0:00

Hey everyone, hi, hello.

0:25

Welcome to another very special episode

0:27

of Alison Rosen is your new

0:29

best friend live from Japan. Yes,

0:31

we are still here. I'm

0:34

here in our hotel room with

0:36

my husband, Daniel. Hello, Daniel. Hello.

0:39

How's it going? It is going

0:41

well. It's going well. Excellent. Yes,

0:43

it is. It is 9 48 p.m. here. Been

0:46

a long day. Every day feels like a long

0:48

day here. And

0:54

when I said that we were in our hotel

0:56

room, my mind flashed back to

0:58

the pod cabin. And I think we should

1:00

tell them that we are currently locked out

1:02

of the pod cabin. Yeah, we're

1:04

going to have to break in. Let's see. Well,

1:07

let me give the backstory because it's something

1:09

that I like to call riveting.

1:14

Are they ready for this riveting?

1:17

Tell them. Tell them. Are

1:19

you guys sitting down? It's riveting.

1:21

Okay, so as you know, we live

1:24

in a home and then in the

1:27

backyard, there's a structure, a small

1:29

house. I'm going to call it a houselet. And

1:31

that is where the podcast studio is.

1:36

So we have a key to the podcast

1:38

studio. I don't typically keep it locked, which is

1:40

probably a bad idea because there's easily hundreds. No,

1:45

there's there's equipment in there. So I should keep it

1:47

locked, but I don't typically. But

1:49

when we go on vacation, we lock

1:51

it. And so there we were getting

1:54

ready to embark on our Japanese journey,

1:56

our journey to Japan. And

1:59

we could not find the key. It's

2:01

not that we couldn't find keys. We found keys,

2:03

but we did not find the key to the

2:06

studio. So we were like,

2:08

whatever, we have cameras everywhere. You know,

2:10

we'll get alerts on

2:12

our phone if someone ransacks our house. And

2:14

what a story that would be when you

2:16

think about it. Almost be worth it. It

2:18

would almost be worth it. And

2:21

then, I don't know, was it

2:23

the night before? It was soon. We

2:25

were soon to be leaving and Daniel said, oh,

2:29

I accidentally locked the studio. Well,

2:32

I had in trying the keys out that we

2:34

found, I would lock it and

2:36

then try the key. And I

2:38

forgot to unlock it before shutting it. I

2:40

locked it. I mean,

2:43

problem solved. But now we'll get

2:45

a new key because we'll just get a locksmith over. We'll

2:47

have to call locksmith. Now

2:49

you claim that lock, I

2:51

guess locksmiths must work on a

2:54

like. Pretty immediate.

2:58

Usually you need a locksmith right away. It's

3:00

like an OBGYN or something. It's like you can't

3:02

be like, yes, I can deliver your baby. I

3:04

have a window in 25 days. I mean,

3:07

if someone's in active labor. I

3:10

wouldn't know. I'm a man. I don't

3:13

pay attention. You went to birth classes with me.

3:16

I refused to pay attention. I

3:18

handed you after I, when

3:20

it came time to get ready to have Owen,

3:23

I said, I need you

3:26

to be my support person because I don't want to have

3:28

a duel again because I did not have a great duel

3:30

experience and I need you to read this book. What

3:33

was the book called? It was like how

3:35

to support your bitchy wife during labor. Don't

3:37

say bitchy. No. Did you ever read it?

3:41

I pretended to read it. No, yes, I did read it. Yeah.

3:46

We need to look forward into the future though.

3:48

I recently tried to, speaking of

3:50

the past, I

3:53

recently, but in order to make way

3:55

for our beautiful future, I tried to

3:57

offload a bunch of labor and pregnancy.

4:00

and baby books. So I did what we would do

4:02

in New York, which is I just put them on

4:05

the street thinking... Is that what people do in New York?

4:07

Yeah. They just line shit they

4:09

don't want up on the street and then people... That's

4:11

how I got... That's

4:14

how you get furniture in New York. It's how you get books.

4:16

It's how you get weird like

4:18

old folders, which it doesn't sound

4:20

appealing but sometimes there's like a cool

4:22

you know old folder with like a 80s

4:24

movie star on it or anything something. So anyway, I mean

4:28

some pretty good books there and

4:30

they just sat for Lauren in the street

4:33

and then finally I said, you know what?

4:36

Actually I didn't say anything. One day I said, I

4:38

said, Daniel, why are all these books in the back

4:40

of the car? And you said because they were just

4:42

sitting there and so then I just put them in

4:44

the trash can every second. The reason that works

4:46

in New York is because there's tons of

4:48

foot traffic. So there's like thousands and thousands

4:50

of people and then you know...

4:52

Yeah, like someone's gonna be needing prenatal books

4:58

but we live in the suburbs.

5:01

I guess you're right. Like I literally know all

5:03

the people who might walk by and none of

5:05

them are gonna want those books. So yeah like...

5:07

It just looked like we put trash on the street.

5:09

You put it like a Dan Brown book out there

5:12

or something maybe someone would grab it but yours you're

5:14

putting books out about like what

5:16

to do when you know you're sad

5:18

about expecting multiples. A baby popping

5:21

out of your vag. Oh

5:23

you're talking about the book called pregnancy sucks.

5:26

Whatever. It was pregnancy sucks

5:29

expecting multiples, wonder

5:34

weeks, what to

5:36

feed your baby. I mean it

5:38

was a decent book haul. Yeah, for someone who...

5:40

but like no one is

5:42

like I'm going on a

5:45

flight. I'm gonna be sitting on

5:47

the beach. What do I want? How

5:49

about a book about... I'm

5:54

gonna have a baby. Yeah, I hear what you're

5:56

saying but also you know what else? I think we've moved

5:58

away from books as a culture. All I

6:01

even bought a peri, no,

6:03

a menopause book by Dr. Jen Bunter, who

6:06

I follow and who I like and I

6:08

subscribe to her sub stack and stuff. Speaking

6:11

of, my sub stack is going

6:13

off you guys. Get in while the getting's

6:15

good, alisonrosen.substack.com.

6:19

But anyway, she wrote a

6:21

book, The Menopause Manifesto.

6:24

I read the beginning part of it

6:27

and it had all these statistics about

6:29

women who keep their

6:32

ovaries live

6:34

longer, even if you get a hysterectomy.

6:36

It really got in my head and freaked me out. I

6:38

had been planning to get all that junk out. Maybe I

6:41

should keep an ovary, but what about the risk and blah,

6:43

blah, blah, blah, all this stuff. I

6:45

was really freaking out. Not freaking out is

6:47

too strong. I was hung

6:50

up on it and trying to figure out what's the

6:52

best course of action. I

6:55

went and I looked at her website and

6:57

that info in the book is

6:59

already outdated. They've already updated

7:01

it. I thought, well, that's what you get

7:03

for reading a goddamn book. Yeah,

7:06

don't do it. By the way, all

7:08

those women, all the parts for

7:10

women, they should come in a little bag inside of you.

7:13

Like giblets in a turkey. Yeah, the doctor just goes in and

7:15

you can just take it out. I

7:17

have a question, Daniel. Then we'll

7:19

get to our Japan trip. Can

7:22

you please name for me? No.

7:25

All the women organs you know of. Oh,

7:29

brother. The uterus,

7:31

the ovaries, the fallopian tube.

7:33

Good job. The vagina. The

7:39

parts of the vagina. What are they? The

7:42

labia majoris, minoris.

7:46

I don't think it's, there's an S on it, but

7:48

that's fine for you. The

7:53

clitoris. Let's see

7:56

what else. else.

8:01

Urethra. Good. Although

8:03

that's everyone has a Urethra. Uh.

8:06

Still part of the

8:08

plumbing down there. Uh.

8:12

There's more, I'm sure. Yeah.

8:15

Did I say the uterus? Yeah. Uh.

8:20

What's the opening of the uterus? Oh.

8:23

Um. The

8:30

fucking, I forget. This

8:33

is, no one cares. Yes, I do. No,

8:37

no, no one cares what I know.

8:39

I do. Uh, well then we could,

8:41

then let's see. It's the, uh.

8:47

Brain. This

8:50

is the part that dilates. Good.

8:53

You're so close. Oh,

8:55

stop. When you try, when you act

8:57

like I don't know anything, I was there with

9:00

you every step of the way. I knew what

9:02

I needed to know when I needed to know

9:04

it. It's like when we bought diamonds. I

9:07

knew everything there was to know about

9:09

fucking diamonds. I knew every cut, every

9:12

grade, every fucking everything, the

9:16

letters and the fucking this and that. And

9:18

then the second we fucking bought it, it,

9:20

I flushed it out of my mind. So

9:23

I am never going to buy another diamond. When you

9:25

are wedding ring shopping, everything

9:28

in your

9:30

brain vacates in order

9:32

to make room for so much detail

9:35

and trivia about rings. And

9:38

then the second you leave it goes away. Like, do

9:41

you ever find yourself looking at a diamond

9:44

and thinking like, what grade is that? Never.

9:47

Never. And it's the same with

9:49

women's body. It's all going

9:52

to be removed soon anyway. Right. But what I just

9:54

want to know what's going to be you even care.

9:56

It's just the junk, all the inner

9:58

junk. just go scoop it out

10:01

with a melon baller and

10:03

that'll be the end of that. I will never have

10:05

to think about it again. How big is a uterus

10:07

when there's not a baby in it? Couple football fields.

10:10

When you unroll it, it's like football

10:12

fields. How

10:15

big is the uterus? Well, it

10:17

changes size. Right, but when it's small, how

10:22

little does it get? Like a fist. I

10:24

think that's right. Okay,

10:27

so you're missing that one

10:29

thing that dilates for

10:32

the baby to shoot on out. Yes,

10:35

good. Why are you

10:37

making me hammer this stuff into my brain? This

10:40

is real estate where

10:42

I could be shoving Japanese into it.

10:44

And then also there's one more word and

10:47

I'm not sure that I know exactly... Oh yeah,

10:49

I do. Okay, so think of the vagina. All

10:52

right. Now, you said... Slow

10:55

down. Think of the vagina. Thinking

10:58

about it. Now, let's

11:01

say you're gonna like give

11:05

it a slap, but you're not slapping... Okay,

11:07

slow down. You're

11:09

gonna give the vagina a slap. Now,

11:12

you're slapping the area that hair

11:15

covers. What is that called? Not

11:18

my girlfriends. Oh,

11:20

you're talking... We know that I am like...

11:23

I'm like a... The Venus... Who

11:26

is it? The Mons Venus

11:28

Mons? It's the Mons. Is

11:30

there a Venus in there? I think it's called

11:32

the Venus Mons. I think it's

11:34

just the Mons. Hello. Might

11:36

I know a little something more? Why...

11:40

Look it up. Venus Mons. Okay, I'll

11:42

look it up. While I look it up, can you

11:44

do me a favor and

11:46

try to remember what was going on when

11:49

we last recorded? Because I feel like we need to catch

11:51

them up on some stuff, but I can't remember anymore. I

11:53

don't even remember. Honestly, the last three weeks are a

11:55

blur. I don't

11:57

remember when we last recorded. Was it a week ago?

11:59

Two weeks ago? I don't know. Okay,

12:03

so it's the Mons pubis, but

12:05

then what is the primary function of

12:07

the Mons veneris? In

12:10

females, the Mons pubis is sometimes

12:12

also called the Mons veneris and

12:15

provides protection over the junction where

12:17

the pubic bones meet. What

12:22

does Mons veneris? I

12:24

feel like I was close enough. The fatty cushion of flesh

12:26

in human females situated over the junction of

12:28

the pubic bone. What do they call

12:30

the fatty portion out

12:33

that surrounds the vagina? Do you know this one?

12:36

The Mons veneris? No, the female.

12:40

Yeah. That's

12:44

some good stuff. Oh,

12:47

here's one more medical word, but you

12:49

don't know this one because I didn't know this word

12:51

for a while. What is

12:53

the, you referred

12:55

to as the fatty apron. It's

12:58

also the straight line for your joke. The

13:01

fatty apron that covers

13:03

the lady organs in the front. Sorry,

13:07

not the vagina. It covers the

13:10

uterus and stuff. Like

13:13

inside? Yeah. There's like an

13:15

apron of fat that covers it all on the inside.

13:17

What's it called? The omentum. Great.

13:21

If you ever go on Jeopardy, they might ask you that.

13:23

When am I ever going to need to

13:25

know that? Like the omentum. Don't you like

13:27

knowing stuff? I like knowing

13:29

stuff that's useful. I really don't love

13:31

knowing things that I'm never going to

13:33

use. Really? It feels like

13:37

a waste of time. Brain

13:40

space. Now I know the omentum.

13:43

Great. Is this part

13:45

of your whole like, do they know?

13:47

I think they know. But when we

13:49

met early on, you claim that you

13:51

were not a word person. Correct.

13:54

And that's like, it's shocking

13:56

that I still fell in love with you because

13:58

words are so important. to me. And

14:01

then it turned out I realized kind

14:04

of recently that

14:07

actually you are a word person, you just think

14:09

you're not a word person. Or

14:11

I'm not a word person and you're

14:13

dumber than you think you are. This

14:17

reminds me of my favorite tweet of all time that

14:19

I've talked about on the show. It was Dave Hills

14:21

and I'm not gonna remember it exactly, but

14:23

he's like, there

14:31

are all sorts of pillows

14:35

everywhere. That's how I know I'm

14:37

in a fancy hotel room or

14:39

the storage closet of

14:42

a shitty one. Dave

14:44

Hills funny. Yes. Yes.

14:47

I, well, I

14:50

don't, I

14:54

guess I have a

14:56

decent vocabulary. I think I base

14:59

my feeling that

15:01

I'm not a good word person on

15:03

the fact that I'm not good at

15:05

crosswords. And

15:08

I didn't do great on

15:10

the verbal portion of the SAT. Although in hindsight,

15:12

I think that a lot of that has to

15:14

do with the fact that I'm a slow reader.

15:17

Well, you have, yeah, you we've

15:19

talked about this before, you don't

15:22

synthesize. You are one

15:24

of these thorough people who likes to understand

15:26

every detail. You don't cut corners when you're

15:28

reading or when you're thinking or when you're

15:30

tweeting or anything. And

15:33

I think in order to, to blaze through that, you

15:35

do have to just be like, I get the gist.

15:38

Right? Like you, it just test a certain

15:40

type of thinking, which is I think a

15:42

flaw in the SAT, unless you

15:44

don't want people like me in your college or

15:48

in your fancy college. Right. Dumbass colleges

15:51

will accept me. Please. You went to

15:53

a good college, but, but not some

15:55

a weighty, toity Ivy league. Oh, look

15:57

at me. I went to an Ivy

16:00

League. Yeah, good for you. Fucking nerds.

16:06

But no, I was

16:08

like, I couldn't finish those sections

16:10

because it was like, it just

16:12

took the reading parts, you know, you're like, you

16:16

could eat, I could either speed read through it and

16:18

then have no idea how to answer the questions or

16:20

I could read it at my pace and be

16:23

able to answer the questions but not finish. Those

16:25

are my two choices. I couldn't, I

16:27

tried, I would even practice like to

16:29

try to read faster. Well, I've

16:32

told you before that I did better

16:34

on math than verbal, which

16:36

is weird because I'm not a bad person. That

16:38

is honestly weird as fuck. But that I think just

16:40

shows, I mean, I did okay on both but.

16:43

But maybe proves that you're dumber than you think. No,

16:45

I think it proves that the verbal section is just

16:48

very hard. It was. Well, it's changed. But you know,

16:50

Dustin Goot got it all correct except for like

16:52

one or something insane. That doesn't surprise me at

16:54

all. That guy is very smart. Yeah. But

16:57

you, I'm dumber. You don't know. But also,

17:00

I don't know what the SCT even is

17:02

anymore. Like, do they still do the essay

17:04

part? Because after we took it,

17:06

they started doing an essay. I don't know.

17:08

It was after. Right. But they may have done

17:10

away with that. I don't know. I

17:12

feel like some schools are doing away with even

17:14

taking a standardized test. Well, they did, but now

17:17

they're coming back to it. But like, it's not

17:19

weighted as heavy or something. I don't know. I

17:21

don't know. Who knows? We don't

17:23

know. No one knows. Anyway, a

17:26

couple things that I need to share with everyone. First

17:28

of all, in Japan, you

17:31

cannot take food to go. You can

17:33

order food to go. You can like

17:35

order it for pickup to go.

17:37

Not in that many

17:39

places though. But if you're at your meal

17:42

and you have food leftovers, no leftovers

17:44

for you, you cannot take

17:46

it to go. In fact, one of the

17:48

first dinner, you know, we've been here for

17:51

what feels like years. We've seen less than

17:53

you would think. We've seen an embarrassingly little

17:55

amount, but we've still seen a lot of

17:57

stuff, but just, I feel like given that

18:00

been in Japan for three weeks, I

18:02

should already have like a second Japanese

18:05

family or something, you know? I might have

18:07

one. You might have one. I

18:10

don't feel that we've like, ingratiated ourselves

18:12

into the culture or

18:15

made roots or

18:19

seen a ton or anything like that. So

18:23

we've seen a fair amount. We've seen some stuff.

18:26

But I'm just saying. As much as

18:28

you might expect. If you took all

18:31

the stuff we've done and boiled

18:33

it down and shook

18:35

off the days of like the time we've

18:38

wasted, we could probably do the same

18:40

in a week. Yeah, but

18:42

it'd be a hectic week. That's true. And

18:44

people need to understand how fucking hot it

18:47

is here. So fucking hot. It is so

18:49

fucking hot. It's like 95 degrees, 90% humidity.

18:52

And I am not joking. We're not here for

18:54

it. It is like

18:57

out there. Like hovered

18:59

in sweat, like my shirt, you

19:01

know, just soaking wet. And when I

19:04

take Wendy out at like 5 a.m. because that's around

19:06

the time I take her out or 4.30 every

19:08

day, it's hot that time. But

19:12

I can take her outside at 4.30 a.m. There's

19:15

no one else around and it's completely safe.

19:17

That's one of the things that's crazy about

19:19

Japan is that you don't have to worry

19:21

anywhere. It's super safe everywhere. I was surprised

19:23

on the train. There's

19:25

this big pink placard.

19:27

It looks like an exploded

19:30

tampon box. And it

19:32

explains that between this hour and this hour,

19:34

this is a women only car. They're women

19:36

only cars. Yeah. Guys

19:38

can be creepy. Guys will be

19:40

creepy anywhere. Japan isn't

19:42

like different in

19:45

that way. Yeah. Well, I

19:47

thought maybe it would be because you know they're having a

19:49

big problem with like Japanese people are not having sex. I

19:53

mean, no one's having sex anywhere. Being creepy though.

19:55

Like I think there's I don't know how prevalent

19:57

it was, but like guys, you know,

19:59

especially especially on those really super packed cars

20:02

where one's pressed against each other.

20:05

I think guys were like, top of

20:07

the field. And then, you know, you

20:10

can't buy a smartphone here. All

20:13

smartphones make the camera sound

20:15

and you get a picture even when you turn the sound

20:19

off. Like

20:21

you can't turn that off because guys were

20:24

taking up skirt photos. So,

20:27

you know, whatever. It's like,

20:31

you know, but there's not a lot of

20:34

like just street crime, you

20:36

know, which is nice. It feels

20:38

very safe here. It's

20:40

very safe and very clean. There's no trash

20:43

cans on the street and they

20:45

don't give you napkins, which is really strange.

20:47

The two big notes I have for Japan

20:50

are napkins, please

20:52

fucking napkins for the love of

20:54

God. Napkins. At restaurants, I'm saying.

20:56

Yeah. I'm

20:58

eating like what? I want

21:01

to watch Japanese people eat because how the

21:03

fuck are you eating without napkins? Because

21:06

so much of your food is sloppy

21:09

food. It's sloppy food. Not

21:11

all good though. Sushi's not sloppy, but

21:14

ramen is. Well, it's sloppy for me. I eat

21:17

it sloppy. You got to eat it sloppy. For

21:20

when you slop it around and your sauces. Yep,

21:22

you got to get it all sloppy. And

21:25

then the other thing is to take out and to go

21:28

to the store. It needs to be like, come on. Yeah. What

21:31

I was going to say is we haven't gone out to

21:33

eat that much because we are in like an apartment and

21:36

there's a store downstairs and we have two

21:39

young children. We have two young children and

21:41

we can't leave the dog because she's caught

21:43

blessing. Yeah. And so there's things that

21:45

are rooting us to. And we're just really tired by the

21:47

time it would be time to go

21:49

to dinner because we've been getting up early in

21:51

a town that gets up at 10. Anyway.

21:54

Oh yeah. That's the other thing.

21:57

Everything opens at fucking 10 a.m.

21:59

Including. Starbucks, including Starbucks.

22:02

What are you

22:04

doing? Japan? What the fuck? So the Starbucks

22:06

is open super late. Yeah. And

22:09

opens late like. The

22:12

one time that we are actually waking up early.

22:15

And you'd think, oh, well, you know

22:17

what? Like, that's just because Japanese, the

22:19

Japanese aren't that into coffee wrong. They're

22:22

obsessed with fucking coffee here. OK,

22:25

like one of the things that

22:27

you see every fucking 10 feet.

22:31

There is a vending machine, every I

22:33

swear to God, every fucking half a

22:35

block. There is a vending machine,

22:38

which I love because, you know, you're

22:40

never half a block away from being able to

22:42

get some water or

22:44

whatever. And usually are eight thousand kinds

22:46

of tea. Well, no.

22:48

So the vending machines are usually a

22:51

couple different kinds of water. Yes, they'll be

22:53

like a green tea, sometimes a black tea

22:56

like iced tea kind of thing. And

23:00

maybe a Coca-Cola. OK,

23:03

but honestly, the soda

23:06

part of it, not a given.

23:09

What they will have the rest of it is just

23:11

18 different kinds

23:13

of iced coffee in cans,

23:15

in bottles. Yeah, like and they're

23:17

good. Like I've tried a bunch of them

23:19

and they're all very good. They're all better

23:21

than the canned iced coffee

23:24

you'll get in the US. But

23:26

they that's what they're

23:28

fucking pounding. And you cannot you

23:31

can't really get like like they have

23:33

Red Bull and they have

23:35

these like tiny little monster like it's called like

23:37

Monster M3s and like these tiny

23:40

can of of Monster Energy.

23:44

But that's it. They don't really

23:46

have energy drinks. They

23:48

don't have like five hour. None

23:51

of that shit. It's just iced

23:53

coffee. So you think like, oh, these these

23:56

fuckers are pounding coffee all day

23:58

long. That must, they must need

24:01

it. Nope. They, they not till 10 AM. Yes.

24:06

Now, you know what I've noticed and then I have

24:08

to go back to finishing the thought from before there

24:11

are vending machines on

24:13

every street, but they don't

24:15

have anything unexpected in them because my

24:17

understanding was that Japan was like a

24:19

Jetsons world where, Oh, you need.

24:23

A pair of socks. You need ladies

24:25

pantyhose. You need a purse. You need

24:27

a duffel bag. Do you need a

24:30

small bowling set? Do you need a

24:32

golf club? That's in a vending machine.

24:34

Well, certain parts of the city do, do have

24:36

that. Well, I

24:38

haven't seen most, most, most

24:41

places just have drinks. Occasionally you'll

24:43

find like some food options. There

24:46

was food in the vending machine in the

24:48

station, but also the animal hospital cakes

24:50

in the station. Here are like local.

24:53

If you go down there, there are vending machines

24:55

that have like ice cream or even like, uh,

24:59

rice bowls. These aren't

25:01

unheard of things. But there are places in Tokyo.

25:04

I think they're supposed to be like underwear in a vending

25:07

machine. You can go that have those

25:09

crazy vending machines, but also I think maybe

25:12

in Osaka, that's more common,

25:14

like different. Every city's got

25:16

a different character. Anyway, we haven't

25:18

seen a lot of that yet. As a matter

25:20

of fact, we haven't seen a lot of weird

25:23

Japan. We know we've been talking about this.

25:25

I was under the impression. It was going to feel like

25:28

being dropped on the face of the moon. And it just,

25:30

I think we did talk about this last time because we

25:32

said it feels like being in some

25:34

trace. I've been thinking about it. And I think like my

25:37

expectation based on my previous trip to

25:39

Japan, I was like,

25:42

Oh yeah, when I remember that, it's like, it

25:44

felt to me like I was in a different,

25:46

on a different planet. But

25:48

it's like, I was in it. First of all, I

25:50

was in Nagoya, which is a whole different city, whole

25:52

different vibe. I was staying with a

25:54

family. So I was in a home and

25:57

it was like 30 years ago. Was there a toilet hole in the

25:59

ground? Yeah, like everywhere. Like

26:02

I didn't see like a normal, normal.

26:04

I didn't see like a Western style toilet.

26:07

Mine type, maybe I did, but I don't remember

26:09

it. And maybe they had one

26:12

in that house, but I don't remember them having one. The

26:15

bathtubs were different. They were weird, like weird. Again,

26:17

I'm using the word weird only to mean it's

26:19

like different from what I'm used to. They

26:22

had the sort of paper walls, everyone sat

26:24

on the floor, there were no chairs. What

26:26

was the bathtub like? The

26:28

bathroom had the bathtub, I

26:31

think in a home you still find it

26:33

like it, where the bathtub is like, instead

26:35

of it being a long, like

26:37

what we have here, you know, like a Western

26:40

style bathtub, I would think. It's

26:42

more like a sitting bathtub where it's

26:45

like, the volume is, so

26:48

instead of it being like, you know,

26:50

I don't know, like what are the dimensions? It'd

26:52

be like, let's say six feet

26:55

by three or something. Six feet by three,

26:57

it'd be more like four by four. But

27:00

the six feet is down. Oh, interesting. So

27:02

you're sitting in it. It's

27:04

like a one person bathtub. Right. I

27:07

always thought that was the coolest thing. That sounds

27:09

neat. Yeah. I mean, dangerous maybe, but.

27:13

One thing I love about Japanese culture is they

27:15

take baths right before bed. I've been showering before

27:17

bed. It's just, this is my new life. I've

27:20

got a bit of a

27:22

bone to pick with our shower, but. Well,

27:25

our shower sucks, but I would say. Hang on.

27:27

Showering before bed or bathing before bed is

27:30

absolutely the way to live. Nothing

27:32

feels better than just like slipping under

27:34

the covers after showering. I find it wakes

27:37

me up. That's my issue with it. But other

27:39

than that, I agree. Okay, so what's your. My

27:41

beef with our shower? Yeah. I feel

27:43

like we're, I'm in a good place with our shower right now.

27:46

But our bathroom has

27:48

a handheld

27:50

nozzle, but it

27:52

doesn't really stay in the holder. So

27:56

you have to like, it either squirts

27:58

at the wall. one wall or squirt

28:01

at the other wall. So you have to

28:03

kind of like contort your body to get

28:05

under it or you have to just hold

28:07

it the whole time. However, I feel like

28:09

I finally, if you position it and then

28:11

you position the long cord, you can kind

28:13

of get it to stay. Have you noticed?

28:16

Can I admit something? Sure.

28:19

I have no idea why

28:21

there is such a thing as a fucking handheld shower

28:23

head. Like what the fuck? Like I've

28:27

never- We just installed one in our own

28:29

shower. Okay, excuse me.

28:31

But like are you sitting there in the

28:33

middle of your bath like having to like

28:35

move that shower head around? Like

28:38

can't you just move around and get yourself

28:40

rinsed? Yes. Like is

28:42

there a single spot on your body where it's like,

28:45

I can only reach the, if only I had

28:48

something I could point up to that one spot.

28:50

Yeah, I feel like- Like a blind spot? Like

28:54

a shower blind spot? That's like, this part

28:56

of my body has just never been cleaned.

28:59

It's as dirty as fuck. It's like

29:01

a one inch square dirt crust. And

29:06

thank God now I have this. Like it's insane.

29:08

I feel like I can get my hair rinsed

29:10

better when I can get it closer

29:13

to my hair. Oh, is that what you're doing? You're putting

29:15

it up against your scalp? Well, not on

29:17

my scalp, but I'm getting it closer. But

29:20

then also having a handheld is good for

29:22

rinsing. Like if you're cleaning the shower for

29:24

rinsing it, then you can

29:26

rinse the shower. So it's cleaning

29:28

the shower and getting

29:31

more pressure, water pressure on your scalp.

29:34

Yes. Well,

29:38

have you now heard of everything? The greatest

29:41

trick the devil ever played on us was

29:43

convincing us we needed a handheld shower head.

29:45

That's what I believe. Yes.

29:50

Well, I think in this shower,

29:53

maybe it's like for rinsing off after the bath

29:55

or something. I don't know. That's

29:57

not important. Let's go back to.

30:00

when we had dinner, one of the rare

30:02

times we went to a restaurant here. So Daniel left,

30:07

this was a restaurant in the hotel, Daniel

30:09

left to take Elliott upstairs because he hit

30:11

a wall and was no

30:13

longer awake. So

30:16

I was left alone, just

30:18

me and my phone and my Google Translate

30:20

app. And I typed

30:22

out, could I take this to go? Can

30:25

I take this to go and order a

30:27

dessert to go? And the guy

30:29

looked at it and he said, no. He

30:32

said, no, just pizza to go. And

30:36

I said, oh, okay. And then

30:38

I jumped off the balcony. And

30:41

then tonight, yeah, to a ramen.

30:43

It was so good. I'm usually

30:45

not a big ramen lover,

30:47

but the broth was

30:49

delicious. It was really good. But we wanted,

30:52

it was one of those places I wanted

30:54

to go to a place where you order

30:56

it. Cause like, I feel like the

30:58

common thing with ramen places here is

31:02

you go, you order it like a

31:04

kiosk, some sort of, there's like

31:06

a ATM machine, but sometimes

31:08

it's like a digital screen, but sometimes it's like

31:10

more mechanical, like those old cigarette machines. But

31:14

anyway, then you get a ticket, you pay and you get

31:16

a ticket and then they make it and give it to

31:18

you. That's what we did tonight. So

31:20

that's what we did. I wanted to go to

31:22

a place like that and it was really good.

31:24

It only took us 17 tries to place our

31:26

order. Oh yeah. You don't have any fucking time.

31:28

Like you put your, your thing in there and

31:30

then it's like pay with cash. It's like, okay.

31:32

And I'm looking through my cash. It's

31:35

like, it all disappears. You got

31:37

to start over. Well, I had my coin purse,

31:39

but here's the thing. Like with yen you're

31:41

paying in thousands and

31:44

like, I'm not still not used to the money here.

31:46

And I know, I knew I had some 10,000s in

31:48

my person and

31:51

I wanted, I'm trying to break them. So

31:54

I put the thing was like three, our

31:56

meal was like 3000 something year. And

32:00

so I was like I put in the 10,000 thinking it

32:02

was a 10,000 But

32:04

it was only 1,000. I'm sitting there waiting for change. I

32:07

go. Oh shit. That was only 1,000 I was like fuck

32:09

and I start fumbling and then I was like it spits

32:11

the 1000. It's like fuck get

32:13

out of here It's like fuck you To

32:15

fucking yeah, so that only happened 16 times.

32:18

It was like fuck and then I had to do you

32:20

have to do the hoarder again and every single time but

32:22

oh I back over I put

32:24

like 2,000

32:26

yen in dollars it spit it out in coins

32:29

So now the second time through I'm like oh fuck now.

32:31

I don't even have any 1000s

32:33

it won't take anything bigger than a 1000 and

32:36

now I have all these coins and yes I have

32:39

a fabulous coin purse, but

32:41

it's like like you know looking at these

32:43

fucking coins I'm not feeling something they're going like where's the

32:45

and then it's like fucking get the fuck out of here

32:47

I did that again, and I had to like seriously like

32:50

three or four times Oops,

32:52

that's my headphones. It was

32:54

very frustrating for all involved so

32:56

anyway. We finally got the ramen Yes, so then at

32:58

the end I hit a ramen

33:00

wall Pretty fast because

33:03

I was eating some some gyoza dumplings

33:06

And then having the ramen and then I just

33:08

was like I if I eat one more bite

33:10

I'm gonna die and then I ate one

33:12

more bite, and I was like I should not have done that I feel

33:15

sick now, but it's so good. Let's take it

33:17

back And so you asked

33:19

the server if we could get it

33:21

to take it to go and then

33:23

he did the Google Translate Thing

33:26

which I feel like every time I use Google Translate

33:28

I'm like a huge failure because I was like hoping

33:30

I could like communicate

33:32

with my Japanese brothers

33:34

and sisters And sometimes

33:36

I can and then sometimes you've done

33:39

quite well for I

33:41

can do basic Japanese. I can do some

33:43

basic Japanese like I can get by yeah,

33:45

but like You're saying something

33:47

like can you package this to

33:49

go? It's just not like I just don't have

33:52

that vocabulary right and Anyway,

33:55

he does the Google Translate back,

33:57

and it's like something like I

33:59

can't I can't do that because I will

34:01

get food poisoning. Which

34:04

is like, I wasn't even going to like

34:07

push that door. It's just like,

34:10

you know what, you have a reason. That's

34:13

all I need to know. You have a reason,

34:15

can't do it, great. He told us we could

34:17

take our one dumpling. Yeah, he's like, I can

34:19

package that dumpling, but not

34:21

the ramen, and I was like, you know what,

34:24

you could literally have any reason, it doesn't matter.

34:27

It's cool. They don't understand

34:29

this at all. I don't understand why

34:31

you would be getting food when you're playing the like,

34:34

eat a little off of our plate while you're packaging

34:36

it. What's the fucking risk

34:38

here? I don't get it. Like you're

34:41

literally wearing galoshes. Like you're wearing- Oh

34:43

my God, he was wearing knee-high galoshes.

34:45

Yeah, like you- How much is it

34:47

getting splashed around? They're all wearing the

34:49

fucking, the surgical masks and the fucking

34:51

galoshes. Like how afraid of fucking food

34:53

poisoning are you here? Like what did

34:55

I just eat? Should

34:58

I be afraid? Like what's going

35:00

on? But yeah, it

35:03

was just like, I think Alison pointed out

35:05

later, you pointed out- He was wearing all

35:08

black and shiny white galoshes. It was a

35:10

Luke. It was a Luke. That place was

35:12

cool. They had some good Japanese pop music

35:14

going. You suggested after

35:17

that he actually met to

35:19

say, because Google Translate is

35:22

not perfect. And

35:24

Japanese to English, English to Japanese, it's

35:26

kind of hard because certain things like

35:28

pronouns, for example, they don't really have

35:31

pronouns here. Sorry, liberals.

35:35

But so like

35:38

something like I might be, like

35:43

it could have been you. I think he was

35:45

saying- He might've said like- I can't because you

35:47

could get food poisoning. Yeah, like he might've met,

35:49

that might've been what he meant to say. And

35:51

the reason I think this is because on TikTok,

35:53

I've now seen a few creators, and this is

35:55

not medical advice. It's not scientific advice. I don't

35:58

even know if what I'm saying is true. someone

36:00

listening might know what I'm talking about. I've seen

36:03

a few creators say, like there's

36:06

one I follow and her husband is a

36:08

chef and she was saying that something she'll

36:10

never do is cook rice,

36:13

put it in Tupperware while it's still warm, leave

36:16

it on and then put it in the refrigerator

36:18

because I think that that raises your chances

36:20

of getting, I feel like the name of the,

36:22

the paramecium,

36:26

that's not really what it is, but I feel

36:28

like the name of the thing is Vibrio or

36:30

something, but I don't know. There's some, it's

36:33

VRBO. You'll get a rental

36:36

cabin like Arrowhead. Yeah. There'll

36:39

be a code to enter and

36:41

then some, you know, homespun sort

36:44

of sayings around the place, but

36:47

yeah, cause you can get some kind of, what's,

36:51

what's it, what is it? Food

36:54

poisoning. You can get some kind of food poisoning

36:56

from doing that. And I'm thinking since

36:58

the example they always give is

37:01

rice, is this some fear that

37:03

is, that comes from Asian food?

37:05

Yeah, but we weren't eating rice. We were having problems. I

37:08

know, but it has no, correct, but it has to

37:10

do with, but I'm wondering if it's like in Asian

37:13

culture, they're more aware

37:15

of this concern. It

37:17

has to do with the temperature. I

37:19

don't know if this is why we could put it had pork,

37:21

but it had to do with the temperature, egg,

37:25

the temperature of the food you're taking home

37:27

or something. I don't know. I don't know

37:29

why he could, if anyone knows the answer

37:31

to these riddles, please let us know. Let us

37:33

know. Please let us know. Also, so

37:36

I went and I was like, you know what, let's

37:38

bring some back for the boys because Elliot in particular

37:40

loves ramen. So I got it to go. This

37:42

is like the one place where you could actually, ironically,

37:44

they won't let you take your thing, but you

37:47

can order it to go. So who knows? And

37:50

so I was waiting and I

37:52

had read something that had annoyed

37:55

me on Twitter surprise and

37:57

I was like, you know, ranting

38:01

about it but

38:03

getting maybe a little carried away I don't know

38:05

like I didn't realize it and

38:08

then this Japanese older Japanese gentleman who was sitting

38:10

at the bar ahead of me turned around and

38:12

gave me shot me a look and I realized

38:16

I had gotten this long

38:18

into Japan without being that

38:20

loud American stereotype because I

38:22

was tonight because Daniel

38:24

has no inside

38:27

voice it is amazing

38:29

how loud Daniel is all the time

38:31

and so it has been and

38:33

I am like you know a classy

38:36

demure lady so it

38:38

has been humbling as fuck

38:40

for me that every time we get

38:43

on the train you're just fucking loud

38:45

Marge over there loud Marge

38:47

yep that's you loud Mars is this a

38:49

reference everyone knows oh a classic loud Marge

38:51

nope that's just how I see you okay

38:53

when you're on the train that's how I

38:55

want yeah you're always loud and then I'll

38:58

be like hey like

39:00

keep it down and then you'll be like oh my god and

39:03

then five seconds later you just fucking shoot

39:06

in your mouth you know why because it's

39:08

so loud in the station so loud on

39:10

the train that I

39:12

just automatically fight

39:15

the noise people are you

39:17

know yes they're very quiet but the thing

39:19

is no one on the train speaks

39:21

it's like a silent train car it's

39:24

a silent culture okay I don't know if I said

39:26

this last time but like first

39:30

of all I want to say I love

39:32

Japan and I love is

39:34

there a but well I'm

39:37

gonna say something

39:39

I can't remember

39:42

I love Japan I have

39:44

so much love in my heart for

39:46

this country for the people I can't

39:48

wait for this culture offensive I genuinely

39:50

do but like everyone

39:52

here is like

39:55

you know that person at work

39:57

who always like you're walking down the hall

40:00

There's like that awkward,

40:02

like who goes right, who goes left. Like,

40:05

no, you get off the elevator first, no, you

40:07

like, and every, every, you know, those people, like

40:10

every interaction is just like awkward and it doesn't

40:12

need to be. This is a

40:14

whole nation of people like that. Yeah.

40:16

Why is that? Like every single fucking

40:18

person here is that person. I

40:21

think it's because, and maybe they're just

40:23

that way with us because. Right. But it's like, you're

40:26

not Japanese. But it's like, do they do this with

40:28

each other? It's something to

40:30

do with the like overformality of every

40:32

interaction and everything is just like,

40:35

so like, you

40:37

know, there's all this respect

40:39

and bowing and, and, you know, just,

40:42

you know, like,

40:45

but there's like, they don't, you know, they don't like

40:48

eye contact and they don't like

40:50

physical contact. And like, like

40:52

all it's just, I just feel like

40:55

every encounter is awkward. Like, like,

40:58

like just get off the elevator. Just go get

41:00

off the elevator. Like, you don't have a lot

41:02

of who goes first. Yeah. And I feel

41:04

like it's in my, is this

41:06

a thing where they're like, they're

41:09

like, you go first and then I'm supposed to go,

41:11

no, you go first. And then they go first, but

41:13

I'm like, okay. And then I get off and then

41:15

I'm fucking up. Right. Right. I, this is

41:19

probably just, it's not that they're awkward. It's

41:21

that the, the, the,

41:23

the social rules in America

41:25

are different than the social

41:27

rules here. And it's

41:31

just, I don't know what they are. And

41:33

so everything is just like, I don't know.

41:36

You go. It is

41:38

the thing where they say you go and

41:41

then you say, no, you,

41:43

you're supposed to say, it's sort of like that. I've

41:45

done that. And then they'll say, no, you like, they

41:48

will not go. If you're not

41:50

supposed to. I think they're still on the

41:52

fucking, like, I don't think they ever

41:54

got off. But if it is the thing where they offer

41:56

it to you and then you're supposed to turn it down and

41:58

offer it to them. And if you

42:00

go, then you're rude. Then I fucking hate that.

42:03

I do not like things that are that indirect. I

42:05

don't do that. The first. No, you don't

42:07

play that. Well, I did it at

42:09

first because it's like it would be like a lady. It would

42:11

be like a lady sitting there at the door. And

42:14

I'd be like, go ahead. And she'd be like,

42:16

no, you go. And it's like,

42:19

I'd be like, no, no, no, no, you and then it would

42:21

be like, no, no. And they're like, OK. Sort

42:24

of like, you know, that thing where you're

42:26

at lunch with someone and

42:28

they offer to pay and then you offer to pay and

42:30

then no one will accept the other person's money. I've

42:33

heard that like with cheers, when

42:36

you cheers. The

42:39

person who is of a lower rank.

42:42

Or a lower station, like

42:44

if you're younger or if, you know,

42:47

your work for the person you're choosing,

42:49

you cheers lower God. Right.

42:51

So you'll clink glasses and your boss

42:53

will clink higher or your dad

42:56

will clink higher, whatever. It's like

42:58

the entitled younger generation, but apparently something

43:01

that happens with people where that isn't

43:03

clear. Oh, God. So where it isn't

43:05

clear who's of the. It'll

43:07

be like this race to the butt. And what

43:09

will happen is the glasses will like bang on

43:11

the lower. And so they'll be like

43:13

on the table, like trying to be below the other.

43:16

Right. So I don't know. Look,

43:19

small, small nit to pick. Pretty

43:22

much everything else is better here. I

43:24

never want to cheers with someone in Japan.

43:27

That's so confusing. The

43:31

amount of thought that you have to give to

43:33

your. To

43:36

your relative station.

43:38

Yeah, to everyone else is a lot

43:40

here like there's like I

43:42

haven't been. Every there's whole sets

43:45

of language like your language changes

43:48

based on who you're talking

43:50

to and their station relative. It's just

43:52

crazy. I am. So

43:54

I don't know, I wouldn't throw I wouldn't thrive here.

43:56

I can't live here, but I do. I do. I

44:00

do like it. Well, listen,

44:03

I want to tell you something and

44:05

then let's talk about what you feel

44:07

was our extremely Japanese exchange with Wendy's

44:09

that here. Okay. Allison Rosen

44:11

is your new best friend is

44:13

sponsored by BetterHelp. What are your

44:15

self-care non-negotiables? Maybe you never

44:17

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44:20

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44:24

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44:26

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44:31

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44:33

no time for yourself, non-negotiables like therapy are more

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important than ever. I

44:37

haven't been to therapy while I've been in Japan

44:39

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44:42

blue and a little bit at sea. And I

44:44

wondered, is it because I haven't checked in? I

44:46

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45:12

Okay. So I was trying to

45:15

remember when we last recorded, had Wendy had

45:17

her surgery yet? I have

45:19

no idea. I think it was a

45:21

year ago we last recorded or maybe it was two days ago. No.

45:25

Okay. Let's think about it. It

45:27

would have been, I think on Saturday

45:30

or Sunday here. And

45:34

we used a photo from Team Labs

45:37

Planets, which

45:40

means that Wendy was already,

45:43

that photo, Wendy

45:46

had already, she must have already had

45:48

surgery. She was in the hospital. That

45:50

sounds about right. Probably.

45:53

Is that right? I don't know. Does

45:55

it matter? But anyway, she, well,

45:58

quick update or retry. When

52:02

she saw that we had allowed Wendy

52:04

to move around too much and get

52:07

swollen, we very likely

52:11

would have gotten to talking to her. Or at

52:13

least much more of a direct, like, you shouldn't

52:15

be doing that. You

52:17

need to... What have

52:19

you been doing with her? Have you been

52:22

creating her? Are you letting her walk around?

52:24

Like, they would really drill into... Or just

52:26

at the very... The most polite it still

52:28

would have been, like, you gotta stop doing

52:30

that. You've gotta stop having her move around.

52:34

Because this is... You would have just been

52:36

more direct. But

52:38

in Japan, nothing is ever direct.

52:42

And one of... On the one

52:44

hand, I'm well suited for this environment, given the house

52:46

I grew up in. On the other hand, I hate

52:48

it. Yeah. I hate having

52:50

to decode. So the way she handled

52:52

it was she casually just

52:55

goes, oh, she's been moving around a

52:57

lot. Like,

52:59

that... Okay, now, in

53:01

case we hadn't got the message,

53:04

she sort of presents a visual

53:08

of the amount of fluid that they took out

53:10

and just puts it there while we're talking about

53:12

other things as a

53:14

way of going, like, you

53:18

need to not let her... It was

53:20

like, message was received, but she at

53:22

no point accused us

53:24

of anything. She at

53:27

no point told us that we

53:29

had done anything wrong or were... Like

53:31

there was no direct... It

53:34

was presented as if it has nothing to do

53:36

with us. Like, oh, Wendy's been...

53:38

She's been moving around too much. But

53:41

in a Japanese way, it very

53:43

much was. She was absolutely sending

53:45

us a message of, you fucked

53:47

up. We had to

53:49

extract this much fluid out

53:52

of her because of your fuck up,

53:54

and don't do that anymore. Yeah.

53:57

But it was the most polite, indirect...