0:00

Hey Bookchooks, Dave you're letting you

0:02

know that you can see me live

0:04

in March and April 2025 at the

0:06

Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Myself and the

0:08

great man Sami Peterson are performing our

0:10

show, Dave Warneke, Dates the Entire Audience.

0:12

It's a very silly show where I

0:14

take you on a series of dates.

0:17

You get to use your phones to

0:19

anonymously tell us what you want to

0:21

happen next. We've been having so much

0:23

fun doing this show and if you're

0:25

only doing eight shows this year at

0:27

the Improv conspiracy.com. This is a PSA

0:29

or public sock announcement.

0:31

Experts have declared Bamba

0:34

socks as the best

0:36

way to warm up

0:38

chilly feet. These pairs

0:40

are super cushy, soft

0:42

and designed for maximum

0:44

coziness. Plus, for every

0:46

pair purchased, another pair

0:49

will be donated. So

0:51

someone in need of

0:53

essential clothing can stay

0:55

warm this winter. Go

0:57

to Bombas.com/A-cast and use

0:59

code A-cast for 20%

1:01

off your first

1:04

purchase. That's

1:07

BONBAS.com/A-cast and

1:10

use code

1:13

A-cast at

1:16

checkout. And welcome

1:18

to Book Sheet, the Book Club

1:20

podcast, where I've read the book,

1:23

so you don't have to. My

1:25

name is Dave Warnocki, and on

1:27

each episode of this show, we

1:29

look at one of the classics

1:32

and joining me to look at

1:34

such a classic this week. It's

1:36

Jordan Barr and Cameron James, hello.

1:38

Good morning, hi. I wish you

1:41

were filming this now. Your body

1:43

language is so good, this is

1:45

great. This is off the don't.

1:47

You're running this podcast like an

1:50

MC in a circus? Yeah, let's

1:52

go. Where was the studio audience?

1:54

You would be terrible. Thank you

1:56

so much for joining me. What

1:58

a hot spot. Yeah, it's hot.

2:00

It's hot. Can you, can the

2:02

audience tell that we all opened

2:05

our Melbourne comedy festival shows last

2:07

night? Oh God, probably they can

2:09

tell, because we are having fun.

2:11

We're getting in the zone. We

2:13

are riffing. We're having a great

2:15

time. I feel alive. I almost

2:17

believed you, Jordan. I almost felt

2:19

you. So did it go well?

2:21

How are your first shows? Well,

2:23

as I just told you on

2:25

the way up the stairs, my,

2:27

my, my, a lovely tech who

2:29

is a wonderful person, left a

2:31

minute of silence right before the

2:33

beginning of my show. So I

2:35

just stood back stage for a

2:38

moment, or a moment silence, just

2:40

thinking, what is going on? And

2:42

then eventually had to walk out

2:44

to sort of silence. That would

2:46

feel like an eternity. And probably

2:48

wasn't even that long. But in

2:50

my mind, I was like, this

2:52

is going on for so long.

2:54

Oh my God. And I can

2:56

just hear silence in the room.

2:58

Oh God. Anyway, it got better

3:00

from there. Yeah, fuck yet. Perfect

3:02

way to start. Beautiful. Yeah. And

3:04

Jordan was any minute silence at

3:06

the start of your show. Well,

3:08

kind of. My walk-on song is

3:11

Who Let the Dogs Out. And

3:13

so I just like started like.

3:15

I realized the second I was

3:17

like, this is an ons, and

3:19

I'm being like, well, I'll just

3:21

get louder. And I was like,

3:23

I'll just get louder. And I

3:25

was like, please, and then the

3:27

mic turned on and I was

3:29

screaming, let her go. So you

3:31

had a moment silence, I had

3:33

like a wall of sound with

3:35

the bahman. It's going good. So

3:37

I'm doing my show with Sammy

3:39

Peterson, and he just goes on

3:41

first because he. plays my manager

3:44

and he walks on just to

3:46

nothing and in Adelaide he was

3:48

getting a bit of a you

3:50

know a bit of a clap

3:52

as he walked on last night

3:54

absolutely nothing. And he goes wow

3:56

what a hot crowd! Right, and

3:58

it was better from there, but

4:00

it was very funny. Standing backstage,

4:02

hearing him walk out to nothing.

4:04

I love it. It's so good.

4:06

We've chosen a great industry. Yeah,

4:08

that's right. This is high anxiety

4:10

all the time. I'm saying, oh

4:12

my God. So I'm here to

4:15

tell you about a classic book.

4:17

Yeah, all right, either of you,

4:19

this is the first time for

4:21

both of you being on the

4:23

show, either of you, big readers

4:25

or were big readers growing up,

4:27

because that's what I was, and

4:29

then I dropped off and then

4:31

I dropped off and the reason

4:33

I dropped off and the reason

4:35

I dropped off. I started doing

4:37

book cheaters to force myself to

4:39

read, so now I'm obligated. Because

4:41

every New Year's Eve, I'd say,

4:43

resolution, I'm going to start reading

4:45

again. Never happened. I'm exactly the

4:48

same. I used to be such

4:50

an avid reader, but I always

4:52

read like really like, like, fucked

4:54

books as a child. I'm not

4:56

like fucked, but like books were

4:58

like like like Jodie Picko books

5:00

that were like... Oh, like popular

5:02

fiction. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it

5:04

was like targeted at like middle-aged

5:06

moms and stuff like that and

5:08

I was like in year five

5:10

being like, it's really, I'm reading

5:12

a book from the perspective of

5:14

a school shooter. It's great. But

5:16

then completely dropped off because phones

5:18

are better. then books and then

5:21

started a book club like two

5:23

years ago because I needed to

5:25

force myself because I don't think

5:27

I'd read a book for like

5:29

five years. Right, I was similar,

5:31

yeah. Perfect, so the book club

5:33

and is that regular? One book

5:35

a month, yeah, yeah, it's so

5:37

good, it's actually great, it's, you

5:39

know that you've like fried your

5:41

brain when reading feels like you're

5:43

getting like a massage on your

5:45

brain. Yeah, yeah. There it is.

5:47

But I'm not really like across

5:49

the classics the classics. These are

5:51

all classic books? Yeah, classic. I

5:54

mean, depends on your opinion, I

5:56

guess, of what a classic is.

5:58

But yeah, most of them are,

6:00

yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You would

6:02

consider the... Like Jody Picco or

6:04

like... Yeah, that's right. Tom Clancy,

6:06

that kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah,

6:08

shit like that. I am, exact

6:10

same trajectory to you guys. When

6:12

I was a little kid, I

6:14

was, a big part of my

6:16

personality was, I'm a good reader.

6:18

That's such a primary school thing.

6:20

Totally. A really good reason. I'm

6:22

a really good writer. Yeah, I'm

6:24

10, but I've read The Hobbit.

6:27

Yeah, I've read The Hobbit. Yeah.

6:29

Goosebumps is for children. You're like

6:31

six years old. You're like, no,

6:33

I've read all those. But what

6:35

you were doing was just reading

6:37

the words, you couldn't take any

6:39

of the like, like, there was

6:41

nothing, it was all over my

6:43

head. I didn't start critically thinking

6:45

until like a week ago, but

6:47

I could definitely like get through

6:49

a book. But I read a

6:51

lot, then I became a real

6:53

snob in my early 20s and

6:55

I was reading like, uh, Not

6:57

like Herman Melville or those. I

7:00

did read Hearts of Darkness and

7:02

stuff like that, like Joseph Conrad

7:04

and stuff, but I got real

7:06

snobby into like the Jack Kerouac,

7:08

like the Beats. Oh, okay. William

7:10

Boros, Alan Ginsburg, and I would

7:12

only read these like. I went

7:14

to San Francisco and sat where

7:16

Jack Kerouac sat and read on

7:18

the road. I was real snobby

7:20

like a wanker and then like

7:22

you guys didn't read probably when

7:24

I started comedy I pretty much

7:26

stopped reading books for like five

7:28

or six years but now I

7:30

ever since the Kindle was invented

7:33

like I read all the time

7:35

changer. The Kindle was a game

7:37

changer for me. Because it just

7:39

takes up less space. I don't

7:41

have to like go out and

7:43

fucking buy a book. I can

7:45

just scroll. It's like a phone.

7:47

Yeah, you'd love it, Jordan. It's

7:49

just like a phone. I'm on

7:51

the edge of getting a Kindle.

7:53

It's so good. I'm flipped over.

7:55

I'm doing it. It changed my

7:57

life. And now I read all

7:59

the time. And like, good stuff,

8:01

pulpy stuff, whatever. It's so good.

8:03

It's all private. No one knows

8:06

what you read. No one knows.

8:08

You can be, everyone's like, oh,

8:10

they're probably reading, um, fucking Charles

8:12

Dickens. You're like, no, dude, I'm

8:14

reading Stephen King. He's shit. You

8:16

don't know what I'm reading. Nothing

8:18

wrong with the King. I love

8:20

the King. I love the King.

8:22

I love the King. Great to

8:24

hear. So we're all back reading

8:26

now. We've met. Yeah. I've been

8:28

reading. a book and I'm not

8:30

sure if you've heard of this

8:32

one, it's a classic, but probably

8:34

not as famous as the Charles

8:36

Dickens, but it is, because I

8:39

haven't revealed this to you, it

8:41

is, we have always lived in

8:43

the castle by Shirley Jackson. Does

8:45

that mean anything to you? Shirley

8:47

Jackson, what did Shirley Jackson write?

8:49

She's very famous for a short

8:51

story called The Lottery? Okay. Yeah.

8:53

Sounds like a, um, like a

8:55

drag race character in a way.

8:57

Like I'm, like it sounds like

8:59

it's like there's a pun in

9:01

there that I'm missing. Yeah, yeah,

9:03

yeah. Like 10 years later, I'll

9:05

be like, Sharon Needles, sharing Needles.

9:07

That makes sense. I only, by

9:09

the way, I only just got

9:12

the Courtney Act is caught in

9:14

the act in the act. Oh

9:16

my god. Because Courtney Act's memoir

9:18

is called Court in the Act

9:20

and that was the thing that

9:22

made me go, oh. I get

9:24

it now. What? I think that

9:26

like she's so big now that

9:28

she's like, like you can't hear

9:30

the pun because she's just her

9:32

own thing? It's a brand. Yeah.

9:34

My name Courtney Act is like

9:36

The Beatles or Coca-Cola. Yeah. Coca-Cola.

9:38

It's actually Kirk. I'm cocaine. I

9:40

think it is. It's Kirk. Yeah.

9:43

Well, Courtney Act, that's really thrown

9:45

me. Should we stop the pot?

9:47

Yeah, really? I'm going to need

9:49

five. So people suggest I do

9:51

these books and thank you to

9:53

the following people that suggested we've

9:55

always lived in the castle. Claire

9:57

Norris from Sacramento, California. Wow, SAC.

9:59

This is you. Not too far

10:01

from where. Yeah, from where I

10:03

start on... Was it just like

10:05

a... It's a cafe. It's a

10:07

famous cafe that the Beats used

10:09

to see us. And was it

10:11

just a line of like late

10:13

teens, early 20s dudes holding the

10:16

coffee up on the road? Pleather

10:18

jacket, Doc Martin, hair quiffed up.

10:20

It's like those people that go

10:22

visit the cafe that JK rolling.

10:24

I've done that too. Yeah, yes.

10:26

And I've done Jim Morrison's grave,

10:28

everything you can do. I kissed

10:30

Oscar Wilde, grave, I've done it

10:32

all. I kissed it. You would

10:34

have loved it. He loves the

10:36

fellas. Also suggested by Joel Quinn

10:38

from Manchester. Is that a pun?

10:40

Joel Quinn? Joel Quinn. Joel Quinn.

10:42

Joe Quinn. Joe Quinn around. Joe

10:44

Quinn around. Joe Quinn Phoenix. Yes.

10:46

Oh my God. Do you think

10:49

it is? Yeah. I bet people

10:51

will pronounce it that way as

10:53

well. Yeah. Joaquin Phoenix from Manchester.

10:55

Andrew Dolphin. I bet he does.

10:57

And let's see what you got

10:59

for. Crisp rocket from Sydney. A

11:01

crisp rocket. Yeah. The new one

11:03

from NASA. Well, that's a crisp

11:05

rocket. Right out of the oven.

11:07

So thanks to those people. If

11:09

you want to suggest a book,

11:11

there is a link in the

11:13

show nights for how to do

11:15

that. And this is the background

11:17

for we've always lived in the

11:19

castle. It's 1962 mystery thriller. Gothic

11:22

novel that sounds right up my

11:24

alley big three. Yeah, and the

11:26

swing in 60s. Yes. Yeah, cool

11:28

mystery gothic Did you say horror?

11:30

Thrilla. Thrilla. Thrilla. I love all

11:32

those things. Those things. I like

11:34

that. I prefer thriller to horror,

11:36

I think. I mean, I like

11:38

both. Yeah. The sucker for both.

11:40

But I do love to be

11:42

on the edge of my seat.

11:44

Mm. And then fall off that

11:46

seat. Does yourself? Yeah. Get back

11:48

up. Chumblewhomber stuff. I think I'm

11:50

I think the night Shirley, I

11:52

don't know where I'm going with

11:55

it. Don, yeah. I was like,

11:57

I think I'm like, oh, I

11:59

know that, I know Shirley Jackson,

12:01

but I think I, I'm like,

12:03

no, I only know, I know

12:05

Shirley Temple. Yeah, yeah. Cambridge, I'm

12:07

thinking of you're thinking of Shirley

12:09

Jackson who wrote The Haunting of

12:11

Hill House. Same author. The Horny

12:13

of Hill House. I haven't read

12:15

the book, but I love the

12:17

Mike Flanagan series on that. That's

12:19

one of my favorite shows. It's

12:21

the best. Oh, that's this writer.

12:23

And there's also, there was a

12:25

recent adaptation of we've always lived

12:28

in the Castle of film. Hmm,

12:30

maybe the last five years. Interesting.

12:32

That's not Bli Manor, is it?

12:34

I love Blaymanner as well. What's

12:36

Blaymanner? That's the follow-up to the

12:38

Haunting Village. Oh, there you go.

12:40

Same cast. It's so good. Like

12:42

a real slow burn, real like

12:44

gothic vibes as well. I feel

12:46

like I've won you over here

12:48

now. Oh, yeah. Shirley Jackson. We

12:50

love Shirley. You're big. She'll heads.

12:52

She wrote six novels and 200

12:54

short stories, primarily works of horror

12:56

and mystery. That's her bag. Right

12:58

up my alley. We've always lived

13:01

in the castle was Jackson's final

13:03

work. She died three years later

13:05

at just 48 after being ill

13:07

for a few years before that.

13:09

Oh, I'm really sad. It's a

13:11

bummer. That sucks. It's a real

13:13

bummer. And that's actually why I

13:15

had my minute silent slides. Shirley

13:17

Jackson. One out for Shirley. Yeah.

13:19

And this novel has been described

13:21

as her masterpiece. And let's find

13:23

out why. Now I always start

13:25

with the opening line of the

13:27

opening, a few words, to give

13:29

you a bit of the authors.

13:31

Authors writing, and it's a little

13:34

bit longer than I usually say,

13:36

but you'll understand why. It's quite

13:38

an interesting opening. This is how

13:40

it starts, sir. My name is

13:42

Mary Catherine Blackwood. I am 18

13:44

years old and I live with

13:46

my sister Constance. I have often

13:48

thought that with any luck at

13:50

all, I could have been born

13:52

a were a were wolf. Because

13:54

the two middle fingers on both

13:56

my hands on both my hands

13:58

are the same length. with what

14:00

I had. I dislike washing myself

14:03

and dogs and noise.

14:05

I like my sister

14:07

Constance and Richard

14:10

Plantagenet and Ammonita

14:12

Floyd's The Death Cup Mushroom.

14:15

Everyone else in our family

14:17

is dead. Whoa! Solid Star!

14:19

Did you check your hand?

14:21

Yeah, of course. I watched

14:24

you doing it and then I

14:26

wanted you to do it. I

14:28

definitely did that. Is that like

14:30

a common thing? It would be

14:32

strange to have both. Like for

14:35

people to say that? Because you

14:37

know how they say, there's like

14:39

something about your toes, like if

14:41

you've got a really fucked, like

14:43

pinky toe, you survived the potato

14:46

famine? Or you're like, like, you've

14:48

got a really long middle.

14:50

second big toe you're a

14:53

real hornbag or something

14:55

like that. Oh what

14:57

the hell? I wish.

14:59

Take up each other

15:01

since the smallest dog.

15:03

Second dog. Second dog.

15:05

Yeah. Second I was

15:07

smaller than my pinkie.

15:09

It's really embarrassing. What

15:11

a strong star. Yeah

15:13

so we're off. The novel opens

15:16

she's got a sister. She's got no one

15:18

else. There's some guy she likes she's into

15:20

death cup mushrooms Yeah, so she likes Richard

15:22

Plantagenet who was like during the Wars of

15:24

the roses in England one of the claim

15:26

claimants to the throne his son was Richard

15:29

the third Okay, so like she's into like

15:31

a very specific part of history She's saying

15:33

I like that guy that claimed to be

15:35

king and then his two sons were king.

15:37

So it's a little bit weird and also

15:39

the death cut mushroom That's a weird hobby

15:42

Yeah, that is weird. Isn't that the, is

15:44

that the, is that the Gippsland

15:46

mushroom? Uh, the lady. The lady, the

15:48

lady with a special meal that she

15:51

prepared? Allegedly. Allegedly, before

15:53

the courts. Allegedly. I

15:55

reckon she's innocent. Or they did

15:57

something. I'm a truth though. Mushroom true.

15:59

It could be the same one. True.

16:02

Those two, the two, wait, is that

16:04

guy related to the boys that got

16:06

lost in the tower? You know those

16:09

two boys? Yeah, so people accuse Richard

16:11

the third of killing the boys in

16:13

the tower. Yes, okay, cool, cool. To

16:15

become king. The boys in the tower,

16:18

what's that? So during the man and

16:20

the on mask. Edward the fourth if

16:22

I'm getting this right could be really

16:24

wrong he had two sons and he

16:27

was the king and Then his sons

16:29

were next in line to be like

16:31

to be on the throne and then

16:34

the two boys Went to the tower

16:36

of London one day and disappeared and

16:38

then and then the brother pretty exactly

16:40

It's a big place It's right there

16:43

yeah Richard the third then became king

16:45

okay because like he was next in

16:47

line after the boys and then what

16:49

like hundreds of years later they found

16:52

two boy skeletons in the tower but

16:54

they can't like that's they can't link

16:56

it to them and that there's also

16:58

like a fair bit of evidence that

17:01

says that maybe they're not them yeah

17:03

that's right I'm going down that rabbit

17:05

hole it's so fun but that's cool

17:08

that she likes that that's kind of

17:10

I feel like yeah I like her

17:12

she's freaky I'd love it if a

17:14

lady came up to you and that

17:17

was just the first thing she said,

17:19

hi, my name is Robert. My two

17:21

middle fingers are the same length. I

17:23

had a guy come up to you

17:26

once and say, hello, when you were

17:28

born, were you all famous, both the

17:30

same length? And I was like, oh

17:32

my God, if I got a weird

17:35

gait and like this guy's just noticed

17:37

it, like he's got an incredible eye.

17:39

Then he revealed, he just wanted to

17:42

talk about how his female on one

17:44

leg was shorter than the other. Oh,

17:46

I was like, I was like, oh,

17:48

okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay,

17:51

okay, okay, okay, okay, great. Okay, great.

17:53

Okay, great. Okay, great. Okay, great. Okay,

17:55

great. Okay, great. Okay, great. Okay, great.

17:57

That's, great. That's, great. That's, great. That's,

18:00

great. That's, great. That's, great. That's. That's.

18:02

That's fine. That's fine. That's. That's. I

18:04

was thinking, oh my God, something really

18:07

self-conscious about my statements. I feel like

18:09

that's going to happen to me one

18:11

day. Did you see that thing where

18:13

like Amy Shuma was like getting like,

18:16

um, trolled in the... but then it

18:18

turns out like some medical professionals. Yeah,

18:20

yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Yeah.

18:22

Because people are like, you know, like

18:25

being awful and then someone was like,

18:27

no, actually, like your puffy face is

18:29

a symptom of this. I really think

18:31

you need to. Yeah. Actually got help

18:34

for it, which is kind of crazy.

18:36

So trolls, if you're listening. People are

18:38

going to write in about my really

18:41

small toe. So that very long sentence

18:43

opening paragraph, that's our narrate there. The

18:45

novel opens with 18-year-old Mary Catherine Blackwood,

18:47

known to her family as Mary Cat.

18:50

She's introduced herself to us. The story

18:52

is narrator and it's clear from the

18:54

get-go that she's a little bit odd,

18:56

a little bit immature for her age,

18:59

as she immediately sets the tone of

19:01

paranoia and alienation that defines her world.

19:03

How old is she? She's 18. But

19:05

all right, when you read from me,

19:08

you do think she's a bit younger,

19:10

because she's often in a bit of

19:12

a fantasy world. When reading it, I

19:15

know this helps you. I imagined the

19:17

character, Emily the Strange, that you would

19:19

see on t-shirts that they sell at

19:21

Dangerfield. Oh my God. Yeah. That's what

19:24

I'm thinking. Yep. Every. Uh, girl, I

19:26

had a crush on in high school

19:28

was a real Emily the Strange type.

19:30

Strike stocking. Yeah, long, straightened black hair.

19:33

Real Lydia from Bedal Juice Vives. Yeah,

19:35

yeah. Lydia Deats. Oh my God. Justina

19:37

Ritchie. Yeah. These girls love death. By

19:40

the way, I grew up in a

19:42

coastal town. Coastal New South Wales. These

19:44

people are just. going to real effort

19:46

to be gothy. There's something about like

19:49

coastal goth. I feel like they go

19:51

harder and they're more committed to it

19:53

because they're like, fuck my life here.

19:55

Like there's something, whenever I see goth

19:58

in a coastal town, there's so much

20:00

more distinctive because nobody else is dressing

20:02

like them, but I feel like they're

20:04

going harder. because they don't have anything

20:07

to like measure it against. Yeah, so

20:09

true. There's no goth scene. They are

20:11

the goth scene. We gotta go all

20:14

in. Have you ever seen those photos

20:16

of Greg Larson as a goth in

20:18

Brisbane? It's so good. It's great. It's

20:20

exactly what I think. 2003 or whatever.

20:23

It's got full long hairs. Yeah, a

20:25

dress, black dress. They don't have an

20:27

off your tree. They've got to like

20:29

rummage this together from the woods. It's

20:32

good shit. So the Blackwood family are

20:34

all recluses and live a life shutaway

20:36

on their properties. They're shunned by the

20:38

townspeople due to a dark past. Maricat,

20:41

her older sister Constance, who was 10

20:43

years her senior, so she's about 28,

20:45

and their uncle Julian are the only

20:48

surviving Blackwoods living in their grand, but

20:50

very quickly deteriorating estate on a large

20:52

property surrounded by forest. They don't have

20:54

a telephone, they don't accept male, they're

20:57

very reclusive. They're very reclusive. Constance hasn't

20:59

left the property in six years since

21:01

the incident. Okay, love this. And Uncle

21:03

Julian, who uses a wheelchair, spends his

21:06

days obsessively writing his memoirs and filling

21:08

notebook after notebook with notes that he

21:10

refers to has his precious papers. Yes.

21:13

Can I make a prediction early on?

21:15

I think Constance is dead. I think

21:17

based on like Shirley Jackson and like

21:19

the haunting of Hillhouse and that vibe,

21:22

she doesn't left the property in six

21:24

years? Yeah, yeah. She's deceased. That's a

21:26

real, I'm bound to the property, I

21:28

don't quite know why, I don't want

21:31

to leave. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and she

21:33

might not know. The lady's from Bliman

21:35

all day. Yeah, yeah. That's spooky. Spooky

21:37

stuff. Uncle Julia is not very well.

21:40

He has good days and bad days

21:42

and bad days and bad days. And

21:44

we soon learned the incident that haunts

21:47

the family is this. Six years ago,

21:49

Constance and Merrickat's parents John and... Allen,

21:51

along with their younger brother Thomas and

21:53

their aunt Dorothy, who was Julian's wife,

21:56

died after being poisoned with arsenic, which

21:58

was mixed into the family's sugar bowl

22:00

and sprinkled onto blackberries at dinner. Which

22:02

does sound nice. Yeah. I've never even

22:05

thought about just sprinkling sugar on berries

22:07

and that as a tree, but that

22:09

sounds fucking good. That is so good.

22:12

That's like people who put like, I

22:14

feel like my grandparents did, did they

22:16

put a bit of like, um, like

22:18

powdered sugar on like rock melon? Oh,

22:21

good shit. I might do that. Yeah.

22:23

That's gonna be my new thing. I

22:25

actually, missed out. I love a blackberry.

22:27

I love it. They're really nice, aren't

22:30

they? But I'm not, I'm not putting

22:32

sugar on it, but I am going

22:34

to now. In fact, I'm going to

22:36

dip the whole thing in sugar. So

22:39

that it's just crusted in sugar. And

22:41

ruin the whole bag of sugar. Yeah,

22:43

yeah, yeah. So I'm going to buy

22:46

a bag of sugar and then a

22:48

bunch of blackberries put all the blackberries

22:50

into the bag of sugar, shake it

22:52

around, eat it with a spoon. I

22:55

actually saw a recipe on TikTok where

22:57

they will cover, I think it's like

22:59

lollies and stuff in melted chocolate and

23:01

then they put it into a bag

23:04

filled with cast of sugar and then

23:06

shake it up and it's called like

23:08

the Midwest bag or something like a

23:10

thing and everybody's like, oh my grandma

23:13

makes the best one of those and

23:15

I'm like, what the fuck is going

23:17

on? Yeah, it's not really cooking is

23:20

that? My grandma's Midwest bag. So a

23:22

bunch of people died. Uncle Julian was

23:24

also that he got very sick and

23:26

survived. He's been greatly affected by the

23:29

poisoning. He's now only able to get

23:31

around in a wheelchair. He's vague. He's

23:33

sickly. Like it's really affected him. He

23:35

often wonders if he's eaten breakfast moments

23:38

after finishing it. He's like, have I

23:40

eaten breakfast? And they're like, yes, you

23:42

just finished it. Or he asks Constance

23:45

to put his papers in a box

23:47

for safekeeping. And then he comes across

23:49

it minutes later and says, who the

23:51

hell put my papers in a box?

23:54

Okay. But the two sisters are very

23:56

kind and patient to him. Maricat, who

23:58

was only 12 years old six years

24:00

ago, didn't eat any of the berries,

24:03

and she'd been sent to bed without

24:05

dinner as punishment. So she wasn't poisoned.

24:07

It pays to be a troublemaker, I

24:09

think. Exactly. That's the lesson. Crime does

24:12

pay. Yeah, crime pays. Be naughty, and

24:14

then you won't die. You won't get

24:16

poisoned by asking. Yeah. Her sister Constance

24:19

was the only person at the table

24:21

who didn't put sugar on her berries

24:23

and because of that she was arrested

24:25

and charged with murder. But after a

24:28

trial, was later acquitted. Okay, so she's

24:30

not dead. No, no, no. I can

24:32

confirm she's actually not dead. She's not

24:34

dead. Sorry, but that would be like,

24:37

that would be sick. That's a better

24:39

ending. Yeah, should we rewrite this? Shirley,

24:41

come on, you don't own your own

24:43

work. So the town spoke all act

24:46

as if Constance got away with murder

24:48

and that's why she never leaves the

24:50

house She's shunned by everyone because if

24:53

you guys are people like you killed

24:55

all those people Yeah, that's real tough.

24:57

I don't know how you explain your

24:59

way out of that unless I feel

25:02

like I was on Latinasies I had

25:04

my own little dessert. I mean I

25:06

imagine saying no to berries with sugar

25:08

like we've just all yeah, she says

25:11

she doesn't like him. That's why she

25:13

didn't have Especially like back in the

25:15

day like I feel like their idea

25:18

of like what good food was is

25:20

so like obviously we love the idea

25:22

of berries and sugar but that would

25:24

have been like really nice like that's

25:27

a delicacy yeah there's like there's no

25:29

like chocolate ice cream no ice magic

25:31

yeah because everything tasted kind of but

25:33

you know when you have like like

25:36

old people really like chocolate with alcohol

25:38

in it like like like chocolate liqueurs

25:40

and they taste fucking gross yeah baileys

25:42

yeah cremediment and shit all this shit

25:45

that was just like made on rations

25:47

yeah they're like a taste for yeah

25:49

my grandma was always like oh bread

25:52

and butter pudding or whatever and the

25:54

way she described that it sounded and

25:56

then I finally had it at a

25:58

restaurant once and was like, it literally

26:01

is just fucking bright. and butter, like

26:03

that's been in the fridge and just

26:05

mashed together and paid a restaurant price

26:07

for that. Yeah, it sucks. It's like

26:10

Povo Tiramisu. So Povo. Mericat who suffered

26:12

during the trial after her parents died,

26:14

she was sent to an orphanage during

26:16

that time. She was only reunited with

26:19

her sister Constance after Constance was acquitted.

26:21

And Merakat is now the family's only

26:23

connection with the outside world. Her routine

26:26

includes twice-weekly trips to town for groceries

26:28

and for library books, where she endures

26:30

the whispers and glares of the other

26:32

villages. She describes them as wicked, intrusive

26:35

people who resent her family's wealth and

26:37

seclusion. So the family used to be

26:39

quite wealthy in like famous people in

26:41

the town. And now they're sort of

26:44

left in this rotting old mansion. Love

26:46

this shit. Yeah. Such a sucker for

26:48

like, yeah, faded glory and like a

26:51

once promising family that are left in

26:53

ruin. Like the fact they live on

26:55

like Blackwood Road because they were one

26:57

of the founders of the town. Yes.

27:00

The family used to be something. Yes.

27:02

And now they're shunned. Little eddy and

27:04

big edy. Yes. I love the deals.

27:06

Oh my God. The townspeople in turn

27:09

mocko with a cruel rhyme, they say

27:11

this over and over again. Maricat said

27:13

Connie, would you like a cup of

27:15

tea? Oh no, said Maricat, you'll poison

27:18

me. Maricat said Connie, would you like

27:20

to go to sleep? Down in the

27:22

bone yard, ten feet deep. The kids

27:25

say that. A lot. Oh my God.

27:27

Like a nursery rhyme at school and

27:29

then you know you do skipping or

27:31

something. Hopscotch. Bullying was cool about that.

27:34

Yeah, it was. I feel like we've

27:36

lost our like now you just be

27:38

like your mom's dead. To protect herself

27:40

she imagines that one day she and

27:43

Constance will live on the moon with

27:45

a magical flying horse and be away

27:47

from all these people writing I was

27:50

pretending that I did not speak their

27:52

language. On the moon, we spoke a

27:54

soft liquid tongue and sang in the

27:56

starlight, looking down on the dead dried

27:59

world. Like, bitch, you want to win

28:01

a woman once a hangout? Like, fully

28:03

disassociative behavior. She keeps saying to herself,

28:05

I am always on the moon. I

28:08

am safe on the moon. I'm not

28:10

here. This isn't happening. Exactly. And her

28:12

mind is full of strange eerie thoughts,

28:14

often centered on death and destruction. And

28:17

alarmingly, she also frequently imagines the village's

28:19

deaths. This is what she thinks when

28:21

the people in the grocery store talk

28:24

about her. It's quite long again, but

28:26

you'll see why. I wished they were

28:28

dead. I would like to come into

28:30

the grocery store some morning and see

28:33

them all, even the Elbets, who are

28:35

a family that aren't even that bad,

28:37

and the children, lying there crying with

28:39

pain and dying. I would then help

28:42

myself to groceries, I thought, stepping over

28:44

their bodies, taking whatever I fancied from

28:46

the shelves and go home, with perhaps

28:48

a kick for Mrs. Donna why she

28:51

lay there. I was never sorry when

28:53

I had thoughts like this. I only

28:55

wished they would come true. It's wrong

28:58

to hate them, Constance said. It only

29:00

weakens you. But I hated them anyway.

29:02

Yes. And she's 18, right? Yes. Good,

29:04

because I have a crush on it.

29:07

I was going to say, this is

29:09

your kind of girl. There's also your

29:11

kind of Jodie Picko school shooter. Yeah,

29:13

we're getting her perspective. Yeah. I love

29:16

that. Who hasn't had fantasies about like...

29:18

Maybe not everyone in town dying, but

29:20

every now man you're like, I hope

29:23

my fucking boss dies or something. It's

29:25

like an exciting feeling to get to

29:27

think it. Step over them and grab

29:29

a red bull out of the fridge.

29:32

Exactly. It's fun, especially if somebody like

29:34

has wronged you, like if you get

29:36

a two after the lights gone green

29:38

for like a second. Oh yeah. And

29:41

you're like, what if I fucking ran

29:43

this? Yeah. Yeah. It's supposed to like,

29:45

fuck off and die. Okay. The rage

29:47

you have in cars is like unmatched.

29:50

I say stuff behind the wheel. I

29:52

would never ever ever say because they

29:54

can't hear me. I'm saying horrid shit.

29:57

Oh my God. You have to. Yeah.

29:59

I say nine. I think I'm like

30:01

cursing out someone's mom. It's like it

30:03

comes from like a deep guttural response.

30:06

Do you think it's because we're all

30:08

actually fucking terrified to be behind a

30:10

wheel? We try not to think about

30:12

it, but we are like, this is

30:15

unnatural. I shouldn't be going this far.

30:17

If you start thinking about it, it's

30:19

crazy. Yeah. Absolutely, you know, when like

30:21

you're letting people cross the road and you're

30:23

like, why do they trust me? Yeah. Like, yes.

30:25

What if I... It's all just a hand signal.

30:27

They might be saying, no, I'm going or something

30:29

or maybe they're nodding. You sometimes take a nod

30:31

to go, oh, they're letting me cross it. You're

30:33

walking in front of a full-wheel drive.

30:36

Exactly. It's fun when like

30:38

you fucked up and you're like and somebody

30:40

is like on board with it like I

30:42

was having a real laugh with this chick

30:44

the other day because I was just like

30:46

trying to like overtake I didn't realize it

30:48

was not an overtaking lane it was like

30:50

anyway and I was just like why I

30:52

don't she was basically like well and she

30:54

was basically like one of those days but

30:57

like we're just having this back and different

30:59

vehicles communicating that's what I should be more

31:01

like one of these days what am I

31:03

will kill you. I will kill you.

31:05

Literally. Just once though I would like

31:07

to see one of those guys that

31:10

decides to do a wheelie on a

31:12

motorcycle. Just stack it. It would be fun.

31:14

Like I see my Instagram algorithm feeds

31:16

me people stacking it all the time.

31:18

Oh yeah, yeah. It's usually not

31:21

like vehicular. Yeah, that's full of

31:23

accidents. But I do get a

31:25

sense of pleasure out of watching

31:27

someone just fall over or fall

31:29

down stairs or whatever. That happened

31:31

in Adelaide. I saw someone like

31:33

really slowly fall off one of

31:36

the scooters actually and everybody scooting

31:38

around that city and I was

31:40

like kind of across the road. But

31:42

there weren't many people around there let out like

31:44

a big laugh and then like as she was

31:46

like trying to get up I realize it wasn't

31:49

a scooter She was on one of those like

31:51

like she's fun like I think she's fun, but

31:53

she was on like one of those things when

31:55

you've like got a boot on your foot and

31:57

you're kind of like and you're wheeling yourself around

32:00

and like her boyfriend was like not

32:02

really helping her and she was clearly

32:04

embarrassed and like I it was too

32:06

like I was like I should go

32:08

over and help but then there was

32:11

traffic and then I felt like I

32:13

was just across the road laughing at

32:15

this woman I was like that's hilarious

32:18

but you had the thought I should

32:20

help and that makes you a good

32:22

person thank you I hope that she

32:24

heard that yeah yeah I know Because

32:27

let me tell you America, ain't handling

32:29

that thought. No, she doesn't. She's having

32:31

evil thoughts and we like that about

32:33

her. These are other things she's, the

32:36

other quotes I've picked out. I could

32:38

turn them all into dead leaves and

32:40

bury them. I would have liked to

32:42

see them all on fire. Okay, torture.

32:45

It's full-on stuff. While the villages fear

32:47

the Blackwoods, they also revel in their

32:49

downfall, treating Maricata as a bit of

32:51

an object of dark fascination. She stops

32:54

for a coffee and a man accosts

32:56

her and says that he's heard the

32:58

family are planning to leave town, heavily

33:00

implying that they should leave town, even

33:03

though he hasn't heard that. And she

33:05

has to be like, oh, I just

33:07

pretend this man's not talking to me.

33:09

He doesn't say anything. He doesn't say

33:12

anything. He doesn't say anything. He doesn't

33:14

say anything. He doesn't say anything. He

33:16

doesn't say anything. He doesn't say anything.

33:18

He doesn't say anything. He doesn't say

33:21

anything. He doesn't say anything. He doesn't

33:23

say anything. He doesn't say anything. He

33:25

doesn't say anything. He doesn't say anything.

33:27

He doesn't say anything. He doesn't say

33:30

anything. He doesn't say anything. He doesn't

33:32

say anything. He doesn't say anything. He

33:34

doesn't say. He doesn't She believes she

33:37

can control events through magic and superstition.

33:39

She buries objects around the estate, nails

33:41

books to trees, and carefully maintains protective

33:43

charms around the property. Her reality is

33:46

shaped by these beliefs, and she acts

33:48

as if she has tangible power over

33:50

the world. She's like, okay, if I

33:52

just gonna shrink it and nail it

33:55

to this tree, everything will be fine.

33:57

She's an astrology girl. She would be

33:59

absolutely into that for sure. Are you

34:01

into this? Yeah. Are you nailing stuff

34:04

to trees? No, but I did get

34:06

in a weird like TTock algorithm where

34:08

it kept sending me like videos of

34:10

people who were like, you got to

34:13

put milks out for the fiends or

34:15

whatever, like you had to put like

34:17

a special milk out for these like

34:19

tricks fairies. And I was like, I

34:22

think I've said or done something wrong

34:24

to be. Yeah. But people will do

34:26

it. They'll like put herbs out. window

34:28

sills and like nail shit to trees

34:31

and stuff like that. Because it's not

34:33

a big step from like these evil

34:35

fairies to Santa Claus. Yeah. Putting out

34:37

the glass of milk. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

34:40

It's also not a big step from

34:42

evil fairies to COVID is a conspiracy.

34:44

Yes, exactly. It's like right next door

34:46

basically. She also comes up with three

34:49

magic words and thinks that if no

34:51

one guesses what they are, she'll be

34:53

okay. But I can reveal what they

34:55

are. We can hear them? Yeah. Yeah.

34:58

They are. Melody. Gloucester. And Pegasus. They

35:00

all sound good. Like she's picked some

35:02

good sounding words. Yeah, and they're words

35:05

that wouldn't often come up in conversations,

35:07

especially in the 1960s. No way. Is

35:09

this set in the 60s? I believe

35:11

so, yes. Okay, right. Because in my

35:14

head, I'm like, this is set in

35:16

the 1800s or something, but it's like,

35:18

oh, it's the fucking, it's 1962. Yeah,

35:20

yeah, people are driving around in cars.

35:23

Yeah, it's just like, like small town.

35:25

She's listening to Elvis Presley and you.

35:27

It's so funny that like, she's so

35:29

unpleasant, people like you're moving. She also

35:32

has an unusual set of self-imposed rules

35:34

such as never eating certain foods, avoiding

35:36

touching specific objects, and keeping to define

35:38

spaces within the house. Okay. Everything's sort

35:41

of a bit of a game, like

35:43

when she goes on air, her trips

35:45

into town, she acts like she's playing

35:47

snakes and ladders. Like she's like walking

35:50

along, that's three steps. Oh, someone says

35:52

something you mean to me? Oh, I've

35:54

gone down a snake. Oh my God.

35:56

Yeah. Do you know what? I do

35:59

stuff like that. If there's a certain

36:01

pattern on the carpet in the Melbourne

36:03

airport, I... almost play a little game

36:05

where I'm like, all right, that's one

36:08

bit and now I have to get

36:10

over to that other bit of pattern.

36:12

Maybe I'm this chick. I like to

36:14

count, I count my steps and weird,

36:17

I'm like, would be great if I

36:19

started on this line and got to

36:21

that line in 16 steps. And you

36:24

get to 15 and you're like, oh,

36:26

it's a bit annoying. I'm also thinking

36:28

about that all day now. John, you

36:30

got any weird? Yeah, that step on

36:33

a crack, break your mom's back is

36:35

still with me. I've never stepped on

36:37

a crack before. And I won't. And

36:39

when I turn the volume up on

36:42

the TV, it's got to be an

36:44

even number. Totally. Totally. The air conditioning

36:46

in my car, you can do it

36:48

by 0.5 of a degree. Insane. But

36:51

there's a big difference between 21.5 and

36:53

22 though, like I can. You can

36:55

feel that. Okay, well maybe. 21.5 sure,

36:57

but like skipping to 22, that's a.

37:00

You're parting off more than you can

37:02

chew there. But would you be upset

37:04

cam with a 0.5 because it needs

37:06

to be an even number as well?

37:09

I think I would get fixated on

37:11

the 0.5. All this time I'd be

37:13

like everything has to be a 0.5.

37:15

Yeah, totally. 20.5, you know what I

37:18

mean? And you can also have like

37:20

the driver's side is 20.5 at the

37:22

passenger can be on 21. Oh my

37:24

God. That would annoy me. I wouldn't

37:27

like that one. I'm in control. Ryan

37:32

Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. I don't

37:34

know if you knew this, but anyone

37:36

can get the same premium wireless for

37:38

$15 a month plan that I've been

37:40

enjoying. It's not just for celebrities, so

37:43

do like I did, and have one

37:45

of your assistance assistance to switch you

37:47

to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's

37:49

super easy to do at MintMobile.com/switch. Up-front

37:52

payment of $45 for three-month plan, equivalent

37:54

to $15 per month required. Intro for

37:56

$15 per month required. Intro for $3

37:58

months required. So Uncle Julian who survived

38:01

the poisoning but was left disabled and

38:03

mentally fragile now obsessively recounts the events

38:05

of that fateful night. He is obsessed

38:07

with solving the case of who poisoned

38:09

the family. Cool. And he constantly talks

38:12

about the events and now is leading

38:14

up to the poisoning remarking that the

38:16

family didn't know that they were sitting

38:18

down for their last meal. Mary Cat

38:21

idolizes her older sister Constance and her

38:23

only other companion is her cat Jonas.

38:25

As in the brothers. Yeah. She couldn't

38:27

pick a favorite so she went all

38:30

through it. That would be so left

38:32

to send her from her. Yeah, that's

38:34

not on brand at all. The cat

38:36

was a promissory. Oh. So that's really

38:38

her only friends is Constance and the

38:41

sister and the cat. and the uncle

38:43

was the uncle the uncle wasn't there

38:45

for the yeah he was and that's

38:47

why like he's like he's been ill

38:50

because he was poisoned oh yes to

38:52

the point but now like he's disabled

38:54

and he's obsessed with it's obsessed with

38:56

it's obsessed with the case and he's

38:59

writing a festival show about yeah and

39:01

it's like he's got constant brain fog

39:03

as well like he's just that's all

39:05

he's thinking about yeah yeah yeah yeah

39:08

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah would do

39:10

you go see that show that show

39:12

I would I would. My family poisoning.

39:14

Yeah, trying to solve the family poisoning.

39:16

Yeah, I'd probably go see it. That's

39:19

fascinating. That sounds more interesting than any

39:21

of the shows at the festival. Yeah.

39:23

That sounds great. So they go off

39:25

in the woods together, that's America and

39:28

Jonas, the cat. And they play for

39:30

hours, and she's got several hiding places

39:32

set up where they're safe from the

39:34

reticle of the outside world. They found,

39:37

the family have one regular visitor. That's

39:39

how I know that they aren't. she's

39:41

they're not dead because Helen Helen Clark

39:43

is one of the few family friends

39:45

that didn't abandon them after the poisoning.

39:48

I think everyone thinks that Constance killed

39:50

the family so they've just cut her

39:52

out but Helen Clark she's a good

39:54

person she checks on them once a

39:57

week. has a coffee and she urges

39:59

Constance to come back into society and

40:01

stop her isolation. America, here's this, is

40:03

a bit worried that Constance seems to

40:06

genuinely be considering leaving the house and

40:08

she's worried about being abandoned by her

40:10

older sister. Right. Well, she's 28 in

40:12

the 60s. Like, it's not like she's

40:14

going anywhere. She's past her prime. It's

40:17

like, don't worry about it. Yeah, yeah,

40:19

yeah, girl. Spin stuff. That'd be me.

40:21

I'd be the friend coming in to

40:23

have coffee just because I don't know

40:26

why everybody's cut them off. That would

40:28

be amazing. If a whole family died

40:30

from poisoning, why wouldn't you be going

40:32

around for the gossip? Have you cut

40:35

anyone off in your life? I don't

40:37

think so. No one that I've been

40:39

like really close to. There's people that

40:41

I've been like friends with that I've

40:44

just like faded out of. A couple

40:46

intentionally, but never cut off. On purpose,

40:48

you've just gone, I need to actually

40:50

back away from this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

40:52

I've done that too, I think. But

40:55

yeah, I've never physically cut, like been

40:57

like, I'm never gonna talk to that

40:59

person again, but I've definitely dialed down

41:01

the friendship. scenario because there's potential murder

41:04

and stuff that's more intriguing. Yeah, you're

41:06

right. I think it's like I'd you're

41:08

I'd be Helen as well. I'd be

41:10

over for a coffee. Let's talk about

41:13

the murder guys. I'd be bringing it

41:15

up all the time. So Uncle Jillian's

41:17

like yes. Yeah, I'd be like Julie's

41:19

any any breakthroughs in the case. You'd

41:21

have to do it so subtly though,

41:24

like because you don't want to seem

41:26

like you're just there for the just

41:28

there for the gossip. Where did you

41:30

put that bowl in the internet? Would

41:33

you be worried about being poisoned, having

41:35

having a coffee, having some food? I

41:37

bring my own coffee as a little

41:39

baggy. Yeah, probably. I think I would,

41:42

but that's part of it. That's, you

41:44

know, it's why we're all addicted to

41:46

driving and smoking. Yeah. We like that's

41:48

the fear of death that we're chasing.

41:50

And they'd be dumb to kill us.

41:53

You know, like if Constance is on

41:55

a suspicion. That's right, you got away

41:57

with it once. Yeah, you can't do

41:59

it again. Yeah. There is a part

42:02

of me that has always thought that

42:04

like I could make like a bad

42:06

person like me, like if I thought

42:08

I was going to get killed by

42:11

someone, there's a part of me that's

42:13

always thought I could win the mover.

42:15

Talk around. I used to think about

42:17

it like when I was a kid

42:20

and I was worried someone would break

42:22

into a house. Yeah, what do you

42:24

want? Just take whatever you want. Hey,

42:26

it's cool, man. Whatever. It's cool. Let

42:28

me show you around. Yeah, take that.

42:31

The good stuff's in the back. Yeah.

42:33

Yeah. So they wouldn't hurt me. Carkey's,

42:35

oh yeah, mom's handbag, I'll show, yeah.

42:37

A treating motor is like a tough

42:40

crowd. Yeah. Yeah, it's tough at the

42:42

start. I got them by the end.

42:44

Got it. Right, they don't like this,

42:46

right. Maybe they're like dirty material. Maybe

42:49

they're like dirty material. Maybe they're like

42:51

dirty material. Maybe they're like dirty material.

42:57

So they're isolated, but for the most

42:59

part, the family, they're pretty happy in

43:01

their isolation. But Mericat, who was telling

43:03

us her story, remarks that one day,

43:05

all of that was broken. When someone

43:08

arrived, she was off playing and had

43:10

no idea that her whole world was

43:12

about to be turned upside down. I

43:14

hope it's a boy. Well,

43:17

she comes home to the house

43:19

from the garden to find a

43:21

man has a wrong. Oh my

43:24

God. I'm imagining potato from Madeline.

43:26

The little hat. The bad hat.

43:28

Who is this guy? His name

43:30

is Charles, and he is a

43:32

cousin that they haven't seen in

43:34

many, many years. Okay. Well, I

43:36

have better. You gotta take where

43:38

you can get. Yeah, you're living

43:40

in isolation. It's the 60s, isn't

43:42

it? Yeah, you could, you probably,

43:44

they didn't think kissing cousins was

43:46

cool then. Frowned upon, for sure.

43:48

Like, doesn't that make it all

43:50

the more excited? Yeah, exactly. Mericat

43:52

is not happy to see this

43:54

infruder, and she keeps describing him

43:56

as having a large face. and

43:58

a large head, which is horrible.

44:00

I came in and there was

44:02

that large head staring at me.

44:04

How big is this thing? Good

44:06

thing he's got a large face

44:08

and a large head. You ever

44:10

see those people with big heads

44:12

little faces? There's too much surface

44:14

area. Yeah, it's strange. It's fucking

44:16

weird. Spread it out. Yeah, put

44:18

an eye up there. What are

44:20

you doing? Just

44:22

one. He's that guy, Walter Goggins,

44:24

or whatever his name is. Oh,

44:26

yeah. Yeah, yeah. He's got a

44:29

lot of head. Yeah, he's, but

44:31

he kind of works it though.

44:33

He's good looking. Yeah. I think

44:35

he's got some sex appeal. He's

44:37

got like a Jack Nicholsonie vibe

44:40

about him, where it's a bit

44:42

like, dirty. dirty old man vibe,

44:44

you know, but you like him.

44:46

He's working it. He's kind of

44:48

hot in the way that he's

44:50

disgusting. Yeah, he makes me want

44:53

to puke. So Charles claims to

44:55

want to reconnect with the family,

44:57

but his true motivations quickly become

44:59

clear. He is after their money.

45:01

Of course. Yeah, why wouldn't you

45:04

be? His father was Uncle Julian's

45:06

other brother. And his dad squandered

45:08

his own family fortune, so he

45:10

needs cash. So he sucks up

45:12

to Constance, taking full advantage of

45:14

her naivety, and she is fully

45:17

sucked in. Damn it. She's intrigued

45:19

by his masculine authority and suggestions.

45:21

And his huge head. Yeah, oh

45:23

my gosh. She's like a moon

45:25

attracted to a planet. That's how

45:28

big his head match the drapes?

45:30

And he suggests that she should

45:32

rejoin society. And a couple of

45:34

times, Constance almost let's slip to

45:36

Mericat that she's planning to leave

45:38

the house. And it's never revealed,

45:41

but like it's possible that she's

45:43

going to run away with Charles.

45:45

And that's what Mericat's really worried

45:47

about. Uncle Julian, however, is not

45:49

a fan of Charles, as he

45:52

also didn't like his dad. And

45:54

Charles is short and a bit

45:56

mean to Uncle Julian for bit.

45:58

him to talk about the night

46:00

of the poisoning, which is unfortunate.

46:02

It's the only thing he ever

46:05

talks about. His brain's kind of

46:07

short circuiting. And he's like, do we

46:09

have to keep talking about that grim

46:11

night? And Uncle Julian's like, now where was

46:13

I sitting? The person that hates Charles

46:15

the most is, of course, Mericat, who wants

46:18

nothing more than for him to go away.

46:20

She notices his resemblance to her

46:22

own deceased father and resents

46:24

his intrusion into their carefully

46:26

protected world. She finds him

46:29

aggressive, domineering, materialistic,

46:32

representing the outside

46:34

world that she despises and

46:37

hates so much. Wait, are we

46:39

finding out she doesn't like

46:41

her dad as well? She didn't

46:43

like him when he was alive?

46:45

I don't think she was

46:48

a big fan. Hmm, interesting.

46:50

Hmm, okay. Maybe she's dead. Oh

46:52

yeah. Well there would be now, this

46:54

is what 60. 60s. Yeah, they probably.

46:56

No, she's on the 18th, she could

46:58

be going, we'll find out. So

47:01

this Hatefield, uh, I'm not going off

47:03

of a sentence here, sorry. Oh,

47:05

that's okay. So you could read the

47:07

whole point. Yeah, what the hell. Is

47:09

the big reveal at the end? No,

47:12

there was a type of, but see

47:14

what I've done with this sentence. This

47:16

Hatefield Street really goes two

47:19

ways. Interesting. But I've written

47:21

really foes two ways. And

47:23

I was like, what the

47:25

foe? It's not bad they

47:27

are foes. I can't see

47:29

how I did it. Sometimes

47:31

I'm too much more than

47:33

good. Charles quickly asserts himself

47:35

as the head of the

47:37

household and he interferes with

47:39

their routines and he chastises

47:41

America. I'm going to put

47:43

things right in this house. Yeah,

47:45

I hate Charles. Yeah, it's no

47:47

good. Imagine showing up to

47:49

your cousin's house and taking

47:52

over. Like that. Absolutely not.

47:54

It's like wife swap. He should

47:56

be sucking on more if he

47:58

wants the cash. Exactly. With stuff

48:00

like that, I'm like, be subtle.

48:02

Maybe it's that like, maybe I

48:04

think I could charm them as

48:06

well. You know, like where you're

48:09

like, you see people coming in

48:11

for like money and you're like,

48:13

you can't just, you just show,

48:15

ask them like how they've been.

48:17

Yeah. How are you? Yeah. How's

48:19

your fortune? Where is it? Yeah.

48:21

Do your diamonds need? Easy. Yeah,

48:23

can I clean the cash? Yeah.

48:25

Love to do that for you.

48:27

Love to do that for you.

48:29

code to the vault. Yeah, that's

48:32

fine. I'm family. I'm family. I'm

48:34

family and I'm floating with one

48:36

of the sisters. You can trust

48:38

me. America had reacts to Charles

48:40

with increasing hostility employing her superstitions

48:42

and magic to drive him away

48:44

as she starts to see him

48:46

as a devil or a ghost

48:48

sent to haunt them. Maybe he's

48:50

dead. Yeah, true. Or a devil,

48:52

that's cool. So of course she

48:55

buries objects, she mutters incantations and

48:57

begins engaging. Imagine seeing this, she's

48:59

just muttering to her thumb and

49:01

bury. Nailing bixter trees. Imagine just

49:03

confronting someone. Not just being like,

49:05

why are you here? Excuse me,

49:07

are you muttering incantations? You're a

49:09

problem, we just say it. And

49:11

the behavior gets more and more

49:13

erratic. She starts smashing mirrors, hoping

49:15

that will somehow help. Seven years

49:18

bad luck, you stupid count. But

49:20

is there a way? Can you

49:22

get rid of bad luck with

49:24

more bad luck? What? Double down

49:26

on it. Yeah, maybe the bad

49:28

luck cancels out the other bad

49:30

luck. Yeah. I think you're supposed

49:32

to cover mirrors. Yeah. So stop

49:34

spirits or some shit. Not smash

49:36

them. Yeah, she starts smashing mirrors.

49:38

Silly. It's not good. She then

49:40

takes her father's gold chain and

49:43

watch that Charles has taken interest

49:45

in, in wanting to wear, because

49:47

it's just been locked in his

49:49

bedside table for six years, and

49:51

she takes it and nails it

49:53

to a tree. Sick. Charles finds

49:55

it and is furious. He's like,

49:57

this could be worth money. You're

49:59

ruining money. What are you doing

50:01

here? And you've smashed it for

50:03

no reason. Constance is always defending

50:06

her young sister being like, oh,

50:08

she's just mucking around. She's just

50:10

nailing. She just berries stuff. Relax.

50:12

We all do it. Well, she

50:14

does it. I like to imagine

50:16

that America is also like not

50:18

a reliable narrator as well. Like,

50:20

what if he's actually just there

50:22

doing a welfare check? And he's

50:24

like, you guys are actually really

50:26

going to lose a lot of

50:29

money. Let's... Yeah, hey, let's look

50:31

after you. Yeah, the house is

50:33

falling down. We need, like you

50:35

haven't left in six years. This

50:37

guy, Uncle Julian, obviously needs medical

50:39

support at least. It's like people

50:41

who come in to help hoarders

50:43

clean and they're like, no, I

50:45

need 70 copies of the age

50:47

from 1946. And if you come

50:49

in and ruin that, you're a

50:52

devil. He also discovers that Mericad

50:54

has buried a box of silver

50:56

dollars that are worth a lot

50:58

of money and he's super-super Very

51:00

annoyed, he's wondering what else are

51:02

various values you literally buried around

51:04

the property. She's like a dog.

51:06

Yeah, that's just cool. Charles also

51:08

has a keen eye on the

51:10

safe in their deceased father's room,

51:12

because apparently it's stuffed full of

51:15

money, because they don't really spend

51:17

much cash. They buy the essentials.

51:19

So far they've only really bought

51:21

berries and coffee. Yeah, that's it.

51:23

They've been keeping track of what

51:25

they're buying. They borrow books from

51:27

the library for free. I don't

51:29

really have any vices. Yeah. And

51:31

the family did have quite a

51:33

lot of money. So they just,

51:35

they still have it. So it's

51:37

pretty obvious Charles is keen on

51:40

the fortune. Uncle Julian remains oblivious

51:42

to Charles's presence, often mistaking him

51:44

for his dead brother John Blackwood.

51:46

But his deteriorating health renders him

51:48

incapable of grasping the significance of

51:50

Charles's arrival. But he does continually

51:52

accuse Charles of taking his papers.

51:54

My precious papers? Have you taken

51:56

my papers? And he's like, old

51:58

man, I don't care about your

52:00

papers, okay? He's like, my whole

52:03

festival shows in this place. Yeah,

52:05

I need that. It opens tomorrow.

52:07

It's got all my cues in

52:09

it. Mericat, meanwhile, intensifies of fantasies

52:11

about total isolation and wishes Charles

52:13

would just disappear. She actually asked

52:15

him if he can leave. And

52:17

he taunts her and says, it's

52:19

more likely that she'll have to

52:21

leave before he does. Oh my

52:23

god, real merits from the parent

52:26

trap vibes. Yeah. It's scary. Scary.

52:28

Something's happening here. So what does

52:30

Maricat do? Well, she puts sticks

52:32

and leaves and stuff in his

52:34

bed. Yep. She's fucking nuts. Stop

52:36

that! No, we're asleep. I guess

52:38

you'll have to leave. That would

52:40

piss you off. He in the

52:42

bed. You're like, what the fuck?

52:44

Twigs and dirt? She is in

52:46

the bed? He's really annoyed and

52:49

he demands an explanation. He's like,

52:51

why did she put sticks and

52:53

leaves in my bed? And she

52:55

runs away and her thoughts turn

52:57

increasingly violent. This is another bit

52:59

of the book. I was thinking

53:01

of Charles. I could turn him

53:03

into a fly and drop him

53:05

into a spider's web and watch

53:07

him tangled and helpless and struggling,

53:09

shut into the body of a

53:12

dying, buzzing fly. I could wish

53:14

him dead until he died. I

53:16

could fasten him to a tree

53:18

and keep him there until he

53:20

grew into the trunk and bark

53:22

grew over his mouth. She's obsessed

53:24

with fixing things to trees. I

53:26

could bury him in the hole

53:28

where my box silver dollars had

53:30

been so safe until he came.

53:32

If he was under the ground,

53:35

I could walk all over him,

53:37

stamping my feet. He had not

53:39

even bothered to fill in the

53:41

hole. I could imagine him walking

53:43

there and noticing the spot where

53:45

the ground was disturbed, stopping to

53:47

poke it and then digging wildly

53:49

with both his hands, scowling and

53:51

finally greedy and shocked and gasping

53:53

when he found my box of

53:55

silver. She's so

53:57

funny, like she's

54:00

obviously nuts, but

54:02

I still like

54:04

her. You

54:06

like her much more than Charles.

54:08

Yeah, like he's like, he sucks.

54:10

Charles got a big head. Yeah.

54:12

Too big. Charles is like - Disturbingly

54:14

big. Yeah. It's way more disturbing

54:16

the size of his head than

54:18

any of her weird thoughts. Definitely.

54:20

The ratio. That's all I'm thinking

54:23

about. Big headed freak coming in.

54:25

Yeah. Steal my family's money. He

54:27

seems like a property manager. Oh,

54:29

You know, like he's got that

54:31

energy. 22 years old working in

54:33

rentals. And being like, hey bro,

54:35

what's going on? Fucked energy. Dom

54:37

is hell. Dom is hell. BS

54:39

head. Fucking

54:43

hate him. But I mean, yeah,

54:45

she's nuts obviously. Like I'm getting

54:47

red flags from her. A

54:50

couple? Really? Okay. I could turn

54:52

him into a flower and drop him

54:54

into a spider's web. That'll show

54:56

him. That'll show him all. I

54:59

have special little box of dollars. I

55:03

like it. Yes. She's charming. She's

55:05

kind of like Bjork. Yeah.

55:08

I don't get it, but I kind of

55:10

love it. I like that she's around. Yeah. What

55:13

will she do next? We're all

55:15

asking it. So determined to rid

55:17

the house of Charles Mericat escalates

55:19

her actions. She smashed a mirror.

55:21

She's put leaves in a bed.

55:24

It's time to get serious. She

55:26

attempts to banish him through magical

55:28

means. But eventually resorts to more

55:30

direct tactics. Yeah, good idea. I

55:32

reckon you can call someone. All

55:34

right, this isn't working. One night

55:36

she sneaks into his room and

55:38

to mess with him, takes his

55:40

beloved pipe, is always smoking a

55:42

pipe and pushes it into a

55:44

bin filled with newspapers. I've hidden

55:46

his pipe. That'll show him. Unfortunately,

55:50

the pipe is still active

55:52

and it starts a large

55:54

fire. Good. Very quickly, the

55:57

whole upstairs part of their

55:59

house is a blow. Charles is

56:01

like, oh my God, there's a fire. He rushes to

56:03

get help as they don't have a phone. And the

56:05

two sisters go out the front door

56:07

and Uncle Julian appears to go out

56:09

another. They're like, all right, let's everyone

56:11

out of the house, out of the

56:14

house. Firefighters arrive with Charles. And it's

56:16

clear that he is most concerned about

56:18

the safe full of money. referring to

56:20

it many many times like in a

56:22

comical sense that's so funny yeah everyone's

56:24

out anyway has anyone's seen the safe yeah we're

56:26

safe but what about the safe talking about the

56:28

safe the safe the safe the safe is the

56:30

safe matter he doesn't have mad a word or

56:32

he even runs back into the house on fire

56:34

and tries to move it but it's too heavy

56:37

for him to pick up there's so much money

56:39

it's funny stuff and he doesn't have the courage

56:41

so he's like and he can we get the

56:43

firefighters into it in here to move the safe

56:45

to move the safe will that be okay

56:47

The fire spreads and destroys

56:49

the upper part of the

56:51

house completely and the roof

56:53

is gone and upstairs is where

56:56

America and the and Constance's

56:58

bedrooms and belongings

57:00

are. And along with the firefighters,

57:02

the villages rust toward

57:05

the estate, not to help, but

57:07

to revel in its destruction.

57:09

A woman keeps yelling at

57:12

the firefighters, just let it

57:14

burn! That's so funny. It is

57:16

so wild. Let it all burn! Just

57:18

let it burn! The fire is put

57:20

out and then someone says to the

57:23

chief firefighter, who's very well known to

57:25

the town, why did you do that?

57:27

You should have just let it burn.

57:30

And he responds, okay, it's my job

57:32

to put out fires. But to prove

57:34

his allegiance to this growing mob,

57:36

he picks up a rock and throws

57:38

it through the window of the house,

57:41

that he just stopped from burning. Yeah.

57:43

There's nothing in the Firefighters Code that

57:45

says you can't throw a rock at

57:47

it. You know, it's a rock file

57:49

or something. That's sick. That's like

57:52

camaraderie. Yeah. I'm actually, I'm actually cool.

57:54

I'm on your side. I'm being paid

57:56

by the city to do this. I

57:58

also hate this. Yeah. I hate, yeah,

58:00

but I'd be fired. But I won't

58:03

be fired if I throw a rock

58:05

that smashes a window. And with this

58:07

action, all hell breaks loose, years of

58:09

resentment boil over as they seize the

58:11

opportunity to violate the Blackwoods. Mob mentality,

58:14

yes. It goes. Crazy, they turn into...

58:16

January 6. Yes, they're breaking more windows,

58:18

they're smashing chairs, throwing them against walls,

58:20

against bookcases full of stuff, they steal

58:22

belongings, and like the antique stealer of

58:24

the town, runs in and starts piling

58:27

stuff on the porch to steal. Yeah,

58:29

that's cool. Alluding. Yeah, he's like, whoa,

58:31

whoa, this is actually valuable stuff. I

58:33

can sell this. And they just generally

58:35

tear apart what remains of the house

58:37

that's already been significantly burned, like really

58:40

kicking them while they're down. And is

58:42

the family just watching? Yeah, so they've

58:44

run in terror to the woods, thinking

58:46

that maybe the mob will tear them

58:48

apart as well. Oh sure. And they're

58:51

forced, they're into one of Maricat's little

58:53

hidey holes under a bush somewhere. And

58:55

they listen as their homies ransacked, they

58:57

can't intervene, they just have to listen

58:59

to listen to it, be destroyed. They

59:01

talk to each other, sort of distract

59:04

each other, and Maricat says that she

59:06

wishes she could poison them all, and

59:08

Constance says, you mean like you did

59:10

before? No, come on. That's right, Maricat,

59:12

who was then 12 years old, poisoned

59:15

and killed almost her entire family. She

59:17

says that she knew that Constance didn't

59:19

like sugar and that she wouldn't have

59:21

any of it on her blackberries. We

59:23

really should have seen it coming really.

59:25

Science were all day. She's this nutty

59:28

girl. Yeah. Putting spells on April. And

59:30

her rant's about literally wanting to watch

59:32

everyone burn a lot of life. I

59:34

want to kill them all. I want

59:36

to make them flies trapped in a

59:39

web. Yeah. You like this girl? Yeah.

59:41

She's a killer. And also putting a

59:43

pipe in a like a bin full

59:45

of newspaper. Okay, but that, come on,

59:47

that's pretty intentional. Can I ask you

59:49

Dave, when you got to the reveal,

59:52

was it a shock to you at

59:54

all? Or were you like, oh yeah?

59:56

Actually was a little bit of a

59:58

shock, yeah, I was a little bit

1:00:00

of a shock, yeah, I was shocked.

1:00:03

Because you're in the perspective of America

1:00:05

for the whole story. Yeah, that's right,

1:00:07

I'm sort of trust you, yeah, she's

1:00:09

wishing death upon people, but you like,

1:00:11

she was only 12 years old, but

1:00:13

yeah, yeah, and everyone hates her family,

1:00:16

she's, she's, she's her family, she's just

1:00:18

pissed, she's just pissed, she's just pissed,

1:00:20

she's, she's, she just, she's, she's, she's,

1:00:22

she just, she just, she just, she

1:00:24

just, she's, she just, she just, she

1:00:26

just, she just, she just, she just,

1:00:29

she just, she just, she just, she

1:00:31

just, she just, she just, she just,

1:00:33

Or is it like this like alienation

1:00:35

that's turned? Because the town are generally

1:00:37

fucked up. Yeah. Like in their way

1:00:40

they behave towards this teenager. And like

1:00:42

how do you access arsenic? I guess

1:00:44

like what did they use it for

1:00:46

for like rat poison and stuff like

1:00:48

that? Yeah, it must be because they've

1:00:50

got a large property I'm imagining that

1:00:53

yeah, rat poison, maybe she's grounded up.

1:00:55

And we're remembering, you're like, oh, it

1:00:57

doesn't make sense she didn't have any,

1:00:59

she was sent to her room, she

1:01:01

was sent to her. Yeah, it's like

1:01:04

maybe when she just wanted retribution against,

1:01:06

oh, punish me, hey, yeah, well, I'll

1:01:08

kill all of you except the sister

1:01:10

that I like. Well, that's what she

1:01:12

says anyway. But she says like, I

1:01:14

knew you wouldn't have any of the

1:01:17

sugar, but maybe she didn't know. No,

1:01:19

yeah, maybe she didn't know. No, yeah,

1:01:21

that feels like chance. But she's like,

1:01:23

I knew you wouldn't have any sugar,

1:01:25

but maybe she didn't apologize. Yeah, but

1:01:28

they are weirdly close for someone. It's

1:01:30

like I was accused of your crime

1:01:32

I nearly went to jail and you

1:01:34

killed our parents and younger brother Hmm,

1:01:36

but they're still super tight. Yeah, yeah,

1:01:38

yeah, I don't know if I was

1:01:41

like all that through like eldest sibling

1:01:43

vibes So I'm like I wouldn't I

1:01:45

mean I've got two younger brothers so

1:01:47

they can I mean There's no fucking

1:01:49

way I would take a bullet for

1:01:52

that. Yeah, like one of them poisoned

1:01:54

the entire rest of the family. You'd

1:01:56

be like, you're on your own man.

1:01:58

I'd be like, Woklin did it. He's

1:02:00

always been fucked. He's always in fucked

1:02:02

mom. You know that. Come on. You

1:02:05

know that. It's a little weird though.

1:02:07

Yeah, remember when he was 17 and

1:02:09

he lied that her granddatter died. So

1:02:11

the town's lost their mind, they're absolutely

1:02:13

smashing everything up. The only thing that

1:02:15

seems to quell the mob is one

1:02:18

of them. It was one of my

1:02:20

brothers. So the town's lost their mind,

1:02:22

they're absolutely smashing everything up. The only

1:02:24

thing that seems to quell the mob

1:02:26

is when it is discovered that Uncle

1:02:29

Julian has died during the fire. Oh,

1:02:31

that's really. Apparently of heart failure. So

1:02:33

when they went out one door, he

1:02:35

went out another because he said, I've

1:02:37

got to get my papers on the

1:02:39

way out. His body is discovered. He's

1:02:42

had a heart attack. With this, everyone

1:02:44

leaves, including Charles, who was realizing there

1:02:46

was nothing of value left, makes a

1:02:48

swift exit. Cousin Charles. What a legend!

1:02:50

What a dog! The sisters returned to

1:02:53

the burned house, now more ruined and

1:02:55

eerie than ever. Without a roof Merakat

1:02:57

remarks that the house is like a

1:02:59

castle turreted and open to the sky.

1:03:01

And remember the title as we've always

1:03:03

lived in the castle. And she loves

1:03:06

that shit. She loves all the castles

1:03:08

and stuff. Gothic ass. Yes. But hold

1:03:10

on, she's got like all those shit

1:03:12

buried. They've probably got heaps of money

1:03:14

buried. Yeah. They got cash. And would

1:03:17

you believe it? The safe has survived.

1:03:19

Yes. Thank God. I'm still rooting for

1:03:21

her. Yes. I hope she kills again.

1:03:23

So they decide to abandon the upstairs

1:03:25

and most of the rooms of the

1:03:27

house, living only in the kitchen and

1:03:30

a few habitable rooms, sweeping all of

1:03:32

the smashed debris into the family's old

1:03:34

drawing room. This is real, like, big,

1:03:36

eating and little eating. Yeah. Yeah. Leak,

1:03:38

this room's leaking. Yeah. Just close the

1:03:41

door. That's the room the dog's shit

1:03:43

in. Yeah. Yeah. This is the first

1:03:45

of many cats. So they put the

1:03:47

drawing room which was their mother's old

1:03:49

favourite room and they'll just lock it

1:03:51

up forever and she remarks that we

1:03:54

just never opened that door ever again.

1:03:56

They closed the outside window shutters on

1:03:58

the broken windows, bought up the back

1:04:00

kitchen so no one can see in.

1:04:02

So it's quite dark in there because

1:04:04

all the windows have to be boarded

1:04:07

up. But it becomes their sanctuary but

1:04:09

also their prison. They vowed to never

1:04:11

leave it again. They're like her twice

1:04:13

weekly trips to town, no longer happening.

1:04:15

How are they getting berries? So the

1:04:18

basement fortunately remained on. Helen Clark probably

1:04:20

brings him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's probably

1:04:22

bringing in groceries. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well,

1:04:24

they discovered that the basement, which was

1:04:26

full of preserves. and stores of food

1:04:28

was unknown. I know, like from generations

1:04:31

past. It's disgusting. An old pickled egg!

1:04:33

This all lasts until winter. It's disgusting.

1:04:35

And they've got enough to last them

1:04:37

a little while, and they've got just

1:04:39

enough unbroken mugs and plates to be

1:04:42

able to use to eat with. So

1:04:44

they've got one plate and one mug

1:04:46

each. And they're like, this is all

1:04:48

we need. It's like an Airbnb. Yeah.

1:04:50

Or a young guy's apartment in his

1:04:52

tweez. I'm sure I've got a fork

1:04:55

around here somewhere. They also find the

1:04:57

safe, like I said, it's too heavy

1:04:59

to move and no one could open

1:05:01

it. So they don't, they've, they actually

1:05:03

have heaps of money, but they just

1:05:06

don't need it because they're just going

1:05:08

to stay inside forever. They're old family

1:05:10

friend Helen arrives, Helen Clark, a couple

1:05:12

of times to try and talk with

1:05:14

him, but they pretend to not be

1:05:16

home. Funny. That's a classic gag. No

1:05:19

one's home! They do the same when

1:05:21

the town doctor arrives and asks for

1:05:23

a sign that they're okay. They again

1:05:25

ignore him even when they're told, it's

1:05:27

Uncle Julian's funeral tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow, do

1:05:30

you want to come? And they just

1:05:32

shut him out. Constance feels very guilty

1:05:34

in a remark that she did the

1:05:36

wrong thing by Uncle Julian not putting

1:05:38

him in a hospital and by Merrickat

1:05:40

for shutting her up after the poisoning

1:05:43

not putting her with another family or

1:05:45

you know going to the orphanage or

1:05:47

whatever but Merrickat is happy with their

1:05:49

seclusion saying I am so happy Constance

1:05:51

I wish you could be happy too.

1:05:53

Interesting. Because she's like this is the

1:05:56

existence. We always wanted no more intruders,

1:05:58

no more threats. They're free to live

1:06:00

with their own carefully. controlled world and

1:06:02

their relationship becomes even more insula almost

1:06:04

as if they're the only people

1:06:07

left in the world. Maricat says

1:06:09

we're on the moon at last.

1:06:11

Oh okay that's kind of nice.

1:06:13

Yeah yeah it's a beautiful story.

1:06:15

Julian was a deadweight. Is that

1:06:17

how it ends with the moon

1:06:19

callback? No there's a tiny bit

1:06:21

more and that is one day a

1:06:24

man arrives on their doorstep. They of

1:06:26

course ignore him but he yells

1:06:28

out that he smashed one of their chairs

1:06:30

and is sorry. I like that. Yeah, he

1:06:32

leaves, but they notice he's left

1:06:34

a package. It's a hamper with

1:06:36

chicken and blueberry pie and other

1:06:38

food. And from here more and

1:06:40

more packages are left by other

1:06:42

villagers feeling guilty for smashing up

1:06:45

their Blackwood house and they leave his

1:06:47

little notes of apology. This is

1:06:49

so funny, that's like when the

1:06:51

adrenaline rush is taken over and

1:06:54

like you sleep on it and

1:06:56

you're like, I should text him. Yeah,

1:06:58

I forgot shitting on the bed

1:07:00

there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everyone

1:07:02

notices that the food starts getting

1:07:05

taken so like, okay, so there's

1:07:07

these two young ladies like locked

1:07:10

in there. I feel real bad about

1:07:12

this. So they eat the food, they only retrieve

1:07:14

the baskets under the cover of darkness when they're

1:07:16

sure no one's around. So they never see anyone,

1:07:18

but this sort of helps, you know, sort of

1:07:20

keep them going. They don't have access to any

1:07:22

of their clothes as they're all burnt. Constance

1:07:25

finds two of Julian's old suits

1:07:27

and suggests they wear them, but

1:07:29

Mary Cat says, but I'm not allowed to

1:07:31

touch any of Uncle Julian's things. So

1:07:33

instead she chooses... He's dead. He's dead.

1:07:35

She's like, no, in life I was

1:07:38

never allowed to, so in death I'm

1:07:40

not allowed to. So she chooses to

1:07:42

start wearing a tablecloth that she drapes

1:07:44

around herself and ties on with a

1:07:46

cord. This is literally, Gregard. Yeah. This

1:07:49

is crazy. What, when did that

1:07:51

come, is that 70s? Yeah,

1:07:53

and the revolutionary costume when

1:07:55

she's got like, she's wearing

1:07:57

like, like stockings. Yeah, that's

1:07:59

right. piece? Oh right yeah

1:08:01

so 1975 so this is

1:08:03

before this is prenates yeah

1:08:05

that's wild that's cool but

1:08:07

they had been living the

1:08:09

Beals had been living in

1:08:11

that dilapidated mansion for like

1:08:13

what decades oh true yeah

1:08:16

possibly inspired by that's right

1:08:18

Shirley came across it Shirley

1:08:20

Jackson American yes okay she's

1:08:22

from sort of south somewhere

1:08:24

What's she from? Oh no, that's right.

1:08:27

She's born in California. Maybe she lived

1:08:29

a bit in the South, died in

1:08:31

Vermont, very far away from the South.

1:08:33

There's probably like many different families of

1:08:35

like old money families that are living

1:08:38

on kind of like bits and pieces

1:08:40

of their old wealth, living in semi

1:08:42

squalor. They probably was a lot of

1:08:44

that. at certain points in history. There's

1:08:46

people like in like England as well

1:08:48

where they've got all this like old

1:08:51

money like they have these like places

1:08:53

these like assets but they're like yeah

1:08:55

they'll be like houses in London that

1:08:57

are like just a bed and a

1:08:59

table like they're broke or like they're

1:09:02

they're just squealing it like right they're

1:09:04

living in like basically empty and like

1:09:06

around them they're living in an eight

1:09:08

million pound old house yeah got no

1:09:10

money to to like take care of

1:09:12

it or anything like that. It's also

1:09:15

like, so I can't imagine now because

1:09:17

of like the housing crisis. If anybody,

1:09:19

anything horrific happened to family members or

1:09:21

whatever, there's no way you could lock

1:09:23

off a room forever. That's, that needs

1:09:26

to be used immediately. You're renting that

1:09:28

out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so true.

1:09:30

Yeah. Cousin Charles arrives one day with

1:09:32

another man. The other man asked Charles

1:09:34

if he can coax Constance out to

1:09:36

talk to him and the other man

1:09:39

who was a photographer will lie and

1:09:41

wait and wait. So he plans to

1:09:43

take a photo of the secluded woman

1:09:45

that everyone's fascinated with. No one's seen

1:09:47

them for ages. And he wants to

1:09:49

sell it to a newspaper giving Charles

1:09:52

half the money. Oh, Charles sucks. Yeah,

1:09:54

he's rude. So he approaches the house

1:09:56

and yells out some nice things like,

1:09:58

I miss you Constance, please come out.

1:10:00

But sitting with Merrickat, Constance stays strong

1:10:03

and does. go out to him having

1:10:05

finally realized what a piece of shit

1:10:07

he is and he leaves the two

1:10:09

up and he leaves and the two

1:10:11

sisters start laughing they're crying with laughter

1:10:13

and constant says I'm so happy and

1:10:16

Mary Cat says I told you what

1:10:18

it would be like on the moon.

1:10:20

So they get into their own routine

1:10:22

and embrace their new house and Maricat

1:10:24

tells us that her new magical safeguards

1:10:27

are the locked on the door, the

1:10:29

boards over the windows, and barricades along

1:10:31

the side of the house that she

1:10:33

set up by piling up debris from

1:10:35

the damaged and smashed goods. The lawn

1:10:37

in front of the house becomes a

1:10:40

popular picnic spot and they can hear

1:10:42

people talking about the house and they've

1:10:44

never been out the front to see.

1:10:46

what it looks like now during the

1:10:48

daylight, but here the vines have grown

1:10:50

over the over the house covering up

1:10:53

most of the burnt parts and now

1:10:55

it's barely recognizable even as a house.

1:10:57

It's like something coming out of the

1:10:59

jungle almost. They also hear a mother

1:11:01

teasing a child not to go too

1:11:04

close to the house or the women

1:11:06

inside will eat them. They have become

1:11:08

the town's local haunted house and the

1:11:10

kids dare each other to go and

1:11:12

knock on the door. One day a

1:11:14

kid runs up to the house and

1:11:17

yells out the old tauntinging rhyme. Mericat

1:11:19

said Connie, would you, would you like

1:11:21

a cup of a cup of tea,

1:11:23

would you like a cup of tea.

1:11:25

and then runs away terrified and then

1:11:28

that night a basket filled with fresh

1:11:30

eggs and a note from the boy's

1:11:32

mother arrives apologizing saying he didn't mean

1:11:34

it please like he's gonna put a

1:11:36

like a curse on him well yeah

1:11:38

I imagine showing up to a house

1:11:41

like grown over and then all the

1:11:43

trees around have just got shit nailed

1:11:45

to it I'd be scared to totally

1:11:47

yeah and then we get to the

1:11:49

final line of the final part of

1:11:52

the book is Reacting to that kid

1:11:54

poor child constant said putting the eggs

1:11:56

into a bowl to go into the

1:11:58

cooler He's probably hiding under the bed

1:12:00

right now We will have an omelet

1:12:02

for breakfast. I wonder if I could

1:12:05

eat a child if I had the

1:12:07

chance. I doubt I could even cook

1:12:09

one said Constance Poor strangers said I

1:12:11

They have so much to be afraid

1:12:13

of well constant said I am afraid

1:12:15

of spot And the final line is

1:12:18

from Mericat saying, Jonas and I will

1:12:20

see to it that no spider ever

1:12:22

come near to you. Oh Mericat, I

1:12:24

said, we are so happy. And that's

1:12:26

the end of the book. They just

1:12:29

locked up there. forever until one of

1:12:31

them goes. How long do you think

1:12:33

the span of time is that this

1:12:35

book covers? Is it like a 10

1:12:37

year period or something? Is it clear

1:12:39

how long? Like at the end there?

1:12:42

That part? So there's the flashback obviously

1:12:44

to the six years of deaths and

1:12:46

then like cousin Charles comes and I

1:12:48

think it's pretty quick. Like when he

1:12:50

arrives, but then at a certain point,

1:12:53

the house is overgrown. Yeah, that's right

1:12:55

now. It's like, imagine like decades, it's

1:12:57

got to be less, it's got to

1:12:59

be years. Love this. Yeah. And they've

1:13:01

gone from like actual people to like

1:13:03

legends now. Yeah, and people are just

1:13:06

so gothic, like ghosts. And I guess,

1:13:08

yeah, they'll just keep going to one

1:13:10

of them. This sounds cool. What did

1:13:12

you think, did you think, did you'd,

1:13:14

did you enjoy it? Likeable. Yeah, you

1:13:17

like it, but also it is a

1:13:19

bit like it's quite creepy. It's unlike

1:13:21

any book I think I've covered on

1:13:23

this show where the narrator is so

1:13:25

weird. Yeah. But you also feel sorry

1:13:27

for it because when the town are

1:13:30

so awful to them. Yeah. So you

1:13:32

kind of get it. But I kind

1:13:34

of love this shit. There's a Stephen

1:13:36

King short like a novella called apt

1:13:38

pupil that's all narrated by a kid.

1:13:40

who gets obsessed with an old man

1:13:43

that lives in his town because he

1:13:45

believes that old man used to be

1:13:47

a Nazi who escaped Nazi Germany and

1:13:49

changed his identity and integrated into society.

1:13:51

And the whole novella, you're like in

1:13:54

this little boy's perspective, but as the

1:13:56

book continues. You were like, oh, this

1:13:58

kid's also a Nazi. This kid's like

1:14:00

obsessed with Nazis. Oh my God. That's

1:14:02

why he loves this old Nazi man.

1:14:04

He's obsessed with it. Obsessed with it.

1:14:07

Not because it's like he. should be

1:14:09

punished. It starts out like that and

1:14:11

then it's sort of like no I'm

1:14:13

obsessed with him I want to learn

1:14:15

from him and it's I kind of

1:14:18

like love the short story for that

1:14:20

reason because it forces you to like

1:14:22

get into the mind of a freak.

1:14:24

Yeah it's totally like yeah it's like

1:14:26

a little vacation from your own life.

1:14:28

Yeah it's interesting to yeah to get

1:14:31

into the mind of someone else that

1:14:33

is hopefully unlikely. What if you just

1:14:35

like let yourself keep thinking those things

1:14:37

like you know when you have like

1:14:39

an intrusive thought you're like oh I'm

1:14:42

not gonna yeah about that but what

1:14:44

if you were like actually let's open

1:14:46

that door let's see what it's like

1:14:48

that's sick I kind of like this

1:14:50

this sounds cool yeah it is it's

1:14:52

it's it's it's it's cool she seems

1:14:55

like one of those like friends that

1:14:57

you have where you're like I really

1:14:59

like you but I know that you're

1:15:01

unpleasant like small doses and a few

1:15:03

times you like come on just help

1:15:05

yourself for you yes yes yes yeah

1:15:08

But like, you're living in a burn-tout

1:15:10

house with no root. Yes, but then

1:15:12

you like, like, like the stories of

1:15:14

which he goes in town, you're like,

1:15:16

they are genuinely awful to you. Yeah.

1:15:19

And then when like the, I know

1:15:21

it's going to be impossible for them,

1:15:23

but when the guys like, I heard

1:15:25

you're leaving town, maybe it would be

1:15:27

good if you left town and started

1:15:29

a friend. Yeah. Go to uni. Smoker

1:15:32

joins. Get laid. But from her perspective

1:15:34

in the end, like having the house

1:15:36

sort of burnt and smashed up was

1:15:38

one of the better things that happened

1:15:40

to her because it's what she wanted.

1:15:43

She wanted it to be. I'm really

1:15:45

excited. Like this is 62-ish, like I'd

1:15:47

say it goes for 10, 15 years,

1:15:49

the story. She's missing out on the

1:15:51

swing in 60s. That's what's really bummer.

1:15:53

And she's a freaky girl. She's a

1:15:56

freaky girl. She would love the fucking

1:15:58

summer of love. Oh my gosh, she

1:16:00

would have had a great time. Like,

1:16:02

she could have been a Manson girl,

1:16:04

like a bit of a community around

1:16:07

her. John Lennon could have met her

1:16:09

and been like, wow, this kid's fascinating.

1:16:11

I love this song about her. I've

1:16:13

got a crush on merit, cat. She's

1:16:15

hand me into a fly. Why do

1:16:17

they sound like little minions? Everyone's impression

1:16:20

of the Beatles is always like, oh,

1:16:22

blah, blah, blah. I feel so bad

1:16:24

for him. Paul McCartney was like, what?

1:16:26

I'm the best songwriter ever. Why do

1:16:28

we sound stupid and everyone's impression? Oh,

1:16:30

Paul McCartney! That's actually really good. It's

1:16:33

exactly what he sounds like though. Bloody

1:16:35

who? Ringo! Well,

1:16:39

there's only one thing left to do

1:16:41

at the end. We always give it

1:16:43

a score out of five as you

1:16:45

heard it here today. We'll do a

1:16:47

bit of a book review. I know

1:16:49

you haven't read the actual thing, but

1:16:51

hearing about it, I feel like you're

1:16:54

both been intrigued by it, but I'm

1:16:56

not gonna put a number in your

1:16:58

mouth at all. What do you think?

1:17:00

Please don't. Don't put a number in

1:17:02

my mouth. You couldn't

1:17:04

have phrased that any weird. I'm

1:17:06

not going to put a number

1:17:08

in it now. But if I

1:17:10

were to put an number in

1:17:13

it, what number would it be?

1:17:15

Enough, baby! I really liked it.

1:17:17

I had a great time. And

1:17:19

I think it's like, obviously, I

1:17:21

think I was going to like

1:17:23

it when I found out that

1:17:25

it was the haunting of the

1:17:27

Hill House writer. Yeah. And it

1:17:29

felt exactly like that where it's

1:17:31

like, it's not about... There's obviously

1:17:34

like big reveals and stuff like

1:17:36

that in it, but it's just

1:17:38

it's not about that vibe. Yeah,

1:17:40

and it feels like and it's

1:17:42

all about like legacy and time

1:17:44

elapsed and it's almost like all

1:17:46

this stuff was just to explain

1:17:48

this abandoned house with these old

1:17:50

ladies in it. It's like we

1:17:52

went back in time to be

1:17:54

like we're always gonna come back

1:17:57

to here. Yes, if it was

1:17:59

the show, if they made a

1:18:01

show, we would start with the...

1:18:03

dilapidated, fucked up house with like

1:18:05

these kids running up. Yes, that

1:18:07

would be the first thing to

1:18:09

be like, I don't go up

1:18:11

there, didn't you know? And then

1:18:13

we'd flash back and see how

1:18:15

they got there. And I'd, I

1:18:18

mean, it sounds, yeah, right up

1:18:20

my alley. The Hill House book

1:18:22

has been on my list for

1:18:24

a while, so I'm gonna add

1:18:26

this one too. I'm gonna give

1:18:28

it four and a half from

1:18:30

me. Four and a half out

1:18:32

of five, fantastic. You know what

1:18:34

the weirdest part is? I was

1:18:36

also going to put that number

1:18:39

in my mouth. It's a four

1:18:41

and a half out of five

1:18:43

everyone. We all have the same

1:18:45

numbers in our mouth. This has

1:18:47

never happened. I don't know if

1:18:49

it has ever ever happened. Maybe

1:18:51

in the past I've done one

1:18:53

and everyone's given it five because

1:18:55

we all... But yeah, four and

1:18:57

a half. Pretty sold. It's great.

1:18:59

It sounds right up. So good.

1:19:02

Yeah, it's very enjoyable. I'd love

1:19:04

to do another one of her

1:19:06

novels. You read a horny field

1:19:08

house. I'll read it and let

1:19:10

me know and I'll do let

1:19:12

me know if I should do

1:19:14

it present it to you Yeah,

1:19:16

great. That's that's the end of

1:19:18

the show. Thank you. Yeah, but

1:19:20

that's that's the end of the

1:19:23

show. Thank you so much for

1:19:25

joining me This one's coming out

1:19:27

in a few days time. So

1:19:29

the comedy festival will still be

1:19:31

rocking and raging oh my god.

1:19:33

It's gonna be rock and I'm

1:19:35

raging doing other shows around the

1:19:37

country where people will be listening

1:19:39

so tell us about your shows

1:19:41

true true I'll go first. I'll

1:19:44

put a number in my mouth.

1:19:46

I've got a show called Dog

1:19:48

Y. It's on right now at

1:19:50

the Melbourne Comedy Festival, but I'm

1:19:52

also going to go to Sydney

1:19:54

in I think the first weekend

1:19:56

of May and then end of

1:19:58

May I'll be at the Brisbane

1:20:00

Comedy Festival. Please, oh my God.

1:20:02

You've got a good... So when

1:20:05

I first saw that your poster

1:20:07

on the show was called Dog

1:20:09

Wat. My wife used to talk

1:20:11

in her sleep when we first

1:20:13

started going out and she used,

1:20:15

there was a phrase, I remember

1:20:17

one night she was asleep and

1:20:19

she kept saying dog what, dog

1:20:21

what, open over again. Dog what,

1:20:23

dog what, dog what? And so

1:20:25

the phrase dog what, and dog

1:20:28

why, and dog how, I constantly

1:20:30

used in my relationship, constantly for

1:20:32

years. So when I saw that,

1:20:34

I was like, have I told

1:20:36

Jordan about this fucking dog work

1:20:38

thing? And it's my story now.

1:20:40

That's so funny. Like you had

1:20:42

also decided to call your festival

1:20:44

show Dog White. Dog White. It's

1:20:46

just, and it doesn't, like, it

1:20:49

doesn't come out normally. Like it's

1:20:51

such a sleep talking thing to

1:20:53

say, because you're like, not quite

1:20:55

saying what you want to say.

1:20:57

Yeah, yeah. You're like, and you

1:20:59

see people like, because I sleep

1:21:01

talking, Kayla's like, you're always pissed

1:21:03

off. Oh God, always. And I'm

1:21:05

like, oh, just, don't worry about

1:21:07

dad, dad, dad, he's here, he's

1:21:10

here, he's here. Dog what? Dog

1:21:12

what? So funny. Yes. I'm here

1:21:14

in Melbourne. I'm also doing Brisbane,

1:21:16

Sydney, Newcastle and Tasmania, I believe.

1:21:18

My show is called Broken Records

1:21:20

and I would love it if

1:21:22

you'd come and watch that. Also.

1:21:24

I just filmed a comedy special

1:21:26

thing at Stupid Old Studios. Oh

1:21:28

it's so good. And it's up

1:21:30

on Grouse House YouTube. It's called

1:21:33

Bangers and you can watch that

1:21:35

as well for free. Oh my

1:21:37

God. For free. You believe it?

1:21:39

Yeah. Save yourself a few bucks.

1:21:41

Yes. Yes. Yes. Instead of buying

1:21:43

a book on Kindle, watch my

1:21:45

thing. Yeah, it's free. One thing

1:21:47

that's not phrasing, I'm also talking

1:21:49

to you Sean, me and Sammy

1:21:51

Peterson have one week left of

1:21:54

David Wannike dates to the entire

1:21:56

audience and if you listen to

1:21:58

this, I would love to date

1:22:00

you. So the second weirdest thing

1:22:02

I've said? No. Not even close,

1:22:04

buddy. And we're also doing one

1:22:06

show in Sydney, so we'd love

1:22:08

to see you there. Thank you

1:22:10

so much for joining us. Thank

1:22:12

you for having us. Oh, and

1:22:15

as I always say, Books Forever,

1:22:17

that's the sign-off. So thanks for

1:22:19

listening, and I've got to warn

1:22:21

people otherwise. It's so weird. But

1:22:23

thanks for joining us, and until

1:22:25

next time, also thank you so

1:22:27

much, and Books Forever! This

1:22:35

podcast is brought to you by

1:22:37

aura. By the time you hear

1:22:39

about a data breach, your information

1:22:42

has already been exposed for months.

1:22:44

On average, companies take 277 days

1:22:46

to report a breach. That's nine

1:22:48

months where hackers have access to

1:22:50

your personal data. That's why we're

1:22:52

thrilled to partner with aura. Ora

1:22:54

is an all-in-one digital safety solution

1:22:57

that monitors the dark web for

1:22:59

your phone number, email, and social

1:23:01

security number, sending real-time alerts if

1:23:03

your info is found. It also

1:23:05

includes a VPN, password manager, and

1:23:07

data broker removal to help keep

1:23:09

you safe. For a limited time,

1:23:11

aura is offering a 14-day free

1:23:14

trial plus a dark web scan

1:23:16

to check if your personal information

1:23:18

has been leaked, all for free

1:23:20

at aura.com/safety. That's aura.com/safety to sign

1:23:22

up and protect your loved ones.

1:23:24

That's A-U-R-A.com/safety. Terms apply, check the

1:23:26

site for details.