0:12

Thank you for tuning in to Diaries of a Dom , plus

0:15

questions answered with me

0:17

. Chastity Queen . Today

0:21

I want to talk about a topic

0:23

that is interesting

0:25

to discuss , something a little

0:28

bit more unusual , I suppose

0:30

, something that probably should be discussed

0:32

within the dynamics of

0:34

ADS and BDSM

0:36

, especially with

0:39

different forms of BDSM

0:41

, in particular , the impact

0:44

, play and pain

0:47

dynamic , as well as some other

0:49

dynamics that are

0:52

engaged in . And this

0:55

is something I want to discuss , and

0:57

I will state it in one word

0:59

crying

1:10

. Yes , you heard me right crying . So before I get into this , you can

1:12

definitely check out my links here on the podcast . You can feel

1:14

free to send me a nice tribute . You

1:18

can look at all of my affiliate

1:20

links . I am affiliated with Locked in Lust affiliate links . I am affiliated

1:22

with Locked in Lust and you

1:24

can use my promo code , chastityqueen

1:27

all

1:36

one word , all caps for your 15% off stackable discount . So yesterday I was in FetLife

1:38

and I was taking a look at some of my notifications

1:41

. I get a lot of notifications and I like to check

1:43

them every other day . I will check on them , maybe every three days . I'm pretty busy , get a lot of notifications and I like to check them every other

1:45

day . I will check on them maybe every three days . I'm

1:47

pretty busy with a lot of different aspects

1:50

of my lifestyle

1:52

so I have to spread

1:54

it out a little bit because I get

1:56

super busy . So

1:59

yesterday I noticed a few comments

2:01

on an image of my

2:04

adult baby , and

2:06

part of our dynamic is to

2:08

engage in spanking

2:10

and he

2:13

is considered a

2:16

crybaby . He calls himself that

2:18

and I

2:20

, of course , facilitate

2:23

that , I support that and that

2:25

is just part of his personality . Now

2:28

we did an image . I

2:30

captioned a photo of him crying

2:33

and red-faced and really

2:36

in a moment . And

2:38

the interesting part

2:40

of this whole situation

2:43

after creating

2:45

a caption and posting were the comments

2:47

. So first I'm

2:55

going to share with you what

2:57

I said on the caption . So on my

2:59

caption there was the picture of my baby , who I am

3:02

owner of . I am the mummy , dom too , and

3:04

I just absolutely adore . So

3:07

the top title was Cry , baby

3:09

Cry , and what I wrote

3:11

underneath was there is nothing I love

3:14

more than knowing that my baby

3:16

feels . Baby Crying

3:18

is a great way to experience real-time

3:21

baby space . I highly

3:23

recommend spankings to conjure up the

3:26

raw feelings of baby joy . Mommy

3:28

always knows best , because

3:31

that's just my expression and

3:33

that's the expression that

3:35

my baby loves to have

3:37

hung up on their wall , that I know best

3:40

, with my picture . It's wonderful , it's

3:42

a very dominant , submissive interaction

3:46

, of course . But some

3:48

of the comments were this

3:51

Okay , so one was that is

3:53

a good point . I haven't

3:55

cried in many years , certainly

3:57

not from a mummy taking control and properly

3:59

spanking me . I can't find

4:02

that mummy . Then

4:04

there is another one I also

4:06

haven't cried for years . If

4:08

mummy spanked me I would cry for

4:10

her . And then there

4:12

was another that said interesting , so more

4:15

than a maintenance spanking , obviously

4:17

, or a maintenance spanking that has

4:19

also moved past , that mummy

4:22

has never made me cry during a

4:24

spanking . Thank you , mistress , for

4:26

pointing this out . Your intuitive nature

4:28

never ceases to fail . Very

4:30

appreciative of your post . You

4:32

know , I thought about that and I thought about

4:34

the whole dynamic of crying and

4:36

why we cry , and so I

4:39

went on to do up

4:41

a writing about crying

4:43

. You know , I

4:45

consider it much of a full body

4:47

cleanse and some of my responses actually

4:50

I should get into my responses to that were

4:53

so . For example , for

4:56

the one that said they hadn't cried in years , I said crying

4:58

is a full mental cleanse . And

5:01

another one I said to them , crying

5:04

serves a purpose for sure , the one

5:06

who said he hadn't cried for years . And

5:08

then to this other one , I said when

5:11

I get into the feelings of an experience

5:13

, everything makes sense . There

5:16

are so many different reasons to cry . One

5:18

is sheer joy , another is pain , grief

5:21

, crying , frustration , cries

5:23

At its core . Crying is

5:25

a form of release , but also of connection

5:28

, like coming . The

5:31

end result is mental peace and

5:34

you know , my baby responded saying

5:36

this is all true , mommy , I let

5:38

go and it just comes out during my

5:40

spankings and feels like relief and

5:43

release and complete loss of control

5:45

, like a purge or cleanse

5:47

, as you put it . And it is only

5:49

powerful because it

5:51

is a thing we share , like the other

5:53

baby things I need your approval and praise

5:56

for , as you mentioned , you

5:58

don't make me cry so

6:00

much as you help me to , because

6:02

I want and need to , and

6:05

you give me permission and approval and comforting

6:07

, and I said that I hold

6:09

that baby's hand so

6:12

that they feel safe to let go

6:14

. So

6:16

now I'm going to read to you what I wrote

6:19

in another post , and it

6:21

was about crying and the

6:24

title of it is Cry . There

6:27

are so many different reasons to cry . One

6:30

sheer joy , another

6:33

pain , grief

6:36

, crying Frustration

6:38

cries At

6:40

its core . Crying is a form of

6:43

release , but also of connection , like

6:48

coming . The

6:50

end result is mental peace . Don't fear it . Peace

6:53

is on the other side of your tears . And

6:56

then I signed off for that . That's

7:08

on my Mommy Celeste FetLife account

7:11

. I keep my mummy side separate from my chastity queen

7:13

side because I like to identify who is more

7:15

into the ABDL side of Fet , kinks

7:17

etc . And then the other side is more

7:19

my slaves and my chastity

7:22

. It can co-mingle . Of course

7:24

I have some chastity

7:26

slaves who are very much into

7:28

both , or I have some ABs

7:31

that are into both

7:33

or maybe fluctuate from one side to the

7:35

other . We aren't static , we aren't

7:37

in stasis when it comes to

7:39

our fetishes . We have to understand that as

7:41

a collective and there are some of us that are very

7:43

specific and that can have a lot to do with personality

7:46

as well and maybe

7:49

having explored everything and realizing

7:51

what our main focus is , and

7:53

there's nothing wrong with that . But I'd say the majority

7:56

of fetish players

7:58

and kinksters are willing

8:01

to explore or enjoy

8:03

more than one fetish , maybe

8:06

a combination of things in different

8:08

levels . So

8:11

I just want to talk about crying in

8:13

particular because you know

8:15

when a woman who's

8:18

a dom takes a slave into

8:20

her dungeon as

8:22

a slave . So I'm not talking the

8:24

AB side right now . I

8:27

am reflecting upon my time as

8:29

a dom within my dungeon , meeting

8:32

strangers , for example , and interacting

8:34

with people that have very

8:37

specific needs in

8:39

regards to impact play . You

8:42

know , I did notice something within

8:44

that dynamic and

8:46

amongst the

8:48

men who I engaged with because

8:51

I had , 99%

8:53

were men and whether

8:55

they're dressed up or not , I mean just talking

8:57

about their , their

9:00

birth . You know they're cis

9:02

male , born male didn't mean that

9:04

that's what they stayed as , but a

9:06

born male . And I don't know if it's society

9:08

or the

9:11

need to prove oneself

9:13

and be tough

9:15

and be strong and take the hits without

9:17

crying , but there

9:20

was definitely a restriction . There

9:33

was definitely a restriction , sort of this invisible disconnect with these men that would come

9:35

in and get some serious impact play done to them . Even the ones who considered themselves pain slots

9:37

would squeal out but they would never cry . I

9:40

found that crying was reserved for

9:42

those who were open to

9:44

psychological humiliation

9:46

, degradation play , but

9:49

even that was sparse . If

9:52

I got somebody to the point of crying

9:54

, it was often at

9:57

a level where they felt broken

9:59

and then

10:01

they cried . And

10:03

of course I would give

10:05

them comfort and I would give them the aftercare

10:08

required . But if every

10:10

man walked through that door and

10:12

I pointed at them and said look , crying

10:15

is allowed , feel

10:19

free , let it go . Most

10:22

men say I haven't cried

10:24

in years , I just I'm not a crier . Or

10:27

they'd say it takes a lot to make me

10:29

cry . So I don't know if this is just

10:31

a gender thing or

10:34

if it's a . I'm a tough slave

10:36

and I can take anything kind

10:38

of challenge

10:41

for me . But

10:44

the people that cried

10:46

and I'll tell you the one person that came in , who

10:48

was an AB I

10:50

learned his story and I've talked about it in the past

10:53

and his mother , at a very young

10:55

age , began to do

10:57

inappropriate things to him . And what

10:59

happened to him is that he

11:02

learned how to suppress his emotions

11:04

and he did it quite

11:07

well , so much so that as

11:09

a teenager he got into hockey and he was

11:11

usually the one that was fighting on the ice

11:13

. Just recently , I

11:15

had a memory pop up on my phone and

11:18

it was him and I . You

11:20

know the level of

11:22

connection between him and I was

11:24

so strong , and

11:27

do you know why . The

11:29

first time I sat down with him I

11:31

asked him some questions and

11:33

he could feel my nurturing nature

11:36

, my love , my caring

11:39

side . It's

11:41

actually quite present . When I'm dominating , it's

11:44

there . It's just who I am . I

11:46

can be sadistic and still revert

11:48

back to that nurturing

11:52

behavior quite quickly . It's

11:54

a safety valve , really , for many of the people

11:57

that have met with me or who are

11:59

my slaves . They feel that

12:01

they can trust me , they feel safe . And

12:04

just in asking him questions

12:06

he broke

12:08

down . He said you know

12:10

, I haven't cried in a very long

12:12

time . And

12:15

then we got deeper into it and I realized why

12:17

. And

12:41

from there started quite a deep connection , relationship within that dynamic as a mummy dom for him

12:43

. And yet I did tell him that , no , I will never repeat the things that you went through . That was one of

12:45

my hard and fast rules . I can give you a mummy dom and replace all of those negative memories

12:48

with positive . I can be the mummy you

12:50

never had in dom form

12:52

, but I won't go back

12:54

there . I won't wear the

12:56

nightgown color

12:58

that she used to wear or a

13:01

specific lipstick

13:03

. I'm not going to do it , and

13:06

maybe that's something that I shouldn't

13:09

have done . I don't know , but I felt

13:11

ethically obligated not

13:13

to repeat that abuse

13:15

. So

13:17

, in relation to crying , he

13:20

was one of the men

13:22

who came in and let

13:25

go and

13:27

from there he felt

13:29

so much clarity . Years

13:32

and years and years of pain came out

13:34

and I think that could be part of it . I

13:36

think a lot of people don't want to get into

13:38

that . You know ugly

13:40

cry , where everything comes apart

13:42

and you don't know what might happen either . You're not

13:44

sure if it'll be an ugly cry . You

13:47

might just shed a few tears

13:49

. You might not shed enough . You

13:52

know , in relation to the situation

13:54

or to the trauma , but

13:58

even for those that don't have trauma , there

14:01

was a noted restraint

14:05

when it came to crying in the men that

14:07

I domed A

14:10

lot of smiling . That

14:12

was an easy one for me . I made a lot of men

14:14

smile and

14:17

they told me after a session they'd feel

14:19

lighter on their feet . They felt , and

14:42

they told me after a session they'd feel lighter on their feet

14:44

, they felt relief . But you know , when it comes to impact play , how far do you go , how far

14:47

could you go to get that submissive to cry ? Within

14:50

the boundaries of the negotiations , of course

14:52

, within the boundaries of safety and consent

14:54

. How

14:57

far do you push ? How

15:07

far do you push ? Do you

15:09

add words along with the hit to make that magical experience

15:12

flow ? Yeah

15:17

, that was very hard for me . I humiliated one slave and he's probably listening right

15:19

now and knows what I'm talking about and he was very upset . I

15:21

mean , he asked for it , but he was very upset and

15:23

that left a lasting

15:26

impression on me and I

15:30

would never do that again . To

15:33

be frank , I mean maybe

15:38

because we built a connection

15:41

and it just felt as if it went

15:43

just too far . And I think

15:45

that a lot of doms feel that ethical

15:49

question . Within there

15:51

are some women who are sadists

15:53

, 100% sadist , and they

15:56

really don't give a shit . Right

15:58

, they don't . They

16:01

push limits , they go outside

16:03

of the negotiations sometimes

16:05

just to get what they want , and

16:08

the slaves will often

16:11

oblige , but

16:14

then afterwards they wonder , hmm , maybe

16:16

did that go a little far , or I

16:18

didn't feel comfortable crying

16:21

like that , like she kind of really brought it

16:23

out of me and

16:26

they weren't ready , like I think that's another question

16:29

is are you ready to cry ? Are

16:32

you willing to talk about it before

16:35

the session ? Is that something you

16:37

even want to negotiate ? Why

16:40

is crying so taboo ? Really

16:42

, there's many different types of crying

16:44

, as I mentioned , and there

16:47

can be pain , but pleasure crying

16:49

, right . I've

16:51

seen a lot of women do it at clubs

16:53

, at events that are BDSM related . They are getting right into

16:55

their emotions . They are getting right into

16:57

their emotions . So maybe it is a gender

17:00

thing . I

17:03

don't know , it's

17:05

a mystery to me . It's

17:09

not and it is . You know , it's

17:13

one of these things that I think

17:16

about and

17:20

when that caption was posted , when I posted that and the comments were made , it got me thinking again

17:22

and I thought hmm , why

17:26

aren't people crying ? And

17:29

they're openly expressing it too , like I haven't

17:31

cried in years , almost as if it's a badge

17:33

of honor . Man

17:36

out there , is it a badge of honor not to cry

17:38

? You know , like

17:40

, do you feel you've succeeded

17:42

if you don't cry ? I'm not trying to

17:44

shame you , I'm just saying , like , what

17:46

is it Really ? I

17:50

mean , at a human level , I think all of us try

17:53

to avoid it . We don't want to

17:55

deal with the things that make us cry

17:57

, that

18:07

make us cry , and the things that do make us cry are often moments and experiences that

18:10

are sad , negative , you know , death or depression

18:14

. I'm not saying

18:16

we need to tap into those types of

18:18

moments . But even in those

18:20

moments , crying is a way to cleanse it out

18:22

, to wash it out from

18:24

like inside out . You

18:27

know you

18:31

can have a shower , but unless you fill

18:34

yourself up and squeeze it out and

18:37

the only way a human body can do that

18:39

with tears is through the eye sockets

18:41

right , you

18:45

can't press a part on your body like you know your stomach

18:47

or your cheeks , and then it just expresses

18:50

and then it's

18:53

done . It's like , okay , I've cried , it's

18:55

over , hey

18:57

, I'm just as guilty really

19:00

. Hey , I'm just as guilty , really

19:02

. I'm a dominant female , I

19:04

don't have anything to prove . But at the same time , I

19:18

suppose there is an

19:20

air of strength that one has to show on your exterior

19:22

. The

19:25

only people that really know about the things that I'm suffering with internally are

19:27

the close slaves , and

19:29

often on my podcast I will

19:31

express things that I

19:33

wouldn't normally just talk about at a

19:35

BDSM party or with random

19:38

folks that I've

19:40

met . You know , at

19:42

an event , though

19:45

I will say the BDSM

19:47

community are more apt to

19:49

discuss feelings

19:53

and emotions amongst

19:55

themselves . You

19:58

know , a lot of times I wish I had more dom

20:01

like femdom

20:03

, female , dominant friends

20:06

. I

20:09

know a ton of them , but

20:11

I don't really have a

20:14

closeness with any of them , and it's not

20:16

because there's a competition going

20:19

on between me and another or there's

20:22

any threat . It's not that I

20:27

think that dominant women are very busy taking

20:30

care of submissives and

20:34

oftentimes

20:36

they're left with the scraps personally

20:39

. Times they're left with the scraps personally . I mean yesterday I had to

20:41

take a personal day , a

20:52

mental health day , from this . I still did some things , but I just had

20:55

to say to myself I can't do it . Today I did some planting

20:58

and repotting in the house . I did some repotting

21:00

of some little plants that needed bigger

21:03

pots , bigger homes , because they were starting

21:05

to get restricted in

21:07

the tight little space that I

21:10

had given them . So I

21:12

got them bigger pots . But I did a little

21:14

cooking and the things that relaxed

21:16

me listening to music , but

21:19

even art . I haven't done art for a while

21:21

and

21:24

there's just so much that I would love

21:26

to do . But

21:28

being an online

21:30

support for

21:33

slaves and subs , you

21:36

know , being a dom , it's

21:41

oftentimes

21:43

quite a thankless job . Quite

21:50

a thankless job If you you know , if you want to call it that , I I don't like calling

21:52

it that . But at the same time , there are days where it feels like a job , because

21:54

a lot is expected

21:57

and nothing is given in return

21:59

. You

22:01

know I have some slaves that are wonderful , absolutely

22:05

wonderful to me , you

22:07

know , in a pinch and I know whoever's listening

22:09

, I know that one in particular is probably listening

22:12

and I want to thank you because there

22:15

have been so many times where , you

22:17

know , I've not known where the money

22:19

is going to come to get my doggy

22:21

some food . You know it's like my

22:25

life is unstable as far as finances

22:28

because of my past , because I was raised

22:30

in a cult and left

22:32

that situation in my

22:34

mid-30s and basically

22:38

had to rethink

22:40

and reform my whole life

22:45

. Moving forward . I had to

22:47

figure it out . I

22:50

didn't have a teenage

22:53

life that was free

22:56

. You know there were expectations

22:58

as I grew up within that cult

23:01

family

23:03

. You know fourth generation basically

23:05

, and

23:10

my partner too . I mean I met him

23:13

in the cult and

23:33

he too has family within the religion . You know cult religion

23:35

, whatever right . And so you know I don't

23:37

live a life like most

23:39

do , where you have a teenage life . You know free childhood

23:42

, where you're running around meeting kids and

23:44

develop psychologically

23:46

in a very natural

23:52

way . I didn't

23:54

have that I wasn't allowed to associate with anybody

23:56

outside of their religion . And

24:03

I tell you , the ones within the religion are not exactly very trustworthy

24:05

, because if you say something wrong or

24:09

you do something wrong , well

24:11

you get

24:13

told on right . There's no

24:15

privacy , there's no

24:17

room for error when you're a child

24:20

, because it will get back to your parents

24:22

and then it'll end up as a committee

24:24

meeting they call it a committee meeting with the elders

24:26

and then you have to be read

24:28

some scriptures and told that you shouldn't do this

24:30

or you get disciplined , whatever the

24:33

case might be . I mean , I was corporally punished

24:35

, all of the kids

24:37

that were within that religion in my

24:39

era , you know

24:41

, 70s , 80s

24:43

, 90s , but in

24:45

particular when you're younger , I

24:48

mean , even babies got taken to the back

24:50

and violently spanked . Wooden

24:54

spoons were a common thing . A lot

24:56

of parents brought wooden spoons or

24:59

belts and you know , when a

25:01

baby or a child or a little toddler

25:03

, even a teenager , got yanked out by

25:05

their ear and they , they were

25:07

disciplined . People looked at each other

25:09

and laughed because they thought , oh , another

25:12

one's getting spanked . It

25:15

was a culture of degradation

25:17

, humiliation and you

25:19

better obey or else . So

25:21

that

25:24

was my upbringing . I

25:26

didn't have much room for error

25:29

when it came to behavior

25:33

, and my good behavior

25:35

was based upon fear . That's

25:38

not authentic obedience in my opinion . This

25:40

is why I like slaves to naturally

25:43

obey . I love to give

25:45

orders , but I'm not

25:47

order only based in

25:49

my approach , because I

25:51

don't want to rule

25:54

and

25:56

cause fear . I

25:58

don't mind doing a mind fuck , that's great . But

26:01

I don't want to mimic

26:04

what I had to put up with , because I really

26:07

was not obedient based upon

26:09

a desire to be obedient . It was just based

26:11

upon what's the punishment right

26:13

Now , if you enjoy punishments , then

26:15

maybe that works for you , but

26:18

it just it doesn't

26:20

resonate with me as a dom and that's why

26:22

I take a different approach . I mean , every

26:24

dominant takes a different approach on

26:27

on how they punish and what they

26:29

do when they punish and how they dole it

26:31

out right , how they dish it out and when

26:33

and why . So you know

26:35

, for me , getting a tribute from somebody is

26:37

a big deal . It's wonderful , it's

26:39

sweet , it's supportive for

26:41

me , it

26:44

makes my heart smile . It's

26:46

not about greed , it's not about oh , I want

26:48

more and more and more and oh , I just want to take

26:50

off a whole week and do some art at

26:53

the expense of all these slaves . And they

26:55

can pay my way . And you know

26:57

, I'm not one of those entitled little brats

26:59

Really I'm not . I'm

27:02

a dom with class and I'm a dom

27:04

who doesn't have too much . But

27:09

when I do have a little I like to share it when I can . My heart is

27:11

generous , my mind

27:13

is generous and I give a lot of

27:15

my time for free . It's not always

27:18

fun to experience

27:21

when

27:23

a slave abuses that kindness

27:26

. It happens . But

27:28

in

27:30

general , this

27:33

is my lifestyle . I

27:35

believe in it . I believe that women are

27:37

worthy of obedience

27:40

and that they are superior

27:43

and that they are divine

27:45

. And I hope that anybody

27:47

who is listening , that is a femdom , will

27:49

take a look within themselves and say

27:52

how can I be the best dom

27:54

within

27:56

the community ? Not

27:58

just for personal gain , but

28:01

to raise the bar higher for

28:03

other doms who are maybe

28:06

not taking it as

28:08

seriously . Maybe they're taking it for granted . I

28:11

never take this for granted . I never take the

28:14

obedience , the worship , the love , the

28:16

service of any slave

28:18

for granted , big or small . And

28:20

I'm not talking about their dicks , I'm talking

28:22

about their heart right , their

28:24

ability , how much

28:26

they can give right . It's

28:29

the spirit of giving , it's

28:32

a desire , and

28:35

to me that means everything , even

28:38

a kind word , sweet , you

28:41

know . So , as

28:43

far as crying is concerned , I

28:46

would highly recommend that you think about

28:48

that , and I'm

28:51

not saying you have to start crying right now . It's

28:53

not easy just to start to cry , isn't it Like

28:56

it's ? It's definitely not

28:58

something a person can just turn on like

29:00

a faucet . You have

29:02

to have a reason , and

29:05

maybe the next time you go see your dom

29:07

or your partner

29:09

is going to do some impact

29:12

play on you , maybe talk about

29:14

that , Maybe see if they can go a little harder

29:16

. Maybe there are things

29:18

that they can say to you that might conjure

29:20

that up . Maybe you need to think of certain

29:23

things that you've never addressed

29:25

in your past , as far

29:27

as , maybe , a death in the family or

29:30

something sad that happened to you . I mean

29:32

, you can draw from those , just

29:34

like an actor draws from those things to

29:36

conjure up emotions . You

29:40

conjure that up and

29:42

you may find that those emotions

29:45

, those things that you have held on

29:47

to have

29:53

been healed or

29:59

, at the very least , you've been able to let go of a portion of that

30:01

pain . Or

30:04

maybe you're so joyful in the extra spankings that you get that

30:06

you cry . Maybe your dom breaks you . You

30:08

know that's a moment in time as well , when

30:19

you do fall apart . I mean , as I said , women tend

30:21

to be broken easier Because

30:25

in society a woman crying isn't

30:27

such a shock . Well , I don't think that's fair to men

30:29

, that

30:34

women can do it and they can't , or

30:40

it's looked down upon . Let's forget about that . I

30:44

mean

30:48

, we all cry , and

30:53

if you don't , then one day

30:56

you will . Don't fear it , embrace it , because

30:58

on the other side of it you

31:01

will find your peace . So

31:04

thank you for listening and have a wonderful day . I

31:07

will be talking again soon . Bye

31:09

for now .