0:04

Double Elvis. Blood

0:07

on the Tracks is a production of I Heart Radio

0:10

and Double Elvis. Brian

0:12

Wilson was a musical genius and one

0:14

of the greatest songwriters of all time. He

0:17

caught melodies like they were waves. He

0:19

bottled good vibrations like no one

0:21

else, and he picked up bad vibrations

0:24

too. He broke down, he

0:26

tripped hard. He didn't just hear

0:28

music, he heard voices. He

0:31

tried to lose those voices by making a teenage

0:33

symphony to God called Smile. But

0:36

somewhere along the way, Brian

0:38

Wilson lost his mind instead. This

0:42

is his story.

0:48

Rhonda Masson here once again. I

0:51

can't believe we've come to the end of these Brian Wilson

0:53

tapes and to the end of this project. All

0:56

these final bits and pieces are from two thousand

0:58

four. I think they're all video

1:00

tapes from the album Brian Wilson Presents

1:02

Smile, which of course is

1:04

the resurrected version of the record he abandoned

1:07

nearly forty years earlier. They're

1:10

all pretty well cataloged and most contained material

1:12

that ended up on the record. But there

1:14

was one tape I found that has just been

1:17

left. I'll play it for

1:19

you. Now here we go.

1:29

Okay, everyone, can you all hear me

1:32

in there? Good? Let's

1:34

try some take. I

1:36

have some history with this. This

1:39

song was a tough one, but we can

1:41

get it. You can get it today.

1:45

Sometimes history isn't a bad thing. History

1:48

can make you wise, You can make

1:50

you right your wrongs. Everything

1:52

that is taking place in the past is a preparation

1:55

for the opportunities to calm.

1:57

You can change your future using your history. M

2:01

don't be afraid of the song. Don't

2:03

be afraid of the thinks you've heard about it. Don't

2:06

be afraid of anything. We

2:08

have to face stuff like this as songwriters and musicians,

2:11

as people. Okay,

2:15

fight Mrs o'larry's cow take

2:17

one. Give me everything

2:20

you've got on us. I want everybody's

2:22

best shot. Let's get

2:24

some blood on the tracks. Chapter

2:47

ten. Brian

2:49

Wilson was smiling

2:51

again. Good

3:05

morning, This is b r I a

3:07

n FM, coming to you live from

3:09

the temporal Lobe. It's another beautiful

3:12

day out there. The sun is shining

3:14

and the sea is warm.

3:20

I wake up and it's early. Melinda

3:23

is sleeping next to me. The

3:25

kids are asleep too. It's

3:28

the first day of the rest of my life. I

3:30

can feel it. I've

3:32

been playing it cool, but my mind has

3:35

been whirling around and around. We

3:37

Linda could tell. Last night. I think

3:41

I was quiet, reserved,

3:43

she said, But this morning

3:45

I feel okay. No,

3:48

I feel better than okay.

3:53

There was my life before all this happened,

3:55

and my life after it.

3:58

Was it better before? Probably

4:00

not? Will it be better

4:02

after? I don't know. Maybe,

4:05

but then again maybe not. It's

4:08

hard to tell. With a mind like mine, you

4:10

just never know. I've learned

4:13

to play it by ear, like a good song to

4:15

go with it all. I have some history with this.

4:19

I've spent my whole life scared, my

4:22

whole life under pressure from someone or something.

4:25

I don't think that will ever go away. But you

4:28

can manage it, you can deal with it.

4:30

Don't be afraid. You

4:33

can't stop a lot of things in this world, but you

4:35

can live with them. Don't be afraid of anything.

4:40

I walked softly down the back staircase

4:42

and into the kitchen. There's

4:44

three pills on the counter. I

4:46

take my usual amount with a cool glass

4:48

of water. I washed

4:50

the glass, dry it and place

4:53

it back in the cupboard. It's

4:55

deadly quiet. I

4:57

look at the clock on the wall, five

4:59

nights a teen. I

5:02

breathe out and muttered to myself, we'll

5:04

be doing it in under five hours. We'll

5:06

be in there. My

5:09

mind pictures of control booth, the

5:11

drum kit, microphone, then

5:14

a fireman's hat. This song was a tough

5:16

one. I

5:18

swallow hard, then close my

5:20

eyes. I breathe

5:23

in, then out, in

5:26

then out. I

5:28

know where I'm going, I know what

5:30

I want to do. It's

5:33

strange how your body, or your mind or

5:35

both gave you these little ideas, these

5:38

little thoughts, that all of a sudden you have

5:40

to carry out. Impulse,

5:44

that's what it is. That's

5:46

what I can feel. History can make you wise.

5:51

I make my way to the back door, and as

5:53

I do, I walk past the calendar on the wall.

5:56

Today's date is circled and written

5:58

there it says, warding day one.

6:02

I don't dare look at it. I just keep

6:04

walking outside.

6:07

The sun is hot already. The

6:09

bird's song fills my ears, and I

6:11

closed my eyes as I walked down the perfectly

6:13

manicured grass. I'm

6:15

barefoot and it feels like carpet

6:17

under my toes. I

6:20

thought i'd feel worse than this. I'm

6:23

worried. This is just the calm before the

6:25

storm. I've seen that before,

6:28

I felt like that before, but

6:31

I have to admit this time it does feel

6:33

different. Don't be afraid of the song. Finally,

6:37

the feeling of grass under my feet gives

6:39

way to the feeling of sand. It's

6:42

cool and soft. I

6:45

stopped and dig my feet into it. It's

6:47

reassuring, like a heavy blanket or

6:49

a cup of cocoa. I

6:52

stopped and stare at the horizon where

6:54

the Pacific Ocean meets the sky. There's

6:57

no one else around. The light

7:00

ances off the water, and there's a light

7:02

breeze that drifts around me. Everything

7:05

feels calm, settled, like

7:07

there's no more worry shows

7:10

all over. Everything has happened,

7:13

like watching an old movie you love or hearing

7:15

an old song. Don't be afraid of the thinks you've

7:17

heard about it. I'm

7:21

not really going to do this, am I? I think

7:23

to myself. I feel

7:25

nervous. How could I not? But

7:28

I feel happy too. I

7:31

waste a bit of time looking up and down the beach.

7:33

Then I mutter, okay,

7:35

come on, Brian. Smile

7:38

was once again appearing in my mind. More and

7:41

more, and this feeling. This

7:43

idea just grew and grew with it. I

7:46

walk up the beach and begin to slowly

7:48

climb up the rocks on the far side. I

7:51

go right up to the top. When

7:53

I get there, I'm panting. I

7:56

stand and look at the whole beach. You

7:58

can see it all from up there. It's

8:01

like I'm on top of the world. History can

8:03

make you wise. I

8:06

looked down and see the ocean lapping at the rocks

8:08

below. Without a

8:10

second thought, I grabbed the shirt and wearing pull

8:13

it off. I take two steps back

8:15

and jump as high as I can. You can change

8:17

your future using your history. I

8:21

feel like I'm dancing in the air. It's

8:23

just me, the son above and

8:25

the Pacific below. I

8:28

closed my eyes as I plumb it down at an

8:30

almost violent speed, but

8:32

as I do, the silence of the morning is broken.

8:35

I hear someone above me screaming, Brian.

8:38

I try to look up, but it's already too late.

8:41

The water crashes around my body. It

8:44

engulfs me entirely. It's

8:46

cold and dark and be silent as

8:48

I shoot down further into it. After

8:51

a few seconds, I stopped and hang there, suspend

8:54

it in time, completely alone. Completely

8:56

still. Then

8:59

I a shop further and further,

9:02

higher and higher. I'm like a shooting

9:04

star streaming across the sky. A

9:07

light starts to appear up above. I

9:10

put my hand out and reach for

9:12

it. Any second I'll touch it, that

9:15

welcoming, warm light. I

9:17

make a grab for it and crash out of the

9:19

water and back into reality. I

9:22

gulp in deep breaths and feel

9:24

the sun on my face again. Give me everything,

9:27

everything, everything, Who

9:30

I shout? I

9:32

feel alive, like I've just shed

9:34

my skin or something. Give me everything you've got.

9:39

I look up and see who had screamed my name only

9:41

moments earlier. I

9:43

see her straight away. It's Melinda,

9:46

shouting some more as she sprints into the ocean,

9:48

still in her pajamas. Brian,

9:51

She's shouting, what the hell are you

9:53

doing? She's gasping

9:55

for breath as the water splashes all around

9:57

her, and then she dives in and swim

10:00

ms with the speed of an Olympian towards me. When

10:03

she reaches me, she asks what the fund

10:05

is going on? I felt

10:07

like a swim I tell her, don't be afraid.

10:12

You haven't been in the sea in forty years, and

10:14

now you feel like a swim.

10:16

Her anger turns to laughter in less time

10:18

than it takes for her to complete the sentence, and

10:21

then she throws her arms around me and tells me we

10:23

should get dry. Just

10:26

do one more thing for me, I ask. A

10:28

smile creeps across my face. Five

10:32

minutes later, we're both on top of the rocks.

10:35

My shirt is where I left it, okay.

10:38

After three, she shouts one,

10:41

two, three, Then

10:44

we both jump the sky above

10:46

us, the ocean below, and

10:48

freedom all around. Good

11:20

morning from a chili London town. This

11:23

is b R I, a n f M, broadcasting

11:26

to you from the English capital. Watch

11:29

out for those showers out there. They can

11:31

be alarming. Sometimes

11:38

I opened doors in here, you know, inside

11:40

my mind, and I can't bear

11:43

to look behind them, but I

11:45

do it anyway. I don't know why.

11:48

Sometimes they're almost impossible to close. You

11:51

unlock memories, thoughts or feelings,

11:54

and they're too much to take. Can

11:56

you all hear me in there? But

12:00

sometimes you can look back on something and get

12:02

closure. Sometimes history isn't a

12:04

bad thing. Sometimes

12:07

you can find redemption, but you have to

12:09

find it for yourself. No one is

12:11

going to give it to you. You can't

12:13

find it in a movie or a song. You

12:16

can only find it inside yourself. Sure,

12:19

someone else can bring it out of you, they

12:21

can help you get there, but in the end,

12:23

you're the one that has to find it and grab it. You

12:25

can change your future using your history. I

12:29

guess what I'm trying to say is I

12:31

knew I had to forgive myself. That

12:34

was the only way out. After

12:37

standing at the side of the stage at Radio City

12:39

Music Hall with Elton John, watching

12:41

George Martin speak so positively

12:43

about me, and then later spontaneously

12:45

playing heroes and villains at Scott

12:47

Bennett's house, I felt like my

12:50

relationship with Smile was turning, turning

12:53

into something less negative. Welinda

12:56

had encouraged that too, So in

12:58

the summer of two thousand four, I

13:00

went to the studio and we recut it. We

13:03

redid the whole album from scratch. Was

13:08

I nervous? God, I

13:10

was terrified. But

13:13

it wasn't that simple. It took

13:15

time. Things had to happen before

13:17

we got there. First,

13:19

I included a couple of Smile songs in my

13:22

regular set list when touring. Don't be afraid

13:24

of this song. Then

13:27

we had the idea to perform a live show, Smile

13:31

in its entirety live.

13:34

We decided on London. I

13:37

have often said that that city is my

13:39

spiritual home. I love it

13:41

there, I have some history. So

13:45

there I was standing in the large

13:47

auditorium at the Royal Festival Hall.

13:50

It was winter and it was cold outside, but

13:53

the hall was right on the water, right

13:55

on the Thames. It felt

13:57

like it fits Smile somehow, the

14:00

closeness of the water. I

14:03

kept singing this song by three Dog Night. Easy

14:06

to be hard, That's what this whole

14:08

experience was like. It's been

14:10

hard, but it's been easy. It's

14:12

easy to say yes to do some

14:15

shows, getting on a plane to

14:17

rehearsing, but it's hard to

14:19

actually walk out on stage on the

14:21

night. Are you ready? Asked

14:24

Darian Sahanaja Darien

14:27

is in my band. He was in the Wonderments

14:29

too. If you know my story,

14:32

you know we're connected. I

14:34

told him I was ready to go, and we walked

14:36

to the stage for the rehearsal. We have to

14:38

face stuff like this. That's

14:42

when it started. The

14:44

noise was deafening, A

14:46

wailing fire alarm sounded. Its

14:49

presence was so large, but it was invisible

14:51

to your eyes, so a brain has

14:53

trouble with it. I

14:55

turned to Darien and shouted, it's

14:58

fate. He's mild,

15:00

but he could tell I was nervous

15:03

history with this. They

15:06

eventually shut it off. The

15:08

stage manager Philip apologized profusely

15:10

in the way only the British can. He

15:13

told us the system was only a few years old and

15:16

had never done this before. Okay,

15:18

we're fine, no problem.

15:20

Ten minutes later, I was on stage as Darian

15:23

counted us in on heroes and villains. Okay,

15:26

one, two, three, he yelled,

15:29

but the number four was drowned out. It

15:32

was the fire alarm again. This song was a

15:34

tough one, so

15:37

loud it rattled my chest. I

15:39

looked over at Darien. I'm sure

15:42

he could tell I was getting nervous. They

15:44

finally shut it off again, but

15:47

now there was this tension in the room.

15:49

Can you'll hear me in there? Fifteen

15:52

minutes later, after a few uninterrupted

15:55

songs, Darian shouted out to

15:57

the band that we were ready to do this

16:00

is a larious cow. I

16:03

sat behind the piano. You

16:05

know it would be funny, I said if

16:07

the alarm went off during But

16:10

my words were cut short as that loud noise

16:12

returned to the hall. Everyone

16:14

froze and exchanged awkward glances.

16:19

The stage manager was back and apologizing

16:22

once again. He told us to

16:24

take five while they worked it out. Darien

16:27

glanced at his watch. Well he knew we

16:29

were running out of time everything that is taking place.

16:31

He was passed. He

16:34

followed me to my dressing room, where I sat with Melinda.

16:37

Look, he said, I'm getting worried.

16:40

It's one thing to rehearse in our normal space,

16:42

but we need time in this room,

16:45

especially for a gig of this magnitude. There

16:48

was an uneasy silence. We

16:51

can't cancel, Melinda responded, we

16:54

might have to postpone, Darian said, taking

16:56

place in the past and

16:59

now their uneasy pause. The

17:02

tension was building in that room.

17:04

I sat in silence while the other two looked exasperated.

17:08

That exasperation turned to angers yet

17:11

again, the alarm went off. It was

17:13

even louder backstage. Jesus

17:15

Christ. Melinda shouted, but

17:18

then she stopped and looked at her watch. It

17:20

had been exactly fifteen minutes since the last

17:22

alarm. She took

17:25

a look at me. She stared right

17:27

at me intensely. Then

17:29

she shook her head and marched out of the room,

17:31

slamming the door behind her. Moments

17:34

later, the alarm stopped. You can change your

17:36

future. Then

17:39

Melinda reappeared with Joey, one of our

17:41

roadies. She was angry,

17:44

Brian, She barked, Ship,

17:48

can you tell me and Darian what Joey is

17:50

being paid to do today? Joey's

17:53

eyes were wide, even wider than when

17:55

I offered him a thousand bucks that morning to find

17:57

out where the alarm test system was for the Royal

18:00

Festival Hall. Don't be afraid

18:04

to be a roadie, I said,

18:06

tentatively, But

18:08

the game was up. I

18:10

sheepishly explained that I paid

18:12

Joey to set the alarm off every fifteen minutes

18:15

during rehearsal. Everyone

18:17

out. She shouted at the room, and then

18:19

looked at me and said, not you don't

18:22

be afraid. Once

18:25

we were alone, she was soft,

18:27

kind and encouraging. She

18:30

told me that if I didn't want to do the gig, I

18:32

should have just said so. I

18:35

explained that I did want to do the gig, but

18:37

that I was scared. Don't be afraid.

18:41

I was worried how it would all go. I

18:44

held her hand and I didn't want to let

18:46

go. Do

18:48

you remember this morning? She smiled the

18:51

sea? How long was

18:53

it? Forty years? I

18:56

remembered the water, how it felt,

18:59

the early morning sun. On that feeling

19:01

of calm control. I

19:04

took a deep breath and I looked into Melinda's

19:06

eyes. I was ready,

19:09

actually ready this time. That

19:15

evening, I was on stage in front of a packed crowd.

19:18

My band was singing our prayer. Right

19:21

at the start of the show. The lights

19:23

were down low. You could

19:25

hear a pin drop. Let's try to take it.

19:29

There was a brief silence when we finished singing,

19:32

and then the snare hit like a starting pistol,

19:34

and we launched into Heroes and Villains,

19:37

Give me everything you've got. The

19:41

stage lights burst into radiant, bright

19:43

white light. I could

19:45

feel it on my skin, like

19:47

the sun in the middle of summer, warm

19:50

and forgiving. I

19:52

always hated being on stage, but tonight

19:54

I felt like I was in my old chair at home.

19:58

As I looked up during the first few lines

20:00

of the song, for just for

20:02

a second, I thought

20:04

I saw my dad and Phil Spector.

20:08

They looked happy for me. Don't be afraid

20:10

of anything. I

20:13

stared at their big grins, and their

20:15

big eyes. I blinked

20:17

in the bright light. When I look back,

20:20

they were gone. We'll

20:28

be right back after this we

20:30

were after

20:37

the show at the Royal Festival Hall. We

20:39

kept touring the album

20:41

No fire alarms. This time it

20:44

was the success, reviews, sales,

20:47

all of it arousing success.

20:52

I felt like a chapter of my life for perhaps

20:54

the chapter of my life was coming to an

20:56

end. History can make you wise, but

21:01

it wasn't over. Melinda Darien

21:04

and a record producer named Mark Lynette,

21:06

we're all trying to convince me to record a

21:08

new version of Smile, the

21:10

one we were performing on stage. It

21:13

took me two weeks to give them an answer. We

21:16

went into the studio in April two thousand

21:18

four, Sunset Sound to begin

21:20

with. That was one of the studios we cut

21:23

the original Smile in when

21:25

they suggested that place actually

21:27

shuttered. But like with the

21:29

show or going into the Ocean, I

21:32

wanted to face things head on, to stand

21:34

up for once, to confront the fear

21:37

you can change your future using your history. So

21:41

we went in. Sometimes

21:44

being afraid is like bordering on excitement.

21:47

It's good scary. We have to face stuff

21:49

like this, like Smile

21:52

had gone from scary scary to good

21:54

scary. But with

21:56

everything that had happened between me and that project,

21:59

it was bound to be hard in places, and this song

22:01

was a tough one. At

22:05

Sunset Sound, Darien and Mark

22:07

had assembled a ten piece band. Most

22:10

of the guys had been on stage at the Royal Festival

22:12

Hall that first night. They

22:14

could both tell I was nervous. I

22:16

couldn't even hold a glass of water in my hand without

22:19

shaking. Brian, They

22:21

asked me, are you sure you want to record

22:23

this song today? I nodded,

22:26

yeah, I was sure. Head

22:28

on, give me everything you've got. You've

22:30

got. The

22:32

song we were due to record was Mrs

22:34

O'Leary's Cow, otherwise

22:36

known as Fire. My

22:39

mind rewound through flickering images

22:41

of burning tapes and l a fires.

22:44

I looked down at the chair I was sitting and saw

22:46

that my hand was gripped so tightly around the

22:48

arm that my knuckles were completely white. I

22:51

closed my eyes and tried to breathe, but all

22:54

I could think about was that session, back in the

22:58

session that broke Smile, the

23:00

session that broke me. The

23:02

fire, fire everywhere,

23:06

just burning everything, burning, Chicago,

23:09

burning, Los Angeles, Brian

23:12

came Mark's voice. Are you

23:14

okay, okay, I'm

23:18

fine, I stuttered, Let's go. The

23:22

moment I stepped inside the studio room,

23:25

I could feel it, the heat, don't

23:27

be afraid. Then

23:30

I could smell it. I thought

23:32

it was a joke, someone was playing on me. At first

23:35

I could smell smoke. Don't

23:37

be afraid. I

23:41

turned around and saw the cello player and

23:43

smoking. What

23:45

the hell are you doing, I asked. She

23:48

laughed and took another puff. Darian

23:51

asked me what was wrong. I spun

23:53

around to look at him and saw he was wearing a plastic

23:55

fireman's hat. Don't be afraid of the thinks you've

23:58

heard about it. My

24:01

froze. Then the other string

24:03

players pulled out pieces of wood and started to

24:05

chant burn it all down, Burn

24:08

it all down. I

24:14

looked for the window to see if Mark was still in the recording

24:16

booth, but I couldn't see him in there. The

24:19

whole room was full of smoke, just

24:21

this glass box of smoke was

24:23

so thick you couldn't see anything. Then

24:26

the smoke spilled out between the edges of the glass

24:28

and into the studio, thicker and thicker.

24:31

I fell to my knees and crawled forward.

24:34

I shouted at Darian to get down out of

24:36

the smoke, but he was silent. Don't be

24:38

afraid of the song. The

24:41

chant was getting louder. Now burn it all

24:44

down, burn it all down. It

24:46

was all I could hear. I crawled

24:49

into the smoke, praying for a way out. I

24:52

gasped for air as sweat began

24:54

to drip down my face. Then I tasted

24:56

it in my mouth. It was salty and hot.

24:59

I tried to bit it out, but it seemed to

25:01

only get worse. Can you hear me in there?

25:05

My mouth was full of sweat. I

25:08

tried to get rid of it, but it was like a constant

25:10

stream, as if someone had put an

25:12

ocean in my mouth. And now it was spilling

25:14

out sweat

25:17

everywhere. I was

25:19

coughing. The smoke and the spit

25:21

made it unable to breathe. I

25:24

thought that was it. I thought I was

25:26

going to be seeing Elvis soon. Don't be afraid.

25:30

But then I saw a tiny light to the left

25:33

of me. I made for it, crawling

25:35

on my knees like a child. The

25:37

light got bigger and bigger. Then I

25:40

saw what it actually was. It was

25:42

the door, Darian, I

25:44

shouted, I found a way out. Nothing,

25:48

no reply. I pushed

25:50

the door. At first it didn't

25:52

budge, but I pushed harder, and after

25:54

spitting that salty liquid from my mouth, I

25:57

gave it a final shove with all my strength

25:59

and it burst open. Don't be afraid of anything.

26:03

I crashed through it and out into the parking

26:05

lot. I opened my

26:07

eyes and looked up Melndo

26:10

standing in front of me. Her

26:13

dress burst into flames, and then

26:15

the flames spread to her hair, her

26:17

face, and within seconds

26:19

she was reduced to ashes in front of me. I

26:22

screamed as the building behind her burst into

26:24

flames too. The fire

26:27

roared and roared, and then Brian

26:30

came Mark's voice, are you okay?

26:32

Okay? My

26:36

eyes open. I was

26:38

back back from

26:40

being in here lost.

26:45

I was in the control booth at sunset sound.

26:48

My eyes widened as I readjusted to the

26:50

light. You looked like

26:52

you were lost for a minute, he said, I'm

26:55

fine. I said, let's go. We

26:59

were did fire there and then

27:02

all done and dusted very quickly. No

27:05

Hollywood, theatrics. We just cut

27:07

the track. That's what the

27:09

whole album was like. In two thousand four. It

27:12

only took us a couple of weeks to actually record

27:14

a few more to mix, but the recording

27:17

was pretty straight down the line. After

27:19

we cut the song that day, everyone

27:22

was heading home and I was a left alone in

27:24

the studio. Darien

27:26

came in and thanked me for the day. Can

27:29

I have the song on CD? I asked, Right

27:32

now? He asked. I nodded,

27:36

okay, no problem. I can just

27:38

burn you one, he said, and then started

27:40

clicking the mouse on his computer. My

27:43

legs started to shake and anticipation. I

27:46

wanted to hold it, to have

27:49

Smile in my hands, to

27:51

know that it physically existed in the world.

27:55

He handed it to me. The plastic

27:57

was warm, shiny. I

28:00

stared at it, my face distorted

28:02

in the reflection. Can

28:04

I have a moment? I asked him.

28:07

Of course, he responded, and then

28:09

I was left alone again. I

28:11

took the CD and held it to my chest. I

28:14

was trembling. Then I cried.

28:18

I cried and cried and cried.

28:21

I cried for Smile. I

28:23

cried for Dennis and Carl. I

28:26

cried for my dad, and I cried for Phil

28:28

Specter. But

28:30

most of all, I cried

28:33

for me. Sixty

29:04

three am. That's when it starts.

29:07

The ticking clock. That's

29:09

when the countdown begins. In truth,

29:11

it's been counting down for days, but he's

29:14

been ignoring it. Coping mechanisms

29:16

can help you do that, but sooner or later

29:19

you have to face it. Sooner or

29:21

later you have to jump in. Brian

29:24

Wilson gets up in the pale morning light

29:26

and sits hunched over on the edge of his bed. Fourteen

29:30

hours to go. Downstairs,

29:33

he examined some newspapers still left on

29:35

the countertop from a few weeks back. One

29:38

shows an image of George W. Bush becoming

29:40

the President of the United States for the second

29:42

time. Brian starts to name

29:44

the presidents in his head, anything to

29:46

forget about what he's doing today. Thirteen

29:49

hours to go. Brian's

29:51

wife, Melinda, walks into the room and smiles.

29:54

Have you decided yet, she asked. Carter

29:57

Reagan Bush, Clint Brian

30:00

hear me. Brian looks up. I haven't

30:02

decided, he replies. He

30:05

checks his watch. Twelve hours fifty

30:07

eight minutes to go. The

30:09

day drags. It's slow

30:12

and vacant. Brian can barely

30:14

call it a day at all, since he's spending it, waiting

30:16

for what's going to happen. When

30:18

the evening finally ambles into view, Brian

30:21

stands in front of the full length mirror on the inside

30:24

of his bedroom wardrobe door. He's

30:26

wearing a jet black tom Ford tucks,

30:28

but that's not what he's looking at. He's

30:31

staring right into his own eyes. And

30:33

the voices appear again, and they drift

30:35

in and out. You're a genius, yet

30:37

this is your first Grammy nomination.

30:40

Phil Specter had four Imagine

30:42

if you don't win Wind. He

30:45

slams the door shut. His reflection is

30:48

gone, and so are the voices. He

30:50

makes his way downstairs. Two

30:52

hours and thirty four minutes to go. He

30:55

gets to the Staples Center early, but in his

30:57

mind, he's not present at all. As

30:59

he knew is his dressing room. He's stopped

31:01

by one of the Grammy's producers. Had Brian

31:03

decided on the song? Who's going to perform? Yet Brian

31:06

responds by muttering something about good

31:09

vibrations and then something about fire,

31:11

and then Brian has left the conversation.

31:14

The door slams behind him as he walks into his dressing

31:16

room. One hour and fifty eight

31:18

minutes left. To go inside

31:21

the dressing room. Brian sits in the corner

31:23

with his little portable radio. The golden oldies

31:25

coming from the small speaker give him comfort. He

31:28

closes his eyes and listens. We

31:30

have to decide the song, Brian finally

31:33

says. Brian shuffles in his seat.

31:35

He wasn't ready yet, Brian, She

31:38

shouts, please, this is a

31:40

simple choice. It's just one

31:42

song or the other. I think it should be good vibrations,

31:44

but it doesn't really matter. Belinda's

31:47

patience is waning as she watches her husband

31:49

ignore. Brian make a fucking

31:52

decision nothing, Brian,

31:55

She screams, The funk is the

31:57

problem. The

31:59

problem. Brian breaks his silence.

32:01

The problem is that he's been trying to prove

32:03

himself for all these years, to these people,

32:06

to himself, to his old man, trying

32:08

to prove that he's as good as Phil Specter or

32:10

Mike or any fucking one. And this, this

32:12

here, now, this is the end of it all. Smile.

32:16

How long has he been thinking about this thing?

32:18

How long has it dominated his life?

32:21

And now the record is out, it's done, and what he's

32:23

just supposed to say goodbye? Melinda

32:26

throws her arms around Brian as the tears

32:28

well up under his eyes. At

32:30

that moment, the dressing room door opens.

32:33

It's the producer of the show again, the

32:35

one they saw in the hallway. Brian

32:38

turns to her and breathlessly tells her that

32:40

they're going to play fire, not good

32:42

vibrations, and there's thirty four

32:44

minutes to go. Brian

32:47

and Melinda are taken to their seats, where

32:49

Brian watches Queen Latifa introduced

32:51

the show. He looks around the crowd. There

32:54

are faces he half recognizes, Usher,

32:56

Kanye West, Jennifer Lopez. They

32:59

all make him feel out of place. He's too

33:01

old for this. He's a dinosaur. He

33:03

just wasn't made for these times and he should

33:05

leave straight away. He gets

33:08

up to go, but Melinda drags him back down. Three

33:10

minutes to go. Brian's

33:13

heart pumps quickly, his lips dry.

33:15

He starts to fiddle with his tucks. Queen

33:18

Latifa announces the next award is for Best

33:20

Rock Instrumental Performance and Jeff Beck is

33:22

here to present it. Brian's head

33:24

starts to spin. Jeff

33:27

Beck strolls under the stage, waving. Wilson

33:29

feels like the room is rumbling beneath him,

33:32

and this is it. This is a success

33:34

or failure, a happy ending or

33:36

another bitter conclusion. Thirty

33:39

seconds to go, okay, Jeff

33:42

Beck says into the small microphone. Twenty

33:44

seconds the winner of Best

33:47

Rock Instrumental Performance. Ten

33:49

seconds he fiddles with the envelope.

33:51

Brian watches and screams internally,

33:54

open it, just sucking open it. Five

33:57

seconds, four is

34:00

three? Wow, okay too, It's

34:03

one. Everything

34:06

stops. Brian is still. He

34:09

knows the winner, Jeff Beck

34:11

says, is Brian Wilson with

34:13

fire Mrs O'Leary's cow. The

34:16

crowd screams,

34:18

Brian's heart leaps up in his chest.

34:20

Whilenda squeezes his hand and then pulls him

34:22

in close. As Brian makes

34:24

his way to the stage, he bathed and incandescent

34:27

light and finally it's over.

34:32

Thirty minutes later, Brian Wilson

34:34

is back in his dressing room with his radio on

34:37

alone. He's got a few minutes before

34:39

he's needed on stage to perform his Grammy

34:41

winning song. He listens to the crack

34:43

the old FM sound, and then he reaches

34:45

over to the dial and turns it off for

34:48

the first time in a long time, there

34:50

is nothing, no talking, no

34:52

music, no static, and

34:54

for the briefest of moments, there's silence

34:57

from all the Blood on the

34:59

Tracks. Mr.

35:14

Blood on the Tracks produced by Double Elvis

35:17

in partnership with I Heart Radio. It's

35:19

hosted an executive produced by me Jake

35:22

Brennan, also executive produced

35:24

by Brady Sather. Zeth Lundie

35:26

is lead editor and producer. This

35:28

episode was written by Ben Burrow, mixing

35:31

and sound designed by Colin Fleming. Additional

35:34

music and score elements by Ryan Spraaker.

35:37

This season features Chris Anzaloni is the

35:39

voice of Brian Wilson. Sources

35:41

for this episode are available at Double Elvis

35:43

dot com on the Blood in the Tracks series page,

35:46

follow Double Elvis on Instagram at double

35:48

Elvis and on Twitch at Grace

35:50

and Talks, and you can talk to me per

35:52

Usual on Instagram and Twitter at Disgrace

35:55

Land, Pod, Rock and Roll, Dytegrages

36:12

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