Episode Transcript
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0:03
Super Cuts knows what you think. It's
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a quick, cheap haircut you can get
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Super Cuts is not that cheap.
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visited by nearly 25 million
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works for you. That's what I like
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the person on the phone says, I don't care.
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1:28
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at supercuts.com or just walk right in. It's
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Yeah, and my wife is like, what is this? And
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I'm like, I had as much as I wanted and
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I thought I'd drink the whole thing, but then I
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2:11
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2:58
So, Conan O'Brien needs a fan.
3:07
Want to talk to
3:09
Conan? Visit teamkoko.com/call Conan.
3:12
Okay, let's get started. Hi.
3:15
Hi Mara, welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a fan.
3:17
Hi. Hi Mara, how are you? Nice
3:20
to meet you all. Nice to meet you too
3:22
Mara, where are you? Where are you in the
3:24
world? I'm from Vienna, Austria. Are
3:26
you in Vienna right now? I am in
3:28
Vienna right now, yes. I have never been
3:30
to Vienna. I love Vienna.
3:33
I think, was Vienna where they
3:35
shot the movie Mozart?
3:39
Which one? There are several. Amadeus?
3:42
Amadeus. They shot the third
3:44
men. Oh,
3:47
the third man in Vienna, that's right.
3:50
I don't know, Vienna is one of
3:52
those cities that I've always wanted to
3:54
visit because it's just magical, I've heard.
3:56
It's beautiful. It's genuinely one of my
3:58
favorite cities. So
4:00
Mara, you live in Vienna,
4:02
Austria, which I think sounds
4:04
lovely. I'm sensing a lot of
4:06
pink. Your
4:08
hair- Oh no, it's awful.
4:11
Just the worst color ever. Right? There's
4:15
a, it looks like you're on a scene from
4:17
Barbie, but there's a, I'm sensing
4:20
that, do you like pink? Is pink maybe your
4:22
favorite color? That's the sense I'm getting just in
4:24
this scene I'm seeing. It is, it is, yeah.
4:28
It's kind of a bleak story. I
4:31
dated my ex-boyfriend for too long
4:33
and I toned myself down for
4:36
him. And after he kicked
4:38
me out with five days to get
4:40
lost, basically, I decided, okay,
4:42
I'm gonna stop that. I'm gonna love
4:44
myself so much more and just be
4:46
the brightest version of myself. And
4:49
then I also came out as gay, so. Okay,
4:52
well, first of all- Double whammy. That's
4:54
a- But are you
4:57
happier now? I
4:59
am so happy. Good, that's all that's important. I
5:01
mean, that's the important thing. And also, in a
5:05
way, it's a very, it's a
5:07
powerful story because you
5:09
found yourself and I like that you're just
5:11
doubling down on what gives you joy. Color
5:14
pink, I'm going for it, you know, good
5:16
for you. Yeah, I would just like to
5:18
mention that we have the same hairstyle. That's
5:22
true. I was going to say,
5:25
your hair looks, maybe I should dye my
5:27
hair pink. Go pink? I
5:29
should go pink. What do you think? Do it.
5:31
Mara, what do you think? It's such a great
5:33
color. It's such a great color. It's so complimentary.
5:36
Though you have a lot of pink undertones, so
5:38
maybe, maybe not. I
5:41
have pink undertones. Are you
5:43
saying that my skin, what
5:46
are you saying? She started off so like, you gotta
5:48
do it. And she's like, oh wait, nevermind. You're already
5:50
too pink as she said. Do
5:53
you realize I have advanced liver failure?
5:57
I mean, me too,
5:59
maybe. So okay. Good. Oh wow.
6:01
Well, how hey, we're Hey,
6:04
as long as we're all laughing about how our bodies are shutting
6:06
down Well,
6:09
tell me a little bit about yourself, what do you what do
6:11
you do Mara? Tell us a little bit
6:13
What's your full name Mara? Oh
6:17
gosh, my full name is Mara
6:19
Emilia Langenberger. Oh my
6:21
goodness. That is a long name Maria
6:27
Emilia Langenberger Langenberger
6:31
Yeah, it's like a really cool beer. Yeah,
6:33
I can make I was like another login
6:35
bigger. Um, sorry I'm just gonna market that
6:37
if you don't mind. I have permission What
6:40
are your what are your hobbies? What do you like to do? Well,
6:43
um, I'm a very
6:45
normal person with very normal hobbies Whenever
6:51
people say that It
6:53
means that we're in for a world of weirdness Yeah,
6:57
so tell me what is Let's
7:00
hear it. Let's hear it Mara So
7:02
so maybe there are several taxidermy hamsters
7:05
in my apartment right now So
7:08
you you like taxidermied
7:10
do you like all animals taxidermied
7:13
or just hamsters? No,
7:15
I like all Taxidermied animals.
7:18
Okay. I just happen to have a couple of hamsters
7:21
Okay, so, um, how do
7:23
you acquire these animals to?
7:27
Taxidermied them and here's where
7:29
we reveal that you're possibly
7:32
a dangerous
7:34
person I Strangle
7:40
No, no, what do you really do to murder Hamster
7:45
murderer I'm gonna say Mara
7:47
just by talking to you you seem like a gentle
7:50
soul and I Believe that
7:52
you probably do not harm any animals. Is
7:54
that true? No, um, they
7:56
are all ethical taxidermy that
7:58
means they the animals
8:01
died of natural causes, or they
8:03
are just vintage and extremely old.
8:05
Okay, so by vintage, you
8:07
don't mean alive. Because
8:09
I'm old, I'm vintage, but
8:12
still here. You mean that you find
8:15
animals that have suffered a massive heart attack?
8:18
Yes. They've passed on already.
8:20
And then you taxidermy
8:23
them. I don't taxidermy them
8:25
myself. I work with
8:27
an artist who is extremely talented.
8:30
She does taxidermy. Okay,
8:32
I like that though. I like
8:35
ethically taxidermied animals, animals that have
8:37
already passed on. I only eat
8:39
meat, but I will only eat
8:41
a steak where the
8:44
cow passed away. It
8:46
was pet to death. Old age and like-
8:48
Yeah, old age or sometimes if the cow
8:50
was in a car accident and
8:53
passed on, then I'll eat the cow.
8:55
Old diseased cows, that's what you like.
8:58
That's my way and I'm ethical. What about cows
9:00
that have died from mad cow disease? No,
9:03
you're getting crazy. But if they
9:05
had mad cow disease and were stupid enough to get on
9:07
a motorcycle and then got killed, I'd eat them. Mara,
9:11
we went on a little bit of- Yeah, stupid.
9:14
Yeah, and I apologize and you're better than
9:16
that and I'm not. Okay,
9:19
so you like taxidermying animals. And
9:22
how many of these taxidermied animals do you have?
9:25
I own a cat
9:28
skull. It's not taxidermied,
9:30
it's just a skull. Back
9:33
there is Miss Daisy. It's
9:35
a little duckling and two
9:38
hamsters. Okay, so that's the
9:40
full compliment. That's everything you have? No,
9:44
there's currently a third hamster on the way. On
9:48
the way, you mean you're just waiting for him to die? He's
9:51
in hospice. He's
9:54
in hospice. You should
9:56
get there every now and then. How you doing there,
9:58
Mr- He's been in a coma for a very long
10:00
time. How you doing there? We're waiting to pull the
10:02
plug, and then we can actually- Actually, today I'm feeling
10:04
a little better. Really?
10:06
No, you don't. Oh
10:08
my god! She just pushed the hamster out a
10:11
lot. No, no, no, she put the pillow. There's
10:13
a pillow! Did you put, did
10:15
you ever walk in? Did you ever walk into
10:17
the hamster with a tiny little hamster sized pillow?
10:20
You have a tiny hamster- Sleep well,
10:22
Mr. Pips. What
10:27
else do you do? Oh, the tiny hamster
10:29
pillow. Tell us
10:31
a little more about yourself. Besides taxidermying,
10:33
tell me other interesting things about you,
10:35
things that you do with your time
10:37
or- I'm a textile designer. I
10:40
design fabrics. Very good. Yeah, the dress
10:43
that I made is from a- The
10:45
dress that I made, the dress that I'm wearing
10:47
is from a fabric that I made, and I
10:50
made the dress as well. Wow, wow, you're very
10:52
talented. Yeah, all of this back here is from
10:54
me. Yeah,
10:57
good. That's very impressive. That's very
10:59
impressive. Kona
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be 2B. What
15:25
else? What other things do you do? Oh
15:28
gosh, I build miniature tiny dioramas. And
15:34
currently I am working on
15:36
a seventies themed living room
15:38
that I have a nickname
15:40
the Coke Room. You
15:44
build tiny dioramas. Yeah.
15:47
And you're building one that's a tribute to
15:49
the seventies called the Coke Room. And
15:52
then do you ever put your little taxi drumming
15:54
animals in there? Like there's a little hamster
15:56
who scar face and there's
15:58
just a bunch of cocaine on a table.
16:01
and then maybe a little cat skull comes
16:03
in wearing
16:06
a white suit and it's
16:08
just a. I mean, I know
16:10
you're joking, but that's the plan.
16:14
Can we see it? Do you have any maid that you
16:16
can lift up? Can you show us the day, Ram? For
16:18
sure. You're
16:20
making a miniature cocaine den and
16:23
you're gonna put your taxidermied hamsters
16:25
in there. So. Oh.
16:28
Oh my god. Oh my god, look
16:30
at that. What the? I have
16:33
to take the dust cover off. Yeah, you're gonna have to hold
16:35
it up a little more. So
16:37
there is a hamster, is that a
16:39
hamster? It is
16:41
a hamster, yes. And that doesn't.
16:44
Oh. Oh my
16:46
god. There's electricity. Oh my
16:48
god, and is
16:51
the hamster, what's the hamster doing? He's
16:54
just sitting and reading a book. Oh
16:57
well, that was 70s Coke Room. No,
17:00
that's not the 70s Coke Room. The 70s Coke
17:02
Room isn't done yet. Oh, I see, I'm sorry.
17:04
I thought that was the 70s Coke Room. And
17:06
I thought, man, you have never done cocaine. Do
17:09
you think it just involves sitting down and reading?
17:12
No. Oh, there. Oh, there
17:14
it is, okay. I just. You're very
17:16
talented. The bones are done. You
17:20
can't see it probably, but I
17:22
designed the wallpaper for it. And
17:26
I built, good
17:30
thing I don't put anything away and it's
17:32
just all on my desk here. It's
17:34
a tiny, teeny tiny bookshelf.
17:37
Oh cute. You are very creative, yeah.
17:40
There's a little chair. Tiny
17:42
chair that I still have to put
17:45
the upholstering on. And
17:50
is the textiles the way that you make money? Is that
17:52
the only way that you make money? Is through the textiles?
17:55
At the moment, yes. I mean,
17:57
if you want to give me money, I accept it clearly.
18:01
Sure. I mean, I'm always willing to mail anybody
18:03
money who wants money. Sure.
18:05
Really? Yeah. Yeah. I
18:07
mean, anyone here at the... It's a policy
18:09
I have here at work that if anybody needs any money, I
18:11
will just take care of you. Yeah.
18:15
And I think
18:17
she's fixing her light first, but it's very good. I'm sorry. The
18:20
cats got in the way. Oh, I thought the
18:22
lights went out. Oh, wait. That's a live cat.
18:24
Run, cat. Run. Yeah. Get out of there. Hey,
18:26
cat, get out of there. No. Oh,
18:29
what a good cat.
18:32
I know what lays ahead for that
18:34
guy. So
18:39
Mara, it sounds like this is a very good time in
18:41
your life because you've found things
18:45
that you really love. You've got your textile
18:47
work. You love the color pink. You
18:49
seem to wear that almost exclusively. You
18:53
love taxidermying animals that have died in a
18:55
peaceful way or violently, but
18:57
not at your hands. You
19:00
have a cat who is just a matter of time. I
19:03
have two. You
19:06
have two cats. And
19:08
do the cats ever check out the taxidermy and
19:10
look at each other and go, we need to
19:12
split? We need to get out
19:14
of here? Well, no,
19:16
because the big black one that you
19:19
just saw is blind. She
19:21
literally can't see it coming. Oh,
19:25
fuck. So
19:27
you made sure to get a blind
19:29
cat so the blind cat has no clue. Yeah.
19:35
And the boy cat is
19:37
just, he's
19:39
challenged. Yeah. Yeah.
19:42
He's not particularly smart.
19:45
No, if he's living with you, he's not. No. He's
19:48
also seems selected that way. If he's living in Death
19:50
Alley, then no. And
19:53
I'm glad you got out of that bad relationship.
19:55
Are you in a good relationship now? Yeah,
19:58
me too. Yeah, I'm married. Oh,
20:01
you are? And I am married.
20:03
This week is my two year
20:05
wedding anniversary. Happy anniversary.
20:08
Thank you. My
20:11
wife lives in Sacramento, so you are
20:13
more likely to run into them than
20:15
I am. Wait, your wife lives in
20:17
Sacramento? Yeah, I did do.
20:20
Okay. And what do they do
20:22
there? Um, living there. They
20:25
are American. Oh, gotcha. I
20:29
see. But you still get to spend time together.
20:32
We spend time together once a year, we try to,
20:34
yeah. Okay. You
20:36
have a little advice for me, Mara? Yes, of
20:38
course. You should
20:41
definitely come visit Vienna because it's
20:43
a beautiful city and it's absolutely
20:45
fantastic. The
20:47
thing is, you have to
20:49
be very careful when you're on
20:51
the escalator because the right side
20:53
of the escalator, going down or
20:55
up, is reserved for
20:57
people standing. And the left
21:00
side of the escalator is exclusively
21:02
for people walking. And
21:04
if you don't walk on the left side
21:06
of the escalator, but you stand still, it
21:09
is very likely that an old grammar will come by
21:11
and beat you up. Oh. Oh.
21:15
So, all right, well,
21:17
this is good to know. So,
21:22
on the right side, you can stand still
21:24
of the escalator. On the left, you
21:26
need to move up the stairs. How
21:29
fast do you need to move up the stairs to get out
21:31
of the way of this insane grandmother? I
21:35
mean, a little bit faster than the grandma and
21:38
grandmas are not that fast. Is
21:40
it just one grandma that we're worried about? Yeah.
21:42
A bunch of them. And if it is just one,
21:44
can't we taxi Germany her? I
21:51
wanna find this grandmother. If
21:53
they have a walking stick, you have
21:55
to really, really look out because they
21:57
will use the walking stick. It's
22:00
acceptable in Vienna
22:03
for somebody to strike someone else with a
22:05
walking stick? It
22:08
happened to me at least twice. Oh
22:10
my God. Because you weren't moving
22:12
fast enough or you weren't moving at all. I wasn't
22:14
moving on the left side of the escalator. Are you sure you didn't
22:16
just kill their hamsters and they're out to get it? What
22:19
if Conan wants to fight a grandma? Yeah. Can
22:22
I say something? I have fought many a grandmother in
22:24
my day. And I mean
22:27
all around the world. I
22:29
can't say my record is good. But
22:33
I wanna challenge grandmothers everywhere.
22:37
In all parts of the globe, bring it.
22:40
Bring it, granny. Bring
22:42
your stick, bring your crutch. Bring
22:47
your hard cake that you let go stale.
22:50
You can throw your teeth at me. I will take
22:52
you down. Do
22:56
you think I'd have a good time in Vienna? Oh,
22:59
absolutely. I mean escalators aside,
23:01
I'd have a good time. Would I fit
23:04
in? You think people would accept me in
23:06
Vienna? You would stick out because you're so
23:08
tall, but other than that, I
23:10
think you would do fine in Austria. Yeah. We
23:13
also hate every other people. So
23:15
you fit right in I think. Well,
23:19
wait, that would include me, wouldn't it? They
23:22
would hate me then. Yeah, but then
23:24
it's mutual. Okay.
23:28
So, all right. Okay, I
23:31
think I got it. Yeah, so the slogan in
23:33
Austria is, we hate you as much as you
23:35
hate us. Yeah. Pretty
23:38
much, yeah. Yeah, and watch out, here comes
23:40
granny. For
23:42
sure. Well, Mara,
23:44
it was really nice talking to you
23:47
and I'm glad that you have found
23:49
the life that's making you happy. You
23:53
seem like a very nice person and a good
23:55
soul. So I applaud you. Yeah, it's
23:57
the side I put on that. People
24:00
don't realize how fucking awful
24:02
and hamster-murderer as I am.
24:06
Well, we have you on tape confessing. So
24:10
we're sending the hamster detectives right now. They have
24:12
little pipes. You'll see. Nice
24:16
talking to you, Mara. Take care. Nice
24:18
talking to you too. Bye bye. Bye
24:20
bye. Conan O'Brien needs
24:22
a fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonam
24:25
of Sessian, and Matt Gorley. Produced
24:27
by me, Matt Gorley. Executive produced
24:29
by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and
24:31
Nick Lea. Incidental music by
24:34
Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising
24:39
producer, Aaron Blayard. Associate talent
24:41
producer, Jennifer Samples. Associate producers,
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24:45
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24:58
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