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1:03

From the Cruel I'm your host I'm your host super fan,

1:05

is the podcast is we play the best

1:07

moments play the best moments clips from all fans years clips

1:09

from all 15 years of have a companion podcast a companion

1:11

Classics. The ad -free archives are

1:13

exclusively available through Adam Kroel's through Make sure

1:15

to check out Make sure to check .com, sign

1:17

up to get access to to -free shows,

1:19

lots of bonuses, of including the including the new

1:21

It Out, beaten out, featuring featuring Jaymore. All right, let's

1:23

get to the clips. the clips. Coming first, we

1:25

go way back to Adam Kroel Show

1:27

Adam Curla Show 17, the first telling of Seth

1:30

infamous 9-11 story on the the podcast. He first it

1:32

it back Love Line in 2004, on the Morning Show, and

1:34

now on the Show and now on an even

1:36

more recent There's an even more recent

1:38

telling ray of light there's a Seth's ray of

1:40

light pouring through Seth's office, classics YouTube channel

1:42

slash at it, on the Corner. Hope. Hope you enjoy

1:44

this youtube .com and Seth, Adam and Seth, Adam and you

1:46

of this clip of Adam and Seth

1:49

Seth, in 2009. in 2009. Back in Seth, back in

1:51

2009. The

1:54

The very first time

1:56

somebody saw somebody die they

1:58

they went, holy shit that Boulder

2:00

have landed on me

2:03

on me or that saber-toothed have

2:05

taken me, taken me. It's always a

2:07

saber-toothed tiger. Yeah. So, a woolly mammoth could

2:09

have mammoth could have

2:11

trampled me, or So the

2:14

raped me. So the

2:16

point is, starting to feel like

2:18

the Flintstones stones here. People went... That bird was

2:20

a bird was a garbage disposal

2:22

or the pig or whatever it

2:24

was, that somebody said, better come up better

2:26

come up with something I I

2:28

can't sleep at night. I'm worried I'm

2:30

worried about a landing on me then, you

2:32

then forbid, know the pun, forbid you have kids.

2:34

but when you have kids that you're now

2:36

your daughter thinks that you're Right. and

2:39

you know everything old when she gets

2:41

old enough to realize that you're

2:43

just As fucked up as the rest

2:45

of us maybe more Maybe more. That's right. She'll

2:47

say, say know You know. And you know, know,

2:49

unless she thinks about it a

2:51

little a she'll more, she'll say, boy, I need

2:53

to fill that to fill that hole. Right.

2:55

Well, yeah, Uncle going to is going to

2:57

you about and explain to you eaten

3:00

by worms and being

3:02

eaten by worms. is the you

3:04

have kids you have kids, then

3:06

you really kicks in. in, something should

3:08

happen to my child, Yep. that feeling

3:10

of, the know what, the Lord

3:12

had a plan. He wanted to come

3:14

him to come with blah blah we'll be

3:16

blah, blah. We'll be reunited some point

3:18

some point. I can understand that

3:20

that's powerful. yeah I I mean because

3:23

there could be nothing more devastating and

3:25

nothing more There's no equal to that

3:27

in terms of dealing with that

3:29

as a human being and I

3:31

understand why we needed to block

3:33

those out. to needed to block that

3:35

out as human beings, and I

3:37

wish I could buy into it,

3:39

but I I could buy into it can

3:41

still have, mean, you know, the

3:43

best know, in the world will say,

3:46

at the end of the day will say at the

3:48

end you know what on don't you know what, we

3:50

don't fucking can still be. still

3:52

be... You can can still have a

3:54

sense of of and you can appreciate

3:56

you you can be positive and optimistic

3:58

and know know The mystery of

4:00

it all, you know, there is a way, a way

4:03

you know Carl was was that

4:05

kind of guy, guy. was such an

4:07

upbeat guy upbeat guy who, you his on his

4:09

deathbed was, like, no, I think this is

4:11

it. is it. Right. he still did

4:13

not believe in yeah at the

4:15

at the same time he

4:17

was so taken with everything

4:19

in the task of finding of

4:21

finding out the real answer.

4:24

listen i I agree and

4:26

I would say to all

4:28

my religious friends who insultingly

4:30

me, me stop me from

4:32

stabbing somebody somebody or raping the

4:34

nanny? but that's that's that's notoriously

4:37

claims that they invented morality.

4:39

morality they didn't in animals. in animals

4:41

you know the golden have bats bats know,

4:43

if one bat is sick. is sick and

4:45

the other other ones know get some extra

4:47

food food when he gets well and another

4:49

one and there's the expectation sick he's got to

4:52

do the same i that he's got to do the same

4:54

i agree morality they were the first people

4:56

to write it down they were the first people

4:58

to write it down right yeah no i i agree

5:00

they act like they invented it to me

5:02

it's built into your construct and it's also

5:04

the the no umbrella a examples

5:06

in nature it's a nature it's hardwired

5:08

into us mean i mean you don't

5:11

do horrible things to other

5:13

people because it's wrong, not because deity

5:15

has told you that wrong but the

5:17

thing that's interesting about this

5:19

and i always bring this

5:21

up you were bound for

5:23

one of those nine eleven

5:25

flights 9-11 flew into the the

5:27

tower, and I love the the fact that

5:29

you don't give a a about it. and

5:32

And that's exactly how I would

5:34

be, which is it was just happenstance

5:36

circumstance and you missed your flight and

5:38

the flight didn't miss one of

5:40

the towers. of the towers. but most people

5:42

would go on a crusade

5:44

about it or lecture, we're know,

5:46

we're as they say we're it. We're,

5:49

as they say, we're significance

5:51

junkies. We to to attach

5:53

significance to everything. This must have

5:55

happened for a reason. And that's

5:57

just not the case. It's not,

5:59

it's not, coincidences Julius Sweeney's one one she

6:01

beats this into the into the

6:04

ground the ground. happen. They do do happen.

6:06

They it's the ultimate form of

6:08

narcissism to say this happened to

6:10

me for a reason for a if

6:12

it happened to you for a

6:14

reason, what about the other a people

6:17

that flew into the 250 people that

6:19

to them the fucking tower? Exactly. Exactly. I love love

6:21

that concept of I must have

6:23

been spared for a reason for a

6:25

sure Yeah. Well, I'm nine people on

6:27

the plane and the three thousand people

6:30

in the and the love to hear the

6:32

reason why you were would love go on and

6:34

bang another why you were fucking

6:36

spared to go on Inn. sure

6:38

were plenty of people on

6:40

that plane hostess. much more,

6:42

there were plenty of kids? on

6:44

exactly. They had life that

6:47

had a purpose? Yeah, exactly.

6:49

That's a good way to

6:51

put it, That's a good way to put

6:53

it. That is a... know, yeah, I what it's

6:55

it isn't is narcissistic to think to

6:57

You're here for a purpose.

7:00

know. Yeah, I than the

7:02

one I other than for

7:04

yourself. you decide for were.

7:06

Right. And so you were in Boston you were

7:09

booked on on flight? on flight 11 out of out

7:11

of at a Out of Logan, yeah and there

7:13

was that the first one or the

7:15

second one? was the first one.

7:17

The first one to hit the tower

7:19

one to you were in Boston doing

7:21

what? I was actually down in Providence

7:23

which is about 40 minutes out

7:25

of Boston doing a lecture at my

7:27

old college out of Boston I a lecture at my

7:29

old college and I overslept and the um you you know

7:31

the driver picked me up from

7:33

the hotel the hotel and was traffic laws to

7:35

get me there on time. It's

7:37

ironic me when you think about it

7:39

that he was hustling to get you

7:42

to the grave. was hustling to get you to the

7:44

grave yeah exactly it's just wouldn't do another season

7:46

wouldn't do I'm sure the season of the family which

7:48

I'm sure the sure wishes to be admitted.

7:50

would have been nice if that

7:52

guy had just done been nice on the

7:54

had just done the done the ride on making, I

7:56

mean so this you up at what time.

7:58

he's supposed to pick you up at what time The flight

8:00

was was scheduled for for 745 and

8:02

I am yeah and I had my my this

8:05

was couple the fact that my travel agent

8:07

had and i 815 on the itinerary

8:09

that I travel agent had

8:11

written eight hour off anyway and I'm already

8:13

like a half late anyway

8:15

there running get to the I get to

8:18

the counter I get to said you're

8:20

too late you're said, you're too late. just

8:22

closed the gate, know. And I'm like, all

8:24

right, well, I'm a little over anyway Can I

8:26

just get the 11 o 'clock? got

8:28

a ticket, went to wait in the

8:30

lounge fell asleep and then woke up 45

8:32

know 45 minutes later. what time did

8:35

you get to the airport? I

8:37

was I was probably there by

8:39

like close to close to eight and a

8:41

745 flight and the to up on time right or no no

8:43

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry And the driver

8:45

showed up on time, right? when I thought I

8:47

was I sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

8:50

seven, like seven what I thought it was.

8:52

I got there eight fifteen was when I

8:54

thought I got there probably like like

8:56

seven 30 and and so the flight was the flight

8:58

was still there when you got there.

9:00

And the driver showed up on time.

9:02

hanging He was just hanging outside the you're

9:04

at yeah hotel for you to wake at, waiting for

9:06

you to wake up, your shit together

9:08

and I you know the other know, the other had

9:10

had missed many flights before then. know,

9:12

it wasn't like is the first flight I'd I'd

9:14

missed I missed Morning flights I missed all

9:16

the time because I just don't like

9:18

to get up early. I just don't I know

9:21

that about you. to get up early right now I I

9:23

ask you, the first but but can I ask you

9:25

first off It's kind of funny, funny,

9:27

but but I was just about

9:29

this. about this. Like, time, Dr. Drew and

9:31

Drew and myself were

9:33

doing, I think it was

9:35

the the Donnie and Marie show. And Pam,

9:37

I mean, not the first not the

9:39

first show, not in

9:41

the not in 1976, but they 1976, but

9:44

they got together and did a talk

9:46

show, a syndicated talk show and I

9:48

don't know. know. 99 or 97 or

9:50

ninety it was and was supposed

9:52

to to go on the

9:55

show and Pam Anderson was lead

9:57

guest and paeam anderson

9:59

was late and and evidently Pam is is

10:01

notoriously late and so we were on time

10:03

and we had to wait around

10:05

for a long time long time the

10:07

show show she came on and then

10:10

she went on then she we went on

10:12

and then later on on pam

10:14

anderson was Pam on was a when it

10:16

was on Line when it was on she of

10:18

course she again and and I just was

10:20

going nuts saying we're going to

10:22

start the show the show we're

10:24

not going to wait for

10:26

her because we're her because we're enablers.

10:28

We're she gets to be

10:30

late to she goes all the

10:32

time the no one says

10:34

shit to her because she's

10:36

Pam Anderson. she's Pam Anderson. Now Seth is

10:38

late, is late. Constantly. Constantly. Most places goes,

10:40

I know this from doing

10:42

doing family work, he's always late

10:44

late. with the ultimate excuse because

10:46

when when Pam Anderson late it's

10:49

like, hey bitch what the fuck You're holding

10:51

everyone up. When up when Seth late,

10:53

he gets to go, late he gets to go

10:55

let me tell you another time

10:57

I was late, son. let me tell you another time

10:59

I was late son and in your brain, you've

11:01

not only equated wow I I mean seriously,

11:03

like people people aren't alive they're late. late mean,

11:06

it's not that not you know, people

11:08

give you a know celebrity pass. They

11:10

don't bust your chops too much.

11:12

You were a little bit late tonight.

11:14

I didn't give you a tough

11:16

time about it. bit late because you were

11:19

late. time about it but your life. because

11:21

you were late a horrible mixed

11:23

message to send it's really a horrible

11:25

if anyone has an excuse

11:27

for being but if anyone has you know,

11:29

excuse thing was, light well you I

11:31

remember the weird thing was I what I remember

11:33

is once they They started, you you know, once

11:35

everyone kind of blinked and said, you know, after

11:37

we took our eyes off the TV we said,

11:39

all right, wait now, what do we do? TV

11:41

and said, all right, wait, now what

11:44

these guys were just here in the airport, did they

11:46

leave a little, were know. here in the

11:48

airport package, a know,

11:50

here, jokey know, we

11:52

should package, you you know, you started hustling

11:54

everyone out and I'm like, you know,

11:56

they started hustling start hustling everyone out

11:58

of the airport. of the airport. just

12:01

because it's the airport just because something and

12:03

we to do something what to do do.

12:05

because those guys were there there

12:07

know I mean who knows. who knows who

12:09

yeah a bomb, bomb who left a

12:11

bomb. they just all because they just

12:14

all I'm through Logan. you I'm sorry

12:16

when you said you I thought you

12:18

meant the passengers. you mean mean the

12:20

yeah just all all passed through this

12:22

airport moments earlier. mhm That'd be be God

12:24

damn, I mean for all the screeners

12:27

and all the guys working security

12:29

and and to be totally surreal. surreal

12:31

to them. Yeah. yeah, I mean, I mean, I,

12:33

you know, know, knew what to do.

12:35

and it's, it was, there was one little moment.

12:37

that was, uh, oddly, you know, just a,

12:39

I remember there was know little speck of,

12:41

uh, speck a little and all that was,

12:44

I walked up to the bar, like, you know,

12:46

up to the bar know, you know,

12:48

this was probably about You know, this was

12:50

probably about, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, seen

12:52

it on the news. Yeah, to

12:54

kind of to the

12:56

math to kind of do the up

12:58

to the and the bartender the

13:00

bar and I said the bartender, you know, is

13:02

it too early for a scotch? And he goes,

13:04

no, of on the house, pal. This

13:07

is kind at the end

13:09

of the day right now. At

13:11

fingers of the day. Two that is

13:13

uh... playing. Exactly. Yeah, that is by

13:15

the way I, I, and by the

13:17

way, mean brain, I mean... We're talking

13:20

about not being able to shut it off

13:22

and not being able to, I mean,

13:24

most people would have just been in this

13:26

weird been this weird fugue state of sort of numbness at

13:29

the end of their fingers and that kind

13:31

of stuff kind you for you I i imagine

13:33

you weren't that way i mean

13:35

even though you even should have

13:37

been should have been moment this moment, in a

13:39

ball of the side of that

13:41

building side of that building, you still lose it? Yeah, I

13:44

was. mean i i was i

13:46

was it was was going through

13:48

my head was head was was was

13:50

gratitude toward the travel agent

13:52

who had made the

13:54

mistake. the mistake and, you know,

13:57

know, gratitude toward the. the

13:59

checked in. that I the night

14:01

before. before. because you would have

14:03

been late, probably late, probably, probably anyway. But never,

14:05

never, and feeling of a mission. No. on

14:07

a mission, must I mean now

14:09

I must go forth and

14:11

I've been touched by chosen. Not for a

14:13

chosen. for a second, You

14:15

didn't have a second at it.

14:17

That's what I love about

14:19

you. you. I I love that part

14:21

that you don't feel special. special.

14:23

Because again, other people that missed

14:25

that flight and like I said,

14:27

I've missed other flights before

14:29

this. missed flights before this. It's

14:32

not, I mean, somebody, somebody every flight. flight.

14:34

There's always there's always, who misses every

14:36

flight. person who this one, I

14:38

happen to flight. Yeah. as easily

14:40

been somebody else? to be, have

14:42

a few questions, by the

14:44

way, because we sort of, a

14:46

no, no, no. by the

14:48

didn't, no, no, no, no. I put it

14:50

up on the website. I want

14:52

to know if people had questions

14:54

for you because had know you have

14:56

a big presence out there. I know

14:59

you have a big couple of questions. there. And

15:01

a couple of to know First off, movie. wants

15:03

to know a family guy, the movie.

15:06

Yeah. Coming out, be, on it?

15:08

I can say say,

15:10

with almost definitive assuredness that

15:12

it be out. It will be

15:14

be within the next few

15:16

years, I hope, I and

15:18

hopefully on the... earlier side of of that, but

15:20

we are we know know what it's going to

15:22

be. to do? do yeah yeah what do you mean

15:24

what it's going to be? going to be well it's

15:26

been trying to lock into something that

15:28

makes that makes it so that has to be

15:30

a movie. right now I mean I opposed

15:33

to an extended family yeah and I you know and

15:35

I like Simpsons movie, movie but but with animation

15:37

you know a story they could also

15:39

do on TV, TV not like

15:41

they're constrained by like I love the

15:43

Simpsons, but I didn't see the

15:45

movie because people just said, movie

15:47

it's essentially a long Simpsons episode.

15:49

is, but, you know. With

15:51

that medium, you know, I mean, do

15:53

you mean, how do you do, know what else can

15:56

you do? So you have to to make

15:58

it so that it so that it's... has

16:00

to be a movie. a movie. And

16:02

well, the family sort of experimented

16:04

a little with live action working into

16:06

the the animation the big course

16:08

the big musical numbers and

16:11

stuff like that. that. you hinting

16:13

that it's something is that

16:15

is different than what would

16:17

be a 90 minute Family

16:19

Guy not be 90 minute not be

16:21

a 90 minute Family Guy

16:23

episode. Little live action in? Possibly, possibly

16:25

and there. Some music for

16:28

sure. for sure. Yeah. Also, let's see, Bill wanted

16:30

to see, Bill wanted to

16:32

know about the family guy

16:34

getting back on Fox. It ran

16:36

chronology. It ran seasons? Three seasons. And

16:39

then get canceled and cancel for two

16:41

years. And then for two

16:43

years And what came

16:45

back in to thousand it

16:48

back? Was it the adult was the decision

16:50

to bring it back? Was it the

16:52

adult swim thing? It was a combination of

16:54

the fact that the adult swim were were

16:56

beating Leno and Letterman. in in

16:58

the male demographics, you know,

17:00

know, most and and the DVD sales

17:02

were suddenly picking up as a

17:04

result. a result. Right. it was you

17:06

know it's just allowing know, it was the show

17:08

to the show to, to, you know, to give it time,

17:10

which is to give it time which is

17:12

what that do that anymore with TV. If hit

17:14

right off the bat hit right off the

17:17

bat, it's, it's, it's, know, it's, you

17:19

know, Seinfeld. example

17:21

perfect example of system works.

17:23

old system was a was a show that kind

17:25

of lingered. you know know just kind

17:28

of kind of sat there for a while

17:30

and nobody was watching watching somebody at

17:32

NBC said no creatively I think

17:34

this is good I think this is good. I'm

17:36

not just looking at the numbers. I'm I'm right a funny

17:38

show is a funny show, it's gonna catch

17:40

on think it's going to catch

17:42

on, don't do anymore in that don't do anymore

17:44

in that business. They just don't

17:46

at the numbers look at the numbers and

17:49

it's like it and could do that do

17:51

that. if you are a creative executive,

17:53

have an have an opinion a a

17:55

stand even if you're wrong right

17:57

still still it's a noble failure. failure

17:59

well You know, look, the the thing I

18:01

don't understand about the stuff is, you know, is,

18:03

you know, they always talk about running

18:06

a when you're running a business. months

18:08

you hire The first three months you

18:10

hire somebody, it you money because you

18:12

have to train them and you

18:14

have to acclimate them to the position

18:16

and so on and so forth. you

18:18

And then you have a certain

18:20

amount invested in that person. if that

18:22

person quit every six months, you'd be

18:24

losing a ton of money because

18:27

you're spending a bunch of money of

18:29

getting them up and running, essentially. essentially.

18:31

you know, when they spend millions of

18:33

dollars getting these shows of of up

18:35

and running, yanking the plug this

18:37

quickly, counterintuitive you think to yourself, yourself look

18:39

made this investment, let it pay off, but

18:41

you have to let it breathe a

18:43

little bit. bit now if it's a turd, it's

18:45

a turd. a the plug. one place that

18:47

does that without fail is HBO. Right. is

18:49

HBO will stick with something until, and

18:51

if you look at... and if you look at

18:54

one show after another hbo nobody

18:56

you know gives a know, it gives a shit about at

18:58

the beginning. Eventually becomes

19:00

something that it's talked about. You

19:02

know, right is talked about right talking

19:04

about, you know, that show kind of. big

19:07

under the radar couple of about they

19:09

just stick with stuff and it works

19:11

for them. Yeah, and I agree

19:13

and maybe they have that luxury, maybe

19:15

they can. like but they just

19:17

stick with stuff and

19:19

it right, this is

19:21

Adam Kroel Show them

19:23

yeah the next be

19:25

of I Kroel Show

19:27

and maybe they have that luxury

19:29

December they can't The Ace Awards. 27th

19:31

Awards. Gina's is the you

19:33

guys enjoy annual and

19:36

Gina's third year. Hope

19:38

you guys enjoy.

19:40

From Corolla One

19:43

Studios in in

19:45

Glendale, California. It's

19:48

the the Ace Awards.

19:51

Honoring the very

19:53

best of the of

19:55

the Adam 2017. Featuring

19:58

TROPHE. girl, Gina

20:01

Grad, and Seatfiller, Brian

20:03

Bishop. And now, your

20:05

host for this host

20:08

for this evening Adam Corolla. Thank

20:10

you. The 10th, you say, you believable. Well,

20:12

thank you guys very much. We're all thank

20:15

you guys very much

20:17

we're all getting ready to

20:19

go to our after after

20:21

this the foods ordered

20:24

and the merry men should

20:26

should start. soon as we're

20:28

done with this done with we're

20:30

all very excited to be here. fun

20:32

show. every year, my

20:34

favorite show of the year. show every

20:36

year. It's to show

20:39

who did a wonderful

20:41

job all year, and Dawson,

20:43

who did a wonderful

20:45

job all year, and Matt,

20:47

the and Dawson, of pleasure. a

20:49

wonderful job all winter. and Matt, the

20:51

of winter. Lest we forget.

20:53

and Secret of Pleasure, and... Oh really? Yeah, it's

20:55

a Oh, really, yeah. big

20:57

day. All the folks, and

20:59

Dylan and all the and all

21:01

the folks here, Gabe, the

21:03

the folks here that have

21:05

done a wonderful job. up.

21:07

a wonderful job. It's nice. I never, you

21:09

know, the is all running

21:11

through the year. through

21:14

the year. And you get to the end of

21:16

the year and you start to slow down

21:18

a little. you start to you start a about parties

21:20

and bonus checks and people start bringing their kids

21:22

around and all that kind of stuff

21:24

and you realize. that kind of stuff and you

21:26

realize, like it's like the editor at the

21:29

other shop, the other shop. We just

21:31

got watching entire Willy T. Ribbs doc. and his

21:33

mom mom baked me but I

21:35

didn't I didn't know Tony the editor the beginning of

21:37

the year. He must have started in

21:39

March or something. now it's the end

21:41

of the year and his and now part

21:43

of the family. of the year his mom's uh... It's part

21:45

baking me baklava. Baking me bak, baking

21:48

me bak, baking me Bakkmi

21:50

baklava. all good and

21:52

it's all all guys. I mean, the

21:54

fact I mean the fact that you

21:56

know whatever it is it is we do here,

21:58

we could not continue. to do if you

22:00

you guys didn't listen to

22:03

the program, program, friends about the

22:05

program, the turn people on to

22:07

the program, on to the program, the sponsors.

22:09

family, support the sponsors. it

22:11

would never go another inch

22:14

if you guys if doing that.

22:16

So here we are into the

22:18

So year are into the tenth year and it's

22:20

really, it's it's an incredible. fantasy

22:23

because I, as I said my whole life just

22:25

just sat around and I actually had

22:27

people say say. You need a a job

22:29

or you just sit around and and

22:31

talk and no get paid but it

22:34

was paid, but it was like agreed. But what such job exists?

22:36

How would this how would this ever

22:38

work and somehow made it work. So God

22:40

made it work Thank you. Have a god

22:42

bless all you thank you have

22:44

a wonderful as we're as long as

22:46

we're hands and out kudos let's

22:49

not forget Mike Lynch. Oh god. We can forget him. Yeah,

22:51

you did so much did so much

22:53

also Ace Awards and also the song throughout the of course.

22:55

Banks and Mike August, slippery slope. Yeah. Oh, this is

22:57

going with this. slope. made your point, you're

22:59

going with this. You've made your point, get to our

23:02

now we Ace 10th Ace Jesus. I can't

23:04

believe we thought to do the first

23:06

Ace Awards when we did the

23:08

first Ace Awards. be honest, when Danny hosted one

23:10

year, I thought it was the

23:12

last. I thought it was thought it Yeah. my

23:14

bet would have been the last. been

23:17

James Franco, I think, was the worst

23:19

year we Franco, he was actually the worst

23:21

year. Yeah, he right. That worse than Bonaducci. All

23:23

you guys so much for making

23:25

this happen guys so much for know, it's

23:27

funny And, you know, it's funny. I found myself

23:29

earlier today, today. writing stuff down on my

23:31

my buck I want to complain about this.

23:34

Or, oh, I got thoughts about that. Oh, I

23:36

And then I realized, oh, we're going

23:38

in the Christmas break. I have to sit oh,

23:40

we're going in the weeks. And then I thought, sit

23:42

on for two weeks. it's a good sign.

23:44

but it's a it's a good sign it's a

23:46

good sign I was a little

23:48

disappointed this morning that I wasn't

23:50

gonna share some thoughts, complaints,

23:53

and observations that I had from

23:55

earlier today until 2018. All

23:57

right, Dawson, All right, you

23:59

will, will. Set it up, Brian it down

24:01

and then I will open the envelope

24:03

and reveal the winner. the

24:06

envelope and reveal the you.

24:08

Best impression number

24:11

one. Okay. Thank you The nominees for best impression

24:13

are Adam Ray as Tony Danza. Should we

24:15

uh... You know Adam,

24:17

I forgot to mention, if

24:19

you all get to

24:22

go down and suck a

24:24

dick, please use Tony down

24:26

and gel. dick, got new

24:28

flavors use cream, mint chocolate

24:30

chip, new BJ flavor Tony Danza's

24:32

BJ new flavors like boss of

24:34

that dick. cream, mint chocolate chip, fresca.

24:37

Friska! Tony as Jean BJ gel, be

24:39

you, be the boss -Claude Van Damme,

24:41

dick. me to to then

24:43

I am I am JCVD. Right well, yeah

24:45

back to the movie.

24:47

You play a bank robber

24:49

or something. play Jean -Claude

24:51

Van Damme, some robber JCVD.

24:54

Van Dam plays bank having trouble

24:56

rapping. I don't wanna Right

24:58

you. It's different I'm Jean -Claude

25:00

Van Damme believes wrapping I don't

25:02

know, want to it's different like Jean-Claude

25:05

Van Dam different in

25:07

You know and

25:09

how about like

25:11

climate change

25:13

JCVD big on

25:15

climate change about

25:17

like climate change? It

25:19

like like it's an oaks.

25:21

It's oaks. It's an oaks.

25:23

No, not oaks. Oh, oh,

25:26

hoax. H-O-A-X, oaks, oaks, oaks,

25:28

oaks. H-O-A-X, oaks, oaks. H-O-A-X,

25:30

oaks. It's an oaks. Yeah.

25:32

So, what about like, you're

25:34

not a so now

25:36

what about like you obviously

25:38

you're not a citizen of the

25:40

United States but if you

25:43

were to have of in that in

25:45

the election yes I'm guessing

25:47

one of you would have voted

25:49

for would of us for Trump

25:51

one of us us, Clinton one of us,

25:53

Hillary Clinton. Hillary. Right. Because... Yeah, she's one of those

25:56

she's one of hunters. But I I

25:58

have to say I thought that

26:00

the was chain was an

26:02

oaks. hoax. The email thing

26:04

was a hoax. Oh, yeah, hoax,

26:06

right, yeah, with that

26:08

was a hoax yeah.

26:10

for sure. that was

26:12

an oaks for Hillary portion.

26:14

as Seth Kite as Seth

26:16

Rogan. I am so am

26:19

so excited to

26:21

be here. I

26:23

I do not

26:25

know where I

26:27

am right now. now.

26:29

I'm being totally honest with

26:31

you. I am I

26:34

am pretty high right

26:36

now. high right pretty high. high. Brian

26:39

Whitman has Whitman

26:41

and and Donald Trump

26:43

Malania you were were criticized

26:45

for wearing heels

26:47

with the relief I mean I have

26:49

to get around I I have to

26:51

get my flats I have my my heels I my I

26:54

have to have I have a search 27 have me you might just learn

26:56

the me, you know, I just a language,

26:58

I I say I have a I catch I have to

27:00

catch twenty -seven, 27 I to wear the shoes,

27:02

I want got to take off the shoes because

27:04

a baby that doesn't have the water, I

27:06

have to bring the water to bring the put

27:09

on the sneakers put on the sneakers they do

27:11

me a a run it. Malania it quiet like

27:13

not a whole lot of words lot part

27:15

in this is like very very small

27:17

You have like a very small role

27:19

in all of this like a there and

27:21

smile in all of have to put out my

27:23

fly? I don't care if you have

27:25

to put on your But what it quiet.

27:27

Keep it quiet, my flat? I don't care if you have

27:29

to put on your flats. Keep

27:31

it quiet, greater. And Jay Moore, as Chris

27:33

Penn and Harvey Keitel from Reservoir Dogs. Why

27:36

do you tell us what

27:38

happened with Chris Penn, Adam?

27:40

Why do you tell do

27:42

what really happened? really happened? like like

27:44

Sam's line out there. out there. The

27:46

man you just shot man you just

27:48

shot in a years in a pension. He's going to

27:50

set his name and name but he didn't.

27:53

It is time like a He man. time

27:55

like a gonna tell me, Larry, that

27:57

guy... me, Larry, that that guy is going to

27:59

decide. I ain't of the fucking

28:01

blue to rip us off? Why do do

28:03

you tell me what

28:05

really happened? What the hell

28:07

for? What the hell

28:10

for? That lump of I don't

28:12

know what you think

28:14

you know. I don't wrong.

28:17

He's a good kid.

28:19

know, got shot in

28:21

the you're wrong. He's a good

28:23

kid. He got fucking the gut.

28:26

Wow. Wow. It's good

28:28

and they can do the back and they

28:30

can do the back and Each time when

28:32

I hear it, each time

28:35

I extra little addable. time when I no,

28:37

each no. time I heard no, went, oh

28:39

yeah. And here we learn here JCPD and Sean

28:41

Cloud Van are two people. That's

28:43

right. two different people. right. All

28:46

right, and the All

28:48

right. And goes to to. Christelias,

28:50

J.C. V.D. Well deserved. Well deserved. These things

28:52

things will be

28:54

in the mail and

28:57

sent out out post-taste. folks.

28:59

Beautiful statue. Now, one of

29:01

my favorite, but because but

29:03

because of the title, most uncomfortable. moments

29:06

of the night night comes this year

29:08

year. We're going gonna let Dawson kind

29:10

of dictate because we have to

29:12

play some things the envelope order

29:14

you have doesn't necessarily follow our

29:16

program you have we're going to

29:18

get into our first nominee for

29:20

Rant of the programming order. Right now in

29:23

the going to get into our first hear the

29:25

Rant of the Year rant of the

29:27

year. Because I said too early,

29:29

yes. We sprinkle in the

29:31

nominees nominee picture. We'll hear the rant of the year.

29:33

Boy Scouts girls in I Girls that Boy Scouts don't

29:35

like that the I Scouts the girls

29:38

in. I just want the Boy Scouts

29:40

to be the Boy Scouts, that way. It's

29:42

not god damn that way. It's not there

29:44

progress, just go and there and sell

29:46

some cookies, a and if a guy

29:48

wants to put a skirt on he

29:50

cookies, he can't. all It's not all

29:52

progress. It's not all progress. you're you're

29:54

going to ruin boys, you and you and

29:57

you guys are going to be sorry.

29:59

me me tell you. something all you assholes out

30:01

there that are trying to get every guy

30:03

to drop his dick and sprout of gonna

30:05

be gonna be fucking sorry out you're gonna

30:07

be out you're when it comes time to

30:09

build a bridge you are gonna

30:12

be sorry this plan of turning dudes

30:14

into chicks is not gonna be

30:16

a great payday for all the chicks

30:18

and all the dudes who think

30:20

it's the greatest most progressive universal beautifully lit idea

30:22

lit idea on the planet you

30:25

guys should get together at your next

30:27

asshole meeting and have a goddamn

30:29

conversation about turning every dude into

30:31

a chick. It's not gonna

30:33

pay off. dude into a chick. It's not

30:35

The rare tight to pay off. Wow.

30:38

The a little longer. tight have

30:40

been at the end of

30:42

the show and I must

30:44

have been hungry. been at the end

30:46

of the show and I

30:48

must have been hungry.

30:51

Now nominees for most uncomfortable

30:53

Uncomfortable Dawson. So a a couple of

30:55

years ago ago you were a live

30:57

show in Phoenix Phoenix and you called out

30:59

a called out a woman in

31:01

the audience you said everyone in

31:03

the office the to do such

31:05

and such because Rachel over

31:07

here and she goes, what the

31:09

hell? That's my name. what the hell?

31:12

That's my name. Yeah it was a Yes, Dawson

31:14

remembers Dawson a different way. a different

31:16

way. Dawson remembers me going to

31:18

a room of a people and

31:20

500 people and go, ain't it a one not

31:22

correct. Rachel? No, that is fact, I sent

31:24

you emails to you and

31:26

Gary, proving my exact point proving

31:28

what I said was correct on

31:30

that show. What on what show. What

31:33

you say on the show? did

31:35

you say on the Let me think

31:37

about it. me have been the about

31:39

it. It could I'll find been right, talk.

31:41

You know, fine email. Find, find, this show

31:43

your memory memory. The way your

31:45

memory served is that I shouted the

31:47

person's name and somebody said

31:49

that's me yes that is

31:51

correct is but that's but that's not how

31:53

white. There's one vegetarian chick, her name's Rachel. was

31:56

my name. No, no, I that person to

31:58

that you were not were not. Well,

32:00

we'll we'll find the clip controversial clip.

32:02

they're they're not controversial for me because

32:04

I was standing there looking at

32:06

the person looking I said there's some

32:08

bitch in the office some bitch in the office who's

32:10

a a vegetarian and she went a vegetarian

32:13

and me Or my me or my That's

32:15

that's what happened. Dawson's ready to mount a spirited

32:17

Okay, this is during a round

32:19

of what of what about Frank complain the

32:21

guest on the show and someone had

32:23

Just asked you if you can

32:25

complain about just asked you if you right, let's

32:28

do one more pizza. Pizza! That was That

32:30

was definitely a dude. then he, then it

32:32

was the girl sitting next to him. to

32:34

able to Oh, we'll never really prove this. wasn't

32:36

a person when my name is

32:38

Rachel. It was a random chick

32:40

in the audience who is a

32:42

vegetarian whose name was Rachel. who

32:45

is a vegetarian was

32:47

name was Rachel. No. No. There

32:51

were nine chicks named Rachel that your

32:54

sister's health your sister

32:56

your sister's health? Your sister had Oh,

32:58

she passed away. the doc?

33:00

a couple of weeks

33:03

ago. news guys were

33:05

very close. Yeah, that's Yeah,

33:07

a couple of weeks ago. Oh, you guys

33:09

were very close. Yeah. That's took

33:12

your suggestions on Twitter

33:14

of the women who

33:16

it might be most who

33:18

would have sex with

33:21

Adam to have next

33:23

entry Our next entry it's the

33:25

only one on the

33:27

list we can confirm or

33:29

deny would be we to

33:31

have sex with Adam deny

33:33

would be disgusted to have sex with Adam

33:35

you? I don't mean to be a dick,

33:37

but I'm pretty sure we I confirm it. to

33:39

be a dick, but I'm pretty sure

33:41

we could confirm it. Oh, But,

33:43

you know, sorry. I'd

33:46

rather not mix the pleasure

33:48

in business. Did my pen and the company,

33:50

ain't it? I if I did shit candy?

33:52

tape. They'll meet you by

33:54

the dumpster. dumpster. I a creepy was

33:56

this point. uncle at creepy uncle.

33:59

Like a creepy uncle. Adam Corolla. Here's

34:01

where I'm where I'm going with you,

34:03

Mike This whole like like, oh their heroes, heroes. I had

34:05

a I had, like, and teachers. Mr.

34:07

Bacchus wasn't bad. bad. The rest of

34:09

them were completely checked out. I was

34:11

completely warehoused. Mr. Tomey was my

34:13

counselor. I never talked to him about

34:15

anything talked going to get into trouble

34:17

if you keep doing that thing.

34:19

And that's all it was. get weren't

34:21

heroes at all. keep were people who

34:24

sort of copped out of the free

34:26

market. There were people who sort

34:28

of went, you know coped out gonna... the a

34:30

safe, easy were people I who months vacation.

34:32

out of I want two weeks off

34:34

on Christmas. I want another two weeks.

34:36

We'll do do day Fridays every third

34:39

Friday with no no Monday. They basically just went...

34:41

it, I don't wanna work. want to work.

34:43

Oh, your are retired teachers. teachers.

34:45

Can't retire me that. Good, let's get let's

34:47

get him out of that.

34:49

Too lazy to keep working. keep

34:51

working. Both parents. Andrew, you're going back and you're

34:53

Andrew, you're going back and

34:56

you're going into your old

34:58

room, right? was? No, Is it

35:00

left as it was? No,

35:02

it's pretty much the only

35:04

room that's been changed. OK.

35:06

really? Yeah. there's a fondleier's room. It's still

35:08

to him. to moving back home?

35:10

moving back You're married, right? right? Ah,

35:13

not anymore, no. Oh, Vinny. Thanks, bring it out out

35:15

out. the past two weeks,

35:17

I mean, I how we

35:19

spoke. not, we spoke, you were a mystery.

35:21

drink it? will Andrew drink it? And in

35:23

the a leader in the clubhouse for most uncomfortable

35:25

months. all right. First all right.

35:28

now the hot dogs, now the timing bad timing

35:30

with, uh, Vinny Andrew. that. We love you, Andrew.

35:32

That rough. rough. That's a heated

35:34

competition, man. I can't place

35:37

a favorite here. Yeah. Yeah. I

35:39

I don't know The The Vinny

35:41

one's pretty good. good. It seems

35:43

like the micro... 72% of people

35:45

in show business had either. or

35:48

more or more parents who

35:50

were teachers. Like educator, teacher,

35:52

teacher, teacher, for kids. produce

35:54

successful kids. were parents were

35:56

teachers So whenever I I do

35:58

my rant about How much I eat

36:00

got to check myself. gotta

36:03

check the winner

36:05

is the winner is Vinny

36:07

Torres, Well earned. Well

36:09

done. Well earned. Yes, Andrew.

36:11

Yeah, well, Miss Andrew. one

36:13

of those the Harbin.

36:15

It's one of those It's

36:17

probably not not

36:20

good for probably not good for

36:22

your 20 -something -year -old kid to have

36:24

a place to go back to. go

36:26

back They should feel. feel. Oh,

36:28

whatever goes goes on with

36:30

their so so their career,

36:33

whatever, the the option of going back

36:35

home and re -inhabiting your room is

36:37

not on the table. That door

36:39

is closed. closed. Right, My parents let

36:41

me know that clearly when I

36:43

was know that clearly when I was nine. All

36:45

right, at least we he's

36:47

not eating his feelings eating

36:49

his feelings. Best, uh, best reenactment, is our, no,

36:52

oh, sorry, we're we're going another, uh, song of the

36:54

the year. Oh, our first nominee.

36:56

Oh, okay, so so the multiple stuff

36:59

we don't have stuff we don't have stuff.

37:01

All right, I got got it. All right

37:03

song of the year number one

37:05

I got it later in the

37:07

show. first nominee for

37:09

Song of the Year, year,

37:11

Rich Banks Our Mike

37:14

Lynch, for the theme the

37:16

Year, Rich Banks and Mike Lynch,

37:18

for the theme from

37:21

Good Sports. It's

37:30

bunch of loud fights, riffing

37:32

on bats, still on movies,

37:34

raking the fruits of the

37:36

year. Nice.

38:01

You know why I love why I

38:03

love this category because it

38:06

shows off because it shows is there.

38:08

Banks' range. right, now

38:10

we move forward to

38:12

All right, now we move forward

38:14

to Best Reenactment.

38:17

The nominees for for Best Reenactment are

38:19

Adam and Joe Koi, for Adam, goes to

38:21

to his Chinese dentist. I want

38:23

to thank you for sunny Natalia.

38:25

wow, what a what a horrible

38:27

teeth. Yeah, oh. Really run in the family, huh?

38:30

to the family they I

38:32

don't know seem pretty good pretty good

38:34

to me I I'm

38:36

not a dentist I know I

38:38

don't have the training

38:40

you I didn't marry a

38:42

dental hygienist or or a lot

38:44

of the staff the have we

38:47

have a bet going just want

38:49

to know real quick

38:51

mm -hmm do they brush their

38:53

teeth with chocolate? Oh, no, Dr. Ho,

38:56

no. Okay, no. Just one second. No, he

38:58

said, oh, no, no, no, no. Yeah.

39:00

You're talking about my kids? They're all

39:02

laughing right now, now. Oh, is that

39:04

my teeth to look like

39:07

that need chocolate. look like that,

39:09

need a joke, you're making

39:11

a joke. I know, it's a joke.

39:13

they brush. a joke. That's

39:16

the question. a joke. Oh, yeah.

39:18

They brush. Oh, they brush. It's a a

39:20

brush for your teeth teeth. the

39:22

mouth or out. or out? Okay. Listen, I didn't

39:24

come here to be insulting. You know, these are friendly are

39:26

Please get a little... Could you please just get the get

39:28

the little millimeter measuring stick out

39:30

and I'll of lean back of lean back and

39:32

can write high down. she gonna need

39:34

more than a stuff down. I'm going to need

39:36

more than a we go Let me get a... Here

39:39

we go. Yeah, that's that's bad. I can

39:41

actually see the brain from here

39:43

I don't want to how how

39:45

to do your but I think you're

39:47

supposed to give her the numbers

39:49

to give her just the numbers. Yeah, well, longer no longer

39:51

a Not a number? That's just no

39:53

longer just no What do you mean

39:55

it's not a number? do I can

39:57

see not a number. I can see root. Oh, no. Yeah, it's

39:59

just a name. of her movement. Come on. Give

40:01

her the numbers, please. Give her the

40:04

Oh, no. Wait a minute. Twelve?

40:06

Oh, no, There's no two. There's

40:08

no gum at all. 23. That's

40:10

to the no truth. There's no gum

40:12

at all. know what

40:14

you're mouthing. right, listen,

40:16

Dr. That's to the bone. Does

40:19

someone have bingo? We play a

40:21

and the with your mouth. restoration

40:24

death. There was a

40:26

good a good long the foreskin

40:28

run. Yes. took place Took place

40:30

like early 2000, like 99 2001, like

40:32

a lot of guys.

40:34

Real pissed off. But these

40:36

guys would go like,

40:38

I feel desecrated. I feel I

40:40

have no confidence. Right. I

40:42

That's not fair no me. compensation.

40:44

then not fair to a

40:46

process of clamps

40:48

and weights and

40:51

weights, attempt. restore

40:54

the foreskin. We

40:56

will be the adult

40:58

daughter and son of

41:01

the dad. that drowned because he had

41:03

his his weights on on. And he was he

41:05

was skimming the pool slipped and we found

41:07

his we found his bloated corpse

41:09

at the deep in the drain in the

41:11

drain because he was putting eight

41:13

pound weights on it. And once

41:15

he hit the water, he couldn't

41:17

detach himself from the weight. the

41:19

ended up the ended up like I the

41:21

funeral director? Who am I? I the

41:24

third no director? Who am I? The just a were

41:26

We haven't seen we haven't

41:28

seen since junior high. Who to

41:30

know know, where's your your

41:32

dad. happened? What happened to dad?

41:34

Gina, when I I at at

41:36

you. say skiing say skiing And

41:39

then I'll do then uh right?

41:41

Sure. Adam, Gina, how are you

41:43

guys? Hey, you're good. Oh my are

41:45

you since the old neighborhood, that's is

41:47

the old neighborhood. Oh That's

41:49

God, you're the ropes being the house.

41:52

It's funny. Your dad dad put

41:54

a... I haven't thought about your

41:56

about your pups in forever. How is pups? What's

41:58

he up to? Oh, how's fire? He cut,

42:00

he, I mean, mean, skiing

42:02

fire. He's skiing fire. Skiing fire. The fire stew.

42:05

Yeah, he Yeah, he didn't fall into

42:07

pool with weights on his weights

42:09

on a stick. No. going to take

42:11

the corpse out the front door.

42:13

take the corpse out the front door. Oh, hey. Who's

42:15

for the city. just these are

42:17

corners. There's a couple of municipal

42:19

workers sign. Oh, these are corners. A couple of municipal

42:22

in the pool. City corners. weights

42:24

on his dick. It looks like

42:26

dad. Do you want to

42:28

identify the found a twifter in the pool. Oh. We're

42:30

going to my dad. the sheet to

42:32

peel back the in your your living

42:34

room, is that okay? Is that okay? Just

42:36

some no account, here. Yeah, on Oh back a

42:38

minute. wait When did you guys

42:40

attach you to his penis? Because that's

42:42

not something Rick would do. That's

42:45

disrespectful. not not attach anything. would do. That's

42:47

just put it in a bag.

42:49

By the way, I skimmed some

42:51

of the leaves out of the

42:53

pools. anything. We did not attach do that

42:55

for you. know what? There's a

42:57

little and here. That's right. And by the way,

42:59

skim corners the leaves a lot like

43:01

your like your tennis. And Adam and Brian and Brian

43:03

witness. for strip club DJs. And Brian,

43:05

me take you to

43:07

a little house business house

43:09

business here. We've got Ms. Minbridge

43:12

coming up that's new to three

43:14

every weekday, unlimited mojo potatoes, and

43:16

go say hi to him, he's

43:19

in the bathroom, he's standing next

43:21

to the chain tray, yeah, it's

43:23

all his own change, he puts

43:26

in there, we call the primer,

43:28

perhaps, I in a nasty, nasty

43:30

four, say four, Jay. Try now. I

43:32

believe when this is up way,

43:34

because Feli's in a nasty, Vanessa's got

43:36

a yeast infection, but maybe between

43:38

the discussion of sleep and the

43:41

childhood custody battle and Vanessa with

43:43

the yeast infection, we're after a

43:45

little too transparent here. I don't

43:47

know about that. I think we just

43:49

know who knows the truth because you know

43:51

who there on the truth. The they came

43:53

down here this morning front road. They came

43:55

down here this morning with a fist full

43:57

of cash, Coronaa, and they know the truth.

44:00

The truth, I'd say, you know, you've only

44:02

been here for nine months, but I've been

44:04

attracted to you for about a year. Man,

44:06

I've seen your work over it, sure, girls,

44:08

and I mean beyond professional attraction, but into a

44:11

manly masculine attraction. hot of you to

44:13

say say, since we're into the truth, man, I gotta tell you,

44:15

I was over there at the

44:17

other club and I kind of

44:19

knew you were of knew my form for

44:21

my form, so I over to the to the

44:23

I ran I of patience waiting

44:25

for you to show up. show up. Now

44:28

now is the rule the I'm not I'm not

44:30

gonna stand there with my there with

44:32

by big say this to all the

44:34

listeners here. here I've been struggling

44:36

with my sexuality for a long

44:38

time. Right back, this voice and

44:41

this job is really just a

44:43

thinly veiled least my therapist says

44:45

it. Well, tell you least with

44:47

my sexuality. says gonna tell I

44:49

what tell you what's at her doing

44:51

that double triple I'm gonna tell wish

44:53

it was a going with me of

44:55

Scotty Hamilton I'm gonna tell you, buddy, I

44:57

gotta tell you something, buddy.

44:59

I'll tell you something, your therapist

45:01

won't dare to tell you. you

45:03

you Your therapist won't quit. You are hotter

45:05

than a firecracker, and I've got

45:08

some sexual feelings for you there.

45:10

Well, I gotta tell you this,

45:12

Rob, Rob. When I fly in

45:15

from Burbank, we hit the carrying,

45:17

that poster, the Thunder from Down

45:19

Under, I stop every day and

45:21

stare at that bad boy. I

45:24

don't care if they're fake Australian

45:26

actions. I am physically attracted to

45:28

those men. I'm physically attracted you.

45:31

And I say we've got to

45:33

you. Yeah,

45:36

I have no the who this is going to be. no

45:38

idea who this is going to

45:41

be. should be close. The bonus should be

45:43

the post, post should put it over. Yeah, yeah,

45:45

that's true. Yeah. right. The

45:47

winner, best reenactment, strip club DJ! Yeah! love

45:49

Brian going to be thrilled.

45:51

going be waiting by my

45:53

mailbox as well. mailbox as well.

45:55

right. So, uh, we

45:57

have a second entry. song

46:00

of the year. the

46:02

year. Our second

46:04

nominee for

46:07

Song of the

46:09

Year, Mike

46:11

Dawson of the year Mike

46:13

Dawson for

46:15

the United

46:19

passenger Lynette

46:22

Corolla mashup.

46:32

Oh

46:40

my

46:47

god!

46:50

Give

46:52

me

46:55

a

46:58

towel,

47:01

give

47:03

me

47:06

a

47:09

towel!

47:35

It's great watching Natalia

47:38

laugh ass

47:40

off her hypothermic brother.

47:42

All right, we move right,

47:45

we move forward into best

47:47

invention. know in a in a million

47:49

years I couldn't even venture a

47:52

guess as to what this

47:54

could be. Great to what this could

47:56

be. Great category.

47:58

Let's hear it. are second

48:01

first world. How about I about

48:04

I start a bunch

48:06

of stores? of stores? is

48:08

called called secondhand first These Oh. These

48:10

are the high end. items. I'll I'll

48:13

start with the stupid

48:15

corrective cost four thousand

48:17

dollars So my son

48:19

and his and his position

48:21

will move on We'll all

48:24

the to the all the up

48:26

all the hussard all the

48:28

husser to high-foluting toys and all this

48:30

apparel and again these party

48:32

dresses that can only be worn

48:35

once, know, not good for good

48:37

for school and day to day.

48:39

day to all the drones, all

48:41

the stuff, all the all the electronic,

48:43

all the thing, we're throwing

48:45

an outdated in an outdated something in

48:47

there too. in This is the is

48:50

the first world store. store. From

48:52

the mouths of babes. There should

48:54

be a coffee table book called

48:56

from the mouths of babes, but

48:58

not young people. not young people. Hot Hot

49:00

chicks who just don't care. Hot

49:03

chicks who when don't care. Yeah, when a hot chick,

49:05

uh, Esti explaining to me that

49:07

she'd picked me to be her

49:09

boyfriend over my friend, over

49:12

my friend, Chris. The best part was

49:14

she's like, I've given it

49:16

some thought, it some was between

49:18

you and Chris, and I've

49:20

chosen you. you. All my

49:22

friends think I'm crazy, I'm crazy.

49:24

I've chosen you. like, and I'm like,

49:27

could have stopped it right there.

49:29

stopped it right there. Very You're

49:31

quite popular if you pulled

49:33

all of your friends If you pulled

49:35

of babes. from the mouths of

49:37

babes. And the white noise maker. maker. device a

49:39

device that came up quite

49:41

a few times, which is a

49:44

white noise machine that sounds

49:46

like a fan. It's called a

49:48

a fan. It's called the Marpac Dome. have one.

49:50

in my house in San Francisco. house in

49:52

San Francisco, my I have one

49:54

at my New in New York.

49:57

It's extremely helpful. It It just

49:59

sits there. over over, going, what do

50:01

you mean I have a ton of a

50:03

ton of black do you mean I have a

50:05

ton of black friends? I have a ton of black

50:07

best friends are black. best So that's setting So

50:09

that's then you have then you have four or

50:11

five through you to use different volumes you to use

50:13

of white noise. or types of white noise. Then the

50:16

really Surprising me. for me. Dylan

50:18

is being homeschooled. Dylan is being

50:20

homeschooled. being going like that. Don't eat

50:22

that out of the gluten. Don't

50:24

eat that out of the gluten.

50:26

I didn't vote for Trump. That

50:28

being said, it as a didn't vote

50:30

for Trump. That being said, Trump. would

50:32

be a crater. said. Go have had

50:34

a real white noise That being said.

50:37

in town. Oh, Dave Matthews is

50:39

in town. being said. That be a greater. I

50:41

would invest in

50:43

that. noise machine is

50:45

practical. and useful and it's

50:47

funny, right? right it's very

50:49

good it's that you

50:52

know you under 20

50:54

gift under 20 bucks yeah gotta

50:56

write that down. All right. write that

50:58

down all right the winner

51:00

white noise machine thank you

51:02

but there ever thank you

51:05

very much for that

51:07

you very right that all right our

51:09

of the year year Our

51:16

second nominee rant of of the year

51:18

freeway signs. Okay, but Adam, who's signs one? Is it the

51:20

group but Adam up the stupidest one?

51:22

Is it the the group that

51:24

came up with this slogan Or the

51:26

guy made of I love the guy

51:28

that said a love it? Let's do

51:30

it. It's a trope about safety,

51:32

but it doesn't really it doesn't

51:34

land anywhere There's nothing know pedestrians We

51:36

know made of made of armor goes out

51:38

goes out to try to hit

51:40

a pedestrian pedestrian. as bad for

51:42

the person driving as it is

51:44

for the is for the your life is pretty

51:47

much ruined is you run over somebody. too if you

51:49

run seems like there's nothing in it for

51:51

anybody. What is it that

51:53

you'd like to do is it what to

51:55

do and what what of people who do

51:57

run over pedestrians and flee what What

51:59

percentage people People know what what

52:01

even and even pedestrian like,

52:04

People give like, break.

52:06

Fuck you. a break. Fuck you.

52:08

was announced a

52:10

couple of weeks ago that we

52:12

have that we have the number one traffic in in

52:14

this city, in the world, in

52:17

in the fucking world. So, since

52:19

then, I've been wanting to get

52:21

my hands on the on that writes

52:23

into these signs. I can't figure

52:25

out what we're doing. You guys

52:27

have heard me talk about this.

52:30

for a million years, but it's

52:32

getting But little bit ridiculous now, right?

52:34

have traffic, now, right? We have one in

52:36

traffic in the world, in and

52:38

you're just putting nonsensical just gibberish on

52:40

these signs, fucking neither here nor signs

52:43

that it's like neither here nor there Oh, I'm angry I was

52:45

I was just yelling for mad happen to

52:47

me God help anyone is on the

52:49

phone with me when me stuff goes

52:51

down when I'm driving down I'm

52:53

always driving and I'm always on

52:55

the phone driving thing where they tell

52:57

you your thing is closed your you're

52:59

at your when you're at your It's not

53:01

helpful at that point. would help

53:03

me would I got on the freeway

53:05

to know the hop on the on the 210

53:08

immediately get on the get on the two.

53:10

And if if I know I get I

53:12

get on that the just I'll just

53:14

drive down and and hop on Once

53:16

down. Once you get on the Once

53:18

Once you're on then you're driving past

53:20

a closed ramp ramp feet before the

53:22

closed ramp says ramp says ramp now

53:24

you have And now cars all slowed

53:26

down. all slowed down. Not helpful, helpful get

53:29

on. I get on. I used to drive

53:31

home from from... Love line down the 10 to the

53:33

whatever through downtown I'd pass I'd of those of

53:35

those electronic signs that were blank And

53:37

then we'd find out that the

53:39

110 was 10 was close. Yeah Put it up

53:41

there it then I'll get off on laborer or maybe

53:44

off on and cut maybe Normandy

53:46

and cut across would be helpful. right. would

53:48

be helpful the the right, one? see

53:50

the been Wars around and there's a start they

53:52

do they do do Star Wars ones

53:54

and they do Christmas ones,

53:57

but it's all just buckle up

53:59

buckle up Look, go up, rock,

54:01

you know, it's like, what?

54:03

What? I'm happy to say

54:05

that this retarded disease has

54:08

spread throughout the land, that

54:10

people send me stuff from

54:12

Colorado and Wisconsin, where there's

54:14

a group of your mom's

54:16

friends who sit in a

54:18

room and come up with

54:21

stupid, clever, nothingness to put

54:23

on these signs. times millions

54:25

all over the country there's

54:27

like a little group of

54:29

super unfunny folks in their

54:31

fifties who come up with

54:34

this shit and it does nothing

54:36

wherever you live why i i

54:38

have no idea i you know

54:40

what you know what every day

54:42

should be wartime i only had

54:44

my more you know drop In

54:47

wartime, they want you to do

54:49

things, like, hey man, they want

54:51

you to recycle, or like, hey,

54:53

we need rubber, or we need

54:55

fuel, we need victory guards. They

54:57

just, they just, they just, they

54:59

pick the most important stuff. There

55:01

is no these signs during wartime,

55:04

right? It's all at all it's

55:06

all like life or death. So

55:08

you should treat these signs like

55:10

we're in a war which is

55:12

just pick the three most important

55:14

things and focus on them this

55:16

serve steel your weird little sort

55:19

of yeah your star wars snippets

55:21

not not moving the needle and

55:23

would not. cut the criteria for

55:25

war time would make it during

55:27

war time would make the cut

55:29

the next thing about this episode

55:31

always get a few extra a

55:33

little extra rant thank you all

55:36

right now caller of the year

55:38

the nominees for caller of the

55:40

year You know man, I've listened

55:42

to you for a long time

55:44

and I'm sort of getting burned

55:46

out on you man because You

55:48

know guys like me go out

55:51

and make an honest living and

55:53

do DJ work? which you know,

55:55

we're a talent man, and I

55:57

just listened to your podcast with

55:59

Drew, and you just bag on

56:01

us, man, and it's like, what's

56:03

your problem? I don't like it.

56:05

I think it sucks. It's fucking

56:08

annoying. If I could give you

56:10

a playlist, we could work it

56:12

out. I don't look at you

56:14

guys as musicians or talents. Are

56:16

you a party? Are you a

56:18

wedding DJ? Are you like playing

56:20

in the clubs? I mean, I

56:23

mostly do club work. Like, I've

56:25

been working as Jake and Glendale

56:27

for a while. It's fucking horrible

56:29

music. No, it's not even music.

56:31

It's just a bunch of fucking

56:33

robots, fucking. Well, why are you

56:35

being so hard on it, man?

56:37

Because I hate it. Why am

56:40

I hired on ISIS? Yeah. I

56:42

think you couldn't even run my

56:44

drum machine, man. Oh, challenge accepted.

56:46

How about this? I pay a

56:48

fucking retarded monkey four dollars an

56:50

hour and he runs it. How

56:52

about that, bitch? Real funny. He

56:55

showed you. Adam's old buddy, Jeff

56:57

Katz. I somehow remember you were

56:59

somewhere around my room when somebody

57:01

took that big patent industrial fan

57:03

and threw a sack of flour

57:05

into it. Yeah, that was me.

57:07

Was that you? Wow. I want

57:09

to say we, I don't know,

57:12

we urinated or something. Well, everyone

57:14

urinated, everyone urinated all over my

57:16

mattress and then they took a

57:18

huge sack of gold metal flour,

57:20

put the fan on high and

57:22

threw the sack into the fan

57:24

in a small room. Absolutely. Wow.

57:27

Yeah. Koki. What's your nationality? Your

57:29

big guy? I'm Puerto Rican man.

57:31

I'm probably one of your few

57:33

Puerto Rican fans. Yeah, but you

57:35

know my accent I can't get

57:37

rid of it man. That's good.

57:39

It's good. I've been living in

57:41

the state 15 years and I

57:44

still can say chip chip chip

57:46

chip or chip Those are four

57:48

different chips man What? You're telling

57:50

me what? Yeah Sorry,

57:52

sorry, what are

57:54

the words you

57:56

can't say? are the words

57:59

you can't say? Cagley. Chocolate

58:01

something isn't expensive is

58:03

an Another is

58:05

a boat. stuff. Cheap.

58:07

a boat, is a boat.

58:09

animal. get yeah. I

58:11

just can't, my, my nanny's, my

58:13

nanny's from, this chip This

58:16

chip, chip. chip, chip.

58:18

Call back. D. I need to

58:20

miss the bright side. I mismanaged

58:22

side. I morning of

58:24

this morning of and a

58:26

a half to the to the

58:28

top the left. Oh, you cut

58:30

you cut off too much

58:32

I figure I got I got

58:35

six or seven days without

58:37

being seen. being seen. Yeah, that's a

58:39

firefighter. Yeah, that can be be,

58:41

problem. a That can be

58:43

a... For me, can be a,

58:45

me. it defines me. Yeah, Yeah,

58:47

can I say this about

58:49

the guys with the guys

58:51

with the It defines you,

58:53

but nobody else cares. else

58:56

cares. Most of your... Now, here's

58:58

what I'm saying. When you When you

59:00

define yourself, you're predicating that

59:02

on other people giving a crap,

59:04

but they a don't. they We

59:06

just think of you as the

59:08

goofy guy with the of you as

59:10

and we also look at

59:12

you as the guy who doesn't

59:14

do anything else. Thus, you're

59:16

resting on your mustache do define

59:18

yourself. know I mean? While everyone

59:20

else is using success as

59:22

a define define know what you are

59:25

using your mustache. else you have

59:27

a... Is there a as a yardstick. There

59:29

is not there no I don't yeah, I I

59:31

could do that. I think I

59:33

could do that, actually. could do that

59:35

don't have a... That's the

59:37

bright side. you bright side. There's

59:39

not a lady in your life?

59:41

bright guy. There's not a there's not right, hold

59:43

on a second. Hold on. your

59:45

life No, no lady. No, right. Hold on a second. Huh?

1:00:06

Shock it! And Rick, six months

1:00:08

later. Yeah. Hey, uh, Ricky, 28

1:00:10

Pasadena? Yeah, hey, Bald and Gina.

1:00:12

Oh, is this R. Ricky from

1:00:14

Pasadena? Yeah, what's up, man? Yeah,

1:00:16

the DJ. Yeah, well, last time

1:00:18

I called you, dude, you weren't

1:00:20

too nice to me, and, um,

1:00:22

and I did some homework. And

1:00:25

one of the things that I

1:00:27

think... would be a big help

1:00:29

for you is maybe you should

1:00:31

listen to your show because sometimes

1:00:33

you're really mean to people especially

1:00:35

the younger crowd like me. Well

1:00:37

that brings me up to my

1:00:39

next point Rich Whitey I did

1:00:41

some research on the top five

1:00:43

DJs that you keep talking smack

1:00:45

about and do you know that

1:00:47

the top DJ this year made

1:00:49

22 million dollars? Yeah, squirrelics make

1:00:51

15 million. What do you think

1:00:53

about that? Yeah, you know how

1:00:55

much union carbide makes every year?

1:00:57

But they still poison the water

1:00:59

and kill the indigenous people. You

1:01:01

know how much up John made

1:01:03

last year? I mean, pick anything

1:01:05

evil anything. It's not, it's not,

1:01:07

yeah. How, hey, Putin's doing pretty

1:01:09

good for himself financially. You check

1:01:11

this VICO score? I'm not saying

1:01:13

Putin's bad as squirrelics. But, you

1:01:15

know. Relatively. These guys are worthless,

1:01:17

talentless, hacks, who figured out a

1:01:19

way to get money from dumb

1:01:21

people like yourself, Ricky. I'm not

1:01:23

stupid. I went to school and

1:01:25

I went to college too. Right.

1:01:27

Pasadena Junior College doesn't count. I

1:01:29

went to Fullerton JC. How about

1:01:31

that? Oh, he got you. He

1:01:33

did get you. He's getting like

1:01:35

my dad man, he's starting to

1:01:37

be a really angry dude and

1:01:39

I don't like it. Yeah. Oh,

1:01:41

please be Ricky six months later.

1:01:43

the more Ricky of the future.

1:01:45

Me too. All right, caller of

1:01:47

the year, Rick the DJ. Gonna

1:01:49

get that award, he's probably always

1:01:51

wanted. Dawson, is this a specific

1:01:53

call in, he won for, just

1:01:55

the general, is it options of

1:01:57

the year? He's just the caller

1:01:59

of the year. Good stuff. All

1:02:01

right, now we get to our

1:02:03

third entry in rant of the

1:02:06

year. diversity and homelessness. Does every

1:02:08

goddamn fucking video post that asshole

1:02:10

has to make this at all

1:02:12

have to, do we all have

1:02:14

to talk about diversity or can

1:02:16

we just talk about fucking traffic?

1:02:18

Could there just be one that

1:02:20

was just like, hey I'm Mary

1:02:22

Garcetti, we'll fucking fix this traffic

1:02:24

problem and we'll clean all the

1:02:26

trash by the side of the

1:02:28

freeway? And nothing about diversity. How

1:02:30

about nothing about diversity? Diversity is

1:02:32

just a thing. It's not something

1:02:34

to sing about. It's just a

1:02:36

thing. Like Japan, not diverse. By

1:02:38

the way, he doesn't have a

1:02:40

lot of garbage by the side

1:02:42

of the fucking freeway. All right,

1:02:44

us diverse, a lot of garbage.

1:02:46

Maybe it's not a good thing.

1:02:48

I don't know, it just is.

1:02:50

It's just a bunch of people

1:02:52

from a bunch of different places,

1:02:54

but he sings about, oh, the

1:02:56

most diverse, and then he talks

1:02:58

about, and of course, you know,

1:03:00

his number one job is the

1:03:02

homeless problem, and here's a deal.

1:03:04

And this is something I think

1:03:06

we can boast about. The most

1:03:08

diverse homeless population in the world.

1:03:10

Yeah, one number one. I don't

1:03:12

think anyone can be... You can

1:03:14

go to China, you can go

1:03:16

to Japan, go to... Go to

1:03:18

Sweden, go to Iraq. I'm sure

1:03:20

they have homeless people there, but

1:03:22

they're not nearly as diverse. It's

1:03:24

good. Is LA. LA. That's what

1:03:26

you should write on the fucking

1:03:28

airport. And I... I mean it,

1:03:30

in the history of the world,

1:03:32

you can't go back to the

1:03:34

homeless population in Persia a thousand

1:03:36

years ago, no way. No way!

1:03:38

No way! You, my friend, are

1:03:40

a hero because you have created

1:03:42

the most diverse homeless population. You

1:03:44

love diversity, you love homeless people,

1:03:46

let's make a fucking peanut butter

1:03:49

cup! You, Garcetti, have single-handedly created

1:03:51

the most diverse homeless population in

1:03:53

the world and for that you

1:03:55

should be saluted. Now clean up

1:03:57

some fucking garbage by the side

1:03:59

of the freeway, bitch! Oh man,

1:04:01

all right, uh, Dan, there's more,

1:04:03

God, we have more rants to

1:04:05

go, God, there's so many Rants,

1:04:07

Evan, it's gonna keep going, all

1:04:09

right, moving forward, Best Interview. Oh!

1:04:11

I have no idea. The nominees

1:04:13

for Best Interview are Jim Mitchell.

1:04:15

Yeah, I worked with, uh, 13

1:04:17

of the worst terrorists that we

1:04:19

caught. for years including College of

1:04:21

Mohammed and that was a beta

1:04:23

and Ransi Banishib, I don't I

1:04:25

don't know if those names mean

1:04:27

anything. Oh yeah, I got the

1:04:29

whole deck of spades, yeah, ten

1:04:31

of clubs. Yeah, they're pretty bad

1:04:33

guys. I asked him one time

1:04:35

College of Sheik Mohammed, I said

1:04:37

how come you call Islam the

1:04:39

religion of peace when all I

1:04:41

ever see is you guys killing

1:04:43

people and he said it is

1:04:45

a religion of peace and the

1:04:47

world will be at peace when

1:04:49

everyone is either converted, enslaved, are

1:04:51

slaughtered. So we're spreading peace, so

1:04:53

we're the religion of peace. I

1:04:55

can't argue with that. I can't

1:04:57

argue with that. In fact, there's

1:04:59

a lot of confusion about that.

1:05:01

If you just listen to people

1:05:03

like Senator Feinstein, you would think

1:05:05

that Arizona and KSM and the

1:05:07

rest of them suffered tremendously for

1:05:09

years. But KSM was only subjected

1:05:11

to 21 days of enhancement interrogation.

1:05:13

That's three weeks. He spent another

1:05:15

170 170 weeks working with us.

1:05:17

to try, you know, to, uh,

1:05:19

helping us catch some of the

1:05:21

people that were trying to destroy

1:05:23

our country. Well, Feinstein's an amazing

1:05:25

military strategist, so, huh? How dare

1:05:27

you? I know. And Herner-Yenta friends,

1:05:30

who you talk to in the

1:05:32

parking lot of the whole... at

1:05:34

Foods at Santa

1:05:36

Monica leaning against

1:05:38

a Prius and

1:05:40

eating an organic

1:05:42

apple and you how

1:05:44

everything works. how

1:05:46

I works. I love the crazy

1:05:48

hubris hubris of

1:05:50

these people it, seen

1:05:52

it, never been

1:05:54

around it, have

1:05:56

no experience with

1:05:58

it and they're

1:06:00

just willing to

1:06:02

explain to you

1:06:04

you is how

1:06:06

it works. Right, that's the

1:06:08

That's the sort

1:06:10

of thing you

1:06:12

know, I find

1:06:14

myself often to say,

1:06:16

to say know, know listen

1:06:18

up if you're

1:06:20

the kind of

1:06:22

person who thinks

1:06:24

that macaroni and

1:06:26

cheese is racist

1:06:28

or and cheese is to go to

1:06:30

a safe space because the guy down the

1:06:32

street wants to dress up like guy down on

1:06:34

Halloween, wants then you don't get to sit

1:06:36

at the big table with the adults when

1:06:39

they try to figure out how to stop

1:06:41

these to barbarians from crucifying children and burning people

1:06:43

in cages. You have nothing to how to stop these

1:06:45

medieval barbarians from

1:06:48

crucifying children and you

1:06:50

had any interactions with

1:06:52

the to add? Jenna Elfmans or the Tom

1:06:54

cruises or any any of

1:06:56

the other signologists? First of all, you

1:06:58

know know not allowed to talk. allowed to talk to

1:07:00

me. I was, I didn't know that, know

1:07:02

it makes sense. It's a a rule, if

1:07:04

you're declared a suppressive person, they're

1:07:06

not not allowed to been Now I've been at

1:07:08

what's funny about some of

1:07:10

these people, about some of these talk a

1:07:12

lot of crap crap social media,

1:07:14

they never never like... directly

1:07:17

come to me. They don't at don't at

1:07:19

me so I don't know and

1:07:21

I'm blocked way, the way, so

1:07:23

I couldn't say say something But but

1:07:25

if at parties them at parties

1:07:27

and I've seen them, they literally

1:07:29

run out of the room.

1:07:31

They can't even be in the

1:07:33

room with me. room with very they're

1:07:36

but they won't confront me. confront

1:07:38

me. And, uh... it's very it's uncomfortable in

1:07:40

this business. We're not used

1:07:42

to kind of talking crap about

1:07:44

each other of talking crap about each so

1:07:46

it's right and so it's it's go ahead no

1:07:49

it's just it's know, it's coming from

1:07:51

me. I have a potty

1:07:53

mouth. I have a potty mouth and but

1:07:55

I really feel feel it's

1:07:57

it's bad for him to do because we

1:08:00

We all are, in our own know, all have in

1:08:02

our own way. We all have our

1:08:04

little things, know, I want a sesame

1:08:06

bagel, to be this to be this temperature all

1:08:08

have know I mean? Like, we all

1:08:10

have our thing. So we don't actually

1:08:12

like like out other in that way. way. But

1:08:14

this is very different because these people

1:08:16

are attacking me and attacking others for

1:08:18

things they know know true, And and that's

1:08:21

a problem for me for I know that

1:08:23

they know it's true. So it's true. So

1:08:25

it's really insane. Sandra O.

1:08:27

For me and I think a a

1:08:29

lot of people who who in

1:08:31

in ceremonies with with Iowa, it's about having a

1:08:33

good not about having a good

1:08:35

time you by the way you

1:08:37

don't have a have a good

1:08:40

time come out of everywhere. Yes, it is. like

1:08:42

that big part of the whole

1:08:44

process is to purge to to

1:08:46

purge any way possible you're

1:08:48

basically aware the entire time but

1:08:50

like you set your intentions

1:08:52

for me at that time you

1:08:54

know I was dealing with

1:08:56

some issues and one of them

1:08:58

one them honestly being a certain point

1:09:00

in your life, you know,

1:09:03

I'm a now. in like life, are

1:09:05

certain things now, it's like there not

1:09:07

working, not know, you know, questions

1:09:09

that I had, that I you

1:09:11

know. you know, I think I need

1:09:13

to go to go tomorrow. don't know,

1:09:15

like cognitive therapy, you know,

1:09:17

which I've done for a

1:09:20

long time. I felt like

1:09:22

it was not breaking through,

1:09:24

you know, I wanted something

1:09:26

that was more somatic, something that was

1:09:28

much more a bunch of different

1:09:30

things it's like of know humming

1:09:32

stuff and different stuff in the

1:09:34

acting and mean movement stuff know what

1:09:36

this was just And just happened

1:09:38

to have this kind of

1:09:40

nature have this kind of is a

1:09:43

difficult like, like, like, challenge. I want

1:09:45

to try that try that. So it was

1:09:47

really was not so it was

1:09:49

not so much like I'm in

1:09:51

a deep dark place dark place. help

1:09:53

it was more of like I'm

1:09:55

searching for things at this point know,

1:09:57

know for a decade or so

1:09:59

I was not not breaking through, so

1:10:02

so I'm interested in different options

1:10:04

out there. Layla Ali. I've

1:10:07

always been an ambitious person, pretty level-headed, but always been

1:10:09

an ambitious person, pretty, I know, level

1:10:11

headed, but I had that anger in

1:10:13

me and I had that rebel mentality,

1:10:15

so I got myself into trouble, the wrong

1:10:17

hanging around the wrong crowd. I ended

1:10:19

up going to Juvenile Hall, spent a

1:10:22

few months there, there, from there, going a

1:10:24

I ended up going to a group

1:10:26

home. Strength, Spirit, wrote a book about this, that's

1:10:28

where I Finding Strength, Spirit and Personal Power,

1:10:30

get locked up in your force, like, that's when I really woke up, like,

1:10:32

oh, one night at where I got my discipline,

1:10:34

to really, you know, and I, and I you know, it

1:10:37

you day, but up he never actually that's when to really

1:10:39

woke up time to time, he never actually sentenced me to time, he I had

1:10:41

to really you know never actually it that first day

1:10:43

he then the because never actually time, me to time

1:10:45

because he was like this he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, are

1:10:47

you doing he's, he's, he's, You know so he kind of

1:10:49

was like sent me for two weeks you said

1:10:51

I'll see you in two weeks and I thought

1:10:53

I was gonna die it seemed like me sit and

1:10:55

then when I came back he had me sit

1:10:58

back all day and didn't see me it was

1:11:00

like go back set my court day for another two

1:11:02

weeks he did that to me a few times

1:11:04

I set up to three months two weeks. and by

1:11:06

the time I was for another two get me did of

1:11:08

here I'll go to a group home for he

1:11:10

saw that there was a problem at home

1:11:12

said two weeks. dysfunction going on He did for does your

1:11:14

mom not know where you He know He start asking

1:11:16

questions and he started figuring it out another two.

1:11:18

then from there I had to go to a

1:11:21

group home and it was a program that

1:11:23

I had to graduate and I graduated it takes a

1:11:25

year I graduated I was like how long

1:11:27

does this take you know I this it up

1:11:29

and got out of there and did everything I

1:11:31

need to do in six months and then

1:11:33

they were asking me to come back and work

1:11:35

at the group. poem afterwards they were that's when

1:11:37

I really got to get in the at of

1:11:39

a lot of girls that didn't have the support

1:11:42

and really had got to lot, you know, just

1:11:44

more dysfunction I had in my family. the support and really

1:11:46

had a it really shaped the way that I

1:11:48

look at life and I I so much. There's

1:11:50

nine of us and my dad's kids. I'm the

1:11:52

only one that ever went through anything like

1:11:54

that. like that. And Judd Apatow. You know, they say that know, they say

1:11:56

that your pipes and your brain, your neurological pipes,

1:11:58

they get set early. I'm getting nervous. about things. Sometimes

1:12:01

my wife will just like touch

1:12:03

me from behind. I jump. And

1:12:05

I'm like built a certain way

1:12:08

and it's pretty hard to deprogram

1:12:10

all of those things that you

1:12:12

developed as a kid. I'll hoard

1:12:15

self-help books and read all of

1:12:17

them in my head. I'll be

1:12:19

like, okay, I need to stay

1:12:22

in the moment, and I have

1:12:24

to let everything go, but I

1:12:26

have to be aware of what

1:12:29

I've done in the past, and

1:12:31

then try not to do it

1:12:33

in the future, and I need

1:12:36

to breathe, but I also need

1:12:38

to be, you know, I can

1:12:40

do it all day long, and

1:12:42

then I'm in a panic. I'm

1:12:45

literally like getting an adrenaline rush

1:12:47

from thinking of myself-help-shipship. Yeah, well...

1:12:49

Yeah, thinking about being in the

1:12:52

moment means you're out of the

1:12:54

moment. Exactly. She has

1:12:56

a name Mark Ergus, we'll call her Lea

1:12:58

Rameini. It's tough when you have a first

1:13:01

and a last name that could really go

1:13:03

either direction. Yeah, Lea Lea, yeah, Rehamea, Rehamea,

1:13:05

yeah, different syllables. Mm-hmm. All right. So makes

1:13:07

this show great, right? Is the, but we

1:13:10

have a silliness, the callers, and all the

1:13:12

songs, everything, but then we'll do an interview

1:13:14

with any of any of these people, any

1:13:16

of these people, any of these people, and

1:13:19

any of these people, and any of these

1:13:21

people, and it, and it, and it goes

1:13:23

on, and it, and it, and it, and

1:13:25

it, and it, and it, and it, and

1:13:28

it, it, it, it goes on, it, it

1:13:30

goes on, it, it goes on, it goes

1:13:32

on, it, it goes on, it, it, it

1:13:34

goes on, it goes on, it goes on,

1:13:37

it goes on, it I always think, you

1:13:39

know, it's this, you know, when you're a

1:13:41

kid and hearing a recording of your grandparents

1:13:43

or your dad or something like that or,

1:13:46

you know, even now, like, oh, I wish

1:13:48

I'd recorded my grandfather telling some stories or

1:13:50

something like that. This digital archive of some

1:13:52

of these people that sat down, you know,

1:13:55

it's going to be useful to someone making

1:13:57

a documentary about Mel Brooks one day because

1:13:59

I sat down with them for an hour

1:14:01

and asked them every single question. It's just

1:14:04

sort of digitally. It's just sort of digitally.

1:14:06

there. Norman Lear, so many. Right. Okay. Let's

1:14:08

do. Song three best part Song of

1:14:10

the year the third our

1:14:13

third nominee for song

1:14:15

of the year song of

1:14:17

the year Dave Teemu Hall

1:14:19

of Fame Tamu Hall of Fame tribute

1:14:21

You paid your dues and scored your

1:14:24

dues and and scored

1:14:26

lots of goals goals in

1:14:29

Winnipeg where it

1:14:31

often snows snows,

1:14:34

played for the for

1:14:36

the ducks in Anaheim. I missed

1:14:38

the part, but part

1:14:40

but a a good

1:14:42

time! you're

1:14:47

in the

1:14:49

hall of fame

1:14:52

Teemu so

1:14:54

I made this

1:14:56

nice song

1:14:58

for you Teemu

1:15:03

and Cheechu

1:15:05

Teemu and

1:15:07

Cheechu no

1:15:09

time for

1:15:11

losers cuz

1:15:13

Cheechu and

1:15:16

Teemu I

1:15:18

love you

1:15:24

wow you

1:15:26

no thank you Teemu

1:15:29

and you too Cheechu

1:15:31

Well, Senator Comical, it's funny

1:15:33

yesterday somebody tweeted me tweeted

1:15:35

me. Connya West covering some some

1:15:37

Freddie Mercury some Queen. Equally is bad

1:15:39

and bad and it's He

1:15:41

did that move that move had

1:15:43

to had to hit

1:15:45

a medium -sized note and

1:15:47

did let the audience do

1:15:49

it And he he was

1:15:51

singing along see can

1:15:53

see it up on

1:15:55

the internet it's him

1:15:58

just going out there

1:16:00

and doing a and doing

1:16:02

remember it was pressure

1:16:04

under pressure but if it was

1:16:06

it was it was

1:16:08

terrible Whatever it was. It was terrible.

1:16:10

A person that lacked ability musically would do

1:16:12

in that environment. I believe it was Bohemian

1:16:14

rhapsody, that same song. Oh, was it? So

1:16:16

much better. Wow. At least David is tongue-in-cheek.

1:16:18

At least David is tongue-in-cheek. All right, I

1:16:20

don't know. I get the part where he

1:16:22

gets to go out there and do that.

1:16:24

It's the part where we buy tickets. It's

1:16:26

just confusing to me. All right. But anyway,

1:16:28

someday. I'll be on my deathbed and I'll

1:16:30

and Yoko Ono and Lou Reed and all

1:16:32

these people all come to me and an

1:16:34

angel will come down and explain to me

1:16:36

what the fuck they do and then I'll

1:16:38

then I'll be in peace. I'll be in

1:16:40

peace. I'll be in peace finally achieve peace.

1:16:42

Watch any tape of Lou Reed Sing. It's

1:16:44

like I have one more. This is guy

1:16:46

do I have no idea what he does.

1:16:48

The ghost of Lou floats up. How do

1:16:50

you have an I know? All right. All

1:16:52

right. Oh now it's time for the daytime.

1:16:54

Now it's time for the daytime. In

1:17:01

a private ceremony held earlier, daytime ace awards

1:17:03

were given out in the following categories, Best

1:17:05

Game Show. That's a great game show. You

1:17:07

put drunk straight dudes at a bar by

1:17:10

themselves at the end of the night. Stamos

1:17:12

comes in. Yeah. Do you accept the pack?

1:17:14

We'll find out when we come back. If

1:17:16

you do, you win like, you know, a

1:17:18

thousand dollars, two thousand dollars. Sure. The crowd's

1:17:20

dancing. Take that pack. Take that pack. Yeah.

1:17:23

I think the beginning of this thing has

1:17:25

to start with, like, we put the ad

1:17:27

out in the trades. Big Full House fans.

1:17:29

Sober, they're just sitting there with their belt

1:17:31

buckles, big belt buckles going on. I just

1:17:34

don't think it's right for two dudes to

1:17:36

lay down together. I mean, go ahead and

1:17:38

look in the Bible. There's Adam and Eve,

1:17:40

not Adam and Steve. We get a whole

1:17:42

lot, that's the whole act one. And then

1:17:45

we start juicing them up. You know what

1:17:47

I mean? And then Stamos are getting fucked

1:17:49

up. Right. That's the table

1:17:51

for these guys. these guys.

1:17:53

And seeing seeing then you

1:17:55

get to see because you

1:17:58

get to see like these middle America like

1:18:00

ignorant races, being like, that guy from the

1:18:02

Beach Boys, lower third, two two -mesance

1:18:04

monitor. We hook the guys up

1:18:06

the the up with the

1:18:09

two monitor. it's a

1:18:11

ring that goes around

1:18:13

your your deck. when Stamos

1:18:15

like sits down, we

1:18:17

see a little action. action.

1:18:19

Oh my god. Yeah, like a

1:18:21

little heartbeat. little right. Right, right. Then he's, and

1:18:24

then, and then. have dick vibrations.

1:18:26

Then we have some fun.

1:18:28

Like Stamos, was like, just. was just

1:18:30

in you see it go down. rally and

1:18:32

you see it go down. It's such a on the night.

1:18:34

That was super pumped. Yeah, and

1:18:36

it's like, on the there. Whoo! dude. I was

1:18:38

Make it this way back up again.

1:18:40

it's like, Doldt Lundgren was there. Move. Sure. Make it's

1:18:42

way back up again. See, it's normally

1:18:44

the heterosexual white guy white guy

1:18:46

who's got a for everything Yeah,

1:18:48

now it's funny that

1:18:51

the black for everything. Now everyone

1:18:53

has to apologize for everything

1:18:55

to all the time Yeah,

1:18:57

that's if you want

1:18:59

to talk about want to talk

1:19:01

know you know... MLK's real dream. It was

1:19:03

was everyone apologizing all the time

1:19:05

the time. of a day when

1:19:07

a young black man can apologize

1:19:09

man can a young a young

1:19:12

Chinese man and that was

1:19:14

interrupting apology to a transsexual

1:19:17

man that he's given. And

1:19:19

we're American Indian and Eastern

1:19:22

Indian can all about it.

1:19:24

Because I've been to Apology

1:19:27

Mountain. Let Apologies ring. Let

1:19:29

Apologies ring. Best

1:19:32

nickname. The Honeycrisp three times

1:19:34

over the last

1:19:37

five the last five years. First off,

1:19:39

calling off honeycris is like

1:19:41

like me calling myself

1:19:43

cash Yeah, I like that guy.

1:19:45

You do? He's that guy

1:19:48

you Hey, kind of

1:19:50

a is a great guy. I

1:19:52

a great know. I like

1:19:54

to know. I him his

1:19:56

Yeah, it's over overcompensation.

1:20:01

father of the year. My

1:20:03

kid's birthday is today actually

1:20:05

as you hear this. So

1:20:08

they're 11. Yeah and they're

1:20:10

11. I'd like them to

1:20:12

enjoy being 11. I'd like

1:20:14

them to enjoy being 11.

1:20:16

I'd like them to enjoy

1:20:18

being 11 and I don't

1:20:20

want them to think that

1:20:22

their mom and their dad

1:20:25

are falling apart or insane

1:20:27

or you know let him

1:20:29

figure that on their own.

1:20:31

Let him go online. Oh,

1:20:33

my kid's birthday's not today?

1:20:35

Oh! No, but this, was

1:20:37

that, no, this airs. Oh,

1:20:39

it is just, no, he's

1:20:42

wrong. Yeah. Voice mail of

1:20:44

the year. Adam. I just

1:20:46

want to give you some

1:20:48

good news. I went to

1:20:50

the opening of Roadhard and

1:20:52

met you afterwards last year,

1:20:54

and I was just coming

1:20:57

out of my divorce. and

1:20:59

I was worried about life

1:21:01

and you put a hand

1:21:03

on my shoulder and you

1:21:05

told me you're young and

1:21:07

you're pretty you'll be fine

1:21:09

and I want to update

1:21:11

you that things are great

1:21:14

and the reason are great

1:21:16

is because I have discovered

1:21:18

black dick and it is

1:21:20

awesome and it's coming at

1:21:22

me left and right so

1:21:24

life is good so you're

1:21:26

right once again Adam you're

1:21:28

the best. And best

1:21:31

political speech. We are diverse. Through

1:21:33

diversity we have strength. Through numbers

1:21:35

and diversity we find strength. If

1:21:38

one person is let down, then

1:21:40

we're all let down. We need

1:21:42

to come together with unity. We

1:21:45

need to come together with respect.

1:21:47

We need to come together with

1:21:49

diversity. Whether you be gay, whether

1:21:52

you be straight. whether you be

1:21:54

white. We need to live in

1:21:56

a culture that respects, respects, and

1:21:58

diversity is amongst the respect that

1:22:01

we respect. I may not agree

1:22:03

with everything you have to say.

1:22:05

You may not agree with everything

1:22:08

I have to say, but it

1:22:10

is our mutual diversity and respect

1:22:12

and love that brings us together

1:22:15

with an open dialogue. The open

1:22:17

dialogue that includes words like diversity,

1:22:19

that includes words like even more

1:22:22

diverse diversity, that includes inclusion. In

1:22:24

inclusion of diversity, an inclusion of

1:22:26

discussion of diversity, where we come

1:22:29

together, when we have an open

1:22:31

dialogue, when we can come together

1:22:33

and join hands, whatever your color,

1:22:36

whatever your race is, whatever your

1:22:38

religion is, it does not matter

1:22:40

who you pray with. If we

1:22:42

join hands and gather in a

1:22:45

circle of diversity, in a spoken,

1:22:47

in a spoken siren song of

1:22:49

diversity, then we all rise. Together,

1:22:52

thank you. and they're gonna go

1:22:54

I have no idea what they

1:22:56

mean what's the what's the main

1:22:59

objective of these diverse people yeah

1:23:01

definitely no war going on no

1:23:03

that's that much I know all

1:23:06

right let's take a look at

1:23:08

our first our fourth I should

1:23:10

say entry into rant of the

1:23:13

year our fourth nominee for rant

1:23:15

of the year graffiti artists I

1:23:17

have a special hatred for people

1:23:19

that desecrate things because they essentially

1:23:22

affect everybody around them like you

1:23:24

just pull into the gas station

1:23:26

in the crappy part of town,

1:23:29

you go to fill up your

1:23:31

car, you see that some jackoff

1:23:33

has put his initials or his

1:23:36

gang whatever into the little screen

1:23:38

that you're using for the how

1:23:40

much or how long or how

1:23:43

many gallons, and all it does

1:23:45

is bring everyone down just a

1:23:47

quarter notch. Your first thought is

1:23:50

you have a little thought of

1:23:52

like safety, like oh is this

1:23:54

a bad neighborhood or like is

1:23:57

this guy gangbanger? Like you have

1:23:59

a moment of like what's going

1:24:01

on around me? You just bring

1:24:03

it down, whether it's an elevator

1:24:06

or a gas pump, it's just,

1:24:08

just bring it down, just a

1:24:10

little bit. You guys are fucking

1:24:13

assholes and you should take the

1:24:15

fucking scribe with the tungsten tip

1:24:17

in it, place it in your

1:24:20

left ear and keep fucking pushing

1:24:22

it until it comes out of

1:24:24

your right ear, you cock sucker.

1:24:27

Fuck you guys, and you're not

1:24:29

a fucking graffiti artist, fuck you.

1:24:31

You desecorate other people's shit. And

1:24:34

this town looks like shit because

1:24:36

of assholesoles like you. my dad

1:24:38

at the Huntington Hospital and like

1:24:41

the ICU and I got into

1:24:43

the elevator and the thing, the

1:24:45

little plexi where the readout was

1:24:47

of what floor you're on had

1:24:50

been desecrated by this guy and

1:24:52

his fucking retarded ilk. Right. I

1:24:54

don't get it but I wish

1:24:57

we would judge a little bit

1:24:59

more and stop calling these guys

1:25:01

fucking artists, they're assholes and they're

1:25:04

antisocial dickheads and I hope... Every

1:25:06

single one of them that gets

1:25:08

up on a freeway overpass to

1:25:11

desecrate a freeway sign I hope

1:25:13

you fucking fall off and a

1:25:15

run over by UPS truck with

1:25:18

AIDS The UPS truck is AIDS?

1:25:20

There's vehicular That's what happened to

1:25:22

the first kit from Knight Rider.

1:25:25

You got vehicular AIDS? I always

1:25:27

don't like you don't hear about

1:25:29

it. It's hard and pretty hard

1:25:31

getting over with the general lead

1:25:34

too. That's right. Well, how do

1:25:36

you think he got generally gave

1:25:38

him the car. In world,

1:25:41

when you're when

1:25:43

it's a lot

1:25:45

more than bumper

1:25:48

damage. it's a lot more.

1:25:50

than bumper damage. A lot more.

1:25:52

the time go,

1:25:55

man? man? So, we have

1:25:57

a have a

1:25:59

whole second half loaded

1:26:02

up for you

1:26:04

guys. guys. We

1:26:06

have a sports in

1:26:08

in I'm going

1:26:11

to pour myself

1:26:13

a little cocktail. to

1:26:15

How about that?

1:26:18

It brought us

1:26:20

some wonderful How about

1:26:22

that? say. brought us

1:26:25

in my hand.

1:26:27

This is fantastic.

1:26:29

So I'm going

1:26:32

to have some

1:26:34

of that and I'll joy

1:26:36

gift. We'll take

1:26:39

a quick break

1:26:41

back with the

1:26:43

second half. take a

1:26:46

quick break back with the second

1:26:48

half. And now Alcoa presents the

1:26:50

last word. Indefently not a Jew

1:26:52

for 2017! Home Depot! Diarrhea!

1:26:59

Ramen noodles!

1:27:03

Pina colada

1:27:06

mix! Venus My

1:27:09

trap! Hobby

1:27:11

lobby! She

1:27:14

She had

1:27:16

no Potato Potato

1:27:19

Of pig's ear!

1:27:22

ear! His

1:27:24

son's room!

1:27:28

Crab legs! Bud

1:27:31

light! Lime!

1:27:35

Pokémon cards! Machete!

1:27:39

A car wash!

1:27:42

He's peanuts! Auto

1:27:44

body repair! And

1:27:47

off-duty police

1:27:49

police officer!

1:27:53

Sausage biscuits! Scooby

1:27:57

doo's machine!

1:27:59

A backyard

1:28:02

coup, stolen a

1:28:06

stolen forklift,

1:28:08

his colostomy

1:28:11

bad, Arroy

1:28:13

Rogers, alligators,

1:28:16

a dumpster,

1:28:18

a Zamboni,

1:28:21

a loose

1:28:23

tooth, duct,

1:28:26

a... a

1:28:30

bowling

1:28:32

alley, pork

1:28:35

chops, kielbasa

1:28:39

sausage, full

1:28:42

semen, his

1:28:45

prosthetic leg. Thank

1:28:51

you Alcoa for another year

1:28:54

of sponsorship. Tune in in

1:28:56

2018 in more. for more. Definitely not a

1:28:58

joke. Oh man. I've got it never done

1:29:00

that one before. that one I

1:29:02

just had this off the

1:29:05

other day with I We

1:29:07

did that once in the

1:29:09

radio show, other day we did

1:29:11

that, and I was thinking

1:29:13

about how funny that was. the

1:29:16

as I'm hearing this, I'm

1:29:18

like, one doing it again.

1:29:20

How great. I that. for 45

1:29:22

minutes. It's just punchline. about how

1:29:24

funny tag to every I'm hearing this,

1:29:27

I'm like, oh, we're I will tell

1:29:29

you the first cut of

1:29:31

that was over I minutes listen

1:29:33

up for 45 right. punch like it. Just, just

1:29:35

the of the year definitely non-tude on

1:29:38

a year. Oh. First I'll you about about

1:29:40

the Then we'll do that. we'll

1:29:42

do that. Holiday man, using your

1:29:44

mobile device. device. can steal your

1:29:46

credit card, info, other data

1:29:49

with the phony retail retail

1:29:51

Only download apps from reputable

1:29:53

stores and read reviews and read

1:29:55

complaints about malware so on so

1:29:58

so forth. One in four people. experience

1:30:00

theft. If you're only monitoring

1:30:02

your credit, your identity can

1:30:04

still be stolen in ways you may

1:30:06

not detect. you may not detect sell

1:30:08

your information on the information on

1:30:10

the online web loan and your name.

1:30:13

Let's not let that happen. let

1:30:15

that happen right at at 2018 people people.

1:30:17

Let's go. in the in

1:30:19

the new year, shall we? I

1:30:21

got it, it have it, wife has

1:30:23

it. your Protect your identity, all the

1:30:25

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save give it a listen of the year.

1:30:59

Our fourth nominee for Song of

1:31:02

the Year, Mike Dawson Mike Dawson,

1:31:04

mashup. O'Donnell President Well, today

1:31:06

President Trump visited Texas, but

1:31:08

he forgot to bring

1:31:10

any empathy with him, but

1:31:12

he did bring a

1:31:14

hat. a hat. A hat that is for sale.

1:31:16

What's going on? Why am I going on?

1:31:18

Why am I losing this? have

1:31:21

Why don't I have sound? back.

1:31:23

Alright, it's back. Someone's pressing

1:31:25

buttons and turning my sound

1:31:27

Who's asking for a Labor

1:31:29

Day rundown in my ear?

1:31:32

Someone in that control room is out of

1:31:34

control. Day

1:31:36

run down

1:31:39

in my

1:31:41

ear? Someone

1:31:44

in that

1:31:46

control room

1:31:48

is out

1:31:51

of control.

1:31:53

I've missed

1:31:56

you before

1:31:58

enough. You have insanity

1:32:01

in my earpiece. You

1:32:03

have insanity in my

1:32:05

earpiece. You left me

1:32:07

just when I needed

1:32:09

you most. There's insanity

1:32:11

in the control insanity in

1:32:13

the control room tonight. earpiece. Somebody talking not

1:32:15

my earpiece. It's somebody talking on

1:32:17

our we go to Every time we go

1:32:19

to a sock, there's a woman talking

1:32:21

in my ear about something that

1:32:23

has nothing to do with what we're

1:32:25

doing here. to do

1:32:28

with what we're

1:32:30

doing here. Stop

1:32:32

the hammer! Where

1:32:34

is it? Where's

1:32:36

the hammering out

1:32:38

there? Who's got

1:32:41

a out there. Just send

1:32:43

one to me Who's got

1:32:45

a hammer? Where is it? hammer?

1:32:48

Where's the

1:32:50

hammer? Somebody

1:32:52

go out

1:32:54

there and

1:32:56

stop the

1:32:58

hammering! I'll

1:33:04

go down to the to the god

1:33:06

damn for and stop and stop commercial

1:33:08

break going damn commercial break going. I don't

1:33:11

care who the fuck you

1:33:13

have to call I don't care who the

1:33:15

fuck you have to call. Stop the

1:33:17

control room and find out

1:33:19

where this is going on it's

1:33:21

either there or and find out

1:33:23

there somewhere. going on. woman talking in

1:33:25

my ear was talking about somewhere.

1:33:27

woman talking in my ear was

1:33:29

talking about the lady day

1:33:31

special. Repeatedly. He should

1:33:34

never apologize for that. I

1:33:36

why don't, I don't know why,

1:33:38

I, this... So now I have

1:33:40

to chase those stupid, god damn

1:33:43

end trails that you allowed him

1:33:45

to stick out there. out there.

1:33:47

Jesus Christ! Crazy fucking sound fucking sound

1:33:49

coming in my ear, this

1:33:51

fucking stupid hammering. I I told

1:33:53

you why I wanted those fucking

1:33:56

words off. words cut. It

1:33:58

just fucking sucks. All

1:34:01

right, it's

1:34:04

back. It

1:34:06

fucking sucks.

1:34:08

It fucking

1:34:11