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a free gift. Hey, sucker,

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hey! We're back. Bich, we ain't

1:42

done yet. We gotta talk

1:44

about boundaries. There's

1:47

no love without boundaries. and

1:49

we want to watch

1:51

out for codependency Trojan

1:54

horses in our PTSD

1:56

recovery. So last time and

1:58

recently in In our

2:00

Mervyn a long episode,

2:03

we talked about the

2:05

necessity for compassion, forgiveness,

2:08

multiple chances, getting off

2:10

ourselves and others' backs.

2:12

Redo 2025. And all

2:15

of that is true.

2:17

And all of that

2:19

is part of the

2:22

story. Because, and also.

2:24

I think most of

2:26

us have experienced over

2:29

forgiveness or over compassion

2:31

before. Perhaps even in

2:33

both directions. We've offered

2:36

grace and care and

2:38

redoose to others in

2:40

the past, maybe bountifully.

2:43

We've seen how we

2:45

were all the same

2:48

and tried to give

2:50

them the care that

2:52

we wish we'd had.

2:55

and they've taken advantage,

2:57

and they've manipulated us,

2:59

and we've had to

3:02

eat dirt in the

3:04

aftermath. And if you're

3:06

like me, you also

3:09

might look back at

3:11

early relationships and go,

3:13

why did people let

3:16

me get away with

3:18

that? Didn't help me

3:21

in the long run,

3:23

though I see that

3:25

they hidied me enough

3:28

to let it pass

3:30

in the short term.

3:32

So. In all this

3:35

high pollutant talk of

3:37

care and mutuality and

3:39

grace, sure. And also,

3:42

we don't want to

3:44

mistake martyrdom, people-pleasing, self-sabotage,

3:46

co-dependency, enmeshment, or allowing

3:49

abuse as any of

3:51

these things. As much

3:53

as we need compassion.

3:56

to see ourselves and

3:58

others realistically as similar

4:01

beings. We do also

4:03

need something we've been

4:05

talking about quite a

4:08

bit recently, egos. And

4:10

to have healthy egos,

4:12

we need boundaries. Remember,

4:15

what's an ego, the

4:17

distinction between self and

4:19

other, the perceived distance

4:22

between you and them,

4:24

the unique nature of

4:26

being a self among

4:29

other selves, which we

4:31

do require. because those

4:34

things reflect an honest

4:36

reality as meat beings.

4:38

We are separate from

4:41

each other in a

4:43

way in the, in

4:45

the, in the, everything

4:48

else. So... We need

4:50

an ego to exist

4:52

because we exist in

4:55

matter as matter which

4:57

is separate. On the

4:59

day that we cease

5:02

to materially be here

5:04

with unique perspectives and

5:06

needs connected to the

5:09

bodies that imprison us,

5:11

I'm just kidding, I

5:14

do prefer to think

5:16

of them as organic

5:18

robot suits. Then on

5:21

that day we can

5:23

let go of that

5:25

ego. Until the moment

5:28

that we ditch our

5:30

protein and fat and

5:32

calcium deposits and our

5:35

consciousness or soul or

5:37

being flows back to

5:39

wherever it came, you

5:42

do need to know

5:44

what's yours and what

5:47

stank is drifting off

5:49

of other beings. You

5:51

do need to separate

5:54

self from other. because

5:56

it is hard enough

5:58

to manage being a

6:01

single person who contains

6:03

multitudes, let alone trying

6:05

to manage someone else's.

6:08

multitudinal existence from the

6:10

sidelines from the satellite

6:12

location of not them

6:15

not there inside the

6:17

crowd this is the

6:20

function of the ego

6:22

to keep our shit

6:24

our shit and their

6:27

shit their shit for

6:29

all the gruff talking

6:31

it gets A flexible

6:34

and accurately sized one

6:36

is crucial for sanity

6:38

and success. And how

6:41

do we know that

6:43

we're flexibly separate, properly

6:45

egoed in practice? By

6:48

having flexible, adaptable barriers

6:50

between us and them.

6:52

Boundaries! When we have

6:55

unhealthy egos, we have

6:57

rigid inflexible Unadaptive rules

7:00

between us and them.

7:02

Not the same thing.

7:04

Relationship enters, not relationship

7:07

allowers. So let's talk

7:09

about the boundaries that

7:11

we need to have

7:14

real love in our

7:16

lives and to be

7:18

functional, actually, on just

7:21

about any level. We

7:23

need boundaries with others.

7:25

We need boundaries within

7:28

ourselves. And let's talk

7:30

about how to do

7:33

it, why it matters,

7:35

how it relates to

7:37

being able to experience

7:40

love, and what boundaries

7:42

are not. Ineffective, scapegoating,

7:44

disempowering, and generally self-sabotaging

7:47

to the beholder. Rules.

7:49

Okay. Onward. boundaries

7:52

with others. Here's a

7:54

fact about me. If

7:57

we live in the

7:59

same house. I'm 10,000

8:01

times more likely to

8:03

think that I hate

8:05

you. To be incapable

8:07

of tapping into those

8:10

soft warm expansive love

8:12

feelings that we've spoken

8:14

of. Instead, to be

8:16

hard, judgmental, impatient, resentful,

8:18

even punitive, as soon

8:21

as we are a

8:23

part. I will miss

8:25

you. I will suddenly

8:27

have those fuzzy feelings.

8:29

I will confusingly want

8:32

to be back in

8:34

your presence or in

8:36

connection after wanting to

8:38

smash your face into

8:40

the ground. Don't worry.

8:43

That warmth will disappear.

8:45

The second that we

8:47

remake proximal conduct. Why?

8:49

Let's say poor boundaries

8:51

in the home especially.

8:54

Thanks to growing up

8:56

with no boundaries in

8:58

the home in my

9:00

childhood, their problems immediately

9:02

became my problems. I

9:05

wasn't really allowed to

9:07

have problems, so I

9:09

can't say that it

9:11

flowed the other direction,

9:13

but I was goaded

9:15

into expressing the emotions

9:18

and unmet needs of

9:20

the clan so that

9:22

they could pretend those

9:24

were my problems. In

9:26

fact, they were evidence

9:29

of, as I've said,

9:31

absolutely zero acknowledgement of

9:33

being separate autonomous individuals.

9:35

Projection and projective identification

9:37

raised me. And then

9:40

my early adult relationships

9:42

followed suit with friends,

9:44

roommates, and live-in partners.

9:46

So... Now in adult

9:48

living when I'm in

9:51

residence with another I

9:53

feel like I can't

9:55

get away from them

9:57

or really their feelings

9:59

to the extent that

10:02

we are one and

10:04

the same. Their shit

10:06

is my shit. I

10:08

can't close the valve

10:10

to keep it from

10:13

flowing down fast enough.

10:15

Soon I'm absolutely drowning.

10:17

Over time with equity

10:19

and exhaustion in mind.

10:21

My shit then bubbles

10:24

onto the street and

10:26

becomes theirs. We become

10:28

one conglomerate of each

10:30

other's sorrows and annoyances

10:32

and shortcomings and insecurities.

10:34

All the hardest parts

10:37

of life become the

10:39

group identity and experience.

10:41

And there is no

10:43

individual one to balance

10:45

that out. And under

10:48

those circumstances, which always

10:50

end up feeling like

10:52

surviving. Either because that's

10:54

the way we wound

10:56

up together in the

10:59

first place, or because

11:01

my life is a

11:03

work camp, or because

11:05

our living arrangement becomes

11:07

so imbued with chaos

11:10

and relational disorder that

11:12

it feels incredibly insecure.

11:14

Sure, anxiety runs high.

11:16

Sense of interdependence need,

11:18

perhaps, but love becomes

11:21

impossible to tap into.

11:23

Because there's no boundaries.

11:25

Because it becomes suffocating

11:27

and overwhelming trying to

11:29

manage the lives of

11:32

two people, when we

11:34

all know it is

11:36

nearly impossible to healthily

11:38

manage even one. Because,

11:40

as we kept saying

11:42

in the series, we

11:45

lose the target for

11:47

our love to flow

11:49

to. Where can we

11:51

send it when we

11:53

don't see them as

11:56

a separate person? So

11:58

inherently, we don't see

12:00

us as a separate

12:02

person without the contrast.

12:04

So we can't... issue

12:07

real care or compassion

12:09

to either party because

12:11

what what party? Life

12:13

then becomes an inexplicable

12:15

uncontrollable somewhat imperceivable cloud

12:18

of feelings reactions instincts

12:20

and conditioned responses that

12:22

cannot be ironed out

12:24

when the source is

12:26

identifiable. Self has been

12:29

lost. which then cannot

12:31

issue or receive care.

12:33

So, how do we

12:35

do boundaries in a

12:37

way that reflects a

12:40

healthy ego? A realistic

12:42

understanding of the distinction

12:44

and connections between self

12:46

and other, to allow

12:48

healthy relationship, to allow,

12:50

although, okay. Rethinking

12:54

boundaries. Well, I like

12:57

to think of the

12:59

above example that I

13:01

just gave, dragon myself.

13:03

The problem of existing

13:05

in one house with

13:08

many beings. Boundaries are

13:10

for creating room for

13:12

everyone to exist under

13:14

one roof. That's your

13:16

relationship. That way, they

13:18

can maintain relationship to

13:21

themselves to themselves. first

13:23

of all, and then

13:25

relate outward to others

13:27

from that center point.

13:29

Secondly, in other words,

13:32

everyone can clean their

13:34

own room, make it

13:36

tidy, prepare it for

13:38

the day, make it

13:40

highly effective and functional,

13:42

for everyone to be

13:45

best served by it

13:47

and by them, having

13:49

existed in that highly

13:51

effective and functional room.

13:54

And then boundaries allow

13:56

each person to enter

13:58

the... shared space of

14:00

the two-party relationship separately

14:02

when they're prepared, where

14:05

each individual's distinct abode

14:07

isn't full of rot

14:09

or rodents, mold, or

14:11

other wreckage that's seeping

14:13

out into the communal

14:15

area, tainting the experience.

14:17

Does that fit the

14:19

metaphor? Boundary is... creation

14:21

of space for a

14:23

person to exist healthily

14:25

with themselves, and then

14:28

in relationship to others,

14:30

and to maintain that

14:32

space long-term creation of

14:34

a self-guideline that produces

14:36

and sustains that room

14:38

is necessary. Okay, let

14:40

me make that more

14:42

clear. The important parts

14:44

are. Number one, identifying

14:46

what isn't working for

14:49

your psyche. Number two,

14:51

taking time and space

14:53

to figure out how

14:55

you can protect yourself

14:57

or give yourself the

14:59

tools that you need

15:01

to deal with the

15:03

psychic upset and be

15:05

okay. Number three, implementing

15:07

the boundary yourself through

15:09

behavioral modification. You do

15:12

the thing you need

15:14

to do. And that's

15:16

it. The awareness that

15:18

something has gone wrong.

15:20

Plan to handle it

15:22

better within one's own

15:24

locus of control than

15:26

behavioral follow-through. And it

15:28

does require at least

15:30

responsible respectful communication. The

15:32

behavioral follow-through is communication.

15:35

We do also need

15:37

to state to our

15:39

relationship partners what we're

15:41

doing and why. And

15:43

that is how we

15:45

bound. For real. Not

15:47

just bitch at each

15:49

other. You'll notice a

15:51

step is not arguing

15:53

about the stated boundary

15:55

while refusing to take

15:58

action personally because boundaries

16:00

aren't rules for others

16:02

to abide by. If

16:04

anything, there are rules

16:06

for us to abide

16:08

by for the sake

16:10

of ourselves. is where

16:12

humans tend to get

16:14

things all fucked and

16:16

turn the concept of

16:19

boundaries into the reality

16:21

of control attempts that

16:23

reflect narcissism. What's a

16:25

common experience with Narks?

16:27

My way or the

16:29

highway relational behaviors, which

16:31

are actually my way

16:33

or the I will

16:35

bitch at you and

16:37

punish you forever. if

16:39

you don't do what

16:42

I want, relational behaviors.

16:44

Those are not boundaries,

16:46

those are ultimatums and

16:48

rules. Instead of saying,

16:50

you'd better do this

16:52

or else if we

16:54

could establish guidelines that

16:56

allow us to continue

16:58

to love someone, which

17:00

encourages self-love, even when

17:02

they're being annoying. I

17:05

think we can agree

17:07

that's really the goal.

17:09

The long-term plan to

17:11

let love into our

17:13

lives and the indication

17:15

of actual care for

17:17

that person rather than

17:19

needing to control who

17:21

we hope they can

17:23

be to support us.

17:25

Right. Yeah. It's boundaries

17:28

which enable those things.

17:30

What's the shorthand to

17:32

know the difference between

17:34

rules and boundaries? Just

17:36

to make sure this

17:38

is explicitly stated. Rules

17:40

are about other people,

17:42

what they must do.

17:44

In school, we were

17:46

told by the teachers

17:49

that we couldn't scream

17:51

in the middle of

17:53

class. If we did,

17:55

we were punished or

17:57

kicked out of the

17:59

building, relationship over based

18:01

on our conduct. Rules,

18:03

right? Boundaries are about

18:05

ourselves, self-responsibility. taking action

18:07

that allows us to

18:09

manage our shit. In

18:12

school, the teacher didn't

18:14

leave the room if

18:16

the kids screamed and

18:18

returned when they were

18:20

all in a better

18:22

psychic state. If they

18:24

did, that would have

18:26

been a boundary. A

18:28

flexible, adaptable way that

18:30

allows both parties to

18:32

get what they need.

18:35

Also, it would be

18:37

wildly irresponsible in this

18:39

example. But you see

18:41

what I'm saying. Rule,

18:43

you aren't allowed to

18:45

eat meat in front

18:47

of me because I'm

18:49

vegan. Good luck with

18:51

that. Boundary. I leave

18:53

the area when people

18:55

are eating animal products

18:58

because it upsets me.

19:00

Hey, look, life is

19:02

in your control and

19:04

you can still have

19:06

relationships with meat eaters

19:08

if you don't disband

19:10

the associations or try

19:12

to define what they

19:14

are allowed to do.

19:16

Right? Love is very

19:19

possible. Even an imperfect

19:21

relationships with imperfect people.

19:23

Very, very challenging people.

19:25

If boundaries are also

19:27

possible and love for

19:29

other is interconnected with

19:31

love for self. Yeah,

19:33

you got it. You're

19:35

there. One enables the

19:37

other in a bi-directional

19:39

and ever-flowing fashion. So

19:42

similarly. It's probably no

19:44

surprise, based on what

19:46

I've already told you,

19:48

that we also need

19:50

boundaries with self. I'm

19:52

sure you've pieced this

19:54

together, and we don't

19:56

really need to talk

19:58

about it. But here

20:00

we go. If boundaries

20:02

are actually about what

20:05

we need to do

20:07

to keep ourselves acting

20:09

in line with ourselves,

20:11

so that we can

20:13

then relate wholly outward

20:15

with others. then we

20:17

also need boundaries within

20:19

ourselves to make sure

20:21

we do the things

20:23

we need to do

20:25

with others. Yes, so

20:28

simple. What I'm saying

20:30

is, if we say,

20:32

I will remove myself

20:34

when people are chomp

20:36

and chickens around me,

20:38

but then lack the

20:40

internal boundaries to manage

20:42

our thoughts, feelings, and

20:44

behaviors to do the

20:46

removing. then the boundary

20:49

with others does not

20:51

matter. Without inner boundaries,

20:53

we'll probably end up

20:55

having a big inner

20:57

reaction to the stimulation,

20:59

but fail to take

21:01

action to deal with

21:03

those sensations, resulting in

21:05

making a real ass

21:07

out of oneself, and

21:09

perhaps even proclaiming some

21:12

hard-nosed rules. which probably

21:14

backfire in the relationship

21:16

and love department, not

21:18

to mention being absolutely

21:20

ineffectual. And we can

21:22

also say, if we

21:24

lack the internal boundary

21:26

that tells us, I

21:28

don't talk down to

21:30

myself when I notice

21:32

this feeling, or this

21:35

keyword, I remove myself

21:37

from the cognitive vicinity.

21:39

then we're pretty likely

21:41

to end up back

21:43

in ruminatory holes of

21:45

self-destruction that erase all

21:47

of this self-love effort

21:49

back at step one

21:51

not up one back

21:53

to obstacles between you

21:55

and love. So assuming

21:58

we don't want to

22:00

go back to self-compassion

22:02

start, how do we

22:04

create inner boundaries with

22:06

us? That above statement

22:08

is generally how we

22:10

create internal boundaries with

22:12

us. I don't talk

22:14

down to myself. When

22:16

I notice this feeling

22:19

or this keyword, I

22:21

remove myself from the

22:23

cognitive vicinity. Or I

22:25

change my conscious thought.

22:27

So that means you

22:29

just need to. Number

22:31

one, evidentially determine what

22:33

feeling thought, self-talk, degree

22:35

of repetition or rumination

22:37

does not produce positive

22:39

results for a fucker

22:42

in their life. That's

22:44

you. When your mind

22:46

starts wandering this anxious

22:48

and obsessive direction, when

22:50

you have this pained,

22:52

outraged feeling in your

22:54

gut, when you hear

22:56

your mind use the

22:58

same phrases as your

23:00

past abuser, when you've

23:02

thought about it for

23:05

23 days straight already,

23:07

what happens? A lot

23:09

of energy is wasted.

23:11

You explode at people

23:13

you care about. You

23:15

land yourself straight in

23:17

a stink hole and

23:19

can't crawl out for

23:21

hours or months. Great.

23:23

ID it. Number two,

23:26

decide that you're really

23:28

fucking over that identified

23:30

aftermath. Once you figure

23:32

out that you have

23:34

a habit that leads

23:36

to boss, especially of

23:38

precious time and energy.

23:40

and gather observations from

23:42

a few occurrences to

23:44

really track and to

23:46

seal in the long

23:49

and short term after

23:51

effects. And I think

23:53

it helps to get

23:55

pissed and use that

23:57

rage to decide no

23:59

more. I'm not

24:01

going to let my pain

24:04

become an anger that I

24:06

have fake conversations about for

24:08

five days to the detriment

24:11

of my entire life. I'm

24:13

mad now about being distractedly

24:16

mad, then enough to the

24:18

point that this matters much

24:21

more. I'm sick of wasting

24:23

my time, my energy, my

24:26

life. Awesome! Now here's a

24:28

little tip to help with

24:31

that. Without... Really getting that

24:33

at you? 2.5. Tie that

24:35

unconscious pattern that's wrecking your

24:38

shit to whoever taught it

24:40

to you. This habit isn't

24:43

authentically yours. Don't be upset

24:45

at yourself. Be upset at

24:48

the gifter of the habit.

24:50

Better yet, more humanly so,

24:53

tie the unconscious pattern that's

24:55

wrecking your shit. to the

24:58

unconscious pattern that's wrecked this

25:00

other person's shit, so then

25:02

it then bubbled over and

25:05

flooded into yours. The point

25:07

is, reach the apex of

25:10

being done with the downstream

25:12

effects of the habit that

25:15

you need to bound. And

25:17

it helps to be done

25:20

with the shared intergenerational human

25:22

condition part of that habit

25:25

of that habit. rather than

25:27

becoming angry at yourself or

25:29

at another person. Those wouldn't

25:32

be love behaviors. Those would

25:34

be lack of compassion and

25:37

integrated thought behaviors. Remember, we

25:39

must maintain the thread. And

25:42

number three, implement with attentional

25:44

and behavioral switches. You sense

25:47

the feeling. You hear the

25:49

keyword, you notice the off-base

25:52

behavior that you're trying to

25:54

create an inner boundary around.

25:56

You realize it's been three

25:59

weeks since you had a

26:01

different mood or a mental

26:04

narrative. Awesome. Noticing it is

26:06

a considerable challenge. Now do

26:09

something else. Shift attention to

26:11

a different thought. Try to

26:14

have or process the feeling

26:16

in a different way. Insert

26:19

a replacement behavior to halt

26:21

whatever embarrassing or regretful move

26:23

you were, maybe, about to

26:26

make. If all of that

26:28

is too hard. It can

26:31

be too hard in the

26:33

moment when some degree of

26:36

wise is lost. Create shortcuts

26:38

ahead of time. Now, things

26:41

that help you change course

26:43

or redirect your attention, such

26:46

as moving to a new

26:48

location to break thought, emotional,

26:50

and behavioral patterns. Talking to

26:53

a friend who has a

26:55

steady vibe that you can

26:58

try to match. Not one

27:00

who will sense your energy

27:03

and meet you in hell.

27:05

Exercising or cleaning to release

27:08

excess energy. Go to a

27:10

class or watch one online

27:13

so you aren't trying to

27:15

guide yourself, which again allows

27:17

for your mind to wander.

27:20

Showering or even having a

27:22

full restart if you can.

27:25

Maybe taking a nap. getting

27:27

up, getting re-ready, and re-approaching

27:30

the hours you have left

27:32

in the day. Engaging in

27:35

whatever hobby allows for a

27:37

flow state, or demands your

27:40

full brain cells. Sometimes a

27:42

scary movie or something nervous

27:44

system arousing, like, uh, I

27:47

don't know, mountain biking, does

27:49

the trick by overriding your

27:52

human brain because you must

27:54

focus. Maybe you're

27:56

reset or replenished. or

27:58

reflective if you get

28:01

out of the house.

28:03

Maybe you have a

28:05

special room in your

28:07

place that helps. Maybe

28:09

it's the backyard, balcony,

28:11

your car, where you

28:13

have the most self

28:15

and cognitive control. Maybe

28:17

you need a certain

28:19

element, touching rocks, looking

28:21

at a gigantic and

28:23

vacuous sky, staring into

28:25

a campfire, waiting in

28:27

or being proximal to

28:30

a Babbling Creek. Experiment.

28:32

What helps you to

28:34

ditch one internal direction

28:36

that you were headed

28:38

in and shift your

28:40

attention to a new

28:42

one. It'll be an

28:44

individual solution for individual

28:46

brains. You will need

28:48

to learn what works

28:50

for you with trials.

28:52

And you'll also want

28:54

to seal in the

28:57

positive consequences that affect

28:59

you in a way.

29:01

that's individually meaningful, so

29:03

that this behavior is

29:05

reinforced, and you're more

29:07

likely to do it

29:09

again later. How can

29:11

you save yourself so

29:13

much easily, almost instinctively,

29:15

wasted time, energy, and

29:17

pain by creating boundaries

29:19

within yourself? What you

29:21

will and won't engage

29:24

with, and for how

29:26

long? And then, how

29:28

can you honor your own

29:30

inner boundaries by noticing when

29:33

you're touching a hot stove

29:35

and cognitively shifting your energy

29:38

to actually remove your hand

29:40

from that burner instead of

29:43

being tortured by it in

29:45

the moment and dealing with

29:47

the skin graphs much later?

29:50

It will require your participation

29:52

to determine the answers. But

29:55

first, hey. Another quick example

29:57

right there. A boundary. I

29:59

don't hold my palm on

30:02

surfaces that can melt my

30:04

flesh. A rule. Don't burn

30:07

my hand to stove, or

30:09

else I will stand here

30:11

in excruciating pain until the

30:14

ambulance arrives, and then you

30:16

will be scrapped by junkers.

30:19

So I have no oven

30:21

whatsoever, and no means with

30:24

which to cook my own

30:26

food. Boom. Yeah,

30:28

again, which one do

30:31

you think is more

30:33

effective? The wiser choice.

30:35

The boundary. Not the

30:38

self-fucking, impulsive, control-based decision

30:40

to reach for retribution

30:42

after allowing oneself to

30:45

be predictably injured by

30:47

an entity that questionably

30:49

cares or has the

30:52

capacity to behave differently.

30:54

Rules. And

30:57

with that, I've said

30:59

way more than I

31:01

planned to. All right,

31:03

boundaries, we need them,

31:05

or else we can't

31:08

relate to anyone in

31:10

a positive and sustainable

31:12

way. Not even ourselves.

31:14

We need them both

31:16

with others, because we

31:18

are individually wrapped bite-sized

31:20

delights, and within ourselves,

31:22

because life is doable

31:25

and experience is sensible.

31:27

when we can separate

31:29

our thoughts, feelings, behaviors,

31:31

and manage them, instead

31:33

of existing as one

31:35

continuous, unconscious, uncontrolled string

31:37

of them, ganging up

31:39

and beating our real

31:42

intentions into the pavement.

31:44

If we can't bound

31:46

our inner activities, we

31:48

almost certainly cannot abide

31:50

by our own boundaries,

31:52

which are guidelines for

31:54

our behaviors. for us

31:56

and how we will

31:58

respond. in various circumstances.

32:01

When I sense, hear,

32:03

think, do, X, I

32:05

personally need to, Y.

32:07

Unlike rules, don't A

32:09

or else I'll be

32:11

acting like an asshole,

32:13

which are harsh distinctions

32:15

for others. Attempts to

32:18

control them, which actually

32:20

disempower the beholder because

32:22

you can state it

32:24

and you can scream

32:26

about it, all that

32:28

you want, but your

32:30

inefficacy and lack of

32:32

received respect is on

32:35

brilliant display when no

32:37

one falls into line.

32:39

Alternatively, your power is

32:41

clear when you prove

32:43

yourself a man of

32:45

your word. When you

32:47

do the thing that

32:49

you stated, was your

32:52

boundary, which again is

32:54

about creating room for

32:56

you to be able

32:58

to care for yourself,

33:00

not waiting for someone

33:02

else to fix you,

33:04

an act that will

33:06

both boost yourself love,

33:09

respect, and care, and

33:11

is indicative of having

33:13

any to begin with

33:15

in order to take

33:17

action. All of this

33:19

harkens back to the

33:21

fact that here on

33:23

material earth in individually

33:26

birth bodies, we must

33:28

be able to see

33:30

ourselves and each other

33:32

realistically as distinct but

33:34

interconnected and highly similar

33:36

beings. If we can't

33:38

see them as them,

33:40

then we can't send

33:43

them love. If we

33:45

can't see us as

33:47

us, same thing. And

33:49

with all of the

33:51

big feelings and fucked

33:53

up core beliefs, we've

33:55

probably accrued about ourselves

33:57

and other humans through

34:00

the... layers of relational

34:02

trauma, let's say it

34:04

behooves us to draw those

34:06

lines, so that we're accurately

34:08

loving us for us

34:10

and them for them,

34:12

for the individuals that

34:15

we all actually are,

34:17

and avoiding the

34:19

creation of additional

34:21

toxic, abuse-born, logical

34:24

but inaccurate, obstacles

34:27

to real self-love. I

34:30

think we're going to see that as

34:32

time heats up boundaries and

34:34

the capacity for compassion,

34:37

for love, are more related

34:39

and on display than ever. We

34:41

can all be a big bag

34:43

of chocolate chips left in

34:45

the sun, melted together

34:47

into one indiscernible and

34:49

undigestable shit mound, as

34:52

emotions go wild and

34:54

individual identities are lost

34:56

in the puden. Or

34:59

we can all be a bag

35:01

of M&M's, still feeling

35:03

the heat when it cranks

35:05

up, maybe melting a

35:08

little inside, becoming

35:10

soft, disordered, and also

35:12

having the room, the shell,

35:14

to sustain and celebrate

35:17

the glorious colors of

35:19

our individual candy coatings,

35:22

which contain our messes

35:24

and allow us to

35:27

firm up again. before

35:29

returning to other exposure.

35:31

Roughly, we are all

35:34

the same, made from

35:36

the same ingredients, also

35:39

bounded by the

35:41

reality of what makes

35:43

us distinct. Sweet,

35:45

beautiful, boundaries, around

35:48

and within, each one

35:51

of those delicious little

35:53

selves. And that's

35:55

some kind of lovee.

35:57

I think. I'm...

36:00

Honestly, still practicing.

36:03

Hail yourself! Hail

36:05

Archie. Thanks

36:08

again for being here. Talk

36:10

to you soon, Talk

36:12

to you soon, sucker. Bye! You

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