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Go to audio games.shop. I'm sort

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of a lesbian trapped in a

1:12

cock-hungry straight woman's body. You know

1:14

what I mean? Like psychologically, yeah,

1:16

I enjoy partnerships with women and

1:19

not with men, but cock-hungry. Cock-hungry,

1:21

what are you going to do

1:23

about it? Yeah. That's why it's

1:26

called Mother's Little Helper. Yeah. You

1:28

know, anything that knocks you out

1:30

and helps you ignore your children.

1:33

is called Mother's Little Helper. And

1:35

there's very few little helpers

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Timu Calla Daddy. Yeah, no,

3:00

I'm doing Trixie and Cartia

3:02

over here. He's doing Timu

3:04

Calla Daddy over there. Yeah.

3:06

Or Diversio. I'm trying to,

3:09

I'm trying to get comfortable.

3:11

Okay. Am I going, is

3:13

that you, me? Is that you,

3:15

me? Is it getting text? Probably,

3:17

is that you, me? No, it's

3:19

not me. Probably, is that you, is,

3:21

is that you, me, is changing a

3:24

podcast. call it out, get around it.

3:26

They were changing the set recently, they've

3:28

got the nice library vibe going on

3:30

there now. It looks like Batman's library

3:32

in the background. We have that. John Wayne's,

3:35

is John Wayne what's his name? No,

3:37

you're thinking Bruce Wayne, John Wayne, they're

3:39

serial killer or Bruce Wayne. No, we're serial

3:41

killer or Bruce Wayne. No, we're going, Bruce

3:43

Wayne, the serial killer, or Bruce Wayne. No,

3:45

we want Bruce Wayne, the library, for example,

3:47

we've just Nicknakes that people have

3:50

given us that people have given us,

3:52

like to display them. Yeah, that's a

3:54

project for you to sort out. Well,

3:56

call a daddy when they were changing the

3:58

set. They had a few weeks. there where

4:00

they didn't have the, the, you know,

4:03

the, whatever this is, the set, the

4:05

chairs, the chairs, yeah. So they put

4:07

the, the camping chairs out there. That's

4:10

fun. Yeah, yeah, in summer. It's been

4:12

fun. Well, summer for us, sorry. Yeah,

4:14

yeah. Yeah, it's winter over there, yeah,

4:17

yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's fun, but,

4:19

yeah, that's fun. What's going on. very

4:21

very gay and their set might be

4:24

like a couch that's perfectly in half

4:26

one side's red the other side's pink

4:28

and then it's like the line goes

4:31

up the wall behind them so it

4:33

looks like a split screen but it's

4:35

actually they're in the same place or

4:38

are they yeah they are because oftentimes

4:40

they they touch each other and yeah

4:42

yeah just to prove the point it's

4:45

a it's drag race I mean

4:47

it's drag race I mean it's drag

4:49

so the sets are gorgeous. Yeah. And

4:51

they probably made them themselves out of,

4:54

you know, things from the, from spotlight.

4:56

Would you make it yourself? They would.

4:58

Would they? Yes, they're crafty. Would you

5:01

make shit yourself? I have done.

5:03

No, remember when you, no, yeah, I

5:05

know you did. Remember when you made

5:07

the boxes with the bit, the butt

5:10

plugs for the live shows. Okay, bad

5:12

example. And you gave them out. They

5:14

loved it. They loved it. I had

5:17

a lot on. But listen, I've

5:19

perked up because I just had a

5:21

couple of Panadol because I had a

5:23

headache. You're okay? Yeah, I'm fine. It's

5:26

just the type ponytail. But it reminded

5:28

me. Are you getting a bit of

5:30

backstage? What's going on? Hey guys, we

5:33

can hear everything you're saying. It's

5:35

cute. I love it. They think we

5:37

can't. It's just a curtain. It's not

5:39

a soundproof wall. I got one ear

5:42

over here, one over here. Don't worry,

5:44

just put your ears over here. Yeah,

5:46

okay. Leave me your ears. Now. I

5:49

was telling you about Panadol. Are

5:51

you up to date with the new

5:53

Panadol laws in Australia? No. Oh my

5:55

God, it's so pathetic. You need your

5:58

licence to go and get it? I

6:00

know you go to that with a

6:02

cauldron cold. Yeah. What's that going on

6:05

now? One thing, because you can

6:07

use, you know, Sudafed or cauldron cold

6:09

to make meth, apparently. I get that

6:11

fine. It is annoying though that you

6:14

have to show ID to get a

6:16

cold tablet in this bloody joint these

6:18

bloody joint these days. Panadol, you're only

6:21

allowed to buy one packet at

6:23

a time and you're only allowed to

6:25

buy 12 capsules at a time or

6:27

whatever, which is a very big issue

6:30

for my mum because she loves the

6:32

Panadol. She's smashing them. Oh, she's smashing

6:34

them. And she likes a big box.

6:37

She likes me, she sends me

6:39

a text and goes, I'm out of

6:41

Panadol, get me the big box of

6:43

the capsules, you know, she's got, she

6:46

really knows what kind of Panadol she

6:48

likes. And so she likes. And so

6:50

she's filthy, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously,

6:53

obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously,

6:55

When I was a kid, she was

6:57

on this gear called Bex. Oh

6:59

yeah. Yeah, yeah. And at the time,

7:02

of course, when you're a kid, you

7:04

don't think anything of it. Your parents,

7:06

you just think your parents know everything,

7:09

they know what they're doing. And from

7:11

the age of five, I would be

7:13

sent up to the shop on

7:15

my bike, and I'd have to buy

7:18

her a packet of smokes, packet of

7:20

mental lights, alpine lights, and a box

7:22

of Bex. And I remember the, and

7:25

the, and the Bex was a powder

7:27

was a powder, and she'd just neck

7:29

it, she'd just neck this powder.

7:31

Oh, I think it's right. She didn't

7:34

mix it in water or anything. Jesus.

7:36

Hardcore, Twomba. Right. And, um, and I

7:38

used to think over the years, what

7:41

was that stuff? Because it was banned

7:43

at some stage. Yeah. So, and she

7:45

did, she loved a bex and

7:47

a beer and a good lie down,

7:50

actually. And, um. So I looked it

7:52

up and it just said it was

7:54

a heavy, very heavy pain killer. So

7:57

obviously it was some kind of, you

7:59

know, sedative or something, but I mean

8:01

those were the days. Go to

8:03

your corner shop, don't even go, send

8:06

your kid to the corner shop to

8:08

get your smokes and a tranquilizer. Beautiful.

8:10

That's why it's called Mother's Little Helper.

8:13

Yeah, you know, anything that knocks you

8:15

out and helps you ignore your children

8:17

is called Mother's Little Helper. And

8:19

there's very few little helpers left. They

8:22

wonder why women drink so much wine.

8:24

It's like, well, give us back our

8:26

corner store drugs. Yeah. We need something.

8:29

And if you won't do that, then

8:31

we'll just take whatever, I'll take a

8:33

box of goon. If that's what

8:35

I have to do. Bloody hell. That's

8:38

what I'll do. Okay, so how are

8:40

we going today? Have you had any,

8:42

have you had any, have you had

8:45

any, uh... Well I've got no children

8:47

around. So I need, I'm fine, I

8:49

just had a pannidol because I've

8:51

got a pony tail head, headache. That's

8:54

why I go to holidays in Bali.

8:56

Oh yeah, because you can get anything

8:58

you like over there, right? As soon

9:01

as you get out of the airport

9:03

there, you can, you know, you've got

9:05

suitcases coming at you with... Buy

9:07

in a bag of valium from your

9:10

bloody cab driver. Brilliant. Brilliant. Brilliant. Just

9:12

brilliant. Is that where you want the

9:14

suburbs of Melbourne to be like? Yes.

9:17

Just suitcases rolling around with watches and

9:19

drugs. Amazing. Amazing. If I could buy

9:21

a t-shirt for the kids and

9:24

a rack of valium. Down the road

9:26

from my house, I'd never leave. Happy

9:28

days. I'd never leave. and

9:35

Verizon, a limited 5G-4G-L-T-E-L-T-E-L-T-E-L-T-E-L-T-E-L-T-E-L-T-I-L-I-S-S-S-O-L-I-I-I-L-I-I-S-S-S-T-I-L-I-I-I-L-I-I-S-S-S-T-L-L-L-I-I-I-I-S-S-S-S-S-S-T-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-T-S-S-T-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-T-S-S-S-S-S-S-T-S Ryan Reynolds

9:37

here for Mint Mobile. Up front

9:39

payment of $45 for three-month plan

9:41

equivalent to $15 per month required.

9:43

Intro rate for three months only.

9:45

Then full price plan options available.

9:47

Taxes and fees extra. See full

9:49

terms at MintMobile.com. If you have

9:51

a secret you want to share

9:54

with this, all you have to

9:56

do is go to the link

9:58

in the bio or go to

10:00

the show notes. This is the

10:02

first secret. You can also write

10:04

them into us as well through

10:06

the closed Facebook group. After I

10:08

heard you guys speaking about the

10:10

cost of eggs a few weeks

10:12

ago, I wanted to share this,

10:15

I never thought I'd turn into

10:17

an egg dealer, but here we

10:19

are. Ever since prices skyrocketed, I've

10:21

been making a killing literally by

10:23

borrowing extra cartons from the back

10:25

of my workplace, which is a

10:27

cafe, and selling them to desperate

10:29

moms in the school WhatsApp group.

10:31

So she's Pete, I thought she

10:34

was going to say... I've got

10:36

chooks and I just take the

10:38

carton's home and she's flogging them

10:40

from work. She's actually taking the

10:42

egg from Michelle's patisserie or wherever

10:44

she's working. Should we just fire

10:46

this under I love it? I'm

10:48

gonna say be careful yeah because

10:50

if it's kind of stealing and

10:52

if I'll mate your boss realises

10:55

your flogging his eggs. This time.

10:57

this very time. Right, yeah, in

10:59

an egg shortage in a crisis

11:01

that we're in. Are we still

11:03

in the shortage? Yep. How are

11:05

you finding it tough? I'm finding

11:07

it tough out there. Are you

11:09

still having eggs or are you

11:11

just giving up on eggs and

11:13

having like we had porridge today

11:16

for breakfast? We just gave up.

11:18

Porridge, but no you're right, I

11:20

haven't had an egg in a

11:22

while. Okay. I am on a

11:24

protein powder. Yeah. But the other

11:26

thing is that when life is

11:28

expensive, when meat's expensive, people tend

11:30

to eat more eggs. That is

11:32

the other thing that happens. And

11:34

so... So what's our default now?

11:37

Wow, good luck you farked essentially.

11:39

I mean, you know, I'll get

11:41

on the protein powder like I

11:43

am, mix that in water. It

11:45

doesn't taste very nice, but get

11:47

your protein count up. Yeah, be

11:49

careful, take care out there, stealing

11:51

from work, stealing from work. and

11:53

selling it yeah on selling it

11:55

the the mum's what's up group

11:58

with school how much stuff is

12:00

going on there that is not

12:02

school related I mean because eggs

12:04

don't really seem school related to

12:06

me no so why there's a

12:08

lot going so what's going on

12:10

in there that we can in

12:12

hours dive into Which is not

12:14

as active as it used to

12:17

be when the kids were smaller,

12:19

but there was just a lot

12:21

of social organizing of social activities.

12:23

What about single dad? Do they

12:25

get like screenshot and single dad's

12:27

in the car park and stuff

12:29

like that and sending that around?

12:31

Or you can't because the dad's

12:33

could be in that group as

12:35

well? Or is it just a

12:38

mum's WhatsApp group? You've always got

12:40

tangents, you know, but yeah, but

12:42

whenever there's a new single dad

12:44

at school, a word gets around.

12:46

Definitelyord gets around. It's like a

12:48

fox in the hen house. Speaking

12:50

of eggs, yeah, definitely everyone knows

12:52

about it. So that can that

12:54

might go around. There might be

12:56

a sub WhatsApp group. Single dad,

12:59

WhatsApp group, no, I probably, WhatsApp

13:01

group. Egg, WhatsApp group. There should

13:03

be. They should look out for

13:05

each other in the single dads.

13:07

I told you Joey, Donna's husband,

13:09

Cobb blocked me over the last

13:11

single dad. Yeah. And why did

13:13

he do that for again? I

13:15

don't know. He reckoned I was

13:17

too high for looten for this

13:20

guy. What's going on. I'm like

13:22

Joey what the fact I don't

13:24

know that was just his call

13:26

and so they set him up

13:28

with another mom and that fell.

13:30

Were she high pollutant? I think

13:32

she is high pollutant. She's English.

13:34

That's where you. So I think

13:36

she is high pollutant actually and

13:39

anyway it didn't work out. Right.

13:41

You can be highfalutin sometimes. Don't

13:43

you? You kind of dive in

13:45

and out of it. Do I?

13:47

I think so. Like you like

13:49

to go to an art museum

13:51

every now and then and wonder

13:53

around and look at art. Is

13:55

that highfalutin? I think so. I

13:57

didn't grow up that way, certainly.

14:00

Yeah, look, I think I'm pretty

14:02

grounded. You know I love a

14:04

trady. You love a trady, but

14:06

you can dance in the like

14:08

the A-B-C and all that kind

14:10

of garbage. Yeah, yeah, I can

14:12

do that. Yeah, but I think

14:14

when they, when they, I think

14:16

they sometimes like a bit of

14:18

rough if you get what I

14:21

mean. Oh yeah, they do, don't

14:23

they? Ida Buck Rose loves a

14:25

bit of rough. She does not

14:27

ever like a bit of rough.

14:29

But I think other, like a

14:31

bit of rough. She does not

14:33

ever like a bit of rough.

14:35

But I think other, sometimes, sometimes,

14:37

who are bad examples you're throwing

14:39

me. I'm just saying as an

14:42

organization, I think they like to

14:44

dabble in. Yeah, sort of Western

14:46

suburban vibes every now and then.

14:48

Not a lot. Yep. But every

14:50

now and then they do. All

14:52

right, let's get into the next

14:54

secret. Yep. I have, how did

14:56

you file that one? Be careful.

14:58

Yeah, be careful. Yeah, be careful.

15:00

Yep. All right, the next secret.

15:03

I have a secret Instagram account

15:05

where I pretend to be single.

15:07

A finster. Yeah. I don't post

15:09

pictures of myself, just aesthetic stuff

15:11

like coffee shots, city skylines, city

15:13

skylines and book recommendations. But I

15:15

follow and DM men who I

15:17

find attractive. I never send pictures,

15:19

I never meet up, and I

15:22

never even give them my real

15:24

name, but I flirt hard. Capitals

15:26

on the hard. We have deep

15:28

conversations late at night, and when

15:30

my husband is snoring next to

15:32

me, they tell me about their

15:34

lives, their dreams, how they wish

15:36

they had a woman who understood

15:38

them, and I eat it up.

15:40

I'll wake up the next morning

15:43

kiss my husband on the forehead

15:45

and act like I wasn't a

15:47

emotionally entangled with another man six

15:49

hours ago. I don't think I'd

15:51

actually cheat, but sometimes I wonder

15:53

if I wasn't married, would I

15:55

be with one of them? I

15:57

guess I'll never know, but I'm

15:59

deleting, I'm not deleting the account

16:01

anytime soon. Fuck that. Don't fuck

16:04

that. She says, fuck that. Highfaluten.

16:06

That. Yeah, she's high for luton.

16:08

I love this. I think, um...

16:10

I don't know, I get it,

16:12

I totally get it. What do

16:14

you mean? Are you got a

16:16

secret account? What's your secret account?

16:18

You have a fucking secret account,

16:20

don't you? Bull shit, what's it

16:22

called? Tell us, what is it?

16:25

What's the picture? I'm not telling

16:27

you what it's called. I'm not

16:29

telling you. Is there a picture

16:31

or is it just one of

16:33

those, like, is it the little,

16:35

no, Instagram man? But, um... Doesn't

16:37

matter. The point is, we've all

16:39

got finsters. You've got a finster.

16:41

I don't have a finster. Are

16:43

you serious? No. Why not? What

16:46

do I need one for? Who's

16:48

blocking me? No, it's not just

16:50

for that. It's just for lots

16:52

of handy reasons. What else are

16:54

you doing? Tell me the reasons.

16:56

Give me the reasons why you

16:58

need a fake account. Personally, I've

17:00

felt like for a long time.

17:02

I was myself on social media

17:05

and anonymous people could just have

17:07

at me all the at me

17:09

all the time. Be rude be

17:11

abusive all that stuff and I

17:13

get so frustrated I think oh

17:15

well fuck. I want to join

17:17

in so you get in your

17:19

own account and start abusing yourself.

17:21

No I'm not being abusive but

17:23

it is liberating to be anonymous

17:26

online is really wherever it is

17:28

to be have an anonymous opinion

17:30

on something or just all right

17:32

what's the most dangerous thing you've

17:34

used that account for like what

17:36

have you actually done with that

17:38

fake account? I can't Think that

17:40

anything I do with it except

17:42

to spy on people. Well are

17:44

you cheating like this lady? You

17:47

know, you're single so you can

17:49

do whatever you like. You can

17:51

do that from your own account.

17:53

Yeah, no, I just spy on

17:55

people who either have blocked me

17:57

or that I don't want to

17:59

know. that I'm following them. So

18:01

it's just my little secret. Oh,

18:03

you'd be amazed. You'd be amazed

18:05

that I just go, still a

18:08

loser. Okay, cool. Just checking. It's

18:10

just that, it's just for that.

18:12

That's good. But also, like, it

18:14

would, I'm starting to, I'm smoking

18:16

watches pack in here because I

18:18

could potentially start flirting with people

18:20

without them knowing, being able to

18:22

Google me and find out stuff

18:24

about me. With a cat fishing

18:26

photo, right? Yes So what's the

18:29

photo that you put up? I

18:31

wonder because you can't put yourself

18:33

up there No, Trixie and Cartier,

18:35

right? Maybe them, I don't know.

18:37

Because you know my Facebook, well

18:39

then what? Sorry, what bloke is

18:41

going to want to chat with

18:43

you. I'm joking. I'm joking. My

18:45

Facebook photo is a beautiful, dry

18:48

queen, Elissa Edwards. I don't know.

18:50

No, well this lady's not catfishing

18:52

anyone, is she? Because she's just

18:54

putting up photos of cafes and

18:56

boring shit, but then she deems

18:58

people and she gets them that

19:00

way. So I could do that.

19:02

I could have a photo of

19:04

a cat. Then again, how are

19:06

you, why would you be floating

19:09

with an account that doesn't have

19:11

a picture? Because you're men, it's

19:13

not hard to get men interested.

19:15

What, just skylines. I don't think

19:17

that's doing it for me. I

19:19

need some like bench shots. I

19:21

need something. No, if someone crept

19:23

into your dams and started going,

19:25

oh my God, I love this

19:27

about with no picture and just

19:30

skylines of Sydney. I'd be thinking

19:32

with you, flirting with you. What?

19:34

So I have no idea who,

19:36

no, there's no way I'm talking

19:38

back to that. I'll be thinking,

19:40

this is a scam. All the

19:42

time. All the time, of course

19:44

you are. chatting with skylights. Yeah,

19:46

you're chatting with cafes. You're just

19:48

going, oh cool flower in a

19:51

glass on your window silk. But

19:53

you just got it, the woman

19:55

would be flattering you and then

19:57

you're off to the races with

19:59

a man. Yeah. Okay. So you've

20:01

given this a go? No, I'm

20:03

just saying it's just pretty easy.

20:05

men. I'm just thinking what's on

20:07

your Instagram at the moment? Probably

20:10

this room. Yeah, just you and

20:12

me mate. The whole time it's

20:14

you and me sitting down talking

20:16

about the weirdest shit possible. If

20:18

I slid into anyone's dam, they'll

20:20

run a mile away because it'd

20:22

be someone going, you know, once

20:24

on tinder, I had broken up

20:26

with a guy and I thought,

20:28

I bet he's on tinder and

20:31

I, so I... joined tinder, I

20:33

used, I didn't catfish, it wasn't

20:35

another woman's face at all, it

20:37

was just a basic photo of

20:39

something, and I matched with him,

20:41

because I described myself as exactly

20:43

myself, and I just knew he

20:45

would match with it, even though

20:47

we'd just broken up, and then

20:49

so he matches with me. I

20:52

lead him on for like a

20:54

day just writing about, oh, we

20:56

should get together. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

20:58

And then after a day, I

21:00

said, it's me, you're a fucking

21:02

idiot. Like, you're an idiot. You're

21:04

actually with this person who I've

21:06

described is me, and I'm describing

21:08

what I'm looking for and all

21:10

that, and it's me, and you've

21:13

just broken up with me. You're

21:15

a fucking idiot. And we still,

21:17

that's, he's the one I told

21:19

you about who just hits, would

21:21

hit me up every now and

21:23

then for over the course of

21:25

two years, would send me photos

21:27

of him on holidays in Ireland

21:29

with his parents. And I'm like,

21:31

what are you doing? Why? We're

21:34

not friends. First trapping. Well, his

21:36

mom, he's fucking Irish ma'am. Down

21:38

looking at some rocks by the

21:40

water. Why are you not friends?

21:42

Why are you sending me this

21:44

shit? It's a slow build up.

21:46

You got a easy, easy to

21:48

do it. I have a two

21:50

years easy into it. All right,

21:53

let's get into our first audio

21:55

secret for today. I have had

21:57

a boyfriend for three and a

21:59

half years. And my kids

22:01

have never met him. I

22:03

was divorced four years

22:05

ago and decided to get

22:08

out and start dating again.

22:10

And don't want to do

22:12

the stepparent thing because it's

22:15

too complicated. So we just

22:17

see each other and I'm

22:20

free. That works. And there's

22:22

no future plans for

22:24

anything about introducing to

22:27

my children. I love it.

22:29

Yeah, I can file it immediately. Have

22:31

you met, have you, have

22:33

your kids ever met a

22:35

partner? One, one partner. Yep, yep.

22:38

He had kids too. So it's

22:40

like Brady Bunch Vipes. Yeah.

22:42

And, um, and it was a shame

22:44

because when we broke up, my

22:46

kids missed those kids and I

22:49

missed those kids. So you don't

22:51

miss him. No. Right. But I miss the

22:53

kids. So that's the risk when you're

22:55

interested in kids. It's not about

22:57

the breakup between two people. You've

22:59

done plenty of those before, but

23:01

it's the kids that have to say

23:04

goodbye to somebody. And I still find things

23:06

every now and then that like one of

23:08

his kids made me or something and

23:10

I think, I wonder how she's going.

23:12

Yeah. So I think that's a risk

23:15

and obviously exposing your children to

23:17

a weirdo. Yeah, it's a possibility. So

23:19

yeah, I'm totally down with that. Now

23:21

that my kids are getting older, I'm

23:23

still not quite ready. But I

23:25

think, maybe, maybe in a couple

23:27

of years when they're actual adults,

23:30

but not when they're little. Do you think

23:32

your kid will be cool with it? Would

23:34

they be rude to the partner? Or are

23:36

they like, come on in and get to

23:38

know us? Yeah, no, they always like

23:40

that. They always say they want a step

23:42

father and I want a step father

23:45

and they're not all like that. Trust me.

23:47

Like, I'm like, if I could get one

23:49

like that, I would have one. But, so

23:51

no, they're very open to it. Yeah.

23:53

Are they encouraging you? Like, let's

23:56

bring home a dad? Yes, they are. And

23:58

that's what I keep saying, no. you know,

24:00

you don't get stepdads, okay? They're not

24:02

all great. Yeah, I think that's fair

24:05

to say, isn't it? I've never had

24:07

one, but I guess, yeah, I can

24:09

imagine that, you must have had friends

24:11

as a kid who had stepdads who

24:14

were absolute Greeks of things. Yeah. And

24:16

like coming to the house, I assume

24:18

that a man would come into the

24:21

house and want to change everything and

24:23

want to be the boss of everything.

24:25

That's my experience with men. So I'm

24:27

like. And you're like, oh well I'm

24:30

the fucking boss mate. Yeah, we don't

24:32

need anything. We don't need any help.

24:34

We don't need anyone to come and

24:37

fucking show us how to do it

24:39

better or help us in a verdict

24:41

comment. No, you want the help. You're

24:43

always saying you want the help. You

24:46

always say you want the help. You

24:48

always want the help. You always want

24:50

the help. You always want the help.

24:53

You're not helpful. Where's your money and

24:55

get out? We're getting replacedaced. Really quickly

24:57

aren't we? Yeah, Neil's gonna be here

24:59

soon. Oh, when Neil's here, I mean,

25:02

that's gonna be a problem for him.

25:04

Who needs a bloke? Oh God, Neil,

25:06

how brilliant. Yeah, I'm looking on genuinely

25:09

forward to Neil. Although someone did post

25:11

on our Facebook group not long ago.

25:13

The new, it's a Neil. It's like

25:15

a snake-skinned Neil. Yeah, it's got skin.

25:18

They've tried to venture into skin. Nah,

25:20

that is gross. The feet. What the

25:22

fuck? They're like, they're like, they're kind

25:25

of human feet, but they're like chooky

25:27

feet as well. And they just, oh,

25:29

that is really putting me up. I

25:31

don't want Neil to have skin. Neil

25:34

doesn't need to have skin. I'm not

25:36

pretending Neil's a person. Our home robot.

25:38

I'm like, Neil, you're a robot. I

25:41

get it. I'm not trying to pretend.

25:43

Neil's my, you know, human husband, who's

25:45

just better than any man I've ever

25:47

known. This is the thing I'm not

25:50

trying to pretend that there is a

25:52

movie with the lady out of Transformers

25:54

I've got to know her name. You

25:57

know the the really attractive lady Megan

25:59

Fox She's a robot now every bloke

26:01

on the planet wants a Megan Fox

26:03

bloody meal. I get that I get

26:06

that. Right? Don't you want a Tom

26:08

Cruise Neil? No, you do. I said

26:10

a Brad Pitt circuit, Fight Club Neil.

26:13

Right. And I get that, but I'm

26:15

joking. So why would you not want

26:17

skin? I don't, because I think the

26:19

skin's creepy, it's creepy at the moment.

26:22

But even if it was Brad Pitt

26:24

Skin Circuit, Fight Club, with the abs

26:26

and everything, no, I just don't need

26:29

it. I'm not pretending my Neil is

26:31

a real person. He's a robot, and

26:33

that's fine with me. I don't need

26:35

my robot vacuum to have a dick

26:38

so I can pretend I'm married to

26:40

somebody like. Yeah, but that's a vacuum.

26:42

This is Neil. Neil is going to

26:45

be smarter than that. Doing everything. Yeah,

26:47

great. Which I feel like you're going

26:49

to be getting into arguments with Neil.

26:51

No, because he'll be programmed not to

26:54

argue. That's the beauty. He can't. He's

26:56

not a person. I don't have to

26:58

respect Neil's opinion. I just reprogram. I

27:01

just reprogram. I just reprogram. I don't

27:03

have to respect his stupid opinions. I

27:05

don't have to listen to somebody who

27:07

wants to talk to me about crypto.

27:10

I don't have to do any of

27:12

that, like with a normal man. I

27:14

just go into the app and I

27:17

go, no crypto bro chat. Flick that

27:19

off. Right. Yeah? No, telling me how

27:21

things could be better organized. No. None

27:23

of that. No, offering me a message

27:26

when he really wants a route. No,

27:28

toggle off. We just need a bloody

27:30

lesbian. Well, in a way, but unfortunately,

27:32

I am a, I'm sort of a

27:35

lesbian trapped in a cock-hungry straight woman's

27:37

body. You know what I mean? I

27:39

psychologically, yeah, I enjoy partnerships with women

27:42

and not with men, but cock-hungry. Cock-hungry,

27:44

what are you going to do about

27:46

it? Yeah. Well, you can be by.

27:48

I just don't think I've got the

27:51

emotional... Rangeable space to be a lesbian

27:53

like I just think I just don't

27:55

think I can handle any more feelings.

27:58

I've got to He's a lot of

28:00

feelings. Are there a lot of you?

28:02

A lot of feelings? I'm a lot

28:04

of feelings. I'm a lesbian, basically. Yeah.

28:07

I just don't think I could take

28:09

on another set of feelings to be

28:11

honest. You know me. No, you hate

28:14

feelings. Yeah, yeah, you hate feelings. Yeah,

28:16

you're not. Yeah, totally. So yeah, this

28:18

is a bit of a, I don't

28:20

know why I'm asking you this question,

28:23

but do lesbians I have observed. A

28:25

lot of emotion, a lot of conversation,

28:27

a lot. A lot. So Porsche and

28:30

Ellen are really talking things out. Yeah.

28:32

Jesus, over, round, round, round and round.

28:34

Who's the emotional one of those who

28:36

would just say? I'd say Ellen would

28:39

be more emotional. Are you joking? Porches,

28:41

I think she'd be self-absorbed. Yeah. And

28:43

she's beautiful, so she'd expect a lot

28:46

of attention. Yeah. Oh, God, it'd be

28:48

exhausting. You can never just switch off.

28:50

And it's not crypto chat either. It's

28:52

actually like deep emotional. I think it

28:55

comes from my childhood that time when

28:57

this happened. And you really got to

28:59

be tuned in all the time. And

29:02

how do you file that one? I

29:04

can't remember how to tune down because

29:06

I'm not a lesbian. Not good at

29:08

this. Let's get into the next audio

29:11

secret. Love the podcast, listen to it

29:13

every week, it just has me in

29:15

stitches. It's fabulous. You might not know,

29:18

but you guys are trendsetters. So there

29:20

is another podcast which I do listen

29:22

to when I run out of episodes

29:24

on yours called Life Uncut. They have

29:27

just brought back this year confessions week.

29:29

So people send in their confessions and

29:31

they read them out. Sounds familiar, hey,

29:34

but it's not as good as yours

29:36

because it doesn't have the distorted voice.

29:38

They also censor them, so they don't

29:40

get the gold that we really want

29:43

to want to hear. like the guy

29:45

who stips Andes, the Batman Andes guy.

29:47

That's what we're all here for. And

29:50

I guess in the words of Coco

29:52

Chanel, to be original, you should be

29:54

ready to be copied. So what? Well

29:56

done guys. Sorry of my life, babe.

29:59

I knew Brit and Laura were jealous

30:01

of us. Yeah. Did you get that

30:03

vibe? Yeah, get a load of us.

30:06

Get a load of us. I mean,

30:08

of course they are. Yeah. And so

30:10

they're stealing our ideas. Very used to

30:12

our ideas being stolen. My ideas being

30:15

stolen over the journey. Well, the confession

30:17

was something that you actually canceled on

30:19

the podcast. Because we were doing the

30:22

confessions there for a while. Yeah, and

30:24

then you gave up because you didn't

30:26

have enough convictions left. You ran out

30:28

of steam in confessions. Because we just

30:31

talked about it. You did three and

30:33

went, oh, fuck this. Didn't you? You

30:35

could have it off to be a

30:38

Matthew. I used chat cheapie tea to

30:40

give you my confessions. Oh, that's right.

30:42

Yeah. Confessions weren't our... But if you're

30:44

going to do secrets and I don't

30:47

claim confessions. And I don't claim confessions.

30:49

We didn't invent it. We invented it.

30:51

We invented it. Two people sitting on

30:54

chairs. All us. Yeah. And I think

30:56

that's obvious. And I invented Twitter. Hmm.

30:58

That's an idea I had before it.

31:00

Elon? Yeah. Well Elon bought it. Yeah.

31:03

Different. Would you be rich when you're

31:05

now if you'd come up with that

31:07

idea properly? So look. Brit and Laura

31:10

Hays stealing ideas. But we are fans

31:12

of theirs. You're always in the ask

31:14

uncut. section yeah always but they would

31:16

they play one where a lady goes

31:19

mr. Boris is fucking hot would they

31:21

play that or is that that's a

31:23

can be real yeah specialty I feel

31:26

yeah so I do think we've got

31:28

a niche we've got our own little

31:30

niche here got our own little place

31:32

in the world and I'm happy with

31:35

that I don't listen to a lot

31:37

of other podcast because I don't want

31:39

to be influenced or give them a

31:42

download No, give him a bloody day.

31:44

No, I'm going to. Go and give

31:46

him a download mate. I'm not going

31:48

to do that. Why not? Well, I'm

31:51

a very busy person. And I just...

31:53

Which one do you think you would

31:55

like more out of Brittany Hockley and

31:58

Laura Byrne? I feel like... What? You

32:00

don't want to get into another few,

32:02

do you? Don't know which ones,

32:04

which ones, which ones, which ones,

32:06

which? Well Laura's the lovely mother

32:09

and Brittany's Brittany. That's not

32:11

helping me. Look, they're

32:13

both skinny ladies. That's

32:15

all I know. They're skinny ladies

32:17

and good on them. Yeah. And

32:19

all they're killing it. They're

32:21

dominating in the podcast world, aren't

32:24

they? Yeah. Maddy Jay. She's with Maddy.

32:26

The skinny lady. That narrows are down.

32:28

Good on them. Good luck to everyone.

32:31

So there's skinny ladies with nice hair

32:33

and I get that. They are. Yeah,

32:35

so good. Actually, he's kind of

32:37

a skilator. Actually, you are very,

32:40

Laura's always getting her feet out

32:42

on the podcast. Is she? So she's

32:44

obviously, well that's you, that's you

32:46

taking that off her. Is she

32:48

from, look, my feet of purple, my

32:50

circulation is not great. Is

32:52

she a Queensland kid? No. No,

32:54

I don't think. I thought it was just

32:57

us Queensland kids who got around with

32:59

them. Nah mate, she gets the feet

33:01

out as well. So maybe, you know,

33:03

you too could get together? We should

33:05

just wear no shoes. We should definitely

33:07

do that. We're starting Only Fans account.

33:10

Okay. Because you were talking about that.

33:12

I did talk about it because I

33:14

do take good care of my feet, but

33:16

as I said earlier on another episode. I

33:18

just reckon the feet market's probably

33:21

taken. I think there's just some... Don't

33:23

give up. with a friend, where the

33:25

two of us, no me and another

33:27

lady, sit and just talk about pop

33:29

culture. Why would I do that? Shameless

33:32

is one of the biggest podcasts

33:34

in Australia. Yeah, that's my point.

33:36

Oh, there's already one of those. Yeah,

33:38

so why would I... It seems like there's

33:41

a million of those. Why would I start

33:43

a podcast? Why would me and Donna sit

33:45

here going, oh, have you heard about the

33:47

latest Lady Gagga thing? No. Why would

33:49

we do that? I want to, you

33:51

know what, I actually want to hear

33:53

that podcast. I want to hear you

33:55

and Donna do the, what's the latest

33:57

Lady Gagga thing? There was no it.

34:00

You'll be across it, you're across that

34:02

shit. You know what's going on, you're

34:04

about, you're a, you know, you know,

34:06

you know, you know, you know, you

34:08

know, I know, you mean. So my

34:10

daughter and I talk about in the

34:12

spa. Well, Britain, Laura, stop stealing our

34:15

fucking ideas. Yeah, get off. Fuck. If

34:17

you have a secret, you want to

34:19

share it. All you have to do

34:21

is go to the link in the

34:23

bio or go to the description in

34:25

the close Facebook group as well. Just

34:28

search, can we be real, can we

34:30

be real, can we be real, can

34:32

we be real, can we be real,

34:34

can we be real, can we be

34:36

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