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Rammel. This episode

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0:41

Hello?

0:42

Something that I and

0:45

probably you have struggled with.

0:48

our

0:48

whole lives

0:50

the is thinking

0:52

that other people are cooler than us.

0:55

It's

0:55

human. It's natural.

0:58

seeing someone on social media, seeing

1:00

someone across the room at a party, and thinking,

1:03

god, why are they so much cooler than

1:06

me?

1:06

It's

1:09

just a part

1:12

of life. But recently,

1:15

I have come to the conclusion. that

1:17

I don't think anyone

1:19

is cool. I

1:21

don't think anyone is that cool. I

1:24

think that some people are

1:26

just better than others at

1:29

creating an illusion that they're cool.

1:32

I actually might argue

1:34

that the concept of

1:36

coolness that we've all

1:39

been living by

1:41

our whole lives is a lie.

1:44

I think that

1:45

the the

1:47

idea of coolness

1:49

that we have in our heads is

1:51

completely fake. I

1:53

would argue this. And

1:56

here's why. Because

1:58

over the past few years,

2:00

I've had a similar experience time

2:02

and time again where I'll

2:05

see someone on social media, and

2:07

I'll follow them or keep up with them for

2:09

little bit of time. You know, maybe it's a

2:11

year, maybe it's a few years, maybe

2:13

it's only a few weeks.

2:15

I'll keep up with what they're doing. And

2:18

based on their Instagrams, I'll

2:20

start to think, wow. Like,

2:22

they are so cool.

2:24

Like, they're so much cooler than me. They have cooler

2:27

style than me. They do cooler

2:29

stuff. They

2:31

have cooler friends. They

2:34

have more friends than me because

2:36

my friends are numbered. You know

2:38

what I mean? Like, And over

2:40

time, as I continue

2:43

to perceive them through the Internet, I'll

2:45

start to build them up, and I'll build them into this

2:47

super cool person. where

2:49

in my head, they have it all

2:51

figured out. You know, their

2:54

lives are just perfect.

2:56

And in comparison to mine, I'm

2:58

just a cringey little idiot

3:01

in the corner. And they are this

3:03

cool, confident,

3:05

slay Queen.

3:08

You know? Then

3:11

I'll meet them. And

3:13

without a doubt, Every

3:16

single time I meet one of these people

3:18

that I built up in my head, I

3:20

will realize, oh my god. No.

3:23

No. No. No. No. they're

3:25

cool for sure. They're great. They could

3:27

be great people. But they're not

3:30

as cool as I thought. Like, they

3:32

they don't have the same

3:35

effect that they did in my head.

3:38

They have human

3:40

qualities. They have

3:42

flaws. They have insecurities. They

3:46

are normal human beings. And normal

3:49

human beings

3:50

have things

3:52

about them that are a little cringe or a

3:54

little weird or a little odd or a little unusual.

3:56

Every single person on this planet has

3:58

those things.

3:59

And

4:01

almost every time I

4:03

meet one of these quote

4:05

unquote cool people, I realize

4:07

they are so normal. And that's

4:09

not to say that they're not cool. Like, they

4:12

they are so cool in a lot of ways,

4:14

but they're not any

4:16

more cool than the next guy. Do you see

4:18

them saying, I feel

4:21

like the concept of cool that we

4:23

live by? is that there are just some

4:25

people on this planet that have it all figured

4:27

out and that

4:29

have this cool factor that

4:32

sets them apart, you know, whatever.

4:36

In reality, I can guarantee

4:38

Now, this is a this is a bold

4:40

claim, but I can guarantee that

4:43

even the coolest person on the planet

4:46

if somehow we were able to narrow it

4:48

down and figure out who the coolest person

4:50

on the planet was, if we were to pull

4:52

them out, look at them and examine

4:54

everything about them, we would find something

4:56

weird. We would find something unusual. It's

4:59

just the way that it is. And I think

5:01

that that's a really beautiful thing. I think

5:04

that that is a really beautiful

5:06

thing because the

5:08

moment that you realize that

5:10

the cool factor that we live

5:12

by in our heads is not real? We

5:15

can all take a deep breath. When I

5:17

started to realize this, it

5:19

gave me this surge

5:21

of comfort in social

5:23

situations. Because I

5:25

kinda stopped feeling like anyone was

5:27

cooler than me because I was like, we're

5:30

all cool in some ways

5:32

and we're all weird in other ways.

5:34

That's just the truth of it. which

5:37

ways you're cool and which ways you're

5:39

weird may vary from

5:41

person to person, but

5:43

we all are cool and we are

5:45

all weird. Some of

5:47

the most obvious cool

5:49

factors are number one,

5:52

someone's outward appearance, the way that

5:54

they dress the way they do their

5:56

hair, etcetera.

5:58

Next would be having cool

6:01

habits. Maybe it's going

6:03

to parties a lot. Maybe it's

6:05

smoking cigarettes. Maybe it's

6:07

having a bunch of friends. Somebody who

6:09

just has cool habits.

6:11

Not that smoking cigarettes is cool because

6:13

it's bad for you, but you get what I'm saying.

6:16

And lastly, having a chill

6:18

relaxed vibe Those

6:21

three genres

6:23

of cool habits, I would argue, are

6:25

the most obvious. I'm

6:28

gonna spend the next five

6:31

to ten minutes debunking all

6:33

of them.

6:34

Let's start with having

6:36

a cool appearance. Having

6:38

a cool appearance is

6:41

probably one of the best

6:43

ways. to

6:46

sort of create the illusion that

6:48

you're cool. Because most

6:51

people's first impression

6:53

of someone is

6:56

based on

6:57

their outward appearance. It

6:59

comes before even

7:01

speaking. The thing

7:03

is is that just because

7:05

somebody has cool style, good

7:09

taste in clothing, a

7:11

unique sort of approach to

7:13

addressing themselves just

7:15

because somebody has all of those things. doesn't

7:18

really mean anything

7:20

other than they just

7:22

have good taste in

7:24

clothing. and style. Like,

7:26

that that's all that that means. I

7:28

think that sometimes sometimes

7:32

someone the way that somebody dresses and presents

7:34

themselves can

7:37

sort of allude to

7:40

a level of understanding of oneself,

7:43

which arguably is a cool thing.

7:46

But it doesn't always mean that.

7:48

you can't rely on

7:50

someone's outward appearance to fully represent

7:53

who they are in their core.

7:56

for all you know, they could be

7:59

super insecure with themselves. They

8:01

could be not

8:03

a great person. They could be a

8:06

liar. They could be mean.

8:09

You know, like, you don't know. So

8:12

someone having a

8:14

really cool, unique sense of style

8:17

is simply that. It's just that

8:20

Well, they have a cool sense of style.

8:22

It doesn't mean that

8:24

the rest of them is

8:26

cool. It's all surface

8:28

level. And I think that we

8:30

tend to see somebody who dresses cool, presents

8:32

himself in a cool way and think, oh, well,

8:35

that must represent the rest of

8:37

this person. they must be cool

8:39

through and through. Because if they

8:41

have the taste to

8:44

look this way, then

8:46

they probably have the taste to

8:48

be a cool badass on the

8:50

inside too. The truth is that's

8:53

not the case. You could meet

8:55

someone that dresses so cool and then

8:57

you get to talking to them and you're like,

8:59

they're a fucking asshole. They're not

9:01

cool at all. And that

9:03

happens, or

9:05

you might meet them and be like, oh,

9:08

like they're, you know, they're really insecure in

9:10

themselves, and so they're constantly putting

9:12

other people down and, like, whatever,

9:14

that's a bummer. You know? It just

9:16

it doesn't really go beyond the

9:19

surface. That's just the truth of it. So

9:21

you can admire somebody else's cool

9:23

style, but you shouldn't

9:25

assume somebody's personality.

9:28

based on that or the rest

9:30

of their lives based on that.

9:32

And that doesn't necessarily mean that people

9:34

that dress cool don't have

9:36

cool personality traits as

9:38

well. They very well might,

9:40

but they also

9:42

have some weird traits too. and

9:44

you can't forget that. Next,

9:47

cool

9:49

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the illusion that you're

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12:47

cool badass. Earlier

12:49

I referenced smoking cigarettes,

12:52

showing up late to things, having a bunch

12:54

of friends, maybe going to a lot

12:56

of parties, All of

12:58

these things are an extension of somebody's

13:01

appearance. They could kind of

13:03

go in the same category.

13:05

They're just an extension. of that category.

13:08

You have to wonder

13:10

sometimes when someone

13:12

has a lot of cool habits. Maybe

13:14

it's that they

13:16

go to

13:17

parties all the time and seem

13:19

like they don't give a fuck about anything. They

13:22

show up late to everything. They they are

13:24

kind of negligent. They just seem

13:26

like they're in their own world or whatever.

13:28

You have

13:29

to wonder How much

13:31

of it is calculated?

13:34

I'm not saying that everybody who

13:37

has cool habits is

13:39

calculating their cool habits.

13:41

But before you look

13:44

at somebody, and start

13:46

comparing yourself to them. You

13:48

have to ask, okay,

13:50

wait, how much of this is calculated?

13:52

I would argue a lot of

13:54

people who, for example,

13:56

get addicted to cigarettes and start

13:58

smoking cigarettes outside of parties all

14:00

the time. and looked super cool

14:02

and chill and bad ass, they

14:04

probably started smoking cigarettes

14:06

to look cool at a party.

14:08

in the first place.

14:11

You know what I'm saying? I don't

14:13

know what other appeal there

14:16

would be otherwise.

14:18

Like, the first time I ever smoked a

14:20

cigarette. Why did I smoke that

14:22

cigarette? I smoked it

14:24

to LUKOIL at a party. Like,

14:27

Luckily,

14:27

I don't like cigarettes. I hate them.

14:29

They're not good. But

14:31

my

14:32

point remains. The reason why

14:34

I smoke that cigarette at that party

14:36

that one time was because I was

14:38

trying to fit in. I was trying to look

14:40

cool. Now me

14:42

smoking a cigarette to look cool at a

14:44

party is probably one of the most uncool

14:46

things of all time.

14:48

But if you think about that

14:50

as like a cool chill habit,

14:54

Think about why it started in the first

14:56

place. There's a decent chance

14:58

it was to fit in,

15:01

which is not what we think

15:03

of when we think of cool.

15:05

Or having

15:08

a bunch of friends, you know,

15:10

walking around with a bunch of friends. posting

15:13

Instagram pictures with a lot of friends.

15:15

Having a lot of friends

15:17

doesn't

15:19

mean that somebody is cool.

15:22

There have been so

15:24

many times in my life when I

15:26

have had a lot of friends. and

15:28

I have felt extremely lonely.

15:31

Why? Because you know

15:33

what they say, quality over

15:35

quantity. just because you have a bunch of

15:38

friends doesn't mean you have

15:40

a bunch

15:40

of good friends. A

15:42

lot of friends and good

15:45

friends are very different. there's a

15:47

chance that the people you see

15:49

walking around with a lot of friends,

15:51

posting

15:51

on their IG stories with a lot of friends,

15:53

have a lot of great friends. It's possible

15:56

But it's pretty fucking

15:58

rare. I don't know anyone.

16:00

Right

16:01

now, who's in a

16:03

big friend group who

16:06

actually feels

16:08

super close to

16:10

everyone in that friend group

16:13

And

16:13

there's like no drama. I just don't I

16:15

never hear of that. Is it

16:17

possible? Anything's possible?

16:20

But all I'm saying is, is that,

16:22

again, that's not a sign

16:25

that someone's one hundred percent the coolest

16:27

motherfucker on the planet. Okay?

16:30

a lot of

16:32

cool habits

16:34

can actually be traced back

16:37

to Potentially, people's

16:39

insecurities, smoking

16:41

cigarettes, having a lot of

16:43

friends. Those are two great

16:45

examples of things

16:47

that make people kinda look cool

16:49

and chill, but

16:51

actually could be rooted in that person's

16:53

insecurity. someone

16:56

smoking cigarettes to look cool in the first

16:58

place or somebody having a lot of

17:00

friends because you can maybe

17:03

they feel like quantity

17:05

is over quality in their life right

17:07

now because they'd rather have a bunch of

17:10

friends that are kind of close than none

17:12

at all. And in my

17:14

opinion, not smoking

17:15

a cigarette to local a

17:17

party saying the cigarette saying no, I don't like cigarettes. I don't

17:19

wanna smoke a cigarette is

17:22

cooler than saying

17:25

yes. And

17:26

and

17:27

having no friends and

17:29

waiting for cool people to come along in

17:31

your life is cooler than walking around with a

17:33

bunch of friends that you don't even really like that So

17:36

do you see what I'm saying? It's like,

17:38

all of this stuff, there

17:40

are so many variables

17:43

within these things. that

17:46

we as onlookers when we look at

17:48

other people and we perceive other

17:50

people and we judge other people, we

17:52

can't see these details.

17:54

So when we look

17:56

at people from an

17:58

outside perspective, and we're just looking at the

18:00

pretty picture that they're painting for us,

18:02

whether it's on social media or it's from across

18:04

the room at a party. We don't know the

18:07

truth. And so

18:09

we shouldn't be comparing ourselves

18:11

to other people. because we

18:14

don't know the

18:16

truth. Possibly the most

18:18

deceiving trait

18:20

of all. is when somebody

18:22

just has a chill relaxed

18:25

vibe, they don't take anything personally

18:27

they just have this sort

18:30

of carefree energy about

18:32

them, etcetera, etcetera.

18:34

Now, there are some people I would argue

18:36

that are genuinely like this.

18:38

And I do think that that is a

18:40

cool trait to have, to just not

18:42

give a fuck, to be so

18:45

relaxed. That's a really

18:48

cool,

18:48

incredible

18:50

vibe. Trust me. and I think

18:52

it does exist, but I also think

18:54

that a lot of people fake

18:56

that vibe. You wanna know how I

18:58

know that? Because even I fake

19:00

that vibe sometimes, I might be hanging

19:02

out with a bunch of new people and deep down, I'm

19:05

like, ugh, ugh, ugh, I'm

19:07

nervous, I'm anxious, I

19:09

feel out of place maybe, but

19:11

I'm like, you know what? Fake it till you make

19:13

it baby and I just sort of fake it

19:16

and just act chill and

19:18

relaxed and whatever. and maybe I'm even more

19:20

quiet than usual, which makes me seem

19:22

mysterious and cool, you know,

19:24

because but deep down, it's because I'm just

19:26

kind of nervous. And

19:28

I think a lot of people have

19:30

the same experience where

19:32

they just kinda come off

19:34

as chill and relaxed. When

19:37

in reality, they're super nervous on

19:39

the inside. Now,

19:41

let's play

19:42

devil's advocate and say,

19:44

somebody

19:45

comes along.

19:47

and they have all

19:49

of these traits and

19:51

they mean it. Let's say somebody

19:53

comes along and they dress

19:56

super cool. They have a super cool

19:58

style. But then

19:59

also, they have a lot of

20:02

friends and

20:02

they have a really bustling social

20:05

life. that they're comfortable with.

20:07

They don't get nervous. They just love

20:09

being social. Everyone loves

20:12

them. They have great social

20:14

skills. Blah blah blah. and

20:16

they have a super chill and relaxed vibe and

20:18

it's not forced. It's truly

20:20

who they are. They are just super

20:22

chill and relaxed. Let's see somebody

20:24

like that comes along. a complete

20:27

unicorn, a rare occurrence.

20:29

Somebody having all of those things at

20:31

once and none of them being an

20:35

illusion is so rare

20:37

that those people

20:39

are

20:39

just uber lucky. But the

20:41

truth about them is, that

20:43

even they will

20:45

have something weird about them. I can guarantee you

20:47

it. You know what it might be?

20:49

It might be that they eat their

20:51

burgers when no one's looking. It

20:54

might be

20:55

that

20:56

they only eat mac and cheese. That's the only

20:58

thing that they eat. That's all that they will eat. They

21:00

don't eat anything else. They only eat mac

21:02

and cheese. Like, they literally will

21:04

not eat anything else. Not even like

21:06

a french fry. Like, nope. Nope.

21:09

Nope. Just

21:10

mac and cheese. It

21:12

might be that they

21:15

can't sit on

21:15

the toilet and poop

21:17

without being

21:17

on the phone with their mom. They have to

21:19

be on the phone with their mom. And if they're not, then

21:21

they can't poop. Like, their poop will

21:23

not come out. Like, they cannot

21:25

relax enough to get that poop out. Okay?

21:28

It might be that

21:30

you walk into their

21:32

home

21:32

and they have really,

21:35

really, really, really,

21:37

really corny, tacky,

21:38

ugly home decor

21:41

stuff that

21:41

says, live, laugh, love on it. Shit like

21:43

that. It might be that. But do you see

21:45

what I'm saying? Like, everybody

21:48

has something?

21:49

everybody. And

21:51

and anytime

21:53

you find yourself feeling nervous

21:55

in social situations or you find yourself

21:58

comparing yourself to other people,

22:00

especially on Instagram, or even

22:02

at parties if you're out and about and you

22:04

see somebody across the room just absolutely working

22:06

that room. You see them working the

22:08

fucking room. They're talking to everybody. Everybody's

22:10

staring at them. They're getting all the attention,

22:12

all the love. Even them,

22:15

everyone, no one is

22:17

safe from the

22:20

inevitable weirdness of being a

22:22

human being. I'll give you some examples of how I'm

22:24

weird. Number one,

22:26

I

22:27

need help from

22:28

my mom a lot.

22:30

a lot

22:31

Like, if it

22:33

weren't for my mom,

22:35

I wouldn't have a car. I

22:38

wouldn't have a house

22:40

to

22:40

live in.

22:41

I wouldn't have gone to the doctor or the

22:44

dentist in the past ten

22:45

years, actually, or my whole

22:48

life. Like, I rely on my mom.

22:50

I wouldn't I wouldn't pay my taxes. I I

22:52

don't think I mean, I would figure it out

22:54

maybe, but, like, it would not be done

22:56

correctly, etcetera. I

22:58

would get scammed. I wouldn't I

23:00

remember, like, the first time I

23:02

got a call from a scam caller saying,

23:05

your Social Security

23:07

number has been stolen. You need to give

23:09

your credit card number right now over the

23:11

phone or else your identity

23:13

will be stolen by us. We

23:15

are we are stealing your identity unless

23:18

you give us your credit card number. That was

23:20

a scam. I remember

23:21

I called my mom and I was like, I

23:23

think to my credit card number over. Is

23:25

that okay? And

23:26

she said, no, Emma, that's a scam, etcetera.

23:28

I rely on my mom

23:30

for so much.

23:34

Okay? My mom organizes my

23:36

life. Without her, I don't know what I would

23:38

do. That's something that to me

23:40

is a little bit embarrassing. There are

23:42

a lot of people my age that don't

23:44

need their mommy in

23:45

order for them to book a doctor's appointment.

23:48

I

23:48

need my mommy. That's

23:50

not

23:50

fucking cool. That is not

23:52

cool. Another

23:54

thing about me that's not that cool is

23:56

the way that I act around

23:58

boys that I have a crush

23:59

on. Luckily, I haven't had

24:02

to have a crush

24:04

on a boy that I didn't really

24:06

know and then, like, act cool around

24:08

them in a while. It's been a while since I've had

24:10

to do that years, which is

24:13

nice, not to have to

24:15

do that.

24:15

But when I

24:17

used to have to do that, I

24:20

can

24:20

fake it till I make it up

24:23

until a certain point. and

24:25

then I'm not cool anymore. Like, I am

24:27

a little bit here's the issue

24:30

I get myself into. Right?

24:32

When I first meet a guy and I like

24:34

them, I can

24:35

be cool. I can

24:36

fake it. Up until

24:38

the point that

24:41

they,

24:42

like, maybe they wanna

24:44

make a move on me, then

24:46

it's

24:46

over. And I'm cringe.

24:49

AF. And I get all tense

24:51

and weird and, like,

24:53

not cool, not cool anymore.

24:55

It's all out the window. my

24:58

fake chill cool vibe, gone

25:01

gone done so. It's

25:03

Uber. Like for the first

25:05

few times, I mean, then I get over it, and I think

25:07

a lot of people are like that maybe,

25:10

but don't care. It's not cool.

25:12

It's not the stereotypical

25:14

cool vibe that we're referring to.

25:16

Me getting all weird intense

25:18

and, like, tie like, I I

25:20

get like a physical reaction

25:23

when, like, I like a guy, and then they, like, touch

25:25

me. In any way, like, they touch my

25:27

arm, even something as innocent as that.

25:29

Nope. I'm tensed up I'm

25:31

tensed up. I'm, like, all

25:34

tight. And it, like, it's

25:35

it makes shit weird. You

25:37

know what I mean? because that's not the body language

25:39

that you're supposed be giving. That's not

25:42

like the cool body language that you're supposed to be

25:44

giving.

25:44

That's not cool. You

25:46

know? Is

25:47

there anything wrong with it? fuck. No. There's nothing

25:49

wrong with it. But it's not cool.

25:52

We'd all be lying if we said it

25:53

was cool. What would the cool

25:55

girl do? So chill.

25:58

super loose, super

25:59

chill, super relaxed, super

26:02

okay. The word loose, that's not I don't mean

26:04

like that. I'm I'm talking about chill and relaxed. Okay?

26:07

Like just whatever. I don't

26:09

have

26:09

that ability in

26:12

the

26:12

beginning. with

26:13

with boy boys. I just

26:14

don't. And even though even though I'm,

26:16

like, you know, at an age now

26:18

where I've been around the block

26:20

a few times, I should be

26:22

super chill and relax. I'm still not there. I don't know if

26:24

I'll ever be there. That's just

26:27

not me. We're

26:29

talking about Macy's again. My favorite one

26:32

stop shop in such

26:34

a beloved friend to anything

26:37

goes. Macy's

26:38

is the

26:39

best because it really has something

26:41

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26:43

whether it's clothes, home

26:46

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26:48

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26:50

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26:52

own individual Macy's shopping experience,

26:56

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26:58

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27:00

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27:02

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27:04

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27:06

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27:08

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27:10

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27:12

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27:14

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27:16

again, outside of beauty, that's thirty percent

27:18

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27:20

shoes, and handbags. to home décor

27:22

and appliances, it's happening

27:25

at Macy's. You wanna know what I'm going

27:27

to get? I'm going to get

27:30

scarves. because I

27:32

really wanna have a scarf.

27:34

I live in California. It's

27:36

only cold for like three months

27:39

here and it's not even that cold like it never

27:41

snows. But I need to be leaning

27:43

into the winter attire this year

27:45

because last year I wasn't

27:47

going hard enough. So I

27:50

will be picking up a few things for

27:52

Macy's. If you need to get some stuff for

27:54

fall, check out Macy's dot com. That's

27:56

Macy's dot com. you'll find

27:58

what you

27:58

need. I can't guarantee you that.

27:59

Okay. The kids are already asking what's

28:02

for dinner, but breaking news,

28:04

empty fridge. That's okay.

28:06

I'll Instacart. Let's add some organic asparagus and

28:08

some farm fresh chicken. Easy. Wait.

28:10

Is the oldest vegetarian this week or

28:12

was it gluten free? Gluten free

28:14

pasta. Cover it either way. Card it.

28:16

And finally, some vegetarian gluten free

28:18

olives for my well earned cocktail. When your

28:21

family shopping list has more footnotes

28:23

than groceries, the world is your

28:25

cart. Visit instacart dot com

28:27

or download the app and get free

28:29

delivery on your first order. Offer valid for a

28:31

limited time. Minimum order ten dollar delivery

28:33

subject to availability, additional terms

28:35

apply. Another thing

28:35

about me is that I

28:39

sometimes get very insecure.

28:42

about people liking me or

28:44

not. But it's

28:46

not really in in a broad

28:48

sense. It's more on like a personal more

28:51

closer, tight knit circle sense,

28:53

like, if I'm dating somebody

28:55

or my best

28:57

friends. Or you know what I mean?

28:59

I'll get

29:00

super insecure and I'll be like, I don't think

29:02

they like me anymore. I don't feel like

29:03

they love me anymore. They don't like me. They don't

29:05

love me anymore. I feel

29:06

like they're over me. They hate me. And then it

29:09

gets super paranoid. And then I

29:11

text them and I say,

29:12

oh You

29:14

hate

29:14

me. No. You hate

29:17

me and I can feel it. You hate me right now.

29:19

Yes, you do. You

29:22

hate me. No.

29:23

I can feel it. You don't like me

29:25

anymore and you don't wanna be my friend or you

29:27

don't wanna be my boyfriend anymore. You don't

29:29

love me and you hate me. And that's

29:31

the truth. And I can feel it through the phone, and I

29:33

can feel it through FaceTime, and I felt it

29:35

when we were hanging out yesterday. I can tell

29:38

that you don't like me anymore, and that's fine.

29:40

Just say to my fucking face because I need

29:42

to hear it so that I can move on and I

29:44

can find so I'll go down like a

29:46

fucking rabbit hole convincing myself

29:48

that people don't like me anymore. when

29:50

nothing has changed and everything is fine and

29:52

I'm actually going crazy. That's

29:55

again not a cool not a

29:57

stereotypically cool thing. what would the cool

29:59

girl do? She'd be like, she'd be like, oh,

30:01

you don't you don't fuck with me anymore? That's

30:04

cool. I'm gonna go play my guitar now. You know

30:06

what I mean? Like, that's what we

30:08

imagine. in the cool girl would do. So when we have

30:10

these moments where we're not cool,

30:13

we don't feel like we're cool. Our

30:15

vulnerabilities are showing. We

30:17

have to remember that everyone

30:20

has them. Some people have more.

30:22

Some people have more. Some people have

30:24

less. Some people are

30:26

more weird

30:28

than others. Some people are more

30:30

cool than others. It's all on a spectrum,

30:32

I would argue. but there's no

30:34

one completely all weird

30:37

and anyone completely all

30:39

cool. There are some

30:40

people that maybe you might perceive

30:43

as unusual or weird in

30:45

a way. Weird is not a bad thing. When I say

30:47

weird, I don't mean like weird is that's

30:49

not a bad mean degrading

30:51

term at all. I would argue

30:53

if you consider

30:54

someone weird, it

30:57

might be because they

30:59

are unusual. They

31:02

are, you know, maybe going

31:04

against the grain in

31:06

a way that, like,

31:08

is

31:09

not

31:11

widely accepted as

31:14

cool. It's just the opposite

31:16

of cool, but it's not a

31:19

negative thing. by any means. just the

31:21

opposite of

31:21

cool. That's the way I look at weird. I don't look

31:24

at weird as

31:26

the a

31:28

negative thing. And I

31:30

don't even look at, like, these vulnerable

31:33

traits that

31:35

are may be considered uncool as being a bad

31:37

thing either. There again, they're a part of being a

31:39

human. There's nothing wrong with

31:41

feeling insecure sometimes. There's nothing

31:45

wrong with liking

31:47

things that are maybe considered nerdy

31:49

or weird. Like, there's nothing wrong

31:51

with any of that.

31:54

it's all the way that we perceive

31:56

things as like

31:58

society as

31:58

a whole. And

31:59

the It's

32:01

all kind of a combination

32:04

of an illusion with

32:07

a little sprinkle of, like,

32:10

societal norms in, like, kind of,

32:12

societally pushed

32:16

ideals.

32:17

It's it's kind of all really

32:20

just a figment of

32:21

our collective imagination, coolness

32:24

versus weirdness versus vulnerability

32:29

versus whatever. It's all kind

32:31

of one

32:33

big

32:35

illusion.

32:36

I think it's especially

32:39

prevalent now because

32:44

I think

32:44

back in the day, it was probably

32:46

a lot harder to

32:49

create

32:50

an illusion that you were

32:53

cool.

32:53

one hundred percent because

32:56

a long time ago,

32:58

you know, everything

33:00

was in person. the only people that had

33:02

the opportunity to create an

33:05

illusion of coolness were

33:07

celebrities because they were able to

33:09

be on magazines and do interviews

33:12

and be in movies and be in TV shows

33:14

and stuff like that. And

33:16

that

33:16

was something that

33:18

was cherry picked. You know what I mean?

33:20

Like, the most impressive

33:23

parts of the movie,

33:25

in the interview, in the

33:27

photos. Those were the things that were

33:29

hitting the mainstream. Everybody was seeing

33:31

them. You know what I mean? But

33:33

when it came to

33:35

normal average people, there wasn't this

33:38

coolness competition as much

33:40

because it's

33:41

pretty hard to

33:43

pretend that you're cool you're

33:46

too cool for school, if you will, like,

33:48

that you're, like, one hundred percent

33:50

cool and you don't have anything weird about

33:52

you. It's pretty hard to keep

33:54

up that illusion in person because inevitably

33:57

you'll slip up. You know, something

33:59

vulnerable

33:59

will come out. something

34:03

embarrassing will

34:03

come out. Something cringe might come

34:05

out. It's very hard to

34:07

not reveal some of your

34:09

humanity when you're in person.

34:12

So it was maybe less of a big

34:13

deal than it

34:16

is now. Was it still a big

34:18

deal for sure? Definitely. I

34:20

think it it has always been

34:22

probably and always will be. You

34:24

know, people comparing themselves to

34:26

each other based on

34:28

how cool they seem. I just think that's probably

34:30

been around since humans have been

34:32

But I think that now it's especially crazy

34:36

because people can really

34:38

create a damn

34:41

good illusion on social media.

34:44

Like,

34:44

really good. You

34:46

know? And that illusion can

34:49

be whatever they want.

34:50

So if they

34:52

wanna make themselves look

34:55

really cool, they can do that,

34:57

anyone can do that, and you have

34:59

all the tools you want at your fingertips to

35:01

create that illusion. I think it's actually probably

35:03

more of a problem

35:06

now because

35:08

a

35:09

lot of times,

35:12

now a lot of interactions

35:14

are virtual.

35:16

and we

35:16

still have real life interactions, but a lot of

35:18

our interactions are virtual now.

35:22

And that keeping up

35:24

a cool illusion is

35:26

pretty easy virtually. It's like

35:29

very easy. It's only in

35:31

person when it becomes difficult. And so maybe

35:33

back in the day, you might see somebody across

35:35

the classroom, in class, and they

35:37

have cool clothes and they have the whole

35:39

cool thing going. and you're

35:41

like, oh, like, wow. They're

35:44

so awesome. I wish I was like them. And

35:46

then you meet them and maybe you have a conversation with

35:48

them and you're like, oh,

35:49

Yeah. They have some cool traits about them, but

35:52

they're human, they're normal. And

35:54

you realize that once you have a real

35:56

life conversation

35:58

with them. and it kinda and you and you're able to relate to them. And then

35:59

you're able to be like, wait, I don't need

36:02

to compare myself to this person

36:04

because they're

36:06

human. they're normal. They're just a normal. They're not some

36:08

sort of perfect goddess. You

36:10

know what I think it is? I

36:14

think we put people that we perceive as

36:16

cool on a pedestal.

36:18

Right? And when we put them

36:20

up on that pedestal, we start to see

36:23

them as almost like gods. I'm not even

36:26

kidding. This sounds fucking insane, but it's I

36:28

feel like it's kind of true and you

36:30

can tell me if you agree or not on social

36:32

media platforms by messaging me, you can

36:34

let me know what you think. But I do think that

36:36

when we think other people are cool, we

36:38

put them on a pet stole.

36:41

And I think that the only way to take them down from that pedestal and

36:43

to see them as a normal human

36:45

being and not as a

36:48

sort of figure of our

36:50

imagination is to have

36:52

a real in-depth intimate

36:54

conversation with this person, whoever they

36:57

are. And I think that it

36:59

was more balanced pre social

37:01

media because the number of

37:03

cool people that you

37:06

saw was probably less back

37:08

in the day. you know, you'd only see them at school or

37:10

maybe on your sports team in your

37:12

community. That was as widespread as it

37:14

would go.

37:16

And the chance of you getting to have an intimate conversation

37:18

with all of those people was a

37:20

lot higher because you're in the same

37:24

community And if you see them in the first place, it's probably because they're across

37:26

the room from you. Whereas now,

37:29

we see so many

37:31

people every single day. If

37:34

you're scrolling through your TikTok for you page,

37:36

you're seeing hundreds of people a day. If you're

37:38

scrolling through your Instagram explore page, you're seeing

37:40

hundreds of people a day. see

37:42

hundreds and hundreds of people

37:44

a day now. And

37:46

a lot

37:47

of those people seem

37:49

pretty cool. They have cool,

37:51

sense in fashion, maybe they're talking

37:53

about something cool or intellectual,

37:56

whatever on their Instagram, like whatever it may be

37:58

on YouTube even And so I

38:00

think a lot of us feel really

38:02

overwhelmed in like losers

38:04

because we feel like we're seeing all these cool

38:06

people every day that we're putting up on this

38:08

pedicel. But in reality, all of them

38:10

could be just creating an

38:13

illusion really, really well. And

38:15

most likely most of them are just creating an

38:18

illusion. Or if they're truly

38:20

demonstrating who they truly are,

38:22

deep down somewhere hiding in

38:24

there. They're a little weird.

38:26

They're a little unusual. They have some

38:28

vulnerable sides to

38:30

them, everyone. I don't care. I

38:32

don't care. I'm convinced. I am

38:33

convinced. I was talking about this

38:36

with my

38:38

dad. actually before

38:38

I started recording this today. And I

38:41

was like, nobody's really cool.

38:43

Right?

38:43

Like, am I crazy? And he was

38:45

like, no, a thousand percent.

38:48

And we were both

38:50

trying to think of somebody that

38:52

has been able to

38:54

live up to the

38:56

cool expect I I've said cool so

38:58

many fucking times in this

39:00

episode. I know it's annoying. Do I need another

39:02

word? What's another word for cool? I'm

39:04

looking up the the the the the

39:06

thesaurus. Okay? Thesaurus, what's another word

39:08

for cool? God help me because I

39:11

if I say it more time, we're all

39:14

going to throw our

39:16

phones at the wall.

39:18

Okay. The only word in the thesaurus

39:21

is chill. chill

39:24

That's

39:24

it. Cool and chill.

39:26

That's all we got for the rest of this

39:30

episode. Sorry. Those are our only options.

39:32

Even Google agrees that there's really

39:34

no other word, unfortunately.

39:36

Anyway, where was I?

39:38

I was talking to my dad and

39:40

we were trying to figure out

39:42

if we've ever met somebody

39:45

that was actually as

39:47

cool as we as we

39:50

imagine them to be. Right? And

39:52

the only person we could think of

39:54

was my

39:56

younger cousin. Okay?

39:58

He you wanna know why he's

39:59

so fucking cool?

40:01

He doesn't give a fuck. He

40:03

doesn't give a fuck about his clothes. He

40:05

doesn't give a fuck about what people

40:07

think of him. He's like, I don't know, fifteen,

40:09

maybe. He

40:11

is respectful.

40:13

he's respectful but he's also

40:15

not an ass kisser. He keeps to

40:17

himself. He has a

40:19

bunch of hobbies. he's

40:21

probably the coolest person I know.

40:24

He doesn't even and he doesn't even

40:26

realize it. Because and also,

40:28

he doesn't

40:30

fucking care. Now if I were to

40:32

deep dive into my fifteen

40:34

year old cousin who clearly

40:36

does not give a fuck

40:38

about anything, I'd

40:40

probably be able to find something within him

40:42

that maybe wasn't cool. You

40:44

know? And again, that's not a diss to

40:46

my cousin because there's nothing wrong

40:50

with not being one hundred percent cool. That's not possible.

40:52

Okay? It's not actually

40:56

possible. So There's

40:58

nothing wrong with it because it's

41:00

unrealistic and it's not real.

41:02

But anyway, I could maybe

41:05

find something somewhere deep inside of his mind or inside of

41:07

his habits or inside of his

41:09

life that's like not cool, but at the

41:11

same time, he doesn't give a

41:13

fuck. And I honestly think that that's the the coolest thing that

41:15

you can do is just not

41:18

care to mind your

41:20

own business Find things

41:22

that you're excited about because

41:24

you're excited about them.

41:26

Make choices for yourself

41:28

and not for anyone else. dress

41:30

the way you wanna dress, talk to the people you wanna

41:33

talk to, and just do

41:35

your own thing. Unfortunately, I

41:38

mean, that sort of mindset

41:40

just has to come to you. And it

41:42

just like, that sort

41:44

of vibe it takes time to

41:46

get there. And it and it has to just

41:48

sorta come to you. And and

41:50

I think that the way that

41:52

that can be acquired is

41:54

just

41:54

through practicing,

41:56

living for you

41:58

and not living for anyone else.

42:00

and practicing following

42:02

your inner voice rather than

42:05

the voices around you. and

42:08

trusting yourself. You know? I don't

42:10

know. But again, I don't

42:12

know. I think that that's the

42:14

closest that you can get

42:16

to

42:16

being really cool is just by not giving

42:18

a fuck to your core

42:20

about what

42:21

anyone thinks and just doing

42:23

your own thing. in

42:26

all areas of life.

42:28

While still being a good

42:30

person, caring

42:31

about others, and

42:33

being honest

42:34

and vulnerable, and yourself,

42:36

and unapologetically doing so.

42:39

But I don't know. I

42:41

don't know. I'm curious. What

42:43

do you think? What do

42:45

you think about

42:46

this whole thing? Let

42:48

me know. You can tweet me

42:50

at

42:50

a g podcast or send me a DM on Instagram at

42:53

anything goes. And tell me

42:55

what you think. Okay. My

42:57

mind

42:57

is open. I

42:59

don't know. I think that the whole

43:02

concept of coolness can be a

43:04

little toxic.

43:07

And

43:08

and

43:10

it's

43:10

just unrealistic, you know. It's it's another

43:14

unrealistic standard that

43:15

we sort of put on ourselves and that

43:17

we've sort of developed over the

43:19

course of our

43:20

life.

43:22

And I

43:22

think we can all

43:24

let it go because I think the whole thing is

43:26

fake in an illusion.

43:28

And that's all I have for

43:30

today. That's all she

43:31

wrote. Okay?

43:34

Anywho? anyhow

43:36

Well, thank you guys for hanging out. Again, let me know

43:38

what you think. I told you my social media accounts already. Tweet

43:41

me, DM me, whatever.

43:44

I appreciate you listening this

43:46

week and hanging out. I love

43:48

you very much. If you wanna go

43:50

check out my coffee company, you can

43:53

do that. Chamberlain Coffee dot com, use code

43:55

a g fifteen for

43:58

a little discount if

43:58

you wanna pick up

43:59

some new stiff.

44:02

We

44:05

are launching or we

44:06

may have already launched a

44:09

pumpkin spice blend of

44:11

coffee. It's unsweetened. It doesn't have

44:13

any added sugar or

44:15

anything. It just has the

44:18

aroma in this sort of notes

44:20

of pumpkin spice. It's delicious.

44:22

So that just came out. Okay?

44:24

We

44:25

have lots of cute

44:27

other stuff. Check it out. I make

44:29

episodes every Thursday, so feel

44:31

free to check-in every Thursday and come and

44:33

listen.

44:34

Hopefully, next week, I won't have a

44:36

sinus infection. I do have one right now, and

44:38

I know you can hear it.

44:40

and

44:43

subscribe or follow anything

44:46

goes on any platform you stream podcast. That's

44:48

all I got. That's all I got. That's all my promo. I'm

44:50

done. I can't wait to talk to

44:52

you guys next week. Love

44:54

you.

44:55

Bye.