0:06

When Jordan and Dakota met, they

0:09

were young and healthy, and

0:11

they had their entire lives

0:13

in front of them. These

0:15

days, Jordan's sick, and

0:17

Dakota's become her caregiver, but

0:19

they're still young. Jordan's only

0:21

27, Dakota's only 26, and

0:24

it's one of those things

0:26

we don't talk about a

0:28

lot. We don't talk about

0:30

being the caregiver for your

0:32

romantic partner. when you're still

0:35

a young adult, when you're

0:37

still in what should be

0:39

the early and fun stages

0:42

of your relationship.

0:44

Some days, Jordan can't

0:46

eat or drink at all.

0:48

She has a condition where the

0:50

food just stalls out

0:52

in her stomach and

0:54

it doesn't get fully

0:56

digested. Dakota has to be

0:59

on alert all the time because...

1:01

Her flare-ups don't just leave her

1:03

in bed for a week. They make

1:05

her so dehydrated that she

1:07

regularly has to go to the ER. Of

1:09

course, it has changed almost

1:11

everything about their relationship. But

1:14

it's also made them stronger, and

1:16

it's made them consider each other

1:18

completely differently. The two of

1:20

them still want to spend the

1:23

rest of their lives together. And

1:25

they're constantly dreaming about

1:28

what the future looks

1:30

like. But for now...

1:33

They do often

1:39

have

1:41

to

1:44

take

1:46

it

1:49

one

1:52

day at

1:56

a time.

2:00

So we'd known each other for

2:02

over 10 years and through that

2:04

ex-boyfriend we became really close

2:06

friends and then that became

2:09

more. Kind of hit off

2:11

in college for sure. We

2:13

started hanging out a lot

2:15

more during that time. Philly

2:17

got close. Yeah, really just

2:19

kind of was there to

2:22

support each other and it

2:24

really brought us closer together

2:26

overall. So. Yeah, that's and

2:28

then eventually like she said

2:30

that blossomed into more and

2:33

here we are now. I

2:35

love it. I love a

2:37

slow burn. I really do.

2:39

So here you are now.

2:41

How long have you officially

2:43

been together? We just celebrated

2:46

six years. Six years. Congratulations.

2:48

Thank you. Thank you. And

2:50

so since you first got

2:52

together, how have things changed

2:54

since the very beginning? Well,

2:56

there's been a lot of

2:59

moving around, I will say.

3:01

She started school to get

3:03

her PhD and had to

3:05

move to Texas. We are

3:07

originally from Pennsylvania, so it

3:09

was a huge cultural shift

3:12

for the both of us.

3:14

But other than that, the

3:16

main things really that have

3:18

changed, I guess, are just...

3:20

your diagnosis. We got a

3:23

dog recently. Yeah, not anything

3:25

huge other than those things.

3:27

Everything's been pretty consistent and

3:29

pretty, pretty well-put. Well, talk

3:31

to me about this diagnosis.

3:33

When did that come about?

3:36

I remember it as July.

3:38

It was just essentially this

3:40

coming to realization of having

3:42

gastroporesis which which is a

3:44

stomach stopping disease, basically. So

3:46

it prevents my stomach from

3:49

processing anything. I'm actually having

3:51

a bad day with it

3:53

today. So just consistently feeling

3:55

nauseous and like I wanna

3:57

cling to my shower. Okay.

4:00

But yeah, that sounds, that

4:02

sounds, sounds absolutely horrifying and

4:04

and terrible. to me, it

4:06

truly does. So what has

4:08

the journey been like for

4:10

you? You found out about

4:13

this, you've been feeling terrible.

4:15

How are you supporting each

4:17

other through this? Well, I

4:19

view myself as Jordan's caregiver

4:21

in a lot of ways.

4:23

A lot of the times,

4:26

whenever she is having flare-ups,

4:28

as I call them, where

4:30

she's feeling more sick than

4:32

normal, A lot of the

4:34

times I support her by

4:37

either going to pick up

4:39

her medications, getting her things

4:41

in the house she would

4:43

need, especially dealing with our

4:45

new dog nowadays, just making

4:47

sure I'm staying on top

4:50

of everything with her as

4:52

well as Jordan, getting her,

4:54

if she needs something from

4:56

the store, just driving to

4:58

the store real quickly to

5:00

get that. making sure that

5:03

I'm still, you know, like

5:05

not ready to go to

5:07

the ER or ready to

5:09

take the next, even whenever

5:11

she's not feeling her best.

5:13

And also checking in on

5:16

me, like just coming in,

5:18

seeing if I'm okay, like

5:20

asking if I need the

5:22

need for her. And then

5:24

making sure that I'm still,

5:27

you know, like not ready

5:29

to go to the ER

5:31

or ready to take the

5:33

next step or whatever. And

5:35

how often are you finding

5:37

yourself in the ER? Oh,

5:40

at least every three months?

5:42

Which is a lot. It's

5:44

a lot. Yeah, it can

5:46

be really stressful, especially given

5:48

her being in school and

5:50

luckily I work from home.

5:53

So we've, and my employers,

5:55

super, super thoughtful and caring

5:57

and they're able to give

5:59

me the time needed to

6:01

be the caregiver for her.

6:04

So I can't make them

6:06

enough for what they do,

6:08

honestly. Which is amazing because

6:10

I do think that caregiving

6:12

often gets overlooked in this

6:14

country as something that so

6:17

many of us have to

6:19

do. And when we talk

6:21

about caregiving, we often talk

6:23

about motherhood or we talk

6:25

about, you know, adult children

6:27

caring for parents later in

6:30

age, but we rarely hear

6:32

about couples like the two

6:34

of you, young couples where

6:36

one of them is the

6:38

caregiver. And that's only that

6:41

we've noticed through my job

6:43

because I work with a

6:45

caregiving organization, Caregiver Action Network,

6:47

and we've noticed that a

6:49

lot of people are starting

6:51

to see an uptick in

6:54

these young fairgivers caring for

6:56

whether they be their partner

6:58

or whether they be caring

7:00

for a parent, grandparent, and

7:02

it's often overlooked. I am

7:04

glad to see that there

7:07

is starting to get more

7:09

eyes on it, but I

7:11

do feel as if the

7:13

youth caregivers are still underrepresented

7:15

piece of the caregiving story.

7:17

When this first came about,

7:20

how did both of you

7:22

have to just completely change

7:24

your lives? I tried not

7:26

to change my life in

7:28

any way, and it just

7:31

keeps that firing on me.

7:33

You know, that sucks. That

7:35

totally sucks. I'm really trying

7:37

to just keep going and

7:39

I think that it's just

7:41

very frustrating for me as

7:44

a person who used to

7:46

do a lot. I didn't

7:48

think I used to do

7:50

a lot, but in comparison,

7:52

like, yeah. And when it

7:54

comes to me, a lot

7:57

of the times, things have

7:59

changed for me is just

8:01

my day to day is

8:03

a lot more, uh, I

8:05

shouldn't say on edge, really,

8:08

but it's, it's very, just

8:10

always constantly watching out for

8:12

that next sign that something

8:14

might be sending her into

8:16

one of her phases that

8:18

she goes through. And yeah,

8:21

it's anxiety inducing, but I

8:23

wouldn't trade it for anything

8:25

really. Mm-hmm. Well, and how

8:27

do you take care of

8:29

yourself? Because I know, you

8:31

know, that's such a hard

8:34

thing for caregivers when you're

8:36

constantly... doing for other people.

8:38

How do you make sure

8:40

to protect your own well-being?

8:42

Music is an escape. I

8:45

am a very, very big

8:47

music person I'm constantly always

8:49

trying to find stuff to

8:51

listen to. I also play

8:53

games with friends. I have

8:55

a group of friends online

8:58

that I talk to pretty

9:00

regularly. Jordan's friends with them

9:02

as well, so we all...

9:04

if she can, we all

9:06

chit-chat together. It's just, I

9:08

do have the support group

9:11

around me that allows me

9:13

to kind of talk about

9:15

how I'm feeling and everything,

9:17

but it can be hard

9:19

because sometimes whenever I'm trying

9:21

to take that time for

9:24

myself at need be, I

9:26

either need to focus on

9:28

Jordan or I need to

9:30

focus on our dog bonnie

9:32

or work, and it can

9:35

get overwhelming, but It's again

9:37

something that I wouldn't trade

9:39

anything for. Let's take a

9:41

really quick break. when we

9:43

come back, I want to

9:45

talk a little bit about

9:48

planning for the future. Sounds

9:50

good to me. Okay, we're

9:52

back. How did the two

9:54

of you plan for the

9:56

future? Do you take things

9:58

one day at a time

10:01

or are you able to

10:03

make more long-term plans? I

10:05

think that we have like

10:07

a long-term school plan. But

10:09

in terms of like next

10:12

future steps, they're kind of

10:14

stalled until I get out

10:16

of school. So it's one

10:18

of those things where we

10:20

know what we're doing right

10:22

now and we know what

10:25

the next steps are. We

10:27

just can't take them at

10:29

this time. Right, right. And

10:31

with the diagnosis, is there

10:33

a chronic condition? It's a

10:35

chronic condition and from what

10:38

I understand there's really not

10:40

much treatment options. Like there's

10:42

a few medicines that I

10:44

take and then there's a

10:46

surgical option and that's really

10:49

the only opportunities that you

10:51

have for treatment. Which also

10:53

must be stressful for planning

10:55

for a future where you

10:57

may continually be sick, right?

10:59

Yeah, definitely. It can make

11:02

a lot of things difficult.

11:04

I know even just like

11:06

a little bit into the

11:08

future, I know prior to

11:10

this last holiday, we had

11:12

planned a trip to Dallas

11:15

for Christmas and unfortunately during

11:17

the trip, Jordan ended up

11:19

getting sick, making it a

11:21

lot harder to go out

11:23

and do stuff and enjoy

11:25

the time. We still had

11:28

a really fun and enjoyable

11:30

trip. It's just given that

11:32

we planned ahead so... far

11:34

and then once the day

11:36

came she wasn't feeling well

11:39

it kind of it takes

11:41

some wind out of your

11:43

sales if you will. Right

11:45

yeah of course and does

11:47

that happen a lot have

11:49

the two of you had

11:52

to learn how to be

11:54

more flexible with plans generally?

11:56

Yeah we we definitely have

11:58

especially given that we used

12:00

to have a weekly things

12:02

that we did with friends

12:05

We would switch over houses

12:07

every weekend, but with her

12:09

feeling this way, it's just

12:11

some weeks she'll be able

12:13

to, and other weeks it's

12:16

just she can't because of

12:18

her diagnosis. What have the

12:20

two of you learned about

12:22

each other going through this?

12:24

And how... Do you think

12:26

it's major relationships stronger for

12:29

having to weather this? I

12:31

mean, not that you would,

12:33

not that anyone would want

12:35

this, but how is it,

12:37

how has it changed each

12:39

of you? I'll speak on

12:42

this first, because Jordan is,

12:44

like she said, not feeling

12:46

well right now, and she's

12:48

away at the moment, but,

12:50

um, I hear as if

12:53

I have learned some about

12:55

Jordan, just like, almost being

12:57

able to pick up on

12:59

certain things with her, being

13:01

able to pinpoint when I

13:03

think something is wrong with

13:06

her as opposed to. I

13:08

feel like I've made this

13:10

connection with her deeper in

13:12

that way. And I'm glad

13:14

to say that I did

13:16

make this this deeper connection

13:19

with her. Unfortunately, came from

13:21

this. this diagnosis, but I'd

13:23

say that this has definitely

13:25

been a positive in that

13:27

regard. And yeah, yeah, I

13:29

mean, the truth. we never

13:32

know what life is going

13:34

to throw at us, right?

13:36

It's just, you know, I

13:38

think it's different when it

13:40

gets thrown at you when

13:43

you're in your 20s. Yeah,

13:45

absolutely. There's anything that you've

13:47

learned from each other about

13:49

each other from this experience?

13:51

I mean, for you, I've

13:53

just learned that truly he's

13:56

such a caring person. And

13:58

I always knew that and

14:00

that was part of what

14:02

true me to him. I

14:04

always say that whenever like

14:06

we were in college and

14:09

we were getting close, he

14:11

always treated me more like

14:13

a girlfriend than my actual

14:15

boyfriend ever did. And it

14:17

was that like kindness and

14:20

generosity and caring that drew

14:22

me towards him and it

14:24

just really highlights that true

14:26

part of his character. I

14:28

love that. I love that.

14:30

What would you want to

14:33

say to people, to people

14:35

on the outside looking in,

14:37

you know, what do you

14:39

want them to know about

14:41

caregiving as a younger adult?

14:43

I want them to know

14:46

that health care is important

14:48

and that we should be

14:50

caring for our people. I

14:52

want to stress the importance

14:54

of that I'm fortunate to

14:57

have Dakota, but... Not everybody

14:59

is fortunate to have a

15:01

caregiver that can be there

15:03

for them all the time.

15:05

And they need medical services

15:07

and they need to be

15:10

able to not drown in

15:12

medical debt afterwards. Yeah, yeah,

15:14

no, I mean, absolutely, absolutely.

15:16

I... I watched my dad

15:18

need a lot of caregiving

15:20

towards the end of his

15:23

life and the amount of

15:25

money that it racked up

15:27

and what it did to

15:29

my mom was staggering. It

15:31

truly, truly is. I mean,

15:34

it is health takes a

15:36

toll on us and I

15:38

don't think that a lot

15:40

of people realize that, especially

15:42

people that have been traditionally

15:44

healthy for their lives. My

15:47

grandmother is a caregiver for

15:49

my grandfather, who, aside from

15:51

like debilitating anxiety, is physically

15:53

fine. He just, and this

15:55

is a testament to how

15:57

mental health can be deteriorating,

16:00

but he just... over the

16:02

last 15 years completely lost

16:04

all sense of himself because

16:06

he needed his wife to

16:08

be there and she being

16:10

the traditionalist that she is

16:13

he'll guilty if she's out

16:15

there for him. Right. And

16:17

I it just is wild

16:19

to me. How does guilt

16:21

manifest in your relationship? Do

16:24

you ever feel guilty? for

16:26

the things that he has

16:28

to do. I mean, what

16:30

kinds of complex emotions come

16:32

up for the two of

16:34

you? Yeah, I definitely experience

16:37

guilt, and I think that's

16:39

where my independence tries to

16:41

come through as I try

16:43

to do things for myself

16:45

when I feel like I

16:47

should be able to you,

16:50

even though I know I

16:52

can't. Right, right. Yeah, and

16:54

I get that. I mean,

16:56

I think that we all

16:58

have this drive towards independence,

17:01

right? We don't want to

17:03

have to rely. on someone

17:05

else and sometimes it's even

17:07

harder to let go right

17:09

and to rely on another

17:11

person than to let us

17:14

help them have you have

17:16

you had to learn how

17:18

to accept help yeah definitely

17:20

but honestly more from my

17:22

workplace than from Dakota really

17:24

tell me a little bit

17:27

about that yeah just like

17:29

today for example I got

17:31

sent home by my advisor

17:33

who was seeing me getting

17:35

ill in a meeting and

17:38

just said go home you

17:40

know, and so here we

17:42

are, and me being able

17:44

to accept that and say,

17:46

okay, Amelia. I'm going home.

17:48

I'm going to go take

17:51

care of myself. Yeah, but

17:53

it's never easy. It is

17:55

never easy for any of

17:57

us. It's really not. It

17:59

makes me hate myself. Right.

18:01

Yeah, I get that. I

18:04

totally get it. When you're

18:06

feeling like that, do you

18:08

turn to Dakota? How do

18:10

you how do you to

18:12

talk about that? Honestly, because

18:14

I have like a psychology

18:17

background, it's pretty easy for

18:19

us to just have like

18:21

tiny mini therapy sessions we

18:23

like to call them, where

18:25

we just express whatever deep

18:28

dark thing is is, you

18:30

know, gurgling up inside of

18:32

us. The other just sits

18:34

and listens. And then we

18:36

kind of have a hug

18:38

afterwards and look at each

18:41

other and tell each other

18:43

something that we love about

18:45

each other, whatever will be

18:47

will be. Yeah. Looking to

18:49

the future, have you talked

18:51

about having kids? Or is

18:54

that something you're putting your

18:56

tabling until you get through

18:58

school? I personally do not

19:00

want kids. So it's something

19:02

that we've talked about in

19:05

terms of not really. It's

19:07

kind of back and forth.

19:09

In the sense of like,

19:11

I'm in the boat. Not

19:13

wanting kids, but then sometimes

19:15

also wanting kids I my

19:18

brain goes back and forth

19:20

on a day by day

19:22

really and as of right

19:24

now We're in the camp

19:26

of not wanting them, but

19:28

definitely in that like if

19:31

in the future we do

19:33

decide to I can see

19:35

how her diagnosis would make

19:37

the big or challenge It

19:39

would. And also, if it's

19:42

something the two of you

19:44

want, you'd figure it out.

19:46

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Though, it

19:48

would be a challenge, but

19:50

it would be a challenge.

19:52

He would be willing to

19:55

take. Yeah. I mean, I've

19:57

talked to a lot of

19:59

families. over the course of

20:01

this podcast, where something has

20:03

incapacitated one of the parents

20:06

during the course of their

20:08

journey together and the amount

20:10

of strength that you can

20:12

muster and the things that

20:15

two people can accomplish

20:17

together are truly remarkable.

20:19

Absolutely. And I think

20:22

that a lot of people

20:24

as they're caring for their

20:26

significant other or along those lines.

20:28

It can be a challenge, like we've

20:31

said, but I feel like through the

20:33

power, as corny as this may send,

20:35

through the power of love, I feel

20:37

like anything can be accomplished, and

20:39

you, no matter the challenge, it

20:41

can be over. You are such a corny,

20:44

corny boy. I love that. I like

20:46

corny things, I do. Is there anything

20:48

that I'm not asking the two of

20:50

you? Is there anything else you guys

20:52

want to talk about? Off the

20:55

top of my head, I

20:57

can't necessarily think of anything.

20:59

Jordan? No. No. Well, this

21:01

has been beautiful. I love

21:03

your love story, guys. Thank

21:05

you. Thank you so much. And that

21:07

is all we have for today. Thank

21:10

you so much for being here

21:12

with us. If you have

21:14

a love story that you

21:16

want to hear on Committed,

21:18

email us at Joe at

21:21

Influential Media.biz. I am the

21:23

host, executive producer, and creator

21:25

of this podcast. Our other

21:27

executive producer and editor is

21:29

none other than Ramsey Yunt.

21:31

Have a wonderful rest of your

21:33

day. Take care of each other.