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0:46

to Cruel Classics, I'm your host Giovanni. this is

0:48

the podcast where we play the best moments highlights

0:51

and fans like clips from all 15 years of

0:53

the Adam Cruel Show. We have a companion podcast

0:55

titled Cruel Classics. The ad -free archives are exclusively available

0:57

through Adam Cruel's sub -stack. All right, come up

0:59

first we have Adam Cruel show 10 -22. this is

1:01

Grant Lee Phillips, Dave Damichek, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop.

1:03

This is an infamous What A Fool Believes clip,

1:05

it's a lot of fun, hope you enjoy. Since

1:11

we're Boston Dawson's chops, it's a perfect time

1:14

to mention that Lisa Lowe will be coming in

1:16

next week. Oh! Oh! All

1:20

right, let's tell the

1:22

story now, so knows all

1:24

about it. Yeah, you're

1:26

gonna to need to. One

1:28

time! Dawson, when I was doing a morning

1:30

show When

1:32

I was doing a morning

1:34

show in 2008 or something like

1:36

that, he showed up in chance

1:39

that didn't have gravy on them.

1:41

And I said, whoa, what's the occasion?

1:43

Dress chance. Yeah. Like

1:45

my cans off. Yeah, he was wearing

1:47

was wearing flip -flops There are like only

1:49

four to six years old And I

1:52

said what is the occasion Dawson And

1:54

he said at least lobes coming in

1:56

today Yeah. And

1:59

he said, She does that single show,

2:01

you know? you know, number one hit

2:03

single or whatever it is. She did

2:05

that it is. She single, like VH1 single looking

2:07

for, Lobe's for a date and looking for, looking

2:10

for her date show. was that? single. Number one

2:12

single, right? And she's cute as

2:14

a button and she sounds great as a

2:16

button and songs and everything like that. writes

2:18

fun And I said, so what of it that.

2:20

And he I said, so what of it, And

2:22

I said, he going out. out. Yeah, and I And

2:24

I said, that going going to work? And he

2:26

said, I'm going to ask her out.

2:29

I said, what? That don't mean you're going

2:31

mean you're going to go out. can apply for a

2:33

job at but it doesn't mean

2:35

you're going to be working there. And

2:37

he said, was she single? well, she's

2:39

single. Yeah, I know, at least in the

2:41

TV show, she's single, but that

2:43

don't mean she's going out

2:45

with you. you. You access to to every,

2:48

by the way by the way, I'd get get divorced

2:50

tomorrow if I thought those were the

2:52

rules. were the rules. Lynette no no no, no you

2:54

but you know what I'm saying. and the

2:56

rules aren't because aren't because you're

2:58

single. You must date me the rules

3:00

are you have to sign

3:02

off on this request. so some sort

3:04

sort of positive affirmation. Yeah. I

3:07

said to Dawson, this is

3:09

not a done deal by any

3:11

stretch of the imagination. of the

3:13

That information information confused the than anything. anything

3:15

and I said, right well go ahead and

3:17

right, well, go ahead and ask.

3:19

I'm not telling you to ask her

3:21

I'm just saying saying Don't start,

3:23

you know, planning the date out just yet

3:25

until you get confirmation. confirmation from

3:28

her. And he said, said, confused little

3:30

confused by the exchange. are story

3:32

short, they're married. married. Long short,

3:34

story short, she came in

3:36

an hour later a song, split,

3:38

and I said, I said, jask around,

3:40

and he went, yeah. And I said,

3:42

what happened? that's a good, okay.

3:44

and I thought, let this be a this

3:46

be a lesson to you and everyone

3:48

else She She must have terrible taste

3:50

in taste in men. No. to never

3:52

try, Ever. And I I hope there's

3:54

young people listening. young

3:56

people listening. Now,

3:59

here's... the news

4:01

and the bad news

4:03

Dawson She's not going to

4:05

remember this exchange. I know, and

4:07

I'm happy about that. can you

4:09

do bad news till he tells her Tell

4:12

I tell her no the bad news

4:14

is that she's not going to remember the exchange,

4:16

meaning There's a

4:18

song. by the uh...

4:20

the do we brothers called

4:22

what a fool believes all

4:24

right uh... Yeah

4:28

Yeah, that's right on the mic

4:30

exactly what it sounded like Bye.

4:32

Bye. That's

4:36

right. That's right.

4:38

If you get the lyrics to that song. And

4:43

that's exactly it. not

4:46

voting for her! That's

4:48

exactly it!

4:50

that's exactly

4:53

it the The

4:55

white man has to find the

4:57

white supremacist song. You wouldn't know it

4:59

he mumbles. It's an interesting song.

5:01

And if you break it down, it's

5:03

basically just about it. It's about

5:05

a guy. who

5:07

thinks he had a relationship with

5:09

a chick, but she doesn't

5:11

remember who he is. all right

5:13

if you really just break it

5:15

down is it because he didn't

5:18

enunciate their lyrics are right over

5:20

there yeah yeah co -writer yeah he

5:22

really yeah yeah she's

5:27

me trying hard

5:29

to recreate

5:31

we will get

5:33

to be

5:35

once in her

5:38

she must do the

5:40

smile where's the time to

5:42

tell Never

5:44

come me! working hard

5:46

and cleaning. All in the

5:48

real life. It

5:51

never really was. Now now this

5:53

is where it gets cruel. She

5:56

had a place on his

5:58

life. No, no, go up.

6:00

Oh, really? From there?

6:02

No, From Oh, yeah, there it

6:04

is. Oh, that's right! She... Oh,

6:06

yeah, All right, now here's

6:08

where it gets. Oh, that's

6:11

right. Right, now

6:14

here's where part.

6:17

it gets

6:19

sad. That's...

6:22

That's the...

6:24

That's the

6:26

sad part.

6:29

It's kind of an interesting song. It's

6:31

the wise man. It's not

6:33

the white man. I'm

6:35

sorry It's the wise man. It's not

6:37

the white man. I'm sorry. Same difference. To

6:39

reason the right yeah right. Yeah. It's

6:42

right. Yeah. It's a hit. It's kind of

6:44

of an interesting song that

6:46

was magical and a

6:48

little sad as well i

6:50

had no idea And a little

6:53

sad as well. I had no get

6:55

michael Yeah. on the show Yeah.

6:57

You can get get Mike McDonald on

6:59

the show? show? I think with a couple

7:01

of phone calls. of right. We gotta get

7:04

right. in gotta someone who knows him? something

7:06

that would be the first phone call. him.

7:08

would be the very first one that

7:10

would have to be made. phone call. That would

7:12

be the be random phone one That's really have

7:14

to be made. It when I a on tour

7:16

with Yeah, Parsons in South America, The guy when I

7:19

went guy who was our stage manager, in

7:21

South I mean the guy who was

7:23

the production manager our stage manager, I mean, the guy who the

7:25

house guy. And that has to do

7:27

with Michael McDonald's front of house guy. Because is

7:29

good. Yes. is All right,

7:31

so we will, So we

7:33

we hear that? Do you

7:35

have that sombra that? Do you

7:37

have that song, little underrated. a little

7:39

underrated. It gets think I'm

7:41

a little too much about a little too

7:44

much about China growth. Oh yeah. Yeah. You

7:46

know what? It's got the bongo in

7:48

it from the, if you like if

7:50

you like colada. It's got a

7:52

little little like Holmes in it,

7:54

think, in it, I think, the prom.

8:00

Did anyone ever know what this song was about? know

8:02

what this song was about?

8:04

Uh-huh. White power. Yeah, it's

8:07

like, your mind just kind

8:09

of writes stuff off, or

8:11

you kind of move kind

8:14

of write stuff you kind of

8:16

move and it's just kind of Diddy, but

8:18

it's got some truth to it. It's

8:20

of move it's got some depth to

8:22

it. eh, it's

8:26

a little

8:28

popcorn ditty,

8:31

but it's

8:34

got some

8:37

truth to

8:40

it. You

8:43

got used

8:45

to my...

8:48

Very good.

8:51

Is that

8:56

All right, good song, yeah. Also,

8:58

if you ever to to

9:00

some Steely stuff, Michael does

9:02

some pretty stellar work. stellar

9:05

work in That'll be it when

9:07

we get in and we'll talk nothing but

9:09

be it. When we get him, he makes a cameo,

9:11

kind of a Dan. of

9:13

cameo. He makes wind, any song

9:15

that has a he or a

9:18

in it, of song, he's

9:20

immediately of attracted to. you have

9:22

a Get a song, any could play

9:24

a has a shoots up in

9:26

his Congo in it. Right. Uh, ride like

9:28

they're the wind? Sorry. No, find that

9:30

one that one. Oh, somewhere. it's all

9:32

right. have it. There's... you listen

9:34

to the Congo to the

9:36

whatever. Bongo, whatever. Congo,

9:39

Unchained, we call it. We'll

9:41

find it. it. You can

9:43

really find... I do You can

9:45

really find have don't have that. hell

9:47

is the hell is going on in

9:49

this country, Bald bald Brian? Lee Phillips, by

9:51

the way, by music,

9:54

The music, walking... in the

9:56

green corn available on Amazon as

9:58

we speak. Let's Let's

10:00

see, just to hear that beginning, just to

10:02

hear that beginning just to hear that and

10:05

slapping the skins thing, if we don't

10:07

have it might hand slap he's the

10:09

skins. But if we My cousin.

10:11

have it, Mike, he's going to

10:13

find it. Mike will have

10:15

it somewhere. Mike has an iPod with

10:17

some pretty stellar back or

10:20

something. Let's see. And yeah,

10:22

Michael McDonald has some Dan. Christopher

10:24

Cross, right? Oh, sorry,

10:26

screwed you up with

10:28

that. Dan. I got to say

10:30

make fun of the

10:32

song all you like

10:35

grandly not yourself out

10:37

I got to say

10:39

make fun of the

10:41

song all you like

10:43

but comes on I gotta say,

10:45

make fun of the song all you like comes on

10:47

the radio, I ain't changing it. I

10:49

may sit my cock Back

11:00

It's just the right guys on the

11:02

run, on the road. write Gotta hurry,

11:04

gotta get to the next town. on

11:07

the to my next lady.

11:09

the road Got to hurry got to get

11:11

to the next town Chris cross make love

11:13

to the way, you

11:15

don't have to say

11:17

border of Mexico. We

11:19

know where you're going.

11:21

You're not going to

11:23

Canada for Christ's sake. That

11:32

Christopher Cross was an outlaw. You

11:34

should see him. Rindler's face. Yeah.

11:36

Here comes Michael. Such a long

11:38

way to go. All right. All

11:40

right. All right. All right. Yeah.

11:42

All right. It's got that bongo

11:44

they like. That must have been

11:46

his decision-making must have

11:49

been his decision

11:51

-making process, like

11:53

is that a

11:55

cool kind of bead

11:57

in. Yeah. But, but, but,

11:59

all right. Grant Lee Phillips everybody

12:01

and keep it up as we

12:04

go out. What the hell. Thank

12:06

you so much for coming in.

12:08

Always a good time. And of

12:11

course, Allison Rosen and Ball Bryan

12:13

and Dawson for being a good

12:15

sport. And until next time, this

12:18

is Adam Corolla saying. Mahalo. I

12:20

like it when my boyfriend defecates

12:22

on me. All

12:27

right, this Adam

12:30

Curla Show 1022.

12:32

Come up next,

12:35

we have Adam

12:37

Aquila Show 2720

12:39

featuring Gina Grad,

12:42

Brian Bishop, since

12:44

December of 2019,

12:47

13th Annual Ace

12:49

Awards, Gina's fifth

12:51

year. Hope you

12:54

guys enjoy. Ace

12:56

Awards celebrating the

12:59

best of the

13:01

Adam Corolla show

13:03

this year with

13:06

seat slash bra

13:08

filler Gina Grab

13:11

and Oscar statue

13:13

model Balb Ryan.

13:15

And now your

13:18

host for tonight

13:20

ceremony. Well,

13:25

here we are again, everybody. Since this

13:27

is the last time we'll talk before

13:29

we go on our little extended break,

13:31

if you'd like to go ahead and

13:33

pre-order the new book. I'm your emotional

13:35

support animal. Navigator, all woke and no-joke

13:37

culture. It is now ready for pre-order.

13:39

I guess you can get it at

13:42

Amazon or... Barnes & Noble, Amazon links

13:44

are on Adam Corolla.com, so pre-order now.

13:46

You realize that Phil steals the cover.

13:48

Phil is the star. He's so

13:50

fat, just sitting on

13:52

top of me. It was like

13:54

two guys guys had

13:57

to lift him up

13:59

dump him on me.

14:01

and then they ran

14:03

out to had treats

14:05

and get him

14:07

to look. to get him to

14:09

look, put it up. I think the cover I be up there. So

14:11

if you guys want to do that. so if you guys

14:13

A couple tickets left in

14:16

Chicago in up, Milwaukee up

14:18

up in January, uh... january

14:20

and and uh... ready and shipping

14:22

at chassee cha s -A -S -S -Y, as

14:24

uh... shelby as well as in

14:27

posters and uh... twenty four and all the other

14:29

all the other good

14:31

stuff. go there and get

14:33

that holiday gift. gift All

14:35

right. yes. And we do that guys. that,

14:38

guys, cheers. We got a nice little a

14:40

nice I love you guys. of for

14:42

a great year you guys. Love you. Love clink.

14:44

you. clink. you. right, drink a little

14:46

champagne All we'll go right into

14:48

the first category. Best we'll

14:51

go right in the first nominees

14:53

for impressions. The nominee

14:55

is for Best Impression are Kyle Dunnigan.

14:57

As Matt Fondelier. What's going on with

14:59

the the DMV? You're on hold for

15:02

like three hours. Yeah, I

15:04

don't know man. know man. I don't know

15:06

know. the phone on the phone? hold.

15:08

Well, can't you go online and

15:10

make me an appointment? Yeah,

15:12

an appointment? it. man. I'll look but I asked

15:14

you to look into it two

15:16

days ago. Yeah. Yeah a couple days.

15:18

it two days ago. Yeah, yeah, a We'll get

15:20

to the get in a couple

15:22

of days, in a I said two

15:24

days ago. days ago. Yeah. No, not two days

15:26

from now. You got a boss. Sure. Sure. Sure. Two

15:29

days from now, and we'll have

15:31

you you the DMV. DMB. I'm right, let's

15:33

let's have Let's have conversation. Sure, sure.

15:35

Do you think I could get

15:37

an appointment at the DMV, which

15:39

is in... which is in Peble

15:41

or seaside, miles away from from

15:44

the track? That's correct. That's

15:46

perfectly located halfway between

15:48

where you'll be... Staying and where the

15:50

track is you have the place on

15:52

Wednesday. be I can get you a DMB appointment

15:54

on Thursday the place on halfway between the track

15:56

and where you got to be and

15:58

by on Thursday. June

16:01

we'll have you there.

16:03

we'll have zap. there, You

16:06

zaps up. You've

16:08

got to pass.

16:11

Adam Corolla as

16:13

Leno. Leno. I got a

16:15

clip of Jay Leno at

16:18

Jay he

16:20

was deposed. Oh when he

16:22

Well, let's hear it. I Oh,

16:24

you do? Yeah. Oh,

16:27

well, let's hear it.

16:29

And his deposition only

16:31

lasted seven -he!

16:34

His deposition

16:36

only lasted

16:38

seven minutes

16:41

because he

16:43

was in

16:45

Wrap in wrap it

16:48

up. The thing that

16:50

I always remember about

16:53

Dr. Drew in his

16:55

narcissism So much money. is we

16:57

go. person. There it is.

16:59

That was for joining us.

17:02

Thanks for joining us. The good

17:04

back thing that I

17:06

always remember about not over

17:08

is the person that

17:10

scored the highest was That

17:13

is she was shit

17:15

Ripped pissed at like how how

17:17

dare you? How dare it's like

17:19

And is like this is is

17:22

what is why you why

17:24

the the narcissist meter. I a a

17:26

I am the purse. I am the the

17:28

most important. I'm the the of the show. I

17:30

get the show running I'm the Robin,

17:32

we don't, we're not I'm the Drew,

17:34

I'm sorry, this is not your

17:36

show. This is running. I'm and I think

17:38

that Howard would agree that I am

17:40

not a narcissist. I think Dr. Drew.

17:43

It's simply a. It's It's a yard,

17:45

Robin. It's a yardstick. We just It's

17:47

a everyone We just

17:49

measure everyone equally with

17:51

the anything equal about this. I this I think

17:53

I was given a different test than

17:55

everybody else like a like a fresh test

17:57

I'd like to do this again because

17:59

know. What at the end of the day I feel

18:01

persecuted You're not a bad person,

18:04

we're not saying a bad person. of

18:06

being a bad person And

18:08

I will not put up with this. Let's

18:10

go to break. Let's go to break. Robin, Robin.

18:13

I just hope, I read.

18:15

I'll put you in my grave,

18:17

mate. I hope you and I are

18:19

good That's all I just I'm good,

18:21

but apparently I'm always good because I'm a

18:23

narcissist. No, no, I consider us friends and

18:25

I just hope this isn't going affect that off

18:27

the end Well, we'll see Dr. Drew, we'll

18:29

see your next appearance if you ever have one.

18:32

And Wow. Wow, That's how it

18:34

went. Dad! That was so good.

18:36

Thank you. Thank you. Adam

18:40

Ray as Dr. Phil.

18:42

even dr. Phil knows to be

18:44

like where did you where did he

18:46

touch you Where did he touch

18:48

you? did he touch you? Like even

18:50

he knows That's right. Yeah three

18:52

take Give three. Yeah, you get three

18:54

takes. do we do we get

18:56

it? Okay, but one more. Okay. Where

18:59

did he? touch you Let's just

19:01

kind of string it together not such

19:03

a big pause in between where

19:05

did he and touch you We'll kind

19:07

of put them together. great hold

19:09

on Dr. Oh, Oh, sure. yeah. Can

19:11

call you, Phil? Of course. All

19:13

right. Dr, Doctor, we do

19:15

want to get these clean. Great.

19:20

Where did he where did he it?

19:22

Where did he, That's too specific.

19:24

When you said there to it. Yeah.

19:26

Yeah, when the scrap, we have

19:28

where did he touch you? Great. Well,

19:30

you know, but sometimes my conversations

19:32

get loose and I improv a little.

19:34

People don't know. I trained at

19:36

the ground. months. understood, but now it's

19:39

not that time and I'm not

19:41

sure. Sterling. Well. not with that attitude

19:43

Where did he touch you? Oh, that's good.

19:45

There it is. one. I felt good. get

19:47

three clean. I get a smoothie? I may

19:49

have stepped on that one. Where did he

19:51

you? Where did he touch you? Where did

19:53

he touch you? We'll be right back will.

20:00

as Jay Leno. I know you do Leno. Yeah,

20:02

but know you do Jay

20:04

Leno. up on there well, course, then

20:06

I'll all night. and had an incident with

20:08

Jay incident with Jay Leno I

20:10

other day going to bring him some

20:12

gonna bring him some and we came

20:14

up a little came up a

20:16

little short. The worst moment

20:18

I've had in recent history

20:20

is when I was eating

20:22

my Chick -fil -A burger. Jay

20:24

had anointed himself, the guy,

20:26

he was Santa the guy, was

20:28

going through the sack. and handing

20:30

it out to everybody. at

20:32

a certain point he realized there

20:34

were no more burgers and no more

20:36

Chick -fil -A sandwiches and none for

20:38

him. Yeah, of course I'm here for

20:41

you. no more burgers and

20:43

go. more chick-fil-a sandwiches

20:45

and just sit for him. Yeah, own

20:47

sandwich, I ladies and gentlemen. for

20:49

you. Hold the mayor,

20:51

see you're here. Is something

20:54

wrong here? Oh there's

20:56

there's hardly been a miscommunication.

20:59

That's my, Oh, hey, Jay, oh.

21:01

Oh, hey, Jay. You didn't get a

21:03

sandwich? Oh, hey, Jay. You didn't

21:05

get a sandwich? I'm not

21:07

I don't care. I'm a trick. Why, ain't one

21:09

like, run a mail. there must be

21:11

some sort of confusion of mistake

21:13

here. I definitely mistake for you

21:15

and your crew, too. ordered

21:18

the for you screening

21:20

your crew. Yeah, question. I paid the

21:22

definitely watch your screening.

21:24

I mean, I going OK, that

21:26

at all. No, don't

21:28

worry about not bringing me

21:30

food. food? I know whole, I know

21:32

are kind of tough, kind

21:34

of thing, Gabriel Union thing, and now

21:36

course, bag of and then... Of course,

21:38

a and of guerinos, one of them

21:40

Wow. one, and The only one

21:42

I can really eliminate

21:44

is myself, so eliminate is don't

21:46

know. I really don't know. you

21:49

have a winner. have a The winner The

21:51

winner is. Adam Ray. Oh, well deserved.

21:53

That was was great. because impression

21:55

was funny and he

21:57

was super was super fun. Yeah, it was

21:59

it a of him taking that

22:01

great stand -up sense of humor

22:03

and then layering it on layering it

22:05

on All right, so you'll call

22:07

them out call him out We're moving

22:10

on to moving on to the year

22:12

of of the or one of the rant

22:14

of the year. we go. of

22:16

rant of the year. nominee

22:19

for Rant of the

22:21

Year, for rant of the year,

22:23

tipping and waiters. The

22:25

bill was $ 701 and

22:27

I said good 20% I'll I

22:29

said, 840. So at 701 I

22:31

round down to $700 because I'm Ebenezer

22:33

Scrooge and I down to him a

22:36

buck 40 I'm Daniel and

22:38

I go going, oh on this

22:40

and Daniel starts going him

22:42

on come on just

22:44

give him 200 bucks

22:46

give him 200 bucks I think

22:49

is couple couple things. First

22:51

off, we've been here a grand

22:53

total of 70 minutes. guy doesn't

22:56

this guy doesn't need to get

22:58

Mark hourly billable numbers. numbers. this is not the

23:00

only this is not the only

23:02

table this individual has serviced

23:04

in the hour and ten minutes

23:06

we've been here. He's working

23:08

on four or five other tables.

23:11

I imagine he's getting a

23:13

tip from them. them. He doesn't

23:15

need to average to an hour.

23:17

He can average 80 bucks an

23:19

hour and be an fine. be just

23:21

fine. And fifthly, fifthly,

23:24

and sixthly. Listen to

23:26

me me waiters. Waiters who Waiters who

23:28

are not struggling, trying to trying

23:30

to get their way through

23:32

high school, whatever it is. it

23:34

is. 42 year old waiter guy, you

23:36

have tapped out of life.

23:38

You have decided to not

23:40

possess a skill. You've decided

23:42

not to get any real

23:44

training. read You don't read architectural

23:46

plans. not You're not a

23:49

certified CPA. you're not not a

23:51

holistic healer. a You're not a

23:53

massage You You don't have

23:55

your fucking license to drive an have

23:57

fucking nothing you've tapped out

23:59

tapped out. out. People do this thing all

24:01

the time, these guys are hard working, they're

24:03

noble. No they're not, they're the biggest

24:05

fucking losers you ever went to high school

24:07

with and they fucking tapped out. Fine.

24:09

Why does loser guy who has no training

24:11

except for to bring dishes back and

24:13

forth or something you could get a fucking

24:16

monkey coach up to do in four

24:18

working days if they just shadowed one of

24:20

these guys? Why does that guy need

24:22

to average $120 an hour? Fuck it, I'm

24:24

not on board with that. That guy's

24:26

tapped out. Well seriously

24:28

like I got shot at the shop.

24:30

gets 60 bucks an hour. a world -class

24:32

fabricator. Like he's shaping metal and welding

24:34

and hilly arc and digging and making

24:36

and all that. Why does the fucking

24:38

guy have to average more than him

24:40

for the zero skill? And 20 %

24:42

was a fair, was a very fair

24:44

tip. I know. Daniels is one of

24:46

those guys. You know those people, I

24:48

know, I promise I wouldn't do this,

24:50

but you know those people where they

24:52

act like something is, back to zero like

24:54

they're kind of the people that go you

24:58

You know, they go like, You

25:00

buy something that's 700 bucks and then they

25:02

go, what's another 50 bucks? it's like, for

25:04

just 50 bucks, it's like, it's not just

25:06

50 bucks, it's 700. And now we're talking

25:08

about 50. Like I gave the guy 20

25:10

% And like Daniels was like, well, what's

25:12

wrong with the little whatever? it's like, we

25:14

could do that, but we don't have to

25:17

do that. And if it's your money, have

25:19

at it, Dan. Yeah, you chip in,

25:21

but he is going

25:23

to make what an attorney

25:25

makes walking around this

25:27

restaurant, Maui, bringing people plates

25:29

of food. It's fine

25:32

with me. All right. The

25:34

bonus rants we got

25:36

during this episode of best.

25:38

Yes, the reenactments is

25:40

our next one. I love

25:42

a reenactment. The nominees

25:44

for best reenactment are Adam

25:47

and Dawson for Cosby

25:49

Recording Set. So

25:53

was thinking it would be funny

25:55

if there was like original recordings

25:57

of this. Dawson, you want to

25:59

play the engineer? in the recording

26:01

session. yeah I'll be Bill

26:03

Cosby we're to record a theme song

26:05

to the Bill Cosby show. all right

26:07

Bill take one, you're comfortable that mic there? How's

26:10

my levels Great, okay, sorry don't sound like

26:12

me. All right, here we go, turn it

26:14

away. Hey,

26:25

Bill. Fall asleep, girl! Bill, can we

26:27

cut for a minute? I I thought I

26:29

heard you say quailude Ruin

26:32

First of all, I don't know what Rufi

26:34

is. I'm scat okay all right, let's top.

26:36

I'm just get All right, all right. I

26:39

know know, here's my thing. It's a stream

26:41

of consciousness. I don't know what's coming out

26:43

of my mind next. You know what I'm

26:45

saying? You're the boss. I'm just scatting. Okay,

26:47

scat away. keep your groove. All right, take

26:49

two, but here we go. drop

26:54

the pants

26:56

go quailude finish

26:58

the drink

27:00

now chew them

27:02

panties off

27:04

Rufi kick

27:07

a roof quailude

27:09

yeah it builds yeah

27:11

I'm hearing I'm hearing

27:13

quailude an awful

27:15

lot in there.

27:18

Adam and Brian for

27:20

checked out drew yeah,

27:22

what the hell going

27:24

on with these politicians.

27:26

I ask you Right,

27:28

yeah, I mean it's

27:30

insane insane. It's insane

27:33

Everybody with their policies

27:35

their policies what what's

27:37

going on with these

27:39

policies crazy I mean

27:41

you think okay Joe Biden

27:43

is against gay marriage

27:46

in 2011 now he's for

27:48

gay marriage you you

27:50

think that Joe Biden is

27:52

for he's actually for

27:54

he's evolved on the issue

27:57

over the last seven

27:59

years thank you Because I feel

28:01

like I'm out here on a here a

28:03

just paddling in a circle I'm in

28:05

like I'm shouting into an empty

28:07

mailbox or something. Am I right? mailbox

28:10

or something, right? Yes yes. God damn it,

28:12

Drew. Thank you for

28:14

having my back. I pack. I

28:16

it. I you know,

28:18

I feel like I just

28:20

talk and just talk and on

28:22

deaf ears and it just lands on

28:24

okay. You know okay. You know

28:26

what? It's it's good to

28:28

have a team team, I mean?

28:30

know what I mean? I feel like, I feel

28:32

so vulnerable sometimes. feel so fact that

28:35

you got my back, you And

28:37

the fact that you got my my back,

28:39

you know what I mean? in the

28:41

military, you've know, my straight ahead, my

28:43

what I You my back, bro,

28:45

if, thank you. midnight, you know,

28:47

12 straight felt good. Hey,

28:49

good talk. got my Good, good

28:51

talk? thank you. Oh, Oh,

28:54

sometimes I do. do. I don't always

28:56

a good talk. a good felt like

28:58

there I a good, Hold on

29:00

Drew, you didn't think this, I felt like

29:02

this was a good talk, man. And

29:04

I'm sorry, I just needed

29:06

a perch, man. I needed, was a

29:08

know what? talk, You're more than

29:10

a partner, friend, you know? I

29:12

just needed a purge, man, and

29:15

I needed... You know what?

29:17

You're more in a

29:19

partner, you're a -1

29:21

-1 know? Hmm. They

29:23

said hackers can hack into a

29:25

robot a robot and full control over arms,

29:27

legs, other attachments, in some and in

29:29

some or wielding devices. devices. these robots can robots

29:31

can be of of 200 and and

29:34

very strong. a robot robot is hacked,

29:36

the hacker has full control. last last

29:38

thing you want is hacker a have

29:40

control over one of these robots.

29:42

Can I say this of these robots.

29:44

to be weird, too? It's gonna be know,

29:47

I've said before before like... Demme Moore

29:49

Moore had a a situation with

29:51

some overdosing some pharmaceuticals or something and her

29:53

her assistant was like calling

29:55

in and going she's and in the the 911 operators

29:57

going going, what did she take?

30:00

What did She's like, because I

30:02

don't want this on TMZ this on

30:04

TMZ tomorrow. going to be a

30:06

part where I'm hiding in my

30:08

closet closet and my my sex robot

30:10

is hunting me down and he's

30:13

using the strap-on battering ram, Darryl Gates style, just

30:15

mashing it through the door. I'm

30:17

going to be like, door, and I'm

30:19

going to be like nine here. Yeah, need I

30:21

got a car over. Calm down,

30:23

what's your emergency, need to send the my

30:25

own living room. All right,

30:28

are you alone? emergency? Yeah, but just send somebody

30:30

over. Okay, is there somebody or multiple is there

30:32

one attacker one, but just send It's one,

30:34

but just send somebody now. Send

30:36

someone now. have a they have a

30:38

You know, have Pat they have a

30:40

weapon? not to use sex as a know This is kind

30:43

of what's to use I as a

30:45

weapon? This is kind of what

30:47

it's doing. some sort of a sort of

30:49

hold on, let device? They hold on. break

30:51

didn't break into the house. They

30:53

were already in the house. this

30:55

a domestic situation? situation? I alone. But they're

30:57

already house? Is in through the

31:00

door? coming through the them to bring

31:02

channel send some time to bring channel locked in

31:04

an old bring jumper cables. Is this

31:06

jumper cables. Dick? No, Yeah, bring

31:08

you what's not happening. I'm

31:10

not being hunted by a

31:12

sex robot. Hold on. I'll take you

31:15

on AAA. Yeah, well tell you'll

31:17

tell you what's funny you forget about

31:19

all those things. Not at all. by

31:22

sectorovide. Hold on. What

31:25

that, oh, somebody tweeted me that

31:27

they wanted tweeted me that they guess

31:29

they didn't make it, but I don't

31:31

the like I said, they didn't make it, but they liked the

31:33

idea that we had to put

31:35

Giz in front of every band

31:37

name or something. Eagles, like that. do

31:39

remember those to Giz Eagles. in front I

31:42

every band about the Eagles? Oh, okay,

31:44

yeah, we could do the Giz

31:46

Eagles. that's being

31:48

fun. God, it's so so funny you

31:50

just talk so much it all

31:52

all gets captured and we

31:54

relive it it. Dawson, who wins

31:56

see if we Let's see if we can get an

31:58

acceptance speech here. The winner The winner is. Checked

32:00

out Dr. Drew. I'd love

32:03

to hear a few words

32:05

from Dr. Drew I know

32:08

this is an honor. I

32:10

know you've had many prestigious

32:13

awards over the years but

32:15

obviously this is the biggest.

32:18

Right. Yeah okay so we

32:20

have a capacity crowd here

32:22

there are all sort of

32:25

sitting on the edge of

32:27

the seat and I want

32:30

to know really what's it

32:32

feel like to win an

32:35

award this? I mean what's

32:37

it? What's running through you

32:40

right now, emotionally? Crazy. No,

32:42

it's crazy. All right, so

32:44

obviously you're over the moon.

32:47

You're going to be out

32:49

celebrating tonight. Let's not have

32:52

you end up in celebrity

32:54

rehab with all the partying

32:57

and celebrating after tonight, right,

32:59

right? Right, right. Thank you

33:02

very much. That's very hard.

33:04

Because clearly he was checked

33:07

out. That's... He was obviously

33:09

doing something else. Song of

33:11

the... Song of the year

33:14

number one, we have multiple

33:16

songs, right? All right, so

33:19

this is the first entry.

33:21

Our first nominee for Song

33:24

of the Year, for 10

33:26

years. Get it off. Get

33:29

it off the air! Well,

33:31

this is our last show.

33:34

I still remember the day

33:36

I thought you'd go. End

33:38

of the morning show. KLS.

33:41

Sex was gone. We're gonna

33:43

cry. We're gonna laugh. He's

33:46

gonna find me. You swore.

33:48

You'd start another talk show

33:51

soon. You put it out

33:53

on iTunes. Can't imagine it

33:56

still be on a decade

33:58

down the road? Four

34:00

ten years you never

34:03

shut your trap. You

34:05

never cease to yeah.

34:08

Blah blah blah. Talk

34:10

talk. Four ten years

34:13

you bitched about. Talk

34:15

talk. Four ten years

34:18

you bitched about L.A.

34:20

White eat with a

34:23

checkbook. Come on down

34:26

for your raping. We

34:28

can't feed that boy

34:31

sticky rice. On A.C.S.

34:33

for 10 years. I

34:36

wake up every morning

34:39

and I say a

34:41

cheer for myself. I've

34:43

never known a day

34:45

I didn't hear. There

34:48

is no God. Your

34:50

voice in my ear.

34:52

I'm God! You

34:57

must stop fucking up.

34:59

I will fire your

35:02

ass. I will fire

35:04

your ass. I own

35:07

all of you! I

35:09

own all of you!

35:12

I owe them all,

35:14

instead of showing them

35:17

the door. I owe

35:19

the fucking building! I'm

35:36

drinking up your

35:39

death. I'm drinking

35:41

woman! On ACS,

35:44

14 years. Everyone

35:47

under 40's an

35:49

asshole. For 10

35:51

years, you wind

35:54

about your care.

36:00

Daddy's drunk.

36:02

You've hated being

36:05

hot. Now tell

36:08

you what's the

36:11

top to stop.

36:14

Just hope. to

36:29

talk about diversity

36:32

or can we

36:34

just talk about

36:36

fucking safety, safety, safety!

36:39

Human beings, hear me

36:41

roar. Go eat a 10

36:43

Nobody! Safety, safety, safety,

36:45

safety, safety, safety,

36:48

safety, safety! Human

36:50

beings, hear me

36:53

roar. Go eat

36:55

a 10 gallon

36:58

dick. I'll

37:21

do it for free free we'll

37:23

do it for free and

37:26

we'll start doing it for free

37:28

on Monday when I begin on

37:30

Monday when I begin podcasting. Wow Dick Banks make

37:33

fun of fun of Kenny but

37:35

I love that that It's

37:37

a great great great when

37:39

you have kids have down

37:41

and listen to it and

37:43

listen to it right All right invention

37:46

coming up. I I have so

37:48

much to say in between everything, but

37:50

I'm stifling myself, because we got

37:52

a big party to attend and we

37:54

have so much show plan. Well, it's already people

37:56

eat barbecue all We're here for all years here

37:58

you talk. you talk. Oh, Dawson,

38:00

I like that. up, Dawson. Burnin'

38:03

daylight, Dawson. I like that, all

38:05

right. I'll make notes for the

38:07

first show. But I will say

38:09

that last night, I was over

38:11

at the whatever party house with

38:13

like John Stewart and Jimmy and

38:16

everyone for the live Jeffersons. Oh,

38:18

not the Jeffersons, they're all in

38:20

the family and I think good

38:22

times and. Was it good times?

38:24

Yeah, I think it was good

38:26

times. And all the people were

38:28

there and all the A -listers

38:30

were there and had a good

38:32

old time. Although I had to

38:34

wake up at 6 .45 and drive

38:36

Natalia to school this morning. And

38:39

then as I was dropping her

38:41

off with a throbbing headache as

38:43

I drank until last night, I

38:45

got the call. forgot my water,

38:47

I could turn around, go back.

38:49

All right, I'll get it all

38:51

that in the new year. The

38:53

next category is best invention. The

38:55

nominees for best invention are Welcome

38:58

Matt Scale. Well,

39:02

if someone would invent my

39:04

welcome Matt scale, we

39:06

could avoid the embarrassing

39:08

confrontation. Disables the ring

39:10

doorbell. Every

39:14

once in a while, there's a little

39:16

confusion because you're like saying to your

39:18

wife, how come my bowling ball hasn't

39:20

arrived? I ordered it months ago and

39:22

it's like, oh, the guy must have

39:24

been holding it. Well, she was. Your

39:27

wife doesn't have a holding groan. She's

39:29

up in the ring of the doorbell.

39:31

Sorry, you got to set it down

39:33

on the stew. Right, you know, come

39:35

on. So

39:38

you're drunk. There should be

39:40

a cable channel called So

39:42

You're Drunk. And you then

39:44

punch in your age. So

39:47

you're drunk because it wouldn't

39:49

be the same thing if

39:51

you were 26 as it

39:53

is with my age, 54,

39:55

right? I got home, I

39:57

was drunk and I turned

40:00

on the. TV at like 1245 and

40:02

it was the scene for

40:04

the Titanic where I'm sorry not the

40:06

Titanic the side adventure where Gene Hackman hanging

40:08

on the on the he's wearing

40:11

his wearing his priest cards like oh but

40:13

I had enough lives yet Lord have

40:15

you taken enough have you had I I

40:17

was I I was like this

40:19

is greatest thing ever There

40:21

should be a channel called

40:24

be a That's a I'm Buzz. That's

40:26

put in movie age put in your age,

40:28

what you're born in and

40:30

just you know, handful of likes, you like like

40:32

action whatever it is whatever it

40:34

is. programming the from is from midnight to

40:37

4 a.m. On Friday and and Saturday it.

40:39

it just show, and we we just

40:41

go to parts of movies

40:43

that you sort of remember

40:45

liking when you're of That's

40:48

great. liking when you're 14.

40:50

That's great. Google You

40:52

Right. I got a good app,

40:54

which is got a good app,

40:57

which is just called all experienced a heartache.

40:59

I got an all experienced a with a

41:01

guy once. an argument with a

41:03

guy once like we've all we

41:05

all just get into stupid

41:08

arguments Right with stupid arguments and

41:10

now bet gets gets settled been in that

41:12

all been in that position. like,

41:14

God damn it, I know right about something

41:16

and this is it'll just

41:18

agree with you with you. It's an app,

41:21

put on your phone your phone, can

41:23

have can have a dead come it'll come

41:25

out and worded exactly right. could have

41:27

that satisfaction You can even

41:29

show it to people to arguing

41:31

you're they're gonna start asking

41:33

is that from gonna start asking, is that

41:36

from but it'll feel good regular

41:38

regular, but it'll feel good. Two

41:41

things I don't know if this

41:43

has been invented but can

41:45

we invent it but we need

41:47

this invention it and we that we're

41:49

in the era of that we're

41:51

in the I was in my essentially

41:54

what is my basement yesterday

41:56

and of course I course I

41:58

heard the door doorbell and

42:00

which is the front door is

42:02

not very close to where

42:04

I am which is a first

42:06

-world problem and the doorbell rings

42:09

and I have this fleeting

42:11

thought and I thought we now

42:13

need two doorbells we now

42:15

like the toilets that have the

42:17

number one and the number

42:19

two button on the top there

42:21

we now need a doorbell

42:23

that just has a drop -off

42:25

courtesy and I am waiting here

42:27

I want to know the

42:29

difference yeah it's good I just

42:31

have a doorbell like I

42:33

think I would have a standard

42:36

slightly oversized button like the

42:38

size of a quarter that was

42:40

in the middle was a

42:42

doorbell and underneath it I have

42:44

a doorbell that was more

42:46

the size of a button and

42:48

it just said drop -off delivery

42:50

just hanging you just push

42:52

that bottom one okay and we

42:54

all know that's good all

42:56

right like those like those toilets

42:58

with a double button yeah

43:00

yeah yeah I just said that

43:02

oh sorry that's good no

43:05

it's a good thought to drop

43:07

one drop remember when you

43:09

have a good thought yeah yeah

43:11

and gyno dogs there used

43:13

to be a place by the

43:15

van ice courthouse there was

43:17

a small shack it was a

43:19

hot dog stand there was

43:21

called law dogs it's good and

43:23

you would go there and

43:25

you would get hot dogs and

43:27

they would also give legal

43:29

advice you got a law dog

43:32

clip law dog yeah there's

43:34

line up at law dogs to

43:36

get a healthy serving of

43:38

help the dogs cost about $1

43:40

.50 the advice is free oh

43:42

hold on oh right right

43:44

this down by the way I'm

43:46

looking next man all gyno

43:48

dogs I'm looking to expand my

43:50

business a little bit again

43:52

probably limit it to six eight

43:54

days a week you know

43:56

that's not but line up as

43:58

long as you want line

44:01

it up See how how this goes.

44:03

is it this not a show? show?

44:05

Obviously keep the dogs away the stirrup.

44:07

That's some of weirdo. You don't use use

44:09

the get the hot... We have a pony

44:11

wall in the the hot have a pony

44:13

It's not a full height But it's

44:15

a pony wall in between and

44:17

the not a full you just wrap the patient in

44:20

butcher paper in of the gat in the

44:22

paper the stirrup. And do you just wrap the I'm

44:24

not a weirdo. butcher paper kind of

44:26

of the gat, It's over. I have

44:28

no training training. I

44:30

would watch that. They could show clips

44:32

from have no training.

44:34

80s right, could it

44:36

be is. The invention

44:39

Dawson channel. So the

44:41

winner is. drunk. That's fair.

44:43

channel, that. Drunk. show

44:45

fair. I would watch

44:47

that. 80s They

44:49

could show clips from like

44:52

and titties like that. It's like

44:54

that. It's all and phase off. Again

44:56

depends how old you

44:58

are. you are. be dirty rotten

45:00

scoundrels. right. baseballs for

45:03

a certain generation. Right. Right.

45:05

It's the it's the Goonies, Mason, Dixon line. To

45:07

me and To me and

45:09

Dr. Drew, goonies means nothing.

45:11

If you're 41, it

45:13

means everything. Me and means means

45:15

everything, But to me and Brian, it means I

45:17

was fortunate enough to see it

45:19

later in life And I was

45:21

like what the get this shit,

45:23

right? if you saw it enough to see

45:25

it later in life. home at 41 the fuck,

45:28

is this shit. You're in! They have weekends to

45:30

like tonight from too, like We're only

45:32

playing midnight to and if they did

45:34

if they showed shows like battle Oh,

45:36

and if they from the they showed, not

45:38

my fucking head would explode if

45:40

I was drunk and it was

45:43

145 in the morning. the 70s, right head

45:46

would of the year. drunk

45:48

and it was 145 in the

45:50

nominee for Rant

45:53

of the of the year. Mayor

45:56

commencement speech speech.

46:00

Graduates I say, you

46:02

belong to USC, but USC now

46:04

belongs to you. You belong to

46:06

Los Angeles, but Los Angeles belongs

46:08

to you. You belong to this

46:10

world, but this world also belongs

46:12

to you. That's when this campus

46:14

has been at its best. That

46:16

is when we as human beings

46:18

are at its best. My wish

46:20

is that you never feel that

46:22

you don't belong and that you...

46:24

in turn never let anyone else

46:26

feel that either what the fuck

46:29

is he talking about you belong

46:31

you must come on pat fucking

46:33

Benatar don't you get the traffic

46:35

going dude wow that's good these

46:37

I I am so I know

46:39

I'm a heartless robot from the

46:41

the bowels of hell I don't

46:43

know what people are fucking talking

46:45

about I just don't know what

46:47

they're talking talking about like when

46:49

you belong and I belong, then

46:51

we belong and we're at our

46:53

best when we all belong. So

46:55

reach out, reach out to those

46:58

who don't belong, lend a hand

47:00

to those who don't have a

47:02

hand, who do want to belong,

47:04

but can't belong. Find those in

47:06

your community who don't belong and

47:08

ask them to join you in

47:10

belonging. Because together, by the way,

47:12

I just... I don't fucking listen

47:14

to anyone who says, but because

47:16

together, yeah, together we belong. To

47:18

the night. We belong to the

47:20

night. So together we're stronger. Together

47:22

we belong. And if together we

47:24

set our hearts and our minds

47:27

hearts and our belonging minds hearts

47:29

and our minds belong to our

47:31

hearts and our hearts belong to

47:33

our minds. and you belong to

47:35

the campus of Cal State Northridge

47:37

and the Cal State Northridge belongs

47:39

to you and we belong to

47:41

Northridge. and Northridge

47:43

belongs to the

47:45

San Fernando Valley,

47:47

and then the

47:49

San Fernando Valley

47:51

belongs to Los

47:53

Angeles, incorporated in

47:56

parts of Santa

47:58

Monica. If we

48:00

feel we all

48:02

belong together, then

48:04

we're all stronger

48:06

when we belong

48:08

here. Douche, I

48:10

don't know what

48:12

you're saying! Get

48:14

the fucking traffic

48:16

in the homeless

48:18

fix! Would you please? He's such

48:20

a pussy! You're all tilted. Is not

48:23

the fucking guy you want running your

48:25

city. I don't even know what he's

48:27

saying. I'm sure somebody who makes scented

48:29

candles wrote that for him and went,

48:31

just read this shit. It's a fucking

48:33

platitude means nothing. You should be telling

48:35

these people to get the fuck to

48:38

work. It's all the graduation card. I'm

48:43

honestly confused by most conversations

48:45

I hear from adults now, especially

48:47

when they take the podium.

48:49

I don't know all the feelings

48:51

-based stuff. Mm -hmm. I don't know what

48:53

I'm supposed do. For me, I want some marching

48:56

orders, like I want someone to go do 10

48:58

push -ups a day and then see if you can

49:00

get it to 15 the next week. but

49:02

this sort of just good vibe, platitude

49:04

thing. I don't know what it is. And

49:06

I don't know why people respond to

49:08

it. Well, unlike everybody else, you call it out

49:10

instead of being like, I no, I totally get it

49:12

because you don't want to be the person that

49:14

doesn't get it, even though it's insane. When you

49:17

hear like Alyssa Milano going, I fight

49:19

for everybody. like, that doesn't mean anything

49:21

to me. Then who are you fighting

49:23

against? And what's going on? What do

49:25

you mean? And you're sending out tweets.

49:29

It's crazy. Yeah, but it's

49:32

sort of like I

49:34

don't know, it's like a really shitty

49:36

and Oat song. Like I have

49:38

have no idea that this many people

49:40

would respond positively to nothing. It's

49:43

nothing. What there to respond

49:45

to? All right, we'll take a

49:47

quick break. have caller of

49:49

the year, interview

49:51

of the year, and more

49:53

right after this. And

50:00

now Alcoa presents,

50:03

definitely not a

50:06

Jew! Awesome

51:55

knocking it it the of

51:57

the ballpark. So is Brian's favorite

51:59

favorite part. His disability pay for

52:01

work. So good. All right,

52:04

let's see. Oh, get a

52:06

little wine for the holidays.

52:09

My ride on red, Pinot

52:11

Nor, grapes grown in Oregon.

52:14

Better than anything, you could

52:16

get at a grocery store

52:19

and right now. You can

52:21

go to... Right on red.com,

52:24

used the promo code Adam,

52:26

get free shipping. How about

52:29

that? Say Hidalinette over there,

52:31

Corolla drinks. Get some good

52:34

wine for the house this

52:36

holiday season right on red.

52:39

All right, moving into our

52:41

second song of the year.

52:44

And again, this is a

52:46

treat for us because I

52:49

have... Give me one million

52:51

dollars and one million hours,

52:54

and I have no recollection

52:56

of what this next song

52:59

would be. So here we

53:01

go, Dawson. Our second nominee

53:04

for Song of the Year.

53:06

Fuck you, Rich Banks. Like

53:09

Band-Aid. The concert for Bangladesh.

53:11

And we are the world.

53:14

On one special day, after

53:16

a taping of the Adam

53:19

Corolla show, the employees gathered

53:21

to sing a message of

53:24

hope, love, and an expression

53:26

of pain for victims of

53:29

harassment. Chris, Gary, Dylan, Matt,

53:31

Kaylin, Gina, and me, this

53:34

one's for us. And by

53:36

us. who likes to write

53:39

some songs. He's the guy

53:41

whose name is Rich Banks.

53:44

The songs are insulting. Oh,

53:46

to every one of us.

53:49

And they're rich. We have

53:51

a song for you. We

53:54

won't stand by listening to

53:56

you. that I'm dumb, incompetent,

53:59

then yeah. I

54:02

don't like

54:04

songs my

54:07

great great big memory

54:09

and my the

54:11

size of

54:13

size of manatees you

54:16

rich banks, we

54:18

are your victims We

54:20

aren't the ones

54:22

you sing the songs

54:24

about So go

54:26

suck a dick Just

54:28

hear what we're

54:30

saying We're

54:32

tired of your shit

54:34

Next time you

54:37

wanna write a song

54:39

Go fuck yourself

54:41

Fuck you rich banks

54:44

We are your victims

55:07

Fuck you rich banks, we

55:09

are your victims We

55:12

are all victims We are

55:14

the ones you sing

55:16

the songs about So go

55:18

suck a dick Suck

55:20

a fat one Chee

55:25

Chew Hey

55:30

Moe They

55:33

don't like you either Oh fuck

55:35

you rich banks You could stand

55:37

to lose 15, 20 If you

55:39

don't mind me saying you slob

55:42

This is what you do for a

55:44

living Make mean songs about other

55:46

people have some dignity

55:48

already already. a a child for

55:50

Strong entry Strong entry. Yeah, strong.

55:52

Just look down. Jack. All let's

55:54

see fact, never play

55:57

this again play this again. We

55:59

have our third entry

56:01

in in of the

56:03

year. next. Our third

56:06

nominee for of

56:08

the the year, Berkeley gender

56:11

Language. So,

56:13

Berkeley voted voted to ban

56:15

some gender -specific words in its

56:17

city code and replace them

56:20

with gender -neutral options, and

56:22

now there is a giant

56:24

list of words that will

56:26

no longer be used in,

56:28

you know, will no documents. So

56:30

in the maintenance world, in

56:32

the construction world, manhole is

56:34

out, the maintenance hole is in,

56:36

the man -made -out, human -made -in,

56:38

man -power -out, human man-made out, human effort in.

56:40

My favorite, pregnant woman woman out. pregnant

56:42

employee. in. So what you get

56:45

you get out of Berkeley

56:47

is dudes like like that's where that's

56:49

where the to go off

56:51

the fucking rails. rails. That's how

56:53

it works. it works. Guys thinking away

56:55

in a way that's a

56:58

little more pragmatic, gets gets the

57:00

bridges bill, gets the skyscrapers

57:02

built, women do other things,

57:04

have other skills. It's a

57:06

different a set. We are different.

57:08

are That is good. is That's

57:10

what you want. We are trying

57:13

to somehow blur that. help, it

57:15

it doesn't help. It doesn't

57:17

work. And that's why this thing's

57:19

turning into a are scared to say

57:21

the guys are scared to say

57:23

anything because they're pussies, and they're they're

57:25

just going the chick route. Everyone thinks that's...

57:27

that's chick is an evolution. That's

57:29

all an evolution All dude think, that's us

57:31

us looking in the rear view

57:33

and going the other direction.

57:35

That's fucking retarded. I'm not down

57:37

with it I'm never been fucking

57:40

down with it. This is

57:42

not evolution. it. is is not It's

57:44

all done is a group of fucking pussies.

57:46

It's a group of guys who can't

57:48

fight. They can't fuck. They can't win. of

57:50

They couldn't play a fucking sport. So

57:52

They decided that this is where we

57:54

should be going. There is

57:56

no this is There is no

57:58

end. There is no end. If these pussies,

58:00

what's this pussies name? Riggle Robinson. What?

58:03

Riggle? Get out of here. He's a

58:05

muppet? He's 23? Yeah. And he grew

58:07

up in the fucking belly of the

58:09

beast. He's a pussy and this is

58:11

not, this is just the beginning of

58:14

his list of things to do. He's

58:16

going to keep going and he won't

58:18

fucking rest until he tells you what

58:20

to do every fucking turn of the

58:22

way. He's going to correct you, he's

58:24

going to fix you, and eventually by

58:27

the way, his suggestions are going to

58:29

become mandates and then laws and then

58:31

people are going to start getting shit

58:33

can. Just

58:36

out of chicken England lose her gig

58:38

because of some sort of I don't

58:40

know gender sex whatever and she got

58:42

fired and then They sort of I

58:45

don't j.k. Rawlings or something sort of

58:47

backed her up now. She's fucking getting

58:49

right over the calls like this doesn't

58:52

end and we'll agree to disagree it

58:54

ends in you're going to the fucking

58:56

cornfield without a job That's how it

58:58

ends. It doesn't end with, well you

59:01

have your opinion, I have my opinion,

59:03

no no, it ends with, I'm in

59:05

control and you're out of a fucking

59:08

job. You're on the wrong side. That's

59:10

how this ends, which is interesting because

59:12

it's the fucking hypocrite assholes that never

59:14

stopped talking about McCarthy who now want

59:17

to do this. Sorry, is this rent

59:19

for? I'm sorry, but... It really is

59:21

like a really so someone disagrees with

59:24

this fucking notion you came up with

59:26

10 minutes ago and now we're not

59:28

allowed to work anymore 23 year old

59:31

fuck bag okay that's how you want

59:33

to you he who hates McCarthyism this

59:35

is your plan very interesting I love

59:37

I love that that's the pitch we

59:40

we all we do is fucking rail

59:42

against McCarthyism and now this okay seems

59:44

inconsistent to me to me All right.

59:47

And also, what the fuck do you

59:49

know when you're under 25? Like, what

59:51

did you guys really know under the

59:53

age of 25 other than like...

59:56

what your favorite burrito

59:58

was burrito was at Del

1:00:00

you know is usually

1:00:03

wrong. you know is is

1:00:05

this a way for college students to clear the

1:00:07

way a there are more jobs when they get

1:00:09

out of school? to clear hope so

1:00:11

are hope so when they get out of

1:00:13

school? the year I boy I

1:00:16

idea here we go of

1:00:18

the year. Oh for interview of

1:00:20

the year nominees for interview of the

1:00:22

year are Ted Nugent. I've had you

1:00:24

know I had a

1:00:26

couple beers couple 71 this

1:00:28

year and I had a

1:00:30

beer in High Boys in Detroit, played

1:00:32

a fraternity party at the Detroit played

1:00:34

a fraternity party at

1:00:36

the University of and it

1:00:38

was a pool some paps blue somebody

1:00:41

had some Paps else was everybody

1:00:43

else was drinking and I was

1:00:45

thirsty and my my dad caught

1:00:47

me. He heat up. that bottle so

1:00:49

far so far up my I had

1:00:51

a couple of Paps Blue Ribbons

1:00:53

and blue a little tipsy got a

1:00:55

little tipsy, but I haven't, I had I was

1:00:57

in 74 when was really thirsty and

1:00:59

I went to my and ranch

1:01:01

in northern Michigan I it was

1:01:03

hot my he had a ranch in

1:01:05

that was yellow. it Miller, and he

1:01:07

had a beer that had, it was yellow. Miller, Miller Highlight,

1:01:09

maybe. Coroner, Corona. was cold, got to tell

1:01:12

you it was delicious and I've always

1:01:14

said and I've always said, my, My sister, band, my crew

1:01:16

all my friends we have campfires now, now

1:01:18

drink beers and I have a little

1:01:20

wine no problem I just don't

1:01:22

I just think think and puking and

1:01:24

stumbling is stumbling is not a part of mean in

1:01:26

the late living it, I mean in the late 60s

1:01:28

in the mid mid and late 60s

1:01:30

when everyone was just a goddamn mess

1:01:33

with the drugs mess with was trying

1:01:35

to perform. to you thinking to yourself?

1:01:37

I don't to go on stage that

1:01:39

way want to go on stage that way? Well, I can you

1:01:41

to the question I've posed Eternally, since the

1:01:43

the Ted, you know, you're right there you in right there

1:01:45

in the epicenter of the and and

1:01:47

alcohol in the world of rock and

1:01:49

roll, dukes. How did you avoid the temptation

1:01:51

to get high high in and all that?

1:01:54

went I same way I avoided the temptation

1:01:56

to stab myself in the dick with

1:01:58

an ice an ice It looked like like a...

1:02:00

really stupid idea because everybody was drooling

1:02:02

and stumbling and falling and dying and

1:02:04

they forgot the songs and I couldn't

1:02:06

wake them up to get to the

1:02:08

gig. This is desirable where? So my

1:02:11

dad's ultramilitant disciplining finally had an indicator

1:02:13

in a pragmatic world that... I was

1:02:15

intent on safeguarding my music, so I

1:02:17

just figured the only way to play

1:02:19

James Brown and Wilson Pickett songs accurately

1:02:22

was to be clean and sober and

1:02:24

take good care of yourself. Plus I

1:02:26

hunt with a bow and arrow and

1:02:28

if you're stone you're going to buy

1:02:30

in chicken. And so I really wanted

1:02:33

to, the song's cocked lock and ready

1:02:35

to rock. It's not just a phrase,

1:02:37

it's really how I live my life.

1:02:39

I didn't know that you were in

1:02:41

prison yourself for a sentence that five

1:02:44

years. Yes sir in the 70s Texas.

1:02:46

What can tell us the story behind

1:02:48

that and that you became the wardens

1:02:50

barber? Well I was a member of

1:02:53

the Devil's Disciples Motorcycle Club out of

1:02:55

Texas Colorado Airs. It's nationwide. I was

1:02:57

sergeant of arms at 17. Wow. So

1:02:59

one night we pulled up to do

1:03:01

a drug deal and one of my

1:03:04

brothers went inside to buy it. And

1:03:06

we say brothers do you mean brothers

1:03:08

and biker game? Yeah, not biological brother.

1:03:10

No, right. Okay And as they started

1:03:12

talking he pulled out a shotgun and

1:03:15

said just give me all of it

1:03:17

and the guy grabbed the gun so

1:03:19

it went off and hit him in

1:03:21

the shoulder So he came running outside

1:03:23

and said you know I've been he

1:03:26

was we could hear the shot. He

1:03:28

was bleeding his name was Don he

1:03:30

was bleeding and the shotgun the bottom

1:03:32

piece wasn't on so when it went

1:03:34

off it cut his hand On the

1:03:37

way to the hospital, I said, I

1:03:39

hate him on the shoulder and I

1:03:41

go, what? Hit who? And so I

1:03:43

dropped, they dropped me off my house,

1:03:45

I went back over to the house,

1:03:48

saw the police bringing him out, he

1:03:50

was alive, and in the morning, 6

1:03:52

a.m. it said, Duane Dog Chapman, devil's

1:03:54

side was being sought for the murder

1:03:56

of Jerry Oliver, Panta, Texas, and Panta,

1:03:59

Texas last night. My whole world changed.

1:04:01

How long were you in prison? 18

1:04:03

months. Of a five-year sentence. The warden,

1:04:05

I became, I elevated myself to warden's

1:04:08

barber because that guy you didn't want

1:04:10

to beat up because he was a

1:04:12

warden's barber and the guard's barber and

1:04:14

when girls had come to visit their

1:04:16

husband you had to be looking good

1:04:19

to warden. So you didn't touch the

1:04:21

warden's barber so I noticed that. So

1:04:23

I elevated myself to be that and

1:04:25

then I was inmate counselor because I

1:04:27

had guys walk up say dog high

1:04:30

spell was I said W easy and

1:04:32

they're like thank you and I'm like

1:04:34

what are you writing right let me

1:04:36

help you and then when there people

1:04:38

died something inmates mom or dad died

1:04:41

I was the one they had to

1:04:43

go tell him you know you just

1:04:45

anybody with the mother still alive take

1:04:47

one step forward not so fast Willie

1:04:49

or not the way to do it.

1:04:52

Wow. What

1:04:57

prison do you go to? Man,

1:04:59

I jumped around. I started off

1:05:01

at Kern County, which is Delano

1:05:03

State Prison. From there I went

1:05:05

to CMC, which is in San

1:05:07

Luis Obispo, which is a maximum

1:05:09

security prison. Then my points declassified

1:05:11

to a lower security level and

1:05:13

then paroled from CRC, which is

1:05:15

in North Corona. How much time

1:05:17

do you spend incarcerated angry... or

1:05:19

just going like I I find

1:05:21

that when people do things that

1:05:23

are not nearly this egregious to

1:05:25

me I just go why what

1:05:27

what like how could she do

1:05:29

this how could she's a movie

1:05:31

right now eating popcorn and I'm

1:05:33

in a blocked in a cell

1:05:35

why how like how much of

1:05:37

your time or did you get

1:05:39

philosophical and get past it or

1:05:42

like what did you do Anger

1:05:44

was who I, you know, being

1:05:46

an angry person is what I

1:05:48

became, you know, for a long

1:05:50

period of time while being incarcerated,

1:05:52

just knowing that the system had

1:05:54

failed. me, that my lawyer didn't

1:05:56

really fight for me, but there

1:05:58

was no evidence to prove that

1:06:00

this case even happened, but here

1:06:02

I was in prison with a

1:06:04

six-year sentence. I was extremely angry,

1:06:06

and then I realized that all

1:06:08

the anger that I had, towards

1:06:10

the people that I felt were

1:06:12

responsible, they probably didn't care. More

1:06:14

than likely, didn't know how I

1:06:16

felt, so this anger was simply

1:06:18

for me. I was doing the

1:06:20

job for the people that put

1:06:22

me behind bars. I was destroying

1:06:24

myself with this negative energy, and

1:06:26

so I had to... make a

1:06:28

change. I had this epiphany one

1:06:30

day which is kind of shown

1:06:32

in the movie realizing that you

1:06:34

know I may not be in

1:06:36

control over the things that are

1:06:38

happening in my life but I

1:06:40

am in control over me while

1:06:42

going through these unwanted experiences and

1:06:44

so just every day that the

1:06:46

fight and the struggle began or

1:06:48

became to be in control of

1:06:50

my emotions and not allow my

1:06:52

emotions to control me. I may

1:06:54

not being control over what's happening

1:06:56

in my life but I am

1:06:58

in control over how I respond

1:07:01

to it. Wow That's a good

1:07:03

stuff there. All right Dawson who

1:07:05

won that thing? Well he did

1:07:07

18 months of a five-year sentence,

1:07:09

but he will serve life as

1:07:11

the winner of the 2019 Ace

1:07:13

Award of interview of the year

1:07:15

Dog the bounty hunter. Wow snatch

1:07:17

from the Motor City madman everyone

1:07:19

God, everyone has a story. You

1:07:21

start really getting into all these

1:07:23

guys? They all have a story.

1:07:25

All right, number four, rant of

1:07:27

the year. Our fourth nominee for

1:07:29

rant of the year, Chase Bank,

1:07:31

Monday motivation. I was telling you

1:07:33

about Chase Bank and they're completely

1:07:35

innocuous, save your money, don't go.

1:07:37

You know. make a cup of

1:07:39

coffee don't buy it. It was

1:07:41

on a line right there. They

1:07:43

were called it was poor shaming.

1:07:45

They claim they were poor shaming

1:07:47

but Elizabeth Warren went on a

1:07:49

sort of political rant. but what

1:07:51

initially started it

1:07:53

representative of Orange

1:07:55

County County just poor

1:07:57

shaming. said is merely

1:07:59

saying, you can

1:08:01

read it again,

1:08:03

you can read merely

1:08:05

saying you want

1:08:07

some more money want

1:08:09

some more money This

1:08:11

would hold this would

1:08:13

your savings account. savings

1:08:16

No matter no matter who in this

1:08:18

in this behavior, then. Then you engage

1:08:20

in this behavior, you can, sorry,

1:08:22

can, the original can It's between It's

1:08:24

and your bank account. chase to eat. Why

1:08:26

is my balance so low? Bank

1:08:28

account, make coffee at home. Why Bank account, eat the

1:08:30

food that's already in the fridge. Bank

1:08:32

account, you don't need a cab.

1:08:34

It's only three blocks. You. I guess

1:08:37

we'll never know. Bank account, seriously? fridge.

1:08:39

Bank account. apologizes, a they

1:08:41

don't mean to apologize. blocks.

1:08:43

Elizabeth Warren gets know.

1:08:45

back in a knot,

1:08:47

but But She's not angry either.

1:08:49

either. She doesn't care that they

1:08:51

told him to save money.

1:08:53

She's She's Chase is grandstanding in

1:08:55

a, in a negative way, but

1:08:57

they're apologizing. And so both

1:08:59

are doing what they do. and

1:09:02

But I read some of the

1:09:04

comments below it comments I was,

1:09:06

this was shocked and and appalled read that

1:09:08

you read some of have some right, go

1:09:10

right. Go ahead and read

1:09:12

some of All All right, so I'm just gonna

1:09:14

start from the top. from the my thought. My

1:09:16

thought is, I know what Chase

1:09:18

is doing. is I know what Elizabeth

1:09:20

Warren is doing is doing and whomever

1:09:22

is doing. is doing. But surely

1:09:24

people understand what's going on and go,

1:09:27

a break give him a break. your own

1:09:29

your own coffee and save a

1:09:31

few bucks. I wish my wife did

1:09:33

more of that or something. or But

1:09:35

people's comments, and this is the

1:09:37

and shark the jump the shark our country's history

1:09:39

is history is what? fun of their

1:09:41

lower income customers what a great

1:09:44

bank to never a deal with to never

1:09:46

ever deal with making fun of? I

1:09:49

live my my entire life this way where people

1:09:51

go how know how it must feel Adam

1:09:53

when I go, it it shouldn't feel like anything I'm

1:09:55

telling you how to get better. I'm telling

1:09:57

you what to do. I'm just giving you

1:09:59

a you a roadmap. But you

1:10:01

have to hear what it sounds

1:10:03

like coming from you coming from

1:10:05

the rich guy who's figured everything

1:10:07

out Okay, it sounds like something

1:10:09

I don't know what it sounds

1:10:11

like how about it just sounds

1:10:13

like here's a good idea for

1:10:15

you Could it just sound like

1:10:17

that or it sounds to me

1:10:19

like they're saying save yourself some

1:10:21

money on coffee and food and

1:10:23

travel? Yeah, that's what it sounds

1:10:25

like to me. All right, but

1:10:27

it sounds like something else to

1:10:29

everybody else getting atrophy in their

1:10:31

brain or something like what it

1:10:33

sounds like I hear that I

1:10:35

do hear like what it must

1:10:38

sound like and I'm like I've

1:10:40

never cared what anything sounds like

1:10:42

these are either works or it

1:10:44

doesn't work or it doesn't make

1:10:46

sense it's weird like being judged

1:10:48

all the time like you think

1:10:50

chase is judging you they're telling

1:10:52

you how to save money a

1:10:54

fox and it got-dam politicians fuck

1:10:56

you What is this bitch's name?

1:10:58

She's out of like Orange County

1:11:00

and she's, fuck, God damn, what

1:11:02

a piece of shit she is.

1:11:04

You know, it's a fucking crisis.

1:11:06

Go do something, would you? It

1:11:08

reminds me of when I first

1:11:10

started working for you at KLSX

1:11:12

and I bought a package of

1:11:14

bread, some mayonnaise, and some bologna

1:11:16

and brought it to work every

1:11:18

day and I made myself baloney

1:11:20

sandwiches so I didn't spend money.

1:11:22

Yeah. And you told me, Dawson.

1:11:24

You're getting paid pretty well here

1:11:26

dude. Why don't you leave the

1:11:28

baloney at home? The opposite of

1:11:30

Chase Bank. Yeah, get some fucking

1:11:32

salami, prosciutto or something a little

1:11:34

better. God, I don't know. When's

1:11:37

the last time anyone ate a

1:11:39

piece of baloney? Two days ago.

1:11:41

Oh, Jesus is awesome. That's some

1:11:43

Brian level of shit point shooting.

1:11:45

Like when I was 13, I

1:11:47

was like, fuck this. It seemed

1:11:49

weird at 13 represented. Katie Porter.

1:11:51

Thank you, Hero. Now shut the

1:11:53

fuck up. Jesus Christ. Just fucking

1:11:55

do something with a road in

1:11:57

a school. and figure out a

1:11:59

out a way

1:12:01

to trap rainwater, would

1:12:03

you of fucking of

1:12:06

all the time? All right.

1:12:08

the time? where the hell

1:12:10

were we? Oh, we where the

1:12:12

hell song. Oh, got another

1:12:15

song another Here we go three,

1:12:17

here we go. Our nominee for

1:12:19

song of the year the Year,

1:12:21

the Parsons project macaroni

1:12:23

and cheese and Cheese, Thanksgiving

1:12:25

Mashup. Have a Thanksgiving, you, but

1:12:27

guess what? guess what? Since

1:12:30

you fucked up the

1:12:32

macaroni cheese, you're up all

1:12:34

this shit by yourself,

1:12:36

by yourself. nor me. I'm

1:12:38

gonna help you clean

1:12:40

up help you clean up. Macaroni

1:12:43

a Thanksgiving. We love

1:12:45

you we love you? Macaroni cheese. We told

1:12:47

you don't put that We told

1:12:49

you don't put that shit

1:12:51

in but but you insist

1:12:53

don't Macaroni Macaroni cheese. So since

1:12:56

you want to do way, we're

1:12:58

gonna do shit our

1:13:00

way way, we're going to do shit

1:13:02

our way. Macaroni get ready

1:13:04

to go to ready to go

1:13:06

you sleep shit for

1:13:09

Thanksgiving up all this shit for Thanksgiving. Have

1:13:11

a Thanksgiving? We love you, but We

1:13:13

love you, but guess

1:13:15

what? cheese? This shit ain't fair. That

1:13:17

we couldn't we couldn't even

1:13:20

get a decent thing

1:13:22

thing back on cheese. We got to

1:13:24

go to go back to Goos, Bud,

1:13:26

make us some damn

1:13:28

macaroni and damn cheese

1:13:30

damn macaroni and down cheese. macaroni and cheese!

1:13:33

Well, you decided to

1:13:35

do some do some bullshit, you didn't

1:13:37

see it off the damn internet. Don't

1:13:39

Thanksgiving. Don't experiment on

1:13:41

Thanksgiving. Don't experiment on Thanksgiving. Don't experiment on

1:13:44

We love you love you.

1:13:46

macaroni and cheese. We

1:13:51

don't want that shit. Macaroni

1:13:53

cheese You

1:13:55

can't everyday

1:13:58

use a damn

1:14:00

recipe, but

1:14:02

you chose to

1:14:04

do shit

1:14:06

on your own

1:14:08

Macaroni cheese! We told you

1:14:10

don't put that shit in

1:14:12

the macaroni cheese! You're experiencing

1:14:14

by your own cheese! You're

1:14:16

experiencing by your dad's self!

1:14:18

Macaroni cheese! Macaroni cheese! Hope's

1:14:21

up the macaroni cheese! Don't

1:14:23

speremen on down Thanksgiving! We

1:14:25

told you don't put that

1:14:27

shit in the macaroni cheese!

1:14:30

So since you gonna

1:14:32

do things your damn

1:14:34

way, we gonna do

1:14:36

shit out ways. Mucked

1:14:38

up the macaroni cheese.

1:14:40

We get ready to

1:14:42

go to sleep. Since

1:14:44

you bust up the

1:14:46

macaroni cheese. Since you

1:14:49

fucked up the macaroni

1:14:51

cheese. Since you fucked

1:14:53

up the macaroni cheese.

1:14:55

Macaroni cheese. You

1:14:57

got to wait and

1:14:59

go back on your

1:15:02

cheese. But you can't

1:15:04

remember something about macaroni

1:15:06

and cheese. Macaroni and

1:15:08

cheese. Don't experiment on

1:15:11

Thanksgiving. But you decided

1:15:13

to do some bullshit.

1:15:15

You didn't see you

1:15:17

off the damn internet.

1:15:20

Don't experiment on Thanksgiving.

1:15:22

Don't experiment on Thanksgiving.

1:15:24

Don't experiment on Thanksgiving.

1:15:32

Since you bought up the macaroni cheese.

1:15:35

Have a thank you given. We love

1:15:37

you. I want to travel with this

1:15:39

woman because like when I order waveos

1:15:41

rancheros and they bring me a breakfast

1:15:43

burrito or Mike gets a club sandwich.

1:15:46

They'll sell a meal tea. They bring

1:15:48

him a chicken burger. I wouldn't fucking

1:15:50

her standing there yelling at the fucking

1:15:52

waitress, right? She would back you 100%.

1:15:54

Oh, God damn. Alan Parsons is touring

1:15:57

in 20. Wow. Trying to

1:15:59

get her on the

1:16:01

bill on the bill. If he's

1:16:03

if he's coming the

1:16:06

the going going Dawson there are

1:16:08

some Los Angeles shows we

1:16:10

will shows. shall make it

1:16:12

happen all right let's see

1:16:14

we have a let's see, we the

1:16:17

year. caller of the year. The

1:16:19

is for caller of the

1:16:21

year. of the year are Bernie.

1:16:23

You came out to being

1:16:26

out to being bisexual to

1:16:28

your mom. mom. Yeah. Right. And then

1:16:30

And then to

1:16:32

head decided to head

1:16:34

the chapter of the

1:16:36

bisexual community or group

1:16:39

on campus. Well, the whole LGBTs. You

1:16:41

the whole to run the whole

1:16:43

thing get to run the whole thing

1:16:45

and you're only half gay. gay? Damn. why she was

1:16:47

out. why she was outraged. Jesus

1:16:49

Christ. I don't know.

1:16:51

They have principles. Yeah. I mean to

1:16:53

be like if be Kravitz took

1:16:55

over the took over the

1:16:58

on buddy yeah It's like,

1:17:00

come on, buddy. Yeah. You got a white

1:17:02

Jewish dad me a break. Very

1:17:04

run this whole Yeah. Think

1:17:06

you run this whole place? Bernie? I'm only

1:17:09

vice only Oh, that

1:17:11

makes sense. But if something should

1:17:13

happen to the if something should

1:17:15

happen to the motorcade blow up

1:17:17

his motorcade or something go full

1:17:19

got to go full Lesbo

1:17:21

before you slide into that

1:17:23

oval oval. Can you take that oath? Yeah, take

1:17:26

oath now now. All right, so

1:17:28

guys do? How do you guys

1:17:30

do? How often do you Where?

1:17:32

And do and you need a

1:17:34

guest speaker? We meet

1:17:36

every Thursday meet every the

1:17:38

quad buildings. And of the quad

1:17:40

buildings, and we have

1:17:42

been looking for a guest

1:17:45

speaker recently, recently. So. Mm-hmm. Okay. Riverside

1:17:47

live show. show. Do you have

1:17:49

any of the minutes from the

1:17:51

last meeting? What do you

1:17:53

guys cover? Like what do you guys Well, right

1:17:55

now we're trying to organize a

1:17:57

drag show. I love it! show. I love

1:17:59

it. show? Now it's this top

1:18:01

fuel, funny cars, this is alcohol,

1:18:03

what kind of dragsters are we

1:18:06

talking about here? Pro-stock, I don't

1:18:08

speak your language. Every meeting isn't

1:18:10

a drag show? How dare you?

1:18:13

Okay, so you're trying to organize,

1:18:15

so you're trying to heal the

1:18:17

community by nut jobs dressing up

1:18:19

in ballas and stomping around. I'm

1:18:22

sorry but visa gold doing material

1:18:24

girl is one of the most

1:18:26

inspiring things I ever saw on

1:18:29

my college campus. Maybe the community

1:18:31

shall be healed. Alright, you wanna

1:18:33

think about feeding the homeless or

1:18:35

nothing like that? Just, uh, it's

1:18:38

all, uh, it's all put on

1:18:40

some kissing potion and minceabout. Okay.

1:18:42

I'm saying, aren't you guys supposed

1:18:45

to be- Well, aren't you supposed

1:18:47

to be helping the community? What's

1:18:49

the drag show gonna do? Are

1:18:51

you gonna raise money? Give it

1:18:54

to somebody? Yeah, I think it's

1:18:56

to raise money. Okay. All right.

1:18:58

So, uh, all right, and, uh,

1:19:00

how many folks are in the

1:19:03

meeting? Uh, I think it's about,

1:19:05

what, you said, are you of

1:19:07

us? Okay. And your mom is

1:19:10

not happy that you've turned political?

1:19:12

No. He said that if I

1:19:14

end up being with a girl,

1:19:16

that no guy will ever want

1:19:19

to beat me ever again. Oh,

1:19:21

I beg to say, let me

1:19:23

talk to your mom. Gary.

1:19:28

Gary 34 once parenting

1:19:30

advice. Oh boy. Yeah,

1:19:32

guys big fan. Yeah, man.

1:19:35

Any thoughts for a first

1:19:37

time father to be? Well,

1:19:40

I'm famous for saying this

1:19:42

on love line, which is

1:19:45

if you're calling in

1:19:47

and asking, you're fine.

1:19:49

Anyone is actually concerned.

1:19:51

Yeah, going out of

1:19:53

the way to get information.

1:19:55

That means you're going

1:19:57

to be a podcast,

1:19:59

maybe not. You're going

1:20:01

to be a good,

1:20:03

you're going to be a

1:20:06

good parent. Plus, I

1:20:08

see on the screen,

1:20:10

Gary, you're 30. You're

1:20:12

in L.A. You waited

1:20:14

a while to have kids

1:20:17

intentionally? Yeah, certainly by

1:20:19

design. One to get

1:20:21

established. Just to work

1:20:23

clear, 34 is waiting

1:20:25

a while. For the overall

1:20:27

country, that's it is.

1:20:29

Okay. So... What are

1:20:31

the average days of

1:20:33

first-time parents? It's got

1:20:35

to be 23. Twenty-two? Nationally.

1:20:38

Yeah. Probably goes up

1:20:40

a lot more in

1:20:42

L.A. New York. Hey,

1:20:44

so Gary. Boy or

1:20:46

girl? Boy good good. It's

1:20:48

a lot it's easier.

1:20:50

It's easier. It's easier

1:20:52

Hey Gary yeah, what

1:20:54

do you do? Podcast

1:20:56

production Oh That's Gary I

1:20:59

wasn't even, I wasn't

1:21:01

even disguising it. I

1:21:03

know, you're even, sorry,

1:21:05

you weren't even, sorry,

1:21:07

you weren't even, put carry

1:21:09

on hold, we'll get

1:21:11

back to, I have

1:21:13

our mission here to

1:21:15

deal with. Oh my

1:21:17

God. Oh my God, I

1:21:20

need a, any water.

1:21:22

That was a nice

1:21:24

reveal. That was a

1:21:26

great, that was a great

1:21:28

reveal, I had to, it

1:21:31

was awesome. So I think

1:21:33

that I need work on

1:21:36

balance. I'm much more... I'm

1:21:38

healthier, I'm working now,

1:21:40

I'm more careful with

1:21:42

my well-being. And the

1:21:44

other thing is that

1:21:46

by working, I'm Staining in

1:21:49

shape as an artist,

1:21:51

if you will, if

1:21:53

I can, that word,

1:21:55

my instrument, which is

1:21:57

my body and my voice.

1:21:59

Wow, we, Kuzowee! Dawson,

1:22:01

you have a winner

1:22:03

to announce? It should

1:22:05

be said two points

1:22:07

that, number one, this is

1:22:10

our second nomination in

1:22:12

as many years from

1:22:14

Bernie. We look forward

1:22:16

to hearing from Bernie

1:22:18

in 2020. Nicholas Cage also

1:22:20

just dialed the telephone.

1:22:23

Just called the show.

1:22:25

Our winner for Color

1:22:27

of the Year is

1:22:29

Gary. Yeah! Color Gary! And

1:22:31

here he is for

1:22:33

the little baby. I

1:22:35

can't believe it was

1:22:37

this year. It's an

1:22:39

honor. And now here he

1:22:42

is with me, live

1:22:44

in studio. The Fresh

1:22:46

Prince of the Year.

1:22:48

Wow. He's being very

1:22:50

good right now. Got your

1:22:52

eyes. Yeah. He's a

1:22:54

good look. Oh my

1:22:56

God. Well, thank you

1:22:58

Ace Awards and thank

1:23:00

you everyone. I appreciate it.

1:23:03

We love you. We

1:23:05

love you, Joya. Oh,

1:23:07

it's beautiful. God, I

1:23:09

can't take that face.

1:23:11

Just feel good. All right.

1:23:13

We have our fifth

1:23:15

rant of the year.

1:23:19

These are two fucking five-year-olds roughhousing

1:23:21

on a lawn at a barbecue.

1:23:23

That's what fucking boys do, fucking

1:23:25

pussies. That's what they do. I

1:23:28

sure as help we don't fucking

1:23:30

break out another war or need

1:23:32

another bridge or another fucking skyscraper.

1:23:35

We are fucked. Guys wrestle with

1:23:37

other guys. That's what they do

1:23:39

on a lawn at a barbecue.

1:23:41

No brass knuckles, no weapons, no

1:23:44

throwing punches. This notion that the

1:23:46

dad is like, hey, you don't

1:23:48

do that. Yes, you do. That's

1:23:51

all you do. If you get

1:23:53

rid of that, we're in trouble.

1:23:55

But I'm going to take it

1:23:57

outside outside. They're a picnic. these

1:24:00

two fucking kids get them a

1:24:02

fucking crossword puzzle and let them

1:24:04

sit in the corner and struggle

1:24:07

with their sexuality and you tell

1:24:09

me when the depression starts to

1:24:11

kick in this all this and

1:24:13

go ahead and get them some

1:24:16

get them some ADD medication or

1:24:18

some ritalin or whatever it is

1:24:20

because that boys need to get

1:24:23

out they need to move they

1:24:25

need to have contact they need

1:24:27

to roughhouse this isn't by the

1:24:29

way These guys are so fucking

1:24:32

pissport making a point which is

1:24:34

these are two kids that are

1:24:36

five years old That are clearly

1:24:39

friends art that are just sort

1:24:41

of scrapping around and wrestling on

1:24:43

a lawn at a barbecue. One's

1:24:45

not attacking the other side. There's

1:24:48

no reason to separate them Because

1:24:50

the boys watching today No,

1:24:54

they'll be the fucking pussies of tomorrow.

1:24:56

There will be no men. They're not

1:24:58

gonna be the men There's just gonna

1:25:01

be two fucking creatures living in the

1:25:03

same domicile Oh, fuck you Gillette. Fuck

1:25:05

you You're creating a big old sack

1:25:08

of fucking worthless pussies, and we're gonna

1:25:10

be fucked It's funny. I went to

1:25:12

the hand doctor yesterday because both my

1:25:14

hands are fucked up I see John,

1:25:17

don't know why on TV talking about

1:25:19

the non-certical, you know, but a fixed

1:25:21

finger. Yeah, so if you look at

1:25:24

my hand, the furthest I can get

1:25:26

my pinky out, you know, basically 90

1:25:28

degrees. I can't do it. I have

1:25:30

like gross and cis and... But the

1:25:33

missing finger trick is really easy. I'm

1:25:35

fucked up. My knuckles are fucked up.

1:25:37

My hands are fucked up. Your dad

1:25:40

has a high threshold for pain. My

1:25:42

hands hurt, but I don't really talk

1:25:44

about that much, but they are jacked

1:25:46

up and it's starting to fuck up

1:25:49

when I shake hands and it's pushed

1:25:51

in. It's hard to drive a race

1:25:53

car. blah blah blah. I'm not selling

1:25:56

this mouse you want anything to him

1:25:58

really well. So I said to him,

1:26:00

he said, well why are your hands

1:26:02

fucked up? And I said, because I

1:26:05

boxed my whole life, I did construction

1:26:07

my whole life, I played football my

1:26:09

whole life, I did a bunch of

1:26:12

hands on shit. And that's why my

1:26:14

hands are fucked up. And he said,

1:26:16

was it worth it worth it? And

1:26:18

I said, we're standing in the house.

1:26:21

That's seven and a half million dollars

1:26:23

because I went out and did the

1:26:25

shit my whole life So yes, it

1:26:28

was worth getting fucked up hands to

1:26:30

get this life But yes your hands

1:26:32

will get fucked up along the way

1:26:34

and there's a sort of brain version

1:26:37

of that and a body version of

1:26:39

that But yes you go out there

1:26:41

and use your hands and punch a

1:26:43

bag for a while and do some

1:26:46

construction and do whatever Your hands will

1:26:48

get fucked up. It's gonna catch up.

1:26:50

But my dad is 89 and his

1:26:53

fucking hands are fine. He could model.

1:26:55

New out of the box. He could

1:26:57

do modeling for isotoneer. Mid-conditioned. Mid-conditioned. His

1:26:59

hands are fine. He lives in a

1:27:02

shitbox and he's waiting for his trumpet

1:27:04

to show up that I'm going to

1:27:06

purchase for him and my hands are

1:27:09

fucked up. So just think about that

1:27:11

when you're thinking about putting your hands

1:27:13

on another five-year-year-old. provided your five. That's

1:27:15

what I was going to say. By

1:27:18

the way do you have a double-jointed

1:27:20

thumb and am I just seeing this

1:27:22

for the first? No I don't I

1:27:25

don't think that right one. I don't

1:27:27

I don't think so but I never

1:27:29

thought I never thought about it but

1:27:31

I'm am normal. It's not. It's not.

1:27:34

It's not. It's make your thumb do

1:27:36

something. Oh, that's gross. Never mind. Yeah,

1:27:38

Brian can do it too. Frank can

1:27:41

do it. I just admit it's your

1:27:43

accomplice. You both know you had. Well,

1:27:45

I thought it was coming as you

1:27:47

go. I thought my stupid pinky that

1:27:50

can't straighten out. I thought maybe I

1:27:52

could overcompensate my thumb. But evidently, no.

1:27:54

Could you straighten the pinky? Like if

1:27:57

you forced it forced it? a splint?

1:27:59

No, you can try. I don't want

1:28:01

it. I want it. You can't. It

1:28:03

won't move. Like my pinky is facing

1:28:06

down and I can't straighten it. I

1:28:08

can't straighten it. It's a cyst and

1:28:10

whatever and I gotta get injections and

1:28:13

stuff like that. All right, let's see.

1:28:15

We got a break then coming up.

1:28:17

We have Best Musical Moment. We have

1:28:19

Most Uncomfortable moment. So much coming up

1:28:22

right after this. At

1:28:27

the Technical and Creative Arts Aces,

1:28:29

held earlier this month, awards were

1:28:31

given out in the following broadcasting

1:28:34

categories. Best front cell. You're rocking

1:28:36

with the toolbox. The station that

1:28:38

feels like vacation. Inside another free

1:28:41

ride, be sure to tune in

1:28:43

this evening for the Van Halen

1:28:45

Fault. Every week night at 6,

1:28:48

from 1984 to O-U-812, we got

1:28:50

an hour of Sam and Day,

1:28:52

brought to you by Guitar Center.

1:28:55

Get to Guitar Center now for

1:28:57

overpriced gear and employees with attitudes.

1:28:59

It's their annual. It's still way

1:29:02

too expensive, and I can't find

1:29:04

a place to park sale. Going

1:29:06

on now at Guitar Center. We

1:29:09

got traffic and weather together sunny

1:29:11

skies in the Southland, but the

1:29:13

rest of the country freezes. We

1:29:16

got 74 degrees. It's nice, but

1:29:18

we are running out of water.

1:29:20

Right now, we call her 105

1:29:23

and you'll win lunch for two

1:29:25

at Outback's Egg House. Outback. Now

1:29:27

serving kangaroo. Koo-koo-koo-choo, music from Rick

1:29:30

Derringer, Jeff Rotel, and the Loving

1:29:32

Spoonful next hour. Got just enough

1:29:34

time to tell you that this

1:29:37

set of the hits is brought

1:29:39

to you by the bed bath

1:29:41

and beyond. Go beyond the bed

1:29:44

and the bath. That's right. Check

1:29:46

out the hallway. Tomorrow's another two

1:29:48

for Tuesday double shots of that

1:29:51

classic rock all day, baby. Here's

1:29:53

a band that we won't play

1:29:55

on two for Tuesday, because they

1:29:58

only got one song. Let's really

1:30:00

make it count. Let's also give

1:30:02

ourselves a really dumb name, like

1:30:05

Sugarloaf, on the toolbox. Green-eyed lady,

1:30:07

lovely lady. Strolling snow. Best intro

1:30:09

joke. And now. He likes boobs

1:30:12

like he likes his walls. Load-bearing.

1:30:14

Adam Corolla. Yeah, get it on.

1:30:16

Mike must have the day off.

1:30:19

I made a funeral for one

1:30:21

of his customers. Cancellation. Some free

1:30:23

time in the morning. Ah, I

1:30:26

mean, customers. I do mean funeral.

1:30:28

All right. Sportscaster of the year.

1:30:30

Oh, brother, time for the Waterhouse

1:30:33

update. Brought to you by the

1:30:35

Rutger Howard hour. The talk show

1:30:37

that is not screwing around. Women's

1:30:40

World Cup soccer USA like Kamala

1:30:42

Harris with three loosely related facts.

1:30:44

They just keep coming at you.

1:30:47

England had as much chance as

1:30:49

a straight pride parade in West

1:30:51

Hollywood. If the U.S. women win

1:30:54

the Cup Sunday, Trump brought tanks

1:30:56

to D.C. to keep them from

1:30:58

entering the White House. That soccer

1:31:01

wrap-up brought you by dice crispies.

1:31:03

Start every morning with a gamble.

1:31:05

South America's past-time baseball! Yankees played

1:31:08

Boston and London and ground them

1:31:10

up like an angry waiter demoted

1:31:12

to the pepper mill. Set a

1:31:15

local cricket fan. after game number

1:31:17

one, only six hours and it's

1:31:19

already over, I want my money

1:31:22

back. Seventh and each stretch, Wright

1:31:24

said, Fred, saying, take me out

1:31:26

to the ball gag store. The

1:31:29

Brooklyn Nets sign Kevin Durant, Kairi

1:31:31

Irving and De Andri Jordan. Meanwhile,

1:31:33

the New York Knicks drop their

1:31:36

car keys down a sewer grate.

1:31:38

Competitive eating! Even I don't call

1:31:40

that. That item sponsored by appointment.

1:31:43

The app that delivers ointment to

1:31:45

your door exactly when you need

1:31:47

it. Best. radio request. I do

1:31:50

love this about Led Zeppelin

1:31:52

love this about in

1:31:54

and you when you

1:31:57

call in and

1:31:59

you have to

1:32:01

request the song

1:32:04

hear man about hear

1:32:06

that one about

1:32:08

the Purple called the

1:32:11

purple alec then she's

1:32:13

got a purple, oh it's called

1:32:15

Come On Babe, come around the

1:32:17

block or come around the, come

1:32:19

around the, come in the America.

1:32:21

Can I request a Led Zeppelin

1:32:23

song? This one is called... Torn

1:32:28

Achilles? Shit. Caught, uh,

1:32:30

misty, hobby, uh, damn it,

1:32:32

uh, hobby, I, I pay?

1:32:34

I tell you what, let

1:32:36

me just scrap the light.

1:32:38

Oh, banana, banana, banana, banana,

1:32:40

banana, banana, hey, me take,

1:32:42

this is calling me take

1:32:45

you to the movies, let

1:32:47

me take you to the

1:32:49

woods, let me take you

1:32:51

to the, Let me take

1:32:53

you to the movie. Yeah,

1:32:55

this is called I want

1:32:57

to take you to the

1:33:00

movies No Okay, wait

1:33:02

forget it forget Let's

1:33:04

happen forget it. I'm fucking

1:33:06

that I wanna hear take

1:33:08

anymore. I want to hear bad

1:33:10

of the album, bad company.

1:33:12

off of fuck it, I'm hanging

1:33:14

up. company. Okay, fuck

1:33:17

it. I'm hanging up and best

1:33:19

morning zoo You have been been that that

1:33:21

drum all day. to I

1:33:23

want to on me, drum all

1:33:25

day. day. Little child run minutes right

1:33:28

here minutes right here with ass the morning.

1:33:30

and back sac the border. you have

1:33:32

And you have another on another ass

1:33:34

crack and back sac. H.R. agreement. Let

1:33:37

me jump in. It's eight for

1:33:39

you one that's fifty, one at the

1:33:41

top of the hour. I'll tell you what, Baxack.

1:33:43

Yeah, but why don't we just march it down

1:33:45

the hall down the Jack Silver's office see if we can just

1:33:47

hash this office there see in a hash this

1:33:49

thing out there in a commercial it. I'd

1:33:51

Maybe we could do it. I'd like

1:33:53

to do it I want to do

1:33:55

a show and free of any of any

1:33:57

personal baggage that's going to gonna be

1:34:00

difficult because you come in here

1:34:02

like a Sherpa dragging baggage

1:34:04

every single morning. As crack.

1:34:06

Yes, back sac. Tell it

1:34:08

to buy Marconi Award, Bubber.

1:34:11

I have a daytime local

1:34:13

AMI, which I say is

1:34:15

much better than Marconi Award.

1:34:17

Plus, I was voted top

1:34:19

10 DJ and spin and

1:34:21

hits and radio and dial

1:34:24

magazine nine years running. I

1:34:26

was strong. I'm strong man.

1:34:28

I'm not easily offended. The

1:34:30

reason I come here is

1:34:32

to inspire people having a

1:34:35

tough time getting out of

1:34:37

the bed of the bottom.

1:34:39

And of you think, I

1:34:41

am intimidated by your midday

1:34:43

television Miami, Miami. I work

1:34:45

in South Florida. I worked

1:34:48

at number one Y100, Fort

1:34:50

Lauderdale, Miami, and the Paul

1:34:52

Mutual. And I'm going to

1:34:54

tell you something I have

1:34:56

in personal friends with shotgun

1:34:58

time. I love the way

1:35:01

he says shotguns. I don't

1:35:03

know. It's kind of what...

1:35:05

It's kind of what makes

1:35:07

humans humans and why you

1:35:09

can't really describe things to

1:35:11

other like cultures or the

1:35:14

other animals like there's something

1:35:16

rhythmically whatever it's greater in

1:35:18

the sum of its parts

1:35:20

like if you try to

1:35:22

describe it if you did

1:35:25

a great impression it wouldn't

1:35:27

be you know it all

1:35:29

comes together it's one of

1:35:31

those you had to be

1:35:33

there moments right or had

1:35:35

to hear it but either

1:35:38

way it is not something

1:35:40

you could write no it's

1:35:42

just there and that's sort

1:35:44

of why Probably why we

1:35:46

love comedy and why we

1:35:48

love Magic Johnson taking the

1:35:51

ball down the court improvise,

1:35:53

like doing something, it's not

1:35:55

something you could see coming

1:35:57

or work out or script

1:35:59

out, it just sort of

1:36:01

is in the moment. Those

1:36:04

moments were great, like I

1:36:06

was thinking about stepbrothers of

1:36:08

all things the other day,

1:36:10

the movies, stepbrothers, John C.

1:36:12

Riley and Will Farrell, the

1:36:14

scenes where they're sleepwalking, if

1:36:17

you wrote that down it

1:36:19

sounds so fucking stupid, like

1:36:21

two grown men sleepwalk and

1:36:23

run into each other, it's

1:36:25

a godname hysterical, a number

1:36:28

four. Our fourth

1:36:30

nominee for Song of

1:36:32

the Year, the 12

1:36:34

Rants of Christmas. On

1:36:36

his first class of

1:36:38

angry, Adam Rants at

1:36:40

me, about building codes

1:36:42

from the city. Straight

1:36:44

no chaser. On his

1:36:47

second class, angry, Adam

1:36:49

Rants at me. About

1:36:51

two spoiled kids and

1:36:53

building codes from the

1:36:55

city. On his third

1:36:57

class of mangria, Adam

1:36:59

grants at me. Three

1:37:01

drop calls. Two spoiled

1:37:03

kids. And building codes

1:37:05

from the city. On

1:37:07

his fourth class of

1:37:10

mangria, Adam grants at

1:37:12

me. Four plates of

1:37:14

car. Bree drop calls.

1:37:16

Two spoiled kids. And

1:37:18

building codes from the

1:37:20

city. On his fifth

1:37:22

class of mangria, Adam

1:37:24

Rants at me. Five

1:37:26

freeway stocks. Four plates

1:37:28

of cars. Three dropped

1:37:30

calls. Two spoiled kids.

1:37:32

And building codes from

1:37:35

the city. On his

1:37:37

sixth class of mangria.

1:37:39

Adam Rants at me.

1:37:41

Six hours of fortnight.

1:37:43

Five freeway stocks. Four

1:37:45

plates of cars, three

1:37:47

dropped calls, two spoiled

1:37:49