dirty chai I'm such a dirty

8:18

chai I'm such a

8:20

dirty little chai oh my goodness it is I

8:22

do love a dirty chai sometimes I like a filthy

8:24

chai what the fuck is a filthy

8:26

chai? a dirty chai is a chai I

8:28

mean obviously a chai latte chai tea and some

8:30

milk and it's froth and delicious it's

8:32

got that umptuous like nutmeg-y

8:35

fucking situation going on and then

8:37

like a dirty chai is

8:39

a shot one shot one shot

8:42

of espresso so you

8:45

get a little tea you don't exactly get

8:47

like a full-on coffee to like rip up

8:49

your tummy a filthy chai is

8:52

two shots oh god

8:55

damn so that's why I

8:57

was having dance solos in a smurf

8:59

costume with a sperm hat because

9:01

I was filthy um

9:05

oh my drink is a cappuccino and I

9:07

remember our friend Danna Doot who's

9:10

like you know he's just like

9:12

a food kind of slaw yes

9:14

and I got a cappuccino after

9:16

our dinner one time and he

9:18

rained me out and he's like girl you

9:20

need an espresso this milk and froth and

9:22

shit it's not what you do yeah like

9:25

it's what I do I like a nice

9:27

little coffee moment yes that's sort of like

9:29

dessert for me put a little cinnamon on

9:31

top I don't need a dessert I'd rather

9:33

drink my calories I can always say this you

9:36

know this about me and even when I was

9:38

drinking beer back in the day I'm like can

9:40

I get the beer with the highest alcohol content

9:42

because we don't want to waste our time mm-hmm

9:45

okay give me that IPA the

9:47

last time you guys came to the

9:49

Halloween party though you guys were really

9:51

cute everybody was in formation you guys

9:53

were the Dalmatians yes we were

9:55

the Dalmatians my daughter was she

9:58

was oh my gosh why am I blanking looking on her name,

10:00

but she's not Elvira. Who's

10:03

the lady that don't? Drop it in the

10:05

chat, drop it in the chat. I know.

10:07

Who is it? I'm gonna get this, and

10:09

I'm gonna scream at three

10:11

in the morning. I'm gonna look it up, no. We're not using

10:13

our brains, we're looking it up right now. Wait, wait, wait, wait,

10:15

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No. She

10:17

was childless, she was independent, so she was

10:20

obviously a villain. Oh,

10:22

Cruella De Vil, Cruella De Vil. Thank you

10:24

so much. Oh my, you did it, you

10:27

used your brain. Yes, childless, independent. In

10:29

Disney World, that is a formula

10:31

for villain. Like, a woman without

10:33

no kids? Look. Don't do

10:36

it. Oh my goodness. We

10:39

actually had a guest come

10:41

to the house who was also Cruella De Vil.

10:44

And she looked fierce. I missed this

10:46

part. Y'all left early. We sure did,

10:48

I guess. Your wife is on top of

10:50

it, she's just like, tick, tick, tock, bitches. We

10:53

gotta leave the borough with the word the in

10:55

front of it. I honestly. Let's

11:01

go. It is a journey, it is a

11:03

journey, Smollett, to your place. But

11:05

I do kind of like, there comes

11:07

a time, a point when my six year old son

11:09

is just like, he doesn't get how big the world

11:11

is, and is just like, when are

11:14

we there? When are

11:16

we there? And I'd be like, soon come, don't

11:18

worry. When you see the Dunkin' Donuts.

11:20

Soon come, I.R.E. Pull

11:22

up. Tuck back. Yes,

11:26

yes, all the way in the Bronx. It's a

11:28

beautiful part of the Bronx though. Yeah, it's

11:30

a beautiful, magical, haunted place, which

11:33

I do appreciate. There's a lot of energy

11:35

here. No, truly it is given the New

11:37

Orleans type energy, like and rice. What?

11:40

You mean saffron rice? Oh

11:42

my God. Or dirty rice, is that what you're saying? Oh

11:44

Lord. Speaking of haunted, very

11:47

excited for our guest this

11:49

episode. She's wonderful. I love

11:51

your transitions. I know. I'm a

11:53

mall cop, I have a segue. Pivot, go, go.

11:57

She's a publisher, she's an activist.

12:00

She's a witch,

12:02

she's a performer. It's

12:04

almost like what can't she do? All

12:06

in a beautiful ass nose ring and

12:09

some good ass textured hair. Okay.

12:12

Yes. Yes. Do you want to intro her

12:14

name? Cause I feel like I'm talking a lot. You're doing great.

12:17

I would be remiss to say that she

12:19

is also a Texan. Please

12:21

give it up for in your

12:24

cubicle and or bike or car

12:26

wherever you are, Adrian Marie Brown.

12:29

Jesus Christ. That's just so long. It

12:31

is. Adrian!

12:38

Oh, hi! Hi.

12:42

Adrian Marie Brown, hi. Yay.

12:45

I love this hair. This is giving me

12:47

like a soca in the hood in a

12:49

good way. I really like it. Thank you.

12:51

I mean, I always want my look to

12:53

be a drug dealer that's good at math

12:55

or like. Yes. I'm a bank manager

12:58

that's also a reggae tone producer. Like I'm

13:00

gonna get the business done, but still have fun.

13:02

Yes. Like I'm giving you a

13:04

widespread of ways of being. You know what

13:06

I mean? Yeah. It's very animate.

13:08

It's very like put her in a cartoon right now.

13:10

Do you have an animated self? Is there an animated

13:13

project for you? No. Ooh.

13:16

That's a lot. Someone's missing out right

13:18

now. Right? It's okay. You guys can just

13:20

cut me in on the contract when you individually figure it out. Okay,

13:22

Ms. Brown, why are you a walking

13:25

shark tank episode all

13:28

the time? Not even two minutes in.

13:30

How did you do reverse shark tank where it's

13:32

just like, here's a bunch of ideas world. Yeah.

13:35

It's not a catfish. It's not a shark.

13:37

We need another fish. Maybe it's

13:39

like an octopus tank. Ooh.

13:42

Another idea has escaped my brain. Yes.

13:45

Octopuswa. Octopuswa,

13:47

I like that. Octopuswa.

13:51

I love that you're doing this episode because

13:53

like, there's so many titles. There's so many

13:55

jobs. There's so many ways that you heal

13:57

the world and yourself through entertainment, right?

14:00

But Jordan's like, and

14:02

Texas. And Texas, baby.

14:05

And Texas. And by the way, I'm sure,

14:07

listen, you'll be first to point out, Adrian

14:09

Marie Brown, because I'm from Dallas and you

14:11

are from El Paso. That's right.

14:13

I'm going to dovetail this into your book, Holding

14:15

Change. Yes, dove it. El Paso is

14:18

different from the rest of Texas. However,

14:20

it is Texas. And

14:22

El Passans will be first to tell

14:25

you that they ain't in

14:27

the part of Texas that you win. We are

14:29

in the same storm, but we ain't in the

14:31

same boat. We're not in the same

14:33

boat. Yeah. And it's Mexico. You know, I always

14:35

tell people I'm like, I was born in the

14:38

part of Mexico that's in Texas called El Paso.

14:42

Yes. You know, and

14:44

I'm very proud as I get older

14:46

that all the people that everyone loves

14:49

are coming out of Texas. And

14:51

it seems like in a way

14:53

balancing the horrific politic that's unfolding

14:55

there because it's like, OK, yes,

14:57

bad politics. But, Beyonce,

14:59

yes, bad politics, but

15:01

Meg Thee Stallion, bad

15:03

politics, but eloque. Eloque,

15:06

yeah. Maybe a little Adrian, a little bit

15:08

Adrian, OK? You, yes, among

15:10

other things. I was like, the

15:13

Simpson sisters? Just kidding. There's

15:15

so many. There's so many. It's

15:17

a really big place. But you're from Dallas.

15:20

I'm from Dallas. You go back? Yes. I

15:23

go back about the court mandated two to three

15:25

times a year to see my parents. I love

15:27

them so much. But, you know, we kind of

15:29

hold our breath. I

15:31

made it for the Mexican food and to see my parentals at this

15:33

point. Yeah. And that's that's what

15:35

it is. Listen, it's home. We go to a special

15:37

place for our parents. Yes, we do. And

15:41

my Dallas remains a little blue dot

15:43

and a big old cherry pie. Yeah,

15:45

I live in such a blue dot

15:47

now. So, yeah, I tell you. Wait,

15:50

where do you live? So currently I live in Durham,

15:52

North Carolina. Got you. Which

15:54

is one of the dots of the whole

15:56

region. And it's a

15:58

magical place. like it's so green.

16:01

Took me like two years of driving

16:03

around and being like, where's downtown? Because

16:06

there's no real downtown, like it's just

16:09

green trees everywhere. And

16:11

to realize like this is just a different way of doing

16:13

a city. I came of age in New

16:15

York City. And so when I

16:17

think of, oh, you're going to a city,

16:19

it's always the place where the skyscrapers and

16:22

the concrete and like, and

16:24

here there's a very small area

16:26

that's got some tall-ish buildings, you

16:28

know? But yeah,

16:31

I moved down here, doing the

16:33

like reverse migration thing. So my parents

16:35

are all from the Carolinas and my

16:37

whole extended family is from the Carolinas. But

16:39

at no point in my life did I ever think I

16:41

would live in the South. I always was like, I'm

16:44

going to live in Paris, obviously. Yeah. But

16:46

you know, the bed bugs, I'm just like, it's okay. I'll just stay.

16:51

Here's a question, because you have high cheekbones

16:53

like my aunt and uncle, we

16:55

cousins and you're from the Carolinas. We are.

16:57

I was like going to tell you off

16:59

camera, but it's like ancestry.com. We're

17:02

connected. Yeah, you look a lot like my dad. It's

17:04

not a game. Like you look just like my dad.

17:06

This is really strange. What is

17:09

happening? I know. I'll

17:11

send you a picture of my dad and then we can put

17:13

it all together and be like, you're

17:15

my dad. I don't know. You're

17:17

my cousin. Yeah. Sure. It's

17:19

all things possible. I don't even know

17:22

if you can describe, but what was it

17:24

like growing up biracial in Texas? Did you

17:26

have to, did you have language, like a

17:28

vocabulary to say this is what it is?

17:30

When did you realize you were black? Well, it's

17:32

interesting because my dad was in the military for

17:35

30 years. So we were in El Paso on

17:37

a military base. I was born. We

17:39

left three months later to Germany. And then

17:42

we came back when I was about three.

17:44

Wow. For like another period of

17:46

time where both of my sisters were born. My

17:49

memories of childhood was everybody

17:51

was mixed because we were

17:53

on this military base. And so it was like,

17:55

everybody was mixed. It's like

17:57

black and Japanese, black and German. black

18:00

and white, it was all

18:02

black people had mixed with something. And

18:04

that's what all the kids were. So

18:06

it wasn't until I was older, when

18:08

we got stationed in Georgia, that I

18:10

went for the first time to a

18:12

non-Department of Defense school. And

18:14

there was black people over here, white people over

18:17

here. What are you? Yeah.

18:19

Are you Latino? What

18:21

is... What are you giving right now? And

18:24

just being like, OK, I need to PhD

18:27

racism right now. So they need to understand what's

18:29

going on. Yeah. I always say I learned German

18:31

when I was a kid, and then I lost

18:33

it because I had to learn racism.

18:35

Wow. So I had to

18:37

understand what was going on with racism. And

18:39

it was like literally displaced everything. Because trying

18:42

to survive, I feel like our

18:44

kids are always trying to figure out, how do I

18:46

survive the social constructs of

18:49

the world that I'm a part of? How

18:51

do I find a way through as myself?

18:54

Or do I just join and glom

18:56

onto one group for a little while and

18:58

then figure it out later? Yeah. I love

19:01

that this is called adulting because to me,

19:03

so much of adulting is trying to return

19:05

to our essential child selves. And

19:07

you're like, oh, the constructs are just some

19:10

other people's ideas of the world. But I mean. I

19:14

want to tell y'all, so our listeners know, I'm

19:16

wearing my favorite adulting outfit today,

19:18

which is a big pajama t-shirt,

19:21

drawers, and socks. Because I

19:23

was like, it's adulting. I'm an adult, and I

19:25

work from home. And this is what I

19:27

wear for most of my adulting life. I love

19:29

that. Yes. That definitely puts it over the

19:32

top. I think we are related. OK.

19:34

Because that sounds like my family. That

19:37

sounds, there's no occasion to dress

19:39

up. Yeah. Ain't an occasion yet.

19:41

Oh, yeah. We plan our family holidays

19:44

around like, how many pairs of sweatpants

19:46

and pajamas should I bring? What

19:48

movies are we going to watch on the couch? We're

19:50

going to get to the bottom of this. But you're

19:52

absolutely right. I'm just curious. I mean, my

19:55

mom is mixed. Yeah. My

19:57

dad obviously is mixed, but we don't know who and

19:59

what. It's just, he's a light one. You

20:02

know, everybody else, not. Like, we call him the

20:04

white sheep. But

20:06

the only thing they knew was

20:09

like, half-caste, mulatto,

20:12

you know what I mean? It's that generation,

20:14

it's Jamaica, it's England, it's, you know,

20:16

proper colonialism. And so,

20:18

you know, it was like, if you can

20:21

pass, pass. Oh, wow. And it

20:23

was like a choice, and if you don't want

20:25

to, then this is what your life will be,

20:27

right? And so, you know, she

20:30

can pass, she chose not to, because

20:33

why would you deny? But also like, that

20:36

generation, you understand why, but also

20:38

like, why? I always look

20:40

back and I'm like, I never want to

20:42

cast judgment on what my ancestors had to

20:44

do to survive. Yeah. Right. Like, I don't

20:47

want to try to put them in this

20:49

time, right? So I'm always like, okay, like,

20:51

we have to remember, you know, when you're

20:53

in a period where people mostly want you

20:55

to die or to be a slave, you

20:58

figure out ways to survive and you do

21:00

what you need to do. And

21:02

so I always look back and I'm like, you

21:04

know, in my family, as far as I

21:06

know, I'm the first generation of mixed kids,

21:09

but my dad is very

21:12

light-skinned. His mom was very light-skinned, like,

21:14

it looked almost exactly like her. And

21:17

when we did the ancestry.com thing, it was

21:19

like this random little 9% Scandinavian situation

21:21

happening. So, you know,

21:23

although we grew up, there was a little

21:26

like, maybe there's some indigenous and maybe there's

21:28

something else, but like the DNA don't lie,

21:30

you know? I don't think, I don't know,

21:32

actually. Yeah. But my feeling of myself growing

21:35

up has been really like, you know, tuning

21:37

into this thing and being like, I'm a

21:39

black person because in this country, that's

21:41

how race has been set up. But I've also

21:43

traveled to places where people will like, look at

21:46

me, touch my hair and be like, oh, O'Bernie,

21:48

like white girl, bingo, something, right? And

21:52

I think the relativity matters. I

21:54

also think as I get older, I keep

21:56

learning more and more about privilege, right? Like

21:58

how privilege shapes. what you're viewed

22:01

as and how you're seen. So even

22:03

amongst Black people, if you're like, oh,

22:05

your light skin, you have this kind

22:07

of hair, you went to college, you're

22:09

something different. Right? Yep. And

22:11

being able to own that instead of being like, no,

22:13

no, no, it's all the same one

22:15

glum thing. It's like, no, Blackness is

22:18

a construct that was put on us by

22:20

white people to group everything together into one

22:22

space. And my Blackness now is

22:24

something that I pulled as a political identity. It's something

22:26

that I hold with a lot of pride and

22:28

with a lot of love. But I don't

22:31

try to imagine that my Blackness

22:33

growing up with a white mother

22:35

is the same as anyone else's.

22:37

Right? Right. There's a distinction. And I meet other

22:39

people who are Black who grew up with white moms, you

22:42

know, and who are mixed race and who've

22:44

gone through this journey. And what's intriguing to

22:46

me is how many different places people land

22:48

with it. Yeah. Like instead of

22:50

being like, oh, there's one way to do mixed.

22:53

Yeah. It's like, no, there's however

22:55

many people there are, there's so many ways

22:57

to do it. It also depends on like

22:59

who you date, who you build your next

23:01

family and your next chosen family with. And

23:03

for me, that's mostly been Black people. But

23:05

I do have a few like really righteous

23:07

white folks and other folks in here. And

23:10

you know, for me, I'm

23:12

trying to build a world that looks like

23:14

the future I want in my intimate relationships.

23:16

Right. That's because you're into Afrofuturism, if I'm

23:19

correct. I'm an Afrofuturist. I'm like, I want

23:21

to see Black people in the future. Right

23:23

now, this week, you know, we're recording this

23:25

and it's like the pop up is popping

23:27

off in Gaza. And I'm like, I want

23:29

to see Palestinians in the future. I want

23:31

to see Black people in the future. I

23:33

want to see indigenous people from North America

23:35

in the future, from South America in the

23:37

future. Like I always look at our world

23:39

and I'm like, who is, who

23:42

is being most oppressed? And

23:44

how do we imagine a future

23:46

in which they are safe and

23:48

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That's amazon.com/BlinkWondery. Hello

25:12

this is Dr. Dan, host of Parent

25:14

Footprint with Dr. Dan from

25:17

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26:32

I just want to know, how does

26:34

that affect you? How does that

26:36

reach you? You have a white wife, you have mixed children.

26:41

You guys are living in Brooklyn and

26:44

it seems like a pretty good neighborhood, but you

26:46

also travel with your kids. Yeah, you're the only

26:48

one. Oh my God. Yeah. Okay,

26:50

how does it affect me? Yeah, like how

26:52

do you teach your kids to navigate the world? How

26:55

do you teach your kids to navigate the world? My

26:58

son definitely presents as white to people and

27:02

so something he is all about is, as

27:05

he likes to say in his little Elmer Fudd voice,

27:07

is that he is black culture. And

27:09

so what I do is present him

27:12

with the stories of people

27:14

that he could be proud of, that

27:17

like of icons, of the culture. And

27:21

then when we go out into the

27:23

real world, we also present him with

27:25

the stories of the real world. We

27:27

always stay close. Yes. We

27:30

always stay close so that that way people

27:32

get it. You know what I mean? Yes.

27:35

Because eyes are watching. So it's like, we stay

27:37

close in an airport. Yeah. We

27:39

stay close, you know, like, just like people

27:41

are like, oh, oh, I get it now.

27:43

And sometimes I walk with my son who

27:45

presents as white and my wife will walk

27:47

with my daughter who's brown. Fascinating.

27:49

So people will be like, oh, they got one

27:51

of each. Oh, he get one. This

27:54

like the end of Lady and the

27:56

Tramp. I get it. They

28:00

come out like poppies. That's a great visual.

28:02

I mean, it is interesting, like my sister

28:04

has three kids who are

28:06

all lighter skinned and two

28:09

of them are blonde. And it has been really

28:11

interesting because, you know, growing up for me, I

28:13

was like, oh, like it's obvious. I read as

28:16

black or I read as of color. Like people

28:18

mistake me for many things. They

28:21

don't, you should get it right. It's often

28:23

Puerto Rican or Dominican. I've gotten Moroccan. I've

28:25

gotten other things before. Same,

28:27

we're the same. Yeah, I'm just sort of

28:29

like, hey. And

28:31

when I was younger, I play with that,

28:33

you know, and just be like, whatever feels

28:35

safest, like whatever feels

28:37

like you're gonna like, let me be here,

28:40

right? But now watching

28:42

the kids come up and watching

28:44

them navigated, it's so fascinating because it

28:47

also, you know, looking at them, I'm like, I

28:49

think the color thing moves in these

28:51

waves. I think there's a lot of people who are

28:53

white who have the ancestry of color, who

28:55

don't know about it or who do know when it

28:57

was intentionally hidden or it was intentionally

29:00

shifted. Like, because seeing how it can

29:02

shift back and forth so quickly is

29:04

actually fascinating to me. And

29:06

then I do think that I feel like

29:09

if the world wasn't in such

29:11

conflict and crisis all the time,

29:13

I would be doing some interesting

29:15

things around being mixed. Like I'm

29:17

interested in the conversations around which

29:20

aspects of culture and identity we

29:22

wanna uplift and we wanna carry

29:24

forward and we wanna hold onto

29:26

and like, yeah, just how

29:28

we navigate that. I love what you

29:30

said about like, here's the history, here's

29:32

histories of your peoples that you can

29:34

feel good about, that you can feel proud about.

29:36

My parents were very much like, you

29:38

know, my mom was disowned from her family

29:40

when she married my dad. Wow,

29:43

you know, they eventually took a snack

29:45

because I'm irresistibly cute. That's

29:47

right, boo. But, you know,

29:50

it took a while, right? So

29:53

there's this painful history. For them,

29:55

they're like, everything related to how

29:58

outsiders view our family is painful. we're

30:00

going to create a little safe haven within

30:02

our family. And for a while, that's

30:05

really what we did. It was like, they

30:07

were so much more interested in who we were

30:09

than telling us anything about who we were. And,

30:12

you know, the political education, I've gotten as I'm

30:14

older, I think there's a way to do a little

30:17

both. And I see parents doing that now where they're,

30:19

you know, it's just, what books do you read to

30:21

your kids? You know, who are the icons? What are

30:23

the posters on their wall? One of

30:25

my nibblings right now is one of

30:27

my goddess sisters Indian

30:29

from the continent that Columbus was

30:32

looking for. And she's

30:34

married to a black man and their little

30:36

baby is coming up and it's like, okay,

30:38

who's on his walls, right? It's like Harriet

30:40

Tubman belongs to you, you know, and so

30:43

does Vandana Shiva. And like, you know, these

30:45

are your guides, right? And I think there's

30:47

something really beautiful about that as like making

30:49

these constellations for kids that they can look

30:51

up to and move towards.

30:54

Yeah, on that, like I do the same

30:56

thing with my kids. I'm like, do you

30:58

realize how lucky you are? So their great

31:00

grandfather fought in the red army in the

31:02

Soviet Union. Oh, wow. And then my

31:05

ancestors have been here in America

31:07

since the early 19th century. So

31:10

it's like, you need to think about

31:12

that. Mississippi, Virginia roots coming from, you

31:15

know, subjugation and slavery, becoming farmers

31:17

and working their way up into society

31:19

and like being proud and you know,

31:22

like that's the intersection of

31:24

you. Yeah. So

31:27

I try to inform them on both things and

31:29

just be like, you are the immigration story. You

31:31

came here with that choice, that immigration and then

31:34

also the Ellis Island of it all. So it's

31:36

a beautiful dovetail on their little faces, you know?

31:38

Yeah, that's really gorgeous. Oh, you guys

31:41

made me so emotional. Oh

31:43

my gosh. Good.

31:45

Stop. It's nice to take

31:47

a moment to recognize all

31:49

everyone's done for us to be here.

31:52

Yeah, it really is. Because we're

31:54

always so worried about the future of

31:56

the 401k, where we're gonna have, where we're gonna live, how they gonna

31:59

be, where, how they gonna live. I'm

34:00

always thinking of paying it back to

34:02

like I think often I'll be doing

34:04

something like oh, I'm writing a book Like

34:07

I'm like I'm sitting here freaking writing a

34:09

book all day in my pajamas and I

34:11

want to send that energy back to my

34:13

grandmother Yeah, right who did not get to

34:15

do her story. She was a domestic worker

34:18

and she raised seven children and You

34:21

know, she was she was spicy. She had

34:23

a lot of lovers. She had a lot of baby daddy She

34:25

was doing it. She had a great Oh

34:30

my goodness, but all your sexuality with

34:32

you can't own property. She was a good

34:34

spicy grandma, you know Yes But

34:37

I also know that you know I imagine that she was

34:39

tired and that she didn't have a lot of time alone

34:41

or a lot of like Time to sit in the bath

34:44

or a lot of you know ideas that people

34:46

would have been a listen to her story And

34:48

so I send that energy back along the line because

34:50

I'm like something that you did Made

34:52

it possible for me to do this and something that

34:54

I'm doing now Hopefully makes it

34:56

possible for someone else to create or to

34:59

you know, be a part of shaping the future

35:01

I mean, I named my character in the thing

35:04

that I did that I cannot mention We

35:06

went through this the last time you wrote it

35:08

so you can speak about it. Okay, I wrote

35:10

it. Her name is Mavis I will say So,

35:14

is that the guideline is that the guideline is

35:16

like you as the writer you can talk about yes

35:19

But but as the act wrote something and who

35:21

knows what happened after that Hahaha

35:24

Right, so I feel

35:26

like that is such a beautiful name and

35:28

she's she it Was

35:32

my person and also that was

35:35

my grandma Mavis. That was my

35:37

grandma. Oh, I miss that in the giggles

35:40

Yeah, so what I'm saying is like

35:42

yeah, I will honor her. I love

35:44

that Mine

35:46

was Eloise. Yes Her

35:49

middle name was Louise see these are

35:51

the names I'm like this generation had

35:53

some names their names It's like mystery

35:55

and smoky energy. Yeah. Wait a

35:58

minute Adrian my great eyes I'm just

36:00

kidding. All right. We're going to figure

36:02

out. Can I tell you something? Please. Do

36:05

you all know the incredible black

36:07

American writer, Imani Perry? Imani Perry.

36:10

What did she write? Imani Perry. So if you don't

36:12

know about her, you need to know about her. Actually

36:15

Google her because she's written so much.

36:17

She's written so many texts and she

36:19

has one. Let

36:21

me pull it up. Hold on. I'm going to

36:23

pull it up. Pull it up. So this

36:25

last one she did South to America, a journey

36:27

below the Mason Dixon to understand the soul of

36:29

a nation. She wrote a book

36:31

called breathe a letter to my son, but

36:33

she's one of our great writers. Like she's one

36:36

of our great thinkers, beers, everything.

36:38

And she and I had been at like several

36:40

conferences together and all these things. And I was

36:42

like, I'm like, you're so brilliant. Come

36:44

to find out we're third cousins. There you

36:46

go. Oh, she

36:48

reached out to me and she was like, I found

36:50

us in the thing and you're my cousin and we've

36:53

tracked the family trees. It's so beautiful.

36:55

Yeah. You're doing what you're supposed to do.

36:57

Yes. You know, the actress,

36:59

Tessa Thompson. Yeah. I found

37:01

out we are cousins by marriage. What? That's

37:04

a good cousin to have too. Look,

37:06

I mean, she's so fine. That's so

37:08

good. I know right. There's a whole

37:10

gaggle of light-skinned Haitians that are artists.

37:12

The light-skinned Haitian artists. Yeah.

37:14

Y'all are my people. Where have you been?

37:17

Yes. And when you think about

37:19

like the size of Haiti, you know, the,

37:21

uh, that's another beautiful freedom

37:23

struggle to have in your past. Powerful.

37:26

Have you heard of Toni Morrison? Yeah. That

37:29

is actually my cousin and that

37:31

is the end of our show.

37:33

Oh, our cousin is Toni Morrison.

37:35

That's what's up. Yes. Go off.

37:38

Wait, that's a really good cousin. Tony. Tony,

37:41

Tony, Tony. No, wait a minute. Toni Morrison

37:43

that sells zoot-zoot. Toni Morrison. First of all.

37:46

This is fun, but we got to get the

37:48

questions. Let's get to questions. So, uh, our audience

37:50

writes in every week and they ask us questions

37:52

about adulting and it's not like we're experts, but

37:54

here the fuck we are. Um,

37:57

we're experts at having feelings.

38:00

So let's try to answer them.

38:02

This one's Taylor made for you, Adrienne. This is great.

38:04

Okay, great. I'm ready. Is it? Okay Oh,

38:06

wow. I don't even know how to

38:08

okay first question. I'm

38:11

ready for my first orgy. Oh How

38:13

do I find one? Where

38:16

do I start Burning Man? Adrienne

38:20

what's that you well, first of all, I just want

38:22

to say this is so sweet OMG

38:25

like yeah, it's a sweet

38:27

feeling to have inside yourself when you're like I

38:29

know that I want to have sex with like

38:31

tons of people at the same time Yeah, it's

38:33

really unique. So the thing I would recommend is

38:35

there's an app called field FeLD

38:38

that is designed for people who

38:41

are interested in like non-monogamous Connections,

38:44

you know poly connections

38:47

Threesome's for some stuff, you know,

38:49

you can kind of put on there It's very

38:51

much designed around like what is the sexual pleasure

38:53

that you want to experience? how

38:55

can you connect with the other people in your

38:57

community to find that and It's

39:00

amazing like, you know, there's like basically two kinds of

39:02

people going on the dating apps, right? There's one who's

39:04

like I'm looking for my love my great love and

39:07

the other one is like I'm looking for my great

39:09

Fuck like I really want to have some good sex,

39:11

right? Right. Yeah. Yeah I feel like it's very hard

39:13

for them to talk to each other. They're in the

39:15

DMS like, you know How many kids do

39:17

you want? Oh, do you like condoms? It's just

39:19

like they're not it's not jelly It's hard to

39:21

figure out field to me It's like

39:24

this one is for the sex and if the

39:26

sex, you know leaves you to a good connection

39:28

Yay, but we're really primarily focused on what kind

39:30

of sex you want to be having So I

39:32

would go on there make a profile

39:35

in your profile You can put their interest

39:37

in group sex they're interested in polyamorous connections

39:39

that you're interested in possibly

39:41

being a third or fourth because I would

39:43

say it helps to start with Like

39:46

go up the numbers if you can right so

39:49

it helps to start be like maybe I want to date

39:51

a couple Yeah, then move from there into a four summer,

39:53

you know sort of add up But I think

39:55

sometimes jumping straight from I've only ever had sex

39:57

with like myself or one other person to

40:00

like a whole orgy can be kind

40:02

of intense. Yeah. But it's on there.

40:04

You can find people on there who are interested.

40:06

So that's one of the places I would point

40:08

you to. Field does not promote our show, but

40:11

we are blasting you out, Field. All right. Yeah.

40:14

I would also say for an orgy,

40:17

out of whatever group you will be in,

40:19

it's OK if you connect with one person

40:22

the most. Oh, yeah. You know what I

40:24

mean? That's often what happens. Or

40:26

if you go with somebody that you're like,

40:28

I like this person and maybe we want

40:31

to be around other people. There's sex parties.

40:33

Yeah, that part. Yeah. And I think that

40:35

a lot of times sex parties, you have to kind of

40:37

know word of mouth. I do think that

40:39

if you're in an area and you say, let me

40:42

follow some of the people who

40:44

do sex education, sex entertainment,

40:47

you can find announcements for stuff that

40:49

will connect you to the community. You

40:51

know, yeah, I'm a big fan of

40:54

really tuning into like the kink community

40:56

and sort of figuring out like who's creating

40:59

because what you want to look for are

41:01

safe spaces where they're having good conversations ahead

41:03

of time, where they're talking about what the

41:05

safety protocols are going to be, where there's

41:07

clear language that everyone understands around what to

41:10

know, what's the safe word, what's, you

41:12

know, what are the guidelines? So be

41:14

safe out there and, you know, have

41:16

an orgasmic yay. And also one last

41:18

little tidbit. Yeah. Just be careful who

41:21

you tell, because that's also a safe

41:23

space. That's true. People are so quick

41:25

to cast judgment and not understand what

41:27

it's like to like sex.

41:30

That's so true. What do you got on this Jordan?

41:33

Nothing. Got some orgy with him. Nothing. I

41:35

think he doesn't like to talk about sex. No,

41:37

he doesn't even say sex. He's just celebrating our

41:39

bodies. Talking about hardcore

41:42

banging. But I can't

41:45

even say it's so cute. Oh,

41:47

God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Dad,

41:49

I'm actually appreciative because he looks so much like my

41:51

dad that I'm like, it's OK if you don't want to talk

41:53

about sex. It's OK if you don't want to talk about

41:56

that. That's familiar. You know, he's really you know, he's really

41:58

uncomfortable because he turns into like. Obama impression.

42:00

He's like, I don't mind. I

42:03

don't mind. I don't mind talking

42:05

about a bit of bedroom

42:07

stuff. You know, when

42:09

I was in college, there were naked parties and

42:11

naked parties were actually pretty great, too. Yeah, yeah,

42:14

yeah. It wasn't about like, you know,

42:16

it was about feeling free in your

42:18

body. Yes. Which was like really cool.

42:20

And depending on where you are, people are doing

42:22

stuff like that. Like my

42:24

friend had does a podcast called The French Show

42:27

and they were talking to folks who were hosting like

42:29

a naked dinner and stuff like

42:31

that in L.A. That's crazy. L.A. is

42:34

like doing like naked vegan

42:36

gatherings. Be naked, but

42:38

also have a food allergy. It's confusing. Look.

42:42

But also in Holland,

42:44

the spas are coed naked.

42:46

So like there is this

42:48

appreciation of your body that it is just

42:50

your instrument, your tool to like carry you

42:52

through the world. And it isn't always sexualized.

42:55

Yeah, which I love. But also there is

42:57

this thing about Holland where I'm just like,

42:59

but I am sexy. OK. Yeah,

43:02

I do want to be noticed and seen in

43:04

that way. Well, and I think there's something, you

43:06

know, I feel like what I've

43:08

seen people try sometimes is to turn a party,

43:10

a regular party into an orgy. And

43:13

I think that can be sometimes

43:16

it can work, but a lot of times that can

43:18

go off the rails because there hasn't been a lot

43:20

of thought put into it ahead of time. Right. So

43:22

I really say like go towards the places where people

43:24

are intentionally thinking about creating safe places. And

43:26

a lot of times these days they might not say

43:28

orgy, they might say sex party, they might say some,

43:30

you know, call it something else. And yeah, you

43:34

can get this. You can definitely get this.

43:36

Yeah, I'm excited. I'd be remiss if

43:38

I didn't point out one thing, which is

43:40

like you've also tied in your writing and

43:42

in your work pleasure to how important that

43:45

is to like change and progress,

43:47

like to say yes to pleasure and

43:50

to say yes to change are like one

43:52

in the same. I really appreciated

43:55

that point that you made about that.

43:57

I was like, yeah, getting freaky and

43:59

making. change. I love that. Well, pleasure activism,

44:01

too, you know, ties into what we were talking

44:04

about with our grandmothers as well. It's like, this

44:06

is something that we are reclaiming

44:08

for ourselves after a long period

44:11

of oppression. And to me, it's one of those

44:13

signs. It's like, if you think you can go

44:15

get an orgy, that's good news. That

44:17

means you have recovered from, right?

44:20

Recovered from a world that told you you don't

44:22

get what you deserve, or you can't have abundance.

44:24

Because a lot of times, that's what the three-some,

44:26

four-some orgy life is about. It's really like, I

44:29

want it all. You know, I

44:31

want to have an abundant experience of pleasure. I

44:34

love that. Okay, which brings us to our next

44:37

question. I love this. The town

44:39

over from what we were just talking about.

44:41

Okay, great. Let's go. All right. Question number

44:43

two. My parents are old school Republicans. I

44:45

am 40 years old. How do I tell

44:48

them that I don't want to be Republican

44:50

anymore? Oh,

44:52

honey. Gosh. Well, first

44:54

of all, I'm like, I want to

44:56

send you a lot of love because being 40 years

44:59

along in this journey, and

45:02

feeling at odds with your parents in

45:04

this way, I'm sure has been very

45:06

hard, very lots of awkward family times,

45:09

very much trying to figure out who

45:11

you are. And you know, the thing that

45:13

I, I'm a

45:15

big lover of like honesty is the policy.

45:17

So I do think sometimes you have to

45:20

tell people something with a willingness to like, let

45:22

them go at least for a while, if need

45:24

be. So I say this,

45:27

like my grandparents were homophobic,

45:30

transphobic people. And I came

45:32

out to them. It's actually

45:35

I did an acid trip, and I decided to write

45:37

them a letter coming out to them. And I

45:39

mailed it before I came down. So I'm not

45:41

sure what exactly it said. But I know that

45:43

it was I like to have sex with more than

45:45

one gender was in there. And I

45:48

told them, and wisdom, not

45:50

wisdom, who knows, but what happened was

45:52

I told them, they sent me some scripture, we

45:54

didn't talk for a couple years, and then we

45:56

they reached out to me, and I

45:58

was able to have some really good, different

46:00

kinds of conversations with them. And what I learned is,

46:02

even though we went through the hump where I was

46:05

like, I might lose them forever. By

46:07

me telling them, here, I'm different from

46:09

the worldview that you have. And

46:11

I exist. I need to saying that,

46:13

then I go handle my business. And

46:15

they're the ones who actually have to

46:17

grow to hold that space, right? So

46:19

my recommendation for you. And you

46:22

can do it in person, but it's also totally fine to

46:24

do a brave letter, right? To be like, I want to

46:26

write this to you because I want to have it as

46:28

clear as it can be. Maybe you read

46:30

the letter to them or you do it on Zoom. There's

46:32

so many ways. But I think if you just say, I

46:35

haven't wanted to disappoint you and I don't want

46:37

to be disconnected from you, but my political beliefs

46:39

are different from yours and I'm

46:42

living into them and we can talk about

46:44

it. I think that's one of the biggest things

46:46

right now is the way that so much oppression

46:48

and so much harm happens in our country is

46:50

that people are just quiet. They're just

46:52

like, well, we can't have the hard conversations.

46:55

Instead of saying, we can talk about it.

46:57

One of my favorite things to do is

46:59

to say, here's a text or

47:01

here's an article or podcast that really changed my

47:04

point of view on this. Listen to it.

47:06

See what you take from it. We can talk

47:08

about it. We can also not talk about it.

47:10

Right. If you want to try to change my

47:12

mind, that's probably not going to happen. But

47:15

I wanted you to know because I love you and I want you

47:17

to know me. I love that. Perfect.

47:19

It's not feeling like I hate y'all. I did that.

47:22

I was like, dad, you're in the military. I

47:25

came back with a lot of rage. I've learned.

47:28

It's really like, I just want you to know me. I know

47:31

you. I love you. I want to be connected,

47:33

but I don't believe in,

47:35

especially right now to be a Republican in

47:37

this moment is really to be on the

47:39

Willy Wonka elevator. You're

47:42

not grounding in an actual politic or

47:44

perspective. You have to really

47:47

be like, look, I love y'all. But something

47:49

is really out of alignment with the future

47:51

of humanity. And I'm trying to walk a different path.

47:55

They might need you right now because in

47:57

your writing, you always talk about consensus and

47:59

building rapport. And to use or act

48:01

democratically in our everyday life.

48:07

And to say like, no wonder

48:09

the merry-go-round breaks down in

48:11

politics because we do not practice democracy

48:14

in our everyday. So you

48:16

see a quick sidetrack, the

48:18

speaker ship, the question mark on that,

48:20

paralyzed the entire governmental

48:22

apparatus. Very dysfunctional. Very

48:25

dysfunctional. So the use

48:27

of tyrannical power, bullying,

48:29

pressure, and things like that,

48:31

which is not what democracy is about. It

48:34

has hobbled the system. Yeah.

48:36

If people could be like, as you

48:38

are always talking about, mushrooms and or

48:40

dandelions, then you'd be better

48:42

off. Look at you doing the

48:45

homework, Jordan. I'm impressed. Stop.

48:48

He feels like familial love. He

48:51

puts his glasses back on. Percuzo, I

48:54

did it. I just feel so well

48:56

read. Like this is such a good, lovely

48:58

experience. I mean, I do think that I

49:01

identify mostly as a post nationalist. And part of

49:03

the reason I identify as a post nationalist is

49:05

because I think that we create these

49:08

nation state systems that

49:10

become obsolete, become so bureaucratic that they are

49:12

no longer in touch with the decisions we

49:14

actually need to be able to make in

49:16

real time. And then it keeps us

49:19

from practicing democracy. Cause we're like, well, that's someone,

49:21

someone's doing it over there. And

49:23

once every four years, I can just show up and be like,

49:25

now you do it for the next, now you do it, now

49:27

you do it. Instead of being like, I

49:29

should know what's happening in my local

49:31

community. I should be a part of

49:33

helping decide what kind of justice we

49:35

practice. I should help think about how

49:37

we distribute our resources, all those things,

49:40

right? In my ideal future, communities

49:42

are smaller, widely interconnected, but

49:44

much smaller and are in

49:46

relationship to all these decisions, right? In

49:48

the meantime, we're in this circumstance where

49:50

everything has really skewed so far, right?

49:52

I think in the US, we can't

49:55

even tell how far right we have

49:57

drifted and the ways that you can

49:59

tell are actually. in these global moments when

50:01

something is unfolding on the global stage. And

50:03

most of the globe is like, hey, don't

50:06

do that. And then we

50:09

are the ones who are like, we're going to do it. You

50:11

know, we're going to do the most violent thing or we're going to

50:13

do the hardest thing or we're going to do the most, you know,

50:15

off the rocker thing. That's when you can tell

50:17

that your country is out of alignment with like a

50:19

global future. And we're out of alignment right

50:21

now when it comes to climate. We're out

50:23

of alignment when it comes to war, militarization,

50:25

spending. We're out of alignment on

50:27

so many things. So I want

50:29

to affirm this person who has written

50:31

in that you are putting yourself in

50:34

alignment with the right side of history

50:36

by stepping away from that delusion land.

50:38

But you don't have to get their

50:40

approval for it, right? You just want to say, I

50:42

love you and I want to be connected. I

50:45

am connected and love so many people who

50:47

have different politics than me because in

50:49

my vision of the future, they are

50:51

alive and well and they are taken

50:53

care of. Like my politics

50:56

includes them. Amen, sis. To

50:58

me, that's the way. Wow.

51:01

Only my cousin could break down Overton's

51:03

window like that. Only

51:07

my cousin. Okay, so we ask

51:09

all our guests. Yes. What

51:11

is the most adult thing you want to do

51:14

for yourself that you haven't had a chance to

51:16

do? And it could be any big old, small

51:18

old thing this year. What

51:20

haven't you done for yourself that you really want to do

51:22

for yourself? I might get

51:25

emotional talking about this, but I

51:27

am in this really beautiful big moment

51:29

right now of changing my

51:31

relationship to disordered eating. I

51:33

was raised in that 80s culture of

51:36

diet aerobics, diet aerobics. Like you have

51:38

to be skinny and you have to

51:40

eat cottage cheese and you have to

51:42

always be on a diet. And

51:45

so I developed disordered eating like I

51:47

think many, many people have and I've

51:49

developed this incredible life. So like everything

51:52

else in my life, my

51:54

lovers, my work, my family,

51:56

my friends, everything else in my life

51:58

is high functioning. I'm a Virgo. go my

52:00

life is incredible. But there's this

52:03

one area of shadow, which has been the

52:05

relationship that I have to food often

52:07

makes me feel out of

52:09

control, unsafe, self harming,

52:11

confused. Like I literally would have

52:13

moments where I'm like, is this bad? Or is

52:16

this good? I can't even tell

52:18

like if this is a good or bad thing.

52:20

And so this year, I've been working with

52:22

a therapist on just turning and

52:24

looking at my relationship, tracing

52:26

back the roots of it, and then beginning

52:28

to develop the mindfulness to tell, Oh my

52:31

gosh, that's enough. Oh my

52:33

god, I'm satisfied. Oh my god, that feels

52:36

good all the way through my body.

52:38

Like that feels good before during and

52:40

after. And yeah, I feel like

52:42

it's transforming everything in my life again. Wow.

52:45

Okay. Because I'm like, Oh, my

52:48

body is an important part of

52:50

my life. You know,

52:52

even though I talk about pleasure, activism, I've done the

52:54

somatic work, there's a way that I couldn't

52:56

feel inside my gut. Yeah. I wouldn't

52:58

trust what was happening in there. And

53:01

it's been so loud. It's been like

53:03

girl, we don't like that blue tango.

53:09

But I've been like, No, yes, you do. I'm gonna keep

53:11

stepping it in there and dealing

53:13

with inflammation. So yeah, it's really beautiful. That's

53:15

my adulting that I want to do this

53:17

year. Listen to

53:20

my gut. Oh, that's, I mean, applause,

53:22

a round of applause, a round of

53:24

applause. Thank you so much for doing

53:26

this being here and being you. I

53:29

love y'all right back out to you. I've been listening

53:31

to y'all. And it's just like such a lovely

53:33

vibe to dip into the zone with y'all

53:35

and laugh, you know, no matter what's happening

53:37

on a given day. I know that if

53:39

I put y'all on, I will laugh. And

53:42

like, that's so precious right now. Oh, my

53:45

goodness. I'm taking those

53:47

flowers. I'm watering those. Thank you

53:50

so much. Love the ends. That's great.

53:52

I learned from Oprah how to put flowers into

53:54

a vase. She did a show once on it

53:56

and like, Oh, yeah, you got to do it

53:58

on the edge. Cut it on the edge. on

54:00

the bias. I want to

54:02

be the Oprah of like revolutionary movements. So I

54:04

got to figure out more flowers. Done. Okay. You

54:06

get a flower. You get a flower. I love

54:09

it. You get a flower. You

54:11

get a flower. You get some justice. You

54:13

get some peace. Thank you for the talk.

54:15

Yeah. Yeah.

54:18

This was great. You hang up first. This

54:20

is fascinating. So you knew her. Oh, I

54:22

mean, I

54:35

didn't really. It was just like you knew of her.

54:37

I basically was like, I'm gonna do a

54:39

deep dive. Like I saw her name and I was like,

54:42

I don't know this person. So I was

54:44

just like, let me just go do a deep dive

54:46

on it. And I was like, this is great. I

54:48

read part of her first book,

54:50

Emergent Strategy, and was like,

54:52

uh-huh. And then I, I'm a very

54:55

like, I'm definitely like more of a

54:57

visual person. So I watched a couple

54:59

of YouTube's and interviews,

55:01

and I was really into

55:04

what she had to say about

55:06

like the metaphor of mushrooms, how

55:08

mushrooms detoxify not only the body,

55:10

but the ground and how dandelions

55:13

are not just a weed, because

55:15

we categorize them as such, but they are

55:18

survivors and that they carry the entire survival

55:22

of the species in a single seed

55:24

because a single seed of dandelion, as

55:26

she said, can by itself

55:29

populate an entire field of dandelions.

55:32

So I was like, that is

55:34

fucking amazing and a wonderful metaphor

55:36

for what she's talking about post-nationalism

55:39

or survival of not

55:41

only the thickest, but also just, you

55:43

know, of the people. See what I'm saying?

55:45

I'm on one. I'm in a pocket right

55:47

now. Come on. You are. You're in several

55:49

pockets. Kendrick

55:52

Sampson, who we should definitely have on the

55:54

podcast, who is on Insecure,

55:57

also from Texas, introduced me

55:59

via Insecure. Instagram to Adrian. There

56:01

you go. I love it. It's nice to

56:03

meet people that you like that you because

56:05

you really feel like I know everybody who

56:07

I'm gonna know. Like

56:13

you should know so I'm like, I don't need

56:15

to. Yeah, but it's so nice to be like

56:17

you should meet this person and then I fell

56:19

in love like what a beauty what

56:22

what a raw necessary

56:24

energy and spirit. Right.

56:26

Truly. And I also love like

56:28

these new ass comedians like there was a

56:31

point where I'm like, I don't need to

56:33

watch any more comedy. I know

56:35

who I'm gonna know. Let me go back and watch

56:37

some George Carlin shit. You know what I mean? Like,

56:40

let me see some prior shit. I'm like, I know

56:42

who I'm gonna know. But the world is

56:44

changing. It's evolving. So should we.

56:46

It's interesting to hear the thoughts

56:48

and the life of a 22

56:51

year old that has an

56:53

interesting perspective. Yeah. It can't all be

56:55

TikTok. It can't all be TikTok.

56:58

I thought when we were growing up or excuse

57:00

me coming into our own in stand up and

57:02

cutting our teeth, things were a little bit different.

57:05

Nowadays, I do like that

57:08

people can more or less start

57:11

on the comedy trajectory a lot

57:13

earlier than we did. I felt like

57:15

when we did it, finding

57:17

your voice, da da da da. It wasn't people

57:20

weren't as clear as to what they

57:22

should be doing on stage. Yeah,

57:24

we were all playing at a character

57:26

of stand up exactly for

57:28

a good ass while and now

57:30

we do have way more language

57:32

for our feelings. Yep. You know what

57:34

I mean? Like I could debunk a problem with

57:36

my son in a minute 30 on an

57:39

Instagram word TikTok video because the therapist is

57:41

like, boom, I don't need to like go

57:43

make an appointment. Go see someone. Bum bum

57:45

bum. Yeah, like they just boop. This is

57:47

what you could do for your kid that

57:49

doesn't want to eat broccoli or whatever. It

57:51

is lovely that it is really at our finger chips

57:53

like that, but I think it's also really cool. important

58:00

to just unplug and

58:02

put your feet in some grass and

58:05

listen to whatever your body is doing.

58:07

Call a friend that knows you and like remembers

58:10

your parents. Yeah. And it's just great to have people

58:12

like Adrienne out there, you know what I mean? That

58:14

are doing the kind of work that she's

58:16

doing, facilitating, making sure that we understand that

58:19

we actually are more connected than we realize.

58:22

I love that part. And I love that

58:24

you, this episode felt like a first date

58:26

between you and Adrienne. And first

58:28

dates are just to decide

58:30

if you want to go on second ones. And I think, I think

58:33

if we're going to do the Rose Ceremony right now,

58:35

there's going to be a second date. And I love

58:37

that, you know, y'all should connect. Thank

58:39

you. You know what? I had a moment where

58:41

I was like, did Jordan write this orgy question?

58:44

Oh, no, Jordan did not write an orgy question. When I

58:46

think of orgies, I think of like food orgies. I

58:49

don't often think of sexual orgies, but

58:51

like, what the fuck is a food

58:53

orgy? A food orgy is just like

58:55

a huge display of food. One so

58:57

big that it's almost like embarrassing to

58:59

touch it. Do people know this? Yeah,

59:01

they do. Um, I

59:03

think I hope I'm just saying it

59:05

with confidence. Anyway, is this what

59:08

you and your wife call Thanksgiving?

59:11

Okay. Oh my God. Yes. An orgiastic

59:13

amount of food. Would you say the meatball

59:15

party is a food orgy? Yeah, it is.

59:18

I think that your spread yesterday was a food orgy.

59:21

I'm hosting orgies and didn't even know it. You didn't even

59:23

know it. This is who I am, you guys. You don't

59:25

even know it. Sorry, not sorry. I'm

59:28

hosting food orgies. You guys know that's not

59:31

real. That's not a real thing. Hold on.

59:33

I'm going to look it up, right? Motherfucking now. And

59:35

these are going to be like after each

59:37

podcast session, we need to like

59:39

really delete all our like our search

59:42

engine period because it is

59:44

wild. Okay,

59:47

wait. Oh, don't hit images.

59:49

Don't hit. Exactly. No,

59:52

wait. Stop, please. Okay. Who

59:54

are you talking to? You

59:56

know, well, the first, okay, the first page

59:58

is just food orgy. orgy porn videos

1:00:01

and sex food and stuff.

1:00:03

And it does not really bode

1:00:05

well for my theory. Anyway,

1:00:08

yeah, okay, fine, fuck it.

1:00:10

Yeah, so who told you there was a

1:00:12

food orgy then? Because now I really need to

1:00:14

trace it back to thrits. I

1:00:17

just have heard that an orgiastic amount

1:00:19

of food, but like it doesn't, you

1:00:21

know, maybe it's just people clanging and

1:00:23

banging on top of, you know, charcuterie

1:00:26

boards or something like that. I don't know. There

1:00:29

is a saying in Dutch called Noken in

1:00:31

the Koken. Ha

1:00:33

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

1:00:35

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

1:00:37

ha ha ha ha ha You

1:00:40

need to warn a brethe before you

1:00:42

say some stuff like that. Noken

1:00:45

in the Koken. You better not.

1:00:48

You don't even have to translate it. You ain't even

1:00:50

got to translate it. We're not going to have to

1:00:52

translate for the best of listeners. Wait,

1:00:54

was Hoos and Hoos, was they Noken

1:00:57

in the Koken? Hoos and Chais. If

1:01:00

you have not seen my special Welcome to Butopia,

1:01:02

get into it. When I first met my

1:01:04

husband Chais, he had a cat named Hoos

1:01:06

and his best friend, Chais' best friend is

1:01:08

named Chais. And I was like, stop

1:01:11

fucking with me. But

1:01:13

there is a very popular saying called Noken

1:01:16

in the Koken. I don't know what that

1:01:18

means. Which means fucking in the kitchen. Ha ha ha

1:01:21

ha ha ha ha ha. Yes, es

1:01:24

sprech imbeche netolons. Oh

1:01:27

shit. Yeah. Oh wait, maybe

1:01:29

I found it. Nope, this is all porn.

1:01:32

Are you still talking about food orgies? I'm trying to

1:01:34

be right. You know I'll go to any link. No,

1:01:36

you're wrong. I'll go to any link. It's weird. No,

1:01:38

I know it's weird because. Who am I if I'm

1:01:41

not right? That's OK. It's OK. Maybe

1:01:43

you went to a sex party and they had a big buffet and

1:01:45

you're like, this is what it is. Shrimp cocktail

1:01:48

for everyone. And

1:01:50

that's OK, bud. This has been a fascinating

1:01:52

episode for a lot of different reasons. And

1:01:55

I wish it would have ended it a long

1:01:57

time ago. But now I know that food orgies.

1:02:00

orgies aren't real and that

1:02:02

you might be going to orgies. I'm

1:02:04

not. With a lot of food. Not

1:02:06

happening, but I, until next time, stay

1:02:09

nookin' in the cookin'. I love

1:02:11

it. All day. Yeah, just got my kitchen renovated

1:02:13

so I could be. Oh my

1:02:15

God. Nookin'. Don't do that, don't do that.

1:02:18

Okay. In the cookin'. Well, I gotta

1:02:20

call my therapist now and I will.

1:02:23

That backslash ain't there for nothin'. Right

1:02:25

on that wood. All right everyone,

1:02:28

take care of yourselves and each other and

1:02:30

don't forget to not only wash your hands,

1:02:32

but clean under your fingernails, you dirty, nasty

1:02:34

bitch. Bye bye. Bye. Bye.

1:02:40

I had an exactly right production. Our

1:02:42

senior producer is Jiho Lee. Our associate

1:02:44

producer is Christina Chamberlain. This episode was

1:02:46

mixed by John Bradley. Our guest booker

1:02:48

is Patrick Connors. Additional production support

1:02:51

from Hannah Kyle Crichton. Theme song

1:02:53

and live show DJing is by

1:02:55

DJ Don Will. Our live show

1:02:57

producer is Marian Ways. Artwork by

1:02:59

Jamie Bechthal. Photography by Grace Van

1:03:01

Der Most. Executive produced

1:03:03

by Karen Kilgara, Georgia Hartzer, and

1:03:05

Danielle Crook. Follow the show on

1:03:08

Instagram at Adulting The Pod. Email

1:03:10

your questions to adultingquestions@gmail.com. Mm-hmm.

1:03:20

Listen, follow, leave us a review on the

1:03:22

Wondery app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get

1:03:24

your podcasts. Wondery Plus subscribers can

1:03:27

listen to Adulting with Michelle Buteau and

1:03:29

Jordan Carlos early and ad-free. Join Wondery

1:03:31

Plus in the Wondery app today. Prime

1:03:33

members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.

1:03:36

You can support Adulting with Michelle Buteau

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and Jordan Carlos by filling out a

1:03:40

survey at wondery.com/survey. If

1:03:43

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