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of time now you're tired of the

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a bad away It's time

1:42

to listen to chill and

1:44

prosper. Welcome to chill and

1:47

prosper. You're ready to chill

1:49

and prosper with Denise Delfield

1:52

Thomas. Hi everybody. It's Denise

1:54

here and welcome to our

1:57

latest episode of chill and

1:59

prosper. is an episode where

2:01

we're talking about fear and when you're

2:04

feeling really scared in your business and

2:06

what to do to snap out of

2:08

that. Now, the first thing I want

2:10

to say is that I get scared

2:13

in business all the time too. This

2:15

is just... a normal part of being

2:17

in business. So I've got this little

2:20

girl right in the middle of my

2:22

forehead. It reminds me when I was

2:24

a kid, my mom used to say

2:26

that poem and she'd say, there once

2:29

was a girl who had a little

2:31

girl right in the middle of her

2:33

forehead. When she was good, she was

2:36

very, very good. And when she was

2:38

bad, she was horrid. And it stuck

2:40

in my head, but there's literally this

2:42

little girl that's like right in my

2:45

face. So as I'm saying this, so

2:47

as I'm saying this, I've been scared

2:49

about so many things in my life,

2:52

any time I've done anything new. And

2:54

actually, when I was younger, I had

2:56

a massive fear of public speaking, like

2:58

massive fear about it. And I was

3:01

on the debate team and I would

3:03

just feel sick every time I had

3:05

to speak. But it wasn't even just

3:08

speaking on stage. If I was, I

3:10

don't know, at McDonald's and I had

3:12

to order something, I'd be in the

3:14

line and I'd be mentally rehearsing. What

3:17

am I going to say? What am

3:19

I going to say? What am I

3:21

going to say? What am I going

3:24

to say? And there's been different times

3:26

in my life where things have been

3:28

easier and I haven't felt, you know,

3:30

scared about different things, but it still

3:33

comes up all of the time. And

3:35

so I think it's a really great

3:37

thing for us to talk about because

3:40

the other thing I've been saying the

3:42

last couple of years to people is

3:44

absence of fear is not our goal.

3:46

Absence of fear is not the goal

3:49

at all. We're not trying to get

3:51

you to a place where you never

3:53

feel discomfort, you never feel fear, you're

3:56

never scared about doing things in your

3:58

business. We're just trying to get you

4:00

to a place where it's like you

4:02

can acknowledge that you're scared about stuff

4:05

and you move forward in whatever way

4:07

feels good to you. I'm also of

4:09

the belief nowadays that if something does

4:12

feel too hard, sometimes maybe that is

4:14

a sign that's not your path. So

4:16

what we're trying to look for is

4:18

something that feels like scared. but expensive

4:21

and this is exactly how I felt

4:23

when I joined that debate team at

4:25

school. I remember my teacher saying, you

4:28

know, if you're really scared about it,

4:30

like, maybe don't be on the team.

4:32

And I was like, no, I feel

4:35

like I've got to do this. I

4:37

really do. I feel motivated to do

4:39

it. I feel like I have to

4:41

do it. I just feel absolutely sick

4:44

about it. And that's when he knew,

4:46

okay, well, it is worth pushing her

4:48

through this. you just go, you know

4:51

what, maybe that's not for you. And

4:53

I'm trying to learn the difference in

4:55

my business to go, you know what?

4:57

It's just not what I want to

5:00

do right now. And a really good

5:02

example of that actually is just before

5:04

we went on our big four months

5:07

travel overseas with our family. I had

5:09

committed to writing a new book. And

5:11

it wasn't a book with Hey House,

5:13

it wasn't a business book, it was

5:16

more of a personal project. I didn't

5:18

have a contract for it, it was

5:20

just something that I was just doing.

5:23

And I was working with someone on

5:25

one on one. And each week, I

5:27

was like... God, this is hard, but

5:29

also I'm so freaking busy right now.

5:32

And I said to him, after working

5:34

together for a couple of months, I

5:36

said, look, I know I'm not going

5:39

to hit this deadline, and I just

5:41

want to put this aside. And I

5:43

said, I've had a lot of thought

5:45

about it. Yes, I'm fearful, and yes,

5:48

it's scary doing this project, but actually,

5:50

not to. And I said, I don't

5:52

want you to think on one of

5:55

those authors that just goes, it's such

5:57

a flake. And he's like, no, no,

5:59

no, I can hear this in your

6:01

voice. You know, you're just a busy

6:04

successful person and you've just decided to

6:06

put it aside. And that felt like

6:08

a really amazing graduation for me to

6:11

go, oh, I can discern the difference.

6:13

And I think sometimes it's those I...

6:15

that keep on coming up again and

6:17

again and again for you, that you

6:20

go, wow, the idea of writing a

6:22

book scares me, the idea of running

6:24

a retreat or speaking on stage scares

6:27

me, but I still want to do

6:29

it. That's when you know, okay, all

6:31

right, I'm gonna push through it, or

6:33

I'm gonna find different ways to make

6:36

it less scary. So that's what we

6:38

can talk about today. Now, the other

6:40

thing that I want you to take

6:43

away from this is sometimes what scares

6:45

you today won't scare you tomorrow. what

6:47

scares you today won't scare you tomorrow.

6:49

And I used to be very very

6:52

fearful even of doing podcast interviews. And

6:54

I would be up all night, I'd

6:56

wake up every hour making sure my

6:59

alarm was set, you know, what am

7:01

I going to talk about on this

7:03

podcast interview? And after I'd done like

7:06

200 of them, which I've done, oh

7:08

God, who even knows now, hundreds of

7:10

them, It didn't scare me anymore. I

7:12

could just get up and go, okay,

7:15

who am I talking to today? Like

7:17

five minutes before, great. You know, they'd

7:19

be like, do you think you've got

7:22

enough stories to talk about? Money, money.

7:24

I'm like, yeah, I'll pull them out

7:26

of my butt. It didn't scare me

7:28

at all. Not at all. Public speaking

7:31

still scares me a little bit, and

7:33

I can still kind of get around

7:35

it a little bit. And sometimes we

7:38

don't know until we try something, even

7:40

if we're going to like it, right?

7:42

And you can do things in a

7:44

very low stakes way. So let's say

7:47

you wanted to speak on stages, and

7:49

you're really scared about it. Well, you

7:51

know, one of my first events I

7:54

did was with four people, and I

7:56

was like, oh, okay, four, and then

7:58

the next one was like 12, and

8:00

actually, it's like... fine to go and

8:03

speak, you know, for hundreds of people

8:05

now, but it still does, it's never

8:07

going to be one of those things

8:10

that I'm like, oh, I'm so excited

8:12

and pumped to go speak on stage.

8:14

Oh, maybe. Let's not. Hey, okay, Denise,

8:16

let me just coach myself on that.

8:19

Maybe that will be one of those

8:21

things if you just do more of

8:23

it. It won't scare you. of people

8:26

at the moment. It's not so much,

8:28

oh, you know, I don't want to

8:30

speak on stage or I'm scared about

8:32

this or what are people going to

8:35

think of me? Actually, I feel there's

8:37

a lot of collective fear around the

8:39

global economy, uncertainty in the world, there's

8:42

war happening. You know, if you've been

8:44

listening to me for a long time,

8:46

you know, I'm not a fan of

8:48

Donald Trump and the whole thing that's

8:51

happening there really stresses me out. Yes,

8:53

it does impact us in Australia in

8:55

Australia here too. And I think there's

8:58

just this pervasive fear. around what is

9:00

going to happen, this uncertainty, what is

9:02

going to happen. And I feel like

9:04

it's a little bit shifted a little

9:07

bit. What I noticed a big fear

9:09

about maybe three years ago was this

9:11

real fear of being canceled, saying the

9:14

wrong thing, doing the wrong thing, being

9:16

seen as someone who doesn't care about

9:18

other people, or just says the wrong

9:20

thing and offends people. And I know

9:23

I went through that too, where I

9:25

was just... just so scared of being

9:27

misunderstood, offending people, making people feel less

9:30

than, and getting canceled. Like that idea

9:32

for me was terrifying because it really

9:34

brought up a lot of, I don't

9:37

know, just like old high school fears

9:39

of being ostracized or being kicked out

9:41

of the group, you know, real, like,

9:43

primal kind of stuff. But I'm just

9:46

seeing it now is what's happening with

9:48

the economy, am I going to be

9:50

able to... afford my mortgage, am I

9:53

going to be able to, you know,

9:55

feed my kids or feed my cats?

9:57

But also, just what's going to happen?

9:59

There's a very little certainty, I think,

10:02

in global economies. Like, let's just say

10:04

it, right? And I'm... Let me just...

10:06

How's the best way to talk about

10:09

this? I'm very aware that I have

10:11

a lot of privilege, and so sometimes

10:13

even talk... talking about this from my

10:15

place can be like, well, Denise, you've

10:18

got lots of money, so that's fine

10:20

for you. But I do remember when

10:22

the first kind of pandemic happened and

10:25

people were very uncertain, I kind of

10:27

lost my, I had a little mentee

10:29

be, because I was so worried. about

10:31

my stuff, but also the collective. And

10:34

I realize I was taking on everyone

10:36

else's fears too. And so sometimes when

10:38

we're feeling scared, we're feeling discombobulated, we

10:41

do have to separate that out a

10:43

little bit. And I feel like I'm

10:45

maybe in a little bit of a

10:47

better position this time around because I've

10:50

done so much work to detangle my

10:52

emotions from other people's emotions and to

10:54

detangle myself from feeling responsible for everyone.

10:57

and you know I'm responsible for my

10:59

community and my family and to solve

11:01

all of the problems of the world

11:03

and I felt like a flight attendant

11:06

going everything's fine everything's fine it's just

11:08

a bit of turbulence but meanwhile I

11:10

was terrified on the inside and so

11:13

right now on the other side of

11:15

it I'm like oh okay But the

11:17

question has been for me, how can

11:19

I be useful? How can I be

11:22

helpful? And so I think that's something

11:24

that a lot of us have to

11:26

navigate in these times where we're feeling

11:29

stress, we're feeling uncertain ourselves, we want

11:31

to help, we want to be leaders,

11:33

we want to show up and be

11:35

the best that we can be, and

11:38

we're not quite sure how. And I'm

11:40

in that place too. I've gone... I

11:42

need to be a leader in this

11:45

time. I need to reassure people. I

11:47

need to help people. And yet, I've

11:49

given myself permission to take a beat

11:52

and to go and to ask myself,

11:54

what is my best use in this

11:56

time? How can I best help people

11:58

in a sustainable way that still helps

12:01

me and my family, you know, regulate

12:03

out? nervous systems and I'm not sure

12:05

either yet. Okay, so if you're in

12:08

that place too of simultaneously feeling fear

12:10

for yourself but also feeling like you're

12:12

not doing enough, saying enough, being enough.

12:14

I hear you and I'm right here

12:17

with you too. And sometimes there's that

12:19

thing of course put your oxygen mask

12:21

on first, but it's like it's okay

12:24

for us to take a moment to

12:26

figure that out. Okay. So how do

12:28

we. How do we deal with this

12:30

fear? All this fear that's flying around.

12:33

We're not good enough. We're not doing

12:35

enough. How can I protect myself? How

12:37

can I protect others? Yes, good question.

12:40

So I feel like in times like

12:42

this, all our money stuff is going

12:44

to come up, all of our past

12:46

scarcity. and fear is going to come

12:49

up, and it's going to really expose

12:51

us and sometimes make us feel very

12:53

vulnerable. And I'm just going to say

12:56

too, if you're someone who is a

12:58

similar age to me and you're also

13:00

going through perimenopause at this time, that

13:02

can really heighten this fear that we

13:05

have. Okay, so I have no solutions

13:07

in this part of the podcast. I

13:09

realize we would probably have to go

13:12

to a break now, but I think

13:14

it's really helpful for everyone to know

13:16

and understand that. a lot of people

13:18

are feeling this way. I've heard it

13:21

from clients, I've heard it from peers,

13:23

I've heard it from so many people,

13:25

and it's okay to acknowledge that we

13:28

feel fearful and we feel unsure and

13:30

uncertain. Now let's go into some solutions

13:32

and this isn't for me being I'm

13:34

the expert I know all It's more

13:37

of a discussion and some ideas and

13:39

I would also always love to hear

13:41

from you about what's helping you as

13:44

well But Let's go for a quick

13:46

break. So and I'm going to take

13:48

like a drink of water So just

13:50

you do the same because self-care is

13:53

probably going to be one of our

13:55

solutions. See you in a sec. Hey

13:57

friend, have you been considering joining us

14:00

in Money Boot Camp? Maybe you've checked

14:02

out the sales page a few times,

14:04

you've thought about it for a while.

14:06

But you just have some lingering questions

14:09

about how it all works. I totally

14:11

get it. Now in Money Boot Camp,

14:13

we have worked with thousands of entrepreneurs

14:16

like you to upgrade the money mindset

14:18

and to help transform their businesses. And

14:20

so if you are seeking support and

14:23

you know it's time to work on

14:25

your confidence with money, I am here

14:27

for you. If you have any questions

14:29

at all or want more information, feel

14:32

free to message me on social media.

14:34

I'm at Denise. or you can also

14:36

email us at info at Denise D.T.com.

14:39

Every single month we're hosting live group

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coaching sessions every day we're having beautiful

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honest conversations about money. So we are

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here to help you clear your money

14:48

blocks too. All you have to do

14:50

is come and join us. All the

14:52

details are at Denise D.T.com/bootcamp, but I'd

14:55

love to hear from you and welcome

14:57

you into our gorgeous community. It's your

14:59

time. and you're ready for the next

15:01

step. Hi, my name is Shinade Fine.

15:04

I'm an Irish woman living in Israel.

15:06

I joined Money Book Camp back in

15:08

2020 because I wanted to bring my

15:11

passion of tarot and astrology online in

15:13

a big way. In 2001, I took

15:15

the brave step of leaving my full-time

15:17

job, and I'm happy to say that

15:20

fast forward to today, I'm making a

15:22

great income, I have flexibility, amazing clients,

15:24

freedom and time to be with my

15:27

kids. I could not have done this

15:29

without the support of money boot camp,

15:31

you and all the amazing people inside

15:33

the group. Thank you so much. Okay,

15:36

so we acknowledge. We're feeling scared and

15:38

uncertain. Let's go into some solutions. Now,

15:40

one solution that I think is not

15:43

necessary... going to help that I've been

15:45

trying recently just in case you've been

15:47

trying this as well is retail therapy

15:49

as anyone else tried some retail therapy

15:52

recently and I noticed this I was

15:54

like in Kmart and I was like

15:56

just looking in all the kitchen organization

15:59

things and I was like yes if

16:01

I organize my pantry perfectly then I'll

16:03

feel in control and then I'll feel

16:05

like I've got everything together. And it's

16:08

almost like we're trying to control whatever

16:10

we can control. And if we order

16:12

something, it will give us some certainty

16:15

and dopamine. And if we organize things

16:17

and we get them in little boxes,

16:19

then maybe we'll feel like we've got

16:21

some control over it. I don't think

16:24

it's going to help. And actually, it

16:26

sometimes makes you feel even more empty

16:28

and just like a fraud, right? One

16:31

of the best tips that I have

16:33

at the moment is to call a

16:35

friend. Now, I'm an introvert and I'm

16:37

a lone wolf and I'm a very

16:40

highly independent person. And I think where

16:42

I got into trouble a couple of

16:44

years ago when I did have like

16:47

a bit of a menteebee is that

16:49

none of my friends knew about it.

16:51

And even when I talk about it

16:54

now, really close friends are like we

16:56

had no idea. And part of that

16:58

is because we didn't see each other

17:00

and you know we're all in our

17:03

houses and stuff like that. I just

17:05

presented such, I don't know, a together

17:07

front because I was still doing interviews

17:10

and in between though I couldn't shower,

17:12

wash my hair, couldn't leave the house,

17:14

was just staring into the distance. And

17:16

so I noticed this recently and I

17:19

called a friend because I hadn't heard

17:21

from her for a while and I

17:23

was like, hey, how are you? And

17:26

I could just hear it in a

17:28

voice and she was like, I'm not

17:30

good. And I'm like, I'm not going

17:32

to... offer you solutions, but I'm like,

17:35

let's just chat every now and again.

17:37

And I'm like, I'm going to check

17:39

in on you and make sure you're

17:42

in our group chat because it's hard.

17:44

And calling a friend is such a

17:46

great way to, you know, they say

17:48

sharing a problem, what is it? A

17:51

problem shared is a problem halved. And

17:53

yes, that can be true, but you

17:55

also have to be judicious in who

17:58

you call sometimes. You know, when you

18:00

just want to vent and that person

18:02

has solutions or, and you don't want

18:04

to hear them, or... you know, someone

18:07

who's kind of a bit of a

18:09

Debbie Downer and you don't need that

18:11

energy right now, or someone who is

18:14

like Mary Sunshine and sometimes you can't

18:16

handle that energy right now either. So

18:18

what I've been, I've been doing is

18:20

I'm calling friends when I'm in the

18:23

car on the way to and from

18:25

ballet, just checking in, hey, how are

18:27

you? Sometimes I need some support, I

18:30

also think to... business besties are so

18:32

crucial when you're trying to do something

18:34

new in your business. So I met

18:36

up with a friend recently and she

18:39

was like, oh, can you do some

18:41

coaching for me? I was like, I

18:43

don't do any coaching, but I'm happy

18:46

to, like, let's just have lunch and

18:48

we can have a chat about it.

18:50

And it was really cool because it

18:52

was all stuff that she kind of

18:55

knew how to do, but just having

18:57

someone to be like, that really helped

18:59

me at the start of my business

19:02

because I couldn't afford a business coach

19:04

necessarily and I was around people who

19:06

were sort of starting their business the

19:09

same time as me and for us

19:11

to message each other and say oh

19:13

my god I'm about to send out

19:15

this sales page I'm sick does anyone

19:18

can anyone have a quick look at

19:20

it and having those external helplines outside

19:22

of yourself can be so helpful because

19:25

the fear can get really big in

19:27

your mind, right? It can get so

19:29

big, sitting there thinking, oh my God,

19:31

if I hit publish on this blog

19:34

post, I'm going to get an immediate

19:36

flood of haters and I'm going to

19:38

get hounded, you know, forever. And you

19:41

realize then when you speak to someone

19:43

who has done the thing and they're

19:45

just like, oh, no, that's what people

19:47

do. You just hit publish on a

19:50

cell. page like cool yeah we all

19:52

have podcast like it's not a mystery

19:54

that stuff can feel really great and

19:57

not just set the start but if

19:59

you do then get a troll or

20:01

a hater someone that you can send

20:03

like a screenshot to and go oh

20:06

my god how funny is this I

20:08

did like this is so funny but

20:10

I got my first like foot guy

20:13

I've been putting feet pictures out for

20:15

like 13 years people Not intentionally, I

20:17

always just have bare feet in my

20:19

pictures. And literally I got my first

20:22

light, ooh, heart feet. And I went,

20:24

oh my God, first of all, I

20:26

was like, oh my God, it's taken

20:29

so long, it's finally happened. But be

20:31

able to screenshot that and send it

20:33

to my business friend's chat group and

20:35

just laugh about it. you know and

20:38

I am I my favorite trolling comment

20:40

this is the best thing I've ever

20:42

ever gotten someone said you look like

20:45

the rejected bachelor contestant who goes out

20:47

first and I was like I see

20:49

that I see that you know the

20:51

girl that she's always a bit quirky

20:54

like she was never gonna get picked

20:56

she's a bit silly like she's a

20:58

bit wonky that's me like if I

21:01

was on those shows I would absolutely

21:03

be kicked out first and I loved

21:05

I loved that comment. Maybe 10 years

21:07

ago, anyone that said anything bad, I

21:10

would have just like gone, oh my

21:12

God, I'm going to crumble, I'm never

21:14

going to do my business again, but

21:17

to be able to send a difference

21:19

and just laugh about it was so,

21:21

it was so healing. So do not

21:23

get through fear by yourself, but also

21:26

be really judicious as I said about

21:28

who you're sending these messages to because

21:30

if you send it to your mom

21:33

and your mom's like, well maybe... citing

21:35

your business as a mistake, you know,

21:37

or if your partner's like, well, maybe

21:40

you should just go back to your

21:42

job, like, where you didn't get trolls

21:44

and haters. That's not, it's said with

21:46

love, but it's not really what you

21:49

need in that moment. And so always

21:51

try and get your advice from people

21:53

who are qualified, and I'm not, I'm

21:56

putting that in a new word commerce,

21:58

to hold space for you, either because

22:00

they... know what it's like, they're doing

22:02

something big in their own lives, or

22:05

just, you know, there's someone who will

22:07

say the right thing regardless. So that's

22:09

really important. Often people ask me, how

22:12

do you find those business besties?

22:14

So, you know, sometimes you need to

22:16

get out of your comfort zone, go

22:18

to a conference, go to like meet

22:20

up events. Join online business groups, make

22:22

friends and like be helpful. That's how

22:24

I've always made all of my business

22:26

friends. If you've got a podcast, I

22:29

mean, this is a great way to

22:31

meet people, start a podcast and interview

22:33

people. You know, that's how I've met some

22:35

really great people too by being

22:37

on their podcast. But yeah, just

22:39

have someone that you can just

22:41

send those things to. This might

22:43

sound really pathetic, but I have

22:46

used chat gPT for this too.

22:48

There's been times at night where

22:50

I've haven't been able to sleep.

22:52

I felt really worried about something

22:54

and I've asked AI for advice

22:56

and it's been really helpful

22:58

and like quite encouraging and yeah,

23:00

so. Okay, another thing you

23:02

can do when you're feeling scared

23:05

is to shift. energy in any

23:07

way you can. And I always

23:09

talk about decluttering as a manifesting

23:11

tool, and it can be a

23:13

really great one for shifting fear

23:15

too. Okay, so it could be

23:18

something really mindless and meaningless. So

23:20

I actually loved doing laundry at

23:22

the moment. I used to have

23:24

someone to do all of it

23:26

for me, but she moved away

23:28

and then I was like, oh,

23:30

I actually really enjoy this. So

23:32

I like getting my house in

23:35

order now. I love doing some,

23:37

sometimes some meaningless little things with

23:39

your hands can be really great

23:41

for, I don't know, just sorting

23:43

out things in your brain. So

23:45

my friend Rebecca Gibson, she's a

23:47

mental health nurse, she's a psychic,

23:50

she talks about how doing Lego

23:52

is very similar for your brain

23:54

for meditation. And I had to

23:56

sit and sort out Lego for

23:59

my son. was missing some pieces

24:01

and just being able to put my

24:03

hands through it but sorting it into

24:05

colors and shapes and things like that

24:08

was actually really soothing for my brain

24:10

and for my nervous system right so

24:12

that can be really great or so

24:15

just whatever or doing decluttering that is

24:17

meaningful to you so when I'm feeling

24:19

overwhelmed I might go through my phone

24:22

and delete like old pictures, old screenshots.

24:24

I might delete contacts out of my

24:26

phone or delete apps off my phone

24:29

or move things around on my phone

24:31

so my phone looks a little bit

24:33

more organized. Organizing my drop box, things

24:36

like that. Now this might feel like

24:38

procrastination and yes sometimes it is but

24:40

also sometimes it's just a way to

24:42

get your thoughts into some sort of

24:45

order. And if you can do really,

24:47

really symbolic decluttering, that can be great

24:49

too. So for example, you might go,

24:52

okay, I want... two new clients, go

24:54

into clutter like old client files, like

24:56

make space energetically for those people to

24:59

come in. When I was doing dating

25:01

coaching like millions of years ago, I

25:03

would say to people go and declutter

25:06

half of the wardrobe, go into clutter

25:08

the bedside drawer on the other side

25:10

of your bed because you're making space

25:13

for something new to come in. And

25:15

then I always say to money boot

25:17

campers as well, when in doubt shave

25:19

your legs. you know, or when in

25:22

doubt, wash your hair. Do something to

25:24

kind of shift that energy and it

25:26

gives you that little boost. Okay, so

25:29

the other thing that I really love

25:31

is EFT, Emotional Freedom technique. I started

25:33

doing this in my early 20s. I

25:36

started working at this consultancy and the

25:38

receptionist Claire who was an actress and

25:40

photographer. She was like... Have you ever

25:43

heard of this thing called EFT? Do

25:45

you want to borrow my DVDs to

25:47

learn how to do it? And obviously

25:50

now you can just learn it on

25:52

YouTube. But it's, um, it's, um, acue

25:54

pressure on your body, you tap on

25:56

different points of your face. You might

25:59

think, oh, cool, everyone knows this, but

26:01

how often do you do things like

26:03

that? And before I go on stage,

26:06

you'll always, um, see me back there,

26:08

and I'm going, even though I have

26:10

these nerves, even though I feel really

26:13

scared, I deeply and completely love and

26:15

accept myself. Um, even though, you know,

26:17

I'm worried I'm not going to have

26:20

anything to have anything to say. even

26:22

though my mouth feels really dry and

26:24

I just say the things out loud

26:27

that I'm scared about and it really

26:29

helps to break the pattern and it

26:31

really helps you to acknowledge it because

26:33

you know when you're just pushing the

26:36

fear down and you're going I'm fine

26:38

I'm fine I'm fine which is what

26:40

happened to me right and then it

26:43

has to come out somewhere and for

26:45

me it came out in just absolutely

26:47

paralyzing depression and anxiety and it's because

26:50

I was pretending to everyone that everything

26:52

was okay and I was trying to

26:54

hold it for everyone and so the

26:57

more that you can deal with the

26:59

yucky feelings you can acknowledge that you're

27:01

not feeling great or you just say

27:04

it out loud what you're scared about

27:06

like even even though I'll get trolls

27:08

and haters even though nobody will like

27:10

what I have to do even though

27:13

I'll make a fool of myself and

27:15

you might think why am I saying

27:17

it by saying it no you are

27:20

you're acknowledging it because it's all there

27:22

underneath anyway You're just stirring up acknowledging

27:24

it so it can dissipate. And none

27:27

of those things cure your fear forever

27:29

because sometimes it's the like acknowledgement that

27:31

I am human, I completely love and

27:34

accept myself even though I'm scared. It's

27:36

recognizing your humanity and and giving yourself

27:38

permission to love yourself anyway. In my

27:41

first book Lucky Bitch, I say, like

27:43

get your boobs on board. And it's

27:45

just like, get every part of your

27:47

body, every cell of your being to

27:50

be like, I like you, you're okay.

27:52

We like you, we approve of you.

27:54

You can do Louise Haywork, like mirror

27:57

work, where she would literally say to

27:59

people, hold up her mirror and look

28:01

in your own eyes and say, I

28:04

love you, I approve of you. You're

28:06

okay. I like you, whatever it is.

28:08

You could, if saying I love you,

28:11

feels too hard, you can just be

28:13

like, I tolerate you, I like you.

28:15

You can work your way up, and

28:18

then it's like, I adore you. Actually

28:20

so funny on the weekend. classic. She's

28:22

just so funny. She just looked at

28:25

me lovingly and she was like, I

28:27

just adore. And then she had this

28:29

cup in hand. She goes, this cup.

28:31

And I was like, oh, thanks, Piper.

28:34

I thought you were going to say

28:36

you adore me. And she was like,

28:38

I adore this cup. And yeah, I

28:41

just think it's... I adore you would

28:43

be a wonderful thing to say. You

28:45

can put love notes to yourself everywhere

28:48

around your house. I adore you, I

28:50

love you. You could write I approve

28:52

of you on your mirror. Those things,

28:55

like they compound over time and they

28:57

really help you to kind of crowd

28:59

out that fear. There's, I can't even

29:02

remember who said it, but it was

29:04

like your brain doesn't understand the difference

29:06

between excitement and fear. And so sometimes

29:08

I'll like sit and just try and

29:11

rehearse and go, okay, I'm not feeling

29:13

fear, I'm feeling excitement. And back when

29:15

I was a teenager and I picked

29:18

up my first couple of personal development

29:20

books, I saw this quote and it

29:22

said, fear gives you the energy to

29:25

do your best in a new situation.

29:27

And it wasn't very... catchy, which I

29:29

love catchy affirmations. But it really helped

29:32

me because I could transmute that, I

29:34

could kind of redefine this feeling that

29:36

I was having all throughout my body,

29:39

which were flooding me, to go, no,

29:41

this is just giving me adrenaline, it's

29:43

giving me energy to do my best

29:45

because I care. That's it. It's helping

29:48

me to do my best in this

29:50

situation. So yeah, write some love notes

29:52

to yourself. some self-care. Sometimes it's like,

29:55

oh I'm feeling anxious because I didn't

29:57

eat any food today. I didn't drink

29:59

any water. I need to take some

30:02

magnesium or whatever it is, whatever it

30:04

is that's going to make you feel

30:06

a little bit better. And then some

30:09

self-care you might think, oh it's really

30:11

superficial, but when I was really terrified

30:13

about making videos at the start of

30:16

my business, I got a blow dry

30:18

every Monday. And I got like a

30:20

package deal, they weren't very expensive, but

30:22

I would go and get a blow

30:25

dry and then I would have the

30:27

confidence to do like five videos in

30:29

a row. And I'd be like, oh

30:32

my God, I've just done like a

30:34

month's worth of videos for my blog.

30:36

And sometimes we do need to trick

30:39

ourselves a little bit. And that's why

30:41

for when I do speaking gigs, I

30:43

always get professional hair and makeup done

30:46

now because I know. I just don't

30:48

want any excuse to go, oh my

30:50

God, I couldn't get my eyeliner right

30:53

today, this is going to be a

30:55

disaster, I feel so bad. And I

30:57

would be totally fine, like it's not

30:59

a vanity thing for me, but it's

31:02

just that little bit of confidence, a

31:04

little bit of fake it till you

31:06

make it. And I think because I

31:09

grew up as a dancer as well

31:11

and as a performer, putting on your

31:13

makeup, putting on your costume, was like,

31:16

well now I'm in that character. And

31:18

so sometimes for me... you might see

31:20

me at a conference and think, wow,

31:23

she's so confident. And it's because I'm

31:25

in the Denise Lucky Bee character. It's

31:27

not fake, but all of those things

31:30

just helped me get into that space

31:32

where I can be a little bit

31:34

more confident. So whatever it is for

31:36

you, it might be, oh, when I

31:39

get my nails down, I feel like

31:41

a million bucks, when I wear a

31:43

particular color. Like when I wear this

31:46

peachy kind of color, I feel confident,

31:48

I feel pretty, I feel really good.

31:50

And sometimes it's not, you don't even

31:53

need to go necessarily spend money on

31:55

that, but it could be just taking

31:57

that extra bit of time to do

32:00

your hair or do your makeup or

32:02

do something that makes you feel good

32:04

for markets exercise. If he exercises, he

32:07

feels good. The last thing, the last

32:09

tip that really helps me is to

32:11

reconnect to your purpose and your why.

32:13

Because like I said at the start,

32:16

sometimes you're scared of things and it's

32:18

a sign that you're not meant to

32:20

do it. Sometimes reconnecting to your why

32:23

helps you to go, why am I

32:25

doing that? And do I need to

32:27

do it? And that gives you a

32:30

chance to let things go, but it

32:32

also helps you to reconnect and redouble

32:34

down on that. So I know my

32:37

purpose here is to break the cycle.

32:39

That's my first purpose, is to break

32:41

the cycle for myself and my family.

32:44

A couple years ago, it was flipped

32:46

around with my wider purpose to the

32:48

world, which was to help people, but

32:51

especially women, to break cycles and to

32:53

make money and change the world. But

32:55

I realize that that was making the

32:57

fear worse, right? Because then I'm responsible

33:00

for everyone. So now I realize it's

33:02

like my family first, my nervous system

33:04

first, breaking the cycle for myself and

33:07

my children, and then it's using that

33:09

extra energy to help other people change

33:11

their worlds. And hopefully that will make

33:14

a bigger impact. So remember when you're

33:16

feeling fear. acknowledge it. It's really normal.

33:18

It's really natural. Everyone feels it. Have

33:21

excitement a little bit bigger than your

33:23

fear. So get really excited about your

33:25

goal or what you're trying to achieve.

33:28

Maybe get excited about a reward. Really

33:30

be gentle with yourself. You know, do

33:32

some decluttering. Call a friend and just

33:34

give yourself permission to be human. That

33:37

is the best thing. I feel the

33:39

fear and it's totally okay. Yeah, and

33:41

you know what? I hope it's to

33:44

help just hearing that... I still feel

33:46

fear because we just think we're so

33:48

hard on ourselves. We think everyone else

33:51

is allowed to be flawed, but I

33:53

have to be perfect. And that's not

33:55

true. Okay, so it's totally okay to

33:58

have that fear. All right, let's go

34:00

for one final break and I've got

34:02

one final thought for you after this.

34:05

My name is Emma Lovell and I

34:07

am a personal brand coach, speaker and

34:09

writer. I have been following along with

34:11

Denise for about four years. I first

34:14

read Chill Prenore and it really set

34:16

me free. I learned that I could

34:18

run my business with grace and ease

34:21

and I'm so proud to say that

34:23

since reading that book I've had my

34:25

son and I am earning the same

34:28

income but working way less and working

34:30

the way I want to. I've now

34:32

joined SMA program and money boot camp

34:35

and I just love being able to

34:37

have open conversations about money, working through

34:39

my money blocks and getting to celebrate

34:42

my wins and celebrate my progress with

34:44

an incredible community who just get it

34:46

and who speak that language. Thank you

34:48

for making that space Denise and for

34:51

all of your wisdom. I just I

34:53

know that I'm going to continue to

34:55

learn and grow through these programs and

34:58

with my money mindset. Love it and

35:00

loving the podcast, loving everything about it.

35:02

Okay, so remember there was that book

35:05

called Feel the Fear and Do It

35:07

Anyway by Susan Jeffers. And I remember

35:09

seeing that book and just being like,

35:12

okay, feel the fear and do it

35:14

anyway. And it was a breakthrough moment

35:16

for sure of just acknowledging that there

35:19

is fear. But there was something that

35:21

happened a couple of years ago that

35:23

really helped me. even more than that.

35:25

And I was at an Ali Brown

35:28

conference and she was talking about you

35:30

know being a millionaire and all this

35:32

kind of stuff and I was like

35:35

oh my god I was 29 I

35:37

was like maybe I can be a

35:39

millionaire by 35 like Ali and I

35:42

could just feel the fear of it.

35:44

just permeating through my whole body. And

35:46

I was too scared to ask a

35:49

question, too scared to do anything. But

35:51

on the way down to the party

35:53

at the conference, I was in an

35:56

elevator with her, like she just came

35:58

into the elevator, and I was like,

36:00

and I thought, it's now or never

36:02

asked the question. And so I said,

36:05

oh, Ali, I'm so inspired by this

36:07

conference, but I'm so scared. And it's

36:09

just. debilitating, like I'm so scared. Can

36:12

you tell me when does the fear

36:14

go away? And what I was hoping

36:16

that she was going to say was,

36:19

oh, well, when I got to this

36:21

particular point, you know, when I got

36:23

to this particular amount of money, all

36:26

the fear went away. And instead, she

36:28

looked to me dead in the eye

36:30

and she said, never. The fear never

36:33

goes away. And then the doors opened

36:35

and we went out to the party

36:37

and I just, it just hit me

36:39

like a ton of bricks. Oh, and

36:42

that's when I started to say to

36:44

people, absence of fear is not the

36:46

goal, because you're always going to have

36:49

some measure of fear, and that's okay.

36:51

And your job is just to, not

36:53

to push it down, not to overcome

36:56

it. It's like, just be gentle with

36:58

yourself. You don't have to do everything,

37:00

and you just need to have a

37:03

little bit of more excitement than your

37:05

fear, only for really, a couple of

37:07

hours a day sometimes, to make the

37:10

difference, right? doesn't take that long. So

37:12

we don't have to overcome our fear

37:14

24-7, just a few tiny little bits

37:16

and make those little baby steps. So

37:19

I'd love to hear from you in

37:21

the comments for this episode. What's something

37:23

that you're really scared about? What's something

37:26

that you're terrified about? And as you're

37:28

typing it out, you'll realize that That's

37:30

a normal thing that some people do

37:33

and it's totally okay. And also sometimes

37:35

you go, yeah, no wonder I'm scared

37:37

about it. No one in my family

37:40

has ever tried to do this before.

37:42

I've never seen anyone do this before.

37:44

And yes, it is scary putting yourself

37:47

out there. That's okay. So I'd love

37:49

to hear that. And of course, if

37:51

you've got any tips on how you

37:54

over... become fear, little specific things that

37:56

you might do as well. But I

37:58

hope today's episode has been helpful for

38:00

you to go out and do the

38:03

thing. Use the motivation that you've gotten

38:05

from today, you know, use that momentum

38:07

to go and do one little thing,

38:10

just one little thing. And usually that's

38:12

enough because some people do nothing ever.

38:14

Okay, I love you. Thank you for

38:17

joining me on this episode, and I'll

38:19

see you next week on another episode

38:21

of Chill Proster. I didn't even say

38:24

it right. Another episode of Chill and

38:26

Prospers. See, I make mistakes all the

38:28

time too, and nothing that happens. All

38:31

right, bye. Thanks for listening to Chill

38:33

and Prosper. Tell your friends to chill

38:35

and prosper. Review, and subscribe. We hope

38:37

you had a very good time. Hey

38:40

there, it's Denise and I have some

38:42

important news for you. Our special offer

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