Jarren’s Outpost: EE #5 The Vault

Jarren’s Outpost: EE #5 The Vault

Released Saturday, 22nd February 2025
Good episode? Give it some love!
Jarren’s Outpost: EE #5 The Vault

Jarren’s Outpost: EE #5 The Vault

Jarren’s Outpost: EE #5 The Vault

Jarren’s Outpost: EE #5 The Vault

Saturday, 22nd February 2025
Good episode? Give it some love!
Rate Episode

Episode Transcript

Transcripts are displayed as originally observed. Some content, including advertisements may have changed.

Use Ctrl + F to search

0:00

know that feeling when a girl

0:02

who gets it gives you a

0:04

genuine compliment? Suddenly, you're strutting through

0:06

the streets, sending motivational voice notes

0:08

to the group chat, manifesting a

0:10

new man. That's the Trusome LaMellor

0:12

Gloss Effect, babe. It's an unstoppable

0:14

kind of confidence reserved only for

0:16

the real girls' girls. And now,

0:18

we've bottled it. We're talking shampoo,

0:20

conditioner, leave -in cream, shine spray,

0:23

and a finishing oil that's seriously

0:25

too glossy to gatekeep. 72 hours

0:27

of salon -level shine? That's gloss

0:29

that gives, girl. And it's available

0:31

everywhere. So go out there, get

0:33

glossy, and give gloss with Tressime's

0:36

new LaMellor gloss collection. It's

0:38

almost Mother's Day, and you can now

0:41

get anything you need delivered with Uber

0:43

Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no,

0:45

you can't order a relaxing shower, but

0:47

some beautiful flowers, you bet we deliver

0:50

those. A bird bath? No. A bath

0:52

bomb? Absolutely. It's no to a chocolate

0:54

lab, but yes to some chocolate truffles.

0:56

So whether it's a last -minute gift

0:59

for Mother's Day, fresh groceries, or food

1:01

from your favorite restaurants, get it delivered

1:03

today with Uber Eats. Order now. Product

1:05

availability varies by region. See app for

1:08

details. John's

1:11

Outpost is a bustling city

1:13

located in the nation of

1:15

Goldcrest, a nation that nobody

1:17

cared about until the king was slain

1:19

by a bunch of adventurers. Unfortunately, adventurers

1:21

did what adventurers do, and they didn't

1:23

think of the consequences of killing a

1:25

powerful tyrant, and they promptly left the

1:27

citizens a gold crust to figure it

1:29

out for themselves. For

1:32

now, Jaren's Outpost is a melting

1:34

pot of religions, criminals, politics, and

1:36

paranoia, with everyone keeping everyone else

1:38

in check. But all that's

1:40

about to change. Welcome to

1:43

the enhanced edition of Jaren's

1:45

Outpost. Alright,

1:48

I'll head back to the cop shop then. That's the name of the place.

1:51

Pops aren't a thing, but it's called the

1:53

cop shop. No, it's the cop shop because

1:55

it's C -O -P -P -E. Like, the

1:57

old cop shop. The cop is shoppy. Did

2:00

you got a cop it? The shop where you cop

2:02

the law. You all reconvene at the cop shop? Did

2:04

I do anything with the dwarves? Oh, right. Fuck, sorry.

2:06

It went swimmingly good. It

2:09

was great. You're best of friends. Thank

2:11

God. As you approach one of the

2:13

dwarven ships, it turns to face you.

2:15

Some ballastae on the side of the

2:17

ship are vaguely aimed in your direction.

2:19

I'm like, really? I'm a halfling on

2:21

an upside -down boat, and you're aiming

2:23

that at me? By the

2:25

time you're basically next to the ship, a

2:28

stocky dwarf leans over the side,

2:30

arms folded with a big smile

2:32

on his face. You

2:34

actually recognize his face, and Captain De

2:37

Silva calls out to you saying, well,

2:39

what are you doing there, little boy?

2:42

Captain De Silva! I want

2:44

arms outstretched like a baby reaching up

2:46

for his dad's art. He's like, eh!

2:49

Captain De Silva! Help me

2:51

up! The arts dwarves lower like a

2:53

net sort of thing that you can

2:55

clamber onto and they haul you up.

2:57

Oh, fuck! Captain

3:00

the Silver is as flamboyant as ever.

3:02

Instead of his regular hat though, he's

3:05

wearing some sort of official kind of

3:07

looking dwarven navy hat. But his like

3:09

clothing is just as colorful as it

3:11

was before. Holy shit, Captain Silver, how

3:13

are you? How you been? Man, haven't

3:15

seen you in an age. Captain the

3:17

Silver leads you to his like personal

3:19

quarters. You sit down. You probably like

3:21

offers you a change of clothes if

3:23

you want. Thank you. I'm very sad

3:25

I recently lost a friend. You addressed

3:28

very flamboyantly. That is good for me.

3:30

Perfect for sneaking into a castle. Every

3:32

article of clothing is a different fluro

3:34

colour. God, that's good. What

3:36

are you doing here? Captain Silver explains

3:38

to you that a couple of years

3:40

ago... He started working with the dwarven

3:42

merchant company. Mm -hmm. He hasn't been

3:44

home in a long time He tells

3:46

you but he's instead now working for

3:48

kind of like a subsidiary of one

3:50

of the dwarven clients They offered him

3:52

a pretty sizable check now fair for

3:54

his services I like that he remembers

3:56

me. That's all right. That's so good.

3:58

But I feel like Captain Isilva is

4:00

also the kind of person that remembers

4:02

everyone he meets. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you

4:04

guys are like drinking pretty heavily. De

4:07

Silva insists. He tells you it's good for

4:09

someone who's been wet. He hasn't changed. All

4:12

right, I keep drinking. I'm half drowning myself.

4:14

And half, like, it's a skull. seems quite happy.

4:16

It's like, I lost a friend, but an

4:18

old friend. He seems quite happy

4:20

with everything. He's like, Things are going really

4:22

well for him. He's like been on the

4:24

up and up pretty steadily. His life's completely

4:27

turned around. When he first met him, he

4:29

like had one ship. Now he's a Commodore.

4:31

He's no longer Captain De Silva anymore. He's

4:33

Commodore De Silva. Congratulations, Commodore De Silva. He

4:35

explains to you, probably, I assume, asked why

4:37

the dwarves are here. They

4:39

normally come here around this time every year.

4:42

They'd heard Or they were aware that the

4:44

orcs had taken the docks because they saw

4:46

orcish ships in the dock. But they didn't

4:48

know, they didn't really know or care what's

4:50

happening in Jaren's Outpost. They were just there

4:53

to try and free up the dock so

4:55

that they could resume trading. Well, I tried

4:57

to fill him in as much about Jaren's

4:59

Outpost, just to lay the land. And basically,

5:01

if you could help us out, that'd be

5:03

just great. Captain the Silver gives you a

5:06

very pained expression. Unfortunately, lad,

5:08

the ships are, well, I command

5:10

them, but they're not really mine.

5:13

I have permission to act within a certain

5:15

boundary, but there's only so much I can

5:17

do. And we're not allowed to interfere with

5:20

local politics, and I feel this is very

5:22

close to local politics. Potentially, but... I can

5:24

wrangle you some things, but... All right, well,

5:26

what can you wrangle me? What can you?

5:28

Well, we're allowed to fight

5:31

orcs wherever we see them, so

5:33

maybe I see some orcs near

5:35

where the keep is. We

5:37

fire our catapults, no one's gonna think twice

5:39

about that. Well... That just so happened because

5:41

I'm pretty sure maybe that keep is full

5:44

of orcs. Well, in

5:47

that case, I think we'd have to shell

5:49

that place till it wasn't standing anymore. I

5:51

think that'd be a pretty good idea. Get

5:54

rid of all them orcs. Wow, that's definitely

5:56

something I'd have to do. Yeah, that's a

5:58

pretty good idea. Commodore to Sylvie, just shell

6:00

that place around about midnight when the orcs

6:03

would be sleeping. That might be all that

6:05

I can do though. I think that's more

6:07

than enough. Alright. And if you'd

6:09

help me just, uh, put it in the boat,

6:11

it'd be also real good. Ah, that boat's full

6:13

of holes, you don't want that one? Yeah, maybe

6:16

we'll lose a boat. Maybe

6:20

like weapons on it too man after

6:23

so many things bad that happen to

6:25

you You're gonna be sailing that way.

6:27

It's good. You're gonna be scaling that

6:30

wall. We will be scaling that wall

6:32

about you'll need a ballast day to

6:34

fire that grappling hook Yes, we would

6:37

need a ballast day. Yeah, maybe we

6:39

lose one of them as well It

6:41

means that bad things are around the

6:44

corner Probably only for me like you

6:46

have like another drink. It's Getting

6:48

kind of late, you stumble a

6:50

little bit out of Captain the

6:53

Silver's office. I'm like, hey, meat

6:55

pie, you've never... Oh. Oh,

6:57

that was so... My heart.

7:01

You're breaking it. I quietly get

7:03

into the boat. Pour

7:06

one out for our homie meat pie. So

7:11

sad. Maybe I'll get a seagull this

7:13

time. Oh

7:18

Danny boy! The

7:21

pipe! Sorry.

7:24

Sorry. Yes. A ballastate, a smaller

7:26

one, but one that you can

7:29

attach a rope to the bolt,

7:31

is fixed into a boat, roughly so

7:33

that it can be kind of fired

7:36

from the boat. You're given some basic

7:38

instructions on how to operate a ballastate

7:40

because you probably don't know how, and

7:42

just in case your friends don't know

7:44

how either. They lower two

7:46

boats down, one with a bunch of dwarves

7:48

in it, one with you in the Ballastay.

7:50

Oh, thank you. Meeting Pomodora Silver was the

7:52

best thing that's happened to us this whole

7:54

game. And the

7:56

dwarves row you back to shore. Where do you

7:59

want to be? What would be the

8:01

most strategic to kind of be so we can get there?

8:03

Would it be near Tigalai? Tigalai? Yeah. Near

8:05

your strongest allies. would say near

8:07

little Tigalai. And yeah, we'll go

8:10

from there. Can

8:12

I acquire? Paper and pen. How are you

8:14

going to fuck? You certainly can. I would

8:16

like to write out of eye shot from

8:18

my eye, looking up, pretend

8:20

to stab me, and then remove

8:23

my eye and throw it away.

8:25

And I'm going to hand it

8:27

to Leo when I see him.

8:30

What is this going to do? Well,

8:33

then the sabers are like, damn, Greg,

8:35

I'm faking my own death. It's

8:38

good, but we can't allow them to confirm. As if that's

8:40

going to last. It'll last long enough. We

8:43

need them to attack the base. Well, we'll wait till

8:45

after that, but that's my plan. Although I feel like

8:47

the dwarves shelling the shit out of it would be

8:49

enough. Potentially, but then a dragon might

8:51

come down. So look, we want to go down the

8:53

savers. We want a lot of pandemonium is all. But

8:56

when the time comes, that's what we're

8:58

doing. OK. I got to fake my death from

9:00

the savers. Or I just marry the girl. What

9:03

do you do? Then the blood cult still have your soul.

9:06

Yeah. Yeah, well, we'll sort that out. When

9:08

the time comes, I'll cross that

9:10

bridge. so the three of you

9:12

plus a bunch of hangers on

9:15

excuse me they're they're good friends

9:17

they're good are are finally able

9:19

to reconvene at your local tavern

9:21

right ill cop tavern does my

9:23

eye look different well what's your

9:26

original eye color bright green one

9:28

of your eyes is a regular

9:30

looking bright green and one of

9:32

them is a apt piece yellow

9:34

do we Even though

9:37

just his eyes are fucked or

9:39

do we not care? He's just

9:41

like alcohol poisoning, I guess. Is

9:43

this yellow eye is looking around

9:45

completely like without... Can I get

9:47

an eye patch? Sure.

9:49

Yeah, I'll just eye patch. Well, no, but if

9:51

you eye patch it then they can't see anything.

9:53

Saber's mad at you. Ah, fuck. I'll

9:56

just cast message. It's fine, I'll cast message and

9:58

I'll be like, right. That eye,

10:00

it's not mine. What's the sabers eye?

10:02

No, you don't say Greg. Looks

10:05

so real. Oh, Whisper is a... Message?

10:07

Message. a whispered conversation at a distance,

10:09

sorry. Ah, so the sabers will hear

10:11

you. Could hear? I'll risk it. All

10:14

right. Sabers

10:16

are having to look at everything that I

10:18

do. Right, so best behave your voice. And

10:20

they're gonna help. Yeah. Periwinkle,

10:24

your practised bullshit detector

10:27

is going off. Oh,

10:30

so they're definitely gonna help us, Greg.

10:32

Well, that's... Look, that's what they said.

10:35

They said, for a promise, understand that as I

10:37

had my eye taken out, it was under duress.

10:40

Right? They said the words, we

10:43

will help you, Greg. I'm

10:47

not believing this, am I? Your

10:50

bullshit detector is like five alarm chili

10:52

calling out that something spicy is going

10:54

on. Greg. Yeah. Because we've known one

10:56

another for... I don't know. 24 hours

10:59

now, but yeah, I'm gonna give you

11:01

one more chance I'm gonna ask you

11:03

one question You do you just have

11:05

to give me a thumbs up or

11:08

thumbs down because you compromised, right? If

11:11

I'm not happy with the answer

11:13

that I get I may put

11:16

you in that barrel over there

11:18

Just throw you in the water

11:20

right boss. All right Did they

11:23

say they would help? Us

11:25

with our attack they did say that

11:27

they would help but they didn't guarantee

11:30

it because it's gonna take them a

11:32

while to get their resources together So

11:34

instead of doing a thumbs up or

11:36

thumbs down I give like that wavy

11:38

hand It's just wonderfully unclear All right,

11:40

I'm not gonna put you in a

11:42

barrel right now. Maybe

11:45

Harry Winkle. We

11:47

have just a quick sidebar Sure.

11:49

I'm gonna chat to the cops. Don't

11:52

arrest him. You have very

11:55

little to talk about. A

11:58

lot of them don't like you.

12:00

All of them. Goggles his brother

12:02

and his wife and his mother.

12:05

Same day. Same

12:08

four hour period. He slept with every

12:10

day of the week. Including

12:14

Thursday? Twice. Alright,

12:17

what do you want? Right. So we're

12:19

gonna get this weapon. Look, I'm

12:21

sure that Greg Piss... I know that you'd have

12:23

no to... He's definitely going to betray us at

12:25

some point in the I like to imagine you're

12:27

like, we look Greg Piss, you're like, look, I'm

12:30

just like eating a pickled egg in front of

12:32

one of the guys, be like... How many could

12:34

you put there? How

12:36

many could you put away? So, look, I know

12:38

you have doubts to where I would lie. I

12:41

promise you right now that I won't try

12:43

to... Backstab you, betray you, grab the weapon

12:45

and run. If you agree before you do

12:47

anything with your weapon to at least meet

12:50

with Papa Littleo and see what he says.

12:52

And if I don't like what he says,

12:54

I can walk away. I will try and

12:56

see if you're on it, Vatican. And I

12:58

promise that I will make sure that Greg

13:01

Piss doesn't fuck us up. At

13:03

least I'll try and stop him. was gonna say, can

13:05

you actually promise us that he is a slippery one?

13:07

He is a slippery little piss. You

13:12

finished the jar of dick face! For...

13:19

Alright, I'm open to that. Whatever little

13:21

low wants, that's a conversation with Papa

13:23

Little. As long as I've done my

13:25

job in his eyes, I don't really

13:28

care what happens. He's happy

13:30

for it to be potentially destroyed. Yes. I'm

13:32

over to a conversation if you promise you don't fuck

13:34

me over. And do your very best

13:36

to stop him from... Yeah, that's gonna be a... That's

13:41

gonna be hard. All right. You're

13:43

all right, mate. Thanks, Jakey. Colin

13:46

sucks you in the gut. I'm

13:50

farming up a lot of egg that I was just keeping

13:52

in my cheeks. Wow,

13:56

broke the fun, Colin, didn't

13:58

you? Eight eggs in a

14:00

crumb. Yes. We're good to go, team. Yep,

14:03

we've got the boat, dwarves are going to

14:05

provide some cover and the sabers are going

14:07

to attack the front gates. Yeah,

14:09

right, yeah. Maybe.

14:13

The town militia will hopefully also provide you guys

14:15

some distraction, basically attacking from all fronts. Now here's

14:17

the options. Do you have a moment to help

14:19

us break in or do you a moment to

14:21

go just smash some shit? I think maybe half

14:23

and half split the team. How

14:25

many are a couple days away from

14:28

retirement? Two,

14:30

both the Thursdays. They're

14:35

coming with me on the actual real hard mission,

14:37

right? Because they'll be safe. Yeah. Yeah. You gotta

14:39

look after them. Yeah. That's how it goes down.

14:41

He's bought a boat called the Freedom. He's

14:46

expecting his third grandchild this week. That's

14:49

Thursday tea, not Thursday art. Well,

14:52

we have a map. You got two

14:54

maps. A map of the inner area.

14:56

Oh, yeah. And a map of the...

14:58

The castle, yeah. just hand drawn from

15:00

the commander himself of the inside of

15:02

the castle, where you might want to

15:04

go that vault down downstairs. There's no

15:06

map of the vault, just where it

15:08

is. All right, we're doing

15:10

this. You

15:12

all assemble out on the beach. It's

15:15

a cold night. The only sound right now

15:17

you can hear is the waves gently lapping

15:20

against the shore. And in

15:22

the distance, maybe you imagine you can

15:24

hear the gentle creaking of the dwarven

15:26

fleet. Suddenly, the

15:29

Dark Knight is pierced by

15:32

several bright fiery lights as

15:34

massive firepots launched from catapults

15:37

on the dwarven ships suddenly

15:39

streak from the sea up

15:42

against the walls of the

15:44

city. They explode in

15:47

massive fiery balls of destruction,

15:49

caving away large parts of

15:51

the wall. Then on the

15:53

other side of the city,

15:55

far away from you, You

15:57

can hear the distant rumblings

15:59

of people screaming and possibly

16:01

combat. It's gonna be good.

16:04

Time to scarf our lads. Let's

16:06

go boys. After a solid,

16:08

maybe 15 minutes of shelling, a part

16:10

of the wall crumbles away enough that

16:12

you guys could, if you want, attempt

16:15

to scale it. It's only a short

16:17

climb. We've got that harpoon

16:19

in the rope. Harpoon

16:22

gun that fires a grappling hook. With

16:24

a solid clinking sound, the

16:27

grappling hook connects with the top part of

16:29

this caved -in wall, and you can feel

16:32

the rope go taut when you pull it.

16:34

Who's gonna climb first? After you, lads. I'll

16:37

nimbly climb up. So my theory is

16:39

I'll send you go first. I'll send

16:41

two militia behind you. I'll go. No,

16:44

Greg, you're going in front of me. Then

16:47

I'm going. Then I'm sending

16:49

the rest of the militia. All right, all

16:51

right. Leo, you're on the wall or over

16:53

the wall, I should say. Cool. There's like

16:55

a little courtyard there. Do

16:57

your right hand side or a bunch of buildings? One

16:59

of them is a big blacksmithy, a bunch of them

17:01

are storage places, some stables as

17:03

well. To your right looms the large fort.

17:06

Cool. Any horses in the stables? It's gonna

17:08

scalpel? Nah, it's gonna have a distraction. Ah,

17:10

clever. Set up to open the... like the

17:12

stables. You see no horses on the stables?

17:15

Anything around us, by the way. Like, is

17:17

there like just like no people. One dickhead

17:19

being like, just staring at us, being like...

17:21

What? There are no guards on the wall.

17:24

No, there were no guards on this section of the wall.

17:26

Oh, that's why they're on the other sections where we're running

17:29

in distraction. They're barely able to keep the walls man. There's

17:31

not a lot of people in here. If

17:33

you, like, scan around the fort

17:35

looking for any entrances, they all

17:37

seem boarded shut or closed or

17:40

locked. There's no easy entrance here.

17:43

Head towards the fort unseen, I guess,

17:45

or try to make myself unseen as

17:47

possible. Start your way forward. Yeah. And

17:50

try to inspect some of the... Did you tell

17:52

us the map where there might have been an

17:54

entrance for the keep? Was there

17:57

a particular entrance we were meant to be taking?

17:59

You found, though, particularly... Good entrances. You figured that

18:01

once you were there, you might just scan the

18:04

place and look for an obvious way in. But

18:06

there doesn't seem to be any obvious places from

18:08

where you are. You'd have to do like a

18:10

lap or just... Try and unlock the door. Lockpick

18:12

that shit. Is there one? How they bought it

18:15

up? I've been unlocking spell if you want it

18:17

to, by the way. Maybe we'll save it for

18:19

the falls. The level

18:21

-level windows have just been bricked

18:23

up with shittily, but with mortar

18:25

and brick. So it doesn't look

18:27

like they're easy entrances. the doors

18:30

all just look like they're barred

18:32

shut the large massive gate that's

18:34

the entry the main entry way

18:36

in has the um port colors

18:38

the uh crusty metal bit yeah

18:40

and uh the massive wooden doors

18:42

beyond it also look barred any

18:44

upper level windows look like they

18:46

might just be shuttered closed so

18:49

very easy to break open but

18:51

it's climbing up there as well

18:53

all right next is greg pierce

18:55

is it two of my guys

18:57

and greg pierce You

18:59

asked your two guys first. Yeah,

19:02

both of the Thursdays. I think

19:04

you said you know the Thursday's

19:06

catch so hang on half of

19:08

them went and did distraction So

19:11

Colin goggles Monday and Tuesday Wednesday

19:13

went to distractions the two Thursdays

19:15

Saturday Sunday and Ian a I

19:17

am came with us that house

19:19

wait hang on so Saturday Saturday

19:22

Saturday Sunday Ian yeah Collins in

19:24

the BT Thursday Thursday get over

19:26

the wall Uh, Greg

19:28

Pierce is over with some difficulty. And

19:30

I'm right behind him. All right, gotta

19:33

be on my trial. Pierce, you

19:35

fall in a month or two Thursdays.

19:37

Leo isn't anywhere to be seen. Maybe

19:39

he's sculpted off or something like that.

19:41

The both, both the Thursdays are just

19:43

lying for, uh, lying in wait for

19:45

presumably Leo to get back. Right here.

19:48

I'll look around, see if I see any

19:50

sneaky entrances, any way into the fort, from

19:53

where I am, any drain pipes, like up

19:55

to the... just, that's how I get down

19:57

after sleeping with a man's wife. There wouldn't

19:59

be drainage pipes on a couch. Oh,

20:02

right, yeah, not fair. That's

20:04

just oh. They don't have plumbing. Getting

20:06

down from a window, easy. With your

20:08

half -orque strength, you easily

20:11

scale the wall. Damn straight, I

20:13

do. You're with Pierce on the

20:15

two Thursdays, and then... Saturday, Sunday,

20:18

and Ian. Saturday, Sunday. Yeah,

20:20

they're all with you. Right. I'm just saying,

20:23

you can just decide what they do from

20:25

here, because I can't be bothered trying to

20:27

be six people. That's

20:29

fair enough. By

20:31

the time that Saturday finally

20:34

manages to scramble over the

20:36

wall, Leo, you return, having

20:38

done a quick circumvent... circumference

20:41

around the castle. So

20:43

if I broke through the window of the mortar stuff, would

20:45

that be able to... are we then inside? How

20:47

many layers of... The main gate has the

20:50

port colors and the two wooden doors. There's

20:52

a small servants entrance around the back that's

20:54

a thick heavy looking wooden door. You think

20:56

that might be the easiest way in if

20:58

you wanted to break in ground floor. So

21:00

you want to go in the ground floor

21:02

and then then that way we make sure

21:04

that there's nothing below us to chase us.

21:06

Yeah, let's go to the service and sneak

21:09

it up the back. Yeah. Right. That was

21:11

good. So Ian peels off and he's just

21:13

going to like skulk around the outside and

21:15

give you guys a heads up if he

21:17

sees anyone coming. Kill. Do I need to

21:19

use my acid flask to break through the

21:21

servant's entrance? You can just try picking the

21:23

lock. I'll try picking the lock. Yeah.

21:26

I could throw a great quiz at the door. Hey! I'm

21:29

very squishy. It's not going to do

21:31

you any good. You waste 15 minutes

21:33

getting nothing done. Oh man. Then

21:35

you're just like, oh, it was just dark.

21:39

Another one of the firepots rockets overhead

21:41

to strike somewhere else in this little

21:43

section of the city. And you're like,

21:45

oh, I was like, maybe instead of

21:47

getting into the keyhole, you were like

21:49

trying to jam them in the side

21:52

of the door. Just the

21:54

handle. Just the holes around

21:56

the handle. You

21:58

get the door open. The corridor beyond

22:00

you is very dark. What?

22:02

All right. I've got dark vision,

22:04

I think. You switch to dark vision. Everything

22:06

turns into black and white, but you can

22:09

see perfectly in darkness. Anything

22:11

I should be worried about? No, it's

22:13

not a corridor. It is, in fact,

22:15

a kitchen. or a rear, like, well,

22:17

probably the storage area for the kitchens.

22:20

A, what do you call it, a ladder? When they

22:22

turn in the cook's entrance. Yeah, anyway. We're in the

22:24

downstairs, or the upstairs downstairs. Yeah. Yeah,

22:26

they have a, there's no, well, there's no

22:28

food here right now. It looks like they've

22:30

been burning through their supplies. Maybe

22:33

you know where the horses went. Ah,

22:36

delish. Oh, I see. Horse meat

22:38

is good. No one's been coming in or going

22:40

out. Anything

22:42

useful this kitchen that we could, like, tag with

22:44

us to assist. Hmm. Do you want kitchen knives?

22:47

No. No. Well, other than that. They're good

22:49

at punching. Yeah, it's fine. Other than that,

22:52

you don't, there's not a lot. No. Leo,

22:54

you check all the different doors. One

22:57

door forward leads into the, the kitchens and

22:59

beyond the kitchens, you can see through an

23:01

open doorway, a great hall where feasts are

23:03

had. You check another door. It leads to

23:05

a corridor with a lot of different doors

23:07

and another door. So three doors in total

23:10

leads to a staircase going up. Right. Does

23:12

any of this look familiar from the map

23:14

that we have? So there are a couple

23:16

different ways you can approach this. You can

23:18

go through the Great Hall into the main

23:20

entryway, and in the main entryway there are

23:22

stairs going down into the dungeons. But if

23:24

anywhere is going to be busy, it's going

23:26

be there. Yeah. But it's the most direct

23:29

route. Alternatively, you can go

23:31

to the stairs, take the stairs up, go

23:33

through an upper landing, go down. Yeah. Yeah.

23:35

It's a longer route, but you're less likely

23:37

to bump into someone. I'm

23:40

always the capable. I vote for safety. Oh,

23:42

up we go. Yeah. The

23:44

distant sounds of combat begin

23:46

to start swelling. It looks

23:49

like the fighting's getting more

23:51

intense until you hear an

23:53

awful, tremendous roar. The

23:56

roar shakes the entire castle. That'd be

23:58

the dragon. And for a brief moment...

24:00

The dragon's not here. For a brief

24:02

moment, the sounds of combat stop, but

24:05

then immediately resume. That's good. That's good.

24:07

That's fine. It's not our problem. what

24:09

we wanted. Dragon's not here. here. Column,

24:11

Godspeed. So, what's marching order

24:14

here? Who's first, second, third? I'll be

24:16

first. He's in the middle, and I'm

24:18

close to him. Alright. And then I

24:20

trust Leo, I do not trust great

24:22

kids. A shadow lands behind Leo. Before

24:24

you're able to do anything, you

24:27

feel a blade at your back.

24:29

Ah, shit. Combat begins. Ah, shit.

24:31

We're fighting a shadow. You've

24:34

become ventilated. What does that even mean?

24:36

Full of holes! Oh

24:38

gee! Airholes! Make it

24:40

quicker! He punctures your lungs, I

24:43

guess. You have to do

24:45

the rest of the episode like that. Then...

24:49

Who was up the bar? Periwinkle? Were

24:51

you up the back? No, I'm in

24:53

the middle with him. It's Saturday and

24:55

Sunday. That's unfortunate for them. Don't be

24:58

killing my voice, Adam. You hear an

25:00

awful gurgling sound from behind you. Oh,

25:02

no. And you hear Sunday cry out

25:04

in terror, turning around,

25:06

Periwinkle. Yeah. You see Saturday jerking

25:09

uncontrollably as a shadow with wicked

25:11

claws that look like daggers start

25:13

slashing out his throat from behind.

25:16

Saturday, oh wait, yeah, wait, which

25:19

one was calling out in agony

25:21

Saturday Saturday Saturday, so it was

25:24

Sunday who's being slashed because he

25:26

can't call out at all Sunday

25:28

collapses. Oh, no Oh Shit heel

25:31

Sunday, can you punch a shadow?

25:34

You're shocked. You've never seen

25:36

such awful wicked magic before

25:38

Unfortunately, you're frozen in place.

25:40

You'll be going last in

25:43

the initiative turn Leo Your

25:45

quick thinking springs into action. Do

25:48

I know what the hell this

25:50

is? You have heard of dark

25:52

magics that can make a shadow

25:55

sentient. It's possible that

25:57

that's what this is. The

25:59

shadow creature is forever linked to

26:01

whatever it's a shadow of. The

26:04

person who loses their shadow just

26:06

gets fucked. No one

26:08

willingly gives up their shadow. Man.

26:11

So it's not Aiden's shadow. It's

26:13

clearly possibly like a prisoner. Yeah

26:15

has quotation marks donated their shadow.

26:17

Do they look like forces? No,

26:21

they look vaguely like people. So

26:23

I know that this all if I kill the show, we

26:25

hurt the shadow. you kill the shadow, you're going to kill

26:28

the person as well. Oh, I don't

26:30

know that information. Do I? No, you don't. Good. Even

26:35

if I did. I'm

26:40

just kind of be like I'm

26:42

so sorry and then China stab

26:44

with the thundering and then not

26:46

using the benefit I'm so sorry

26:48

Sometimes you got to do what

26:50

you got to do man I'm

26:52

gonna look at you. I've got

26:54

my back to you. I'm just

26:56

looking horrified at my dead friend

26:58

and my dying other friend who's

27:00

No, he's alive. He's just freaking

27:02

out. The Weekend Brothers. The Weekend

27:04

Brothers won. They're such bloody animals.

27:07

They are. They live on the

27:09

weekend. Learning your lesson

27:11

very quickly, you jump

27:13

backwards and you don't hit with

27:15

your first blade. Your first blade,

27:17

you kind of just use more

27:20

as like a guard against future

27:22

attacks. Nice. Your other blade with

27:24

a flick and a sneak, you

27:26

get deep into the creature's belly.

27:29

You hear it cry out in

27:31

agony. Oh man, I'm so sorry.

27:34

The shadow disperses as your blade slashes

27:36

through it. Somewhere deep in the castle,

27:38

you hear a moan. Damn. Got him.

27:41

Can I cast Last of Confusion on

27:43

it? How many are there? There's two.

27:45

Well, one now. I'll cast it on

27:47

the one that's alive. The

27:50

creature staggers in place on

27:52

its turn. The

27:55

creature crashes onto Saturday, making

27:57

him topple over and fall

27:59

onto the ground. On Saturday,

28:01

it just starts tearing, ripping

28:03

and tearing. Saturday screams

28:05

and then stops. At

28:07

least the two Thursdays will get out of this and be able

28:09

to retire on their boat called Freedom and Happiness. No,

28:13

the two Thursdays charge in. One

28:16

of the Thursdays is too dismayed

28:19

to get a proper hit. He

28:21

swings, but his attacks are like

28:23

full of fear, not Anger or

28:26

calculation Thursday are he does however

28:28

have calculation to his blows He

28:30

kicks at the shadow creature knocking

28:33

it backwards onto its back and

28:35

then stabs downwards once he is

28:38

blow connects But he does not

28:40

kill the creature You

28:44

know that feeling when a girl

28:46

who gets it gives you a

28:48

genuine compliment? Suddenly, you're strutting through

28:50

the streets, sending motivational voice notes

28:52

to the group chat, manifesting a

28:55

new man. That's the Tressame Lameller

28:57

Gloss Effect, babe. It's an unstoppable

28:59

kind of confidence reserved only for

29:01

the real girls' girls. And now,

29:03

we've bottled it. We're talking shampoo,

29:05

conditioner, leave -in cream, shine spray,

29:07

and a finishing oil that's seriously

29:09

too glossy to gatekeep. 72 hours

29:11

of salon -level shine? That's gloss

29:13

that gives, girl. And it's available

29:15

everywhere. So go out there,

29:18

get glossy, and give gloss with

29:20

Tressime's new LaMellor gloss collection. It's

29:23

almost Mother's Day, and you can now

29:25

get anything you need delivered with Uber

29:27

Eats. Well, almost almost anything. You can't

29:29

order a relaxing shower, but beautiful flowers,

29:31

you bet. From Mother's Day gifts to

29:33

groceries to your favorite restaurants, order now

29:35

on Uber Eats. Product availability varies by

29:37

region, see up for details. This podcast

29:39

is brought to you by Aura. By

29:41

the time you hear about a data

29:43

breach, your information has already been exposed

29:45

for months. On average, companies take 277

29:47

days to report a breach. That's nine

29:49

months where hackers have access to your

29:51

personal data. That's why we're

29:54

thrilled to partner with Aura. ORA is

29:56

an all -in -one digital safety solution

29:58

that monitors the dark web for your

30:01

phone number, email, and social security number,

30:03

sending real -time alerts if your info

30:05

is found. It also includes a VPN,

30:08

password manager, and data broker removal to

30:10

help keep you safe. For a limited

30:12

time, Aura is offering a 14 -day

30:14

free trial plus a dark web scan

30:17

to check if your personal information has

30:19

been leaked, all for free at Aura

30:21

.com/safety. That's Aura .com/safety to sign up

30:24

and protect your loved ones. That's A

30:26

-U -R -A.com/safety. Terms apply, check the

30:28

site for details. You

30:39

killed my other friend. Can

30:42

I rip a shadow's head off with

30:44

my hands? You can certainly try, my

30:46

good friend. I roar real loud. Just

30:49

go for its head and try to pull

30:51

it off with my big meaty, meaty, meaty

30:53

hands. Big,

30:55

beady, meaty, or... It slashes out at you

30:57

as you try to grab it, dealing five

30:59

points of damage. But you

31:02

grab it. You pull upwards. twist

31:04

you hear a cracking sound from the

31:06

shadow awful cracking sound echoing somewhere from

31:09

below you guys and then when you

31:11

tear it off you hear another moan

31:13

from deep within the castle ah done

31:15

I win who's thinking that right it

31:17

might be worthwhile a time go downstairs,

31:19

find where that moaning is coming from,

31:21

kill the others. Just so that their

31:23

shadows don't get us again. It's easier

31:26

to kill a guy who's tied up

31:28

and had his shadow talk than a

31:30

shadow. These are people. is all I'm

31:32

thinking. These are people. They don't need,

31:34

they don't, they take no one. Are

31:36

they dead because I pulled that guy's

31:38

head off? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's

31:41

good. No, no, they don't know. Killed

31:43

my friend. Someone's taken this

31:45

against their will and made them

31:47

do so. Killed my friend. Sunday

31:50

is dead. Saturday. but

31:52

you saturday is on tender hooks i

31:54

can give him a cure cure light

31:56

i respect you a little bit more

31:58

yeah right well i want to kill

32:00

the fellas downstairs and listen to me

32:02

not it bleeding out leo over here

32:04

oh if i remind you in the

32:06

second or first adventure we had was

32:08

like let's kill this wizard and take

32:10

all of his potions or whatever but

32:12

wolverine you don't know all of saturday's

32:14

runes heal over as greg piss puts

32:16

a hand on him Clarex

32:19

mutter a prayer, Bard sometimes sing

32:21

a song. Greg Pierce, I

32:23

imagine, just says, all right, get up there. Right.

32:27

Like a little cod does a slap on the chin.

32:30

Saturday briefly embraces Sunday's lifeless

32:32

body. We'll get them. So

32:35

we're on the top floor. You're on

32:38

the second floor, the first floor, depending if you're

32:40

in the UK or the US. We've gone up

32:42

to the next floor to Skirt Above, where we

32:44

feel the busy opinion. Can we continue

32:46

on, molested? Excuse me? Can

32:49

we continue? Oh yeah, you can, absolutely.

32:52

As you move through, these windows, the

32:54

windows on this upper level, are not

32:56

all bricked up. So you can kind

32:58

of see sometimes out through cracks or

33:00

like out through a window, the

33:02

night sky lit up by a fire pod

33:05

being held by the dwarven plate. Every

33:07

now and then as well, you hear another

33:09

roar, tremendous always, and it always scares you

33:11

to your core. Can we see dragging out

33:14

the window? No, you never see it. Every

33:16

now and then. He's coming from outside though.

33:18

It's outside, yeah, yeah. You get to the

33:20

staircase going down. You start slowly making your

33:22

way down. Oh, doesn't he even have a

33:24

light? I have a lantern. I

33:27

have a bullseye lantern. Do you have it

33:29

lit? We've sort of lost any kind of

33:31

stealth because the shadow people got us, so

33:33

like, yeah, not lantern out. Okay, cool. By

33:35

the light of the lantern, you see a

33:37

puddle of shadow moving along the roof of

33:39

the staircase towards you guys. Leo,

33:42

you go first. Oh, is it near me? It's

33:44

streaking towards you at a rapid pace. Kind of

33:47

up on the roof, so you could use a

33:49

ranged weapon if you have one. I'm gonna throw

33:51

in my dagger of venom. Alright, and activate its

33:53

power, or You

33:56

fumble for your dagger. Instead of your

33:58

dagger, you accidentally

34:00

grab your bedroll. And

34:04

throw your bedroll at the

34:06

creature. It misses. Take ticket.

34:10

Greg? I'll...

34:12

I'll... I'll... I'll... I'll... I'll...

34:14

I'll... I'll... I'll... I'll... I'll...

34:16

I'll... I'll... I'll... I'll... I'll...

34:18

I'll... I'll... I'll... I'll...

34:21

I'll... I'll... I'll... I'll... I'll...

34:23

I'll... I'll... I'll... I'll... I'll...

34:27

I'll... I'll themselves at you. That's

34:29

not great. No. Told you we

34:31

should have killed the ones downstairs,

34:33

right? Right, eh? What are we

34:36

doing? That's what we're heading to

34:38

do. Well, been quicker about it.

34:42

Greg, I will punch you. One

34:44

of them attacks Saturday? Again? Yep.

34:46

He's behind me. Yeah, it like

34:48

launches over all of your heads

34:50

and strikes at Saturday. Saturday,

34:53

however, brings his greatsword up and

34:56

deflects its blows. It's slowly

34:58

fighting him back up the stairs

35:00

though. Another one attacks Leo. It's

35:03

awful wicked slashes at you,

35:05

unable to penetrate your defense. After

35:08

you threw the bedroll, you quickly fumble for your

35:10

real daggers and now you're fending it off with

35:12

the daggers. Not gonna able to sleep though. Yeah.

35:15

like a fucked up lock picking up through a bedroll.

35:18

These guys think I'm an idiot. You got a lantern

35:20

in one hand Leo. You can drop the lantern and

35:22

potentially it breaks. Or you could fight

35:24

with just one dagger. Okay. What do you want

35:26

to do? Throw the lantern

35:28

to one of the Thursdays. Yeah. Actually I'll

35:30

probably just drop the lantern. Drop the lantern?

35:32

How's the lows? Lowes. I hope it breaks

35:34

and things catch fire, because that'll make it

35:37

things exciting. Yes. The stone

35:39

floorwork. You're standing at an

35:41

angle odd enough that when you let go

35:43

of the land, it doesn't really fall. It

35:45

was kind of already resting on the step

35:47

below you. You are small, so it makes

35:50

sense. There's not much of a drop. And

35:53

one of them attacks Perimenko. Oh,

35:57

no. Oh, you just raised your eyebrows.

35:59

Oh, no. Oh, no. You got credit.

36:02

It leaps forward. Without really thinking

36:04

about it, you engage your B Gauntlets

36:06

and just like, NAH! Push them

36:08

out in front of you. It launches

36:11

itself onto your B Gauntlets. Sucked

36:14

in, bitch. It was a look of disappointment

36:16

from Adam. He'd be like, fuck, I didn't

36:18

tell him. to tell. Yeah, it's

36:20

hard. It's hard to to tell. Then it is

36:22

Periwinkle's turn. There's one of them

36:24

right in front of you. You can see

36:27

shadow leaking out of its chest from the

36:29

wounds. Basically, it's like through my fists, right?

36:31

It's kind of like on the end of

36:33

your gauntlets, yeah. I'm assuming I cross them

36:36

over in a defensive pose, because now what

36:38

I want to do is uncross them violently

36:40

and ripping apart through the middle. Sure thing.

36:43

That's bad. Tear him

36:45

asunder, as they say. Yeah,

36:47

you tear it apart. It

36:50

dissipates into the various little wisps that

36:52

make it a... Do we hear another

36:54

moan? Uh, yeah, from deep below you

36:56

hear, like a death rattle. Less death

36:58

rattle and more, like flying rattle. If

37:01

you pleasure one of the shadows, does

37:03

it pleasure the person downstairs? We can

37:05

find out. And

37:07

you are a lover, not a fighter.

37:09

I am a lover, not a fighter.

37:11

Saturday kicks the shadow that he is

37:13

fighting into your back, periwinkle. The

37:16

creature staggers, you stagger a little

37:18

bit as well, and then Saturday

37:20

yells, duck! I duck. He slashes

37:22

high, cutting the creature in half.

37:25

It dissipates into wisps. We high five. Leo,

37:27

it's your turn. You're face to face with

37:29

one. I'll just stab you. I'm like, again,

37:31

just stab with both. I'm

37:33

sorry. I've

37:35

been ripping things apart. I've never killed

37:37

an innocent man, I lie. Very

37:41

begrudgingly, Leo, with like a heavy

37:43

heart, you kick

37:46

out one of

37:48

its legs so

37:51

it falls down.

37:54

Kick its arm

37:56

so it hits

37:59

the wall. Pin

38:02

that arm to

38:05

the wall, and

38:07

then with your

38:10

other dagger, nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

38:17

As you're charging the money, Leo

38:20

casually grabs his bedrock. Just

38:22

to distract him, yeah. At

38:24

the bottom, you know that there's going

38:26

to be a corridor with cells on

38:28

either side of you. The cells would

38:31

be filled with basically like political prisoners.

38:34

People that Damien Eaton himself personally

38:36

hated and wanted to imprison. How

38:38

good are these people? What's how

38:41

good? How emaciated are they? Oh,

38:43

wouldn't you like, would it be more of

38:45

a distraction if we let them all go?

38:48

I see what you're saying. You get to the

38:50

bottom and as you're moving through the cells, you

38:52

can see people hunched up. All of them are

38:55

chained up to the walls. You

38:57

know, your classic like dungeon sort of chains

38:59

to the walls with their arms. They

39:01

all look just awful and

39:03

sickly. They look like they've

39:05

been slowly starving for quite

39:07

some time now. There's this

39:10

awful stench, not just of

39:12

like unwashed people, but people

39:14

that like they're basically dead

39:16

wasting away yeah like gangrene

39:18

there's maybe 60 people here

39:20

in total as you shine

39:22

your bullseye lantern over them

39:24

you curiously note that none

39:26

of them cast shadows So

39:28

it's doing them a service, really? They're not in

39:30

a good way? Are any of them dead? A

39:33

couple of them are dead, yes. One of them

39:35

is one of them in half and one of

39:37

them missing a head. Yeah, you see injuries identical

39:39

to those that you inflicted on the shadows. A

39:41

bunch of them are dead, like, just in other

39:44

ways. Like, card separations, attacks. You

39:46

think maybe the shadows are fighting in

39:48

the fight going on upstairs? Yeah. And

39:50

some of them maybe appear dead at

39:52

first, but when you get close to

39:54

them... they make tiny sails. They do

39:56

that guy in seven. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

39:58

It's basically like a room of that

40:00

guy in seven. Yeah, yeah. Well,

40:02

so really, letting them out is going to be

40:04

time consuming and they're not going to be able

40:06

to help us in any way, shape or form.

40:08

But they might cause a nuisance for Eden. But

40:10

they are innocent. All of these

40:12

people look like if you unchained to them,

40:14

they would just fall to the floor. If

40:16

we kill them, will the shadows die? Yes,

40:18

so anything that happens to one happens to

40:20

the other. But if we kill Eden, we

40:22

maybe save these people that the shadows don't.

40:24

think you can reattach a shadow, Leo. Shadow.

40:27

You both know a cleric of suitable power might be

40:29

able to help them. I think that's very wrong, Greg.

40:31

They're not dead. Where are we finding a cleric of

40:34

suitable power at this hour? Losing your shadow weakens you,

40:36

but it doesn't kill you. These people are weak because

40:38

they've been kept down. Yeah, they've been tortured in all

40:40

sorts of places. just gonna start un -picking a lot.

40:43

I know there's lots of cells. There's lots of cells.

40:46

I'm gonna go through that door. You guys do what

40:48

you need to do. Alright, I'm gonna leave and open

40:50

the door. Can I borrow? You kind of need him

40:52

to get on unless you have a ranged weapon that

40:54

you don't worry about. Did the guards have a ranged

40:57

weapon? Like his mates? Some

40:59

of them would have had like crossbows stuff.

41:01

I've got bees. I thought you were a

41:03

good person, Periwinkle. No, no, no, no, no,

41:05

no, no. Don't you remember? Do

41:08

bad things for good reasons. You'll have to

41:10

pick the lock while they start killing. That's

41:12

funny. I'll borrow a crossbow from one of

41:14

the... You know what? They've got it. Am

41:18

I men okay with killing these people? I feel

41:20

like they would be if they had the same

41:22

values that I have. Yeah, the two Thursdays start

41:24

killing. Saturday seems to have lost his heart for

41:27

it and hands his crossbow over to Pierce instead.

41:29

I'll forget. Go

41:32

over there with Bleeding Art Leo, would ya? I

41:34

want to use one of my small B canisters.

41:36

You throw it and you kill, like, of

41:39

the 60 people, you kill maybe 10. I've got four

41:41

of those cannons and so I used two of them.

41:43

Alright, you killed 20. Pretty a great deal in the

41:45

right thing. you half an hour to pick the lock,

41:47

Leo. By the time you're done, they're done. The door's

41:50

open. Don't look at me like

41:52

that. I walk through

41:54

it. Can I just, before he goes, put

41:56

my hand on his shoulder and I just

41:58

go, Man in Glass Castle shouldn't throw stones.

42:02

And just keep going. You move

42:04

forward through further dungeons, none of

42:07

these inhabited. Some other miscellaneous places

42:09

as well. At some point, you're

42:11

passing through an armory or a

42:13

stock. Anything good? Just mundane

42:16

stuff for the guard within here. You guys

42:18

all have equipment better than this. So the

42:20

map we're looking at, are we close to

42:22

the vault? Yeah, you're getting quite

42:24

close. There's going to be a security checkpoint.

42:26

You're not sure who exactly is going to

42:28

be manning a security checkpoint. It's

42:30

just around a corner. Can we have a

42:32

sneak around? Because if I can all the

42:34

self look like eating might make it easier

42:36

for everyone. I'll have a sneak look. I

42:38

don't think you should be doing any scouting

42:41

because your eyes are compromised. Yeah, right. You

42:43

can. Leo, you duck around

42:45

the corner. You see a like a

42:47

barricade, not a hastily constructed one, but like

42:49

a properly made one, like several different layers

42:51

of protection, like places for crossbowmen to

42:53

sit and defend against people coming down this

42:55

corridor. The only thing you can see though

42:58

on the floor are shredded bits of

43:00

shadow. I'm massive So if we had to

43:02

kill those people, we would be facing

43:04

about 40 shadow men right now. It's hard

43:06

to tell how many are here, but the

43:09

mass looks big enough for like 10,

43:11

15. Yeah, but made a good move. Yeah,

43:13

we did, didn't we? That's all I'm saying.

43:15

Can I just cast Detect Magic? You

43:18

cast Detect Magic, the door,

43:20

the vault door itself radiates with

43:22

powerful magic, but nothing else here

43:24

does. Yeah, it's all clear. Do

43:26

we know what kind of magic

43:28

the door radiates with? As you

43:30

guys are walking closer, Leo, you're

43:32

able to identify evocation magic, so

43:34

the magic that governs lightning bolt

43:36

or fireball, basically a release of

43:38

energy magic. You're able to

43:41

detect a faint necromatic aura about it.

43:43

Can't kill us. An

43:45

abjuration aura. Abjuration alters the

43:47

nature of things. So

43:49

turn wood to stone, make something lighter than

43:51

it should be, that sort of stuff. And

43:54

yeah, that would be it. The three different types.

43:57

Whoa. Why don't I? Because presumably it's trapped. It's

43:59

only able to be passed by certain people with

44:01

the right code. If I make myself look like

44:03

Eaton. Sure. I'll alter

44:05

self to look like Eaton. It

44:07

lasts for 70 minutes. Sweet. While

44:10

he's doing that, I'm going to give you this

44:12

spell that I got given by someone I might

44:14

be handing. I'll alter self last. I was like,

44:16

I could try and disable it, but let's just

44:19

see his plan. Yeah, because then if Greg Pears

44:21

is dead, it's alright. I stand back. We get

44:23

back behind the corner of the corner. It's

44:26

like, yeah. Alter self. It's

44:28

me, Aten. Let me through. The Voltaurs

44:30

have two massive, um, like a handle

44:32

spinny bit and then six different combination

44:34

sets on it. I'm just gonna whisper.

44:37

Like, no, I'm gonna whisper. He's just

44:39

like, talk to Perrinco. He's dead. He's

44:41

dead. He's dead. dead. What would you

44:43

do? Oh, I just thought, I

44:45

didn't know there were combinations, but like what, I'll

44:47

just go up to it and touch it to

44:49

see if it responds to my touch. It feels

44:51

warm, faintly warm to the touch. So it's combination?

44:54

Yeah, there are six combination. numerical combination?

44:56

Yeah, a numerical one. Probably lit

44:59

a cigarette. Yeah, lit a cigarette,

45:01

having a sneaky one. Put my ear up to it, start

45:03

turning combination, try and hear it click. can't even smoke it,

45:05

Lito. I

45:07

like to turn to you guys, give you the finger,

45:09

keep going. You can pick locks, but you're not very

45:11

good at it. You can certainly attempt

45:13

it, but I'm going to tell you here

45:16

and now your character is very well aware

45:18

that it's probably beyond his ability. Do

45:21

we tell him that we have the spell

45:23

yet that opens the doors? Even I could

45:25

try and have a quickander at this,

45:27

because it's basically a lock. I could try

45:29

this, but I'm curious what happens. Me too.

45:33

Is there anything else other than the combinations? No,

45:35

nothing else. I'll just turn back. Right, it doesn't

45:37

work like I thought it does. Oh, you could

45:39

give the handles a go see if it opens.

45:43

Yeah, go on. Give the handles a

45:45

go. I'll

45:48

turn back to them and be like, have you tried

45:50

turning it off and on? No, well, we're all funny.

45:52

Come on. Get off

45:54

your arses. Finish cigarette out. Come on.

45:57

Have a look at the locks. Can

45:59

I unlock this? Well, the magical element

46:01

is a bit beyond you. You can

46:04

make out a faint line of like

46:06

magical text around just the edge of

46:08

the door. The magical text is some

46:10

sort of spell of protection. You

46:13

think potentially the spell might have some sort

46:15

of effect of like If you're trying to

46:17

open the door, and you do not own

46:19

what is beyond you, the door can tell

46:21

that. But you don't know what it does

46:23

when Like a Gringotts vault. Harry Potter. I'll

46:25

be like, well... The door knows if you

46:27

own what is beyond it, and you're not

46:29

sure, but you're not sure what it does

46:31

when it finds out. Alright. Does not... What

46:33

does Nock do, the spell? It,

46:36

Let's negate everything? Or just unlock it? It

46:38

just unlocks magical or mundane locks. It

46:40

won't get rid of any traps. Alright.

46:43

I'm gonna use the Nock and see

46:45

what happens. Does the magic change? We're

46:47

standing back again. Stand back, boys. You

46:50

read aloud the arcane spell, the

46:52

six different combinations, spin of their

46:54

own accord, and one after the

46:56

other you hear click, click, click,

46:59

click, click, click, and

47:01

a bolt sliding on the other side

47:03

of the door. Right. Still

47:06

magic, like... You can still detect magic,

47:08

yeah. So the trap door is still

47:10

activated. Yep. Cool. Right, doors are unlocked,

47:12

but... Ah, this too happens. Do I

47:14

think it'd be fooled by my altar

47:16

self? I assume I still look like

47:19

Eden. I haven't changed that. You

47:21

don't think altar self will

47:23

fool it? A use magic

47:25

device check, which both you

47:27

and Piss can attempt. Basically

47:29

what you're doing is you're

47:31

tricking a magical item into

47:33

thinking something. So easy ones

47:36

are like, you trick a magical item

47:38

into being like, hey, I'm a wizard,

47:40

or hey, I'm lawful good. More

47:42

complicated ones are like, hey, I'm

47:44

an orc, or hey, I'm Damien

47:46

Eaton. Well, I've got 13 in

47:48

Use Magical Device. What are you

47:51

rocking? It's a good question. I'll

47:53

crack my knuckles. It'll be like, yo,

47:55

yo, it's me, Damien Eaton. Don't even

47:57

think about it. You grab the left

48:00

or the right handle? Left.

48:02

Left? Use Magic Device. Let's see how

48:04

we do it. You grab it and

48:06

turn it. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,

48:08

tick, tick, tick, clock. Sweet.

48:11

Right, that's one done. The next

48:13

tea. All right. It's

48:15

me again, Damien Eaton. Everyone, it's me, Damien

48:18

Eaton. Don't think too much. In your exuberance,

48:20

you forget to say it's me, Damien Eaton.

48:22

It's like, it's me. It's me. You grab

48:24

the second one and when you grab it,

48:27

It feels impossibly cold to the touch. Fucked

48:29

up, fucked up, up. No, you don't let

48:31

go. You mind letting go, but you don't.

48:33

fucked up. Your hands become frozen. to

48:36

the door and ice starts to come

48:38

along or starts to chill up your

48:40

arms. Someone cracked my hands off this

48:42

right right hey ow ow ow. Alright

48:45

I go over I grab Greg Piss

48:47

round the waist and I pull until

48:49

his hands snap off. If I pull

48:51

him off in his handshatter you can

48:54

heal him right? No not at all

48:56

no one can. Who's the healer? He

48:58

is. I couldn't even heal this. Can

49:00

you round this past while you guys

49:03

having this conversation? I can't take another

49:05

point of damage. It's very difficult. All

49:07

right. Use my fingers away use magic

49:09

item. I try and Turn on your

49:12

damning. I'm damning. I'm damning him. I

49:14

mean, I'm so damn you grab turn

49:16

tick tick tick tick tick the clock

49:18

the effect on Greg piss immediately ends

49:21

and the door Slowly starts to swing

49:23

forward hot tip For those of you

49:25

playing at home, if you'd pulled at

49:27

him, I would have broken off both

49:29

his hands. I kind of

49:32

knew that you would have. I wouldn't have been

49:34

able imagine. I thought you'd hear it. No. Sorry,

49:36

I can't let you do that, Adam. Sick pleasure

49:38

in that as well. Oh, I know you would

49:40

have. The vault door opens to a very small,

49:43

simple room. It's maybe 15 feet

49:45

by 10 feet. The room is tiny compared

49:47

to the door that's guarding it. In

49:49

the room is a table, and on

49:51

the table are three bags. One of

49:54

them, you recognize as the bag that

49:56

you were originally after, that the orc

49:58

chieftain was holding aloft. The other two

50:00

bags look like they might also be

50:02

magic bags, but they're not ones that

50:04

you specifically are after. Right. The bags

50:06

all look similar. They do look kind

50:08

of similar, yeah. Don't you dare.

50:11

I was gonna be the tech magic again.

50:14

You detect magic? The room detects with no

50:16

magic. Neither does the door. I grabbed the

50:18

bag that we are recognized from the orcs.

50:20

You step into the room. And when you

50:22

step into the room, You feel like you've

50:24

walked through a waterfall. Some weird happened when

50:27

I walked in. Check it out. I

50:29

walk through. Same thing. You have a feeling

50:31

like you've walked through a waterfall. And both

50:33

of you actually, I should say, feel a

50:35

little different. Like, something's changed. Neither of you

50:37

look different. It just feels... It's this nagging

50:39

feeling that something's changed. I stay

50:41

out of the room. Alright. By the vault

50:44

door. Saturday steps through. I want one of

50:46

the Thursdays to stay with Greg Piss. Both

50:48

of the Thursdays stay with Greg Piss. They

50:50

give you sour looks, Piss. I can give

50:52

myself a look back. Saturday steps through and

50:54

he says, I feel fine. You feel fine.

50:56

I felt that weird water thing, but I

50:58

feel fine inside. Both

51:01

of you look normal, he says. I

51:03

don't feel normal. You don't feel normal.

51:06

Yeah. Don't you want to grab the one we know

51:08

and I'll grab the other two? Yeah, all right. You

51:10

wonder up to the table and consider the bags, but

51:12

you feel it would be wrong to steal. I

51:15

want to steal. Perhaps there's a better way

51:17

to do this. What do I feel? Same

51:19

thing. You feel like really bad. I love

51:21

stealing. You periwinkle. You look back on like

51:23

a bunch of things that you've done to

51:25

get here after like considering taking them and

51:27

you're like, oh man, I killed all those

51:29

people. Saturday. Try

51:31

to take the bag. Saturday

51:34

wanders off and he's like, well,

51:36

surely there's like... You know, another way to do this.

51:38

What's wrong? What's wrong? What's going on? Pick up a

51:40

bag. Can you pick up the table? Can I pick

51:43

up the table? Yeah, you can lift the table. Let's

51:45

move the table out of this fucking vault. You don't

51:47

even finish that sentence. You're like... Let's just put down.

51:49

The theft is wrong. What's wrong? What's a... Give me

51:51

no idea. That thieving is wrong, Greg. Never

51:54

in my life. Your idea helps you

51:56

steal. You don't say whatever you're thinking.

51:58

Adam, can I mage Hey,

52:01

Greg. Yeah? Before you mage

52:03

hand, can you try to come in the

52:05

room? I want to

52:07

see what... Happens to you when

52:09

you try to take this back

52:12

because I don't want to and

52:14

neither does Leo I don't want

52:16

to let me try this first

52:18

idiot Yeah, you lose the correct

52:21

bag and look right towards you

52:23

Right, I got the right bag

52:25

Close the vault door You do

52:28

realize the two Thursdays are out

52:30

with you. I'll fight them. That's

52:32

fine. I closed the vault

52:35

door We make a run for it.

52:37

Fuck. I knew it was coming.

52:41

I should have broken his fucking hands

52:43

and I had the chance. You should

52:45

have. He wouldn't be able to do

52:47

this. I trusted him in a bad

52:49

moment where I forgot that Jackson and

52:51

Greg Pierce aren't the same person. But

52:56

I wouldn't break Jackson's hands.

52:59

Alright, so Pierce, you put your hands around

53:01

the vault door and you begin to close

53:03

it. It's nearly shut and Leo, if you

53:06

want you could try to duck through but

53:08

if you fail you're gonna get crushed on

53:10

the door and I'm gonna let you know

53:12

you have five hit points left. Do

53:15

I know if he closed the door we're

53:17

dead? Like there's no exiting this. Now on

53:19

the other side of the door there's like

53:22

the mechanisms that control the door. Certainly if

53:24

it's just a mechanical issue you can unlock

53:26

it from the inside. I throw a dagger

53:28

through the closing door and get him? Can

53:30

I be him as the door's closing too?

53:32

If you be him, you'll be being your

53:35

friends as well. These are equal opportunity enemies.

53:37

Can I throw a dagger at him? Charged.

53:39

You heard that? The dagger

53:42

slips easily into your thigh,

53:44

Piss. I'm

53:47

gonna kill him.

53:50

I'm gonna straight up kill him. Piss,

53:52

you feel an awful pain shooting up

53:55

your leg and then everything goes black.

53:57

Oh god. Fucking dammit. You're on negative

53:59

one hit points. Oh my goodness! God.

54:01

God damn it! The two Thursdays like grab the

54:03

door before it closes and pull it back open.

54:06

Pull it back open fucking damn it. Right. Hang

54:08

on a second. First off, tie him up. Tie

54:10

up. I'm gonna use Mage Hand. Grab the other

54:12

two bags. One of the bags is too heavy

54:14

for Mage Hand. You can only get another one

54:17

of the bags. Alright, grab that. Do you want

54:19

one with a red buckle or with blue lining?

54:21

Red buckle. Red buckle? Okay. Red

54:23

buckle is a good name. It's

54:25

another of my dad. So,

54:28

you get the one with the red buckle, and you

54:30

get the one that you assume is the correct I

54:32

gonna kill you. Alright, so... Oh, does

54:34

anyone stabilize pierce or do you just leave him the

54:36

bleed out? I don't know how to

54:38

heal people, Leo. Do we want to just... You

54:40

know what? Between the Thursday, Thursday, and Saturday, they

54:43

stabilize him, and then if you guys want, you

54:45

can just kill him. Alright, first off, I want

54:47

to get that other... Like, I want to get

54:49

that other... The blue lining one? Blue lining one.

54:51

We can't steal it if we're in the room.

54:53

Something happens, it means we can't take stuff. Yeah.

54:55

That's not strong enough to do... the weird spell

54:58

thing you do. Yeah. Can I just like, can

55:00

I get like a grappling hook? Uh -huh. Some

55:02

rope. Pull it in to last of it. Like,

55:04

like, not like the bag, but the desk. The

55:06

table. And drag the desk towards me. Um, well,

55:08

you're probably not strong enough to drag it, but

55:10

with the, yeah, with the Winkle and such, you

55:13

can, uh, drag the table so that it's... Can we

55:15

tip the table at the door so that the bag

55:17

falls out of the door? The

55:19

table's probably a bit too heavy to

55:21

finangle it like that, because the vault

55:23

door like is... One of

55:25

you's gonna have to like reach in

55:28

and just kinda grab at it. Yeah,

55:30

we do that. Uh, he's got long

55:32

as reach. Probably periwinkle. Yeah, I'll go

55:34

first then. Uh, it's a bit too far

55:37

for you periwinkle. Without actually putting yourself into

55:39

the vault and then not being able to

55:41

steal. I've got an idea. Pick me up.

55:43

Yeah, can I hold Leo out? Then

55:46

you would just proper be in and stealing is wrong. Can

55:49

I just maybe use the grappling hook and kind of grab

55:51

the bag and push the bag forward? You know what I

55:53

mean? Like it's kind of a new hook just to be

55:55

like, I just don't want Damien eating to have this. Yeah,

55:57

no, me neither. Maybe it's

56:00

a dragon. You miss with your first throw of

56:02

the grappling hook and after you've thrown the grappling

56:04

hook just one time. I give it one more.

56:06

I give it one more try and if that

56:08

fucks up like fair enough, throw it in. On

56:10

the second go, you loop it loosely around one

56:12

of the bag straps and you're able to drag

56:15

it closer and then out. So you have all

56:17

three bags. There you go. I'm going to take

56:19

the bag that we came for. I'll put these

56:21

in my backpack. Alright, and I'll look after this

56:23

one. That's just a regular backpack, right? My backpack,

56:25

yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I forgot if any of

56:27

you had like a... Nah. Putting a magic bag

56:30

in a magic bag is not good. No, no,

56:32

it's a regular backpack. That was explosions. Now,

56:36

peas. The only thing that

56:38

makes me really wary is this

56:40

is Greg Piss we're talking about,

56:42

and I'm worried that if we

56:45

just leave here with him, he

56:47

will find a way to just...

56:49

us. Part of me is like, lock him

56:51

in the vault and if he gets out of the vault, bully for him.

56:54

Well, how will he wake up? Will he wake

56:56

up? Because he's been stabilized. if

56:58

you leave him, he will wake up. It'll take like

57:01

a day. I wish those were long

57:03

gone. He's got 24 hours. Do

57:05

we hate him enough to kill him?

57:08

It's my question. Well...

57:15

Part of me wants to lock him in

57:18

the vault, but break his arms and legs

57:20

before we do that. I'm happy to do

57:22

that. Oh, yeah. How you going? I'll be

57:24

right. Like, you did betray us. No, like,

57:26

I like it's fair. Like, I'm not a

57:29

huge man of, like, killing people. They're like

57:31

an innocent, but Craigslist is not innocent. Like,

57:33

he fucked us good. You want

57:35

to kill him? I did not not say that.

57:38

If we carry him with us, is it going to be really hard to get out of

57:40

here? Do you drag him with us? I'm just saying put him in the vault. Lock

57:42

the door. I'm okay with

57:45

that. He gets out. He has to then escape

57:47

Eaton's castle again. Chuck him in the vault. We

57:49

put him in the vault. You roll him into

57:51

the vault and close the doors on him. It's

58:06

almost Mother's Day, and you can now

58:09

get anything you need delivered with Uber

58:11

Eats. Well, almost, almost anything.

58:13

So no, you can't order a

58:15

relaxing shower, but some beautiful flowers,

58:18

you bet we deliver those. A

58:20

bird bath? No. A bath bomb?

58:22

Absolutely. It's no to a

58:24

chocolate lab, but yes to some chocolate

58:26

truffles. So whether it's a last -minute

58:29

gift for Mother's Day, fresh groceries, or

58:31

food from your favorite restaurants, get it

58:33

delivered today with Uber Eats. Order now.

58:36

Product availability varies by region, see up

58:38

for details. You know that feeling when

58:40

a girl who gets it gives you

58:43

a genuine compliment? Suddenly, you're strutting through

58:45

the streets, sending motivational voice notes to

58:47

the group chat, manifesting a new man.

58:50

That's the Trusome LaMellor Gloss Effect, babe.

58:52

It's an unstoppable kind of confidence reserved

58:54

only for the real girls' girls. And

58:57

now, we've bottled it. We're talking shampoo,

58:59

conditioner, leave -in cream, shine spray, and

59:01

a finishing oil that's seriously too glossy

59:04

to gatekeep. 72 hours of salon -level

59:06

shine? That's gloss that gives, girl. And

59:08

it's available everywhere. So go out there,

59:11

get glossy, and give gloss with Tressime's

59:13

new LaMellor gloss collection. This

59:15

podcast is brought to you by Aura.

59:17

Imagine waking up to find your bank

59:19

account drained, bills for loans you never

59:21

took out, a warrant for your arrest,

59:24

all because someone stole your identity. Hackers

59:26

aren't waiting. Why are you? That's why

59:28

we're thrilled to partner with Aura. Your

59:30

personal data is a goldmine for hackers,

59:32

and Aura helps lock it down. Aura

59:34

monitors the dark web, blocks data brokers

59:36

from selling your information, includes a VPN

59:38

for private browsing, and a password manager

59:40

to secure your accounts before criminals break

59:42

in. For a limited time, Aura is

59:44

offering our listeners a 14 -day free

59:47

trial plus a dark web scan to

59:49

check if your personal information has been

59:51

leaked, all for free at Aura .com/safety.

59:53

That's Aura .com/safety to sign up and

59:55

start protecting yourself and your

59:57

loved ones. That's A -U

59:59

-R -A dot com

1:00:01

slash safety. Terms apply,

1:00:03

check the site

1:00:05

for details. ACAST

1:00:09

powers the world's best

1:00:11

podcast. Here's a show that

1:00:13

we recommend. Hello,

1:00:16

hello, it's Brooke DeVard from Naked Beauty. Join

1:00:18

me each week for unfiltered discussion

1:00:20

about beauty trends, self -care journeys, wellness

1:00:23

tips, and the products we absolutely love

1:00:25

and cannot get enough of. If you

1:00:27

are a skincare obsessive and you spend 20 plus

1:00:29

minutes on your skincare routine, this podcast

1:00:31

is for you. Or if you're a

1:00:33

newbie at the beginning of your skincare

1:00:36

journey, you'll love this podcast as well

1:00:38

because we go so much deeper

1:00:40

than beauty. I talk to incredible and

1:00:42

inspiring people from across industries about their

1:00:44

relationship with beauty. You'll also hear

1:00:46

from skincare experts. We We break down lots

1:00:49

of myths in the beauty industry. If

1:00:51

this sounds like your thing, search

1:00:53

for Naked Beauty on your podcast app and

1:00:55

listen along. I I hope you'll join

1:00:57

us. ACAST

1:01:00

helps creators launch, grow,

1:01:02

and monetize their podcasts

1:01:04

everywhere. acast .com

Unlock more with Podchaser Pro

  • Audience Insights
  • Contact Information
  • Demographics
  • Charts
  • Sponsor History
  • and More!
Pro Features