0:02

Welcome back to another exciting episode

0:04

of Alchemy this I'm your host, Kevin polog Yes,

0:07

that Kevin Pollock. Well, let's not get

0:10

off on the wrong pilm. Okay, No, I find

0:12

it best to get off on the left foot. It's

0:14

easier to claim. But I digress. Hey,

0:17

before we introduce our met firsts

0:20

our alchemists, let's

0:22

let's uh, speaking of getting

0:24

off, let's give congratulations

0:27

to our very un Vanessa, right, who

0:32

has given birth to a beautiful

0:34

baby girl whose name, oddly

0:37

is Joey Greer. Yeah,

0:41

well, of course you do. I think it's a great name. Alright,

0:45

Speaking of which, lets we start the show. Stick

0:47

out your tongue because Joey grahams here,

0:50

one bagel and a Greer schmer. Please, what

0:53

would you do right now after

0:55

winning a one million dollar lottery?

0:58

What's the first thing to do? Um? Oh,

1:01

ship under your head? Uh, let's

1:03

blow it all cocked. Let's blow it

1:05

all right. I was by undershirts

1:07

unders how

1:11

many million dollars? Then

1:15

you'd sell them? No life,

1:17

lifetime you can change your shirt every single

1:20

day and have a brand new one. No, I'd wear the one till

1:22

it's done. Because

1:25

you were raised properly, gonna have an amen,

1:27

because the good Reverend Heney has the floor

1:29

Reverend Jim and Tammy fame. How

1:32

would you like to be greeted at the pearly gates

1:35

with an acceptance letter like

1:39

a former letter? Well like

1:42

que the door opening and that's a good

1:44

sign. That's a real good sign. Envelope.

1:50

Hey there's Craig Kakowski

1:51

Ko. What's your earliest memory of your

1:54

Halloween costume? And why were you crying?

1:57

Probably because it was a store bought Luke ska

2:00

Walker, which was like a plastic bib

2:02

with a picture of Luke Skywalker on. That's

2:04

not really a costume. A costume. Walker

2:08

doesn't wear a picture of himself. Yeah,

2:10

you went out as propaganda? Yes, and

2:13

last but may disease camel

2:15

make cocon your cuscush If you think

2:17

of leash, it's mark Hello,

2:20

gagster riches uh

2:23

today appropriately? What would your

2:25

name be if you were a super popular

2:28

porn star? Um?

2:30

Is this one of those ones where I have to use like my street

2:32

name and all that because necessarily because

2:35

if I did that version, as I

2:37

found out in middle school, my porn name would be

2:39

thunder Pounds,

2:43

right, always so great. I don't know. I

2:45

don't know. My dog was named thunder My

2:47

in. The maiden name in my family was Pounds.

2:49

Mine is Rascal willow

2:52

Brook. Let's

2:55

go around. That's soft core to

2:57

me. Yeah, anybody else

2:59

want to be Sarah South Sarah

3:03

Bummer? Please, that's

3:08

very Chicago, it is. Let's see

3:11

Allegriano South

3:13

of the Buddher. Let's

3:17

all right, let's get to our first scene.

3:19

All of today's scene suggestions are gathered

3:21

from our listener emails. If you'd like to submit yours,

3:23

please write to the podcast at your

3:26

name here at alchemy this dot com. That's

3:28

your name here at alchemy this

3:31

dot com. Our first team comes to us

3:33

from Angelique, who wrote,

3:36

I work in a greenhouse eight hours a day

3:38

listening to garbage until your new episode

3:40

is released? What does

3:42

that sound like? Garbage? Here is a

3:44

real challenge. A bunch of backwoods

3:47

moonshiners are trying a new recipe.

3:49

They don't realize how potent it is, and

3:51

all black out. They wake up, only

3:54

to find out they've somehow become

3:58

secret agents that

4:01

could have gone anywhere. Yeah, I was almost

4:03

worried. I'm worried now. I

4:07

pray my cackle is heard across the whole

4:09

forty two acres of greenhouse. That's a big

4:11

green Dear Lord, much

4:13

love, Angelique Savoy. You

4:17

won't shape out the short all

4:21

right. I thought you're gonna witness the whole thing. Oh

4:23

come on, I want to make sport out. Good night's

4:25

clean and clear and that nic that's

4:27

real, nice shipper, good hanky.

4:30

You won't good at this. Oh here, of course I

4:32

want to get some of that fire

4:35

cook taking big old stiff

4:37

one and pass it over to Jingle. Jingle,

4:41

you gotta give something to Jangle. Go on

4:43

now, Jangle wants zip, buddy

4:46

Dangle. Just take a sip. Okay, Jingle

4:49

gonna take a sit up right now? When

4:51

did Jingle start talking to him? Just

4:54

to Jangle? Just sip Jingle minds.

4:57

Jingle's own business, and you should do the same,

4:59

all right, Jingle, I don't want to saying anything about

5:03

Yeah, that's a good plause. Oh that's

5:05

good. Take a poll, Stinky,

5:10

I don't know about this fellas. You

5:12

come on, work

5:14

What works for Jingle ain't necessarily

5:17

gonna work for old Stinky. Come on now, ain't

5:19

trying to peer pressure. No, I mean it feels

5:21

like a peer pressure and me it's one of them situations

5:23

like I've seen in the movie where like the one kid

5:26

doesn't want the marijuana, but all the other kids

5:28

at the party having hold on the same. Look

5:35

fellas, I ain't I don't want to discuss

5:37

semantics, but what we are doing in this day

5:39

and age is significantly more illegal. Then come

5:42

on, come all right, and

5:45

and ceramics get nothing to do that. Here's

5:47

the truth of the matter. We

5:49

gather every day like this, and

5:51

we passed the jug. We come around to you,

5:54

and you've got some kind of excuses to

5:56

not take a poll. Well, jingles

5:59

one room while you don't take your You want

6:01

to know I don't take a pull. It's what

6:03

happens when I drink moonshine, blackout.

6:07

Terrible, terrible things happen. All

6:11

right, fine, I'll drink it right

6:13

now and something good, maybe it'll happen.

6:16

Are something bad's gonna happen. By

6:18

the way, it's gonna make a couple more spins

6:21

around the circle here, So I don't know how

6:23

strong is it. We might all black out after one.

6:25

I am the way it's gonna

6:27

happen. Just take a sip, stinking right.

6:31

No, that's a good one. Easy.

6:35

Does what you do?

6:40

Girl? Shrinking the rift of the joke?

6:43

Well, that's why you black out, stinking this is what happened.

6:46

That's good news. I got another judge.

6:53

I don't feel so good. You

6:58

know you're taking one of you're drinking gerber

7:02

gerber? How much that jug you drink? I

7:05

can't feel my face Just backwash

7:08

maner

7:13

jug kind.

7:19

He's drinking the whole thing too. Please,

7:26

h one,

7:31

this was holy

7:38

not not all of it went in his mouth? Much

7:42

gonna say very little? How

7:44

did any of that get in your mouth? Swallowed?

7:46

Almost almost?

7:49

That's what the cows? So all

7:51

right, jingle is gonna nurse hiss like

7:53

a fine sip in tequila. Give

7:57

me that. Let me ten

8:03

hours later? God,

8:08

what did we do? Wait?

8:12

What the hell? What the hell am I wearing a suit? Why

8:14

are you where we all

8:16

get these suits? The hill? Wait

8:18

a minute, look out the window. They're

8:21

dripping on the other side of the road. Window.

8:23

I thought we were in the woods. What the hell? Not

8:27

not only are we in a building, but we're in a building

8:29

in another country. Oh, how can

8:31

we tell it's another Because

8:34

you're drowning on the road side of the

8:36

room. Maybe we're on the other side of a building.

8:38

He's got a good boy. We can be on the wrong

8:40

side of the building. Oh man, oh

8:43

god, I can't be in the city. I'm a woods

8:45

guy. I don't do this. You don't

8:47

look like a woods guy in that suit. You look

8:50

like a city man in that suit. Me

8:52

jenem and I'm so sorry. My

8:57

name is Agent two, Agent

8:59

two two like the

9:01

number. That's exactly right, Agent

9:04

two, as in the number between one and

9:06

three. I'm

9:10

confused how you wind up being agent too.

9:12

I can't imagine you being anything

9:14

but confused given your current

9:17

situation. So why don't I begin the explanations?

9:20

Now? Your

9:22

name formerly stinky

9:25

and is now Agent three

9:27

hundred four, three hundred and

9:29

four. They're quite a few of us, and

9:32

you, sir, I believe, went by the handled

9:34

Jingle Jangles Jingle's name, right,

9:37

You're going to have to work on that. Your

9:39

agent three hundred and seven, three

9:43

oh seven three away?

9:45

Does that make me three away? Its three or

9:47

four? And they went to three? Oh so wan

9:49

the number. I'm sorry, you're actually

9:52

what formerly was your name? I'm trying

9:54

to find it in the records. I don't see red

9:57

Rick Red Yeah,

10:00

your agent nine hundred four four

10:03

yes, yes, yes. And lastly,

10:08

Calm Doll, Calm Doll,

10:10

let's see Calm Doll. Ah, that's

10:15

my name is that's

10:18

too Oh sorry, you're still agent in

10:20

training. You haven't been assigned

10:22

in number agents,

10:26

just an agent training. Wait a minute, agents.

10:29

The seven

10:32

is confused. Part of her Majesty's

10:34

secret the

10:39

sectional character of James Bond

10:42

w seven year. Yeah, that's

10:44

none you like

10:47

the Timothy Dalton. Yes, there

10:49

are group meetings. There are seven

10:52

of you actually in the world.

10:55

You meet on Thursdays if you'd like to gather and

10:57

speak to others of Timothy

10:59

don't. Did we time travel

11:01

back to the times of kings and queens if

11:03

there's a Majesty, No,

11:06

there's currently a royal family. It

11:09

traveled. Now, you traveled

11:12

a great distance, that's true, but not tough timescially

11:15

a great distance I assume just across

11:18

the sea, right, you pretty much did

11:20

hop the pond. Yes, that's

11:23

the extent of it. I'm real confused,

11:25

Like, how did I don't remember anything

11:27

where we asleep when we got on the plane.

11:29

Well, here's a story you're more familiar

11:32

with, given your geographic

11:34

locations, where you all came from, where

11:36

you were raised. You have friends

11:39

in the village, in the marketplace. Talk about

11:41

alien the ducttions. Yeah,

11:49

that's that's us secret.

11:55

Well alien in the sense that I'm not American.

11:58

Yeah, alien hate that kind of alien.

12:01

Right. Well, if I may, I'm

12:04

gonna get you. You're sort of a chip off the old

12:06

block. If you know what I'm saying. You

12:09

were the dismissed cousin

12:12

America number two. I got a

12:14

question for you. What is it three or

12:16

them? And and our time is in our

12:19

very brief time, very

12:21

brief. Wait a minute, now, I got two questions

12:23

for you. Question one is how long were we out? Uh?

12:26

Sixty two hours hours?

12:31

That's almost a year. Holy god, oh

12:34

my god. Didn't we do anything real

12:36

dangerous and cool? Yet?

12:39

No, you've pretty much been out and then clothed.

12:43

I mean, this suit could not be more finely

12:45

tailored. It really does look nice. It is

12:47

comfortable from top man. From

12:52

did you see top man top man? That's

12:54

clever. No, you see the Her Majesty's

12:56

secret her

12:59

right, the Queen mom,

13:02

the queen, not the Queen, the Queen mum. So you're

13:04

saying that somebody has the CIA's

13:07

knocks list and we gotta find it.

13:09

Is that, right, listen, trainee, let me

13:11

ask this question. So now we've

13:13

we've given more proof as to why you have been

13:16

assigned numb hold on. I just want to know. Do

13:18

I have to get a team together over

13:21

and steal some stuff from Langley? Is

13:23

that what I gotta do? No? No, no, we're

13:26

still allies with America, all right? Because

13:28

look if I got to get a correct team of one guy who

13:30

knows how did computers, another French

13:33

guy who's good with knives, right, and I gotta

13:35

get everyone together, and then I gotta find

13:37

out why my team died. Do you think

13:40

we got put into the Impossible

13:42

mission force? I don't know, man,

13:44

I'm spit on here all right. Apparently I have a

13:46

trainee, but I don't want to, you know, miss

13:48

anything. I'm here to answer all your questions.

13:51

And the answer to your first one is you will

13:53

be assembling new one. Okay? Oh

13:55

crazy? So I'm making a robot then?

13:58

Not yet? Also,

14:00

we had a fifth friend. Good

14:06

news, he's been sent out on his first mission.

14:10

Now I'm knock on, just knock

14:12

on the door. Okay,

14:17

who is it? What do I say?

14:19

Just tell I'm not opening the door. The

14:22

door. The butterfly sings. The butterfly

14:24

sings only when the wing

14:26

that's the ground, touch the ground, so the sounds.

14:28

So the sound goes all the way up, goes all

14:31

the way up, touch it down, touch it down, and no

14:33

one knows no on the whisper.

14:36

Whisper goes all the way. It

14:40

sounds like there's two people out there. I'm not opening

14:42

the goddamn door. You're supposed to come

14:44

alone all the way. Let me finish.

14:46

Okay, here dies the person start from

14:48

the beginning, and I'm not finished yet. Okay,

14:56

are you finished? That's something? Hey,

15:00

I gotta go. Okay, I gotta go. I gotta go. And

15:02

I opened the door. If there's another person out

15:04

there, I'm gonna kill you. Yeah,

15:08

no one else out here. I'm gonna I

15:10

mean I have I'm opening the door

15:13

in my hand for the money is for you. Be

15:16

nobody else there, No, sir, don't

15:18

spend it anywhere. Okay, well, just

15:21

don't spend it anywere don't spend Who

15:24

are you? That's my shadow? Okay,

15:27

well come in quick before the shadow follows you. Okay,

15:29

Hey, what goes on in here? What goes

15:31

on? And have fun? Who was that

15:34

my shadow? All right, well,

15:36

we do a lot of drugs. When we'll make the drugs over

15:38

in this corner over here, we'll package

15:40

the drugs in this corner. Here, we

15:43

market the drugs in this corner over here,

15:46

in this final corner, we just send it out to these

15:49

These are our salesman. Alright,

15:52

guys, now we'll focus up because

15:54

when we're selling drugs, we're selling

15:56

drugs, right, okay,

15:58

Well the things driving me crazy? Andy, okay,

16:01

Tom, okay, now great, just come

16:03

up here. Tell me how if I was a guy who wanted drugs that

16:05

would you tell them me? Hey, would

16:07

you like to purchase some drugs from me? Alright? Anyone

16:09

know what was wrong about that? He used the

16:11

wood drugs? Okay, good, good

16:14

point, But there's a major issue. He

16:17

engaged in the selling of them. Very

16:20

very good. I don't

16:23

think I know you. Who are what's your name? Keith?

16:26

Keith? Keith? Very

16:28

nice suit. Uh yeah, So because

16:32

this guy wants to sell to the high

16:34

class, that's rat I'm here to represent

16:37

the reach. Wait a minute, why's

16:39

he got that ere piece in? Then maybe

16:41

he's deaf? Are you deaf? No? I got you security

16:43

out? All right? Well,

16:47

sub coda fucking norc are

16:50

you sub called to fucking noc not

16:52

some kind of fucking no? No,

16:58

we called accaid. He's a bro. I

17:00

mean, you know, I'm from Kentucky,

17:04

so sometimes slip out and in

17:06

and out of Kentucky because I'm not completely

17:08

proud necessarily. Now do you see the division

17:10

that's happening within the within the sales

17:12

scene? Do you feel that? Yeah? I

17:14

like being accused. That's cool. Let's stay

17:17

cohesive. Yeah, because we gotta

17:19

hit these quotas. Who quotas

17:21

for this? U cool? Okay? Our quotas

17:24

right now for selling cocaine? Yeah,

17:27

we gotta move about two. We were going to use

17:29

code words, okay, okay, okay,

17:31

so instead of cocaine, we're using white powder? Right?

17:33

Is that good? Or it

17:36

was a little on the nose? Alright? All

17:40

right? All right? I

17:43

love that. See we can have fun. We

17:46

can have fun. Anybody have any

17:48

Okay, who wants Let's put up some code names for cocaine.

17:50

Huh, what do we got? What do we got? I

17:52

liked I've always like yeah, yo, yeah

17:55

yo one buggers

17:59

cool. Yeah, how about

18:02

some but but but number number

18:05

stuff that not? Do we not like that

18:07

but stuff? I mean I

18:09

like it, but I don't know if I would call it

18:12

cocaine. Okay, okay, fair

18:15

but stuff anything else? Um,

18:18

just tapping on the nose. Tapping on the nose,

18:20

right, I find that to be helpful. Yeah,

18:24

I mean, I'm I'm pretty sure Gerbert's

18:26

fine, right, guys. He's

18:30

in the field, so he's all

18:32

right. He has plenty of support

18:35

in the field, okay, because you know, we're

18:38

stuck together for a long time. I mean, we're family,

18:40

and we don't like the idea that one of our famili

18:42

has been Oh no, we'll give you progress reports

18:44

as they came in. But I needed this point

18:46

though. We

18:50

all got knocked in our heads and forgot our training and

18:52

somehow we are just left to the wilderness and we

18:54

gotta piece things together and they get back to CIA

18:57

in Langley. Are the three of you surprised

18:59

at all that still a trainee as

19:03

the ranking three oh four on this family

19:06

here? Uh, I'm I'm pretty

19:08

comfortable with him still being a trainee. Okay,

19:11

good, I mean, honestly, me too. If I'm not ready, I ain't

19:13

ready, but I just want to make sure I got it down. Yeah,

19:15

you definitely got it down, and you're

19:17

not ready. So I just need one quick

19:20

thing. I'll go around quickly answer

19:22

as as the first thing that pops into

19:24

your head. Alright, ready, alright,

19:27

three or four, We'll start with you. If

19:29

I said yellow, you'd say river,

19:33

very good, pink,

19:37

what perfect green

19:41

in uh huh? And

19:44

the trainee. Finally, if I say

19:46

black, you say, all

19:48

right, man,

19:57

I was just fucking with you this

20:00

time. We know that we

20:03

got to give the badges back. No, no,

20:06

no, no, there's no reason to give the badges back.

20:08

Your majesty, Your majesty, Your

20:10

majesty, what farting

20:13

in on me and my private chambers. I'm

20:15

sorry, your majesty. We just have an Asians

20:19

who are in your service some

20:22

what Asans in your lovers?

20:24

Yes? Right, I know I've always had agents in my service.

20:26

What did you do? The problem with these just

20:29

irresponsible? They are not able to be molded into

20:31

the thing that we need for them to do. Or you don't know what I'm saying.

20:34

Look, there's there's several operatives

20:36

in the field at the moment right now that have

20:38

invaded a drug smuggling cartail

20:41

within London. Right,

20:43

We've been invading drug smuggling cartels

20:45

in London for a long time. I don't see what the problem

20:48

is with this forever reason to believe that one of the operators

20:50

have been turned turned into a

20:53

turned into into

20:57

a toad, like into a drug dealer.

20:59

Yes, yeah, they've they've turned into this

21:01

penally. The streets had been flattered with some kind of shine.

21:05

Oh well, well

21:07

we must do something to neutralize. And if we're going

21:09

to do anything, you know, it's send in those new

21:11

agents three or four, three oh seven nineties

21:14

something or other and that trainee. Have them

21:16

go kill that one showing the trainee IM

21:19

and the train let the trainee, you know, we

21:21

just bring the trainee to me. I'm

21:25

afraid we're out of time. Maybe

21:30

we can come back to that one day. Oh please,

21:36

I want to just meet the trainees somewhere down the line

21:38

yet, are

21:43

scene to come from? Jeremy Johnson who

21:46

I was listening to you on a run

21:48

in a not yet springtime

21:51

Minnesota when an idea hit me.

21:53

An aspiring actress, Well that's going to

21:55

be a good one today. Aspiring actress who couldn't

21:57

quite cut. It turned to be a nine on

22:00

one operator. She never quite kicked

22:02

the performing bug, however, and uses her

22:05

calls as her personal spotlight.

22:08

She behaves in a manner of inappropriate

22:11

um to her present job, more

22:13

appropriate to the theater, but wildly

22:16

not terribly helpful to others. Keep up

22:18

a good work and make it look so damn crazy

22:20

and fun. I left to

22:23

myself on my trip through Italy. Well done,

22:25

Jeremy Johnson. Uh

22:28

so glad. As you understand, we've

22:30

had some some complaints. I

22:32

don't understand how a single complaint

22:34

can be coming. I'm let

22:36

me play this tape back for you, okay,

22:40

Oh sure, Oh god, oh

22:42

God, help me please? I wish I could.

22:46

How much danger are you in? I don't

22:48

know. I'm looking to close it right now here. I'm

22:51

scared to know

22:57

if I feel safe. They're probably outside of my dorgree.

23:00

You're pretty Oh my god, he's talking about my doll

23:03

collection. Hopefully talk about talking

23:05

about me, pretty

23:08

pretty doll. He's pretty talking about

23:10

please just said and

23:13

seen. Okay, So

23:17

as you can see, h you're

23:20

not being as helpful as we thought you might be

23:22

when we hired you. You know, in retrospect.

23:24

Listening to that, I totally agree with you, but now

23:27

having to shed the light on it, I go

23:29

over the list again. The first thing you say

23:31

is what is the nature of your call? Okay,

23:34

yeah, let me write that down. Well it's

23:36

no that's been written for you. Where where

23:39

didn't script? We'll

23:43

provide you with a new one chief

23:45

sort to interrupt these. I

23:48

don't know what they are. I think they look like Shakespearean

23:50

quotes are being left laminated

23:52

on my door. Actually,

23:55

if you could just hand that to me, all

23:58

right, Yeah, so there was a laminated

24:00

those sides, Well they were laminated.

24:02

I was making photo copies. See, I'll

24:05

tell you what, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like you to

24:08

shadow another nine one one. If

24:10

it's really I feel like I'm ready for prime

24:13

time. I don't need to again. These

24:15

they're the kind of verbiage that gets

24:18

you in trouble. Watch how it's done

24:20

by another professional and see if you can

24:22

adapt. All right, all right, all right, hi,

24:25

good, good, good to see you, Larry.

24:27

This is glad. You

24:30

know what you're you're doing. You know, just you're

24:32

being here is really is really helping people. It

24:35

makes them makes them feel better. I'm sure. Um, yeah,

24:37

so if you if you want to just yeah, I'm just I'm just gonna

24:39

start taking some calls and you'll see how it's

24:41

done. Okay, okay, you see how his board

24:44

is lit up. That means he has income and go, okay,

24:46

note on one. What's your emergency? Oh god, oh

24:48

god, there's a fire? Okay, sir, I'm gonna need

24:51

you to calm down and tell can

24:53

we can we just one moment? Could

24:55

you could? Could

24:57

you hold one second? I'm sorry, could you hold

24:59

him? I guess, sir? Please,

25:04

the scriptals I have says this starts with what

25:06

is the nature of your call? Okay,

25:09

I don't want to be said, what is your emergency?

25:11

Yeah, but I'm just trying to stick to script. If we're improvising

25:14

here, I'm fine with that. I just need to know. Okay,

25:16

I apologize it, didn't mean to improvise it. I'm

25:19

gonna take them off. Hold okay, okay, okay, thank you glad.

25:22

I'm sorry. Okay, sir? What is

25:24

your address? What is my address? Yes?

25:27

Where are you located? Seventeen forty five

25:29

Wave and seventeen forty five Waveland. Okay,

25:31

I'm like the porn start like the porn start great,

25:34

Seve Waveland, I'm

25:36

writing that down at We're we're dispatching. We're

25:38

dispatching a fire truck out there,

25:42

Sorr. Are

25:44

you in an area where you can be? Were you getting

25:47

ventilation? Are you in danger of the fire? Should you? Uh?

25:50

How ventilated? Does it need to be? Sorry? I'm sorry? Could you

25:52

just put them on a hold first second? Could you? What?

25:54

Could you? You know what? This is actually

25:56

harder than I expected, its avation, this

25:59

call, in particular, I was trained when I

26:01

was younger that in case of fire, you stopped dropping

26:03

rolling. I didn't want to interrupt because I'm shadowing

26:06

you, but maybe you should tell him to stop drop

26:08

and roll, glads. The truth of

26:10

matter is you did, in fact interrupt. I

26:13

need you to silent. I

26:15

am like a fly on the wall. I'm

26:17

gonna I'm gonna take him off hold right now. Thank you. Okay,

26:20

So the roof, the roof, the roof's on

26:22

fire. Uh do you have any

26:24

water? We don't need any water.

26:27

Let let it burn, Let it

26:29

burn. All

26:32

right, we're sending somewhere. Someone is on the way. Puts

26:34

on the way, the fire department, get

26:38

the loud sirens. Okay, okay,

26:41

would you like? What do you mean they're just sending me? Why

26:43

can't with the whole department go? There's

26:45

one guy is gonna go to the fire. You're

26:47

a fireman, yeah, but we just should all go. Look,

26:49

I'm not gonna go to the fire. If it's just me, I'm

26:51

not gonna go. Well we're gonna dress draw zone. Who goes to

26:53

the fight and you just picked me out of nowhere, you

26:56

know what I mean, just because you're a trainee. Come

26:58

on, come on, this is should noble.

27:01

You can get in there and do the fire. Put it

27:03

down fineaven

27:06

right or whatever you want your hand like point

27:08

like the port so it's a huge warehouse District five.

27:12

Whatever I was off, I'll know the fire when

27:14

I see it. There's

27:16

no I'm

27:19

not gonna go to that's on fire. I know wanted

27:21

you know what a building looks like when it's on fire.

27:23

Why would you need us to go? Because this is great. If

27:26

I'm gonna be doing with this, I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna Pie's

27:28

gonna drive, so he'll be drive

27:33

and you're call come on, spots

27:36

going with you? Yeah, dumb

27:38

dog. Dumb dogs. That dog's

27:41

gonna hump everything. You don't say that about

27:43

a Dalmatian. It's in bred. Man,

27:45

that dog is dumb. We

27:47

should not be using dalmatians. Am I the only

27:49

one who thinks that? Yes,

27:52

yes, you are the only one. Thing that you're the only

27:54

one. Come on, man, alright, strap on

27:57

here we go? Do you want me to strap

27:59

onto the white canda? Can't

28:01

I get a seat? I want to put my coffee

28:04

on the seat. That's nuts. Come on,

28:06

man, it's

28:11

nuts. Come on, give me a seat if I gotta

28:13

go, come on that

28:16

man, put your fucking boots on. Man to

28:23

report a problem. Um, there is

28:25

a fireman outside of my apartment

28:28

spraying my windows chopped

28:31

out. I'm just shouting to jump

28:33

out, yes, ma'am that

28:35

I believe he was given nine.

28:40

Yes, the fire is actually there's

28:43

a fire. I'm

28:46

gonna need you to come man.

28:49

I'm gonna put you on hold for a second. Okay,

28:52

gladys you're up? Oh me? Okay,

28:55

okay, how do I look? Fine?

28:57

Okay? Answer the phone? What

29:00

you look fine? To answer the phone? Okay? Fine,

29:02

thank you. I appreciate this woman seems very

29:04

distraught about a fire.

29:06

Down the street from her. I'm just gonna need you to talk her

29:08

down the scene with this woman,

29:11

if she's going crazy, well, I

29:13

think you can do it. Okay, fine, Hello,

29:15

what is the nature of your call? Fi? Fire?

29:20

Ma'am? I'm listening as close as I can, but I

29:22

don't have patience. Get the kids. Get

29:26

I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to let you go. We'll

29:30

just don't forget the computer,

29:33

all right, ma'am, I'm gonna have to let you go. Well,

29:36

I think I saw that one. Everybody that's

29:38

just hung up on her. That's

29:41

that's her again. That's that blinking light

29:43

right now. I don't think I want to answer

29:45

that. It's just the screaming.

29:48

People think me anxious. How

29:50

are you are you still there? I'm still alone? Oh

29:52

gosh, that was your bad.

29:55

There's a woman screaming. Now, there's a woman screaming.

29:57

That woman is at seventeen fifty nine Waveland. You

30:00

sure, yes, because she's really

30:02

bothering me. The fire isn't bothering you

30:04

anymore. It's I've gotten used to it. I'm

30:07

getting calm. I'm gonna I'm just gonna

30:09

go to sleep now. Oh no, it's

30:11

carbon monoxide. Sleep. No, it's

30:14

fine. Okay, it's very peaceful here. Okay,

30:16

would you would you like a lullaby?

30:18

Yes? Okay, let's clear her up. Oh, mom's

30:22

gonna buy you lock whisper.

30:26

Everything's gonna be real

30:28

good. You're not my mom.

30:31

Listen, I wasn't practicing a song. Up. Let

30:34

me do my vocal warm ups. Manny mumbling

30:36

mines. I'm making men music in the night. Okay,

30:38

here we go, go to sleep,

30:42

Go to sleep. My

30:45

comis you won't get I'm

30:48

going to sleep so peaceful

30:50

and warm, and got

30:52

another one. Glad

30:54

it's time. Hang up. I

30:57

think he was asleep. I've lulled him a

30:59

bye bye bye. Yeah, an emergency

31:01

calling. You put him to sleep? Oh my god,

31:03

is that not the right thing to do? Um?

31:06

Everyone here new Frank It was a good guy. And

31:09

uh what what

31:12

the corner found obviously was him? Um?

31:15

It was only described in the reports as

31:18

a human chicken nugget, very burnt human

31:20

chicken nugget, And um,

31:22

I was disrespectful for that. Was gonna

31:27

keep bringing it up too? Well? Yeah, you know, as

31:31

one of his only relatives

31:34

alive, I think it's

31:36

appropriate that we all know what the corner said, and he was

31:38

your brother and

31:41

um a part of all the corners

31:43

notes as well, didn't mention

31:45

that he had large

31:47

nipples, which would

31:49

be impossible looking for leftover

31:52

chicken nugget. I feel like to understand,

31:54

I understand just just the corners noting is

31:57

the idea that that that's all that was left with him was

31:59

the size of the chicken nugget, or like

32:01

it was just one of his nipples left and it was

32:04

like a chicken nugget sized nipple. I mean, all

32:06

I know is what the corner said. And if

32:08

we look at the size of the casket, we can feel you've

32:10

spent too much time talking in the corner. Well,

32:13

the corner was kind enough

32:15

to um let

32:17

me hang out with him, Kendall, why don't

32:19

you let some I just just

32:21

if we look at the size of the casket, I think we just sen three

32:23

inch by three inch casket and

32:25

it can fit the other five people that died in the

32:28

fire in there. But I don't

32:30

know why there's there's fenty mustard next to the

32:34

favorite Let me

32:36

open please, Oh there

32:38

it is, okay, great chicken nugg break

32:46

chicken nuggets. That's Frank. What

32:49

happened here? Where

32:51

is your brother? This is not funny. Died

32:53

in the fire? Okay? And are

32:56

we all happy? Huh? Are we all happy? Who got? Who

32:58

got a Christmas? Is

33:01

anybody get that nugget? I mean

33:03

it does look frankly, don't

33:07

chicken? Do you know which one of the six

33:09

is frank? That one? Because it looks

33:12

like a boots, like a

33:14

very like boots. Can they

33:16

all kind of look like boot? That that's

33:20

cannibalism. That boot was tasting cannibalism,

33:23

Like, get a ring full out of your mouth. It's chicken.

33:26

Wait, this is a chicken. There's a gold ring

33:28

in there. That's frank. They come with the prize. No,

33:31

no, I thought that that

33:33

really was frank. Oh

33:39

I'm so sorry for what

33:42

is this? Can we all sit back down

33:44

for a second? Please sit back down, please?

33:47

I don't know. Frank tastes like a chicken. Don't

33:50

you believe me? Yeah?

33:54

Yeah? This number one? Yeah? Wait

33:56

wait wait wait wait wa wa wait hold on, let me get my notes. Um,

34:00

what's the nature of this call? This

34:03

call is five friends of mine, just

34:05

eight chicken nuggets that we thought were chicken nuggets,

34:07

but they were actually are bunn I

34:10

told Dian, how

34:12

does it make you feel like

34:15

I just like I just thought he was eating a chicken nugget

34:17

night at a person? How

34:19

do we please send help? What

34:22

we will? What can I set help?

34:24

Write to you? Sir? What's your address? Seventeen

34:28

sixty one, Waveland seventeen

34:30

thirty three, Waveless sixty

34:33

one. But alright,

34:35

guys, strapped up? Alright, this is right gear

34:38

scenario. We get guys eating people over at the

34:40

Uh. What the hell is it called? What

34:42

the word fire? No? No, no, no

34:44

no. What's the word I'm looking for? No

34:48

no, no, no someone else house? No no no.

34:50

It's like a nickname. No no, no,

34:52

no, no no no.

34:56

It's a good man. It's a globalism

34:58

for the thing. What the fund is? Close?

35:03

Big boys, big know? What the hell

35:05

is it? Uh? Okay? Location

35:08

location tours sounds like the

35:10

first word. It's the first word and number. It sounds

35:13

like sounds like rug.

35:16

Right, oh, it

35:18

sounds like right,

35:20

Tim's house, Tim's house? Not can't

35:23

it does sounds like google? TAM's house.

35:25

Does sound like make sure to put in those shells in the shocking.

35:27

Okay, we're using live ammunition. Boys, you understand

35:29

what I'm saying, we're going in. Hot, We're going

35:31

in. Alright, we're strapping

35:33

up, strapping up, strapping down. Alright, what

35:36

everyone's strapped on? What hell are

35:38

we listening to? The trainee? Yeah, I don't

35:40

know. I don't know why we're listening to the training.

35:42

All right. Now we're going What the hell's the name of the place

35:48

we kind of need to know? Yeah, funeral

35:51

home. Oh, I

35:54

think we'll drive around.

35:56

We'll know what it is home. We're google home,

35:59

all right? It um something

36:02

else? I was supposed to say, Sure,

36:04

maybe we can think about it in the drive.

36:07

Yeah, I'm sure, it's fine. Let's do it. Okay,

36:09

let's go. You gonna

36:12

drive. I don't know why did no one move, barely

36:16

listening to the training? We're doing this, Yeah,

36:18

we're doing this. I'm

36:20

not I'm not part of the team. If we bring

36:23

the dog, do you? Yes, chihuahua?

36:25

Alright, make no sense? Alright?

36:28

Make sure in bread? It

36:32

is? There? Is it? All dogs are in bread,

36:35

A lot of them. Sure, that's great,

36:37

man, I have seen I've

36:39

seen it go down. It's disgusted. Do you have

36:41

you figured out where we're gone? Yes, we're going to the funeral

36:43

home. Yeah, alright, that really

36:45

is what you're trying to think about. Yeah,

36:49

they're eating dead bodies, Like I don't know, it

36:51

doesn't seem like something that we got to deal with. Why

36:53

don't we just go to McDonald's. Hey, they

36:55

got nuggets. That's what you all want to do? Yeah,

36:57

they want to just say effort, we're not gonna take the call,

37:03

and then he

37:07

yeah, hi, welcome, McDonald's gonna take you. Yeah,

37:10

what do you guys want? I'd like a Frank when

37:12

we're Frank can culture of the mind, please

37:15

Frank? Thank all right?

37:18

Yeah, two francs to Franc's. We

37:22

don't have hot dogs? What

37:24

they don't have hot dogs? No? No, no women? Frank like

37:26

that. It was a dumb

37:28

joke about a fan. I was thinking, how

37:32

would I know that? Because see, hey,

37:34

hey Mr McDonald's man, Yeah, assistant

37:36

manager. Oh why

37:39

is he working the drive? Is

37:41

because there's not somebody's can call out three

37:43

people called that's roight people. That's

37:45

rough. You never you ever have an insight joke with somebody?

37:48

Sure, yeah I got one run now okay,

37:51

ready, yeah, shoes. I

37:54

don't know what I mean, but it's probably Sorry,

37:57

great that's great. You guys are okay, so

37:59

you know a couple of yeah, yeah,

38:02

all right, I'm going next door and what else?

38:05

Uh huh. It's

38:08

a kind of lining up behind you. Yeah,

38:10

I mean I was. I wasn't hungry

38:12

when I go off. Called Gladys over.

38:14

Not even want to dis beatchee if she wants anything. Hold

38:19

on one second, let me just oh,

38:23

hey, hey, you know who this is? Automatically?

38:25

I mean I not know, not enough to know

38:27

your name, but I've heard that voice. Is this

38:29

an emergency? You know? It's

38:32

nature? What's the nature if your call? Nature

38:35

of mc call is I'm trying to get your

38:37

order? You want to take

38:39

me out to eat? Yeah? No, I really do. I want to know what your

38:42

orders? Okay McDonald's.

38:44

Come on, we can go somewhere better than that.

38:47

Look, you want someone for McDonald's or not sure? Sure,

38:49

I'll get a whopper. It's a all

38:51

right, yeah, I mean you're going to hold

38:53

on one second. I just kind of put something over

38:55

there, this bell that keeps bringing at

38:58

me. There we go, Gladys.

39:01

What does a call from Britain? You gotta

39:03

take it? Okay? All right?

39:05

Fine, fine, you don't recognize the Ring. I

39:07

didn't recognize the ring, but I really like Shakespeare.

39:11

Where for art thou is the problem? Oh

39:14

yeah, we're a group of former

39:16

moonshiners turned secret

39:19

agents, and that

39:24

overseas there's Corgis everywhere. I don't

39:26

know what the is going on. The

39:30

queen wanted us to kill our friend, and then an

39:33

entire plot ensued. But we didn't do

39:35

that. We wound up. We're all back together and

39:37

better for it. I'm sure we make sure that

39:39

the trainee even has an opportunity to tell

39:41

us that the Corgies are inbred? Mat

39:44

Can I do that? I'm sorry,

39:46

I'm having a hard time hearing. Everybody is a speaker

39:48

phone. Rule of threes, buddy rulers, Yeah,

39:50

I mean those. I mean

39:53

look at the way they look, man, that ain't natural.

39:55

There's no wolf in the wild like that. I couldn't

39:58

go to send a crack team of firefighters.

40:04

What a great button. Our

40:13

third and final today comes from

40:16

Summer, who wrote Howdy from

40:18

Texas, Oh Boy, listeners.

40:21

Since day one here, I shame

40:23

your podcast during my lunch hour at work, and some

40:26

days it is the only thing that helps me retain

40:28

what little sanity I have

40:31

left. I haven't seen idea simply

40:33

titled driving

40:36

test gone wrong. Once

40:38

again, thanks for your great work and hope you

40:40

all have a beautiful day. Sincerely,

40:43

Summer. Okay, so it's

40:45

in first gear now, all right? And

40:47

then you

40:50

know again, we could have taken out an automatic

40:52

car. No, I well, this is the way

40:54

cars were supposed to be driven. So this is it's

40:56

the only one we have with the stick shifts. So that's

40:59

fine. There are seven others we could choose

41:01

if you're not comfortable fund a

41:03

car is a car ready to start? Were

41:06

you taught with I was, yes,

41:09

I was actually my grandfather.

41:12

It's a fun out on the outskirts

41:14

of town over by Brumbick. Yeah, and

41:18

there's a but it's about sixteen

41:20

acres of farmland and uh

41:23

wide swaths of hills and whatnot.

41:25

And there's actually this a really nice lake right

41:27

by it, like cruisers. Would you like to

41:29

just maybe drive us over there? I

41:33

mean, yeah, I don't, I don't mind. I mean you know how

41:35

to get back there to eight hours drive? I don't

41:37

want doing it and strap in.

41:39

So part of the reason how that was

41:42

just being out there's a kid, was that there was all

41:44

this wildlife and the fauna, which

41:47

some people mistakenly think of as yeah,

41:50

we maybe want to pull away from the lighte okay,

41:53

Uh, I just want to finish the story. And uh,

41:55

there there was all

41:57

this wildlife and fauna. People

42:00

think faina is is dear,

42:02

but it's not. Faina is actually fan

42:05

leaves. That's

42:09

an eight winner. Let's go around, not

42:11

how driving works, and um, you're

42:13

in front of him, I understand. I just don't want

42:15

to talk about up on the clunch. Go ahead.

42:18

And so there was this

42:21

family deer and the deer that

42:23

was so beautiful. And actually, you realize

42:25

this is a test, right that I'm conducting.

42:28

I understanding, and you pass or fail? Right

42:30

now? It's not going well? Right, But if I pause

42:33

the test, then how can I be crazy?

42:36

So, uh, let me get

42:38

that Hello, Hey, how's the test going?

42:40

In the middle of the test him and called me later, Oh sure,

42:43

sure, sure, Kylie, love you. Okay,

42:46

So let's

42:48

not take calls during the test. I understand I wasn't

42:50

driving, so I didn't think that was a problem, right, But I need you to drip.

42:52

I understand, Just

42:55

go around. He's not gonna go around. And so

42:57

one of the craziest things about the deer is

43:01

Skype. Yeah, I guys Skype text and

43:04

uh that one second. I know the boxes

43:06

should be delivered tuesday, and it

43:10

was just so beautiful to see you.

43:15

I am just coming the back. Yeah,

43:18

this is not a pull, so don't worry. Okay,

43:20

but there's another guy in the front. I know. I told you

43:22

it's not a pulse, so don't worry to just get what does he have

43:24

a break? Uh, just it's

43:27

I'm doing a driving test. Just get

43:29

in, okay, So I have no

43:31

problem with this. By if

43:33

it helps what was your name again? My

43:35

name is Jergger. That's right. If it

43:37

helps Jergger, then get

43:40

his driver's license. We appreciate your

43:42

assistance. You don't have your license yet. No,

43:44

I'm taking the test. Okay, but you're

43:47

on here's an uber driver, so I

43:49

am. He's enterprising. Where

43:52

where so you know where he's going? Let's go there? You

43:54

got my address? Yeah, but we first got to go to the lake

43:56

first and about eight hour driving then head

43:59

back. Okay, I'm okay with that. Just

44:03

go around. Hold

44:06

on Jesus great,

44:09

No, it should if it's laminated, and then

44:11

you can just put it in the desk, and

44:13

so I'm telling the story about my

44:16

grandfather's property or

44:18

I grew up and why I'm driving stick shifting. It's

44:20

just huge property, you know, tony

44:23

somewhat acres and rolling hills,

44:25

beautiful cool trees, and

44:27

there's just fantastic lake and next

44:29

to lake where there's funa, and people think the fauna

44:31

is it's dear, what

44:34

do you think? Fauna? Animals, flora,

44:37

flora's plants and funa. That's wrong, that's wrong.

44:40

No, no, no,

44:43

that's wrong. I grew up. I grew up on all large

44:45

property. Did you pay attention when you grew up

44:47

on the farm the way you're paying attention now to these,

44:49

of course, instructions of driving the car. Of

44:52

course, so you didn't know

44:54

anything. Oh I knew a lot. I know how to take your lamps

44:57

and the fauna. I'll tell you what. Why don't you

44:59

continue telling your story. I'm gonna drive this gentleman

45:01

to where he needs to go. You have

45:03

failed this test. Wait wait wait, wait,

45:06

it's okay. No wait, we can take it again. No

45:09

no, I gotta take it now. No no, no,

45:11

no, okay, listen, no listen, this

45:14

is a bowie knife. Okay, This is a fucking

45:16

Bowie knife. It's my granddad's. Okay, he

45:18

got this in World War two. He didn't fight. Hold

45:21

on a second, all

45:23

right, yeah, draw me to hold the knife for

45:25

one second, thank you, And okay, where'ld

45:27

you like to go? Sir? It's hot? You get

45:30

the addresses? Sorry, given

45:32

the knie back. Okay, Now he got

45:34

this knife. Okay, you

45:36

got the knife in World War two. He didn't fight

45:39

in the war. Okay, all

45:41

right here, Bowie knife were

45:43

invented, yeah, by David Bowie.

45:45

I think I know that. Okay, it's Jim Jim

45:48

Bowie, Jim Booe, Jim Bowie. Then what do

45:50

we call the Bowie knife? Look

45:56

out the tug boat man. Now look,

45:58

it's an eighteen wheel of chug voted scaring

46:01

meat and all my mirrors. Now look, I gotta take this

46:03

test and I gotta make sure I pass it today. Okay,

46:05

then just ease up on the clutch and give it a

46:07

little gas and let's get going. Let

46:10

me just finish the story. So now

46:13

I was saying I used to go around there and I used

46:16

just the fun that

46:19

word. I mean, if

46:21

you don't know what it means, I know what it means it's

46:23

a fan plant. Okay. So

46:26

my my granddam migam on

46:28

my cos we'd all go out there and we'd

46:30

hunt the deer, and there's this beautiful

46:32

family of of of the Florida's

46:35

Florian's Florian. It's it's

46:38

a grouping of deer's all right, Yeah,

46:40

no, I don't think that it is. I grew up on twenties

46:43

about acres in the land, all right, And

46:45

so they would all go there's about maybe

46:47

about fifty to sixty hundred heads

46:50

of the deer that. Would you ever hear anyone in your family

46:52

refer to you as the Fredo carlone

46:54

of the family. No, no, no, one

46:56

wasn't telling him. Okay, so

47:00

up, maybe you're tying. No,

47:02

I'm stick. No, it's just a left

47:06

left. Just stop the car. Hello, Hi,

47:09

how's the test going. I'm

47:12

in the middle of it. Everything

47:15

that's right, that's right, okay,

47:20

alright, let's get you away from this house. Let's

47:22

get you away from this I'm not

47:24

letting you off. I'm not gonna give you what I

47:27

think we know what's happening is burning. Okay, now let me just just

47:30

give me the interstate here. So uh, I

47:33

pull off to this up on my house. All right, So

47:35

now think about this. Huh when

47:38

you're skin into the air, what's

47:40

the first thing? You're an emerge lane? Here, go

47:45

around my hazards, draw on. Now,

47:48

what do you think happens. I've never

47:50

had a student driver pull

47:52

over on a freeway merge before,

47:56

so thank you for that. I personally never

47:58

experienced it. There's no way

48:01

for you to pass this test, so if you wouldn't mind,

48:03

Oh God, I need you to go to the backseat

48:06

to let me get this general. I need. I need

48:08

to pass this. I need to understand

48:11

my wife. I'd like to understand your wife,

48:13

Scott. She's got this. She's got bad

48:16

feet, souls, and she can't drive.

48:18

There's too squshy severtimes. She touched

48:20

the pedal, the pedal goes into her foot in Yes,

48:23

so I got to be the one to drive on her

48:25

feet. Yes, So I gotta

48:27

pass this. Okay, I gotta pass

48:29

this. You don't understand, all right, I do

48:32

understand. I don't want to be in There's something else I understand.

48:35

There's no way you could see

48:37

into the future to a time when you

48:39

will pass this test. That's how far

48:42

off and distant. That's not true. My grandfather. Here

48:44

have this necklace, Oh my god, a

48:47

tooth. Yes, And inside this tooth, inside

48:50

this tooth, the whistle. Yes. If

48:52

you blow it hard enough, you can see the future. Right,

48:54

that's what That's what was. There's a whistle

48:57

in the tooth. You blow, you see the future grew

49:00

eight things that wouldn't we are

49:14

three or four? Here? A

49:17

three four is scared? What's going

49:19

on? Agent three? Oh, cheven, I

49:22

don't know how the hell this happened, but somehow

49:24

we just jumped into this car

49:27

with two breaks seven.

49:30

Agent nine, I

49:32

knew we were time traveling. Can

49:34

you see into the future for me? Yeah?

49:38

What was? What was the thing? The fact they're

49:40

still telling that dear story. Okay,

49:43

and you haven't passed the tests.

49:48

No, no, we all know that you haven't

49:50

passed the test and found

49:52

our animals. Oh

49:58

god, I don't know what he said was true at the very I

50:00

don't know if we can trust any of that. Then what are you

50:02

talking about? Man? Fun? Did you not see

50:04

that? Do not see what you got? Did you

50:06

see it? I'm waiting

50:08

for us to pull away. He's up on the cluck. I

50:11

just piss, give it a little bit of gay. I'm

50:14

sure the trusp kind uts will have patience. He's

50:20

laying on it pretty good. You know that's

50:22

what that is. That's a communication. He's

50:25

not being a dick, he's not being a juror.

50:28

He's communicating. I'd like you to

50:30

get going, please piss myself.

50:32

So I think the best thing we can do is just wait for me

50:35

to dry out and then we'll continue. George,

50:37

why don't you just pull around that car? A

50:39

man, I got to hear the end of this story.

50:43

You get you hit out. You can hear that story.

50:45

Yeah, I got that. I got one of them

50:48

a little satellite microphones like they

50:50

got at the football game. So that's really cool.

50:52

I can't hear everything. You

50:56

are going to come back, and if

50:59

it's not about you, name the deer. I

51:02

never skinned a deer before. I don't

51:05

know why we don't just get out and get into his car

51:08

and we'll be able to hear it much better, you know what. Let's

51:10

get out and get into it. And

51:14

I know what you're thinking. What you're thinking, how can you make

51:16

a bone soup with just hair? Right?

51:18

But if you oh, hey, hey, can

51:20

we help you guys. Yeah, well from the truck that's

51:22

been honking this whole time. Wait,

51:25

we're trying to communicate that we wanted to go around

51:27

student driver and he's just having a tough

51:30

day. Yeah, but I just wanted

51:32

to let you know we're really into your whole the

51:34

whole story there, the deer in the skin

51:36

and all that. But if you wouldn't mind, could you

51:38

could you tell it while moving? I

51:41

don't think that'd be safe? Is that right? Don't

51:43

be very very safe? People people

51:45

talk and drive all the time. On a second,

51:48

it's actually the texting and driving works we're

51:50

not happy about. I know you're supposed to do that

51:53

on Saturday, I got a sign in my cab

51:55

says I'm not supposed to legally. I gotta have that sign in

51:57

there. Okay, I'm not I'm

51:59

not a cab driver. There are now four of us who

52:01

would rather drive than you, So could you get

52:04

everyone wants to jump on my lap and drive. I think there's one

52:06

more thing you can actually just get out here Noway

52:11

it's it's my

52:15

house is on fire, so I think it maybe you guys

52:17

in the truck and give him a ride. Oh yeah, if

52:20

you wouldn't mind giving me one to terrific.

52:23

All right? Let me just in this Uber five

52:25

stars, clean car, good

52:27

conversation, all right, and good luck

52:29

to you and the three stars for you? Three

52:32

stars? Man? What

52:35

white? Three stars? When you're leaving the ride?

52:38

All right, I'm changing her to four? Okay,

52:42

okay, three stars? What

52:46

you said you were going to do? What I'm

52:48

calling nine on one? Excuse

52:51

me? What's your Could you state the emergency

52:54

that you're having right now? I don't

52:56

know if this is an emergency, but oh you

52:59

might have missed DIA then no, Well

53:01

I I intentionally dial nine one one. But I'm

53:03

in a car. I'm on an Uber ride with

53:06

a student driver. He's he's an adult

53:08

male in his thirties

53:11

who's trying to get his driver's license.

53:13

There's a driving instructor here in a couple of truckers.

53:16

It's a lot of exposition. Just get to the Carrol,

53:18

this is what's happening. Okay,

53:23

Uh, what's your emotion right now?

53:25

My emotion is confusion. Okay,

53:28

that doesn't sound like an emergency. I'm so sorry, But

53:30

you've misused dynam one one. So you're

53:33

going to get a bill for missuson. Thank you. Bye.

53:36

Okay, gladys, you see what you did wrong on that call?

53:38

That wasn't an emergency? Boss? Can you help

53:40

me out here with this. You're not supposed to decide what's

53:42

an emergency. That's not part of the job. He said

53:45

he was. Didn't even let him get to what it

53:47

was. But

53:49

that guy is still in I

53:52

think he's asleep. He's not bothering anybody.

53:55

He's in a fire. A

54:00

Frank, Fine, Frank, wake

54:02

up, Frank, Frank, Frank, I'm not gonna wake up.

54:04

There's no way I've seen the future. He's as good as

54:06

a chicken nugget. How did you see the future? Blew in

54:08

a whistle with the world. Put

54:11

your hold Kentucky moon Shine Bridge.

54:16

Oh that series.

54:22

That's what happens when you don't finish

54:24

your meal. Also, let's

54:27

thank all of our wonderful

54:29

alchemists today and blessings and

54:31

good tidings to our own Vanessa Raglan. Yeah

54:35

with a baby girl. Um,

54:38

congratulations to the whole family. Uh,

54:41

Joey Gray, where can people find you other

54:43

than visiting Vanessa Raglan?

54:46

Uh? You can find me the Westside Comedy Theater

54:48

right every second and fourth Wednesday, nine o'clock. Bear

54:51

supply Pretty Pretty Pony every

54:53

first Thursday of the month and

54:56

uh Dynasty Typewriter to check it out dot

54:59

com. Well, thank you for that. It's

55:01

Joey right, yes, but it's Jeffy Greeber

55:04

on the Instagram, the instagram James

55:07

Heeney. Hi. You can find me

55:09

at the real James Heeney dot com. I found

55:11

that it's a nice little hub that has all

55:13

the information you could need about me. Security

55:16

is hidden somewhere in there. Also check out James

55:18

uh instagram doing some art.

55:21

Yeah, some great you're doing fan

55:24

art of our show. I'm a big fan.

55:26

I'm a big fan. I don't know my

55:28

Instagram handle. I think it's probably the real James Heeney.

55:32

I think that's just it's automatically

55:34

locked in. I just clicked the button. Yeah, you

55:37

sound like um one of the people

55:39

on Instagram who has like a hundred and fifty million

55:41

followers. But I don't know unless

55:45

it's changed, I can't. I just hear that all the time. I

55:47

don't know what my Instagram name is, you

55:50

do? I just yeah. In terms

55:52

of people promoting themselves, get

55:56

terrible way to promote Oh, that's

55:58

a good point. Three

56:03

different Twitter handles at Orange Ducks

56:05

Improv for improv shows, at

56:07

Craigslist, Peacast for movie podcast,

56:10

and at Kikowski for just my general vibe.

56:13

Sweet look up the general vibe a shap

56:15

Mark Gagliardi. Yes, thank

56:18

you so much for Johnny. It's my pleasure. Thanks for having

56:20

me back. Where can people find you? I'm on Twitter

56:23

at Mark Gags. You just put out

56:25

something on social media, though very much delayed

56:27

when people are hearing, very much delayed. Yes, as

56:30

we went to air, or as we went

56:32

to as we started recording, I found out Blood and

56:34

Treasure just got a season two Treasure,

56:37

So please thank you everybody that's watching, please keep watching

56:39

Blood Treasure on CBS Tuesday nights at ten o'clock. Yes,

56:41

thank you for that. And our genius

56:44

producer, we missed him. So your friend

56:46

did a lovely, lovely job. But Doug

56:49

Bain back

56:51

in the helm, thank you so much for all of

56:53

all that you do for us. Honestly

56:56

and truly, you are more important

56:58

to me than most of the Alchemists.

57:01

You know, it's known reason to

57:03

name names. And our post sound design

57:06

artist Raphael Britto, producer

57:09

Sophie Lictorman and it's lastly,

57:13

I heart media. I encourage

57:15

all of you to write a review, tell everyone you've ever met,

57:17

and write to us at your name here me this

57:19

dot com. That's your name here at

57:22

alcumy this dot com. Until next time, all friends,

57:24

I'm Kevin Pollock, your host. Don't forget to the

58:00

boy