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fucker, and a mighty

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seasonal greeting to you.

2:39

Welcome to the public

2:41

rundown of what we

2:43

talk about in the

2:45

Complex Trauma Recovery Fort.

2:47

And this month, well,

2:50

I'm sharing a full-length

2:52

video pod from our

2:54

private vault once again,

2:56

because, um... Once again,

2:58

we've covered too much

3:01

to summarize all of

3:03

the releases effectively as

3:05

we normally try to

3:07

do here. So, have

3:09

a long excerpt from

3:12

this past month, a

3:14

gift for all. Please

3:16

beware that this episode

3:18

I'm offering to you

3:20

was one of the

3:22

final stops on our

3:25

Choose Your Own Spook

3:27

Venture Tour of Your

3:29

Abandoned Self. And it

3:31

is an issue that

3:33

affects most of us,

3:36

always. That's right. Today

3:38

we're here to talk

3:40

about diss association, describing

3:42

the three theorized ways

3:44

that we can unassociate,

3:47

why, and how to

3:49

start re-associating your life.

3:51

So, jump into that

3:53

lengthy scratch of the

3:55

surface in just a

3:57

minute here. But first,

4:00

I do want to

4:02

tell you what else

4:04

we've been on. up

4:06

to. After this episode

4:08

that you're about to

4:11

hear, we have also

4:13

covered, well, what I

4:15

call the what's next

4:17

behavioral pattern of living.

4:19

Also known as shark

4:21

living because a moth

4:24

can never stop swimming.

4:26

It includes issues of

4:28

anxiety, ADHD, obsession, attachment,

4:30

emotional avoidance, family, relationship,

4:32

and capitalism, trauma, and

4:35

so much more. Then

4:37

we give you a

4:39

simple method for beginning

4:41

to break that pattern,

4:43

and at the same

4:46

time, beginning to understand

4:48

the psychology behind it.

4:50

Why do you do

4:52

that thing? After that

4:54

show, we jumped into

4:56

a discussion of fear.

4:59

of being you from

5:01

an existential lens. And

5:03

we provide reframes for

5:05

the greatest, most honestly

5:07

reasonable fears that are

5:10

inherent in humanhood. Check

5:12

that one out too.

5:14

That was the final

5:16

stop on our self-exploration

5:18

and learning to live

5:21

with you without fleeing

5:23

series. and you might

5:25

recall, that the spook

5:27

venture was also part

5:29

of an even larger

5:31

series in which we've

5:34

been focusing on generating

5:36

and maintaining real self-love

5:38

and compassion. That is

5:40

the topic we are

5:42

now returning to just

5:45

in time to set

5:47

your intentions for 2025,

5:49

and we're beginning discussing

5:51

the necessity to thaw.

5:53

your ice-incased heart. So,

5:55

friends and fuckers, if

5:58

you're interested, come Joe.

6:00

us in our little

6:02

oasis. You can find

6:04

it at patreon.com/traumatized motherfuckers.

6:06

I call it the

6:09

blanket fort. There you

6:11

will find that it

6:13

is $5 a month

6:15

for video podcast on

6:17

all things, trauma recovery,

6:20

without the toxic positivity.

6:22

Check it out. Until

6:24

I see you there,

6:26

here's dissoed on the

6:28

ever present obstacle. of

6:30

dissociation, of the giant

6:33

challenge of staying with

6:35

you when your brain

6:37

and body have learned

6:39

it is so much

6:41

easier not to. I

6:44

think this might be

6:46

a worthy consideration for

6:48

the new year if

6:50

you are in the

6:52

trauma recovery game, and

6:55

I hope that you

6:57

find it helpful. Cheers,

6:59

take care out there,

7:01

and I will see

7:03

you in the BF!

7:05

if you need a

7:08

little respite. All right,

7:10

fuckers. Thanks so much

7:12

for being here. Now

7:14

here is your long

7:16

ass show. Let's jump

7:19

in. Howdy folks! And

7:21

here we are. Continuing

7:23

on our self-spook venture

7:25

in the scariest of

7:27

seasons. Family holiday time.

7:29

Returning again today to

7:32

our goal of being

7:34

able to spend time

7:36

with ourselves, without falling

7:38

apart or tearing ourselves

7:40

apart, as we get

7:43

reacquainted with us and

7:45

stoke some self-acceptance, compassion,

7:47

and care, to enable

7:49

real recovery, and if

7:51

you're doing this work,

7:54

there's a very good

7:56

chance that you've... actually

7:58

found near continual attempts

8:00

at dissociation. The constant

8:04

of your consciousness or

8:06

core or core

8:08

energy or soul thing

8:10

to ditch this bitch and

8:12

leave you an empty shell. shell.

8:15

Yes, it's it's

8:18

the diss problem. Let's

8:20

Let's talk it through. Let's start

8:22

with the definition and choice of

8:25

terminology. and choice

8:27

of Yes, I

8:29

choose the word diss

8:31

association. This is true throughout This

8:33

is true throughout the

8:36

history of this podcast.

8:38

And why why this preference. Because

8:41

diss association

8:43

the the of your consciousness.

8:45

of your consciousness

8:48

uncoupling, degrouping,

8:51

diss associating

8:53

your brain brain or

8:55

body or both. It's

8:58

worth the extra syllable in my book. in

9:01

my book. Second thing,

9:03

recall that we work with

9:06

the concept of having a the

9:08

system. having a Each

9:11

of us has brain.

9:13

system. Each of and the

9:15

brain, body, and the soul,

9:18

spirit, making up

9:20

our being. up our this

9:23

this consciousness thing.

9:25

can move between the

9:27

brain and the body, the

9:30

or or can leave them them

9:32

completely, each creating a different

9:34

taste, a different experience.

9:37

of dissociation. Now let's

9:40

talk talk about those three conditions.

9:43

First of all, if

9:45

body dominant, if you're leaving

9:47

the brain the the meat

9:49

the meat suit, A A person

9:52

can ditch their brain and

9:54

focus only on their physical

9:56

being and those sensations. those sensations. Exiting

9:58

their higher thoughts. state and

10:00

existing through chase and feelings

10:03

and low thought biological dopamine

10:05

rewards. So yeah, that can

10:08

be kind of a hedonistic

10:10

manner of getting through life.

10:13

If a person is only

10:15

doing what feels nice without

10:18

any oversight, sure, things can

10:20

spiral. But it can also

10:23

be a very physically demanding

10:25

method of escapism if say

10:28

exercise and bodily perfection are

10:30

the chosen methods of being

10:33

in the body. And also,

10:35

leaving the brain behind, oh,

10:38

it can be a horribly

10:40

painful experience of getting lost

10:43

in the feelings without having

10:45

a higher consciousness to reframe

10:48

the emotions or to suggest

10:50

appropriate actions or next steps.

10:52

Being uncoupled from the higher

10:55

mind. can be very stagnating

10:57

and drowning. From my theorizing,

11:00

this is what happens to

11:02

people who are sympathetic nervous

11:05

system dominant. They fall into

11:07

the body and it sort

11:10

of collapses around them. It's

11:12

possible to get lost in

11:15

resting and digesting and feeling

11:17

without your brain being there

11:20

to say, all right, fucking

11:22

times up, let's get going

11:25

again again again. Alternatively,

11:28

the body can be

11:30

abandoned in a brain-dominant

11:32

dissassociation pattern. You can

11:34

completely leave your meat,

11:36

entering your headspace, and

11:38

getting stuck there in

11:40

your thoughts, with very

11:43

little awareness of your

11:45

meat still existing at

11:47

all. Those of us

11:49

who have physical or

11:51

sexual trauma are often

11:53

body ditchers. and those

11:55

of us who operate

11:57

in thinking industries. or

11:59

who have been tasked

12:02

with great responsibility in

12:04

planning and strategizing and

12:06

managing life as ways

12:08

to survive might also

12:10

be prone to this

12:12

heady state of existing.

12:14

Our bodies are dangers

12:16

and inconveniences, so let's

12:18

just forget that they

12:21

are here. This leaves

12:23

a person ungrounded, as

12:25

we say. There's no

12:27

recognition of material existence,

12:29

which is symbolized by

12:31

Earth, ground, and therefore

12:33

we become ungrounded in

12:35

our disembodiment. We can

12:37

get turned around and

12:39

lost in our thoughts

12:42

without a tether back

12:44

to physical reality. When

12:46

we do come back

12:48

to material life, it

12:50

fucking hurts because of

12:52

all of the damage

12:54

that the body has

12:56

accrued. unsupervised while we

12:58

were up in the

13:01

brain. And lastly, we

13:03

can dissociate entirely from

13:05

our brains and our

13:07

bodies, pushing our consciousnesses

13:09

out of ourselves completely.

13:11

Suck this, everything hurts.

13:13

There is no safe

13:15

place within my being.

13:17

All of these options

13:19

suck. I am out.

13:22

Often to the ether

13:24

I go. This is

13:26

when we take a

13:28

vacation to our weary

13:30

free planet in an

13:32

alternate dimension, as we

13:34

discussed in the Stress

13:36

Venture episode. Our consciousness

13:38

is not associated with

13:41

this Earth or existence

13:43

in any way. Not

13:45

our thoughts, not our

13:47

feelings, not our material

13:49

conditions. We are not

13:51

playing along with the

13:53

reality that everyone else

13:55

lives in. We might

13:57

do this full disassociation.

14:00

all at once, entirely

14:02

leaving us behind in

14:04

one one swoop of

14:06

ourselves. Or we or we might do

14:08

it stepwise. We could We could first

14:10

leave the brain or a body

14:12

and ditch the other

14:14

ditch it also proves unpleasant

14:17

or overwhelming. or I

14:20

think that this is

14:22

the is the trauma-born that

14:25

most of us think

14:27

of. of. Not because

14:29

it is the most prevalent

14:31

form of disassociation. but

14:33

because it is the most

14:36

extreme and obvious form, It's

14:38

it's clear that something has

14:40

been been when it happens and

14:42

and there are greater consequences. Figure

14:45

that we that we

14:47

can develop lives around

14:50

disassociating mentally physically. Our

14:52

Our patterns can become, quote,

14:54

adaptive routine ways that

14:56

we exist short term, if if

14:58

conditions are supporting us.

15:01

us, a dancer. Become

15:04

a scientist. a scientist, are

15:06

routes to succeed with

15:08

a brain with body

15:10

body system. system. But if we

15:13

leave our we leave our brains

15:15

and bodies behind, we're a

15:17

lot less likely to be effective

15:19

in life life because we're not

15:21

tuned into it in either

15:23

way. either way. We're not really

15:25

existing in ourselves, our

15:28

lives, our

15:30

relationships, or shared

15:32

consensus reality. And we're a

15:34

lot a lot more likely to be be powerless

15:37

and confused when we

15:39

do try to function

15:41

on function on Earth, encourages

15:44

more disassociation from

15:46

that reality. We

15:49

can can also call

15:51

this de -personalization, and and de

15:54

-realization. People

15:56

who seem to live on

15:58

another planet all the time. they might

16:00

be stuck in this

16:02

dissociation pattern chronically. So

16:04

to disassociate from some

16:06

or all of your

16:08

life happens because you

16:10

are leaving behind some

16:12

discomfort and finding what

16:14

feels like success through

16:16

another means of centralizing

16:18

your consciousness. It is

16:20

an adaptive skill for

16:23

self-preservation short term. that

16:25

usually becomes a long-term

16:27

maladaptive problem due to

16:29

the compartmentalized neglect that

16:31

it inspires. But we

16:33

might not identify this

16:35

tendency for dissociation in

16:37

ourselves at all because

16:39

it is such a

16:41

standard way of getting

16:43

through the day and

16:45

we've probably been doing

16:47

it for much of

16:49

our lives. On a

16:51

societal scale, figure that

16:53

This association is encouraged.

16:55

Someone has to sit

16:57

in a cubicle all

16:59

day, letting their body

17:01

rot, operating from stress

17:03

centers, while filling out

17:05

spreadsheets. Most of us

17:07

are detached from our

17:09

meat to do this

17:11

variety of work, hence

17:13

all the collective health

17:15

problems. And can we

17:17

also say general insanity

17:19

that's ripping through the

17:21

world? Yeah. We can.

17:23

And what do we

17:25

do about any of

17:27

it? We stay in

17:29

our own lane, and

17:31

we pay attention to

17:33

take care of our

17:35

motherfucking selves, which requires

17:37

us to be associated.

17:39

To work with yourself,

17:41

to learn to keep

17:43

yourself associated despite the

17:45

default nature of your

17:47

dissassociation, it takes practice

17:49

and effort. So you

17:51

don't have to do

17:53

all of this self-reacquainting

17:56

work again and again.

17:58

And it's also worth...

18:00

effort it prevents

18:02

you from accidentally

18:04

becoming another dick

18:06

slapper onto this

18:08

planet in a

18:10

disassociated, not a disassociated

18:12

-reality all there in reality

18:14

state. how do

18:16

we do this disassociation

18:19

work? work? Well as

18:21

usual as usual, I've got

18:23

some easy steps for you and let's

18:25

break them down. down. I

18:28

suggest that you first

18:30

identify your initial style of

18:32

disassociation. you go into

18:34

the brain or into the body. or into

18:36

the body. then observe and

18:38

name the early signals

18:40

of that disassociation pattern.

18:42

What What can you notice you

18:44

you recognize that it's happening?

18:46

happening? Then Then develop your re

18:48

-grounding and re -centering skills.

18:50

We'll talk about what that

18:52

means. what that means. then. then...

18:55

Identify what often causes

18:57

the disassociation, really naming

18:59

out that pattern. pattern,

19:02

you can prepare for for

19:04

prevent those triggers in

19:06

the future and also

19:08

learn to to your

19:10

consciousness consciousness into place as needed.

19:13

From all of all of

19:15

those amendments, you you might

19:17

end up changing your daily

19:19

living pattern entirely, which

19:21

will change your life entirely.

19:23

entirely. Okay, let's go through

19:25

each of these bullets in turn. in

19:27

turn. On that first that

19:29

first point, identify way

19:31

way do you

19:34

disassociate? Let's talk about what it

19:36

feels like to get into the brain or

19:38

the body. or the body.

19:40

Now, as always, our

19:42

trauma adaptations go

19:44

in these contrasting

19:46

extreme directions. directions. the

19:49

body, the leaving the

19:51

higher thought of you

19:53

behind either feels like a

19:55

a sleeping pill? putting your

19:57

your body on overdrive. All

20:00

awareness is in the

20:02

body, so the experience

20:04

separate from brain

20:06

activities that might stoke

20:09

overriding, anxious, high energy,

20:11

or depressive, low energy

20:13

sort of depends on

20:15

whether that protein suit

20:18

itself likes to rest

20:20

or if it likes

20:22

to sweat. We've

20:24

all learned to use

20:26

our bodies differently. So

20:29

if a body likes

20:31

to eat sweet salty treats

20:34

for comfort while snuggled

20:36

in a warm blanket, or

20:38

likes a sense of

20:40

perfectionistic control, cleanliness, continual work,

20:42

and efficiency to feel

20:45

safe, it's really up to

20:47

the individual's body memory.

20:49

Leaving the brain behind can

20:51

also feel like overwhelming

20:53

physical anxiety that really just

20:56

can't be reasoned with.

20:58

All energy is focused on

21:00

the stomach aches, shakes,

21:02

pounding heart, nausea, etc. And

21:04

there's no critical cognitive

21:07

skills to bring those sensations

21:09

into perspective. On

21:12

the other hand, if

21:14

you are brain dominant and

21:16

forget about the body,

21:18

it can also present in

21:20

oppositional extreme ways, such

21:22

as a person going into

21:24

overdrive mode, driven into

21:26

continual action from frantic thoughts

21:28

that keep them above

21:30

feeling their protein reality. Or

21:33

they might go into

21:35

a full halt, stopped in

21:37

their tracks from having

21:39

too much or too little

21:41

brain activity without a

21:43

body resource to make sense

21:45

of the thoughts with

21:47

emotional information. Either

21:49

way, for me,

21:52

the overactivity of the

21:54

brain is palpable.

21:56

Being centralized up in

21:58

the skull is

22:01

some to notice sensory wise. The frenzied

22:03

the frenzied energy can

22:05

make a brain pressurized or feel

22:09

full that it becomes foggy.

22:11

The it becomes foggy. feel

22:13

like a noggin can feel like

22:15

a shaken snow the with all

22:17

the thoughts whirling at one time

22:19

when provoked. can It can

22:22

also feel like having a

22:24

laser beamed into the

22:26

brain, the a pointed focus

22:28

on one thing that burns

22:31

and fizzles and with with

22:33

intensity. And the body and the

22:35

body. feel like anything. really

22:37

feel like anything. you wanted to remember

22:39

how you wanted to pee

22:41

like two hours ago? Remember

22:44

how sitting that way

22:46

was uncomfortable all day you

22:48

you never once repositioned

22:50

yourself yourself anyways? Look how

22:52

easily you can ignore yourself, minute

22:54

by minute. being only

22:57

in your brain. This is

22:59

the is the experience

23:01

of being being body

23:03

and brain brain at

23:05

least for some of us. some of

23:07

us. And lastly, do you

23:09

leave the brain and the body entirely?

23:12

Do you do the full

23:14

exit? exit? This This feels

23:17

like sweet, sweet, sweet

23:19

dreaming relief. Initially it

23:21

can feel like a switch flipping. Overwhelm,

23:24

overwhelm, overwhelm.

23:26

And and then, nothing, like

23:28

everything quiet, the eye of the the

23:30

eye of the storm. goes

23:33

goes blank. of being in

23:35

sense of being in a dream is

23:37

very common. a

23:39

sensation of observing you

23:42

from from the experience.

23:44

an It's an astral

23:46

projection -esque pattern of

23:48

disassociation. Maybe you

23:51

are aware of you an

23:53

an outside perspective. or or

23:55

maybe you're really not sure where you

23:57

go at all. go at all. the

23:59

degree of... clouding awareness

24:01

of reality varies. And the

24:03

presentation can be manic, huzzah,

24:06

we're fucking free, pinballing through

24:08

space. Or it can be

24:11

highly depressive. We are nowhere,

24:13

we do not exist, we

24:16

are nothing. Again, a sense

24:18

of being in a dream

24:21

is very, very highly reported.

24:23

And I think many people

24:26

also have seen themselves making

24:28

many mistakes that feel as

24:31

though they're actually more so

24:33

in a nightmare. So what

24:36

is your style of dissociation?

24:38

Point number one. Keep in

24:41

mind your default mode can

24:43

change over time and circumstance.

24:46

Maybe your body really hurts

24:48

this month and you have

24:50

a lot to do. So

24:53

you are brainbound. Maybe your

24:55

head is full of nightmares

24:58

and uncontrollable concerns, so you

25:00

leap into the body next

25:03

month. Maybe the holiday season

25:05

is spent careening through the

25:08

outer dimensions to not have

25:10

to be in this one.

25:13

Notice it, name it, and

25:15

keep your self-knowledge current. Are

25:18

you brain dominant? body dominant

25:20

or do you go for

25:23

the full untethering? And then,

25:25

number two, identify the early

25:28

signs of your dissociation and,

25:30

as we keep saying, it

25:33

helps to look for physical,

25:35

material signals that you can

25:38

begin noticing. Obvious clues from

25:40

material reality. so that you

25:42

notice them whether you are

25:45

in the brain or the

25:47

body. For instance, when I

25:50

get stuck up in my...

25:52

head, I start dropping shit.

25:55

My environment will be spill

25:57

central, water all over the

26:00

floor. I'll also start running

26:02

my body into things like

26:05

door frames and corners. These

26:07

accidents and bruises get pretty

26:10

hard to ignore eventually. And

26:12

my home, it's going to

26:15

get all grimy. There's no

26:17

time to clean when you're

26:20

existing in your brain, panicked.

26:22

I don't even notice the

26:25

disorder until one day I

26:27

realize, oh my God, my

26:30

life is filth. Oh, and

26:32

any routine belongings that I

26:35

need? Oh, no, no. Not

26:37

in my hands, nor my

26:39

pockets, like they should be.

26:42

When they should be. My

26:44

brain is over here. The

26:47

things that I need, like

26:49

my phone and keys. Oh,

26:52

no clue. Look. material representations

26:54

of how disconnected from my

26:57

physical being I have become.

26:59

Tis shit to pay attention

27:02

to, not to speed by.

27:04

These are signs that I

27:07

use to make myself slow

27:09

down, change my behaviors even

27:12

though it feels like I

27:14

cannot. I can. Calm my

27:17

thoughts and then work to

27:19

reassociate with my body. and

27:22

material existence. If I don't,

27:24

everything just keeps getting worse.

27:27

So maybe these hints will

27:29

point some things out in

27:31

your world and help you

27:34

too. On the other hand,

27:36

the other option, when I

27:39

get stuck in my body

27:41

leaving my brain behind, the

27:44

greatest and most rapid material

27:46

signal is changes to the

27:49

food that somehow finds its

27:51

way into my hands. The

27:54

never-ending parade of snacks that

27:56

flow into my gullet, and

27:59

the overwhelming instinct to rest,

28:01

heedless of consequences. What consequences?

28:04

No brain, no recognition recognition

28:06

of future pain. leave me

28:08

leave me here to stretch

28:11

my aches and replenish

28:13

my action emaciated frame frame. the

28:15

couch gathering a new

28:17

dent? that's me, and that's

28:19

me Oh, that's a sign.

28:21

comes the Oh, and here comes

28:23

the peanut butter, which I literally do

28:25

not have the overseeing power to

28:27

stop consuming. See See that

28:29

jar nearly empty after one day

28:31

of owning it? it? a

28:34

clue! clue. And there's a a

28:36

10 pound weight gain to act

28:39

as the final flag flag in

28:41

my own face. own face. Yes, this

28:43

this seems like definitive evidence

28:46

that my that my has been

28:48

elsewhere. been elsewhere. How did

28:50

this happen? Oh, my higher brain

28:52

brain wasn't babysitting my

28:54

lower brain or or bod. And

28:56

I went into starvation mode.

29:00

Got it. How Got it. Hear

29:02

anything about you? sounding

29:04

anything that's sounding familiar. but

29:08

I It takes self you

29:10

but I encourage you to

29:12

pay attention to your

29:14

patterns to figure out what

29:16

behavioral changes and material changes

29:18

are demonstrative of changes

29:21

to the centralization of your

29:23

consciousness. how

29:25

your attention shifts the way

29:27

that you act you your impact

29:29

on your environment. on your

29:32

environment. This knowledge

29:34

might help you to

29:36

understand some of your

29:38

more baffling and upsetting of

29:41

your more baffling behaviors. and, um, and

29:44

then. behaviors. And then...

29:46

Step learn to

29:48

reground. and -center. in

29:50

a a way that actually works

29:52

for your system. your and

29:55

then practice becoming skilled, efficient

29:57

at it. efficient at

29:59

it. So let's say again

30:01

that regrounding is getting

30:04

your consciousness to recognize

30:06

the body and the

30:08

material aspects of life,

30:10

your feet stuck to

30:12

earth via gravity, the

30:15

sensations around you, the

30:17

feeling and awareness of

30:19

being in a warm

30:21

biological encasement, and resentering.

30:23

is bringing your thoughts

30:26

to a more adaptable,

30:28

holistic, homeostatic state. Perhaps

30:30

your consciousness has been

30:32

out of your mind

30:34

entirely, or perhaps it's

30:36

been spinning around in

30:39

some lesser thought options,

30:41

in trance-like, small-perspectived, extreme

30:43

thought patterns, rather than

30:45

your highest and broadest,

30:47

and most honest, potential.

30:50

How will you accomplish

30:52

these goals of regrounding

30:54

and resentering? To put

30:56

this into the simplest

30:58

terms possible, if you're

31:01

stuck in your brain,

31:03

you need to learn

31:05

to drop your consciousness

31:07

down. To stop your

31:09

automatic ever-moving brain activities

31:12

for just a second,

31:14

the slightest pause. and

31:16

to dip your attention

31:18

into your body after

31:20

having a thought, doing

31:23

a quick scan of

31:25

the guts, especially, before

31:27

sending your consciousness back

31:29

up to your thought

31:31

machinery. Imagine a figure

31:34

eight, but turned vertical.

31:36

Thoughts into the head,

31:38

feelings down into the

31:40

body, and back up.

31:42

You have a thought.

31:44

Dip into your core.

31:47

You return to the

31:49

thought. This starts to

31:51

reconnect your mental and

31:53

physical worlds to reestablish

31:55

the link. between

31:58

thought and

32:00

feeling. So

32:02

you aren't stranded in your

32:04

stranded face it, sometimes

32:06

flawed thoughts, no

32:09

without the emotional wherewithal

32:11

to identify that

32:13

something is that something is

32:15

awry, misaligned. and

32:18

vice versa. If your body

32:20

If you're body need you need to

32:23

learn to loop your consciousness up.

32:25

up. into your brain while

32:27

having your emotions

32:29

and physical experiences.

32:31

experiences. need to pause

32:34

your behaving your you're running

32:36

if you're running non-stop. Stop.

32:39

Alternatively, remember sitting around, that

32:41

around, staring at a wall

32:43

around, also behaving is long as

32:45

you are breathing. as

32:47

long as you are

32:49

any stagnant any stagnant

32:52

either by moving in your

32:54

body or relocating and

32:56

repositioning. And then

32:58

try to to sort of launch

33:00

what you can grasp of

33:02

your energy out of your

33:05

guts guts into your throat

33:07

and into the front of

33:09

your head. head. Feel your

33:11

forehead, imagine it,

33:14

warming and pressurizing. You

33:16

might might also imagine siphoning

33:18

your attention up to the

33:20

top of your skull. of your

33:22

skull using. I'm sorry.

33:25

honest Honest recognition of

33:27

stress as the capillary force

33:29

to draw your consciousness

33:32

into your head. your head. Now,

33:34

don't aim aim for

33:36

overwhelming reminders of but do

33:38

but do think of

33:40

kind of small to that

33:43

you you can accomplish. can

33:45

which can start to bring you

33:47

back into your conscious conscious your

33:49

awareness and your

33:52

ability for planning. planning. So

33:55

again, imagine that

33:57

figure eight circling from

33:59

brain to guts. What do

34:01

you think about the most

34:04

recent or most rousing thing

34:06

you observed? Yes, you feel

34:09

about it, but pause. What

34:11

do you think about what

34:14

you feel about it? Again,

34:16

this starts to reconnect your

34:19

thoughts with your physical state,

34:21

so you can do more

34:23

than just experience a dazed

34:26

cloud of physical sensation. You

34:28

can interpret, organize, and strategize

34:31

around your feelings, putting them

34:33

into action, taking action to

34:36

care for you in the

34:38

ways that they suggest are

34:41

needed. Of course, I have

34:43

to give you the advice

34:45

that we have all heard

34:48

10,000 times and ignored 10,000

34:50

times because it continues to

34:53

be true. and also persists

34:55

in being difficult to take

34:58

seriously, use the motherfucking breath.

35:00

It is the connection between

35:02

your thoughts, brain, and your

35:05

sensations, body. On the in-breath,

35:07

imagine all the energy flowing

35:10

to your brain as you

35:12

sit taller and straighter, reaching

35:15

your skull towards the sky,

35:17

as your belly and your

35:20

chest fill with air. And

35:23

on the out breath, imagine

35:25

that energy moving down into

35:27

the space that the air

35:30

is vacating. Slouch and make

35:32

your stomach concave to help

35:35

your attention get down there.

35:37

To bring focus to your

35:40

lower abdomen. To add awareness

35:42

to your emotional space that's

35:44

contained there. and keep breathing

35:47

like a needle sewing your

35:49

brain and body together using

35:52

the thread of your consciousness.

35:54

Breathe in, into the head,

35:57

out, down in. into

35:59

the the guts, in,

36:01

into the head the head

36:03

again. the vertical figure

36:06

eight. So, if you can sit

36:08

in a comfortable, secure

36:10

you can sit in a comfortable,

36:12

secure place. do a

36:15

quick with scrimmage here with me.

36:18

imagine that imagine that

36:20

you drop your energy down. lower

36:23

lower and lower in your being. observe

36:25

the the sensations inside

36:27

of your back back. your

36:30

chest. chest, organs, hip

36:32

bones, thighs, and then

36:35

down down into your

36:37

toes. keep looping, the

36:39

energy back up into

36:41

your thoughts. guttural and then

36:43

down again. signaling looping.

36:46

checking in with

36:49

your guttural chemical firing.

36:51

If your synapses push

36:53

your If

36:55

your body trapped, push your energy

36:57

up. up. Engage your thoughts.

37:00

Visualize a hot spot at

37:02

the front of your brain,

37:04

growing red. Then roll that

37:06

warm then roll that warm

37:08

point backwards, frontwards, side

37:10

to side, do make it

37:13

do circles, moving your

37:15

eyes as necessary and getting

37:17

a real feel of

37:19

your brain. Remember something important

37:21

to you. Remember

37:24

life. Remember that it's going to

37:26

end one day you won't have

37:28

to think ever again. won't have to

37:30

Are any thoughts coming up? thoughts

37:33

points of stress that you

37:35

can use. that you can Do

37:37

you feel any feel

37:39

any between emotion and

37:42

cognitive action? cognitive action?

37:44

Learn to to re

37:46

-ground and re -center. Practice

37:48

integrating both aspects of

37:50

you, mind you, mind and

37:52

meet. And remember. It is

37:55

a practice. It is not

37:57

automatic. It will be hard.

37:59

hard and... near impossible sometimes, but

38:01

it will get easier with

38:04

time. You will become proficient.

38:06

And then step four. Now

38:08

that you can bring yourself

38:11

back into your fuller being

38:13

with your fuller investigative powers

38:15

or alongside developing those skills,

38:18

because it will take a

38:20

while. You'll want to figure

38:22

out what causes you to

38:25

disassociate. However you tend to

38:27

do it, what are your

38:29

triggers? The times that you're

38:32

likely to run out the

38:34

fire escape. And you'll want

38:36

to learn to catch your

38:39

consciousness as it's trying to

38:41

flee and to bring it

38:43

back into your being, preferably

38:46

before it's already out to

38:48

the window and around several

38:50

blocks. To do this, you'll

38:53

need to observe and integrate

38:55

information. You now know what

38:57

the signs of your dissassociation

39:00

are from an earlier step.

39:02

So when it occurs, you

39:04

need to pause, and then

39:07

you need to do some

39:09

critical thinking. Connect that dissociative

39:11

event to something that just

39:14

took place in your environment

39:16

or in yourself. And start

39:18

to comprehend the story that's

39:20

being told. Maybe you ditch

39:23

your body when it's in

39:25

pain, when it's sad in

39:27

there, when you're judging your

39:30

physical appearance, when you feel

39:32

unsafe, or when you just

39:34

have too many things to

39:37

worry about, too many damn

39:39

things to do. Maybe it's

39:41

more explicit than that. A

39:44

particular person, time, place, or

39:46

behavioral event pushes you right

39:48

out of your protein with

39:51

clear predictability. Maybe it's stress

39:53

anxiety or fear that signals

39:55

yo, I'm a bad

39:58

out to dip.

40:00

And maybe you abandoned

40:02

And maybe you abandoned

40:05

your brain for

40:07

similar reasons when it's

40:09

overly active, when

40:11

it's obsessive, way

40:13

too critical, becoming way

40:15

too critical, speaking to

40:17

you in the voices of your

40:19

past abusers. been when it's been

40:21

processing and analyzing until your

40:24

eyes cross. Maybe there's a

40:26

a sensation in your head that

40:28

indicates. It's been

40:30

fun, but uh, I'm about to get

40:32

out of here though. though. Get a grip

40:34

on a grip on your

40:36

dis -ass patterns so you're

40:38

prepared to handle them. not

40:41

on you're not on the lookout

40:43

for your self -ditching. you you

40:45

probably won't notice it. notice it.

40:47

Prime the pump with self

40:49

-knowledge. Then, when

40:52

when you do

40:54

notice whatever trigger,

40:56

whatever indicator of

40:58

a forthcoming or

41:00

or half-happened event, You

41:03

use the method

41:05

of re of regrounding works

41:07

for you that our

41:09

prior for you from our

41:11

I will share mine share

41:13

case they might help.

41:15

help. So for

41:18

for me, I'm sorry

41:20

to say catching my my

41:22

consciousness as it is fleeing

41:24

and re-associating usually starts

41:26

with that god breath. breath.

41:28

I've I've said it before. It is

41:31

It is the outbreath for me. a default

41:33

I'm a default body I I

41:36

never feel safe in my body,

41:38

my and my brain is responsible

41:40

for too many duties. duties. So I've learned

41:42

that as I feel my consciousness trying

41:44

to fly out the top of my

41:47

head of my which is usually coupled

41:49

with my heart starting to beat out

41:51

of control, a generalized

41:53

of sensation of the

41:55

organs. shaky sensation of the can

41:57

use this very slow. slow...

42:00

intentional, prolonged, out-breath to

42:02

help me pull my

42:04

attention, my consciousness, my

42:06

soul thing, back down.

42:08

I empty my insides

42:10

from my breath, and

42:12

I hold it out.

42:15

This recouples breath and

42:17

heart rate, eventually. and

42:19

it sustains a void

42:21

in my lungs and

42:23

guts that creates what

42:25

feels like kind of

42:27

a vacuum and pulls

42:30

that attention back into

42:32

place. When I get

42:34

bodybound, this happens after

42:36

prolonged periods of extreme

42:38

mental effort. When I've

42:40

been working for survival,

42:42

or I've been deep

42:45

in trauma processing, and

42:47

a particular brand of

42:49

movement is what helps.

42:51

Stressful movement. Like moving

42:53

my hand across a

42:55

to-do list, or moving

42:57

my body across the

43:00

earth for functional reasons,

43:02

like errands. Beginning to

43:04

remember what needs to

43:06

be accomplished via this

43:08

amino acid cosplay, in

43:10

the way only a

43:12

prefrontal cortex can organize

43:15

and taking those small

43:17

steps, for me, does

43:19

the trick. But before

43:21

that step even, it

43:23

helps for me to

43:25

leave the house, to

43:27

be active in a

43:30

public place. That's because

43:32

it requires the brain

43:34

to become engaged rapidly

43:36

via some social stress.

43:38

The knowledge of being

43:40

seen by others, it

43:42

restokes the mind within

43:45

the body, at least

43:47

for me. So

43:49

be with yourself and do

43:51

the opposite of what your

43:54

strongest impulses dictate. And you'll

43:56

probably start to pick up

43:58

on these patterns of how

44:00

you've been... disassociating for deep

44:02

comfort. Then you can Then

44:04

you can figure out how

44:07

to change your behaviors

44:09

for your own good than

44:11

following that usual pattern

44:13

which lands you deeper and

44:15

deeper into your disass. Use these

44:17

new Use these new and and

44:20

abilities that you're

44:22

developing to predict and

44:24

prevent and treat

44:26

your disassociations. Then,

44:28

when you recognize what your triggers are

44:30

and what helps you to come

44:32

back into your full self. to come back

44:34

I recommend full self, I

44:37

recommend step four. Sorry, step five. Take

44:39

those findings and apply

44:41

them to your daily schedule.

44:43

your daily out how

44:45

your day -to -day

44:47

routine might be

44:50

encouraging be encouraging dissassociation. instance,

44:53

as a person with a

44:55

brain heavy a brain-heavy over

44:57

responsible life demands. life

44:59

I have to work physical integration

45:01

behaviors into my day. Here's

45:04

a list of items that

45:06

help a more. that

45:08

help and more. get outside

45:10

at least once at

45:13

day. go somewhere.

45:15

somewhere. Split up into

45:17

several small small rather

45:19

than one big

45:21

effort. Create time for

45:23

having feelings and

45:26

protect it. it. Set set

45:28

mandatory health goals like

45:30

that loop every day. every

45:32

day. and add stimulatory enjoyment

45:34

to encourage you to

45:37

be in your body,

45:39

be like nice hot

45:41

showers and fuzzy blankets

45:43

and clean, nice smelling

45:45

clothing. clothing. These very easy

45:47

to forget or neglect

45:49

or dismiss task items, they

45:52

make a big difference. And

45:55

And if you have a body

45:57

dominant experience, how how can you

45:59

do the... to start bringing more

46:01

conscious thought into your

46:03

daily operations. Again,

46:05

here is a list of

46:08

ideas. Add to -do

46:10

lists into your daily

46:12

schedule. Do organization journaling in

46:14

the mornings and evenings

46:16

to plot out your day

46:18

and keep track of

46:21

how you're doing. Add in

46:23

consumable micro stress breaks.

46:25

All right, this is when

46:27

I check my email.

46:29

This is when I remember

46:31

my upcoming errands. Put

46:34

in bouts of social pressure

46:36

like being seen or

46:38

speaking to strangers. Add

46:41

in mandatory cognitive

46:43

goals like plans being

46:45

made or all

46:47

emails being read today.

46:49

And again, add

46:51

a stimulatory enjoyment such

46:53

as puzzle games,

46:55

cerebral media consumption or

46:57

intellectual discussions. Encourage

46:59

you to get into

47:02

your brain in

47:04

easy, pleasurable ways. And

47:07

if there is a

47:09

particular person, place or thing

47:11

that you realize creates

47:13

a disassociation event predictably, you

47:16

might want to consider

47:18

how it could represent a

47:20

misalignment that shoots your

47:22

consciousness right out of the

47:24

arena. Of course, as

47:26

long as they aren't violent

47:28

or unsafe stimulatory events,

47:31

we do always want to

47:33

try to lessen or

47:35

alter our reactions to them

47:37

before we cut things

47:39

out of our lives unnecessarily.

47:41

Fight and flight and

47:43

avoidance. These are not the

47:46

things of trauma recovery. So

47:49

first, consider, is this something

47:51

that can be reprogrammed in

47:53

your head as a lesser

47:55

threat? So you don't try

47:57

to flee from it via

47:59

disassociation. And much two, if not, and

48:01

if it if not, and

48:03

if it doesn't create

48:06

avoidance -based issues long this

48:08

stimulus be stimulus be removed from

48:10

your daily life? life? These are big

48:12

are big adjustments to consider

48:14

over the long the long

48:16

you work with being with

48:18

yourself. and and reducing the tension

48:20

that you feel you day. day by

48:22

day. And on on the topic of

48:24

big adjustments. Let's go

48:27

back to our third

48:29

type of disassociation here and

48:31

discuss the full exit

48:33

quickly. quickly. If you are

48:36

a you are a

48:38

full dissassociator or it

48:40

has acutely happened. you've

48:42

been detached from both brain and

48:44

body. brain You feel

48:46

You feel depersonalized. D

48:48

is life. is life.

48:50

You don't know know who you've

48:52

been. been. Well, all all

48:55

the same steps apply for getting

48:57

back into a state of re back

48:59

into a state keeping yourself there. and

49:02

keeping yourself you

49:04

can identify your early signs

49:06

or learn to regroup or

49:08

identify and prepare for your

49:10

triggers. and you

49:12

will have to re -remember

49:14

you will have to that you are

49:16

a human. that you you have a

49:18

brain. that you have a brain

49:20

and body. For

49:23

me, what has helped

49:25

with this is a

49:28

slow and gentle reintroduction

49:30

to safe to safe human contact. Safe

49:32

safe humans in. in don't

49:35

who don't have

49:37

abuse tendencies, who can

49:39

help you return to Earth,

49:41

body, and brain strain.

49:43

strain. try

49:45

to do preferably try to

49:47

do this with humans who

49:49

have known you for a

49:51

while. a while. They spark memories

49:53

and emotions. They act They act

49:56

as a reminder of your

49:58

life they're your shared experiences. experiences. allow

50:00

you to feel again

50:02

in a positive way,

50:04

and they help you

50:06

recollect your own history.

50:08

All of these activities help

50:11

to engage the brain

50:13

and the body to bring

50:15

your consciousness back to your

50:18

own timeline and to

50:20

place you in your body

50:22

again, which others have observed

50:25

and are currently observing.

50:27

and you have sensed also

50:29

on that timeline and maybe

50:32

increasingly in the time

50:34

that you're around them. Even

50:36

a single conversation with a

50:39

safe human who I've shared

50:41

some time with can

50:43

drastically assist with re-personalization and

50:46

then the rest of the

50:48

re-association process that we've

50:50

been discussing. Realize also though...

50:53

that perhaps you haven't been

50:55

alone. So this advice

50:57

seems like it doesn't apply

51:00

to you. But have you

51:02

been around people who

51:04

really see you, see you

51:07

today in your current form?

51:09

Are they people who

51:11

you've truly always been comfortable

51:14

around? And can they see

51:16

that you are yourself?

51:18

and how you've grown and

51:21

evolved. If not, their rejection

51:23

of your modern, real, authentic,

51:26

grown self might encourage

51:28

your rejection of your own

51:30

experience. And boom! You're not

51:33

consciously a part of

51:35

this planet anymore, as you

51:37

both pretend that you do

51:40

not really exist in

51:42

this form. In this case...

51:44

New people might be required

51:47

as your safe social

51:49

contacts. They can see who

51:51

you really are now because

51:54

they don't have all

51:56

of these past memories fogging

51:59

their views. That that can

52:01

help encourage you to do the same.

52:03

the same. Another point point

52:05

of excellent news is if you're

52:07

if you're associated well new

52:09

friends. the the people

52:12

who you attract and drive with.

52:14

with will will be associated

52:16

as their selves too, which

52:18

will make your relationship

52:20

much more much more and

52:22

honest and authentic. authentic. So

52:25

to wrap up this little wrap

52:27

up this little

52:29

social complications discussion and

52:31

our episode who you socialize

52:33

with and you socialize with

52:35

and how is very

52:37

influential. you into the it can push you

52:39

into the brain or the body. Your

52:42

social into nothingness. has

52:44

a big Your social environment has a

52:46

big impact on your ability to engage

52:48

with the process of re -associating and

52:51

to stay tethered to

52:53

yourself in every direction.

52:55

direction daily. We're going to going

52:57

to talk about this further,

52:59

but do mind your relationships as

53:01

they relate to to Don't

53:05

stay in them just because

53:07

they already exist. they They

53:09

might be the seed of your

53:11

the seed habits. habits.

53:13

And and one more, that process

53:16

of re -associating and staying

53:18

that way way is identifying

53:21

your disassociation style,

53:23

brain, or body, or

53:25

full or full exit. Name early

53:27

early signs of disassociation,

53:29

especially focusing on material

53:31

signals that you can

53:33

see in your environment.

53:35

environment. Develop -grounding and

53:38

re -centering skills skills, then

53:40

practice them so you

53:42

become proficient. proficient. your

53:44

triggers, learn to

53:46

prevent your disassociation, and

53:48

prepare for future instances

53:50

however you can. you can. This

53:53

might result in

53:55

adjusting your lifestyle to

53:58

be more associated. by

54:00

adding more more aligned patterns

54:02

and relationships that help

54:04

to keep your system

54:07

integrated. And if you are

54:09

you are fully untethered

54:11

from brain and body, before

54:13

any of those steps, first

54:16

and cyclically throughout the

54:18

whole process, you might

54:20

need to remember that you

54:22

are human via -socializing

54:24

safely. safely. A task which

54:26

is only possible through

54:28

doing work with work with

54:30

your rather than what

54:32

may have become a

54:34

daily pattern that you've

54:36

been living by. living by. attempts

54:39

to ditch this this bitch

54:41

one way or another,

54:43

through the brain, the body,

54:45

or or entirely. it y'all. Thanks for

54:47

it, 'all. Thanks for running

54:49

through this discussion with me,

54:51

and thank you for

54:53

being here. here. Next time

54:55

we meet up, up, we

54:57

will talk about vicious cases

54:59

of the of what's

55:01

your time and

55:04

yourself into the ground,

55:06

pushing you into

55:08

patterns of externalized of and

55:11

hijacking your every

55:13

thought. hijacking your see you

55:15

then, I'll and until

55:17

then, and cheers, y

55:19

'all. cheers y'all, bye. Did

55:26

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