0:01

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to ATM with me,

0:04

Jim Jeffries and Gilly Gilly Gilly, I

0:06

must kill. I don't know why you've had

0:08

to go straight into our Australian FM

0:10

radio characters. Morning Radio. I'm an Australian comic

0:12

who's given up on my dreams and

0:14

now wake up at 4am in the morning

0:16

to go and do morning radio. How

0:18

have you been? How's your week? You said

0:20

give up on the drip. That's how

0:22

I started. So you can imagine it was

0:24

a bleak resistance. Okay, so a lot

0:26

of people don't know this about you. Before

0:28

you became, how you say it, a

0:30

Nazi or whatever you are, right? Before that,

0:32

you were a children's TV presenter. I don't

0:34

like talking about the children's TV presenting

0:36

years. I used the fake name because it

0:38

was so bad. used to present yourself

0:40

to children. At

0:43

the age of like what, 18? No, like

0:46

19, I did a show called Wacky World Beaters.

0:48

Yeah. And they gave me the gig. Some

0:50

guy watched me do stand -up and goes, I'm

0:52

producing Hamish and Andy, but for kids. And Hamish

0:54

and Andy is like a comedy duo in

0:56

Australia. Very popular. And he goes, look, everyone that's

0:58

come down has been a bit lame. I

1:00

still want it to be kind of comedy. So

1:03

can you audition? Yeah. So they flew me to

1:05

Sydney and there was an ice cream eating

1:07

contest with kids. Right. And I looked at these

1:09

four handsome guys and they were like grabbing

1:11

the ice cream and they're looking at and looking

1:13

at the camera going, oh, brain freeze. Oh,

1:16

you don't need to eat too much of

1:18

this. Sugar's not good for your teeth. Yeah, and

1:20

you just walked up and smashed it into

1:22

the kids face. That's what I did. It's a

1:24

white face. I stole the ice cream off

1:26

the kid I was competing against, ate his end

1:28

mine. And they went, you've got the job.

1:31

That's how low the bar was. But the producer

1:33

and one of the heads of the ABC

1:35

saw my stand -up and said, we can't have

1:37

you talking to kids. So come up with

1:39

a fake name. So they went with just

1:41

silly gilly. That's what I'm credited as. You're

1:43

silly gilly. Silly gilly. Where can we find

1:45

footage? Silly gilly. It is on YouTube, wacky

1:47

world beaters. Right. And

1:49

you still get along with kids to

1:52

this day, right? My son adores you.

1:54

Yeah, I like kids. Yeah, yeah. Sound

1:56

bite. Sound

1:58

bite. Put it down. There's

2:00

something he says racist and then

2:02

I like kids. Hold on, put

2:04

it into his file. Just so

2:06

very clear, if you're trying to

2:08

paint me as a pedophile, you

2:10

regularly let me babysit your kids.

2:12

So you're complicit. So if you

2:15

think I'm a pedophile, then you're

2:17

a very bad father. I just think

2:19

you'd be a bad fucking and be

2:21

over quickly. Take that out. It's terrible

2:24

gilly. How's your week been? It was

2:26

good. I was in Canada. I was

2:28

in Canada. Canada. Went to Victoria. The

2:30

smaller Victoria is it's it's filled with newlyweds

2:33

and nearly dead. That's the big joke. We

2:35

didn't even really debrief. There's a lot of

2:37

Canadian people who came to see you and

2:39

Jimmy Carr and they I told him about

2:41

this podcast and they were like you haven't

2:43

even spoken about us yet. Did you enjoy

2:45

your tour with Jimmy Carr? We love the

2:47

tour with Jimmy Carr. I want to find

2:49

more cities me and Jimmy can do that

2:52

in. We did what do we do? 12

2:54

in total. We've done Canada. We've done Canada.

2:56

Canada. Canada. Canada. Canada. Canada is

2:58

done for that for that for

3:00

that for that. I'm sure he's

3:02

listening to things. He does listen

3:04

to things. Yeah, yeah. He's got

3:06

a Google alert on his name,

3:08

no doubt about that. Yeah, he's

3:10

right now like, like, he's like,

3:12

oh. Well, that's, every time he's

3:14

mentioned. I've got a message. Oh.

3:16

I said that every, to my

3:18

audience, I kept saying, every time

3:20

I do a really darkly offensive

3:22

joke, I'm just gonna add that

3:24

laugh. And, you know, and that makes it

3:27

okay. But after my third or fourth one,

3:29

I was like, I feel like I'm taking

3:31

the piss out of Jimmy, so I didn't,

3:33

I meant no offense. I was just saying,

3:35

if you are Jimmy car, you can look

3:37

at a person and go, oh, you look

3:40

like an ugly loser, your wife thinks of

3:42

someone else when you fuck. So one was

3:44

going to open one night, one was going

3:46

to close on night, then we'd swap it,

3:48

then we'd swap it, then we'd swap it,

3:50

then we'd swap it, then we'd swap it,

3:53

then we'd swap it once, and I went,

3:55

I like going on first, I was just happier

3:57

going on first, because his jokes are so much

3:59

more efficient. than mine. When he says a

4:01

joke as well, he says a joke like,

4:03

anyway, the bad thing about babies is they're

4:05

so hard to have sex with. Like that,

4:08

right? Having sex with children is disgusting, particularly

4:10

when you've got to take the napi off.

4:12

Oh, right? Anyway, so he can get away

4:14

with it because he's got perfect comedy timing

4:16

and everyone knows he's joking, right? But if

4:19

I do that joke, I'm too shambolic, I'm

4:21

too shambolic, and my timing's not good and

4:23

people think... He might have done that. And

4:25

that's the big difference. So I wanted to

4:27

take the shock value out of the room

4:30

for me and not have him take the

4:32

shock value out for me. And look, they

4:34

were great shows and I managed to upset

4:36

you at the end of this big tour

4:38

where you performed about 80,000 people overall. I

4:40

said, do you think you'll ever do an

4:43

arena again? Do an arena again? No, you

4:45

didn't say that. You turned to me and

4:47

go, when do you think you'll do an

4:49

arena again? Who would fucking say

4:51

such a thing? I've only ever done about... Maybe 20

4:53

arena gigs in my whole career and each time I

4:55

always think myself all right take this in These are

4:58

hard to come by not many people get to do

5:00

these and then you're like this you think you ever

5:02

do it again? It's like coming up to me after

5:04

I've had sex with a supermodel Do you think any

5:06

good-looking women war or fuck you? It's not that choice

5:08

is it? Hope you've put that in the wank bank

5:10

that'll never happen again. Yeah true that true that but

5:12

it was great. I enjoyed it. How about yourself mate.

5:14

What once you get up. What did you get up.

5:17

What did you get up. What did you get up.

5:19

What did you get up. How about yourself mate. What

5:21

did you get up. What did you get up. How

5:23

about yourself mate. What. What. What. What. What. What. What.

5:25

What. What. What. What. How about yourself mate. What. What.

5:27

What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What.

5:29

What. A pain. No, she's very moody when she's sick

5:31

my wife. Like the flu. Yeah, she's got a cold.

5:33

And she's just outright mean to you. And you can't

5:36

say anything because she's, I'm sick right now. Like there

5:38

was like a cup on the, on the, on the

5:40

bench. She leaves cups everywhere. Who left this here? And

5:42

I went, ah, there's me? I've been trying to clean

5:44

all day. Go upstairs. Go to bed. Yeah. No one

5:46

needs this. Is she, is she, well, well, well, well,

5:48

well, well, I don't really see you, I don't really

5:50

see you. a soft nurturing time. Yeah, well anyway, I

5:52

said something, I said something stupid. I said, I said,

5:55

I tell you what, if you ever get cancer, I'm

5:57

leaving you. Now that's a hard sentence. That's

5:59

a hard sentence to come

6:01

back from It's

6:04

so true though if she got cancer you'd

6:06

go here's a million dollars and the number

6:08

of a chemo therapist But I know I'm

6:10

only gonna make this worse for you No,

6:12

no, no, I wouldn't leave my wife if

6:14

she got cancer because there's no point splitting

6:16

things up that close to the end You

6:19

know what I mean? I'm not gonna divvy

6:21

all me property 50 -50 when I've made it

6:23

this far. I can see the cancer out.

6:25

I just gotta each day Is she getting

6:28

better? Oh, you would be on within one

6:30

week going. You might want to think of

6:32

a wig Hard to come with all that

6:35

That's the thing with with cancer women.

6:37

They can wear wigs men. Why

6:39

do all men with cancer go bandana?

6:42

What's wrong with a baseball cap? When

6:45

did the bandana thing begin? You think it's signaling

6:47

to people for a bit of sympathy Yeah, because sure

6:49

I would just wear a beanie or a hat

6:51

But they always go bandanas blokes that I know who

6:53

have gotten cancer who'd never wore a bandana in

6:55

their whole life Anyway, not even in their back pocket.

6:57

They go the band if you go beanie

6:59

You look like that guy from the internet

7:01

Tim pool if you go hat

7:03

no sympathy bandana is park

7:06

anywhere you want You

7:08

get out with a wrapped up bandana particularly

7:10

unless you're a Latino like Latin guys wear

7:12

a bandana and it's like a gang color

7:14

thing But if you if you're a white

7:17

guy, no one thinks the ice He

7:20

likes kids So

7:23

The other day I went to the doctor. I

7:25

got a shot of testosterone I'm

7:27

wanking like like more than I've ever wanked in

7:29

my whole life. I went and did that that's

7:31

what it's for I thought you wanted to go

7:33

low T. I know But I like the energy

7:36

the energy you get from it. I've done it

7:38

a couple of times I don't know if it's

7:40

for me. I just giving it one more go

7:42

So took me through this you get it you go

7:44

to the doctor and he shoots testosterone in your

7:46

ass Yeah, yeah, yeah with his

7:48

dick and do you do you notice? He

7:50

said it was a procedure. you notice yourself

7:52

being more aggressive? Yeah, and the way okay,

7:54

I walk out of the body doesn't suggest

7:56

to me that you're high. It's been it's

7:58

been a week. Yeah, right Anyway, I get

8:01

out, I get out and there's a

8:03

woman, there's a disabled vehicle behind me.

8:05

Not the vehicle's disabled, it's got the

8:07

thing hanging on the revisionary, the disabled

8:09

side. And the lady crosses the road,

8:11

this is Robinson in Beverly Hills. She runs

8:13

across the road in Stilettos. Like that's,

8:15

you're not disabled if you can do that.

8:18

She gets into a car with a

8:20

disabled thing. She looks like a right

8:22

asshole, I can tell. And I almost

8:24

said something. Hey, what's your disability? I

8:27

thought, what am I doing? That's the

8:29

testosterone in you. Yeah, yeah. I would

8:31

never have done that. I was like,

8:33

and I looked, I gave her a

8:36

bad look. But you gotta be, you

8:38

gotta be careful with the T shots

8:40

because I don't know if you watched

8:42

at the inauguration and we're gonna get

8:45

into this in a second. Mark Zuckerberg

8:47

went viral in there because you

8:49

know he's on the testosterone.

8:51

He started like doing Jiu, No

8:53

one put anyone in choke holds.

8:55

We used to, I guess fighting evolves. If

8:58

you were fighting, it was boxing, really, when

9:00

we were kids. Yeah, but all the digits

9:02

of people ended up winning everything. The two

9:04

kids would size off to each other and

9:07

there'd be a punch and a punch and

9:09

a punch, you'd size off to each other

9:11

and there'd be a punch and a punch,

9:14

you'd both feel pain and you'd both feel

9:16

pain and you'd both feel pain and you

9:18

both feel pain and you both feel pain

9:20

and you both feel like, But I guess that

9:22

older brothers would do is that hold you down in

9:25

locks and stuff I say tap I guess No, see

9:27

I'm younger than you. This is why punching is one

9:29

thing but to to put someone in a grapple means

9:31

that you they have to ask for mercy. Oh, no,

9:33

we know that's why it's So it's more demeaning because

9:35

you go, do you want me to free you? Do

9:37

you submit to my will and know that I am

9:39

the alpha over you? That's why they like it. No,

9:41

of course, and also punching people can break your hand

9:43

really, really easy. But also, if you go back a generation, two

9:45

generations before me, when people got into a fight, they boxed like

9:47

this. What, you're a stick them up, pal. Yeah, I go like,

9:49

I'm on me toes, I'm moving my toes, I'm moving around, I'm

9:51

moving around, I'm moving around, I'm moving around, I'm moving around,

9:53

I'm moving around, I'm moving around, I'm moving around, I'm

9:55

moving around, I'm moving around, I'm moving around, I'm moving

9:57

around, I'm moving around, I'm moving around, I'm moving around,

10:00

show you something. Oh my brother used to, my brother's technique was Scott, I'd

10:02

run after him like, I'm going to kick this shit out here. He'd run

10:04

to the couch and he'd get on his back and his move was, he'd

10:06

have his legs ready to go like this and he fucking. That's fucking, that's

10:08

the older system and over. Yeah and he went to kick you up, right

10:10

like that, and then you think to yourself, all right, all I got to do is

10:12

I got to jump in there, I'll get one below to the face and then I'll

10:14

get one below to the face and then I'll be on top and then I'll be

10:16

on top and then I'll be on top and then I'll be on top

10:18

and I'll be on top and I'm swinging and I'm swinging and I'm swinging

10:20

and I'm swinging and I'm swinging and I'm swinging and I'm swinging and

10:22

I'm swinging and I'm swinging and I'm swinging. Why? What

10:25

have I been using? I would have

10:27

seen you as a sort of nasty

10:29

fighter. Like you go for the balls and...

10:31

I was the youngest. Yes. I had

10:34

to do what I had to do.

10:36

Okay, so Danny, my oldest brother,

10:38

who was a sergeant in the

10:40

riot squad, who's a cop. Didn't

10:42

he used to put you in holds

10:44

for fun? Okay, he used to... He

10:46

used to, I used to get waken

10:49

up in the morning like this, you'd

10:51

be asleep. He would grab me by

10:53

the shirt like that and then he

10:55

would wake you up like this. Kabum!

10:57

Kabum! So your whole body was going

10:59

like that right? Well I've lost my

11:02

head. So you're saying that the violent

11:04

bully older brother ended up choosing. Yeah,

11:06

beer cop to me. So he'd go

11:08

kabum, kabum, kabum, then. I'd get in

11:10

the shower and Scott, the middle brother,

11:13

would get a glass of cold water

11:15

and pour it over the top. That

11:17

was a move, we all did, right?

11:19

Now, with Danny, I used to...

11:21

Mom always said that I would

11:23

be bigger than him one day.

11:26

And I used to fantasize about

11:28

walking up to him and punching

11:30

him in the face really hard.

11:32

Everything I'd just stop growing. And

11:34

he was... six four and I'm

11:36

six foot right and so I

11:38

never and then by the time

11:40

I got taller he was a

11:42

cop who knew all these holds and stuff

11:44

like that right so I couldn't be so

11:46

I had to pick me moments so I

11:49

realized that at home in our house we

11:51

had one toilet and I had a door

11:53

right my mother died on that toilet mind

11:55

you anyway sure we had the injury anyway

11:57

so so there was a toy toy toy

12:00

and my brother was tall enough that if he

12:02

was doing a shit, only if he was doing

12:04

a shit it would work, if he hadn't locked

12:06

the door, I could swing the door as hard

12:08

as possible, we're baying! And smash it into his

12:10

knee, right? He couldn't get up, there's half a

12:12

third hanging out of his body. Right? Now, also,

12:14

I'd have me bike ready in the driveway. Like

12:16

this because I had to get away for a

12:18

couple of hours until he had to go to

12:20

work or something like that. The getaway vehicle. Yeah,

12:22

I had to figure out he's not going to

12:24

be home for a couple of days, he's going

12:26

out with his girlfriend, he's doing this, this is

12:28

how I can injure the bus, but I still

12:30

have a big toe. that clicks with every step

12:32

in my life. Each time I go like this,

12:34

my big toe clicks, because my brother would hold

12:36

me down and crack my toes. So here's what's

12:38

happened. Jim told that story to his therapist and

12:40

they referred him for testosterone shots. Yeah. And said,

12:42

when you're going home, this time, you can finally

12:44

beat the shit out of your elderly brother. Well,

12:46

this is the thing, right? I don't know if

12:49

my brother's on the testosterone. He's shrinking. Yeah. I'm

12:51

staying the same the same size. It's an arms

12:53

race. It's an arms race. It's an arms race.

12:55

My time. My time. My time has come. My

12:57

time has come. My time has come. My time

12:59

has come. My time has come. At the end,

13:01

at the end, I was a better fighter than

13:03

Muhammad Ali. At the very end I could have

13:05

taken that cut. And he's last couple of weeks.

13:07

Even recently I was at the Dodgers, I saw

13:09

Sandy Kofax, throw a pitch. Fuckin' hopeless. Hopeless. Couldn't

13:11

make it from the mound over the plate. Do

13:13

you think if you punched your brother in there,

13:15

would you... challenge him to a fight now do

13:17

you think you could beat him? No, no, I

13:19

couldn't I couldn't I couldn't meet him right now.

13:21

I got away. He would need Parkinson's. Yeah, like

13:23

if one day I go over to his house

13:25

and he's wearing a bandana, I'll be like, now's

13:27

my time. Even your wife sick this week, I

13:29

think what have you? I don't see you as

13:31

a... No, I can't, I can't, I can't win

13:33

things, no, I'm not, my mother used to beat

13:35

the living snot out of living snot out of

13:37

me. And that living snot out of me. And

13:39

that woman, not out of me. And that woman

13:42

you could, you could, you could, you could, you

13:44

could, you could, you could, you could, you could,

13:46

you could, you could, you could, you could, you

13:48

could, you could, you could, you could, you could,

13:50

you could, you could, you could, you could, you

13:52

could, you I think he will eventually because you

13:54

know his mind was a tall lady. He's he's

13:56

learnt the ways of the forces a bit. We've

13:58

taken him to self-defense or other stuff. He's all

14:00

right. Yeah, Hankin, Hankin scrap. Because there's a moment

14:02

in every relationship with a dad where you

14:04

realize. We've all done this. I know what

14:06

you're about to say. Where you punch your

14:08

father once in your life or you tentatively

14:10

push him. It's a push. You push him

14:12

in the shoulder like this. He says something

14:14

to you and you come back with, you've

14:17

always shit on my dreams. Anything I've wanted

14:19

to do, you've always said I couldn't do

14:21

it. Well, I'll tell you this. And then

14:23

you push him in the shoulder. And he.

14:25

He's hit you a thousand times. You're not

14:27

going to punch you down in the face

14:29

because, you know, it's your dad and you

14:31

love him, etc, etc, etc. But it's a

14:33

forceful shove. But he has no issue. Right?

14:35

I did it with my dad. You can

14:37

fuck off into the shoulder. And then quabang!

14:39

Into my face, dad hit me in the

14:41

nose. Yeah, he's got a, well he's got

14:43

a big tough guy now. Big tough guy.

14:45

What the right police is for is to

14:47

say, because the moment he doesn't fight back,

14:50

then there's a whole power shift through the

14:52

entire home. I once had my dad go

14:54

to me, you're a facken smart ass, mate.

14:56

Hey? And I finally said, well, well, well,

14:58

Better that than being a fucking dumb-ass. Yeah, and

15:00

that's exactly what mom says, yeah.

15:02

Now when you're in a divorced

15:05

family, if your dad figures out

15:07

how to download a podcast, you're fucked

15:09

right here. It's on YouTube as well, I'm

15:11

in big trouble. Go Google, Jim Jeffries,

15:13

and show. Anyway, because if you grow

15:15

up in a family that's broken, if your

15:18

parents are divorced, if you're from a

15:20

good... I used to dream of my parents

15:22

being divorced. If you're in a good

15:24

family, it's together, the highest praise you

15:26

can get is you're just like your dad.

15:28

Okay, and that's like your mom going,

15:30

I love your father and you're just

15:32

like that man. But from a broken family.

15:34

The number one insult, the number one insult

15:37

you can get is you just like

15:39

you just like. You just like. your

15:41

mother or you're just like your father.

15:43

The number one insult in my house

15:46

to my children is you're just like

15:48

Amos's dad. Yeah. I say to him, I can

15:50

you have the legs of trots Amos's

15:52

mother. You understand me? Why

15:54

dad will generally be up? You

15:57

understand me Charlie. You're three year

15:59

old. Well, you know, what Jim

16:01

Sun would be lucky to work at

16:03

Toll Priority? I did 30 years of

16:06

sales for a tracking company and all

16:08

the goods got where they needed to

16:10

fucking go. We have a very similar

16:12

sort of childhood, our dad's a similar

16:15

blokes. Yeah, good sold. Country Ozzy men.

16:17

Country Australian men. We both know many

16:19

lyrics to John Williamson songs. John Williams

16:22

songs. Like not many people know raiding

16:24

on the rock. Like we know, Malle

16:26

Boy. Malle Boy, right? These are real

16:28

songs. My father, when he dies at

16:31

his funeral, he wants True Blue to

16:33

be sang. Which when you listen back

16:35

to it, it's a little bit supremacy.

16:37

Little bit, little bit. But with a

16:40

charm. Yeah, no, I love the song.

16:42

But you know, when he says in

16:44

Hey True Blue, and he goes, are

16:46

we really disappearing? Just another die and

16:49

race? Many people think, is he saying

16:51

the white man's been taken over, but...

16:53

You and I know what he's really

16:56

saying is that the Ozzy bloke, even

16:58

the white Ozzy bloke, his children are

17:00

weak little bitches. Yeah, what he's talking

17:02

about. And the Oca, the big strong

17:05

Ozzy man is no more and these

17:07

little metrosexials have moved to Los Angeles

17:09

and have done a podcast. Yeah, exactly.

17:11

We have lost real men. And I'm

17:14

not saying I'm real, my father, your

17:16

father, real Australian men. Oh, that's finished.

17:18

And that don't exist any more. Globalization.

17:21

Men who live with, men who live

17:23

without an ozone layer or sunscreen and

17:25

worked in construction. Like these are. I

17:27

love going, that's when people say to

17:30

me, do you miss Australia? And I

17:32

go, well. If you go back to

17:34

Melbourne or Sydney, no. But would you

17:36

do Miss Australia? Oh, would I do

17:39

Miss Australia? Well, I'm Charlene from the

17:41

Gold Coast and I'm Miss Australia. What

17:43

I'd want for the world is like

17:46

a good environment and the Great Barrier

17:48

Reef to return. Yeah, I want the

17:50

country to be white, but not the

17:52

reef. All right, Charlene. If that isn't

17:55

a great logo for Pauline Hansen. No,

17:57

she doesn't believe the reach doesn't believe

17:59

this probably the reef. Yeah there's got

18:01

to be a new like a left-wing

18:04

fascist Australian chick that goes countries white

18:06

reef is full of color. All right so we

18:08

haven't talked about anything. So let's look

18:10

the whole point of this show is meant

18:12

to be that we go through at this

18:15

moment. There's probably lots of that that we

18:17

could tidy up but I thought we'd whip

18:19

around for the biggest story in the world.

18:21

Yeah. Some people would go with the inauguration.

18:23

I'm not going to go with that. Let's

18:26

start off with Bonnie Blue and Lily Phillips

18:28

for those who don't know how could you

18:30

not know? Every tabloid on earth is

18:32

pumping these two girls They are in

18:35

a arms race like the Soviet Union

18:37

and the USA in the 80s instead

18:39

of nuclear weapons It's how many Men

18:41

can they fuck in one day? They

18:43

are making money upon money upon money.

18:46

They're not putting the men's heads in

18:48

there. Look, I'd like to put myself

18:50

out there that I will have sex

18:52

with as many women. A thousand

18:55

women. I'll do a thousand women. I'll

18:57

do a thousand women. I'll do

18:59

a thousand women. I'll do a

19:01

thousand women. I'll beat the record.

19:03

Two thousand women. Two thousand women.

19:05

I'll beat the record. Two thousand

19:07

women who want to have sex

19:09

to have sex to me. No they don't,

19:11

they do it, they do it for free. Who's

19:13

the last bloke? I reckon, okay, because everyone

19:15

goes, everyone goes, you wouldn't want to be

19:18

the last bloke. Well, we've got to say

19:20

how many, there were, 1,157 in 12 hours.

19:22

Okay, so I think, I think, you don't

19:24

want to be the last bloke, but in

19:26

saying that after 50, it really doesn't matter

19:28

which bloke you are, right? I actually 50?

19:30

I think after two, I'm going after two,

19:32

it's already got a bad vibe, it's already

19:34

got a bad vibe, it's already got a

19:37

bad vibe. You'd be going 50 you'd be

19:39

falling in there if she was a virgin

19:41

mate anyway like after 50 After 50 it

19:43

doesn't really matter So I actually would like

19:45

to be the I actually would like to be

19:47

the last bloke because you'd get a bit extra

19:50

time and you'd get to chat to her and

19:52

get to know a bit better You wouldn't be

19:54

you wouldn't be rushed on. It's like whenever we

19:56

do the meat and greets after shows I always

19:58

know the person who's at the end of

20:00

the line they want to talk to me

20:03

a bit longer and they got a question

20:05

they want to ask me right everybody you've

20:07

seen it yeah they end up sort of

20:09

probably coming back to the hotel because

20:11

they I reckon blokes fought to be the

20:13

last person that is truly the most

20:15

revolting things I've ever been one

20:17

of the most revolting things I've

20:20

ever heard yeah and you reckon

20:22

when people were lining up you're

20:24

probably the one you're the straw

20:26

that breaks the camels back everyone

20:28

had to be tested to be

20:30

tested Yeah, and she was on

20:32

British television. All right, mom. Here

20:34

we go. So let's let's find

20:37

this. What does she look

20:39

like? The mother? Yeah. She's

20:41

just sort of just looks

20:43

like a northern blonde woman,

20:45

you know. I find Boddy

20:47

Blue very attractive. I think

20:50

she's very attractive. Really is

20:52

it the fact that she's

20:54

been run through by something.

20:57

I'm a nice northern lass.

20:59

I'm all I'm all in. I just

21:01

want to hear this. All

21:04

right, all right, you're gonna

21:06

come on my face. Where's

21:08

number 156? Number 56, your

21:11

number's up. Come on in

21:13

love. Taking it like a

21:15

fucking deli matre. Picking

21:17

it up. Picking it up.

21:20

Number 157. All right, finish on

21:22

my face. Can someone, mom? Mom, I need

21:24

the squidgee. Oh this is a penis that's

21:26

not me mom I'm trying to find this

21:28

fucking woman okay so it's her this is

21:30

what I like about it though it's her

21:32

verse Lily Phillips as I try and find

21:34

this mom I don't go Lily Phillips I

21:36

go the original and the best I was

21:38

never a rolling stones guy I was always

21:40

the Beatles well these two are competing against

21:43

each other. One did a hundred. Aren't they friends?

21:45

They're best friends. Yeah, yeah. And just like comedians,

21:47

who is sort of like, how many did you

21:49

have last night? Did you do a theater? Did

21:51

you make like, I can't find this Bonnie Blue

21:53

footage of the Thousand Men. Have you seen any

21:55

of the footage? Well, I'm not an only fans.

21:57

I've refused to pay. No, I don't pay any

21:59

fence. But I... I would for that. What you

22:01

think? I just need to see it because

22:03

it's a record. There's certain moments in history

22:05

that you, where were you? Where were you

22:07

in this act? You know what I like? You

22:09

know what I like? You know what I

22:11

like? When you're about to watch porn, you

22:14

know what a routine and they had the

22:16

adverts and the advert always starts on porn

22:18

hub like this. Are you tired of

22:20

masturbating alone? No. It's my favorite way

22:22

to do it. Are you alone? Are

22:24

you alone? I so much prefer masturbating

22:26

by myself than others in the room.

22:29

I've seen both worlds and I've decided

22:31

that I'm better off omeo. Are you

22:33

alone? No, Uncle and Aunha, you're actually

22:35

here, we're catching up and I'm just

22:37

gonna knock this one out and then

22:39

we're going out for lunch. What are

22:41

they trying to shame you as though

22:43

masturbating by yourself is some sort of

22:46

act. Are you seeing a masturbating on

22:48

your own when there are grandmars in

22:50

your town who want to fuck? No, I'm

22:52

happy masturbating on my own. And I'm

22:54

not masturbating on my own. I've got

22:56

my webcam here and no doubt the

22:58

NSA are watching me as I do

23:01

it right now and I'll give them

23:03

a little wave. I can't find the fucking

23:05

mum. So you have a lot of barely

23:07

legal teens? Yes. Do you enjoy it?

23:09

Love it. What about it? Do you enjoy

23:12

it? I love taking with computers.

23:14

Why do you do it? I get a pleasure

23:16

from it. How did you turn it

23:18

into a business? They're young, immature, unaware

23:20

of the world. How do you justify

23:22

doing it? They consent and they love

23:24

it. What countries have you done it

23:27

in? Mexico, Australia and the UK.

23:29

Rankin best to worst, which was

23:31

your favourite? Mexico, UK, Australia.

23:33

That's because everyone of those guys would

23:35

have been like, yeah, if I can,

23:38

do you love that? Because everyone of

23:40

those guys would have been like, yeah,

23:42

if I can, do you love that?

23:45

Yeah? Big Ozzy dick? Yeah, yeah,

23:47

yeah. Oh, you imagine? Must be

23:49

better than British cock, even getting

23:51

those uncircumcised dick, because they can

23:54

really quickly, because they got more

23:56

sensitivity. Oh, you love that, oh

23:59

yeah, yeah. How fucking sports! I can

24:01

imagine those disgusts. All of them all beanies.

24:03

By the way, in the video, all of

24:05

them were about a clava because every single

24:07

one of them was like, I do want

24:10

to fuck this chick, but I don't want to

24:12

be demeaned online. Yeah, but you also

24:14

have job opportunities and stuff like that

24:16

that you don't want to have, but

24:18

look, one of the privileges of being

24:20

women is that you can have sex with...

24:23

over a thousand people in 12 hours

24:25

if you so wish. Men, we don't

24:27

get that opportunity. But I'm putting it

24:29

out there once again. I will have

24:31

sex with 2,000 women. You don't

24:33

have to finish? I'll only finish with

24:35

two of you. Over the course of 12

24:37

hours? Two of you get a load. Two of you

24:40

get a load. Two of you get a load? The

24:42

rest of you can think about it.

24:44

Share it around. I can't

24:46

swap. I hate to think

24:48

of my conservative relatives. My

24:50

conservative relatives. Right? Now the

24:52

other word is political, right?

24:54

I have a conservative, I

24:57

have a conservative auntie who

24:59

would vote liberal, you know

25:01

what I mean? Like she's

25:03

not... Did I watch this video about

25:05

like church going? I'm just saying, you

25:07

know, people who aren't worshiping Satan Yeah,

25:09

if you're fucking a thousand and fifty

25:11

seven there is demonic forces at play

25:13

here Why? And I do think if

25:15

it's all consensual from the moment the

25:17

bikini was allowed at the beach This

25:19

is the final stage. We've gone from

25:21

no bikinis to bikini on the beach

25:23

Titzer out and everybody's all good good. Yeah,

25:25

so I think we gone back. I

25:27

think that everyone's consenting correct Everyone's of

25:30

age, right? If the age limit's not

25:32

the age limit, it's not the thing,

25:34

like everyone's of age, right? You can, in

25:36

Britain, you know, no problem, right? They can

25:38

have a beer and everything while they're

25:40

there, right? And who's it hurting? Who's

25:42

been hurt? It's not the only time

25:44

in my life I've said consent's not

25:46

everything, but I... People are consenting. I

25:48

know, but I'm saying people are consenting.

25:51

Sure, there's no people consent to do a lot

25:53

of things that I think is gross. I'm not

25:55

saying whether it should be legal or not legal.

25:57

I just think, are we in a great place

25:59

in society? I would have as a kid done

26:01

it if I could have gotten an express

26:03

pass. Right? Whenever I go to theme parks

26:05

now, it's the lighting up that bothers me.

26:08

Right? If you could have got me one

26:10

of those Disney tour people that actually just

26:12

walk you onto the ride. It's five grand

26:14

to go to Disneyland with eight people. You

26:16

know what I mean? But it's worth every

26:19

cent. You pay $25,000 and her mother walks

26:21

you to the front of a tube. Yeah,

26:23

I have a flash pass pass. I have

26:25

a bracelet. It makes me. It makes me

26:28

go to a bracelet. It makes me go

26:30

to. What? Come off me Dick. Other people's.

26:32

A come rag from her. Yeah. Well, where

26:34

does it end though? Because she's done 1,157.

26:36

Yeah. So now it's all about shocking.

26:39

And the world is so... I think

26:41

if she's made $30 million, which is

26:43

what people are saying she's made. Yeah.

26:45

Call it a day. Retired. This is

26:48

what I reckon will happen with Bonnie

26:50

Blue. She will retire? She will be

26:52

in church in three years. Yeah, she will retire

26:54

and then say in some way that she was

26:56

taking advantage of and porn is a terrible business

26:58

and it all should be taken down and that

27:01

she was under the influence of this, that and

27:03

the other and that she's a victim in some

27:05

way. I went to church the other day and it

27:07

was so nice because you know the priest said that

27:09

I'm a virgin again. They all fun God. I'm a

27:11

virgin again. You go any porn store

27:13

that you haven't seen for a long

27:15

time, Google what they're up to,

27:17

and they're hanging out with God. There's

27:19

a few pastors in the middle of

27:22

the English countryside that don't know how

27:24

lucky they're about to be. A couple

27:26

of vicars are like, oh she just

27:28

wandered in your lap. Don't worry, turn

27:30

away from that dark life and join

27:32

me here in the Anglican church. Don't

27:34

come to the Catholic church. They won't have

27:37

you. I've seen a lot of nasty things

27:39

about her. So I think she's satanic. I

27:41

think Bonnie is a very attractive girl and...

27:43

To me it's disgusting. You're full of

27:45

shit. You said to me, you were the

27:47

one who told me about her and you

27:49

said she's super hot. You said that you're

27:51

lying. Well she's got a good-looking features, but

27:53

you start to look at it over and

27:56

there's a deadness behind the deadness behind the

27:58

eyes. Oh! No, no, no, no, she's not... Marring,

28:00

huh? That's what it's attractive. You haven't

28:02

had a wank to Bonnie Blue? No,

28:04

I haven't had a bunny blue wank.

28:06

Bull shit. Bull shit. I don't lily Phillips

28:09

have a bunny blue. You are my,

28:11

okay, I'm old school with porn. I

28:13

like porn stars from the years 1995

28:15

to 2008. That was when porn was

28:17

in its, was in its prime era,

28:19

right? When you bought videos and

28:21

DVDs and DVDs. Right. That's what

28:23

I've always said about. I don't

28:25

like only fans. I don't want to

28:27

pay for it. It's the production. But

28:30

I'm very upset with it. Oh, you think it's

28:32

falling away? We used to have epic, there

28:34

was one about pirates that had like

28:36

Riley Steele and Jane, what's-a-name-in-it-it and stuff.

28:38

It was a, with millions of dollars.

28:40

It was a big epic pirate movie.

28:43

My generation doesn't have the fucking attention

28:45

span for a storyline. We used to

28:47

do a parody. Oh, we used to a one.

28:49

I always like a parody where it's going,

28:51

oh yeah, it's all, I saw one the

28:53

other day, it was Gilligan's Island. I used

28:55

to watch as a kitty, I have a

28:58

wink to Gilligan's Island. Because it looked like

29:00

the Skipper and Gilligan, we're gonna have a

29:02

threesome with ginger, right? Because it's all about

29:04

degrading everything that's pure. Yeah, but then the

29:06

problem, you know what the problem was? Halfway

29:08

through, fucking, fucking, fucking the Skipperage just puts

29:10

his cockin' cockin' cockin' gilligan,

29:12

gilligan, gilligan's ass. And I'm like,

29:14

this is, I didn't sign up for

29:17

that bit. How many times have I

29:19

told you this? Yeah, yeah. I'm of the

29:21

belief. Porn's making you woke.

29:23

That porn, the porn hub

29:26

website, is really trying to make

29:28

me trans. Okay? Trans. Or

29:30

like into trans. Because I'll be

29:32

watching, if I've ever watched porn,

29:35

right? Now they'll be like, two

29:37

guys, one girl, and if I've ever

29:39

clicked on that, I think, all right. You

29:41

had to give me a warning on that.

29:44

There had to be a special label to

29:46

tell me that the dudes were gonna

29:48

do something gay. You've tried to lure

29:50

me in, thinking I'm gonna watch good honest

29:52

fun. Healthy. Two guys, one go action.

29:54

And next minute, the guys are sucking

29:56

each other off. They are trying. That's,

29:58

maybe, it's China. Tick to. got banned we

30:00

should ban those videos because in the early two

30:02

thousand in the early 2000 that didn't even happen

30:05

didn't happen you saw a nice heterosexual sex it

30:07

was one girl and eight men and the eight

30:09

men didn't touch each other's say they awkwardly sat

30:11

there and maybe their nutsacks rubbed against each

30:13

other now but they weren't happy about it

30:15

of course if it was one man and

30:18

eight women the women had to lick each

30:20

other out that's a different matter all together

30:22

completely and that's fine And we all voted

30:24

for that. But I, I, the transient, I've

30:26

never, have you ever had a wink to

30:28

trans? No. I, I, I, I had an

30:30

argument with a relative who's very left wing

30:32

and she said that, I, look, I'm all

30:35

for trans, I'm all for plastic surgery if

30:37

it makes you feel better about yourself as

30:39

an adult. I don't believe kids should be

30:41

doing it. Fight me. But anyway, my, my

30:43

relative of mine, she goes, I said, so I said, yeah, yeah,

30:45

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I would never have

30:48

sex with a trans person. I just

30:50

want to have sex with someone who

30:52

is biologically a woman. And she goes,

30:54

well, but she's, they've now a woman.

30:56

They've become a woman. It's none of your business.

30:58

And I said, well, they should tell me. They

31:00

should tell me. I should know. I should know.

31:03

I should have that knowledge and make my own

31:05

decision. Why should they tell you? Because it's

31:07

a question I asked in the world before

31:09

I have sex with you. You should answer

31:11

before I have sex with you. and then

31:13

I can make my own decision up on

31:16

what I want to do. If a car's

31:18

been in an accident, right? Show

31:20

me the cut facts. No it

31:22

is, it's saying, look, I'll take it

31:24

for a ride, but has the back

31:26

bumper been ripped off? Like I'm

31:29

not Annie, I'll take it to

31:31

a devolition derby or something, I'll

31:33

sell it for parts. What am

31:35

I getting in for? That's all

31:37

you're saying. Yeah, yeah, I just

31:39

want to know where I'm ash.

31:41

I think there was one many

31:43

years ago that may have been

31:45

because I had a man's ass

31:47

fake tits and a brilliant blow

31:49

job. Well, there's the clip.

31:52

Got the clip. So, couldn't

31:54

find the clip. Jim's dad's

31:56

watching, that's what he's become.

31:59

Bloody Hollywood. I didn't do it

32:01

on purpose, but I know I like this

32:03

is my favorite thing about the trans moment

32:05

over the years is Here we go.

32:07

You know is I was thinking about it

32:09

because I worked in radio at the time

32:11

when Caitlyn Jenner Came out. Okay. I

32:13

say Mara say one of the best -looking 65 year

32:15

old women in the in the world Took

32:17

a man to do man

32:20

do it we We're

32:22

we excel it's a joke and

32:24

I remember reading the story.

32:26

Okay I was on breakfast radio in

32:28

Australia and we were talking about this

32:30

and no one really like trans wasn't

32:32

a thing as mainstreamed as it is

32:34

now and It became a political talking

32:36

point and it's been a cultural hot

32:38

button for about ten years But before

32:41

that trans wasn't really something that got

32:43

people angry It was something that most

32:45

guys were like, oh remember that trip

32:47

to bloody Thailand Something weird happened there.

32:49

No one was angry about it. No

32:51

one really cared It's only when it

32:53

gets made into a political football That's

32:55

exactly actually bad for the trans community

32:57

when it gets pushed exactly exactly they

33:00

pushed too far and then people

33:02

pushed back Even far. Yes, right? So

33:04

I've known trans people in the stand

33:06

-up comedy community for over 20 years

33:08

for over 20 years Because of course they

33:10

get into the comedy because they're outsiders

33:12

and they have a unique Perception

33:15

what's the word perspective?

33:17

Yeah, so suspect perspective

33:19

perspective. Yeah, this water's me

33:23

Nothing like being a male open miker who can't anywhere.

33:26

So you go trans suck a couple of bookers

33:28

and all you're all over I'll tell you what there

33:30

was there was a trans comic in Manchester. I'm

33:32

not gonna say a name or anything like that But

33:34

I was I was with her doing a gig

33:37

And she got into the car The

33:40

first time I met her She

33:43

got it in sat down. It was her first.

33:45

She only had the surgery a week ago Right,

33:47

right and I think the biggest compliment I could

33:49

have given her she goes I've just transitioned. I've

33:51

just had a sex change, right? And I think

33:53

the biggest compliment I could have given her was Which

33:56

way I was so

33:59

unsure I just which way were you really though

34:01

I didn't know which way I didn't know which way

34:03

it was I don't know but I think

34:05

that's a compliment I think that's a

34:07

big compliment I thought you're gonna say

34:09

she was saw because no she sat in the

34:11

seat because she just had a dick cut off

34:13

oh I thought you meant that she just got a

34:15

pussy and it been rooted for the first

34:17

time no no the pussy you just been

34:20

built They've just been a new pussy, they've

34:22

just put in new shelving. I always say

34:24

about this, you know, the trans, the trans

34:26

community has some of the highest rates of

34:28

sex work. And I've always done a joke about

34:30

this where I say, yeah, it makes sense because

34:32

you buy the investment of a vagina and it's

34:34

like a rental, you've got to, you've got to

34:36

get some revenue back to pay for itself. It

34:38

is an immense amount. And it's also because every

34:40

man has always said this, if I could get

34:43

paid to fuck, I could get paid to fuck,

34:45

I would do it, I would do it. And then

34:47

as soon as we can get paid to

34:49

fuck, it turns out we do it. Immediately.

34:51

To the point where the surgeon's probably you

34:54

have to give you some literature, like how

34:56

long to wait to be a prostitute. Yeah,

34:58

yeah, yeah, after the surgery, give it four

35:00

weeks before you sell your pussy. Now you're

35:02

probably thinking you can sell the pus. Yeah,

35:05

we've put one of these tree overrises up

35:07

there to make it smell or foresty and

35:09

nice to begin with. It's ready to go.

35:11

So anyway, that's our point is that Bonnie

35:13

Blue and Lily Phillips are in an

35:16

arms race to fuck as many people

35:18

as possible. And that's what's happening at

35:20

this moment. Well, she's about to do

35:22

Asta Mouth with a thousand and fifty

35:24

seven people as well. Yeah, I'll tell

35:26

you Wednesday. Come on the studio. Line

35:28

up. Okay, well that's how I know

35:30

I am getting more conservative as I

35:32

go. I'm even off porn these days.

35:35

You're getting more conservative. I am, because

35:37

I think it has... I'm like you're

35:39

fucking lefty old uncle. I'm way more

35:41

left wing than you. I'm super

35:43

conservative. Listen, I've lived through the

35:45

Liberty years of my time and

35:47

I've seen a lot of people

35:50

my age have been told do

35:52

whatever you want and they've sort

35:54

of feel depressed, anxious and lonely

35:56

and sort of feel... wives or

35:58

girlfriends anymore because we're becoming... increasingly

36:01

isolated. And that's why you're

36:03

right wing, what the fuck are you

36:05

talking about? That's why I feel more

36:07

conservative about like these situations, like I

36:09

don't think it's good for society. Oh

36:12

no, no, no, it's young women. It's

36:14

not good, but the laws are how

36:16

the laws are. Yeah. And if you

36:18

want, if she wasn't, I don't care

36:20

about laws, I care about culture, that's

36:23

all. Look, like pawns, it's

36:25

over. It's over, kids brainses

36:27

brains brains brains now. Yeah. Yes, I

36:29

grew up a playbook. I think

36:31

this next generation now It's like

36:33

I get a blue tablet discreetly,

36:35

but you have to because you're

36:37

so desensitized Yeah, you saw a

36:39

DP when you're in the prime

36:41

on mom's eye, but I've watched

36:43

so much stand-up comedy that you

36:45

know I can I can hear

36:47

a kitty fiddling joke It doesn't

36:49

make me wince whatsoever I'm desensitized

36:51

to stand up completely. Yeah, there's

36:53

other people who are shocked very

36:56

quick that's But you see their

36:58

cultures aren't. Oh fucking cat Stevens

37:00

over you. I'm about to entertain.

37:02

Here you go. There's where you

37:05

go. I'm just saying it all

37:07

started with legalizing the who was

37:09

the chick that wore the bikini to

37:11

the beach and it was a big

37:14

funeral. Do you remember? Oh, um, uh,

37:16

Ava Braun. Yeah, Ava. She was always

37:18

in bikinis. Was she? She was, she

37:20

was, Ava, Ava Braun would have been

37:23

an Instagram, uh, uh, uh, check. She

37:25

was, she was, There you go. Well, speak him Nazis.

37:27

Let's go into the inauguration. All right. I want to I

37:29

never said that I don't I don't I don't call Trump

37:31

a Nazi anymore. He's not a Nazi, but he used you

37:33

said it. It was exactly I'm the one who's on that

37:35

side and I'm gonna get fucking painted with that. No, it's

37:37

because Elon Elon saluted we all saw the salute. I won't

37:39

actually do it, but he went tap tap tap and then

37:42

he ducked out, but you did it did it with a

37:44

real snap, but you did it with a real snap, but

37:46

you did it with a real snap, but you did it

37:48

with a real snap, but you did it with a real

37:50

snap, but you did it with a real snap, but you did it

37:52

with a real snap, And look I have sympathy

37:54

for these folks, he's clearly autistic.

37:57

He's got Aspergers, he was in front

37:59

of a crowd. It's not one of his

38:01

great talents and he has pulled out what does

38:03

look to be a Nazi salute and I was

38:05

reading about the fallout from this and they're

38:07

saying it's disgusting. Donald Trump says we're returning America

38:09

to a golden age and now we've got a

38:12

guy doing Nazi salutes and let me tell you

38:14

something Jim. This is the American Golden Period.

38:16

A Nazi who's promising to take Americans

38:19

to space is literally what made America

38:21

great. The NASA... How long have you

38:23

been holding that in your back pocket

38:25

ready to say? NASA! You've been driving

38:27

around with that little gem. You're like

38:30

that. The Nazis helping us get to

38:32

space back to the Golden Era. And

38:34

he says make America great again. We

38:36

had Werner von Braun. Under Operation Paper

38:39

clip, the German Nazi scientist took

38:41

us to space. Now we've got

38:43

another guy who engineers cars and is

38:45

taking us to space. This is a

38:47

return to normalcy. If you're going to

38:49

get genius figures like a Howard Hoos,

38:51

a Nikola Tesla, they're fucking odd. He

38:53

doesn't communicate well. He's been given too

38:56

much of a platform. He needs to

38:58

go back to a basement, make some

39:00

cool shit, and just take a break

39:02

from public speaker. He's clearly a genius.

39:04

Right, and I look, as we said on

39:07

the last podcast, there's a picture of me

39:09

in my Tesla with cats and I haven't

39:11

had more anger. Well, first of all, I

39:13

got the Tesla before he started to become

39:16

all Trumpy, right? And it's my third Tesla,

39:18

right? I get them on leases. When the

39:20

lease runs out, I'm thinking of going a

39:23

non-Nazi vehicle like a B&W. I think it

39:25

was. I'm going to go from Tesla to

39:27

a BMW so I don't look like a

39:29

Nazi. I think that was crazy. Melissa Milano

39:32

said that she was like I'm quitting Tesla

39:34

and that I think she did get a

39:36

Volkswagen. It's like the logo of Volkswagen

39:38

is the swastika when it's in motion. Is

39:40

it? If you look at the old

39:43

Volkswagen logo, when it spins, it does

39:45

give the appearance of a swastika. Well,

39:47

you know, the Volkswagen beetle was, the

39:49

design was approved by Hitler. The people

39:51

moving, mover, he wanted, Hitler actually

39:53

said more headroom. He said, I

39:56

want more headroom, I don't like with

39:58

me heading to the top, more headroom. Is

40:00

that what it was? Yeah, more headrooms. They made

40:02

that fucking beetle. So you could get the hand up?

40:04

Yeah, you could get the head up. You got

40:06

those convertibles, those old Volkswagen Beetle, which just had clips.

40:09

So Elon was, it is interesting because

40:11

obviously, know, I've got a lot of

40:13

Trump supporting friends, right? I lean more

40:16

conservative and throughout the campaign everyone was

40:18

like, oh, this is so scary. This

40:20

is the beginning of a new fascist

40:22

takeover of America. And I've always been

40:24

like, that's ridiculous. And then I turn

40:26

on the news and I saw the, from

40:29

Elon and I thought, we don't need the

40:31

heat right now, man. Yeah, it was a

40:33

bad time. It was misguided. But I will

40:35

remind you, he is a white South African. So

40:38

shout out to Bill and Johnty. And

40:41

they're built. Oh,

40:43

Johnty and Bob. We don't want to

40:45

lose the sponsorship. Bob and Johnty's built on.

40:48

But so the viral post was about

40:50

Elon being there and he's so exuberant

40:52

and happy. And then everyone says there's

40:54

another form of sort of autism with

40:56

Trump's largest son, Baron, who I think is probably

40:58

the future emperor of the United States. Did you see

41:00

Baron? He's six nine. He's looking good. He's really

41:02

tall. Back super tall. Yeah. And he got the biggest

41:05

clap of the night. I don't know if you

41:07

saw the clip, but they introduced him at one of

41:09

the balls and he got a louder clap than

41:11

any of his siblings. Did he cover his ears and

41:13

start screaming? Well, he actually did this. He pulled

41:15

his hand out and was like, cheering the crowd up

41:17

to give him a big laugh. And it's like

41:19

he's finally found his personality because he used to be

41:21

super shy and everyone used to make fun of

41:23

him. But in the end, he was like a 14

41:25

year old kid and your dad's the president.

41:27

No, no, horrible. And your mum doesn't

41:29

want to be there and you're like,

41:31

what's going on here? Do you think

41:33

Melania and Trump are still in love?

41:35

I don't know. What do you think? There's

41:38

obviously marriage of convenience elements, but at the same

41:40

time, dude, he's up there dancing with the village

41:42

people. Everyone's applauding him.

41:44

He's made one of the great political comebacks.

41:46

Is that not sexy? Because I've always thought

41:48

when No, it's not about being sexy. See,

41:50

I think Bill and the

41:52

other woman, who was he married to?

41:54

Melinda Gates. Oh, sorry. Bill

41:57

and Hillary Clinton. Now obviously Bill is...

41:59

fucking around has been fucking around that's

42:01

his thing yeah they're both power players

42:03

who have been on the rise yeah

42:05

and I think I still think they

42:07

have a marriage where they probably are best

42:09

mates and they sit around the house I think

42:11

they know no I think they still get along

42:13

those two I still do and I think

42:15

probably look it's as you as

42:18

you get older you start to learn

42:20

like look if my wife you

42:25

get old you don't want to have another relationship

42:27

you just happy with the one you got

42:29

as long as you get along with the person

42:31

day to day well it's just so maybe

42:33

think I think like Trump and Melania maybe I

42:35

don't think they're fucking people this way I

42:37

don't think they're fucking but I don't think she gives

42:39

a fuck if she's fucking anymore and he still wants

42:41

to fuck I think he I think I reckon he

42:43

gets it once a month

42:45

or something she comes over I

42:47

fist her with my small hands if

42:49

the guy that wrote the art

42:52

of the deal can't secure a route

42:54

once a month in the White House

42:56

it's old as you know he's like 78

42:58

yeah who wants it more than once a month

43:00

if you all get in testosterone shots he's

43:02

getting testosterone shots I don't I've done it a

43:04

couple times testosterone I'm not I'm not gonna

43:06

be a person who's regularly on testosterone I can't

43:08

do it I just Wednesday I just

43:10

you know it's more than masturbating on the

43:12

road just it would be funny if you

43:14

keep taking it and you up the dose

43:16

and we see how much of a Rogan

43:18

like podcast this becomes for you if you

43:20

if you get into jiu -jitsu can we do

43:23

that could we get you with more testosterone

43:25

and then we send you to my tea

43:27

my tea counts weren't that low to begin

43:29

with that no they were all right they're

43:31

right they'd be higher than yours now I

43:33

have more testosterone because I reckon me testosterone

43:35

as we speak higher than you in the

43:37

time I've known you you've become more

43:39

and more of a bitch as time's gone

43:41

by I will agree with that it's

43:44

the food I have to be this is

43:46

what I think of RFK I think

43:48

of RFK I am I I'm the they

43:50

got that rid of that red food

43:52

coloring fantastic well let's do that you know

43:54

you know when that red food coloring

43:56

was invented it was passed by the

43:58

FDA you know what 19 1908. 1908.

44:00

1908 was part by the FDA and

44:03

we haven't touched it since and

44:05

it's proven to give cancer to mice.

44:07

We haven't proven it in humans

44:09

because we can't test it enough

44:11

to actually sit you know just

44:13

test that many people. So red dye

44:16

three. Pointless. This is what it's like.

44:18

Any food dye is pointless. Give

44:20

me bland colored food. I don't

44:22

need it to be bright. This

44:24

is what's so annoying when you're

44:26

on the... You brand that a

44:28

conspiracy person. I've said this about

44:30

America for my whole life. The

44:32

whole world knows your food is

44:34

poison And then suddenly someone who

44:36

you don't like in RFK or

44:38

Trump says the food's poison and

44:40

all of a sudden everyone defends

44:42

like craft and and big food

44:44

companies goes they're good people There's

44:46

companies McDonald's tastes different in Australia. Yeah,

44:48

it tastes better. It is better in

44:51

Australia Skittles don't have all these food

44:53

colorings in other countries Adults can still

44:55

buy their stuff and not, but kids'

44:57

foods are filled with fucking shit. I

45:00

am all for getting rid of all

45:02

the chemicals and unnecessary shit that just

45:04

saves companies money. Like vaccines, I agree.

45:06

And let's move on to the next.

45:08

No, vaccine. We got it. You're there

45:10

scooping everything in the same thing, right?

45:13

RFK's not a fucking scientist, nor is

45:15

he a doctor? No, but stop. But

45:17

he has common sense when it comes

45:19

to food, not common sense when it

45:21

comes to vaccines when it comes to

45:23

vaccines. I don't. And the FDA, which job

45:26

is to regulate your food, now if every

45:28

other country... They're fucking used to it. If

45:30

every other, if every other country decided that

45:32

things like red dye was bad for you

45:34

and other food products, additives were bad

45:36

for human beings, why didn't America do

45:38

it? It's not like they don't have

45:40

this. Because they're corrupt. Because they're corrupt.

45:43

Now, why is it a strong extension

45:45

to say in medicine? Is there a chance

45:47

that the same body that's job is

45:49

to regulate may also be protecting big

45:51

businesses and giving us bad medicines or

45:53

certainly not testing them rigorously enough?

45:55

For the most part. No one's

45:57

saying banned vaccines. Let's be honest.

45:59

No one saying ban vaccine, loads of

46:02

people are saying ban vaccine. Yes they

46:04

are, but they're saying no one saying

46:06

bad vaccine. RFK, his point, right, when

46:09

push comes to shove is, let's see

46:11

all the data. Let's just be open

46:13

and transparent about it. RFK, you're like

46:16

me, I'm the gun control guy. Still

46:18

have a fucking uncle and a dad.

46:20

If you listen to me. Well, if

46:22

you really think that the CIA couldn't

46:25

have got a gun to a. A

46:27

couple of those guys. Oh, you think

46:29

the CIA did it? I think the

46:32

CIA did it in everything. It's a

46:34

game of working back to what the

46:36

CIA did. Conspiracy. Well, this is what

46:39

also is driving me. This is what

46:41

it was also driving me mad about

46:43

the Donald Trump thing. I'm looking at

46:45

all these lefties. Many of my friends.

46:48

Hmm. Hello. Yeah. Hello Bob. The fact

46:50

that all these people are going like,

46:52

oh no, we're entering an oligarchy in

46:55

America today. Have you been paying it?

46:57

It's been like this since about 1950.

46:59

America has been a, it's been corrupt.

47:02

Billionaires have called the shots forever and

47:04

only now are they going, this is

47:06

maybe, maybe billionaires are having too much

47:09

of a control over things. You don't

47:11

think that was happening for Biden. It's

47:13

just the fact that we've got this

47:15

Asperger's, Elon must jumping up and down,

47:18

drawing attention to it. I don't believe

47:20

that. Anyone who wants to be president

47:22

is a good person. I don't believe

47:25

that you can be because or you

47:27

at very least you have to be

47:29

a megal maniac or What's the other

47:32

one the socio- sociopath if you if

47:34

you can just sign off like Send

47:36

this missile here send these soldiers here.

47:39

Yeah, and then just go to bed

47:41

that day That's tough going. Why would

47:43

you want the job? Why would you

47:45

want to campaign all that time and

47:48

have everyone call you a piece of

47:50

shit? That's psychotic to want that job.

47:52

The only person where you think, oh

47:55

he seemed like a nice bike was

47:57

Jimmy Carter, but even then he probably

47:59

had... effective. Yeah, too many feelings involved.

48:02

Yeah, exactly. But like Obama, for example,

48:04

great talker, right? And you think, oh,

48:06

all the hope and all that type

48:08

of stuff, he loved the power. Loved

48:11

it. Love the power. They all love

48:13

it. Love it. Love the, love the,

48:15

love the wars, because everyone ultimately in

48:18

the United States is at the best

48:20

of major companies, many of the military

48:22

industrial companies. And only now, to all

48:25

the lefties, as soon as this is

48:27

what, this is what's sad. All of the

48:29

young lefties go, oh we have to

48:31

stand with the FBI and the CIA

48:33

and the institutions. And then when a

48:36

left-wing politicians in, they go, the institutions

48:38

are corrupt and the economy is bad

48:40

and the military is doing awful things

48:43

overseas. And it's like, they're always like

48:45

this. Stop. Why do you like the

48:47

FBI all of a sudden? You fucking

48:49

hack. What do you like the FBI?

48:52

What do you like the FBI?

48:54

The institutions are corrupt. I'm either a fascist

48:56

or a communist at this point. I don't know which one,

48:58

but I'm either way. So what's your opinion on health care?

49:00

Should we have health care? Universal health care. Not here in

49:02

America, but back at home where I can escape to it. Yeah,

49:04

yeah. Do you want there to be universal health care in America?

49:06

I think health care should be better. I mean, I'm not going

49:08

to lay out of health care platform, but... What do you think?

49:11

We should pay for it or not? I think about it. Should

49:13

everybody you have access to it. Should everybody you have

49:15

access to it. Should everybody you have access to it.

49:17

They should have access to it, but I also

49:19

think America needs to clean up its food.

49:21

I think it needs to clean up its

49:23

food Yeah, I'm not I'm not like righty

49:26

lefty. I just play issue with the medicine

49:28

thing They're too fat here for health care

49:30

medicine for profit. They're too fat Oh yeah,

49:32

they're too fat. Because I used

49:34

to joke about this a lot.

49:37

But hey, hey, hey, hey. Oh,

49:39

but in Norway they get healthcare?

49:41

They ice skate to work. Yeah,

49:44

I know. These pigs cannot be

49:46

in chewate. Okay, first of all,

49:49

it's 330 million pigs. A

49:51

lot of pigs. Yeah, look, I am,

49:53

I am, I am, I am not

49:55

a, what's the word? I'm not, I'm

49:57

not, I'm not nice to the fat,

49:59

right. you're a parent especially

50:01

to get yourself into fucking

50:03

shape and that's why a zimpic.

50:06

So you have them as a sponsor

50:08

yet? Yeah. Meth. Meth will do it.

50:10

Can you get AIDS all the

50:12

way to the end and then

50:14

start taking those tablets that make

50:16

it all right? Yeah, the Fauchy

50:18

tablets. That'll get you thin. Yeah. Now

50:20

let me let me follow that up.

50:22

by saying, let me just think about

50:24

it. You agree that people should have

50:27

medical care? Of course, I love coming

50:29

from a country like Australia. What about

50:31

abortions? Should they be legal? I guess.

50:33

But you know, my issue with abortion, I'm

50:35

fine for abortions. I want them to be,

50:37

what's the old left wing? I used to

50:40

be, I can see myself an old lefty.

50:42

Safe legal and rare. But for some reason

50:44

it's become this thing where people will

50:46

like later and later tell abortions and

50:48

they glorify it as something great. I

50:50

think that there should be unwanted people

50:52

brought into the world. I believe that

50:54

that's not good for anybody. Unwanted people,

50:57

unloved people, unloved people. It's not

50:59

a good recipe for success. I

51:01

mean, you've seen me do staniff

51:03

about it, but I think keep all the babies.

51:05

I bought none of them, keep the babies, grow

51:07

them in a lab, and put them in the

51:09

US military. You are slightly wanted. And you're still

51:12

struggling. And I've still got problems. Yeah, you've

51:14

still got problems. And you have somewhat wanted.

51:16

More I want the children means. that at

51:18

a born means more comedians. All right, so

51:20

basically you're a lefty. No, I consider myself

51:22

to be an old left-leaning person. I don't

51:25

like the veering towards a lot of the

51:27

groupings where everyone's grouped up, like we

51:29

spoke in the last episode, where

51:31

it's all about your identity, your

51:33

sexuality, what race you were born

51:35

into. I'm more class-conscious and think

51:38

that we need left-wing politics that

51:40

looks after people's economic interests rather

51:42

than dividing us on what... group you

51:44

are and what you were born into. I

51:46

don't really give a fuck about any of

51:48

those things. I like left-wing politics when it

51:50

was like housing should be cheaper. You should be

51:52

paid for a good day's work. You can't make

51:55

housing cheaper. How do you make housing cheaper? Well

51:57

you need to limit immigration and you need to

51:59

make it. I'm a problem. I've come

52:01

to this country and created extra

52:03

demand. This is what I reckon.

52:06

Support me is what I'm saying.

52:08

This is how I reckon you run the

52:10

world, right? This is how you run the

52:12

world. Get rid of borders. No

52:14

more borders. No. The whole world's

52:16

one, right? You're a fucking John Madden

52:19

song. Wait for it. Wait for it.

52:21

Wait for it. Wait. You're a fucking

52:23

John Madden song. Wait for it.

52:25

You're going to live in for

52:27

five dollars a day. Right? What

52:29

you're saying is basically what most

52:31

right-wing people think that the global

52:33

cabal conspiracy is, which is they

52:35

want the whole world to be

52:37

governed by them and they get

52:40

to live no government. We

52:42

all just run around. We all have to

52:44

move off. We all just run around. We

52:46

all just run around. We have barbed

52:48

wire fences like South Africa. Why are

52:50

we going to South Africa? And the

52:53

world will be as one. No, I haven't

52:55

got a quick fix. No, there is

52:57

no quick fix. It's the thumbs up.

52:59

That's Trump's one. Is he loves just

53:01

getting the thumb up? I gotta give

53:03

it up to the village people, like,

53:06

like what they've done for a buck,

53:08

right? Let's be honest. What is the YMCA

53:10

song about? It's about, it's about...

53:12

Dude's getting fucked in a hostel?

53:14

It's fucking in showers in a

53:16

hostel. Right? When you're a young man

53:18

who's been kicked out of your home,

53:20

there's a place you can go. I

53:23

said, young man, when you're short on

53:25

your day. And everyone, all these right

53:27

wing people are dancing around to basically

53:29

a song about bumming in the shower.

53:31

Yeah, there's a lot of conservative people

53:33

who go, all this gay propaganders everywhere

53:36

and they go and clap the village

53:38

people and Trump dancing with them. Yeah,

53:40

and then they come out. Now they're

53:42

five gay guys of different races. They

53:44

shouldn't typically be voting for Trump, right?

53:46

But that's their payday. They're back in the

53:48

charts. They're making a lot of money again. They

53:50

get to do a big concert. So they've sold

53:53

their soul a little bit, right? Yeah, maybe even

53:55

the village people understood that inflation had gotten out

53:57

of control. And they got rid of the Indian,

53:59

didn't they? Have you seen how expensive? Oh,

54:01

the Indian was still there? He was there.

54:03

There was a guy in a headdress. There

54:06

was a guy there. Oh, we still had

54:08

the Indian headdress? I don't know, no, no,

54:10

no. No, no, it wasn't Indian. It was

54:12

Vavek Ramaswami. Oh, I was going to, I

54:15

was going to, I was going to, I

54:17

was going to be the sixth memory of

54:19

the village people, but I was just going

54:21

to do one of those hats with corks

54:24

on it with corks on it from Australia.

54:26

If you haven't seen it, there's a stereotype

54:28

of Australia where we wear a brimmed hat

54:31

and we have bits of stringing off and

54:33

we put wine corks on the bottom of

54:35

the thing and you're meant to go like

54:37

this and they switch around and that stops

54:40

flies from getting you. But no one's ever

54:42

worn one seriously. Only people have worn them

54:44

as a parody. Maybe there's a blow in

54:46

the outback. I might make a hat. Yeah,

54:49

well we've got mesh now, you know, I

54:51

think it was just so it was just

54:53

an alcoholic photo of the bloke and a

54:55

hat. They're very easy to find. So the

54:58

one I wanted to discuss with you outside

55:00

the inauguration is obviously, we'll do a lot

55:02

of stuff about Donald Trump's term, but we

55:04

should finish off Joe Biden. Hey, well let

55:07

me say, I wish Donald Trump, good luck

55:09

man. I don't want this to be a

55:11

shit for years. It all works. I'm not

55:13

optimistic, I think he's a buffoon, but good

55:16

luck to him. I hope you guys well.

55:18

He's got an interesting team around him when

55:20

we want to see the end of war.

55:22

And a lot of those wars... Never say

55:25

we again. Well, you and I. You and

55:27

I. No, Jim loves wars. He'd like to

55:29

send... We're actually raising money for more bombs

55:32

for the Ukraine. You know my... I don't

55:34

believe we ever should make another weapon in

55:36

this world ever again. That's how hippie I

55:38

am, man. What are we making weapons for?

55:41

What are we making weapons for? There has

55:43

to be new weapons. We've dropped two nuclear

55:45

bombs. Yeah, do the research. Make one prototype

55:47

so it's ready to go if we need

55:50

it. Have it on ice always. Yeah, have

55:52

it on ice, ready to go, but we

55:54

don't have to make them. I think those

55:56

weapons still exist. We can beat China. We

55:59

can beat Russia. If your crane gets too

56:01

big for their boots, we can, you know,

56:03

anywhere we want. Timor. Timor. No

56:05

one in America knows what Timor. Yeah, we

56:08

can give them a good going over.

56:10

Barley, don't get too little, Barley.

56:12

We already took over Barley, don't

56:14

you worry about that. That's our

56:16

island. We're gonna send in soldiers,

56:18

just a whole lot of Australian,

56:20

like, oh, Bonnie Blue's there. So Joe

56:22

Biden. We have to finish off his

56:25

reign. He finished by pardoning. All of

56:27

his family members in perpetuity first of

56:29

all before we get into him Let's

56:31

just say say one thing He was more

56:33

of a class actor than Trump was new

56:35

He met him on the stairs. He left

56:37

the note in the desk He did all

56:39

the things that he meant to do when

56:41

the peaceful transfer of power. I thought you

56:43

were saying with the pardoning because you know

56:45

no the parting they all did but Trump

56:47

got in and he had a pile of

56:50

fucking shit that he was turning over his

56:52

executive with these fucking psychopath signature

56:54

has anyone ever analyze that

56:56

signature. That signature is Jeffrey Darmus'

56:58

fucking signature or... Why? Because he

57:00

does lots of squiggles. No, it's

57:03

just up and down and up

57:05

and down. It's like, sleut, sleut,

57:07

sleut. Like it's just bang, bang,

57:09

bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

57:12

It goes up and down. And

57:14

then he tries to sell watches

57:16

and that's the big centerpiece. Your

57:18

watches is shit, mate. Until Trump

57:21

wears one of his one of

57:23

his own watches. same prices. Well

57:25

if you buy a Trump coin you can save enough

57:27

money to get a Rolex. A lot of friends made

57:30

a lot of money on the Trump coin. With

57:32

that like a Doge thing. Yeah I didn't love

57:34

it. I didn't love I don't like the president

57:36

pumping his own crypto. I must say. I don't

57:38

like the president's pumping his own crypto.

57:40

I must say. I don't like the

57:43

president. We didn't like the president doing

57:45

crypto a doing crypto and then the

57:47

president gets him. We shouldn't we

57:49

shouldn't be selling me. For Trump, okay,

57:52

so he pardons Fauci. Yes, this

57:54

is gonna be the big one.

57:56

He gives a blanket pardon

57:58

for Dr Tony Fauci. for

58:00

any crimes he may have committed over COVID. It's

58:03

not a great look for your innocence when

58:05

you're get. Well, we still get to find out the

58:07

crimes, even though he's pardoned. Well, that's

58:09

what, you need the day in court

58:12

to find out what exactly did

58:14

go on, because Dr. Tony Fauci, I

58:17

know a lot of your lefties, they love Dr.

58:19

Tony Fauci. I don't like Fauci. The

58:21

man, the level of lies

58:23

through COVID that we're

58:25

starting to uncover. Such as?

58:28

Oh, it came from a wet market. No, the

58:30

wet market never came from a wet market. Never

58:32

came from a wet market. And you know what

58:34

they said, wet market, they said wet market

58:37

to us because we all didn't know what

58:39

a wet market was. And then everyone said

58:41

wet market with a lot of confidence, a

58:43

wet market. It just means that it's stuff

58:45

that's, what does wet market mean? It's

58:47

though, you've been to the Chinese places where

58:49

it's just all the animals are laid out. Yeah,

58:51

I know why it called wet? I think

58:53

it was the fish, because you know, they throw

58:55

water on the fish and it keeps them

58:57

flapping alive. They don't put them on ice over

59:00

there. They them. They're cutting fillets out of

59:02

fucking fish and the fish is still alive, just

59:04

looking at you like that. It's fucking horrendous.

59:06

But anyway, we obviously find Didn't come from the

59:08

wet market. It came from Wuhan in the

59:10

virus laboratory. And the United States in secret programs

59:12

has been doing gain a function research to

59:14

weaponize viruses and then there's a massive fuck up

59:17

in a leak and it goes on to

59:19

create COVID and there's no accountability about it whatsoever.

59:21

I think the Chinese were fucking around with

59:23

it. I didn't think it was us. It was

59:25

us. Why was it us? Because we set

59:27

up these laboratories in China, in Ukraine and in

59:29

China. We've got co -share programs with them where

59:31

we were testing those weapons. feel like we'd

59:34

be co -sharing with China. I'd have to see

59:36

more information. The problem with you is, you're fucking,

59:38

you've read a few things that may or

59:40

may not be true and I've read nothing. So

59:42

you have the upper hand. So

59:45

I've read zero things, so you can say

59:47

anything and I have to go, all right, I

59:49

guess, to quote my

59:52

last podcast. I don't know about that. I

59:54

don't know. He also created

59:56

AIDS, but that's didn't create. Have

59:58

you ever seen who's patient? zero and

1:00:00

eights. He was a Canadian

1:00:02

air steward. You look

1:00:04

at that fella. He spent more rates than

1:00:06

he was like the first one. Google first.

1:00:09

Yeah. And he's like, he's like a sort

1:00:11

of Peter Allen type guy. He has like

1:00:13

a little bandana tied around his neck and

1:00:15

he went, he just went from, because he

1:00:17

was an air steward, he went from country

1:00:19

to country. Yeah, the worst guy and he

1:00:21

brought it around the world. Canadian would have

1:00:23

been so polite. I'll look that up. You

1:00:26

look up Dr. Tony Fauci's work with the

1:00:28

CDC that he's done for a very long

1:00:30

period of time. Investigating and

1:00:32

fucking with the, why are we fucking

1:00:34

with these viruses? Just in

1:00:36

general, we, because we want to make them a,

1:00:38

a basically a weapon we can unleash in another

1:00:40

country that wipes them out. That is, it could

1:00:42

be that we're looking to find cures for these

1:00:44

things. It could be that there was another COVID

1:00:47

that was similar. It could be that you're looking

1:00:49

for a vaccine. There's a lot of reasons. I

1:00:51

believe they were fucking around with viruses. This is

1:00:53

what I believe, right? I believe they were fucking

1:00:55

around with viruses and it got out either

1:00:58

on purpose or by accident. And I can't tell. I

1:01:00

wasn't there. I wasn't in the Wuhan laboratory. You

1:01:02

know, you know how I think it got out? I

1:01:04

think it got out the same way that everything

1:01:06

gets out. Someone was shit at their job, the

1:01:09

end. Someone was shit at their job. If

1:01:11

you've worked at any employment in the

1:01:13

entire world, there's always someone who's shit. What

1:01:15

I want to finish on with this

1:01:18

is what pisses me off is all the

1:01:20

establishment people blame Donald Trump for everything.

1:01:22

Oh, the decay of democracy and the

1:01:24

institutions. The truth is, is the institutions

1:01:26

let us down. And not all of

1:01:28

them. There's lots of good people inside

1:01:30

them, but they lied about COVID. They

1:01:32

lied about social distancing because they always

1:01:34

think, listen, we can't tell social distancing

1:01:36

didn't work. It did work. It was

1:01:38

an airborne thing. They made it up.

1:01:40

So the six feet they made up. Well,

1:01:43

you had to have some distance. This is what I'm

1:01:45

saying. Then they said, don't wear a mask. Don't wear

1:01:47

a mask. At the beginning, they said, don't wear a

1:01:49

mask because what they said that for was they didn't

1:01:51

have enough and they didn't want to create panic. So

1:01:53

they said, save the mask for the doctors. Then when

1:01:56

they did get enough, they said, actually, we made that

1:01:58

up. You do need a mask. lies

1:02:00

like that treat people like their idiots

1:02:02

so you're always better off being honest

1:02:04

and this has happened with the media the media

1:02:06

is lied about way too many things because in

1:02:08

their heart of hearts they think if I'm if

1:02:11

I'm giving them a fair criticism well

1:02:13

it's hard to actually be completely honest

1:02:15

so let's just try and give our basic

1:02:17

facts that miss out in certain details just

1:02:19

like when Donald Trump you know he's they

1:02:22

said when he gets to office he said he's gonna

1:02:24

cause a blood bath when he never said

1:02:26

bloodbath about that, he was talking

1:02:28

about a bloodbath to the economy.

1:02:30

These little lies have all added

1:02:32

up and now no one trusts

1:02:34

anything mainstream anymore. Okay, tell me

1:02:36

this thing. Is there anything? They committed

1:02:38

suicide. Is there anything untrustworthy

1:02:40

about Donald Trump? Oh my God,

1:02:43

absolutely. And if so what? Listen,

1:02:45

Donald Trump is a very obvious grifter

1:02:47

type who's come along at a

1:02:50

perfect time and a guy like that

1:02:52

could only... come at the end of

1:02:54

an institution. The institutions are... Oh, we're

1:02:56

a Malania fissor asshole. They have lied so

1:02:58

many times about so many things that this

1:03:00

became the best option. And so when

1:03:02

Donald Trump beats you twice, look at

1:03:04

yourself and say how rotten must we be.

1:03:06

It doesn't matter anymore, because it'll be

1:03:09

over for you. Just write out. That

1:03:11

Baron will take over in four years

1:03:13

as Emperor. It's going to happen. And

1:03:15

then Donald's going to become vice. You

1:03:17

can still become bites, you know. Even

1:03:19

his son? Yeah! Dude, that's Darth Vader.

1:03:21

He can fucking make Donald Jr. become

1:03:23

present and there's no terms. We don't

1:03:26

want Don Junior. No, we want Don

1:03:28

Junior. No, we want a 6.9. Then

1:03:30

you don't have to change too many

1:03:32

things. Lithograms on the, on the, on

1:03:34

the, fucking tails and shit. Yeah, yeah,

1:03:36

yeah, yeah. You just have to change

1:03:38

a J to an S. That's it. Don't

1:03:41

see, you don't see it. But that's

1:03:43

that's what I think is going to

1:03:45

happen. And so if you're a young

1:03:47

angry lefty and you and you and

1:03:49

you think that the mainstream TV and

1:03:51

the FBI and the CIA were wonderful

1:03:53

institutions They weren't they fucked up to the point

1:03:56

where this is what you get. So enjoy it.

1:03:58

And while you're there buy a crypto scam?

1:04:00

All right, Kate, let's let's let's give it

1:04:02

now. Give us give us your

1:04:04

predictions, so we can record it right

1:04:06

now for this government for

1:04:08

a years time from now. My prediction.

1:04:11

What's good? What's bad? What have they

1:04:13

done right? What are they done

1:04:15

wrong? My predictions are this. When you

1:04:17

are at the end of empire, stop trying

1:04:19

to get a job, buy a house and

1:04:21

do everything right. Now is not the year,

1:04:23

there's no middle class anymore.

1:04:26

Whatever money you can buy any

1:04:28

scam crypto coin you can. and gamble

1:04:30

because we are picking over the ashes

1:04:32

of a decayed empire. That's what I

1:04:34

really think. If a Nigerian scam has

1:04:37

sent you an email, give him the money.

1:04:39

Who knows? What laws do you think Trump

1:04:41

will bring in that will make the world

1:04:43

better? Do you think immigration will be less?

1:04:45

Do you think the economy will be better?

1:04:48

Do you think housing will be lower? Fact

1:04:50

number one, definitely they will stop a mass stream of people

1:04:52

coming into the country unchecked. Now I don't care if you're

1:04:54

a fucking lefty or a righty on that one. To me,

1:04:56

the pure common sense as a foreigner was, I spent $10,000

1:04:59

and had background check after background check to get

1:05:01

to this country. Obama turned away more people at the border

1:05:03

than Trump did, that's just a fact, and Clinton built more

1:05:05

wall. Yeah, I'm aware of this. Right? That's why I'm saying,

1:05:07

so why I'm saying, when Donald Trump came that they painted

1:05:09

they painted it, that they painted it, that they painted it,

1:05:11

that he was some evil fascist that he was some evil fascist

1:05:14

that was controlling immigration, that was controlling immigration,

1:05:16

that was controlling immigration, that was controlling immigration.

1:05:18

I don't believe in illegal immigration. I believe

1:05:20

in legal immigration. I don't know, but what

1:05:22

I'm saying is, is they did this sign

1:05:24

up on the public where they thought Donald

1:05:26

Trump was the big nasty evil man who

1:05:28

puts kids in cages when they were built

1:05:30

by Barack Obama. That's what I mean about

1:05:32

media lying. They hid it for the Democratic

1:05:34

candidate and then they illuminated it for

1:05:36

the Republican. Yeah, but Trump did say

1:05:39

a lot of shit. Yeah, he said

1:05:41

the truth. He called him rapists and

1:05:43

murderers and some of them might be

1:05:45

good people. Of course, he's rough, but

1:05:47

the truth is that gangs are coming

1:05:50

across the border and you know it

1:05:52

moving to America. It's really fucking hard

1:05:54

for a lot of people to get

1:05:56

here. And then when you see people

1:05:58

walking across the border... You go, is

1:06:00

it okay to ask him a couple questions?

1:06:03

Dude, dude, first of all, I would want

1:06:05

to be a legal immigrant. It's fucking stressful

1:06:07

being a legal immigrant, right? I wouldn't want

1:06:09

to do it, right? But, look, it turns

1:06:12

out living in Mexico might suck. That's

1:06:14

why they want to fucking come over. But

1:06:16

I believe people should do it legally.

1:06:18

I don't believe in illegal immigration. I

1:06:20

believe more immigrants. I believe we should have

1:06:23

more immigrants because we need people to do

1:06:25

menial jobs etc. that people just don't want

1:06:27

to fucking do. But this is the thing.

1:06:29

Like if you go to Australia. But this

1:06:31

is why I'm not, I'm actually more left-wing

1:06:33

than you. If you go to Australia, who

1:06:35

builds your new roof? There's an Australian

1:06:37

boat. Yeah, tradeees. Tradeees. These are guys that

1:06:39

get pussy men. They wear high vis fucking

1:06:41

outfits. The women really like them. They're plumbers,

1:06:43

they're electricians and stuff like that stuff like

1:06:45

that. Man, my kids' school, they're not telling

1:06:47

any of them, maybe go get an apprenticeship?

1:06:49

Which they, 100% should. We always joke about

1:06:51

it, the high vis in Australia, the clothing

1:06:53

gets brighter because those guys want to be

1:06:55

seen because it's a status symbol to work

1:06:57

with your hands in Australia. Women think it's

1:06:59

sexy if you can fix things. Dude, the

1:07:01

amount of people living in LA who I

1:07:03

talk to, and they're like, yeah man,

1:07:06

we need a legal immigration because who's

1:07:08

going to pick the fruit? If you're

1:07:10

going to pick the fruit? If you're

1:07:12

saying that, if you're saying that. That

1:07:14

is not a progressive left-wing decision. You're

1:07:16

essentially saying we need borderline slavery to

1:07:18

keep our economy working. People who come

1:07:20

across the border illegally are taken advantage

1:07:22

of often where they have to work

1:07:24

terrible jobs, get paid little because the

1:07:26

unspoken truth is if you fuck me

1:07:28

off, you're gone and you'll be back

1:07:30

across the border. What we actually need

1:07:32

is people to be paid fair money to

1:07:34

do manual labour. So I'm both left wing

1:07:36

and right wing. Right, but what about,

1:07:39

people are taking advantage of whether they're

1:07:41

a legal immigrants. What about we

1:07:43

get the same prisoners who put the

1:07:45

fires out? Those guys did a great job.

1:07:47

Let's get them roofing. Yeah, well no,

1:07:49

no fruit picking. We don't have to make

1:07:51

them roofers. Don't have to make them roofers.

1:07:53

Fruit picking, whatever it is. But you

1:07:55

are not a progressive, orange is the

1:07:58

new orange. Orange picks the orange. The

1:08:00

new fruit program here in California. Orange is

1:08:02

a new orange. Yeah, so stop saying we

1:08:04

need left, we need the female prisoners can

1:08:06

make James. We need these people to come

1:08:08

across the border because they do the work. It's

1:08:11

not gonna go well, let's joke. Make the

1:08:13

jobs worthwhile for people that fucking live

1:08:15

here. There's a lot of people on the

1:08:17

poverty line. Don't just give them more people

1:08:19

to compete against and drive wages lower. There's

1:08:21

a reason right wingers and left wingers both

1:08:24

loved an open border. All right, the

1:08:26

left love it because they're like,

1:08:28

we're emotional and we care about

1:08:30

people's journey to a new country

1:08:32

and the right loved it because

1:08:34

they said, oh, they'll do anything

1:08:36

for a buck. I haven't met

1:08:38

a right wing person who loves

1:08:40

it and I don't really, most

1:08:42

big businesses love it. I don't

1:08:44

think the majority of people like

1:08:46

illegal immigration. And that's why he

1:08:49

won. But they're not fucking crime,

1:08:51

they're not eating your pets, they're

1:08:53

not eating your pets. The pets

1:08:55

is probably the best. I have a

1:08:57

stray cat at the back of my

1:09:00

house that businesses every day. My wife

1:09:02

feeds it. Hasn't been eaten yet.

1:09:04

We have Mexicans everywhere. The pets

1:09:06

are the only organic food. Any

1:09:08

immigrants, but that's where the

1:09:10

illegal immigrants come from a lot. I'm

1:09:13

just saying that Mexicans don't eat the

1:09:15

pets. How can I get out of

1:09:17

this? An ad. Rollad. Roll an ad.

1:09:20

Roll an ad. Let's record. Do you

1:09:22

want to do Icelandic dating up?

1:09:24

I'm Giff. called don't fuck your sister

1:09:26

it can be tempting because they're all

1:09:28

very hot and there's not much population

1:09:30

but don't fuck your sister the country

1:09:32

only has two hundred and seventy thousand

1:09:34

people it is very hard not to

1:09:36

fuck your sister that is until we

1:09:38

came up with the new app don't

1:09:40

fuck your sister you go to the

1:09:43

bar you meet the girl you think

1:09:45

hey time for us to have fun

1:09:47

for sure then you take the picture

1:09:49

of her and it scans the face

1:09:51

and with AI it says That's your sister!

1:09:53

Now, we were going to call the app,

1:09:55

don't fuck your cousin, but then

1:09:58

we realized that's an unreasonable... request

1:10:00

because you we are all cousins

1:10:02

in a very small land obviously

1:10:04

you can go diverse and pick

1:10:06

someone who doesn't look like your

1:10:08

sister one time Guilfee I tell

1:10:10

you what for sure I had

1:10:12

sex with a brunette go wild

1:10:14

wild diversity diversity the brown eyes

1:10:17

oh no she had blue eyes

1:10:19

but the hair was dark as

1:10:21

dark I was going to say

1:10:23

yeah I think it was died

1:10:25

she was she was doing Latino

1:10:27

head what about questions that we

1:10:29

got from the customers often hey

1:10:31

is it okay to fuck my

1:10:34

dad's mother that's your grandmother yes

1:10:36

still a no well it's a

1:10:38

no but it's not as bad

1:10:40

as your sister plus grandmothers are

1:10:42

okay because you cannot impregnate them

1:10:44

so fuck away that's right we

1:10:47

need to make sure that you

1:10:49

can still sleep with people but

1:10:51

not ruin the genetic pools too

1:10:53

much go to don't fuck your

1:10:55

sister I am biffin this is

1:10:57

Guilfee night night because it's always

1:11:00

dark here Starbucks has

1:11:02

finally decided

1:11:04

to reverse its open

1:11:06

door toilet policy yeah you can't just

1:11:08

go in there and have a piss

1:11:10

you gotta buy a coffee of cinnamon

1:11:12

cake or a cake pop to take

1:11:14

a shit yeah at Starbucks yeah

1:11:16

which do you also there's a

1:11:18

way around this you go in I need

1:11:20

to have a shit I'm gonna buy something on

1:11:22

the way out and then you don't buy

1:11:24

anything on the way out they can't police it

1:11:26

I'm thinking you buy a Starbucks keep cup

1:11:28

and that way you walk in you sort

1:11:30

of show like it looks like you've purchased

1:11:33

before you know and that's like your ticket into

1:11:35

the toilets well you don't have to buy

1:11:37

or you just have a voucher in your pocket

1:11:39

like an old like one of these plastic

1:11:41

vouchers yeah I go to the Starbucks I go

1:11:43

back to the Starbucks near me a lot

1:11:45

and this open toilet policy has been has been

1:11:47

rough I would hate to have a business

1:11:49

in LA and have every homeless person come

1:11:51

into your business like can I have

1:11:53

a shit can I have a piss but

1:11:55

what is the one of the big

1:11:57

problems with LA no toilets no public toilets

1:12:00

No bins. No bins. They need to have

1:12:02

those toilets that just wash themselves where

1:12:04

the floor just goes sprays the whole

1:12:06

thing and then you open it up

1:12:08

and it's good to go. Well, yeah,

1:12:10

that is very true. Because Americans constantly

1:12:12

complain about the smell of piss in

1:12:14

their major cities. Yeah. But then they

1:12:17

don't want to spend any money producing

1:12:19

toilets. So people can piss where it's

1:12:21

not on the street. In the UK

1:12:23

they have outdoor urinals where you stand

1:12:25

sort of facing each other and there's

1:12:27

a little hole. where women can

1:12:29

sit, no. Where men can stand

1:12:32

up, out the front of nightclubs,

1:12:34

so they're not pissing in the

1:12:36

street, and they have a piss.

1:12:38

But here in America. But here

1:12:41

in America. But here in America.

1:12:43

But here in America. But here

1:12:45

in America. For the night, by

1:12:47

the way. They're not there all

1:12:49

day. Yeah, for the nights. It's

1:12:52

not pissing in the street. And

1:12:54

they're always being used, and they're

1:12:56

too fucking. Go to a urinal in Australia or

1:12:58

Britain, you just get a trough. And we all

1:13:00

stand next to each other, it was mean. Quite

1:13:02

often your piss is spraying into someone else's shoes.

1:13:04

Yeah, yeah, and you just, you just have a

1:13:06

piss and you look at each other, you make

1:13:08

a bit of a joke, there's a cigarette butt,

1:13:10

you try to wash it down to one end,

1:13:12

or you try to eat away at a urinal

1:13:14

cake, there's a bit of a job. In America,

1:13:16

they just have the little urinals, and it's, and

1:13:19

it's, and it's, it's, it's, it's not. enough that

1:13:21

you have your own unit, you've got

1:13:23

to put a barrier in between. What

1:13:25

are you all worried about? It's very...

1:13:27

I mean, that's America for you right

1:13:30

there. It's freedom, it's privacy. Yeah,

1:13:32

yeah. It's having your own car.

1:13:34

It's not being close to the

1:13:36

general public. Yeah. As Australia, socialist,

1:13:39

communal, public transport,

1:13:41

and one big urinal block where we

1:13:43

all piss on each other. Yeah. as common

1:13:45

men together. No problem. You've got far more respect

1:13:47

and love for your fellow man when you've done

1:13:49

a bit of water play with each other. Is

1:13:51

there anything better than having a piss and you

1:13:53

finish your mate's the pissing and you sort of

1:13:56

bump your hip into him and it's sort of...

1:13:58

You know what used to happen in Australia? I

1:14:00

remember when you'd go out for a

1:14:02

night and you'd go to take a

1:14:04

piss, if you walked in to the

1:14:06

toilet store and just to take a

1:14:08

piss, you would be fucking mocked. This

1:14:10

guy's got a little cock. What are

1:14:12

you doing? You're not even taking a

1:14:14

shit there, mate. Give us a look

1:14:16

at it. It's fucking tiny. There was

1:14:18

a comedy club in Britain that had

1:14:20

a dressing room of sorts. It was

1:14:22

just a wardrobe next to the stage,

1:14:24

but there was no bathroom in the

1:14:26

thing. Right. Sometimes right before I go

1:14:28

on stage and right after stage I

1:14:30

like to have a shit, right? My

1:14:32

body does something, the adrenaline or whatever.

1:14:34

I had a really ropy gig and

1:14:36

we had to use the same toilets

1:14:38

as the general public, right? And there's

1:14:40

intervals in between the acts. So I'd

1:14:42

come off, the MC's on, I've run

1:14:44

straight to the back, I'm in the

1:14:46

cubicle, I'm having a shit and I

1:14:48

have to listen to maybe 30 different

1:14:50

men saying how shit I am. That's

1:14:52

the word. Homics land in Melbourne, has

1:14:54

that. I'm just sitting on the toilet,

1:14:56

it's just with half a two. That

1:14:58

guy was fucking hopeless. Fucking early, he

1:15:00

was fucking bad, like, I don't know

1:15:02

if I've ever seen something so bad.

1:15:04

Fucking awness, not funny. Fucking, he didn't

1:15:06

have a point to any of it.

1:15:08

It was witless. It was just ramble,

1:15:10

ramble, ramble, ramble. Oh, I've done this,

1:15:12

I've done this fucking bragga. And so

1:15:14

then you just, crack the door and

1:15:16

then you, then you just crack the

1:15:18

door and you walk back out and

1:15:20

you wash your hands with as much

1:15:22

dignity as you can. Who was that?

1:15:24

There's an executive order for you. I

1:15:26

think maybe, what's Starbucks's opposition? I don't

1:15:28

know, but I've always thought the coffee

1:15:30

bean and tea leaf, yeah. That coffee

1:15:32

bean and tea leaf should do an

1:15:34

ad where the CEO just goes, you

1:15:36

can have a shit here for free.

1:15:39

Take a piss, have a shit, have

1:15:41

a shit, you can have it, it's

1:15:43

on us. You must be able to

1:15:45

have a shit in a taco bill,

1:15:47

they can't be turning people away. Well

1:15:49

that's entrapment if they don't get a

1:15:51

flip. Like, like, like, no, you gotta

1:15:53

be able to shit, you gotta be

1:15:55

able to empty your bows before you

1:15:57

buy the food. Del Taco, Del Taco,

1:15:59

Del Taco's appalling. It's really bad.

1:16:01

It's like how do you

1:16:03

fuck that up? It's a

1:16:05

shit meal deltaca. I've not

1:16:07

even bothered to pull in.

1:16:09

You know what one's underrated

1:16:11

is L. Paul Loco, the

1:16:13

stuffed case idea with the

1:16:15

avocado, it's not bad. It's

1:16:17

all right. They've got one

1:16:19

thing on the menu, it's good.

1:16:21

There's a sponsor for us. Yeah, L. Paul,

1:16:24

I go. It's all right. I've had worse.

1:16:26

What is it El Poio Loco? It's one

1:16:28

of those places where you check the maps

1:16:30

and you like it seems to be the

1:16:33

only place for a while. Yeah, yeah, I

1:16:35

couldn't get to a potato mass. Well, that's

1:16:37

pretty much us for the time. We've wafted

1:16:39

it from a lot. I have more money

1:16:42

than going to Taco Bill. Taco Bell is

1:16:44

always reasonably priced. I don't even, I don't

1:16:46

know what a, how to even order a

1:16:48

meal at Taco Bell, I just sort of

1:16:51

say five things and then you get

1:16:53

a, sort of a big bag that

1:16:55

can jules in the one. We've got

1:16:57

one at the moment, which is two

1:16:59

burritos that sit next to each other,

1:17:01

they've grilled cheese across them, so you

1:17:03

have to pull the burritos apart. It's

1:17:05

Mexican, it's Mexican kickat. L kiddie kato,

1:17:07

which we said they don't eat cats

1:17:09

by the way. You actually want to

1:17:11

see a Mexican kid cat. But it's

1:17:13

it all they do is they get

1:17:15

into the office at Taco Bell and

1:17:17

go give me shapes. We're going to

1:17:19

change the shapes and I'm going to

1:17:21

put the cheese in the middle, in

1:17:24

the outside, I'm going to have it

1:17:26

melted, I'm going to have it melted

1:17:28

on top, I'm going to have it

1:17:30

sprinkled, sprinkle, so you can dip it

1:17:33

so you can dip it. That's what

1:17:35

that's what Australia does is every country

1:17:37

their fast food comes to us and

1:17:39

we make a Vegemite version well and

1:17:41

it that's it sort of just gets

1:17:43

press what they do is vegetable they

1:17:45

always whip a bit of beetroot fucking

1:17:47

bullshit beetroot on something and then just

1:17:49

go the Ozzy something or other you

1:17:51

know what they don't have in McDonald's

1:17:53

they have in Australia what's that the Mcfeast

1:17:56

the big feast I thought that was standard

1:17:58

a whpper it's just a whopper yeah Yeah,

1:18:00

it's just a normal burger with

1:18:02

lettuce, tomato, onions, lettuce, Yeah. cheese. well, I

1:18:04

mean that's what's right, well, I mean,

1:18:06

that's what's happening at the

1:18:08

moment. Ladies and gentlemen, that's what's

1:18:10

happening at this moment. at this moment.