0:00

This episode is supported by Tropical Smoothie

0:03

Cafe. Tropical Smoothie Cafe wants to

0:05

celebrate summer with you. This week

0:07

only, July 22 to 28, Tropic

0:09

Rewards members get a free island

0:11

punch smoothie with bowl or food

0:13

purchase. Peach, guava, passion fruit, mango

0:15

and pineapple. Order in the app,

0:17

online or in Cafe. You're on

0:19

Tropic Time now. Alison

0:23

Rosen, Alison Rosen

0:25

is your new best friend. Alison,

0:28

Alison, with perfect good

0:31

time stepher in. Alison

0:34

Rosen, do you want

0:36

to wave your

0:39

hands again? Alison Rosen, Alison's

0:42

your new best friend. Hello,

0:45

my little abazabas. Welcome to another exciting

0:47

episode of Alison Rosen is your new

0:49

best friend. That particular carbohydrate was sent

0:51

in on Patreon by Jeffrey Chu. Yes,

0:53

I am on Patreon. All sorts of

0:55

fun stuff over there. You can get

0:57

episodes of the friend zone. That's my

0:59

bonus Patreon podcast. There's a level where

1:01

you can text me and I'll text

1:03

you back. I'm going to start up

1:05

those Q and A live streams, interactive

1:07

live streams again very soon and you

1:10

can submit carbohydrates and more fun stuff.

1:12

Pictures of my puppy, exclusive pictures of

1:14

my new puppy, patreon.com slash Alison Rosen. Do an

1:16

annual subscription, get two months free. That's a good deal.

1:19

I would like to say hello to my

1:21

guest Janet Varney. Hello. Thank you.

1:23

Thank you. Thank you. And

1:25

by the way, Abazabas, that's going to be tough to

1:27

beat. I know. Do you wait? Abazabas have

1:30

like that pearlescent white coating with peanut butter inside. I

1:32

believe that's right, but I was purely

1:35

speaking from a hello, my little Abazabas. Oh

1:37

yeah, I know. I know. I know when

1:39

I saw it, I was like, that's

1:42

the way. Yeah, it's the way. That's great. Hi,

1:44

Jordan. Hi. Have you done? Hello, my little

1:46

ding dongs. You

1:48

know, we formerly had a car

1:51

and then she had to retire. I, the pressures

1:53

of the job of the office.

1:56

So did she leave behind her document? She did. She,

1:58

I have like a whole So

2:00

there's an opening folks for carbs are I got to

2:02

check if we've done I don't think we've done ding-dongs

2:05

Kind of it's fun to call Musical

2:08

those are both very musical right? abba

2:11

zabba ding dong See

2:14

it's beautiful. Please keep singing that song

2:17

okay What are

2:19

some other desserts quick quick

2:21

quick a chocodile popsicle push

2:23

pop-dum-drum stick? I

2:27

can do I went ice cream Hot

2:30

out welcome back Jordan Morris. It's me

2:32

here you ding dongs While

2:43

she said tone I mess

2:47

This I get hung up on

2:49

this situation, and I'm pointing to

2:51

Daniel and Tony. I oh wait

2:53

you know my husband I Got

2:57

them both in the same room doing the same thing

3:00

no No, it's not doing the same thing But I

3:02

start I start usually by saying hello to the person

3:04

in Janet's chair Then I go to Jordan and then

3:06

my face goes to the right and I go Tony

3:08

wait no He comes he comes

3:10

right for me, and then I turn back and

3:12

then it's just it's Mayhem

3:14

at that point hi Daniel. Hi Great

3:19

great and Tony hi hello

3:21

hi hi Hi,

3:24

where's the sound effect? Oh?

3:26

Yeah? So

3:34

the longest it's ever Tony you can play some kind of

3:36

drop Record

3:40

all right mm-hmm well here.

3:42

We are we have gathered

3:44

here. We go somber to

3:46

do a show I

3:51

Why do you feel like I'm in trouble this

3:53

is going to sit intervention is

3:56

that how it works where you get a series

3:58

of people? And only one person is doing the

4:00

intervention for a group. That's like the reverse of

4:02

what I've heard. That is

4:04

smart. You're just gonna confront us

4:07

all about our bullshit. No,

4:09

that's like rise

4:11

and grind culture interventions.

4:15

Because get it done. We

4:18

feel better because we're not the only

4:20

ones getting shit on me. That's true.

4:22

But if one person tried to

4:25

pull an intervention on four people,

4:28

what are the chances it would be effective? Because wouldn't the four

4:30

people just get together and be like fuck her? Yes,

4:32

well that's why they don't do it. Probably. You

4:35

don't know that's why. Let's go out drinking. Let's

4:38

go get fucked up. I don't see anything wrong with you,

4:40

bro. Ryan, you're great, you're great, you're great. She's

4:43

uptight. Yeah, the

4:45

people that love you could

4:48

not be here today. Except I can

4:50

and I am worried about you. It's

4:53

true. Speaking

4:56

of fart noises. So

4:58

Janet, something that you might not know about

5:00

Daniel, even though you did go to high

5:03

school with him, is that he comes up

5:05

with million dollar shark tank style business ideas.

5:07

Oh, I did invent something new. Non-stop. The

5:10

most recent set of them I was

5:13

forbidden from speaking about

5:15

because he actually steal the idea. Well, I

5:18

have a loose connection to reality I'm realizing

5:20

because I was like, I had this idea.

5:23

I'm like, that actually, I should actually do

5:25

that. And for

5:27

some reason I believed that I could make

5:30

this thing happen. You can. I'm

5:33

not sure how. If we could rewind for

5:35

a second. Here's what you said. Speaking of

5:37

fart noises. Yes. Well, so

5:39

well. Dan has

5:41

these epic shark

5:43

tank level. And I was like, fart, is

5:45

he gonna say farts? Or fart noises? How

5:47

is she gonna fart together? I fart, and

5:49

then he just farts. That's how she rates

5:51

farts. Oh my God. I

5:54

am talking real housewives level. This

5:57

is more of a family feud fart. Yes. Well,

8:00

it's all right suddenly you're getting like metamos.

8:02

I don't want people to know the size

8:04

of my dumps Yeah, wait a minute. Yeah,

8:06

I didn't think that it was judging it

8:08

qualitatively Honey,

8:10

I thought you can do it like the health

8:12

of the health of your leavings I just thought

8:14

it was like looking at a water displacement situation

8:17

The health of it probably would be a way like yeah,

8:19

I guess with your Apple watch My

8:24

cats litter is that kind of litter that

8:26

changes colors to give you indicators of her

8:28

health What what did go?

8:30

What does it offer? So I think if

8:32

it turns a color It means maybe there's

8:34

something wrong with her like kidneys and that's

8:37

in but thankfully her your litter colors are

8:39

all normal She's a very healthy gal But

8:42

this is bug bug the cat bug, honey.

8:45

Don't yep She's got

8:47

a drop and everything immortalized at a drop. How lucky

8:49

am I? so But

8:52

you know in this day and age where

8:54

we're all trying to and I'm holding up

8:56

my giant cup here We're all trying to

8:58

drink more water. We're all trying to be

9:00

regular gut health. It's almost like you're standing

9:02

early I am an SM girly actually. This

9:04

is a simple modern. I like that. Hell.

9:06

Yeah, is that a hunter green? It is

9:08

a hunter green. Yeah, I slightly you know,

9:10

though a more masculine cover color for a

9:12

masculine man, right? But

9:16

yeah, but I think this we're all you know wanting

9:19

to be healthier so I think if it monitored your You

9:22

know, how clear is this urine? How you know?

9:24

Well, there's a okay. So there are these turns

9:27

I went in for a physical and they were

9:29

like you can either I

9:32

don't know if you know this. I'm a little

9:34

bit older. I'm at the colonoscopy No, we all

9:36

are because they've lowered it to 45 and they

9:38

didn't tell anyone So they're like play that one

9:40

close to the vest so they were like you

9:42

could either make an appointment for

9:44

a colonoscopy or And I'm really

9:48

interested in the or You

9:51

could do this thing where you mail

9:53

your poop to this place Yeah, and

9:55

then they analyze it just like Jared

9:57

Leto preparing for a roll I

10:00

think Jared Leto, you mail it to

10:02

Jared Leto. Yeah, and then he mails

10:04

it to Cameron Diaz. Wait,

10:06

I don't know this reference. Chain mail,

10:08

chain letter two. If

10:11

you don't send it to 10 of your friends. Or

10:15

else you'll have bad poop luck. So

10:18

I think Jared Leto is famously very

10:20

method, right? He's kind of one of

10:22

those. Do you have a drop for

10:24

an eye roll? Oh, boy. So I

10:26

think that as the story goes, when he

10:28

was preparing to play the twisted character we

10:30

call the Joker, he was doing these really

10:32

crazy pranks to the other people in the

10:34

movie. He was mailing them gross stuff. I

10:36

don't think it was actually shit, but it

10:38

was like, I think it was dead. I

10:41

don't care about the hooks. I think it

10:43

was dead. I think it was dead. How

10:45

is that even legal? That's probably not legal.

10:47

I think it's not legal. I think he

10:49

was being a piece of shit. What an

10:51

exasperating person. I know, yeah. How

10:53

are we less? And then he's in that movie for

10:55

five minutes, too. But he quietly runs

10:58

a cult, like an actual cult. He

11:00

does? Oh, yeah. Look up Jared Leto

11:02

cult. He and his brother, there's like

11:04

an island. I don't know if he

11:06

owns the island or something. And people,

11:08

his super fans will go and they

11:10

wear white robes. It's

11:13

not surprising. I look surprised. I'm not

11:15

surprised. No, no. Nothing would really surprise

11:17

you. Have you ever met him? No.

11:20

Nor have I. No plans. Yeah,

11:23

I weirdly have. Really? Tell us

11:25

everything. Oh, because 30 seconds to

11:27

Mars is his band. We

11:29

once shared an airport shuttle from a

11:31

festival. How was he? Was he weird?

11:35

Yes, he was perfectly

11:37

nice to us, you know, and just this

11:39

van ride to the airport. But it was

11:42

a little weird and awkward. I remember at

11:44

one point one of his songs

11:46

happened to come on the radio and he like

11:48

turned it up extremely loud. No. Oh,

11:51

my god. I will say it

11:54

was somewhat a bit because then he like he

11:56

only did it for a few seconds

11:58

and he turned it down. He's like, sorry. I was still

12:00

so cool when that happens. Yeah, I know, I'm surprised by

12:02

that too. Would we know his song? Probably

12:06

not, but they've had songs though. They

12:08

kind of remember a time when they

12:11

were on rock and

12:13

roll radio and TV and stuff. Yeah, probably like 2012. Call

12:17

back to another episode. Six, seven

12:19

probably, something like that, yeah. Huh,

12:22

so anyway, he was mailing his

12:24

poop. Okay, so back to your mailing list, that's an

12:26

option. Yeah, so I was like, oh, I'll do the

12:29

thing that doesn't make me have to go

12:31

to, starve myself for half a day and then go to place

12:34

and whatever, and so

12:37

they mail me this box. It's

12:39

big. Yeah, it's like this styrofoam

12:41

container, I'm sure with the instructions

12:43

and all the shovels, I don't

12:45

know, and bags. How

12:48

do you go to the bathroom? I

12:50

don't know, but I don't know. He

12:52

circles four times and then he puts

12:54

his hands down, makes it look final.

12:56

I have not been able

12:58

to motivate myself to do this thing. It's been

13:00

sitting in our bathroom, or is it starting to

13:02

closet now? Just the idea of collecting it and

13:06

sending it through the mail. I just, fine,

13:10

I'll do a colonoscopy. I'm just not. Yeah,

13:13

my question, and perhaps listeners

13:15

who are, what

13:18

kind of doctor? Castro-internologist?

13:22

Yeah, if you're a poop doctor, let us know. Because

13:24

last night we were talking about it, and Daniel finally announced,

13:27

you know what, I'm just gonna get a colonoscopy. And I

13:29

was like, does the poop test actually

13:31

work? Because you said they can, basically

13:34

that just tells you whether you should

13:36

get a colonoscopy? Yeah, the way

13:38

it was explained is, they

13:40

can test for certain indicators, and

13:42

if those show up positive, then

13:45

you will be told to get a colonoscopy.

13:47

If not, they don't think there's any reason

13:50

to. Which seems,

13:53

I don't know, sketchy.

13:56

They go away for insurance companies not to pay for

13:58

colonoscopies. I'm just certain. I have cancer right now, you

14:01

know, you know how you get to a certain age

14:03

where like every every body starts feeling weird all the

14:05

time because you're just old and

14:07

you're like, well, that must be cancer. So I just

14:09

want to get the I just want to know for

14:11

sure that I don't. Daniel's

14:14

grandfather perished of a

14:16

heart attack at like what? Fifty six. Right.

14:18

So my thing has been Daniel, if you're

14:21

going to go to the doctor, have them

14:23

check your heart. But

14:25

Daniel is just well, just

14:27

just focus on the focus on shit. Well,

14:30

all my levels, I did have my blood

14:32

work done. My levels are fine. I don't

14:34

have there's nothing. I mean,

14:36

I will get my heart work, but I'm just

14:38

the thing about cancer is you can have it

14:41

and not know it. So that's why it's freaky.

14:43

Yeah. So

14:45

I don't know. You would just think

14:48

by now everyone would just

14:50

you just go in, they go and they could

14:52

just test. Do you have a body scan? Quick

14:54

little. Yeah, they do have that. It's just not

14:56

quick or cheap. I'll

14:59

see like I feel like

15:02

Lucy Hale from Pretty Little

15:04

Liars. Another reference to another show.

15:06

Was it her? I feel

15:09

like you are like Maria Menounos. I think

15:12

maybe Esther Pavitsky. I feel like people are

15:14

being gifted full body scans because then they

15:16

do what appears to be a sponsored post

15:18

about it. Yeah, they probably are. How they

15:20

probably are that. I think the only thing

15:26

that people say about doing that is

15:28

that there are a lot of like,

15:30

yes, gentle, benign abnormalities that our bodies

15:32

have that once you get that scan,

15:34

then it's like, you have a long

15:36

list. Right. We got to get all

15:39

this module and this thing and then

15:41

this thing and that might be nothing

15:43

but you might want to get that

15:45

check. So I think that's the only

15:47

like deterrent. Maybe I think so too.

15:49

I was thinking about this recently with

15:52

the vet that we normally take Wendy to is

15:54

how old do you think he is? 75? Oh

15:58

my God. Close to retirement. But he's great.

16:00

Late 70s. He's great,

16:02

I think. He seems very wise and

16:05

sensible and doesn't freak you out or

16:07

anything. But

16:10

he's always just like, yep, she looks

16:12

good. They're sweet dogs. And

16:15

then we've taken her to a couple of vets closer who are

16:18

younger and they are much

16:20

more like, she

16:22

has a dot on her eye. Has anyone ever

16:24

pointed this out? And I'm like, no. All

16:27

these things that make me go, wait, is

16:29

he not thorough in the same way that because

16:31

they are all much more thorough. And then I

16:34

think is he not because they're pointing

16:36

out all these things on her. And

16:38

it's sort of similar to our pediatrician.

16:41

How old is she? Yeah,

16:44

she's like between 75 and 80. She

16:48

has heard it all. Nothing

16:51

phases her. No matter what you tell her, all kids

16:53

have that. At

16:55

one time we took Owen in

16:57

because he needed immunization to

17:00

get registered for preschool. No, I'm

17:03

not an anti-baxxer. I want to make that clear. He

17:05

needed a shot. And they did

17:07

a checkup while he was there. And

17:09

the other doctor who's a lot younger pointed

17:11

some stuff out. Like he's a little below where

17:13

he should be on the percentile

17:16

for height. And if he hasn't caught up by this

17:18

time, you might want to consider getting this kind of

17:20

scan. Anyway, all of this is a

17:23

very long roundabout way of saying, I'm one of the best

17:25

doctors wondering, is this

17:27

a difference between older practitioners and

17:29

younger ones? And

17:32

is there actually some wisdom to

17:34

the older ones knowing what not

17:36

to flag? I think it's a

17:38

great question. I've had that exact same thought myself.

17:41

I was once sent to a dermatologist who was very,

17:45

very old. And he

17:47

like loudly farted

17:51

while he was looking at my skin. My

17:54

dermatologist. Kind of the bear kind of fart.

17:56

Yeah, I mean, it was just, it was very, and there was like,

17:58

he had a... nurse practitioner in there

18:01

with him and so we both had

18:03

to pretend it was like worse having a

18:05

third person there because then you're like oh

18:07

we both acknowledge it

18:09

yeah it's supposed to be good for the pores though you

18:13

know that's

18:15

why he said you're welcome walk

18:19

out of here have you had

18:22

like skin cancer issues no I mean and I

18:24

get checked I do get checked once a year

18:26

because I you're fair skin like me growing up

18:28

in Tucson and I've had tons like oh yeah

18:31

are you out in the sun a lot I

18:34

mean yeah I guess I got a lot of sunburns

18:36

so I mean I I think

18:38

I was too sick to a certain age and

18:40

then I just promptly stopped it feels like I

18:42

just stopped it stopped big outside I did yeah

18:44

well I had a

18:47

very old dermatologist and I had this thing

18:49

on my cheek and

18:53

it wasn't healing and so I went into him and I said you

18:55

know I think it

18:57

might be skin cancer or something he laughed he literally

18:59

laughed at me he gave me some cortisone cream and

19:01

I'm like I think it might be so I went

19:03

to another one he immediately was like a younger one

19:06

yeah and he was like that is he did a

19:08

biopsy it was and I always

19:10

think about that so wait what happened with

19:12

your old farting dermatologist that was a one-time

19:14

thing I immediately found a

19:16

different dermatologist I would say she's a middle-aged

19:19

woman but she also has her PA's do

19:21

almost everything so she has like women in

19:24

their early 30s right doing all

19:26

the inspection kind of stuff yeah but I do

19:28

think I mean I understand what you're saying especially

19:30

about and the vet thing too is hard because

19:33

also there's a sense of like how

19:36

much can anyone

19:38

spend on it you

19:40

know what I'm saying so there's and like

19:42

I don't have children so I'm happy I'm

19:44

happy to spend money on an animal right

19:46

that I probably wouldn't or couldn't otherwise do

19:49

but even so you know

19:52

there's just a sometimes there's a level of like well

19:54

you're gonna want to get this right and this check

19:56

and they run it all by you and then you're

19:58

like What without

20:01

without telling you I really need right? What's

20:03

your plan? And they're like, honestly, just

20:05

rotate the tires. Yeah, like two of these things is what

20:07

you need to do. And you're like, OK, I

20:10

guess I wish that you hadn't told me

20:12

all these other things because now I feel

20:14

like a bad parent. Well, it's not, you

20:17

know, therapist is always saying. Think

20:20

about who increases

20:22

your anxiety versus who decreases

20:25

your anxiety. And what

20:27

are you supposed to do with that information? Well,

20:29

like if you're going to a pediatrician and you're

20:31

constantly leaving freaked out, then maybe that's not the

20:33

right fit for you. So you leave that person?

20:35

Yeah, like you want. Oh, it's

20:38

been a fun marriage. But

20:41

that's never a great time to do. Yeah. But

20:43

I think at least you got some good content.

20:45

I mean, it's all about the content. I

20:48

think I like

20:50

the idea of receiving more

20:53

information. Like, I don't necessarily

20:55

like the idea of this other person deciding

20:57

which is important and which isn't. Yeah. And

21:00

the idea of something being missed freaks me out.

21:02

At the same time. It

21:05

is more anxiety provoking, like you're saying, to receive

21:07

a list of a bunch of things that maybe

21:09

so that someone older who's been doing it longer

21:11

doesn't feel. Well, is there a happy medium? Like,

21:14

how young are we talking about for these younger

21:16

vets? Like, is there like a 55? Right. Probably.

21:20

That's just the right fit. Who's like very

21:22

plugged into all of the new everything, but

21:24

also seasoned enough to be like, look, I

21:27

recently switched from an old vet to a

21:29

young vet. Really? Are you having a similar

21:31

experience? Yeah, I'm like in the young vet.

21:33

And, you know, I don't know. Listen, and

21:35

maybe this is this is what we're all

21:37

going through with Biden here. Not

21:40

to date. No, no. But

21:42

no, I do just like the younger the younger

21:44

vet. Make me maybe feel better. The office is

21:46

a little bit nicer. My vet has green hair.

21:48

She's very cool. And she did save my cat's

21:51

life. What you want when I when I heard

21:53

that. Yes. She's very cool. And when I am

21:55

when my cat was sick, she

21:57

had she like had an idea. She

21:59

was like. I wonder if you know it is one

22:01

of those things and it was so random and then

22:04

it was that and like my cat I can't

22:06

I wish I could tell you I wish I could tell you

22:08

I would have to like go back cuz my cat

22:10

died possibly in 2012 my 2012

22:14

if not that 2013 my old

22:16

vet would pitch me a movie every time I came in

22:19

are you serious? Yeah, I don't know if you know if

22:21

he knew that I was in the industry. He just anyone

22:23

yeah, I think it is I think it's everybody that's it

22:27

was like a Cultural thing

22:29

that I couldn't speak to but he was

22:32

very it was like it was it was

22:34

like like Okay,

22:36

so it takes place at the Kentucky Derby Something

22:40

about the conflict between the Sikhs and the

22:42

Hindus Yeah,

22:45

yeah that I maybe couldn't speak to

22:47

the validity of probably or what his

22:49

side of it was yeah But

22:52

he was and he would lay out

22:54

this whole fucking thing It was like longer than

22:56

the visit about the cat him. Yeah, this movie

22:58

to me Nightmare

23:00

yeah, oh no my new vet no movie

23:02

ideas as far as I know Yeah,

23:06

it's coming that's right you

23:08

never know You

23:11

write team title it go here's my idea

23:14

I feel like the competitive toilet

23:17

would be something people would buy I have a

23:19

mild I don't know I kind of don't

23:21

even want to say it maybe cut this out But I have

23:23

mild eating disorder concerns about that. Oh Being

23:27

like yes, thank you. I will track how much

23:30

weight I'm losing I will track I

23:34

will take more accident. Well, I did think

23:36

about that like duolingo

23:41

Has this gamification of learning languages

23:43

and It

23:46

makes you want to

23:48

practice and learn more the gamification

23:51

and I'm like Does

23:53

gamifying? Pooping is that like do

23:56

you do you want something

23:58

that's gonna make you want to poop more? That's probably

24:00

not the best thing and if you're running behind

24:03

if you pardon the expression Are

24:06

you actually making yourself more anxious? Why

24:10

am I so blocked now because like trying to

24:12

it's like why are you going in the bathroom with

24:14

a can of beans? It's like yeah Yeah,

24:18

you just if this toilet is as smart as you

24:20

say it's gonna know right yeah, it's gonna know it's

24:22

under That was beans I

24:31

still think you got something there Here

24:35

about the one that's too good and too stupid

24:39

Same idea but for jacking off Yeah

24:47

Okay, so Janet was

24:49

and initially Janet was gonna come on a Monday

24:52

interview episode and then we had to

24:54

reschedule But I had solicited

24:56

questions for Janet I

24:59

know Jordan you're here too. So I

25:01

feel like some of these questions could work for both of

25:03

you I have had parallel

25:05

careers in many ways. I don't each other

25:07

for many years. So let's Take

25:10

some questions from our fans When

25:17

we ask this and they're wondering

25:19

how you have been so thanks

25:22

so much for answering these

25:24

questions from our fans Yay,

25:28

I love Janet and Jordan I

25:34

love that her pod goes from the young ward.

25:36

I love that her podcast is on the

25:38

maximum fun network It's my favorite podcast network. How

25:40

did we go? It does work. How did

25:42

she end up moving from dirtis to max fun?

25:47

Boy, I mean I think I just I

25:49

don't know. Um, I mean I wish I could say that

25:52

it was hold it Right. I think yeah, I wish I

25:54

could say like oh was an active choice Yeah, I think

25:56

but I'm a very passive person when it comes to

25:58

that website that does like, you know Entertainment News

26:00

and stuff like that. But now there's no

26:02

more podcasts. But that being

26:04

said, it was a huge relief because I

26:06

was like, okay, thank God. Because also

26:09

part of leaving is sometimes that

26:11

this company owns part of your

26:13

thing. So when it bolded,

26:15

everything reverted back. So there was no conversation. There

26:17

never had to be that awkward conversation because I'm

26:19

very bad at awkward conversations. So it never had

26:21

to be like, hi, I'd like to divorce from

26:24

this podcast network. But

26:26

I certainly did not shop around. I immediately...

26:28

I think I'd already talked to the

26:30

people at Maximum Fun and was like, hey,

26:33

can I come over now? Like, finally I can

26:35

come over. So yeah, it's a wonderful network. I

26:37

love them. And of

26:39

course, Jordan Morris also a huge Max

26:42

Funner. Yeah, that's right. Mr. Max Fun.

26:44

Mr. Max Fun. That's true. They

26:46

call me that around the old water and

26:48

hole. I was just

26:50

watching something recently that was filmed at

26:53

your building. Yes. Lots

26:56

of stuff gets filmed. I know. What

26:58

was it? You know, I have a story about that. Maybe

27:01

I won't say... I'll tell you guys off mic who

27:03

the guest was who did this. But

27:05

we were recording an episode of Jordan and Jesse

27:07

Go with a guest. And

27:09

like a couple hours

27:12

after we recorded the email thread

27:14

with the guest said, I knew

27:17

I saw your building from... I knew I

27:19

knew your building from somewhere. And he sent us

27:21

a still of porn where

27:23

you could see the same

27:25

view. So it was

27:27

filmed at the same on a different

27:30

floor, a different office. That wasn't what

27:32

I was thinking. It's in a very

27:34

beautiful building near MacArthur Park. Gorgeous view.

27:36

And yeah, it's... I don't know what's

27:38

worse, that they knew it so well.

27:40

Right. Right. Or

27:43

that they knew the view so well. Yeah. That's

27:45

like it cancels itself out. It's like, oh, you were paying attention to the

27:47

view. It's like reading Playboy for the Articles. Sure. You

27:50

bought porn for the beautiful views. I watched porn for the

27:52

articles. I watched porn too much. I watched that porn too

27:54

much. Get out of the way, nude people. Exactly. If

27:57

only that guy's dick were smaller. I

28:00

could really see MacArthur Park. The building

28:02

has this architectural thing

28:04

with the windows where you can see these

28:06

concrete sort of arches. Yeah, it's a tool.

28:09

It's a building. Yeah, so it is very

28:11

recognizable. You know, yeah, again,

28:13

this is like a lot of

28:15

attention to be paid to pornography. So we should remember

28:17

what it was though. Maybe we should all take a

28:19

minute while enjoying pornography to

28:21

just... Yeah, you're taking the production values.

28:24

What have we watched recently? Well, we've

28:26

watched Baby Reindeer, but it certainly wasn't

28:28

that. I

28:31

watched an old Jaws ripoff from the 80s

28:33

called Alligator. Oh, I've heard of Alligator. Yeah,

28:35

I've heard of Alligator. I've never seen it.

28:38

Alligator's kind of a hoot. Robert Forster is

28:40

the lead. It's neat. They have a bunch

28:42

of different weird Alligator puppets that they use.

28:45

Weird Alligator? Weird Alligators? Yes, weird Alligators.

28:47

Making sure we got that. They do

28:49

all their Alligator parody songs. It's a

28:51

parody of Jaws. And you could see

28:53

the building in the background from that.

28:55

It wasn't Pomoy-Al. Was it in MacArthur

28:57

Lake? It is, yeah. But

28:59

they say it's Chicago, but they changed

29:01

nothing. I understand. I can't

29:04

even remember. It'd be interesting if you get

29:06

into porn based on... Do

29:08

you have any porn set in Chatsworth? I understand a

29:10

lot of porn happens. Sorry, I love those rocks. If

29:12

that was your thing, it was like... Geolocating.

29:14

Geolocating your porn. I mean, there's a

29:17

lot... Not just the valley,

29:19

but I want to be near where

29:21

Charlie Manson's... Sure. Or the

29:23

Grand Canyon. Or the Grand Canyon. So

29:26

beautiful. So majestic. How many people

29:28

do you think have shot a load into the Grand Canyon? I bet a bunch. Oh,

29:31

for centuries. It's a big canyon. It's got to

29:33

be... Thank you for dignifying it

29:35

with history. Yeah, yeah. If you're

29:37

a huge fan of national parks, that's got to be a

29:40

goal. How do you think it became the Grand Canyon? Oh,

29:43

God. How many

29:45

people there versus Niagara Falls?

29:48

Oh, that's another good place to

29:50

finish up. Way more. Certainly

29:53

a wetter one. Yeah. Kathleen

29:55

Brakefield says, Favorite past

29:57

coworkers. Kathleen, hello. What

38:00

is in your hand? But he's been telling

38:02

me since yesterday that it feels like

38:04

grass. I think he was testing you. Oh.

38:09

But why does he need to know that? Because

38:11

for some reason he wants a jar of bones

38:13

or something. Is this for the haunted houses that

38:15

they're making? I am so good at this. I

38:17

love him. He wants a jar of bones.

38:20

And he's talking about owl pellets, which

38:23

are these little things that he told me

38:25

this, but we dissected them in fifth grade.

38:27

They're like these little sort

38:29

of oval-shaped owl poops that are filled with little bones.

38:31

I think that comes out through the mouth. I was

38:33

going to say, is it like a cough-up situation? That's

38:36

right. Like a hairball. We dissected them too. That was

38:38

a part of Science class. That's just why owls are

38:40

more and more like cats every day. They're the cats

38:42

of the sky. When you look up and you see

38:44

a great horned owl sitting on a roof, it just

38:46

looks like there's a cat sitting there. And

38:49

they're interested in the same parade. You would think they'd be

38:51

friends. You would think they'd be friends. Wait,

38:53

do we know they're not? Have you

38:55

ever seen an owl and cat hanging out? No, but there's

38:57

something called the owl and the pussy cat. Oh yeah, that's

38:59

a dream of that book. It was about an owl

39:01

and a cat who get married. See, see they

39:03

are. They fall in love. Yeah, someone else

39:05

already. Every day. So they cough up the

39:07

owl pellets. They do, yes, on

39:10

their wedding night with the cat. Well, the

39:12

light of the wedding used to crush him

39:14

under a heel. Yes, yeah. He's wrapped in

39:16

a... He'll be so excited to know that

39:18

he's talking about owl barf, not owl poop.

39:20

Unless owl poop also feels like grass. But

39:24

wait, owls also poop, right? It's not like everything

39:26

comes and goes. Yeah, I think the pellets are...

39:28

It is kind of like a hairball, I think.

39:31

Yeah, see? But just like bones and hair and

39:33

stuff. But then also they're like... And by the

39:35

way, I poop, yeah. And I also poop. I

39:37

contain multitudes. I think he's talking about owl pellets.

39:39

He's got to be. Yeah. All right, Jana, do

39:42

you have a podcast, pow product pick? They are

39:44

owl pellets. I know this is a very unexpected...

39:46

Oh, wow, that's crazy. That's very so consistent. Again,

39:48

unplanned, but very, very, very fortuitous. No,

39:50

in fact, I need to look it up. And I did not

39:52

have a great internet connection, but I

39:55

am super into this

39:57

hand sanitizer. That

40:00

sounds like not that cool. No, I think

40:02

it's really cool. But it's for a person

40:04

who travels a lot and maybe goes to

40:06

Comic-Cons and is like shaking a lot of

40:08

hands and giving a lot of hugs and

40:10

stuff, this stuff, this

40:12

is authentic off-mic rummaging. That's valuable.

40:14

That's right, that's not piped in.

40:18

That's very, very valuable. Hold on, I've got it. I've

40:20

almost got it. And I'll tell you why it's so

40:22

hard to locate right now, because you know how usually,

40:24

also I was on a shoot, so I had to

40:26

bring everything I own in one tiny bag. You know

40:28

how you're like, ugh, hand sanitizer. It takes up so

40:31

much space. How am I, I'm a guy, what am

40:33

I gonna do? Walk around with hand sanitizer? It looks

40:35

like a credit card. This is like the size of

40:37

a credit card. It's called, I

40:39

think it's noshinku? It's

40:42

beautiful smells. Okay, this

40:44

is lavendula, so it's like lavender, but there's like, you

40:46

know, just like all those good, like essential oil smells

40:48

that you want. It smells great. Can I take a

40:50

whiff of that? And it's refillable and you can get

40:52

a little, so you get a little pouch and you

40:54

just pop the top off and you can refill it.

40:57

And it's just a wonderful, easy, slim,

41:00

stick it in your pocket or a purse. Yeah, it's

41:03

a good little, it's a good little guy. Noshinku,

41:06

lavendula. I love it. But again, there's

41:09

bergamot. There's all sorts of smells you

41:11

can explore. Is that how we say

41:13

bergamot? Is it bergamot? I

41:15

don't know. I have no idea. That sounds, I mean,

41:17

that sounds fancy. I'm sure you're saying it right. You

41:20

know what I want is your little phone case thing.

41:22

Oh yeah, well this is for a child. Is

41:25

it? As most of my belongings are. But

41:27

it's very handy because it is also a wallet.

41:30

Now, the reason that this is helpful for me

41:32

and then you can close it with a little

41:34

strap is that I like to drop my phone

41:36

all the time. So the credit cards and cash

41:38

hacked as a padding. I

41:40

drop this sucker, nothing ever meets the

41:42

glass. It never happens. I

41:44

like to get one of those. You're protected by your

41:47

own wealth. Just

41:49

like. The more money you

41:51

have, the safer your phone is. Your

41:53

ivory tower. The more credit

41:55

card debt you have, the more, yeah.

41:57

The more frozen yogurt punch cards you

41:59

have. The more folded up pieces of

42:02

paper telling people what medications you're on,

42:04

if there's an emergency you have, the

42:06

safer your phone is. Smart.

42:09

This is a bit of a just mirror, everyone in the middle of segment

42:12

inception. I don't carry a wallet.

42:14

I haven't for a very long time. I have like

42:16

a little coin purse in my purse. But

42:19

whenever I carried a wallet, it began to be

42:21

turned into like a Kramer style, gigantic wallet with

42:23

a bunch of paper in it. And it just

42:25

takes up too much space. George Costanza, that

42:28

Kramer. Fair. I

42:30

knew what you were talking about. I knew

42:32

what you were talking about. That is embarrassing

42:35

though. No, it's not that embarrassing. Listen, she

42:37

could have been saying that the wallet, like

42:39

George, went Kramer

42:41

size. Yes. It got so thick

42:44

it was the size of Kramer. That's what you

42:46

meant. That's what I meant. He's a tall man.

42:48

Thank you. He's a tall guy. Absolutely

42:50

on purpose. Yeah. When I entered the room with

42:52

that wallet, it was like Kramer entering the room.

42:54

Right. Do you

42:57

guys carry wallets? I do. And then

42:59

it just carries her phone case, right? You see now

43:01

that I don't get it. It's pretty standard brown wallet.

43:03

Okay. Man style wallet. Some

43:06

men have a money clip. Many men have wallets. I know.

43:10

Sounds like a wallet. Good proverb.

43:13

Some men have a money clip. Many men have

43:15

wallets. And others will descend the mountain. Exactly. I'm

43:17

trying to think if I know any man who

43:19

has had a money clip for a long period

43:22

of time. I feel like that's a thing where

43:24

you're catching the man right after he's

43:26

like, I realize I only need a money clip.

43:28

I ask him in two months and he's gonna

43:30

be like, oh no, absolutely. We're back to the

43:32

wallet. Absolutely needed a wallet. The wallet works. Yeah.

43:35

You know, I have a wallet and

43:37

I enjoy calling it a billfold because who says that?

43:39

Oh yeah, billfold. It's such a dumb name. And I

43:41

should call my purse my pocketbook. Yes. Yes.

43:45

Frigerator icebox. That's fun.

43:49

That's it. That's the limit of our

43:51

1950s knowledge. I was like, wait,

43:53

I know one too, but it was icebox. Oh

43:55

my God, we already did that one. Isn't

43:58

there anything else? That's

56:00

that thing on Main Street, Oklahoma.

56:04

Just me. Didn't tell you

56:06

how I was probably too

56:10

old when I realized I'm

56:12

Caucasian. Anyway,

56:15

I hope you and the boys are doing well. All

56:18

is good here in Oklahoma. Just

56:21

trying to survive the heat. Again, this

56:23

is Shannon in Broken Air, Oklahoma. Love

56:25

the show. Thank

56:27

you, Shannon. I'm so glad she did the name sandwich

56:29

because I was like, uh, oh, then

56:32

we got the name sandwich. TM.

56:35

Um, I had to have not had

56:37

that experience of thinking Caucasian means criminal, but I

56:39

love that. Yeah, it's

56:41

funny because it's a word that you

56:44

would not use it kind of in

56:46

any other context. It's like the way

56:48

the weather people here in California refer

56:50

to this as the South Land. Yeah.

56:52

Nobody's ever, no other context.

56:54

Are you? I

56:56

remember when I went to college realizing,

57:00

oh my God, I'm in the

57:02

inland empire. Yeah. That was to

57:04

me was like the Southland Southland.

57:06

Uh, yeah, it's a

57:09

terrible name inland empire. It's

57:11

like really trying to like put lipstick

57:13

on a turd. Right. I don't even

57:15

know what that actually is. I've heard

57:17

it, but I don't know what inland

57:19

empire. Yeah. It's basically, I think it

57:21

refers to all of those

57:23

like farmland

57:27

communities in the middle of California,

57:29

sort of like between the Sierras

57:31

and the coast. Gotcha. Yeah.

57:33

Well, he's heard it, but just brushed

57:36

it off. Right. In question. Right.

57:39

Um, I think we have another one. Hi, Allison.

57:43

My JMO is

57:45

whenever I have a paper invitation

57:48

to a party, I have

57:50

to bring it with me to the party.

57:53

I don't know why I think I'm like,

57:56

in case someone asks, like, if I have an invitation,

57:58

would I never bring it with me? But

58:01

I cannot leave the house to

58:03

go to the party without the

58:05

invitation. Is that

58:07

just me? Okay. Bye. It

58:10

would be funny to have a party and

58:12

then just as a goof, it doesn't matter,

58:14

just ask everyone at the door. Even if

58:16

they're friends. Have somebody work in the door.

58:18

Or just be like, do you have an

58:21

invitation? Okay, good. That is

58:23

my favorite just me or everyone that I've heard

58:25

in a really long time. No, I don't have

58:27

that, but I love it. I love

58:30

it. Yeah, I've never heard of that.

58:32

No, it's been a long time

58:34

since I've been invited to a party. I

58:37

think I would I would break it only if

58:39

I needed directions or something. Yeah. Yeah. But even

58:41

then, well, yeah, I guess. But even then, aren't

58:43

you just going to type it into your phone?

58:45

No. Yeah. That's

58:48

so funny. Those

58:50

were wonderful. Just me or everyone's please

58:52

call yours in. Leave us a voice.

58:54

But we won't answer. That's our promise.

58:56

Three, two, three, five, five, three, two,

58:58

three, three, one. And I

59:00

would also like to take a moment to

59:03

say sign up for my Patreon. If you

59:05

have the yearning to you have the yen.

59:11

Speaking of yen, we might be

59:13

doing extra Patreon content in

59:15

Japan. In Japan, we probably will. Yeah. And

59:19

did you know that yen means desire?

59:22

Yeah. That's why I said if you have the

59:24

yen. Yeah. I mean, that's not where the word

59:26

for Japanese money comes from. But

59:29

I believe a yen is a desire. I could just

59:31

know that recently. Yeah. So anyway,

59:34

but if you have the yen or the yen, sign

59:38

up, won't you please? Ads are very thin.

59:40

So I'm now kind

59:42

of like if you like the podcast, you

59:44

can directly support it. And that's how I'm

59:46

keeping it going. So thank you to everyone

59:48

who stepped up. It means the world to

59:50

me. I also have a sub stack. It

59:52

is very popular. Get

59:55

in before you can't. Allison

59:58

Rosen does. I'm a best seller. It

1:00:00

doesn't mean much but I have a

1:00:03

badge. AlisonRosen.substack.com. All

1:00:05

right, Daniel. Yes.

1:00:08

Anything? Where do we find you?

1:00:11

Find me at Instagram, mostly,

1:00:14

at DanielQuants. Q-U-A-N-T-Z.

1:00:17

And that's where you will be

1:00:19

delighted by things I post. Is

1:00:22

that a promise? Oh no,

1:00:24

you probably won't be. Okay, and Tony? I

1:00:27

truly am doing nothing of note right now. I'll

1:00:30

have some stuff coming up but nothing, nothing. I

1:00:32

don't feel like I barely even post online anymore.

1:00:36

This is- Solid. All right, guys.

1:00:38

Hey, I'm just telling you the truth. I'm so ideas.

1:00:40

I know, I like the naked truth. Thank

1:00:42

you for listening. I love you. You

1:00:44

matter. Goodbye. Hey,

1:00:46

do you know about the

1:00:49

AlisonRosen show? We had a

1:00:51

good time, but now we

1:00:53

gotta go. Yeah,

1:01:02

AlisonRosen, here's your

1:01:04

new best friend.