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in stores may be charged non-refundable

1:01

activation fees. Hello. Zamid here.

1:03

Idiot in charge and terrible D&D player,

1:06

speaking directly in your ear to tell

1:08

you that we made a board game

1:10

based on the Jared's outpost campaign and

1:12

it's almost here. To coincide with the

1:14

Jared's Outpost board game launching soon on

1:16

Kickstarter, we hired sound engineer Sean Allen

1:18

to take a look at the original

1:20

Jared's Outpost podcast and to see if

1:22

he could make it better. The original

1:25

audio was split over two seasons, had

1:27

different length episodes, and was recorded with

1:29

an oscillating fan in the room because

1:31

it was hot at the time, and

1:33

we are very stupid. We really didn't make

1:35

it easy for him. Jarin's Outpost has

1:37

been remastered, abridged and enhanced with sound

1:40

effects and soundscapes to offer a truly

1:42

unique experience to one of our more

1:44

beloved campaigns. Best listened with headphones and

1:47

if you haven't already head on over

1:49

to the Jarin's Outpost Kickstarter and give

1:51

us a follow to be notified when

1:53

we launch. We're releasing these episodes weekly

1:56

but if you want to listen to

1:58

the whole remastered campaign... and help your

2:00

favorite D&D podcast pay off those

2:02

debts that this board game has

2:04

cost us, just head to our

2:07

website, sanspans radio.com, and you can

2:09

purchase the enhanced edition of Jared's

2:11

Outpost as a digital download. It

2:13

also includes a few extra tracks,

2:15

like the ballot of Greg Biss.

2:17

Now, without further ado, here's the

2:19

enhanced edition of Jared's Outpost. Jaren's

2:27

outpost is a bustling city

2:29

located in the nation of

2:31

Goldcrest. A nation that nobody

2:34

cared about until the king

2:36

was slain by a bunch

2:38

of adventurers. Unfortunately, adventurers did

2:40

what adventurers do, and they

2:42

didn't think of the consequences,

2:45

killing a powerful tyrant, and

2:47

they promptly left the citizens

2:49

a Goldcrest to figure it

2:51

out for themselves. For now,

2:53

Jaren's outpost is a melting

2:56

pot of religions, criminals, politics,

2:58

and paranoia, with everyone keeping

3:00

everyone else in check. But

3:02

all that's about to change.

3:04

Welcome to the enhanced edition

3:07

of Jared's outpost. It's been

3:09

nearly five years to the

3:11

day now, since a massive

3:13

uprising swept the nation of

3:15

Goldcrest. The king of Goldcrest

3:18

ruled his kingdom with an

3:20

iron fist. killing any who

3:22

opposed him and imprisoning the

3:24

rest, either in actual jails

3:26

or just within the country

3:29

itself, not allowing his people

3:31

free travel. But at party

3:33

of adventurous, traveled to the

3:35

capital Goldcrest, Goldcrest, and killed

3:37

the king of Goldcrest, King

3:40

Goldcrest. That's just right. During

3:42

the riots and the violence

3:44

of the uprising, The gnomes

3:46

in the city of Jown's

3:48

outpost within the nation of

3:51

Goldcrest busted out a new

3:53

and terrifying weapon that they

3:55

had been working on but

3:57

never used. You all heard

3:59

that it... a hundred people

4:02

in less than five minutes.

4:04

After that initial mass

4:06

riot, no one saw

4:08

the weapon again. The

4:10

gnomes dismantled it and

4:12

packed it away. It

4:14

having served its purpose

4:16

of protecting them and

4:18

their, um, stop. After

4:24

the, shall we say,

4:26

assassination of the king,

4:28

things did not immediately

4:31

become better. mercenary companies,

4:33

under the supervision of

4:35

the adventurers, began the

4:37

slow transition of Goldcrest

4:39

from a dictatorship to

4:41

a more diplomatic country.

4:43

But the adventurers, as

4:45

adventurers are one to

4:48

do, left. And mercenary

4:50

companies, understanding that there

4:52

was more money in

4:54

overtaxing a population, simply

4:57

settled in at the

4:59

position that the king

5:01

once held. When mercenaries

5:03

began consolidating their findings

5:06

after the adventurous stopped

5:08

supervising them, Jan's outpost

5:10

was deemed not worth

5:12

the time. So it became a

5:15

kind of lawless wasteland. And

5:18

in that chaos, a band

5:20

of orcs landed at John's

5:22

outpost, seizing the docks, and

5:24

beginning an awful campaign against

5:26

the rest of the city.

5:28

One of the first things

5:30

they did was steal the

5:32

weapon that the gnomes had

5:34

created. But because the gnomes

5:36

had dismantled the weapon, and

5:38

orcs are not very smart.

5:40

They have yet to be

5:43

able to harness the power

5:45

of whatever this forceful device

5:47

is. Leo, Leo Shatter. You came

5:49

at first to liberate Jan's

5:51

outpost from the black hand. Yeah,

5:53

they were stomping over a little

5:56

guy and I'm a little guy.

5:58

The mercenary group who were... stomping

6:00

on the little guy. I'm a hardly.

6:02

I was implied. That was

6:05

during the period where the

6:07

adventurers were still supervising the

6:09

mercenaries. So Jan's outpost had

6:11

some if poor law to

6:13

it. When you came to Jan's

6:15

outpost, however, it quickly became

6:18

apparent that while the black

6:20

hands were not great, some law is

6:22

better than no law. So you kind

6:24

of just assimilated into Dan's

6:26

outpost. You found work in

6:28

Little Teagalai? Yeah, Halfling Quarter.

6:31

Teagalai is where they come

6:33

from. Hey! So does it

6:35

get like a so-ho abbreviation?

6:37

Is it called Light Eye

6:39

or something like that? Yeah,

6:41

I'm from Light-Eye. So Little

6:43

Teagalai is run by the

6:45

Halfling families. The Harflang families

6:48

might as well be Marfio

6:50

So family. Yes. Straight up?

6:52

Yes. Literally moved into Little

6:54

Italy or Little Sicily and

6:56

joined the Marfia. You found that

6:58

it was easier to assimilate with

7:01

your own kind than with

7:03

the rest of the city

7:05

who tend to kind of rightly

7:07

have prejudices against Harflings. Not fair.

7:10

Your thieves. We are. Well,

7:12

specifically you work for the

7:14

Little Lo family. Little Low? Yeah,

7:16

little low. Run by Papa Little.

7:18

Oh, wait, wait, wait. Oh,

7:21

little. I need like cotton

7:23

balls. Yeah, I need cotton

7:25

balls. Yeah, I need cotton

7:27

balls to stuff in my

7:29

mouth. I put a good.

7:31

By day, you work in

7:33

their restaurant as a waiter.

7:35

That is good. By night, you

7:37

go round the back, they roll

7:40

out a top, you cast the

7:42

grease spell upon the top, they

7:44

apply a no-mish salve that makes

7:47

the grease spell last longer

7:49

than a round, I think it

7:51

lasts, and then you squeeze

7:54

it into bottles and sell

7:56

it as little low premium

7:58

olive oil. a grip it

8:00

actually is like good oil legitimate industry

8:02

that's legitimate business right there you started

8:05

this simply because the black hand they

8:07

were just imposing so many tax rates

8:09

on this sort of stuff so you

8:11

avoided tax by avoiding a paper trail

8:14

you just have a grease like a

8:16

snail like a snail so I can

8:18

only cost certain amount of like magic

8:20

in a day so I have to

8:22

like hold out oh yeah or else

8:25

Lilo is going to be mad at

8:27

me. But for Lido. Lilo. Can I

8:29

call him Lilo? No, you're not

8:31

that friendly with your face. But

8:34

like Lilo from Lai, come on.

8:36

You are not that friendly with

8:38

him. His son calls him Papa

8:40

Little O. His wife calls him

8:42

Papa Little. And his grandfather also

8:45

calls him Papa Little. What his

8:47

wife calls him behind closed doors

8:49

is none of your business. And

8:51

you're going to wake up with

8:54

a fucking owl bear head next

8:56

to you. I like that especially

8:58

because horses exist. You were once

9:00

a member of a very prestigious

9:03

thieves guild known as the Shadow.

9:05

They currently want you dead. But the

9:07

fact that you were once a member

9:09

is kind of still a big deal.

9:11

And that's probably why you

9:14

got the job with the

9:16

Little Lo Family. They've respected

9:18

your passion. Now, you're in

9:20

a little bit of a

9:22

pickle right now. Oh, Jesus.

9:24

A couple weeks in a

9:26

little-o bit of a pickle?

9:29

It's quite a big little

9:31

pickle. Papa Littleo personally called

9:33

you into his office and

9:35

that's like a big deal.

9:37

You spoken with Papa Littleo

9:39

maybe four times. He called

9:41

you in to tell you... Theo. I

9:43

need something from you. Yes. You

9:46

was a member of the

9:48

shadow. The assassins and thieves

9:50

killed. Yes. In a way, yes. Yes.

9:52

You have experience. Do they

9:54

know that I like got kicked out?

9:56

It's probably a little bit of a

9:58

secret that you're... I was in

10:01

the shadow. But like, maybe they

10:03

know. You don't know a hundred

10:05

percent. I keep it very vague.

10:07

Like I said, that you were

10:10

in it all is kind of

10:12

a big deal. I've been

10:14

thinking on this for quite some

10:16

time now. The orcs, they

10:18

represent a chaos I

10:20

cannot abide by in my town.

10:22

I want you to steal or

10:25

destroy whatever it is

10:27

they have, this gnomish weapon.

10:29

Okay, little, little, little, no, I

10:31

do not, little, I, Papa, little, Papa,

10:34

Little, I do not care how it

10:36

gets, I do not care how

10:38

it gets done. Only that it is

10:40

done. Yes, yes, Papa, I will,

10:43

I will do this thing.

10:45

Do I kiss his rings?

10:47

Is that the, is that

10:49

the... He reaches out with

10:51

his hand with a ring

10:53

of protection. They say this

10:55

ring of protection. Office me

10:58

a plus five AC! But

11:00

kissing it technically offers you

11:02

plus five AC! Thank you,

11:04

little little little luck. Out

11:06

of my office. Publicly. I

11:08

scurrier. All right. Sorry. For

11:10

a copyright reason, we obviously

11:12

can't play the Marfia sound

11:15

cat. But like, I'm imagining

11:17

you walking out. Dressed as

11:19

like a old-fashioned newsboy? You

11:21

can hear about a half

11:23

point? I imagine like still

11:25

in wait a year? You

11:27

walk out the back of

11:30

the restaurant. Maybe to have

11:32

a smoke? Because fuck that

11:34

was stressful. Pull on those

11:36

nerves, people! Yep, down there.

11:38

Out of nowhere. You get

11:40

grabbed by two thugs. And

11:42

thrown into the back of

11:45

the cabbage. What kind of

11:47

a day is this for

11:49

you. By the time that

11:51

you get your bearings, another

11:53

halfling has a knife at

11:55

your throat and you're looking

11:57

across the carriage at Papa

11:59

Quiet knife. A quiet knife.

12:01

Do I know him? Papa Quiet knife

12:03

is the patriarch of the Quiet Knight

12:05

family. You don't know him very well,

12:07

you know him more by name than

12:09

anything else. But I recognize that it

12:11

is Papa Quiet knife? You don't really

12:13

recognize his face, you recognize the methods.

12:15

So there are three big families in,

12:17

well, Little Teagalive, but also Jan's outpost.

12:19

I like that you guys are... We're

12:22

taking notes or just drawing doodles. Taking

12:24

notes, I need some of the half-ling

12:26

families. Surprisingly, Jackson is also taking notes.

12:28

He's not just drawing sausage man or

12:30

whatever. The big families are the Little

12:32

Low family, which is the smallest

12:34

family, but the oldest family, and

12:36

it commands the most respect. There's

12:39

the Shorefoot family. The Shorefoot family

12:41

is the biggest one, but the

12:43

youngest. They don't have a lot

12:45

of respect. Okay. It's all

12:47

about respect. And the

12:50

Quiet Night family is

12:52

the strongest family, but

12:54

the violentest family. They're

12:56

the ones most in

12:58

trouble with the law, the

13:01

most consistently, because they just

13:03

like every punishment is

13:05

a Colombian nectar. Sorry,

13:07

um, orchish nectar. So

13:09

you recognize this family,

13:11

you recognize who you're

13:13

sitting across from, and

13:15

which family you're dealing

13:17

with, simply because of

13:19

the methods that they grabbed you.

13:22

All right. And also, one of

13:24

the thugs who grabbed you was

13:27

a half-walk. None of the other

13:29

families employ walks of any type.

13:31

Hello, quiet night. No quiet, yet

13:34

quiet nights. Good. I understand that

13:36

you are... Once were part of

13:38

the shadow. Yes, totally once was,

13:41

yep, that was me. As you,

13:43

in your carriage, go around the

13:46

block once. And the quiet knife

13:48

asks you to retrieve for him

13:50

the no-mish weapon. Oh, you're

13:53

in quite a pickle buddy.

13:55

And if you tell Papa

13:58

Littler, I will, well. Let

14:00

us say acquaint you with the

14:02

orchish way of dressing. Gotcha, you

14:05

want it? You want it? You

14:07

want it? You want it? For

14:09

myself. All right, yep. Mm-hmm. They

14:12

pull up at the restaurant and

14:14

shove you at the carriage. They

14:16

do not slow down. Sorry, I

14:19

say they pull up. They do

14:21

not slow. I want to scramble.

14:24

Hopefully at the exact same spot

14:26

so I can scramble for my

14:28

drop cigarette. You grab your, you're

14:31

still litig around and take a

14:33

lot of puffs very quickly. Well,

14:35

one wants it destroyed. One

14:37

wants it. There's an out.

14:40

There's an immediate out. Greg

14:44

Pierce. Yeah, right? You're a

14:46

low-life. That's him, Tom. What's

14:49

your character's name? Perry

14:51

Winkle, a rock. All right,

14:53

Perry Winkle? Way back, before

14:56

the black hand came into

14:58

the picture. You were a member

15:00

of the town guard. Yeah. Quite

15:03

a respected member of the town

15:05

guard, to be honest. People knew

15:07

that if they needed a problem

15:09

sold. and they didn't care how

15:12

it got sold, they could come

15:14

to you. You're a good cop,

15:16

but you do bad things. It's,

15:18

but I've got tattered on my

15:21

back. In August, obviously. Yeah. Out

15:23

of the entire town guard, you

15:25

were one of like a handful

15:27

that the black hands didn't try

15:29

to hire, and that's simply because

15:32

people knew, Jared's outpost is where

15:34

you have roots. As a half-hawk,

15:36

it's hard. You're always fighting uphill

15:39

against the prejudices of the people.

15:41

But in Sharon's outpost, you command

15:43

a bit of respect. Especially among

15:45

the town militia, which was once

15:48

the town guard, because they're your

15:50

mates. You saved their lives, they

15:52

saved your life. You're like tight,

15:55

man. Yeah, we played poker and

15:57

stuff. No one sheets. Your half-hawk

15:59

also... wife, Gragia, has been

16:01

berating you for the last

16:03

fortnight. Every night when

16:05

you come home from helping

16:08

however you can at

16:10

the Town Moesha, she

16:12

will not shut up. This gnomish weapon

16:14

it is going to destroy this

16:16

town, can't have it out here. It's

16:18

just the worst. And maybe every

16:20

night you're like, well, what should I

16:22

do about it? Jesus

16:24

Christ woman! have

16:30

and she tells you, give it

16:32

to the church. They'll

16:35

know what to do with

16:37

it. You and your god

16:39

damn church. We're there every

16:41

Sunday. This

16:44

is where we have our roots. We

16:46

can't have some gnomish super weapon

16:48

floating around here. And

16:50

you found out a couple days

16:53

ago your two little girls were being

16:55

bullied at school. Oh no. Instead

16:57

of coming to you they went to

16:59

your mum, their Nan, and asked

17:01

her for help first. For someone

17:03

who was like the go to

17:05

guy, that was very emasculating. Why

17:07

would they go to there? I

17:09

don't know what like the non -requivalent

17:12

of an orc? Why would they

17:14

go to the knock rock instead

17:16

of me? You're knock knock and

17:18

you're pack pack. Come

17:20

and see it on the pack pack lap.

17:22

I like that you've got because you're a half

17:24

orc, you've got Nan and Pop and you've

17:26

got knock knock and back. We're

17:30

going to your grandparents. They went to

17:32

knock knock instead of me. Actually,

17:34

the little niggle that you got in

17:36

your head is that if you were able

17:38

to get the gnomish super weapon back

17:40

to the gnomes, the gnomish kingdom

17:42

has a lot of power and a lot

17:44

of sway, but they never throw it

17:47

around. The town has been warring at

17:49

each other constantly. And if

17:51

you could get the gnomes to help

17:53

you fix up the problems around the town,

17:55

everything could go back to normal. You

17:57

would actually be the hero of the town.

18:00

My kids would stop going to

18:02

knock knock for advice. But if you

18:04

got the Nomura Superweapon and didn't

18:06

give it to the town militia,

18:08

your mates would be like, what's

18:10

that about, man? You could have

18:12

helped us out. I thought we

18:14

were close. Oh, close. Your mates,

18:16

your wife, or your pride. My

18:19

kids. Lafamil.

18:22

I like it. Lafamil. You're

18:24

fighting for Lafamil. I've got to

18:26

go talk to my knock

18:29

knock. Knock knock.

18:31

Just imagine like your aunt, grandpa,

18:33

like fishing somewhere and you're like both

18:35

fishing together. You're like, I need

18:37

some advice. Pack pack. I

18:40

believe that knock knock and pack pack would

18:42

also only speak orcish. Oh, yeah. They would like

18:44

float in and out of the English. I

18:47

like the idea of them being mad that you haven't

18:49

taught your daughters orcish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because my

18:51

wife doesn't want them to know it. It's

18:54

like. The language of

18:56

their home country. Yeah, she just thinks

18:58

that they'd fit better, you know, fit in

19:00

more at school if they were. Hang

19:02

on, I you, it just occurred to me.

19:04

So if you and your wife are both half

19:06

-orc, so how do you have one set

19:09

of human parents and one sort of orphan

19:11

parents? I would have. You'd have one of

19:13

each. You would have a knock knock and

19:15

a papa. Yeah, yeah, you'd have a knock

19:17

knock and a papa. Knock knock and poppy.

19:19

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to fit, which means no more

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crossing your fingers and hoping you

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ordered the right thing. All the

20:50

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20:55

eBay. Things people, people, love. So

21:00

where the fuck was I? Basically I'm

21:02

gonna get the thing back and see

21:04

the town, the church, or my mates.

21:06

If you don't give it to the

21:09

church, your wife or you will not

21:11

hear the end of it. If you

21:13

don't give it to your mates, or

21:15

you will not hear the end of

21:17

it. If you don't give it to

21:19

your mates, or you will not hear

21:21

the end of it. If you don't

21:23

think that I can help them fix

21:26

their problems. Knock, knock, knock. You probably

21:28

went around your parents place sitting there

21:30

at this table with like these all

21:33

these little doilies, but they're kind of

21:35

sewn. Yeah. So maybe they're a little

21:37

threadbare and the, the pat, it's not

21:40

a pattern, but like the war history

21:42

of your mother's. Yeah, yeah. That's so

21:44

good measure knitting that. Sit in a

21:46

big jacket. You really captured thug off

21:49

the beheader. That wax knitting thing. In

21:51

my head, like, you know, knock, she's

21:53

the boss. And like puppies in the

21:56

background cooking. Yeah, I mean. And he's

21:58

like a really thin weedy guy. I

22:00

like to imagine he grows to

22:02

me. Yeah, I imagine him having

22:04

like a veggie patch out at

22:06

the back and he's like quite

22:08

timid and just like, no, that's

22:10

true. Always, always. No matter what

22:12

kind of climate it is. Finally,

22:15

Greg pierced the low life.

22:17

Yeah, that's neat. Going back

22:19

to the halfling families just

22:21

briefly, you're in a lot

22:23

of debt. A lot of

22:25

debt to a lot of

22:27

bad people. How deep mow

22:29

with the halfling? Well. There's

22:31

a list, right? You decided

22:33

that probably the best way

22:35

to solve some of your

22:37

gambling deaths, there is the

22:39

daughter of a very wealthy

22:41

merchant. Yeah. She's kind of

22:43

pretty as well. You probably

22:45

picked her because she was

22:47

kind of pretty. Yeah. Yeah,

22:49

right, right. You decided that

22:51

you're gonna marry Rich. Best

22:53

move in the game. And

22:55

let's move in again. bongling

22:57

but also lying pretty well

22:59

you were able to actually

23:01

organize a date with her

23:03

yeah you were like sitting

23:05

a little ways outside of

23:07

Jared's out post just like

23:09

in an under the shade

23:12

of a nice tree you

23:14

roll out a little mat or

23:16

something like that having a picnic

23:18

turn it on the charm and

23:21

you start chatting her up but

23:23

the only fucking thing on her

23:25

mind that she will talk about

23:28

is a militant religious group that

23:30

are one of the factions that

23:32

have taken up in the city

23:35

known as the sabers. I feel

23:37

real interesting though, yeah, okay. The

23:39

sabers follow the teachings of a

23:42

goddess known as Lady Willow, who

23:44

in all things exercises a certain

23:47

level of militancy. and adhering to

23:49

rigorous religious standing. So there are a

23:51

new kind of religion, at least to

23:53

Jang's outpost. It's only since this chaos

23:56

has kind of erupted that the sabers

23:58

have been able to... to actually

24:00

secure a part of the city

24:02

for themselves. And with all

24:05

the crime and everything going to

24:07

shit, people are like, yeah, a

24:09

little bit of military religion is

24:11

what we need. And this religion

24:13

has grabbed a large part of

24:15

the city. Why, yeah, yeah. Specifically

24:17

this girl. Laura. Is this the

24:19

same religion that my wife tapes

24:21

taking me to church to or

24:23

are we just a different church?

24:25

No, that's the old religion. Holmes

24:27

and Penia. Yeah, cool, cool. I

24:29

didn't know then. I'm a vet

24:32

because I don't care about it.

24:34

The teachings of Nomes and Pena,

24:36

who your wife and by extension

24:38

a lot of the people you

24:40

go bowling with, follow, is very

24:42

peaceful, like a spiritual religion. A

24:44

bit Buddhist. Yes. Whereas Lady Willow

24:46

and the Sabres by extension, exercise

24:48

more of a like, if you

24:50

want God's will in the world,

24:52

you gotta cut some heads off.

24:54

Right. Solid dogmatic and... Can't make

24:56

an omelet without verding a few

24:58

chickens. There's not a lot of

25:00

bending as it goes. Yeah, but

25:03

I'm with you. I've heard that

25:05

saying before, yes. Then the less,

25:07

the date goes very well. Oh,

25:09

cool. That's like a dragpist char.

25:12

You float the idea back that

25:14

if you were to convert to

25:16

Lady Ewello. Right, yeah. She would

25:18

be more receptive. Oh, like she

25:21

certainly tells you, with no uncertain

25:23

terms, that if you are not of

25:25

Lady Willow, of that religion... She

25:27

would never marry someone like you.

25:29

Yeah, but I understood course, darling.

25:31

With this information, you went to

25:33

try and get converted because, as

25:35

if you fucking. Hello. I love

25:37

your religion. I'm down for Lady

25:39

Willow. The Paladins? Get them good.

25:41

Why have us happening? Yep. The

25:43

Paladins there saw through you in

25:45

a fucking instant. But they saw

25:47

a man who knows this town

25:50

a lot better than they do.

25:52

They have not been here for

25:54

very long. And Greg Pierce

25:56

has a reputation for being

25:58

a part of Janza. and

26:00

Janin's outpost being a

26:02

part of Greg Piss. Everyone,

26:05

everyone in town knows Greg

26:07

Piss. If not by reputation,

26:10

then in the very

26:12

intimate and carnal sense,

26:14

goes Craig Piss. You

26:16

either know me by

26:18

reputation or biblically. Sometimes.

26:20

One leads to the

26:22

other. You were brought

26:24

before Halladin Commander? Evelyn

26:26

Plain, she's the leader

26:28

of the Sabres, at

26:30

least in Giants Art Post,

26:32

a very strict and sometimes

26:35

brutal woman. They kind of

26:37

interrogated you. About why you

26:39

wanted to join. Maybe they didn't

26:41

necessarily get the full story, but they

26:43

certainly got a part of it. And

26:45

they don't care about some merchant's daughter.

26:48

What they care about? The Nomish weapon.

26:50

get it for an art bit. The

26:52

weapon has, you were told, too much

26:55

power to be allowed into the hands

26:57

of anyone except the sappers. You guys

26:59

will do it right, won't you? If

27:01

you can bring them the weapon... They

27:04

will pretend that you are part of

27:06

their religion, so that you can marry

27:08

their merchant's daughter, so you can pay

27:11

off your gambling debts. That's relatively

27:13

few steps, to be honest. Consider

27:15

me. You left the district controlled

27:17

by the Sabres on Cloud 9.

27:19

Happy is a fucking glam. I

27:21

can do that in a wait.

27:23

And away from group for, really.

27:25

You were so pleased and excited

27:27

with yourself that you decided that

27:30

you decided that you're going to

27:32

shock up with a lady of...

27:34

the street. Oh yeah, a calmly

27:36

stromper. But you're not going to

27:38

pay her a god damn. And

27:40

you know what? The first

27:42

street walker you proposition

27:45

was very receptive. You're

27:47

having an amazing day.

27:49

Yeah. Except after the

27:51

first drink with her.

27:53

Fall unconscious. Oh fuck.

27:55

And wake up somewhere dark

27:58

and unpleasant. Men

28:00

and women in awful black

28:03

robes with arcane symbols scrawled

28:05

across them are standing around

28:07

you chained to a table.

28:10

Yeah. All right. Is this

28:12

a deluxe package that it

28:15

pays for? A ritual is

28:17

conducted. Right. Through the sounds

28:20

of chanting, a goat is

28:22

slaughtered and its blood is

28:25

seared upon you. As the

28:27

ghost squad touches your skin,

28:29

it burns. And tattoos your

28:32

skin. They conclude the ceremony

28:34

in Juno Draconic, the language.

28:36

I don't. They include the

28:39

ceremony in Draconic. Excuse me?

28:41

And their final words in

28:43

the ceremony in common are

28:45

and bind his soul. Soul!

28:47

What? Why did you just...

28:49

That was the only thing

28:52

I understood. To what? To

28:54

what? Please don't be the

28:56

goat. Please don't be the

28:58

goat. Please don't be the

29:00

goat. Maybe in your still

29:02

kind of groggy mind, it

29:05

vaguely occurs to you that

29:07

these people are probably the

29:09

blood cult that owns a

29:11

section of the city. Oh

29:13

no. The mystic order of the

29:15

holy blood. These, shall we say,

29:17

priests of a long dead god,

29:19

believe that they can bring their

29:22

god back to life? by sacrificing

29:24

enough blood to him. They

29:26

sacrifice their own blood and very

29:28

often the blood of others. Right,

29:30

right. Lucky it was just a

29:32

goat. Better than me. Your soul

29:35

has just been found or something

29:37

that you don't know. Yeah, but

29:39

I could have had my blood

29:41

taken. Frankly, this is a win.

29:43

One of the cultists holds up

29:45

a profane looking holy symbol. And

29:47

when he holds it up... You

29:49

feel an icy coldness in your

29:52

heart as if the warmth were

29:54

leaving you. And then you feel

29:56

the warmth. Leave your body

29:58

and bind itself. to the

30:00

holy symbol. Or the unholy

30:02

symbol, if you will. Yeah.

30:04

You can feel warmth that

30:06

was once you, but is

30:08

now the holy symbol. Why?

30:10

This is an odd wait.

30:12

The cultist pulls back his

30:14

hood. And you recognize Ralph

30:16

Moroni? Ralph Moroni is a

30:18

local lord. Or he wants...

30:20

Wow! Are you a part

30:23

of the blood cult? I

30:25

am father Moroni. I'm father

30:27

Ralph, thank you very much.

30:29

Mr Ralph Father. Father Moroni

30:31

of the blood cult. Right.

30:33

Twist. We will be making

30:35

a sacrifice and you will

30:37

be helping us. Yeah. All

30:39

right, not of me, yeah?

30:41

Not if you can get

30:43

us. The Nomish weapon! Oh

30:45

boy, would you believe what

30:47

I'm going to second person

30:49

today? It was told, and

30:51

I myself saw with my

30:53

own two eyes, that the

30:55

Nomish weapon bled the streets.

30:57

The streets ran so red

30:59

with blood it was seen

31:01

deep within the sewers. He

31:03

gestures around you. And you

31:05

notice that you are in

31:07

the sewers of Jared's outpost.

31:09

All right, all right, okay.

31:11

Well we wish to bleed

31:13

this town dry. Would that

31:15

be enough blub? Perhaps. Insecure

31:17

us, the no-mish weapon, and

31:19

you may have your soul

31:21

packed. Yeah. Well, I was

31:23

going to choose when you

31:25

did you saw it. And

31:27

turn you look back in

31:29

the streets. In the st-

31:32

Oh, good. I think you're

31:34

going to be like into

31:36

the sewers. Good luck, Greg.

31:38

So, Greg, Greg, piss. Either

31:40

pay your debts, and don't

31:42

die. Or get your soul

31:44

back. It's your choice. Right.

31:46

A bit of a conundrum.

31:48

That's a thinker. Independently, all

31:50

three of you decide that

31:52

tonight is the night. After

31:54

some planning, you're going to

31:56

steal away into the docks.

31:58

This is here. is that

32:00

heavily fortified docks. Now, anyone

32:02

who has been able to sneak

32:04

there, and some people have tried, sneak

32:06

their way into the docks, has not

32:08

been heard from since. The Orks

32:11

haven't made an example of

32:13

them or anything like that. They've

32:15

just kind of disappeared. Right. Well,

32:17

I can show you. So much

32:19

smarter, I'd expect they'll fly to

32:21

the front. There's the map of

32:23

the city, where divided off into

32:25

the sections that each faction owns.

32:27

Okay. Yeah, and the blood cults

32:30

go. They own a lot of

32:32

the fancy section of the city

32:34

because the entire, what do you

32:36

call them, the Lords and Ladies?

32:38

Yeah, the Gentry? Nearly the entire

32:40

tree of the Gentry. Garen's outpost

32:42

were members of this blood cult. Back in

32:44

the days when King Goldcrest was around, the

32:47

blood cult was kind of encouraged. It was

32:49

seen as a hip and cool thing to

32:51

do. So the Gentry did it. The halfling

32:53

sort of section covers pretty much just little

32:55

teagolite. The gnomes, gnomes and peneer, which is

32:57

kind of up the top, that's the slums

33:00

and the poor district, opiate of the masses

33:02

joke, if you will. I love because gnomes,

33:04

it's a religion in your world, but it's

33:06

N-O-M-E-S, but it's right next to gnomes, little

33:08

lats. The little, so teagoline, not spelled how

33:10

I imagined, but I like... Yeah, so the

33:13

sabers, the sabers, centre around, centre around a

33:15

small fort, a small fort, a small fort,

33:17

fort, fort, fort, fort, fort, fort, fort, fort,

33:19

fort, fort, fort, fort, fort, fort, fort, fort,

33:22

fort, fort, fort, fort, fort, fort, fort, fort,

33:24

fort, fort, fort, fort, fort, fort, fort, fort,

33:26

fort, fort, fort, fort, fort, fort, fort, fort,

33:28

a which was once controlled by the black

33:31

hand, and they use that as that base

33:33

of operation. The town militia occupied the most

33:35

populous part of the town, so where you

33:37

find the most people, that is not the

33:40

slums. So like the middle class area, if

33:42

you will. The blood cult owned

33:44

obviously the upper part, the part

33:46

where all the fancy people lived,

33:48

the gnomes have the warehouse area,

33:50

and the oaks control of the

33:53

docks control the docks. There's

33:55

one last section.

33:57

Roads keep is the...

34:00

The major castle of John's

34:02

outpost where Lord Damien Eaton

34:04

lived, when King Goldcrest was

34:06

in charge, Damien Eaton was

34:08

the local region. And he

34:10

ruled, Sharon's outpost, with the

34:12

same iron-handed style that King

34:14

Goldpress ruled the nation. He

34:16

was a very unpleasant and

34:18

unpopular man. When the uprising

34:20

happened, him and his loyalists

34:22

retreated back to the castle

34:24

keep, and they've been there

34:26

ever since, just quietly watching

34:28

the rest of the town.

34:31

I immediately distrust them. Well,

34:33

rightly so. Pretty much distrust

34:35

everyone. Although he was once

34:37

your employer. I immediately distrust.

34:39

You'll notice there's a wall

34:41

blocking off the dock area.

34:43

You jump that wall in

34:45

the night. All three of

34:47

you independently. The orks have

34:49

no use for a lot

34:51

of the shipments that were

34:53

coming in and out through

34:55

the docks. So things like

34:57

designer hoods, if you will,

35:00

from the elven places. nice

35:02

construction work from the dwarfs,

35:04

stuff like that. That's all

35:06

been shifted to one side,

35:08

because orcs just fucking don't

35:10

like dwarfs and elves. The

35:12

boxes are packed high. And

35:14

moving in between these boxes

35:16

to get closer and closer

35:18

to the orchish camp, the

35:20

large tribal-looking sort of string

35:22

of tents and such in

35:24

the docks, all three of

35:26

you bum into each other.

35:28

But first, maybe you wish

35:31

to yell, say something like...

35:33

What are you doing here?

35:35

But then an orchish patrol

35:37

passes very close and you

35:39

instead just decide to keep

35:41

quiet. I want to just

35:43

like shake my head and

35:45

put my arms up in

35:47

like a shrugging motion. But

35:49

I know any of them.

35:51

Out of curiosity. So everyone

35:53

knows great peace. By reputation

35:55

if not carnally. I have

35:57

a moment of thought, I'm

35:59

like, oh man, like going

36:02

through my mental roller decks

36:04

of... Uh, no, you, actually

36:06

as a member of the

36:08

town guard, you probably just

36:10

know him by reputation. I

36:12

know about reputation. Yeah, yeah.

36:14

So, Greg Piss, you would

36:16

know Perry Winkle? Yeah. Probably,

36:18

butted, yeah. So, Greg Piss,

36:20

you would know Perry Winkle?

36:22

Yeah. Probably. So, you would

36:24

know Perry Winkle. Yeah. He's

36:26

a small-time player, so you

36:28

wouldn't. So, you crouched among

36:31

some boxes. Are the orcs

36:33

still like nearby? Yeah, they've

36:35

stopped him having a conversation.

36:37

Were you with a saying?

36:39

I like the so sore.

36:41

Uh, yeah, they're comparing the

36:44

flesh of creatures. Human flash

36:46

is best. No, buffalo flesh

36:48

is best. He's not wrong.

36:50

How big do we think

36:52

the weapon is by the

36:54

way? Do I think it's

36:57

like a hand is done?

36:59

From the description, you know

37:01

it's larger than a handgun.

37:03

Actually you guys would all

37:05

be acquainted with the basics

37:07

of gunpowder weaponry by the

37:09

way. You know that gnomes

37:11

have like footlock rifles and

37:13

stuff like that. Leo, you

37:15

have heard the weapon be

37:18

described as a gatling gun.

37:20

Oh boy. All right. I'm

37:22

just going to put both

37:24

my hands up with both of

37:26

you, trying to be like, who the

37:28

fuck of both of you? What are

37:31

you doing? Say that or try to

37:33

mine? Well, I say we're fucked, don't

37:35

I? You can be overheard. I'm not

37:38

going to say you're necessarily overheard. So

37:40

how does message work exactly? So you

37:42

basically have a whispered conversation at a

37:44

distance? Probably going to be a lot

37:47

quieter than actually whispering. Okay. And then

37:49

just be like, all right, so I

37:51

guess you guys are here for the

37:54

weapon, yeah? Because I'm here for the

37:56

weapon too. Message, message. Funny because you

37:58

don't have message. It is a bit...

38:01

I don't know. I might talk out

38:03

loud and do this all. Well, you

38:05

know, he's got to mention, each of

38:07

you can describe yourselves if you want.

38:10

Imagine a guy that at first glance,

38:12

you're like, oh, a halfling, but then

38:14

you're like, wait, no, that's just a

38:16

short man. That's just a very short

38:19

fella, handsome, but like handsome from a

38:21

far, and then the closer you get,

38:23

you're like, that's an ugly handsomeness, slimness,

38:26

slimy, but not sweaty, but not sweaty,

38:28

and I'm. Right. Maybe a stash, maybe

38:30

not. Okay. I want you guys to imagine John Laguizmo. Oh,

38:32

yeah, yeah. But like, even more Italian. Okay. Okay. So that,

38:34

with like, maybe a little, little, because I want to kind

38:36

of fit in with a maf here, so I've grown a

38:39

little mustache. Mm-hmm. Like when we're in classic, little tiny thin

38:41

ones, looking good. So green cloak. And just like, kind of

38:43

like very darkish kind of like kind of like, kind of

38:45

like, kind of like, kind of like, kind of like, kind

38:47

of like, kind of like, kind of like, kind of like,

38:49

kind of like, kind of like, kind of like, kind of

38:51

like, kind of like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

38:54

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

38:56

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like Yeah,

38:58

like also like kind of like a close cropped hair.

39:00

Nice. I gave you two magical

39:02

daggers and I think a ring

39:05

of protection. Amulate I want to

39:07

say. Amulate. Oh that's right. Amulate

39:09

and natural armor. Which you got

39:11

because you were afraid of being

39:14

stabbed in the back. Not fair.

39:16

Makes sense to me. Are you

39:18

familiar with Clark Gable for man?

39:20

Yes. Clark Gable the Ork. So

39:23

an orch Clark Gable in my

39:25

really cool. Beetham's town guard armor.

39:27

Bea- What happened was, it's not

39:30

really town guard arm. In the,

39:32

um, chaos in the, like, civil

39:34

war that happened? That's fine. In

39:36

the chaos on the civil war,

39:38

Fort White was raided, which was

39:40

once, like, a place where Damien

39:43

Eaton stockpiled a lot of, like,

39:45

the nicer equipment for rainy days

39:47

and stuff like that. You were

39:49

there at the sacking of Fort

39:51

White. You saw on display this

39:53

set of armor. And you were

39:56

like, well, no one else needs

39:58

it. No, fits me. It's a

40:00

set of magical armor. Yeah, there's a

40:02

pattern on it similar to that of

40:04

a bumblebee Yeah,

40:07

boy, that's good I'm imagining you know

40:09

like some armor has you know you've got

40:11

your like your plate and then in

40:13

the connecting parts like chain mail Yeah, imagine

40:15

that chain mail looking like honeycomb and

40:17

then the plate looking like that's pretty much.

40:19

It also has a slight foz Just

40:21

in parts. Oh, yeah, I've got magic punchy

40:23

going. Let's do it. This was

40:25

part of the armor Whoever designed

40:27

this armor really liked bees By

40:30

the name of quaffling bees, sir.

40:32

I also have a familiar as well.

40:34

Oh, is it with you? I

40:36

want to say more love familiar. Yes,

40:38

I Want

40:41

to say he's like maybe perched up on

40:43

the wall keeping a bit of it like

40:45

a lookout So he's like there's ox there.

40:47

They're still there. You can hear them, but

40:49

they're still there It's a magpie by the

40:51

name of meat. I delicious That's such a

40:53

good name. I like that. I jokingly named

40:55

it that you didn't change I was gonna

40:57

call it like something like Rayburn, but

40:59

now meat pies great. It was such a

41:01

good name for a bag I'm a

41:03

magpie. I Do we want to get through

41:05

all of our magical equipment or just

41:07

like as it comes off? Yes That's all

41:10

good. I will send message back to

41:12

them, and I'll be like no not if

41:14

for the weapon So

41:16

that's a lie. I need to get

41:18

my soul back. Yeah, you both believe

41:20

that maybe he's here for something else

41:23

So I'm just gonna be like all

41:25

right message back to great piss. Can

41:27

you help me? Yeah,

41:31

I'll help you out to get the weapon. Yeah,

41:33

absolutely I'm

41:35

immediately distrustful because I feel like I'm being

41:37

kept out of a conversation that I'm definitely

41:39

being kept out of How many orcs are

41:42

around these two or are these two pretty

41:44

much separate from everyone else? They're kind of

41:46

on their own a little bit. They look

41:48

like just a patrol that's you know supposed

41:50

to be wandering around I'd like to take my

41:52

loot out Put up a

41:54

finger give a thumbs up And

41:57

start play both of you

41:59

know I'm by reputation. So

42:01

you I do know that like, he gets himself

42:03

in the trouble a lot of it. I was like,

42:05

I take the loot out of your

42:07

hands. Do you just play a note?

42:09

No, I'm intending to fascinate

42:11

the orcs. I'm going to

42:13

fascinate the orcs. Then I'm

42:15

going to use suggestion to make

42:18

them walk into the fire. They're

42:20

walking to the fire. What fire?

42:22

Are they around a fire? Yeah,

42:24

they're like fires period. Walk in

42:27

a fire. What fire? They start

42:29

a fire. They're like small bonfires

42:31

around. I'm not okay with this.

42:34

It's going to be alright. It's

42:36

going to be alright. Brum,

42:38

brum. It's fine. Everybody

42:40

calm down. Watch this. I've

42:42

got them. Oh wait, no.

42:45

Normally fascinate one person at

42:47

a time. That's fine. That's fine. A

42:49

new play. This is going to be

42:51

fine. Leo, it's your turn. I want

42:53

to just kind of like hide a

42:56

little bit then. Leo Shadow disappears like

42:58

his namesake among the boxes. They're still

43:00

not talking. They're not talking. That's

43:02

good. So they're still not talking. You

43:04

can't see them because you're like, all

43:06

of you hit around like boxes. But

43:08

they've stopped talking, you're not sure what's

43:10

going on. You'd have to. We can

43:12

hear them moving. If you want, you

43:14

can strain your ear to try and

43:16

hear them, but that'll be your time.

43:18

No, I'm just going to get ready

43:21

for an inevitable fight. So I'm just

43:23

like, crack my knuckles, wind them up,

43:25

and stick my head out. You stick

43:28

your head out? They're like just

43:30

standing where they were, being kind

43:32

of quiet. Pierce, it's your time.

43:34

Can I keep over and keep playing?

43:36

Yeah, sure. Can I see whether they're...

43:38

Yeah, you can see that they're... All

43:40

right, I'm going to you suggestion, but

43:42

I can only suggest on one of

43:45

them at a one of them at

43:47

a time, can't I can't I? He's

43:49

in love with you.

43:51

I suggest to one

43:53

of them that the

43:56

other has confessed

43:58

their love. He loves

44:00

you and he just

44:02

said he loves you.

44:05

Have a conversation about

44:07

that, so we can sneak

44:09

away. Stop guarding and

44:11

just make out because

44:14

you're in love. Oh

44:16

dear. The ork that you said

44:18

the... Oh, ork loves, yes?

44:20

Yeah. Turns to the ork

44:23

who he thinks professed his

44:25

love to him. And... punches

44:28

him in the gut. Thums

44:30

up to you. Waking that

44:32

one from your fascinate. Thums

44:34

down. Went wrong. Went wrong.

44:36

That orch. turns around to

44:38

see you two poking your

44:40

heads up a box. Would

44:42

I not have put my

44:45

head down in time when

44:47

he was unfair? You're actually

44:49

not aware of this. Can

44:51

I like keep on my

44:53

thumbs down? Jimably. Yes. Did

44:55

I saw the thumbs down?

44:57

Yeah. Can I like pick my head

44:59

out and see what's going on? Yeah you

45:01

can have a look. You see

45:03

two orks? One of them with

45:06

a very gauntless expression. The other

45:08

one staring angrily in your direction.

45:10

What? What do we do

45:12

in piss? Oh whoa. Yeah,

45:15

piss? That's my turn. All

45:17

right. Wait, we've snuck away

45:19

from them behind the boxes,

45:21

Adam? We yes. Absolutely.

45:23

Always bet on piss! I'm

45:26

going to punch you so

45:28

hard at some point during

45:31

this adventure. He awores angrily

45:33

and throws a javelin which

45:36

hits Greg piss. Well, the one

45:38

that has the gauntless expression

45:40

has a big club strapped to his

45:42

back. The other one has two out

45:44

of it to do anything with it.

45:46

Yeah, so long as Greg Piss is

45:48

playing. Do I keep playing with the

45:51

javelin? We'll find out on your turn.

45:53

The other one, the one that tossed

45:55

the javelin and is now charging towards

45:57

you guys, is charging as he draws

45:59

a giant... I don't know if the

46:01

ocean is, like a scimitar, but big,

46:03

like a two-handed scimitar. Like a laden.

46:05

Yeah, a little bit like that. It's

46:08

a big sore. It's sad that those

46:10

orchs weren't good enough friends to sort

46:12

of react to that like adults. He

46:15

didn't love him. Maybe you don't know

46:17

the backstory. Maybe you don't know the

46:19

backstory. Oh my God. Oh man, I

46:22

don't know, now we just feel bad.

46:24

Terrible thing. Terrible? Well, because I'm pretty

46:26

good at disarm and shit, I'm going

46:28

to try to grab this guy's scimitar out of

46:30

his hands. Can I punch him at the same time? Yes. All right, try to

46:33

grab a sword in one hand and punch him with the other. You charge in,

46:35

you bring your arms up like a boxer? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

46:37

yeah. You charge a lot closer than he's, a lot closer than he's, a lot

46:39

closer than he's expecting, a lot closer than he's expecting. A lot closer than he's

46:41

expecting, a lot closer than he's expecting, a lot

46:43

closer than he's expecting, a lot closer than he's

46:45

expecting, a lot closer than he's expecting, a lot

46:47

closer than he's expecting, a lot closer than he's

46:49

expecting, a lot closer than he's expecting, a lot

46:51

closer than he's expecting, a lot closer than he's

46:53

expecting, a lot closer Nox the arm with the

46:55

sword yep grabs the arm with the sword slides

46:57

down to grab the sword at its

46:59

hilt and then you wrench

47:01

the sword out of his

47:03

grass beautiful oh yeah and

47:05

he's even more surprised when

47:07

you just like once in the

47:10

face power right in the kiss

47:12

I also yelled it's clubber in

47:14

time he goes down oh oh

47:16

he crumbles to the floor then

47:18

it is peace you can maintain

47:20

the song Um, right. I'll just suggestion

47:22

to the guy that I'm playing. You can

47:24

only do this so many times, you know

47:27

this, right? The robotic music will eventually run

47:29

out, you'll have to start it again. Okay.

47:31

You know what? I'm actually just going to

47:33

keep playing, walk up to him and slam

47:36

him in the head with my loot. That

47:38

will end. That's fine. We've started fighting him

47:40

anyway. I've started fighting. You're playing

47:43

guitar. He's fucked off. I

47:45

don't like either of you.

47:47

I came out and said,

47:49

what are we doing this?

47:51

You take out the other

47:53

one. Relatively silently with the

47:56

exception of the music that

47:58

you had to play. Time

48:00

up put him in the box close the

48:02

box. Hmm? Right. Yeah, who has rope don't?

48:04

Can we push him in a box shut the

48:06

box? Sure at the very least when I

48:09

wake up they'll be so confused as

48:11

to what? You know what we're doing

48:13

in a box. Let's just disarm them

48:15

all so they're weaponless. All

48:17

right falcon and if you want wood club

48:19

Nice. Yes, but if a weapon need the

48:21

weapon need what you know A little tickle,

48:23

you know. I do know a lot of tickle,

48:26

a little for a little, a little, a little,

48:28

a little, a little, it works. You want to

48:30

give the weapon to little, like, these are not

48:32

right. Actually, what I want to do, maybe destroy

48:35

the weapon. Yeah,

48:37

well yeah, um, look. You all

48:40

three hear a tremendous creaking sound?

48:42

It echoes throughout the city. You

48:44

turn around and you can see

48:47

roughly where the warehouse district, if

48:49

you will, is where the gnomes

48:51

are. There's this massive wooden construction

48:54

being pushed upright. You're not sure

48:56

what that's all about. But you

48:59

can see it, it's like six

49:01

stories tall. Taller than the city

49:03

walls, any of the city walls.

49:06

Uh, maybe. No drop to something.

49:08

Um, they're getting their weapon back. See,

49:10

I need the weapon. Where are you

49:12

going to put the weapon? Where are

49:14

you going to put the weapon? Where

49:16

are you putting the weapon? Where are

49:18

you putting the weapon on? Are you

49:20

taking the weapon on? Are you taking

49:22

the weapon on? Are you taking the

49:24

weapon on how you're taking the most?

49:26

I just want to look with pleading

49:28

with pleading the most. I just like.

49:31

Yeah, right. What do you mean you

49:33

knew the weapon most? What? Yeah. What's

49:35

your story? I don't know how to

49:37

make this sound properly or accurately, but

49:39

I'm assuming if I say the

49:41

sound of a dragon roaring in

49:43

the distance, you guys could all

49:46

like sort of know what I'm

49:48

saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The

49:50

sound is roughly coming from where

49:52

Roats' Keep is, and you have

49:54

all heard rumor that Damien Eaton

49:57

had a pet dragon. Interesting. What

49:59

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