0:15

Welcome to Cruel Classics. I'm your host

0:17

super fan, Giovanni. This is the podcast. We

0:19

play the best moments highlights and fans like

0:21

the clips from all 15 years of the

0:23

Adam Kroll Show. We have a companion podcast

0:26

titled Cruel Classics. The at-free archives are exclusively

0:28

available through Adam Krollo's sub stack. All right,

0:30

come up for day's clips. We have Adam

0:32

Krollo Show, 1979, Grant, Mahara. James Mitchell, Gina,

0:35

Brian Bishop, 2017. This is Grant's one on

0:37

one of the show, it's great. Grant's kind

0:39

of a hero if you're a fan of

0:41

mythbusters. You probably love Grant. The only major

0:43

cast member who appeared was Kari Byron, who

0:46

appeared on the morning show back in 2008,

0:48

and she said the phrase, got expressed the

0:50

anus in regards to a dog's anal land.

0:52

Brian caught that as a drop and never

0:54

let her live it down, and she never

0:56

returned to the show. She actually left quite

0:58

early because that that drop kept play. Aside.

1:00

Aside from that this interview with Grant is

1:02

great. Alcoa

1:10

presents definitely not a

1:12

Jew on the Adam

1:15

Corolla show. Dateline Naples

1:17

Florida a 45 year old

1:20

woman held a lighter to

1:22

a propane tank in

1:24

front of deputies before

1:27

being taken into

1:29

custody. The woman

1:31

resisted arrest and bit

1:33

the hand of one deputy

1:36

but failed to cause

1:38

injury because She had

1:40

no teeth. Definitely not

1:42

a Jew. Grand Dimahara.

1:44

Did I screw that

1:46

up or I got

1:48

that right? You got

1:51

it right. Thank you.

1:53

In studio, the show,

1:55

White Rabbit Project, streaming

1:57

now on Netflix. of

2:00

time we're living in so

2:02

much great content out there.

2:05

Such an exciting show. Formally

2:07

of MythBusters after 10 years,

2:09

Grant's getting out doing his

2:12

own thing. a uh... engineering degree

2:14

from u s c man must have

2:16

been excited about that roseball yesterday i

2:18

i'm really not a football guy so

2:20

i didn't watch it i was in

2:22

the shop yeah but you have a good

2:24

reason i was in the shop i

2:27

was cleaning my shop actually which

2:29

i try and do in the

2:31

off-season now i know you porcelain

2:33

doll shop or like my machine

2:35

shop there you go done a

2:37

lot of started off industrial light

2:39

and magic done a lot of

2:41

visual effects on the the Craig

2:43

Ferguson robot and that kind of

2:45

stuff. What are you working on

2:47

when you're in your shop normally?

2:49

Well, I've got a number of

2:51

projects. I try and keep making

2:53

things when we're not filming and

2:56

that way I keep the skills

2:58

sharp. So right now, it's all

3:00

projects for friends. 3D printing a

3:02

pit boy from fallout. It's a

3:04

video game. It's like a thing

3:07

you wearing your wrist. Where are

3:09

we at with 3D? printing. I

3:11

know it's coming a long way.

3:13

I know they're doing metallic stuff

3:16

now and there's a lot of

3:18

really cool stuff. You know, eight

3:20

years ago you go to Leno's

3:22

garage and he would show you

3:25

a crescent ranch or an adjustable

3:27

wrench that was done out of

3:29

PVC material and it was like

3:32

the coolest thing in the world.

3:34

It like actually worked, but it's

3:36

not something that's available to everyone.

3:39

It's a sort of thing that

3:41

you order from a company online.

3:43

It's your design and you send

3:46

them your design and then they

3:48

send you back the metal part.

3:50

Currently consumer grade. Oh, it's not

3:53

as fun, but it's great to have

3:55

something that you have design come to

3:57

you in a box. Perfect. Right, because

3:59

when you You're doing, this stuff is

4:01

bespoke, I mean you're doing this

4:04

robot or whatever it is, you

4:06

need parts and shapes and things.

4:08

All the race cars I have

4:10

in the other shop, I have

4:12

guys over there with stamps and

4:14

presses and bends and torches and

4:16

stuff and they're making the stuff

4:18

there's nothing off a shelf you

4:20

could get for any of those cars.

4:22

You design it on your computer

4:25

and is it a CAD? Yeah,

4:27

it's in CAD. It's in a

4:29

3D file. And you just send

4:31

it to this company and X

4:34

amount of days or weeks later

4:36

and you specify the alloy? I

4:38

don't think that you can get

4:41

that specific, but they'll, because the

4:43

process is slightly different, I believe

4:45

it's centered, so a powder that

4:47

then is fused into the metal

4:50

form. So you can't really spec

4:52

out a specific alloy. If it's

4:54

something that... is so

4:56

technical that it needs

4:59

a certain strength or

5:01

a certain great alloy,

5:03

still, CNC is the

5:05

best process for a custom

5:07

part. You know, I feel

5:10

like, I feel like, I don't

5:12

know why, but, you know, it's

5:14

like, I feel like

5:17

you're Jean-Claude Van Dam,

5:19

but you... But we keep saying

5:21

you got to get in the UFC

5:23

you got to go in the octagon.

5:26

We got to see I feel that

5:28

for that with you. It's battle bots.

5:30

Oh, yeah Well, I feel like all

5:32

a lot of talk about making funny

5:35

robots Let's see let's get some battle

5:37

bot going. It was my calling in

5:39

fact in 1999 the first incarnation of

5:41

battle bots was on Comedy Central. I

5:43

know and I had a battle bot

5:46

in there called dead blow that did

5:48

I don't know gay slang so slow

5:50

down and it came in second

5:52

uh... really yeah came in

5:55

second place in its weight

5:57

class and won two rumbles

5:59

Wow. Wow. There it is. Yeah.

6:01

Yeah. Yeah. It's what has a

6:04

hammer that has a hammer. Yeah.

6:06

Yeah. Yeah. An appointed tip on

6:08

the hammer and it was a

6:10

pneumatic hammer so it was really

6:12

quick. I tell you that show

6:14

is so fun to watch with

6:16

me and my son because it's

6:18

perfect for it's a perfect sort

6:20

of father sunny show to watch

6:22

because he's into the action. I'm

6:24

into the mechanical. Yeah, this is

6:26

back when they used to have

6:28

it. at the armory or wherever

6:30

it was on on the island

6:32

outside that was they had it

6:34

at Fort Mason they switched it

6:37

around to a few places but

6:39

Fort Mason was one of them

6:41

it was fort yeah and There

6:43

you were and so... Now, now

6:45

you're doing... Now that's back when

6:47

they had weight classes. That's right.

6:49

They don't have them anymore. You

6:51

must have done battle with Zigo

6:53

at some point. Maybe Son of

6:55

Yachi. Zigo was a lightweight and

6:57

Son of Yachi was a heavyweight.

6:59

So I didn't face... I faced

7:01

hazard which was a middle weight

7:03

spinner. Oh, spinners are rough. Again,

7:05

I don't know gay slang, but

7:08

I do know battle bots. Yeah,

7:10

you didn't want to mess with

7:12

Zigo. Zigo was one of my

7:14

all-time favorites. Was the one that

7:16

was like a room bubble, just

7:18

world insectiv- Was that the one?

7:20

That was Zigo. That was impossible

7:22

to destroy. Zigo, son of Wauachi,

7:24

and then Vlad, the Impala, Vlad

7:26

was great. Vlad, Vlad was heavy,

7:28

simple. It's just 300 pounds with

7:30

a big old, like, uh, rod

7:32

in front of it. And that

7:34

was it. It just grew everybody

7:36

forklift. pop them up and push

7:38

them all over the arena. So

7:41

you placed. I did, yeah. That's

7:43

awesome. Back in the day. What

7:45

was the weight? You see we

7:47

were like in the middle weight.

7:49

120. 120 pounds. Yeah. And what

7:51

did you, so obviously bang for

7:53

your buck, you wouldn't want to

7:55

use as much aluminum as you

7:57

could. 60-61 was most of it.

7:59

2024 for parts that mattered. uh...

8:01

the arm after the first year

8:03

where they sliced it as a

8:05

part of the uh... combat part

8:07

of it flew off i switched

8:09

that to titanium which i had

8:12

to have water jet cut wow

8:14

and did uh... you're that nerd

8:16

the number that i am the

8:18

definition outly you look in the

8:20

dictionary there's a picture of me

8:22

in terms of like Making a

8:24

living doing anything related to battle

8:26

bots. Can you even break even?

8:28

I mean you came in second

8:30

place. You obviously hammered a couple

8:32

of checks. Well, you know what

8:34

happened was they took a dozen

8:36

of the most popular robots and

8:38

made toys out of them. And

8:40

so I got a cut of

8:43

that as did, you know, all

8:45

the other guys, but... considering how

8:47

much I spent on developing the

8:49

robot, this is over a several

8:51

four-year span. It, I didn't, I

8:53

really, yeah, just broke even. Because

8:55

titanium ain't cheap. No, it is

8:57

not. I like that deal. I'm

8:59

getting a good job letter. Well,

9:01

Grant, I see, I'm not going

9:03

to allow you, your resume is

9:05

very impressive. But bad news, the

9:07

guy came in first, is in

9:09

the other room. That's right. We're

9:11

going to hire him. Again, very

9:13

impressive, President. There's a bunch of

9:16

guys, in truth. that does prototypes

9:18

for military and whatever companies they're

9:20

like a think tank and so

9:22

it's kind of like that I

9:24

call it the famous robot builders

9:26

club and we have lunch they're

9:28

not far from here actually well

9:30

it's interesting in terms of a

9:32

a real Here goes a football

9:34

reference, be prepared to doze off.

9:36

But they used to have these

9:38

things called punt pass and kick

9:40

competitions and they do it at

9:42

the half time of the football

9:44

game and they do it for

9:47

like teenagers and nine year olds

9:49

and the idea the reason was

9:51

a punt pass. and kick is

9:53

they want to go like who's

9:55

the best like overall potential football

9:57

player. Sure I can throw but

9:59

how well is it kick? Right

10:01

right and all that so in

10:03

a way in a weird way

10:05

battle bots is a sort of

10:07

pun pass and kick competition for

10:09

engineers and inventors and whomevers because

10:11

you go here are the rules

10:13

can't weigh more than 300 pounds

10:15

what else? I don't know, can't

10:17

admit gas, the obnoxious gas, no

10:20

explosives, no explosives. And you're like,

10:22

all right, what else? That's it.

10:24

Well, what do you want to

10:26

do? Well, go ahead, go figure

10:28

it out. And then you get

10:30

the spinners and the rammers and

10:32

the whatever. But it really is

10:34

a way to go. Who's the

10:36

smartest and who has the most

10:38

ingenuity in this room? Because our

10:40

rule is you can't go over

10:42

300 pounds and you can't explode.

10:44

Do whatever you want. It's doomed

10:46

to fail as it goes out

10:48

there. Like you go, oh, that

10:51

thing made of sand and marzapan?

10:53

I know medieval castles should strike

10:55

fear, but they don't. It's a

10:57

macromae now. Macromae bot. It didn't

10:59

do well. Didn't do well. The

11:01

ones that never do well are

11:03

the ones that have the minions,

11:05

the little flying drones that come

11:07

with it. Like those never... Mainly

11:09

because no one knows how to

11:11

fly those yet. So they just

11:13

always sort of buzz around and

11:15

then get caught in their own

11:17

firebursts or whatever it is. But

11:19

it is a real just... IQ

11:22

test for engineers, wouldn't you say?

11:24

Oh, it has to work in

11:26

the arena and there's a huge

11:28

difference between designing something in a

11:30

computer and having it work inside

11:32

the battle box because it's a

11:34

punishing environment. Oh, yeah. And if

11:36

you don't test ahead of time,

11:38

that was one of the big

11:40

things that I was a really

11:42

big proponent of and whenever I

11:44

would consult, it's you have to

11:46

try. design out. And in truth,

11:48

in those days, there was a

11:50

show at Easter and one at

11:52

Thanksgiving. She did two major competitions

11:55

a year, which is barely enough

11:57

time to do a redesign. And

11:59

so your instinct is to keep

12:01

designing and kind of, you know,

12:03

make your built envelope all the

12:05

way up to just before the

12:07

competition, but you can't do that.

12:09

You have to test. You have

12:11

to punish it. They, uh, speaking

12:13

of testing, Jimmy and I went

12:15

and did it when it was

12:17

back on Comedy Central is the

12:19

Comedy Central guys. And I had

12:21

some experience like flying like remote

12:23

control airplanes or something. So they

12:26

said, well, you can work the

12:28

thing. And it was, it was

12:30

me. It was. our robot which

12:32

they just gave us, you know,

12:34

against like Chinzilla. I think was,

12:36

I think it was Jay Leno.

12:38

Yeah, Leno had a robot. Yeah.

12:40

And a scooper kind of thing,

12:42

right? Yeah, the chin was a

12:44

scoop. The chin was a scoop.

12:46

And so like they got us

12:48

into the loose-eyed cage and they're

12:50

like, all right, we're going to

12:52

get started. And I was like,

12:54

all right, and they handed me

12:57

a remote that was pretty familiar

12:59

like the kind you'd fly that

13:01

remote control planes that remote control

13:03

planes with. And I remember they

13:05

go look the stick on the

13:07

right push that forward it goes

13:09

forward you pull it back and

13:11

goes backwards I go okay I'm

13:13

just giving a little test and

13:15

turn right turn right turn left

13:17

and left so I go and

13:19

I push it forward and it

13:21

goes backwards and I go huh

13:23

and then I pull it backwards

13:25

it goes forward and I go

13:27

wait no what's going on here

13:30

and I go oh it's flipped

13:32

over the bot which had like

13:34

which had like 10 inch works

13:36

on both sides. Yeah it had

13:38

it had 10 inch saw blade

13:40

tires or something was sitting in

13:42

a way that it was flipped

13:44

over so forward meant backward and

13:46

backward and I was like we

13:48

should flip it over right way

13:50

right and they're like I've got

13:52

time for that here we go.

13:54

Well this is gonna be I'm

13:56

not gonna be very effective at

13:58

all if everything is exactly reversed

14:01

like I don't know how fast

14:03

you could turn a hot lap

14:05

at Laguna sake of when you

14:07

turn right it means you go

14:09

left and we turn left it

14:11

means you go right now to

14:13

break so the question accelerate a

14:15

pedal down like it's gonna take

14:17

my mind just a few short

14:19

years to figure this out and

14:21

they're going five four and I'm

14:23

like we're never gonna beat we

14:25

might beat Conan on a good

14:27

day but we're not going to

14:29

take Leno out not Shinzilla not

14:31

not now and I remember that

14:34

like I thought this is TV

14:36

isn't it and all I did

14:38

look like I was insane There's

14:40

a clever strategy. It looks like

14:42

he's running away. He's drawing him

14:44

in. Adam is mastered retreating. He's

14:46

off the back. Oh, look at

14:48

that. Oh, that's. Oh, that's Treasure

14:50

Island. Again, I don't know if

14:52

the gate lives are. There's two

14:54

of us for to just abandon

14:56

his radio. Shinzilla. Shin-killa,

14:59

action-killa. We present a

15:01

three-on-one challenge. Is that

15:03

a buffer? I don't

15:05

know, okay. Introducing, in

15:07

the middle of the

15:09

arena, a robot so

15:11

devastating that he demanded

15:14

to fight three robots

15:16

at the same time,

15:18

Jay Leno's infamous Shin-killa.

15:20

I don't know. You

15:22

look so tired. I've

15:24

seen a lot of

15:26

Chin Killa. Is he

15:29

up for this part?

15:31

Here now are the

15:33

opponents in the red

15:35

corner. Driven by Comedy

15:37

Central's robot combat enthusiasts

15:39

and host of the

15:41

man show Jimmy Kimmel

15:44

and Adam Corolla. And

15:46

by the way now

15:48

would be Jimmy Kimmel

15:50

and then he'd count

15:52

to 15 Mississippi and

15:54

then go and Adam

15:56

Corolla. Oh no! So

16:00

beside your own, who do you

16:02

remember, so you're in that whole

16:04

class with the son of Wyachis

16:06

and the Zigos and the Vlads

16:09

and the Vlads, oh yeah, Biohazard

16:11

was a big one. Vlads, the

16:13

Impaler, those were two of my

16:15

favorites. Was there ever any sticky

16:17

situations about, obviously you're putting this

16:19

thing together, it's got a pneumatic

16:21

hammer that comes down with a...

16:24

ice pick on the end of

16:26

it. I mean, obviously, if that

16:28

thing ever hits your hand, it's

16:30

going to go right through it,

16:32

right? No hesitation at all. Instant.

16:34

Instant. Instant. Obviously, you have to

16:37

be careful. But was there ever

16:39

any situation where something malfunctioned? No.

16:41

Thankfully, I mean, having been there

16:43

from 1999 99, which was even

16:45

before it was on the air,

16:47

it was like this. kind of

16:50

even before that was robot wars

16:52

which is an underground event. Fight

16:54

club. Yeah it's like robot fight

16:56

club and in the pits it

16:58

used to be very very dangerous

17:00

because people would just work on

17:03

their you know they're they're in

17:05

a rush between matches they're trying

17:07

to fix the robot and they

17:09

wouldn't take the precautions like getting

17:11

the robot up up off its

17:13

wheels. They just start working on

17:16

it. Yeah and also when you

17:18

fly these model airplanes you realize

17:20

there's only a certain amount of

17:22

frequencies. So if someone turns their

17:24

radio on and you turn your

17:26

radio on, you could be controlling

17:29

their plane or robot or whatever

17:31

it is without knowing it. Which

17:33

has happened. Is that safe? Yeah.

17:35

And they had to institute a

17:37

radio impound. So you had to

17:39

go check out your radio with

17:42

a frequency. And there was a

17:44

guy whose job it was to

17:46

make sure that nobody else uses

17:48

your frequency. I've seen fires, I've

17:50

seen robots, somebody short out a

17:52

high voltage system and cause it

17:55

a giant flash. in the pits,

17:57

not like two pits over from

17:59

me. It's, it used to be

18:01

very, very dangerous. And then people

18:03

learn. I gotta say, I've been

18:05

studying about you and learning about

18:07

the Lucas film stuff and all

18:10

the various things, but I just

18:12

sort of stumbled into this whole

18:14

robot business. I did not, I

18:16

had no idea that you were

18:18

so steeped and immersed in this.

18:20

I do, I live in brief

18:23

robots. uh... the how far away

18:25

are we from robot fighting and

18:27

i don't mean wheel the robot

18:29

real steel but i just mean

18:31

yeah real steel yeah huge actman

18:33

right there's uh... you know you

18:36

know there were there was a

18:38

show uh... last year, or maybe

18:40

as a year before that, that

18:42

had, it was essentially real steel,

18:44

it was a robot fighting league,

18:46

and they would fight each other

18:49

on camera. And these are, I

18:51

know the guy who built them,

18:53

a Mart's Atrakian, it's a friend

18:55

of mine, and he built really

18:57

sturdy robots. The problem is, when

18:59

you see these robots fighting each

19:02

other, it doesn't look as as

19:04

incredible as it is in real

19:06

life. It just looks like they're

19:08

kind of hitting each other. Rock

19:10

him, sock him. But, and you

19:12

would think in your mind you

19:15

want to see, you know, heads

19:17

flying off and arms flying off,

19:19

but... It's hard with robots fighting

19:21

each other. You have a real

19:23

bloodlust, Grant. Well, you know, you

19:25

just want to give the people

19:28

what they want to see. You're

19:30

up a seven ramp. Yeah. What

19:32

the people want to see is

19:34

a homeless guy dropped off in

19:36

the cage and you and Zigo

19:38

and son of Waahachi going after

19:41

this guy. And if you can

19:43

make it five minutes, we'll give

19:45

him a 40 ounce and we'll

19:47

let him go on as well.

19:49

Oh yeah, we are watching now

19:51

the show where the show where

19:53

the robots are the robots are

19:56

fighting. punch the side of a

19:58

car in punch through a door

20:00

and they're punching each other and

20:02

the thing that actually made it

20:04

more visceral is that they have

20:07

hydraulic fluid and so when they

20:09

break an actuator you see like

20:12

hydraulic fluid spewing out. But you're

20:14

right because they're both so tough

20:16

you don't get to see

20:18

the impact. Exactly. I mean

20:20

they're hitting each other but they're

20:23

made so well that they're not

20:25

falling apart as you would expect.

20:28

This is just what the terrorists

20:30

think we're doing. But you know

20:32

with with the giant robots I

20:34

was consulting on a team called

20:37

megabots And these are the guys

20:39

that are building a giant two-story

20:41

robot to they challenged Japan to

20:43

a robot competition which was supposed

20:46

to happen at the end of

20:48

last year but it's it's gonna

20:50

happen really and so these are

20:52

you know this is more like

20:55

what people want to see with

20:57

robot jocks but yeah transforming these

20:59

and and so they're they're

21:02

still working on it and

21:04

hopefully they'll have that competition

21:06

this year. Yeah, there it

21:08

is. Japan. And then later,

21:11

the winner takes over Mexico.

21:13

Actually takes over the government.

21:16

That's the prize. Hi! Hi!

21:18

That's super cobrum is bad.

21:21

Move over. Giant robots coming

21:23

into town. Take care of

21:26

those drug lords. All right,

21:28

the show, White Rabbit Project,

21:30

tons of fun stuff, like,

21:33

you know, recreations. God, there's one,

21:35

now what, you went down to

21:37

the salt flats and we're going

21:39

after a speed record on one

21:41

of them. Can you tell us

21:43

about that? I say salt flats,

21:45

but I don't know where. Yeah,

21:47

we were, there was, the whole

21:49

episode is about speed and, you

21:51

know, kind of like fastest things

21:54

in the world, but not regular

21:56

things. And so I had the

21:58

fastest radio control. car in the

22:00

world the second fastest they're going

22:03

after the world record and you

22:05

think well the radio controlled car

22:07

you know we're familiar with that

22:09

so think about 18 inches long

22:11

there's over 200 miles an hour

22:13

wow it's so fast you can't

22:15

even track it the guys to

22:17

get on a lift so he

22:19

can track it down the runway.

22:21

What are the rules? You have

22:23

to make two passes and an

22:25

average speed? Yeah, two passes, one

22:27

in one direction, one in the

22:29

other direction, with laser timers. And

22:31

if you're going for the world

22:33

record, you have to fly in

22:36

an adjudicator, an official adjudicator from

22:38

Guinness, from New York. to wherever

22:40

it is that you're trying. We

22:42

had to do that for this

22:44

podcast. I kid you not, like

22:46

we wanted the world record, get

22:48

us book or world record, and

22:50

then like you gotta fly the

22:52

guy in, because otherwise we're gonna,

22:54

you know, if we go out

22:56

to talk to every Yahoo, who

22:58

thinks he's got a record on

23:00

something, we'll be out of business,

23:02

gonna buy, you know, hotels and

23:04

tickets and everything else. So yeah,

23:06

you gotta pay for these guys,

23:08

and they come out now. is

23:11

in the world of speed in

23:13

terms of full-scale automobiles, there are

23:15

categories. There's rear wheel driven, engine

23:17

transmission, differential axles and things like

23:19

that, and then there's rocket powered,

23:21

which is the thing just coast,

23:23

and it's a giant rocket that

23:25

just powers it with no transmission

23:27

or anything like that. Is this

23:29

thing powered by a bottle rocket

23:31

or does it have a motor

23:33

and does that motor go through

23:35

a transmission and is that part

23:37

of the rules? I believe that

23:39

the rules for this one are

23:41

radio control, first of all, battery-powered

23:44

electric motor and there might be

23:46

a separate category for gas, I'm

23:48

not sure, but the guy that

23:50

he was trying to beat was

23:52

also electric powered. So and the

23:54

other thing is... has to be

23:56

maneuverable before and after. So you

23:58

have to be able to turn

24:00

up on a circle. You can't

24:02

like, I have another category. It's

24:04

not powered by the rear wheels

24:06

or powered by gas or electric

24:08

or rocket. It's whose wife is

24:10

more pissed off? See I like

24:12

that I like to do that

24:14

like when I see the guys

24:17

who are into dragboat racing And

24:19

then the guys are into tractor

24:21

pulling with the five blown hemmys

24:23

on the track that I have

24:25

a tractor that they have $272,000

24:27

into but it's worth $18,000 and

24:29

now I'm going to include the

24:31

radio controlled speed record car guys

24:33

whose wife is more pissed? Yeah,

24:35

you know, I mean because I

24:37

know wives that are like reasonably

24:39

perturbed that their husband spend a

24:41

little too much time in his

24:43

roto league yeah as football little

24:45

too much with the fans but

24:47

at least on the computer a

24:49

little too much with the fancy

24:52

football guys every Sunday from right

24:54

right but the guy who never

24:56

leaves the garage because he's either

24:58

building a drag boat a tractor

25:00

to pull a weight of nothing

25:02

by the way it's not like

25:04

well we pulled over a thousand

25:06

refugees last year sweetie how can

25:08

you argue that you have a

25:10

big sled with a weight on

25:12

it that just goes forward that

25:14

it's just designed to stop you

25:16

from stop you from or the

25:18

radio controlled speed record guy. Yeah.

25:20

I feel like this, I feel

25:22

like it's, um, see in one

25:25

hand in the dragboat racing you

25:27

can get killed but that could

25:29

be a plus for a lot

25:31

of the lives. You know, just

25:33

hammer that, hammer that insurance policy.

25:35

The tractor pole guys like you

25:37

got five blown hemmys and you're

25:39

blowing a headgasket every pull. If

25:41

you're doing the... tractor you probably

25:43

have a barn or some large

25:45

amount of space. Yeah, but the

25:47

car, I don't know. Oh, the

25:49

car, the radio control car guy,

25:51

single. There you go. This guy

25:53

actually, this guy was married and

25:55

he was building it in his

25:57

garage. And he was also, I

26:00

think his wife knew what she

26:02

was getting herself. into because he's

26:04

like a world-ranked radio control guy

26:06

in other not just speed but

26:08

around the track once your world

26:10

right he's no he's no she

26:12

knew she was getting yeah all

26:14

right well at least she knew

26:16

going in yeah the guys the

26:18

craziest is oh not the craziest

26:20

but they have a they have

26:22

a they have a in Florida

26:24

they have a top gun but

26:26

with radio controlled planes and they

26:28

have turbine jets going all day

26:30

long and if anyone's ever really

26:33

seen turbine jets fly miniature they

26:35

sound exactly like a fighter jet

26:37

they do insane things we should

26:39

be way more impressed by these

26:41

guys they go 300 miles an

26:43

hour and when they spool them

26:45

up they just spool up and

26:47

they just take off and the

26:49

gear comes in and stuff I

26:51

mean the amount of work and

26:53

time involved with that is insane

26:55

oh yeah and these are these

26:57

are not these are tiny tiny

26:59

actual jet engines turbine engines and

27:01

It's the scale is incredible and

27:03

they are so so fast. They're

27:05

the size of a thermus. Yeah.

27:08

Like an old school lunch pale

27:10

thermus. But they go over a

27:12

hundred thousand r p.m. Gary just

27:14

for fun and take your time

27:16

and there's plenty of stuff on

27:18

YouTube and just those things firing

27:20

up and find one that's in

27:22

the pits so to speak because

27:24

you hear one just fire up

27:26

and spool up and you guys.

27:28

being a podcast tell me at

27:30

home if it doesn't sound like

27:32

you're just on the tarmac and

27:34

there's a leer jet or fighter

27:36

jet that's fired up and is

27:38

spooling up i wonder if they

27:41

tap these guys for the military

27:43

because so much of it's remote

27:45

control they clearly know what they're

27:47

doing oh boy now i mean

27:49

in order to operate something that's

27:51

going two hundred fifty miles an

27:53

hour past you and these things

27:55

they they put a gallon of

27:57

gas on them they don't really

27:59

glide very much there's not much

28:01

wing to them anything everything is

28:03

swept I mean it's really that

28:05

crazy it's really crazy Gary you'll

28:07

find that all right let's just

28:09

listen to the thing spool up

28:11

if you can find that Gary

28:46

turbine engines. All right

28:48

I'll give you three

28:50

guesses. Jamaica? Okay. Before

28:52

I mention Mexico? Germany.

28:54

Now give me some

28:57

time. You know, you

28:59

better write it down.

29:01

I have two guesses.

29:03

I have two guesses.

29:05

Of course they're making

29:07

Germany. That's a miniature

29:09

model jet engine that

29:11

propels those things at

29:13

250 miles an hour.

29:15

It is pretty bad-ass.

29:17

All right, oh man,

29:19

let's just do a

29:21

little bit of news,

29:23

shall we? Let's do

29:25

it. Well, Grant, your

29:27

robot stuff is cute,

29:29

but can you put

29:31

a tarp over a

29:33

sign? Think about that.

29:35

The guy who turned

29:37

the Hollywood sign into

29:39

the Hollywood sign might

29:41

have revealed himself by

29:43

slapping his signature on

29:45

the evidence, according to

29:47

T.M.Z. Zach Fernandez, who

29:49

goes by Jesus' hands

29:51

on social media, had

29:53

his handle all All

29:55

over the iconic sign,

29:57

the day the recreational

29:59

pot became legal in

30:01

California, he's also taking

30:03

credit for it on

30:06

Instagram, another social media

30:08

post. Fernandez has not

30:10

been nabed, but cops

30:12

are on the hunt.

30:14

Whoever did it faces

30:16

misdemeanor trespassing charges, here's

30:18

a clip of Fernandez

30:20

bragging about the feet

30:22

online. Okay, so the

30:24

missions like, 95% complete.

30:28

No, it's probably like 50% complete. But

30:30

keep the night out and have a

30:32

safe mirror. Mission completed? Welcome, 2017. I

30:34

feel great. I'm wishing you all a

30:36

beautiful year. What do you do to

30:39

the sun? Turn a Halloween or something?

30:41

Yeah, basically just wrapped a black tarp

30:43

around the bottom of the O's, so

30:45

it says Hollywood. Because now, recreational pot

30:47

is legal in some ways. I miss

30:50

the days when people just kill themselves

30:52

by jumping off of the sign. It's

30:54

very romantic. You know what I mean?

30:56

The ladies. Children's didn't work out. There

30:58

it is. I'm glad he didn't do

31:01

actual damage to the sign. I'm glad

31:03

it was just a harmless light. Frank.

31:05

Yeah. Yeah. And they had it down,

31:07

because we woke up, because they lived

31:09

near the sign in Beechwood. And we

31:12

woke up and heard about it. And

31:14

by the time we'd run out there

31:16

to take out there to take a

31:18

picture. it was gone. It was already

31:21

halfway down. Yeah, they said about 1045,

31:23

they started taking it down. And that

31:25

was down quickly. I used to live

31:27

up Beechwood too, and I could just

31:29

see it from my bedroom back of

31:32

the day. So, although I wouldn't wake

31:34

up before noon, so they probably would

31:36

have had it down. It was fun.

31:38

You can go hike around and what

31:40

you find is you can hike like

31:43

a sort of fire trail, horse trail

31:45

that goes behind it. Up to, I

31:47

don't know the world's coolest coolest, fire

31:49

as a swimming fire station, swimming pool

31:51

up there. And I'm not sure why

31:54

there's a big swimming pool up there,

31:56

but there is a big swimming pool

31:58

up there. Then there's also this one.

32:00

Once every 12 and a half years

32:02

I attempt to do something like quasi

32:05

romantic that seems like something a husband

32:07

might do. Are you almost due? Almost.

32:09

Okay. A couple years. Another couple. On

32:11

our Anna, on Lynette, my anniversary, must

32:14

have been about 10 years ago, I'd

32:16

heard that if you went up Beechwood

32:18

Canyon, they have a horse ranch at

32:20

the top. and if you get on

32:22

one of those horses you can take

32:25

a ride over the hill to this

32:27

Mexican hacienda and you can have drinks

32:29

and Mexican food and then ride the

32:31

horses back to the little horse ranch

32:33

which was at the top of beachwood

32:36

and anyone was under the Hollywood sign

32:38

lives up beachwood somewhere. So I surprised

32:40

her and I because she rode horses

32:42

growing up and she used to go.

32:44

with her dad and had a little

32:47

outfit and everything and her dad would

32:49

go with her and rent the horse

32:51

and took riding lessons and everything and

32:53

I said, all right, good news. I

32:55

got a surprise for you and we

32:58

got in the car and we drove

33:00

up there and I said, I know

33:02

how much you love horses and this

33:04

is going to be excellent, right? Congratulations.

33:07

Happy anniversary, whatever you say. And she

33:09

said, yeah, these are rental horses. And

33:11

I said, yeah, aren't all horses rental

33:13

horses? It's like, I don't know any

33:15

owns, I know people lease horses, I

33:18

don't know, only shat in her own

33:20

horses, and she said, yeah, but these

33:22

ones are like, these ones aren't good

33:24

because they go back and forth all

33:26

time, whatever. And I went, so do

33:29

you want to do this? And she's

33:31

like, not really. And I was like,

33:33

good, good, let's like, let's like. We

33:35

went home, I beat off and looked

33:37

at the Hollywood sign. It was awesome.

33:40

Great story. The greatest gift you've ever

33:42

given me one is the gift of

33:44

not living. So she was like, I

33:46

don't want to do this. I was

33:48

like, me neither. Good. All right, let's

33:51

go home. We got two TV sets.

33:53

Let's go. And that's what we did.

33:55

Turn around went home. I lived up

33:57

that beachwood canyon for like eight years.

34:00

I always heard about the horse trail

34:02

up there and I never got I did

34:04

it one time and Lynette said let's go

34:06

and I said I'm right in fronty and

34:08

that was the end of that. Be sure

34:11

to keep us the breast of your

34:13

next romantic venture. Grand gesture. We're not

34:15

going to go in a hot air

34:17

bowl. We're going to drive the Timecula,

34:19

not get in it. They're not going

34:21

to frolic in this country. Yeah, but

34:23

they do have a little market up

34:25

there. Yeah. And they take credit. Oh, they

34:27

do. You can run a little account

34:30

with them and they'll like deliver the

34:32

groceries and stuff. It's a little bit

34:34

of old school labor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah,

34:36

they took credit. Yeah, all right. Well,

34:39

I don't know if they take credit

34:41

as much as you not having your

34:43

wallet and going, but yeah, they'll take

34:45

a little credit, right? That's cool. Well,

34:47

the concert industry publication, PolStar, has released

34:50

its list of the top 10 earners

34:52

for worldwide concert tours of last year,

34:54

2016. I'm wondering if you'd like to

34:56

guess who made the list, top 10

34:58

musical earners of 2016. Just musicians

35:01

or like standups included? I

35:03

must say I was half

35:05

hearing this on radio this

35:08

morning and so I

35:10

know but now the question

35:12

is is how much was

35:14

I listening I wasn't thinking

35:16

that this would come up

35:18

again I'm going to say

35:20

number one was Bruce Springsteen

35:22

at two fifty six

35:25

million or two fifty four

35:27

million way off 268 Oh,

35:30

268 million. So the number

35:32

two was like, Beyonce 254

35:35

or something. Something like that,

35:37

right? Yep. Yeah, this, by the

35:39

way, when I talked to my

35:41

wife and she goes, I told

35:43

you we're meeting him at 630

35:46

for dinner and I go, you

35:48

said 6 o'clock. I told

35:50

you six o'clock. You said

35:52

6 o'clock. You said 6

35:54

o'clock. Believe me. If I

35:56

hear it. I was number

35:59

2. Ou. Three was the

36:01

rolling, no, I know Saline Dion's in

36:03

there, I know the Rolling Stones in

36:05

there. They're nine and ten. Guns and

36:08

roses asked to be on there because

36:10

they toured. They were charging for some

36:12

reason or something up there. Four. Four.

36:15

The thing that was interesting is like

36:17

Saline Dion, I'm trying, oh I said,

36:19

it's also about calories burnt because I

36:22

think it was like... The Rolling Stones,

36:24

which were a number, I'm sorry, they

36:26

were nine with 90.9 million. Yeah, they

36:29

only did like 12 gigs though. Some

36:31

other people were doing... Her screen average.

36:33

Yeah, right, per screen average is very

36:35

high, right? I don't know if she's

36:38

still doing it, but I would assume

36:40

Celine Dion had a residency, like in

36:42

Vegas. They weren't I don't think you

36:45

would count your residency it's how many

36:47

weekends you would go out that's what

36:49

she calls wham walking around money where

36:52

she goes she's making 50 million in

36:54

Vegas but you go on pick up

36:56

another 86 million or whatever it isn't

36:59

changed going out and doing doing those

37:01

events I remember The stones I don't

37:03

know how many they did like 12

37:06

gigs or a 16 gigs Desert trip

37:08

were what two of them? Adele must

37:10

be on there. Adele is number five

37:13

Biance I was actually surprised by number

37:15

three I just personally they're not really

37:17

on my radar number three cold play.

37:19

Oh Yeah, I was a little surprised

37:22

about that six seven and eight Justin

37:24

Bieber Paul McCartney and Garth Brooks. Oh,

37:26

yeah Yeah, and McCartney just never stops

37:29

earning. No, God. Yeah, really went for

37:31

it. So there's your top earners 2016.

37:33

Fine. People go out, make money, they

37:36

got no problem with it. Has McCartney

37:38

let any gray creep in around his

37:40

temples yet? Started anger me. It's a

37:43

new year. A dusting around the years,

37:45

yeah. Did anyone here see any of

37:47

those concerts? I saw a desert trip.

37:50

I was at Desert Trip. Was that,

37:52

oh, that was old cello thing? Yeah,

37:54

old really. How was it down? Adele

37:57

was awesome. Adele was a great show.

37:59

Great voice, right? It was just her,

38:01

a few backing musicians, like literally in

38:03

the background, it wasn't the whole thing,

38:06

the stage show with the dancers. I

38:08

mean, she, her voice is the star.

38:10

She's that talented, at least as a

38:13

singer. I can't imagine her with background

38:15

dancers, to hello. No, there's a little

38:17

video show on the screen, and there

38:20

was, you know, the musicians, but man,

38:22

she's the, she's the, she's the, she's

38:24

the, she's the, she's the, she's the,

38:27

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

38:29

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

38:31

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

38:34

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

38:36

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

38:38

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

38:41

uh, uh, uh, On other way, other

38:43

way around, yeah. She's got the cleft

38:45

in the chin with the nice face.

38:47

What happened to Kirstie Alley is she

38:50

ballooned up but her face never changed.

38:52

For the first hundred pounds, she still

38:54

looked like Kirstie Alley, but everything around

38:57

her. So then all of a sudden

38:59

you just start dressing like... a founding

39:01

member of Fleetwood Mac or something. You

39:04

start putting on more and more layers,

39:06

more and more flowing stuff. But when

39:08

you go on Ellen and you see

39:11

yourself, you don't go, oh my God,

39:13

I've packed on a bunch of weight

39:15

because you see it in your face.

39:18

When you go and do a talk

39:20

show, it's the first thing you'll notice.

39:22

They put the camera sort of down

39:25

low, you're leaning back in the chair

39:27

and you go, oh my God, I

39:29

have a huge head. What happened on

39:31

my head? I gotta stop. I gotta

39:34

stop eating so much eating so much.

39:36

I gotta stop eating so much. Kirstie

39:38

Alley had, she got from like 135

39:41

to over 200 pounds and never looked

39:43

at herself at a talk show and

39:45

went, oh my god, what's going on?

39:48

Oh, you just wear bigger flowier, darker

39:50

stuff. Smart. That shot never changed. Adele

39:52

has got that thing. And if you

39:55

don't believe me, the chicks who traditionally

39:57

have the eating disorders in Hollywood. the

39:59

juliana ransics of the world and stuff

40:02

like that their head is big and

40:04

their body isn't and if they put

40:06

on four if they're not insanely underweight

40:09

their head looks big on camera they're

40:11

called lollipop heads these are very strange

40:13

but I'm telling you check it out

40:15

if you find out any of the

40:18

chicks that had the eating disorders are

40:20

all the ones I put on 10

40:22

pounds and nine goes to their head

40:25

Kirsty Ali's head had stayed the same

40:27

size while our ask of his wide

40:29

as son of Yachi. Time. Who's back

40:32

by the way? Yeah. In the new,

40:34

the new series, yeah. Yeah. Couldn't keep

40:36

them away. Heavyweight. Big champion. All right,

40:39

one more. The new celebrity apprentice with

40:41

Arnold Schwarzenegger taking the boardroom reins from

40:43

Donald Trump premiered Monday night on NBC.

40:46

Boy George, Kearney Wilson and Motley Crew

40:48

singer Vince Neal. By the way. who

40:50

sounds exactly like Sam kennison i realized

40:53

yesterday yeah just maybe it's just me

40:55

from uh... doing that show but so

40:57

is the you know when they do

40:59

the like the morning show jocks are

41:02

like who's a new crew coming on

41:04

and they go a boy George oh

41:06

boy and then they go vinsky oh

41:09

boy and then they spin out the

41:11

next name of George to kai and

41:13

they go oh they're really scraping in

41:16

the bottom so you can't even call

41:18

them so well You've heard of them.

41:20

Right. Yeah. They were icon at one

41:23

point. Right. You can't get Matthew McConaughey.

41:25

You can't get the guy who, uh,

41:27

the, the, the, uh, the, uh, the,

41:30

uh, the, uh, from, uh, Jeff, and

41:32

up Jefferson, uh, Hamilton, Hamilton, like, Lidmanwell,

41:34

Miranda. Probably not gonna get him. Uh,

41:37

if you couldn't think of the guy's

41:39

name. You need 13 or 14 people,

41:41

you are going to end up with

41:43

some names you've heard from the past.

41:46

You can't do the eye rolling on

41:48

everything. You don't get Bradley Cooper on

41:50

Dancing with the Stars. What do you

41:53

expect? You're going to get a real

41:55

housewife of New Orleans. That's just how

41:57

it works, right? Yeah, you're right. Well,

42:00

they did the show, they did the

42:02

premiere Monday Night's second challenge was to

42:04

write a song and record it and

42:07

produce a music video for Trident Gump.

42:09

Here's who got cut first, complete with

42:11

two new catchphrases. You're fired. out. These

42:14

are the new catchphrases. Mm. Therefore, Connie,

42:16

you terminated. Wait. Asta, LeBista, baby. Oh,

42:18

who could have ever seen it come

42:21

in. Of course. Had to be both.

42:23

Kearney Wilson gun? Oh, I mean, he

42:25

was scraping the bottom of the barrel

42:27

now. Got the first chop. And the

42:30

first challenge is a jingle? Yeah, for

42:32

Trident. Yeah, for Trident. Wow. I feel

42:34

like that's Kearny. Wheelhouse, you know what

42:37

I mean? Like, she's musical? Yeah, she

42:39

was in the most of Phillips. Vince

42:41

outranked her. Oh, were they both leading,

42:44

they're both the team leaders? Yeah, I

42:46

believe so, right? For what it's worth,

42:48

Monica, who had more catchy songs than

42:51

most of Phillips. Oh, hold on. I

42:53

found that record inspirational. I wouldn't buy

42:55

it, but my roommate Ralph bought it

42:58

and I would sneak it into my

43:00

player. Yes, I would. I was going

43:02

through a very difficult period in my

43:05

life. You're gay for saying that. I

43:07

used to listen that hold on song

43:09

and I think, hold on. One more

43:11

day. One more day. Are gay? Yes,

43:14

I'm sorry. I stand by that album.

43:16

The great song. Yes, thank you. So,

43:18

you, the team leader doesn't always have

43:21

to get the boot. No, well you

43:23

tell us, right? Yeah. The project manager,

43:25

sometimes they get thrown under the bus,

43:28

sometimes they find somebody else. Right. And

43:30

you think if it was writing a

43:32

jiggle for gum that she didn't do

43:35

it. Couldn't do it. Couldn't do it.

43:37

Could be the upper alley. All right.

43:39

Monday nights. I keep seeing spots for

43:42

celebrity match game which I'll be in

43:44

coming up but I haven't I've just

43:46

seen them I haven't I haven't really

43:49

heard them or I'm not sure I

43:51

think that's coming back to hey Gary

43:53

see if you can find out whenever

43:55

the hell I'm gonna be on that

43:58

on that show just for shits and

44:00

giggles. All 10, you

44:03

can watch

44:06

them in

44:09

whatever order

44:11

you want,

44:14

however long

44:16

you want.

44:18

World War

44:21

two weapons.

44:23

It's really

44:26

fun and

44:28

it's really

44:30

intense. So

44:33

go check

44:35

out Grand Show and until

44:37

next time is Adam for

44:40

Grand Genen and Bald San.

44:42

Mahalo. Yeah, we'll let you go.

44:44

All right, this is Adam Cool

44:46

Show 1979 for Lake Great

44:48

Grandin, Maher. Cover next, we

44:50

have Adam Cool Show 343,

44:53

shooter Jennings. Teresa Foster, Brian

44:55

Bishop, from 2010. All

45:00

right, the other experience I wanted

45:02

to share before we got going

45:04

with the news is I took

45:06

the kids out solo today to

45:08

Marie calendars and Posh couple things

45:10

wife said in Vegas I took them

45:13

out to Marie calendars well they know

45:15

the lay the land there and it's

45:17

never crowded you can't take kids to

45:20

any restaurant it has to

45:22

be kid-friendly yeah they have to

45:24

have crayons Otherwise you ain't living.

45:26

Crayons, hi chairs, and patrons

45:29

that aren't going to hate you.

45:31

Right, and we kind of know you

45:33

and like you. So there's this, so

45:35

we're sitting there and we're eating and

45:38

all they want to eat is bacon

45:40

and trying to feed them, we're doing

45:42

a whole thing. And then at some

45:44

point, Natalia announces, she's got

45:46

to make a peep. And yeah, kids

45:49

can't hold it. I've tried. You know,

45:51

I've done the, can't. Can't go peep.

45:53

And so now there's this weird thing

45:56

where as a dude, you can't go

45:58

into the woman's room. Yeah. Where to

46:00

take her into the men's? Yeah, it's

46:02

weird, but it's the lesser of two

46:04

weirdnesses. Yeah. To go into the men's

46:07

room. Because I as a guy can't

46:09

go into the women's room at Marie

46:11

Calendar. You need a lookout. You should

46:13

have put Sunny outside to make sure

46:15

no other dudes can there. I tried

46:18

to leave Sunny alone in the booth.

46:20

Oh no. But I left her with

46:22

the iPhone thinking they would take the

46:24

iPhone before they got to him. I

46:26

like your thinking. It's like someone will

46:28

go like, oh, let's kidnap. Wait a

46:31

second. Is that a 3G? And then

46:33

his buddy goes, we can't rape an

46:35

iPhone in the woods and go, yeah,

46:37

but we can sell it. There's not

46:39

an app for that? Rape me. I

46:41

rape. So, um, so, um, so I,

46:44

Sunny wanted to come too. So I

46:46

took Sunny. So, now we just both

46:48

go into the Marie calendar's men's room

46:50

and there's one. stall. There's one toy,

46:52

there's a urinal, but that's no good

46:55

for the lady. We gotta get into

46:57

the stall. And of course, as soon

46:59

as we walk in, we're like the

47:01

Partridge family coming in there off the

47:03

bus. And there's a car, I hear

47:05

the familiar rattle of the belt buckle,

47:08

and by the way, you can hear

47:10

by the rattle of the guy's belt

47:12

buckle, how morbidly obesity is, you know,

47:14

you can hear that big hub capsized

47:16

belt-sized belt bucklele in there, and you

47:19

see the pot. So now, normally you

47:21

just go in there and take a

47:23

leak, or you just back out and

47:25

go, F it, I'll shit when I

47:27

get home. Right, you abort. But I

47:29

need the pot. I need the pot,

47:32

but there's one pot in the whole

47:34

place. and now we're in there we

47:36

don't know what to do and the

47:38

town is walking for the door and

47:40

i'm like clear out of there and

47:43

then we get now we got to

47:45

go like sort of into the hall

47:47

and hover yeah but then there's that

47:49

weird uncomfortable thing where you don't want

47:51

eye contact with the guy who was

47:53

shitting the place up you know he's

47:56

doing some damage because you see the

47:58

Marie calendars I heard the bell buckle

48:00

and I heard I saw the boots

48:02

through the floor. And so now we're

48:04

just like hovering by the pay phone

48:06

trying to figure out like what to

48:09

do. And he comes out the door.

48:11

And now I don't know what to

48:13

do. What's the grace period? Oh, I

48:15

see. To let's see. It's still hot.

48:17

Yeah, you want to let the scent

48:20

dissipate? Well, not only that, but just

48:22

big. 250 pound man ass was just

48:24

grilling that thing. And now your little

48:26

daughter's gonna sit on there. She'll put

48:28

her little white ass on there, right?

48:30

Yeah, I mean, I guess you could

48:33

use a toilet cover. Except for her

48:35

ass, it's nothing but net. Right. Yeah,

48:37

swish, right through. Yeah, there needs to

48:39

be some sort of reduce or something

48:41

that steps down. They don't have that?

48:44

Yeah, like, you know, you know, it's...

48:46

You know in woodwork and they have

48:48

routers and they'll have like a half

48:50

inch chuck you know for like a

48:52

half inch bit but if you want

48:54

to use a quarter inch bit you'll

48:57

drop in a reducer. You don't have

48:59

to tell me. I know but see

49:01

sorry preaching all your views you know

49:03

router. I know routers and reducers. Yeah

49:05

we're just talking about half inch shanks

49:07

versus quarter inch shanks. I'm a quarter

49:10

inch girl. Now I'm really getting interested.

49:12

Birthdays coming up. Oh wait which is

49:14

past, it's next year I gotta get

49:16

you the router bit. So we stood

49:18

out there in the hall sort of

49:21

waiting and trying to figure out what

49:23

to do with ourselves and then Natalia

49:25

announced she didn't have to take a

49:27

shit anymore. I don't know, you don't

49:29

get into it because... Oh she had

49:31

to go number two. Oh no, actually

49:34

she had to go number one, you're

49:36

right, it's just... I got, that guy

49:38

shit confused with my daughter's shit. Yeah.

49:40

She had to go number one. When

49:42

they shit, you have to wipe their

49:45

ass, by the way. I was wondering

49:47

about that. There's some sort of weird

49:49

thing. You wish they'd just combine the

49:51

two. There's some sort of weird waiting

49:53

period between shitting themselves. and then being

49:55

potty trained and then wiping their ass.

49:58

There's, it's this weird thing, like somewhere

50:00

around three they start, they stop shitting

50:02

themselves? Yeah, between two and three. But

50:04

somewhere around four and a half is

50:06

when they master the wiping. of the

50:09

ass. I think it's a subtle who's

50:11

in charge. I see. Because Natalia, do

50:13

the daddy wipe me and I'll go

50:15

wipe yourself, you know, and she goes

50:17

wipe me and then just literally just

50:19

bends over and spreads the cheeks. And

50:22

you gotta wipe it. There's not much,

50:24

not a whole lot of choice and

50:26

then, uh... And like baby poop isn't

50:28

gross, but toddler poop, that's like human

50:30

grown up. She looked down at it

50:32

in the toilet and announced it looked

50:35

like a turtle. today. Yeah, this is

50:37

great. So, uh, did that. Then had

50:39

that, uh, had that weird little moment

50:41

where our waitress, uh, you know, 50

50:43

year old woman working at Marie Cal.

50:46

There's kind of that thing where she

50:48

was probably 42, but looked 50, definitely

50:50

loved and lost and then maybe lost

50:52

again. And then gained from getting the

50:54

pies. Then lost. And yeah, like, like,

50:56

just. Hard you know that look of

50:59

I've got some mileage. I've seen a

51:01

lot of things I shouldn't see kind

51:03

of yes I I my dad was

51:05

an alcoholic and so were my first

51:07

two husbands right right that's my kids

51:10

and juvie. Let's not make this about

51:12

you Teresa I want to focus on

51:14

the waitress for 30 days point is

51:16

she had that wow I've seen a

51:18

lot look and and and again you

51:20

know you don't really think about it

51:23

but you know when you're 40-something and

51:25

you're waitressing, you know, at Marie Calendar's

51:27

on a Sunday. That's a grueling job,

51:29

by the way. And there's nothing there

51:31

that costs more than eight bucks and

51:34

there's a bunch of cheap fucks showing

51:36

up there that are going, you know,

51:38

I'm looking around the booths, I've seen

51:40

a lot of elderly couples and guys

51:42

with stroking and they do that shit

51:44

where they go out, they go, all

51:47

right, now my wife and I both

51:49

ate, it came to 1372. 18% of

51:51

1372 is $2.9.5 cents. Let's round down.

51:53

You know, they're getting their little change

51:55

purse out. Just leave the bitch $5.

51:57

on a fixed income. You know, but

52:00

she's probably walking with 60 bucks at

52:02

the end of her shift. Right, maybe.

52:04

And so, but one thing I notice,

52:06

and my daughter immediately notices, is she

52:08

has a lady bug on her name

52:11

tag. and it's like sort of glued

52:13

on there. And my daughter's like, oh,

52:15

ladybug, ladybug. She's real sweet, but it's

52:17

that kind of sweetness that's born from...

52:19

I'm not going to let any... I'm

52:21

not going to overcompensate with other people's

52:24

kids. And then she does this one.

52:26

She goes, yes, it brings me luck.

52:28

And I'm like, uh... Yeah. Wow. It

52:30

is obviously very effective. If you're lucky,

52:32

you'd be working at Keros. Or at

52:35

least Applebee. At least Applebee's. That would

52:37

be a nice move up. And then

52:39

later on, so my daughter keeps like

52:41

kind of poking at it. Look. It's

52:43

the ladybud. She said, yes, it keeps

52:45

me lucky. It brings me luck. And

52:48

I thought. Wow! And then I just

52:50

thought, God, what did she get through?

52:52

What has she seen? Yeah. What did

52:54

she survive that she's considering fucking bringing

52:56

my kids to the Burnt Bacon on

52:59

a Sunday morning and lucky, lucky, and

53:01

it just turned out. I didn't want

53:03

to know what. And it was funny

53:05

because Natalia was like, can I have

53:07

it? I was like, no! The ladybook?

53:09

You think it's a curse? Well. I

53:12

don't want her working at Marie Calenders

53:14

when she's 47 and a half. Let's

53:16

put it that way, if that ladybug

53:18

is not here for that. No, this

53:20

could be a made up movie, because

53:22

if you get a hold of the

53:25

ladybug, that thing's happened. Yeah. Or if

53:27

you say Ladybug three times in the

53:29

mirror, wait a minute. You see your

53:31

black man old peer. All right, T.

53:33

Bon, you have the news, by the

53:36

line? I do. All

53:40

right, does Adam Kullocho 343? From

53:42

next we have Adam Kullocho 1882,

53:45

Alksarado, Genegrad, Brian Bishop. This one's

53:47

from August of 2016. This one's

53:49

great. Hope you guys enjoy. Special

53:51

guests today, my buddy Alex, he's

53:53

here to tell a story or

53:55

two. get into that in a

53:57

second first good day genograd good

53:59

day to you handball Brian this

54:01

is really fun oh that's right

54:03

all right so my buddy Alex

54:05

in from out of town now

54:08

remember I talk about I have

54:10

a a successful friend and I

54:12

say he's an attorney he's a

54:14

smart one and then there's all

54:16

my other friends this is the

54:18

successful friend oh wow and so

54:20

successful he's able to travel okay

54:22

And when you speak your of

54:24

the Hebrew Heights friends who went

54:26

to Stanford in Cal, is he

54:28

one of them? He's one of

54:31

the Hebrew Heights friends who went

54:33

to Stanford in Cal and Just

54:35

Cal, right, but he was, uh,

54:37

and it struck me as he

54:39

was leaving. He was in town

54:41

for a couple of days. I

54:43

said pop over and say hi

54:45

and we walked around a little

54:47

bit and then I was leaving

54:49

and I thought, no, wait a

54:52

minute. I've told a lot of

54:54

stories about Ray. where Alex was

54:56

actually present and I said mostly

54:58

stories sound like some sort of

55:00

yarns that were passed on from

55:02

a village elder or two and

55:04

they keep getting inflated as they

55:06

go along. Not impossible but implausible.

55:08

Right, so there's one in particular

55:10

where I explained that Alex who

55:12

would always buy Ray a hamburger

55:15

but it wasn't as a hamburger,

55:17

it was a double king cheese

55:19

at fat burger and then he

55:21

would... Fair is fair. He was

55:23

flat on fries and a shake

55:25

and stuff. But we're driving home

55:27

and Alex experienced something from Ray

55:29

who was in the front seat

55:31

because he rode permanent shotgun. He's

55:33

experiencing something. But I just want

55:35

to make sure not only if

55:38

you guys know I'm not using

55:40

any hyperbole when I tell you

55:42

these stories about Ray, but also

55:44

that I just want to check

55:46

my own memory of it. So

55:48

and it's very vivid for me,

55:50

but Alex, you tell me. We

55:52

were driving back to school from

55:54

lunch as Adam said I was

55:56

buying for Ray for the thousandth

55:58

of time and As usual, Ray

56:01

was on the one hand very

56:03

appreciative, but also very demanding. Sure,

56:05

a hamburger would be great, but

56:08

you got a double king cheese, so how

56:10

come I don't get a double king cheese

56:12

and explaining to Ray that

56:14

I was the one buying sort of

56:16

made a difference there. Yes. Didn't really,

56:19

it just didn't resonate. So we're in

56:21

the young Bernie Sanders and we're driving

56:23

back in my car, which it normally

56:25

would not be noteworthy, but it is

56:27

a hard top. and all of a

56:30

sudden I feel as if... VW

56:32

Rabbit, Fordor, silver, so I recall.

56:34

With a red interior, which was

56:36

about to be fouled. And all

56:38

of a sudden it was obvious

56:40

that the car had sprung some

56:42

sort of leak from the roof.

56:44

And I realized that Ray, who

56:46

is sitting in the passenger seat,

56:48

has as usual, decided it would

56:50

be a perfectly appropriate thing to

56:52

do to pee on somebody. and

56:54

that somebody was me and what

56:56

now you see a lot of

56:58

PSAs about distracted driving you know what

57:00

I mean texting is it too loud yeah

57:02

doing one's makeup and other things that

57:05

we've all been guilty up but the

57:07

diesel billboard I could wait yeah being

57:09

urinated on by two hundred thirty pound

57:11

man I would say is a form

57:14

of distraction right up there right up

57:16

there but it's not normally one people

57:18

would think to warn you about yeah

57:21

it's sort of in the come on

57:23

let's get serious that would never happen

57:25

category especially if you bought and lunch

57:27

yes and it was happening and then

57:30

in a way that only Ray can

57:32

turn being the perpetrator into immediately

57:34

becoming the victim when I

57:37

completely lost it and pulled

57:39

the car over and said get out Ray

57:41

looking as if I had somehow had

57:43

an aneurysm says what That's

57:45

what I love. It always reminded me

57:47

of in Slapshot when the Hansen brothers

57:50

had the guys on the ground and

57:52

they're punching the guy in the face

57:54

like you out like for what? It's

57:57

exactly what it's like in... That was

57:59

on Tahunga? As I recall we're

58:01

heading toward Moore Park. Yes, and

58:03

heading towards where Henry's tacos used

58:05

to be and Rages can't understand

58:07

my rage at all and I

58:10

can't understand his complete blissful what?

58:12

Self-unawareness and the hard part then

58:14

is convincing because it is a

58:16

case of convincing the 230 pound

58:18

man child that he really needs

58:20

to listen to the 150 ish

58:22

pound Jewish boy who is saying

58:24

you need to get out of

58:26

my car right now. I remember

58:29

Ray was indignant. And again, it's

58:31

disbelieving. He was confused as well,

58:33

which I like about Ray. We

58:35

would have been able to communicate

58:37

better if he had never spoken

58:39

English. He because the more I

58:41

spoke he was like that RCA

58:43

dog thing you know where his

58:45

head is tilting I don't what

58:47

and finally I think he just

58:50

thought he needed to get out

58:52

of the car because I had

58:54

gone insane but still to this

58:56

day I guarantee you if you

58:58

hooked him up to a lie

59:00

detector he would a confirm the

59:02

story is true and b the

59:04

needle wouldn't budge at all if

59:06

you said so did you do

59:09

anything wrong and he would say

59:11

no wow and he and he

59:13

and that's that's that's Ray pulled

59:15

over Ray was like, Ray's apartment

59:17

at that time was probably about

59:19

a mile from where we were.

59:21

Because, you know, he wouldn't have

59:23

dropped them off in Nevada. No,

59:25

that's... But he drops off about

59:28

a mile from his mom's apartment

59:30

and just said, you're walking. And

59:32

Ray's like, what? What? What for?

59:34

And it's, I mean, it's still

59:36

the sheer and dripping off the

59:38

headline. Yeah. And I'm still wet.

59:40

He's confused as to why. weeks

59:42

or months later when we're in

59:44

my dad's VW rabbit and our

59:46

other buddy Chris did the exact

59:49

same thing to me while I

59:51

was driving the rabbit. I had

59:53

a large root beer from Snacks

59:55

Fifth Avenue. I was able to

59:57

throw... in his face, although of

59:59

course he then threw his giant

1:00:01

root beer in my face too.

1:00:03

There need to be retaliation. Of

1:00:05

course, but I'm provoked attack. Yeah,

1:00:08

you're just minding your own business

1:00:10

urinating on the person who's operating

1:00:12

around him. Chris and Elson, you

1:00:14

get hit in the face of

1:00:16

the software. Chris is at least

1:00:18

doing it to get a rise

1:00:20

out of you and knows there's

1:00:22

going to be reaction. Ray is

1:00:24

acting like you barged in on

1:00:27

him in your car where he's

1:00:29

going to the bathroom on you.

1:00:31

He gives you this, well what were

1:00:34

you expecting and then you have to

1:00:36

realize you should have expected exactly what

1:00:38

happened. I don't think Ray was too

1:00:40

upset though because one of the differences

1:00:42

of course was is I was in

1:00:44

a rush to get back to school.

1:00:46

Ray was in no such hurry ever

1:00:48

in his life. Did you go back

1:00:50

to school covered in P? You know

1:00:53

when you put it that way, it

1:00:55

makes me think that maybe I didn't

1:00:57

make the best of decisions, but yes

1:00:59

I did. Wow. Do you think your

1:01:01

experience with the Ray made you a

1:01:03

better lawyer? Understand the insane matter. It

1:01:05

made me a better parent. I don't

1:01:07

know that it made me a better

1:01:09

lawyer if only because my kids as

1:01:12

ornery as they can sometimes be could

1:01:14

never get to a, you know, you

1:01:16

just look at them. It's like, hey,

1:01:18

nice try scooter, but you know Ray.

1:01:20

You know Ray. And then I'm thankful

1:01:22

every now and then to thank God

1:01:24

they're not Ray. Yeah. So it works

1:01:26

well for everybody involved, perhaps even for

1:01:29

Ray. Is there, uh, uh, uh, that

1:01:31

you're still out. Is, uh, speaking of

1:01:33

lawyering, uh, is there any stories, uh,

1:01:35

Mulholland Club or any stories that I

1:01:37

may be missing out on? Now, keep

1:01:39

in mind. Alex was the good one,

1:01:41

one of the good ones. So he

1:01:43

didn't quite dirty his hands with a

1:01:45

lot of the super ultra dirty work

1:01:48

that was going on. But he saw

1:01:50

it. He got to experience it, but

1:01:52

he wasn't, he was not out in

1:01:54

some of the more nefarious. stuff because

1:01:56

he had a future. I never went

1:01:58

to the Mulholland Club with any of

1:02:00

you idiots. Imagine, by the way, this

1:02:02

is what goes on inside of a

1:02:04

VW rabbit at 1230 on a Tuesday

1:02:07

with the sun shining and everyone's sober.

1:02:09

Imagine what could go on at the

1:02:11

Mulholland Club at 1 AM when everyone's

1:02:13

drunk on a Saturday. Right, I was

1:02:15

never part of any of the Ray

1:02:17

solid waste shenanigans. But I do enjoy

1:02:19

reading the books and everyone saying, is

1:02:21

that true? And I have to invariably

1:02:24

confirm that all of it. is completely

1:02:26

true. Much to my dismay reading it

1:02:28

again after all these. Alex had a

1:02:30

weird, this just jumped in my mind,

1:02:32

but his house was laid out in

1:02:34

such a way where Two things. Well,

1:02:36

first off, Ray and I and everyone

1:02:38

else found out that he had chocolate

1:02:40

chip Danish from Webbies, the Jewish Bakery,

1:02:43

and that they were kept in supply

1:02:45

at his house. And as soon as

1:02:47

we found that out, that's like, oh

1:02:49

my God, it's got Danish and they

1:02:51

got chocolate chips. And we're going over

1:02:53

to Alex's house. And real quick, by

1:02:55

Danish, does he mean Rugalach? No. Oh,

1:02:57

okay. Like a Rugalah on multi doses

1:02:59

of multi doses of steroids. But it

1:03:02

was always, we'd have to come in

1:03:04

and go, where's the, where's mom, where's

1:03:06

dad, what's going on? Like we'd always

1:03:08

have to kind of find out who,

1:03:10

if there's any supervision around, and I

1:03:12

remember one time, the way this house

1:03:14

was laid out, you'd walk through the

1:03:16

entry doors, there's a big sort of

1:03:19

high vaulted thing, and you'd turn to

1:03:21

the, if you made a hard left,

1:03:23

you'd be in the living room that

1:03:25

no one ever goes into, because you

1:03:27

can see the tracks in the tracks

1:03:29

and the tracks and the tracks and

1:03:31

the tracks and the tracks and the

1:03:33

tracks and the carpet, like the tracks

1:03:35

and the carpet, like the, like the,

1:03:38

like the, like the, like, like, like,

1:03:40

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

1:03:42

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

1:03:44

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

1:03:46

like, That's room no one ever went

1:03:48

into, but if you went down to

1:03:50

the hall a few feet later made

1:03:52

a left you'd end up in the

1:03:54

family room and the family room had

1:03:57

a TV at the end of one

1:03:59

room and the sofa. of it, like

1:04:01

would be the normal configuration. And I

1:04:03

walked to the back of it and

1:04:05

I looked around and I let one

1:04:07

the loudest parts go of ever let

1:04:09

go of my life. I couldn't see

1:04:11

anybody around and then I just yelled

1:04:13

sort of after the fact. I went,

1:04:16

Alex, is your mom around here? And

1:04:18

I just saw hands slowly come up

1:04:20

from the sofa. She was laid out

1:04:22

flat. Obviously not sleeping enough where I

1:04:24

woke her, but just as she went,

1:04:26

the hand slowly came up from the

1:04:28

sofa. And then she said, hi Adam.

1:04:31

My mother at that time was at

1:04:33

her. peak height of I think 4-11

1:04:35

she's not anywhere near that tall anymore

1:04:37

so you wouldn't have seen her even

1:04:40

if she was standing in front of

1:04:42

the sofa. Yeah and then the morbid

1:04:44

little beast Duchess Duchess the dog the

1:04:47

beagle the Ottoman yes did you ever

1:04:49

go to Adams house I went to

1:04:51

the the Adams space the carport the

1:04:53

Adam houses I think I was allowed

1:04:56

in the kitchen once but it wasn't

1:04:58

it wasn't as if Adams Mother

1:05:00

father were forbidding us from coming

1:05:02

and Adam just made it pretty

1:05:04

clear trust me You just don't

1:05:07

want to go in there. There

1:05:09

is no there is no Danish.

1:05:11

There is no Danish. No the

1:05:14

Danish the Danish used to be

1:05:16

in the Only bread basket, you

1:05:18

know, or the like a little,

1:05:20

you know, bread hutch and it

1:05:22

had to keep being moved Because

1:05:24

and Ray, Ray in that sense

1:05:26

was like a German shepherd. He

1:05:28

was going to find it. You

1:05:30

know, it was a German shepherd

1:05:32

in the Jewish house and he

1:05:34

was on the hunt and that

1:05:36

was part of the Genesis

1:05:39

later for DTR. Yeah, don't tell

1:05:41

Ray. Yeah, and yeah, and also

1:05:43

in glorious bastards with just

1:05:45

off walls where he'd come

1:05:47

in and go, oh. If

1:05:49

you want to look for

1:05:51

Danish, you have to think

1:05:53

like an old huffer. Or

1:05:55

a Jew. Danish hiding under

1:05:57

the floorboards. Quietly. Yeah, Alex.

1:06:00

Alex, there's something that Alex doesn't know.

1:06:02

I'm going to tell Alex about a

1:06:04

story that he doesn't know that, uh,

1:06:06

that sort of changed my life. Oh.

1:06:08

Mm-hmm. And, but you can tell me,

1:06:11

Alex, if you have any recollection of

1:06:13

this, because we've never discussed it after

1:06:15

the incident, but it was, it was

1:06:17

life changing. Store I've never shared, Brian.

1:06:19

Let's hear it. You've heard of all

1:06:22

a million times. You can run it

1:06:24

by me and I'll tell you. All

1:06:26

right, so we've figured out that the

1:06:28

Ray whiz after the fat burger is

1:06:30

exactly as I've described it. And I

1:06:33

was actually surprised that he eventually got

1:06:35

out of the car, but I think

1:06:37

that was the determination that you had

1:06:39

in your voice that he was responding

1:06:42

to. To get away from Crazy Alex.

1:06:44

It was better I was going to

1:06:46

cry. I had a... In the movie

1:06:48

version of this scene, we pause as

1:06:50

a freeze frame and the LaGuardian angel

1:06:53

pops up on Alex's shoulder and says,

1:06:55

hey Alex. You're going to be the

1:06:57

second most successful person in this car.

1:06:59

He's like, what? We're seeing deploys here.

1:07:01

Yeah, and then Ray would have jumped

1:07:04

up and down thinking that meant he

1:07:06

would be the most successful. He's going

1:07:08

to the NFL. And it's going to

1:07:10

be some sort of whiz Olympics. I'll

1:07:12

crush everybody. So the story I never

1:07:15

told Alex. I've never told on the

1:07:17

air. I don't think I've ever told

1:07:19

anybody was Alex went off to college.

1:07:21

I had a couple of the friends

1:07:24

that went off to the colleges that

1:07:26

went off to the colleges. And we

1:07:28

hung around and the economy sucked and

1:07:30

we applied for jobs at supermarkets and

1:07:32

liquor stores and clean carpets and eventually

1:07:35

started picking up garbage on construction sites.

1:07:37

And at some point, Alex had returned

1:07:39

from college for the winter break or

1:07:41

whatever it was. And I was talking

1:07:43

to you and my friend, our friend

1:07:46

Carl. And I went over to your

1:07:48

house to get some Danish because like,

1:07:50

you know, Alex is back, we can

1:07:52

go get some Danish now. And we

1:07:54

had some sort of moment. in your

1:07:57

kitchen where you and Carl's who was

1:07:59

went to college and maybe you're near

1:08:01

first or second year but you probably

1:08:03

second or third year probably and you

1:08:06

sort of saw what I was doing

1:08:08

which is living in a garage and

1:08:10

picking up garbage on a construction site

1:08:12

and you both sort of said like

1:08:14

what's going on and I said I

1:08:17

just trying to get by man and

1:08:19

you're like yeah but what's the plan

1:08:21

and I was like I'm trying to

1:08:23

try to get a job, like I'm

1:08:25

struggling, I don't really have any money,

1:08:28

I'm trying to save up the like

1:08:30

move out and trying to get out

1:08:32

of the garage. And then Carl sort

1:08:34

of jumped in and went like, yeah,

1:08:36

what's up? I'm like, I don't know,

1:08:39

I'm not having any success here, but

1:08:41

I'm trying. And you were like, you

1:08:43

got to start trying harder, what are

1:08:45

you going to be a loser? Wow,

1:08:48

I just came here to steal Danish.

1:08:50

There is no Danish. I'll take my

1:08:52

Danish and leave, good sir. Throw my

1:08:54

cape over my shoulder and go back

1:08:56

to my moped and go down this

1:08:59

hill. And you both were first sort

1:09:01

of feeding off each other a little

1:09:03

bit. And there's like, part of it

1:09:05

was a, there was a good message

1:09:07

in there, but it was some pretty

1:09:10

tough love. And you're like, we're going

1:09:12

to college, we're looking at our future,

1:09:14

what is your plan? And I remember

1:09:16

just being like sort of devastated by

1:09:18

it like just really like my god

1:09:21

like my friends I think I'm a

1:09:23

loser and I wasn't I was the

1:09:25

captain of the football team in the

1:09:27

class clown and now I'm the guy

1:09:30

scrounging around trying to pick up garbage

1:09:32

on the construction site. Yeah. Was it

1:09:34

implied or even explicit like hey man

1:09:36

you got your talented or funny or

1:09:38

whatever was that just kind of implied?

1:09:41

Did they goodwill hunting you? I wish

1:09:43

that there was more of an emphasis

1:09:45

on God-given, the data shelf. We didn't

1:09:47

think he was that funny. I wish

1:09:49

there was more of an emphasis on

1:09:52

God-given talent. It was a little more

1:09:54

of a focus on loserdom than it

1:09:56

was squandered. Alex was class clown the

1:09:58

year before and he abandoned that and

1:10:00

moved on to go to Cal. You

1:10:03

took my crown and you sullied it.

1:10:05

Yeah, I don't... Do you remember that

1:10:07

conversation? I remember that conversation I remember

1:10:09

more the year before we were playing

1:10:12

basketball which was quite a challenge for

1:10:14

Adam to make me look completely inept

1:10:16

because I can take care of that

1:10:18

all by myself and at some point

1:10:20

he he moused off and I said

1:10:23

you know I was class clown the

1:10:25

year before you were and you had

1:10:27

just started doing improv and Sast back.

1:10:29

Yeah, well, I'm doing something with it.

1:10:31

But so I mean, I don't remember

1:10:34

exactly that minute, but that certainly sounds

1:10:36

like me feeling like I was on

1:10:38

top of the world because I had

1:10:40

convinced my parents to pay for college.

1:10:42

Like that was my plan. But just

1:10:45

another topic that comes up. But you

1:10:47

do remember that conversation though. I do.

1:10:49

Well every con telling me that it

1:10:51

was over Danish doesn't help narrow it

1:10:54

down. That was every conversation. Was in

1:10:56

the kitchen so Danish was involved. I

1:10:58

think when we moved it was about

1:11:00

three years until Webby's closed because the

1:11:02

pipeline no longer had a taker. Yeah

1:11:05

it's like they say you want to

1:11:07

shut down the cartels you know shut

1:11:09

down the demand. Yeah. Did you have

1:11:11

one of those sort of soulful walks

1:11:13

home or like what does it all

1:11:16

mean or I remember thinking like I

1:11:18

wasn't feeling really good about my station

1:11:20

in life before I got to Alex's

1:11:22

kitchen. Now I'm feeling really bad. But

1:11:24

I also sort of remember thinking, wow,

1:11:27

my friend's thinking I'm a loser. And

1:11:29

rightfully so, you know, I was, but

1:11:31

I just remember kind of going, God,

1:11:33

this is bad, this sucks. And there

1:11:36

was nothing, it wasn't one of those

1:11:38

situations where I was like, you know

1:11:40

what? I'm going to go ahead and

1:11:42

take the bar and become an attorney

1:11:44

now. Like I didn't have anything to

1:11:47

go to except for all do more

1:11:49

carpet cleaning or something. So there wasn't

1:11:51

no... Well I think part of it

1:11:53

was that you had been going to

1:11:55

Valley and you were like, I'm taking

1:11:58

a couple of classes and then he

1:12:00

just decided I'm not doing that anymore.

1:12:02

That's not part of the... whatever the

1:12:04

plan is, this isn't part of the

1:12:06

plan, but there was no replacement plan.

1:12:09

And I think that's where we were

1:12:11

starting to think... Okay, well, fine, college

1:12:13

isn't for everybody. All you need to

1:12:15

do is go to college to figure

1:12:18

that out. It's the same thing with

1:12:20

law school. Not everybody there should be

1:12:22

there, but there just seemed to be

1:12:24

nothing else. That's completely rudderless. And, uh...

1:12:26

This is a song that's playing in

1:12:29

your little rock. The leaves are sort

1:12:31

of falling around you. Kicking a can.

1:12:33

Yeah. Hands in your pockets. Yeah, hands

1:12:35

no Danish I passed the hobos or

1:12:37

over the trash can with the fire

1:12:40

I go that could be me there

1:12:42

but for the grazing yeah, so I

1:12:44

Remember thinking like oh my god, I'm

1:12:46

a loser, but the the part you're

1:12:48

you're saying like well the people know

1:12:51

Adam was funny I tell people this

1:12:53

all the time and I don't think

1:12:55

they believe me when they go like,

1:12:57

yeah, but you always knew you had

1:12:59

a little something, something, you know, you

1:13:02

knew that this was going to be

1:13:04

short-lived, this, you know. construction labor job

1:13:06

you know you knew you could fall

1:13:08

back on or move up to or

1:13:11

whatever it is and I'm like no

1:13:13

I did not and they're like yeah

1:13:15

but you know you're cracking up your

1:13:17

buddies and they must have encouraged you

1:13:19

to go out because every stand-up is

1:13:22

like my buddy signed me up for

1:13:24

an open mic I worked with them

1:13:26

I cracked them up they pushed me

1:13:28

up on stage and I'm like no

1:13:30

no no did not nobody did that

1:13:33

nobody did that and it's like but

1:13:35

they knew you were and I Alex

1:13:37

you now Alex was a class clown

1:13:39

so Alex was funny but I was

1:13:41

like Alex is funny he's like you're

1:13:44

funny now Alex is going to go

1:13:46

to Berkeley and become a lawyer and

1:13:48

I was going to go to construction

1:13:50

site and pick up garbage that's that's

1:13:53

what we're going to do with a

1:13:55

class clown mantle but Alex please back

1:13:57

me up and that there wasn't any

1:13:59

discussion about you got to get into

1:14:01

comedy that is the truest thing you've

1:14:04

said all day wow wow no I

1:14:06

mean we it's not that we didn't

1:14:08

think you were funny you were funny

1:14:10

but nobody Nobody thought we were watching

1:14:12

you know comedy gold and you know

1:14:15

you've got to share it with the

1:14:17

world. But the part that you don't

1:14:19

know is that when you're in corporate

1:14:21

America, people all the time, who's going

1:14:23

to plan my next step, who's going

1:14:26

to give me my next opportunity, who's

1:14:28

going to do that, and all those

1:14:30

people who come into my office and

1:14:32

ask me that, always get really tired

1:14:35

of hearing the same story, which is

1:14:37

I tell them your story, because... I

1:14:39

think you started at the groundlings and

1:14:41

wanted to move up to be in

1:14:43

the, whatever, the A-team... The first Sunday

1:14:46

show and then the ground, then an

1:14:48

actual groundline, not taking classes. And then,

1:14:50

you know, got to whatever it was,

1:14:52

the B-level, and they said, yep, that's

1:14:54

as far as you're going to go,

1:14:57

and then, you know, I tell them...

1:14:59

you know it gets to the point

1:15:01

where he's still sitting he's still my

1:15:03

house sitter on the weekends when I

1:15:05

went on my honeymoon with my wife

1:15:08

he was tortured by our puppy Barney

1:15:10

Barney the destroyer and yeah his house

1:15:12

was next to the Zancu chicken that

1:15:14

I had to march out of because

1:15:17

they wouldn't give me the 50-50 swarm

1:15:19

of play which when we got back

1:15:21

to the US and I called and

1:15:23

said hey how did the It wasn't

1:15:25

our honeymoon, but it was a cruise.

1:15:28

I said, how's the dog? And Adam

1:15:30

just said, you'll just have to see

1:15:32

for yourself and hung up, because there

1:15:34

was no way to describe the chaos

1:15:36

that had ensued. And that was around

1:15:39

the time of the Michael, the maintenance

1:15:41

man. Jimmy Kimmel. Jimmy Kimmel. And Adam

1:15:43

just picked up a phone and called

1:15:45

and said, hey, I could train one

1:15:47

of these guys. And I always tell

1:15:50

people, there were three things that could

1:15:52

have happened. One is they just hang

1:15:54

up. Two is they say, okay, here's

1:15:56

Michael the maintenance man at which point

1:15:59

I could now tell people you know

1:16:01

I know a guy who cleans the

1:16:03

radio station right and instead it was

1:16:05

Jimmy and the rest just happened

1:16:08

so you you always had a lot of

1:16:10

like roll up the sleeves initiative

1:16:12

and that's what sort of made

1:16:14

the sitting on your ass doing nothing

1:16:16

all the more well you got to

1:16:18

do something at some point yeah

1:16:21

yeah I didn't well it's which it's

1:16:23

it's it's it's hard to get

1:16:25

off taking me yeah motivational If

1:16:27

there's any other, I'll tell you

1:16:29

what, I'll buy you a couple of

1:16:31

minutes, because I didn't come in here,

1:16:33

I just want to hook up with

1:16:36

Alex and say hi and get caught

1:16:38

up, but I just started realizing if

1:16:40

you have another race story, if

1:16:43

you can think of another race

1:16:45

story, by the way, it should

1:16:47

be noted. that Ray's mom was

1:16:49

a waitress at the Far East

1:16:51

Terrace and she would leave with

1:16:53

a handful of five tens and

1:16:55

singles every night after a shift

1:16:58

and she would peel Ray off

1:17:00

seven bucks to go eat lunch.

1:17:02

But Ray figured if I put

1:17:04

all that money in a sparklets

1:17:06

bottle, I'll have like $2,000 at

1:17:08

the end of my senior year

1:17:11

of high school. I'll just get

1:17:13

Alex to buy me a double

1:17:15

king cheese and then, like just

1:17:17

find folks to urinate on, buy,

1:17:19

oh, no, buy the burger first,

1:17:21

then urinate on. I could then

1:17:23

sock away all this money. It's

1:17:25

like I'm getting paid to be

1:17:27

on people. He was ahead of

1:17:29

his time. All right, think of one

1:17:31

more good race story. All right, Alex,

1:17:34

is there anything I know I'm putting

1:17:36

you on the spot, but does anything

1:17:38

jump out from the campus? I can

1:17:41

hear it down to two. One would

1:17:43

be that Ray's mother, the bar matron,

1:17:45

had Far East Harris, a lovable woman,

1:17:48

but German to the core, would

1:17:50

say just truly awful things to

1:17:52

Ray, the all-time favorite always being

1:17:54

that she didn't give birth to him,

1:17:56

she had squeezed him out of a

1:17:59

bar rag. I like that, what she

1:18:01

said was better than the original German.

1:18:03

Wait, you made Ray's mom sound like

1:18:06

the sweetest little thing in the whole

1:18:08

world. No, she was tough as nails,

1:18:10

but she was, she cooked a lot,

1:18:13

which I like. And then, when we

1:18:15

would go out at night, it was

1:18:17

the same deal all over again of

1:18:19

Ray just being a mooch, and it

1:18:22

was never enough. And, you know, Ray

1:18:24

would, we would be at a different

1:18:26

fat burger, and Ray would ask somebody

1:18:29

if he could. bum a cigarette off

1:18:31

them and then a second later the

1:18:33

guy would always have to say can

1:18:36

I have the packback and Ray again

1:18:38

with that bewildered oh did you want

1:18:40

these expression but Adam at this point

1:18:43

later was able to actually buy his

1:18:45

own meal it was quite an achievement

1:18:47

I was very proud and Ray still

1:18:50

couldn't and then when Ray would start

1:18:52

to mooge Adam would just dig in

1:18:54

with a rant that Adam Carolla? Adam

1:18:56

Carolla. It was a long time ago.

1:18:59

He was funny then. And he uh...

1:19:01

It was a long time ago. He

1:19:03

would start by telling Ray all the

1:19:06

things that would have to happen before

1:19:08

he would buy ready food. Oh, that's

1:19:10

right. And then it turned into... how

1:19:13

much he would never allow himself to

1:19:15

buy Ray food. And Ray would get

1:19:17

angrier and angrier. But once the rant

1:19:20

started, you had to hear the whole

1:19:22

15 minute. And this was right around

1:19:24

the time of the government cheese, surplus

1:19:27

cheese handout. And he would say to

1:19:29

Ray, seriously, if I had a warehouse

1:19:31

full of cheese and Ray is, you

1:19:34

know, holding his hands over his ears

1:19:36

like a five-year-old. Stop it, stop it,

1:19:38

stop it, stop it. And Adam, like

1:19:40

any good bully, is just, oh, you

1:19:43

don't like this? Well, now, here it

1:19:45

really comes. And he would say, and

1:19:47

the government told me, I had to

1:19:50

give cheese, I had to give cheese

1:19:52

away. I would still hire one security

1:19:54

card and give him one photo and

1:19:57

it would be you and I would

1:19:59

tell him this guy gets no cheese

1:20:01

and you soften your old age. It

1:20:04

was it was it was great it

1:20:06

was priceless because the rest of us

1:20:08

are crying we're laughing so hard you

1:20:11

know and I still end up at

1:20:13

the end of all of this still

1:20:15

having to pay for my own entertainment

1:20:17

and buy Ray another burger but it

1:20:20

was worth it it was absolutely worth

1:20:22

it. I remember being at the fat

1:20:24

burger in Westwood that would be the

1:20:27

big thing we're going to Westwood we're

1:20:29

going to fat burger Alex with the

1:20:31

very funny but dry sense of humor

1:20:34

as you have heard and We're standing

1:20:36

in line, and I hope you remember

1:20:38

this one, Alex. It always cracked me

1:20:41

up because it was very thrown away.

1:20:43

For some reason, standing in line, waiting

1:20:45

in our burgers at Fat Burger would

1:20:48

be the double king or the double

1:20:50

king with the egg or the cheese

1:20:52

or whatever. And at some point, I

1:20:55

don't know why, but some guy behind

1:20:57

us in line tapped Alex on the

1:20:59

shoulder and he said, hey man, how

1:21:01

are the hot dogs here? And Alex

1:21:04

went. I wouldn't know. Wow. It was

1:21:06

a great, the guy looks good. That's

1:21:08

a verbal sniff. It's called Fat Burger

1:21:11

Dush. We don't eat hot dogs here.

1:21:13

It was a super snobby. I wouldn't

1:21:15

know. That does sound like me. It

1:21:18

has a ring of Alex too, yes.

1:21:20

All right, Alex Rott, give him a

1:21:22

plug, but he doesn't need one. He

1:21:25

went to Cal, everybody. Come by any

1:21:27

time. Please. You're sure more than welcome.

1:21:29

Yeah. Alex, thank you very much for

1:21:32

my brother and we'll see you next

1:21:34

time you're in town or going back

1:21:36

to New York. Yeah, shouldn't say anything.

1:21:38

All right. All right. Moving around. We'll

1:21:41

get to that soon. Yeah. See your

1:21:43

brother. Thank you for having me. Thank

1:21:45

you. All right. So was there any

1:21:48

part of the ray urination in the

1:21:50

rabbit story that I exaggerated or miss?

1:21:52

You may have underplayed it. I was

1:21:55

going to say the part I did

1:21:57

not realize maybe I missed this detail

1:21:59

but the the liquid in question rained

1:22:02

down upon Alex and not realize that.

1:22:04

I thought I was being on his

1:22:06

leg. Well this is another thing I

1:22:09

need. Any one of you is free

1:22:11

to try this. I would recommend doing

1:22:13

it in the rabbit. shower if you

1:22:16

like but I can tell you right

1:22:18

now that there was a technique that

1:22:20

we'd pioneered I hope we pioneered it

1:22:22

it was called brewing and one could

1:22:25

grab the end of one's honker like

1:22:27

one puts his finger on the end

1:22:29

of a fire hose and pinch it

1:22:32

and pinch it and if you pinch

1:22:34

it you can pinch it dry and

1:22:36

then if you let it go and

1:22:39

the arcs right and the hips don't

1:22:41

lie sales she goes we had a

1:22:43

couple competitions in my back courtyard from

1:22:46

my old room what you lose an

1:22:48

accuracy make up for in power yeah

1:22:50

my buddy Chris could go about 18-19

1:22:53

feet a number one number two in

1:22:55

the old bathrooms with the 10-foot high

1:22:57

ceilings in high school for some reason

1:23:00

high schools old high schools have Unneessarily

1:23:02

high ceilings everywhere like I get it

1:23:04

if you're in a cathedral or we're

1:23:06

making music in here or something but

1:23:09

this is a bathroom right so all

1:23:11

it is is people throw gum on

1:23:13

it and so nobody janitor can't get

1:23:16

to it you know but he could

1:23:18

hit the ceiling on a on a

1:23:20

10-foot ceiling and that's it that's a

1:23:23

high ceiling standard is a job working

1:23:25

against you yeah and he could or

1:23:27

we could with the brewing technique you

1:23:30

could sit in a car at a

1:23:32

stoplight and brew it out the window

1:23:34

and do a little hook action and

1:23:37

bend it like back them and go

1:23:39

over a couple lanes. So when everyone

1:23:41

is always saying, raise whizen on you

1:23:43

or someone's whizen on somebody and they're

1:23:46

like, all right, so he's... Take a

1:23:48

whiz on you. They're picturing a dog

1:23:50

and a fire hydrant. No picture a

1:23:53

dog in a step ladder up about

1:23:55

eight feet and you dodging it that

1:23:57

it was more of a and if

1:24:00

I if you don't believe me think

1:24:02

Lee Harvey Oswald go Yes, go to

1:24:04

second peer on the grass, you know

1:24:07

when you take your shower and I

1:24:09

hope it's not every day but when

1:24:11

you take it pinch it brew it

1:24:14

and see if you can't get up

1:24:16

up to that piece of tile that's

1:24:18

up about eye level oh you can

1:24:21

maybe what I am telling you you

1:24:23

can this is a good hotel activity

1:24:25

maybe not in your own home you're

1:24:27

in the shower if the tile's going

1:24:30

up the side of the wall you

1:24:32

can make it but give it a

1:24:34

shot and I'll guarantee you will be

1:24:37

impressed by what you're able to do

1:24:39

yes when Ray or Chris or even

1:24:41

myself, although I wasn't as good at

1:24:44

it, was sitting next to you in

1:24:46

a car, the motion to get out

1:24:48

of the way was not to move

1:24:51

out of the way, it was to

1:24:53

duck. It was a ducking motion. So

1:24:55

as Best Kiss and Eric goes over

1:24:58

you, it clears you. Yeah, well it

1:25:00

was always a kill shot. We weren't

1:25:02

trying to hit anybody in the upper

1:25:04

arm, right? It was always a headshot.

1:25:07

It was a headshot. and uh... that

1:25:09

the idea was a headshot you would

1:25:11

you would duck it is quite easy

1:25:14

and i'm i'm always surprised that more

1:25:16

people haven't discovered this uh... phenomenon but

1:25:18

it's uh... it's it's pretty effective and

1:25:21

again uh... surprise mine numbing that and

1:25:23

and during the competitions i mean the

1:25:25

tape measure would come out i mean

1:25:28

it was i'm not saying it was

1:25:30

thirteen feet i'm saying it was nineteen

1:25:32

feet and out to be fair My

1:25:35

dad's old house to step up to

1:25:37

my room, there was about a 10-11

1:25:39

inch, you'd be stepping up, so you

1:25:42

have a little height. That's good for

1:25:44

another foot. And I can't account for

1:25:46

wind, but consistently about 19 feet or

1:25:48

so. So yes. That's very impressive. Was

1:25:51

Alex in the car for the drive-through

1:25:53

incident with Ray? and whoever that soul

1:25:55

was who was in that McDonald's Jack

1:25:58

of the Boxer in you know 1979

1:26:00

19 nah that's probably 1980 81 now

1:26:02

that was just me and like I

1:26:05

said Ray couldn't drive a stick and

1:26:07

we'd borrowed somebody's Toyota. So I didn't

1:26:09

have a car, Ray didn't have a

1:26:12

car, but Ray couldn't drive a stick,

1:26:14

but I could drive a stick, so

1:26:16

I had to drive. So Ray was

1:26:19

in the past in your seat. Got

1:26:21

it. But that was just us. I

1:26:23

don't, I don't know how we got

1:26:25

cut off and just somehow landed alone

1:26:28

in North Hollywood on a Saturday night,

1:26:30

but we decided. the weekday and people

1:26:32

do this thing all the time you

1:26:35

know dr drew used to do i

1:26:37

was like hey man alcohol makes people

1:26:39

do a lot of things that they

1:26:42

were no no this not there's no

1:26:44

alcohol involved zero alcohol involved and zero

1:26:46

drugs and zero nighttime and zero weekends

1:26:49

this is school time these are working

1:26:51

hours these are business hours this took

1:26:53

place in an automobile that out just

1:26:56

driving I don't, one could argue, you

1:26:58

know, the guy who would want, who

1:27:00

was ever operating this vehicle to be

1:27:03

urinated on, the least would be the

1:27:05

person who's sitting shotgun in that car.

1:27:07

One person having me. Not bothered, but

1:27:09

I'll tell you, there was no, whatever

1:27:12

went on on campus, was every, every

1:27:14

bit as informative and eye opening is

1:27:16

what happened in that car. There was

1:27:19

no boundaries. As a matter of fact,

1:27:21

the plan was always. Do whatever you're

1:27:23

going to do whatever you can do

1:27:26

do it at school during school hours

1:27:28

while people are there because it's going

1:27:30

to Put a couple zeros behind whatever the

1:27:33

humiliation factor is a look You know go

1:27:35

ahead and fart in the desert with a

1:27:37

wind blowing who cares, but do it in

1:27:39

a quick story do it in a funeral

1:27:41

when they take a moment of silence, that's

1:27:44

completely, so you know, the farts, the fart,

1:27:46

it's more the setting. Yes, that tail will

1:27:48

live forever. This is, that's the way they

1:27:50

would do it, so they would look for

1:27:53

these. There was sort of like ISIS in

1:27:55

that, the one of the bad publicity. Read

1:27:57

the cell. Spread the

1:27:59

word. great terror. Now, imagine

1:28:01

how you would feel

1:28:04

next time you're driving

1:28:06

Ray in your car.

1:28:08

Terrified. next time you're Forgot him.

1:28:10

It's after he bought him your That's what makes

1:28:12

it so much better. Yeah. PTSD. You

1:28:14

can't rest. I All right, this

1:28:16

is Adam of it after we That

1:28:18

does the footage him Make sure

1:28:21

to tune in tomorrow for

1:28:23

even more clips. Until

1:28:25

next time, it so much

1:28:27

better. Bye.

1:28:52

Bye.