0:00

tickets left to our Brisbane live show at

0:02

the Brisbane Comedy Festival May 24th, 6pm

0:04

at the Sit Down Comedy Club. If you

0:06

want to get your tickets, go to

0:08

CanWeBeReal .com or just click the link in

0:11

the bio. I wonder if we've got an

0:13

audience there of people that listen to

0:15

us from jail. I don't know if they're

0:17

allowed. I feel like there's phones in

0:19

jail though, isn't there? Yeah, but they've got

0:21

to come up your arse. People could

0:23

be listening us through those phones. That's

0:26

a lot of commitment and I really

0:28

appreciate it. I'd love to

0:30

know if that is happening. You're listening to us

0:32

now on a phone that came in up

0:34

someone's ass. I'm

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Josie Santy, health coach, wellness editor

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to help you thrive in every

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results. Terms and conditions apply. Can

2:08

we be real hello bags? Hey, can I

2:10

just quickly jump in here? Yeah, live show coming

2:12

up in a few weeks time if you

2:14

want to get your tickets If you're watching us

2:16

on YouTube or you're listening right now You

2:18

can go to the link in the bio and

2:20

grab your tickets. There are a few tickets

2:22

left. I would love to a brisbane back in

2:24

the bris and be warming me Cuz we're

2:26

gonna be there. Yeah, is it what's may like

2:28

in in? They think it's cold.

2:30

So you're just gonna be you've just shown

2:32

yourself up there and you're embarrassing me. What

2:34

do you mean? Because they'll be going, things

2:36

that's warm. But climate change, mate. We've been

2:38

out the city while. No, they'll be wearing

2:40

jumpers. Yeah. Yeah. You know, you and

2:42

I'll be going, fuck this, all right? Isn't it

2:44

right? like, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. So, yeah, but

2:47

it's always fun. It's always a special edge to

2:49

being in the Vegas, I think, in a good

2:51

way, a good edge. We

2:53

had to sit down comedy club. Sit down comedy club,

2:55

mate. Brilliant. In Paddley. In Paddley.

2:57

And the other guys. In Paddow.

2:59

In Paddow. Just down the road from

3:01

the grand old lady, Lang Park. Is

3:04

that enough local for you? Well, that's

3:06

yeah, that's local as that's the for those

3:09

overseas. That's the the footy stadium. We're

3:11

Suncorp Stadium I'm still calling it Lane Park

3:13

because they're not paying me Suncorp It's

3:15

Lane Park to me. It will always be

3:17

Lane Park. The Wally Lewis statue out

3:19

the front guys. Wally Lewis is a icon

3:21

in Brisbane. He's a footy player. He's

3:23

kind of our Tom Brady. I

3:26

don't think so He's

3:28

kind of our David Beckham.

3:31

Anyway The

3:34

king and the beautiful king

3:37

now I What does that remind

3:39

me of? Oh, please do

3:41

whatever you want, but don't vomit

3:43

during our show. What do

3:45

you mean? You know

3:47

Tracy Morgan. No. Oh

3:49

hilarious you will know

3:51

beautiful hilarious comedian African -American

3:53

so funny so eccentric,

3:56

30 Rock. Remember he was on

3:58

30 Rock and he does my favorite

4:00

episode of Seinfeld's getting coffee with

4:02

comedians in cars. I always get those

4:05

words around the wrong way. I

4:07

think that's what's called. But he

4:09

does the funniest thing. He's just driving along in

4:11

this car with Jerry. And all

4:13

of a sudden he turns to Jerry and he goes, remember

4:15

when you were in Seinfeld? And

4:18

Jerry's like, do

4:20

I remember? Yeah, like

4:22

he's just that he's just got a

4:24

really weird mind, but it's funny

4:27

and it's hilarious and it's adorable. He

4:29

vomited on the court the other night

4:31

at an NBA game. He had court side

4:33

seats to watch the Lakers or whoever

4:36

his team. And they had to stop the

4:38

game and carry him off the court

4:40

in front of all the other celebrities in

4:42

front of the whole court because he's

4:44

just vomited. There's photos on the floor. It's

4:47

bad. And the next day,

4:50

he says, I got food poisoning.

4:53

Apparently, he just got food poisoning.

4:55

That's to be the worst place to have a

4:57

spew as a public person. Because, I mean, there's

4:59

always the kiss cam that could get you out.

5:01

Everyone gets to watch the moment.

5:04

There's cameras all around court from

5:06

the sports media, and someone's got

5:08

it. Got a photo of him

5:10

vomiting, splashing on the floor. I

5:13

just thought, God, a

5:15

public vom. That's so...

5:18

big night out? I don't think I've had

5:20

a public vom since... Not in a bin

5:22

after a nightclub or anything like that? Not

5:24

since high school, I don't reckon, or uni

5:26

at the latest. I think there's a bar

5:28

on the Gold Coast called the Titanium Bar,

5:30

which is where the Titans all hang out.

5:32

Oh, brilliant. And I spewed it in a

5:34

pop plant. Did you? Yeah, it was a

5:36

big pop plant in the corner, which had

5:38

a nice fern all over it. And

5:40

I could feel one coming on. And I didn't want

5:43

to go home because I was having such a great

5:45

night. So I just walked over to the pop plant,

5:47

threw up in there. It was like

5:49

a radio station thing that we're doing. And then

5:51

I came back over and just continued on. But

5:54

then the titanium bar put a complaint in

5:56

because they had footage of me spewing in the.

5:58

No. They called the general manager of the radio

6:01

station and said, um, one of your

6:03

staff last night just fucking spewed in our pop plant.

6:06

And I'd have a meeting with the

6:08

fucking people and apologize so which is

6:10

I I get it I shouldn't have

6:12

done that yeah, but look it's sort

6:14

of raised my You've never done that

6:16

you've never spewed in a public place

6:18

since I was a teen let's get

6:20

out and get tonight. Let's do it

6:22

on the on the train Not going

6:24

on the train with you, mate. Give

6:26

it up No, I think I might

6:28

have asked a late -night cabbie to pull

6:30

over so I could hurl out the

6:32

door At some stage, you

6:35

know, we've all been there. We've all

6:37

been there, but I don't think and

6:39

you know some people are Phobic about

6:41

vomiting. Yeah, I think like

6:43

my daughter used to be as a

6:45

little kid She was you know kids are

6:47

scared of vomiting because you know I

6:49

don't know if you've ever seen a kid

6:51

vomit or about to vomit They get

6:54

they're so frightened and it's like they try

6:56

and keep it in like and you

6:58

like let it out let it out feels

7:00

great after yeah you feel certain they're

7:02

scared of something flying out of their body

7:04

so they try so weird their little

7:06

eyes are so wide they're crying just spew

7:08

mate and i think she might still

7:10

be phobic about it but yeah it's not

7:12

a nice feeling when you're going through

7:15

it it's horrible you feel out of control

7:17

Yes. And I don't know about you, and if

7:19

you've had a spew after a big night out,

7:21

if you're doing it in the bathroom, and then

7:23

you lie on the tiles after. Yeah, the nice

7:25

cold tiles. And because all of you are a

7:28

bit sweaty. Yeah. But then that feeling after you've

7:30

finished. Yeah. And then you can just lie there.

7:32

When you know you're finished. When you

7:34

know... But how is it when you don't know

7:36

when you're finished? You're lying on the tiles. Yeah,

7:38

you want to be finished. And you're like, is

7:40

this it? You want to believe it's it, don't

7:42

you? You're like, yeah, I think that's it. You're

7:44

telling yourself, yeah, that's it. Oh,

7:46

no, it's it. And when

7:48

you get to the bit where you've got nothing left in your

7:50

stomach, what's that? And then your muscles are still pushing shit out.

7:52

What the fuck is it doing? It's

7:55

bad. It's bad. So I get why the

7:57

kids freak out about it. And some adults,

7:59

some adults have got phobias about vomiting. And

8:01

yeah, seeing poor Tracy Morgan, how unlucky to

8:03

go and basketball game. Yeah, go and have

8:05

some... Oysters or whatever you do before you

8:07

go out with boys and then you're sitting

8:09

there thinking I reckon I'm gonna spew it.

8:11

Yeah, and then you think no Was he

8:13

in the middle of the aisle or something

8:15

like why would you get I he would

8:17

have front row seats wouldn't he was in

8:19

the front row? I think it just snuck

8:21

up on him so hard. I feel like

8:23

you know when one's coming I agree. I've

8:25

never had one sneak up. I've got about

8:27

a 10 -minute window where I start to

8:29

go Things are getting a bit weird usually

8:31

got a headache. So I'm going all really

8:33

bad headache something's going on my Flu

8:37

liquid like right yeah, you get

8:39

about a 10 minute warning before

8:41

you get there. I reckon maybe

8:43

just loving the game. Yeah, it's

8:45

a very engrossing game. I mean

8:47

it can really can you know

8:50

really get you bump bump bump

8:52

bump bump bump bump bump bump

8:54

bump bump bump bump bump bump

8:56

bump bump bump bump bump bump

8:58

bump bump bump bump bump bump

9:05

Oh my god, it's so fun and amazing. I've

9:08

been to a baseball game. Went to the

9:10

Dodgers. I've never

9:12

been. No, I really want to. where you do

9:14

the whole take me out to a ball and

9:16

everyone sings along. They send the peanuts around. I

9:18

was going to say, tell me about the food,

9:20

because American foods are amazing. It's all the shit

9:22

we would love, mate. We would have a field

9:24

day. Do they bring them down the stands like

9:27

that? Peanuts. Oh,

9:29

yeah. And then I think the basketball is very

9:31

similar. In basketball, you have to go

9:33

out and get your food. But you can definitely

9:35

bring in that weird nachos with the bright, bright

9:37

yellow cheese. Which is not cheese. It's just like

9:39

sauce cheese. I don't like sauce cheese. I really

9:42

want my cheese to be grated. Residue

9:44

or something. I don't know what

9:46

it is. But it's so fun being

9:48

amongst Americans. Isn't it? They do

9:50

entertainment better than anybody else, don't they?

9:52

Even their president does it. Oh,

9:54

my word. I mean, he's putting on

9:57

a show. Yeah, always. Always putting

9:59

on a show. Yeah, fantastic. All right. Yeah,

10:01

we've got to go to America. And

10:03

I promise. Would you go at the moment, though? No.

10:05

No, we're going to have to wait. It's

10:07

like we said, I think in the last episode we said

10:09

recently we've got to go to Russia Well, we can't go

10:11

at the moment. There's a lot of places you just can't

10:13

go at the moment. Barley's still

10:15

on the list. Oh, mate. Barley never comes off

10:17

the list. Yeah. Yeah, Cairns. Did you say Cairns?

10:19

Cairns. We get to smash out of Cairns. Always

10:22

on the list. Cairns. France. We get to France.

10:24

France are down here. Okay, they've got a new

10:26

prime minister or president. I don't know. All

10:28

of Europe's a bit. What do you mean all of Europe?

10:30

On the nose. When was the last time you went to Europe?

10:33

pre -kids. Germany was the last. I love Germany

10:35

much. You love Germany. But even then, like,

10:37

it's just a bit iffy at the moment.

10:39

You just never know when start.

10:42

I feel like it's fine. Do you? If

10:44

you go into the good areas, Greece, Italy,

10:47

France, you'd fine. The thing about

10:49

that I find amazing as an Australian is

10:51

they're all so close to the bad areas. It's

10:53

like... Oh, Turkey and then you have bloody...

10:55

Yeah, it's right. Like, Turkey is across the creek

10:57

from... From, like, somewhere

10:59

scary. Now you're forcing us to

11:02

do geography. Yeah, like, it's like, everywhere's,

11:05

scary. Everywhere's a bit scary. It's across the creek

11:07

from somewhere scary. so good. And what's funny

11:10

is we're so far away that we think, ooh,

11:12

right? Yeah. Over there. Ah. That's what I

11:14

mean. They're just like, that's fine. What are you

11:16

going on about? Oh, there's a whole, Russia's

11:18

just there. Yeah, they're like, there's a whole creek

11:20

between us and Syria. Don't worry about it. No,

11:23

it's fine. Let's do anything over

11:25

there. We're doing our thing here.

11:27

Jesus Christ. But

11:29

don't you think that is really

11:32

interesting that in that small compact

11:34

area, you can literally jump

11:36

on a train for like one hour

11:38

and be in a complete different country,

11:40

a complete different language, new food,

11:42

all that kind of thing. where I

11:44

think that's what surprises us because we're like, well,

11:46

Australia, like, you know, you can fly for

11:48

five hours and still have the same type of

11:50

people. Yeah, exactly the same type

11:52

of people. Absolutely. Like, yeah, I think

11:54

we have subtle differences, but it's not like

11:56

not like America or Europe. You know,

11:58

yeah, Germany and France

12:01

are completely different cultures.

12:04

They're completely immersive. Everyone's right

12:06

into it. Yeah. And

12:09

Yeah, we just don't have that here.

12:11

Like you go to Germany and there's

12:13

absolutely people wearing leaderhosen for a night

12:15

out. There's young men. Oh, yeah, and

12:17

that's it's not a costume like they're

12:19

not mucking around. It's beautiful. It's Christmas.

12:21

Yeah, and they're seriously wearing that outfit

12:23

to go out on the piece. Amazing.

12:27

I love it. Yeah, me too. I mean,

12:29

absolutely. A train tour on the itinerary. We'll

12:31

do a train tour. I do love a

12:33

European train, because you get it. Oh, so,

12:35

oh, okay. Hang a second here, train lady. What's

12:38

going on? So you love a European train,

12:40

not an Australian train? No, they're better. I the

12:42

train all the time in Melbourne, but

12:44

saying... Mate, I've got a driverless train. I'm not

12:46

going to bring this up again from a few weeks ago.

12:48

don't care if it's got a driver or not. It's not like

12:50

I'm chatting to the driver. I don't

12:52

care. But in Germany, in Europe, how good are

12:54

the trains? You can sit on a train

12:56

for six hours happily. Yeah. Have a sandwich. Oh,

12:58

have a sandwich. beer. See the first class?

13:00

Yes. You know, you could really upgrade yourself for

13:02

like 40 euros. It's not even expensive. So

13:05

good. Mm. OK. And the

13:07

train station's the next level. great. This world tour,

13:09

mate. It's going to be huge. It's going to

13:11

go right off. just need the bloody audience to

13:13

grow so that we can get over there. Yeah.

13:15

OK. This is going to happen. Or maybe we

13:17

could be billeted. Maybe we, instead

13:20

of paying for accommodation, should we

13:22

make like a hockey team? Sleep

13:24

with the Japanese family. Make like

13:26

a hockey team from Gimpy and

13:28

get billeted. Okay, I'm up

13:30

for that. Okay. Brilliant. How long we staying

13:32

there though? Nine days? Couple of

13:34

months. Couple of months. What the hell? Leave the

13:36

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at linkedin .com slash results. Terms

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and conditions apply. Alright,

14:44

let's get into some secrets. If you've got a

14:46

secret you want to share, all you have to

14:48

do is go to the link in the bio

14:50

of the podcast. Our first secret is written into

14:52

us. My next -door neighbour

14:54

thinks we have an adorable back

14:56

fence friendship. I'm

14:58

picturing, what's that TV show that we used to watch when we

15:00

were growing up? Tool Time?

15:02

Yeah, Tool Time. Home

15:05

Improvement, you. Yeah, Home Improvement, where you had the hat

15:07

and you never got to see the guy. Wilson. Wilson?

15:09

Yeah. But I only ever chat

15:11

with her to keep tabs on when she's going

15:13

away so I can use her bin. I

15:16

love that. Bins.

15:18

Awesome movein' bins. It's such issue. How's

15:20

your bin going? My bins are great.

15:22

Since we moved out of a townhouse

15:24

into a house, we got a big

15:26

bin. I'm loving life. A

15:28

smaller bin? Yeah, in the townhouse we

15:30

had that little green bin and it was

15:32

a nightmare and I was constantly having

15:35

to drive around the neighbourhood to drop off.

15:37

Why do people in a townhouse have less

15:39

garbage? No, it's a three

15:41

bedroom townhouse. I have no idea

15:43

what they think I'm managing in

15:45

there, but it was a push. Also,

15:48

Noji lives in Commission Flats. So

15:50

she's got a huge industrial bins downstairs

15:52

from her place. So she takes

15:54

a lot of our excess garbage and

15:56

our boxes home. So I'm very

15:59

lucky that way. But yeah,

16:01

bins are an issue. You

16:05

know, there'll be the odd bloke around the place

16:07

who'll get the shits if you leave your bins

16:09

out for an extra night after they've been emptied.

16:11

God, I hate those guys. I remember when we

16:13

had neighbours going away that we had to put

16:15

their bins out so that they look like they

16:17

were still there. So that people wouldn't rob their

16:19

house. Yeah, it's a signpost. And empty their mailbox,

16:21

did you? Empty their mailbox, all the routine gear

16:23

just to make sure that nobody... Absolutely. Is that

16:25

still a thing these days where people are doing

16:27

that? Well, people still do it. Yeah,

16:29

I've done it for neighbours too. Absolutely. Yeah, but again,

16:31

it's great because you get to use their bin. You

16:35

know, you get to fill it up. I

16:37

will do the drop sometimes of a night.

16:39

Thursday night's our bin night. So if I've

16:41

got excess, go creeping around

16:43

the neighbourhood or dropping it in other people's

16:45

bins. We live in an apartment block. So

16:47

there's always, and I find it in every

16:50

apartment block, there is always some kind of

16:52

person that just nominates themselves as the bin

16:54

guy or the bin lady. bin monitor. The

16:56

bin monitor, who? That's not a job. In

16:58

my mum's block, it's Pauline. Right, what's... Pauline's

17:00

good about it. Like, she makes sure everyone's

17:02

bins out if they forget and all that.

17:04

So, but yeah, I it. had notes, though,

17:06

thrown under our door. Hey, stop using... Your

17:09

bin number is this number. Use your bin,

17:11

please. Don't put stuff in other people's bins.

17:13

And I'm thinking, who's actually opening

17:15

lids? Yeah, and like... And also,

17:17

If there's room, then

17:19

goose. It's going in the bloody truck.

17:21

Who cares? That's what I'm saying. If,

17:23

like, my bins are out, I've even

17:25

given other dog walkers permission to put

17:27

their dog shit bags in my bin.

17:30

I said to them, listen, feel

17:32

free. You know? Is

17:35

it illegal? No, but some people will crack the

17:37

shit about it. Yeah, so it's just the cracking of

17:39

the shit that can happen. It's not a breaking

17:41

of the law as you're putting shit or you're putting

17:43

something in somebody's bin. You know you're walking down

17:45

the street. I think there's an episode of Kirby enthusiasm

17:47

about Larry's walking down the street He's eating an

17:49

apple gets to the bottom of the apple just opens

17:51

a bin chucks it in this guy comes out

17:54

and goes What are you doing putting something in my

17:56

bin? It's like it's a bit. This

17:58

is garbage. How much space is it? But

18:00

some people just love

18:03

getting offended, don't they? How

18:05

do you file the bin

18:07

bandit? The bin bandit? Yeah,

18:10

perfectly understandable. I'm a bin

18:12

bandit myself. Absolutely.

18:14

A proud bin bandit. Yeah. Yeah. All

18:16

right. Our next secret. I told

18:18

my husband I was doing a mindfulness

18:20

retreat last year, but I actually

18:23

went to a wine tour in the

18:25

Hunter Valley with my best friend. I

18:27

sent him stock photos of trees and candles

18:30

as proof. Oh,

18:33

God. How good is the Hunter Valley, mate?

18:35

How good is lying? How good is lying?

18:37

There's a lot of liars. Yeah. I think

18:39

I encourage them, and they encourage me. And

18:41

look, there's nothing wrong with it. I don't

18:44

care what anyone says. If you have to

18:46

lie... These are white lies, they? And also

18:48

just like... You need your space. You need

18:50

a break. What do you say

18:52

that though? Because obviously it will go down like

18:54

a shit sandwich for some reason. I don't

18:56

know. If you say to your husband, I need

18:58

a break. I need a week away with

19:00

Donna. In the

19:02

Hunter Valley? In the Hunter Valley. We just

19:04

want to drink, get massages.

19:07

Sit around a pool laughing and rinse

19:09

and repeat for a week. He

19:11

might go we can't afford it. Oh

19:14

You know, well, then why can't

19:16

I go fishing with my mates? So,

19:18

you know, maybe for some reason

19:20

if you say I'm going to a

19:22

mindfulness retreat I actually

19:24

don't think that helps. Me neither. But if that's

19:26

what it takes to get it through. I

19:29

saw you thinking, as you said

19:31

that out loud, you went, how would

19:33

that work? I don't know why

19:35

that makes better sense, why he's more

19:37

open to that. I don't know.

19:39

But if that, maybe you've convinced him,

19:41

you'll come back calmer. Well, it's

19:43

self help. So if you're going drinking in

19:45

the Hunter, you're not helping yourself at all. You're probably

19:47

not back. But if you're selling it, I'm going to come

19:49

back a better person. Yeah. You're probably not going to

19:52

come back a better person if you're just blind for six

19:54

days. I'm going to come back sick. But

19:56

yeah, whatever it takes, I don't care. Tell him whatever

19:58

you have to tell him to get your break. I'm

20:00

sure he's lying to you about where he's

20:02

going when he goes fishing or whatever. On

20:05

a percentage scale, how much line do you think

20:07

there are in the average relationship these days? Lots.

20:10

It depends on how long you've been together. The

20:12

longer you've been together, more lying? Yeah. And

20:15

it really steps up after you have kids because

20:17

you get more desperate. You just

20:19

get so desperate. What's a desperate lie

20:21

that you've told? Oh, things like that.

20:23

Like, I'm going to the chemist. I'm

20:25

going to drink at Donna's house. But

20:27

that's really obvious, because if you go

20:29

to the chemist, how long are you

20:31

there for? Exactly. What do you

20:33

mean exactly? I need a better lie, mate. I'm going

20:35

to call you out. Well, I

20:37

wasn't called out. I mean, when my babies were

20:39

babies. you say I'm going to the chemist.

20:41

Yeah, I'm just going to the chemist and a

20:43

few other things. I've got to go to

20:46

the chemist. He's not going to say,

20:48

no, you can't go to the chemist. When you've

20:50

got kids. You know, I need something for, I need

20:52

colic medicine or something. But

20:54

maybe I just went and sat in my car. You

20:56

did that a lot actually. Yeah. You were a car

20:59

sitter. Yeah. Yeah. Cars private.

21:02

No one can get at me. No one's

21:04

going to try and talk to me.

21:06

It's just like I'm in the car at

21:08

the beach. I made a mind. He

21:10

told me that when he drives home from

21:12

work and sometimes he pulls up into

21:14

the driveway and just sits in the car.

21:16

Yeah. for ages and just, but then

21:18

takes a deep breath and then walks inside

21:20

to the family. Two

21:23

kids, obviously he's right the middle of

21:25

that, you know, that part of life,

21:27

but. Absolutely. Is that a common thing

21:29

for the. Absolutely. You get so desperate,

21:31

mate. You just get so desperate.

21:33

Car sitting. Oh, lots of car

21:35

sitting. Lots of car sitting.

21:37

And at least now I've got a beach.

21:39

Like I remember when they were babies. Or

21:42

even before they were born, I remember car

21:44

sitting at a park in Brisbane. I'm looking

21:46

at a tree. For how long?

21:49

Oh, I don't know.

21:51

Depend. One time my ex's mother came to stay

21:53

for two weeks. I sat there for hours. Hours.

21:59

All right, let's get into how do

22:01

you file? Perfectly understandable. And

22:03

I love it. Rajesh is going to have

22:06

to duplicate it. Yeah. All right, let's get into

22:08

our first audio secret for today. Can

22:10

you clarify on your podcast

22:12

exactly how anonymous we are when

22:14

we leave a secret? Because

22:16

I would love to leave a

22:19

secret However, I'm a little

22:21

bit concerned that the police may

22:23

be able to get involved Now

22:27

you are completely anonymous and

22:29

we cover your voice up but...

22:31

Do we have contact details? No

22:33

we don't have any contact details so when

22:35

it's anonymous you can choose to put your email

22:38

there if you want to share that but...

22:40

What is the law, if you are telling us

22:42

something that is illegal and then the police

22:44

contact us to, I mean, we're not going to

22:46

get into detail anyway, because we're not going

22:48

to send it. Well, if we don't have your

22:50

details, details. We can't do anything about it,

22:52

right? But there is a law, though, isn't there,

22:54

where if they, if they, if the police

22:56

heard about this, they could subpoena us. So you

22:58

need to know that. Yeah. So just don't,

23:00

don't send your email address or any contact details

23:02

because, yeah. Um, look,

23:05

whether or not they can, yeah, no, they

23:07

can subpoena us for our records and we

23:09

can go, shouldn't leave any. and show them.

23:11

But give us your bloody secret because it

23:13

sounds exciting. Yes, please. What do you think

23:15

she did? Oh,

23:17

drug offence would be

23:20

my guess. Drug related offence.

23:23

Yeah, that would

23:25

be most women are in jail for drug offences.

23:27

So if she's worried about the police, that

23:29

would be my guess. Would

23:32

you share a secret on

23:34

a podcast if you were

23:36

worried about that? If it's

23:38

funny. If it's funny, I

23:40

mean, it's going to end your back in

23:42

jail, wouldn't you just not share it on

23:44

a podcast? She's not an idiot. She's just

23:46

checking first. She's going, hey, can I, you

23:48

know, do you reckon? Can I, and we've

23:50

just given her the green light. That's fine.

23:53

Just don't fill in your email. I wonder

23:55

if we're an audience of people that listen

23:57

to us from jail. I don't know if

23:59

they're allowed. I suppose it would depend what

24:01

depends on what level of security you're in.

24:03

Like if you're in maximum security, you don't,

24:05

you don't get any media. It

24:08

just depends on where you're at. You

24:11

don't have a phone. You don't have an

24:13

iPhone to scroll through. I feel like there's

24:15

phones in jail though, isn't there? Yeah, but

24:17

they've got to come up your arse. Right,

24:19

will they? And it happens. People

24:21

could be listening us through those phones. They

24:23

could be too. That's a lot of commitment

24:25

and I really appreciate it. I'd

24:28

love to know if that is happening. You're listening to

24:30

us now on a phone that came in up someone's

24:32

arse. I imagine that if someone recently went to jail

24:34

and they're like, fuck, I'm going to miss out on

24:36

some episodes of Can We Be Real, I need to

24:38

get a bloody phone in here, whack it up my

24:40

arse. I'm going to have to do me prep and

24:42

get a phone up there on my prison purse. Well,

24:45

let us know if you are in prison listening to the podcast.

24:47

And also, if you want to share a secret, yes, you are anonymous.

24:51

We don't have any of your details unless you share them

24:53

with us. Let's get into

24:55

our next secret. A few

24:57

years ago, I was bullied at

24:59

work by this complete bitch

25:01

and I sort of randomly

25:03

found revenge in a way. She

25:06

used to run marathons and

25:08

I found all these like public

25:10

photos of her mid run

25:12

on socials and she looked

25:14

terrible and it sort of just

25:16

amused me. So I

25:18

created a Finster page and

25:21

I've posted all these just

25:23

terrible photos of her like

25:25

mid -run and it just

25:27

makes me feel slightly better. I

25:30

realize now saying it out

25:32

loud it's a little bit

25:34

cooked but you know like

25:36

I said she was awful

25:38

and it's the one thing

25:40

I can do to have

25:43

revenge without you know doing

25:45

anything too hectic. I

25:48

get it. Too hectic. Well, what are you thinking?

25:50

Well, I know what she means. Like, she's not

25:52

actually attacking this person physically or even contacting her

25:54

or anything like that. The other thing is, does

25:56

she even know about this account? this is reason.

25:58

Because you need her to know for her to

26:00

feel the pain. No. No,

26:02

not necessarily. So other people can just be

26:05

viewing this lady in these bad positions, running.

26:07

It could be just that you're doing it

26:09

just makes you feel better, I guess. You

26:11

know, I love revenge, but which is very

26:13

bad Buddhism. But

26:15

he's reminding me of this

26:18

lady I know, fantastic lady

26:20

called Nicole, who's the

26:22

last time I'll remember, but she's

26:24

written a book about being stalked.

26:26

And this lady stalked her. So

26:29

what happened was Nicole was

26:31

a single mom, met a guy

26:33

at like cricket training or something for one

26:35

of her kids who's a newly single dad, you

26:37

know, they had kids the same age, they hit

26:39

it off. They started seeing each

26:41

other and it's really blossomed and they're still

26:43

together now and they're married. But Just

26:45

before that, he had been seeing another lady.

26:49

Well, this other lady

26:51

then went on to stalk

26:53

Nicole very, very badly and did

26:55

things like this. Now, I

26:58

know that's not what you're doing,

27:00

but she not only would

27:02

do all the usual things like

27:04

phone them and things like

27:06

that, but she started Finsters where

27:08

she posted photos of this

27:10

woman and talked about it being

27:13

ugly and really And

27:15

the different, I don't know,

27:17

the thing is that the target

27:19

doesn't know how mental you

27:21

are, right? So

27:23

if you're just like at nighttime just

27:25

putting up a photo, just having

27:27

a giggle with somebody and you'd never

27:29

do anything more, the

27:31

target doesn't know that. So it can

27:33

be really, really, really scary. Like if

27:35

you suddenly realized, if I

27:37

came to you and went, do you

27:40

know about this? There was an Instagram

27:42

account with lots of ugly photos of

27:44

you running marathons and you had no

27:46

idea who was doing this. Oh, it's

27:48

so weird. Yeah. It's so creepy and

27:50

you might get scared. Totally.

27:52

Well, Yulia actually had this

27:55

happen. Really? Not like to

27:57

this level of detail. So

27:59

her group of girlfriends, there's

28:01

five girlfriends and they There

28:03

was this account that was created

28:05

where they started commenting and like on

28:07

all of the different accounts of

28:10

the girls. And they started

28:12

saying really like weird and

28:14

personal things about either the

28:16

girls or the partners, right?

28:19

And I was not really into it until

28:21

I started getting attacked. They

28:24

started saying that I'd put on weight, right? Okay,

28:28

now I'm invested. It

28:30

was a fake account. And they were

28:33

trying to do all of this research and

28:35

work out who this was. But it

28:37

was someone that knew a lot of detail

28:39

about all five of the girls. It

28:41

was way too much detail for it to

28:43

be just a random person that was

28:45

like looking at Instagram accounts and making TV

28:47

show or a real housewives of Salt

28:49

Lake City plot line. I mean, it sounds

28:51

like it is one of the girls.

28:54

Well, this is what we were thinking. So

28:56

we're doing like a process of elimination. But,

28:59

yeah, we were all getting

29:01

bloody, yeah, absolutely smashed,

29:04

yeah. I'm thinking, fuck, what's

29:06

going on here? Well, here's the issue. As I

29:08

said, you don't know how mental this person is.

29:10

You're thinking, OK, is this it? Is this where

29:12

it begins and ends? Are they amused at putting

29:14

up photos of me running or saying I've put

29:16

on weight? Or are they outside my

29:18

house right now? Are they outside the window? And

29:20

why are they so angry? Like, what have I

29:22

done? Who in my life hates me that much

29:25

that they How angry are they? How far I

29:27

was just going to go. So

29:29

I'm going to say be careful. Because at the

29:31

moment, you and I know it's harmless because

29:33

you explained it to us. I'm like, OK, I

29:35

get it. It's a bit of harmless payback

29:37

to someone who's a bitch to your work. But

29:39

you can really terrify someone

29:41

and actually traumatize them with

29:44

shit like this. see,

29:46

he's like... It can be

29:48

really scary. How do you

29:50

file it? Be careful. Just be careful. All

29:52

right, if you have a secret you want

29:54

to share on the podcast, go to the

29:56

link in the bio and we will catch

29:58

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