0:00

Feeling buried in a never-ending to-do

0:02

list that comes with running a business,

0:04

managing orders, tracking expenses, it's a lot.

0:06

That's where Amazon Business steps in. They've

0:08

got smart buying solutions like Spend Visibility,

0:11

a cloud-based system to track your buying

0:13

patterns so you can optimize your savings

0:15

and bulk buying so you can continue

0:18

to save costs on select products with

0:20

quantity discounts. Smart, right? Let Amazon Business

0:22

take care of the admin so you

0:25

can focus on what really matters. Growing

0:27

Your Business, check out smart business buying

0:29

at Amazon business.com. A business prime membership

0:32

is required to access spend

0:34

visibility. Welcome

0:41

to Creature Feature Production of I-Hart

0:43

Radio. I'm your host of many

0:45

parasites Katie Golden. I studied psychology

0:47

and evolutionary biology and today on

0:49

the show we're talking about some

0:52

of the coolest animals you can

0:54

find in U.S. national parks. Our

0:56

national parks are home to some

0:58

of the most stunning species on

1:00

the planet and are incredibly important

1:02

reserves that protect the biological jewels

1:04

of America. From adorable little cat-like

1:06

critters that look like they came

1:08

straight out of a meas. to

1:10

the goat of horns to a

1:13

spiky little guy with biological

1:15

weaponry. These are just three

1:17

examples of the amazing animals

1:19

found in national parks. Discover

1:21

this and more as we

1:23

answer the age-old question. When

1:26

is a cat, not a

1:28

cat, and a toad, a

1:30

toad, a toad. Joining me

1:32

today is stand-up comedian writer

1:34

and runs the facial recognition

1:36

comedy show at the comedy

1:38

show. Comedy store. Comedy store.

1:41

Pull a vegan all and

1:43

welcome. A hoi mate, we're

1:45

at the comedy show. Yar,

1:47

the comedy shower. She shells.

1:49

Seeshell. Seeshells. Buy the comedy

1:52

show. At the comedy show.

1:54

Yeah. Merchant's taking a real

1:56

hit. We're selling seashells now,

1:58

you know? Mm-hmm. She sells

2:01

like beer. I barely sell

2:03

her. Oh no. Yeah. Cattlefish,

2:05

I barely know a fish.

2:07

This is why you do

2:10

stand Why

23:15

not spend less time sweating the small stuff

23:17

and more time crushing your goals or

23:20

maybe even sneaking in some well-earned downtime?

23:22

Discover more about smart business

23:24

buying at Amazon business.com. A business

23:27

prime membership is required to

23:29

access spend visibility. You'll

23:46

be matched with top insurance providers in

23:48

your area. Find the right rate for

23:50

you today at nerd wallet.com. After all,

23:52

using nerd wallet is more than smart.

23:54

It's genius. Not all applicants will qualify

23:56

for the lowest monthly payments. nerd wallet

23:58

insurance services, Inc. California resident license number

24:00

OK92033. Kugger

34:58

over here, huh? Meow, all

35:00

right, well, Merkin's aside, the,

35:02

yes, Angela Merkin, the former

35:04

German Chancellor, Merkle, Merkle. So

35:07

yeah, so it shows how

35:09

the there's a delicate balance,

35:11

right? Like so sometimes we

35:13

use fire suppression tactics, right?

35:15

Because hey, you don't want

35:17

stuff to be on fire.

35:19

But then when you do

35:21

it too much, then you

35:23

have overgrowth of scrub and

35:25

then that. affects the population

35:27

of these bighorn sheep because

35:30

predators have more spots to

35:32

hide in. Conversely, if you

35:34

have too much fire, then

35:36

predators don't have enough spots

35:38

to hide in and then

35:40

the predators suffer, right? It's

35:42

not all about like thwarting

35:44

the predators. The predators populations

35:46

are super important as well.

35:48

I mean, I don't want

35:50

no scrubs because a scrub

35:53

is the guy. You get

35:55

no love for me. So

35:57

I feel like those are

35:59

predators, you know. Yeah, there

36:01

you go. There you go.

36:03

So, uh. Why

39:42

not spend less time sweating the small stuff

39:45

and more time crushing your goals or

39:47

maybe even sneaking in some well-earned downtime?

39:49

Discover more about smart business

39:51

buying at Amazon business.com. A business

39:54

prime membership is required to

39:56

access spend visibility. You'll

40:13

be matched with top insurance providers in your area.

40:15

Find the right rate for you today at nerd

40:17

wallet.com. After all, using nerd wallet is more than

40:19

smart. It's genius. Not all applicants

40:21

will qualify for the lowest monthly

40:24

payments. nerd wallet insurance services, Inc.

40:26

California resident license number OK92033. talk

44:14

to this person. It's like, you

44:16

brought me here. I am like your

44:18

baby right now. You abandoned me. parties

44:21

are meant to like bring someone to

44:23

talk to one person yes that was

44:25

my understanding this is why I agreed

44:27

to come I I was gonna be

44:29

I was basically going to be like

44:31

a little puppy and follow you around

44:34

and have you introduced me to people

44:36

this is why every party should have one

44:38

dog okay so that for people like

44:40

us who just want to talk to the

44:42

dog yeah yeah oh is this your dog

44:45

I'm gonna I'm gonna form a connection with

44:47

them because well I like meeting people it

44:49

is The thing of like when two people

44:51

are talking is when do I, when do

44:53

I approach and do I stand there

44:56

and when do I start laughing at

44:58

what they're saying? I don't know,

45:00

no one's ever taught me that. Do

45:02

you remember how we talked about neurodivergents

45:05

earlier in? I don't see how this...

45:07

I'm not sure, I don't understand what

45:09

point you didn't make. Okay, never mind.

45:11

I also, also, this is the tip,

45:14

I just started inserting myself into conversations

45:16

and being like, hey, I'm just gonna

45:18

be in this conversation now and then

45:21

people are generally welcoming and if they're

45:23

not, well... Yeah. There's always roasting them.

45:25

Or you can take a page from

45:27

the horned lizard's book and inflate your

45:30

body to look big and

45:32

scary despite only being about

45:34

the size of an adult

45:36

human's palm. So they will. Such a

45:38

power move. Yeah, just like, oh, you

45:40

won't talk to me. Now big! Ignore

45:43

me now! Oh my god, I

45:45

would love to do that! Oh

45:47

my god, isn't amazing! Also, if

45:50

that fails, there are eight species

45:52

of horned lizards who will have

45:54

a special extra technique and that

45:56

is that they squirt blood out

45:59

of their... sockets. Oh okay when

46:01

you said out of the eyes

46:03

I do squirt blood but not

46:06

out of there so when I

46:08

am disturbed. It sounds like it's

46:10

still it still sounds pretty skilled

46:12

but yeah they will block the

46:15

blood flow in their head and

46:17

then force it through ruptured vessels

46:19

around their eyelids at high pressures

46:21

allowing them to allowing them to

46:24

shoot jets of blood up to

46:26

five feet or one and a

46:28

half meters away. I'm gonna say

46:31

this, this might be a stretch,

46:33

but I do think they're a

46:35

little bit more antisocial than you.

46:37

Honestly, just a dad, but I

46:40

think they're beating you on this.

46:42

If I was able to shoot

46:44

jets of blood out of my

46:46

eyes, I might have never been

46:49

forced to learn to be more

46:51

gregarious because man, can you, like

46:53

every awkward social interaction, you're just

46:55

like, well, you know, it's like

46:58

an Irish goodbye, but a lot...

47:00

more cleaning involved. I like the

47:02

idea of like, oh my God,

47:05

Katie just spewed again. Not again.

47:07

You're like, I'm going to do

47:09

it. I'm going to do it.

47:11

Yeah. It's a way to startle

47:14

predators and it has a nasty

47:16

taste and smell that certain predators

47:18

don't like. They, these. The freak

47:20

predators that like it. Birds apparently

47:23

like raptors. I told you birds

47:25

are they're just like the scientists

47:27

that name them. They're freaks. They're

47:30

little freaks. They don't really care.

47:32

They don't have a good sense

47:34

of smell. So when the if

47:36

they try to get spray a

47:39

predatory bird with this business, they're

47:41

just like, oh. seasoning. Like sauce.

47:43

Yeah, sauce. Yeah, sauce. Mm. Siracha.

47:45

Nice. So yeah, the horned lizards

47:48

have a diet of harvester ants

47:50

which are somewhat toxic and it's

47:52

thought that possibly that diet might

47:54

help their blood. taste worse. So

47:57

yeah it's it's like basically squirting

47:59

a hot sauce out of your

48:01

eyes that's made out of your

48:04

blood which you know that's I

48:06

think that did you ever have

48:08

one of those kids in your

48:10

class where they were able to

48:13

like manipulate their the the tear

48:15

ducks in their eyes and like

48:17

squirt water out of their eye.

48:19

No, I thought you were going

48:22

to say gleaking, like with the

48:24

saliva thing. But that's crazy. Yeah,

48:26

there's a kid I think who

48:29

did both of it and it

48:31

was... Oh my God, I've never

48:33

heard of that before. It was

48:35

gross. I didn't like it. Or

48:38

the kid that could like turn

48:40

their eyelids inside out. Oh yeah,

48:42

there was that kid. Oh man.

48:44

Honestly, we don't talk enough about

48:47

body horror in elementary schools. Yeah,

48:49

yeah, there's a lot of stuff

48:51

that I made me. not want

48:53

to go to school like people

48:56

squirting fluids out of their face.

48:58

It's like, you know, I feel

49:00

like that's not a conducive environment

49:03

to learn about the American Civil

49:05

War. So another aspect of the

49:07

horned lizards is that they have

49:09

scales that are highly, not just

49:12

the spiked ones, but they have

49:14

these very tiny. scales that form

49:16

these micro channels that help wick

49:18

moisture from the air and funnel

49:21

it into their mouth. It's such

49:23

an ingenious design that scientists are

49:25

trying to replicate artificial versions which

49:28

could help In a lot of

49:30

applications it could be like anything

49:32

from like water collection systems like

49:34

to breweries I don't really know

49:37

how a brewery would use this

49:39

but brewers you probably know or

49:41

reducing condensation in medical devices so

49:43

like making it easier to make

49:46

beer or medical devices it a

49:48

win win to help after you

49:50

drink like a lot of beer

49:52

right right like drink a lot

49:55

of beer and then you can

49:57

have an artificial kidney. But yeah,

49:59

I mean, their ability, these lizards'

50:02

ability to use water in their

50:04

bodies is so efficient, they don't

50:06

have a separate urinary bladder, they

50:08

only expel waste in their feces,

50:11

like they don't need to peek

50:13

because they just use water so

50:15

good. Oh my God, I mean,

50:17

they're squirting it out of their

50:20

blood eyes, but like, yeah. That's

50:22

very efficient. Yeah, no, it's absolutely

50:24

incredible. And again, it would save

50:27

me at least three hours a

50:29

day if I could. We can

50:31

research these guys figure out how

50:33

not to pee. I mean, again,

50:36

like, this is, there's a concept

50:38

which is that, like, with animals,

50:40

because they are... the products of

50:42

millions of years of evolution, they

50:45

contain a lot of information. And

50:47

I obviously, if you've made it

50:49

this far in the podcast, you

50:52

just love animals, so you don't

50:54

need another reason to want to

50:56

protect them. Or it also contains

50:58

a lot of information, so that's

51:01

why they listened. That's true. So

51:03

that they're trying to write down

51:05

like, all right, which animals do

51:07

we gotta exploit? No, but it's

51:10

a... It is a, it's like

51:12

there's a library of potential information,

51:14

right? So like if animals go

51:16

extinct and or we lose them

51:19

or we aren't able to, you

51:21

know, research them because we've laid

51:23

off everyone who might be able

51:26

to research them, we lose so

51:28

much information that can very selfishly

51:30

help humanity, right? Like there is

51:32

a great example of this is

51:35

there's this frog called the gastric

51:37

brooding frog. and they would keep

51:39

their offspring in their gut like

51:41

in their stomachs and somehow their

51:44

digestive juices would not burn their

51:46

tadpoles alive and then once the

51:48

little tadpoles grew into froglets they

51:51

could like come out of the

51:53

adult frog's mouth but like the

51:55

whole the like figure I thought

51:57

that's how we gave birth too.

52:00

Oh, well I'm gonna I'm gonna

52:02

have to talk to Polivie after

52:04

the show. Oh no. But yeah,

52:06

if we hadn't lost this animal,

52:09

like we might have been able

52:11

to do more research on things

52:13

like ulcers, gastrosophageal reflux disease. I

52:15

can't think we lost it. That

52:18

makes it so sad. It's super

52:20

sad. It's really, really sad. And

52:22

so right now, horned lizard populations

52:25

are in decline due to suburban

52:27

sprawl, land development, the pet trade.

52:29

invasive species of vegetation without they

52:31

depend so much on our national

52:34

parks and like if we lose

52:36

our national parks or if our

52:38

national parks are just left to

52:40

sort of be exploited I don't

52:43

I don't know that the horned

52:45

lizards would survive that like honestly

52:47

so it's it's very concerning to

52:50

me and again like I know

52:52

all of you out there just

52:54

love animals and and want the

52:56

best for them for their own

52:59

sake. But it's also like if

53:01

you're ever talking about someone who's

53:03

like, why would I care about

53:05

a horned lizard? It's like there's

53:08

so much potential. interesting research that

53:10

could be derived from them. Like,

53:12

Simaglutide was derived from kela monsters,

53:14

so it's just all of these

53:17

like developments in human medicine and

53:19

technology, a lot of it comes

53:21

from our understanding of animals. And

53:24

so just from a selfish perspective

53:26

of wanting cool stuff or medical

53:28

advancements, should make people care about

53:30

them. But you know so pretty

53:33

step we name the monsters after

53:35

using them for semi-glut. Yeah Also

53:37

also also for anti coagulence which

53:39

are oh yeah Also it's for

53:42

the non I know you were

53:44

listing just the selfish reasons but

53:46

for the non selfish reasons. It's

53:49

like why are we fucking up

53:51

the world so bad? We're just

53:53

one creature. Yeah. Why do we

53:55

have a right to? completely destroy

53:58

other animals. It's, I don't, it's...

54:00

Yeah, no, I mean, I agree.

54:02

I think it's messed up, but

54:04

it's a yeah, so I'm I'm

54:07

just I'm just upset about the

54:09

the Park Rangers being laid off

54:11

because there there's some of the

54:13

coolest people out there honestly like

54:16

Park Rangers are a national treasure

54:18

like if you've ever been in

54:20

a national park and you're like

54:23

oh like I stepped in poop

54:25

and they're like actually that's the

54:27

poop of like this rare mountain

54:29

goat or like this incredible like

54:32

uh... coattie or you know like

54:34

oh actually all right so now

54:36

my day is not ruined by

54:38

poop i've been educated and this

54:41

is really cool uh... and yeah

54:43

they've like they'd save people's lives

54:45

when they go on hikes and

54:48

like i have a hundred percent

54:50

been saved by a part right

54:52

or by them telling me not

54:54

to do something really dumb yeah

54:57

they like like when they are

54:59

the reasons that people can enjoy

55:01

this mostly untouched nature in such

55:03

an intimate and wonderful way. And

55:06

so I'm, again, if you're, if

55:08

you are a former or current

55:10

park ranger or no one, and

55:12

you'd like to get in touch

55:15

with me for to share your

55:17

story, you can write to me

55:19

a creature feature pot@gmail.com. I need

55:22

their love to have you on

55:24

the show or read your emails,

55:26

whatever would work best for you

55:28

guys. I just, you know. Man,

55:31

I am I'm I'm a little

55:33

piest I'm just I want to

55:35

squirt blood out of my eyes

55:37

up to five feet away Yeah,

55:40

I feel like that's but that's

55:42

you like base level, you know

55:44

I'm gonna start out I'm gonna

55:47

start out with blood squirting out

55:49

of my eyes and then we'll

55:51

go from there. We'll see what

55:53

we need to do. I do

55:56

want to say like a positive

55:58

thing I really went through the

56:00

five stages of grief about this

56:02

gastric brooding frog. Yeah. You told

56:05

me about it. I was like

56:07

this is horrific because I don't

56:09

like thinking about extinct animals because

56:11

it makes me so sad. But

56:14

Australian scientists in 2013, according to

56:16

Wikipedia, created a living embryo from

56:18

non-living preserved genetic material. And then

56:21

from the University of Newcastle, they've

56:23

also successfully frees and thawed totipotent

56:25

amphibian embryonic cells. So they have

56:27

a proof of concept for threatened

56:30

amphibians. Yeah, do you think she's

56:32

in attempts. But here's the thing,

56:34

if we don't have the same

56:36

people that are trying to get

56:39

rid of scientific funding, and so

56:41

we can't just automatically bring species

56:43

back to life, all of, I

56:46

feel like all of the attempts,

56:48

people who are. I believe in

56:50

climate change, people who are trying

56:52

to save the animals, people are

56:55

trying to save people in parks,

56:57

like they're all on like a

56:59

certain side of the spectrum of

57:01

politics and they all like are

57:04

working together and not trying to,

57:06

you know, like you can't just

57:08

assume that scientists are going to

57:10

bring back extinct species because the

57:13

same people that are working against

57:15

park rangers are working against them.

57:17

So yeah, no, it's yeah, it's

57:20

and you know, like if you

57:22

have sort of like these samples,

57:24

right, like that's one of the

57:26

thing that's scary about like a

57:29

sudden loss in funding is like,

57:31

well, where are you storing these

57:33

like samples or these embryos and

57:35

stuff like well, they're, they have

57:38

to be preserved and stored. And

57:40

so if you suddenly like pull

57:42

the plug on some research, like

57:45

things can just get destroyed to

57:47

the point where you can. Yeah,

57:49

absolutely. Send a picture of that

57:51

poor little tortilla sauce covered ringtail

57:54

cat to your senator today. Um,

57:56

so before we go, let's play

57:58

a little game to, you know,

58:00

let's add on a positive note,

58:03

which is that animals sound fun.

58:05

We're gonna play a little game

58:07

called Guess Who Squak and the

58:09

mystery animal. sound game every week

58:12

I play mystery animal sound and

58:14

you the listener you the guess

58:16

try to guess who is making

58:19

that sound last week's mystery animal

58:21

sound the hint was this don't

58:23

stick your head in the sand

58:25

for this one Pooting? That is

58:28

a really interesting guess. And you

58:30

are on the right track because

58:32

this is a bird. But this

58:34

is actually an ostrich. Oh my

58:37

gosh! Yeah. Congratulations to Aaron Kay

58:39

and Mary D for guessing correctly.

58:41

This is a male ostrich booming.

58:44

Male ostriches. Three booms! like that

58:46

tic-tac guy three booms i give

58:48

that five booms that guy the

58:50

rizzler what is it i don't

58:53

know i'm not on tic-tac enough

58:55

to know this but i barely

58:57

i know it from like memes

58:59

on other social me but this

59:02

but this is a male ostrich

59:04

booming male ostriches make this sound

59:06

to stick out their territory or

59:09

to try to attract the ladies

59:11

and don't lie to me listening

59:13

to this you're a little bit

59:15

interested right like oh yeah that

59:18

sounds like a hot and sexy

59:20

ostrich If the female is impressed,

59:22

the male might have a chance

59:24

to offer a mating dance where

59:27

he flutters his beautiful fluffy feathers

59:29

around like a burlesque dancer, and

59:31

if she's impressed, she will allow

59:33

him to mate with her. So,

59:36

you know, ostriches. Really? Just went

59:38

to the living desert zoo in

59:40

Palm Desert and I got to

59:43

feed giraffes and it was like

59:45

a holistic experience for me and

59:47

then we saw them running first

59:49

of all giraffes run like they're

59:52

in slow motion like the whole

59:54

time like it's not slowed down

59:56

at all they just like run

59:58

like that. And then also I

1:00:01

think they were like, it looked

1:00:03

like ostriches from afar in the

1:00:05

same little area as the giraffe

1:00:08

and it was really cool to

1:00:10

see them like be in the

1:00:12

same spot and like interact. It

1:00:14

was I've long neck squad. Yeah,

1:00:17

long neck. Long neck. Long neck.

1:00:19

I've rise up. All right. On

1:00:21

to this week's Mr. Ann will

1:00:23

sound the hinted this. Some people

1:00:26

just have a prickly personality. Okay,

1:00:30

I think I know it from

1:00:32

context closed. Yeah, what do you

1:00:34

think? You're absolutely correct. But, yes,

1:00:36

I will, I will quack out

1:00:38

the correct answer, but everyone will

1:00:40

know. Polavie was right. Yay! You

1:00:42

win the satisfaction of knowing that

1:00:44

you are one with Mother Nature.

1:00:46

Yes, fantastic guess. Absolutely correct. If

1:00:48

you think you know who's making

1:00:50

that sound, you can write to

1:00:52

me at creature feature pot@gmail.com. Also

1:00:54

if you are or know Park

1:00:57

Rangers and you want to share

1:00:59

your stories, also get in touch

1:01:01

with me there. Creature feature pot@gmail.com.

1:01:03

Polovey, thank you so much for

1:01:05

joining me to get to this.

1:01:07

Joining me today, where can people

1:01:09

find you? I'm at Pala Vegan

1:01:11

Island P-A-L-L-A-L-A-G-I-G-N-I-G-N-I-G-N-A-L-A-G-N-A-A-A-A-N-A-A-N-A-A-A-A-I wish I had just

1:01:13

gotten Katie. I won't in there.

1:01:15

I wish I had just gotten

1:01:17

Katie. I won Katie. I won't

1:01:19

in there. I run with my

1:01:21

friend, a show with my friend,

1:01:23

a show at the show at

1:01:25

the show at the show at

1:01:27

the show at the show at

1:01:29

the show at the show at

1:01:31

the show at the show at

1:01:33

the show at the show at

1:01:35

the show at the show at

1:01:37

the comedy store, a show at

1:01:39

the comedy store called, a show

1:01:41

at the comedy store, a show,

1:01:43

a show, a show, a show,

1:01:45

a show, a show, a, a,

1:01:47

a, a, a, a, a, a,

1:01:49

a, a, a, a, a, Like

1:01:51

I really need you guys to

1:01:53

follow me on social media and

1:01:55

like come to my shows because

1:01:57

I am unemployed okay like many

1:01:59

park rangers right now and I

1:02:01

am trying to tour and so

1:02:04

I'm going to like Portland I'm

1:02:06

gonna go to SF I'm going

1:02:08

to text it like I'm trying

1:02:10

to tour I have two dogs

1:02:12

okay dog sitting is expensive you

1:02:14

guys are animal lovers please sponsor

1:02:16

my dogs okay so come to

1:02:18

shows pay me money help me

1:02:20

do this professional like put take

1:02:22

the most pathetic photo of your

1:02:24

dogs as you can of them

1:02:26

looking so sad. Picture of me

1:02:28

wet in after being in a

1:02:30

tortilla grease. First she got to

1:02:32

find a tortilla factory. Get stuck

1:02:34

in a grease. I'm constantly around

1:02:36

a grease tube and then get

1:02:38

rescued and then start like be

1:02:40

like come to my comedy show.

1:02:42

Otherwise I have to resort to

1:02:44

licking tortilla grease out of a

1:02:46

tube. 100% that's already me right

1:02:48

now. So I'm going to post

1:02:50

that picture. If you want to

1:02:52

save Polivie from a fate of

1:02:54

being stuck in tortilla factory grease

1:02:56

tubes, go to her shows. Check

1:02:58

her out. Hell yeah. Thank you

1:03:00

guys so much for listening if

1:03:02

you're enjoying the show and you

1:03:04

leave a rating or review. That

1:03:06

tangibly helps me. Thanks to the

1:03:09

Space Cost Explorer. There's super awesome

1:03:11

song. Exillumina creature features a production

1:03:13

of I Heart Radio. I'll

1:03:15

do that again. Creature features a

1:03:17

production of I Heart Radio for

1:03:20

more podcasts like the one you

1:03:22

just heard visit the I Heart

1:03:24

Radio Apple podcast or hey guess

1:03:26

what wherever you listen to your

1:03:28

favorite shows I can't tell you

1:03:31

what to do I'm not your

1:03:33

mother but do try not to

1:03:35

get stuck in a tortilla factory

1:03:37

grease pipe it's you will have

1:03:39

to get so many baths so

1:03:41

many baths. All right guys see

1:03:44

you next Wednesday You

1:05:05

have everything you need to push the limits

1:05:07

and bring your ideas to life faster.

1:05:09

And with security, compliance, and responsible

1:05:11

AI built in, you can focus

1:05:13

on what matters most. Building the

1:05:15

Next Big Thing. Learn more at developer

1:05:18

dot Microsoft com slash AI. a