Reframing Mindset: A Conversation with David Higdon

Have you ever noticed how most conversations about mindset feel suspiciously like Saturday Night Live’s Stuart Smalley sketch—staring into the mirror, repeating, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough..."? If affirmations were a magic wand, we’d all be living our dream lives already, right?

Mindset matters, but not how most mindset coaches sell it. In a recent Creative On Purpose Live episode, David Higdon (David Higdon) joined me to poke gently at prevailing myths about mindset and affirmations. Spoiler alert: Mindset follows posture, not the other way around.

Mindset as Interaction, Not Just Thinking

For David, mindset isn't merely thinking differently—it’s about interacting with reality differently. You don't become confident by declaring yourself confident; you build confidence by acknowledging where you are and taking micro-steps toward becoming who you want to be. Affirmations only stick when they're rooted in your current reality. "I am becoming confident" beats "I am confident" if confidence isn't yet your lived experience.

Mindset Follows Posture

I love how David aligns with my assertion—mindset follows posture. Your attitudes and actions shape your mindset more than your mindset shapes your attitudes and actions. This means doing the thing comes before being the thing. Want to become a better writer, coach, or human? Start acting like one.

Mirror, Mirror…

David shared a pivotal realization that reframed his entire approach to mindset. During a drive home from a band rehearsal in Jersey, he saw the New York City skyline and asked himself, "Why am I like this?" He collided with reality. By honestly identifying behaviors that held him back, David began removing the friction that stood between who he was and who he wanted to be.

He calls this practice "looking in the mirror." It starts by acknowledging your part in situations that don’t go your way. Instead of blaming the outside world—look inward. David calls this 'giving grace.' It doesn’t mean accepting or ignoring your faults. It means forgiving your past self, appreciating the present you, and gently embracing the potential future you.

Compassion and Responsibility

Empathy for others starts with empathy for yourself. David shared how learning to offer grace to himself made it easier to extend it to others, creating a virtuous cycle of compassion and accountability. But grace alone isn't enough; tough love has its place. Sometimes the greatest gift you can offer yourself is holding yourself accountable to a higher standard.

Notice, Name, Navigate

As you know, my three-step framework is Notice, Name, Navigate. Notice what's happening as objectively as possible. Name the choices available. Navigate by doing the next right thing. David’s similar approach starts with identifying impulses or triggers, noticing emotional responses, and choosing new ways to respond. Simple, but not easy. It’s a practice—a habit.

Victim, Persecutor, Savior

We also explored Karpman's Drama Triangle. If you identify as a victim, you invite persecutors and saviors into your life. Conversely, by removing victimhood, you also remove the roles of persecutors and saviors. David suggested an intriguing possibility: once you've let go of the victim role, you might unconsciously step into the persecutor or savior roles instead. That’s a danger worth noticing.

Gratitude as a Superpower

Gratitude changes minds faster than affirmations. It’s a scientifically proven superpower. Real gratitude means appreciating the challenges life hands you, not just the abundance. It's the secret sauce of becoming a better person and a better solopreneur.

Final Thought

Mindset isn’t something you “fix.” It’s something you build, day by day, through conscious choices and intentional actions. The truth is, your mind doesn't need setting; it needs recalibrating through experience. So, start small, act intentionally, and trust the process. You'll become the person who can do what you aspire to do by consistently choosing actions aligned with that aspiration.

What’s one small choice you’ll make today to move closer to the mindset you want to embody? Drop a comment, and let’s keep the conversation going!

Onward!

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Thank you Molly Brawer, Penny Harris ACC, Krister Maxe, and many others for tuning into my live video with David Higdon! Join me for my next live video in the app.

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