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Accura. Precision. Precision. Crafted. Performance. Welcome

1:12

to Kroll Classics. I'm your host, super

1:14

fan, and Giovanni. This is the podcast.

1:17

We play the Best Moments highlights and

1:19

fans like the clips from all 15

1:21

years of the Adam Krollo Show. We

1:23

have a companion podcast titled Kroll Classics,

1:26

for which the ad-free archives are exclusively

1:28

available through Adam Krollo Substock. Make sure

1:30

to check out Adam Krollo. Substock.com, sign

1:32

up, get access. You can also get

1:34

access to beat it out at the

1:37

new show currently featuring Adam and Jay

1:39

more. All right, let's. Mark Argos, David

1:41

Wild, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop, 2013.

1:43

Adam contemplates what prisoners

1:46

miss most. So there's a

1:48

photo exhibit in Brooklyn right now,

1:50

but I think it moves around. And it's

1:52

called Photo Request from Inmates in Solitary. Oh,

1:54

no, sorry. It's called Photo Request From Solitary.

1:56

And so people in

1:58

solitary confinement at this

2:00

prison in Illinois were

2:02

asked if you could

2:04

see a photo of

2:06

anything What would it be? Okay,

2:12

that that can't really be

2:14

true. No, it is and I'm not not

2:16

what Adam said, but well, they had come

2:18

on They had to fill to

2:20

this. Yeah, right. This is just

2:22

was not your top 100 that

2:25

took him 17 ,000 requests before

2:27

they got to the Taj Mahal,

2:29

right? Or some guy who wants

2:31

to hurry out. I want to

2:33

see this the blue sky or

2:35

to our back's field perish, please

2:38

So they have some actual photographs and then

2:40

they have some of the unfilled requests perhaps

2:42

what you just said Adam would be

2:44

there What I'm wondering or what I'm realizing

2:46

though is that I don't know that

2:48

they ever actually get to see these photos

2:50

Oh, really? I don't know. That's that's

2:52

the part that's unclear It's kind of

2:54

like a it's kind of like a

2:56

prison make -a -wish foundation. Yeah, right? Mm -hmm

2:58

It's more like what would people in prison? What

3:00

would their wish be? Let's put it in a

3:02

museum I looked it up number one

3:04

pussy lips number two Monet's days

3:06

at different a That's

3:09

ironically just those were the difference

3:11

really though So like for

3:13

example, here's a request. I would like to

3:15

see the downtown Chicago or the Lake of Chicago

3:17

It will bring me happiness to see a

3:20

real nice picture of the downtown, please a good

3:22

place to eat or two You know nice

3:24

cars. I've been locked up for 17 long

3:26

years Let me say this and I don't

3:28

want to tell you how to live

3:30

if you're in the hole, but but hear

3:32

me now. I As

3:34

a young lad who grew up in my

3:36

own form of prison known as Corolla

3:38

house Watching the black -and -white 13 -inch zenith

3:41

the box that that came in was

3:43

probably about the size of house. I

3:45

Used to watch the shows like the

3:47

Brady Bunch and get depressed Because they

3:49

would have these Brady meetings where they

3:51

all showed up into this into one

3:53

room with and also that Brady house

3:55

There's a nice cool art. Yeah, cool

3:57

that Alice everything was cool the biggest

3:59

problems they have was you know someone got

4:01

a C minus on a trick test or

4:03

something yeah right that nothing that started a

4:05

band everything they worked so well together

4:08

I've watched that show and I just

4:10

see Carol and Bob or whoever no wait

4:12

Carol Mike Mike Mady like climb into bed

4:14

at night and kiss each other and she'd

4:16

be wearing something fashionable and she'd have her

4:19

hair all done up and stuff and then

4:21

I'd look at my pathetic family want to

4:23

kill myself but then I would switch it

4:25

over to like Sanford and Sun or

4:27

Good Times and all of a sudden

4:29

I feel a little bit better about

4:31

myself. These guys should want to see

4:33

pictures of Turkish prisons. Right. And... Just

4:36

at Midnight Express. Tijuana drunk tank and

4:38

shit like that where you go, you

4:40

know what? Not so bad. So bad

4:42

here. Right. Why do you want to

4:44

envy? Why do you want to think

4:46

about where you can't ever be? Yeah.

4:48

I want to see stills from the

4:50

show locked up abroad. Exactly. And not

4:52

the reenactment. Yes, and then you know

4:54

just how good you had it.

4:56

Exactly. Instead, you want to

4:58

see a bunch of pictures

5:00

of pyramids and open sky?

5:02

I don't, I don't, you

5:04

know what, I still don't

5:06

buy it. I just, I don't buy

5:09

that this is anywhere near the

5:11

top of the top. I don't

5:13

even think it's in the top

5:15

10,000. I don't buy it. Yeah,

5:17

I think this is a contrived

5:19

story. I don't think there's any way.

5:22

I've been in prisons. I was

5:24

in St. Quentin two months ago.

5:26

I don't think any guy in

5:28

there is telling me that I

5:30

want to go outside and look

5:32

at the pictures of the bay.

5:34

I just don't think they're making

5:37

them sound like puppies or something.

5:39

Right. Yeah, I mean, or you

5:41

know, kind of nascent poets. Give

5:43

me a break. Is San Quentin

5:46

some of the nicest real estate

5:48

there at St. Quentin? That view

5:50

of that area as a developer's

5:52

dream. Every time I pass it,

5:55

I just think, my God, put

5:57

a world, put a championship golf

5:59

course. on here and some condos that

6:01

could get rid of the deficit. It's the

6:03

most idyllic coastline that you could ever

6:05

see. And I mean, it's with the breeze

6:08

coming. I mean, you know, we live

6:10

in the valley. It was 117 all at

6:12

night. If you're in Chenquent, you got

6:14

a beautiful fucking breeze on a peninsula nearby.

6:16

Look at the look at the way

6:18

it juts out there. And it's just. All

6:21

right. Because I've been to

6:23

the prisons in the high desert.

6:25

You don't need the big

6:27

old rock walls anymore. Just the

6:29

razor wire and it's a little little cyclone

6:31

fan. Look at Tahachapi. Have you ever been

6:33

up the Tahachapi prison? I mean, give me

6:35

a break. You're never or that other one

6:37

that's down past San Diego, almost by the

6:39

border. I mean, that one, there's no way

6:42

to get out of. What were you doing

6:44

in San Quentin? San Quentin, I was visiting

6:46

a doing a parole hearing. And so you

6:48

have to go in and I made the

6:50

giant mistake at one point. I thought they

6:52

were going to take me into custody of

6:54

using the restroom in one of the

6:56

cells there that's right off of the parole

6:58

area. Oh, you can't use that one.

7:00

You got to go use the guards restroom

7:02

rules about where you take a piss. Exactly.

7:05

Sorry, I didn't know I couldn't go into lock

7:07

up. Even though I'm in the lock up with

7:09

the guy, it's OK for him to take a

7:11

piss, but I can't take it. Why? I it's

7:13

beyond me, but I wasn't going to question him.

7:15

I wanted to get the hell out of there

7:17

fairly. All

7:22

right. This is Adam Krull show 1166.

7:24

Coming up next, we have Adam Krull

7:26

show 1292. Judith Hope, Alison Rosen, Brian

7:28

Bishop from 2014. Hope you guys enjoy.

7:34

Good day, Alison Rosen. Hello, Adam,

7:36

Karola and Baldwin. Quiet.

7:40

So many people ask you for

7:42

quiet on Twitter at the hashtag

7:44

Top Drop. New favorite. It is

7:46

weird. That's Alec Baldwin. Quiet. Yeah.

7:49

Try to hook up with him

7:51

when he comes out here. I'm

7:53

so excited to use that live

7:55

show. We will we'll see if we can

7:57

we'll see if we can get him get him on

7:59

the pro. to figure out something

8:01

for that man, such

8:03

a weird, he's

8:06

in such a weird place

8:08

because I

8:10

feel like he was the

8:12

darling of the HuffPo crowd and then

8:14

he got thrown out of the

8:16

tribe that he was the king of

8:18

and now he doesn't really have

8:20

a tribe and that's got to be

8:22

a weird feeling. It's one thing

8:25

to be in a tribe and not

8:27

like by the other tribes, that's

8:29

all right, you have your tribe around

8:31

you and that's how it works.

8:33

This is your team, they're them and

8:35

that's what we're sort of turning

8:37

into. But for Baldwin, I

8:39

feel like he had a

8:41

tribe and his tribe kind

8:43

of turned on him and

8:45

now he feels rudderless or can.

8:49

The weird thing is when he called, he

8:51

wanted your advice on sort of how to

8:53

deal with all the stuff that he's what

8:55

did he say the entire Internet has been

8:57

up his ass for the last year. But

8:59

then when you asked him sort of specifically

9:01

what do you mean? Then he's like, oh,

9:03

it's not even worth talking about. He's

9:10

tribalist, man. So I do

9:12

think it is bothering him, but I think he

9:14

doesn't really want to address how much it is

9:16

head on because who really cares? Well,

9:18

again, as I always say with him, he's

9:21

smart and he's too smart. And

9:23

when you're too smart, things

9:25

bother you. And then when you

9:27

get to another level of

9:29

smart, it becomes like defending your

9:31

life and you become rip -torn

9:34

and you just start eating

9:36

bitter paste for dinner. And you're

9:38

on such a level that

9:40

only you could absorb that. This

9:42

is damn exciting stuff. He

9:44

unfortunately is caught just beneath that

9:46

level and the point that

9:48

that cares. Yeah. Interesting.

9:52

Anyway, we'll talk to him. We'll see if

9:54

we can get him coming out here and all

9:56

that good stuff. I have to ask, you look

9:58

very handsome in your glasses. Thank you.

10:00

Why are you wearing glasses? I

10:02

had lacic surgery and it worked

10:05

out okay, but as I started

10:07

doing my audio book, which you

10:09

see sitting in front of me,

10:11

just tended to set my glasses.

10:14

They helped about 20 percent. Like

10:16

I can read just fine. Actually,

10:18

I can't read just fine. But

10:20

I can make out those letters.

10:23

Yeah. Summer letters. Okay. Oh, summer

10:25

numbers too. Yeah. I can make

10:27

them out, but I realize if

10:29

I'm going to sit here for

10:32

a couple hours, a little easier

10:34

to do with the glasses, and

10:36

then I just thought, well, you

10:38

know, why not just see that

10:41

much better? Anyway, my dog, my,

10:43

oh, so much talk about. Live

10:45

show was great. All the guys

10:47

were great. everyone came out and

10:50

did their thing and the audience

10:52

was great and thank you guys

10:54

we did a sort of radiohead

10:56

thing where you could download it

10:59

for free or you could make

11:01

a little contribution and we got

11:03

a nice spike and I appreciate

11:05

that and thank you very much

11:08

I did have that thing you

11:10

know when you encounter the weird

11:12

guy early on in the night

11:14

and you go there's no way

11:17

this night is going to end

11:19

without he and I standing alone

11:21

by my car even if it's

11:23

four and a half hours from

11:25

now of course I'm exhausted that

11:28

has it has it must it

11:30

must it must because you don't

11:32

want it to it will have

11:34

learned nothing there's always a dude

11:37

or two who's backstage that if

11:39

you dress right and sort of

11:41

have the right posture nobody knows

11:43

who you are or who you're

11:46

with. And so nobody wants to

11:48

go, hey man, what are you

11:50

doing here? Because it could, turned

11:52

out, he could be Mark Marin's

11:55

brother. Mark Marin's brother or Stuart

11:57

Copeland's, oh no, or Andy Summers.

11:59

or were Stuart Copeland's guitar tech

12:01

in worse. Like you don't know

12:04

who that guy is. Nobody knows

12:06

who that guy is. He's just

12:08

that guy. Yeah, and for some

12:10

reason backstage, no one's ever really

12:13

allowed to say, who is that

12:15

guy? Right. So there's a lot

12:17

of that, and Marin came out,

12:19

was great, and Doug was great,

12:21

Kevin and Bean were great, and

12:23

Jimmy was great, and everything was

12:25

great, yeah, Drew. And then there's

12:28

that guy, and at the end

12:30

of the night, did the thing,

12:32

signed the autographs, went through the

12:34

lobby, took the pictures, blah, blah,

12:37

blah. And at the end of

12:39

the night, there, me and that

12:41

guy stood alone in the parking

12:43

lot by my car. And he

12:46

said, I believe he said, Adam,

12:48

come on, first there's a lot

12:50

of, don't you remember? Like,

12:52

come on. First off, no,

12:54

no, and no again. I

12:57

do not remember and your

12:59

super cryptic tips mean nothing.

13:01

You mean, come on didn't

13:04

tell you what he meant? Come

13:06

on and it was like, uh,

13:08

come on. B. 99. No,

13:11

it was literally 96 Camarillo

13:13

upstairs. I have no, I am the

13:15

worst for that. You're right

13:18

about the cryptic clues.

13:20

It's always like. Sylvia's

13:22

wedding or it's less

13:24

than it's like the

13:27

30th birthday party. It

13:29

was literally 96 Camarillo

13:31

upstairs. You remember any

13:33

of those. It's still

13:35

no good and then there's

13:37

this part. Now keep in

13:39

mind I left you know

13:41

we're doing Redondo Beach.

13:44

Okay. Show starts at eight, but

13:46

for where I am and lock for

13:48

Santa, lock and yada. I mean, that's

13:50

a fucking hall and I'm not sure

13:52

with traffic like when to leave and

13:54

I got two interviews to do before

13:57

that. So I got to get there

13:59

at 730. so you know I left

14:01

my house at six and now it's

14:03

1030 and we're standing in the parking

14:05

lot and then I do the if

14:07

that's all you're gonna give me and

14:09

I start climbing into the car and

14:11

I get the oh come on you

14:13

know that thing or it's like come

14:16

on what do you want to blow

14:18

job by the dumpster like that did

14:20

well I'm sure that's what I'm sure

14:22

he would have liked that where we

14:24

saw it going I don't know I don't

14:26

know I don't know I'm tired

14:28

everybody So that's how you

14:31

know you're from. I've

14:33

never finished a comic

14:35

thing. No, no, no. Give

14:37

a Rio 96 upstairs. Come

14:40

on. No fucking idea. And

14:42

that was that. It was

14:44

backstage the entire time. I

14:46

woke up this morning. I

14:49

was working on the script

14:51

for Roadhard and Lynette was

14:53

gone with Natalia, which is...

14:56

easy because sunny will let

14:58

you sleep, sunny will let

15:00

you do what you want

15:02

to do, it doesn't, if, if,

15:04

now on Saturday, Lynette got

15:06

up and took sunny to the

15:08

track meet early, in which case,

15:11

Natalia was, you know, flicking me

15:13

in my forehead at 8.15 in

15:15

the morning, telling me to get

15:17

up, but... When Sunny gets left

15:19

behind and Italia goes with Mommy

15:21

in the morning, I can sleep

15:23

till noon. It does not matter.

15:25

He'll play video games, pour himself

15:28

cereal, it doesn't exist. It's fine,

15:30

he's just there. And so it's

15:32

just me and Sunny hanging around

15:34

and I see Molly coming into

15:36

the room through the doggy door

15:39

and she's covered with blood. covered with

15:41

blood is just it's blood in the

15:43

snow like when you see it in

15:45

a movie it just it's a lot

15:47

a lot more vivid than on asphalt

15:49

it pops and I know what happened

15:51

the sock that she was wearing fell

15:53

off she started scratching at these sort

15:55

of tumor things she has around her

15:57

neck and the blood just starts flowing

15:59

so I what any hero would do I

16:01

pushed her out oh there's a picture of

16:03

Molly by the way yes a lot of

16:06

bright red a lot of blood on on

16:08

Molly girl go to amcroll.com if you want

16:10

to see my dog bleeding now and I

16:12

called Lynette I just said when are you

16:15

gonna be home and she said 20

16:17

minutes and I said okay because Molly's

16:19

bleeding and she's not dying she's she

16:21

scratched She got her sock off, she

16:24

scratched herself all up, she's going to

16:26

get blood all over the house, and

16:28

I don't know what to do with

16:30

her, because I've not been tending to

16:33

her. She needs to be cleaned up

16:35

and ointment and all that kind

16:37

of stuff. So I just put her outside

16:39

and waited for mommy to come

16:41

home. We're looking at some nurse, we'll

16:43

get to it in a second. So, I'm

16:45

sitting on the sofa with Sunny.

16:47

both not making any noise I'm

16:49

working on my road hard script

16:52

he's playing a video game and

16:54

all of a sudden I just

16:56

hear from out in the driveway

16:58

these screams from Natalia oh because

17:00

she was greeted by Molly's bloody

17:02

mess when she came up the

17:04

driveway and you know daddy what

17:06

did you do daddy what did

17:08

you do oh daddy and then

17:10

of course Lynette with the what

17:12

did you do and it's like

17:15

I tried you had caused this What

17:19

women think and what is I

17:21

don't know all the time all the

17:23

time all the I can help bridge

17:25

that what I'm saying is there's a

17:27

dog covered with blood and I'm home

17:30

now I know they don't think I did

17:32

it but also I'm the one who's

17:34

home while the dogs covered with

17:36

blood so there's a nice bridge

17:39

there's a bridge should be built emotionally between

17:41

me and what's going on with Molly so

17:43

she's a covered with blood, I'm getting a

17:45

lot of screaming, Natalia immediately understands what's going

17:47

on here and starts digging in with me.

17:49

What did you do? You know, of course

17:52

when mommy does it, why didn't you tell

17:54

me it was so, you know, and then

17:56

Natalia, why didn't you set a sense? You

17:58

know, what are you doing? and

18:00

she's in the bathtub and the

18:03

water's turning red and we're trying

18:05

to you know get the thing

18:07

out of her fur and it's

18:09

a lot of what you know

18:11

and I'm like by the way

18:13

this all on the

18:15

heels of a conversation

18:17

that I had on

18:19

Friday doing a location

18:22

scout with a guy

18:24

from Road hard he's from

18:26

Montana his name is Nate wrestling

18:28

champion in high school college just

18:30

that dude Montana dude and he

18:32

just said I yeah he said

18:34

well I feel bad for my

18:36

older brother and I said why

18:39

and he said because when it

18:41

came time you know when a

18:43

dog got too old or hit

18:45

dysplasia or whatever it was going

18:47

on with that dog that was

18:49

his job it was his

18:51

old yellow it yeah it was his

18:53

job to just get the pistol

18:55

out and go take the dog out

18:57

and put one through the dog's

18:59

head and it's like yeah that's a

19:01

bummer on the other hand

19:03

what happens is dogs get old

19:05

they start suffering they lose

19:08

their whatever way of life and

19:10

we've decided a way to

19:12

drag them around we can drag

19:14

this out for another there's another

19:16

three to six years of

19:18

the dog bloodied you know

19:20

Molly sleeps all day now and

19:22

she doesn't you know she's chasing

19:25

squirrels and blah blah blah this

19:27

is a I just texted

19:29

Lynette and said what is Molly

19:31

on these days she's on

19:33

17 cc's of insulin now she

19:35

has to get the insulin

19:38

shot after she eats her special

19:40

food but she loses her

19:42

she has no appetite anymore so

19:44

she has to have an

19:46

appetite stimulant she's also on another

19:48

one that stops her from

19:51

puking up her food as I

19:53

know as you feel yeah

19:55

pain medication twice a day Benadryl

19:57

twice a day peps it A

20:00

C, I guess, twice a day,

20:02

a pill for liver. Oh, she's

20:04

on chemo. And yeah, she estimates.

20:06

Don't bear the lead. She's on

20:08

chemo for six weeks. She's on

20:11

chemo for six weeks. And Corner

20:13

Lynette, I don't know where she

20:15

came up with this, but I've

20:17

spent $34,000, including surgeries and the

20:19

snake bite. Use hyperbole when I

20:21

say that is much more than

20:24

my parents spent on me and

20:26

my sister and I'm including food

20:28

and room and board if you

20:30

factored that in and sort of

20:32

pro-rate it and adjust it I

20:34

Will factor in room and board

20:37

and I will still say 34,000

20:39

will dwarf that amount they would

20:41

have had you put down if

20:43

they could have. Oh, they would

20:45

have gotten eight older brothers to

20:47

take me out to the fucking

20:50

wood shed. How would I know

20:52

that? Sweet, is that where this

20:54

is going with Molly though? Are

20:56

you feeling like it's time? I

20:58

started having, when this, what happens

21:01

is, it's not obviously, it's not

21:03

just about the money, it's about

21:05

the, Molly's bleeding again, Molly's got

21:07

to go to the vet. You

21:09

start turning into... She becomes a

21:11

special needs dog you becoming nurse

21:14

her way of life is significantly

21:16

There's more negative than there is

21:18

positive and your way of life

21:20

becomes Who's going to go back

21:22

and feed her who's giving her

21:24

the shots if you're going out

21:27

of town you need a nurse?

21:29

You know basically? She's getting up

21:31

in the middle of the night,

21:33

but blah blah the blood everywhere

21:35

it becomes this she's covered with

21:38

these tumors and it becomes this

21:40

sort of sort of thing of

21:42

like First off, isn't it in

21:44

a weird way being selfish keeping

21:46

her alive? Nature and her are

21:48

basically saying, I'd like to take

21:51

a permanent nap. We're saying, oh

21:53

no you're not. You're getting more

21:55

chemo and more shots and more

21:57

drugs. drops and

21:59

more everything else. She's

22:03

still a sweetheart. She's, you know, blind in

22:05

one eye and this, that and the

22:07

other. But you're starting to play in your

22:09

day around the dog now. The

22:11

kids are going out of town next

22:13

week and who's going to take care

22:15

of Molly. I'm working. You know,

22:17

it's that, it's that kind of thing.

22:19

But yeah, anyway, blood all the

22:21

way around and son completely

22:23

unfazed. Natalia wanting

22:25

to know why I was trying to kill

22:27

the dog and keeps circling back to that.

22:29

The worst is it's a slow decline. Like,

22:32

you know, it's a little, it's half a

22:34

percent worse every day. If you woke up

22:36

one day like this, you'd be like, something's

22:38

got to be done. She can't go on

22:40

like this, but that she's, you know, 0

22:42

.1 % worse than yesterday. You can't

22:44

really notice. Right. Next thing you

22:46

know. Yes. So, uh, that is

22:48

poor Molly girl and poor me

22:50

and poor Lynette, who's now is

22:52

basically as more, I would say,

22:55

as far more effort on Molly than the

22:57

kids at this, at this stage of Molly's

22:59

life. And then what happens is, is you

23:02

have to leave and she's not eating. So

23:04

she refused to eat, but you have to

23:06

leave. Well, if she doesn't eat, you

23:08

can't give her her insulin shot. So how

23:10

are we going to do this? Well, it's

23:12

a lot of go out and run

23:14

and see Sonny and his track meet and

23:16

then come back, get her to eat, give

23:18

her insulin shot and then go back. It's,

23:20

all right, Gary, by the way, uh,

23:22

took a picture of the back of a

23:24

car that delighted me, which

23:26

has the, uh, who

23:29

saved who and, uh, the,

23:31

uh, let's see, kindness to

23:33

animals, builds a better world

23:35

for all of us. And,

23:37

uh, that's true. And I

23:39

rescued my best friend. How,

23:43

again, you getting

23:46

a free dog, when did

23:48

this, when did this become

23:50

the, the, the stuff of heroes? And

23:52

when are we going to, there's

23:55

four paws on that car,

23:57

by the way. Yes. When there's

23:59

more. pause than cylinders. It's a B6.

24:01

Here's what I'm saying. When did we,

24:04

this part where we all started labeling

24:06

ourselves heroes. There's there's two there's two

24:08

ways of labeling yourself a hero. There's

24:10

the I saved this dog and then

24:13

there's this there's a there's a separate

24:15

way which I'm starting to notice now

24:17

but it's it's it's it's very interesting.

24:19

As I said, I'm working on this

24:21

Paul Newman documentary. Every time Paul Newman

24:24

is interviewed, every time somebody tries to

24:26

lay a compliment on him, he deflects

24:28

it. every time. It's oh that car

24:30

worked great. I got to give the

24:32

crew full credit. He literally says Shirley

24:35

Temple could have gotten that car and

24:37

gone like a rocket after winning the

24:39

championship. You know, nothing about I knew

24:41

I could do it or any of

24:44

that. Just all deflection deflection deflection, deflection.

24:46

You know, even in his older Later

24:48

days, he was like, ah, I'm never

24:50

sure if I was a great driver

24:52

and I won four championships and this,

24:55

that, and it was all about that.

24:57

Now I feel like we've gone exact.

24:59

And obviously, this is bled into the

25:01

parents because we started with the kids.

25:04

Somebody tweeted me today that first, second,

25:06

third place at their kid's school, third

25:08

was gold. Second was Platinum and first

25:10

was double Platinum. So literally there was

25:12

no bronze. It's like the Starbucks. There

25:15

is no small. But how long before

25:17

this bleeds into the adults? You know,

25:19

I mean, how long? I feel like

25:21

it already has. That's what I'm saying.

25:23

It's now the adults who've been telling

25:26

their kids their heroes and their champions

25:28

and winners. But I think the point

25:30

that... that you've made before, which I

25:32

think is so right, is we can

25:35

change the wording, we can change the

25:37

color of the metal, we can change

25:39

the language, but inside we all actually

25:41

know what we're saying, even though we're

25:43

trying so hard not to say it,

25:46

and you still feel it. feels

25:48

the competition, you

25:50

know, if someone tells

25:52

you you're winning

25:55

or whatever word you

25:57

want to use,

25:59

even if you're not,

26:01

you feel that

26:03

you're not being told

26:06

the truth. Yeah.

26:08

Tell them it's a sunny. Yeah. It's the

26:10

ball to the moon. Yeah. Yeah. Watch

26:12

him in the track meet and he came

26:14

in second to last or third to

26:16

last in the 400. That's double

26:18

gold. That's right. All right. Oh,

26:20

around the license plate frame, it

26:22

says I adopted my best friend.

26:24

Oh, did you say that already? And

26:27

best friends, oh yeah. Anyway, scramble

26:29

out the license plate so we

26:31

don't get sued there. If you

26:33

would, Gary. All right. We

26:35

got some phone calls. Judith is

26:37

here. Bad Words is her latest movie.

26:39

Looks really good. Also, we got

26:41

some Baldywood. I should have seen Bad

26:43

Words. You saw. Spoiler. I

26:45

should have seen Bad Words instead. Okay.

26:48

Tell you what you should have

26:50

done, audible .com, leading provider of

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27:44

right. We've

27:47

got some phone

27:49

calls out there. We've

27:51

got some Baldywood in

27:53

here. Let's see. Patent

27:56

trolls. Three 5 are both good

27:58

Three and five. right, we'll

28:00

go five, work our way up.

28:02

Pierce, 26, Arizona. Yeah,

28:05

how's it going, Adam? Good, how you doing? Good,

28:08

long time listener. Brickton, I remember

28:10

you listening to you in the

28:13

morning, is that the morning radio

28:15

show you had back with Danny

28:17

Mededucci and Teresa Strosser. I missed

28:19

that, Kate. I mean, those kids.

28:21

Yeah. Hey,

28:24

interesting enough, I have a question

28:26

about a joke writing and kind

28:28

of starting out on just kind

28:30

of performing and not performing stand up but

28:32

just being more funny. Hold

28:34

on, can I say this?

28:37

What, you know, I

28:39

work with Bonaducci for a year. I

28:43

liked Bonaducci, but Bonaducci, not

28:45

the kind of guy you

28:47

team up with. Brian? I

28:49

don't what you're talking about.

28:52

Jack Silver, he's just not

28:54

my guy. No,

28:56

not the kind of guy, no,

28:58

no, no, it didn't work, obviously. Right,

29:02

but I did, and I think I'm

29:04

not blowing hot air, I like

29:06

the guy, he was a

29:08

nice enough guy. That is a good

29:10

dude. And he definitely should have

29:12

been doing his own radio show somewhere,

29:14

just not with me. Yeah. And

29:16

I sat down with the guys. The philosophies

29:18

you guys both have in terms of

29:20

radio are just completely different. Where are

29:22

you? different from the start. Both basically

29:24

like singers of a band.

29:26

Yeah, I'd say so. And

29:29

I said, I mean, I sat down

29:31

with the guys from CBS Radio,

29:33

some of the headiest of the honchos.

29:35

I went to a lunch at

29:37

the Ivy with like the guy that

29:39

was running the whole radio division.

29:41

And I just said to him, listen,

29:44

I just can't work with the

29:46

guy. Like I did it, I did

29:48

it for a year and I

29:50

tried my hardest. And I have nothing

29:52

against him personally. The fit is

29:54

not working stylistically. I just don't want

29:56

to do that. That is the

29:59

greatest story I've. ever heard. And they

30:01

were like, all right, and you know, three

30:03

weeks later signed him to a new

30:05

contract and then said to me, oh,

30:07

well, here we go. And I was

30:09

just like, why would you do that?

30:12

Like only radio guys are fucking

30:14

stupid enough to have a guy

30:16

just look him in the eye

30:18

and go, I don't want to

30:21

work creatively with this other individual.

30:23

Do they think the conflict is

30:25

good for the show or something or

30:27

do they just not think? They don't

30:29

think, number one, number two, they

30:32

don't care, number three, it's just

30:34

like, they just think, you'll just

30:36

take the money, he'll just take

30:38

the money, it'll be what it'll

30:40

be, and that'll be that. And

30:42

they think like, uh, my, my,

30:45

my agent changed baby, I'll

30:47

Dixon. He always, he said to

30:49

me once, he goes, just ignore

30:51

him. Just ignore him at 6.10

30:53

in the morning when you smell

30:56

reeking of axe and doing chin-ups

30:58

and cowboy boots. You know, seeing

31:00

guys do chin-ups and cowboy boots,

31:03

it's off-putting. I said, just ignore

31:05

him, he said, do your show. I said,

31:07

baby doll, what if I just let him

31:09

a call loose in your house? And

31:11

I said, just ignore it. Just ignore

31:13

it. I mean you might walk in your

31:16

den holding a beer and flip on

31:18

the light at night and it might

31:20

be in your face slapping its wings

31:22

or not. Or sleep on the couch.

31:24

Yeah, or sleep on the couch and

31:26

you might open your shower curtain and

31:28

it may be in there flapping and

31:30

calling at you or not. Just move on.

31:33

Or maybe while you're showering it

31:35

flies in. Yes, ignore it. Just

31:37

do what you do. Just ignore

31:39

it and do what you do.

31:41

Take it in the shower, take

31:44

the shower. Going to the den

31:46

to watch sports center, watch

31:48

sports center. You have every

31:50

right? Yeah. Yeah, that's, yeah.

31:52

It was good times. So I

31:55

stayed home. And it was

31:57

funny because, you know, when

31:59

I stayed. I was just like, listen, fuck

32:01

this. I told this guy, I told

32:03

everyone what I wanted and they had,

32:05

they just said, fuck him, I just

32:07

did it anyway. My question is, whose

32:09

call was it to re-up the Bonaducci

32:11

contract after that year? Because, not, I'm

32:13

not asking you, but I always wonder

32:15

because obviously you told the higher-ups how

32:17

you felt and it was the Adam

32:19

Corolla show, but I think it was

32:21

ultimately Jack Silver's call and he worshipped

32:23

Bonaducci and he worshipped Bonad. Sure. Sure.

32:25

Because he's still, I mean, I mean,

32:28

the radio guys are notoriously dumb and

32:30

they always pick the wrong guy. I

32:32

mean, I'm not the wrong guy, but

32:34

what I mean is they don't, you

32:36

know, believe you me, I was around

32:38

during a time when there

32:40

was like Jimmy Kimmel was floating

32:43

around and Ricky Rackman was floating

32:45

around and believe you me, the

32:47

program director is much more into

32:50

Ricky Rackman than he was Jimmy

32:52

Kimmel, big picture. Yeah. That's how

32:54

they work. how it goes for

32:56

a lot of these guys. I

32:59

stand by that call. So you

33:01

stayed home, were you risking

33:03

being fired? Yeah, here's the

33:06

thing about radio. Radio guys

33:08

know the the GMs and those

33:10

guys, they know that almost

33:12

everyone in radio is

33:15

a marginal talent at best

33:17

and that they have nothing

33:19

to fall back on or

33:22

move on to. There's nothing.

33:24

you lose your gig you think about

33:26

all the radio guys who may have

33:28

had big time whatever wherever the goes

33:31

the king of cleveland or whatever it

33:33

is they move on they don't move

33:35

on to that much that's not always

33:37

start a huge theatrical career based on

33:40

it is just they don't they just

33:42

don't and and that's the way they

33:44

proceed and if you think of all

33:46

the morning teams and all the guys

33:48

with the extremely rare exceptions

33:51

of you know the Jimmy Kimbles

33:53

or the Howard Stearns of the

33:55

world. No one moves on to

33:57

anything. So radio guys think

34:00

that they have dominion over you and that

34:02

they can just go well of course is

34:04

coming back what's he going to do go

34:06

out there and do a TV show or

34:09

write a book or start a podcast or

34:11

whatever it is they're not counting on you

34:13

going anywhere and uh... more than nine times

34:15

out of ten i would say they would

34:18

be right what they didn't reckon for with

34:20

me is that i've always done something else

34:22

and i've never been uh... scared to bet

34:24

on myself So all I knew is I

34:27

didn't want to go back to that. I

34:29

wasn't going to go back to that. And

34:31

I didn't go back to that. I just

34:33

stayed home. For how long? I think it

34:36

was rolling into the Christmas break. The last

34:38

two episodes of the year. Right. and I

34:40

didn't call anyone and say I wasn't coming

34:43

in or I didn't do any of that

34:45

I just stayed home and I didn't answer

34:47

my phone either part of my normal day

34:49

then part of my strategy was I didn't

34:52

pick up my phone when my agent would

34:54

call because I didn't want him to tell

34:56

them to me he's pissed but he'll walk

34:58

it off you know I didn't want I

35:01

wanted mystery radio silence was better that'd be

35:03

better and then far as whether I was

35:05

gonna get fired or not going to get

35:07

fired or not figure to be a coin

35:10

toss. So the timeline was you found out

35:12

that they re-up Bonducci so you didn't and

35:14

then you didn't show up the very next

35:17

day? I don't remember what it was I

35:19

just found out they re-up the guy I

35:21

didn't want them to re-up and we were

35:23

then going to go into the Christmas break

35:26

and then start the new the new year.

35:28

And and they probably figured just give it

35:30

to him right at the end and then

35:32

they'll go into the Christmas break and then

35:35

what's he going to do? What's going to

35:37

do? And I said, well, if they fire

35:39

me, then they'll just do bonaducci in the

35:41

morning. And I don't know how that's going

35:44

to work out for them. So this was

35:46

letting them see how that went? This gave

35:48

them a little trial run. And so I

35:51

just didn't show up. I didn't answer my

35:53

phone. I didn't do anything for a period

35:55

of time. And eventually, Jimmy walked over to

35:57

my house, because they're bugging him. And he

36:00

said, we pick up your fucking phone and

36:02

drive me nuts. Because they were, he was

36:04

involved in the morning show and he used

36:06

to live five houses away. I mean, they

36:09

were driving him insane, trying to get to

36:11

me. But it all didn't work out. So

36:13

that's the point. I remember the event that

36:15

precipitated, I remember the day before, actually kind

36:18

of well, never actually told the story on

36:20

the podcast or anywhere, but what happened was,

36:22

I don't remember exactly what Bonaducci

36:24

was doing. He was being just.

36:26

He's just doing something that was screaming and doing something

36:28

theatrical on the air and went right into a break. Adam's

36:30

like, Adam's like, eh, we'll be right back. And he went

36:33

into a break and you know, Danny runs out to smoke.

36:35

He did every break, pretty much, he did every break, pretty

36:37

much, he did every break, pretty much, he did every break,

36:39

pretty much, ran out to smoke, and Teresa, he did every

36:41

break pretty much, ran out to smoke, and Teresa, like, he

36:43

did every break, he did, he did every break, he did

36:45

every break, he did, he did, he did, he did, he

36:48

did, he did, he did, he did, he did, he did, he did,

36:50

he did, he did, he did, he did, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he,

36:52

he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he,

36:54

he, That was me. That happened. I forgot I said that. What did

36:56

you think was going on, Brian? I sort of knew that Danny was

36:58

on the fence of getting signed or not, and I sort of

37:00

figured that he was feeling very emboldened by probably having

37:02

resigned, and probably having resigned, and probably having resigned, and probably having resigned,

37:04

and probably Jack in his ear, or Jack Silver in his ear, being

37:06

like, you got, this show needs the conflict, and the show, I should

37:09

do in the Jack voice, but telling him, you know, you know, to

37:11

amp it, to amp it up, be more, be more, be more, be

37:13

more, be more B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B,

37:15

B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B,

37:17

B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B,

37:19

B, B, B, B, Oh, sheer panic because

37:21

I realized we was now the Danny Bonaducci

37:24

show for all tense and purposes. And the

37:26

next day was the Ace Awards and he

37:28

powered through them. We got through like three

37:30

in the first five minutes. It's like, Tanny,

37:33

slow down. We're supposed to inspire memories and

37:35

talk of all these events. Like, oh, okay,

37:37

can do! Jesus Christ! I'm such a weirdo.

37:39

I didn't listen to anything. I slept until

37:42

11 in the morning. By the time I

37:44

got up in the morning, it was gone.

37:46

The show had been over. I am wired

37:48

like a frozen serial killer and

37:51

that once I stopped doing it,

37:53

it's just I'd never never heard

37:55

it, never listened, never asked anybody

37:58

if they were listening. never communicate

38:00

with anyone it just I just went on

38:02

like I was didn't have a job was

38:05

moving on with my life well so then

38:07

what happened I don't know what happened. That's

38:09

all you. The show ended two days later.

38:11

At some point, my agent and whoever else

38:14

got hold of me and kept basically saying

38:16

they're going to get rid of you and

38:18

they're going to keep him and you're going

38:20

to be screwed and they have the right

38:23

to get rid of you and you have

38:25

the right to get rid of you and

38:27

you have a contract and he has a

38:29

contract and you signed your contract and I

38:31

signed my contract but with the understanding that

38:34

they weren't going to re-up him, more of

38:36

a gentleman's agreement and they just re-up him.

38:39

I just, everyone just kept telling me

38:41

they're going to get rid of you

38:43

and they're not going to get rid

38:46

of him. And I just remember thinking,

38:48

well, it's academic. As I told my

38:50

agent, I said, I'm not doing another

38:53

year with him. So either way, this

38:55

will assure us of that outcome. And

38:57

I told this to the CBS guys,

39:00

too. I said, I will not do

39:02

another year with him. So it'll either

39:04

be him alone or me alone, but

39:06

either way, I'll get my way. One

39:09

way I'll get paid a little less,

39:11

but I'll still get my way. But

39:13

I was told people when it came

39:16

to negotiations, and I tell people this

39:18

all the time, this is how you

39:20

should work. I mean, I would just

39:23

tell people, as I did when I

39:25

did Love Line, the TV show. I

39:27

wasn't getting paid enough for season three

39:29

or whatever and I said I'm going

39:32

home and you got double my pay

39:34

and they're like oh they're gonna replace

39:36

you with somebody I said well first

39:39

off that's impossible but good luck trying

39:41

but number two I'm not this is

39:43

not a negotiation and a tactic This

39:46

is not worth my time for the

39:48

money that you're currently paying me. It's

39:50

just not worth me being here It's

39:53

not a thing. It's like if you

39:55

said wash my van for four dollars

39:57

I would just go no it wouldn't

39:59

be a anything personal and wouldn't be

40:02

a negotiation to get five dollars it

40:04

just be no it's not worth it

40:06

to me and what I'm doing right

40:08

now so I don't take this personally

40:11

at all I need enough money to

40:13

make it worth my time to come here

40:15

and do these shows every week and right

40:17

now we're not at that number so I'll

40:19

be moving on if we get to that

40:22

number then I will be doing it the

40:24

same with any other job in life and

40:26

when you laid out that way I

40:29

think it's more impactful. You know

40:31

when you say to people like

40:33

I thought we had a relationship

40:35

And you're really hurting my feelings

40:37

and I deserve better than that

40:39

doesn't mean anything. I just told

40:42

them I Will be doing the show

40:44

without Danny Bonaducci or he will be

40:46

doing it without me, but either way

40:48

I will get what I set out to

40:50

get and that's all I said to them

40:52

and I don't know week went by

40:54

and they said I don't know it's

40:57

you and that was about it It

40:59

was before we came back, it was

41:01

all settled, so yeah, it was like

41:03

a week. Yeah, but it didn't make

41:05

for a great Christmas vacation. Probably worse

41:07

for him. I don't know, well no, it

41:09

was good for him because he had

41:11

a contract. Either way. He was just

41:14

going to get paid his full amount

41:16

anyway. So he ended up just getting

41:18

like a one-hour shift after my show

41:20

and getting paid full fair and didn't

41:23

have to get up at five in

41:25

the morning. anymore so actually pretty well

41:27

for him pretty damn well I would

41:29

say and then he went off to

41:32

Seattle did radio and blah blah blah

41:34

I just have nothing against

41:36

the guy just wasn't a good wasn't

41:38

gonna work I don't know why radio

41:40

guys don't understand it but anyway what

41:42

the hell did Pierce one on life

41:44

five oh huh yeah yeah I just

41:47

wanted to know what is your best

41:49

about to start joke writing and

41:51

start to kind of your being more

41:53

funny on it comes to the point of

41:55

to stand up. Because I remember your

41:57

new stories about you weren't really...

42:00

It's just it and doing it until

42:02

you actually heard people do it and

42:04

you learn that you could do it.

42:06

Yeah, you mean talk about stand-up? Yeah,

42:08

and stand up in joke writing, mainly

42:10

joke writing. Well, joke writing is simply...

42:12

For me, just have a pad and

42:14

a pen and when you pull up

42:16

behind a car that has five bumper

42:18

stickers on it shaped like paws, you

42:20

write it down and then you start

42:22

crafting a joke or quip or whatever

42:24

around it or an opinion or a

42:26

story. I mean, it doesn't all have

42:28

to be jokes, a lot of storytelling

42:30

and that kind of stuff. But there's

42:32

nothing to it. It's pretty old stuff.

42:34

Yeah, and I only ask for this

42:36

because I hear from many people saying

42:38

that. It's this cliche of either have

42:40

or you don't. And I think it's

42:42

a story of you and how you

42:44

kind of started out saying, well, it

42:46

wasn't like he wasn't born to be

42:48

a comedian or a radio person, but

42:50

you did it. Oh, listen, I know,

42:52

hold on. There are people that are

42:54

just naturally very gifted, funny, talented people,

42:56

and then there's a lot of comedians

42:59

that just buy jokes, tell jokes. I

43:01

mean... It is absolutely insane, but if

43:03

you sit around with a guy like

43:05

Mike August, he used to be at

43:07

Willie Morris and has seen him all

43:09

come and go and come up and

43:11

this and that and the other He's

43:13

in a deal he's in everyone. Yeah,

43:15

hugely He he know he he'd say

43:17

he'd say he went saw a comedian

43:19

once and he saw the guy do

43:21

like a like a one-hour stand-up special

43:23

and I'm not leaving his name out

43:25

because I'm polite I just can't remember

43:27

his name his name and he saw

43:29

the guy do the one hour special

43:31

and he was like I know every

43:33

joke. I know the punchline on every

43:35

joke. This guy's one-hour stand-up special. He's

43:37

doing HBO. Like he was in the

43:39

audience and he was saying to the

43:41

person next to him. And then he

43:43

realized, oh, that guy just bought Rich

43:45

Sheiner's act. And then the other guy

43:47

was like, oh yeah, I paid good

43:49

money. He literally, Rich Sheiner's been on

43:51

the show, is trying to get back

43:53

in the stand-up's kind of when I

43:56

was 80, when I was 80s, 90s

43:58

guys. He's guys. He's just sold some.

44:00

his act like he's got an hour here

44:02

is my hour thank you here's ten

44:04

thousand dollars or whatever it

44:06

was and that's that's how

44:08

some people roll they're not

44:10

maybe the comedians maybe their actors

44:13

I don't know what they are

44:15

but there's plenty of those guys

44:17

in this business and plenty of

44:19

them who've done quite well. I

44:21

mean, I'm sure Bob Hope had a

44:23

team of writers, bought jokes, used jokes,

44:25

used the same jokes for, you know,

44:28

25 years. I mean, I don't know

44:30

what he was. They're not, you

44:32

know, they're not all Louis CK.

44:34

Yeah, there's, that's probably more rare.

44:37

I mean, in terms of the

44:39

guys who have like made it.

44:41

I'm sure a large percentage of

44:43

guys and girls who've made it.

44:45

I've probably had writers work for

44:48

them at the very good. Buy

44:50

jokes? It seems

44:52

counterintuitive and odd to buy

44:54

someone's joke and then go, oh

44:57

man, I don't even know what

44:59

happened to me on the way here

45:01

on the way to buying someone's

45:03

joke. But that's what they do.

45:05

You bought the wrong kind of

45:08

comedians jokes? Like if Chris

45:10

Rock bought, you know, a

45:12

female comedians jokes. Yeah. He

45:14

gets Janine Grofflow shit. Or yeah.

45:17

Or he gets a... Kathy Griffin.

45:19

I don't know. Judy Tanuda. All

45:22

right, Men are Pigs. Where are

45:24

we? Let's see. I'm going up

45:26

the line. Is it, Trina? 49,

45:28

Minneapolis. Hi, Adam, I loved

45:30

your show at the varsity theater

45:33

last year. Oh, thank you. Were

45:35

we all there, right? Oh, you were all

45:37

there, was really fun. Good,

45:39

thanks for coming. Well, I

45:42

wanted to say I'm about to

45:44

turn 50 in the summer, just

45:46

after you turned 50. I've never

45:49

felt like a baby boomer or

45:51

a Gen Xer. Do we have

45:53

a name for our generation? The

45:55

graduated high school 82 around there?

45:58

Can you think of an... for

46:00

us? I've always wondered why

46:02

didn't we get a name?

46:04

I think the SDD, soon

46:06

to die. Well now, yeah,

46:09

but back then. The course

46:11

of our lives, we don't

46:13

really have a name. This

46:15

naming of everything all the

46:17

time started at some point

46:19

and it's shifted into overdrive.

46:21

Recently, everything needs a name.

46:24

By the way, you used

46:26

to just be able to

46:28

get tired. Now we have

46:30

15 names for your tiredness.

46:32

And you used to be

46:34

able to just get... some

46:37

water now you're rehydrating yeah

46:39

used to be there's a

46:41

lot of you were a

46:43

rape victim now you're rape

46:45

survivor I mean there's a

46:47

lot of different names being

46:49

handed out let's go rape

46:52

survivor why not we got

46:54

we got we got skipped

46:56

we got skipped it went

46:58

from 80 dollars a form

47:00

of rape I'm just saying

47:02

here's all all right but

47:04

here's the thing everybody out

47:07

there please we've discussed this

47:09

before You're being left-handed, you

47:11

being a Gemini, you being

47:13

49, going to turn 50,

47:15

you being whatever, you being...

47:17

She needs a red hat.

47:20

Fucking move on. That's right.

47:22

You purchasing a felt red

47:24

hat hanging out. Hampton. Where

47:26

the hell are we? Embassy

47:28

sweets. Yeah. Whatever it is,

47:30

don't look to identify with...

47:32

vast numbers of people on

47:35

the planet and just become

47:37

i i it's it's it's

47:39

really it's dangerous and it's

47:41

not like like you going

47:43

my people or i am

47:45

whatever don't be an individual

47:47

still your own thing don't

47:50

worry about your label don't

47:52

your fucking labels human being

47:54

i get the fuck to

47:56

work don't worry about breaking

47:58

off into groups It just

48:00

doesn't help. I know there's something

48:03

that feels good about it

48:05

or satiated about it when you

48:07

do break off into that group, but

48:09

I mean it's like women's groups.

48:12

There's more women than there

48:14

are men on the planet. That's

48:16

a lot of women. You're good.

48:18

Go do your thing now. There's plenty

48:20

of examples. I know the

48:22

instinct is to break off

48:25

and go somewhere. I don't

48:27

think it ever really helped

48:29

anybody. Just fucking go work.

48:31

Playing field's not level. You're

48:33

fine. You get no name. You

48:35

have no name for your group.

48:37

Just get the fuck to work. That's

48:39

all I mean, it's all I wish. I

48:41

guess I'm trying to think. Do you

48:44

wish for your kids that they would

48:46

join groups? And I'm not talking about,

48:48

you know. Yeah, I mean, chess club

48:50

and that kind of stuff is fine,

48:52

but you know, my great, great, great

48:55

grandfather fought in the civil war.

48:57

Who gives a fuck? What's let's

48:59

say about you? I mean, it's nice that

49:01

you can be proud of it. The through

49:03

line with all these groups that you

49:06

would have a problem with, I

49:08

think, is this idea that we

49:10

together have overcome something or suffered

49:12

something, like the thing that that

49:15

binds you is having been mistreated.

49:17

But any of it's true, let's

49:19

not dwell on it. Yes, and

49:21

it's probably not you, it's somebody

49:24

who came before you. And there's

49:26

certain groups, like if you go

49:28

down to the Bonneville salt flats,

49:30

there is a group that is the

49:32

400 mile an hour club, and

49:34

then there's the 500 mile an

49:36

hour club, but that's the group

49:38

of people who have climbed Mount

49:40

Everest and Half Dome, like fine.

49:42

Count yourself amongst the human beings

49:44

on the planet that have gone

49:46

faster than 400 miles an hour

49:48

on the ground. It's an accomplishment.

49:51

That's something else. You being in the

49:53

group who are descendants of people who've

49:55

gone more than 400 miles an hour

49:57

on the ground, that doesn't mean shit

49:59

to me. on to that. That's

50:01

that's what I'm saying. Ball Bryan,

50:03

you become a New York Times

50:05

best-selling author with shrinkage. Yeah. But

50:08

if you unfreeze that jizier, right,

50:10

right, and you have a kid.

50:12

Right. Let's not have the kid

50:14

coast on daddy being the New

50:17

York Times bestseller. He or she

50:19

will never know. That's right. I'll

50:21

never bring it up. I'm not

50:23

bringing up one for twice. What

50:26

I'm saying is is let them

50:28

write a book and get on

50:30

to that. All right, let's do

50:32

a quick spot and then we

50:34

got some Baldywood coming up. Ah,

50:37

dollar shave club. Love these guys.

50:39

Never stop using these guys. Use

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them for everything. I have the

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Dr. Carvers, easy shave butter and

51:08

one wipe Charlie's. Can I say

51:10

this? The one wipe Charlie's. I

51:12

love these things. Yes, I'm a

51:15

convert. But they get left open

51:17

open. And all I want is

51:19

the person to shut them when

51:21

they're done, but it doesn't seem

51:23

to happen with the wipes. And

51:26

I'm like, they get dried out

51:28

if you don't snap the things

51:30

shut or just turn them over.

51:32

That's the whole point. Yes, love

51:35

these bad boys. Peppermint infuse butt

51:37

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51:39

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51:41

Anyway. Everyone here at the Ant

51:44

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51:46

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51:48

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club.com/atom that's dollar shave club.com/Adam. Let's

52:01

see, real quick, get ready with

52:04

the Baldy Wood there, just because

52:06

I feel like it's rude. Eric,

52:08

42 West Hills. Ace Man, hey,

52:10

can I just say a quick

52:13

congratulations to Fake Teresa on her

52:15

recent nuptials to Fake Back Man.

52:17

Thank you. Big fan of all

52:19

you guys. So, this patent troll

52:21

case seems like the claim they

52:24

have against you is so thin.

52:26

that as they realize the resistance

52:28

you're building to fighting it that

52:30

they might actually drop you as

52:33

a pull as a defendant is

52:35

there is that a possibility that

52:37

that could happen and then they

52:39

take the other defendants on or

52:41

what's the possibility of that actually

52:44

happening thirty seven and a half

52:46

percent what the fuck do i

52:48

know i don't uh... listen here's

52:50

the thing uh... who knows i

52:53

would not count on it and

52:55

thus i would Pack

52:57

for a long trip. If it's

52:59

shortened in any way, I'll be

53:01

happy to come home. But I'm

53:03

just going to pack like it's

53:05

going to be a long cold

53:07

winter. That's the way we're going

53:10

to do it. I doubt they're

53:12

going to drop it. They've already

53:14

filed their case, who knows, maybe

53:16

public pressure and things, people tweet

53:18

me things in the news and

53:20

they're getting to Capitol Hill and

53:22

Obama and blah blah blah and

53:24

hopefully something will change but for

53:27

now we'll just proceed like their

53:29

proceeding which they are and we'll

53:31

try to raise their money to

53:33

fund anything.com and we're Over 250K

53:35

now. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks to you

53:37

guys. Which is awesome, but it's

53:39

about 1.2 to fight these things.

53:41

So they tell me. Well, we're

53:43

glad you're doing it. I just

53:46

did a podcast myself today. We

53:48

did the whole thing on that

53:50

defense fund and we donated and

53:52

it's great. And we're anxiously following

53:54

it and can't wait to see

53:56

how this thing goes. We're sure

53:58

you're going to win. Thanks, Eric.

54:00

means what and I have to

54:03

I am attempting to

54:05

go into

54:07

pre-production for

54:09

a movie but I

54:12

have to go drive

54:14

to Joe Rogan studio

54:16

to talk about this

54:18

subject for two

54:21

hours now when what

54:23

you know I'm supposed

54:25

to finish this audio book,

54:27

but I got to go to

54:30

Redondo Beach and do a four-hour

54:32

show that night. When what? I'm

54:35

supposed to finish this Paul Newman

54:37

documentary, but I got to go

54:39

drive over to the NFL network

54:42

and talk this up on Thursday.

54:44

When what? When what? It's never

54:47

ending... I'm trying to... pre-production

54:50

for a movie. You have to

54:52

cast everybody in every single role,

54:54

you have to go to every

54:56

single location, you have to get

54:58

the whole shooting schedule down, it's

55:01

a puzzle of a million pieces,

55:03

except for I'm not around because

55:05

I have to go talk up

55:07

this thing somewhere across town

55:09

because we're getting sued. So what,

55:11

when, what is my question to

55:13

everyone? All right? It'll be a

55:16

parrot victory. Yes. Real quick, and

55:18

then we'll get to a Baltimore.

55:20

Hey, Joey 25 Hey Adam Allison

55:23

bald, how's it going

55:25

good? Just had a quick

55:27

question. By the way,

55:29

I'm the guy the Valentine

55:31

radar guy. I've talked to

55:34

you before on the Adam

55:36

and True show. Thank you.

55:38

Yeah, Valentine radar. Yeah,

55:40

that guy, upstairs. Yeah, 96.

55:42

Yes, you must have a

55:45

radar detector if you

55:47

travel as much as I

55:49

travel. It comes in very

55:52

handy. Yes, go ahead

55:54

Joey. Where the hell did

55:56

your love line promos

55:58

come from? They were pretty

56:01

retarded like the one that was

56:03

the Seattle fish market like dude,

56:05

can I get some fish? I

56:07

don't know. I've never heard I

56:09

I didn't with the flattery Joey.

56:11

Yeah, hey Joey Yes, we love

56:13

line was syndicated in over a

56:15

hundred markets and so what you

56:18

might hear in Seattle would not

56:20

be what I heard where I

56:22

was at Westwood One because I

56:24

would hear the national feed which

56:26

only had PSA's which drove me

56:28

insane because I never heard one

56:30

that had any meaningful impact in

56:32

a positive way on anyone's life

56:35

it was all just about it

56:37

was airplane turbulence and water skiing

56:39

safety and yes hello my name

56:41

is Graham Wellington. They just sit

56:43

there. My life's dream was to

56:45

get the ad council on the

56:47

fucking phone and scream at them,

56:50

what are you doing? What the

56:52

fuck are you doing? What are

56:54

you doing? What are you doing?

56:56

You know, if you think you've

56:58

been, we've got to play that

57:00

one. My name is Todd Roan

57:02

Washington. Yeah, well, we'll play at

57:04

some, but we'll take it up

57:07

a good version of it. It

57:09

was, you know, if you've been,

57:11

if you've been the subject of

57:13

discrimination, like, like when you're trying

57:15

to get an apartment, When you're

57:17

trying to get a part of

57:19

me if you've been discriminated against,

57:21

well here's the thing. I've tried

57:24

to get apartments in the past

57:26

and not gotten them. So was

57:28

I being discriminated against because the

57:30

color of my skin or did

57:32

I just not get it? Nobody

57:34

knows. Doesn't matter what color you

57:36

are. You don't know if you're

57:38

being... There's nothing you can do

57:41

with this PSA. There's a follow-up.

57:43

But just as a guy who

57:45

lives in Los Angeles. Take the

57:47

101 freeway like you're going to

57:49

downtown. jump up

57:51

off on Normandy

57:53

hang a right

57:56

and take it

57:58

down to Wilshire

58:00

you'll see nothing

58:02

but apartments and

58:04

nothing but people

58:06

that don't look

58:08

like Graham Wellington

58:10

in them so somebody's

58:13

getting an apartment out there

58:15

hello my name is Sanjay

58:17

Kumar Sanjay evidently he's got

58:19

an apartment I thought that

58:21

was all -point all right let's see

58:23

here it is oh

58:28

we'll figure out the staff my

58:33

name is Juan Hernandez it's

58:35

a fairly offensive commercial I mean

58:37

not for me but for anyone who's

58:39

in any group yes can

58:41

I ask a few questions about the

58:43

apartment on Park Street what was

58:45

your name my name my name is

58:47

Juan Hernandez who's gone hello my

58:50

name is Sanjay Kumar I'm calling about

58:52

the apartment on Park Street it's

58:54

not available not available hello my name

58:56

is Tyrone Washington I'm calling about

58:58

the apartment on Park Street for your

59:00

money's going here by the way

59:03

I am Chen Ling my name is

59:05

Khalid in Ali I'm 12 oh

59:07

hello my name is Moshe Goldberg I

59:09

use a wheelchair he's gone not

59:11

available all right thank you yes hello

59:13

my name is Graham Wellington I'm

59:15

calling about the apartment for rent

59:18

on Park Street is that still

59:20

available yes it is what is

59:22

yes really housing discrimination is illegal

59:24

if you think you've been a

59:26

victim sure race color we don't

59:28

choose could never make their way

59:31

into an apartment no choose here

59:33

no Mexicans ever live in an

59:35

apartment it's not an option they're

59:37

all in double -gated communities out

59:39

here occasionally one slips through our net

59:41

and gets into a townhouse but

59:43

that's about as close as a

59:46

Mexican get mad how has that guy

59:48

not done more work he really should be

59:50

a household name all right well there

59:52

you go nice job at at council

59:54

everyone's pissed off but no one knows

59:56

why and there's nothing we can do

59:58

about it we just have horribles We've

1:00:00

crafted a horrible society. All

1:00:02

right, moving on to the

1:00:04

next problem, airplane turbulence, fucking

1:00:06

imbeciles, fucking retarded imbeciles. I

1:00:09

would, my fantasy is just to

1:00:11

show up at the ad councils, you

1:00:13

know, yearly whatever meeting when everyone's

1:00:15

around that boardroom table and just go

1:00:17

fucking Al Capone with the baseball

1:00:20

bat, you know, Robert De Niro style,

1:00:22

just fucking just go nuts on

1:00:24

all of them. Just a fucking bloodbath,

1:00:26

stop wasting everyone's fucking time and

1:00:28

money. You have, you have an outlet.

1:00:30

You have you have millions of

1:00:32

ears on you or eyeballs or whatever

1:00:34

it is. And this is what

1:00:36

you choose. This is how you'd be

1:00:38

so much. But look, just simply

1:00:41

saying, don't flick your cigarette butt out

1:00:43

the window. Don't

1:00:45

throw your gum on the ground. Put the

1:00:47

right air pressure in your car tires.

1:00:49

Oh, whatever. Turn your fucking water heater. If

1:00:51

you're going to go out of town

1:00:53

for more than three days, turn your water

1:00:55

heater off anything but what you guys

1:00:57

come up with, which is always a huge

1:00:59

steaming pile of fucking nothing. This would

1:01:01

be a horrible meeting you're in. I know.

1:01:03

All right. Let's do a little Bollywood

1:01:05

and then we'll bring in Judith. Before

1:01:28

you spend bucks, remember his

1:01:30

taste sucks. He loved that train

1:01:32

wreck piece of shit. Transformers

1:01:34

to hooray for Bollywood. Oh, speaking

1:01:36

of which, trailer for Transformers

1:01:38

4 today. Yeah, man. That was

1:01:40

the highlight of my movie

1:01:42

I'm to experience today. saw Noah

1:01:44

in the theaters. Noah is

1:01:46

in theaters now. It's directed by

1:01:48

Darren Aronofsky. He directed The

1:01:50

Wrestler, a very good movie, Requiem

1:01:52

for a Dream and Black

1:01:54

Swan. Do you guys see those?

1:01:56

Yeah. I feel like The

1:01:58

Wrestler couldn't have been further away

1:02:00

from the Noah, at least

1:02:02

the commercials. You're absolutely right. The wrestler was a really

1:02:04

sort of gritty, really, I don't say dark in terms of

1:02:06

tone, but dark in terms of, it was just, everything was

1:02:08

cloudy and gray. Never on dirty cable, by the way. I

1:02:10

never... on the pay channels. Never

1:02:13

pops up. I never see

1:02:15

it. I never just... It'll

1:02:17

pop up on the channels

1:02:19

of commercials once in

1:02:21

a while, but that's not the

1:02:23

same. Right. Requiem for a dream

1:02:25

was good and dark and disturbing.

1:02:27

He did Life of Pie as

1:02:29

well, right? No, he did Pie.

1:02:31

Oh, but Life of Pie was

1:02:33

easy. Oh, yeah. But Life of

1:02:35

Pie was easy. Oh, yeah, that's

1:02:37

what I mean. very pretty. This

1:02:39

is a woman. This is the

1:02:41

biblical story of Noah, the everything.

1:02:44

The animals, the arc, the great

1:02:46

flood, it's all in there. It's

1:02:48

really surprising. Do you guys know

1:02:50

that there's like some controversy around

1:02:52

this movie? Like some people are saying

1:02:54

it's not faithful to the Bible enough.

1:02:56

Some people are saying we demand that

1:02:58

you put a disclaimer saying this is

1:03:00

not a literal interpretation, it's not literal

1:03:03

enough, and then some countries have banned

1:03:05

the movies saying you can't show Noah, Noah,

1:03:07

he's a profit. I thought they'd be hard

1:03:09

at work on the space program and not

1:03:12

have time for this kind of nonsense, but

1:03:14

you tell me they've carved out a little

1:03:16

time in their day. No. they're unionized so

1:03:18

they get 10 minute breaks. I see and

1:03:20

that's what they go. That's what I know

1:03:23

a campaign. Working on the alloys that are

1:03:25

heat resistant upon reentry and stuff like that.

1:03:27

And when they're done with that stuff, the

1:03:29

wind tunnel stuff, that kind of stuff, then

1:03:32

they come into this, then they're going to

1:03:34

protest this. Okay. No, now it's making more

1:03:36

sense. So this is not really a

1:03:38

movie worth protesting. It's a it's a

1:03:40

it's a it's a it's a it's

1:03:42

a very long, very boring, very boring,

1:03:44

very boring, movie very long very boring

1:03:46

it's like lots of talking first of

1:03:48

all not a lot of flooding lots of

1:03:51

talking like a Lord of the Rings like

1:03:53

a Lord of the Rings movie but much

1:03:55

much slower and those were three-hour movies this

1:03:57

is a two and a half hour movie

1:03:59

it that feels much longer. You, Gary, you'd

1:04:01

have to look up. There used to be

1:04:04

these movies, you kids, you don't know how

1:04:06

good you got it these days. There's a

1:04:08

place called Sun Classics or Sun International Classics

1:04:11

or something. They used to make these movies

1:04:13

called In Search of Historic Jesus or in

1:04:15

Search of Noah's Ark and it always like

1:04:17

there's someone that showed in school. It's it

1:04:20

was of that ilk, but they would show

1:04:22

them in the movie theaters. Oh, did you

1:04:24

got theatrical releases? Yeah, chariots of the gods

1:04:27

and things like that. Yeah, and it always

1:04:29

started off with like, hi, I'm Leonard Nemo.

1:04:31

And then it'd be, it'd go on to

1:04:33

the part where they went up to the

1:04:36

top of the hill and they found a

1:04:38

piece of birch and birch. Birch forest is

1:04:40

nowhere within 2,000 miles of that hill so

1:04:43

how I was of that this part Well

1:04:45

the only way it could have gotten up

1:04:47

there is if someone built an arc and

1:04:49

took two of every species and put I

1:04:52

mean one other There's no other explanation on

1:04:54

how a piece of wood could have got

1:04:56

to a top of the hill and less

1:04:59

a flood consumed the earth a flood consumed

1:05:01

the earth and there was a boat that

1:05:03

was built with two of every species on

1:05:05

it Yeah, this is a in search of

1:05:08

historic Jesus. Yeah, there's 1979 now there's in

1:05:10

search of I think there's a there's a

1:05:12

Noah's Ark one there too but god damn

1:05:14

it was it was this minus any special

1:05:17

effects or anything well they've really marketed this

1:05:19

well because there were a lot of teenagers

1:05:21

in the theater when I saw it they're

1:05:24

like excited to see it like it looks

1:05:26

like a big action movie when you see

1:05:28

the right they took a few of the

1:05:30

few action-ish scenes and they made a pretty

1:05:33

cool trailer out of it here's something fun

1:05:35

that I did that you guys can do

1:05:37

stand outside the theater when the movie lets

1:05:40

out and watch the yawning teenagers come out

1:05:42

as as because I did that today is

1:05:44

waiting for Christie the bathroom. Lots of yawning

1:05:46

teenagers leaving the theater. So not good. Just

1:05:49

boring, just long and dull and so much

1:05:51

talking. In search of Noah's Ark 1976, by

1:05:53

the way. Yeah. Anyway, I saw it with

1:05:56

Christie and she is much more forgiving of

1:05:58

movies than I am and she was I'm

1:06:00

like, I give it a solid C. I

1:06:02

didn't like it that much. I say C

1:06:05

minus. C. Bad words instead. All

1:06:07

right. Hurray for Boudie words.

1:06:09

Ah, speaking of bad words.

1:06:11

She was hogue, who's in bad

1:06:13

words, and also at Nashville, many

1:06:16

other things. We're going to bring

1:06:18

her in, and we'll do that

1:06:20

right after this. Judith

1:06:27

Hogan studio bad words

1:06:29

in theaters as we

1:06:31

speak Jason Bateman Dorexis

1:06:33

stars in it Nashville

1:06:36

Wednesday nights 10 o'clock

1:06:38

on a b.c. Good

1:06:40

to see Judith. Hey

1:06:42

Let's see Nashville has

1:06:44

the big beautiful blonde

1:06:47

in it. Oh, yeah, what's her face?

1:06:49

What's her face? Yeah, it's

1:06:51

canned candy Connie Connie Britain

1:06:54

wakes up in the morning

1:06:56

with, well you know her

1:06:58

hair has a blog and its

1:07:00

own blog and that's that's

1:07:02

why I cut my hair

1:07:04

off because I can't compete

1:07:06

with that. But she wakes up

1:07:09

in the morning freshly

1:07:11

fucked hair. Just perfect,

1:07:13

tossled, dewy, delicious

1:07:15

hair. It's hard. You know, it'll

1:07:17

be an easier, you know, be it,

1:07:20

if we could sign off, if we

1:07:22

could sign off on it. Don't you

1:07:24

think I've been, it's in my

1:07:26

book, I've been thinking about it

1:07:29

a lot lately. Women are

1:07:31

forced by society, spend

1:07:33

an inordinate amount of

1:07:36

time on their hair.

1:07:38

It's horrible. Straightening, blow-drying,

1:07:40

spraying, stuff all over

1:07:42

the place. You want to

1:07:44

talk about, you know, third hand

1:07:46

smoke. What about aquanet

1:07:49

that's been weaponized and

1:07:51

heated up? What if we just

1:07:53

did this, what if we just did

1:07:55

this? What if we just said, look,

1:07:58

everybody, shave your head? I love

1:08:00

that. And then you get a wig.

1:08:02

Everyone gets a wig. And it's all

1:08:04

understood. Just whatever wig looks best on

1:08:07

you, but that's it. And the night

1:08:09

goes right off on that styrofoam head,

1:08:11

or maybe get a nicer head, you

1:08:14

know, if it's a full-time thing with

1:08:16

the wig. But either way, wig, wig

1:08:18

off. Love it. You know, I like

1:08:20

a two-minute shower. I worked with Debbie

1:08:23

Reynolds. I did three movies with her.

1:08:25

She's fucking hilarious. you put the wig

1:08:27

cap on, you slap the wig on,

1:08:30

you're done. Yeah. It's an hour and

1:08:32

a half in the hair chair. Well,

1:08:34

it's such a drag. I look at

1:08:36

a beautiful bald head and I go,

1:08:39

yeah. Well, thank you. Yeah. Well, I

1:08:41

mean, I'm a fan. There's a lot.

1:08:43

I mean, we've talked about it. And

1:08:46

all the... heat and the flattening and

1:08:48

all the money and all the whatever

1:08:50

and then the poor Italian women Jewish

1:08:52

women all the way with the kinky

1:08:55

hair they can't jump in the pool

1:08:57

they can't get it wet then they

1:08:59

got to straighten it out and they're

1:09:02

gonna pay all the money when it

1:09:04

would rain in high school I was

1:09:06

depressed yes oh yeah to shave it

1:09:08

all early so it's like as soon

1:09:11

as the humidity hits it's right I

1:09:13

have a whole I have bozo head

1:09:15

there's it's a it's a it's a

1:09:18

it's a weird thing but I would

1:09:20

thing but I would think but I

1:09:22

would think There's a right. You know,

1:09:24

that's not right. Well, maybe she's got

1:09:27

a wiggle. We just don't know. She

1:09:29

doesn't. She even wet and it dries.

1:09:31

It's not right. There are those straight

1:09:34

hair. I hated people. No cellulite and

1:09:36

perfect hair. Yeah. I hope they're miserable.

1:09:38

I've got to believe she is. I've

1:09:40

got to be right. I could get

1:09:43

it Japanese or Brazilian straightened. Yeah, no,

1:09:45

don't do it. Don't do it. I

1:09:47

did a caroten straightening. You did. No,

1:09:50

it's awful. I regretted it. I just

1:09:52

had this awful flat, greasy, horrible hair

1:09:54

that did not. What do you think?

1:09:56

It's like your wife does, Adam. But

1:09:59

her hair looks good. Well, she probably

1:10:01

has really thick hair. I have really

1:10:03

thin hair, so it makes you look

1:10:06

like, wow. I'm saying, here's what I'm

1:10:08

saying. What are you saying, Adam? I'm

1:10:10

saying that I think about 30% of

1:10:12

the planet of the females have hair

1:10:15

that is naturally kinky or curly or

1:10:17

what have you. Which can be beautiful.

1:10:19

At least 30. Okay, yeah, at least

1:10:22

I'm I'm just well, it's still Africa's

1:10:24

a big continent Well, taking Africa's big,

1:10:26

but China's got a pretty few people

1:10:28

India's got a few folks I'm just

1:10:31

saying I'm just throwing 30% out there

1:10:33

is a number So you know if

1:10:35

you go to seven billion people and

1:10:37

you whack it in half and you

1:10:40

go three point five and then you

1:10:42

go 30% of that you go, you

1:10:44

know one point to two whatever one

1:10:47

point two five or whatever it is

1:10:49

seven You're dealing with over a billion

1:10:51

people that are fucking with their hair

1:10:53

all day trying to comb it and

1:10:56

flatten it, putting billions of dollars of

1:10:58

product and heat and everything else in

1:11:00

it. I don't want to reclaim my

1:11:03

life. That's what I'm saying. The first

1:11:05

thing I do when I get home,

1:11:07

take off my bra. I would like

1:11:09

to also take off my hair. Shave,

1:11:12

let's everyone just shave the head and

1:11:14

wear the bra on the head. We're

1:11:16

science. I take my bra off too.

1:11:19

It's like we're done. It's like we're

1:11:21

done. Yeah. Would you guys be cool

1:11:23

with my shaved head wig thing? Yes.

1:11:25

I, uh, I would be really willing

1:11:28

to try. If everyone did. Now everyone

1:11:30

was in. Yeah. And then you pick

1:11:32

out what you want for hair. Yeah.

1:11:35

Or if everyone's in, maybe we're just

1:11:37

all bald. And fuck the way. You

1:11:39

know, because they're hot. They're itchy. Have

1:11:41

you ever worn a wig? Not that

1:11:44

comfortable. Yeah. I want something to come

1:11:46

off of my hand when I'm. behind

1:11:48

you. There you go. Now what I'm

1:11:51

saying is, grab our ears. Yeah, but

1:11:53

if a ear comes off, it's worse.

1:11:55

Yeah, that's bad. Usually it means there's

1:11:57

an infection. I know you're like my

1:12:00

dog Molly. Oh, and I know you

1:12:02

want Molly to be put down. I

1:12:04

know, but in a loving way, in

1:12:06

a loving way, or death? No, I

1:12:09

just feel like Molly, quality of life,

1:12:11

not so much. Well, the amount you've

1:12:13

spent on her vet care, I'm sending

1:12:15

my son to college that is a

1:12:17

good giant chunk of his tuition.

1:12:19

But if you were to meet Molly, I'm

1:12:22

sure she comes away. No, but she like

1:12:24

wags her tail and comes up to you

1:12:26

and comes up to you and she still

1:12:28

has life in her. For her quality

1:12:30

of life, she'll fuck a lot better

1:12:33

than mine. She gets like hand fed

1:12:35

and I mean, she sleeps. Yes. With

1:12:37

her special food. Yes. Come on.

1:12:39

She's a much better quality of

1:12:41

life than I do. Not for the

1:12:44

long time. What would happen in the

1:12:46

wild with Molly? In the wild.

1:12:48

Mm-hmm. She still have both ears. I

1:12:50

don't know. I'd like to find out.

1:12:52

I would like to just do a

1:12:55

catch and release kind of thing with

1:12:57

her. No! She just needs a little,

1:12:59

a kiss good night and a little

1:13:01

sleepy juice. Listen, daddy. You

1:13:03

know, I just, you need to rain those

1:13:05

women in. Listen. Show up with a

1:13:07

puppy. Don't forget all about

1:13:10

Molly. Girls like new shiny

1:13:12

things. Interesting. Choke her out with your

1:13:14

wig. This is a real all about puppy story.

1:13:16

Yeah, no, there should be, there's gotta be a, uh,

1:13:18

doggy Kavorkian, right? I mean, a guy just shows

1:13:20

up in a van with the machine, you know. Yeah,

1:13:22

I think there is, actually. We make Molly flip

1:13:24

the switch yourself. There you go. A videotaper? You know

1:13:27

what I'm saying? Yeah, bam. Yeah, pau. Do they have

1:13:29

that? I think they do. Like I don't have red

1:13:31

articles about it. Like I don't love dogs, like

1:13:33

I don't love dogs, like, like, like, like, like,

1:13:35

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, love dogs,

1:13:37

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

1:13:39

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

1:13:42

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

1:13:44

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

1:13:46

Are you also in favor of what happened

1:13:48

at the Danish zoo, like Adam is? Yeah.

1:13:50

Oh wait, I don't know what happened at

1:13:53

the Danish zoo. First it killed a giraffe

1:13:55

named Marius. Oh, I heard something about that.

1:13:57

And then, riding a wave of great publicity,

1:13:59

they just put down four lions

1:14:01

two that were too old to

1:14:03

care for themselves and two that

1:14:05

no two that were old and

1:14:08

then two cops a family that

1:14:10

were too young to take care

1:14:12

of themselves because they're bringing in

1:14:14

a strapping new three-year-old male and

1:14:16

they're afraid at all. Okay that's

1:14:18

completely uncool. No Adams in favor

1:14:20

of it because he likes eugenics.

1:14:22

What is the guy thinking like

1:14:24

is he have something against giraffe

1:14:26

or he's have something against lions

1:14:29

and then when we figure out

1:14:31

he doesn't I just assume he

1:14:33

knows what he's doing and I'll

1:14:35

leave him alone like he wants

1:14:37

to he wants the species to

1:14:39

do well it's not in that

1:14:41

into the individual why doesn't Tippy

1:14:43

Hendred get involved with this doesn't

1:14:45

she have a place she does

1:14:47

save a lot of lions I'll

1:14:50

give her Molly and she can

1:14:52

feed Molly to lions That's yeah!

1:14:54

Tippy! The kids will love you

1:14:56

forever, Adam. Is Tippy still around?

1:14:58

Well, it's positive. She is. Tippy's

1:15:00

got a place. You don't hear

1:15:02

a lot about her anymore. She

1:15:04

should take the baby lions. When

1:15:06

you go full-time with the lions,

1:15:08

you know, you fire your publics

1:15:11

the next day. All right, oh,

1:15:13

bad words. What's your role in

1:15:15

that? I play, uh, pedal... I

1:15:17

can't remember my last name, which

1:15:19

is terrible. I move on really

1:15:21

quick. Like I do a job

1:15:23

and then I move on. But

1:15:25

it was really fun working with

1:15:27

Jason. I saw the trailer. He's

1:15:29

such a sweet man. It looked

1:15:32

great. Well, he's ugly. He's dreamy.

1:15:34

He's totally dreamy. Tippy's 84, by

1:15:36

the way. She's 84. Yeah. Yeah.

1:15:38

And he's a good director. He's

1:15:40

going to be a great director.

1:15:42

His crew loved him. We had

1:15:44

such a blast. It's a good

1:15:46

movie. And he... Super Dreamy, fantasized,

1:15:48

dreamy guy? The material? I saw

1:15:50

the three minute trailer and it

1:15:53

looks like a really funny movie.

1:15:55

It is. You know what? It's

1:15:57

funny because I read the script

1:15:59

and it's a tough, it was

1:16:01

a tough read. It was not

1:16:03

on the page to me. as

1:16:05

funny as it was when I

1:16:07

watched it and that's really Jason.

1:16:09

He's, this is, this was written

1:16:11

for him. He kills it. He's

1:16:14

like good and he just gets

1:16:16

better. Petal Dubois. That's a Petal

1:16:18

Dubois. Yeah. All right, should we

1:16:20

do a little news, Alison Rosen?

1:16:22

Yes. How about we do that?

1:16:24

Let me give a love to

1:16:26

one of our sponsors. Let's go

1:16:28

to meeting, baby. Build strong relationships

1:16:30

with your team. You gotta do

1:16:33

it. It's key for business, man.

1:16:35

You need to meet, need to

1:16:37

brainstorm, you need to collaborate. But

1:16:39

let's say, you can't get everyone

1:16:41

in the same room. Can't get

1:16:43

them together. Well, they got to

1:16:45

go to meeting with HD Faces

1:16:47

brought to you by citrus. Simple

1:16:49

way. You do it online, do

1:16:51

it anywhere, anytime. Go to meeting.

1:16:54

You share the screen, you work

1:16:56

on documents. A lot of times

1:16:58

when we talk to new clients

1:17:00

here, they put it up on

1:17:02

our go to meeting screen and

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then they highlight stuff and the

1:17:06

person who's talking gets highlighted. Get

1:17:08

a little halo around you, it's

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code Adam. Meeting is believing. All

1:17:21

right. Alison Rosen, let's do it,

1:17:23

baby. She'll read some news from

1:17:25

her, I've had some time, it's

1:17:27

good, sometimes it's bad, it's Allison,

1:17:29

Allison. And when it's time to

1:17:31

wrap it up, she'll sign it

1:17:33

off, we'll zip it, cut it,

1:17:36

Allison, Allison. Oh, you mean in

1:17:38

the business? In the... Oh, I

1:17:40

thought you mean like an arts

1:17:42

and crafty kind of thing. Yeah,

1:17:44

I don't think they're doing anything

1:17:46

inside the business. A vision board.

1:17:48

Yeah. No, I think they really

1:17:50

are. They're not just scrapbooking. Okay.

1:17:52

I think there's something, but it's

1:17:54

not a reunion. I know. I

1:17:57

know. Sorry. I told you. my

1:17:59

buddy Kevin Hinch who I wrote

1:18:01

the hammer with and now we

1:18:03

wrote road hard with wrote the

1:18:05

reunion one where I think they

1:18:07

went on a cruise or something

1:18:09

no I don't they were on

1:18:11

a cruise oh I think I

1:18:13

would know I know it's a

1:18:15

well they go back to Eastland

1:18:18

I think yeah now I forget

1:18:20

the plot of that whatever Joe

1:18:22

wasn't in that why I thought

1:18:24

there was a cruise involved but

1:18:26

either way he wrote that watch

1:18:28

me watch me do in the

1:18:30

news well we're going to in

1:18:32

a second A purist and I

1:18:34

am loyal to facts of life

1:18:36

go to Paris. It's the best

1:18:39

one. I'm sorry. Can't catch. Wow.

1:18:41

Yeah, we gotta figure out where

1:18:43

they went. We'll figure it out.

1:18:45

But anyway, so there's another. So

1:18:47

Lisa, who I sat next to

1:18:49

at Beth Ringwald Sweet 16, Molly

1:18:51

Ringwald's sister at an Indian food

1:18:53

restaurant of all places. There was

1:18:55

a cruise ship. Mrs. Garrett is.

1:18:58

She's heading back to America. I

1:19:00

don't know. We'll figure it out.

1:19:02

But either way, so is a

1:19:04

Tudy and Rachel? I mean, Tudy

1:19:07

and Lisa? Well, she'll are working

1:19:09

on something? Blair, yeah. Blair? Good.

1:19:11

I don't know what. I'll find

1:19:13

out. Don't worry. Don't jinks it.

1:19:15

Okay. Okay. Another earthquake. Yeah. On

1:19:17

Friday night, it was a 5.1.

1:19:19

pretty big. Uh, epicenter in Orange

1:19:21

County, one mile east of LaHabra,

1:19:23

four miles north of Fullerton, and

1:19:25

then shortly after the earthquake, nearly

1:19:27

two dozen aftershocks followed. Did you

1:19:29

guys feel this one, unlike the

1:19:31

one that happened the week before,

1:19:33

it was 4.1, but the epicenters

1:19:35

were close to us. Yes, that

1:19:38

was early in the morning, and

1:19:40

that one was like an explosion.

1:19:42

Yeah. This was, for me, you

1:19:44

didn't, it was, I did, it

1:19:46

was so, it felt like, like

1:19:48

it felt like, like two minutes

1:19:50

long, like two minutes long, two

1:19:52

minutes long. Yeah, I felt it.

1:19:54

I'm gentle and long. I never,

1:19:56

I just, I, like said, since

1:19:58

I used to do earthquake rehab

1:20:00

work, I have no fear of

1:20:02

earthquakes and sort of almost enjoy

1:20:04

them. and I'm naturally wired to

1:20:06

look for things that break up

1:20:08

the monotony of whatever this life

1:20:11

is called. So something to have

1:20:13

a conversation about. You know, you

1:20:15

don't think about it, but I

1:20:17

know it sounds bizarre and weird,

1:20:19

and I've said that I'd like

1:20:21

to go to prison for six

1:20:23

months. No you don't. I don't

1:20:25

know. You've been there? I have

1:20:27

it on good, yeah. Authority? Yeah.

1:20:29

You've talked to some guys? Talked

1:20:31

to some guys? Okay. Well, maybe

1:20:33

it's just me. But what if

1:20:35

he just went to like a

1:20:37

real cushy, low security one so

1:20:39

he could... I think the food

1:20:41

sucks. Stop the rat race. Yeah.

1:20:44

Yeah, but all I eat is

1:20:46

fucking leftovers now anyway. Like, it's...

1:20:48

I don't know, plus you may,

1:20:50

you know. Get raped? I just

1:20:52

like, there's something that happens, it's

1:20:54

been 20 years now since we've

1:20:56

had a big one. But when

1:20:58

the big one came up 20

1:21:00

years ago, everything just stopped. And

1:21:02

there's this thing where for a

1:21:04

week, all you can do is

1:21:06

nothing. My girlfriends work. was closed

1:21:08

down. Her apartment was like red

1:21:10

flagged and red tagged and she

1:21:12

couldn't go back into her apartment.

1:21:14

My work was fucked up. I

1:21:17

was working on a basement gym,

1:21:19

her car broke down and nothing

1:21:21

to do with the earthquake. And

1:21:23

all there was to do was

1:21:25

to sort of hang around with

1:21:27

other people and stop doing whatever

1:21:29

it is you were doing. And

1:21:31

I know that's what weekends we're

1:21:33

supposed to be for, but not

1:21:35

anymore. I spend my weekends working

1:21:37

on my audio book and doing

1:21:39

stand-up somewhere I don't want to

1:21:41

be or whatever it is. that

1:21:43

national couple days of stop you

1:21:45

know now you know walmarts open

1:21:47

christmas day and all that i

1:21:50

i don't like it earthquake as

1:21:52

relief i am saying it is

1:21:54

a it's it's it's great god

1:21:56

imposing a or two on you.

1:21:58

He's saying sorry nothing's working today.

1:22:00

You stay home. get with your

1:22:02

family talk to your neighbors have

1:22:04

some in a weird way everything

1:22:06

in the free everything in the

1:22:08

freezer it's sort of like 9-11

1:22:10

like just it was after 9-11

1:22:12

it was like simply just a

1:22:14

week of whatever it was I

1:22:16

was working on whatever it was

1:22:18

we're talking about whatever obligations there

1:22:20

were whatever you thought was important

1:22:23

straightening your hair whatever it was

1:22:25

hey I still did that it

1:22:27

says all gone now and there's

1:22:29

only one thing it's sort of

1:22:31

a community as a community where

1:22:33

everyone is just fractured off and

1:22:35

everyone's going to a thousand different

1:22:37

directions at one time now we

1:22:39

can all just get together and

1:22:41

just talk about this one thing.

1:22:43

I mean things like that do

1:22:45

bring out the better parts of

1:22:47

people. It does. It instantly prioritizes.

1:22:49

Yeah and it also I think

1:22:51

the way we're wired is to

1:22:54

like all get together and we're

1:22:56

going to go on a big

1:22:58

group hunt. Not all get together

1:23:00

and just everyone go their own

1:23:02

way right all get together and

1:23:04

go on this big hunt And

1:23:06

then when we catch our beast

1:23:08

we'll come back and we'll be

1:23:10

a feast But common enemies are

1:23:12

so great. That's right, and that's

1:23:14

why we hate the other fucking

1:23:16

tribe who's going on their big

1:23:18

hunt and cooking up their feast

1:23:20

but That's kind of how it

1:23:22

used to be and now it

1:23:24

has become this I'm doing my

1:23:27

thing you do your thing and

1:23:29

everyone goes a different direction we

1:23:31

need a catastrophe to slow down

1:23:33

and and take the temperature of

1:23:35

ourselves no right because in a

1:23:37

in a world where everything is

1:23:39

open on Sundays now right and

1:23:41

everyone is a computer and can

1:23:43

be getting some work done on

1:23:45

a Sunday answering some emails what's

1:23:47

that we need Shabbat yes where

1:23:49

we have the Jewish holidays that's

1:23:51

right Not the world's worst Jewish

1:23:53

superhero. Shabbat. Shabbat. Shabbat. It's got

1:23:55

a light blue cape. Toss is

1:23:57

this yamika throwing stuff. There you

1:24:00

go. All the Jewish superheroes are

1:24:02

tied for world's worst. It can't,

1:24:04

but here's the problem. It's optional.

1:24:06

It can't be optional now. We

1:24:08

need a flood, a biblical flood,

1:24:10

like Noah style. Yeah, I mean, something.

1:24:12

Well, you know, you may get your

1:24:14

wish because the more earthquakes there are.

1:24:16

Yeah. The more earthquakes there are. The

1:24:18

less there are. You know, it seems

1:24:21

like there was something in the LA

1:24:23

Times today on the front page about

1:24:25

that fault. It's like the Fuego fault.

1:24:27

And they're saying that's going to be

1:24:29

worse than the big one because of

1:24:31

where it's, where it runs under

1:24:33

Hollywood. It runs through Orange County.

1:24:35

It runs through all these places.

1:24:37

It's going to stop everything in

1:24:40

its tracks. How were you Brian? I'd take

1:24:42

that pointy mirror thing that you hang up above your

1:24:44

bed and I would take I would move that down.

1:24:46

I finally got to answer the question what would

1:24:48

you feel in earthquake if you were driving?

1:24:50

Chris and I were driving back from dinner. The

1:24:52

answer is no. We did not feel we

1:24:54

got home and on Facebook whatever and a

1:24:57

whole bunch of people. Oh, earthquake, earthquake. We

1:24:59

must have been in the car. So for

1:25:01

an earthquake of that size at least, could

1:25:03

not feel it. Well, if you think about

1:25:05

driving around Los Angeles with huge potholes everywhere.

1:25:07

We were on Olympic Boulevard. Your car is

1:25:10

one hole, is a machine that's meant to

1:25:12

run over potholes, and for you to feel

1:25:14

the brunt of it as little as possible.

1:25:16

You have your tires. First off, your

1:25:18

tires are suspension, and then your suspension,

1:25:21

and then the springs in your seat,

1:25:23

and all that kind of stuff. And

1:25:25

if you're driving a relatively modern car,

1:25:27

it's meant to smooth that out. Sorry.

1:25:29

It was interesting people who experience

1:25:32

vertigo or feel like they have

1:25:34

a swaying sensation all the time.

1:25:36

The one time they don't feel it

1:25:38

is when they're driving or also on

1:25:41

a cruise ship. That's the one time.

1:25:43

Interesting. Now I'm forgetting which one it

1:25:45

is. I think it's both. But then

1:25:47

there was a 4.1 earthquake on Saturday

1:25:49

afternoon. Yeah, that I felt. Oh, you

1:25:52

did feel that one. I did not

1:25:54

feel that one. I just remember thinking,

1:25:56

why am I awake? This must be

1:25:58

a dream. But now I'm awake. at

1:26:00

least it's light outside what are

1:26:02

we to do off putting I

1:26:04

can't believe is that there were

1:26:06

nearly two dozen aftershocks I mean

1:26:08

I can believe it but that's

1:26:10

a lot yeah I didn't I

1:26:12

didn't feel them though all right

1:26:14

I'm still waiting for a good

1:26:16

one and it should be it's

1:26:18

good well let's work this one

1:26:20

out we had a nice big

1:26:22

fat one in what 72 and

1:26:24

then we had another big fat

1:26:26

one in 94 So that's what

1:26:28

22 years apart and we had

1:26:30

our so that's 94 and we're

1:26:32

20 year mark So we're getting

1:26:34

there sweet. Yeah, it's got to

1:26:36

warm up a little out before

1:26:38

I don't look forward to it

1:26:40

like you do I do. It's

1:26:42

going to be cool Don't worry

1:26:44

about your hair that day. You

1:26:46

have kids now I have kids

1:26:48

don't give a flying shit about

1:26:50

them. Yeah, that's good under something

1:26:52

unless it has to do with

1:26:54

the dog and then you seem

1:26:56

to care well I unless the

1:26:58

kids will be fine The 94

1:27:00

earthquake cost 42 billion dollars. The

1:27:02

92, the 94 earthquake. There's an

1:27:04

interesting thing about the 94 earthquake

1:27:06

and it's all you need to

1:27:08

know about life. There was a

1:27:10

long stretch of the 10 freeway

1:27:12

that was shut down, running right

1:27:14

through the heart of the city

1:27:16

pretty much. I don't know, must

1:27:18

have went from, I don't know,

1:27:20

Western or Normandy, all the way

1:27:23

almost up to the 405 or

1:27:25

something like that. That long stretch,

1:27:27

it goes right by kind of

1:27:29

where your hood is and right

1:27:31

by where your house is. And

1:27:33

we'll get the numbers worked out

1:27:35

on this, at least that Gary

1:27:37

Halfthard will. But it was something

1:27:39

like there were... Seven miles of

1:27:41

freeway or whatever miles of freeway

1:27:43

to fix and it was jacked

1:27:45

up because in earthquakes It's all

1:27:47

masonry. That's the only thing it

1:27:49

ever gets fucked up is masonry

1:27:51

And that's why the freeway overpasses

1:27:53

fall off. That's why all these

1:27:55

towns in Guatemala are devastated all

1:27:57

the stuff that is masonry related

1:27:59

gets fucked up the wood related

1:28:01

stuff never never gets but it's

1:28:03

always the masonry. So the freeways

1:28:05

come down. So now we have

1:28:07

this major artery that's going through

1:28:09

the middle of the city and

1:28:11

it's fucked up and it looks

1:28:13

like it's going to be fucked

1:28:15

up for a year. or six

1:28:17

months or whatever it is but

1:28:19

way too much time for a

1:28:21

major artery it's kind of thing

1:28:23

where if it got shut off

1:28:25

for three days it's it's horrible

1:28:27

and it's outside the area is

1:28:29

downtown to Santa Monica yeah it's

1:28:31

the only way to get from

1:28:33

downtown into the beach city and

1:28:35

airport and stuff like that and

1:28:37

so the contractor said they tell

1:28:39

the contractor look we'll give you

1:28:41

I don't know what it was

1:28:43

a hundred thousand dollars for every

1:28:45

day two hundred thousand two hundred

1:28:47

thousand for every day. I remember

1:28:49

that. They go look this is

1:28:51

a three month gig or two

1:28:53

month gig or whatever it was

1:28:55

but you got 60 days to

1:28:57

do this but here's your incentive

1:28:59

200 grand for every day you

1:29:01

come in under that two month

1:29:03

period. Chris you can find me

1:29:06

a few answers there I paraphrase

1:29:08

but the bottom line is guess

1:29:10

what? it took them one hour

1:29:12

yes right guess how many days

1:29:14

before versus any other city run

1:29:16

anything where it's like we're gonna

1:29:18

build that bullet train over there

1:29:20

to stafresno it's gonna cost a

1:29:22

hundred million dollars it's gonna take

1:29:24

five years and then 12 years

1:29:26

later and five hundred million dollars

1:29:28

whatever the city whatever anyone touches

1:29:30

minus the incentive part so There's

1:29:32

two types of incentive. A good

1:29:34

incentive, which is you get 200

1:29:36

grand for every day you come

1:29:38

in underneath this, or there's a

1:29:40

bad incentive. Take as much time

1:29:42

as you like. Don't worry, the

1:29:44

checks will keep coming. If that

1:29:46

bullet train isn't actually a bullet

1:29:48

train or costs twice as much

1:29:50

money or takes 10 times long,

1:29:52

we'll just keep writing checks. That's

1:29:54

bad incentive. This is good incentive.

1:29:56

Guess how these exact same people

1:29:58

react. It's not like the contractor

1:30:00

was a good guy versus the

1:30:02

guy who's gonna fuck up the

1:30:04

bullet train is a bad guy,

1:30:06

they're just a guy. And they

1:30:08

respond to the incentive. Chris, what

1:30:10

you figure out? Still looking. Let's

1:30:12

have Gary Halftard to get in here

1:30:14

and get some work done. We'll give

1:30:17

you snacks for all the information

1:30:19

you can find. That's right. Yeah. Yeah,

1:30:21

we'll give you a max pat of trees. I've

1:30:23

never seen people move so fast.

1:30:25

All right. Point is, whatever, whatever, the

1:30:27

thing finished. a month before the

1:30:30

guy cashed in a you

1:30:32

know three million bucks or

1:30:35

whatever it was and that's

1:30:37

what incentives do they get

1:30:39

people to do shit finished

1:30:42

74 days before 74 days

1:30:44

before that so it's a

1:30:46

14.8 million dollars wow yeah

1:30:49

hi you're on to something

1:30:51

14.8 million bucks because that

1:30:54

motherfucker said hey nobody's

1:30:56

everyone's working Saturdays everyone's

1:30:58

working Sundays and the

1:31:00

good people of Los

1:31:02

Angeles we got our

1:31:04

freeway back a two and a half

1:31:06

months before we would have gotten

1:31:08

it back now let's just let

1:31:11

Caltrans work on it in

1:31:13

perpetuity why don't they do that

1:31:15

more often I have so much money

1:31:17

well Why do we refuse

1:31:19

to reject why does everyone reject this

1:31:22

part of being a human being? Like

1:31:24

this is who we are. This is

1:31:26

exactly how we work. I think it's

1:31:29

brilliant. I don't know. I think that I

1:31:31

hope I could be wrong. I like to

1:31:33

think that people are willing to

1:31:35

start looking at things in

1:31:37

completely radically different ways because

1:31:39

I about you but I think everything's

1:31:42

broken. I do too and this is

1:31:44

it's what it's weird because it's radically

1:31:46

different but it's the oldest thing there

1:31:48

is and it's my $10,000 question that

1:31:50

I have for everyone when they go

1:31:52

look man you said you'd have your

1:31:54

shit cleared out in two weeks and

1:31:56

it's two weeks and you haven't cleared

1:31:58

any I've been really busy and I've

1:32:00

been really busy and my kid

1:32:02

got sick or whatever it is

1:32:04

and I go what if I

1:32:07

said two weeks ago I'll give

1:32:09

you $10,000 then would you have

1:32:11

had it cleared out and they

1:32:13

go oh yeah and I go

1:32:15

all right so now we know

1:32:17

we know we know it can

1:32:19

be done you just chose not

1:32:22

to do it now it'd be

1:32:24

great if people did it minus

1:32:26

the incentive like it'd be great

1:32:28

if that contractor went I'm gonna

1:32:30

get this thing done 74 days

1:32:32

early on my own, you don't

1:32:35

have to pay me for it,

1:32:37

but I don't believe he could.

1:32:39

I don't believe he would. Even

1:32:41

if it's the greatest, hardest working

1:32:43

guy in the world, he wouldn't

1:32:45

even know that he could do

1:32:47

it. No, because, oh Tom, do

1:32:50

you agree that the reason is,

1:32:52

it's more, it's, it's, it's, it's

1:32:54

human nature, but it's also, in

1:32:56

everyone's life, there are things that

1:32:58

are going to put their energy

1:33:00

into this other thing. I just

1:33:02