0:03

Hello everyone and welcome

0:05

to the work. My guest

0:08

today is Jude and do

0:10

you find yourself seeking love

0:12

approval and appreciation and being

0:14

disappointed? Well in this case

0:16

Jude has done the work

0:19

on our 90 plus year

0:21

old mother and oh my

0:23

goodness her mother seems very

0:25

very upset and Jude is

0:27

trying to fix her and

0:30

soothe her and Jude sees

0:32

her mother in that situation

0:34

where their mother seems so

0:36

hurt and confused she sees

0:38

her mother suffering and bringing

0:41

herself down and stuck in

0:43

a loop and needy and

0:45

demanding and losing it and

0:47

you know this is fascinating

0:50

work have you ever tried

0:52

to change someone's mind sick

0:54

or well old or young?

0:56

I love that you're here.

0:59

Together, let's do the work

1:01

with Jude. Oh, what is

1:03

the grace of God?

1:06

For me, it's the

1:08

absence of suffering.

1:10

It's also clear

1:12

in the absence

1:14

of suffering. And

1:16

where does suffering

1:19

exist? Suffering

1:22

as I understand it to

1:24

be, what I experienced it

1:27

to be, what I believe

1:29

it to be. Those of you

1:31

knew to the work today,

1:33

sitting together, what we do

1:35

is we identify those thoughts

1:38

that are the cause of

1:40

all suffering, discontent, everything

1:42

from just mild irritation

1:44

to huge, no way

1:47

out, no way out,

1:49

kind of suffering. But

1:52

we can identify the

1:54

thoughts we're thinking and

1:57

believing in those states of

1:59

fear. Or just

2:01

recall a state of

2:04

fear when you were

2:06

fearful. Anchor in that

2:08

place and get in

2:10

touch with what were

2:12

you thinking and be

2:14

leaving and move it

2:16

respectfully from your head

2:18

to paper. Move those

2:20

thoughts from your head

2:22

to paper. And I

2:24

have a... I have

2:26

just this simple, simple

2:29

worksheet. Always free on

2:31

the work.com. You don't

2:33

have to sign up

2:35

for it or pay

2:37

for it. You just

2:39

click it. And there

2:41

it is. It supports

2:43

you to anchor in

2:45

a situation, identify what

2:47

you were thinking and

2:49

believing in that situation.

2:51

Just move it from

2:54

your head to paper.

2:56

And there it is.

2:58

All your fear stopped

3:00

right there could still

3:02

be going on here,

3:04

but you can see

3:06

it from here to

3:08

there when it's on

3:10

paper. And if you

3:12

have the courage, and

3:14

it does take courage,

3:17

because you're up against

3:19

the ego, it's an

3:21

apparent force fighting to

3:23

identify as I am.

3:27

You can sit in

3:30

your response to those

3:32

six questions on that

3:34

worksheet, what you were

3:37

thinking and believing in

3:39

that fearful situation. And

3:41

anger, it's fear. If

3:44

it's, if it's, if

3:46

it's not, if you're

3:48

not running freely, contentedly

3:50

open, you could be

3:53

living in fear. anything

3:55

from just a little

3:57

bit to me. So

4:00

you look at your

4:02

thoughts on paper and

4:04

you meditate in

4:06

them. You start with,

4:09

is it true? Is it

4:11

true? And I can see

4:13

that time and place

4:16

in my mind's eye

4:18

where he said what

4:20

he said, and he

4:22

did what he did,

4:24

what he did, he

4:26

did. He hurt my

4:28

feelings. Is it true?

4:30

Yes, yes, yes, he

4:33

did, and here's the

4:35

proof. And, you know,

4:37

that's the old way. That's

4:39

the old way. That's

4:42

clutter. When you sit

4:44

and self-enquire,

4:47

he gets really clean.

4:49

He hurt my feelings.

4:52

Is it true? Now, if

4:54

your answer is yes,

4:56

and that's honest.

4:58

when you've really

5:00

considered it. That's

5:03

the right answer.

5:05

If you found a no,

5:07

it's not true, he

5:09

hurt my feelings in

5:12

that situation. Then

5:14

that's the right answer.

5:17

This is something no

5:19

one can give you.

5:21

This is you with you,

5:24

and it really takes an

5:26

open mind. ego wants

5:28

to take the space and

5:31

its eye. I am right.

5:33

He did it. It's his

5:35

fault. And you could

5:37

be right. But sit

5:39

in that question, is it

5:42

true? And if you really

5:44

sit in that question,

5:46

what shows up can shift

5:48

your life in a way

5:50

that you have no idea?

5:53

You have no idea the

5:55

power. and shifts

5:57

that happen when you

5:59

just... Sit in what

6:01

I've just described. And

6:04

we have people that

6:06

have been there, done

6:08

that, they've said in

6:11

this work, and some

6:13

of those people are

6:15

available on the work.com

6:18

when you go to

6:20

the helpline. But what

6:22

are they charge? Nothing.

6:25

What are they selling?

6:27

Zero. What

6:29

are they there

6:31

for? To sit

6:34

and self-enquiry. And

6:36

as they support

6:39

you, they're experiencing

6:41

in themselves, enlightenment,

6:44

understanding, connection. Hmm.

6:46

You know, those

6:49

things you fear

6:51

will happen in

6:53

the future? That's

6:57

happening inside you know. You're

6:59

experiencing. And the emotional, well,

7:01

you know, it points that

7:03

out to you just in

7:06

case you miss it. Oh

7:08

my goodness. And you know,

7:10

those of you who do

7:12

the work, the moment can

7:15

go on and on. I

7:17

just can't help it. There

7:19

is joy in me. I

7:21

do nothing for. I do.

7:24

I do. I do. I

7:26

do. I do. I do.

7:28

Nothing for it. Other than

7:30

self-inquiry. Self-inquire, and there's a

7:33

space there, and it's not,

7:35

you don't know, I'm so

7:37

happy, it's like, I'm left

7:39

with a fearless life, but

7:42

how can I help? How

7:44

can I help? How can

7:46

I help? And I don't

7:48

look for it, it shows

7:51

up. It shows up. I'm

7:53

available. But can I see

7:55

it if I'm going, oh,

7:58

he does and she... that

8:00

and oh God I joke,

8:02

you know, blind, blind,

8:04

blind, that's blindness. You

8:06

know, I lost eyesight

8:09

for quite a while,

8:11

but I was never

8:13

blind. God, I used

8:15

to just run out in

8:17

the desert. I could not

8:20

see and I knew where

8:22

I was, something new where

8:24

I was going. That may

8:27

sound fantastical. It's

8:29

the absence of fear.

8:31

Fear is blind. You know,

8:33

there's something in me

8:35

that doesn't even want

8:37

to share those things

8:39

because it just sounds

8:41

like, oh, that's ridiculous.

8:43

Okay, so just don't

8:45

even attempt it if you don't

8:48

understand. It's enough. We've

8:50

got enough on our hands

8:52

just to deal with the

8:55

thoughts. The ego offers up

8:57

what runs through us. That's

8:59

enough. It doesn't have to

9:02

be a big deal. It's

9:04

something really, really. Oh,

9:07

Dinah. Honey, stop the

9:09

woman. Stop the woman.

9:12

Dinah, you have a

9:14

question, sweetie. Good

9:17

morning, Don. I

9:19

have a lot of story to tell you

9:21

which I won't do because I won't bore

9:23

everybody so we'll just try to distill it

9:26

down. I have everything. I've done all the

9:28

work that I need to do for my

9:30

business to begin and I just would do

9:32

what I always do. I'm like, it's going

9:35

to get in bed and I'm going to

9:37

think about it a lot, dream and scheme.

9:39

I did the whole, you know, a year

9:41

of Martha Beck, the whole thing, and all

9:44

that, and I did all the meditate, everything,

9:46

I'm ready to do. You're you

9:48

and if I don't get up

9:51

off my ass, I'm going to

9:53

run out of money and

9:56

be homeless Yeah, you know

9:58

could happen You know happen

10:00

are you prepared no

10:02

problem with losing everything

10:04

all your money and

10:06

everything is what you're

10:08

going to be thinking

10:10

and believing in that

10:12

situation so imagine yourself

10:15

in that situation fill

10:17

in that judge and

10:19

neighbor worksheet and get

10:21

real money is not

10:23

going to save you

10:25

obviously getting what you

10:27

want is going to

10:29

save you obviously fears

10:31

fears It's not blind.

10:33

It's in plain internal

10:35

sight. You're fearful of

10:37

losing your money, your

10:39

position, all of... Go

10:42

there. You've lost everything.

10:44

And from that position,

10:46

fill in that judge

10:48

or neighbor worksheet, and

10:50

sit in that position,

10:52

anchored there as you

10:54

work your way all

10:56

the way through it.

10:58

And you can do

11:00

that. Or not, but

11:02

no teacher is ever

11:04

going to save me.

11:06

They're useful. They're amazing.

11:08

They're pointers. They're comforting.

11:11

They're wise. You're left

11:13

with yourself. And what

11:15

is that self? Ego.

11:17

How do we do

11:19

with it? I see

11:21

it as lovemaking. What

11:23

do we do with

11:25

terrified children? The sky

11:27

is falling, the sky

11:29

is falling. Oh, sweetie,

11:31

I get that. You

11:33

know, let's just, let's

11:35

just check it out.

11:38

You could be right.

11:40

The sky is falling,

11:42

is it true? Yes,

11:44

yes. Okay, now slow

11:46

it down. The sky

11:48

is falling. Imagine yourself.

11:50

No money, no nothing.

11:52

No water, no food.

11:55

But that's not all people are

11:57

pointing at you saying we told

11:59

you you veil, you're

12:02

a loser. All

12:04

of that, all

12:06

of that, and

12:09

sitting in,

12:12

just that judge

12:14

or neighbor

12:17

worksheet. Save

12:19

you. Save you.

12:21

From nothing

12:24

more than. what

12:27

the eagles offering up

12:29

in this state of

12:32

grace, in this state

12:34

of grace, that is

12:37

your life other than

12:39

what you're thinking

12:41

and believing. Oh,

12:43

you dears, I

12:45

have tested this.

12:48

They had like, you know, I

12:50

told you you'd fail and that's

12:52

why I just so afraid to

12:54

start. I just like, you know,

12:56

I told you, told you you'd never

12:59

do it. And I have every,

13:01

I know that I have everything

13:03

in the world that I need.

13:05

I have all the talent in

13:07

the world and I'm just like,

13:09

I know, but you know, I told you,

13:12

so I just don't start. What

13:15

is the cause of

13:17

my suffering? I just

13:19

don't start and it's

13:21

nothing I have to do.

13:23

I don't have to start

13:25

I can be miserable You

13:28

know start with something

13:31

easier Rather than

13:33

trying to solve

13:35

something just something

13:37

minor just mild

13:39

irritation with

13:41

someone just mild

13:44

irritation of what

13:46

someone said or

13:49

did. Keep it

13:51

really simple and

13:54

fill in that worksheet

13:57

or not with those.

14:01

things that you put

14:04

on that work sheet

14:06

can blow your mind.

14:08

There are no big

14:11

or little ego tricks.

14:13

And I don't mean

14:15

ego tricks disrespectfully. No

14:17

ego, no world. Are

14:20

you ready? But it

14:22

appears. I'm being thought,

14:24

but I can tell

14:26

you I'm not the

14:29

thinker. Present. Those worksheets

14:31

can give you that.

14:33

I filled out the

14:36

judge, your neighbor, most

14:38

of it, but on

14:40

myself. Is that how

14:42

you should do that?

14:45

Well, it wouldn't work

14:47

for me. The ego

14:49

loves it. The ego

14:52

is going to question

14:54

the ego. You know,

14:56

if you want the

14:58

shortcut, go the long

15:01

way. Judge other people,

15:03

the ego is much

15:05

clearer in what it

15:07

sees as protecting. I

15:10

know, I'm right. And

15:12

then as it sits

15:14

in inquiry, it begins

15:17

to open because it

15:19

wants to know, it

15:21

wants to know. So

15:23

it plays right into

15:26

itself. It's love making

15:28

truly. Okay,

15:31

sweetie, you are not alone.

15:33

Oh, honey, you're not alone.

15:36

And thank you for calling

15:38

up what is just... It's

15:40

tough, you know? I'm too

15:43

busy to do a word.

15:45

She... Oh, you know, I

15:47

know, is it true? You

15:50

know, that's not this work.

15:52

This work is pure, it

15:55

requires pure stillness and staying

15:57

anchored in that situation. I

16:00

mean, don't

16:04

you really

16:07

want

16:09

to know

16:12

the truth?

16:15

Yeah. Yeah.

16:17

Yeah. What

16:19

a trip.

16:23

What a

16:26

trip? Hannah.

16:29

Totally free. I have a

16:31

business built around the insights that

16:34

I've found from that freedom and

16:36

from that love and Yeah, I

16:38

just you know, I'm like she does

16:40

it every morning get on one, you

16:42

know, just get on me here, you

16:45

know, there's there's a pro speaking in

16:47

another word someone with experience Yeah,

16:49

and I just um I just

16:52

adore you, I can't thank you

16:54

enough for the simplicity of your

16:56

work, for the poignancy, for the

16:59

way that it truly does free

17:01

us, to see every nuance of

17:03

every lie, every nuance of every

17:05

lie, and like, you know, just

17:07

going in on like the smallest

17:09

things, and I recommend loving what

17:11

is to all my clients,

17:13

and yeah, just so much in what,

17:15

in, in that. text, which

17:18

I revisit and revisit and revisit,

17:20

just has these nuances, you know,

17:22

like, is it true that getting

17:25

there fast is better than getting

17:27

there slow? And it's like, yes,

17:30

finally, someone's asking the real questions.

17:32

And I just had to get

17:34

on here and say, thank you

17:37

so much. And yeah, I don't

17:39

know what the world would be

17:41

without your work. And I don't

17:43

know what my world would be

17:46

without your work. Thank you. Oh,

17:48

that work. Sorry. Thank you.

17:50

Thank you. Thank you

17:53

for passing that on.

17:55

It's so meaningful. It's

17:58

on you are. who

18:00

we are without

18:02

our thoughts running,

18:04

our unquestioned thoughts

18:06

running. Also,

18:08

I'm in Nevada City, so we

18:10

have some mutual friends and... Oh,

18:12

oh, glad to

18:14

hear that. Just thank you so

18:16

much, and I don't want to

18:19

take up too much time here,

18:21

but I just, yeah, I just

18:23

think that there's no more powerful

18:25

work out there than this work

18:27

to find the lies of the

18:29

mind and free us from them

18:31

and free us from into peace

18:33

with our relationships, like just actual

18:35

peace, you know, not conflict resolution,

18:37

peace. You know what I love

18:39

about this work is it doesn't

18:42

require a teacher. You're

18:46

it, you're it, you're it.

18:48

And Hannah, thank you, honey, for

18:50

for showing us the way.

18:52

Yeah, and your teaching really did

18:55

help me though, too. I

18:57

gotta say, I don't know. You

18:59

know, it's, it's, you're like

19:01

me, we point, we share our

19:03

experience and it's, it's what

19:05

we've got. How can we not?

19:08

How can we not? You

19:10

know, freedom has

19:12

a voice. And,

19:14

and thank you. Thank

19:16

you. Thank you so

19:18

much. Oh,

19:21

Nimit, honey, you have a question. I

19:23

mean, Katie, thank you so

19:26

much. Yeah, my question is

19:28

around overwhelm, like when we're

19:30

so overtaken

19:32

by the ego, like yesterday, I just,

19:34

you know, I came to a new place

19:36

sort of just to get some peace

19:38

from family that was very irritating and it

19:40

just sort of messed with my head

19:42

so much. It was like this running away

19:44

and my ego didn't know who to

19:46

blame or who to grab onto, and I

19:48

just felt like this terror and I

19:50

couldn't sleep and couldn't eat and sort of

19:52

still feeling a lot of that. And

19:54

even just like feeling out a worksheet, like,

19:56

I don't know, I almost feel like

19:58

my thoughts are just swirling and I can't connect,

20:01

like, can't anchor. Just

20:03

don't even try, just

20:05

sit there with your

20:08

pen or pencil in

20:10

your hand on the

20:12

worksheet and notice all

20:14

of that swirling around,

20:16

swirling around and notice

20:18

your emotional and it's

20:21

like, name the emotion,

20:23

I'm angry or I'm

20:25

hurt or I'm perplexed

20:27

or I'm, I'm, I'm

20:29

frustrated. I'm confused, whatever

20:32

that is, at

20:34

my family because.

20:37

So now you've

20:39

covered it. You've

20:41

owned your

20:43

emotional. You've

20:45

named it. And

20:47

you have owned

20:50

and identified what

20:52

and why. So

20:54

now you can just go to

20:57

number two in that situation.

20:59

What do you want? I

21:01

hear from you, you want

21:03

peace and quiet. So you

21:05

anchored there in that situation

21:07

where all that chaos was

21:10

going on, you want peace

21:12

and quiet, is it true? And

21:14

your mind can say, yeah, look,

21:16

I got out of it, I

21:19

want, there's my proof, no. In

21:21

that situation, when all

21:23

that chaos is going

21:26

on, you want peace

21:28

and quiet, is it

21:30

true? Really? An anchor

21:33

there. The eagle loves

21:35

chaos. It loves chaos.

21:38

And then we're so noble

21:40

and right when we step

21:42

out of it. When we

21:45

look at it, oh my

21:47

God. And we

21:49

turn it around. I want peace

21:52

and quiet. I don't want

21:54

peace and quiet. And

21:56

sit in that. It's so

21:59

ridiculous. feeling, you know,

22:01

how can I be a

22:04

victim if I'm not, how

22:06

can I, how, you know,

22:08

look at me, I'm superior

22:11

and they're just chaos and

22:13

they just don't get what

22:16

I, you know, just notice,

22:18

notice, notice. You never know

22:21

what is the cause of

22:23

your suffering. It's like we

22:25

can guess, but it's just...

22:29

Don't you want to

22:31

know? God, I just...

22:34

There's no such thing

22:36

as chaos. There's an

22:38

order to it. It's

22:41

brilliant. But the ego

22:43

would take it and

22:46

distort it and identify

22:48

as the victim or

22:50

the righteous one. Oh,

22:53

honey, you are in.

22:55

You are... and for

22:58

tree, you know, what

23:00

do things show up

23:02

like that for you?

23:05

These things to bother

23:07

you? It's earth school.

23:10

This is earth school.

23:12

There's no, it is

23:14

the absence of flaw.

23:17

It's a gift. Without

23:19

exception. Other than what

23:22

we're thinking and believing.

23:25

You know, I can say

23:27

don't believe me that would

23:29

be arrogant and I'll say

23:31

it in all humility other

23:33

than what we're thinking and

23:35

believing. Hmm, life is beautiful

23:37

without exception. But I'm speaking

23:39

out of experience and invite

23:41

you to test it because

23:43

it's not something I can

23:46

give or gift. Yeah, and

23:48

I just yeah, I definitely

23:50

feel like the chaos is

23:52

just like increasing you know

23:54

with the U.S. political scene

23:56

and a lot of that

23:58

is coming into the whole

24:00

environment with my family. Yeah,

24:02

and I just, I wonder,

24:04

like, will I just spend

24:06

the rest of my life

24:09

in bed questioning these thoughts

24:11

until I see it as

24:13

beautiful or will I actually

24:15

get out? And you don't

24:17

question it for anything other

24:19

than the love of truth.

24:21

And you have no idea

24:23

what that truth is going

24:25

to look like. You can

24:27

only guess. Only self-inquiry will

24:29

allow you to drop into

24:32

that and it takes a

24:34

very open mind. And the

24:36

way the world is looking

24:38

to some of us, now

24:40

it just looks like chaos,

24:42

but there's an order to

24:44

it. I see it. I

24:46

see it. See it. There

24:52

is nothing happening that

24:54

is not for us.

24:56

This is earth school.

24:58

Self-realization is the way

25:00

out. So the way

25:02

out really is the

25:04

way in. The way

25:06

into yourself as you

25:08

said in these questions.

25:10

These four questions. And

25:12

really, if you all

25:14

want to shortcut, you

25:16

sit in as it

25:19

true. with your first

25:21

one and the answer

25:23

to all four questions

25:25

and turnaround will show

25:27

up within that one

25:29

question. I just I

25:31

just added three little

25:33

stepping stones to support

25:35

you to sit in

25:37

what is true in

25:39

your own in your

25:41

own consideration as you

25:43

ponder the question. You

25:47

know, if you can live

25:50

in this world the way

25:52

you see it, you've got

25:55

the courage to sit and

25:57

self-inquiry. Yeah. Thank you, sweetie.

26:01

Can't you have

26:03

a question honey?

26:05

I can't good morning.

26:08

Yes So I feel like

26:10

the theme this week

26:12

or one of them

26:14

has been Actually

26:17

doing the work I

26:19

can't seem to get

26:22

started on my own You

26:24

know I attend

26:26

the Monday Tuesday

26:29

Wednesdays and while

26:31

I'm trying to make

26:33

breakfast and get out

26:35

the door. I have so many

26:37

examples in my life and

26:39

I wrote this down and

26:42

I'm like, is it true?

26:44

But it seems like it's

26:46

a theme in my life

26:48

that I can't get started

26:50

on my own. I was

26:53

flying back home this weekend

26:55

and I, where do I go with

26:58

this? I feel stupid

27:00

asking, but I can't

27:02

seem to get still and

27:04

do the work on my

27:06

own. I need a facilitator.

27:09

And is that true? No.

27:11

But why not? You know,

27:14

a facilitator can, can,

27:16

it's an excellent way

27:18

to be that anchor

27:20

for you, to support you

27:22

to just anchor in

27:24

the questions. the

27:27

facilitators, you know,

27:29

that's their job. You

27:31

know, you could just walk

27:33

up to a stranger and

27:36

say, ask me one

27:38

question. Are you opening

27:40

to just sitting with

27:42

me and just ask

27:45

me, just this question

27:47

and say nothing else?

27:49

I'll say something and then

27:51

you just look at me

27:53

and look at me. look

27:55

into my eyes and ask

27:57

me, is it true? And

27:59

stay. silent while I figure

28:02

it out. And that person,

28:04

you know, they'll be able

28:06

to fill the bill or

28:08

they'll say yes or no

28:10

or not. But I wouldn't

28:12

hesitate. I wouldn't hesitate. You

28:15

want a facilitator? Just that.

28:17

And then you can say,

28:19

you know, when you have

28:21

just meditated, mindfully meditated through

28:23

that first question, you can

28:25

say, now ask me this

28:28

one. There's a little

28:30

yellow card you can print

28:32

out on the one. And

28:35

the four questions are there.

28:37

You can just hand it

28:40

to someone you've never met

28:42

before and just say, can

28:44

you just ask me these

28:47

questions? One at a time

28:49

and be patient with me.

28:52

And thank you. Oh, oh

28:54

sweetie, nothing's gonna stop me.

28:56

This is my life. And

28:59

it's already in you, and

29:01

no one has more of

29:04

it than another. It's just

29:06

the eagles taking up that

29:08

space. Yeah, I didn't feel

29:11

those images of past future.

29:13

They're not, they're not real.

29:15

It's imagination. I guess I

29:18

didn't think of having somebody

29:20

who's not done the work

29:23

be my facilitator. So I

29:25

will try that. Yeah. Thank

29:27

you. Yeah, and if they

29:30

speak up, just say, oh,

29:32

you know, thank you for

29:35

sharing that. And would you

29:37

please just keep me anchored

29:39

in this question? And so

29:42

the other, I feel like,

29:44

theme is that I'm always

29:47

in motion. I feel like

29:49

there's no downtime. You know,

29:51

I was expecting when I

29:54

landed this, that I was

29:56

gonna do all these things.

29:59

I don't want to waste

30:01

your time. I don't. I

30:03

don't. You can't waste my

30:06

time. You know, I had

30:08

these grand plans and when

30:11

I got home, all the

30:13

plans just fell to the

30:15

wayside. Yeah, life happens. Yeah,

30:18

and it just keeps happening

30:20

to me and is that

30:23

true, but I'm rarely, I

30:25

don't feel like I have

30:27

the time. So I don't

30:30

know if that's just my

30:32

ego push it. But you

30:34

know, maybe, you know, I'm

30:37

just seeing that as your

30:39

preference, I'm hearing a really

30:42

good active life. That's a

30:44

beautiful thing. I have plans

30:46

and things change. Life. But

30:50

if I want to do

30:53

my work, you know, if

30:55

that's a part of my

30:57

life, like if freedom is

31:00

something that matters to me,

31:02

you know, freedom from suffering,

31:05

then if my day starts

31:07

at 5am, I'll get up

31:10

at 3.30 or 4. The

31:12

world is quiet. The world

31:15

is quiet. The world is

31:17

quiet. The world is quiet.

31:20

The world is quiet. when

31:22

we just, you know, the

31:25

time is there. And I

31:27

don't know anything more energizing

31:30

than the absence of suffering.

31:32

The, you know, notice how

31:35

you react when you believe

31:37

the thought, the sky is

31:40

falling, you know, it's, it's,

31:42

the emotional, the. energy that

31:45

takes and what it does

31:47

to your physical, you know,

31:50

like the blood flowing, it's

31:52

like you constrict. I mean

31:55

it affects everything, your breath,

31:57

your life force. If you

32:00

have a... cold, it can,

32:02

you know, it's, it's, it's,

32:05

it's, it's, you know,

32:07

we, do what we

32:09

can. And, um, so

32:12

to just get up

32:14

in the morning and,

32:16

um, so to just

32:19

get up in the

32:21

morning and, uh, beat

32:23

the sun, you know,

32:26

beat daybreak. and just

32:28

sit in it. It's

32:30

just, it's the most

32:32

energizing thing after it kills

32:35

you. You're laying a puddle

32:37

on the floor and go, oh,

32:40

oh, God, oh my God. What

32:42

did I say when I was

32:44

believing that thought? What did I

32:47

do? You know, oh my God,

32:49

there's so much that I have

32:51

to do to make it right

32:54

about the things I said. That's

32:56

ego, just... Just do your

32:58

work and weep. And if

33:01

you only get through one

33:03

question, you can pick it

33:06

up the next morning. All

33:08

right. Thank you. You're

33:10

welcome. You're well. And

33:13

you know, I'm fine.

33:15

I've got some experience

33:17

running here. Oh God,

33:20

there's nothing more exciting

33:22

than the eagle's world.

33:24

Oh God. We're living as

33:26

it. you know, as opposed

33:29

to witness, witnessing. And in

33:31

that we see life, life the

33:34

way it really is, not

33:36

the way we imagine it

33:38

to be, but there's nothing

33:40

that isn't gifting in life.

33:43

But the ego, you know,

33:45

it will take that and

33:47

distort it. That's earth school.

33:49

Waking up to the gift

33:52

of life. Thank

33:58

you. Yeah, I feel I'm So

34:00

I think, oh, why can't

34:02

I do the more of

34:04

the work if I believe

34:06

it? Well, because you have

34:08

other preferences. That was that

34:10

simple. I got that from

34:12

you. Okay. Thank you. Oh,

34:14

you're welcome, honey. You know,

34:16

if someone says you wanted

34:18

the work, you say, well,

34:21

not often. You know, what's

34:23

true is true. Oh, my

34:25

goodness. Jude, honey, you have

34:27

a judge your neighbor work

34:29

sheet. Yes. Hi

34:31

Jude. Hi Jude. Hi. Oh

34:34

my goodness. So you have

34:36

the worksheet on your mother?

34:38

Oh, I do. Okay. And

34:41

this was just like, I

34:43

just had a big, this

34:46

just happened. So the situation

34:48

is I've been staying with

34:51

my mother for five months.

34:53

She's 95. And now I'm

34:55

starting to talk about how

34:58

can I leave and talk

35:00

with her about setting things

35:03

up for her. And another,

35:05

when you say leave, you

35:08

mean death or death? No,

35:10

I mean, how can I?

35:13

How can I leave my

35:15

home? 90 plus your own

35:17

mother? Yes. Who I've been

35:20

staying with and helping and

35:22

taking care of for five

35:25

months. And so we had

35:27

a conversation and I

35:30

didn't like my own tone

35:33

and I didn't like a

35:35

lot of the way I

35:37

was being with her. And

35:40

so I came in here

35:42

and you know I finally

35:45

got in here because and

35:47

I wrote this worksheet so

35:49

it's not like a neat

35:52

worksheet at all. Okay. So

35:54

you're sitting in that discussion

35:56

as she's sitting up or

35:59

lying down. She's sitting

36:01

in her chair and I'm

36:03

trying to make lunch and

36:05

also going in and out to

36:07

talk to her. Okay, so you're

36:09

both in the same room. Okay,

36:11

in the kitchen? I'm in the,

36:13

I'm coming in and out of

36:16

the kitchen and she's in the

36:18

sitting room that sort of

36:20

adjoins it and she's sitting

36:22

in her chair. Okay. And

36:24

she's telling me about her

36:27

fears. and concerns.

36:29

And about her life

36:31

in the absence, in

36:34

your absence. Yeah, her life

36:36

coming up. Yeah, okay,

36:39

precious. What did you

36:41

feel? When did you

36:43

write for Number One? I'm

36:45

mad and scared at

36:47

my mother because she's

36:50

running her mental torment

36:53

scripts and wants

36:55

me to absorb it.

36:58

and help her

37:00

with it and

37:02

I can't. She's

37:05

running her

37:07

mental torment

37:10

scripts. Yes.

37:13

Is it true?

37:15

Yes. And notice

37:17

as she's running

37:20

those mental

37:23

torment scripts.

37:28

Notice the images in

37:31

your head. When you

37:33

think the thought she's

37:35

running her mental

37:37

torment strips and

37:39

you're listening to her.

37:42

Do you negate them? Do

37:44

you see them and avoid

37:47

them? Do you? Do you?

37:49

And what is your emotional?

37:51

I can say my physical

37:53

is like... my physical emotional

37:56

is like my stomachs and

37:58

then not my head. down

38:00

my horns are coming down.

38:02

My throat's all swollen up.

38:05

I feel like I feel

38:07

mad. My tone is angry

38:10

and what's running in my

38:12

head is like I'm thinking

38:15

of one particular moment when

38:17

she she started in on

38:20

a particular topic that she's

38:22

been talking about quite a

38:25

bit. about a particular person.

38:27

I start to lecture her

38:30

and explain to her and

38:32

I feel really sad about

38:35

that and ashamed and like

38:37

I'm trying to stop myself

38:39

from doing it like I

38:42

can hear it but I'm

38:44

also doing it and I

38:47

can't help kind of feel

38:49

like I can't help it.

38:52

Yeah, that's what you and

38:54

your mother have in common

38:57

and that's what you're having

38:59

common in that situation. Yes.

39:02

And I'm seeing images of,

39:04

it's like a hall of

39:07

mirrors, I'm seeing images of

39:09

like similar kinds of things

39:12

that she's come up with

39:14

to talk about and me

39:17

in the same position going

39:19

way back to when I

39:21

was a child. It's just

39:24

like a like a stack

39:26

of cards or something going

39:29

way way way way back

39:31

This sense of this is

39:34

just been going going going

39:36

going going the whole time

39:39

Yeah Okay, so be there

39:41

fixing lunch going in and

39:44

out your voice Notice when

39:46

you go into the kitchen

39:49

you can't see her in

39:51

your mind's eye And then

39:54

back to her, you see

39:56

her from the past, as

39:58

you describe. Yeah. And

40:00

now who would you

40:03

be without the thought

40:05

she's running her

40:08

mental torment

40:10

scripts? Just

40:13

listen, drop the

40:15

images, watch your

40:18

footsteps, your

40:20

hands making

40:22

lunch, moving into

40:24

the sitting room, you

40:27

see your mother. Notice

40:30

how you take her with

40:32

you back and forth? And

40:34

that's not her. She goes

40:36

in and out of the

40:38

kitchen. Who are you? Listen

40:40

to your mother. Her thing

40:42

is running. So familiar.

40:44

Yeah. Who would you be without

40:47

the thought? She's running

40:49

her mental torment. Scripps.

40:57

You know, I'm going to

40:59

change this, honey. Would you

41:02

be without the thought? See

41:04

if I can rephrase it

41:06

and keep your words.

41:08

Your words are

41:10

she's running her

41:12

mental torment scripts. Who

41:15

would you be without the

41:17

thought? She's, that those

41:20

scripts she's running

41:22

are torment strips.

41:24

Okay. Listen to

41:26

them without putting

41:28

a past or

41:30

future on them. Just...

41:33

List, what are her

41:35

words? Meet your

41:37

mother without your

41:39

egos. Yeah. Jumping

41:41

in there. Yeah. Just

41:44

jumping in there

41:46

so fast. That's

41:56

good. Who would I be without that?

42:03

And whose torments to

42:05

her scripts are those?

42:08

Her is yours. I

42:10

mean, listen to her

42:12

mental torments, those are

42:15

not yours. She's the

42:17

one speaking. Yeah. Yeah,

42:20

without without what comes

42:22

with it is this

42:24

idea that I have

42:27

to save her from

42:29

herself. She's saying things

42:31

that are so cruel

42:34

about herself or so

42:36

terrifying that she's seeing.

42:38

She's imagining. Be your

42:41

entire life. She's been

42:43

doing that. Like you've

42:45

done your part. You've

42:48

done everything you can

42:50

do. This is her

42:53

script. Yeah. Who would

42:55

you be without the

42:57

top? She's running her

43:00

mental torment script. Let

43:05

her run them. She's

43:07

running them. Yeah. Look

43:10

at her. You didn't

43:13

touch, look at

43:15

her, not the her

43:17

of the past or

43:20

future? Yeah. I

43:22

mean, all these years,

43:25

don't you want

43:27

to meet her? She's

43:29

90. Yeah. And

43:34

you have no idea

43:36

if that's torment for

43:38

her. Oh, she says

43:41

so. That's what she

43:43

says. Just listen. It

43:45

could be. I have

43:47

no idea. It could

43:50

be. It could be.

43:52

The way of love

43:54

is happening through her

43:56

right then. It really

43:58

could be. I

44:03

don't know. That's who

44:05

I'd be. I don't

44:07

know. What is she

44:10

saying, for example? Well,

44:12

one, so I was

44:14

trying to anchor in

44:16

one particular little tiny

44:18

moment of this whole

44:21

thing, and it's this

44:23

friend of hers who

44:25

she thinks is, is,

44:27

doesn't want to... be

44:30

friends with her anymore,

44:32

doesn't care about her,

44:34

has dropped her. And

44:36

she was saying something

44:39

about that, about him

44:41

and what he's doing,

44:43

and that's her interpretation

44:45

of it. Let it

44:47

be. Yeah. Meaning in

44:50

the name of self-inquiry,

44:52

listen, without trying to

44:54

fix her. Right. Just

44:56

respectfully listen. It

44:59

could be all she

45:01

wants. Yeah. It takes

45:03

a lot of courage

45:06

not to change the

45:08

people we love and

45:10

allow them just to

45:12

have their thing without

45:15

trying to be that

45:17

connected. Not to attempt

45:19

to attempt to make

45:22

better. Yeah, and they

45:24

give to say, well,

45:26

that's your interpretation. That's

45:29

your interpretation of it.

45:31

I don't know. He

45:33

could be meeting something

45:35

else, whatever. This whole

45:38

lecture I do, if

45:40

I hate it. Who

45:42

would you be without

45:45

that thought she's running

45:47

her mental torments, perhaps?

45:49

Listen. Tormant, your, I

45:51

get, torment long enough to you.

45:54

I'm, I'm, I'm in torment. I

45:56

mean, the turnaround is coming, but.

46:00

Well, we're just sitting, we're

46:02

just sitting in, who are

46:04

you without the thought? She's

46:07

running her mental torment

46:09

scripts. I mean, she's

46:12

got a song. She's

46:14

been singing at all

46:16

her life. Yeah, yeah, that's

46:18

right. We love to sing

46:20

our song, especially with

46:22

an audience like you.

46:24

Yeah. You've supported it

46:27

all my life. Yeah. Yeah.

46:30

So again, who would you

46:32

be without the

46:34

thought? She's running

46:36

her mental torment

46:38

scripts. You're assuming

46:40

those are torment

46:42

scripts. You don't

46:44

know what she's thinking and

46:47

be leaving. It's enough

46:49

to know what is

46:51

the torment that brings

46:53

into you into your

46:56

life. Yeah. Yeah,

47:00

I'd be out of the

47:02

job, Katie. I'd be

47:04

out of this really

47:06

big, really, really,

47:09

really impossible

47:11

job. Impossible

47:14

job. Oh my gosh. I

47:16

would be, I would

47:18

be unemployed. And I

47:21

see love, I see was

47:23

a loving, caring

47:25

daughter, a very

47:27

good listener. Not

47:30

trying to change

47:32

me, but to

47:35

understanding instead.

47:37

Yeah. He doesn't

47:39

want to be

47:41

her friend. That's

47:43

her property. Yeah.

47:46

That's not your

47:48

property. Right. Yeah. I

47:51

do a lot of

47:53

clean and nasty things.

47:55

and it still doesn't

47:57

make it your property.

48:00

Yeah. She's running

48:02

her mental torment

48:05

scripts? Who are

48:08

you without that

48:10

thought? Fixing lunch,

48:13

listening, not avoiding,

48:16

not trying to

48:18

make nice, or

48:21

just listening. Yeah,

48:23

I got nothing

48:26

to do. Yeah,

48:29

there's lunch. Yeah.

48:31

I got nothing

48:34

to do. And

48:37

there's connection. Yeah.

48:39

Yeah, in respect.

48:42

Yeah. And after

48:44

all those years,

48:47

she finally is

48:50

being heard. Be

49:06

a lot easier.

49:08

And I love

49:11

your word respect.

49:13

Respectful. She's running

49:15

her mental torment

49:17

scripts turned around.

49:19

I'm running her

49:21

mental. Her torment

49:23

scripts. Yeah, I'm

49:26

the one who's

49:28

got the whole

49:30

catalog. Yeah, you're

49:32

a thief. That's

49:35

her script. That's right.

49:37

I'm not giving it

49:40

the right attribution. That's

49:43

right Oh, it just

49:45

is ringing. It's yeah

49:48

And it's mine. I'm

49:51

making it mine. I

49:53

see where I'm with

49:56

the I'm making it

49:59

mine because I've got

50:01

all these stolen stolen

50:04

property all these associations

50:07

and stuff from my

50:09

own stories that kick

50:12

off that it reminds

50:15

me of. Yeah, and

50:17

that's not on her.

50:20

No. She's running her

50:22

mental torment scripts turned

50:25

around I am running

50:28

my... Yeah. And

50:31

read it that way.

50:34

I'm running my... I

50:36

am running. I am

50:38

running my mental torment

50:40

scripts. Yeah, those are

50:43

not hers. No. That's

50:45

running in you. That's

50:47

not hers. And that,

50:50

when you steal that

50:52

property, it's like you

50:54

don't even know the

50:56

script. She's running. Yeah.

50:59

No, I just want

51:01

it to stop. Just

51:03

wanted to stop. Yeah.

51:05

You wanted to stop?

51:08

Who are you without

51:10

the thought? Who are

51:12

you without the thought?

51:14

She's running her mental

51:17

tournament scripts. That's where

51:19

it stops. There I

51:21

do. Stopped. And that's

51:23

respectful. Yeah. To you?

51:26

Yeah. To your mother?

51:28

Yeah. She

51:34

wants you to help

51:36

her with it. Is

51:39

it true? Don't guess.

51:41

She's telling you. She's

51:43

telling you about him.

51:45

He doesn't want to

51:48

be friends with her

51:50

anymore. She's telling you.

51:52

She wants you to

51:55

help her with it.

51:57

Is it true? Are

51:59

you sure? Listen. there

52:02

now? She wants you

52:04

to help her

52:07

with it. Really?

52:09

I don't know.

52:12

Get still.

52:14

Listen. She

52:16

said would you

52:19

help me with

52:22

this? So what

52:24

do you think?

52:30

I say yes, it's

52:33

true. I mean, there.

52:35

Yes, it's true, Katie.

52:37

She does want me

52:39

to help her with

52:41

it. Yes. Her words?

52:43

Find her words.

52:46

Find her words.

52:48

Listen. She wants

52:50

you to help her

52:52

with it. She wants

52:54

me to make her feel

52:57

better about it.

52:59

Did she say so?

53:01

No. I want proof.

53:03

Why am I

53:05

doing your work? I

53:08

don't know. I

53:10

don't have any

53:12

proof. Notice how

53:14

old that is.

53:17

She wants me

53:19

to help her

53:21

with it. as

53:27

you listen to her

53:30

words in that

53:32

situation. Now say

53:35

nothing and imagine

53:37

yourself sitting down

53:40

with her in that

53:42

room and listen. Without

53:45

the thought, she wants

53:48

me to help her

53:50

with it. I'm

54:00

sorry, what

54:02

was the

54:04

question? She

54:06

wants you

54:08

to help

54:11

her with

54:13

it? Is

54:15

it true?

54:17

No. So

54:19

sit down?

54:21

No. Listen.

54:23

It's not

54:25

true. It's

54:27

not true.

54:29

No. continue

54:31

to listen

54:33

to her

54:35

without the

54:37

thought she

54:39

wants me

54:42

to help

54:44

her with

54:46

it. Listen.

54:48

Compassionately, listen

54:50

without trying

54:52

to change

54:54

her. Fix

54:56

her. Not

54:59

the fix-up. So

55:01

be there now

55:04

with your mom.

55:06

Singing your song.

55:09

And notice she

55:11

loves her song.

55:13

And notice she

55:16

loves her song.

55:18

She does. She

55:21

really does. When

55:23

you love. to

55:25

hear her saying,

55:28

oh my God,

55:30

relationship is, it's

55:33

so intimate. Yeah.

55:35

Yeah, it's like

55:37

it would be

55:40

so intimate if

55:42

I would just

55:45

disappear. That's the

55:47

way it seems.

55:49

I think that

55:52

that's the fear,

55:54

really. Generous,

55:56

what comes out of

55:58

that generous... Position

56:01

are words. You

56:04

have no idea

56:06

what they are.

56:08

They're valid. They're

56:11

authentic. If words

56:13

come out at

56:15

all. If they

56:18

come out like

56:20

not the doer.

56:22

Yeah. They rise.

56:25

They're not what

56:27

you're used. Will

56:32

you recognize them?

56:34

And it's like

56:36

you and your

56:38

mother get to

56:41

experience it at

56:43

the same time.

56:45

And maybe there

56:47

are no words.

56:49

Both ways equal.

56:52

Because integrity is

56:54

going on. Love

56:56

is going on.

56:58

Yeah. You're

57:03

sitting down there with

57:05

her. Your mind is

57:08

open. Who would you

57:10

be without the thought

57:12

as you listen to

57:15

her? Sing her song.

57:17

Her valid song. Her?

57:19

Her song. Who would

57:22

you be without the

57:24

thought? She wants me

57:26

to help her with

57:29

it. Listen. notice

57:39

is there an

57:42

authentic impulse to

57:44

just hold her

57:46

hand or touch

57:48

her or just...

57:50

I'm trying to

57:53

fix her just...

57:55

humane. Yeah. Connected.

57:57

No plan. Anne,

57:59

no fixer. You

58:02

can do it with

58:04

your mother, you'll find

58:06

yourself doing it with

58:09

the entire human race.

58:12

You can do it

58:14

with one, you can

58:16

do it with all.

58:19

Mothers are great teachers.

58:21

Yeah. Yeah. As our

58:23

fathers and siblings.

58:26

By the way everyone, if you enjoyed

58:29

this podcast, please give us a

58:31

five-star rating and review on iTunes.

58:33

It really matters, and thank you

58:35

for that. I love that you

58:38

join me every Monday, Tuesday, and

58:40

Wednesday from 9 to 10 a.m.

58:42

Pacific Time. At home with mk.com,

58:44

let's do the work.