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1:39

Hi, my name is

1:42

Lizzy Kaplan and I

1:45

feel... I've had better.

1:47

About being caught in

1:50

a bride's friend. Yes!

1:53

Back to school, ring a

1:55

bell, brand new shoes, walking

1:58

blues, climb the fence. I

2:00

can tell whether we are going

2:02

to be friends. Because I can

2:05

tell whether we are going to

2:07

be friends. Hey there, Conan O'Brien

2:09

here. Welcome to Conan O'Brien.

2:11

Needs a friend. Put a

2:14

little pause there. Adam Westile

2:16

to add a little drama.

2:18

Yeah, it was very. Welcome

2:20

to Conan O'Brien. Meads a

2:22

friend. I'm joined by Son

2:24

of Obsession. Hello. And of

2:26

course, Matt Gourley. Hello. And guess

2:29

what? This is a different little

2:31

take on things. I've got some gum

2:33

in my mouth right now. Oh, I

2:35

hate that sound. I know, people don't

2:38

like that. All right, I'm going to

2:40

take that. All right, I'm going to

2:42

take it out. But anyway, I

2:44

just thought it kind of made

2:46

me look like a guy that

2:48

kind of made me look like

2:50

a guy that doesn't. Yeah. I

2:52

don't know. I didn't put much

2:54

thought into it and then you

2:56

asked for an explanation and the

2:58

whole thing fell apart. Like wet

3:00

cardboard. The gum is out of

3:02

my mouth. For those of you,

3:04

what is it called when you

3:06

hate the chomping sense? Mysophonia.

3:08

Mysophonia. I think I

3:11

have. Yeah, I've got

3:13

Mysophonia. Oh man. Oh, God. I need

3:15

to go. I just wanted him to

3:17

walk right into it. I want

3:19

to not be here. Not be

3:22

here. You can't have peanut brittle

3:24

around people that have misaphonia. Yeah.

3:26

What's the matter? I'm just saying

3:28

it's terrible. You're not a

3:30

victim, let's put it that

3:32

way. I think I'm a

3:35

victim in some ways. How

3:37

so? Constant expectations of greatness.

3:39

Oh. I don't think anybody

3:41

does expect that from you. Wherever

3:43

I go, I'm burdened by middling expectations.

3:45

I, uh, no, it's terrible for people

3:47

that have that. And it's tough to

3:50

be around. I know. What do you

3:52

mean? Like, it's tough for you to

3:54

bring around someone who has that? Yes.

3:56

My daughter was constantly saying, I hate

3:59

the way that it... sounds when you

4:01

consume the food that keeps you

4:03

alive. And it's tough. But in her

4:05

defense, you eat like an animal. Okay,

4:07

let's get into this. Nice way, but

4:09

you eat the way you eat, the

4:12

way you eat, is... Describe it. You've

4:14

got the floor. First of all,

4:16

you're angry whenever you're eating. I

4:18

don't know why, I don't know

4:20

if you enjoy the food, and

4:22

then you inhale it as if

4:24

all of your siblings are just

4:26

looming over you. anymore. I know

4:28

but it's the phantom leg syndrome.

4:31

I'll tell you why I'm angry

4:33

when I eat because I know

4:35

that the food is sustaining my

4:37

life which is causing me pain.

4:39

But why can't it make you

4:42

happy? Food? You're mad at the

4:44

food because it's keeping me alive

4:46

so that all this continues. Pretty

4:48

dark, huh? Yeah. No, I will

4:51

admit that I eat quickly and

4:53

I'm getting better. I'm trying to

4:55

chew the food and be thoughtful,

4:57

he said, lying. Okay, I figured, because

5:00

I saw you eat not that long

5:02

ago and it's the same. Really? Yeah.

5:04

Any better? It's okay. It's okay to

5:06

just be you. Well, Danny, your brother,

5:08

does he eat quickly or no? He

5:10

eats with the calm assurance that he

5:12

was the oldest. He only had one

5:15

sister and no one was going to

5:17

take his food. Yeah, actually he does.

5:19

Your father was in the

5:21

corner brushing his mustache. That's

5:23

a good-looking mustache. There's no way

5:26

that it just looks that way. He's

5:28

combing it constantly. He's not

5:30

combing his mustache constantly. Frisking, I bet

5:32

he has a tiny little comb. I'm

5:34

not going to frisk my dad. Well,

5:36

I'm going to have the police frisk

5:38

gill at the airport the next time

5:40

he goes through. And I bet whenever

5:42

he walks through the machine, he goes,

5:44

blah, blah, blah. Okay. No, it's a

5:46

metal comb. It's a metal. And then

5:48

he has to explain to them, that's

5:50

why his mustache looks so good. This

5:52

riffs... a waste of everyone's time. Gil,

5:54

my apologies. I love you. You're good

5:57

man. You're apologizing. That's good. Well,

5:59

I said it quickly. Let's not draw attention

6:01

to it. Look, I'm on nev side. Yes,

6:03

I think that, and she's made

6:05

me very conscious of the way

6:07

I eat. And so she helped

6:10

me that way. There's a difference

6:12

between inhaling food and are you

6:14

doing the kind of open mouth?

6:16

That's the thing that I have

6:18

of mesophony for. I can't stand

6:21

when I'm an open-mouth chewer. I

6:23

don't think I'm an open-mouth chewer.

6:25

So we're very close in my

6:27

life is an open-mouth chewer. You're

6:29

talking about Jeff Ross? Jeff Ross

6:31

is a chomp, chomp, smack, smack, smack

6:34

man, and I think we can all

6:36

agree on that. He's chomp, smack, smack,

6:38

and I think we can all agree

6:40

on that. It's two days old. It

6:42

was in the back of my car

6:44

in the sun. So it's liquid. That's

6:46

right. Anyway, I think we're going to

6:48

go out to the East Coast. We'll

6:51

be there for the S&L thing. There's

6:53

nothing in your mouth right now. Yeah,

6:55

he's an open-mouth juror. But he'll hear

6:57

this. Does he listen to the podcast?

6:59

I don't think he does. Yeah, here

7:01

and there. But this is my way

7:03

of talking to him now, is through

7:06

the podcast. Podcastively, aggressively. You know what?

7:08

This is a great, I'm very passive

7:10

aggressive, and this is a great way

7:12

to talk to people who I know

7:15

and love in my life and tell

7:17

them how I really feel. That's

7:19

not bad. I'm gonna talk to the

7:21

person who does the lip smacking. Who

7:23

is it? I can't say. Oh. Why

7:25

are you doing all this maiming on

7:27

camera? Anyone can look up? You're, you

7:30

edit it! You can easily edit

7:32

the video. Wait, you haven't told

7:34

her? You haven't told her? No,

7:36

I've told her, but it's gotten

7:38

to the point where I can't

7:40

say it anymore. Well, then, this

7:42

is the perfect way. Does she

7:44

listen to the podcast? Wait, I'm

7:46

not even saying this is a

7:48

sheet. No, I mean, you could

7:50

have married anyone. It's legal. I

7:52

love this person more than

7:55

life itself. And this

7:57

is but a... have

8:00

faults too. And so I'm probably

8:02

greater faults. I'm sure I have

8:05

greater faults. Yeah. It's been discussed

8:07

and it's been put into the

8:09

record and there's nothing more I

8:11

can do about it. Oh my God. How

8:14

about the two of you, you and this

8:16

person that Matt's talking about eat, you have

8:18

a time. minimum to eat a meal

8:20

and this person... What are we talking about? I

8:22

don't know. I left it as I... I lost

8:25

it. I lost it. I lost it. I

8:27

lost it as a... So you think you

8:29

could put like a decibel meter on that

8:31

person to make sure they don't pass a

8:33

certain volume? Yes. Yes. There you go. We'll

8:35

fix you. But that's the problem. It's

8:38

not the level of volume. It's

8:40

almost worse that it's slightly quiet

8:42

that it's slightly quiet that it's

8:44

slightly quiet. It's much my fault.

8:46

It's a dynamic. Yeah. And I

8:48

think it's fair to say that

8:50

in all relationships, especially the one

8:52

you're talking about, which is a

8:54

marriage, no, no, this is my

8:57

clergyman. Okay, yes, that's right. Pastor

8:59

Samuelson. He'd a lot of

9:01

mules, man. Yeah, they always get

9:03

together for for beans. Yes, I

9:05

take my dinner's with my clergyman.

9:07

Yeah, out in the cloister. You

9:10

have oysters in the cloister. Meezornia.

9:12

Listen, you got to admit that

9:14

was that was the natural. It

9:16

was a home run, the lights

9:18

exploded. Eduardo watched me trot in

9:21

slow motion around the field with

9:23

Robert Redford's body. Can we please

9:25

just actually give you a sandwich?

9:27

in less than 10 minutes. That

9:30

would be difficult. I have the same

9:32

issue. I eat quickly, as do most

9:34

people that grew up in a prison

9:36

or penitentiary. Okay. You know what? I

9:38

put my arms around my food to

9:40

protect it from my brother Neil, who

9:42

used one of those supermarket grabbers to

9:45

reach over and get my food. He

9:47

was ingenious. I didn't have this oppressive

9:49

sibling thing. I think for me it

9:51

was just, let's get this over

9:53

so I can do fun things

9:55

and live life. Food wasn't let

9:58

excited. Watch Star Wars again. You

10:00

happen to be right? Yes,

10:02

you're correct. I can organize

10:04

my figurine. But take it

10:06

easy? All the fat goes

10:08

in front. Yeah, I don't

10:10

see a problem with this.

10:12

Mandelorian goes second. You're making

10:14

my point for me. Saddarth,

10:16

Bixnax, goes fifth. He's from

10:18

the planet. That one's not

10:20

real. It could be. There's

10:22

a new installment. So you

10:24

guys understand. If they keep

10:26

cracking them out, because they

10:28

can't stop, they don't have

10:30

other content. I got a

10:32

lot of editing to do

10:34

on this, this one. Zardarth,

10:36

Bixnax, goes fifth. He's from

10:38

the planet. Art Snax, Max!

10:40

Now you're getting personal. All

10:42

right, well anyway, yes, live

10:44

life to its... You are

10:46

Zorba the Greek, man, just

10:48

living life to its fullest.

10:50

Mmm, this small thimble full

10:52

of iced tea, decafinated, and

10:54

then off to organize my

10:56

figurines. Oh, you're one to

10:58

talk, ass. Billmore! She has

11:00

been busy. About 14 volumes

11:02

got to be read by

11:04

New York knowledge of history.

11:06

Oh, please. I think when

11:08

I read history, I'm educating

11:11

myself about the history of

11:13

our nation. Maybe. with an

11:15

eye towards how we should

11:17

move forward. What you're doing

11:19

is living in a fantasy

11:21

world of Gax Bixnor, Chasbilney,

11:23

Raxhax, Haxaldax, Zorith, Bithree, and

11:25

Rundang, Daspore, Bing, Bing, Bing,

11:27

Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, blah,

11:29

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

11:31

blah, blah, blah, blah, they

11:33

were done away by the

11:35

empire. Destroy all transitions. Excuse

11:37

me. Excuse me. That was

11:39

a guy. Who's that Darth

11:41

Vader? No, there's someone with

11:43

emphysema. Okay. My guest today,

11:45

how do we know Darth

11:47

Vader didn't have emphysema? And

11:49

there was no device assisting

11:51

him. My guest today, is

11:53

it? My guest today is

11:55

a... I have some... No,

11:57

no, no. I have some

11:59

thinking I have to do.

12:01

My guest today, yes, and

12:03

D, you're gonna have to

12:05

go home and reconsider some

12:07

things. You need to go

12:09

look in the mirror for

12:11

a long time, buddy boy.

12:13

I can't believe you're telling

12:15

me this. And I'm taking

12:17

it from you. I take

12:19

it from you. No! You,

12:21

of all people. And you

12:23

and yourself are always admitting

12:25

you're just projecting. Yeah. Why

12:27

don't you go screw you

12:29

dick wish? Dick wish. This

12:31

is what you held up

12:33

our guest for. I hope

12:35

you're proud of yourself. You

12:37

sure showed me. I don't

12:39

know how I'm going to

12:41

recover from that lethal blow.

12:43

My guest today. I love

12:45

this person. What's happening son?

12:47

Are you okay? I'm dying.

12:49

I'm actually dying. My guest

12:51

today. Of course, she's a

12:53

very talented actress. You know

12:55

her from such films, TV

12:57

shows as Mean Girls, Party

12:59

Down. I just, she's one

13:01

of my favorite people. You

13:03

know that. Yeah, you can

13:06

see her in the Netflix

13:08

series. Zero days. She's so

13:10

crazily talented. I also happen

13:12

to know that she's an

13:14

amazing person. In every way

13:16

you would want someone to

13:18

be an amazing person. I'm

13:20

excited. I'm thrilled she's here

13:22

today. Well,

13:25

as you're well aware, I've got

13:27

a bad case of the Lizzy

13:29

Kaplan. She's one of my favorite

13:31

people. Of all time, your work

13:33

and also just you as a

13:35

person, I'm just going to start

13:37

off saying it. We've hung out

13:39

a little bit on the side

13:41

and I just always leave thinking,

13:43

Jesus Christ, that Lizzy Kaplan, is

13:45

if there's anyone cooler than this

13:47

woman, I have not, I have not

13:49

met her. And, um, damn, seriously.

13:51

Seriously, I absolutely adore you. Thanks.

13:53

Conan. I know you're going through

13:55

some stuff right now, and I

13:57

know your father just passed. Yeah. which

14:00

is bizarre because I just went

14:02

through this with my parents at

14:04

the, in December, both of them

14:06

went at the same time, like

14:08

it was a suicide pact, which

14:10

it was not. But it just sounded

14:12

suspicious in the press. Like, my

14:14

dad went and then my mom

14:16

went two days later and it

14:18

just sounds like, okay, this is

14:20

a murder, you know, but it wasn't.

14:22

Hello. Yeah, exactly. We were chatting

14:24

a little bit out in the

14:26

hall and I said, we don't

14:28

need to talk about this, but

14:30

it might be good to talk

14:32

about because I just went through it.

14:35

It's so fresh in my mind,

14:37

the different weird feelings that you

14:39

feel. So if it helps you

14:41

at all, we can talk about

14:43

it and then I'll charge you $350.

14:45

Cool, great. Because that's the going

14:47

right. Yeah. So I like pop

14:49

my Prozac right before. Big fan,

14:51

by the way. Oh, man. Keep,

14:53

hey, keep that pros, that coming.

14:55

You guys are doing amazing work. We

14:58

have a bowl of it here.

15:00

Yeah, right. Coca-Cola, originally, original. Interestingly,

15:02

I don't know if you remember

15:04

this, but I met your dad.

15:06

And I had a very long chat

15:08

with your father. It was at

15:10

a party, I believe here in

15:12

Los Angeles, and you came in

15:14

afterwards and said, what were you

15:16

just, what were you doing? And

15:18

I said, oh, me and your dad,

15:20

we're just talking. and we talked

15:22

for a really long time and

15:24

you looked aghast. Like, oh my

15:26

God, what did he do? What

15:28

did my father say? But I remember

15:31

him very fondly. That's really nice.

15:33

Thanks, Conan. Yeah, he was a

15:35

very funny man, very strange man.

15:37

It's wild. It's wild. The whole

15:39

thing. And I actually kind of

15:41

wish I brought him around to more

15:43

parties and more things because people

15:45

had good experiences with him. But

15:47

yeah, it's weird. My mom... died

15:49

when I was 13, so I

15:51

feel as you do, but it's very

15:54

fresh for you. Like you feel

15:56

like an orphan even though you're...

15:58

old and not you, you're very

16:00

young. Speaking for myself. I know

16:02

what you're saying because Sona came,

16:04

when my parents passed, Sona and a

16:06

couple of the other people, not

16:08

you Eduardo, came out, because you

16:10

get better things to do. No,

16:12

right, there was a big game

16:14

that night. No, it was in Boston

16:16

and I didn't expect anyone to

16:18

come and so some of the

16:20

people who I work with. flew

16:22

to Boston to be there, which

16:24

meant, which was very nice. It

16:26

was so funny because I just wanted

16:29

to make Sona laugh. And so

16:31

Sona came up to me at

16:33

some point. And I remember I

16:35

was just going like, I'm an

16:37

orphan. Yeah. But playing it up

16:39

for sympathy when I'm a 61-year-old white

16:41

guy. A lot of little orphan

16:43

and he gets in the tech

16:45

work. Yeah, but it was just

16:47

absurd. I kept saying like, I

16:49

don't know where I'm going to sleep

16:51

tonight. Yeah, you're going to sleep

16:53

at the Four Seasons Hotel, you

16:55

fucker? You know, I just... I

16:57

did feel the same kind of

16:59

thing, which was just, oh, I

17:02

guess I'm an orphan, but I don't

17:04

get to walk around with a

17:06

big 1920's cap. Well... See, this

17:08

is why I love Lucy. She's

17:10

giving me permission. Don't limit yourself.

17:12

Not now. You two of you should

17:14

pop a boxcar. We should. We

17:16

should walk along together. Two scruffy

17:18

orphans. Two scruffy orphans. Yeah. It's

17:20

like, wait a minute. That looks

17:22

like Lizzy Kaplan and Colonel Bryan.

17:24

And there's an SUV following them. Like

17:27

15 feet behind in case they

17:29

need anything. So anyway. But yes,

17:31

I do. I mean, I, I

17:33

couldn't even begin to wrap my.

17:35

head around your version of it, which

17:37

is like the one two punch.

17:39

But I do think there's something

17:41

which you will never know, but

17:43

there's something really kind about it

17:45

happening that way that you didn't

17:47

have to have like the five years

17:49

of looking after your mom without

17:51

your dad and that would have

17:53

been brutal. That's a good chapter

17:55

that nobody really needs. But yeah,

17:57

I just kept thinking like my So

18:00

my mom died, it was awful,

18:02

obviously. You were 13, which is

18:04

crazy. Everyone thinks, oh, it would

18:06

be the worst if you were

18:08

two or three, and I've read

18:10

some about this. And it's, no, it's

18:12

apparently the worst time as if

18:14

you're a teenager. That's when it

18:16

can impact you the most. Can

18:18

confirm. It was horrible. And then

18:20

like every funeral after that never felt

18:23

as bad, you know, like. a

18:25

grandparent would die or it just

18:27

never it never hit his heart

18:29

obviously and then my dad I

18:31

just said he was his 80

18:33

he was not well it wasn't that

18:35

surprising even though it kind of

18:37

wasn't in the moment but I

18:39

was so so so so fucked

18:41

up over it obviously but I

18:43

realize like it doesn't even matter if

18:45

you're 13 if you're it's your

18:47

parent, your parents bloom so large,

18:49

whatever your relationship is, and we

18:51

had a good relationship, but even

18:53

if you're not speaking to your

18:55

parent, if they died, like, that's gonna,

18:58

you're, like, it's coming for you,

19:00

Conan. Yes. It's gonna, it's gonna

19:02

get you bad. Probably after the

19:04

Oscars. I don't feel things. I

19:06

think we have to get through the

19:08

Soul Train Awards. And then we

19:10

had Werner, the great Werner Herzog

19:12

was here. He's helping us out

19:14

with something in a really lovely

19:16

way. But he was here and

19:18

he's always been very nice to me

19:20

and he said, he had heard

19:22

the news and he said, Conan,

19:24

you only have. And he said

19:26

in that Werner Herzog voice, one

19:29

mother and one father. I don't know

19:31

why that's coming out Irish. Yeah.

19:33

That's it. There you go. Thank

19:35

you. I don't know why I

19:37

went to the leprecon. One mother.

19:39

I don't fuck it out. But

19:41

you still got lucky charms. Always like

19:43

you have one mother, one father,

19:45

and I just was, I was

19:47

like, this is not helping. Especially

19:49

you're coming from him. And he

19:51

said, and there is no afterlife. They've

19:54

descended to avoid of meaningless madness

19:56

and chaos. Thanks, Werner. Can I

19:58

just wait very quickly? He was

20:00

here and obviously we all love

20:02

him and Maddie always sets out

20:04

a basket of snacks and stuff and

20:06

so he was standing talking to

20:08

you and some other people before

20:10

he left. He's like, and now

20:12

it is time for me to

20:14

leave, but first a little treat. Anyone

20:16

over the ground? like a little

20:18

thing it took it with him

20:20

yeah it was amazing he narrates

20:22

a little like that a little

20:24

treat and then I will descend

20:26

again into chaos and madness anyway yeah

20:29

it is you're still going through

20:31

it and then what strange is

20:33

the expectation other people have four

20:35

you which is you just you

20:37

feel what you feel and I'm I

20:39

don't know if it's an Irish

20:41

quality or what but I just

20:43

sort of get through things and

20:45

so I've had people that have

20:47

said you just must be devastated

20:49

and I think I don't know I

20:52

don't know what I'm feeling I

20:54

know that I've and then I

20:56

noticed that I had put my

20:58

watch on upside down and backwards.

21:00

You're trying to reverse. What? Exactly I

21:02

don't know what I was doing

21:04

but like my belt was on

21:06

wrong I was telling everyone. Oh

21:08

no, no, these things, well, they

21:10

lived a long life and I

21:12

think they enjoyed themselves and all was

21:14

well and they went peacefully and

21:16

quietly and people would say, you

21:18

just put your pants on over

21:20

your head and poured gravy into

21:22

the bathtub. What are you doing?

21:24

Yeah, I should. Yeah, I don't, I

21:27

don't, I guess it's impossible for

21:29

me not to just be making

21:31

constant comparisons to when my mom

21:33

passed away. And I had no

21:35

skills, no tools, I mean I had

21:37

support, but... like 13 year old

21:39

friends support, which is not amazing

21:41

for that situation, like as hard

21:43

as they all tried. I just,

21:45

it was, there were so many

21:47

years of it just being so, so,

21:49

so hard and now I realize

21:51

like, oh, I do actually have

21:53

support and a therapist and Prozak

21:56

and, you know, like a great,

21:58

like I will be okay. I ended

22:00

up being okay the last time.

22:02

I'm against the odds because that

22:04

was crazy. I just like, I

22:06

definitely, I'm processing it in a

22:08

much healthier way. I'm letting myself

22:10

be sad, but that's not, that was

22:12

not easy for me to do

22:14

as a kid. As a kid,

22:16

it was just like, exactly what

22:18

you're saying, like, keep it and

22:20

move in, armor, armor, armor, armor, and

22:23

now, it's better for it to

22:25

happen now and in this way.

22:27

But like, it's fucking crazy. It's

22:29

just crazy. I'm so, I guess

22:31

I'm just so sad about it

22:33

about it about it about it about

22:35

it which feels. Healthy. I'll take

22:37

that over angry and confused. Right,

22:39

right. That's a gift to be

22:41

able to feel sad. Yeah, let

22:43

me tell you. Yeah, try it. Please,

22:45

there's no time. Now, mattress firm.

22:47

Don't be the villain in your...

22:49

Oh, sorry, we'll do that. Do

22:51

you... I even remember the tagline

22:53

from that stupid... Not stupid, terrific

22:55

mattress. The

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Yeah, your voice changes when you

23:10

do a car accident. I'm trying

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to become Will Arnett. Okay. But

23:15

I can't do it. He's like,

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oh, new Nissan Armada Pro for

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this car to you, because this

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could steal the statue of Liberty

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with this. It's incredible. I'm not

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saying do that. I'm just saying,

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this thing. That's a lot of

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Holland Power. Nobody gets left behind

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with the Armada Pro 4X's premium

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Snow, you know, snowman, not me.

24:16

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24:18

think about. Okay. I think it's

24:20

a great excuse to gather with

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friends and crack open a cold

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game night, winter means more moments

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24:35

You know who I get together

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with. I patch Jones. Oh yeah,

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he's cool. Yeah, Sabadee shrimp. I

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have a lot of very cool

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friends. R.J.J. Johannes, make these moments

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like, blah. If you like it,

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okay, but if you don't, go

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and then we we pulled over

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and got a miller light you

25:15

know and it was really nice

25:17

because it was a lot of

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people don't think you don't ride

25:21

a bicycle in the winter no

25:23

but we put snow tires on

25:25

our bicycles okay big chains and

25:27

it was just nice to sit

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with my friends next to our

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bicycles that were really heavy with

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chains and crack up in a

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cold one you know miller light

25:38

great taste 96 galleries go to

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miller light. Go to miller light.

25:42

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25:44

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25:52

One of the hardest parts about

25:54

P2B marketing is reaching. right audience.

25:56

You put so much effort into

25:58

a campaign only for it to

26:00

get wasted on the wrong people.

26:02

Like I'm trying to sell my

26:04

coal miners hat and it goes

26:06

to a dance troop. That's no

26:08

good. It's just stupid. That's where

26:10

LinkedIn ads come in. Fortunately, LinkedIn

26:12

is a network of over one

26:14

billion, one, but you can't even

26:16

count that high. I can't. I

26:18

can't either. As a network of

26:20

over one billion businessy people. who

26:22

might actually be interested in your

26:24

business. You can even target your

26:26

buyers by job title, industry, company,

26:28

role, seniority, skills, company revenues. Did

26:31

I say job title? I think

26:33

I did. Just stop wasting budget

26:35

on the wrong audience. That's just

26:37

stupid. Start targeting the right professionals

26:39

with LinkedIn ads. LinkedIn will give

26:41

you a $100 credit on the

26:43

next campaign so you can try

26:45

it yourself. Just go to linkedin.com/team

26:47

cocoa. Terms and conditions apply. Only

26:49

on LinkedIn ads. Lizzy,

26:53

you've described yourself as, and I can

26:55

see it, that you were a tough

26:57

kid. Was that before your mom passed?

26:59

Is that your nature? Or is it

27:02

because your mom passed at such an

27:04

early age that you were a tough

27:06

kid? And how were you a tough

27:09

kid? It may have been in there

27:11

somewhere, but no, it was after my

27:13

mom thing. I look at 13-year-old kids

27:15

now, and they look like tiny babies.

27:18

I just remember a bit like my

27:20

dad sent me to a therapist once.

27:22

It was a group therapist and it

27:24

was a bunch of other kids who

27:27

had lost a parent and you had

27:29

to like hold a talking stick to

27:31

talk about that and I went to

27:34

it once and I was like this

27:36

is bullshit I hated I'm fine and

27:38

I guess convinced them my dad and

27:40

whom my aunts or whatever like I

27:43

don't need to do this I'm okay

27:45

and they believed me and then they

27:47

like never sent me back to anything

27:50

like that or worried about me again.

27:52

I don't know how anybody was like

27:54

convinced by a 13 year old saying

27:56

that she's fine when this happens, but

27:59

I think nobody else was fine in

28:01

my family. So everybody was just kind

28:03

of picking up the pieces. So you

28:06

were not. a great target for, say,

28:08

bullies. Like, you would have chewed them

28:10

up and spit them out. Or were

28:12

you the bully? I mean, I don't

28:15

think I was the bully. Is that

28:17

what bullies say? Well, we actually have

28:19

some friends here. Come on in, guys.

28:21

Stephanie from second. No, I wasn't a

28:24

bully. I've had the same friends since

28:26

then, since before then. And there's still

28:28

my closest friends now. And my dad

28:31

was like that, too. And my mom.

28:33

That was a big. thing in our

28:35

family without it being like a lesson

28:37

that was explicitly taught like you just

28:40

keep your friends but yeah nobody like

28:42

fucked with me I guess I was

28:44

tough I was angry but I thought

28:47

it was that was a toughness thing

28:49

right and I tried to be funny

28:51

and it was just like this oh

28:53

I remember when I was 13 like

28:56

the height of humor was the retort

28:58

your mom. So I just remember like

29:00

say something so I would say your

29:02

mom and just like immediately the look

29:05

on their face like oh god and

29:07

so I would just go to like

29:09

trying to make everybody else feel less

29:12

uncomfortable. And I lived in that way

29:14

of being for a really long time.

29:16

And now I don't care if people

29:18

are uncomfortable. which feels like a win,

29:21

but I didn't have that as a

29:23

kid at all. Yeah. That's a great

29:25

superpower to care less about what other

29:28

people think. Yeah, it's like, that's just

29:30

like age, honestly. I think age helps,

29:32

and I know you and I are

29:34

similar in this way. I have a

29:37

social media presence, but I am not

29:39

on social media, meaning, you know, through

29:41

Team Coco and all of our different.

29:44

subsidiary enterprises. We will post things and

29:46

if something's going to go out under

29:48

my name I will craft it or

29:50

approve it, but the last thing I

29:53

would ever do... the world is type

29:55

my name into the web and see

29:57

what people are thinking or just live

29:59

in that world because I think it

30:02

is pure madness I think and and

30:04

as our friend Werner would say chaos

30:06

and darkness and darkness yeah it's so

30:09

damaging it's horrible and I'm sure that

30:11

it's like been an impediment to professional

30:13

things for me but I don't Why?

30:15

Why would you say that? Because you

30:18

think you're supposed to like be every

30:20

day saying this is, this is the

30:22

Chiaseed pudding that Lizzy had today. I

30:25

can't do it. You're going to do

30:27

it. We brought out some Chiaseed pudding

30:29

and we're going to Instagram it right

30:31

now. I don't know how to do

30:34

it. I feel like a dinosaur for

30:36

not doing it. I was like right

30:38

on the cusp. Now anybody younger than

30:41

me, I think like it's mandatory. They

30:43

tried to tell me it was mandatory

30:45

to be on this stuff and I

30:47

just fought it and really was like,

30:50

this whole social media thing's really gonna

30:52

blow over this internet. I don't think

30:54

it's gonna stick around. And now I

30:56

do sometimes think like, oh, I probably

30:59

should be playing that game a little

31:01

bit more, but I just can't do

31:03

it. I hate it. It's embarrassing. The

31:06

amount of times you have to like...

31:08

divorce your feelings about your friend who

31:10

you know and love in person and

31:12

then their social media persona? Then some

31:15

people like, I just can't, I like

31:17

can't reconcile those two things anymore. And

31:19

it's like an illness, it's weird, the

31:22

narcissism, it's made everything fucking worse, like

31:24

let's be real. It's made everything worse,

31:26

I'm hoping, because our kids are the

31:28

same age, I think. Like, like around

31:31

three and a half? Yes. Yeah. I

31:33

think I'm praying that it like isn't

31:35

as... omnipresent for that. But I don't

31:37

know. I don't, I really don't know.

31:40

I see it. I'm staying with some

31:42

friends now. I've known their daughter her

31:44

whole life. She's amazing. She's 13. She

31:47

goes to a private school in Los

31:49

Angeles and it's like, it is a

31:51

fight to not give this girl a

31:53

phone. access. That's a big question is

31:56

when they get the phone it was

31:58

a big question for us. Yeah because

32:00

your kids are the age like this

32:03

is like the beta testing generation on

32:05

this stuff and now we see like

32:07

oh it's bad but as a parent

32:09

like I get why it's difficult I

32:12

get why you don't want to be

32:14

the one being like hey you're you're

32:16

gonna be the one kid who doesn't

32:19

have this and that's gonna make you

32:21

weird and an outsider and but it's

32:23

so bad it's so bad it's so

32:25

bad there's and then there are questions

32:28

the other way which is it can

32:30

be a safety thing at a certain

32:32

age that if they have a phone

32:34

they can call you and so it's

32:37

a big debate we wrestled with a

32:39

lot about what you came out with

32:41

700 likes. Wow, that's really good though.

32:44

No, I remember us getting in, we

32:46

did pretty well, I'm, Liza would know

32:48

the exact age because I was probably

32:50

looking in a mirror and thinking about

32:53

my career. when this decision was finally

32:55

made. Your social media, the mirror. My

32:57

social media is the mirror. Look at

33:00

that jawline. If only those eyes were

33:02

a little bigger and they popped on

33:04

screen. Conan, I need help with the

33:06

children. Quiet! That eye vein has helped

33:09

me back. Trolling yourself. Yeah, exactly. You're

33:11

your biggest troll. You suck. It doesn't

33:13

add up to me that you would

33:16

feel you needed to do anything like

33:18

that. I need to increase my social.

33:20

media presence or I have to do

33:22

this or do that because you're so

33:25

talented and well no I'm saying I'm

33:27

serious you're so you have really no

33:29

I'm serious you have such I don't

33:31

see how do you guys see what

33:34

I'm saying I don't see how anything

33:36

you're doing is enhanced by and this

33:38

is how I make a cob salad

33:41

I don't think I fundamentally agree with

33:43

that and I guess that's kind of

33:45

like the main takeaway is People aren't

33:47

paying attention to you that much. So

33:50

anybody, people are paying attention to you

33:52

all the time. No, no, I'm, I

33:54

am, you know, I looked into it,

33:57

I am the exception to that rule.

33:59

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you are. When people

34:01

say no one's. thinking about you. Except

34:03

you. Because everything I'm going to tell

34:06

them. But no, no. They're not. And

34:08

so like they think, you know, I

34:10

look at some of my friends who

34:12

are in all, or myself, and I

34:15

think like, oh, I should be, I

34:17

wish I did this job or did

34:19

like two more jobs during this period

34:22

of time. And the reality is like,

34:24

people assume you're working. They assume you're.

34:26

busy, nobody needs to know about like

34:28

those fallow periods and the reason why

34:31

people are even thinking about it is

34:33

because you feel the need to just

34:35

like chime in with your opinions every

34:38

single day or like what set you're

34:40

on every day. I just don't, it's

34:42

a real disconnect for me. Like why

34:44

do we all have to like log

34:47

our fucking opinions about everything all the

34:49

time? Like it's our job. And you

34:51

see, you know, like on message boards

34:54

or whatever. Sometimes I'll look at the

34:56

daily mail. Oh, God, the daily mail

34:58

is so bleak. The comments, like, it

35:00

doesn't even matter. You know exactly what

35:03

people are going to say. Like, they're

35:05

going to judge this person on her

35:07

appearance or her decision or something she

35:09

did 10 years ago, and it's... It's

35:12

like these people think that it's now

35:14

part of, it's their job now to

35:16

sit down and like, do their part

35:19

of this equation, which is like, log

35:21

in their opinion about what a piece

35:23

of shit this person is. And I

35:25

just think like, who are these people?

35:28

I know we always think like, okay,

35:30

they're in their mother's basements or whatever,

35:32

but they're probably not. They're probably like

35:35

living out in the world and yet

35:37

they take time out of every day

35:39

to like, I mean, I actually, I

35:41

realize I'm sort of like. talking in

35:44

circles right now. I feel like I

35:46

have fairly insightful things to say about

35:48

this, not today. But I do, I

35:50

do think like, how can you not

35:53

connect these dots that like the lack

35:55

of community, like people's quality of life,

35:57

just being shittier, everybody's isolated, people are

36:00

fully okay living in this kind of

36:02

like alternate reality where it's your opinions

36:04

and the more fiery your opinions are,

36:06

the more... people, attention, yeah. But like,

36:09

it's just create, look at where we

36:11

are. The world is like, look at

36:13

where we are. The world is like,

36:16

look at where we are. It's Trump.

36:18

What the fuck? Like, does Trump exist

36:20

without any of this stuff? Like, I

36:22

don't, I don't think so. And beyond

36:25

that, we're just, people are sad. Kids

36:27

are sad. Everybody feels isolated. And there's

36:29

no, I think we're in a weird

36:32

position to, too, We had phones from

36:34

a young enough age that it's like

36:36

woven into the fabric of our beings,

36:38

but we had childhoods that weren't. And

36:41

now they don't have that? I don't

36:43

know what that looks like in the

36:45

future. other than more like really lazy

36:47

Gen Z people who don't know what

36:50

a good a hard day's work looks

36:52

like. Which I find myself saying all

36:54

the time. Sucks like how quickly. You

36:57

just spread it upon it. I know

36:59

I am like so Tom my husband

37:01

really makes fun of me a lot

37:03

because I am like a dinosaur about

37:06

this and look I get left behind

37:08

in this scenario. Like I don't think

37:10

the internet's gonna stop because it's making

37:13

us sad. Well I always go back

37:15

to you just have to... You know,

37:17

I don't know if I'm quoting Jersey

37:19

Shore here, but you do you. Is

37:22

that, I'm sorry. No, that's Werner Herzog

37:24

as well. Is this different? You do

37:26

who, you do you in the chaos

37:29

of the eternal void. Jim Ten laundry.

37:31

Yeah, it's just like, the Werner Herzog

37:33

place. Yeah, Werner, he was in one

37:35

season of Jersey Shore where he told

37:38

them all that they were in a

37:40

void. But, but Lizzy. I always go

37:42

back to who are my people, it's

37:44

like my wife, my kids for you,

37:47

you know, Tom, it's Alfie, and who

37:49

are my friends, and then what is

37:51

my work that I do? I just

37:54

always keep pulling myself back to that

37:56

and saying, and then try to have

37:58

empathy, which is working a muscle. You

38:00

can't just say I have empathy, you

38:03

just have to keep going at it.

38:05

to do, like for your job, that's

38:07

really hard to do. I mean, talk

38:10

shows are usually very mean, and you're

38:12

very nice. See, that's how I... Is

38:14

the nicest person? Guys, guys. Neither of

38:16

you has the talking stick. He's like

38:19

dolly part. We have microphones in front

38:21

of our faces. We've got to do

38:23

this talking stick thing here. I intuitively

38:25

fight against... the bleakness which gets harder

38:28

and harder and harder with all the

38:30

issues that come up and but if

38:32

I didn't have kids I would retreat

38:35

into well my life went pretty well

38:37

and You know, I, I guess the

38:39

earth does seem to be getting warmer,

38:41

but I'll be gone before that's too

38:44

much of a problem. I mean, I

38:46

would have the capacity maybe to think

38:48

that way. I would hope that I

38:51

wouldn't, but I would have the capacity

38:53

to, but when you have kids, as

38:55

you know, you're invested in, oh, okay.

38:57

The future. We need to figure out

39:00

how to fix this. I know. I

39:02

know. They're like the greatest balm of

39:04

all time and also. But also. But

39:07

also right now, going through what you're

39:09

going through what you're going through what

39:11

you're going through what you're going through

39:13

what you're going through what you're going

39:16

through what you're going through what you're

39:18

going through what you're going through what

39:20

you're going through what you're going through

39:22

with the loss of your going through

39:25

with the loss of your going through

39:27

with the loss of your dad. And

39:29

I know that Sona's been through so

39:32

much lately, lost her home in the

39:34

end. But I remember talking to you

39:36

right after you lost your house in

39:38

the fire, and you were saying like,

39:41

I've got these, Mikey and Charlie, and

39:43

they need me present. they were kind

39:45

of saving your ass because definitely you

39:48

can't say to them mama's gonna just

39:50

be depressed and weirded out for two

39:52

years i'll see you then yeah yeah

39:54

i'm not gonna be like i'm in

39:57

a bed just crying all day yeah

39:59

so you know and then you they

40:01

they're ready to continue on and so

40:03

you're ready to continue on and so

40:06

you're ready to continue on and it's

40:08

like the best medicine it really is

40:10

and it like gets you out of

40:13

it totally they're like a little pro

40:15

sex yeah sweet sweet pro sex but

40:17

yeah it does it it it's amazing

40:19

even if you're in a bad mood

40:22

like a normal bad mood and you

40:24

go in and see your kids like

40:26

unless you want to have them you

40:29

know when they're talking their therapist or

40:31

writing their memoir later. Yeah. Mother was

40:33

sad all the time. She took it

40:35

all out on me. She would kick

40:38

the dishwasher and then ignore me for

40:40

two days. Like we're not going to

40:42

do that. We're like not those people.

40:45

My best friend lives in Alsadina. I'm

40:47

so sorry. That's like unbelievable. And watching

40:49

her, she has a six-year-old and their

40:51

house did not burn down. but they're

40:54

totally displaced and they have to live

40:56

in the backhouse of a friend from

40:58

schools and like it's actually turning out

41:00

to be kind of a great situation

41:03

for now but what if she didn't

41:05

have this little girl to like get

41:07

to school and not be a husk

41:10

of a human like I don't I

41:12

don't know yeah I realize now because

41:14

I I mean I had my kid

41:16

kind of late like how much time

41:19

you just spend like wallowing your own

41:21

shit and then you don't get to

41:23

do that anymore and like rips you

41:26

out of it it's a it's a

41:28

wonderful thing is this the funniest I

41:30

mean, I'm wrong that I love this

41:32

episode. Yeah, me too. I mean, I,

41:35

Eduardo is the line, you're the line

41:37

judge on these things, but this is

41:39

right at my alley. I know, because

41:42

like, this is, you know, Jesus for

41:44

having a conversation. Shuggles over here. I

41:46

know. You know, if you want me

41:48

to. No, no, but what I'm. This

41:51

is, I don't know, it's making me

41:53

feel a lot better. Yeah, it is

41:55

kind of therapeutic. It's really therapeutic. I

41:57

think everything feels very heavy right now.

42:00

For sure. Even if you're not going

42:02

through something, things just feel really heavy.

42:04

It's okay to talk about it. You

42:07

know, I agree. I think you have

42:09

to. And it is like absorbing the,

42:11

because I'm from LA. I just moved.

42:13

Like, we sold our house in December

42:16

and gave the keys to the new

42:18

owners on January 24th. So like right

42:20

after the fires and we were supposed

42:23

to come back and pack up the

42:25

house that we've lived in for 11

42:27

years and say good. by the house

42:29

and have all these people over. Were

42:32

you moving to New York, baby? Okay,

42:34

all right, all right. Yeah, that just

42:36

happened. And like take Alfie to Disneyland

42:38

and do all the shit and we

42:41

couldn't come back because of the fires.

42:43

And being in New York and watching

42:45

it, I have, this is my hometown,

42:48

but I have like talked so much

42:50

shit about LA. and what it means,

42:52

and how it's changed, and how it's

42:54

gotten worse, and I'm sensing a theme

42:57

in my overall personality. Do you have

42:59

more Prozac? Yeah, no, right, I gotta

43:01

up at 20 milligrams. Also, Prozac is

43:04

new and will recommend, really, like, well,

43:06

we can do an ad for them.

43:08

I would, I mean, I'm like, obviously

43:10

loud and proud about it, maybe I'll

43:13

regret this part of it. No, no.

43:15

But, yeah, so watching it from watching

43:17

it from a far. was really strange.

43:20

And seeing like my hometown go through

43:22

this, I felt like this groundswell of

43:24

love for LA, which hasn't gone away.

43:26

I think this city is amazing. I

43:29

think Altzdina specifically is amazing, like what

43:31

they're doing. And that was like the

43:33

LA. I didn't grow up in Altzdina,

43:35

but I grew up like in the

43:38

Miracle Mile and it was much more

43:40

that vibe than let's say the Palisades

43:42

vibe, which is its own, unimaginable, like

43:45

I don't even know. Tragedy. There's something

43:47

about like the Angelinos who are from

43:49

here who aren't in the business, who

43:51

just like have regular jobs, regular families,

43:54

and like you're just doing it in

43:56

LA. Like that was my upbringing and

43:58

I have so much love for this

44:01

city and it was really horrible to

44:03

be away because all of us like

44:05

in New York who are from LA

44:07

kind of huddled together because you'd go

44:10

into you know when it was like

44:12

actively happening or just kind of starting.

44:14

I went to get my hair cut.

44:16

I was like, how you doing? Well,

44:19

not great. Like, LA's on fire. It's

44:21

like, oh, yeah. You know, when you're

44:23

not from LA, when you don't live

44:26

there, it's just like, LA has fires.

44:28

It's just like another thing that's happening

44:30

somewhere else. And when it's your home,

44:32

it's... It's crazy. And so like my

44:35

dad obviously passing away was brutal and

44:37

then I've stuck around for these couple

44:39

weeks and feeling the sadness of LA

44:42

has been really intense, but also everyone

44:44

in New York is like it reminds

44:46

us of 9-11. Like people are really

44:48

coming together and building each other up.

44:51

Like the community, that was the main

44:53

kind of complaints I had about LA.

44:55

Like there's no community and there so

44:58

is. And I feel like an asshole

45:00

for saying that. during 9-11 and one

45:02

of my clearest memories is going out

45:04

to dinner and the waitress would come

45:07

over, the wait person would come over

45:09

and say, you know, would you guys

45:11

like to start off with some drinks

45:13

or, you know, and we'd say, well,

45:16

how are you? And then the person

45:18

would end up sitting down at the

45:20

table and we would all chat and

45:23

I remember thinking, this is this weird

45:25

Eden that we're all living in, where

45:27

all the old... societal norms have gone

45:29

out the window and people were really

45:32

talking to each other and if the

45:34

bartend, you ask the bartender, you ask

45:36

whoever's, you ask the person in the

45:39

store, how are you, where do you

45:41

live, how are you doing, and that

45:43

happened in New York City, and then

45:45

I remembered it going away. Like it's

45:48

like, that's humanity just has this way

45:50

of, if you hit a human being

45:52

over the head with a big stick,

45:55

he behaves himself for like... Six hours

45:57

and then goes back to being whatever

45:59

he was before and I know that

46:01

this too Shall pass, but it is

46:04

you do it's lovely while it's happening

46:06

Yeah, and I'm noticing I just keep

46:08

having these great conversations with I could

46:10

mention this but there was Had to

46:13

go to Sundance for something and I

46:15

there was a woman who was driving

46:17

me to the event in Utah from

46:20

Salt Lake to Sundance and started chatting

46:22

with her and it turned out she

46:24

lived in LA and I said well

46:26

how's your place? She said well my

46:29

place burned to the ground and she's

46:31

driving me and we just had this

46:33

intense conversation and I I thought, well,

46:36

this is kind of what it's supposed

46:38

to be all the time, which is,

46:40

how are you, what's going on in

46:42

your life, not to drive me, driver?

46:45

Where are the tick-tacks? Which is what

46:47

I reverted to by the end of

46:49

the drive. Oh, you got vector. Enough

46:51

of your whining. Yeah, yeah, your house.

46:54

Where are my tick-tacks? Yeah, he's a

46:56

spearmint. I wanted the fruity kind. Sorry

46:58

they burned in the fire center. That's

47:01

no excuse! A burnt tic-tac's the best

47:03

one! Yeah, so it's just perspective and

47:05

empathy and all that kind of stuff

47:07

isn't something you attain, it is a

47:10

practice and it goes away and we

47:12

all find ourselves drifting away from it

47:14

and then something happens and we get

47:17

pulled back into it. Yeah, I wonder,

47:19

I mean, have you felt, because I'm

47:21

nervous about that. just like how everybody

47:23

was like showing up and flooding the

47:26

go fun means or whatever and like

47:28

like you're saying like everything people move

47:30

on to the next thing eventually this

47:33

is gonna be a long recovery yeah

47:35

do you feel that it's still as

47:37

intense? No. No. No. I don't. I

47:39

mean, I even asked if I would

47:42

still get a discount somewhere and they're

47:44

like, oh, we stopped doing that a

47:46

week ago. That was really the sign

47:48

because when it first happened, you would

47:51

walk into a store and tell people

47:53

that you had lost your home and

47:55

they would give you this discount. 20%

47:58

discount. How long did that last? Was

48:00

that three weeks? That was like a

48:02

few weeks? And then I went into

48:04

a few weeks. have a discount and

48:07

they're like, oh, we stopped doing that

48:09

a week ago. If anything, there's a

48:11

surcharge. Yeah, I know. I know. The

48:14

sad thing is when it was a

48:16

99 cent store. I know. I want

48:18

this scrunchy. Do you have a discount?

48:20

Ma'am. I know. It's 50 cents. I

48:23

think that there's still people, I mean,

48:25

there's still the empathy there. It's still

48:27

there. There's still some feeling of it.

48:29

But it is waning a lot. It

48:32

is waning a lot. move on. To

48:34

be fair I would often go to

48:36

a McDonald's and tell them or a

48:39

cheesecake factory and tell them I'd lost

48:41

my home in a fire even when

48:43

I hadn't. But you did it you're

48:45

taking my discount. I know and they

48:48

would be like that sounds terrible and

48:50

I say so this McFurry. What are

48:52

we talking about here can I get

48:55

80 cents on the dollar? And sometimes

48:57

I put a little ash on my

48:59

cheek. Oh! I'm just telling you the

49:01

real me. I kept always keep a

49:04

little ash in your pocket. You can

49:06

get a discount. It's not like I

49:08

had ash ever on my face. Well,

49:11

you fucked up. You'd be having a,

49:13

you'd be having a discount McFlurry right

49:15

now. She had a little ash in

49:17

your pocket. Why didn't you work up

49:20

your orphan angle? I tried that. There

49:22

seems to be this consensus that I'm

49:24

too old. Okay. Which I don't get.

49:26

Because I think I'm very well preserved

49:29

for a man my age. Ah, gee,

49:31

I lost my parents. Do you have

49:33

any soup? Sir, I saw you drive

49:36

up in a Porsche. Yeah, but on

49:38

a ranch porch. Cash porch. I sent

49:40

rich. I have a lot too. I

49:42

have a lot of land in Montana.

49:45

In vast holdings, but I can't access.

49:47

Can I have some soup? All my

49:49

monies tied up in a hole. It

49:52

takes 24 hours. What's the name you

49:54

were thinking of? What's your name? Billy.

49:56

You're changing your name? Billy does work

49:58

better. It's a better name for me.

50:01

What's the name you were thinking of

50:03

naming your son but didn't? Tom? Mickey.

50:05

Mickey. That's a good one. Mickey. Yeah.

50:08

Mickey the orphan. Mickey the 61 year

50:10

old orphan. It counts. Who's done quite

50:12

well. It counts. It's so fucking dark.

50:14

It really is. I'm sorry, but my

50:17

parents would laugh at it. Yeah. I

50:19

can say that now. they're not here.

50:21

They would laugh at that, like them

50:23

in the afterlife. No, we wouldn't. You

50:26

asshole? We never liked you. I am

50:28

going to get back on track here.

50:30

Yeah, take it back. And I'm going

50:33

to get back on track to one

50:35

of the things that makes me very

50:37

happy for you is that I think

50:39

it is a wonderful era for people

50:42

who have what it takes. have ability

50:44

and have a work ethic, and you

50:46

have all those things, and you're getting

50:49

to do consistently this really cool work.

50:51

You have this project now, Zero Day,

50:53

and I was looking at the cast,

50:55

this is on Netflix, and I'm like,

50:58

you know, I've had so many people

51:00

sit in the chair that you're in,

51:02

and people talk a lot about body

51:04

dysmorphia and how. People can think they

51:07

look a certain way and they don't

51:09

and they hate on themselves and I

51:11

consistently believe that there's something called career

51:14

dysmorphia that hasn't been Diagnosed yet or

51:16

or and I'd like to invent that

51:18

and submit that to the New England

51:20

Journal of Medicine But I've had Al

51:23

Pacino sat in that chair and talked

51:25

so much about the huge chunks of

51:27

his career that didn't work out and

51:30

how they didn't want him for the

51:32

godfather and how he couldn't get a

51:34

job in movies in the late 80s

51:36

and thought he was through and how

51:39

he thinks all the bad reviews people

51:41

told him about and I kept wanting

51:43

to cut him off and saying you're

51:46

Al Pacino you're the face of film

51:48

for at least the 70s you're there's

51:50

you do iconic work in every decade

51:52

and you have it too It's just

51:55

so funny to me that you would

51:57

talk about, oh, you know, the fallow

51:59

periods and maybe I could do more

52:01

if I got the word out on

52:04

my cheese seed recipe. And you're in

52:06

Zero Day on Netflix. Your co-stars are

52:08

Robert DeNiro, Angela Bassett, Connie Britton, Jesse

52:11

Plemons, and Matthew Modene, Dan Stevens. It's

52:13

what, Gabby Hoffman, it's the craziest cast.

52:15

And the best work I see now

52:17

is limited series is our cinema. And

52:20

I like limited series too. I like

52:22

watching them and doing them. It just

52:24

feels like a very long movie. I

52:27

haven't seen Zero Day. My dad died.

52:29

I don't know if we mentioned that.

52:31

So I haven't watched the screeners, which

52:33

is bad. Because I do want to

52:36

watch it. That's interesting. I'm trying to

52:38

picture you watch yourself. I hate it.

52:40

Yeah, I would imagine you would. I

52:42

don't always hate it, but I do

52:45

want to watch this one because it's

52:47

fairly dense and complex and I want

52:49

to be able to, like, talk about

52:52

it. It's topical, a little, like, eerily

52:54

topical. It's, I hope people are in

52:56

the mood to watch something that looks

52:58

a lot like what's happening in reality,

53:01

but it's kind of this, like, horror

53:03

show version of it. Very smart people

53:05

made this show, very smart people who

53:08

were in this show, and I don't

53:10

I could watch it without like hating

53:12

the experience too much. But I think

53:14

it's good. I mean, I had a

53:17

great time doing it. It was surreal.

53:19

You oftentimes like the don't meet your

53:21

hero's thing rings very, very true. It

53:24

didn't on this. just a nice man.

53:26

It was like a kind, generous man.

53:28

I always think, so Leslie Lincoln Gladder,

53:30

who directed all the episodes, and she

53:33

did Homeland, and she's, she's the president

53:35

of the DGA, she's like a bad-ass,

53:37

incredible woman. She's done a bunch of

53:39

movies, like, she's, she's wonderful, and she

53:42

directed every episode, and her vibe on

53:44

set, because she did one episode of

53:46

Masters of Sex in the first season,

53:49

and I wanted her to like, all

53:51

the time director, director, but she was

53:53

doing, so she was doing, so she

53:55

was doing, didn't. She maintains this onset

53:58

energy that I don't even like it's

54:00

six months it's six months to shoot

54:02

this. Robert's a year has never done

54:05

a television show. I believe he didn't

54:07

know what he was getting into in

54:09

terms of like the time, like how

54:11

much time it takes and like the

54:14

hours and he was in everything. But

54:16

the first day of shooting on that,

54:18

the crew is always in a good

54:21

mood for everything on the first day.

54:23

The last day, six months later, everybody

54:25

was in as good of a mood,

54:27

the vibes were so good, it was

54:30

just like a job that felt... important,

54:32

but at the same time right size

54:34

in terms of like in your real

54:36

life like you'd go to work and

54:39

you'd go home and these people didn't

54:41

need to be like your best friends

54:43

and you didn't need it was just

54:46

like it felt very grown up like

54:48

adult but also really fun right I

54:50

don't know it was great it was

54:52

a great experience and we honestly like

54:55

during the strike which was the last

54:57

fun thing just taking it back to

54:59

like the doldrums again we were supposed

55:02

to start this June of June of

55:04

Last year, maybe I don't know what

55:06

year it is. Yeah, we were supposed

55:08

to do like June to December and

55:11

that was the strike and we ended

55:13

up doing January to the next June.

55:15

So it was a full year and

55:17

everybody stayed on board. Everybody was just

55:20

as excited and We knew we got

55:22

so rare because usually that's when people

55:24

say you know, yeah, and I got

55:27

this play I'm gonna go do in

55:29

the West End. It was and even

55:31

just having that moment of like well,

55:33

everybody else or so many other people

55:36

were really stressed out about what they

55:38

were going to do and work in

55:40

all of this like knowing that Netflix

55:43

is probably not going to shelve the

55:45

Robert DeNiro series like it just felt

55:47

like we had a safety net at

55:49

a time when there wasn't a lot

55:52

of safety nets and again like if

55:54

it's just the experience which for me

55:56

is truly the only part I like

55:59

of this whole job like it was

56:01

a great experience and I think it's

56:03

really good and I think you should

56:05

definitely watch it. America. So we can

56:08

be... Which camera are you looking too?

56:10

The American camera. Okay, there we go.

56:12

Hey, America. That's China. Yeah. Let's just

56:14

make it the number one show on

56:17

Netflix until the next thing comes out

56:19

on Netflix America. The last observation that

56:21

I will make is, and I'm certain

56:24

I'm right about this, as dire as

56:26

things are right now, and this is

56:28

my need to be optimistic, but I

56:30

also think this is accurate, let's say

56:33

you could go back in time to

56:35

what you would consider like the classic

56:37

period of making entertainment, and it's like

56:40

the 1930s, the 1940s, they would have

56:42

watched you in Mean Girls, and they

56:44

would have said, she's great, she's really

56:46

funny. that's what she does and that's

56:49

what you would have done for the

56:51

next 50 years of your career and

56:53

because we live in this different era

56:55

there's nothing you can't do in this

56:58

era whereas they would have definitely put

57:00

you in a slot yeah and you

57:02

would have been punished for being really

57:05

good at one thing and they never

57:07

would have seen the other thing yeah

57:09

so that's definitely sure even if that

57:11

means there's iPhones and other problems Elon

57:14

Musk and Jeff Maser so much. I

57:16

just want to say. They have been

57:18

on their yachts many times? I bet

57:21

you have. You're a big yacht guy.

57:23

Big yacht guy. I know my yachts.

57:25

You got big yacht energy. I have

57:27

big yacht energy. No, I love a

57:30

big yacht. I like being invited. I

57:32

like being at the beck and call

57:34

of a billionaire. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And

57:37

then when they say, like, dance for

57:39

us, I do a little something. Yeah,

57:41

you're a billionaire. And then I get

57:43

a Kruger and a Gold coin, in

57:46

case anyone doesn't know what that is.

57:48

I also think that even, like, not

57:50

in the 30s, like, in recent times

57:52

they would type cast you and pigeonhole

57:55

you, and now it's like only, it's

57:57

very new to not have that that

57:59

happen, like, like, like, like, like, like,

58:02

like, 20, 20 years, 20 years, people

58:04

think oh you can do more than

58:06

one thing right but a lot of

58:08

people do find themselves like stuck in

58:11

a lane and it sucks i'm stuck

58:13

doing one thing because that's what i

58:15

can that's not true that's not true

58:18

i heard i i'm but i'm saying

58:20

happily i'm happily stuck in my You're

58:22

not stuck in a lane though because

58:24

I just read that you were incredible

58:27

in your Sundance movie. Okay. As a

58:29

male jiggle out. This orphan thing is

58:31

working for you. Yeah, that's how I

58:34

got the part. Yeah. I'm an orphan.

58:36

Yeah, a bit orphan. I got an

58:38

orphan. A lot of the part. Well,

58:40

I'm not getting smaller and squeakier as

58:43

an orphan. But, um, Lizzy, this. was

58:45

a lovely conversation. This is so surreal.

58:47

I feel like we're just starting it.

58:49

No, but this was, there should have

58:52

been more juice. There should have been

58:54

laughter. Well, we're going to put laughter

58:56

over all the parts. When you talk

58:59

about losing your dad, and I talk

59:01

about losing my parents, we're just going

59:03

to pipe in laughter from the 1940s.

59:05

That would be amazing. I love Lucy

59:08

laughs. Yeah. Nothing has changed. It's only

59:10

you've only today confirmed my feelings about

59:12

you Lizzy which is you're one of

59:15

my all-time favorite people. You are incredibly

59:17

hyper insanely talented and you're a real

59:19

person and every time I see you

59:21

you're Lizzy Kaplan and you're very wise

59:24

and just a delight to be with

59:26

you. Thank you very much. I'm going

59:28

to say it, Zero Day Netflix, if

59:30

you're not watching it, you stupid. Yeah,

59:33

you're stupid. Yeah. Don't be stupid. Watch

59:35

Zero Day. Come on, why isn't that

59:37

going to get a tagline? I mean,

59:40

Danira's been saying that and everything. You

59:42

go someplace, okay? And you Airbnb, your

59:44

apartment, your house, your pad while you're

59:46

gone. And that way you make some

59:49

money, or as I call it, some

59:51

scratch. And you just have people staying

59:53

at your house. And it's cool. Blay,

59:56

have you done this? Yeah. And you

59:58

know what's interesting is my sister recently

1:00:00

moved back to Michigan, so I've been

1:00:02

traveling there a lot. And so with

1:00:05

Airbnb, I can host people at my

1:00:07

apartment while I'm gone back in Michigan

1:00:09

to make a little extra, as you

1:00:12

say, scratch. I mean, it completely makes

1:00:14

sense. Why should your apartment or your

1:00:16

home sit empty? Exactly. Now do you

1:00:18

have to spruce it up a little

1:00:21

bit make it nice? Well your place

1:00:23

is pretty nice anyway. It's pretty nice,

1:00:25

but I do have a lot of

1:00:27

comic books and a lot of you

1:00:30

know like poor movie paraphernalia. So you

1:00:32

know it's it's a bit bat cave-ish-ish-ish

1:00:34

in terms of if Bruce Wayne was

1:00:37

a virgin. I just think what you

1:00:39

want to do is put all that

1:00:41

stuff in a cabinet place. Right. So

1:00:43

they think they're getting an air B&B

1:00:46

from a fully developed adult. Whatever. I

1:00:48

know your place is a nice place.

1:00:50

Come on. I will host you. It's

1:00:53

a nice place. You have a dinosaur

1:00:55

egg. I have a I have a

1:00:57

real bronosaurus egg. That's true. Yeah. And

1:00:59

seven life-sized ironmen. Welcome to place apartment.

1:01:02

The mark three, the mark six, the

1:01:04

mark. Just don't leave money on the

1:01:06

table this year when you travel. Make

1:01:08

sure that you look into Airbnb and

1:01:11

be an Airbnb host. That's right. Your

1:01:13

home could be worth more than you

1:01:15

think. Find out how much at airbnb.com/host.

1:01:18

People ask me a lot about genius.

1:01:20

I don't know why. I don't know

1:01:22

what is about me. A real genius

1:01:24

always seeks out the nerds. That's the

1:01:27

common thing as nerds. I mean this

1:01:29

is why I go to you all

1:01:31

the time David. Thank you. Seriously because

1:01:34

you know how to like do things

1:01:36

on the phone and order things online.

1:01:38

I don't know that word. It's usually

1:01:40

simple stuff you can't. Yeah, make tea.

1:01:43

Yeah. Nerd wallet. That's what I'm talking

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about. Nerd wallet's going to find the

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then a jock will try and apply.

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1:02:34

Recently on the podcast we talked

1:02:36

about how you could mail into a

1:02:38

comic book advertisement and get the Polaris

1:02:40

nuclear submarine. Yes, the only thing I'll

1:02:42

add to that, this was many years

1:02:44

ago. I don't think it's still true,

1:02:46

but when I was a kid probably

1:02:48

around 1970, 71 on the back of

1:02:50

a magazine, there were these things that

1:02:53

you could, on the back of a

1:02:55

comic book, there were things you could

1:02:57

send away with. One of them famously

1:02:59

was like x-ray specs, and it showed

1:03:01

a guy. looking at a woman in

1:03:03

a dress and the idea was that

1:03:05

you put these on and you can

1:03:07

see through her dress. Oh good. Yeah.

1:03:10

How many of those did you buy?

1:03:12

700. And they do work. Yeah. One

1:03:14

of the things that really intrigued me

1:03:16

was give us, I don't know what

1:03:19

it was, seven dollars. And we'll send

1:03:21

you a working mini Polaris sub that

1:03:23

fires missiles you can get inside. It

1:03:25

has a periscope. Now I never did

1:03:27

it, but all these years later. It

1:03:30

floats into my mind every now and

1:03:32

then. What the hell was that thing?

1:03:34

What did you... Because legally, if you

1:03:36

send them seven dollars, they have to

1:03:38

send you something. And so we brought

1:03:40

it up, and you remembered it too.

1:03:42

Yeah, I did, and I remember the

1:03:44

hovercraft too, and they're distinctly two different

1:03:46

things. Okay. So the submarine does send

1:03:48

you... submarine. But apparently it's been very

1:03:50

hard for people to track down and

1:03:53

I found the third point of singularity

1:03:55

blog. It kind of looks like they

1:03:57

went on a kind of hunt themselves.

1:03:59

Yep. and ultimately found it. It's

1:04:01

the other tab, Adardo, if you don't

1:04:04

mind. And this is what you end

1:04:06

up getting, and it's like a

1:04:08

cardboard submarine. Oh my God, wait a

1:04:10

minute, I swear to God, that kid

1:04:13

looks like me. Yeah. I mean, that's

1:04:15

what I looked like back in the

1:04:17

day. He's got the same bowl haircut,

1:04:20

the same look of just defeat.

1:04:22

Oh. No, no, no, but that, wait

1:04:24

a minute. That, I have to say.

1:04:26

Looks more impressive than I thought really

1:04:29

because I see just cardboard that's kind

1:04:31

of pinned together and Certainly not gonna

1:04:33

do well on the water. Oh

1:04:35

Well, but isn't that nice is using

1:04:38

his imagination? Hey, does it fire a

1:04:40

missile? Okay. So I don't know I

1:04:42

was this is this is helping me.

1:04:45

This is actually this is therapeutic. Yeah,

1:04:47

this is giving me some closure

1:04:49

because That's something. Yeah. You get inside

1:04:51

and it does close and it's got,

1:04:54

I mean, seven bucks. I guess this

1:04:56

is seven bucks back then. Yeah. So

1:04:58

now this would be the equivalent

1:05:00

of like $35. That's true. So, or

1:05:03

$50, I don't know. Times have changed.

1:05:05

It's so funny, he looks so far

1:05:07

from water. I know. I mean, he's

1:05:10

like, he's definitely Wisconsin. He's in the

1:05:12

midwest. There isn't a body of

1:05:14

water for 800 miles and he's like,

1:05:16

see you later! For the listener, this

1:05:19

looks like a cardboard submarine seated in

1:05:21

the middle of a big lawn in

1:05:23

the backyard. And there's a fence way

1:05:26

in the backyard and then power

1:05:28

lines. All you can see is just

1:05:30

lawn and no ocean. It's fun. So

1:05:32

how fun is that? Isn't that fun?

1:05:35

If you're a little kid, you know,

1:05:37

you're not gonna go to the ocean

1:05:39

and go in a submarine. That's,

1:05:41

I used to make things out of

1:05:44

boxes. I used to too. I used

1:05:46

to, if a big box came in,

1:05:48

it was just a done deal that

1:05:51

either Luke or I would get to

1:05:53

build something with it. So I

1:05:55

don't know, I'm, I'm, I am not.

1:05:57

disappointed by that. Me neither. That actually

1:06:00

looks like looks better than I thought

1:06:02

it was going to look. Yeah, me

1:06:04

too. I'm impressed. So this, this,

1:06:06

this, I salute this company and I

1:06:09

think this should have been used by

1:06:11

the military. The thing that I more

1:06:14

remember was this hovercraft. Okay. When I

1:06:16

said last time that I thought I

1:06:18

thought last time that I thought

1:06:20

it was a kit. That's what the

1:06:23

hovercraft is. You were supposed to take

1:06:25

your motor out of your vacuum and

1:06:27

build this 200 pounds. Yes. And then

1:06:30

scroll down and you can see on

1:06:32

this blog. Wait, go back up

1:06:34

to see what this blog is named.

1:06:36

Dwyer and Michael's. Okay. All right. This

1:06:39

guy actually built the vacuum. Okay. You

1:06:41

can. And here's the order. Astronaut's Iron

1:06:43

On with order. Okay. You can float

1:06:46

on air free. Let's 200 pounds.

1:06:48

So basically, yeah, a hovercraft you could

1:06:50

build. I remember this. Yeah. Now scroll

1:06:52

down and you can see that the

1:06:55

guy built it. Okay. And then yeah,

1:06:57

play that video. Look at that. Oh,

1:06:59

I know this website. It's called

1:07:01

Bad Use of Your Time. Well, I'm

1:07:04

supposed to do dialysis today, but I

1:07:06

figured I'll build this hovercraft from the

1:07:08

60s. I mean, and that's kind of

1:07:11

cool. We can't get enough air

1:07:13

from a vacuum. Oh. I got him.

1:07:15

He wasn't looking. But no kid that's,

1:07:17

you know. No. Eight year old kid

1:07:20

is going to be able to. Bill

1:07:22

that I guess it's a nice project

1:07:24

with your you know Scout troop

1:07:26

leader or your dad. Big problem here

1:07:29

is you have to take the motor

1:07:31

out of your parents vacuum cleaner and

1:07:33

that was not going to fly in

1:07:36

my house. No kid from the 50s

1:07:38

that took the motor out of

1:07:40

their vacuum cleaner would get away unscathed.

1:07:42

Also how do you do that? How

1:07:45

do you just take a motor out

1:07:47

of a vacuum? Why do they think

1:07:49

an eight-year-old would even know how to

1:07:52

do that? We're here with you.

1:07:54

Don't throw me into this bus? Yeah,

1:07:56

just because we don't answer every one

1:07:58

of your questions. So you stare at

1:08:01

me confused and it makes- I just

1:08:03

don't know why I hired you. That's

1:08:05

a look that goes back to-

1:08:07

Don't think about it. Don't think about

1:08:10

it. Doesn't any question. We don't think

1:08:12

about that. We just live in the

1:08:14

moment. Live in the moment. Well, that,

1:08:17

you know what? I have to say

1:08:19

there is closure here. Good. I

1:08:21

now know what Rosebud means. That helped

1:08:23

me. That helped me. That helped me.

1:08:26

How? Why? I don't know, because it

1:08:28

was a mystery that never got scratched.

1:08:30

It was a riddle that never

1:08:33

had an answer and now you have

1:08:35

shown me what it was. Do you

1:08:37

remember too like the x-ray gogs? There

1:08:40

was also a thing where you could

1:08:42

go from being a scrawny little kid

1:08:44

to a big kind of like...

1:08:46

Buff guy and there's a little picture

1:08:49

of tough guy kicking sand on the

1:08:51

little guy in the beach. Yeah, those

1:08:53

are called steroids. That's called juicing. I

1:08:56

don't know what they were what they

1:08:58

were promising. They were just probably

1:09:00

sending you a booklet that says, yeah,

1:09:02

take two soup cans from mom's kitchen

1:09:05

and start using them to make a

1:09:07

bicept, but I, now we know what

1:09:09

that is, which is medical grade chemicals

1:09:12

that will transform your body. And

1:09:14

I had a no, because I'm on

1:09:16

them. How long you been on them?

1:09:18

Sadly, I've been on them for my

1:09:21

entire life. Oh no! What would you

1:09:23

have looked like? I'd have had no

1:09:25

skeletal structure. Well, that was fun.

1:09:27

Thank you for doing that. That helped

1:09:30

me. And I hope it helped everyone

1:09:32

else who listens from my generation who

1:09:34

remembers that. Sona, you seem confused. I

1:09:37

am completely confused. But I also,

1:09:39

I mean, I think that every generation

1:09:41

has like toys and stuff that like

1:09:43

kind of diffused you. Yeah. Exactly. What

1:09:46

was yours? McDonald's Monopoly. Well, that's different

1:09:48

because that was right. But I was

1:09:50

thinking of the spy tech gear.

1:09:52

Do you guys remember the spy tech

1:09:55

stuff? It was like a bunch of

1:09:57

gear that they sold to kids that

1:09:59

was supposed to help you like be

1:10:02

a better spy. There was a mirror

1:10:04

periscope. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a

1:10:06

microphone, or like a, not a microphone,

1:10:08

but something you held up so you

1:10:11

could hear things from further away. And

1:10:13

so, and it didn't work? I know,

1:10:15

I think we bought a bunch of

1:10:18

it, I don't think any of

1:10:20

it worked. Were you doing actual spying?

1:10:22

Yeah, on our neighbors. Oh. We would

1:10:24

go around our neighbors, hide behind bushes,

1:10:27

and try to spy on them. Do

1:10:29

you ever hear anything juicy? Yeah. We

1:10:31

all live in this neighborhood. What

1:10:33

about you? What did you mention? I

1:10:36

mentioned McDonald's Monopoly, although to Sonas' point,

1:10:38

it's been explained now through documentaries that

1:10:40

it was all a scam. But as

1:10:43

a kid, you know, you were sold

1:10:45

on the promise of like, oh,

1:10:47

if I just buy a bunch of

1:10:50

fries and we keep eating at McDonald's

1:10:52

and we... get these little game pieces,

1:10:54

we can win a mansion or you

1:10:57

know some really cool prizes and

1:10:59

you're just constantly after the chase. Well,

1:11:01

the real win there is the health

1:11:03

that you got from the album. Our

1:11:06

generation reminds me of the Columbia House

1:11:08

records. Yes, I was singing it up

1:11:10

too. Like a penny for like

1:11:12

CDs. Yes. For one penny. You know,

1:11:15

I have to say all of these

1:11:17

things are true disappointments. the sub is

1:11:19

looking pretty good. I mean, and I'm

1:11:22

just saying I'm happy because the one

1:11:24

I dreamed about the most actually

1:11:26

appears to be somewhat valid. Would I

1:11:28

take it deep into the North Atlantic

1:11:31

and attack a Russian sub? Probably not.

1:11:33

But that kid seemed pretty happy. That

1:11:35

kid could have been you. Yeah. That

1:11:38

kid could have been me. Yeah.

1:11:40

And then maybe and some other, you

1:11:42

know, fold in time that kid is

1:11:44

me. Yeah. You know. Well, this has

1:11:47

been a strange end to any conversation.

1:11:49

I'm going to sign off now, but

1:11:51

dreams deferred. We'll continue. It's the

1:11:53

new segment. Peace out, Tupac. Live your

1:11:56

dreams or your dreams. Live you. I

1:11:58

have no ending for this. So I'll

1:12:00

just keep talking. Just stay by. And

1:12:03

we end or do we, a

1:12:05

beginning becomes a reality. as we finalize.

1:12:07

We'll see you next. He's turning my

1:12:09

sound off. Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend

1:12:12

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MacGorley. Produced by me, MacGorley. Executive produced

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1:12:21

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1:12:23

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