8:00

my brain scan by a neuroscientist at seven and

8:02

a half hours a day on my phone and

8:04

then I didn't look at a screen again for

8:06

almost two months for seven weeks and

8:09

then I got my brain rescan at the end and see what happened. Okay.

8:12

So that number seven, why seven weeks? I

8:14

mean people say all these things about it's

8:16

21 days to a habit. I

8:18

think that's actually been debunked to a certain extent.

8:21

I think it's longer and shorter depending upon what

8:23

it is but why seven? I

8:27

don't think there was a certain reason why besides when

8:29

I went to Dr. Amen, the

8:31

neuroscientist, when I first

8:33

was talking to him about it and I was like, I

8:35

think initially it was just going to be maybe three weeks.

8:38

And I just remember him saying, I just don't know if you're

8:40

going to be able to see anything in three weeks. Like if

8:42

you really want this to like, you know, and he's, and to

8:44

be honest, I don't know if you'll be able to see anything

8:46

in seven weeks, but the longer you do this, the

8:48

better it's going to be for you. And so I just

8:51

kind of started clearing my calendar. I looked, when can

8:53

I do this? I canceled a couple of speaking gigs.

8:55

And I said, let's just, honestly, seven

8:57

weeks was what it felt like

9:00

way too long. Like it felt for me, for someone

9:02

that does what I do for a living, like I

9:04

make my money talking to my phone. So, you know,

9:06

like, how am I going to not look at it

9:08

for seven weeks? Um, and so I

9:10

think we got to a month and then it

9:12

went to five weeks. And then my wife was

9:14

like, Hey, well, I'm, I'm kind of jealous that

9:16

you're going to be like the most pure version

9:19

of who you are with just these strange monks

9:21

and honest people that don't even know you. But

9:23

that means we don't get any of the benefit

9:25

of that. Like you're going to have to do

9:27

this with us too. And I was like, Oh,

9:29

so let me do that. So then it just

9:31

kind of ended up seven weeks and I'm glad

9:33

it's seven weeks was the perfect amount in order

9:36

for me to, I think really pull

9:38

out all of the, um, the

9:40

learnings that, that I needed to pull, um,

9:42

in order for this to feel like something

9:45

that could really change people's lives. Yeah. So,

9:47

okay. So you brain scanned obvious before and

9:49

after maybe you don't necessarily need to go

9:51

into like, what was the before and after

9:53

comparison? Although we, I think people are curious,

9:55

what was the benefit of doing that? Like,

9:58

what made you think to do that? Like

16:00

I've got this phrase that my Instagram audience knows that I

16:02

say all the time is we don't stand on issues. We

16:04

walk with people. I say that all the time, Carlos, where

16:06

do you stand on this issue? I say, I don't, I

16:08

walk with people. That doesn't mean I don't have an opinion

16:10

on issues. It just means that I'm walking as opposed to

16:12

just standing, right? And so I thought,

16:15

well, I'm here I am, Mr. Don't stand on issues, walk with

16:17

people. What are subcultures of

16:19

people that I have no idea

16:21

who they are and probably I'm

16:24

gonna disagree on a lot of

16:26

things with that I could live with. Oh,

16:28

let me do, let me do some

16:30

monks. Like I'm not Catholic. I don't

16:32

understand a lot of Catholicism. I definitely

16:34

don't understand monasticism. So

16:37

that's a group that probably lives and believes some

16:39

different things than I do. Oh, how about the

16:41

Amish? Like they are

16:43

the most people, people like

16:46

to talk about how conservative conservatives are or how

16:48

liberal liberals are these days. Let me tell you,

16:50

ain't a liberal as liberal or a conservative as

16:52

conservative as the Amish are conservative. They, I mean,

16:54

they have like, you know, they

16:57

have that in spades.

16:59

Like they are, they're literally conserving

17:01

their way of life because they

17:03

believe that that is the, is

17:06

the truest and best form. And I am

17:08

not the most conservative human that anyone would

17:10

ever meet. So I was like, perfect, let

17:12

me go live with them. Like, so I

17:14

was trying to specifically find groups of people

17:16

that may have a different worldview than me

17:19

and see if I could really put my

17:21

money where my mouth is and do this

17:23

how to human thing, this book that I'd

17:25

written in a way that

17:27

is transformative to me. And

17:30

luckily is, I was just like, well, then, you

17:32

know, they're not really attached to their phones, at

17:34

least as much as I know, monks aren't or

17:36

Amish aren't. And little did I know I was

17:38

wrong, but you

17:41

know, I got to, I got to live

17:43

with these and literally I'm not, this is

17:45

non-exaggeration. Some of the greatest

17:47

relationships I've ever formed in my life were formed

17:49

at the monastery and in the Amish community of

17:51

Mount Hope, Ohio. And Willis and I, who

17:54

are on opposite ends of a lot of

17:56

spectrums, we call ourselves willows

17:58

when we're together, because. a

20:00

lot of self discovery and we're,

20:02

I just think we're just moving too fast and

20:04

the volume of life is way too loud for

20:06

us to even realize that things were supposed to

20:08

be realizing. And so when it's all taken away,

20:10

when all the noise is gone and you're just

20:13

left with a little bit of solitude, it does,

20:15

it changes everything. And actually I fell in love

20:17

with it, where I was so scared of it

20:20

at the beginning. By the time I left

20:22

the monastery after two weeks, like

20:24

I was actually so sad that I wasn't going

20:26

to have that solitude anymore. Cause let me tell

20:28

you, moving from the monks to the Amish was

20:30

moving from a cave to Manhattan. Like it was

20:33

like, I went from like, like, like a living

20:35

in a cave to New York, you know, to

20:37

Times Square, New York, the Amish go so fast.

20:39

They go so hard. They're around each other all

20:41

the time. They're talking all the time and said,

20:43

but the monks was

20:46

slow. Godspeed quiet. And I

20:48

missed it. I didn't, I didn't even realize how

20:50

much I would miss solitude. And the reason why

20:52

is because I didn't know that I would because

20:54

I hadn't had it in so long. And so

20:57

when I finally got it, I was like, this

20:59

is so necessary. So I've, you know,

21:01

began to build solitude in my life

21:04

in different ways. And, um, and again, remember that

21:06

I'm not asking for people to be lonely. I'm

21:09

asking for people to be still and to let,

21:14

to let their brain have a break, you

21:16

know, to, to let the, um,

21:18

we're actually, I think addicted.

21:20

When I was having all of those panic attacks

21:22

and heart palpitations, the first few days, it's

21:25

because I was coming off of the drug of

21:27

knowledge and the drug of

21:29

control. And I was just so

21:32

addicted to those things that when I didn't have

21:34

them anymore, my body started to

21:36

react. And so, yeah, everything

21:38

you said is true. Um, it's, it was, it

21:40

was, it was hard, but it was, it was

21:42

definitely healing once I got past that initial shock.

21:45

Well, and then obviously past the Amish,

21:47

you ended up eventually back home still

21:50

continuing the experiment, but being

21:52

with your familiar and your

21:54

family and your familia even.

21:57

And it's like, there you go. So, and it,

21:59

and it takes. kind of that exiting the

22:02

situation or the environment, it takes

22:04

that kind of being in an

22:06

other type situation to be

22:11

able to get any kind of sense

22:13

of what it could be like to

22:15

then acclimate slash regulate or regularity a

22:17

file. That's not a word, but it

22:20

is now into your day to day

22:22

life, right? Yes, yes. No, absolutely. And,

22:25

you know, again, my, again, my wife was like, it's

22:27

not fair that you're going to be able to be

22:29

Amish Carlos without me. I want to see a little

22:31

bit of it. And yeah, and so during those three

22:33

weeks, I was able to begin to apply a lot

22:35

of the principles and a lot of the things that

22:37

I learned with the monks in the Amish into my

22:39

regular life, even though I didn't have a phone yet.

22:41

Like I was with my family for three more weeks

22:43

without a screen. And you know,

22:45

and so the book is filled every, the

22:47

end of every chapter, I give handlebars to,

22:50

you know, to the chapters are on control

22:52

or solitude or the table or getting lost

22:54

or wonder wondering all these things that we

22:56

don't do anymore. I really

22:59

tried to give the reader some very simple

23:01

but applicable ways to do these things. And

23:03

again, I'm not again, I don't think

23:05

I've said this yet, but you know,

23:08

when you read the, when you read the book, you're

23:10

not going to feel any shame about being addicted to

23:12

your phone. Like I made sure

23:14

to that this book isn't about

23:16

why phones are bad. This

23:18

book is about why what's on the other side of

23:20

the phone is beautiful. And when you

23:23

fall back in love with what's on the other

23:25

side of the phone, inevitably you just pick your

23:27

phone up less. I'm on my phone less than

23:29

three hours a day. Now I was on my

23:31

phone seven, almost seven and a half hours a

23:33

day. So Carlos, have you set up

23:35

rules? Like what? Like, do you have

23:37

screen time set? No, I've got no rules. I've

23:40

got nothing, but you know what I do have?

23:42

I've got a new love for getting lost. I've

23:44

got a new love for wondering. I've got a

23:46

new love for solitude and all those things are

23:48

way more important than the dopamine hit that my

23:50

phone gives me. And so once you, once you

23:52

taste how good it is, I'm telling you, you're

23:55

just going to pick it up a lot less.

23:58

So we talked a little bit about that whole seven. guess

28:00

what? I couldn't tell. I never knew

28:02

how hot it was. I never knew how cool it

28:04

was. I just had to wonder all the time. And

28:06

because I let my mind wander

28:09

in my wondering, man, the ideas that I

28:11

got, the question, more questions that I had

28:13

started to come. So creativity is getting squashed

28:15

because we find the answers to what we're

28:17

looking for so quickly. So bro, as you

28:19

can tell, I could speak for another freaking

28:21

three hours on all of the things that

28:24

I learned that we've forgotten how to do

28:27

because of these things. And I've fallen back in love with

28:29

those things again. And it's really given me a lot more

28:31

life. Sounds like the

28:33

title reconnect. You reconnecting with

28:35

wonder and curiosity and even,

28:39

even doubt, I, you know, you don't

28:41

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CarMax. You don't have to settle in. length

36:00

of time we would be able to have at

36:02

the dinner table, literally we were able to like

36:04

disagree and then come back to connection someplace. Here's

36:07

the kicker. 100 years ago, the

36:10

average American meal lasted 90 minutes.

36:13

In 2023, the average American

36:15

meal lasts 12 minutes. 12

36:18

minutes. So tell me this, why in the world can

36:20

our family not disagree without hating

36:23

each other anymore? Why can't our kids be

36:25

able to like have crucial conversations with people

36:27

that because they don't have anywhere

36:29

to practice and your home is going to be the

36:31

safest place for some of these things to do. So

36:33

what have I done? I have extended

36:35

all of my meal times. Literally, if I've got a

36:37

friend coming to, they're like, Hey, can we have lunch?

36:39

I was like, yeah, sweet. Can we do from 12

36:42

to 12 30? No, actually then I can't do it.

36:44

I can do from 12 to like 115. That's

36:48

a long time. Yeah. But

36:50

that's, that's having a meal together. That's just

36:53

not eating together. So I'll tell you that

36:55

thing's been profoundly shifting for

36:57

me and my family is again, this book's,

36:59

um, I did this experiment a year ago

37:01

or two years ago, uh, like

37:03

this month. And since then our meal times

37:05

had probably tripled in time. Um, and it's become one

37:07

of our favorite parts. So yeah, you know, it's going

37:09

to feel weird at the beginning. Just start with 30

37:12

minutes. If you're just 12 minutes, start with 30, you

37:14

know, and your kids are probably going to be like,

37:16

what, what are we supposed to do for 30 minutes?

37:18

You know, and there'll be some awkward

37:20

silence and all kinds of things will happen, but

37:22

I promise you it'll be one of the greatest

37:24

gifts you can give your family. That sounds amazing.

37:26

Yeah. We've tried to do some of that and

37:28

we've been making progress there here at our table

37:30

and I've been loving it and love to go

37:32

out and do that and sit and just linger.

37:35

Yeah. Linger bro. Yeah.

37:38

So I think one of the other

37:40

things people are thinking is Carlos, you

37:42

are so prevalent,

37:45

you're so present on social

37:47

media. How do

37:49

you balance that connection

37:51

versus connection in face

37:54

to face, you know, atmosphere? What's the difference

37:56

there? Do you, do you now see a

37:58

difference between those two realms? and the connection

38:00

that can be had between those two. Oh,

38:02

yeah. Yeah. I mean, I was I was

38:05

way over connected digitally. I was way over

38:07

connected with people that didn't know me. And

38:09

to be quite honest, when I disappeared for

38:11

seven weeks and I popped back up,

38:13

the amount of people like, oh, my gosh, wait, I

38:16

didn't realize it's so that you were gone. Like, and I'm like, oh,

38:19

I mean, when you have those realizations,

38:21

that people actually are not going

38:23

to miss you. I mean, sure, maybe some people will. But

38:25

like, you know, the people that miss me were my wife

38:27

and kids and my and my friends. And

38:30

man, I have there. People

38:35

probably, you know, if you look back

38:37

at my history of Instagram use in the last

38:39

two years, it is dramatically decline. There'll be three

38:41

or four days in a row that go by.

38:43

And now if that ever happens, it used to

38:45

be people are like, hey, you OK? Is everything

38:48

OK? What's going on? You know, now it's it's

38:50

just it's just what I just do normally. Like,

38:52

I just I'm appreciative

38:54

for the community that I built online. I

38:57

think that the words that the that God gives

38:59

me, I can, you know, I think it can

39:01

change people's lives. I think I love storytelling.

39:04

I love making reels. I love telling

39:06

the story of my parents across the street and my

39:08

dad with dementia. Like, I love all those things. But

39:11

they're they're really way, way,

39:13

way down on the list as far as what

39:15

community really means for me. Not that you

39:18

can't find true community online. I've

39:20

made some great friends online, but it just will

39:22

never. It will never touch breath

39:25

to breath. It will never touch face to face and

39:27

sharing meals together. And so, yeah, you know,

39:29

so I probably again, like I said,

39:31

I'm under three hours a day on my phone. Most

39:34

of that three hours is on Instagram. Most

39:36

of that three hours is I'm answering the

39:39

M's. I'm, you know, doing the things. But

39:41

still, like, that's a long time to be

39:43

on Instagram. So, you know, yeah, yeah. It's

39:46

not nothing, but it's definitely worth

39:48

it. I think, I mean, again, going from

39:51

where you were to less than half daily,

39:53

like the thing that the compounding of that

39:55

time you add it all up in a

39:58

week. Literally. little,

40:00

uh, I don't

40:02

know about you, but I, I always noticed that,

40:04

uh, that screen time notification used to come on

40:06

a Sunday morning and I'm like, that's a guilt

40:08

trip and a half on a Sunday morning right

40:11

there. It's like, Oh, come on. Yeah. Yeah. Well,

40:14

and, and you know, I, I have cut

40:16

my screen time by more than half, which

40:18

legitimately means that I have added more than

40:20

half of my life back. And,

40:23

and when I think about it that

40:25

way, I'm like, that is freaking crazy.

40:27

That, that I've, I've legitimately, whatever life

40:29

I was losing, I've, I've, I've

40:32

cut it in half, which is just a lot

40:34

more living now. So yeah. Yeah. Uh,

40:36

well, I know there's a lot of people out there.

40:38

They want to jump in on this. So, and this

40:40

is coming out right as the book is dropping. Let's

40:42

go. Where do you want to send people? Is there

40:45

a site? Is there a place? Obviously we can link

40:47

up to all the socials in the show notes and

40:49

people, sure. Yeah. True. But, uh, where do we want

40:51

to send them? Uh, send

40:53

them to reconnectedbook.com. And, uh, there, I, I

40:55

think we're going to keep the, um, a

40:57

couple of the pre-order incentives

40:59

going for about a week after. So

41:02

if you want to get, uh, you know, I've got

41:04

a documentary coming out about the book and that's coming

41:06

out in October. I've got a

41:08

10 minute sneak peek for that. I also have

41:10

like a journaling guide where I give you questions for

41:12

every single chapter that you can download

41:14

as a PDF. Uh, and that's

41:16

actually really cool. I'm the most excited about

41:18

that thing. It'll just kind of help ask

41:21

some extra questions, ask yourself some extra questions

41:23

as you're really processing. Okay.

41:25

What is my relationship with screens look like? How can I reconnect again?

41:29

Um, so yeah, reconnectedbook.com. And

41:31

then yeah, all the socials come hang out with me whenever

41:33

I'm there. Perfect. Perfect. Yeah. And I'm, and again, I remember

41:35

it earlier. I said I was going to grab the doctor's

41:37

show where he scanned your brain. Yes.

41:41

Yeah. You already talked to him, sat down with him and went

41:43

over all that. We're going to link over to that in the

41:45

show notes for this. So people can jump off here and jump

41:47

into that as well and keep going

41:49

with this conversation. But this is good

41:51

stuff. It's great. For you to have brought this

41:53

up. It's definitely timely and needed. And

41:56

I'm so glad you came back and I want to keep having

41:58

you back. Carlos, let's go,

42:00

bro. Keep going. I want to keep writing books.

42:02

Yeah. Will

42:05

do. Yeah. All right.

42:08

Well, Carlos, thank you for being here and we'll see you next time. See

42:10

you. Well,

42:13

that's another podcast crossed off your listening to

42:15

do list. I hope that you enjoyed this

42:17

conversation with Carlos Whitaker. I love having him

42:20

back. Trust me. Every time he's doing something,

42:22

he will probably be back next time. It

42:24

is, it is so fun to have a

42:26

human conversation with him about these somewhat heavy

42:29

topics, but they don't have to be. I

42:31

really encourage you to grab the book and

42:33

move beyond just what we talked about in

42:35

this conversation. There's so much more in there.

42:38

You'll find the link to that in the

42:40

show notes for this episode, which you'll find

42:42

at beyond the to do list.com. That's

42:45

also where you'll find different tools that I use

42:47

to create this show. Make sure to check those

42:49

out. There are a ton of great tools in

42:51

there, including my top productivity books list. And don't

42:54

forget to support us and support this show by

42:56

checking out our sponsors. Also linked there at the

42:58

show notes. If you found this podcast helpful, I

43:00

would love for you to do me the favor

43:03

of reconnecting with someone you know needs to hear

43:05

this conversation. Share it on over to them either

43:07

at the show notes. I already talked about or

43:09

hit that share button wherever you're listening to this,

43:12

your podcast player app of choice. Thank

43:14

you so much for sharing. Thanks

43:16

again for listening and I'll see

43:18

you next episode. See you next

43:20

time.