0:01

Hello everyone, welcome to At

0:03

This Moment with me, Jim Jeffries and

0:05

Amos Gill. Before we start the

0:07

show, I'm going to provide a few

0:09

gigs that I've got coming up.

0:11

Go to jimjeffries.com for all your Jim

0:13

Jeffries needs. Look, I've got some

0:16

gigs coming up, Salt Lake City, Boise,

0:18

Indio, Fort Wayne, Indianapolis, but the

0:20

most important one coming up, March 21st.

0:22

If you are in Chicago, I

0:24

am recording a new comedy special in

0:26

Chicago for Netflix, Chicago

0:28

21st at the Vic Theatre. Amos will

0:30

be there performing as well. I'm going to

0:32

fly from Australia to open for that. And if

0:34

you want to see me, anyone, I'm going

0:36

to Edmonton this weekend to the comic strip and

0:38

then the Perth Fringe, Adelaide Fringe. And then

0:41

I'm literally doing an overnight flight to go see

0:43

you do your Netflix special. It's to be

0:45

a good one, isn't it? Very sweet. You're paying

0:47

me though. All right. I'm not doing it

0:49

for nothing. All right, what's going on at this

0:51

moment? Episode three, is it? Episode three. It's

0:53

been a big success. I've been reading some comments.

0:55

Can I read you my favorite comment? Sure.

0:57

I don't read the comments. Well, some people obviously

0:59

said some very, very hateful things about Yeah,

1:01

this is the thing, Amos, you're at the

1:03

stage of your career where you're still reading

1:05

the comments. No, no, no. I like to

1:07

be kept honest. Oh, no, no. It brings

1:09

depression. There's wisdom. No one's ever gone. I

1:11

read the comments and I felt so much

1:13

better about myself. And I found out that

1:15

everyone loves me and no one thinks I'm

1:17

a cunt. There's wisdom in the herd. Right.

1:19

Gilly's a cunt underneath this clip right now.

1:21

It's my favorite comment. It just said this.

1:23

This is the second episode and Jim has the

1:25

same guest on. And he doesn't seem to be

1:27

an expert on fucking anything. Yeah, that's funny. That's

1:29

a good one. That's a good one. That's someone

1:31

who's enjoying it. Yeah, that's better than you've got

1:34

a fat head and you're an ugly cunt. Yeah,

1:36

but your mum has to write something. And that

1:38

has pissed me off about these clips. Fucking hell,

1:40

we've got a big head. Big Slavic

1:42

head. Big Balkan balloon.

1:44

Your head's gotten round.

1:46

Like all photos to

1:48

quote, who was it?

1:51

Mitch Hedberg used to do that joke when people goes,

1:53

do you want to see a photo of me when

1:55

I was younger? Yeah, it's all

1:57

photos, right? So we're literally sitting in

1:59

front of photos of us when we're younger,

2:01

right? Which isn't a good move. It's

2:04

really, no, it's really. With perfect lighting

2:06

and a tilt and things like that.

2:08

And then your fucking head where you're

2:10

looking like, oh, I'm an edgy type

2:12

of thing, and then you look at

2:15

you in the flesh, you look like,

2:17

you look at you in the flesh,

2:19

you look like, you look like, you

2:21

look at you in the flesh, you

2:24

look like, you couldn't even deliver pizza,

2:26

you'd, you'd like. We want to find

2:28

this, there's a couple of photos out

2:30

me where I'm like, I'm at actual

2:32

events and stuff and I'm on

2:34

coke and I'm like just sweaty

2:36

and puffy and... I showed my

2:39

girlfriend a photo of you, the UK

2:41

version of you, when you were just

2:43

hammering pints and cocaine doing the road.

2:45

Yeah. It was a fucking bulbous inflamed

2:48

thing on your shoulder. Yeah, yeah, with

2:50

rat-like teeth. Yeah, I was, but it

2:52

didn't matter in the UK. That was

2:55

when I was getting the best looking

2:57

women in my life. Say what you

2:59

will about America, but fucking hell, like,

3:02

you do have to tidy up your

3:04

act here. Oh, yeah, Britain, that was

3:06

just like, that's how he looks, isn't

3:09

it? He's fucking janky teeth. I

3:11

like his character. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

3:13

he's got a head for radio,

3:15

not any more, we have to

3:18

film these fucking things. Did people

3:20

tell you that you were too

3:22

ugly to be on American television

3:24

or wasn't an internal thing?

3:26

I was like, fuck it, oh this is,

3:29

that's my head is it? And

3:31

so season two legit, I had

3:33

a hair transplant, it didn't really

3:35

take, it sort of took a

3:37

little bit, it's a little bit,

3:40

it's a little bit better and

3:42

I got on the propicia and

3:44

I got a bit of fat sucked

3:46

out of there. Which now to this day

3:48

if I gain too much weight I sort of get

3:51

bowls around there and then why you're funnier when you're

3:53

fat why do people then when I got too many

3:55

comics want to get handsome here then when I got

3:57

the Jim Jeffrey show I got the teeth done

3:59

And now I'm just like, I'm about to the 1%

4:02

club like next week and do I dye the hair or

4:04

not? Or do I just go great? Because I'm a TV

4:06

presenter. Yeah. You like game show host now. I want to

4:08

be a game show host now. You got a hey, how

4:10

you going? Nice to meet you. Like that way. Give us

4:13

a look under there. How's it going today? Because they have.

4:15

I got their hat on. So I haven't got much, but

4:17

the color. But the color isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't,

4:19

isn't where you want it where you want it

4:21

where you want it where you want it, where you want

4:23

it to be. So, I, yeah, look, I went gray

4:25

during the Jim Jeffrey show is when I

4:28

went gray for many multiple reasons. Also your

4:30

jacket right now, it looks like it's getting

4:32

zipped up. Yeah, I'm, I put it on

4:34

the side because of me belly, just hanging

4:36

me little belly under the bottom there. But

4:39

that's not bad. I'm fucking 48 next week,

4:41

man. Well, this is what's happened to me.

4:43

48 in two weeks. I'm 33. Yeah. And

4:45

I went back to Australia. about three

4:47

months ago and had my blood done

4:50

because I was thinking I've got all

4:52

sorts of cancers as I always do.

4:54

And I found out I have gout. Yeah,

4:56

I never had gout. I'm the king

4:58

of the hemorrhoids. My doctor goes, has

5:00

there been any lifestyle changes? I hadn't

5:02

seen even years. I said, yeah, moves

5:05

to America man. And he shows me

5:07

my blood counts and my folic acid

5:09

is... Right. I'll tell you, this is a

5:11

stand-up routine. The stand-up routine that I used

5:13

to do that is a true story, right?

5:16

So I went and got my blood pressure

5:18

done, I was living in Britain, and

5:20

I went, oh, I went and got

5:22

my blood pressure done, oh, you did the same

5:24

thing, when you go to Australia, you

5:26

trust the doctors a little bit more,

5:28

they're not doing it for profit as

5:30

much, you got a local bloke, I,

5:32

the last, I did semen, this is,

5:34

I did semen, shit. But even if I'm

5:37

in Australia, even if there's nothing wrong with

5:39

me, I'll take the car over the pits.

5:41

I went in with a bag full of

5:43

bodily fluids and just dumped it on there

5:45

and went, I'll just bulk bill that for

5:47

50 bucks. Yeah. Would have bankrupted

5:49

me here. And it turns out that my

5:51

semen is too viscous. Can't have kids

5:53

at the moment because of my bad

5:55

diet and drinking. You can fucking mold

5:57

my seaman into play figures. It's so...

6:00

Gelatin like yeah, like so gelatin like and I

6:02

can get a woman pregnant by winking at

6:04

him Well my doctor told me that my sperm

6:06

is basically trapped in a tomb of Jell -O.

6:08

Oh, no No, there's there's there's people who

6:10

have watched my sheets who have gotten pregnant Anyway,

6:14

so So I go

6:16

to the doctor in Australia

6:19

and he does my blood pressure

6:22

and he's like this your blood pressure is too

6:24

high We might have to put you on statins

6:26

or whatever we have to put you on

6:28

some tablets Blood pressure is too high, right? I'm

6:30

like all right So I go back to

6:32

Britain he goes get it tested again when you

6:34

get home, right? So go back to England

6:36

where I'm living. I get my blood pressure done.

6:38

I get the same results Same

6:41

results, right? And he

6:43

goes it's within the acceptable but your

6:45

guidelines, right? The guidelines in Britain were different,

6:47

right? So I'm just gonna keep on

6:49

moving to different countries until I walk until

6:51

I'm the healthiest man in Rwanda That's

6:53

the benefit of moving here you obesity line

6:55

you want to feel good about yourself

6:57

They're gonna they're gonna be like this. They're

6:59

gonna be like, oh, you're fine. You

7:01

haven't even got age yet Yeah, just do

7:03

want to join the football team? The

7:06

minister of health, right? So I yeah, so

7:08

but another time I went and got my

7:10

blood pressure done in Australia It was too

7:12

high and the doctor was like this and

7:14

my family doctor I've had him a whole

7:17

life right dr. Pollock, right and And he's

7:19

taken my blood pressure and he goes yeah,

7:21

mate. Yeah, your blood pressure is a bit

7:23

high He goes um But

7:25

it could be for several reasons now he

7:27

takes care of my whole family and he said to me Have

7:30

you been staying with your mother? And

7:32

I said yeah, and he goes that'll be it.

7:34

That'll be it Yeah,

7:38

he knows her well But I just have my

7:40

I just you have to do physicals before you

7:42

go on TV Which is so weird because before

7:44

you do a movie or a TV show something

7:46

you have to the insurance companies have to ensure

7:48

you And you're not allowed to have anything wrong

7:50

with you throughout history You're just like hey, you've

7:52

been on any depressants. I'm like, yeah Well,

7:55

no, but I mean surely everyone that's

7:57

in TV has got this is the

7:59

thing There's every every actor fucking smokes.

8:01

I don't smoke anymore, right? Yeah, every actor

8:03

smokes and And they must be saying no

8:05

because I could say very I said I

8:07

haven't had a drink in four years I

8:09

haven't had a cigarette. I don't know what

8:11

you mean say can't they just test you

8:13

and go look at his number The guy's

8:15

got emphysema who gives a fuck what he's

8:17

saying. This is the thing Chris Farley made

8:19

movies John Candy made movies John Belushi made

8:21

movies insurance was a lot better back then

8:23

you know now He would be uninsurable for

8:25

a film Yeah, well,

8:28

they would they would be able to see

8:30

that in your blood you do you have to

8:32

do blood tests Stephen Hawking's did a guest

8:34

appearance of the Big Bang Theory. How did he

8:36

get through? Well, I think there was other

8:38

objections right to you being on television, right? But

8:40

anyway my point they wanted to look at

8:42

a file and say we're rejected There's a lady

8:44

you go to and she does all the

8:46

tests I saw and my blood pressure at the

8:48

moment because I haven't been drinking or anything

8:50

my blood pressure is 117

8:53

over 71 and I never know that

8:55

that's like really good. Yeah,

8:58

I'm gonna live forever You

9:00

smoke weed. I don't speak we

9:02

have edibles. I don't smoke. I nothing

9:04

goes into my lungs except for a you

9:06

have Weed and you play a

9:08

lot of video games. Yeah, you're doing alright. Yeah,

9:10

but you're not you're not digging ditches No,

9:12

no, no, I should have good blood pressure My

9:15

blood my heart should have a heart rate

9:17

of zero like just one beta minutes Well, if

9:19

you did track your heart rate It goes

9:21

there's two times a week that you seem to

9:23

get off the couch and it's high for

9:25

for gigs Mm -hmm, and then there's a big

9:27

come down off that as well Well, here's something

9:29

you might not know about my hemorrhoids are

9:31

good Good good until I have to go on

9:34

stage and then one of them always wants

9:36

to pop out There's something to do with the adrenaline

9:38

or the pressure Some of the I gotta tell

9:40

people the best moments of touring with you is

9:42

I'll be in the green room And I hear

9:44

you get your big round of applause and then

9:46

you come in and you're about to do

9:48

a meet and greet And you might not even know

9:50

I'm in the room You immediately put

9:52

your hand under the back of your ass

9:54

and push and then you go my

9:56

ass fell out on stage Oh, the blood's

9:58

going through the gene And then within

10:00

three minutes you've got your arm around

10:03

a woman who's paid a thousand dollars

10:05

for a VIP. I wash my hands

10:07

and also she doesn't pay three hundred

10:09

dollars. Don't ask bread in those fucking

10:12

rumours. It's about eighty bucks or something.

10:14

Anyway. I wash my hands and the

10:16

bloods only come out a couple of

10:18

times, but I do wear black jeans

10:20

on stage for that express reason. You'll

10:23

never see me in a white suit

10:25

like I'm out of a fucking boy

10:27

band. You look behind, oh he's got

10:29

some opinions on Japan, does he? Have

10:31

you ever done it on stage where

10:34

you've had to put the hemorrhoid?

10:36

Have you ever done it on stage

10:38

where you've had to put the hemorrhoid?

10:40

Have you ever done it on stage

10:42

where you've had to put it? the

10:44

buddies being Nazi. What's happening at this

10:46

moment Amos? We're moving on from that.

10:48

I thought I just wanted to talk

10:50

shit about Spokane quickly because we were

10:52

in Spokane. I loved Spokane. Denver, my

10:55

favorite city in America. Denver's a banger

10:57

for comedy, banger. Too much snow for

10:59

me, but like I grew up in

11:01

the heat. I think we could probably

11:03

start ranking when we'd do it. the

11:05

worst tourist attractions and the gondola

11:07

in Spokane would have to be

11:09

right up there. Okay, the folks

11:11

in Spokane, they agreed with me.

11:14

I talked about this on stage.

11:16

This isn't mean spirited. Yeah, I'm

11:18

not speaking out of term here,

11:20

right? But they have a waterfall

11:22

in the centre of Spokane. We

11:24

were in the hotel over the

11:26

road from the waterfall. The waterfall

11:28

is a little tiny one. The

11:31

waterfall is probably the reason that

11:33

Spokane exists. They use hydropland. and

11:35

there's a bridge with a whole lot

11:37

of arches. Someone put up a pitch

11:39

in now, Jack, if you're, Jack's not

11:41

with us today, if you're listening, of

11:44

this thing, and it has gondlers, you

11:46

know, on the cable car, gondlers, right?

11:48

Where you sit in them and they

11:50

could fit four people in each one?

11:52

Me and you went on there, we

11:55

went down there, I paid $15 a

11:57

ticket, didn't see Amos reach for his

11:59

fucking wallet, and half this podcast, but

12:01

turns on the road I still pay

12:03

for his gondola rides. Anyway, so we

12:05

go down to the gondola. Oh yeah,

12:08

well they bought it for you anyway,

12:10

good boy, you're good boy. Anyway, so

12:12

I go down to the gondola, right?

12:14

And then they go, they were

12:16

surprised that someone was purchasing

12:18

it. Not just surprised, there was a

12:20

guy who has to run the

12:22

gondola, who came out of what

12:25

was definitely an afternoon nap. Yeah.

12:27

He was angry, he was a 20

12:29

minute ride. So 20 minutes you think to

12:31

yourself this is going to be something I

12:33

thought I thought it would go for about

12:35

five miles around the town Yeah, I thought

12:37

it would go all the way down the

12:40

river and then circle back and then they'll

12:42

go all the way down the river

12:44

How a kilometer maximum no less

12:46

500 meters 300 meters 300 meters

12:48

from end to end and the 300

12:51

meters Max the best part about someone

12:53

can Google this right away, but the

12:55

gong lies 300 meters 300 meters round

12:57

trip and it says on there there's

12:59

a QR coded it says scan this

13:01

to get information and we thought well

13:04

that's boring we don't need to do

13:06

that if you ever go on the gondola

13:08

scan scan it you need to find out

13:10

what's going on it sits there for 10

13:12

minutes in the middle doing nothing all it

13:14

is is a waterfall that falls down into

13:17

a bit where people have put trash at

13:19

a few other bits of debris have been

13:21

dropped and they're just circling around so

13:23

you'll see like a Burger King Cup

13:25

and a basketball and a basketball and

13:27

some other bits of worst tourist

13:29

attraction in America. We'll just keep

13:31

going to tourist attractions when we

13:34

go to different cities and we'll

13:36

rank. Well it's leading at the

13:38

moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

13:40

fucking, yeah, the Gondler ride in Spokane.

13:42

Anyway, so freezing cold, you go out there,

13:44

it stops a bit so you can watch

13:46

it. Now the weird thing about is you

13:48

think you would go Gondola, 20 meters,

13:51

is wanting to see what's outside. See

13:53

what's outside. But they put us in,

13:55

they're, they're in batches of batches of

13:57

three. And these on lose are maybe three

13:59

meters. apart. You're not even about two meters

14:02

apart. And you can't see past the gongler

14:04

in front of you. So that's how I

14:06

know what they do it. So you can't

14:08

see how short the ride is. You only

14:10

know the ride short when you start turning

14:12

around. Yeah, only know the ride short when

14:14

you start turning around. Yeah, only in the

14:16

front cart, you get it and they never

14:18

put you in the front cart, they put

14:21

you in the back. And you get to

14:23

look at the sides. Other than that, very,

14:25

very, very, very, trading cards. This is what

14:27

we're going to transition. You buy trading cards

14:29

and you surprise yourself on a plane by

14:31

opening up your baseball cards as a way

14:33

to pass the time. So you sit there

14:35

ripping the cards. Yeah, I look super autistic

14:37

when I do it. But I got a

14:40

little box. I got a box of maybe

14:42

a $300, $200, $200 box of sports cards

14:44

and I sit there and I rip into

14:46

them, right? I go like this and go,

14:48

yeah, it's Aaron Judge. that one's worth a

14:50

bit and then I put it in like

14:52

a plastic sleeve and I go tap tap

14:54

tap tap tap tap on the sleeve and

14:56

then I put him through what's your problem

14:58

what are you trying to say no I

15:01

went and watched with you yeah you went

15:03

to a store here in Burbank and I

15:05

didn't know the sort of money for these

15:07

baseball cards I was slightly aware that you

15:09

so you buy a pack yeah and it's

15:11

random yeah and it's like the Willy Wonka

15:13

golden ticket thing you know what you're going

15:15

to get in there what you're gonna get

15:17

it's a bit of fun a bit of

15:20

fun yeah it's a bit of fun yeah

15:22

it's a bit of fun yeah a bit

15:24

of fun yeah a bit of fun yeah

15:26

okay so you took me to a bit

15:28

of fun yeah Interesting because I'm not a

15:30

big baseball guy. I don't mind it. So

15:32

I don't really know any sports as any

15:34

sports and sports and then I because of

15:36

you my algorithm has changed with all the

15:39

baseball talk You know when you're talking about

15:41

a topic all of a sudden it starts

15:43

to pop up on your phone I got

15:45

sent this by my algorithm which I thought

15:47

was a lie at the beginning and this

15:49

is a story that's happening at the moment.

15:51

Can we get a picture? This is the

15:53

top baseball card card companies secret card for

15:55

the year. For those who aren't watching it's

15:57

Robert J Oppenheimer smoking a pipe and they've

16:00

attached his signature which is randomly included in

16:02

a baseball card pack yet to be discovered.

16:04

Yeah. Well it might have been discovered because

16:06

those packs came out at the moment. The

16:08

pack deck that comes in is a box

16:10

that has about 20 cards and it's worth

16:12

about, correct me if I'm wrong, about $3,000.

16:14

But all I could think when I saw

16:16

this was, somewhere is a Japanese child that

16:19

loves Shoah Atani and has bought a batch

16:21

of trading cards and he's like, Dad I

16:23

didn't get Atani, but I got, who's this?

16:25

Oppenheimer! The dad's gonna

16:27

go, oh he was the Hiroshima hitter. Ah

16:30

well they should have behaved better in the

16:32

war, but what's his stats at the back?

16:34

So, okay, they've got Maryland Road cards and

16:36

you can get like, there's lots of people

16:38

throughout history. I was watching someone do a

16:40

break the other day, like I just watch

16:43

them online, just like a kid, like an

16:45

unboxing. Well you watch unboxings, yeah. Yeah, late

16:47

at night, sometimes. And I saw someone get

16:49

so young. which is like the Soyang Award

16:51

where they picture and it was just

16:53

that autograph was in the same batch

16:55

of that one but there's yeah there's

16:57

Maryland Road there's John Hancock found both

16:59

you'll get ones you'll get you'll get

17:01

fucking Washington and shit man you get like

17:04

old babe roots and stuff like that but then

17:06

there's some of them that they try to go

17:08

oh Freddie Mercury and it's like you can buy

17:10

a Freddie Mercury autograph picture for 250 bucks what

17:12

right it's a shitty a shitty little cart I'm

17:14

not into those cart I like Just straight up

17:16

sports cards. I don't even care about the autographs

17:18

that much. I just like that's a cool picture

17:20

That if I was a kid and I opened

17:22

that I'd be up over the minute I sort of got back

17:24

into it because my son started collecting sports cards and I

17:26

got the little best you got Or do you not say

17:28

because you don't want a home invasion? No, I don't have

17:30

the best ones I've got aren't in my house What you keep

17:33

them in a vault? Yeah, the best ones. I keep them in

17:35

a vault. Yeah, yeah, the best ones. The best ones. The best

17:37

ones. The best ones. The best ones. The best ones. The best

17:39

ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the best ones. The best ones. The best ones. The.

17:41

The best ones. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The.

17:43

The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The.

17:45

The Like if you get a Flur

17:47

Jordan rookie card right

17:49

in a nine That's worth

17:51

14,000 bucks mean, but

17:53

I want to tap down on

17:56

that. Why would they include up?

17:58

Like it seems those strange to

18:00

me because the creator of the atomic

18:02

bomb. No because it's it sells and

18:05

because Oppenheimer right let's go he

18:07

probably signed a thousand documents and

18:09

there's all these bits of bullshit

18:11

bits of paper that he signed

18:14

Hiroshima yes right Magasaki oh do

18:16

we need to? Didn't they learn

18:18

the lesson the first time? Yeah

18:20

yeah more radiation glasses needed

18:22

four tests. Right so he does

18:24

all that and so all these documents

18:27

are seeing that all they do is

18:29

they just cut out the bottom bit

18:31

put it in the thing like the

18:33

guy's dead. I know but he's one he's

18:35

like borderline on the nose like

18:37

what about the furor? Would you

18:39

not take a hit? If there

18:41

was a Hitler autograph would you

18:44

not? Oh no I'd only want

18:46

Hitler's rookie card when he was

18:48

a painter. That's valuable. That's yeah

18:50

that's See everyone always wants to

18:52

go back in history. What about what

18:54

about dictator cards? No, they want to they want to

18:57

go back back back in history Well, see I own

18:59

a pretty good OJ Simpson card. He's not a good

19:01

dude. Why don't we just do like serial killer cards

19:03

then? People do do that shit man. There's horror cards

19:05

and stuff Yeah, for sure sure yeah, what if you

19:07

got like a dama people there would I haven't seen

19:10

him, but that would be a that would be a thing that

19:12

would be a thing that would be a thing that would be a

19:14

thing that would be a thing that would be a thing

19:16

that would be a that's can't go ahead.

19:18

You could have an idiot, I mean. Because

19:20

they put relics in cards. So you have

19:22

like a card and it'll have like a

19:24

little bit of someone's jersey or something like

19:26

that. You could put a bit of, you

19:28

know, a bit of Dama's freezer. This is

19:30

a woman's fingernail? No, no, no, not the

19:32

dead. That's very morbid. But you can definitely

19:34

get a bit of Dama's work badge from

19:36

the chocolate shop he worked in. Yeah, because the

19:38

stats on the stats on the stats on the

19:40

back is... Because I always said they always

19:43

say about Jeffrey Dama they go they

19:45

the Jesse Jackson got involved and they

19:47

said that all the gigs that all

19:49

the killings were racially Motivated

19:51

motivated got them a more on

19:53

today. Okay. So racially motivated. They

19:56

weren't racially motivated. It just

19:58

so happens that he was a Attracted to

20:00

black men, right? That's why

20:02

most of them were black men. It was

20:04

he wasn't that he was racist It was

20:06

quite the opposite. You didn't want to be

20:08

liked by him, right? Because I'll tell you

20:11

why it's not racist because no one ever

20:13

called him homophobic and almost all of them

20:15

were gay Two or two of them weren't

20:17

they were just unlucky. That was his

20:19

flavor. Yeah. Yeah, but no one ever came

20:21

in and went Oh, this seems very

20:23

homophobic all these murders on the hierarchy of

20:25

his problems. Yes racism and homophobic Yeah,

20:27

yeah, no, he wasn't racist or homophobic. Give

20:29

him that yeah, he gotta give credit

20:31

my credit, too We wouldn't want

20:33

to slander him. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, did you

20:35

did you see I saw a clip the

20:37

other day? I always follow earthquakes Clips, but

20:39

if we could put them in a comedian,

20:41

that's it. Yeah earthquake the comedian He always

20:43

put that's how I get my news is

20:45

earthquake, right? He always puts up little things

20:47

that's going on in the world and there's

20:49

this bloke who it's like a serial killer

20:51

killer I sent you this yeah, yeah, put

20:53

this clip up now Okay,

20:58

so parents have some concerns of some stuff

21:00

they may have found in your room Yeah,

21:04

I believe so and what

21:06

would it be a

21:08

Human

21:10

head in hands like for real

21:12

human head in hands. Yes

21:15

from That's

21:17

fellow who aren't missing recently which

21:19

fellow was that Warren Brown Warren Brown.

21:21

When did he go missing? The

21:24

night of the 27th Okay,

21:27

and how did you end up with him?

21:31

I Murdered him with what

21:33

a knife Why would you

21:35

have done that? I've always

21:37

wondered what murder felt like

21:39

that right man. How

21:41

fucking scary is that cat

21:43

when he just goes It's a human head

21:45

in hands. He's changes from this

21:48

meek 19 year old to that fellow

21:50

that went missing That was like I

21:52

don't know if I've ever seen evil Like

21:55

well if you but if you're a serial killer

21:57

and you're getting interviewed by the news that

21:59

is that is your big moment. That's your last,

22:01

that's the last time you say

22:03

maybe on the sentencing you get

22:05

another chance but you've got a,

22:07

you know what I mean, one

22:09

shot, one opportunity to go down

22:11

in serial killer history. Mom spaghetti.

22:13

Mom spaghetti. Okay. All right, so.

22:16

But I was fascinated about you doing

22:18

the cards because You know what I

22:20

like about collector cards? It's just like

22:22

same thing I like about things like

22:25

so so so people collect watches and the

22:27

thing about watches is so much money. No,

22:29

but watches is the thing about watching I

22:31

have a couple of watches. I have like

22:33

I have like two. I've got a cassio

22:35

right I got one that I always wear

22:38

in one other one right now the thing

22:40

about the watches is that they're made

22:42

intricate they're made of they're made

22:44

sturdy and they're solid and the

22:47

engineering that goes in and to

22:49

them and the technology and the

22:51

fine craftsmanship and the fact that

22:53

they're still done by hand with

22:55

someone just putting in with little

22:58

toothpicks you know putting in a

23:00

little little spring in there and

23:02

lots of stuff and they work

23:04

perfectly they work perfectly that's what

23:07

the the beauty of the watch is right

23:09

it's the beauty of collecticaz is they're fucking they're

23:11

fucking worthless A hundred dollar bill is quintessentially worthless,

23:13

right? Well that's the fascinating thing about life. I

23:15

mean there was one period in time. It's only

23:17

worth something because we say it's worth something. Yeah,

23:19

tulips were once, you know, we have the tulip

23:21

bust in Denmark, people were trading with tulips. It's

23:23

just whatever people at that moment, like spices. Well,

23:25

if you have spices in your house today and

23:27

you're like a poor person, at one period of

23:29

time, people would have spent like twenty thousand dollars

23:31

for cinnamon. That's the reason for cinnamon. That's for the

23:33

reason for the reason for the, for the, for the, for the, for the,

23:36

for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for

23:38

the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for

23:40

the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for

23:42

the, for the, for the, Right? Yeah, millions,

23:44

like so many people died for you

23:46

to go, how long we had that

23:48

in the cupboard? Yeah, throw it out.

23:51

Yeah, and then you have the audacity

23:53

to call them herbs. It's got an

23:55

H on it. I don't know, what is

23:57

that? Americans call it herbs. Herbs.

23:59

They don't say herbs. Herbs and

24:01

spices. They say herbs, herbs, herbs and

24:04

spices, herbs. Yeah, the, the, what's wrong

24:06

with them? Why would they do

24:08

that? herbs. So do you know what

24:10

I collect? Oh, you collect fridge magnets. Yeah,

24:13

this is my new thing. And you

24:15

have the audacity to sit there and

24:17

just go like this. I find it

24:19

really interesting that you collect these bits

24:21

of cardboard that people all over the

24:23

world collect. And then it's like, what

24:26

has Amos Gil collect? Fridge magnets from

24:28

towns that I visited. I go to

24:30

a different town and then to remember

24:32

it. And me and the girlfriend, you've

24:34

told me this, we have a ceremony

24:36

where I put the fridge magnet

24:38

up there and she claps. and I lay them

24:41

out and then she sits there and we like

24:43

go where does it go and then we maneuver

24:45

them around and. But you're trying to

24:47

have like a story going on. We

24:49

have a story of where we've been

24:51

together through. Why don't you try to do

24:53

it as a map of the country? I could

24:56

do that. I'm already out of space. I'm onto

24:58

the dishwasher at the minute. So I want

25:00

to have to start. You're putting them

25:03

on your wife. You're not even married.

25:05

He's on the dishwasher. She's the

25:07

dishwasher. Yeah, it was pretty, they

25:09

were pretty fucking ordinary, but I

25:11

just take pictures of them and

25:14

send to Attica. Why didn't you

25:16

get the cable cards? Why didn't

25:18

you go to the cable cards?

25:21

They didn't have a bloody gondola.

25:23

They've given up. They know it's

25:25

a shit, right. If you're in

25:28

Spokane, take a photo of the

25:30

gondola for you. Right, I want

25:32

to move on to some other

25:34

things. We haven't talked about anything.

25:37

Greenland, which is part of Denmark.

25:39

And Donald Trump keeps sort of insinuating,

25:41

A, that he wants to take Canada,

25:43

that's been his joke, it's the 51st

25:46

state, and I was just in Canada,

25:48

and you actually asked the crowd, and

25:50

I'd say 75% furious, 25% they want it,

25:52

you know, because they think it's good for

25:54

their economy, because the GDP of Canada,

25:57

if it was a state, would still be

25:59

the smallest. economy even worse than Mississippi But

26:02

they have diamonds and shit there. Yeah,

26:04

they just fuck they're useless at extracting

26:06

their own goods apparently They found diamonds

26:08

for the first time in the 1990s.

26:10

Did you know it? Where up? So

26:12

my wife's engagement ring has my wife

26:14

wanted an ethical diamond. So what a Canadian

26:16

guy Drinks Tim Hortons was the ethical

26:18

way. Okay. Well, this is don't tell her

26:20

don't tell her right. She's like, oh

26:22

I don't want a blood diamond. So she

26:25

was like my wife's so batshit crazy. She

26:27

said something I want an engagement tree. She

26:29

wanted a potted tree that we could see

26:31

grow in the house, right? And I'm like,

26:33

I'm not doing the tree. Yeah, I said

26:35

I'll get you a ring and she goes

26:37

Well, I don't want a blood diamond and

26:39

I go not all diamonds are blood diamonds,

26:41

right? A lot of diamonds come from Australia.

26:44

I said to her we haven't got blood

26:46

diamonds going on in Australia, right? And she

26:48

goes and I go I go forget you

26:50

a ring at Tiffany's They'll give

26:52

you a certificate. You'll know exactly where the

26:54

diamond's from And

26:56

uh, it won't be you know

26:58

a blood thing, right? Anyway,

27:01

so I get one and this one's

27:03

from Canada, right? And so I tell it's not

27:06

a blood thing It turns out they might

27:08

have fucked over a lot of innuents to

27:10

get it, right? Because it's well everything everything's blood

27:12

something eventually when you look back at it

27:14

Their diamonds are way up in the top

27:16

of Canada and they can only mine them For

27:18

a couple of months out of the year

27:20

because the ice has to melt, right?

27:22

They didn't know that they had any diamonds

27:24

until the mid 90s They left them

27:26

in the freezer at the back Yeah, and

27:28

now they have tons of them up

27:30

the top there That means that the first

27:32

bloke to find diamonds in Canada plausibly

27:34

was listening to nirvana Right

27:37

and going they got to get home to see

27:39

what's happening with russ and ritchie. They reckon they

27:41

were out of break Hey, I tell you And

27:43

where did they like where did where did

27:45

you like get this advertised to you

27:48

because it doesn't sound sexy Canadian diamond it

27:50

sounds like it sounds like something that

27:52

was made in my wife wants to know

27:54

that the diamond was cut by a

27:56

bloke They go key. Let's go Damon. We

27:58

go some lucky lady's gonna love This one,

28:00

eh? Yeah, eh, that's a shiny one for sure

28:02

now. I'm gonna put it inside a

28:04

timbitt, I'm gonna put it inside a

28:07

timbit and propose to my wife. That's

28:09

a Jimbit. It's a bit a bit a

28:11

bit so I saw that you know the Canadians

28:13

are on the fence, but mostly fucking angry No,

28:16

I will Canada is a great country man Canada

28:18

doesn't have to be part of America Canada can

28:20

stand its own two feet sure the Canadian you're

28:22

saying the UK you always go on about different

28:24

things you said something to me the other day

28:27

about Australia Well, I'm a little I'm a little

28:29

offended that they're not asking to want

28:31

to buy Australia like Canada's better than

28:33

Australia. I was saying to you the

28:36

other day that during COVID that Australia

28:38

gave more money to their citizens than

28:40

all the other countries right because Australia

28:42

got a lot of flack for arrests

28:45

and the lock-in laws but actual money-wise

28:47

they got a lot more money than

28:49

Americans did and then you being all

28:52

bloody right-winging you. The Australian economy goes

28:54

the same way all the bloody type.

28:56

It's the same as New Zealand, it's the same

28:58

as Canada, we're at the mercy of what's going

29:01

on with the American economy. Oh well, also the

29:03

Chinese, because they buy, the Australian economy is, I

29:05

found a rock, and then the Chinese buy it,

29:07

and then they stop buying it, unfortunately. I think

29:09

Canada can say, the Canadians, they don't want to

29:12

join America, it would be nice if they

29:14

had... a relationship where they could go back

29:16

and forth like we have, okay, so Australia

29:18

and New Zealand, our passports are reciprocal, right?

29:20

I can go live in New Zealand, New

29:23

Zealanders can go live in Australia, that's a

29:25

thing, I think Canadians would like that to

29:27

have the option, but I still think they

29:29

would like to keep their sovereignty. I can't

29:32

tell you how fucking angry I was as

29:34

a Commonwealth person and you'd know this bloody

29:36

well. As an Australian, in my passport I

29:38

had pictures of the Queen. We have their flag

29:40

on our flag and then when I try and

29:42

go to the UK... But it was a picture of

29:45

her fisting herself in the anus. That's why I

29:47

shouldn't have drawn that in there. Yeah, yeah. That was

29:49

found offensive at the border and control in the brain.

29:51

Oh, it's a bit rough. That, in it, in

29:53

it. She's done that therefore. What do you do? Ling

29:55

that or that? Fucking Lizzy had big hands and

29:57

all, didn't she? I mean, the work is very good.

30:00

but that's very disrespectful. You know, the difference

30:02

between yoga and Australians, yoga has culture.

30:04

No, but I did go in there

30:06

a few times and couldn't get the

30:08

work permits, had to line up for

30:10

like an hour and a half and

30:12

you know, my girlfriend has a German

30:14

passport. And when they were in the

30:16

EU, straight through. Yeah, straight through, don't you

30:19

go, well, hold on, her grandfather was

30:21

in the Luftwaffe bombing this city. Yeah,

30:23

I'm with you. I've been in Britain so

30:25

many times like, we're meant to be mates.

30:27

We've been, we've subjugated ourselves to be

30:30

friends' pitch. Mind you, we made

30:32

their people fruit pick. A lot

30:34

of people don't know this about

30:36

the English and we stopped it

30:38

after Brexit because we've got... closer

30:40

ties with so after Brexit after

30:42

the United Kingdom left Europe they

30:44

had to make some other ties

30:46

for trades and they made some

30:48

ties with Canada and Australia we've

30:50

got closer relationships now than ever

30:52

it's easier to travel between the

30:54

three countries than it has ever

30:56

been right without permit with permit

30:58

the Gold Coast just has about

31:00

10,000 Jordi Shore people yes Well,

31:02

they were always there. I like

31:04

it. They were just like that, but

31:06

with a different accent, weren't they? He's

31:08

so nice here. What are you complaining

31:11

about? That's not Jordi. That's Jordi.

31:13

That's southern. You're doing southern. Joy's

31:15

like, dear number five in the Big

31:17

Brother House. That's the voice. I'm just

31:19

doing any old British scrag. They all

31:22

came and became PT's. The British, a lot

31:24

of these British lads came over and you

31:26

know, you know, the British lads, they either

31:28

go to Dubai or to Australia there, those

31:30

kinds of like PT guys. They flooded our

31:32

country. But yeah, there's no... Says us living

31:34

in America. Oh, the immigration that's going over

31:36

there is terrible right now. But that's not

31:38

even what I wanted to discuss. The one

31:41

that gets my attention the most. Sure. Which

31:43

I just have been having a lot of

31:45

fun with, just talking with a lot of

31:47

my mates, is a idea of the idea of

31:49

the purchase of the purchase of Greenland. And

31:51

when you immediately say America and

31:54

Donald Trump wants to buy Greenland, it's

31:56

like scoff that as something that someone

31:58

on Coke would come up with. buy

32:00

a country. No, no, people have done

32:02

this. So I just wanted to

32:04

go with you over the history of

32:06

purchasing countries. Okay. Okay. So first

32:08

of all, it's not even country. Sometimes

32:10

it's like the territories Louisiana type

32:12

of, you know, okay. Yes. So delay

32:14

the land on the Greenland thing.

32:16

I was reading about so the local

32:18

people there are subjects of the

32:20

Danish, the Danish have owned it for

32:22

800 years. Okay. And many

32:25

of them want freedom from Denmark. They like,

32:27

they like dairy more than any other

32:29

nation. Did you know they're the Danes? I

32:31

learned some things off the I don't

32:33

know about that podcast. The Danes have the

32:35

biggest dairy intake. Well, they

32:37

give 600 million a year they

32:39

give to Greenland as a loss leader.

32:41

And apparently Greenland has a lot

32:43

of natural resources. Right. And obviously Donald

32:45

Trump intends to drill baby drill,

32:47

which means the fossil fuels are going

32:49

to probably add to climate change.

32:51

So as a long play, you

32:54

know, he might make Greenland green again by melting

32:56

the snow cap. So it's a good real estate

32:58

plan. You believe in climate change? I believe in

33:00

climate change. Yeah. I do. Okay. Good. I like

33:02

when you have some lefty views on you. I

33:04

like that. That was good. That was very good

33:06

of you. That's very

33:08

good of you. Liberal pat me on the

33:10

head to believe in basic science. Well done

33:12

you. But

33:15

they've got, what do you know about Greenland? Let

33:17

me ask you that. Lots of trees, I imagine. And

33:19

there's 55 ,000 people there. And they did a

33:21

straw poll of a few about 2000 and

33:23

said, how do you feel now? was actually when

33:26

they pull straw out of each hands. It's

33:28

a very old system. The one who got the

33:30

shortest one gets to be their prime minister. So

33:33

they said, how would you feel about

33:35

joining America? But it was a two

33:37

problem question. The first part was, do

33:39

you want to leave Denmark? Would it be

33:41

like USA Samoa? Like it would be

33:43

a territory, right? It would be a

33:45

territory. Well, the deal that I read,

33:47

which to me sounds amazing, was they buy

33:49

it off the Danish for God knows

33:51

how many billion it was, but each

33:53

citizen, and there's 55 ,000 of them, would

33:55

be given 100K and US citizenship. So

33:58

all of a sudden

34:00

you've got 100 ,000.

34:02

$100,000 as like you're an investor in

34:04

a company and you just got bought

34:06

out by a bigger company So they

34:08

get 100,000 and now they looked after

34:10

as part of the US Because China's

34:13

been sniffing around they tried to build

34:15

an air- Can they come in there

34:17

and take away your houses? Say we

34:19

need this land because it's you have

34:21

to be removed I think they come

34:23

in there and take away your houses

34:25

say we need this land because it's

34:27

you have to be removed? And I

34:29

had an idea that I think why we

34:31

should buy Greenland. Me and you?

34:34

No, the country of America. We

34:36

could get it together. This is how

34:38

I think we could. get cross consensus

34:40

of left wing and right wing people

34:42

on the purchase. We rename it green

34:44

card land and every immigrant that wants

34:46

to come to America has to go

34:48

there first. So me included, you've got

34:50

to do three years of hard labor

34:52

on Greenland to make that country into

34:54

something and only if you last three

34:56

years in green card do you get

34:58

the green card and then you move

35:00

to like Alaska. It's like gateways. And then

35:02

you go down slowly. So that's like, you

35:05

know, purgatory. I came through the proper channels.

35:07

Right, yeah, I get you. Because we need

35:09

we're going to need labor. Okay, because

35:11

we have green entries where you have

35:13

to go into the military and you

35:15

have to do things and the Australians

35:17

when they when British people came to

35:19

Australia they had to pick fruit for

35:21

about two months or something and after

35:23

they finished fruit picking they were allowed

35:25

out into the country because we don't

35:28

have illegal immigrants coming over to pick

35:30

our fruit, right? Okay, so what you're

35:32

saying actually has some strange merit to it.

35:34

How much do you want it? Go to green card

35:36

land and make that city. Let's

35:38

be frank, the history of every

35:40

place in America. I mean, it takes

35:43

cheap labor to build beautiful things. I

35:45

mean, every country on earth has exploited

35:47

labor. I'm here saying, I want a

35:49

green card and it's not forthcoming. Send

35:52

me to green card land and I

35:54

will do whatever they fucking tell me.

35:56

Well, you have to hard labor. You

35:58

could be the building. work behind a

36:00

bar or something, you just have to contribute

36:02

to the economy and not be unemployed. I

36:05

think living in the, in Nook, the city

36:07

in Greenland is pretty fucking hard labor. It

36:09

doesn't seem... Nook! It's a lot of everything.

36:11

Nook! Nook! Nook! Nook! Nook! Nook! Who's there?

36:13

That sounds buddy racist, doesn't it? Buddy, all

36:15

these Nooks everywhere. Fucking, you

36:17

can't get anything done with all the Nooks. Man, I

36:19

live in Greenland. It's all right with the Nooks. But

36:23

I think other

36:25

countries would like to

36:28

do the purchase

36:30

because... The United Nations

36:32

auctions it off.

36:34

Highest bidder. Well,

36:36

isn't that what's basically going on? No, because

36:38

America's just going, we're gonna fucking, you'll listen to

36:40

what we say. So, you're saying America's doing

36:42

a hostile takeover where they're... For a company, yeah.

36:45

Where they're trying to go and here you

36:47

get paid out, here's Severance. Yeah. Like, all the

36:49

people that live there, they're going, fuck them,

36:51

Markov, what have they done for you? Okay, do

36:53

you think the Danes are going to have

36:55

a military pushback? Is it gonna be like the

36:57

Falklands, for example? Because with the Falklands, that

36:59

was one of those things where you were like,

37:01

what are you up to? What's the problem,

37:03

Britain? They wanted, what's

37:05

on the Falklands? That, know what that

37:07

was? That was Britain going, we've already lost

37:10

everything, we're not losing this. Yeah, yeah,

37:12

yeah, the Falklands was just having one little

37:14

argument at the end. It was like

37:16

a petulant cry. Like someone who's got the

37:18

force and they're like, I'm taking this

37:20

mug. This is my mug. Because Elizabeth... I

37:22

was the one who got it. Queen

37:24

Elizabeth had looked at the map and saw

37:27

everything she lost under her reign and

37:29

she thought, give me... I don't want to

37:31

speak, because I know people lost their

37:33

lives in the Falklands and Prince Andrew no

37:35

longer sweats afterwards. So he went through

37:37

his bloody tragedy there. So I'll go through

37:39

the list of territories purchased. The

37:42

Isle of Man. Yeah, the Isle of Man.

37:44

Yeah, the Isle of Man has the TT

37:46

races. And my dear friend Rob Heaney comes

37:48

from the Isle of Man. He's the only

37:50

comedian to come from the Isle of Man.

37:53

Give it up for Rob Heaney. Who do

37:55

you think the Scots bought that from? Oh,

37:57

I thought it was owned by the English,

37:59

but the Scots would have bought that from

38:01

the Irish. They bought it from Norway what

38:03

how that's not even near norway because the

38:05

island man's in between Ireland and Vikings and

38:07

been in there. Okay. All right. Yeah, okay,

38:09

so they bought it for 4 ,000 marks

38:11

sterling Yeah, what year

38:14

1266 yeah, we're a lot further

38:16

back then went a lot further not like

38:18

today 4 ,000 marks sterling's

38:20

only gets you a couple of

38:22

Watch or something but back then

38:24

it was a lot of money.

38:26

So we go to 1662

38:28

Dunkirk. Yeah, the French

38:30

bought that off England

38:32

really and then five million Okay, but

38:34

Dunkirk is actually attached to France.

38:37

It's a beach of France. Yes, but

38:39

you know how the French in

38:41

English You know, it was like they

38:43

had French kings and English kings

38:45

that ruled over Brittany and it was

38:47

very complicated Yeah, yeah, not that

38:49

interesting that one. Okay. What

38:51

about Estonia Livonia, Ingrid and Southwest

38:53

Finland? What why

38:56

Estonia in Finland aren't the same

38:58

thing. Why am I Southeast

39:00

Finland? It's called Keck's homo son Yeah,

39:03

yeah, the Russians bought that from

39:05

Sweden. Okay, that was 1721

39:07

St. Croix Then mark and Norway bought that

39:09

from France and now we get to something

39:11

more recent Louisiana bought from the French

39:13

What from the French how much you reckon

39:15

you'd pay for Louisiana the Louisiana purchase.

39:17

I fucking I've learned I think I did

39:19

a podcast on this I Can't

39:21

remember but it's it was it was much. This

39:23

is your new podcast. I still don't know

39:25

about yeah, I can't remember Didn't

39:28

we talk about I've learned this but I

39:30

can't remember but it wasn't a lot

39:32

of money 15 million USD 1803 that was

39:34

yeah, okay, so in today's money. What's

39:37

that a billion dollars? One

39:40

billion Florida

39:42

fucking someone is there a buyer Spain

39:48

had that yeah, so it when

39:50

oh He would

39:52

have been before Louisiana. We had

39:54

that with the leaves yet. No

39:56

was after all crikey 1819 was

39:58

an organic crikey everyone Don't hear

40:01

them very often. I hope

40:03

you enjoyed it. Five million.

40:05

So they paid ten

40:07

million more for Louisiana.

40:09

I think they got

40:11

fucking ripped on that.

40:13

It didn't fucking have Disney

40:16

World yet, did it?

40:18

Like Orlando was just a

40:20

swamp. Yeah, it's got, well,

40:22

so it was Louisiana.

40:24

By the Singapore, I thought Singapore

40:27

was independently owned who

40:29

bought Singapore. The UK

40:31

boarded off Johor. Oh, that whore.

40:33

Johor You and your horror. Johor.

40:35

Yeah. Johor for 60,000 Spanish

40:38

dollars at 1824. Then then. So what's

40:40

the last purchase in the world? Well, you

40:42

want to know the most recent one. Yeah.

40:44

Yeah, because I thought well that just ended.

40:46

And now it's really it's like war. and

40:48

then you take the land. But the idea

40:50

of like doing a deal is very rare.

40:52

Buying land is buying land. I'm a property

40:54

owner, you know, it's what you do. I

40:56

imagine if you're buying, you know, let's say

40:58

that you wanted to sell off an island.

41:01

You would be like buying, and it'd be

41:03

like buying, and it'd be like buying, and

41:05

you'd be like buying, and you'd be like

41:07

buying, and you'd be like, they're going, you know,

41:09

you wanted to sell off, or sell off the streets, it, it,

41:11

it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it,

41:13

it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it,

41:15

it, it's like, it's like, it, it, it's like, it's like, it's

41:17

like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's

41:20

like, Australia's being purchased, who do

41:22

you want to buy it? Well, I think

41:24

China's already bought a lot of it.

41:26

So that's why they've bought a lot

41:29

of the land in time. They're pretty

41:31

much, they've already bought the... China's buying

41:33

so much land that when we hand

41:35

over the deed, they'll go, it's not

41:38

even yours to hand over to whatever

41:40

country. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's

41:42

the thing, I'd prefer America, pay

41:44

for itself, so, and they're all fucking

41:46

old. That's why they're, that's

41:48

why they're, The NHS is collapsing, they got no

41:51

fucking money. No, no, no, but we're still Australia, we

41:53

still have to pay taxes within the country, it just

41:55

means that someone else owns it. We should align. It's

41:57

not like we're going to be living off the tax

41:59

stop. of the British, it would just be

42:01

the name, would still be, we should be

42:03

a republic, right? Everyone knows we should be

42:06

a republic, not well not everyone, people get

42:08

so upset. It's the only time my mother

42:10

stopped talking to me was when I voted

42:12

Republic. My mother was a monarchist, stopped talking

42:14

to me, my mother was a monarchist, stopped

42:16

talking to me for a couple of months.

42:18

I've told you this many times. Any right

42:20

when you're like the monarchy, it's like what

42:23

kind of a cuck country country are you

42:25

to have to have to have to have

42:27

to have another nation's flag on your flag

42:29

on your flag on your flag on your

42:31

flag on your flag? Yeah, no we agree

42:33

on this. When you go to the Olympic

42:35

Games, you go to the Olympic Games and

42:37

you're like, we're Australia, we're better than you,

42:40

and then we wave our flag and it

42:42

has their flag on it, it's humiliating. Okay,

42:44

so right now we're recording this episode on

42:46

Australia Day, right? Is it the 26th day?

42:48

No, it was yesterday Matt. Oh, okay, so

42:50

it doesn't matter. The bloody patriot next to

42:52

me here. Yesterday, yesterday was Australia Day, Australia

42:54

Day, very controversial thing. I am a fan

42:56

of Australia Day, maybe they should move it

42:59

to a different day. The problem is, it's

43:01

the date that the white people came in,

43:03

and so a lot of people call it

43:05

invasion day, and I understand how that can

43:07

be hard for people because, but when push

43:09

comes to shove. countries are always going to

43:11

be colonised and that type of stuff. You

43:13

want to have a day where the whole

43:16

country comes together. So maybe move it to

43:18

a different day or wait till there's a

43:20

republic. We've become our own republic and then

43:22

we have Republic Day or Independence Day. I

43:24

mentioned it in front of a crowd full

43:26

of Americans the other day because someone went

43:28

happy Australia Day Jim from the crowd and

43:30

I just said I was a bit controversial

43:33

these days a lot of people think it's

43:35

invasion day blah blah blah blah I personally

43:37

still celebrate Australia Day but I found it

43:39

quite offensive that the Americans were all like

43:41

oh the day that it was in but

43:43

like thanksgiving there was never a pleasant meal

43:45

No way in the world was that meal,

43:47

them sitting down, and they were all like,

43:49

ah, come here, poker honest, enjoy the yams.

43:52

Enjoy these blankets. Yeah, you had a few

43:54

fellas coughing them. Yeah, yeah. That was mean-spirited,

43:56

mean-spirited type of humor. Yes. Trying to make

43:58

a point. Well, the point is, and this

44:00

is why I feel about Australia Day, which

44:02

is, everyone's very angry about it, and they

44:04

say change the date. Now, the reality of

44:06

the situation is, that's not what they're really saying. What they're really

44:08

saying, we don't want to celebrate Australia at all, because if you

44:10

change the date, it's not what they're really saying. What they're really

44:13

saying is, we don't want to celebrate Australia at. We don't want

44:15

to celebrate Australia at all, we don't want to celebrate Australia at.

44:17

We don't want to celebrate Australia at. We don't want to celebrate

44:19

Australia at. We don't want to celebrate Australia at. We don't want to celebrate

44:21

Australia at. But I would like to celebrate Australia at. But I would like

44:23

it. But I would like it. But I would like it. But I would

44:25

like it. I'm sick of hearing about it.

44:27

I'm sick of hearing about it.

44:29

Yeah, because when I was a

44:31

kid, Australia Day was just a...

44:33

Because I'm an immigrant to Australia,

44:35

my family loves Australia, we came

44:37

from Yugoslavia. Also, also

44:39

I say to all the people who

44:41

hate Australia Day, all right, get rid

44:43

of it then. You don't get that

44:45

day off. There's one extraordinary day

44:48

holiday. Why are you complaining about

44:50

a day off work? It's like, it's like,

44:52

the one thing, like, if we become a

44:55

republic, we get the Queen's birthday off, right?

44:57

I still want to celebrate that. I'm not

44:59

a monarchist, but I'm all for her

45:01

birthday. Right, just because, well, she's dead. Yeah,

45:03

but we haven't, it's always the same

45:05

day, the King's birthday. I'll do anyone's

45:07

birthday, I'll do all the Royal Family's

45:09

birthdays. I'll celebrate him. Oh buddy, put

45:11

the picture of him up on the

45:13

bloody wall, give me a day off

45:15

work. Jim, you're coming into... I'll do

45:18

Zara Phillips birthday. Are you coming in

45:20

to do the 1% club today? Oh,

45:22

I would, but the Sultan of Brunei,

45:24

I just turned 50. Yeah, Prince Andrew,

45:26

it's his 17th birthday. Well, not

45:28

him, but the person... Yeah, yeah.

45:30

All right, so let's go to

45:32

the most recent purchase. Okay. Saudi

45:34

Arabia. Yeah. They purchased Tiran

45:37

Island and Sunnefir Island.

45:39

Don't know him very well.

45:41

Haven't seen him on Expedia

45:43

for holiday packs. They bought

45:45

it off Egypt for $22

45:47

billion in oil and development

45:49

aid. It's 113 square kilometers.

45:51

And it was done in 2017, 22 fucking billion for

45:54

the year. How did that not make the news?

45:56

It probably did make the news. Was that a

45:58

big story? Do you remember that happening? I don't.

46:00

remember uproar. I certainly haven't heard free Tehran. There's

46:02

probably a rally somewhere in downtown LA. Yeah

46:04

no I haven't heard about that. People are

46:06

angry or upset because I don't imagine. Have

46:08

a look at it. Because Egypt they're not.

46:10

It just looks like it's probably just where

46:12

the shags go to fucking do some horrible things.

46:14

It looks all right. It looks all right.

46:16

It's crystal clear waters. Got a few... Broken boats?

46:19

Oh, there'd be quite a few global prostitutes

46:21

on the on some yachts. You're always you're always

46:23

suspicious. You're ever happy never happy Don't you go

46:25

on the read it threads about women that

46:27

go to Saudi Arabia? Oh, what happens there? I

46:30

think they do some? There's some nefarious activities. Oh

46:32

and the people on the people on these

46:34

rabbit holes where the shakes are paying women to

46:36

take a dump What Norman Rockwell painting people

46:38

are taking it? No, I'm just saying that is

46:40

look you don't know what anyone's sexual kink is

46:43

unless you are in the room with their

46:45

sexual kink So if I told you Jim here's

46:47

the thing about me. I've never shot on someone.

46:49

There would be if you saw a shit

46:51

coming out my assole and the fucking prolapsed fucking

46:53

hemorrhoid coming out that woman's no that's not

46:55

fun for anyone to level of therapy. The level

46:58

of therapy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. Because because you've

47:00

got you've got you know. You know. You

47:02

know. You know. You know. You know. You know.

47:04

You know. You know. You know. You know. You

47:06

know. You know. You know. You know. You

47:08

know. You know. You know. You know. You know.

47:11

You know. You know. You know. You know.

47:13

You know. You know. You know. You know. You

47:15

know. You know. No, no, I tell her not

47:17

to look. She asked to look once. I

47:19

said, no, no, no, no, no. It's like the

47:22

predator's mouth. We still have to have some magic.

47:24

I told you, I'd make a movie out

47:26

of it where you'd start close up on it

47:28

and you go, oh, that's a lovely rose.

47:30

And then you'd pull out and then you go,

47:32

what? What? What? Beautiful opening to a film. Okay,

47:35

so we can go to the next topic.

47:37

Greenland what you say, what you say, we should

47:39

try and what you say, we should try and

47:41

you say, we should try and put in,

47:43

we should try and put in, we should try

47:45

and put in, we should try and put

47:47

in the bid. I haven't got enough information to

47:50

see whether this... I don't know how much information

47:52

you can... You know what I mean? I

47:54

would like to speak to some people from Greenland

47:56

or watch some Greenland news or something. What you're

47:58

saying sounds like a pretty fair deal. nook

48:00

network yeah the nickname network come in

48:03

here come into your life the

48:05

nook times nook times if there's

48:07

any nook journalists out there I

48:09

want to know the truth do

48:11

you like Denmark are they colonize

48:13

that where we invented the nook in

48:15

the corner of a kitchen yeah because

48:17

it's the corner of the planet yeah

48:20

it's a little nook exciting in the

48:22

nook yeah so anyway so I any nooks

48:24

who want to speak to me any

48:27

nook tobeans nook nook it Nooker-ins?

48:29

Nookets? Nookets? Yeah, any nookets,

48:31

any nookets, any nookets who want to

48:33

talk to me and tell me their

48:36

point of view, I'm here to learn.

48:38

Okay, now speaking of Australia and

48:40

Australia Day, everyone has been celebrating,

48:42

you know, the elements of our,

48:44

well not everyone, but the people

48:46

that are celebrating, are putting together

48:48

a list and a news that

48:50

you did a survey of 2,000

48:52

Ozies. Yeah. About what our national

48:54

dish dish was. I thought I'd

48:56

get your reaction to this. Yes. What

48:58

do you think meat pie? You would say the meat pie?

49:00

Meat pie. Twenty-four percent of the country

49:02

agrees with you. Meat pies are national

49:04

dish and we do it better than

49:07

anyone. Other countries make pies. New Zealanders

49:09

seem to go on like their pies

49:11

are better than ours. They're not. But

49:13

they're good pies in New Zealand. The

49:15

British, I don't know where they've gone

49:17

wrong. because they sell pies but they're

49:19

horrendous. But they do like a slice

49:21

of like a big slab of the

49:23

shit. No, no, they'll sell you a

49:25

pie. Pork pies. Pork pies are dreadful

49:27

with jelly around them and then you

49:29

eat them cold from a gas station.

49:32

It's a terrain standard. Like I

49:34

eat them. Anyway, so yeah, and

49:36

then they had another one called

49:38

pucker pies, this company called pucker

49:40

pies, a fucking dog shit, man.

49:42

Anywho. The Australian pie with

49:44

a bit of tomato sauce or ketchup

49:46

to you Americans is one of my

49:48

favorite meals and I I Found a

49:50

place locally that did him. There was

49:52

a guy that you miss Melbourne pies.

49:55

There was a guy that used to

49:57

come down to Forking pies, right? Forking

49:59

pies, right? walk-in pies, they were the

50:01

best pies and he used to with

50:03

mushy peas and like mashed potatoes. But

50:05

that's not, Ozzy. It is, if you

50:07

go to, if, mushy pies got no

50:10

plays in a pie in Australia, that's

50:12

your- Go to Harry's Cafe to Wheels,

50:14

my friend. That's Sydney Ship, mate. Go

50:16

to Queensland, they love a mushy pee,

50:18

up in Queensland. My father was eating

50:20

those as a child, just in your

50:22

pompous little fucking city of churches of

50:24

churches. Balfas and villas and villas and

50:27

villas and villas and villas and villas

50:29

all the way, just a basic steak

50:31

steak steak pie. Steak pie. Steak pie.

50:33

with the tomato sauce, squeezy powder. I

50:35

hardly ever do the, a P floater,

50:37

you never had a floater? We have

50:39

a pie floater in Australia, but I

50:42

think there's shit, in South Australia we've

50:44

got the pie, it's one of our

50:46

state beaches. But you're saying it doesn't

50:48

exist, it doesn't exist, it doesn't exist,

50:50

it doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't exist,

50:52

it doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't, it

50:54

doesn't, it doesn't exist, it doesn't, it

50:56

doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't,

50:59

it doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't, it

51:01

doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't,

51:03

it doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't, it

51:05

doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't,

51:07

it doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't, it

51:09

doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't,

51:11

it doesn't, it doesn't You're wrong, we

51:13

do. That's classist. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

51:16

she was too posh for it. She's

51:18

one of those people that hates her

51:20

Australian background, you know, she wants to

51:22

see. She's one of the Australian people

51:24

who speak like this. Oh no. Did

51:26

you say, I'm sorry, did you say

51:28

fair dinkham? Oh my God, that's really

51:31

gross. So random, what a bogan, super

51:33

bogan. Fuckin' for the windman, 23% is

51:35

the second. It'll probably be sausage rolls

51:37

or lamingtons or it'll just straight up

51:39

be vegetable. No, so 23% was Vegemite

51:41

on those. Vegetemite, okay, so Vegemite, I

51:43

eat three times a week. I order

51:45

it in, you can get it whole

51:48

foods. It's, it's, it's, it's, if you

51:50

grew up with it, you want it

51:52

your whole life. 18% roast lamb, 16%

51:54

sausage sizzle and... 8% for the Pavlova

51:56

which I admit is Kiwi. So let's

51:58

take that one off. And then the

52:00

sauce is- Wow, whoa, whoa, whoa, why

52:03

do you admit it's, it's keywheat, it

52:05

was named after- And a Pavlova, the-

52:07

And a Pavlova, and there's a place

52:09

in Fremantle, Western Australia, that

52:11

claims to have entered- And I know,

52:13

I've vented it. Vented it? They claim

52:15

so it had been vented it. And

52:18

Russell Crowe is Australian, you know? I'm

52:20

sorry, we can't claim everything to those.

52:22

And I know, no, no, no, look,

52:24

look, sometimes when I'm sitting back listening

52:26

to crowded house, good Ozzy Band, I

52:28

think to myself about how good was

52:30

Russell Crowe and everything. About how we

52:33

bowled under arm in 1981. The chapel

52:35

brothers did it, it was their fault.

52:37

And how good's the, how good's the Hobbit, mate.

52:39

Central Queensland, what are the best locations for a

52:41

few of them. Yeah, we steal everything from them.

52:44

They've got very few things and we try and

52:46

claim them. So I'm going to give them Pavla.

52:48

But the sausage is all I have to say,

52:50

I grew up as an Australian kid who loved

52:53

nothing more than, look, I played like footy. So

52:55

I'm half, half Ozzy, half, wog. And you have

52:57

to explain it. You know, Eastern European, ethnicic,

52:59

ethnic, ethnic, whatever, whatever, whatever,

53:02

whatever, whatever, I mean, meta training.

53:04

on the Ozzy side like the sausage

53:06

chisel at a footy club like just

53:08

a fucking shit barbecue even like the

53:10

bacon and egg sandwich that's like three

53:12

bucks at a community sausage chisel. The

53:14

onions are grilled very nice the sausage

53:16

is just a decimated fucking average sausage

53:18

but you know what the way you

53:20

can't have them in America because

53:22

American bread fucking sucks Australian

53:25

bread is the very best in the

53:27

world. I've traveled the world. An Australian

53:29

life of white bread, just generic white

53:31

shit bread, is as soft as soft

53:33

and just meshes down. And it can

53:35

wrap around the sausage. Like, you know,

53:37

like the old chick filet buns that

53:39

used to mold to the chicken that

53:41

was sort of softer. They've gotten a

53:43

bit more grainy now. But the Australian

53:45

bread just sort of bends around the

53:47

sausage. You couldn't get that bend. The

53:49

sausage of bunnings. It's all, it's 90%

53:51

romance, 10% romance, 10% And I go

53:53

over there and they pump a lot of sausages.

53:56

And you know what the Germans are like, you know

53:58

how embarrassing it is to be an Ozzy? Who goes?

54:00

We've got the best sausages. No, no, no.

54:02

And it's essentially white bread and charcoal dust

54:04

with tomato sauce. Yeah, but the bread's the

54:06

genius. You can't do it. Okay. And my

54:08

father-in-law is like, yeah, is that sausages? It's

54:10

not so good, huh? Yeah. Okay. So in

54:12

Austria, I was eating that crank and whatever.

54:14

The one with the cheese in it? Yeah.

54:17

I was eating like five of them a

54:19

day because I knew that my day, I

54:21

was only there for three there for three

54:23

days. I was only there for three days.

54:25

and I wasn't gonna get it again and

54:27

then I came home and googled where to

54:29

buy one in LA you can't fucking get

54:31

one and they're on every corner. We wanted

54:34

to start a business I remember that that

54:36

was the classic you go to Europe you

54:38

come back and we were like why don't

54:40

we do sausage carts where we do German

54:42

sausages on the street? Well I'm serious that

54:44

would fucking okay you leave the clippers or

54:46

you leave staple center and there'll be Maybe

54:50

80, 90, 100. Mexican sausage growth. Mexican

54:52

street vendors, right? And it's completely illegal,

54:54

but they're all serving the exact same

54:57

meal, right? It's a bacon, bacon wrapped

54:59

sausage in a normal just store-bought hot

55:01

dog bun. With helipino. Like peppers and

55:03

onions and stuff like that, but it's

55:06

a bacon wrapped sausage. It's not bad.

55:08

I've never gotten sick off one. I've

55:10

seen other people get sick off them,

55:12

but I've never gotten sick off one.

55:15

But if you don't like. There's no

55:17

variety up there. Imagine you have the

55:19

Kaisen-Hooken-Hooken. the case of Fenna it's a

55:21

nice crisp it's a red sausage with

55:24

a bite with a snap to it

55:26

with cheese running through the bloody thing

55:28

fucking brilliant not only that the chicken

55:30

parmer which is really to me the

55:33

real national dish of Australia yeah and

55:35

that's just the chicken shnitzel with cheese

55:37

and marinado sauce melted over it and

55:39

and and if you're an American listening

55:42

to this that is our number one

55:44

meal and if it came here yeah

55:46

but they always think here my other

55:48

chicken parmit blah blah blah blah blah

55:51

it's not this was this list I

55:53

gave you was for people 40 plus

55:55

yeah they also asked under 40's what's

55:57

Australia's national dish and number one was

56:00

the avocado toast yeah That's the cosmopolitan

56:02

left taking over this country. What you

56:04

don't understand was that right up until

56:06

about the year 2000 we didn't really

56:09

have avocados in Australia in a main

56:11

way. The bottom of prawn cocktails. I

56:13

remember trying an avocado in the 90s

56:15

and going what the fuck is this?

56:17

I used to joke about it where

56:20

I go because we never had any

56:22

at all. My dad used to think

56:24

avocado was a Brazilian soccer player from

56:26

the 80s. did it was nowhere it

56:28

was nowhere nowhere and now we're avocado

56:30

crazed in Australia but it was nowhere

56:32

no one was putting it on toast

56:34

crushed avocado on taste gonna have a

56:36

crushed avocado but it wasn't a thing until

56:38

about 2000 but the the last one I

56:40

want to say on this is I grew

56:42

up as a very ignorant Australian uh... and

56:44

you know i i love i love my

56:47

barbecues don't get me wrong yes but we

56:49

but we would wait we love a barbecue

56:51

but the barbecue to us is not about

56:53

the meat it's just about the vibe it's

56:55

backyard cricket it's a communal shared and here

56:57

you are saying i'm too much of a

56:59

fucking right-winger i do believe in the socialism

57:01

of the communal barbecue by the beach i've

57:04

got everyone else's grease and then you put

57:06

together a barbecue and you flinger sausage to

57:08

the to the birds and you have

57:10

that as the sun to the sun

57:12

goes down goes to the sun goes

57:14

down goes down on the And I

57:16

come to America and go, I love

57:18

barbecuing. And then you meet Americans who

57:20

like barbecuing. And it's some kind of

57:22

autistic science for guys with neckbeards in

57:24

the South who have machines. American barbecue

57:26

and having things and brisket. And

57:29

I always find it weird that brisket

57:31

is like a Jewish thing that blokes

57:33

who might not enjoy the company. Right.

57:35

So it's but it's the barbecuing in

57:38

America is fucking next level. It's a

57:40

real dining experience. Sometimes it can be.

57:42

Overrated you got to get it really

57:44

but when it's really good. It's really

57:46

good. Now in Australia. It's just heat

57:49

steak Sausages and that's it right. There's

57:51

nothing else going on and it's all

57:53

just no. There's no fines but I

57:55

tell you what you made me just

57:57

think of them Backyard cricket is

57:59

there a better sport on earth that

58:01

can be played by families in the

58:03

backyard. I say no, backyard American football

58:06

with the tagging and stuff like that.

58:08

I've seen people do it on Thanksgiving

58:10

stuff, don't do it. Backyard baseball is

58:12

no good because you're trying to hit

58:14

the buddy ball over the fucking fence,

58:16

right? We have a, you know, my

58:18

grandma has really severe dementia, the Croatian

58:21

one. And I haven't. spoken to her

58:23

in 10 years as where she could

58:25

speak right and I'll get sad thinking

58:27

about this but my brother has from

58:29

our last Christmas with her she was

58:31

like 78 barely mobile but she she

58:33

went up to bat in backyard cricket

58:36

never played cricket she was sort of

58:38

vaguely familiar she held the fucking thing

58:40

and my brother came in and bold

58:42

and she swung and she hit it

58:44

and it just Deflected perfectly and it

58:46

went for four. And we all ran

58:48

over and everyone was lifting up our

58:51

Bubba and like that is the last

58:53

memory I'll have of my grandmother who

58:55

could, she can barely speak English and

58:57

she's celebrating the fact that she hit

58:59

a four runs. It's simple. Everyone loves

59:01

to play it. It speeds along. It's

59:03

something women and men play it. It's

59:05

not just all the boys get it.

59:08

Kids play with adults. Because cricket unlike

59:10

baseball. I love baseball. But cricket is

59:12

more of a finesse game than baseball.

59:14

You know what you know what I

59:16

mean? hitting it for the fence. So

59:18

it is just tapping it away and

59:20

moving the ball. And so, and backyard

59:23

cricket is played with the tennis ball,

59:25

not with an actual cricket ball. With

59:27

tape applied if you're a serious family.

59:29

And then, and every house has their

59:31

own rules, right? So we had in

59:33

my house, there was like, if you

59:35

hit the wall, it's four, but if

59:38

you hit the window, you're out. So

59:40

you really didn't want to hit the

59:42

window, which was in the wall. You

59:44

get six runs in your out. I've

59:46

seen someone else's backyard. I've fought against

59:48

this my whole life. And one of

59:50

the reasons I left Australia is because

59:53

of the six and out rule. And

59:55

I'll tell you why. Six and out

59:57

sums up Australia. How dare you think

59:59

you're better than the rest of us?

1:00:01

You get six runs, well done. I

1:00:03

hope you feel good about yourself, but

1:00:05

go over the fence. Pick up the

1:00:07

ball, come back, and you're out. For

1:00:10

people who don't know about cricket, if

1:00:12

you hit the fence, it's four runs,

1:00:14

if you get over the fence, equivalent

1:00:16

of a home run, is worth six

1:00:18

runs. But the reason... It would be

1:00:20

if you hit a home run, you've

1:00:22

lost. Yeah, but that's because you're hitting

1:00:25

it into someone else's yard. Don't care,

1:00:27

America is all about succeeding, come here,

1:00:29

bring your best, try and succeed,

1:00:31

get rich, and Australia's energy is...

1:00:33

We get rid of all of them. One hand, one

1:00:35

bounce is also, it's a tax on the successful because

1:00:37

you're like, he's too good. So now we've got to

1:00:40

try and make it harder for you. No, you got

1:00:42

to go one hand, one bounce, because one hand, one

1:00:44

bounce, because you can catch them all out, but if

1:00:46

it bounces, you can catch it with one hand, one

1:00:48

bounce, but it had to be your non-dominant hand. Yeah,

1:00:50

that's all right. I don't like any of the rule

1:00:52

changes. Here's the rule changes. Here's the worst rule.

1:00:54

Here's the worst rule. Here's the worst rule. Here's

1:00:57

rule. Here's rule. Here's rule. Here's rule. Because

1:00:59

that's the automation of people's jobs

1:01:01

right there people went. Oh, that's

1:01:03

a boring job That's they've been

1:01:05

the catcher. Yeah, but you you have to

1:01:07

play the dimensions of your yard I'm just

1:01:10

saying I like I like when you had

1:01:12

to actually be caught by not the

1:01:14

wall I think the game went

1:01:16

downhill. That's what I'm saying. Anyway

1:01:18

backyard cricket wonderful. Wonderful. This is

1:01:20

it. I'm doing it this moment.

1:01:22

We're talking about backyard cricket

1:01:24

from the fucking 80s What else did

1:01:27

I want to talk to you about? What

1:01:29

were we even discussing? What did we talk

1:01:31

about about backyard cricket? You were talking about

1:01:33

Australianism and then you start crying about your grandmother.

1:01:35

Oh yeah, because it's very... This is the thing

1:01:37

I like it. This is the thing I like

1:01:40

most about the... old immigrant story in Australia and

1:01:42

why I like Australia Day. My grandparents came to

1:01:44

the country and what they do in Australia back

1:01:46

in the day is they used to split people

1:01:49

up so you didn't get a wise with your

1:01:51

own group and so you got to all different

1:01:53

towns so then you're a foreigner but you have

1:01:55

to learn the ways of the new culture you

1:01:57

go to and every time I see a... I

1:02:00

think of immigrants that have come to

1:02:02

Australia and how much they've loved to

1:02:04

adapt it. No, when I see Australia

1:02:06

Day, I personally, and I'm not aboriginal,

1:02:09

so I can't speak to how they

1:02:11

feel, right? But I personally just think

1:02:13

of, you know, how multicultural and how,

1:02:16

what a great country it is. And

1:02:18

it's meant to be a day where

1:02:20

we all band together, have a barbecue,

1:02:22

base and backyard cricket, eat some food

1:02:25

that we, you know, is synonymous with

1:02:27

us. Yeah, everyone thinks it's like a

1:02:29

white nationalist day, but it's also a

1:02:32

Sudanese guy that escaped a war wearing

1:02:34

an Ozzy flag as a cape doing

1:02:36

a fucking shoewy. Exactly, right? So I

1:02:38

celebrate Fourth of July here in America.

1:02:41

I wasn't fucking there. If anything, I

1:02:43

would have been on the English side,

1:02:45

right? Back at that time in history,

1:02:48

right? You're fucking loyalist scumbag. No, but

1:02:50

my genealogy comes from there. Like my

1:02:52

family would have been in England during

1:02:54

that period. That's why you don't want

1:02:57

Americans to have guns. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

1:02:59

I'm a fucking redcoat. That's why I

1:03:01

like guns. I've been a redcoat the

1:03:04

whole day. We needed guns to fucking

1:03:06

kick your kind out of this. What?

1:03:08

How long did it take for people

1:03:10

to figure out camouflage? No, but do

1:03:13

you know why they wore redcoats? Because

1:03:15

I used to do a bit about

1:03:17

this and I've been lectured in the

1:03:20

comments. Okay. So the enemy never saw

1:03:22

you bleed. Please. Their fucking shirt underneath

1:03:24

was white. That's why he always said,

1:03:26

Paul Revere letting everyone know the English

1:03:29

is coming, yeah, yeah, yeah, they were

1:03:31

fucking, shut up. You get shot in

1:03:33

the head, lucky I've got my red

1:03:36

coat. Like, get the fuck, if that

1:03:38

was the reason, the reason's fucking dumb.

1:03:40

Also, why have you got a drummer?

1:03:42

Well, that's why he always said Paul

1:03:45

Revere letting everyone know the English is

1:03:47

coming, wasn't that much of an accomplishment,

1:03:49

it's like, mate, we can fucking here,

1:03:52

right there. He should have been in

1:03:54

the corner of one of bloody blue

1:03:56

sessions. Say what you see, Paul. The

1:03:58

English isn't coming. All right. So what

1:04:01

the fuck were we discussing? I was

1:04:03

going to the Oscars. Okay, so

1:04:05

at this moment, give me the

1:04:07

movies. Sorry, that's, here's our edit

1:04:09

point. Because I'd like this to

1:04:11

be bloody sharper than we've been

1:04:13

doing it. I've been a buffoon. At

1:04:16

this moment, the Oscar nominations

1:04:18

have come out. Yes. And, what do

1:04:20

you think? Have you watched any? I've

1:04:22

only seen Wicked. Wicked was really

1:04:24

good. I've watched two. Oh, and

1:04:26

I've watched two. And I've watched

1:04:28

two. That got nominated. You gotta say,

1:04:31

I haven't seen the one, I want

1:04:33

to see the Demi Moore one, but you

1:04:35

know what one I don't want to watch?

1:04:37

I don't want to watch Conclave, and

1:04:40

people say it's really good, but

1:04:42

the trailer couldn't put me off

1:04:44

a movie more. Like, is it

1:04:46

about putting me off a movie

1:04:48

more? Like, is it about them

1:04:50

being pedophiles? Because if it's not

1:04:52

about them being pedophiles I don't

1:04:54

want to watch. It's about them

1:04:57

selecting a Pope. Will this happen? I'm

1:04:59

like, is that one of the best bits

1:05:01

from the film? Because everyone's

1:05:03

saying it's really good. It's the

1:05:05

English patient all over again. Remember

1:05:07

Seinfeld? I remember watching that Seinfeld

1:05:09

episode where Elaine hated the English

1:05:11

patient because I hated the English

1:05:13

patient and I went along and

1:05:15

saw it. And this is, I

1:05:17

think, also star Ray Fines. Yeah,

1:05:19

yeah, Ray Fines Oscar-winning movies fucking

1:05:21

suck-dicks. They all fucking suck. What's the real

1:05:24

pain? I really wanted to, I was like, I'm gonna watch these

1:05:26

Oscar movies because I feel like, and I think we spoke about

1:05:28

this in the bloody first episode, but you used to have seen,

1:05:30

like naturally, you would have watched every Oscar movie you probably saw.

1:05:32

If there was five of them you would have seen four of

1:05:34

them, you would have seen four of them, you would have seen

1:05:36

four of them, and now they do like eight, you know, fucking,

1:05:38

you know, you can tell that a culture in trouble when they're,

1:05:40

when they're making, and they're making, and they're making, and they're making,

1:05:42

and they're making, and they're making, and they're making, and they're, and

1:05:44

they're, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

1:05:46

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

1:05:48

like, like, like, like, like, like What's the wild robot?

1:05:50

The wild robot is one of the animated ones

1:05:53

and people think it might get the Oscar for

1:05:55

the best. Okay, for animation it's going to be

1:05:57

between Inside Out 2, which is meant to be

1:05:59

really good. And the wild robot. The wild robot about a

1:06:01

robot getting lost out in the out

1:06:03

in the wild helping it out and stuff

1:06:05

like that it my wife is like

1:06:08

that. But my wife is like, fuck robots! She's like, you've always said

1:06:10

she's a bigot. She's like like don't want to watch

1:06:12

anything where I meant to have

1:06:14

empathy for robots. I'm not doing it.

1:06:16

What about Amelia Perez? Perez? I I

1:06:18

didn't even know what the fuck this

1:06:21

was. It's a trans trans in Mexico.

1:06:23

That has 13 nominations They're

1:06:25

saying it's got the got

1:06:27

nominations almost in history.

1:06:29

I've never heard of

1:06:31

it. What's it called

1:06:33

the in history. Never heard of it.

1:06:35

What's it called the can't tell? The can't

1:06:38

tell. That's the I mean, where

1:06:40

mean, where are we with

1:06:42

the with the can't tell? That's

1:06:46

a big problem in America is all

1:06:48

the cartels that are out there clip it

1:06:50

the amount of times that I've been

1:06:52

in a bar amount of times that I've been in by

1:06:54

a and I've to worry about the car by I

1:06:56

can't tell. You went home with about the can't tell. Fuck, I

1:06:58

went home with a I could tell I was too late.