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the February 2024 Nelson Report.

4:00

So let's talk about sort of

4:02

what happened. Just you were in

4:04

New York, but you have family

4:07

here. Your community was the Palisades,

4:09

which is an area that was

4:11

severely affected. You want to talk

4:13

a little bit about that? Yeah,

4:15

I mean, as these things are,

4:18

it's like you remember the day

4:20

before. So many people that I

4:22

do business with are in Los

4:24

Angeles. It's the beginning of the

4:26

new year. Obviously, there's so many

4:29

phone calls where you're just, you

4:31

know, checking in. Here's the beginning

4:33

of the new year. Here's what's

4:35

happening. And it was all, you

4:37

know, invigorated and people were excited

4:39

to get back to work and

4:42

everything else. And then, I think

4:44

physically in person and then... obviously

4:46

word of mouth and then the

4:48

way that things came in through

4:50

the news it went from like

4:53

there's a little fire to there

4:55

is a fire raging and and

4:57

taking down everything in its path

4:59

and very quickly because of what

5:01

comes every single year which is

5:04

the Santa Ana winds and they

5:06

are very very fast winds that

5:08

pick up any little thing so

5:10

in this case it picked up

5:12

all the embers and took them

5:14

through a large, large, large amount

5:17

of space densely populated in, and

5:19

there were multiple fires, the fire

5:21

that was in the area that

5:23

I spent my high school years

5:25

and then, you know, yeah, I

5:28

remember sending just last week a

5:30

list of places in the palisades

5:32

which I wasn't familiar with it's

5:34

a little far from me but

5:36

actually we when we had done

5:39

the jingle ball I had stayed

5:41

with you at your family's house

5:43

in the palisades and we sort

5:45

of like ventured around but I'd

5:47

sent you a list of places

5:49

that I knew had gone within

5:52

I mean, I want to say

5:54

within 24 hours, and you were

5:56

like, wow, these are all the

5:58

places that I took my kids

6:00

to. This was my life when

6:03

I lived in Los Angeles and

6:05

this area is gone, right? Which

6:07

I had a very, very strange

6:09

relationship with because I, this is

6:11

so not about me and I

6:14

was far away and I was

6:16

getting this information and I was

6:18

very mindful and clear that the

6:20

only thing that mattered. in these

6:22

initial moments was life and those

6:24

who were in peril, getting people

6:27

out of the way, and containing

6:29

it, because it was so clear

6:31

how devastating it was and how

6:33

quickly it was taking things down.

6:35

And because so many of my

6:38

friends and loved ones are still

6:40

there, I then, again, not understanding,

6:42

because you also have to remember,

6:44

I can't tell you how many

6:46

times. I evacuated my house from

6:49

when I was 15, from when

6:51

I was, you know, 20. My

6:53

whole life, you've evacuated because you're

6:55

near the canyons and that's where

6:57

the fires come. And it just,

6:59

it was nothing unfamiliar, but what

7:02

was unfamiliar was then how quickly

7:04

I was being sent videos from

7:06

friends of completely. destroyed. Like everything

7:08

was flattened. There was not, there

7:10

wasn't anything. And one particular video

7:13

I got had, you couldn't tell

7:15

where you were, where it was

7:17

being taken from. And then all

7:19

of a sudden you see this

7:21

corner and I saw this small

7:24

white brick, like kind of pony

7:26

wall that wrapped around this corner.

7:28

Because again, I couldn't figure out

7:30

which street they were videoing. And

7:32

I was like, oh. I know

7:34

where I am. That's the white

7:37

brick pony wall that my kids

7:39

would stand on top of and

7:41

foot over foot. They would use

7:43

the way that kids do walk

7:45

the balance beam and we would

7:48

go to. Beach Street Pizza and

7:50

then we'd grab frozen yogurt at

7:52

the yogurt shop and yeah, everything

7:54

was gone. It was completely, completely

7:56

gone. I do not live in

7:59

the Palisades, but I think, you

8:01

know, we, like Jessica said, we've

8:03

had fires here before. I've never

8:05

had to evacuate. I've never had

8:07

an evacuation warning or anything. And

8:09

I think you always feel like,

8:12

okay, at some point, it's sort

8:14

of out of the way and

8:16

it's going to be contained and

8:18

it's, they're going to send out

8:20

these warnings, but they'll figure it,

8:23

it'll be figured out. And I

8:25

think that it happened so fast

8:27

and there was so much destruction

8:29

so quick. You're making me think

8:31

of talking to friends who on

8:33

the day, because it was happening

8:36

so fast, got the phone call

8:38

from a school in the palace,

8:40

saying, come pick up, you know,

8:42

you got to go, you got

8:44

to go, and the the deluge

8:47

of people in that state of

8:49

mind trying to get their children

8:51

and then oh you mean just

8:53

grab their children from picking their

8:55

children up to get them out

8:58

and then just just like the

9:00

orderliness of it or lack thereof.

9:02

And then I know many people

9:04

who once they got their kids

9:06

got onto sunset and there was

9:08

fire all around and they actually

9:11

had to make the decision to

9:13

pull their car over and get

9:15

out of the car and there

9:17

were people running in the streets

9:19

and they were running down towards

9:22

the water and then to pc

9:24

and then back up to their

9:26

homes if they were not in

9:28

the evacuation zone. I mean, it

9:30

just, listen. these kinds of situations

9:33

are just horrific. They're your worst

9:35

nightmare and not being there and

9:37

hearing about it, but knowing so

9:39

specifically the places that this was

9:41

all happening. Yeah. Yeah. And it

9:43

was, it's, and again, like I

9:46

said, not about me, not about

9:48

me or my feelings about it

9:50

at all. All I cared about

9:52

was how is this being contained.

9:54

How are people safe? And what

9:57

are they going to do now?

9:59

And it seems like that's what

10:01

people are focusing on right now

10:03

is like, what are the next

10:05

best steps? Because the entirety of

10:08

it is insane. And then you

10:10

saw what was happening on social

10:12

media and people were posting things

10:14

and it just, you know. I

10:16

also feel like what people that

10:18

don't live here maybe don't know

10:21

is that it wasn't just one

10:23

fire too. What was happening was

10:25

fires were picking up over in

10:27

Pasadena which is really far from

10:29

the Palisades and then the eaten.

10:32

I mean it was so many

10:34

different fires everywhere and it traveled

10:36

so fast in those winds that

10:38

it was not a lot of

10:40

time before we saw it. the

10:43

smoke up on the hills I

10:45

could see the flames and then

10:47

we all got the notices and

10:49

we had to go and in

10:51

that situation also I realize I'm

10:53

absolutely fucking terrible in an emergency

10:56

first off I'm not someone that

10:58

wants to leave I don't want

11:00

to leave I was but I

11:02

was happy to be home because

11:04

you would need me in this

11:07

situation I need you let's go

11:09

we are leaving no that's what

11:11

Matt was like we got the

11:13

notice and he was like we're

11:15

gone we're going right now Also,

11:18

growing up in LA, maybe it

11:20

just got ingrained. Not growing up,

11:22

I grew up everywhere, but having

11:24

gone to high school in Los

11:26

Angeles, it was ingrained in me.

11:28

Like, I knew where you always

11:31

had a duffel bag that was

11:33

the earthquakes and fires. You just

11:35

were ready to go. Here's a

11:37

thing though. I did think about

11:39

this. Earthquakes, yes. But in an

11:42

earthquake situation, we have like a

11:44

closet full of stuff, but I

11:46

don't have anything in my car.

11:48

I did not have a bag

11:50

packed. I packed somewhat of a

11:53

bag very very fast. I grabbed

11:55

shit that didn't matter. I grabbed

11:57

a fucking curling iron, no deodorant,

11:59

no bra, but I don't know

12:01

why. It's like a salon where

12:03

I'm going. I don't know why.

12:06

I don't know why. I don't

12:08

know why. I don't know. And

12:10

now. I don't feel out of

12:12

it is the truth because we

12:14

have the warning still. I'm taking

12:17

my dogs everywhere with me because

12:19

people got the evacuation. If you

12:21

get a mandatory evacuation, we're in

12:23

a warning right now, you can't

12:25

get back into your house. If

12:27

your pets are there, they won't

12:30

let you go into your home.

12:32

It's too dangerous. So the dogs

12:34

are with me everywhere. I mean,

12:36

I have like five dogs on

12:38

my lap drive. static deep admiration

12:41

for firefighters. Oh my God. But

12:43

in these situations, they are superheroes

12:45

to me. They are superheroes and

12:47

and and it's all been documented.

12:49

My feeling that they are superheroes

12:52

is absolutely true. I've seen it

12:54

on film. I've seen it instills.

12:56

I mean what these women and

12:58

men are doing to help save

13:00

people from these fires is Absolutely

13:02

Herculean. It is super hero shit.

13:05

And I mean, I just, honestly,

13:07

it makes me, it makes me

13:09

feel really emotional. No, I made

13:11

me, it is amazing. And also

13:13

I have to shout out Canada

13:16

and Mexico. Sent help. I saw

13:18

the, I could see from our,

13:20

uh, from upstairs from our bedroom

13:22

I could see the Canadian super

13:24

scoopers which I had never heard

13:27

of before and there are these

13:29

huge planes that were going in

13:31

scooping water from Santa Monica and

13:33

the ocean and bringing it back

13:35

to the valley and it felt

13:37

like it felt like miracle had

13:40

arrived like it just and and

13:42

and it's not over yeah it's

13:44

still happening they're still fighting What

13:46

needs to be bought we still

13:48

have wins. Well, we have lots

13:51

of resources that we're lucky to

13:53

pull together Yes, please go to

13:55

our call it what it is

13:57

Instagram. We are going to be

13:59

putting links to Many different regulations.

14:02

Yeah different resources that are helping

14:04

with all the different things that

14:06

people need to be helped with

14:08

right now. And so please go

14:10

check it out. Yeah. And anything,

14:12

any little amount can can help

14:15

go a long way at this

14:17

point. Yeah. And I also, I

14:19

mean, personally, just to throw this

14:21

out there, I have multiple friends

14:23

who have personal. friends that have

14:26

forwarded me their go fund me

14:28

pages. I think that when you

14:30

actually know a person that knows

14:32

the person, it gives me great

14:34

comfort to know that it's going

14:37

to be getting to the right

14:39

place. And I think that there's

14:41

just there's no too small amount.

14:43

It's really just about all coming

14:45

together and giving whatever it is

14:47

that you can. And I have

14:50

to say that's about Los Angeles.

14:52

I've always felt like the city

14:54

was super magical. And I did

14:56

not grow up here and I

14:58

felt like very welcomed by the

15:01

city and the community across the

15:03

entire city has come together. There's

15:05

so much, I know it sounds

15:07

so like cheesy blah blah, but

15:09

it feels there's so much love

15:12

happening right now in Los Angeles

15:14

that, I don't know, I just

15:16

had to say that because I'm

15:18

proud of the city. Yeah. Wasn't

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Empathy. our our best policy. All

18:03

right with that being said yes

18:06

I we've done an episode where

18:08

we were just I mean lots

18:10

of stuff comes up about parenting

18:12

and we were talking and I

18:14

was kind of like Okay,

18:17

we can talk about how our kids

18:19

drive us nuts or the thing yeah,

18:21

the kids you know do Which we've

18:23

done we've done a lot of yeah,

18:26

we've done yeah, yeah, yeah, we've been

18:28

very I've brought my full authentic self

18:30

to those conversations Yeah, I probably there's

18:32

probably some I probably shouldn't have said

18:35

but I've said it and it's okay.

18:37

It's okay. And it just made me

18:39

wonder Hmm Is it possible? I know.

18:42

Is that the first mmm of 2025?

18:44

This is the first. Oh my God.

18:46

I wonder, guys, we're back. What? Wonder,

18:48

I wonder what our kids would say.

18:51

Mm-hmm. Drives them nuts about us. Because

18:53

I can hear it. And if I

18:55

can, if I can, if I can,

18:57

if I can, if I can, giving

19:00

you life to there. Yeah, because listen,

19:02

I think parents can drive kids crazy

19:04

too. We see it all the time.

19:06

And I've been honest, there's also some

19:09

parents that can drive me crazy when

19:11

I watch them parenting their kids. And

19:13

if you know, and stop it. But

19:16

if you listen to this pod, you

19:18

know that Martin Ludington still drives me

19:20

crazy. And I. I sometimes do that

19:22

awful thing where you'll be in a

19:25

restaurant and they'll be like an infant

19:27

and it'll be crying and crying and

19:29

crying and crying and part of me

19:31

really just wants to be like just

19:34

give me the baby just give me

19:36

the baby yeah I'm gonna help you

19:38

out here or I kind of want

19:40

to say like the baby's hungry just

19:43

give the baby yeah I would love

19:45

to see that happen Jeff I would

19:47

start recording that. You know what? Go

19:50

do that. Can you imagine? I don't

19:52

know what response I would get. No,

19:54

I remind you of your advice back

19:56

in one of our early episodes. I

19:59

don't know why. We're like, we're like,

20:01

how do you meet people? And you're

20:03

like, go to the movie theater and

20:05

strike up a conversation. Like, why don't

20:08

you do that, Jess? Yeah. So you

20:10

think it's not a good idea to

20:12

take someone's baby and feed them without

20:14

asking. Just go feed them. Yeah, your

20:17

baby's hungry or your baby's tired. Your

20:19

baby's tired. Yeah, you should definitely vocally

20:21

give advice like that. Okay, but here's

20:24

the thing. Parents drive kids crazy, right?

20:26

They're constantly nagging or they're telling you

20:28

what to do or maybe they're not

20:30

listening to the kids opinions. Maybe they're

20:33

comparing their kids to other kids or

20:35

they're being over protective. I get that

20:37

one or not respecting their privacy. Not

20:39

growing with them into their next maturity

20:42

level and letting them kind of like

20:44

bigger up right or giving unsolicited advice

20:46

and as we know this can carry

20:49

on into your 40s I've spoken about

20:51

the suggestion box and when it's been

20:53

open and not open to my parents

20:55

Being overly controlling or um Feeling to

20:58

see their kids for who they are

21:00

or wanting them to be different and

21:02

so I you know I'm sort of

21:04

curious Yeah, about about you know, the

21:07

kids. How do the kids feel? How

21:09

do the kids feel about the parents?

21:11

I have recently I think I don't

21:13

know if it's Dr. Becky. There's somebody

21:16

that I have Dr. Becky I mean

21:18

we got a lot of Lisa Pressman.

21:20

We need to have all the parents

21:23

I want them to so much. I

21:25

did ask the kids I have um

21:27

feeling to see their kids for who

21:29

they are or wanting them to be

21:32

different and so I you know I'm

21:34

sort of curious yeah about about you

21:36

know the kids how do the kids

21:38

feel how the kids feel about the

21:41

parents? I have recently, I think, I

21:43

don't know if it's Dr. Becky, there's

21:45

somebody that I have Dr. Becky, I

21:47

mean, what we, I love Eliza Pressman.

21:50

We need to have all the parents.

21:52

I want them to, so much. I

21:54

did ask the kids, I've asked them

21:57

a couple times now, and I felt

21:59

like I was doing such a good

22:01

parenting job, and I was like, you

22:03

guys. Yeah, you are, you are, whatever

22:06

it was, you are. Well, yeah, you

22:08

know, you know, I was like, I

22:10

was like, I was like, I was

22:12

like, you know, you know, you know,

22:15

you know, you know, you know, you

22:17

know, you know, I was like, you

22:19

know, you know, you know, you know,

22:21

you know, you know, you know, you

22:24

know, you know, you know, I was

22:26

like, you know, you know, you know,

22:28

you know, you know, you know, you

22:31

know, you know, Why don't you just

22:33

let us know? Oh, you said this

22:35

to your kids. Yeah, I was like,

22:37

let us know how we can improve.

22:40

And it was like such a bullshitty

22:42

response. I'm asking like four and seven

22:44

year olds. I feel like Hayden probably

22:46

had like a list ready to go

22:49

and Lucas was kind of like, what?

22:51

It was all bullshit. It was all

22:53

like, let us stay up later. Yeah,

22:55

yeah, I want candy for bread. I

22:58

was just kidding, I take it back.

23:00

Don't want your feedback. Okay, was there

23:02

anything that your parents did that drove

23:05

you crazy when you were kidding me?

23:07

Are you Joe? A million things. Again,

23:09

Martin Lettington, I forgot. The luds. The

23:11

luds, I mean, you know, tweech their

23:14

own. I mean, it's much easier. My

23:16

mom have four kids, you have four

23:18

kids, I would have lost my mind.

23:20

And my parents regularly, uh, lost her

23:23

shit. You know, like it was, you

23:25

know, we were annoying. And we had

23:27

a small, we were in close quarters

23:30

with them. And I think one of

23:32

the most annoying things, though, is my

23:34

dad, Mart Lutz, he does tend to

23:36

think that he is an expert, and

23:39

he's always been this way, on everything,

23:41

that he's had, like, it doesn't matter

23:43

what job, like, coding. Do you know

23:45

what I mean? Like he would know

23:48

how to code. He has no, he

23:50

can't even know if he knows how

23:52

to turn on a laptop at this

23:54

point. But if I got into coding,

23:57

he... would know the better way to

23:59

code. And he's been like that since

24:01

I was little. So even when I

24:04

was like little taking acting classes. He

24:06

was doing scene study with you? I'm

24:08

not kidding. Yes, he would. I would

24:10

like do a little like monologue or

24:13

whatever. And I'm young, like 12. And

24:15

he's like, come along, let me just

24:17

have a go of this. And

24:21

you think I'm lying you think

24:23

I'm just like making this a

24:25

good story. Yeah, and his what

24:27

he always tells me he's taking

24:29

on a character and little women

24:31

Yeah, he's like Joe March handed

24:33

over He tells me that he

24:35

was in one fucking way back

24:38

in high school and it was

24:40

like some shit experience thing and

24:42

that was his moment and I

24:44

don't know and so he knows

24:46

better And so the advice, the

24:48

advice part of the know it

24:50

all advice part was really irritating.

24:52

What about you growing up? Like

24:54

what was the thing? Same theme.

24:56

It's the same thing. It's the

24:58

unsolicited advice. Yeah. It's the lecturing.

25:00

Like even when they're so well

25:02

meaning and mine all are, you

25:04

know, like even when they really

25:06

are just doing it for your

25:09

benefit, it still feels like a

25:11

lecture when you're a teenager. And

25:13

then I think. Because this is

25:15

just sort of how it goes.

25:17

They, as you start to gain

25:19

independence, I feel like I do

25:21

this in my own parenting. You

25:23

like see this window closing and

25:25

you're like, oh my God, I

25:27

need to download all this important

25:29

information. Otherwise my child is going

25:31

to perish in the world. And

25:33

so I need to like get

25:35

it all in. Even though I've

25:38

been putting it in for the

25:40

path. Yes. Whatever, however many years,

25:42

but I need to really really

25:44

cram it in now. And I

25:46

feel like that last horizon is

25:48

usually like sex and alcohol or

25:50

drugs and or drugs, right? Okay.

25:52

So let me ask you this

25:54

question. If If you have a

25:56

conversation with your kids about sex,

25:58

do they want to die a

26:00

little bit inside? I mean, I'm

26:02

assuming they probably do. Okay, if

26:04

we had Luke and Eve, those

26:06

are her two oldest kiddos, if

26:09

we had them on the show

26:11

right now and we said, what

26:13

is the thing that mom does

26:15

that annoys you the most, what

26:17

do you think their answers would

26:19

be? It's actually not the open

26:21

conversations about the sex or alcohol.

26:23

I like, well, maybe I'm totally

26:25

wrong, but I always kind of

26:27

think that I come in low-pro,

26:29

like not too smooth, not like,

26:31

guys, I got this, but like,

26:33

I feel like, I do think

26:35

you have it. Yeah, you were,

26:38

by the way, remember, when you

26:40

were in the car and yeah,

26:42

you guys had a great. We

26:44

were having a conversation and I,

26:46

I think I'm pretty good. I

26:48

deeply believe in the repair and

26:50

the reset and the re-set and

26:52

the re- or getting a redo.

26:54

Like I might have totally shit

26:56

the bed on that one. Let's

26:58

take it back. So yeah, I

27:00

feel like I have an open

27:02

suggestion box for them. Doesn't mean

27:04

I'm always going to, you know,

27:06

the regularity with which I read

27:09

the suggestions. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's

27:11

open, but it's dusty. But yeah,

27:13

I don't know. Yeah, but I

27:15

think that a... I think the

27:17

things that started becoming, because I

27:19

said this before and you really

27:21

didn't like it, but little kids,

27:23

little problems, big kids, big problems,

27:25

right? I don't like it. I

27:27

know, but I'm just saying, like,

27:29

little kids, you're there at the

27:31

park with them saying, like, don't

27:33

go down the slide right behind

27:35

someone so that you don't have

27:37

a pile up or you hurt

27:40

each other, and that would really

27:42

just be like an ouch. But

27:44

then when they get big, you're

27:46

talking about. you know, you're talking

27:48

about sex, you're talking about alcohol,

27:50

you're talking about drugs. One of

27:52

my biggest and the things that

27:54

my girlfriends and I talk about

27:56

that I think is so hard

27:58

is... the two things can be

28:00

true. I can say to you,

28:02

I don't think you should do

28:04

X, Y, and Z. I don't

28:06

want you to do X, Y,

28:09

and Z. If you do X,

28:11

Y, and Z, please know that

28:13

I'm here to talk to you

28:15

about it or help you or

28:17

pick you up or all that.

28:19

Like, it's a very mixed message,

28:21

I think, when they get older.

28:23

And it's not just an ouch

28:25

on a slide. No, I know.

28:27

Big out. I mean, you're talking,

28:29

you talked about like, even Luke

28:31

driving. Yeah. I mean, now you're

28:33

dealing, I get it. Like, I

28:35

understand why big problems, right? I

28:37

don't like it. I don't want

28:40

to hear it. Nope. But driving

28:42

a car? Yeah, that's, that's some

28:44

serious stuff, obviously. Yeah. I have

28:46

to say my parents were really

28:48

good. They're really good at not

28:50

hitting siblings against each other. We

28:52

never had that. No, but I

28:54

think, I don't know if it

28:56

was Dr. Becky or someone recently.

28:58

And they were talking about sibling

29:00

rivalry. It's not even what the

29:02

parents do to the kids. I

29:04

mean, I'm sure there are kids

29:06

where parents might not handle it

29:09

in the most sophisticated way. But

29:11

even in a family, if like,

29:13

let's say the parents are really

29:15

even, like very even distribution of

29:17

praise, love, all the things. The

29:19

kids are still looking at. their

29:21

siblings like who's got the stronger

29:23

connection there's rivalry yeah yeah they're

29:25

like who's in pole position right

29:27

now like it's funny though because

29:29

I don't I never felt that

29:31

did you feel that growing I

29:33

did not feel that growing up

29:35

probably because I felt the best

29:37

I was gonna say that's probably

29:40

because I felt number one baby

29:42

felt like we were doing well

29:44

yeah I was very goal oriented

29:46

and I didn't like getting in

29:48

trouble So I pretty like getting

29:50

a side struggle either. That as

29:52

much as I could. I was

29:54

not, no, I did not like

29:56

getting in trouble. I also think.

29:58

in the disciplining very early on.

30:00

I mean, what nerd buckets we

30:02

were, but I truly think Luke

30:04

was six months old when Christopher

30:06

and I took a parenting class.

30:08

Wow. And it was with the

30:11

most amazing woman, Mary Hartzell, who

30:13

wrote this incredible book, and then

30:15

she wrote another book with this

30:17

incredible doctor, Dr. Dan Siegel. I

30:19

remember the very most important first.

30:21

class lynchpin moment and it was

30:23

up on the chalkboard or dry

30:25

erase board whatever it was and

30:27

it was the definition of discipline

30:29

and It is to teach and

30:31

I remember that staying with me

30:33

because I Think as a kid.

30:35

I really thought discipline was Like

30:37

consequences. Yeah, good old-fashioned spanking and

30:40

just being like I'm afraid Anyway,

30:42

so I did always think about

30:44

that as sort of a launching

30:46

pad and to discipline with the

30:48

kids, where I'm like, okay, if

30:50

someone, if one of the kids

30:52

has done something really, naughty or

30:54

terrible or has some big fallout

30:56

or whatever, like, what do they

30:58

need to learn to not do

31:00

it again? Right? Like, what's the

31:02

teaching? What's the teaching piece? And

31:04

each kid is different. And because

31:06

each kid learns differently. So I

31:08

mean, yeah. I think, you know

31:11

what I love, this is off

31:13

subject a little bit, but I'm

31:15

just like, this is what I

31:17

love about us being friends, because

31:19

we're so similar in so many

31:21

ways and we're so different. You

31:23

took a parenting class at nine

31:25

months old? Six. Six, sorry, six.

31:27

That would have been, way too

31:29

late at nine. You would have

31:31

missed the window. I didn't read

31:33

a single book. I got all

31:35

the books sent to me, right?

31:37

Like what to expect. didn't give

31:39

a shit. I was like, I'll

31:42

expect whatever it is it comes.

31:44

Yeah, I didn't think it's single

31:46

Lamar's class. I didn't know. I

31:48

just figured I'll get it. the

31:50

room and people have been doing

31:52

this forever and I'll figure out

31:54

the breathing and I'll just push.

31:56

Now really I was starting to

31:58

really understand our trips together when

32:00

we land in a new city.

32:02

How so? Well when we land

32:04

in a new city and yeah

32:06

and I say what would you

32:08

like to do and you're like

32:11

I'm just like the window blow

32:13

us in the right direction. Yeah

32:15

or you'll carry me I'll just

32:17

jump on your back and you'll

32:19

walk and I You should carry

32:21

me wherever I need to go.

32:23

Yes, but I need a you.

32:25

That's why I need a you,

32:27

because I would end up, you

32:29

know, on the wrong part of

32:31

town. Well, and I need a

32:33

willing participant, which is going to

32:35

listen to me tell them that

32:37

they're going to have Thai food

32:39

for dinner tonight. Yeah, I'm like,

32:42

sounds good. That's great. I'm allergic

32:44

to that, but I'm fine. Wasn't

35:25

that delicious? So good. good.

35:28

Your ladies? ladies? it. it.

35:30

No, I it. it. Seriously, I

35:32

I I insist first. Oh, Oh, don't

35:34

be silly. You don't silly. don't be silly.

35:36

with the Wells Fargo Active Cash Fargo

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unlimited 2 % cash to on purchases. they

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wellsfargo.com slash cash credit apply.

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Visit. Thank

35:57

for joining Was

35:59

there anything that your

36:01

parents did that you

36:03

actually loved that you now might

36:06

do with your kids? I loved

36:08

so many things. I think the

36:10

main thing that I really loved

36:12

is they truly made me feel,

36:15

made all of us feel like

36:17

we could do anything. Yes, mine

36:19

too. Like anything, which is

36:21

why I came here with zero

36:23

money and was like... It

38:29

won't end up being okay. Like I,

38:31

if I get stuck in the mountain,

38:33

I'm getting down. I don't know how.

38:36

Maybe on my butt. It may be.

38:38

Yeah. You know, I don't know, but

38:40

I'm gonna, I'm gonna do it. I'm

38:42

gonna make it happen. It's funny you

38:44

see this because this is off subject

38:47

to you, but I recently read about

38:49

and well, let's do an episode on

38:51

this because I find it's so interesting.

38:53

I think part of that for me,

38:56

that feeling for me, faith in like

38:58

the universe figuring it out, which some

39:00

people will think it's very woo-w, but

39:02

that's how I feel. And I read

39:04

about this lady and she was called

39:07

the competition queen, I want to say.

39:09

And it was basically this woman that

39:11

came up with this formula of entering

39:13

competitions and winning it. And it was

39:16

through visualizing, really believing in what was

39:18

going to happen. And she won everything

39:20

she like entered, including a house. And

39:22

she wrote a book. And it's the

39:24

same as sort of the secret that,

39:27

you know, we all heard about back

39:29

in, you know, the 2000s. But I

39:31

think that you can manifest stuff for

39:33

yourself. Now we're off subject. We need

39:36

to do a whole manifesting episode. Yeah.

39:38

And what that even means, because there's

39:40

a way to do it. Yeah, no,

39:42

she has a specific way of doing

39:44

it. It's very interesting. Okay, so we

39:47

threw it out to the crew. We

39:49

threw it out to the crew. When

39:51

I think about the times that I

39:53

have made mistakes with my kids, like

39:56

I've actually named a couple of them

39:58

on the show at different episodes, but

40:00

when I've just got... gotten it wrong,

40:02

right? I've yelled at the wrong kid

40:04

or I've been in my own personal

40:07

crisis and taken it out on someone

40:09

or my patience just wasn't where I

40:11

wanted it to be. I have set

40:13

up before and I'll say it again,

40:16

I'm a huge fan of the redo.

40:18

It's not even the reset. It's a

40:20

redo. You know what? I really got

40:22

that wrong. I yelled at you or

40:24

I blamed you or I wasn't I

40:27

wasn't even listening to you and I

40:29

got it wrong and I think that

40:31

people often do get it wrong because

40:33

that's life and then they think that's

40:36

it right as parents like I completely

40:38

fucked up my kid. That moment of

40:40

me yelling is going to live in

40:42

perpetuity in their mind and it's going

40:44

to shame them and they're going to

40:47

have issues around whatever that issue was

40:49

for the rest of their life and

40:51

I think that's Crap. I think that's

40:53

total bullshit. I think you can go

40:56

back and it's hard because it's not

40:58

fun to Have a reckoning with your

41:00

own wrongness, but I think you really

41:02

can go back and be like I

41:04

messed it up and if I could

41:07

do it over again I would have

41:09

asked this I would have said this

41:11

and and have that moment because I

41:13

do think that that's the key to

41:16

you know fostering

41:18

and developing young people who can

41:20

communicate efficiently and talk. I had

41:22

this moment actually about three days

41:24

ago, we had evacuated, we were

41:26

out, and my kids have been

41:28

stuck, you know, we only had

41:30

one day of school here in

41:32

Los Angeles and everything shut down.

41:34

So my kids have been together

41:36

nonstop, right? And at this point,

41:38

they want to kill each other.

41:40

There's no doubt, right? They're arguing

41:42

over everything. We were in the

41:44

car. driving and I was exhausted

41:46

and all the things and they

41:49

were arguing they'd found this little

41:51

squishy toy that had like dog

41:53

hair on it at the bottom

41:55

of their seat in the car

41:57

and they decided that that was

41:59

the most important thing. they'd ever

42:01

seen in their lives, and it

42:03

definitely belonged to them, right? And

42:05

so this argument ensued, and they've

42:07

been arguing over every single toy,

42:09

that's my, no, that's your, you

42:11

gave it to me, you promised

42:13

me that, and I just lost

42:15

it. Like, I flon yelled, and

42:17

I couldn't stop. There was not

42:19

the decibel, was that like explosive,

42:21

right? I was like, like, just.

42:23

And it lasted, the yelling lasted.

42:25

a good three full minutes like

42:27

I couldn't stop and they were

42:29

stunned and I was like then

42:31

that's what you get kind of

42:33

thing you know not that I

42:35

was but that was the vibe

42:37

and I came I came back

42:39

to where we were staying and

42:41

I said to Matt like I

42:44

feel so guilty because they're in,

42:46

it's like a pressure cooker here

42:48

and it's just, of course these

42:50

arguments are going to happen. We're

42:52

all tired, we're all, we've been

42:54

on top of each other. And

42:56

so I bought the kids back

42:58

in and into the room and

43:00

I said, you know, I'm really

43:02

sorry, I'm really sorry I did

43:04

that. And I had, I had

43:06

a redo and I think it

43:08

looks to me, she's so cute,

43:10

just like mom, I get it.

43:12

Yeah, a little seven-year-old. Just like

43:14

again. But they do. And hopefully,

43:16

given that you are her, you

43:18

know, truest north and her role

43:20

model, and I know how much

43:22

she loves you, you gave her

43:24

permission in a future moment that

43:26

she doesn't even know yet, to

43:28

know that saying that you were

43:30

wrong is the right thing to

43:32

do. Yeah. And to just revisit

43:34

it, and I think that it's

43:36

really, people don't say they're wrong.

43:39

People have a really hard time

43:41

with saying that they're wrong, that

43:43

they got it wrong, or that

43:45

they need help. It's hard. I

43:47

actually, it is hard. I, in

43:49

my 20s, I really had a

43:51

hard time saying I was wrong.

43:53

For sure. I have learned that

43:55

it's such a release honestly to

43:57

admit fault. I think that it

43:59

like really takes the pressure off

44:01

to be able to say like

44:03

own the sores. Feels good. It

44:05

really feels good to be like,

44:07

I'm sorry, I don't know why

44:09

I said that. As opposed to

44:11

like standing your ground in it.

44:13

when you're when you've reached the

44:15

point of like you're starting to

44:17

question you know back in the

44:19

day when I was like arguing

44:21

of the boyfriend it didn't whatever

44:23

that was that I had said

44:25

I was like now you've got

44:27

a stick you know you've got

44:29

a yeah oh it's the hill

44:31

you'll die on you're not abandoning

44:33

your that's what I'm saying you're

44:36

not abandoning no no no no

44:38

even when they've shown you the

44:40

actual proof that you're like that

44:42

no you're like that no no

44:44

and I love debate I love

44:46

debate I love debate I love

44:48

debate I'll Yes, find another one.

44:50

Yes, let's go another one. Okay,

44:52

all right. So now back to

44:54

where our crew let us know

44:56

what really going to noise them

44:58

about your parents. We asked the

45:00

tweens, the teens, and the adolescents

45:02

of the call it crew. And

45:04

here is what they had to

45:06

say. Clara said, my parents annoy

45:08

me so much when they'd either

45:10

tell me that I'm out too

45:12

much or when I stay home,

45:14

that I stay in too much.

45:16

So what exactly am I supposed

45:18

to do here? Oh, Clara,

45:21

I need more specifics. Yeah. Where are

45:23

you going? And then what are you

45:25

doing when you're home? Because if you're

45:28

like, fucking off and like playing video

45:30

games and like, you know, acting

45:32

like a general sloth when you're home,

45:34

then they're, they might be right to

45:37

get you. I love a sloth,

45:39

though. I know you do. You're much

45:41

more slothy than me. I'm way more

45:43

slothy. Okay. I never heard the

45:45

term couch rot. Oh my God, okay,

45:48

tell me what Kyla said. Kyl said,

45:50

my mother will ask me what

45:52

I'm doing and I will say, I'm

45:54

sitting down relaxing and she will apply.

45:57

Well, I was just going to

45:59

do funny years. Poor woman must have

46:01

sore legs and feet. I gotta say,

46:03

this was my dad. My dad is

46:06

someone that if I was sitting on

46:08

the couch, I would feel very guilty.

46:10

He would vacuum right by my feet

46:13

around the toes, you know, just to

46:15

make sure I knew that he was

46:17

up and doing something that I could

46:20

have also been doing. That's why I

46:22

love, that's why when I have my

46:24

own place, now I love it. I

46:27

can sit on the couch. No one's

46:29

gonna vacuum my toes. I know my

46:31

family was very much that way too.

46:34

It was like, I remember there was,

46:36

at one point it was like if

46:38

you're, if you're, if you're, if you're

46:41

leaning, you should be cleaning. If you're,

46:43

don't be leaning. If you've got time

46:45

to lean, you've got time to clean.

46:48

Oh my God. I just want to

46:50

lean. Laura says, whenever my parents get

46:52

upset about small things in restaurants, like

46:55

not enough ketchup or something similar, hmm,

46:57

they call the waiter and complain and

46:59

argue. I know they're right because they

47:02

paid for the dish, but I feel

47:04

ashamed when they argue in front of

47:06

everyone because I would have let it

47:09

go. And in those moments, I want

47:11

the earth to swallow me up. I'm

47:13

with you, Laura. I'm with you and

47:16

I have this parent. My dad is

47:18

a, oh yeah. He's a ketchup complainer.

47:20

Big time. In fact, he'll look and

47:23

it's this is a real story He

47:25

came to the restaurant that I was

47:27

waiting tables at and I waited on

47:30

him and he complained to my manager

47:32

about me That's a true story. Well,

47:34

that's real. M. Lud. Oh, yeah, he's

47:37

he's and it is embarrassing. It's definitely

47:39

embarrassing and they need to chill out

47:41

Do you know we're not even at

47:44

a fancy restaurant? You know what I

47:46

mean like? Yeah, also I really do

47:48

believe that people who complain at restaurants

47:51

never worked in restaurants. It's why I

47:53

feel that all my kids need to

47:55

be in food service at some point

47:58

because it teaches you how to treat...

48:00

people who are there to be of

48:02

service. And by the way, this isn't

48:05

to say that I haven't had shitty

48:07

waiters or waitresses I have. And I have.

48:09

You know, I mean, whatever. I think

48:11

that there's ways you can get

48:13

back. It's not about like, it's

48:15

not about, you know, your food's

48:17

cold and you gotta send it

48:19

back. It's just, there's, my dad

48:22

does it in a way where

48:24

he feels, as soon as he

48:26

sits down in that seat, he

48:28

could be at Chuck E. Cheese

48:30

and he feels entitled, right? Like

48:32

the world is serving him. Yeah. Oh,

48:34

Mart. Okay, Destiny said, being overbearing, I'm

48:36

22 and haven't lived with my mom

48:39

since I was 19. We're trying to

48:41

have a relationship again because I just

48:43

want a mom and she just is

48:45

so narcissistic and overbearing. I don't know

48:48

how to have a normal relationship with

48:50

her when she can't see her own

48:52

faults. It's hard. This is the like the

48:55

sorry part really, right? Like, well, I mean,

48:57

I don't know if we're ready to go

48:59

into this, but I'm really desperate to. have

49:01

a guest whose name is Mel

49:03

Robbins talk about her let them

49:06

theory. What's the let them theory?

49:08

Well I really want to have

49:10

her on to describe but I

49:12

will just say in this instance

49:14

I would say that I

49:16

mean everybody wants to have a

49:19

mom but if your mom

49:21

is narcissistic and overbearing

49:23

and can't get out of her

49:25

own way you kind of just got

49:27

a letter. And then it's up to

49:30

you what kind of relationship you want

49:32

to have with. Like if she's been,

49:34

oh, if she's being her, right, if

49:36

that's truly who she is, then you're

49:38

likely not going to change her. So

49:41

the let them is almost like the letting

49:43

go of trying to change them in a

49:45

way? It's hard, yeah. It's a two-step process,

49:47

which is that there is, because you could

49:49

just become a doormat if you really just

49:52

let everyone do everything, right? It's a let

49:54

them be who they're gonna be, right? The

49:56

friend that's always late, the friend that doesn't

49:58

show up for you, the. parent that behaves

50:00

in such a way, it's to let

50:03

them, let them be who they are,

50:05

but then it's let me figure out

50:07

whether or not I want to participate

50:09

in it or what boundary I want

50:11

to put up and be like, I

50:13

don't want to, like, when you make

50:15

everything about you or when you're telling

50:18

me everything that's wrong with me and

50:20

what I should do, I have a

50:22

choice. I don't have to be with

50:24

you. And the chances of me changing

50:26

you are pretty small. given human behavior.

50:28

So I just think that I've been

50:30

thinking about it a lot and it

50:33

really does seem to kind of like

50:35

permeate every circumstance between being like annoyed

50:37

in the checkout line by the person

50:39

who's, you know, putting their groceries on

50:41

the belt at a glacial pace. Yeah.

50:43

If you just like interrupt the cycle

50:45

and you're like, let them, I'm just

50:48

gonna take a breath. I'm gonna. pick

50:50

up my phone and maybe do something

50:52

I wasn't going to do before but

50:54

like okay I'm not going to control

50:56

this when I'm going to huff and

50:58

puff behind them like I'm gonna like

51:00

what are you going to do there's

51:03

certain things you just got to let

51:05

go okay we need her on yes

51:07

I do oh please we need a

51:09

deep dive please smell robins my robins

51:11

are next Wasn't

53:21

that delicious? So good. good.

53:23

Your ladies? ladies? it. it.

53:25

No, I it. it. Seriously, I

53:28

I I insist first. Oh, Oh, don't

53:30

be silly. You don't silly. don't be silly.

53:32

with the Wells Fargo Active Cash Fargo

53:34

prefer to pay because they earn

53:36

unlimited 2 % cash to on purchases. they

53:39

earn rock, paper, scissors cash back

53:41

on paper, scissors, OK, rock paper

53:43

scissors for The Wells

53:45

Fargo Active shoot. No! The Visit

53:47

wellsfargo.com slash cash credit apply.

53:50

Visit. Okay,

54:25

so Petra wrote in and said,

54:27

my parents changed the Netflix password

54:29

when they're mad at my siblings

54:31

and I'm high. It's immature and

54:33

silly and I'm with them. That's

54:35

quite funny. That's quite good actually.

54:38

I think that's a great idea.

54:40

I'm not sure. It's funny. That

54:42

is so annoying. It is immature

54:44

and silly and I kind of

54:46

support it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh,

54:48

I'm doing it. I'm doing it.

54:50

I'm doing it. I'm doing it.

54:53

Okay, go. Lauren said, whenever we

54:55

go on holiday as a family,

54:57

my parents suddenly lose all sense

54:59

of direction and common sense. How

55:01

we ever got anywhere when we

55:03

were younger is a mystery. That's

55:06

really funny and so annoying. I

55:08

think. that then they just they

55:10

need you to become the team

55:12

leader. They're just they need you

55:14

to get out your phone like

55:16

like I do when we go.

55:18

Google Maps it. I know. I

55:21

know. That's very funny. Lauren I'm

55:23

sorry I'm sorry. Lauren I'm sorry

55:25

but yeah that is funny okay.

55:27

Ellie says when they act like

55:29

they didn't do anything wrong when

55:31

they were younger or when they

55:34

act like they didn't do much

55:36

worse things than we're doing. I

55:38

know my parents misbehbehaved as teens.

55:40

They were not perfect. That's true.

55:42

They weren't perfect. No one was.

55:44

No, no. No, no. Some stupid

55:46

shit. And I hope all I

55:49

can do, honestly, is really just

55:51

pray that my kids don't do

55:53

as much stupid shit as I

55:55

do. Yeah, I'm not at that

55:57

point yet where I have teens

55:59

where I have to figure out

56:02

like... I put myself in some

56:04

pretty bad jams. I know, like,

56:06

to what extent... share how stupid

56:08

you were. Uh-huh. Do you mention

56:10

it all? Do you say it

56:12

all or do you sort of,

56:14

is there a censorship? Age appropriate,

56:17

it started to come out because

56:19

again, I am a 17 year

56:21

old and I have a 14

56:23

year old. Yeah. I found myself

56:25

in a super like moment because

56:27

I have to tell me I

56:30

got to walk my talk and

56:32

I'm like... I'm open with my

56:34

kids and I'm honest with them

56:36

and I know. And there's a

56:38

moment where they're like, so how

56:40

old were you and you had

56:42

sex? And you're like, gosh, you're

56:45

like, 29. Right before I did

56:47

the third day. Damn. And I

56:49

am sex positive, right? And I

56:51

know, but that's the thing. All

56:53

this shit really like comes that

56:55

flies in your face because you're

56:58

like, Oh my gosh, the things

57:00

I say don't actually match the

57:02

things that I would do. Or

57:04

my idea of being sex positive

57:06

or my idea that everyone should

57:08

have a healthy relationship with sex

57:10

and the connection and everything, all

57:13

the blah blah blah blah blah,

57:15

but then you're like my baby.

57:17

Because these young people are just

57:19

tiny babies. Oh God. Yeah, it's

57:21

a lot. I don't like that.

57:23

I gotta figure out. I thought

57:26

everything moves up a little bit,

57:28

right? You gotta add two years,

57:30

two or three years to everything.

57:32

When was the first time you

57:34

drank? Never drink. Never. Okay. Carmel

57:36

said, this might sound dumb. But

57:39

it makes me upset when my

57:41

parents open my door to talk,

57:43

then don't close the door when

57:45

they leave. I find it so

57:47

rude. That's a big teenager move.

57:49

The teenager move, yes. You've got

57:51

to reclose the door. The threshold

57:54

moment when it's almost like true,

57:56

whenever it happens, it happens completely

57:58

until it's over, but they go

58:00

from being totally down. to have

58:02

whatever door open, whenever, to being

58:04

like, as you're walking out the

58:07

door. Can you please close my

58:09

door? And you're like, oh my

58:11

God, wow, okay. Okay. Of course

58:13

I can. Have you ever, such

58:15

a rejection, have you ever knocked

58:17

on the door to go in

58:19

and they've not let you in?

58:22

No, no, no, no, no, no.

58:24

Okay. No, but I actually, and

58:26

Christopher and I are different in

58:28

this way. I always do knock.

58:30

I might, like, I might knock

58:32

and then open, like it might

58:35

be one motion, but I always

58:37

give like a little bit of

58:39

a, I'm coming. I'm not worried

58:41

that they're hiding anything. I just,

58:43

I believe in privacy. Yeah, well,

58:45

I mean, that could be changing

58:47

or something too. You could be

58:50

making it in your room, right?

58:52

Yeah, just open it. Sometimes there's

58:54

a bambozo. Yeah, I don't know.

58:56

Matt and I, if Matt and

58:58

I had this conversation right now,

59:00

I'm telling you, he'd be like,

59:03

I'm not knocking. Yeah. But it's

59:05

gonna change. Gonna change. And your

59:07

kids change it for you too,

59:09

because some of them won't, they

59:11

just won't, that will not be

59:13

okay with them. Now we're gonna

59:15

hear, we're gonna get the suggestion

59:18

box. We'll get the feedback. Michaela

59:20

wrote in and she said, I'm

59:22

19 and a software in college.

59:24

My parents still track my phone

59:26

and call me when I'm out

59:28

late. I understand it's out of

59:31

love and they want to protect

59:33

me, but they use it against

59:35

me. They also pay for my

59:37

school. So at what point is

59:39

it not okay anymore for them

59:41

to stock me? Michaela, this is

59:43

what I'm going to be doing.

59:46

I will, but we've talked about

59:48

this. I'm a tracker. I'm a

59:50

tracker. Yeah. And it's probably and

59:52

call when you're a call when

59:54

you're out. I'm assuming that you're

59:56

in college and that's what you're

59:59

talking about. Yeah. I'm not going

1:00:01

to call them if they're out

1:00:03

late, probably just because I won't

1:00:05

know. But am I going to

1:00:07

track? Yeah, I'm tracking. I have

1:00:09

a conflicted relationship with this. I

1:00:11

know we we we were not

1:00:14

the same. You're not a tracker

1:00:16

really. Well, no, but I well,

1:00:18

I think my conflicted relationship is

1:00:20

I am. I mean, in my

1:00:22

heart of heart, what I want

1:00:24

to do is I want to

1:00:27

know I don't want to check

1:00:29

the tracking. I just want to

1:00:31

know that if we were in

1:00:33

a situation where on a expected

1:00:35

communication wasn't happening, right? Like, hey,

1:00:37

where are you? And I didn't

1:00:39

hear back. And then it was

1:00:42

like really abnormal and they weren't

1:00:44

answering me. I would want to

1:00:46

know that I could track them.

1:00:48

Can you? I've heard so many

1:00:50

stories about the tracking being able

1:00:52

to really make a difference for

1:00:55

someone who was in a little

1:00:57

bit of trouble. Of course. So

1:00:59

as much as, I mean, Michaela,

1:01:01

I listen, I don't, I, I

1:01:03

would hope to not use the

1:01:05

tracking against my child, but I

1:01:08

would hope to use the tracking

1:01:10

for my child, like to help

1:01:12

not to like penalize or. Yeah,

1:01:14

yeah, yeah. I think the penalizing

1:01:16

is annoying unless you're lying. If

1:01:18

you're like, hey, I'm at Ralph,

1:01:20

grabbing a sandwich and they can

1:01:23

see that you're downtown at the

1:01:25

club. No, I'm gonna be a

1:01:27

bad tracker. I already know. Like,

1:01:29

you know, hold on, I'm just

1:01:31

ordering my, I'm sorry, ordering my

1:01:33

frozen yogurt. Yep, I'm not. Double

1:01:36

focasota. Like what? What kind of

1:01:38

yoga is that? It's new. Yeah,

1:01:40

don't worry about it. No, I'm

1:01:42

gonna be a bad tracker. I

1:01:44

already know, like, you know, like,

1:01:46

you know, the little, like, I've,

1:01:48

the apple trackers. You're going to

1:01:51

air tax. I'm going to air

1:01:53

tag Cristo Leto's. I have people

1:01:55

who air tag their kids, especially

1:01:57

like Disneyland or wherever. Oh. tags

1:01:59

all over the show. Are you

1:02:01

kidding? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lease. When

1:02:04

my parents compare how they were

1:02:06

as young adults compared to my

1:02:08

generation, which is Gen Z, like

1:02:10

getting a house at a young

1:02:12

age or not being sensitive, work

1:02:14

ethic, etc. Like clearly we are

1:02:16

living in different times. Rent was

1:02:19

a dollar fifty back then and

1:02:21

now it's a million dollars for

1:02:23

a one bedroom. Gen Z is

1:02:25

more emotionally aware and outspoken finding

1:02:27

work is a lot more competitive

1:02:29

with everyone requiring years of experience.

1:02:32

It drives me nuts. Please don't

1:02:34

compare times are different. That's true.

1:02:36

You got to grow. Yeah, you

1:02:38

got a I don't know though.

1:02:40

I'm you know, I'm of the

1:02:42

millennials and We can relate to

1:02:44

this. I think the millennial parents

1:02:47

are not the it's the boomers

1:02:49

really that had that like amazing

1:02:51

situation where the rent was a

1:02:53

dollar 50. Yeah, and they all

1:02:55

worked really hard. It worked really

1:02:57

hard and they walked 20 miles

1:03:00

to school Yeah, and they had

1:03:02

babies young. Yeah, they did. Yeah,

1:03:04

and then they had a house.

1:03:06

Things were just so much more,

1:03:08

I mean, good news, bad news,

1:03:10

things were so much more... I

1:03:12

feel like maybe stable? I don't

1:03:15

know what the word is. Yeah,

1:03:17

but like there, like, there wasn't

1:03:19

as much possibility to be something

1:03:21

outside of what had come before

1:03:23

you. It was like, there was

1:03:25

a prescription on some level, like

1:03:28

what was going to happen? You

1:03:30

were going to have, you were

1:03:32

going to get married, you were

1:03:34

going to have kids and all

1:03:36

that stuff. The expectations maybe were

1:03:38

different is what you're saying? Yeah.

1:03:40

Yeah. Because my generation would be

1:03:43

the one that then is in

1:03:45

that sandwich generation where we didn't.

1:03:47

people in my generation didn't have

1:03:49

kids until they were in their

1:03:51

30s. And now they've got parents

1:03:53

that are aging and maturing at

1:03:56

the same time that they're really

1:03:58

raising young kids. So yeah, sort

1:04:00

of, that's the generation that has

1:04:02

a hard time figuring out how

1:04:04

to take care of themselves. Yeah,

1:04:06

yeah, you're the Sammy. Yeah, mies.

1:04:08

Okay, what Courtney say? Oh, my

1:04:11

dad still buys me dolls. I

1:04:13

am 23 years old. Listen, maybe

1:04:15

they're collectors items. What are we

1:04:17

talking about here? Like a, what

1:04:19

do we, like a cabbage patch?

1:04:21

What do we say? American girl

1:04:24

doll? That's cute, though, I mean.

1:04:26

But I can see very annoying

1:04:28

I mean if you're 23. Yeah

1:04:30

That's pretty annoying. Yeah, it is

1:04:32

annoying. All right Hannah. I'm with

1:04:34

you Courtney Hannah said, hey Jess

1:04:37

and Camilla, I'm 16, almost 17,

1:04:39

and something my parents do that

1:04:41

absolutely makes me insane is when

1:04:43

I have my airpods in, listening

1:04:45

to music, and they insist on

1:04:47

having a conversation. If I don't

1:04:49

have them in, it's silent, but

1:04:52

for some reason, they choose to

1:04:54

talk to me about things while

1:04:56

I'm mid-tailors swift. It's so annoying.

1:04:58

How do I tell them to

1:05:00

stop in a way that doesn't

1:05:02

mean? As a future surgeon, yes,

1:05:05

we do. Yeah, I would just,

1:05:07

I think I would like point

1:05:09

to the ear, I would like

1:05:11

point to my ear and be

1:05:13

like, yeah, I can't hear you.

1:05:15

Oh, because that's gonna go down

1:05:17

well. Like you're a 16 year

1:05:20

old and your mom's like, and

1:05:22

you're like, I just, sorry, these

1:05:24

are in. Yeah, that's gonna be

1:05:26

definitely respected. Sorry, just snubs, just

1:05:28

so annoying. This is, this is

1:05:30

Taylor's old as time. Don't think

1:05:33

I didn't have a seat, a

1:05:35

walk then. a CD little discman

1:05:37

and the things on and I

1:05:39

mean those things were obvious you

1:05:41

can even they weren't hidden whatsoever

1:05:43

and the parents still wanted to

1:05:45

have a convo and I was

1:05:48

made you know the Britney Spears

1:05:50

yeah hit me baby one more

1:05:52

time um I'm trying to think

1:05:54

of the maybe it's this maybe

1:05:56

you announce like hey guys I'm

1:05:58

gonna listen to my album right

1:06:01

now I'm just meeting a little

1:06:03

piece to myself. So there's a

1:06:05

little announcement that happens. Hey guys,

1:06:07

I'm gonna take this time to

1:06:09

like listen to my music. Do

1:06:11

you guys have any questions for

1:06:13

me right now? Hey, great. Me

1:06:16

and Taylor are off to the

1:06:18

races. Okay, Clarissa, I'm the middle

1:06:20

child. Shout out to middle children.

1:06:22

Hello, and a family of five.

1:06:24

Me and my oldest sister are

1:06:26

only 14 months apart, meaning we

1:06:29

are practically treated like twins. However,

1:06:31

I am the total opposite of

1:06:33

her. While she is valedictorian and

1:06:35

studying to be an engineer, I

1:06:37

do decent in school and do

1:06:39

theater while studying journalism. What drives

1:06:41

me nuts is that we are

1:06:44

constantly told that we have the

1:06:46

support of everyone, but I have

1:06:48

been called the figure it out,

1:06:50

do it yourself kid, meaning I

1:06:52

don't have the support of my

1:06:54

family. Favoriteism is the word for

1:06:57

it. My mom will spend hours

1:06:59

of her day cleaning my sister's

1:07:01

room and doing her homework, but

1:07:03

for me, I get scolded that

1:07:05

my room is a mess. What

1:07:07

should I do? I want an

1:07:09

out, but at the same time,

1:07:12

they are my family. Well, the

1:07:14

cleaning of the room is not

1:07:16

clear. Yes, seriously. The Cinderella story.

1:07:18

I don't like the cleaning of

1:07:20

the room. That does feel like

1:07:22

favoritism, and I think that that's

1:07:25

a conversation if you haven't had

1:07:27

that you bring up. That's a

1:07:29

suggestion box. It sounds like it

1:07:31

sounds like a team meeting. This

1:07:33

does not. But also, I don't

1:07:35

understand why you're to figure it

1:07:37

out. Do it yourself. I don't

1:07:40

understand why your family isn't supporting

1:07:42

you. I think you need some

1:07:44

answers. I think you need a

1:07:46

team meeting and I think you

1:07:48

need to just, I love the

1:07:50

I statements. I feel like. This

1:07:53

is what happens and I don't

1:07:55

want to feel this way, but

1:07:57

I do feel this way and

1:07:59

like what can we do to

1:08:01

help me not feel this way.

1:08:03

Yes, I would hope that if

1:08:06

Hayden was feeling this way that

1:08:08

we could have a team meeting.

1:08:10

Because sometimes I think that parents,

1:08:12

you're in a family of five,

1:08:14

right? The chaos is probably happening.

1:08:16

I feel like sometimes parents just

1:08:18

are not in their own resilient

1:08:21

zone and know what's going on

1:08:23

and are tracking all of the

1:08:25

things and they might not even

1:08:27

be aware of how this is

1:08:29

making you feel. So a sit-down

1:08:31

convo and hopefully they're open to

1:08:34

it, Clarissa. Yeah, you're real. If

1:08:36

you lead with your feelings, I

1:08:38

think I would imagine that most

1:08:40

people, you know, would lean into

1:08:42

the conversation. And I don't think

1:08:44

that any parent is intending to

1:08:46

have that be the story that

1:08:49

you tell about your family. No,

1:08:51

I wouldn't want that. No. Oh

1:08:53

my gosh, I love hearing all

1:08:55

these. Me too. It feels good

1:08:57

to me back, you guys. I'm

1:08:59

gonna, I'm gonna be honest. When

1:09:02

I was... Don't lie. I'm not

1:09:04

lying. I'm gonna call it what

1:09:06

it is. Today, I wanted to

1:09:08

just be in bed. and avoid

1:09:10

the world. And this has forced

1:09:12

me to not do that, and

1:09:14

I'm very grateful. Yeah, it's very

1:09:17

nice to be back with you.

1:09:19

You know, I had to do

1:09:21

one on my own, and it

1:09:23

wasn't as much fun. I loved

1:09:25

Brooke Shields. She was fun, and

1:09:27

she was fantastic. She brought a

1:09:30

ton to it, but I missed

1:09:32

my girl. Well, I listened to

1:09:34

that podcast, and I was hoping

1:09:36

to be terrible by yourself, and

1:09:38

it would be very obvious that

1:09:40

you like desperately need me. And

1:09:42

it was annoyingly good. It actually

1:09:45

did irritate me a little bit.

1:09:47

We'll take the compliment, but I

1:09:49

will hope that we do not

1:09:51

find ourselves faced with that situation

1:09:53

again. No. No, no, no, no,

1:09:55

no. I don't want to do

1:09:58

it by myself. We're peanut butter

1:10:00

and jelly. I just say I

1:10:02

named all the things. What would

1:10:04

you say that we were? I

1:10:06

said peanut butter and jelly. I

1:10:08

said peanut butter and jelly. I

1:10:10

don't know. I don't know what

1:10:13

I am. You've got to figure

1:10:15

out which one we are. Callaker,

1:10:17

who's the peanut butter? I think

1:10:19

I'm a smooth, kind of like,

1:10:21

salty, sweet peanut butter. I was

1:10:23

thinking you're the peanut butter, probably.

1:10:26

Yeah. Isn't it funny how it

1:10:28

becomes obvious what you are? Yeah,

1:10:30

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because you've

1:10:32

got it a little bit more

1:10:34

together than I have. Oh, call

1:10:36

it crew. We love you. We

1:10:38

missed you. We missed you. We

1:10:41

missed you. We love you. That's

1:10:43

a fantastic 2025. And please, please,

1:10:45

please, please hit up our call

1:10:47

it what it is, Instagram page,

1:10:49

and look at the resources that

1:10:51

we posted and to send California

1:10:54

some love right now. So much

1:10:56

love. A heart full of love

1:10:58

and a big, big, big hook.

1:11:00

Wrap your arms around California. This

1:11:02

too shall pass. All right, let's

1:11:04

call it the end of the

1:11:06

episode. This is Doug Gottlie from

1:11:09

the Doug Gottlieb Show. Here to

1:11:11

tell you, Tota's legacy has been

1:11:13

standing tall for generations from pioneering

1:11:15

hybrid technology to redefining the standards

1:11:17

of safety and efficiency with each

1:11:19

innovation a commitment to progress. And

1:11:22

with a legendary lineup of in-stock

1:11:24

trucks including the Ultra Ruggano Tacoma

1:11:26

and the Heavy Duty Half-ton Tundra,

1:11:28

you can experience the legacy of

1:11:30

Toyota for yourself. Visit via toyota.com,

1:11:32

the official website for deals to

1:11:35

find out more. Toyota, let's go

1:11:37

places. Amazon Pharmacy.