0:07

Welcome to Aging with Purpose and

0:09

Passion , the podcast designed

0:11

to inspire your greatness and thrive

0:14

through life . Get ready to

0:16

conquer your fears . Here's

0:18

your host . Psychotherapist

0:20

coach and empowerment expert

0:22

Beverly Glaser . Therapist , coach and empowerment

0:25

expert Beverly .

0:26

Glazer , what

0:29

happens when you finally put

0:31

yourself first and say

0:33

yes to yourself and follow

0:36

your dreams ? Welcome

0:43

to Aging with Purpose and Passion . I'm Beverly Glazer , and I help women achieve success that

0:45

they know that they deserve , in their lives as well as

0:48

their careers , and you can find

0:50

me on reinventimpossiblecom

0:52

. Josette

0:55

Diaz is a self-awareness

0:57

coach who transformed her life

0:59

once she stopped living for others

1:02

. She

1:08

stopped living for others . She navigated a childhood of codependency and

1:10

abuse to finally break free of her toxic patterns . Today

1:12

, seasons of the Soul

1:14

is her signature system that

1:16

empowers women to embrace their

1:18

authority and reclaim

1:20

their powers , no matter how

1:23

old they are or how difficult

1:25

life has been in the past

1:27

. So let's dive right

1:30

in , josette welcome

1:32

. Thank you so much , beverly . Good

1:36

to see you today . Oh

1:39

, you could say so much to so many

1:41

women . Josette , you

1:44

grew up in a dysfunctional family

1:46

and I mean we

1:48

all have dysfunctional families , right

1:50

? But your

1:53

particular family was

1:56

so alienating from

1:59

you you actually believed

2:01

that you had wrecked your mother's

2:03

life . Why did you think that

2:05

way ?

2:07

Ever since I can remember , my

2:10

mother used to always cry

2:12

about her current

2:15

circumstance , where she was

2:17

living , and whenever I would

2:19

ask questions about , you

2:22

know , normal questions that children always

2:24

ask their parents when did you and daddy

2:27

get married and were you happy when

2:29

you had me my mother always

2:31

recapped the same story

2:33

that she got pregnant with

2:35

me . She was 18

2:38

and she

2:40

got married when she was five months

2:43

pregnant with me , and so

2:45

she , you know , got

2:47

married only because she was having me , was the

2:49

story I always got , and

2:52

it wasn't until I was 23

2:54

that I found out that my parents were

2:56

always planning on getting married . Just

2:58

getting pregnant sped up the process

3:01

. Yet I grew up living

3:03

with the storyline

3:05

and the impression that everything

3:08

that made my mother cry had

3:10

to do with the fact that she got

3:12

married because of me .

3:15

Oh my . So

3:17

how did that belief

3:19

affect the decisions in

3:21

your life ?

3:30

Affect the decisions in your life . It really it

3:32

navigated really rocky relationships , always

3:38

seeking a certain amount of worthiness , because I didn't know how to even

3:40

define worthiness growing up and I was never given any kind

3:42

of guidance or cues . And

3:44

so , luckily for me , I

3:46

did have this , you know , internal

3:49

knowing

3:51

that there was more , there was something

3:53

else , and I had no idea

3:55

what it was . I had to seek it

3:58

out and find it myself . Yet

4:00

growing up that way with

4:03

a parent , really

4:05

led me to have relationships

4:07

that didn't serve me . So I

4:09

learned the hard way

4:11

in a lot of different

4:13

situations .

4:15

Sure , so you were always trying

4:17

to please your mom .

4:19

Yes , always making sure that , like

4:21

her world was secure

4:24

, that she felt , you know , safe

4:26

, that anything

4:29

that I could do to bring

4:31

her comfort I felt was my job

4:33

. I felt it was my job to provide

4:36

her with the things that she was lacking .

4:40

And how did that impact your relationships

4:42

with other people ?

4:44

It made me a huge people pleaser . I'm

4:48

, you know , a recovering

4:50

over giver , a

4:53

recovering people pleaser not

4:56

being able to say no , twisting

4:58

myself up in so many different ways

5:01

emotionally , trying to figure

5:03

out how to get something done to help

5:05

someone in order

5:07

to find that

5:09

worth that I was seeking , because

5:12

I was not given that

5:14

type of reflection

5:17

growing up .

5:19

Yeah , but then your mom divorced

5:21

. Did that change the dynamics

5:24

in any way for you ?

5:28

She , yes , she married someone

5:31

that impacted

5:33

, I think , my life

5:35

tremendously , and

5:39

it wasn't a

5:41

positive , wasn't

5:50

a positive , and so , and that just brought on even more reassurance

5:52

that I was always needing to prove that I was worth something more .

5:55

So it didn't help ? No , it didn't

5:57

help .

5:58

I would love to say that it was the opposite

6:00

. Yet it wasn't . And

6:03

you know it took me years

6:05

to go through figuring

6:08

out that I didn't have to be

6:10

victimized , that

6:13

you know , sometimes if you've

6:15

been given circumstances that

6:17

are hard to overcome . So I

6:19

was sexually abused by her second

6:22

husband for years , from the

6:24

time I was 13 until I was 18

6:26

. Finally , when she divorced him

6:28

, that dissipated . Yet

6:30

you know , in that whole process

6:33

I could

6:35

see myself as a

6:37

victim , you know , perpetually

6:39

, and that that would be my life and I could

6:41

stay in that . I chose

6:44

not to . I chose that

6:46

I wanted something else . I

6:49

wanted to find who I was , and

6:51

so I worked really hard and

6:53

diligently , very focused on

6:56

not being a victim .

7:00

And how did you do that ? I

7:02

mean , you went from one relationship

7:05

to another one . You were a giver

7:07

, and how did you

7:09

just change

7:11

?

7:13

I think that one of the things

7:15

as hard as it was . Growing up , I

7:17

went to 14 different schools , and

7:21

that was really hard as a

7:23

kid , so I never felt like I fit in

7:25

. You know , you're walking in the door already

7:27

not feeling like a worthy

7:29

person , and so other people

7:31

children see that , and

7:34

it's kind of the survival of the fittest right

7:36

, and so it was challenging

7:39

everywhere I went , and

7:42

what that taught me , though , was

7:44

how to be tenacious , how

7:47

to recognize

7:49

my good rather than

7:51

not seeing my good , and

7:54

being able

7:57

to have build on my own self-belief

7:59

was just something

8:02

that I focused on

8:04

growing up , to a certain extent

8:06

, the best I could with what I had . I'm

8:08

not saying it was like some big high awareness

8:11

thing , it was just little moments

8:13

of like well , I know I'm better than

8:15

that , I know that I'm good at this

8:17

. Well , I know I'm better than

8:19

that , I know that I'm good at this . You know , it's those little

8:21

things that , just you know , I knew , instinctually , that little voice within

8:23

me rose and spoke up

8:26

, and I listened , I paid attention

8:28

, so I

8:30

had little moments that led

8:32

me into my adulthood that

8:34

I pursued

8:37

and was always very interested in

8:39

psychology , how

8:41

the mind works , how emotions are

8:44

and how they interact

8:46

in your world , and

8:48

so I was going to therapy

8:51

when I was 18 . That

8:53

helped . I also found the

8:55

study of metaphysics to be tremendously

8:58

impactful in my life , and

9:01

that is the one path that I would

9:03

say led me to so many

9:05

things that opened the next door

9:07

, the next door and the next door

9:09

when

9:23

I was 21 . I was married at the time . I got married young and and through

9:26

that marriage I learned a lot about myself and really built

9:29

upon a level of

9:31

confidence . And then I had this period of

9:33

time outside of that marriage that

9:35

my confidence just soared

9:37

, and I found that through my career .

9:39

Okay . So

9:41

you had different relationships

9:44

. You married

9:47

, you had children

9:50

, you lived your life

9:52

.

9:59

Were there patterns from your past that kept on creeping in ? Oh

10:01

, absolutely Self-doubt . It

10:04

was a . I

10:08

had to really find the

10:10

skill sets that I

10:13

felt I thrived in , and

10:15

my career really helped me with that

10:17

. I really found that

10:19

like , hey , I'm not really mediocre

10:22

intelligence , I'm actually quite smart

10:24

, and so that

10:27

was , that was very eye

10:29

opening in my career and

10:31

and I advanced and

10:34

I , you know , kept getting

10:36

promoted . I ended up running a department

10:38

. I worked in an academic medical facility

10:41

. I , you know , had a

10:43

very big job . I absolutely

10:46

loved it . This is where I really

10:48

gained my momentum and my

10:51

worth rose and I really saw

10:53

myself as this empowered

10:56

, powerful , intelligent woman

10:58

who had confidence

11:00

, who no longer had to live

11:02

in the darkness of feeling not

11:04

worthy and recognizing

11:07

that as an adult , you can

11:09

see your parents a little

11:11

clearer . You know , my mother

11:13

didn't do anything to

11:16

try to hurt me . She just did

11:18

the best she could with what she knew at

11:20

the time and she was

11:22

really young . And so

11:24

to give yourself that amount

11:27

of grace to , to

11:30

find the forgiveness in your

11:32

heart and really

11:35

give it to yourself for one

11:38

, believing that you

11:40

could even be created on this earth and

11:42

not be worth much Was

11:46

a big lesson .

11:50

The turning point shows that when you

11:52

realize that you

11:55

had to prioritize yourself . You

11:58

couldn't continue just living for

12:00

your mom and living for everybody

12:02

else . What was the turning point

12:04

? When you realized I matter .

12:07

That's a big one , because

12:10

, although I built this career and

12:12

I had found , I felt

12:14

, I found my voice , I found myself

12:16

I found myself

12:18

in

12:21

another marriage that was

12:24

not healthy for me , where

12:28

I was in a situation where

12:30

it was my mother

12:32

all over again in a way , and

12:35

so when that occurred

12:37

, I realized what I didn't know

12:40

, and so

12:42

when I kept

12:44

wanting to have

12:47

the stability of family life

12:49

, it was something that I've always wanted

12:51

. You know , I didn't

12:53

have it growing up and

12:55

I wanted that for my children , and so it was

12:57

very important to me , and so I stayed

12:59

in that marriage as long as I could until

13:02

life said no more . It

13:05

wasn't my choice , it just life

13:07

just shifted and there were

13:09

changes that occurred that

13:11

I then was propelled

13:14

into a different life situation , and

13:17

when that happened it was so

13:20

discombobulating . I was very like

13:22

, you know , having to pull

13:24

back into myself the

13:27

things that I love about me

13:29

and really

13:31

start to recognize that I've

13:33

put myself in harm's way

13:36

by not

13:38

paying attention or

13:40

making decisions . When you are

13:42

in moments of emotional

13:45

overload and they lean

13:47

into desperation , you

13:49

know those moments are never the best

13:52

moments to make decisions about things , and

13:54

so if I were to

13:57

step back and be more discerning

13:59

about my life and

14:01

to really start paying

14:03

attention to the

14:06

patterns and the habits of the

14:10

way that I was brought up and

14:13

how it affected the decisions

14:15

I made affected

14:22

the decisions I made and that I kept myself in certain patterns and habits based on

14:24

feelings that might've been more dormant , yet , when they rose

14:27

, put me right back into those habits

14:29

. So if

14:31

that feeling intensified , I

14:33

was right back in the pattern , which

14:36

then , you know , put me in places where

14:38

I made decisions that weren't good for me and

14:41

engaged with people that weren't good for

14:43

me , and so unraveling

14:46

all of that was

14:49

, um , I believe , the

14:51

perfect season , because I hit midlife

14:53

, and I really

14:55

honestly believe that

14:57

in midlife is our

14:59

arrival point , where

15:02

our wisdom just bubbles up to the point

15:04

that , you know , we embrace it

15:06

and as women , we

15:08

start to see things a lot clearer , and

15:11

that those were the things that

15:13

led me to beginning

15:16

to really find the

15:20

process of empowerment , how

15:22

to go about it , and

15:24

to start

15:26

really mastering myself

15:29

emotionally .

15:33

And what was the biggest personal shift

15:35

you made when you finally said

15:37

yes to yourself ?

15:44

I'm a person . It

15:47

was stepping into , um , into being a self-awareness coach because

15:49

, uh , all of the things that I've been

15:51

through , I've done a lot of study

15:54

along the way . So , although

15:56

I may have , like , made my mistakes

15:59

and I may have lived in circumstances

16:01

that didn't really serve

16:03

me , that only harmed me , that

16:05

kept me in this internal prison , there

16:08

was a level of comfort with that , as

16:11

much as it was terrible . And

16:13

so , um , out

16:17

of all of those experiences

16:19

, um , I've

16:22

been able to

16:24

find the shortcuts to help other

16:26

women with that , and

16:29

I don't feel that I'm the only

16:31

one who has felt internally

16:34

imprisoned by themselves , and

16:37

I know that many

16:39

women experience a lot

16:41

of the same things that I've experienced

16:44

. Maybe their story's different

16:46

, maybe it's not as intense

16:48

, yet there's every

16:51

. Everything is relative , and

16:53

so even the smaller

16:56

or maybe less I

16:58

don't know dramatic things that

17:01

can happen in life can have the

17:03

same effect on a person , and

17:06

so the you know , this is where

17:08

I said yes

17:10

to this dream that I always had to help

17:13

women , because I felt so emotionally

17:17

dwarfed and that

17:19

I couldn't express myself , that

17:22

I couldn't really be who I wanted

17:24

to be and who I knew inside , that

17:26

I truly was , and I

17:28

always had that desire , since I was

17:31

a child , being raised by a

17:33

mother who really demanded her

17:35

needs were met . First , that

17:37

I dreamt of that to

17:39

be influential , to be a

17:42

force to

17:44

lead others

17:46

, and women particularly , and

17:48

maybe that's the generation I was raised

17:50

in . You know , I'm an early

17:53

Gen Xer , so

17:57

that's , you know , that's possible . That's why that , you

17:59

know , occurs that way . Yet

18:01

, when you know , my life

18:03

changed . I was 47

18:06

years old and I

18:08

went . Now is the time

18:11

I knew , even when I was

18:13

going through all the pain and the trauma and all

18:15

the things that were happening around me , I

18:17

knew deep down inside of me that this

18:19

was my moment , because

18:23

I believe that what's meant for you is going

18:25

to find you and it's not going to

18:27

let you go .

18:31

What's one step that a

18:33

woman can take today , Joseph

18:35

, if they want to break through

18:37

that codependency feeling One

18:40

step , what would you tell her ?

18:47

to tell her ? That's

18:50

a really good question and I think there's like a several

18:52

different answers I could give . The

18:55

one that I think matters the most is

19:01

to look inward to your heart and

19:04

to really deeply start

19:07

loving yourself first and

19:12

to be your own soulmate

19:15

. Don't

19:18

look for it outside of yourself . It's

19:21

all right here within you .

19:26

Yes . What advice

19:28

would you give to a woman who feels trapped

19:30

in her responsibilities that she did

19:33

not choose , much like yourself

19:35

?

19:38

I think that that can be a complicated answer

19:41

because I

19:43

think that it depends on where you are

19:45

in your life . I know that for myself

19:47

. I chose

19:50

to stay in

19:53

my circumstances because I had

19:55

a young child and

19:59

I weighed what was important to me

20:01

and felt I could handle it until

20:03

I couldn't handle it and felt I could handle

20:06

it until I couldn't handle it . And

20:09

so I would never say to someone

20:11

make big changes . I

20:14

would say , go internally

20:16

, start working on you

20:18

. If you're

20:20

in a situation that is I

20:24

mean , we're talking about nothing

20:27

that is harming you in

20:30

a sense of physical

20:32

harm , that kind of

20:34

thing so

20:48

I would really start looking within to understand yourself so that when you are

20:50

ready to release yourself from the situation , then you have some tools underneath you that

20:52

as the difficulties rise which they will

20:54

you will have tools

20:57

in order to manage them , rather

20:59

than finding yourself back in the situation

21:01

over and over and over . It's like

21:03

if you're trying to get out of a hole

21:06

and it's all dirt around you , if

21:08

you don't have something to hold on to or

21:11

to help you kind of give you a step up , you're

21:13

going to keep sliding back down . So

21:16

my advice would be to really start working

21:18

on yourself internally

21:20

. And as you take those steps

21:22

and gain that knowledge about yourself

21:24

and expand in your awareness , you're

21:27

going to have the tool sets the

21:29

tool set to bring yourself out

21:31

of that situation when you're ready for

21:33

it .

21:34

I agree with you 100% . Don't

21:37

make rash decisions . It's

21:39

not black and white . Do the research . Do

21:42

the research and

21:44

so that you have the ground

21:47

rules and the strength and

21:49

the support system to

21:51

move forward . I want to

21:53

thank you , Josette . Josette

22:10

Diaz is a self-awareness coach who transformed her life . After spending a lifetime of living

22:12

for others , she navigated a childhood of codependency and abuse and finally she broke free of

22:14

her toxic past . Today , Seasons of the Soul is her signature system

22:16

. She empowers women to embrace

22:19

their authority and reclaim

22:21

their power , no matter how old they are

22:24

or how difficult their

22:26

life was in the past . Here

22:29

are some takeaways from this episode

22:31

you are not responsible

22:33

for other people's happiness . Self-awareness

22:37

is the key to change

22:39

. Your past does

22:42

not define your future , and

22:45

saying yes to yourself is not selfish

22:47

. It's necessary

22:49

For similar episodes

22:52

on codependency and personal growth

22:54

. Please check out episodes 83

22:57

and 89 on aging

22:59

with purpose and passion . And where

23:01

can people find you , Josette ? And

23:04

?

23:04

where can people find you , josette ? They can

23:06

find me on Instagram . I'm

23:09

really active there . I

23:12

also have a YouTube channel and

23:14

I'm in all the other places LinkedIn

23:16

and Facebook .

23:24

I'm most active in Instagram and YouTube , though Terrific

23:26

, and

23:29

all her links are going to be in the show notes And're on my site

23:31

too , which is reinventimpossiblecom . If you've enjoyed

23:33

aging with purpose and passion , please

23:35

check out reinvention rebels

23:37

podcast . It features

23:39

bold , unapologetic women

23:42

over 50 who've transformed their

23:44

lives in extraordinary ways

23:46

, because it's never too late to

23:48

shine brighter and live a

23:50

life you love . That

23:53

link will also be in the show

23:55

notes , too . And now , my

23:57

friends , what's next for you

23:59

? Are you just going through

24:01

the motions or are you really passionate

24:04

about your life ? Sign

24:06

into my newsletter to get weekly self-coaching

24:09

tips that will empower you through your

24:11

journey . That link where

24:13

do you think it's ? In the show notes

24:15

below . You can connect

24:18

with me , beverly Glaser , on

24:20

all social media platforms

24:22

and in my positive group of women on Facebook

24:25

. That's Women Over 50 Rock . And

24:28

if you think I can help you find

24:30

your purpose and passion in your life

24:32

, please schedule a Zoom , and that

24:34

link is in the show notes too . I

24:37

want to thank you for listening . Have

24:40

you enjoyed this conversation ? Subscribe

24:43

so you won't miss the next one , and

24:45

send this episode to a friend

24:47

. And remember you

24:50

only have one life , so

24:52

keep aging with purpose

24:55

and passion .

25:03

Thank you for joining us . You can

25:05

connect with Bev on her website

25:07

, reinventimpossiblecom

25:09

and , while you're there , join

25:12

our newsletter Subscribe so

25:14

you don't miss an episode . Until

25:16

next time , keep aging with

25:18

purpose and passion and

25:20

celebrate life .