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we'll give you answers. You know

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it. I've got it. I've got

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the answer, the answer. You asked

1:36

me. Oh, yeah, you're eating me!

1:38

I have, help, help, help

1:41

me! I have eaten

1:43

between yesterday and today

1:45

15 caramels. When you

1:47

say caramel, we're talking the

1:49

cowtail, are we talking?

1:52

We're talking Bonbon, we're talking

1:54

a nice box that came in a

1:56

promo box. for a TV show. And

1:58

when they send you the offer, they're

2:00

like, it comes with X, Y, and

2:02

Z, and a caramel, I was like,

2:05

absolutely. And they were sea salted, the

2:07

only way to go, which does feel like it

2:09

wasn't a thing as much growing up. And

2:11

then one day, some millennia was like, what

2:13

if we do sea salt? Like, old timey

2:15

people used to. And now everything is sea

2:17

salt. I don't think you can get a

2:19

caramel that isn't sea salted. It's very

2:21

like rich fancy. It's like,

2:23

like, oh, we're at a

2:25

fancy restaurant, so the chocolate

2:28

has a little bit of

2:30

salt on it, because we

2:32

want you to not like it

2:34

just a little bit. I want

2:36

you to be a little miserable,

2:39

a little bit of a fleur

2:41

to sell. It's so good that

2:43

I have to eat six in

2:45

a row, because it, like, it

2:47

gets your salt juices. Nope, the

2:49

entire box, I think there were

2:52

20 in there. A friend sent

2:54

me a box of C's candy

2:56

and I've really savored. I'd be

2:58

like one in that. I felt like

3:00

Miss Honey and Matilda, you

3:02

know, Trunch Bull takes her

3:04

dad's little box of chocolate. I

3:07

like that you feel like Miss

3:09

Honey and not Miss Trunch Bull.

3:11

I, the Trunch Bull is an

3:13

icon. Icon. An icon, a... queer

3:15

icon, a gender neutral icon,

3:18

a butch fem icon. You

3:20

know Miss Honey's like a

3:22

queer icon, right? I think,

3:24

I think queers are like, we'll

3:26

take it, that'll be ours

3:28

and you can't argue because

3:31

that makes you a homophobe.

3:33

They're just like, yeah, she's

3:35

a, she's a pretty maternal

3:38

lady. So it's like, I got

3:40

my face laser today. It's

3:42

called IPL. It's called IPL. It felt

3:44

numb because they numb your face for

3:46

an hour, which I totally misread as

3:48

30 minutes. And you're just like in

3:50

this room, like kind of getting tired,

3:52

your face is kind of numb, and

3:54

it feels kind of weird. Wait, the hour

3:57

for an hour before they even start

3:59

their procedure? That's right. It's got

4:01

me real numb. And they numb it

4:03

because it's a laser on your

4:06

face, like a real laser that

4:08

you can see through your blindfold.

4:10

And it's hot. But the truth

4:12

is I'm like, I've had two

4:14

children, like all pain quasi pales

4:17

in comparison. And so what

4:19

it is, is that it like basically.

4:21

burns off a layer of your skin,

4:23

which is great, because it brings up

4:25

all of your sun, like I have

4:27

a freckle, and I'm like, I don't

4:29

know how, like I wear sunscreen, I

4:32

don't go out in the sun, she's like,

4:34

it's from growing up. Like it

4:36

basically burns off all of your skin

4:38

and sun damage, and it kind of

4:40

reveals your skin to be like bright

4:43

and clear and great. I didn't want

4:45

to do any needles or anything

4:47

subdermal or any injections, and

4:49

I was thinking. It's fine, like,

4:51

I don't look horrible, but it just

4:54

didn't feel like we didn't record the

4:56

video of this episode. That's what I

4:58

meant to say. I was really like

5:01

melting down mentally, like we didn't record

5:03

this. Wait, but we're here. Sorry, the

5:05

laser took off some of my brain. And

5:07

I was thinking about it though, I

5:10

was like, I guess not telling people that

5:12

you've had work done. I guess it's

5:14

no one's business, but there's also the

5:16

thing of like... propagating the

5:19

idea that like I naturally look

5:21

like this like gas lighting other

5:23

women like you don't well there

5:25

but secretly you're getting work done

5:27

but I guess part of the reason

5:29

people don't say they got work done

5:31

is because we all want to look

5:33

like we naturally don't age or

5:35

naturally have superior genetics

5:37

and I think that that's the name

5:39

of the game is trying to pretend

5:42

that you have naturally superior

5:44

genetics. And you already

5:46

think that you do, because you

5:48

have blue eyes and blood hair? No.

5:50

No. That's Hitler's lining up,

5:53

the line of thinking, that's not me.

5:55

That's not you. I don't have. Blonde

5:57

is better. No. I, as a joke, not as

5:59

like. a racist thing. Oh, I'm

6:01

sorry. Okay, yes. I didn't

6:03

mean I wasn't setting up

6:05

as an Aryan. I was

6:07

setting you up as a

6:09

blonde woman. The joke is

6:11

that at some point in

6:13

a lot of women's lives,

6:15

like you go blonde, you

6:18

know, because blonde is like,

6:20

blonde is fun and movies

6:22

have established it as like

6:24

the blonde one's a hot

6:26

one and it's super fun. But

6:28

I do think you know animals

6:30

naturally you can tell which ones

6:33

are big which ones have claws

6:35

like animals can't really pretend and

6:37

please don't cite some weird tropical

6:39

bird that like pretends to wear

6:41

a flower as a hat to

6:43

simulate other feathers but humans

6:46

we definitely you want it to

6:48

always look like it was always there

6:50

right that's the game tricking you

6:52

into thinking these are my genetics

6:54

yeah like a no makeup makeup

6:56

makeup Yeah, tricking you

6:58

into thinking at 42 that

7:01

somehow now I look 33 Well, speaking

7:03

of youth, I saw you

7:05

on patron wanting to want

7:07

any to give a talking to

7:10

to a baby So we have a

7:12

baby that We had a cob and

7:14

we're gonna start with it

7:16

so you can fight this baby

7:19

Okay, I'm ready. All right somebody

7:21

reached out and said bottom of the

7:23

cob, I don't think I can listen

7:25

to the pot anymore. Well, not with

7:27

my 18-month-old daughter anyway. She screams and

7:29

cries when the pot is on, not just

7:31

you, Eliza. The girl doesn't want to be

7:34

left out of any conversation. That combined with

7:36

the fact that she's picking up words in

7:38

an astounding rate. and there's cursing means we'll

7:40

have to find a different time to listen

7:42

rather than in the car to and from

7:44

our mommy and me class Wednesday morning thank

7:46

goodness for naps and you said give us

7:49

her name and we'll give her a talking

7:51

toward the pot and this baby's name is

7:53

Alexandra what do you want to say to

7:55

this baby hey Alexandra Alexandra

7:57

Alexandra it's me coming from inside

7:59

the phone. Oh no. It's me coming

8:02

from inside the car. It's your auntie

8:04

Eliza and Emily and

8:06

your non-gendered relative Emily.

8:09

Do you want to be an auntie? Yeah.

8:11

Okay, okay. I don't want to be

8:13

one. I didn't want to assume because

8:15

I wear a hat. It happened to

8:17

me as a baby. I was a bald

8:20

baby in a little hat to

8:22

protect me from the sun and

8:24

everybody's like what a cute boy.

8:26

You hear that Alexandra? She was

8:28

a bald baby. Alexandra, we're talking to

8:30

you. I'm going to teach you some new

8:33

words. Okay. Okay. Well, then how about

8:35

the word gord? Do you like what?

8:37

Do you like a gord? Alexandra? How

8:39

about rumblements? You know what that is? You know

8:41

what that, how about the word peppermint? How

8:43

about hot soup? Alexandra. All

8:45

right, so you keep on listening and we're

8:47

going to keep teaching you words. Okay? Baba-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a

8:55

Oh, Alexandra's set for life

8:57

now. What a vocabulary. Go

8:59

to bed. Yeah, go to

9:01

bed. Nap time. Mommy needs

9:03

to listen or a podcast.

9:05

Okay, now we can do

9:07

a serious question. Lose a

9:09

listener over some baby. No,

9:12

we will talk to your

9:14

babies. I've already lost too

9:16

much. Dear AIA crew. Have either

9:18

of you had a close friend

9:20

or family member? Join a

9:22

cult. I may have lost my close friend

9:24

of 10 years to a cult. A

9:26

few details. The followers of this

9:28

cult worship a leader who has had

9:31

multiple serious sexual allegations against

9:33

him. Oh, that's so weird.

9:35

That never happens. That's usually

9:37

such a good guy. He

9:39

was the subject of an

9:41

investigative journalism documentary by a

9:43

very reputable European news organization.

9:45

While the leader is no

9:47

longer alive, the warship continues.

9:49

The warship continues? I don't

9:51

know who is in charge

9:53

now. Somehow on a trip

9:55

overseas my friend, 40 female,

9:57

was recruited into this quote

9:59

organization. She suddenly started traveling more

10:01

and saying she was working for

10:03

them. She even changed her diet,

10:05

heard the rules that I read

10:07

online when I began researching all this.

10:09

Is it eating 15 caramels in a

10:12

day? That's your cult. That's my cult. There

10:14

are plenty of defectors who have spoken

10:16

out online about leaving. What they now

10:18

recognize was a cult. Most recently, my

10:20

friend left overseas again this time for

10:22

almost five months. She has school-aged children

10:24

that she left behind. When she returned,

10:26

she filed for divorce from her husband

10:29

and told her children, if they have

10:31

any complaints about her travels and do

10:33

not support her, she will leave for

10:35

good. And she meant it as she

10:37

shared her already thought through plans as

10:39

to where she would live overseas and

10:41

her reasons for choosing said location. Her

10:43

husband and her in-laws think she's gone

10:46

crazy. I don't think her family knows

10:48

what's going on because they live in

10:50

another country and don't really see each

10:53

other. All this is so out of

10:55

character from the friend I knew. What would

10:57

you do? Now, okay, we can't reveal, well,

10:59

Eliza, I can tell you what it is,

11:01

but we're not revealing on the pot on

11:03

the pot on the pot. I'm trying to

11:05

figure out what. Why can't we

11:08

share this? Because I think it,

11:10

it, um. What is it we're gonna,

11:12

hold on. Let's keep all this,

11:14

Scott, by the way. Why can't

11:16

we share this? We're afraid we're

11:18

going to give the cult a bad

11:20

name. No, we're afraid the friend

11:23

will know that we're talking about

11:25

her. So the friend, let me

11:27

get this straight. The friend has

11:29

left the country and joined

11:32

a cult, but she does hear

11:34

me. I actually can't figure out what

11:36

the name of this cult is, so... It's

11:38

a cult. I mean, there are so many

11:40

of them, it really doesn't matter, but

11:42

alright, Eliza, what do you do if

11:44

your friend's at a cult? I think it's

11:46

kind of like being an alcoholic

11:48

or a drug addict. Like, I think

11:51

you have to cut ties with this

11:53

person, because you don't mean anything to this

11:55

person if they're willing to basically

11:57

cut ties with their own children.

12:00

and their husband, you're just

12:02

kind of watching this car crash.

12:04

So, I mean, short of like going there,

12:07

the husband should have been the

12:09

one to have done something. I

12:11

think you just got to kiss

12:13

this friend goodbye. You can tell

12:15

her exactly how you feel, you

12:17

can write it all down, obviously

12:19

she's brainwashed. Are you close

12:21

enough with her to get a

12:23

hold of the parents? They're in

12:25

another country, so I feel like probably no.

12:28

her friend's parents if they're in another country.

12:30

That's why I'm asking, is there a way

12:32

to contact them? I mean, really, the owner

12:34

should be on the husband. I understand you're

12:36

missing your friend and this is awful and

12:39

you can try, but all you can do

12:41

is try to talk sense into her. Do

12:43

you want to fly over there? These people,

12:45

it happens to women, I think, more than

12:47

men, and it's this weird thing of self-worth

12:50

and having someone give you that self-worth

12:52

and you found your community? I mean,

12:54

this woman is willing to leave her

12:56

children, to leave her children. So she is

12:58

gone. Yeah. I would, if you care about her,

13:00

maybe try to be there for the

13:02

kids. Hopefully this woman comes to her

13:04

senses one day and then has to

13:07

like a tone with like weird court

13:09

supervised visits. But there's nothing

13:11

you can do other than just mourn the

13:13

loss of that friendship. And I mean,

13:15

definitely tell her how you feel if

13:17

she even is allowed to have phone time

13:20

on her floor in between shifts of

13:22

polishing crystals or whatever.

13:24

Yeah, if her kids and her husband

13:26

aren't enough to make her

13:29

stay, you're not. That's it.

13:31

That's it. Don't waste your

13:33

time. She's gone. You don't. Yeah,

13:35

I don't think there's anything

13:37

to do here. Yeah. Did she break

13:40

a law? Is she in danger of

13:42

being in harm other than some

13:44

weird sex act? You can't call

13:46

the cops because she's probably

13:49

living in another country. Can you stop

13:51

by her house? and face-to-face tell her

13:54

how you're feeling but like again she's

13:56

willing to do all of that she's definitely not gonna

13:58

listen to you and you would do Well, not

14:00

to spend your time thinking

14:02

about it, because she is not

14:04

thinking about you. But, you know,

14:07

take her phone call when she calls

14:09

you from an Andorin jail.

14:11

Kick it! Heavy, it's all... It's been

14:13

said that in a while, it felt

14:15

good. It felt right. Yeah, you were

14:17

saying it, and then you're kind of

14:20

like, I'm going to say something new,

14:22

and then you would say new words,

14:24

and you did shit it entirely,

14:27

which is true. Rutaga. So

14:31

the big open secret about going out to

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for you and it's very expensive. And

14:38

cooking at home, oftentimes you don't know

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on Hulu. I've been a

16:26

subscriber to a Pilates app run by

16:28

a woman I have admired for a

16:30

while. It's not exactly cheap. I could

16:32

probably find similar videos for free on YouTube.

16:34

But I like her content. She seems really

16:36

nice. So I've enjoyed supporting her and

16:38

being part of her community. She

16:41

recently got married. I'm a cabin manager

16:43

and airline. And her new husband was

16:45

on my flight the other day. I

16:47

recognized his name from her posts. And

16:49

he's also a successful entrepreneur. He's one

16:51

of our top-tier frequent flyers, and

16:54

as part of the service, the

16:56

manager is supposed to greet them

16:58

and welcome them back on board when

17:00

they fly. It's a private jet. It's

17:02

a private jet service. Just like it.

17:04

The thing is, he was kind of

17:06

rude. He point out, he ignored me

17:08

on the two occasions I tried to

17:10

interact with him. Firstly, when I was doing

17:12

my introductions, and again, when I went

17:15

to ask if he wanted something to

17:17

drink, he didn't take his headphones out.

17:19

He didn't hear you. He didn't hear

17:21

you. He didn't hear you. He wasn't

17:23

working. He was watching Netflix. I've never

17:26

had this happen. And I do

17:28

multiple introductions on all my flights,

17:30

including with several A-less celebrities, who,

17:32

even when they don't want anything,

17:34

give me the time of day.

17:36

Not expecting a falling conversation, but

17:38

just an acknowledgement would be appreciated.

17:40

My question is, should I cancel my subscription

17:42

to his wife's Pilati's app out of sheer

17:44

pettiness? Surely someone with a decent character wouldn't

17:46

marry a person who was rude to service

17:48

workers. I know Eliza's always saying vote with

17:51

your dollar and I know you're a frequent

17:53

flyer too, so I would love to know

17:55

your opinion. Am I being overly sensitive because

17:57

I have a pair of social relationships with

17:59

my online Pilates? teacher, thanks to your

18:01

stage advice. And if you can

18:03

recommend any other online Platties platforms,

18:05

please do LOL, sincerely anonymous. Anonymous,

18:08

you nailed it. You are being

18:10

overly sensitive because of a parasocial

18:12

relationship with your online Platties instructor, and

18:14

you feel that you have that connection,

18:17

therefore you feel entitled to a specific

18:19

type of interaction. If he had headphones

18:21

in, you cannot rule out that that

18:23

person was just locked in. We all

18:25

get locked into our content, our TVs,

18:27

our screens. There's a chance he didn't

18:29

see you. And I will tell you

18:31

on the other side, I have boarded

18:33

so many flights where I have gone

18:35

out of my way to say hello

18:37

to the cabin crew and they have

18:39

said nothing. So much so that sometimes

18:42

I get nervous about it because I'm

18:44

like, oh I think they already hate me. And

18:46

I will tell you, he's not a

18:48

celebrity. Celebrities have to pretend

18:50

to like and interact with

18:52

everyone. I am not immune to this.

18:54

Otherwise. People will say, oh, I

18:56

met them, they were awful. So you're not

18:59

allowed to have a bad day. This guy's

19:01

not a celebrity. He just happens to be

19:03

married to someone who has a public

19:05

profile. No. He has 300,000

19:07

Instagram followers. That's honestly

19:10

not anything. He's not a celebrity.

19:12

Just because you have some note

19:14

doesn't mean you're a star or

19:16

a celebrity. You know, and so

19:18

if you enjoy the Pilates, you're

19:20

just going to kind of be

19:22

shooting yourself in the foot. I

19:24

think you just don't want to

19:27

subscribe to this app anymore and

19:29

you're fine to cancel it. This

19:31

doesn't have to be the reason.

19:33

Well, did she say that? She

19:35

basically said like, oh, it's too

19:37

expensive. I really, it's not giving

19:39

me anything I don't get anywhere

19:42

else, but I like this lady's

19:44

nice and I want to support

19:46

her. Let me say this. By the

19:48

way, he may not be an asshole.

19:50

Like, no one walks around, I'm going

19:53

to sleep. especially what it sounds like

19:55

is that you manage some sort of

19:57

private flying situation, especially at that price

19:59

point. No, you do not have to interact

20:01

with anyone and he was not

20:03

rude. He just didn't notice you, which

20:05

is a shitty feeling and invalidates you

20:08

as a person, but it wasn't

20:10

as if he got on and was

20:12

deliberately rude to you or you asked

20:14

him to take his headphones off and

20:16

he didn't. He was just kind of

20:18

in his own world and you were

20:20

hoping to have a connection with the

20:22

Pilates instructor. If you don't wanna be

20:25

on that anymore. then you can chalk it

20:27

up to pettiness and that can be part of

20:29

the reason if you don't want it. But also

20:31

not supporting her because of that. Like we

20:33

do a lot of things and we follow

20:35

a lot of people and pay into systems

20:37

because we like the spokesperson. We like the

20:39

celebrity on that show. Like you find someone

20:41

to connect with so if you feel a

20:43

connection with her and you like her, don't

20:46

let this random interaction with the husband deter

20:48

you. Because you would really hate it

20:50

if your back was turned as I

20:52

was getting on a plane. And I

20:54

said good morning and you didn't hear

20:56

me. And then I wrote into your

20:58

boss being like the cabin crew

21:00

was really unfriendly. That's all.

21:02

And I appreciate that it's never

21:05

happened to you before. But I

21:07

think if you really think back, there

21:09

may have been a time someone didn't

21:11

hear you or they didn't say good

21:13

morning back. We're all just trying to

21:15

get where we got to go. And

21:18

also someone who flies a lot, like

21:20

I never watch the safety briefings.

21:22

I might if I like got a water from

21:24

you before and we've made a connection,

21:26

I try to be nice, but like,

21:29

you're tired. I want to get all the

21:31

plane, I want to go. I want to go.

21:33

I want to go. I want to go. I want

21:35

to go. I acknowledge I could open the

21:37

door in the event of an

21:39

emergency. I've got in my life gotten

21:42

the feedback of like she was rude

21:44

and I don't even remember meeting

21:46

that person. You know, so if he

21:48

does it again, then it's a problem.

21:50

Then it's you Also, let's say the

21:53

guy is a dick that girl's gonna

21:55

need even more support because she's

21:57

probably stuck married to a dick

21:59

Don't you feel bad for her? I don't

22:02

think that's what's happening. Hey, A, Pazquat.

22:04

It's my first time writing in. And

22:06

I would like your opinion on a

22:09

certain strange and entertaining situation. My boyfriend

22:11

35 and I-32 have been together

22:13

for eight years civil union style. We

22:15

own an apartment together. We bought in

22:18

2021. We live in his home country

22:20

in Europe. I am from Texas.

22:22

Say anyone give us country names. The

22:24

second one or I'm just floating on a

22:27

map. I know Texas. Save to say

22:29

we're building slash have built a life

22:31

together before it's Spain. Before meeting both

22:33

of us were single for about a

22:35

year each dating around nothing serious before

22:38

that each of us were in short-term

22:40

relationships that lasted a year give or

22:42

take. Early in our relationship I

22:44

was his date to his friend's

22:46

wedding in 2019. These friends were

22:49

mutual friends with his previous ex-girlfriend

22:51

before me from before his year

22:53

of single dumb. She was at the wedding

22:55

too with her own date. She and his friends

22:58

are all from his country. At that

23:00

wedding, maybe two years after they'd broken

23:02

up, I actually ran into her going

23:04

to the bathroom. Neither of us really

23:06

said anything beyond excuse me. My

23:08

boyfriend and her didn't say anything

23:10

beyond, hey, how's it going? He and I

23:12

spent the night dancing and having fun.

23:14

Or so you think? Sneaky language. The

23:16

reason my BF broke up with her was

23:18

because she treated him poorly and was unstable.

23:21

Think high highs and low lows. He told

23:23

her at the end that he couldn't help

23:25

her anymore than what he had and he

23:27

actually recommended she get professional help, which the

23:29

mutual friends later confirmed with him that she

23:31

did. He also always told me things ended

23:33

as amicably as they could have and he

23:35

really thought she needed professional help. He also

23:38

mentioned while they were dating, she always told

23:40

him she really wanted to have children in

23:42

what to me sounded like a baby fever

23:44

type of way. He and I don't have

23:46

children and no immediate plans to. Not long

23:48

after the wedding, maybe a year or so, it's a

23:50

long time. She takes him out of the blue telling

23:52

him she thought about their relationship, wanted to

23:55

tell him she thought he was a good

23:57

person and wanted to be friends, something along

23:59

those lines. lines. At this point she

24:01

was already in another relationship with her

24:03

date at the wedding and was either

24:06

pregnant or had already had her first

24:08

baby. Now, I'm the type of girlfriend that

24:10

when my ex is broke up with me too.

24:12

I went cold turkey, no contact ever again.

24:14

So for me, I find it strange

24:16

when I hear about people reaching out

24:18

years after the relationship ended, especially when

24:20

they were never friends first and it

24:22

was always romantic from the start. I

24:24

found it even odder that she'd reach out

24:26

when she was already in another relationship

24:29

planning a family. I told this to

24:31

my boyfriend, he agreed, but he's also

24:33

a kind person and wouldn't leave her

24:35

on red. Oh, my Spidey senses went off.

24:37

So, I told him if you answer

24:39

her, you might be opening the door

24:41

to something you can't easily shut out again.

24:43

And if they're rolling the Baba Duke,

24:45

if the rolls are reversed, you probably not

24:48

want me to answer any of my excess.

24:50

He replied to her along the lines of,

24:52

I don't have any issues with you, you

24:54

don't have to worry, etc. Convo ended

24:56

there. Fast forward to this month. She

24:58

texted him out of the blue again.

25:01

Okay, I'm trying to figure out. That was

25:03

a year after, so it's been a

25:05

couple years since they've talked. So, okay,

25:07

I just want to nail down this

25:09

timeline. 2019, she and her boyfriend go

25:12

to the wedding and a year later,

25:14

a year after that. So in 2020,

25:16

this girl is like, hey, I'm pregnant,

25:18

I'm having a baby, I already have

25:21

a baby, and I think you're a

25:23

good person, I want to be

25:25

friends. Yeah. So that's 2020. So

25:27

now this month. And then nothing?

25:29

And they haven't been communicating. And

25:31

now this month in 2025, so five, four

25:34

to five years later. Yeah, she text me

25:36

on the blue again. Uh-huh. This time to

25:38

ask him about all the places they went

25:40

to in France on one of their vacations

25:42

more than 10 years ago. When he told

25:45

me about the text, he still

25:47

hadn't responded. I told him basically

25:49

the same thing as before. It's

25:51

odd. What's she gonna do? Recreate

25:53

their romantic trip to southern France

25:55

with her current partner, her family.

25:57

As a woman who's humbly who's

25:59

humbly been. the guy had moved on

26:01

and I saw he was happy with another

26:03

woman. Reach out. She is also on kid

26:05

number two. So my boyfriend just responded with

26:08

a list of places they went and she

26:10

responded almost immediately asking if he knew the

26:12

exact distances between each city. Maybe she thinks

26:14

she's talking about Chachie PT or something. I

26:16

told him. I think she's, and just, you're

26:19

not getting this, but there's little emogies throughout,

26:21

so there's a little robot emoji after that.

26:23

Just in case you don't know what chat

26:25

GBT is, it's not a human. I told

26:28

him I think she still loves him or

26:30

she's not over him in some way because

26:32

why else would an adult woman with two

26:34

children reach out to an ex after almost

26:36

10 years to ask about a romantic French

26:39

vacation they chaired that she could easily find

26:41

herself by going through her own photos and

26:43

with internet access. Because they conceived at that

26:45

night at the wedding, the baby says, that's

26:48

why a year later she reached out, the

26:50

baby says. I honestly think she sees him

26:52

as the one that got away, as cliche

26:54

as that sounds, and is trying to find

26:56

a way to talk to him or stay

26:59

connected. He doesn't agree, but he also gives

27:01

the benefit of the doubt to a lot

27:03

of people. He's a good man. Sure, the

27:05

messages are harmless, but my intuition tells me

27:08

something else is up. It doesn't feel genuine.

27:10

As Tian-who says, stay suspicious, stay suspicious, stay

27:12

suspicious, stay suspicious, stay suspicious, stay suspicious, and

27:14

I do, and I do, and I do,

27:16

and I do, and I do, and I

27:19

do, and I do, and I do, and

27:21

I do, and I am. Also, it's annoying

27:23

because she's placing a mental load on my

27:25

boyfriend that he definitely doesn't need. So my

27:28

question is, are we doomed to receive a

27:30

message every few years from this lady for

27:32

the rest of our lives? Like, we'll all

27:34

be in our 70s and she'll still be

27:36

sending us texts? What do y'all think? Or

27:39

is this a case for the X files?

27:41

Unex, unexplained and mysterious. First of all. Wait.

27:43

Okay. Thanks for everything. Eliza and Emily and

27:45

crew. Pot helped me get three each week.

27:48

Eliza, I thought the special's fantastic. Appreciate all

27:50

y'all do. Hugs. Emily, I like hearing about

27:52

your cats. Okay. Proceed. Proceed. First of all,

27:54

let's remove the idea of like too much

27:56

of a mental load for my boyfriend. He's

27:59

a grown man and he's engaging. Okay. Also,

28:01

why do you still have this person's number?

28:03

I guess, I guess, I do have X.

28:05

boyfriend's numbers because it feels harsh to block

28:08

someone you don't hate. I've never deleted a

28:10

number from my phone. What if they try

28:12

to text me? I want to know who

28:14

it is. Here's what it is. This person

28:16

is mentally unstable, which is fine. You can

28:19

get treatment for that. And I don't know

28:21

if it's compounded by, but she's also a

28:23

mother who's had two children. And this is

28:25

her kind of a little bored. Kind of

28:28

like am I still sexy? Oh, oh, maybe

28:30

I passed a place and it smelled like

28:32

cologne and that reminded me of Raoul whatever

28:34

your boyfriend's name is from his secret country

28:36

So she's reaching out to kind of be

28:39

like hey this guy will still engage with

28:41

me like remember like way back when like

28:43

when I was whatever She's looking for the

28:45

attention and because they broke up amicably He's

28:48

just like yeah, here it is like no

28:50

big deal, but it's bothering you because You

28:52

guys aren't cool. It wasn't cool. You're not

28:54

friends. It's all these years later. It would

28:57

be different if she reached out now. And

28:59

she was like, hey, I haven't talked to

29:01

you. My husband and I are going to

29:03

France. What was that vineyard? Because we really

29:05

want to go. I wouldn't be too worried

29:08

about it because there's so much time in

29:10

between these reachouts. But it does just sound

29:12

to me like a mom who's just like

29:14

a little bit of excitement still out there.

29:17

And you're saying like, hey, he's with me,

29:19

whatever, you should not feel threatened by a

29:21

married mother of two with a chemical imbalance,

29:23

reaching out with a lamest excuse. Yeah, everything

29:25

you're saying does not indicate that your boyfriend

29:28

is secretly talking to her. It's like he

29:30

texts her every few years. He doesn't want

29:32

to be rude. He like replies something vague.

29:34

I don't, this is not a red flag

29:37

to me. I think it's, it's putting a

29:39

mental load on you clearly, but that's not

29:41

her fault. I would be lying if I

29:43

said I didn't get texts from ex-boyfriends every

29:45

like once a year and it is the

29:48

most harmless. Even if I'm the one that

29:50

broke up with them, I never feel the

29:52

need. and I'll say

29:54

it on a podcast,

29:57

but I never feel

29:59

the need to say

30:01

to my husband, like,

30:03

oh, like Mike reached out and

30:05

he wanted to know if I

30:07

saw this movie, like, because I'm

30:10

not in the market for like

30:12

a side piece. And

30:14

so - You don't have time for a side

30:16

piece to be quite honest. Unless

30:18

they want to like go pick up my laundry. I

30:21

really remember that

30:23

movie exit to Eden with Rosie

30:25

O'Donnell and it was like a sex movie on like

30:27

a heat in his And the guy was like, I

30:29

want to fulfill your fantasy. She's like, yeah, go paint

30:31

my house. I've never

30:33

seen it, but I remember the box art.

30:35

Yeah, her like that SNM. You love a

30:37

Rosie O'Donnell movie. I met her. She was

30:39

at the movies for a few months ago.

30:41

I met her. Before she moved to Ireland,

30:43

I love her. I have a Rosie doll.

30:45

I buy that. I

30:47

buy it. Anyways, this is taking up way

30:49

too much. I know it's not sitting right

30:51

with you because her reasonings feel weird, but

30:53

I really, given the infrequency of it and

30:55

as long as he is being honest with

30:58

you and it really is like once every

31:00

five years, literally don't think about it ever again. Who fucking

31:02

cares? Does not. Even

31:04

if he's still like, it's fine.

31:06

You got him. He's with you. What

31:09

you want to do is check that text to make sure

31:11

it's not really every five years. I mean, he's telling, he's

31:13

telling love or dad. How do you know? You

31:16

don't know. No conosis. No

31:18

sabbath. I'm not positive which one to use.

31:21

OK. He also is definitely not

31:23

Spanish. No. Maybe. I

31:25

feel like people say Spain. He lives

31:27

in Luxembourg. Right. OK.

31:29

We have a confession. And

31:34

this is one where I'm like, oh, but Eliza, I

31:36

feel like you're not going to react to it at

31:38

all. But let's see. I'm trying to mix it up.

31:40

We like different types of confessions. To

31:42

preface this, by saying I was only 18

31:44

at the time this happened, it was my

31:46

second day on a new job. I'm in

31:48

the UK, but I think the U .S. equivalent

31:50

is GameStop. Yes, that is a store here.

31:53

I was being trained on the tills.

31:56

of Worship. Emily's House of Worship. I

31:59

was like, OK. I was going to get on

32:01

the tills and I was serving a

32:03

woman, but I made a minor mistake.

32:06

I think I didn't skin her rewards

32:08

card or something, really tiny error and

32:10

easily fixed. The customer gave me the

32:12

biggest bollicking of my life and didn't

32:14

care when I apologized profusely and explained

32:16

it was my second day and I was

32:19

still learning. Anyway, I needed to go to

32:21

the storm to collect her Wii fit board,

32:23

a testament to the time. Do you remember

32:25

what that is, Eliza? It definitely sounds

32:27

like they're saying like they're small fit. Or

32:29

they're full. We fit. Right? Right. Okay. So

32:31

when to get the we fit board, the

32:33

store room was located up two flights of

32:36

stairs. I chucked that we fit board down

32:38

both flights of stairs and then not satisfied

32:40

ran back up the stairs and did it

32:42

again. 18 year old me really hoped that

32:44

woman would open the board later on

32:46

that day to find it didn't work.

32:48

Do I regret it? Kind of, but

32:50

doesn't take much to be a kind

32:52

and understanding person and understanding person person,

32:54

especially. over a minor error that was

32:56

easily fixed. Over a minor error, like not

32:59

hearing someone with headphones on. The thought

33:01

that when you're 18, you're just like,

33:03

I'll just break this, great. Like there's

33:05

something so funny about at the top

33:07

of the stairs taking probably a $200

33:09

piece of merchandise and just chucking it

33:11

and then selling it to the lady

33:13

with a smile on your face. Because

33:15

really, it's not like she's going to

33:17

have to pay to pay to get

33:20

it fixed. It's just going to be

33:22

an inconvenience. you know if these really handcrafted

33:24

it would be different but it's

33:26

like a mega company right um I

33:28

think I would do that at any

33:30

age to be honest so check something

33:32

down the stairs I've checked all right

33:34

even though it's only April let's do

33:37

a Mother's Day quandary help out those

33:39

moms let's do it because you got

33:41

to get ready because we're gonna get

33:43

a lot of this question so

33:45

let's let's address that here hi Eliza

33:47

and Emily I have a pretty

33:50

simple question for you context.

33:52

Me and my husband have been married for

33:54

five years. He is the oldest of two.

33:56

Sorry. This is so juicy. Like this is

33:58

what our podcast is about. is like these

34:00

kind of questions. So let's settle in. So

34:02

cozy, get a snack, get a cup of

34:05

hot cocoa, light of fire. I mean, we've

34:07

had questions in a similar vein of

34:09

like, you know, you celebrate the kids,

34:11

but the specificity of this one. So

34:13

me and my husband have been married

34:15

five years. He's the oldest of two.

34:18

His sister still lives at home. He

34:20

is close with his family. We have my

34:22

husband have been married five years. He

34:24

is the eldest of son. There's two

34:26

kids. The sister still lives at home. They're

34:28

all very close. And you guys are in

34:31

your 50s. They don't say they're aged. We

34:33

have a two-year-old son, so yes, I am

34:35

a mom, also a mom in the thick

34:38

of parenting. I have a strained relationship with

34:40

my mother-in-law. She stresses me out, and on

34:42

my mother's day, I don't want to be

34:44

stressed. I told my husband we can celebrate

34:47

with her the day before, which she's fine

34:49

with. My sister-in-law said that her mom

34:51

is disappointed that we want to

34:53

celebrate a day early and not

34:55

on actual Mother's Day. Any advice,

34:57

words of wisdom, hot takes, love

34:59

you, and everything you do, the

35:01

pants and your new special, are

35:03

hot fire. Thank you. Somebody understands

35:06

fashion. It is that like weird transition

35:08

of like we celebrated you because you

35:10

were the mother, but now I'm a

35:12

mother. I guess it depends on how

35:14

stressed you are in your day. Like

35:16

if you're the mom staying home, taking

35:18

care of the kid, and you want

35:20

a day off, I could understand not

35:23

wanting to spend it half celebrating someone

35:25

else. Will it cost you a little

35:27

bit, but calm everything? If you're like,

35:29

great, we'll come by for breakfast. Are

35:31

they asking you to prepare anything? Or

35:33

are they asking you to merely just

35:35

be there and she does everything

35:37

else? But if she stresses you out? I

35:40

think you're well within your rights to

35:42

like divvy up that holiday. I mean,

35:44

there's going to be more mothers in

35:46

your family, the older you all get. It's

35:48

good to set, to draw a line. And that's

35:50

nice that you're going to do something

35:53

the day before, and she still has

35:55

the daughter. What she really cares about

35:57

is seeing the grandbaby and seeing

35:59

her son. I have a real problem with the

36:01

fact that they are willing, they're like, we're

36:03

gonna celebrate you, we're gonna come over and

36:05

we're gonna celebrate you being a great mom.

36:08

She's like, doesn't matter if it's not on

36:10

the day where I get to be the

36:12

only queen and you're not. That pisses me

36:14

off. Like. Yeah, I can see why you

36:16

don't like her, but also, again, this falls

36:18

under, where's your husband? Right. I mean it

36:21

sounds like it's fine and sister-in-law is

36:23

just bitching and you know what's the

36:25

sister-in-law saying well so the sister-in-law is

36:27

the one who said mom's actually disappointed

36:29

but the husband said great let's do

36:31

it the day before and the sister

36:33

one's always like mom wants to do

36:35

it the day of okay too bad.

36:37

Tell you what mom can pick up

36:39

the phone and then your husband can say

36:41

to the mom you know I really wanted to

36:43

take my wife Kelsey Bellerini. out for

36:45

a mom day and a spa and a thing

36:47

or whatever. Like I really wanted to treat her

36:50

to this and we wanted to just kind of

36:52

have a mellow day. It should not be on you

36:54

on Mother's Day to stand up for what you

36:56

want. And I don't appreciate the like

36:58

sister, the daughter interim thing. Either the

37:00

mom isn't this big of a pill and

37:02

the sisters making drama or the mom is

37:05

a big pill in which case she needs

37:07

to do her own bidding and not send

37:09

her daughter. Her husband and daughter. The sister

37:11

can celebrate her on Mother's Day. I'm sorry.

37:14

That's what I was saying. Or the mom

37:16

is like kind of docile and the sister

37:18

standing up for her, in which case,

37:20

trample all over that mom. Yeah, we

37:22

want a weak-willed mother-in-law. I just, like,

37:25

people get so obsessed with doing the

37:27

thing on the day. We've had it

37:29

in our own family where and all

37:32

of my in-laws are wonderful people, but

37:34

everybody wants Christmas Eve. And so we had

37:36

to start doing, like, okay, you get Christmas

37:38

Day, you get Christmas Eve, and the truth

37:40

is, like, it's not about the day. Is

37:43

your birthday party any less special if you

37:45

have it the weekend, you're available? Is, you

37:47

know, is Christmas, is being with your family any

37:49

less meaningful if you do it the next day?

37:51

Once you get to it, the answer is no,

37:53

but this is about her having it the way

37:55

that she wants to, and she did for a very

37:57

long time, and she did for a very long time.

38:00

Someone's got to do the standing up, and

38:02

you've just got to go along with it

38:04

and be the princess that you are. Yeah.

38:06

Let him go down on you. You've only

38:08

had like two Mother's days and she's had

38:10

so many. She can still have them, they

38:12

just, you know, or okay, we'll stop by

38:14

for breakfast and then I'm going to go

38:16

get a full body massage and then have

38:18

those little fish that eat the calluses off

38:20

my toes. I

38:22

want to do that. It's

38:24

weird. That just seems weird, but...

38:27

It's weird too, if you

38:29

eat the fish after, after they

38:31

ate all your skin. It's

38:33

the most disgusting thing I've ever

38:35

heard. Now, double protein. I'm

38:37

eating me. This Christmas, I'm eating

38:39

me. Why Christmas? Why besmirch

38:41

the holidays? It's funnier. Okay, we're

38:43

going to now do like

38:46

a really serious question. Okay,

38:48

you're the producer. That's how I like

38:50

the tone to go. I want us to

38:52

bounce back and forth. Let's fit it

38:54

in there. Dear Eliza

38:57

and Emily, thank you for making

38:59

such a great podcast. I look forward

39:01

to listening to each episode to

39:03

hear the jokes that reference the title.

39:05

Every episode makes me giggle and

39:07

provides a needed distraction while I drive

39:09

to work as a prevention specialist

39:11

for domestic violence, sexual assault, nonprofit organization.

39:14

It's a lot. Yeah. It's a

39:16

lot. It's a big job. I appreciate

39:18

the healthy and caring relationship advice

39:20

that you provide for people who are

39:22

held in unhealthy and abusive relationships.

39:24

I need to remain anonymous. Content warning,

39:26

as this question mentions suicide. Onto

39:30

the question. I, 27 female, am

39:32

married to a loving farmer, 27

39:34

male. Through my job, I hear

39:36

about some really scum -of -the -earth

39:38

perpetrators who are mostly men, which

39:40

makes me doubly appreciate the good

39:42

men I have in my life,

39:44

my dad, older brother, and husband

39:46

in name of few. I often

39:48

worry about the men that were

39:50

taught men don't cry or don't

39:52

be a pussy as men are

39:54

more likely to complete suicide, like

39:56

they learned this was the only

39:58

way to cope with their feelings

40:00

or mental health struggles, like the

40:02

only two feelings they're allowed. to express to

40:04

others are anger and happiness. The good men in my life don't

40:07

like to talk about their motions or admit they might be struggling.

40:09

Heck, my husband went to the doctor with severe chest pain and

40:11

after ruling out all other possibilities was

40:13

diagnosed with anxiety. They put him on

40:15

an anti-exiety which has helped immensely he

40:17

seems to have a longer fused, sleeps

40:19

better, and hasn't had chest pain since.

40:21

However, he wants to lower his dose

40:23

because he feels like the meds have

40:25

made him gain weight. My brother takes

40:27

prescription strength and assets to combat stomach

40:30

ulcers, which I wouldn't have known about

40:32

if my mom hadn't told me. All

40:34

these men in my life to test

40:36

therapy have tried to pick up on

40:38

my husband's and my dad's and my

40:40

brother's tells for when they're struggling, but I

40:42

still don't know how to bring up the

40:44

subject with them. When I have in the

40:47

past the conversation is short-lived with a quick

40:49

change in subject. Most recently I made a

40:51

point to dig a little deeper when my

40:53

husband did. How can I help the good

40:55

men in my life with their mental health

40:57

and expressing their emotions? Thank you in advance

40:59

And then she chose she says insert name

41:01

Clara question mark which that's a good. That's

41:03

a good alias and then Pete well I'm

41:06

not gonna say the last part because we're

41:08

gonna see if you say it in your

41:10

answer And then I'll tell you what she can't

41:12

wait to hear you say Is it right a letter? No, I

41:14

mean this sounds like a question for a

41:16

true mental health care professional and I'm like

41:18

a little annoyed that Emily read Emily read

41:21

this because that Emily read this because that's

41:23

so tough because I don't have men in

41:25

my life who are exactly like that so

41:27

I can't imagine and I don't mean

41:29

like I can't imagine that like I

41:31

it's hard for me to fathom having

41:33

that because I would I would speak to

41:35

them the way that I would speak to

41:38

my husband who's like big on therapy and

41:40

very open and all that stuff and

41:42

so basically what you're saying is like

41:44

I'm worried for your health and I want

41:47

you to be able to talk and it's not

41:49

going to be as simple as look I

41:51

got you five better help sessions and

41:53

get on in there. expressing

41:55

yourself because all you can do

41:57

is express yourself to them. And

42:00

I do wonder if writing a really well

42:02

worded letter or taking one, you know, each

42:05

of them on a walk. And you can

42:07

say you don't have to talk, I just

42:09

want you to listen. You know, some people

42:12

don't know that the option is out there.

42:14

And I mean, I can tell you from

42:16

my own therapy, I've always been the one

42:18

that's like there's no way anyone's gonna understand

42:21

this. And of course there's someone out there

42:23

that would understand that. And you just want

42:25

to give them to get sick and you.

42:27

What you can do is come from a

42:30

place of I just love you so much,

42:32

and this is very real. Maybe you can

42:34

throw in some statistics. If you don't want

42:36

to hear me fine, but I would love

42:39

for you to find a healthier way. Especially

42:41

your husband, and by the way, your husband's

42:43

right. If he, I'm sure his self-esteem is

42:45

tied to his weight, and if it's making

42:48

him gain weight, he doesn't feel good about

42:50

that. There are ways to deal with your

42:52

anxiety that don't involve your anxiety that don't

42:54

involve medication. And maybe it is you guys

42:57

take a walk together every day. Maybe you

42:59

could do a couples therapy thing, not with

43:01

the goal of like fixing your marriage, but

43:03

with like giving him a place to talk

43:06

and then maybe you bow out of a

43:08

few of those. There also are, there are

43:10

other medications, etc. But I do, I think

43:13

it's important and interest in that. that you

43:15

called out like these small sites like the

43:17

brother just has straight up old some goals

43:19

there's probably from stress and anxiety that he's

43:22

not expressing the husband's been diagnosed with anxiety

43:24

like nobody's talked about these things I think

43:26

laying it out the way that you did

43:28

in this letter and not I think you

43:31

want to be really careful I think men

43:33

will bristle I think anyone will bristle it

43:35

like I think you're going to complete suicide

43:37

I think you just don't go to that

43:40

Yet even though that is kind of the

43:42

underlying fear, but just saying like you see

43:44

people all day every day who cannot express

43:46

their emotions You are so lucky to have

43:49

three wonderful men in your life, and you

43:51

want them to know that you were there

43:53

for them Yeah, and they'll be like we're

43:55

a woman. What do you know? Here's what

43:58

you should do if they love you the

44:00

way you love them I would use the

44:02

fact that you're a sensitive woman who lives

44:04

who sees this type of stuff every day,

44:07

and I would ask all three of them

44:09

to sit down with you. Is it group?

44:11

Yep. Because I wonder if it will be,

44:13

I just wonder, this is just a tactic,

44:16

it's just a thought. I wonder if it

44:18

be less contentious, you know, if you did

44:20

get emotional, because no one's gonna get mad

44:23

at you, and if you're just like, I

44:25

just love three of you. Like a reverse

44:27

intervention, kind of, and I just see this

44:29

happening, and I just wanted to sit down.

44:32

The odds of all three of them getting

44:34

up and storming off, I just wonder if

44:36

there might be... I for some reason feel

44:38

like that would work. I don't know why.

44:41

Even if it's like, guys, you know what?

44:43

I deal with men all day who I

44:45

would love to be able... to tell them

44:47

how you operate. Right. I can't. And also,

44:50

do you all have anything that you wish

44:52

you were asked because I will start asking

44:54

the men at my job, those that, you

44:56

know what I mean? Like, how can I

44:59

show up for you? And maybe that's a

45:01

private thing. I guess I only thought the

45:03

group thing because there's something very vulnerable and

45:05

tender about a woman. who is smaller than

45:08

these three men standing there and saying like

45:10

I just care about you so much like

45:12

I just wonder if like they might band

45:14

together to be like okay we hear you

45:17

we appreciate like they almost want to take

45:19

care of you in that minute but you're

45:21

reverse psychology them into them taking care of

45:24

themselves I just wonder I just wonder and

45:26

I do like Emily's idea about is there

45:28

anything I could ask is there anything that

45:30

you wish we're different they'll be like yeah

45:33

too many bucking lives getting too much as

45:35

what they want to I think I cut

45:37

you off from saying what she wanted to

45:39

say, which was, she said, yes, I can't

45:42

wait to hear Eliza say, that's it, after

45:44

she answers. And I think you're just about

45:46

to say it, I cut you off. That's

45:48

it. So I'm sorry, Clara. That's it. With

45:51

Eliza. And I'm only. I know. Do we

45:53

need to change the name of the show?

45:55

That's it. So

46:00

here's something I was thinking about recently,

46:03

right? We all wear headphones, but for

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48:20

right, let's keep talking about

48:22

how to talk to men

48:24

this email is named husband

48:26

communication. Hi

48:28

all. I'm gonna dive right in. My

48:30

husband and I keep having the same

48:32

argument. We have two girls ages two

48:34

and three. Our three-year-old is in half-day

48:37

preschool. My husband is a lawyer

48:39

and works remotely. His job is pretty

48:41

high-stress. He'll start work around 8 a.m.

48:43

when our nanny arrives, pause around 536

48:45

to spend an hour or so with

48:47

the kids, then often goes back to

48:49

work, and will wrap up anywhere between

48:51

10 p. Oh my god. I'm a

48:54

freelancer in a creative space. Right now

48:56

I'm not as busy. I'm handling more

48:58

of the kid in housework. I start

49:00

my day around 6.30 or 7 when

49:02

the kids wake up. I handle everything

49:04

in the morning, diaper changes, packing

49:06

lunch, dishes, feeding the job, feeding

49:08

lunch, dishes, feeding the job, feeding

49:10

the job, taking out clothes for

49:12

the kids, brushing, restock, anything that's

49:14

out, out, groceries, laundry, meal, cleaning,

49:16

cleaning, you get the idea. My

49:18

husband will walk the dog and

49:20

throw out the trash that I

49:22

prep and put by the door

49:24

for him. Sometimes I'll get a

49:26

kid dressed, but I've picked the

49:28

clothes out. He can't figure out

49:30

what they should wear. He has

49:33

to consult me. I have a

49:35

full-time nanny, which is very helpful,

49:37

but she's young and she doesn't

49:39

do everything for the kids. cleaning

49:41

up that my husband and I

49:43

read them books and do bedtime

49:45

together. My three-year-old also doesn't nap

49:47

at school but needs it so

49:49

she's melting down and struggling because

49:51

she's over tired and I'm the

49:53

preferred parent for my two-year-old so

49:55

I can't even stand in the

49:57

kitchen and make dinner without her.

49:59

She screams. be held so I rely

50:01

on TV which I hate and feel

50:03

guilty about my problem. On the weekends,

50:05

I want my husband and I to truly split

50:07

everything with the kids. I basically am looking for

50:09

a break. I want him to make breakfast or

50:12

give him a bath or change a diaper. The

50:14

other week, our nanny was out for a few

50:16

days, so I did baths three days in a

50:18

row, but who's counting, and said to him, do

50:20

you mind doing a bath tonight since I did

50:22

the past few nights? He got mad at me

50:24

and said he's been working. It's not like he

50:26

was doing nothing or getting a getting a break

50:29

or getting a break. Oh my God. I later

50:31

apologized and said I should have been more honest

50:33

and instead said, I'm really tired. Can you do the

50:35

bath? He didn't like that either. He said, I should say,

50:37

hey, there is X and Y to do. How can we

50:39

handle and divide as a team? Barf, which is okay in

50:41

theory, but my point is, even if I said

50:43

that, I want him to give a bath.

50:46

Why can't I ask for what I want?

50:48

He feels like when I ask him to

50:50

help with the kids, I'm barkingbarking orders at

50:52

him. I'm barking orders at him. I'm barking

50:55

orders at him. Sometimes I'll ask him to

50:57

change a diaper, get one of the kids

50:59

dressed. I'm not sure if this matters, but

51:01

I struggle with anxiety. He has ADHD, so

51:03

he truly has no sense of time and

51:06

can't focus. Yeah, he can. He's a lawyer.

51:08

He definitely has sense of time because he

51:10

has billable hours and he sure a shit

51:12

can focus. Because that's what lawyers

51:14

do. So I'm so tired of

51:17

these low-grade learning differences.

51:19

Like, I'm dyslexic. You can be a

51:21

fucking lawyer, give me a break. Or in

51:23

this weird situation where I'm freelancing, but also taking

51:25

care of our home, but I also have full-time

51:27

help, so I feel like I can't complain or

51:29

be tired. And he's working a really stressful job.

51:31

Another issue I have is when he's present, a

51:34

lot of the time he's on his phone or

51:36

staring into space ruminating about something, or he's laying

51:38

down on the couch or in the bedroom. I

51:40

am extremely irritated when he lays down. Sorry,

51:42

I sound insane. No, you don't. No. Because

51:44

that just shows me he doesn't feel the

51:46

need to get up and down and up

51:48

and down like I am with the kids.

51:50

It looks to me like he's relaxing. Well,

51:53

I have to jump up constantly. Love you

51:55

all. Thank you for being a light for

51:57

so many of us on Wednesdays. I don't like

51:59

this. A lawyer? I have a name?

52:01

Well, let's see, the message got clipped.

52:04

Is there a little secret name at

52:06

the end? No, it's just nobody.

52:08

Susan, listen. Your husband

52:10

doesn't respect or have

52:12

the capacity to understand the

52:14

sheer amount of work that being

52:17

a stay-at-home mom is. I have two

52:19

nannies, and it is still very, very

52:21

hard. Because those kids are going

52:24

to come in when the nannies are

52:26

gone. They still need things when you're

52:28

there. Then you feel bad. Then

52:30

you're on the week. It's still

52:32

hard. It doesn't matter. First of

52:34

all, you need either a new nanny or

52:37

to change the hours. This nanny needs

52:39

to do more. And it sounds like

52:41

you have the financial means to

52:43

pay for it. I don't know why she's

52:45

not doing meal prep. Does that

52:48

mean she's not feeding them lunch?

52:50

Does that mean she's not packing their

52:52

lunch for the next day? And I

52:54

don't know why she's not doing their laundry.

52:57

That is a huge part of it. It should

52:59

be, you are the nanny, and I need you

53:01

to do whatever I need you to do

53:03

throughout the day. You want a team player nanny.

53:05

I'm sorry, I think about these cleaning

53:07

people that I had who were lovely,

53:09

but they like wouldn't do laundry, and

53:12

I'm like, okay, but that's what I need.

53:14

I need you to do it. I do wonder

53:16

if because she mentions that the nanny's

53:18

young. It's like, I wonder if she's

53:20

paying not that much to somebody to

53:22

just watch the kids and maybe she

53:24

needs more experience. Maybe you need to

53:26

figure out a way to make the

53:28

person who's helping you actually help you.

53:30

And even if it is full-time, even

53:32

if it is full-help, like my both

53:34

of my nannies are incredible. And they

53:36

do so much. And I still am

53:39

like, my mind is boggled at the

53:41

amount of stuff that I still can't

53:43

get done. As for your husband, your

53:45

husband needs to be taken down a pig.

53:47

And I almost never say that. He

53:49

is thinking because he has a quote

53:51

unquote real job that does not require

53:53

as many hours as he's building for. Yeah, what

53:56

does he do? Why is he 10 p.m. to

53:58

1 a.m. after working like a 10 hour? What

54:00

is he not good at? Is it because

54:02

of his ADHD, he's not getting it done

54:04

on time? Maybe. Or you're like, if you're

54:06

that good of a lawyer that you work

54:09

that much, then you can afford more help.

54:11

But there's no way he's working that entire

54:13

time. He's taking a break. He might be

54:16

closing his eyes. He might read an article.

54:18

He might check his Instagram. All things that

54:20

you don't get a chance to do. And

54:22

the fact that he doesn't like the way

54:25

that you're asking that you're asking him. And

54:27

that is not the way to get what

54:29

you want. Or you simply asked it and

54:31

he's thinking, why can't she do it? She

54:34

doesn't work. You guys need to have a

54:36

serious sit down. And by the way, like, I

54:38

understand you being angry that he's laying down

54:40

because you don't get to do it. And

54:42

what's going to happen when you do get

54:44

to go back to work and you do

54:47

have a project? I want, yeah, I want to know,

54:49

like, is there an... Time limit on how

54:51

long he's working 40 hours a day

54:53

and spending one hour with his family

54:55

that can't be it into it's not

54:57

healthy What's the conversation there? By the

55:00

way is so tough and Noah and

55:02

I I have had this conversation with

55:04

him where I'm like you're just on

55:06

your phone And I am like you're

55:08

just on your phone and I am

55:10

like you're just on your phone and I

55:12

am too So I'm not like what's wrong

55:15

with you piece of shit, and then you

55:17

feel really bad and on the weekends My

55:19

parents went through this where my dad

55:21

was on the road all week and then

55:23

he would come home and he'd be like

55:26

to my mom you rest I'll take the

55:28

kids to a movie and she's like no

55:30

I want to take that I want to

55:32

do the fun thing. Yeah, I don't want

55:34

to take a nap and on the weekend

55:36

you do want to arrest you both want

55:39

to rest. Maybe that's when you should

55:41

have the nanny is the weekend. So

55:43

you can do things. Get a weekend

55:45

nanny. You need to you need to

55:47

reassess that. I am your wife, I love you, you

55:50

love me, I'm your partner, but you are

55:52

treating me like I don't deserve a break.

55:54

And I'm sorry, you need me to address

55:56

you. And you do actually need to look

55:58

at the way you speak. to him because

56:01

you're probably at your

56:03

wits end. And you're like, can

56:05

you just change a diaper? No,

56:07

but and he also probably worked

56:09

all day and is tired. That

56:11

pisses me off though, him being

56:13

like, why can't you ask how we

56:16

can divide? How about you decide

56:18

how we can divide and conquer?

56:20

You're like, you decide how we

56:22

can divide and conquer. Also, you're

56:25

like, I did divide and conquer.

56:27

And I'm asking. And now do what

56:29

I fucking said. So, but I'm saying I

56:31

would look at the way you're asking

56:34

because if he is sensitive enough that

56:36

the way in which you're asking for

56:38

a thing you desperately need is his

56:40

reason for not doing it, you're

56:42

kind of starting from behind

56:44

anyway. But there has to be

56:46

a serious discussion. Because you're

56:48

not feeling valued, which means you're

56:51

not feeling attracted to him.

56:53

That should be his number one concern.

56:55

Yeah. I don't like your husband.

56:57

I mean, you don't like

56:59

husbands. I like some

57:01

husband. I have at least

57:03

one friend that has a

57:06

great husband. He's cool.

57:08

It's me. Oh, I have two. Yay!

57:10

Because I like Noah. All right,

57:12

it's time for cobs. Just to

57:15

talk with a cop. We're doing

57:17

it right. Every day. You just

57:19

take a bite. Top of the

57:21

cop. Cob. Cob. Cob. Cob. Cob.

57:24

Cob. Cob. Cob. I had a producer

57:26

session today. A producer session is

57:28

when you skip the regular audition and

57:31

you are asked to read right for

57:33

the producers. You go right to the

57:35

producers. So it was a very big

57:37

deal. It is for a pilot that is

57:39

so funny. And off the record, the

57:41

part had already been offered to someone.

57:43

So I was actually reading in case

57:46

this person could not do it. And

57:48

I was like, you know what? Less

57:50

pressure, let's do it. Yeah, meet some

57:52

people. The parking structure at the

57:54

NBC Universal lot is like its

57:56

own special ring of hell and

57:58

all the spots. that you might

58:01

want to take are reserved up

58:03

until like the fifth floor. And

58:05

it's like the Bermuda triangle and

58:07

it's disorienting and you come out

58:09

and you're on top of this

58:11

building that doesn't look like a

58:13

parking structure and then you can't

58:15

remember where you came back in.

58:17

I had to walk back three or

58:19

four times in front of my car

58:21

before I realized where it was

58:23

and you're in heels. It's just, I

58:25

don't know any studio where I love

58:28

the parking situation. No. Just leaving an

58:30

audition when you always feel that

58:32

no matter how well you did, it

58:34

could have been better. And I'm just

58:36

like skulking back to my car

58:39

in uncomfortable heels that I could be.

58:41

And I was like, I don't need,

58:43

I don't need sneakers, I know where

58:45

my car is. And it's just me

58:48

holding my clicker up to my jaw

58:50

trying to click, you know, because that

58:52

helps you find your car, because it

58:54

goes through your brain. to the thing

58:57

he goes, come on, I'll show you.

58:59

And I go, and I actually, I

59:01

actually want, I fucking hate this building.

59:03

And he goes, I've lost a whole

59:05

lunch break to try to figure out

59:07

how to get out. Oh, I know.

59:09

Oh, fuck you. Parking structure at

59:11

Universal. My bottom is that

59:13

Facebook for like five days now,

59:15

five or six times a day,

59:17

tries to get me to watch

59:20

a video of Viola Davis from

59:22

The Woman King, which was a

59:24

movie that I really liked, but

59:26

came out like two years ago,

59:28

and they just keep serving it

59:30

to me. And every time it'll

59:32

be like five minutes ago, 17

59:35

minutes, like, it's new every time.

59:37

Like my Facebook just keeps going,

59:39

you gotta watch, you gotta watch.

59:41

Hey, you looked at this. You

59:43

looked, so you're going to finish it?

59:45

You're going to finish that? I mean,

59:47

I am going to use this at

59:50

an excuse to say, do you know

59:52

who wrote the woman king? Maria Bellow,

59:54

the bar owner from Coyote Ugly,

59:56

who's wonderful, but what a,

59:58

I love that trivia. So anyway,

1:00:00

Facebook, I'm never opening

1:00:03

that video. Leave me alone. I

1:00:05

weirdly is weirdly, you say that,

1:00:07

you know that movie, Maxine,

1:00:09

it's got three X's in it, and

1:00:12

it's got me a goth. I

1:00:14

just saw like a bus wallpapered

1:00:16

with it, and I was like, I

1:00:18

thought this came out a while

1:00:20

ago. So either that bus is

1:00:22

old, I was like, when is

1:00:24

this going away? And I read

1:00:26

for that movie. You read for

1:00:28

that movie. I got it. That

1:00:30

makes more sense. I was like,

1:00:32

this movie's been around forever. Got

1:00:34

it. X is much older, but

1:00:36

Maxine is at least a year old.

1:00:38

It's old enough that there's enough

1:00:40

content out there, but I'm like,

1:00:42

are we still wrapping buses with

1:00:44

this? Maybe it came out on

1:00:46

Blue Ray? I think they just

1:00:48

like have, like they were between

1:00:50

wraps on the bus. Yeah. I

1:00:53

can't keep up between that and

1:00:55

the Marvel Universe? I don't know

1:00:57

what's going on. Make sure to reply

1:00:59

to it. But I'm wearing wide

1:01:01

leg jeans during a torrential downpour.

1:01:03

Now sitting at the office with

1:01:05

wet feet. I did see that.

1:01:07

It's a bummer because I love a

1:01:09

wide leg gene. Right, but it's so

1:01:12

related. You're like, oh, I wore my

1:01:14

funji and then just soaked. Top? Top

1:01:16

of the cob. The fan one I'm

1:01:18

doing right now because you're going to

1:01:21

New Zealand. So. Top. Not sure which

1:01:23

episode, but a while ago Eliza mentioned

1:01:25

this amazing smoked lavender candle she found

1:01:27

in New Zealand. Love these? I got

1:01:30

a loving all things lavender I tried to

1:01:32

find it and it didn't ship to the

1:01:34

US, but my sister recently was heading to

1:01:36

New Zealand so I asked if she tried

1:01:38

to find her if she had time and

1:01:41

she did. Now I have my very own

1:01:43

smoked lavender candle and I can confirm it

1:01:45

as subtle and fancy. So if you

1:01:47

need more Eliza, now is your time to get

1:01:49

them. I'm blanking on the company name,

1:01:51

it's in the other room, I should go look,

1:01:54

but I got it in the town of

1:01:56

Littleton, which is a gorgeous, adorable town

1:01:58

outside of Auckland. I think that feels

1:02:01

right. Amber Jack Candle Company. Amber

1:02:03

Jack, that's what it is. Well,

1:02:05

if you're, if you're listening to this,

1:02:07

Amber Jack, tell me where else I can

1:02:09

get you because I can bring home a

1:02:12

bunch and ship it myself. My top is,

1:02:14

so, you know, we're recording at night and

1:02:16

on my PJ top. So I just throw

1:02:18

on a sweater so I'd be appropriate

1:02:20

for this zoom. So it's really hot.

1:02:23

So I'm really excited when this ends.

1:02:25

I'm gonna go drink a really cold

1:02:27

Martinelli's apple juice in the little orb.

1:02:30

Yeah, the apple orb. Yeah, it's an

1:02:32

apple, Emily. But it doesn't have

1:02:34

any... At the top doesn't

1:02:37

have like little glass leaves,

1:02:39

kind of? Oh, I need to look.

1:02:41

This could be fun. I'll see. Go

1:02:43

check, I'll wait. I can't. I'm

1:02:45

not wearing pants. My top

1:02:47

is like... I just blurred out

1:02:49

for some reason. I'm like,

1:02:52

did someone blur her tissue?

1:02:54

My top is like a different

1:02:57

color than the rest of

1:02:59

your body. It's even paler.

1:03:01

Well, my top what? Okay, I've

1:03:03

got two tops. Yeah, you said you

1:03:05

had two. You could do two. I'm

1:03:07

just going to do the one. Okay,

1:03:09

so write the other one down. No,

1:03:12

I hadn't slept much these

1:03:14

last few days. there's a lot

1:03:16

of there's just been a lot and taking and

1:03:18

my husband's out of town so it's just been

1:03:20

taking care of Sierra and doing a lot and

1:03:22

you know still doing sets at night and I

1:03:25

was taking care of her on the road and

1:03:27

I did not get that sleep on the plane

1:03:29

like I'd planned because it was very weak and

1:03:31

trying to spend time with Ethan and obviously

1:03:33

anyone who's listening to this just being a

1:03:35

mom who works compounded with we've had a

1:03:38

lot we've had a lot we've like a

1:03:40

skyrocket and crime here in LA and there's

1:03:42

a lot of break-ins. particularly in my neighborhood.

1:03:44

So I had to attend a community safety

1:03:47

meeting where we all decided to hire private

1:03:49

arm security and but you know you go

1:03:51

home to a house where it's just you

1:03:54

and your kids and the nanny and you

1:03:56

start to get nervous about that. So I

1:03:58

had just anxiety anxious. Plus I

1:04:00

have tonight as so I couldn't sleep. So

1:04:02

I was operating as of last night on

1:04:05

about five cumulative hours of sleep

1:04:07

for the last four days and

1:04:09

I had been dead on my feet. Like

1:04:11

zero, like, it's just struggling through

1:04:13

things and you're afraid to go to

1:04:16

bed during the day because you don't

1:04:18

want to not be able to sleep at

1:04:20

night and just waking up every few hours

1:04:22

and when I can't sleep, then I have

1:04:24

to pee. And it's just been a true

1:04:27

personal hell. And last night, I...

1:04:29

Dug into my bag and I found

1:04:31

an Ambien and I took that

1:04:33

Ambien at 830 at night And

1:04:35

I sent some weird text messages

1:04:38

and then I went to bed

1:04:40

and I did that knowing Sierra

1:04:42

would wake me up early and I

1:04:44

was like even if she wakes

1:04:46

me up at like six I'll still

1:04:48

get nine rock hard hours Yeah, and

1:04:51

I did and I did yeah, and

1:04:53

I did yeah, and I did it and

1:04:55

I did it and I did I never

1:04:57

take sleep aids and I was just like,

1:04:59

I need this, I need to be awake

1:05:02

for this. Audition, by the way, that

1:05:04

I went over before I went to

1:05:06

bed and I was like having

1:05:08

trouble reading and saying words. And

1:05:11

when I woke up, it was basically fully

1:05:13

memorized. Oh, weird. Yeah. I hope I

1:05:15

get the part so I can do

1:05:17

the monologue for you. Oh my

1:05:19

gosh, okay. Yeah. The downside is she does

1:05:21

have a southern accent and I ran it

1:05:24

so many times that it's kind of

1:05:26

been baked into everything that I've said today.

1:05:28

I know. If you go back and listen

1:05:30

this episode, you'll hear like a little bit

1:05:32

of an accent. Because the character stays with

1:05:35

me. What is it? I don't know. Day

1:05:37

Lewis. I don't break character until they say

1:05:39

code on the DVD. What's the, or

1:05:41

Robert Johnny Jr from Tropic Thunder? Oh. So

1:05:43

they wrap the commentary? Something like

1:05:45

that. If you're listening to this, it

1:05:48

means I'm off to see you soon.

1:05:50

Australia, we'll see you in Sydney, Brisbane,

1:05:52

Melbourne, not in that order, and then

1:05:54

I'm heading to you out here on

1:05:56

New Zealand, in Auckland. Keep your

1:05:59

questions coming. these ones I'll see

1:06:01

you on the Patreon. Send me D.M.

1:06:03

if you are verified and you have

1:06:05

a dope coffee shop and you want

1:06:07

me to come interview you for

1:06:10

my new coffee series that I'm

1:06:12

going to be doing. In Australia,

1:06:14

New Zealand. Yeah. In the meantime,

1:06:16

I thought the burp was going

1:06:18

to be louder.