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Hulu. Hi,

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Bree? Hi. Why do you have

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such a stylish microphone? Work stuff,

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podcasting. It's a work podcast.

2:37

fun stuff about history and

2:39

animation. Oh, we love that.

2:41

The history of animation or

2:43

history and then also we

2:45

do animation. History of animation.

2:48

We focus on Walt Disney's

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life and history of Walt. Oh, what

2:52

did I just hear? Just heard of

2:54

interesting factoid about Walt

2:57

as you do. Where was he born? He

2:59

was born in Chicago, Illinois,

3:01

in 1901. Yes, that wasn't the thing

3:03

that I heard. Really put her to

3:05

the test there. That's right. Oh,

3:08

wow. This is very timely. I'm

3:10

taking my daughter to Disneyland on

3:12

Friday. Oh, that would be so

3:15

much fun. You live in California? Yeah,

3:17

I live in LA actually in

3:19

Franklin Village. Oh, Jesus. You live

3:21

just a stone's throw away from

3:24

where we are right now. She

3:26

knows. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, this is

3:28

an interesting prompt. I don't know

3:30

that I even understand it, which

3:33

is exciting, but this is haven't

3:35

confessed to parents. There's still

3:38

harboring a secret. Oh my

3:40

gosh. And there's there any

3:42

threat of your parents listening.

3:44

Probably not, but might have to send it

3:46

to them after. This could be an opportunity.

3:48

Oh, okay. I like that. Okay, where

3:51

are you originally from? I'm originally from

3:53

Bakersfield. So that's where the story

3:55

takes place. All right, hit us

3:57

with the Bakersfield story. Summer of 22. I

4:00

was going to go to my junior

4:02

year of high school. I was definitely

4:04

in my mischief era. I was dating

4:06

a guy who was a senior and

4:08

he had been trying to get me

4:10

to sneak out of my house. And

4:12

it was always a joke that you

4:14

couldn't sneak out of my house. And

4:16

it was always a joke that you

4:18

couldn't sneak out of my house. My

4:20

parents had designed it. They put me

4:22

on the second floor and always had

4:24

a guard dog. had this alarm system

4:27

that any time a window would open

4:29

or door would open it would ding.

4:31

I finally decided I was like okay

4:33

today I'm gonna commit to devising a

4:35

plan I cracked a window during the

4:37

day in our laundry room. This was

4:39

gonna be the only spot feasibly that

4:41

I could actually get in and get

4:43

out. So that night, around midnight, I

4:45

crept down the stairs, made it past

4:47

the guard dogs, locked myself in the

4:49

laundry room, and was like, okay, step

4:51

one, complete. The window that I was

4:53

climbing out of was on top of

4:56

a countertop, so I had to climb

4:58

up on the countertop, take out the

5:00

window screen, I just put it outside,

5:02

and climbed on out. My boyfriend was

5:04

down the street, picked me up, we

5:06

went out to a party on the

5:08

orchard. He dropped me back off. It

5:10

was like 3 a.m. Had you gotten

5:12

drunk at this party? Yeah, okay. So

5:14

different person returning than had left. Very

5:16

competent Tom Cruise person made their escape

5:18

and now Mr. Bean's returning. Yeah. So

5:20

my boyfriend had left. Once I got

5:22

back to the window, I realized I

5:25

had messed up. The window, I had

5:27

to climb up on a countertop. So

5:29

it's six feet off of the ground.

5:31

And I'm five two on a good

5:33

day. All I'm thinking of is just

5:35

get my body back inside. We're not

5:37

thinking about anything else. Can't get caught.

5:39

So I finally hoist myself up. climb

5:41

back in and then I look outside

5:43

and realize the stupid window screen is

5:45

still outside I didn't think to keep

5:47

it inside can't jump back out not

5:49

doing that again and I try to

5:51

like dingle down to grab it the

5:54

dingle didn't work I know I was

5:56

like you know what it's in this

5:58

garden area there's a lot of plants

6:00

I'm just gonna wake up early in

6:02

the morning I'll get it put it

6:04

back so Make it back upstairs. I

6:06

remember just like laying down in my

6:08

bed going like, I did it. I

6:10

got away with it and was so

6:12

happy the next morning. My sister's waking

6:14

me up and she's on the phone

6:16

with my dad and she tells me

6:18

someone broke into the house. Oh, of

6:20

course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, all

6:22

right. It could have been a squirrel

6:25

that removed a screen from the window?

6:27

They're very, they're very, okay. See, I

6:29

needed you, Monica, coming up with some

6:31

ideas. That would have been a big

6:33

red flag. I think it was definitely

6:35

a squirrel. Yeah, when your kids suggest,

6:37

like, I bet it was a squirrel.

6:39

Okay, so you did it. That's fine.

6:41

Let's find it was a squirrel. Okay,

6:43

so you did it. That's fine. Let's

6:45

fine. Let's fine. When he was leaving

6:47

us. against the watering hose was the

6:49

stupid window screen. My dad concluded it

6:51

was a break-in. He was running late

6:54

to work. So he's like, just check

6:56

all the windows, check all the doors,

6:58

make sure nothing has been stolen. And

7:00

so we had to check. And he's

7:02

trying to work through it. He's like,

7:04

but you have to take the window

7:06

screen off inside. And the way our

7:08

windows are, they kind of locks. And

7:10

I'm just so panicked in this moment.

7:12

We're not going to get creative. I'm

7:14

not going to get creative. yesterday. We're

7:16

hanging out in our house the entire

7:18

day and then at night they snuck

7:20

out of the laundry room. Oh, squirrel

7:23

adjacent theory. A little squirily. Kind of

7:25

like that movie, Parasite, where they live

7:27

in the basement. It's like the burglars

7:29

lived in the basement for the day

7:31

and then snuck back out. Something like

7:33

that. I was like, this story makes

7:35

zero sense. close the window behind themselves,

7:37

but then didn't replace the screen. Yeah,

7:39

but somehow that story stuck. Oh, my

7:41

dad bought that story. He was like,

7:43

you know what? I guess that probably

7:45

is what happened. Oh, I wonder if

7:47

he knew. That night, my family, we

7:49

were talking about it at dinner. I'm

7:52

still going hard on this story, trying

7:54

to get into the mind of these

7:56

burglars. Wow. What a crazy thing that

7:58

they did. They must have just been

8:00

hiding in one of our closets. Oh,

8:02

you're making so scary. And my parents

8:04

are like, I think we need to

8:06

call the cops. This is bad. And

8:08

I'm like, they didn't take anything though.

8:10

Maybe like, let's not get the cops

8:12

involved. They're just baffled. Nothing was stolen.

8:14

This summer, I was getting in trouble

8:16

a lot. My parents were always trying

8:18

to sniff out a lie or like

8:21

a cover-up. Why wouldn't they just say

8:23

hey we know is you? Well maybe

8:25

they just don't want to talk about

8:27

it at all It kind of like

8:29

if you think your wife fucked somebody

8:31

and you're like I actually don't ever

8:33

want to talk about it. I just

8:35

not going to bring it up and

8:37

I might have been suspicious for months

8:39

But then once I think it happened

8:41

like I really don't ever want to

8:43

talk about that. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. There's

8:45

that or a squirrel or they're just

8:47

like It'll be more of a punishment

8:50

for her that she has to continue

8:52

this preposterous lie. Maybe they're amused by

8:54

you. That depends on how fun your

8:56

parents are. They're definitely a fun time,

8:58

but during this period I was being

9:00

grounded a lot. They were really enjoying

9:02

that and taking away all my things.

9:04

Okay, then this is confusing. I think

9:06

they believed it. A week later, my

9:08

dad's friends are over and one of

9:10

them is a dean of a high

9:12

school. He's always sniffing out suspicious shit

9:14

that kids are up to. He's telling

9:16

his friends this happened and I'm just

9:19

standing there like oh my god I

9:21

have to continue to sell this stupid

9:23

story and his friend is like wow

9:25

what a weird thing to happen and

9:27

just keeps moving on and I was

9:29

like okay and my dad would keep

9:31

bringing it up every now and then

9:33

and I just haven't said anything so

9:35

I'm like he wanted to think the

9:37

best of me is might as well

9:39

keep that going. How did they get

9:41

in originally just the front door was

9:43

unlocked during the day while you guys

9:45

were home? I got away with it,

9:47

it's been almost 15 years. Oh, this

9:50

is great. Yeah, like I could see

9:52

my, I won by that story for

9:54

a hot minute, but I might also

9:56

not even deal with it. Would you

9:58

believe a squirrel? Nope. Okay. I'm excited

10:00

to hear what the reaction is if

10:02

it does get to them now. Your

10:04

dad's been peddling this story. What if

10:06

his only resentment is like, damn, that's

10:08

one of my best stories. I just told

10:10

it last week at the bar. God, I hope

10:12

not. He saw a parasite and he's like, I

10:15

lived this. Yes. It's my life. He is a

10:17

lawsuit against him. Oh, well, thanks for

10:19

sharing. I hope you feel relieved.

10:21

It's off your chest now. It

10:23

seems like you're not a

10:26

troublemaker anymore. You seem like

10:28

you're really sorted. Once I

10:30

moved out at Bakersfield, left

10:32

all that mischief behind. Where

10:34

I'm from, Milford's a little

10:37

bit Bakersfieldy. I know about

10:39

just having to get into

10:41

some shit, because there's nothing

10:43

else to do. Exactly. Well. Have

10:46

a great day and Monica your race

10:48

to 35 changed my outlook on life.

10:50

So I just want to say thank

10:52

you for that and thank you for

10:54

all the work you guys do. All

10:56

right, take care. Remember when

10:58

you said Mr. Beans? Mr. Bean.

11:01

Such a old reference. It was.

11:03

Yeah, I like him coming in

11:05

the house. It's the right visual.

11:07

He wears a suit a lot.

11:10

Yeah. You want to hear something

11:12

even more random? So Rowan Atkinson

11:14

plays Mr. Bean. Two funny things.

11:16

He does a perfect Martin Brundle

11:19

impersonation. And when he was interviewed

11:21

on the Formula One grid by

11:23

Martin Brundle, he's doing Martin Brundle

11:25

to him and Martin doesn't realize

11:28

it, but it is identical. Rowan

11:30

is just doing him to him.

11:32

And he doesn't realize it.

11:35

It's one of the funniest

11:37

clips I've ever seen. Secondly,

11:40

he bought a McLaren F-1

11:42

for $750,000, the road car.

11:44

He crashed it two or three

11:46

times, and he sold it

11:49

for $12 million. No. It

11:51

appreciated with crashes? Yes, even

11:53

with the crashes. Andy's in

11:56

a rat race. We

12:03

are supported by Claude, the

12:05

AI assistant that just feels

12:07

different. You know, we're curious

12:09

about the old artificial intelligence

12:12

here on the pod. We

12:14

are curious. And we always

12:16

want to give our

12:18

arm cherries the if-you-know-you-know-tips.

12:20

We sure do. So, they need to meet

12:22

our new pal, Claude. While

12:24

other AI sound like robots, Claude

12:27

just gets it with the

12:29

emotional intelligence. Whether I'm researching guess...

12:31

or refining my latest meal

12:33

plan to get Brad Pitt's abs,

12:36

or looking for the best dating

12:38

advice to give Monica. Claude

12:40

is the fact checker in your

12:42

pocket while you're in the armchair.

12:45

Well, that's exciting for us. I

12:47

like having an extra companion. Welcome

12:49

to the team, Claude. You can

12:52

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and 365 day returns. quince.com/DAX. Hi.

14:53

This is a setup. Also you

14:56

look like you were a star of

14:58

Dallas. You've never seen that show

15:00

because you're too young. I'm from Dallas.

15:02

Oh you are. Maybe that's why

15:04

it's the hair. Were you a cheerleader?

15:06

No. My roommate from college was

15:08

though. Did you watch the Netflix show

15:10

about it? Not the most recent

15:12

one. you remember the one that was

15:15

on the country channel? Yep. Years

15:17

and years ago. That was her season.

15:19

Making the team. How exciting. The

15:21

newer Netflix one they do show that

15:23

other show quite often. That's how

15:25

I know Rycroft was on that. She

15:27

was from the bachelor so I

15:29

really enjoyed double dipped on these reality

15:31

shows. And who loves Bavarian Motor

15:34

Works in your household? I work for

15:36

BMW. There we go. My husband

15:38

did as well. Just kind of kept

15:40

it in the family. In what

15:42

capacity? We worked for just about every

15:44

dealer you can think of. We've

15:46

bought and sold several dealerships over the

15:48

years. Anywhere from a Hyundai to

15:51

Ford to BMW, Subaru, Mazda, all of

15:53

them. We moved to Colorado. We're

15:55

buying into this BMW Mini store. And

15:57

my husband was very good at

15:59

fixing dealerships. Taking them from being very

16:01

low profit. to being super high profit very quickly. And so

16:03

when he got sick and passed away, they kind of

16:05

shoved me into his role because I knew

16:08

how his brain worked and what his plans

16:10

were. First of all, so sorry to hear

16:12

that. You look very young to have lost

16:14

a husband. Definitely. Secondly, is

16:16

it get the service situation working

16:19

correctly? Is that the first step?

16:21

Always. That's your repeat customer. Okay,

16:23

Ashley, you have a story. Does it

16:25

take place in Dallas? So this takes

16:27

place in Albuquerque. Actually, I think y'all

16:29

were filming Employee of the Month when

16:32

this took place. Oh my gosh, I

16:34

was staying at the embassy suites. I

16:36

was in high school. And mind you, I

16:38

lost sleep last night. I have not told

16:40

but one person, the story. in 23 years

16:42

since it happened. Oh my God. I'm about

16:44

16. I'd wrecked a motorcycle. Had to

16:47

have surgery. Along with surgery comes

16:49

pain medication. Happened to wake up

16:51

the day after surgery, I'd also

16:53

come down with mono. Street bike or

16:55

dirt bike? Street bike. So I raced on

16:57

all through high school and partway through

17:00

college. Oh my God. Not drinking enough

17:02

water, my throat hurts. I'm trying to

17:04

get food down, taking Tylenol on top of

17:06

it for a fever. It's just this whole

17:08

perfect storm of things. About nine, ten days

17:10

in, I haven't pooped. Sure, you're on opiates,

17:13

yeah. I'm like super duper impacted. My

17:15

doctor's like, you need to put her

17:17

on some stool softeners that should help.

17:19

And if that doesn't work, try laxative.

17:21

So we do that over the course

17:23

of a couple of days. Finally, I'm

17:25

like, I gotta go. Of course, it's

17:28

the day that my parents have 15

17:30

people over for Bible study. My bathroom

17:32

is the guest bathroom. Oh, fuck. I

17:34

managed to go in there, give birth.

17:36

It's essentially labor, because it's hard,

17:39

two weeks worth. Oh my God.

17:41

My best friend was like, you

17:43

should make a play-dough model, so

17:45

they can see it. So I get this thing

17:47

out. I look in the toilet and

17:50

I'm like, this isn't going any years.

17:52

Sure, sure. Try to flush it. It's

17:54

not budget. It's in there. Solid. Now

17:56

I'm like, okay, I can't go out

17:58

there and ask for plunger. I can't

18:00

leave it here. People are going to

18:02

want to use this bathroom. I'm looking

18:05

through the cabinets going, maybe I can

18:07

break it up and get it down.

18:09

I find this solo cup. It's under

18:11

the cabinet that I had left under

18:13

there from one of my secret parties.

18:16

Just I'm going to fish this thing

18:18

out. It's bad enough of my parents

18:20

have to see it, but if all

18:22

my friends' parents from church had to

18:25

see it. So I fish this thing

18:27

out, and I'm like, all right, well.

18:29

I'm going to open the window and

18:31

toss it, I guess. Wow. Okay, great.

18:33

Now it fit in a solo cup.

18:36

Girthwise. Okay, wow. Okay, great. Yeah, yeah.

18:38

Can you believe that was in your

18:40

body? I don't know how, I didn't

18:42

have some kind of rectal prolapse. Giving

18:44

birth was not even as bad. We'll

18:47

say that. So I take the screen

18:49

off the window, toss it out on

18:51

our side yard where all these juniper

18:53

bushes. Everything's perfect. Seven months down the

18:56

road, my parents just said they're going

18:58

to clear out that side yard. My

19:00

mom was rescuing turtles or something at

19:02

the time, and so she wanted this

19:04

space for these tortoises. I pull out

19:07

these bushes. Lo and behold, this thing

19:09

has petrified. So it's just laying there.

19:11

Oh my God. So I hear... My

19:13

mom come inside and she's like, I

19:15

don't know who would poop at our

19:18

side yards. That's just crazy. And my

19:20

dad is going, I don't know. It

19:22

must have been a contractor. He's on

19:24

this person. He's of course thinking this

19:27

had to come out of a man.

19:29

Right. Yeah. Man. I'm like, what do

19:31

I do? So I go out and

19:33

I'm like, what happened? What are you

19:35

guys doing? It's big to do. Why

19:38

didn't it get washed away? It snowed

19:40

and just like froze it and then

19:42

it was there. I turned into an

19:44

icicle. I agreed. I was like, it

19:46

must have been one of these workers,

19:49

one of the roofers maybe. Sure, one

19:51

of these jerks. To this day, I

19:53

have now 38 years old, about to

19:55

be 39. I've never spoken a word

19:58

of this, but to one person. We

20:00

feel so lucky. Me too. I'm so

20:02

proud of you waiting. handle your business.

20:04

If I'm your father, I go, good

20:06

for you. When the dirty work needs

20:09

doing, you roll up your sleeves and

20:11

you get it done. A literal dirty

20:13

work. Got to get the duty done.

20:15

I want to see it so bad.

20:18

Don't you mind? Yeah. I do think

20:20

the Plato would have been a good

20:22

idea. Here's the disgusting part about me.

20:24

If I did that same thing. I

20:26

would want to see it again maybe

20:29

a couple weeks later. I would be

20:31

like, I'm going to go look because

20:33

you might build it up in your

20:35

head like a fish you caught. It

20:37

wasn't really as big as I'm remembering

20:40

it. Most people think, I want to

20:42

forget this ever happened. I got you.

20:44

I think that's the female take. I

20:46

think that's the female take. I think

20:49

that's the female take. I think that's

20:51

the female take. I think that's the

20:53

female take. I think that's the entire.

20:55

Yeah, it's a good start. Did the

20:57

hydrocodone thing ever pop up again? No,

21:00

one, it kind of made me never

21:02

want to take it again. But even

21:04

later on with future injuries, I realize

21:06

it makes me so sick, I can't

21:08

take opiates at all. We've done a

21:11

lot of things right. Ever get back

21:13

on the motorcycle? Not since having my

21:15

kids. Don't shame me. I feel that

21:17

sub-tweet there. There are moments, especially after

21:20

losing my husband, where that adrenaline rush

21:22

and that ability to just turn off

21:24

everything around you seems so tempting, but

21:26

when you're in that level of grief,

21:28

the last thing you need is the

21:31

temptation to just do 180. just because

21:33

it feels good. Yeah. Well, actually, this

21:35

has been a blast. Yeah. Thanks for

21:37

trying to you guys. I know everyone

21:39

does this. I have not been an

21:42

armchair from day one. We like new

21:44

listeners. Yeah, we do. When Steve got

21:46

sick, we were going through chemo and

21:48

that takes forever. Our first chemo deal

21:51

was eight hours of a day. We

21:53

don't know what to do. We were

21:55

bored. and I was looking for a

21:57

podcast and I came across you guys.

21:59

And so we were sharing our little

22:02

airpods and it's what we did during

22:04

his two or three chemo appointment that

22:06

he had before he passed those nights.

22:08

It got us through and got us

22:11

some laughs. Oh man, that's. really lovely.

22:13

Well, lovely meeting you. Thanks for sharing

22:15

all that was. All right. Have a

22:17

good one. Bye. Take you. Hi, Noah.

22:19

How are you? Hi. How are you

22:22

guys doing? Good. I'm so intrigued by

22:24

all the different posters on your wall.

22:26

Welcome. We got Twin Peaks. We got

22:28

The Day The Ersted still. We are

22:30

movie nerds in our house. How fun!

22:33

Where are you? What part of the

22:35

world? I'm far away from you guys

22:37

in Los Fillas. That's twice today. We

22:39

had a Franklin Village person. Do you

22:42

guys think we over index in those

22:44

Fillas for secrets we haven't told parents?

22:46

Oh. Well we like run away from

22:48

our homes because we're so ashamed from

22:50

our past selves. We're trying to escape.

22:53

I agree. I think there's something there.

22:55

I think there's something there. Okay, so

22:57

what did you do that you haven't

22:59

told your parents about? This was my

23:01

freshman year of high school. I was

23:04

in an English language honors class. My

23:06

mom was really strict on maintaining A's

23:08

and B's. We read a book every

23:10

quarter, maybe two books a quarter, and

23:13

she would do weekly reading checks. Our

23:15

teacher, let's call her Mrs. Puff. Okay,

23:17

great. He did a signed reading growing

23:19

up. It was really difficult. I would

23:21

push it off to the last second.

23:24

So that class, which required a lot

23:26

of assigned reading, I was falling behind.

23:28

I was heatering 85 as a B,

23:30

84 as a C. Well, that's bullshit.

23:32

It's 79 as C. In South Carolina,

23:35

where I grew up, it was 85

23:37

to 92 was a B. Oh, yeah.

23:39

That's bullshit. It was tough. I had

23:41

to maintain that my household. So we're

23:44

reading this book. I do bad on

23:46

another reading check, it's gonna bring my

23:48

grade down to a seat. And I'm

23:50

really dreading it. So we have this

23:52

test on a Tuesday. Monday night comes,

23:55

I didn't read. And this is 2010,

23:57

2011, so there's not iPhones when you

23:59

get to school, you can like cram,

24:01

you can do the spark notes. So

24:04

I get to school, the class before

24:06

my English class is. P.E. We're doing

24:08

basketball. It's one of my loves. We're

24:10

in a really intense pick-up game. I'm

24:12

playing point guard at one point. I

24:15

get... elbowed really hard in the chest.

24:17

I'm okay, you know, it took me

24:19

a second to catch my breath, but

24:21

I kind of had this light bulb

24:23

moment. Maybe I just exaggerate this a

24:26

bit, so when I get to this

24:28

class, I can go to the nurse

24:30

and take the test a little, and

24:32

take the test, I can go to

24:35

the nurse and take the test a

24:37

little later. I finished the test a

24:39

little later. I finished the class, I

24:41

can go to the test a little

24:43

later, so I'm like sitting in the

24:46

locker room, I'm like, I saw him

24:48

on the stairs and he was struggling.

24:50

I'm like, yeah, I'll be good, I'll

24:52

be good. I'm walking to class. I'm

24:54

really trying to sell it as a

24:57

little bit. I'm walking up the stairs,

24:59

baby stopping every few steps. You can't

25:01

go over the top, but you have

25:03

to plant these seeds. Right. I saw

25:06

him on the stairs and he was

25:08

struggling. He rested midway up the stairs,

25:10

I think. Get in the full character.

25:12

I make it to class at second

25:14

period. I'm sitting next to a couple

25:17

guys, the guy sitting next to me

25:19

is this guy Caleb. So I'm like,

25:21

yeah, I'm really not feeling good. Even

25:23

Caleb looks at me, he's like, man,

25:25

do you think you should go to

25:28

the nurse? Oh my God. I think

25:30

I'm good. Really quick. What could feel

25:32

worse than getting sympathy that you don't

25:34

deserve? It really puts you into the

25:37

headspace of these people with moonshows and

25:39

me because I feel so guilty. I

25:41

know. I don't take sympathy very well.

25:43

Like someone feels bad for me and

25:45

try to pat me on the back.

25:48

I'm like, oh no, I'm fine. That's

25:50

my initial reaction. And I try to

25:52

play into that here. So I'm kind

25:54

of thinking we're gonna maybe do a

25:57

couple things before the test starts. We

25:59

have. All right guys, we're going to

26:01

get to go on to the test.

26:03

And I'm like, okay, it's showtime. Oh,

26:05

fuck. Raise my hand. I'm like, Mrs.

26:08

Puff. And she's like, no, don't interrupt

26:10

me while I'm talking. That's rude. In

26:12

that moment, I got really heated. I

26:14

think my defense mechanism really went off.

26:16

You got a dig. I'm dying and

26:19

you're telling me to stop. You believe

26:21

your own story. Immediately, this fire goes

26:23

off in my head and I raise

26:25

my hand and I scream at the

26:28

top of my lungs. Miss Pottup, I'm

26:30

having a heart attack. Oh. And I

26:32

put my head on my desk. I

26:34

just made myself hyperventilate because what do

26:36

you do when you're having a heart

26:39

attack? This is wild. She sprints out

26:41

of the room and yells, oh my.

26:43

Oh my god, I call 911. Oh

26:45

boy, there's like the girl who staged

26:47

a slip and fall at Kmart. What

26:50

I'm doing right now, I don't realize

26:52

until much, much later on that it

26:54

is really illegal. Sure, sure, sure. Let's

26:56

not get hung up on that. I

26:59

don't think I can get in trouble.

27:01

No, no, no. So she runs out

27:03

of the room. She's like, someone calling

27:05

911? I'm in this. There's no being

27:07

like, just kidding. Yeah, you're past the

27:10

point of no return. The whole class

27:12

is cleared out. Oh. And an EMS

27:14

comes. They're like talking to me. I'm

27:16

not answering any of their questions. Oh,

27:18

God, oh, God. They bring in an

27:21

air tank and they give me oxygen.

27:23

What if they started doing like a

27:25

chest tube? Yeah, they took my pulse.

27:27

They're like, yeah, it's probably an anxiety

27:30

attack that this kid's having. So they

27:32

put me on a stretcher and they

27:34

stretch me out of the high school.

27:36

I had a really big high school.

27:38

It was like 4,000 students. So I

27:41

get taken in the hospital. I'm sitting

27:43

there. My mom shows up. Well, hold

27:45

on, she kind of deserves deserves serves

27:47

this. Why? When you put this much

27:50

stress on your kids to get bees.

27:52

Like, look what length they'll go to.

27:54

That's how strong the stress is. We

27:56

had a strict household. I'm terrified of

27:58

my mom. I'd rather do this than

28:01

go through the argument. So I'm sitting

28:03

there, my vice principal shows up, the

28:05

principal of our, like, freshman academy is

28:07

there. The whole time, I'm just acting

28:09

dopey. I'm like, I'm okay, I'm doing

28:12

better. That was really scary. to get

28:14

x-ray results an hour or two. My

28:16

doctor comes in, he's like, I'm glad

28:18

you're doing better. We found some interesting

28:21

things on your x-rays. It turns out

28:23

you have a bruise on your sternum.

28:25

I was like, oh yeah, I got

28:27

elbowed in basketball earlier. He's like, when

28:29

you have trauma that suffered to the

28:32

chest area, sometimes. Our bodies react in

28:34

a way that is uncontrollable, which might

28:36

have caused your body to go into

28:38

panic. This guy's helping me get out

28:40

of it, I swear. Right, he doesn't

28:43

want to embarrass you, that you had

28:45

a panic attack. Exactly. I got sent

28:47

home, I had the next day of

28:49

school off. So because it all happened

28:52

on school property, it all ended up

28:54

being covered by the school, which is

28:56

great, because my family didn't have health

28:58

insurance at the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

29:00

yeah. Oh my God. It would put

29:03

my family in so much trouble financially.

29:05

The next day I go back to

29:07

school, I shamely made my way over

29:09

to Mrs. Puff's room. She's like, Noah,

29:11

she hugs me. She's like, I'm so

29:14

glad to see you. I'm like, thanks.

29:16

This is so bad. I'm feeling so

29:18

much better. I miss that test the

29:20

other day. Can I make it up

29:23

after school? And she's like. Don't worry

29:25

about that test. She gave me an

29:27

A or B so it didn't affect

29:29

my grade. What's the lesson here? We

29:31

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31:36

disease. So I didn't tell anyone about

31:38

it. It was like two years later.

31:40

I told my best friend about it,

31:42

we were smoking weed, and I was

31:44

like, Brian, I fucking faked the heart

31:47

attack. It's like, what? It's not hard

31:49

attack. The famous hard attack. Later on,

31:51

my senior year of high school, this

31:53

is like three years later, I was

31:55

in a talent show. I did a

31:58

stand-up bit. And I was not really

32:00

doing good at writing jokes, so I

32:02

decided to tell the heart attack story.

32:04

Turns out Mrs. Puff is one of

32:07

the judges at the talent show. Did

32:09

you say you faked it? Yeah. Oh,

32:11

I'd said it all happened in sixth

32:13

grade. I changed her name to Mrs.

32:15

Applebottom, Genez, boots with the fur, because

32:18

I was in the zeitgeist at the

32:20

time. The bit killed, and I won

32:22

the talent show. Oh my lord, did

32:24

she not. She never put two and

32:26

two together. Oh my God, this is

32:29

tough. She deserves it too. And neither

32:31

my parents were there. So that's kind

32:33

of where it is. Wow, that's a

32:35

great story. You just won, one, one.

32:38

I don't feel great about it. No,

32:40

of course not. You have a big

32:42

smile on your face. Well, he knows

32:44

he's a rascal. It's that rascal smile.

32:46

I promise I've changed, I've changed, I've

32:49

learned. I don't think I've. The kind

32:51

of thing they condone. David Lynch wouldn't

32:53

be very proud. He might be. He

32:55

was a rascal. The things we do

32:57

to survive a moment, I get it.

33:00

It was fight or flight, 100%. The

33:02

heart attack. I like that he had

33:04

to unburden himself while stone like Ralph

33:06

Scallnakoff. Like I have to get this

33:09

off my chest. Well no, that was

33:11

great. I'm happy that you did all

33:13

that. Thank you for listening. Our pleasure.

33:15

Great meeting you. Great to meet you.

33:17

Also before I let you go, my

33:20

girlfriend's the one that signed this up.

33:22

Can I get her to say hi?

33:24

She's a huge fan. She's about to

33:26

do a job interview so this is

33:29

going to make her day. This is

33:31

Elise. Hi guys. Wow, this is very

33:33

exciting. I listen to you guys every

33:35

week. Nice to meet you. Where are

33:37

you from? I'm from New Jersey originally.

33:40

Okay, a garden state in a South

33:42

Carolinian. We met five years ago. and

33:44

on our first date he told me

33:46

this story. It's like he's a winner.

33:48

It was a red flag at first.

33:51

He won me over. Yeah. Like he's

33:53

a liar but he's a charming liar.

33:55

That's right. Exactly. Thank you guys so

33:57

much for all of the stuff you

34:00

do. I saw the prompt and I

34:02

was like all right babe you got

34:04

to do it. You're up. Well nice

34:06

meeting you guys. Yes. All right take

34:08

care. Thank you so much. Bye. see

34:11

myself going for going for it. You

34:13

acted earlier like you hated the idea

34:15

of getting sympathy but you don't. No

34:17

I do I wouldn't want any of

34:19

that I'd want to get out of

34:22

the thing I had to get out

34:24

of and then that would be the

34:26

consequence of it is that I'd have

34:28

to receive all this sympathy for something

34:31

I didn't deserve. You like sympathy because

34:33

you left blood out for people to

34:35

see. My goal there is for them

34:37

to go like he's so stoic. Look

34:39

how much he bled. I want admiration.

34:42

Try to be very honest. This story

34:44

is that Kristen walked in and saw

34:46

in the trash can there was all

34:48

this bloody. And that's my whole move

34:50

is I don't tell her I was

34:53

bleeding. Right. I put it on top.

34:55

I put it on top. Yes, I

34:57

wanted it to be seen and then

34:59

I wanted to hear that they admired

35:02

my stoicism in the face of being

35:04

injured. I don't want sympathy, but you

35:06

can understand that, right? Like her arm

35:08

broke in half and she didn't even

35:10

flinch. She just calmly went to the

35:13

hospital. I don't have that, although in

35:15

cheerleading, I guess there was an element

35:17

of you did need to suck it

35:19

up and move on and that was

35:22

a compliment. Yeah, yeah. Hi. We find

35:24

you amid many pillows. It is my

35:26

best attempt at a pillow for it.

35:28

It's good. I like it. I'm not

35:30

at home, so I don't have a

35:33

closet with clothes in it. Are you

35:35

at an Airbnb? I am. So I'm

35:37

originally from Vancouver, Canada, but I live

35:39

in Phoenix and I'm on tour right

35:41

now in Miami. How do you like

35:44

Phoenix coming from Vancouver? That couldn't be

35:46

a more opposite environment. I actually had

35:48

seasonal depression. My first three years there

35:50

with too much sun. is in full

35:53

effect today. The episode came out with

35:55

Seth Rogan. So I'm a Canada chef

35:57

and I travel around the world doing

35:59

very high-end fine dining cannabis dinners. I

36:01

actually develop the curriculum for the American

36:04

Culinary Federation to start training chefs how

36:06

to use it. And today Seth was

36:08

talking about how bad the edible experiences

36:10

can be. I was literally yelling like,

36:12

no, don't say this, you're scaring people.

36:15

I guarantee he'd be first in line

36:17

to have your cuisine. So you're making

36:19

different dishes and a lot of them

36:21

have weed in it. As the meal

36:24

progresses, you're getting a little stoned and

36:26

then more hungry. So by the time

36:28

dessert hits, you're like, fucking bring this

36:30

shit. Yeah, we look like a five

36:32

course menu, every course has one infused

36:35

component, and then we dose each guest

36:37

on their own tolerance level. I've served

36:39

over 25,000 people now with about a

36:41

thousand first time cannabis users, people who've

36:43

never touched the plant before, so. trying

36:46

to change the perception that edibles mean

36:48

cookies brownies gummies gummies and that it

36:50

can be a very enjoyable fun experience

36:52

if done properly. Wow what a neat

36:55

niche you found yourself in. Unintended it

36:57

just kind of happened. What's your signature

36:59

dish? What's the one you're most proud

37:01

of that people rave about? probably a

37:03

progee poutine dish that I do where

37:06

we do a potato infused progee short

37:08

rib ragu and then a maple apple

37:10

borsin cheese. Oh my god. Right now

37:12

with my menus it's very Canadian forward.

37:15

We're all very patriotic at the moment

37:17

in any way that we can show

37:19

our pride. Sure. I get it. You

37:21

got no beef with the citizens I

37:23

hope everyone knows. No, I love America.

37:26

I love Americans. We love Canada. I

37:28

also love poutine. You have a huge...

37:30

percentage of people are non-chair anonymous that

37:32

are Canadian. I don't know if you

37:34

guys recognize, but there's always Canadians phoning

37:37

in with good stories. You're dead right.

37:39

It does over index, given the fact

37:41

that there's less in Canada than California.

37:43

It's pretty wild. Absolutely. Okay, so you've

37:46

got a story to confess. I do.

37:48

I got to start off with saying

37:50

I have the most amazing parents and

37:52

I don't know how they didn't give

37:54

up on me, get rid of me

37:57

or trade me in because I got

37:59

in a lot of trouble as a

38:01

kid. This story has to do specifically

38:03

with Halloween. Where I'm from in Canada,

38:05

our high schools were grade eight to

38:08

12. So we didn't really have a

38:10

middle school. You went from elementary school

38:12

into high school and I got grounded

38:14

every single Halloween. from grade 8 to

38:17

11, I would do something in September,

38:19

get grounded, and that was the thing

38:21

they would take away from me. They

38:23

took away trick-or-treating, that's harsh. That is.

38:25

I probably would have been up to

38:28

no good, so maybe it was a

38:30

good thing, except I still got up

38:32

to no good. Okay. Grade 9 suspended

38:34

at home, not allowed to go up

38:36

for Halloween, but my dad still wanted

38:39

me to have some fun, so the

38:41

fireworks in Canada are pretty tame. So

38:43

we used to actually drive across the

38:45

border down to Blaine, Washington. We would

38:48

buy the fun fireworks and then we'd

38:50

bring them back up to Canada. So

38:52

my dad's like, listen, you gotta stay

38:54

home, but let's go down and get

38:56

you some fireworks. So he's kind of

38:59

to blame here a little bit, I

39:01

would think. Halloween's going on. I'm in

39:03

the backyard lighting off our fireworks, having

39:05

fun. My little brother comes home from

39:08

trick-or-treating, his friend is there with him.

39:10

It's getting later in the night my

39:12

parents decided to go down the street

39:14

to a friend's house to see them

39:16

for a little bit. Little brother and

39:19

his friend are in bed and I'm

39:21

wide awake. I've got a basket full

39:23

of fireworks and don't know if you

39:25

remember the movie Problem Child was a

39:27

movie early in the 90s about a

39:30

family that adopted a boy who looked

39:32

beautiful but was very mischievous. Oh my

39:34

God. There's a scene in the movie

39:36

when he lights an at Mady at

39:39

school. Flushes it down the toilet and

39:41

the ambide goes all the way over

39:43

to the other washroom where the principle

39:45

is and it blows all the water

39:47

out of the toilet. Oh, what a

39:50

great plan. Right? Let's give it a

39:52

try. I've only got a little bottle

39:54

rocket. I light it. I drop it

39:56

in the toilet and starts to spiral

39:58

around and around and around. It's not

40:01

going down. It blows and it cracks

40:03

the entire toilet base. Water starts gushing

40:05

out. It's pouring everywhere. Now I'm 13.

40:07

I don't know there's a water valve

40:10

right behind. I'm grabbing towels. I'm trying

40:12

to put it around. I give it

40:14

about three minutes and pretty much I'm

40:16

going to bed. Oh! Oh my God,

40:18

yes, God bless your parents. Hold on,

40:21

all that, all that, all that. There's

40:23

so much here already. Three minutes. The

40:25

notion that it was a good idea

40:27

for you to. put a firework in

40:29

the toilet inside your house. This is

40:32

like, if you got a 13 year

40:34

old boy at home, anything's on the

40:36

table. I know. Like, I can see

40:38

that making sense to me, but why

40:41

would that make? And then another thing,

40:43

shame on your, you should have known

40:45

where the fucking shut off valve was.

40:47

You got to teach your kids or

40:49

shut off valve over. There's a fucking

40:52

nozzle behind the toilet and you crank

40:54

it to. Diff in the bed and

40:56

pretend it wasn't me. Oh boy. Literally

40:58

lying in bed waiting to hear the

41:01

front door open and then coming home

41:03

and also thinking, please hurry up and

41:05

come home because the basement is flooding.

41:07

Did you take the rocket out? No,

41:09

it's still in there. Okay. You just

41:12

threw your hands in the air. Exactly.

41:14

I hear the front door open. I

41:16

hear my parents come in and then

41:18

my dad was six, six, two hundred

41:20

sixty pound, very big band, very intimidating.

41:23

All of a sudden you hear, what

41:25

the fuck? Mama pulls me, my brother,

41:27

and my brother's friend, out, plines us

41:29

up. Now they shut the water off

41:32

because they know what the valve is.

41:34

And they're like, who did this? And

41:36

I'm keeping my mouth shut. My dad

41:38

lost his temper a little bit. Remember

41:40

the old big computer monitors? Yes. Yeah.

41:43

So there was one of those in

41:45

the room you're standing in. He may

41:47

have broke it in anger. When the

41:49

monitor broke I knew right then I

41:51

I was never going to admit to

41:54

doing this. Yep. Right, yeah, yeah. I

41:56

was sleeping. Must have been my brother

41:58

and his friend. Oh. My father was

42:00

a good kid. He didn't do anything.

42:03

Sounds like he's got a buddy sleeping

42:05

over. He was loved to trick-or-treat. By

42:07

the way, I can't even believe they're

42:09

asking. It's so obviously you. Clearly, they

42:11

end up sending my brother's friend home.

42:14

Me and my brother are grounded for

42:16

another two months. I'm grounded for another.

42:18

He gets a grounding he didn't deserve.

42:20

Ironically, it's his birthday-to-day happy birthday Blair,

42:22

and I'm very sorry. It's a confession

42:25

to you as well. Oh, poor Blair.

42:27

That is the time that I blew

42:29

up our toilet on Halloween. Oh. And

42:31

you never confess, you just stood strong.

42:34

I got in trouble so much that

42:36

I saw how mad he was. Now

42:38

let me ask you this, if he

42:40

hadn't broke the computer monitor, do you

42:42

think you would have confessed? I don't

42:45

think in that moment. I was already

42:47

in a grounding. I handled every part

42:49

of it wrong. Did your brother try

42:51

to rat you out? I actually convinced

42:54

my brother it was his friend. The

42:56

sad part is it cost him that

42:58

friendship. They never hung out again because

43:00

he was like, you need to admit

43:02

to do it. And I was like,

43:05

like you said, who would blow up

43:07

their own toilet, right? Clearly it had

43:09

to have been the friend who was

43:11

over, who had this idea. Oh, yes,

43:13

this is really for Blair. Happy birthday,

43:16

Blair. And so sorry that Travis perpetrated

43:18

all this on you. I love you

43:20

Blair. He made it. I made it.

43:22

My wife and I are trying to

43:25

have a family right now. And my

43:27

mom and dad keep saying to me,

43:29

you're going to get a trap. Yeah.

43:31

I will have a travesty of my

43:33

own and I will know what it's

43:36

like to walk in their shoes. When

43:38

I look back at what happened throughout

43:40

my teen years, amazing parents. Well, Travis,

43:42

thank you for that. That was great.

43:44

I just wanted to say one thing.

43:47

Dax, the very first episode I listened

43:49

to was Gwenith Peltro, the very first

43:51

time you had. Oh. You said something

43:53

that impacted my entire career. And I

43:56

don't remember a word for word. what

43:58

it was, but it's always stuck with

44:00

me. When you're working on a project,

44:02

you're always kind of focused on finishing

44:04

and what the reward is. And the

44:07

real reward is the journey. I've got

44:09

to go everywhere about to cook with

44:11

amazing chefs, but I've always kept that

44:13

mind of, I'm here right now, and

44:15

in 20 years, I'm going to remember

44:18

this moment, not the reward. It to

44:20

me has been just such a great

44:22

motto to really. recognize how special everything

44:24

is. I just really appreciate the shows

44:27

you guys do. Travis, thank you. I'm

44:29

so delighted. We hope you have a

44:31

great rest of your day. Yeah, take

44:33

care brother. Nice meeting you. Thanks guys.

44:35

Well, that was fun. I wonder if

44:38

this will instigate a slew of people

44:40

confessing stuff to their parents. The only

44:42

one of these that I would think

44:44

the parent actually didn't know would be

44:47

Noah. You think... Oh the shit. I

44:49

guess they don't think it, sir. You're

44:51

right. But they won't care. If they

44:53

find out now, you mean? Yeah. But

44:55

the heart attack, the mom's still gonna

44:58

go, that could have bankrupted us. Exactly.

45:00

Noah? All right, well, love you. Love

45:02

you. Do you want to sing a

45:04

tune or something? When it was a

45:06

theme song? We

45:09

don't have a thing, so for this new

45:11

show, so here I go, go, go. We're

45:14

gonna ask some random questions, and with the

45:16

help of armchairies, we'll get some suggestions. On

45:18

the Fly Rhineish, on the Fly Rhine dish,

45:20

enjoy. Follow armchair expert on the Wundry app,

45:22

Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcast.

45:24

You can listen to every episode of armchair

45:26

expert early and add free right now by

45:29

joining Wundry Plus in the Wundry app or

45:31

on Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us

45:33

about yourself by completing a short survey at

45:35

wundry.com/survey. At 24 I lost my narrative or

45:37

rather it was stolen from me and the

45:39

Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew

45:42

was usurped by false

45:44

narratives, callous jokes, and politics.

45:46

I would define to take

45:48

as to take back

45:50

what was yours, you

45:52

something you lost or lost

45:54

or stolen, and you triumph

45:57

triumph in finding it

45:59

again. So I think

46:01

listeners can expect me

46:03

to be chatting with

46:05

folks both recognizable and unrecognizable

46:07

names about the way

46:09

that people have navigated

46:12

roads to triumph. My

46:14

hope is that people

46:16

will finish an episode

46:18

of reclaiming and feel

46:20

like they filled their

46:22

tank up. up. They

46:25

connected with the people

46:27

that I'm talking to and

46:29

leave with maybe some

46:31

nuggets that help them

46:33

feel a little more

46:35

hopeful. hopeful. Follow with with on

46:37

the on the or wherever

46:40

you get your podcasts.

46:42

You can listen to Reclaiming early

46:44

and ad and now by joining joining

46:46

in the Wondery app or on

46:48

Apple or on Apple podcasts.