0:00

Hey everyone, hi, hello, it is

0:03

me, Alison Rosen. Before this

0:05

episode starts, I just wanted to come on here

0:07

and say, hello,

0:09

I'm back, I'm

0:12

back from Japan. Wendy

0:14

is back, she's doing well. She's

0:17

getting kind of stir crazy being in her

0:19

crate most of the time. So

0:21

we see the vet on Friday, because they're going

0:23

to take our stitches out, the vet in America.

0:26

I'm going to talk to her about like

0:30

100% of the time

0:32

in the crate or, you know, and

0:34

as the weeks pile up, can

0:37

we be a little looser? At

0:41

the same time, I would hate to

0:43

go all the way to Japan to get

0:46

heart surgery for her to save her life

0:49

and then somehow mess it up in

0:52

the post-op period, which is the most

0:54

critical period. So forget everything I

0:56

said, I'm just going to do exactly what

0:58

they told me and listen

1:00

to her bark. In

1:02

other news, I was

1:06

locked out of the studio. Daniel

1:08

and I explained this, I think, on the

1:11

most recent episode, riveting,

1:13

riveting content, but we

1:16

couldn't find the key to lock the studio.

1:18

So I was a little bit worried and

1:21

then Daniel came in, he's like, well, it's locked because

1:25

he accidentally locked it. And so

1:27

we were locked out. So we

1:29

had to get a locksmith to

1:31

get us back in upon our

1:33

return. And

1:37

this is a two-parter.

1:41

I want to know from you,

1:43

all people who live in the

1:45

real world of

1:48

these United States or anywhere really,

1:50

we can do conversion. How

1:53

much do you think it costs to have a

1:55

locksmith come out? How much

1:57

do you think it costs? Just give me a range or give

1:59

me a range. me a number. So to have

2:01

them come out and then also have them

2:03

rekey a lock. Because

2:06

I was snoozing and

2:09

I got a text from Daniel, locksmith here, and

2:12

then he told me the number. And I

2:14

said, and it was a real, I was

2:17

in quite a pickle and also

2:19

a jam and a conundrum. I was

2:21

in a marital conundrum because I said, wow,

2:23

that's expensive. It was one of those things

2:26

where I was like, my God, it's that's

2:28

so expensive. Who did you pull

2:31

out the phone book and search

2:34

under I for insanely

2:36

expensive locksmith? But

2:39

also, I feel like

2:41

it's shitty to criticize if someone's going

2:44

to do something for

2:46

you. It's shitty to criticize

2:48

the way they did it. But at the same time, I

2:50

was just, you know, I'm worried about money. So I was

2:52

just like, oh my God. Anyway, let me know. Let me

2:55

know. Okay, so I'm back in the studio

2:57

and I was setting everything up. And

2:59

I had a bit of a panic

3:01

because I use a Zoom H6N. It's

3:03

an old piece

3:06

of machinery at this point to

3:08

record this podcast. And I brought

3:10

it with me to Japan. I don't

3:13

travel with it very often. It's not

3:15

huge. And it's like likely time

3:17

to upgrade anyway, but I was sitting here and it

3:20

worked in Japan and then it would not turn on.

3:22

And I was like, I guess

3:26

on the one hand, it makes sense that this

3:29

thing would peter out at a certain point. But

3:31

on the other hand,

3:33

why right now when you need to

3:36

record stuff? And I

3:38

was really like, you know, taking thinking, is

3:40

it the court? Is it this, is it

3:42

this? And I was pulling cords off of

3:45

other things and trying to find, you know,

3:47

ones that have the male part that goes,

3:49

you know, the electronic penis. I was, I

3:51

was comparing electronic penis sizes, trying to, I

3:54

don't even know. It's like a, I don't

3:57

know what the name of this connector is. But but

4:00

the other ones I had were, this one's more of a

4:02

chode and the other ones were kind of long and thin.

4:04

And then get this, turns

4:07

out I

4:10

was feverishly pressing the record

4:12

button, not

4:14

turning it on. I

4:16

thought I was like pressing the record button

4:18

and waiting for it to light up. So

4:20

that is a bit of

4:22

an insight into my

4:24

state of mind right now. I am

4:26

disoriented, I'm out of it. Daniel,

4:29

and it's Stacey's birthday by the way, yesterday

4:32

was like, I forget what I do in the

4:34

morning. It's as if we've never

4:37

been human beings who live in our own

4:39

house. And

4:41

also I feel like my jet lag is getting worse

4:44

because, and I know that this is probably a

4:46

rookie mistake. Look, I don't travel internationally very

4:50

often, but

4:52

I had a third cup of coffee yesterday afternoon

4:54

because I was beginning to get so tired. And

4:57

then I was wide

4:59

awake until like two, three a.m. And

5:03

then the dogs got me

5:06

up, like five, so I

5:08

am going, I'm on fumes, but

5:10

the kids who my

5:12

mother-in-law has nicknamed them the COVID

5:14

brothers, I

5:16

feel like you can probably figure out why, they

5:19

slept till 1130 a.m. which

5:21

is way later than they ever sleep. So

5:25

they're gonna have to get back on

5:27

a regular, on their normal schedule because

5:30

school starts next week. Anyway,

5:33

perhaps I'm burying the lead, perhaps no one

5:35

cares anymore. Yeah, so I believe, well,

5:39

I know some of this family has COVID

5:41

right now. I don't think

5:43

I do yet, although we don't have that

5:45

many tests left, so I haven't tested myself.

5:48

I'm sure I'm getting it. I'm sure it's around the

5:50

corner. My mother-in-law

5:52

started feeling sick in

5:54

Japan. She had a sore

5:56

throat. And Daniel and I were kind of

5:59

like, I was probably COVID, because it seems like everyone

6:01

has COVID right now. She

6:04

was in denial

6:07

of the fact that it could be COVID. And

6:10

then on the plane, Elliot

6:14

gets very motion sick anyway, so

6:17

he was throwing up on the, but he threw up

6:19

on the plane on the way

6:21

there as well, but this was different. This

6:23

was just a unrelenting

6:25

torrent of vomit. And

6:29

then when we got off, it was, by

6:31

the way, I will never travel. I'm never

6:33

traveling again, and certainly not with children and

6:35

a dog. I

6:38

say that now. I will probably travel again.

6:40

But anyway, we

6:42

get to the airport and we're back in America

6:45

and Elliot refuses to walk

6:48

because he just feels too sick. And

6:51

so he's on the ground scooting,

6:54

on his butt throughout

6:56

the airport. And

6:58

I felt so bad for him, but we

7:00

were all carrying so many bags. Eventually I

7:03

said to Daniel, and

7:05

thank God Owen was walking, because Owen

7:07

often will pull a carry me, I

7:10

can't walk. And we had all been

7:12

up for a long time. Although

7:15

Owen, who's usually the one

7:17

who's a little bit crankier,

7:19

was like in rare perfect

7:22

form on the airplane. He was

7:24

chatting it up with his seatmate,

7:27

who he probably gave COVID to. He was

7:29

chatting with the flight attendants. Everything

7:32

was coming up roses for Owen. Poor Elliot

7:34

though, not so much. So I said

7:37

to Daniel, give me your bag.

7:40

You carry Elliot. Daniel's

7:43

carry on his laptop bag

7:45

is like 70 pounds. It's

7:51

probably not really 70 pounds, but I think

7:53

he has two computers

7:55

and an iPad and

7:58

some free weights. I'm not really sure. really

8:00

free weights. Oh my god, it

8:02

was so heavy. I was huffing

8:04

and puffing and

8:06

puffing and huffing. It was very uncomfortable. Anyway,

8:10

we get home in

8:12

the middle of the night, Owen —

8:15

so this is our first night back — middle of the night, Owen

8:17

crawls into our bed. He says

8:19

his tummy hurts. This is not that unusual

8:21

for him. And then in

8:23

the morning, we woke up

8:26

to him throwing up. It's a little

8:28

bit fluorescent, which was interesting. I don't

8:30

know how many highlighters he'd eaten. So

8:34

then he fell asleep on

8:38

the living room floor for hours.

8:42

And at that point, I said — and Elliot,

8:45

meanwhile, is like watching

8:48

YouTube on his iPad, on his bed,

8:51

legs up in the — like, legs,

8:53

you know, on his stomach with his legs sort

8:55

of up behind him, talking

8:59

to the iPad, like doing, you

9:01

know, bits. And he's like a

9:03

teenager. He's feeling totally fine. I

9:06

say, let's — can I

9:08

test you? He says yes. And so his

9:10

test was immediately positive. So

9:14

that's what's happening. And then I looked

9:17

at the CDC — because I have

9:19

a thousand appointments this week, which

9:22

I am rescheduling. But

9:26

I was just curious, what is

9:28

the — what are the guidelines at

9:30

this point? Because, you know, it used to be — well, at

9:33

one point, I think it was just isolate

9:36

for five days. So I thought,

9:38

I mean, that's totally manageable. And that'll have the —

9:40

that means the kids can be back in — can

9:43

be in school on Monday. There are

9:45

no guidelines anymore. Do you guys know

9:47

this? The CDC is like, good

9:50

luck out there. Just treat it

9:52

like any other illness. Don't be a dumb fuck.

9:55

Wash your hands. Try not to give it to

9:57

anyone. Do what you need to do. That's

10:00

not the actual language. I will

10:02

tell you the actual language if I can find

10:04

it fast enough and if not you're on your

10:06

own Let's see CDC COVID

10:11

guidelines Okay

10:20

Okay, this is really not helping

10:23

me Um When

10:28

you are sick Okay,

10:30

here we go. So learn when you can go

10:33

so preventing spread of respiratory viruses

10:35

when you're sick recommendation

10:38

wait Okay,

10:42

so you can go back to normal activities when

10:44

for at least 24 hours Both

10:46

are true your symptoms are getting better

10:48

overall and you have not had a

10:50

fever and are not using

10:53

fever reducing medication So this

10:55

is I mean, that's just what Elliott no

10:57

Elliott and Owens preschool rules were actually I

10:59

think they said 72 hours at a

11:01

certain point Okay,

11:03

and then so then for the next five

11:05

days take added precautions This

11:12

is a little bit different than what I had seen before

11:14

but And

11:17

then I swear read something that said that

11:19

they're they're not even sure whether testing is

11:22

helpful or not Don't

11:25

quote me because I can't find the thing I'm looking for So

11:31

I have an like a Intermittent

11:34

sore throat, I don't know anyway

11:37

though all of that is

11:39

to say the episode you're about to hear this

11:42

is a Bonus

11:45

you guys it's

11:47

an episode of Allison and Todd after hours

11:50

It's one that Todd claims is good.

11:52

So if you like it Todd

11:55

knows you well, and if you don't Fuck

11:58

that guy, but If you like it, there's

12:00

like 38 more episodes and you

12:03

can get them at Patreon,

12:05

if you subscribe, patreon.com/Allison

12:08

and Todd. patreon.com/Allison

12:11

and Todd, Allison with one

12:13

L, Todd with one D,

12:15

blame our parents. So

12:19

I hope you enjoy this. You

12:21

know, it's like, let's say you get salad every time you

12:24

go to a restaurant and you're like, I'm going to try

12:26

the soup one time. This

12:28

is your soup. And

12:32

I hope it's good. I hope it's not. What's a

12:34

soup that if they had it, I would be like, I don't want that.

12:37

Honestly, I can't do clam.

12:40

Well, I think clam chatter would be good. I

12:43

know shrimp bisque. Hopefully,

12:47

well, maybe you like shrimp bisque. Cream of

12:49

shrimp? That sounds heinous to me.

12:53

What's the worst soup? Maybe

12:58

just plain chicken broth. I

13:00

hope this isn't your plain chicken broth. I

13:03

hope this isn't your, I'm really

13:09

having trouble thinking of bad soups. Does

13:12

that mean I'm hungry? I

13:15

don't even like soup that much. I

13:18

hope this isn't your bad soup. Here's

13:21

the episode. Reminder

13:24

my sub

13:26

stack, allisonroson.substack.com,

13:28

patreon.com/allisonroson. And

13:31

as you know, I solicit product

13:34

recommendations from guests, amazon.com/shop

13:37

slash allisonroson. Go

13:39

there. And I think it's

13:42

the first box is

13:44

podcast guest suggestions and peruse. See

13:47

what all your favorites like what

13:49

they recommend. Okay, here

13:52

we go. It's

14:00

Alison and Todd

14:02

after hours, the

14:04

show where Alison

14:06

Rosen doesn't have

14:08

to be your

14:19

best friend or give parenting advice. And

14:22

Todd Perry drops the good new shtick and

14:24

acts like an adult, if that's even possible.

14:28

Now dim the lights, pour yourself a

14:30

beverage and join us in the

14:32

after hours lounge. Welcome

14:47

back to the after hours lounge where it's

14:49

never time for any Jeb, no Jeb, got

14:51

to get, no Jeb.

14:54

Alison Rosen, Todd Perry. Hello.

15:01

Hello Alison Rosen, how are you doing? Alison

15:04

Rosen, Todd Perry, the Alison Rosen part

15:06

is doing well. I do feel a

15:08

little bit of Jebby energy now as

15:10

discussed. This is an after hours lounge

15:13

so I feel like we could all

15:15

be like winding down.

15:18

No it's actually doesn't work that way.

15:20

I had a listener contact

15:23

me and say last episode was

15:25

Jeb, I

15:27

don't know what I'm living for in life now. So

15:30

that's all. Wait, are you serious? I heard

15:32

that. You didn't tell me. No I didn't, I was

15:34

just going to wait till we came back to the next

15:36

recording and right before we started say look, we

15:38

were Jeb last time so we got to take

15:40

the energy up a level like right before, like

15:42

if I told you last week we were Jeb

15:44

it's not going to affect you. But if I

15:46

tell you right now we were Jeb. You've

15:49

lit an energy fire under my tucas. Wait,

15:51

I have a question. Did they literally use our

15:53

term for it or were they just like it

15:55

was low energy and I wouldn't vote for it.

15:58

Low energy? No. We

16:00

were referred to as Jeb, which is like

16:02

the worst insult a podcaster

16:04

could ever deal with. Was

16:07

it a comment or was this a direct to you? This

16:10

was a direct to me. This was

16:12

a direct message to me. What else

16:14

did it say? I mean,

16:17

it was part of a greater conversation about

16:19

life, but that one stuck.

16:21

That's what I remember. Anything

16:24

else negative, though, that I need to work on? No, that

16:27

was it. Fine. All right. Okay.

16:30

God, I feel sad

16:32

and tired now. I kind of

16:35

extra-jebby. I feel like we

16:37

should- Before I felt borderline

16:39

Jeb and now my Jeb-jebometer

16:41

is going up. Oh, no. I

16:44

think we need to get you on some kind of

16:47

like supplements or- Yes, creatine

16:49

or collagen or some

16:52

alpha brain. Suppositories.

16:56

Whatever they're talking about on- who's

16:59

that guy? On Alex Jones, he's

17:01

always selling stuff to make you

17:03

more manly, less jebby, because he's

17:06

an anti-jeb kind of guy. Totally.

17:09

I don't think he's had a Jeb moment in his

17:11

life. I thought you were going to say the Huberman

17:13

Lab, Andrew Huberman. Do you know who that is? No.

17:18

Oh, he was on the cover of New

17:20

York Magazine because he's been like cheating

17:22

on a bunch of women and they all got

17:24

together and discovered this, but Huberman Lab, he

17:27

runs- it's very- like he's

17:29

a- maybe he has a- he's

17:32

a science professor or something, and

17:35

he appeals to all the Rogan people,

17:37

but also other people, and

17:39

he really gets into the science of things

17:41

and tells you how to biohack your this

17:44

and your that and whatnot. So I thought

17:46

maybe him. Oh, I mean we

17:48

can maybe employ his research or something. I

17:51

would be very afraid of you getting

17:53

involved in like the Rogan- Verse. Yeah,

17:58

because you'd be in there- smoking

18:00

that weed while bringing that low energy. And

18:02

it would just, you just- Oh my God.

18:04

I flat line, I flat

18:07

line. They'd be like, didn't you book a guest? And

18:10

then someone would say, she's right there. And they'd be

18:12

like, where? Exactly. And

18:15

then about 17 minutes in, you'd

18:17

respond to the, how are you doing,

18:19

Alison Rosen? You'd be like, great, you

18:21

know? Yeah, okay. Yeah, that's

18:23

great. So anyway, speaking about personal

18:25

health and everything, I dealt with

18:27

something the other day and immediately

18:29

I put it in

18:31

my phone of my

18:34

podcast topic idea folder. I

18:37

wanted to run by you and get your take. I

18:39

was in my local Target and

18:42

Sunday morning shopping around, I go to

18:44

the Target over by Cal State Long

18:47

Beach because that's where all the young

18:49

co-eds go. And- Oh

18:51

right, the Hot People Target. It's the

18:53

Hot People Target versus Seal Beach Target,

18:56

which is kind of older, more established

18:58

people. This greater chance

19:00

of seeing a good looking volleyball player

19:02

or something over there. Not

19:05

at all creepy. No, I'm just

19:08

saying, if I'm gonna have to look at people in

19:10

general, maybe they'd be young and hot versus- That's

19:13

fair, it's fair. You

19:15

gotta find some joy in life. So

19:18

I'm over in the medicine aisle and

19:20

I don't know if we have any

19:22

European listeners. I

19:25

hope so. Maybe I'd know this of Patreon when you

19:27

get a subscription. Instead of saying $4, it's $6.12 because

19:33

there's some weird- Right,

19:35

yeah. Euro or C-A-D.

19:39

So I'm walking through the Target and I'm

19:41

looking for one. European people

19:43

always complain or they make fun of

19:45

Americans. They say the first thing you

19:47

see in an American household is a

19:50

massive jar full of pills. I

19:53

didn't know that, but it's true. Yeah,

19:56

and we put them right out for everybody

19:58

to see. Like, my massive- jar of pills

20:00

is right by my stove and

20:02

you know get up get up in the

20:04

morning take two Aleve for my fibroids and

20:07

uh... uh...

20:10

mild hangover girlfriend yes mm-hmm yeah

20:13

uh-huh and so I'm looking for one

20:15

of these big-ass bottles of Aleve for like $8.99

20:18

you know just to destroy my liver

20:21

and I walk down the aisle where they

20:23

have like the condoms mm-hmm

20:27

it's the same as the Aleve section so tip

20:31

to everybody out there shopping and

20:33

you know they have all the different kind of condoms

20:36

and then I noticed that

20:38

also if you go to Target or at

20:40

least the one in Long Beach California they

20:44

sell vibrators at Target

20:48

they do I'm sorry not

20:50

vibrators a vibrator they

20:52

okay they sell vibrator at Target again

20:55

they do is it behind the glass case

20:57

what is it I need to know everything

21:00

no it was like within arms reach it

21:02

was kind of up there like so if

21:04

you're short and needed a vibrator uh...

21:06

it would be kind of a bad scene you could ask

21:09

somebody excuse me could you grab that

21:11

vibrator up there uh...

21:13

but I looked at it and I

21:15

was like wow that's that's kind of

21:17

bold if you know because

21:20

I feel like okay if you buy

21:22

a vibrator at Target it's an impulse

21:24

buy not a I gotta run and

21:26

get a vibrator so

21:29

you're saying if you get a vibrator at

21:31

Target that's not it

21:33

is an impulse buy because you're like I'm gonna

21:35

buy a Aleve hey I'm gonna

21:37

buy a condom hey I'm gonna buy

21:39

this vibrator versus like you're about to

21:41

get busy with someone and they're like

21:46

go buy a vibrator you don't think it's

21:48

that well I think you got that

21:50

a little wrong because wouldn't it be I'm about to

21:52

get busy alone and then I'm like

21:54

oh yeah I guess so right

21:58

because like first of all like I

22:00

would assume that if one, especially female,

22:02

was going to get a vibrator, like

22:04

if you go to

22:09

a sex store, they have

22:11

multiple vibrators of different varying

22:13

speeds, sizes, Right.

22:17

Shapes, materials. Vaininess.

22:23

Right, different vascularity for your

22:25

vibrator. You

22:27

should have that like, audit like,

22:30

maximum vascularity, like some, maybe

22:33

some people are attracted to

22:35

fake vascularity. They

22:37

probably are. It's more

22:39

lifelike. But like, okay, so if you're

22:41

like, oh man, I need to get a vibrator right

22:43

now, like, you're going to go to

22:46

the sex store, unless there's just none in your

22:48

orbit, but I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, by that

22:50

target, there's at least, you know, six places where

22:52

you could, you know, get to a

22:54

sex shop pretty quickly, you know. Right,

22:56

right. Huh.

22:59

I need to know more. Because I'm picturing

23:02

this is like a budget vibrator.

23:05

This is not a high-end vibrator. What is it?

23:07

Is it like, made by the same people that

23:10

make condoms? Yeah, it was

23:12

like, if Durex had a generic general

23:16

market vibrator and... That's what

23:18

I'm envisioning, yeah. It had

23:20

two inputs. What

23:24

does that mean? Like, there was one

23:27

for the vagina and one for

23:29

the bum, I think. Okay. Like,

23:34

you'd use it at the same time or

23:36

you can

23:38

do either with it? I think,

23:40

or maybe the other part was

23:42

for the clitoris. I'm not sure because I

23:44

didn't get up that... I wasn't like taking

23:47

it off the shelf, looking at it, reading

23:50

the safety stuff, reading how many... What's the

23:52

amperage on this son of a bitch? But

23:56

yeah, I'm like, so if you're at Target, you're

23:58

like, oh, they got vi- Vibrators,

24:00

I'm gonna get one and then yeah,

24:02

you're you're pretty awesome because you can

24:04

walk through the store with that thing

24:06

in your cart That's right.

24:09

I'm assuming you can't take that through the self-checkout

24:11

I think you got to have somebody checking you

24:13

out if you're getting a sex toy Why

24:18

does it not have a barcode No,

24:22

I'm just assuming that that would be an

24:24

item that would be stolen often like

24:28

you know because someone's like Kind

24:30

of sketchy about buying it or

24:32

embarrassed or insecure That's

24:34

why I was thinking that it's probably behind the

24:36

glass case, but you say no It's just right

24:38

there for the plum for the taken Yeah,

24:41

it was it was right there It's something you know that

24:43

people want to loot the place they can go in there

24:45

and grab as many as they like and

24:47

within in terms of like the price you're

24:49

talking about the bargain base thing and like

24:52

I don't really know the Real

24:55

price of a vibrator because usually

24:57

sex shops are way overpriced on

24:59

everything Mm-hmm, right?

25:03

So I wouldn't know whether it was like,

25:05

okay This is target pricing and then at

25:07

the purple onion by my house. It would

25:09

be Eight extra dollars

25:11

or something, you know, right?

25:13

Is it actually called the purple onion?

25:16

Yeah, the store is called the purple onion and

25:18

it's right by an aquarium in a taco place

25:22

What is a purple onion? Is it

25:24

a vagina or is it a bubble? I? Think

25:28

I think it's neither I think it's

25:30

so what some kind of ink like

25:32

old reference to like the Kamasutra

25:35

the karma so that the karma sutras the camera so

25:37

no it's a yeah the kama

25:39

sutra. I think yeah kama Sutra

25:45

Is that damage check talking about

25:47

the kama sutra purple and kama

25:49

sutra um

25:53

It's fascinating that you think it's not the vagina

25:56

or the butt or I guess I guess we're

25:58

calling it the vulva now Are you aware? this,

26:00

it's culture has shifted. Now

26:03

it's the vulva. Women have vulvas,

26:05

men have penises. Really?

26:10

Why don't we call it vagina? Well,

26:13

the vagina is what is the

26:15

whole. That's what's inside. But like

26:17

the whole situation is the vulva.

26:20

So it's like the vulva

26:22

is the overlapping thing and then

26:24

we, it's like,

26:27

you know, the theater versus the

26:29

screen, right? Yes. It's like

26:31

the vulva is the purple onion.

26:33

The vagina is the

26:35

whole. Okay. I

26:37

mean, I can get with that. I'm fine.

26:39

It's just, it's coming a little late in

26:41

life for me to really adapt. It's hard

26:43

for me too. And in fact, I kind

26:46

of want just on for principle, I

26:48

kind of want to not. But

26:50

then I think I don't want to

26:52

be teaching my kids that wrong terms. Oh,

26:54

that's true. That could really mess

26:57

them up. You know? Yeah. It feels

26:59

weird to suddenly use a new word

27:02

for something

27:07

that is such a part of my body. Like

27:10

if I'm saying like, I'm going to go out and get

27:12

me some vulva. It

27:16

seems like I'm stopping short of the entire

27:18

act or maybe I'm just being a giving

27:20

lover. I'm just being a giving lover that

27:22

night. It's not, you know what I'm saying?

27:24

You know? Yeah. You're just going

27:27

to like massage the outside. If you're

27:29

getting some, but I would, yeah, I

27:31

would get the whole, there needs to

27:33

be a word to encompass both. Yeah.

27:36

I'm going to get me some genitals, genitals,

27:38

some multiple stuff. I was just saying there were

27:41

a lot of words. I was just watching the

27:43

new cat Williams standup special last night and he,

27:45

he really went into it for like 35 minutes.

27:50

Is it good? You recommend it? I thought

27:52

it was very funny, but I mean, if

27:54

you could deal with cat Williams talking about

27:56

vagina, vulva, clitoris,

27:59

every, the. The whole thing, the whole thing,

28:01

the entire kitten caboodle for 35

28:03

minutes, then you'll like it. But

28:06

some people that are more sensitive to that

28:08

maybe may not enjoy it. But I think

28:11

he could make anything interesting, I think. All

28:14

right. I'll give it a go. Speaking of

28:16

shows, and then we can move on to what you want to

28:18

talk about. Have you heard of

28:20

this show, Baby Reindeer, on Netflix? I

28:24

just started getting stuff trickling into

28:26

my social media about it. Okay.

28:29

Yes, same. It's sort of

28:31

out of the blue, just

28:33

started seeing people talk about

28:35

watching it. So

28:38

Daniel and I started last night, but I said to

28:40

him, I'm hesitant because I

28:42

think it might be disturbing. And

28:45

we watched the first episode, definitely hooked. It

28:48

doesn't feel... I mean, you can see how

28:50

it's going to be weird, but I don't

28:52

really know what it is that everyone is

28:55

being so foreboding about.

28:57

But I just recorded my group

28:59

show, and Eliza

29:02

Skinner, who's one of the comedians who

29:04

was on, she was saying that it's

29:07

very much like, oh my God,

29:10

what the fuck did I just watch? It's very

29:12

dark. It's very weird. I don't know. And

29:15

she said that I enjoyed it.

29:19

I don't even know that it's appropriate to use the

29:21

word enjoy. So I don't even know what's in store

29:23

for me, but I'm worried now, even though I want

29:25

to watch it. And what's that on? Netflix.

29:29

Oh, that sounds good then. I love the

29:32

sense of foreboding. It's just like when the

29:35

second season of White Lotus and it's like,

29:38

whoa, I didn't see that coming. I

29:40

like the idea of people in TV shows putting

29:43

these... This is

29:45

a weird term to use, but money shots. Every

29:48

show now seems to have the disturbing

29:51

or didn't see that coming. Holy crap.

29:54

I need to go to therapy now, moment. Yes,

29:57

except I

29:59

saw White Lotus. I love white lotus and

30:02

I'm forgetting what it was What

30:04

what are you referring to or is it a spoiler

30:06

to say? I think it's a spoiler alert cuz it's like

30:08

a big twist. Oh Okay,

30:13

don't tell me then I mean even

30:15

though I know big sexy twist

30:17

But I know I was

30:19

just you know wondering about

30:21

you know the the target

30:23

vibrator Audience if

30:25

you guys are for the target

30:28

vibrator anybody try out the target

30:30

vibrator, please. Let us know on

30:32

patreon Let's let's hear

30:34

your reviews So how much

30:36

was it? Do you remember I'm a

30:38

limited guess I'm gonna guess it's

30:42

like I'm

30:46

gonna guess it's like 49

30:49

or something which I would say is pretty cheap.

30:52

I can look it up right now Okay, great.

30:54

I'm gonna incognito mode Just

30:59

cuz like I don't want my wife seeing

31:01

when she logs on to our Google account

31:03

target vibrator And

31:05

like Mother's Day is coming up Thanks,

31:13

you've got me a target vibrator for

31:15

Mother's Day only the best I

31:21

Here we go here we go, okay Let's

31:23

see Vibrators sexual

31:25

health, you know they have multiple online,

31:27

but I guess at my target they

31:29

only had They

31:32

only had the one This

31:34

is shocking. I never knew they dabbled in

31:38

Sex toys or

31:40

health and wellness whatever they call it what

31:42

am I wrong they even have fake

31:45

vulvas for men Like

31:48

a flashlight No, they call

31:50

it the stroker Are

31:52

you serious? How

31:54

did target get into doing carrying

31:57

this stuff it looks like a

31:59

little like Like a cute little like snowman

32:01

that doesn't have a head. It's just like

32:03

the body and. Oh my

32:05

God, I gotta look this up. The stroker you

32:07

say. Yeah. Target the

32:09

stroker. Target

32:13

the stroker. Wow, they're waterproof.

32:16

Yeah, they have multiple.

32:20

Oh my. I don't even know what this thing

32:22

is. It looks kind of like a shofar, you

32:25

know, that you blow. Oh

32:29

my God, there's something called the little sucker. Oh,

32:33

that's kind of gross because. That's

32:36

kind of pedophile right? Like the little

32:38

sucker. Oh yeah, I guess it kind of is.

32:40

I mean, I hadn't thought of it that way and I

32:42

think it looks like a small little suction thing, but wow.

32:45

Who knew this is like an ad

32:47

for Target and we

32:49

don't intend for it to be. What

32:51

does the little sucker even do? Because

32:54

if I look at it, it looks like

32:56

that thing that Neil deGrasse Tyson flies around

32:58

in the Cosmos TV show. Oh,

33:01

I haven't seen that, but it also looks

33:03

like almost like a little like ear aspirator.

33:05

I think it's

33:08

a clitoral stimulator. Oh.

33:11

So it looks like you put some

33:13

lube in that little

33:15

hole and then it just suckles

33:18

your clit. OK,

33:21

it's my it's my sense of it. The

33:23

thing that looked like the shofar and also

33:26

it looks kind of like a like a

33:28

handle on a coffee cup. Is

33:31

the Blumey Indulge waterproof rechargeable

33:34

double sided vibrator. Blumey?

33:38

B-L-O-O-Y-M-Y? B-L-O-O-M-I.

33:43

M-I. Oh yeah,

33:45

it looks like something. It looks like an

33:47

old school phone. It's

33:52

got so many sides to it. It's

33:54

like a it's like it's like got three heads on

33:57

it. Yeah, I don't

33:59

know what that is. Oh no it's

34:01

not, sorry. It's just one, it's just

34:03

the receiver part of a phone. It's

34:06

photographed against the box so

34:08

I saw another, I thought

34:11

there were three pieces of

34:13

it. It's just this two thing, okay. You

34:16

also have the the Hello

34:18

Cake Pocket wand which it

34:20

looks a lot kind of like a cake pop. So

34:23

which is the one they had at the store? The

34:26

one they had in the store, I found it here and it's $3,249 so

34:30

you know reasonable and I'm sure you could do

34:32

some kind of Klarna deal. Maybe you could pay

34:34

like eight bucks for four months on it. Right.

34:37

And it's the Plus

34:40

One waterproof and rechargeable

34:42

dual rabbit vibrator and

34:46

it's very sleek. It looks

34:48

like like a,

34:53

what are those trees? What are the out in

34:55

out in Yaka Valley? It

34:59

has like a Dr. Seuss kind of waving

35:02

quality to it and

35:04

it has a pinhole charger in there to

35:07

get it working. So I guess okay so it's $3,249 for

35:09

the target vibrator.

35:11

That seems cheap, yeah. Yeah

35:14

and you know as long as it doesn't like die

35:16

on you, as long as you can, you can, that

35:18

sucker works for three, four years and I think it's

35:20

worth the money, you know. Right, right

35:22

and maybe it has some kind of guarantee who knows.

35:24

Well who knew? I certainly didn't. If you had said

35:26

to me do you think you can pick up a

35:29

sex toy at Target? I would have said probably not.

35:32

Now okay. I would have been wrong. One last

35:35

point I'm thinking about this. The first thing

35:37

is the person in the checkout aisle that's

35:39

checking you out as you buy

35:41

the Plus One and put on your Target

35:43

red card. What

35:46

if you return it

35:48

and you go to return it and you're at that

35:51

return desk, that really messy return

35:53

desk where you've got kids toys, everything and

35:55

you're like you know this one it just

35:57

I don't know it didn't fit or it.

36:00

You know, it didn't... Right. It

36:02

didn't get me off. Yeah, it didn't

36:04

get me off. It didn't work at all. This

36:07

is like my ex-husband, you know? My

36:14

hunch is there's a no return

36:16

policy. You think so? If

36:19

it's opened, I have a feeling. Same as like

36:21

you probably couldn't return a box of condoms. Yeah,

36:24

I would. Yeah, definitely. I had

36:26

that problem with printer ink. Like

36:28

my printer ink didn't work and I tried to turn it back and I

36:30

was like, no, we don't do that. That

36:33

seems unfair. I know. But

36:36

yeah, it's company policy. What can you do? Bullshit.

36:40

That is bullshit. Did you

36:42

hear about... They had a... It was

36:44

like a dead... A Grateful Dead thing

36:46

out in like Ventura. It wasn't anything...

36:48

It was like a bunch of Grateful

36:51

Dead tribute bands. And it

36:53

was a three day fest out in Ventura, which is

36:55

actually quite pretty if you go out there. And

36:59

people paid like, you know, like a hundred

37:02

bucks a day to go to it and

37:04

then they canceled it and they

37:06

said, you know, we've really tried to

37:08

refund people, but no refunds.

37:11

Sorry. What? Yeah.

37:14

How can they do that? When was this? This

37:16

was just a couple of weeks ago and there was

37:18

a no refunds policy if you looked at the fine

37:20

print. So they didn't do the

37:22

thing. People spent, you know, you probably

37:25

paid a hundred bucks and then a day

37:27

plus, you know, different fees for a

37:29

three day thing. You spent $400 and

37:32

they just pulled the, sorry, no refunds.

37:34

And they wrote a really nice email

37:37

to people. It's like, you know, we really tried

37:39

to figure out how to get you back your money,

37:41

but it doesn't look like it's going to happen. That

37:44

seems not okay. I thought no refunds

37:46

means you can't request a refund, not

37:48

we can cancel the event and we

37:50

don't have to refund you. No,

37:53

that's exactly what it meant. So

37:55

are people upset? I assume so.

37:57

Yeah. I saw a bunch of people bitching about

37:59

it online, but. I just thought like

38:01

we've hit that level with the ripoff

38:03

that is the you know the concert

38:06

world of these days And it's just like

38:08

right we're not gonna even do it. We're

38:10

gonna screw you with a with a ticketing fee. Yeah,

38:13

wow Now Coachella

38:15

and stagecoach just happened. Are

38:18

you wishing you had gone? Not

38:21

really after I had gone to go

38:24

see blur at Put

38:26

in Pomona because they were like the

38:28

third headliner on like the

38:30

first night of like both weekends right and that

38:32

one of my favorite bands and I

38:35

saw them in Pomona was really small venues They

38:37

warmed up and then when they

38:39

played at Coachella like the lead singer Damon

38:42

Albarn literally threw the bird UK

38:44

style with like the the peace sign

38:46

backwards at the audience. Oh, I didn't I didn't

38:49

know that was the bird Yeah, would they do

38:51

like peace but backwards? I

38:53

didn't know that huh? Yeah, if you look at

38:55

it makes a vulva Yeah,

38:59

and if there's a vagina inside it no

39:02

not at all. It's just a vulva now Okay,

39:05

just a vulva and I

39:07

guess like a bunch of 23 year olds

39:09

looking at their cell phones didn't really know

39:11

the song girls and boys and Damon

39:15

was like we're not fucking coming back in

39:17

you know Yelled at them so

39:19

I was like I guess the crowd was was really shitty there

39:22

But that maybe was that was just for that band, but Right.

39:25

I I've been

39:27

there before when I was younger and had a good time, but

39:29

now I'm like I'm pretty good

39:31

at not being somewhere for three days. You

39:33

know yes Yeah, have you ever

39:35

been tempted to go to Burning Man? I

39:39

have but it's just kind of it runs parallel with

39:41

my desire to get high You

39:45

mean you get you want to go to Burning Man and then you

39:48

get high and then you don't have the motivation to go to

39:50

Burning Man No, it's like I want to get high

39:52

and I'm like where could I get high and I'm

39:54

like oh Burning Man that that could work But I

39:56

have friends that do that and that always seemed cool

39:58

to me like I'd love to go hang out

40:00

with some wooks and some hippies out there for

40:02

a couple days and barter

40:05

things and live like a stinky anarchist like

40:07

I could I could get with that like

40:09

you just have to have enough Like

40:12

drugs to get you through the days because I feel like

40:14

that one sober day where you're sitting out there Like what

40:17

the fuck am I doing? That's

40:20

how I would feel Yeah, I've always

40:22

thought I have no desire to go to Burning

40:25

Man And then I've interviewed a couple people who

40:27

are all about it, and they make it sound

40:29

like idyllic and I don't know sort of interesting

40:33

Which is hard for me to admit Yeah,

40:35

it just seems to me like you're going to like a really

40:38

long rave and meeting cool people

40:41

and bouncing around and It

40:43

seemed like that would be cool, but again. It would be like on

40:46

the fourth day of eating mushrooms Yeah,

40:49

yeah, and You

40:52

know but maybe meet some cool friends. I don't know

40:54

again my buddy Al Chang goes out there So maybe

40:56

I go out with Al Chang at some point We

40:59

went to the Renaissance fair this weekend. Have you

41:01

done that? Oh? Renaissance

41:04

fair is like the most expensive

41:06

place on earth is what I

41:08

recall um The

41:11

people there are selling Overpriced

41:14

chotch keys that you can get on Amazon

41:16

for like an eighth of the price the

41:18

things that they sell are so expensive And

41:21

yes, it is the food is expensive. I hope

41:23

that's an expensive day, but it's not upscale in

41:25

any way Okay, it's very

41:27

much. Just like a carnival You

41:30

know you know a carnival

41:32

that involves pageantry, but yeah, it's expensive Was

41:35

this the one off by the 15 like off

41:37

of like Devor exit? Whatever

41:40

like where they had the festival oh? My

41:44

God us three yeah, so

41:47

it is called um It's

41:50

at the Santa Fe Dam. I think

41:53

Erwindale is that what you're thinking of okay?

41:55

No, that one's that one's closer that that one

41:57

is the one way out there and Did

42:00

you see a lot of

42:02

boob? Because I remember a

42:04

lot of push-up boob going on. Yes.

42:08

Like, in a way where I... Look,

42:10

I'm not attracted

42:13

to boobs. But the

42:16

way that they were like cinched

42:19

up and pushed out to

42:21

such an extreme degree made me less attracted

42:23

to them than I would be if they

42:25

were just sitting in a normal corset. Like,

42:27

this was... It was

42:29

extreme boob push-age.

42:32

It looked uncomfortable. Yeah, I feel

42:34

like those corsets in there, they're a harsh

42:37

leather, you know? Yeah. And

42:39

it's going right up and it goes almost to

42:41

areola, right? And they're trying to get it as

42:43

high up as possible. Yeah. You

42:46

know, all boobs are beautiful, but some are

42:49

more beautiful than others. Didn't

42:51

George Orwell say that? Yes, exactly.

42:55

And Morrissey as well. But

43:00

it usually tends to be a

43:02

heavier set boob going up

43:04

that is, you know, not really

43:06

a well-formed boob, you know? Right.

43:08

Right. Yeah,

43:11

I don't know. I'm trying to think

43:13

if I saw anyone. I'm trying to think if I saw any

43:15

boobs that were attached to someone who was like, that's

43:19

a hot person. I

43:21

don't know. I don't

43:23

know. It was a lot. It was overwhelming. We

43:27

went last year and we got there

43:29

pretty late. So we were only there for a few hours

43:31

and it was much more manageable. This time we had a

43:34

long day there and I was over it for the

43:36

last few hours, but the kids were into it. So

43:38

I had to stay and everything was very dusty. It's

43:41

the kind of thing where you're like blowing your nose

43:43

afterwards and dust is coming out, you know? Did

43:46

you play splatter platter where you throw dishes?

43:48

No, what's that? You pay to throw dishes?

43:52

No, I didn't even see

43:54

that as an option. Splatter platter! And

43:56

then you throw dishes. No? That sounds

43:59

funny. It was really fun. No,

44:01

we didn't do that. Did you eat a large turkey

44:03

leg? No, no. Your second

44:05

person asked me that. You know, I've never

44:07

eaten a large turkey leg, and I've been

44:09

to the Renaissance Fair when

44:12

I was younger, I went, and then I've been

44:14

a couple times as an adult, thrice

44:16

as an adult. Never

44:18

once had a turkey leg, but the food was

44:20

really good. The food, I think, was like one of

44:22

the stronger parts, which I wouldn't have expected. I

44:26

got an artichoke, because I remember seeing an artichoke

44:28

last year and thinking it looked really good. The

44:31

sauce was really good, the spices were really good,

44:34

it was really good, but an

44:38

artichoke is not something that's

44:40

ideal to eat outdoors at

44:42

a Renaissance Fair. It's

44:45

greasy and it's messy, and there's all

44:47

the, negotiating the inside of the artichoke. But

44:49

the flavor was really good. Daniel

44:51

got a tri-tip sandwich, I had a bite of that. That

44:53

was really good. The kids got fish and chips, that was

44:55

really good. So,

44:58

good job on the food, Renaissance Fair. My

45:01

wife and I, we have kind of a challenge

45:03

that we do when I make an artichoke. I

45:06

make it the most dumb way possible, where I

45:08

just boil a bunch of water, I throw

45:11

the choke in there for an hour until

45:13

it starts falling apart. I

45:15

don't think that's a dumb way. Is

45:18

that kind of the traditional way? I think so, but

45:20

a lot of people, they do it the bougie way

45:22

now, or they bake it, and they have a whole

45:24

bunch of different spices on top of

45:26

it, and they cut it interestingly, so you don't

45:28

have the tips. And it's

45:30

a whole thing. You didn't even know. But yeah,

45:32

I just do it, and then I dip it in mayo,

45:35

and my wife's fancy, so she dips it in butter. But

45:38

then at the end, when you get to the

45:40

heart of the artichoke, this is the best. This

45:43

is the coup de grace, this is

45:45

the Flaming Baked Alaska on the

45:47

evening. And then we would...

45:50

It's the Tootsie Roll in the Tootsie

45:52

Pop. And

45:54

we'd put that out there, and it's all

45:56

steamy, and then sometimes we'd

45:58

have a competition. and be like, okay, we

46:00

could flip a coin and you could gamble

46:02

and you could get the whole heart or

46:05

you could get no heart and lose. Oh

46:08

my God, you guys, the stakes are so

46:11

high. Yeah, because we'd lust after the heart

46:13

so badly. You don't just

46:15

share? Yeah, no, we usually share, but it's

46:17

like you want to double or nothing on the heart. Right,

46:21

and sometimes you do, and will you do that?

46:23

Yeah, we've done that before. My

46:25

old roommate Oscar and I, we would definitely go hard

46:27

on that because he'd be like, oh dude, you're making

46:30

choke? And he's like, dude, bro, we're making choke. And

46:32

it really is great. I've

46:35

kind of thought about going vegetarian before, and

46:38

I was like, okay, if I could eat

46:40

artichoke with every meal, then that's something that

46:42

is fulfilling to me

46:45

as meat, satiated, is

46:48

artichoke in male. It

46:50

almost has an umami thing happening, even though

46:52

for the longest time I was like, I

46:55

don't believe umami exists. But

46:57

there is something meaty about it.

47:00

Could you define umami because when I

47:02

think of umami, it's like,

47:05

they say, can you define irony, right? Are

47:07

you that great with words that you can

47:09

do that? How do you define umami?

47:12

Because I kind of think I know what it is,

47:14

but maybe I don't know what it is. So

47:17

Phil Rosenthal defined it for me because I

47:19

was doing my like, I don't think this

47:21

exists. He said it's

47:23

savory but not salty. Oh. See,

47:30

I always thought it was savory and salty.

47:33

So it doesn't necessarily

47:35

need the salty flavor. So

47:38

it would be, I don't even know,

47:40

like what, okay, what would you call

47:42

that then? Like the avocado, what else?

47:46

So like tomatoes, mushrooms,

47:48

meat. Have you

47:50

ever used MSG or

47:52

Accent, that spice? I

47:55

used for a while, everyone thought like outlawed, but now it's

47:57

back because it wasn't actually ever bad for you. My

48:00

friend Daria worked at Chong's in

48:02

Redondo Beach, a Chinese food place,

48:04

and she actually used to steal

48:06

the MSG from there. She's like,

48:08

Todd, I'm telling you, it is so

48:11

fucking good. I put it on everything.

48:14

You can buy it in the store. It's just a little

48:16

shaker and it's called Accent. So,

48:19

and when we were young, the commercial was like a

48:21

black and white commercial and they shake the accent and

48:23

the food gets, turns into color. But

48:26

anyway, if you ever taste bad, it's called,

48:28

I think it's called monosodium

48:30

glutamate. That is the

48:32

flavor of umami. So I remember tasting

48:34

just a couple crystals of it and

48:36

thinking it was going to be overpoweringly

48:38

salty, but it's not. It has like,

48:40

it almost tastes like broth. It's

48:43

got, it's like whatever the flavor of broth

48:46

is, that's what it is. It's very flavorful.

48:48

It's surprisingly flavorful. It really turned the color

48:50

on in my mouth. That's

48:53

one of my favorite reviews from

48:55

the Target vibrator. The

48:58

little sucker really turned

49:01

the color on in my mouth. Okay. So the MSG, so

49:04

the, okay.

49:06

So MSG is back. We're back into it. We're just not

49:09

calling it MSG anymore or? I don't know. Accent has been

49:11

around since like the eighties or possibly the

49:13

seventies. Um,

49:17

I don't know.

49:19

I don't think anyone's loud about being

49:21

back on it, but I think that the

49:24

claims that it caused health problems have been

49:26

debunked. So I think if you will want

49:29

to get back on it, they can. It

49:31

was like big salt came from MSG and

49:34

yeah. Here's the funny thing

49:37

is no one is gluten free

49:41

anymore. And I feel like gluten

49:43

free was a huge problem for 90% of the women

49:45

I knew in the LA area for about four and

49:47

a half years. And now no one cares. Everyone went

49:49

back and everybody

49:54

just went back with impunity. It was like, it

49:56

was like, it was like, it was Like

50:00

after COVID, when people

50:02

said stupid things or whatever in the

50:04

media or did terrible things, we all

50:06

just kind of forgave everybody for being

50:08

stupid, right? And everyone went back to

50:10

their thing. Maybe

50:13

some people returned to work after being Nazis, right?

50:15

They went out, they did their Nazi thing, like,

50:17

oh, war's over. Yeah. No, we

50:19

did some weird shit, but let's not talk about it. Right.

50:23

That is my feeling about gluten-free, is

50:25

everybody screamed about it for a long

50:27

time. And then people claim to

50:29

be gluten-free and then they stop being gluten-free and no

50:31

one held their feet to the fire. I

50:34

mean, I think you might

50:36

be onto something with your pointing

50:39

out the relationship to COVID because remember

50:41

at the beginning of lockdown, everyone

50:44

was making bread. You couldn't

50:46

even get yeast. We have like a

50:48

giant, in case there's another pandemic, erase

50:51

this episode, but we have a giant

50:54

sack of yeast because it was so

50:56

hard. I got caught

50:58

up in the bread frenzy. We made some bread.

51:00

It was so hard to find yeast that I

51:02

got like the value pack of

51:04

yeast in

51:07

the same way that like your children's children will inherit

51:09

your tortoise. There's

51:14

yeast in the Rosenkwan family for

51:16

eons now. We have so much

51:18

yeast, but I think

51:21

everyone was so interested in making

51:23

bread, they gave up

51:25

their gluten-free lifestyle. Did

51:27

Daniel actually make bread? No,

51:31

but he ate some of the bread that I made. So

51:33

you made bread. I made bread and

51:35

I let Elliot help me. Cooking

51:37

with a child is very frustrating. Even

51:42

when, and this was my thing

51:44

was like, this is going to be an activity we're

51:46

going to do together and it's going to be for

51:48

him. And then quickly

51:51

I was like, I can't wait for him to take a nap so

51:53

I can fix this. This kid doesn't

51:55

know how to cook at all. So

51:58

what I'm hearing is the whole. World

52:00

took, you know, took

52:03

for granted the fact that they had access

52:05

to yeast for a long time and like,

52:08

I don't know, we're sick. It actually makes

52:10

us sick. It's terrible. And then when there

52:12

wasn't any, everybody ran towards it and was

52:14

like, Oh my God, where are you? Yeast?

52:17

I'm so sorry. It's like when they had

52:19

that commercial where they're like, release that egg

52:22

and they got the egg out of the prison

52:24

because they're saying the eggs are now good for

52:27

you. We, we really seen this commercial. We

52:29

released the yeast, which is

52:33

also my favorite target sex product

52:36

on there. All right. I'm

52:40

going to finish with one thing that

52:42

I want to ask you as a

52:45

master parent who does another show that

52:47

is actually about parenting. And

52:50

I had a problem. I had

52:52

a problem recently where my son, he was

52:56

getting into kind of casually using

52:58

the word ass and

53:02

not kind of knowing how to use it like

53:04

a fucking novice. But, and

53:06

then we

53:08

started saying, Hey, look, you know, you gotta, you

53:11

gotta watch it. You know, those are bad words. Those

53:13

are inappropriate. No one wants to hear a seven year

53:15

old say that, but try not to make a big

53:17

deal about it like doing the dance. And

53:20

then he's doing homework and

53:22

he was about to say something

53:24

and he stopped and he goes, now

53:27

he's seven. And he goes, I was

53:29

about to say shit or crap, but

53:32

I didn't. Oh wow.

53:35

Yeah. And

53:37

I was like, that's great. I was like,

53:39

dude, you just outed yourself of,

53:41

you just said shit and crap, right?

53:43

He found a way to do it.

53:47

He ruined himself and then

53:50

my wife for some reason got mad at him or whatever. And

53:52

he was in his bedroom and he goes, ah,

53:55

Jesus. And

53:58

so, okay, with all this, I think

54:00

we've had discussions before and if there's a kid in the

54:03

car, please fast forward to the end of

54:05

the show Alice

54:07

and I were talking before about the

54:09

Santa thing and I think we

54:11

both agreed that it makes us very uncomfortable to lie

54:13

to kids About

54:15

that whole scenario and that we don't really

54:17

want to push it like my wife pushes

54:19

it really hard and I'm just kind of Be

54:23

good, you know, you'll get shit, you know,

54:25

right So I feel

54:27

the same way about getting mad about

54:29

bad words because kind of in my

54:31

heart as a communicator

54:35

Yeah, I love her of words lover

54:37

of words as a podcaster the idea

54:39

that oh words are bad or whatever

54:41

Some seem so pure a tan o'cole,

54:44

you know, it's like being anti Sex

54:47

or buying a vibrator at Target or anything. It's

54:49

just like learn to

54:51

accept language and don't be prudish and

54:54

in If

54:56

you're not offended by words, then you're gonna

54:58

go a lot further in life, right? Right

55:02

So I had to fake parent, you know

55:04

and be like, oh, it's so bad I

55:06

don't want to hear you saying bad words

55:08

because it's unbecoming on a Seven-year-old

55:11

to be that way and I told them

55:13

find more creative ways to say what you're

55:15

saying instead of saying You know the S

55:18

would say oh schnitzel or whatever like find

55:20

something really cool to replace it with that's

55:22

creative And get your point across in a

55:24

new inventive way, you

55:26

know, I think that's a good

55:28

challenge what I was gonna ask is can

55:32

he understand the

55:34

idea that There are

55:36

certain words that people take offense to and

55:38

and so you don't want to say them

55:40

in public or at school but

55:43

like It's okay. It, you know,

55:45

I Wouldn't go so far

55:47

say it's okay at home But like you don't

55:49

encourage it but just would he get that cuz

55:51

like I think Elliott does But

55:53

I don't know how much Owen would I don't

55:56

I don't think Declan is there at getting just cuz

55:58

he was so lazy in

56:00

his use of the word ass and just couldn't

56:02

use it appropriately. It was like, come on. Fuckin'

56:05

hey, dude. And it

56:07

was also part of me's like, dude,

56:10

you don't say it around your fucking parents, you

56:13

know? Like, know that. Like, don't get

56:15

caught. Like, don't out yourself. So that

56:18

was kind of disappointing. Like, well,

56:20

I think he doesn't quite get it. He doesn't

56:22

quite get the rules around it. I

56:26

should just do like, you know, when my dad wanted

56:28

to teach me about sex, he

56:30

took me to Target. He

56:34

made me watch the Elvis 68 comeback special

56:36

and said, that's what a man is and

56:38

that's what women like. I

56:40

should do like the George Carlin, like seven

56:43

dirty words. You can't say that. And

56:46

have him sit through that. And then he can learn

56:48

about the art of cursing, maybe.

56:51

Right. Right. We, when we were out in

56:53

Erwindale, made a U-turn and passed a Jack

56:55

in the Box and Elliott looked out the

56:57

window and said, Jack in the crack. And

57:01

then Daniel and I both, and then we

57:03

laughed and he goes, that's what grownups call

57:05

it, right? And I said, where

57:07

did you hear that? And he said, YouTube. So

57:10

there you go. Jack in the crack. That

57:13

reminds me. The funniest thing in the

57:15

world is an Instagram page called Foos

57:17

Gone Wild. And it's like

57:19

Hispanic kind of memes and about

57:22

like Hispanic culture. And there's

57:24

always this woman on there. It's like, Jack

57:27

in the crack. Oh, hell no. Whenever

57:30

I drive by a Jack in the box,

57:32

I say, Jack in the crack. Oh, hell

57:34

no. Foos Gone Wild. I'm

57:37

gonna check it out. All right. Now,

57:39

Alison, I will end with this. When

57:43

eventually you have to have these conversations

57:45

about a quote unquote bad

57:47

words with your kids, are you going

57:49

to have that same Santa Claus feeling

57:51

about it? Or are you'd be totally

57:53

fine with saying that's a naughty word,

57:55

you know, and get prudish on

57:57

him? No, I, I. I'm

58:00

gonna feel, yeah, I'm gonna feel like I'm being

58:02

dishonest because in my heart of hearts, I don't

58:04

really believe that there's such thing as a bad

58:06

word. I mean, there's

58:08

hurtful words, that's different. But I

58:10

don't believe that words that, you

58:12

know, potty words are sex

58:15

words. I

58:17

don't believe those are bad. But I do

58:19

think it's important that they understand that most people

58:21

do. So, it's

58:23

a fine line. I'd

58:27

like to thank everybody for subscribing to the

58:29

show on Patreon. Thank you, Alison Rosen, for

58:31

being here with me. And I think we

58:33

had a good 20 minutes of no-jeb. And

58:35

then I think you slid

58:38

deeply down the dark chasm

58:41

of gibberish. I did.

58:45

I mean, I'm sure I did. Well,

58:47

you know, you need to, you need to

58:49

like prod me because I'm not aware of

58:51

my own jeb-a-tude. You

58:55

get like a cattle prod, like Pope. Yeah.

58:59

I mean, I am sitting lower in my seat. Yeah. Maybe

59:03

I assumed a jeb position. Well, I'm

59:06

sure that our listener will let us know

59:08

if we jebbed out. That's

59:10

right. Yeah. Text me. I'm sorry. You

59:13

know who you are. I'd like

59:15

to thank you guys once again and talk

59:18

to you soon, Alison Rosen. Next show will

59:20

be out on probably the 15th of May.

59:22

That's right. So stick around until then.