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When's the last time you had a

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So go ahead, try Hello Fresh. It's

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homemade, made easy. Learn more at Hello

1:06

Fresh.com. ABC Wednesdays, Tim Allen, and Cat

1:08

Denning star in the new family

1:10

comedy Shifting Gears. I'm broke and you

1:12

need a place to stay until I figure out

1:14

what the rest of my life looks like.

1:16

So, a couple of days. When his daughter

1:19

moves back in, the last time you walked

1:21

out that door, you look back at me

1:23

and gave me a double bird. I was

1:25

18. The double bird was how I ended

1:27

all our conversation. The wheels

1:30

come off. Can we try to talk

1:32

to each other like rational adults? If

1:34

you watch the news lately, that's not

1:36

a thing anymore. New Wednesdays, eight

1:39

seven central on ABC and

1:41

stream on Hulu. Hey everybody

1:43

out there. I haven't done one of these

1:45

in a while. The DM diaries. And

1:47

being as how we're

1:50

getting ready to relaunch

1:52

the first week of

1:54

March, I wanted to

1:56

start getting stuff out

1:59

there. My original

2:01

intent was to kind of

2:03

give you guys a peek

2:05

behind the scenes of you

2:07

know, what's going on and

2:10

what goes into what we're

2:12

doing and I recorded like

2:14

a half hour of stuff

2:16

and the audio was just

2:19

messed up. It was my

2:21

fault. I Exported it poorly

2:23

and then yeah, so I

2:25

just kind of I

2:28

just kind of forgot about

2:31

it for a while because

2:33

there's maps to make, there's

2:36

things to do, there's, you

2:38

know, writing. So I had

2:41

a second thought. What I

2:43

wanted to do is kind

2:45

of reboot DM diary and

2:48

make it everything I'm thinking

2:50

and feeling, everything that goes

2:53

on behind the scenes, whether

2:55

it be, you know, hey,

2:58

I'm thinking about this new

3:00

map and what goes into

3:03

it and showing you guys

3:05

how that gets built behind

3:08

the scenes, content creation. And

3:10

we've always had a really

3:13

good history, I think, of

3:15

being honest with you guys

3:18

and giving you a lot

3:20

of information about our personal

3:23

lives and what I

3:25

don't know, I guess what

3:28

we're going through, what, what,

3:30

you know. And sometimes that's,

3:32

you know, a good idea.

3:35

I think, I think most

3:37

of the time it's a

3:39

good idea. Sometimes I think

3:42

we overshare, but I like

3:44

oversharing. I like, I like

3:47

being in it with you

3:49

guys, and in the, in

3:51

the spirit of that, I've

3:54

been going through a really

3:56

rough time, and I'm not.

3:58

I don't... I don't like

4:01

posting on social media anymore.

4:03

If you see me posting...

4:05

on socials, especially about politics,

4:08

there's a dog outside my

4:10

door. So if you see

4:13

me doing that, it's a

4:15

bad sign. I am not

4:17

doing well, because yeah, nothing

4:20

ever comes to that, nothing

4:22

good ever comes to that,

4:24

right? Like you just, you

4:27

get into a argument with

4:29

somebody that you went to

4:31

high school with, and you

4:34

find out they have opinions

4:36

that. They didn't have when

4:39

you went to high school

4:41

with them, but point being,

4:43

at the beginning of the

4:46

year, I lost my insurance.

4:48

I was on Medicare because

4:50

I don't make enough to,

4:53

you know, have regular insurance

4:55

and then... Your

4:58

options when you run your

5:00

own business are different obviously

5:02

than, you know, if you

5:04

have, you know, insurance provided

5:06

through your employer and all

5:08

that. So essentially, I lost

5:11

insurance and I have to

5:13

pay out of pocket for

5:15

everything. So for some things,

5:17

like some of the antidepressants

5:19

I take, it's not that

5:22

big a deal. you know,

5:24

I have three different prescriptions.

5:26

One's an SSRI, which you

5:28

can't, you don't quit those

5:30

cold turkey, it's not a

5:32

good idea, right? So I

5:35

still have access to that.

5:37

There's a couple of things

5:39

I don't have access to.

5:41

One of them is Ritalin.

5:43

I take Ritalin to, you

5:46

know, it's a slow release,

5:48

extended release, caplet. capsule, blah

5:50

blah blah, just to help

5:52

concentrate throughout the day. It

5:54

makes it very difficult without

5:56

it because it's hurting cats.

5:59

It's trying to get all

6:01

my thoughts to focus on

6:03

one thing. And when I'm

6:05

sitting here and we're getting

6:07

ready for this new arc,

6:10

so it's okay, I gotta

6:12

make sure. I got to

6:14

make sure the group has

6:16

everything it needs to record.

6:18

There's a bunch of stuff

6:20

that's changing. There's all new

6:23

Lorda Right. We're wrapping up

6:25

the book where we're still

6:27

doing stuff for patron groups.

6:29

They are all in one

6:31

big campaign now. All four

6:34

groups are kind of conjoined.

6:36

So there's a lot more

6:38

effort and work that goes

6:40

into that. And it's all

6:42

over the place. So keeping

6:45

a straight. a

6:47

straight line of thought is

6:49

tough, but what has made

6:51

it tougher is I found

6:54

out a few years back

6:56

in California. I just had

6:58

it randomly tested because I

7:01

had, I just kind of

7:03

had suspicions and I mentioned

7:05

it exactly one time in

7:08

a behind the scenes thing.

7:10

I can't even remember. I

7:12

think it was for forsaken,

7:15

but it was years back

7:17

at this point. that I

7:19

have low testosterone, which means

7:21

I have to take a

7:24

testosterone supplement. It's a gel

7:26

that I've had a real

7:28

hard time getting here, and

7:31

I finally got it after

7:33

we've been here since July

7:35

of 2022, and I got

7:38

it in December of 2024,

7:40

finally. And then I

7:42

lost my insurance. So my body

7:45

get used to it over the

7:47

course of a month, almost a

7:49

month and a half. It's like

7:52

a 40 days of life. And

7:54

I felt great. It's, I can't

7:56

describe the feeling to you of

7:59

having something your. knee or should

8:01

have, like you need it.

8:03

And my energy levels

8:06

came back, my, you know,

8:08

just my ambition, my

8:10

drive, like it came

8:13

back. And then in

8:15

a Flowers for Algernon-esque

8:19

scenario, I lost

8:21

insurance. And a

8:23

bottle of testosterone is

8:25

$600. So that's gone. Just

8:28

gone. So one day I

8:30

just had to stop taking

8:33

it. That's it. There is no

8:35

gentle weaning off of it.

8:37

There's no it just I

8:39

had it one day and then

8:41

the next I didn't. And

8:43

that has fucked me up. Just

8:45

cards on the table like

8:48

fucked me up real bad.

8:50

Like suicidal thoughts and like

8:52

stuff I haven't had to

8:54

deal with in a while. Like it's

8:57

been. It's been rough. I find

8:59

it hard to do regular

9:01

things like get back to

9:03

people, answer questions. I cannot tell

9:05

you how hard it's been to jump

9:07

into calls and be on. It's

9:10

been mostly patron groups and I

9:12

feel like the pressure is on

9:14

more than ever just because I

9:16

want everyone on patron to

9:19

be happy and I want Bree's

9:21

happy. She's laughing. But I

9:23

want them to... be happy

9:25

with what they're paying for

9:27

and I want them more

9:29

than I just want them

9:31

to have a good time. And it

9:33

has been it has been so

9:36

hard. It's also a weird

9:38

thing to talk about because

9:40

like it's there's some built-in

9:43

guy stuff of like don't

9:45

don't talk about that. The

9:47

reason I mentioned it

9:50

one time on a

9:52

behind-the-scenes. is I feel like it made

9:54

everyone uncomfortable. Everyone got quiet. No one

9:57

really had a reaction and it, I

9:59

don't know. It just felt like

10:01

I shouldn't talk about it

10:03

or whatever. So I just

10:06

didn't mention it anymore. I

10:08

feel like at this point

10:10

everyone's comfortable talking about, you

10:12

know, antidepressants or, you know,

10:14

anxiety and all that stuff.

10:16

That's been pretty normalized. You

10:18

know, in some circles to

10:21

an almost, you know, exaggerated

10:23

degree, like, you know, there

10:25

are certain like Tumblr circles,

10:27

redded circles, where the more

10:29

of that you have, the

10:31

better you win, when I

10:34

always found it to be

10:36

really fucking, like, it's really

10:38

difficult to just, you know,

10:40

get through the day, but

10:42

as. As

10:44

the month stretches on, it's gotten

10:47

a little bit easier to deal

10:49

with. Honestly, obviously, I would rather

10:51

just have the fucking testosterone, but

10:54

like, you know, I existed without

10:56

it for a while. I can

10:59

do it again. The goal is

11:01

to just get back to the

11:03

West Coast. It's no secret. We

11:06

loathe it here. We hate it.

11:08

It is, one of the reasons

11:10

it's so hard to get testosterone

11:13

here is because there's anti-trans movement

11:15

shit. So I had all my

11:18

documentation from California, because I had

11:20

to get tested there and everything

11:22

obviously, but there are more hospitals,

11:25

there are more doctors, there are

11:27

more, you know, everything. So I

11:29

had everything just ready to go

11:32

from Kaiser Permanente, which is the

11:34

health care provider there, and gave

11:36

it to them. They dragged their

11:39

feet and then six months goes

11:41

by and then they go, this

11:44

isn't good enough. And I'm confused

11:46

because it's like, what do you

11:48

mean the doctor? Okay, so with

11:51

the testing I got that said

11:53

I have low testosterone isn't good

11:55

enough. Okay. So what I need

11:58

to do, it's like, well, you

12:00

need to get tested. It's like,

12:03

okay, I don't think anything has

12:05

improved over the course of, yeah,

12:07

I don't think as I aged,

12:10

I, my body got more efficient,

12:12

but Okidoki got tested, six more

12:14

months goes by, and then reluctantly,

12:17

they said, fine. And this is

12:19

late 2023. then the insurance here

12:21

just didn't want to cover it

12:24

because it's different states have different

12:26

things and yeah the doctor told

12:29

me flat out it's like yeah

12:31

they're worried that you're a trans

12:33

basically and it's they have a

12:36

they they just have a thing

12:38

about it here so yeah long

12:40

story short I finally got it

12:43

end of 2024 and it just

12:45

yeah just the barrier for health

12:48

care changed. So I gotta figure

12:50

out something else for that. But

12:52

for anyone who is just waiting

12:55

on a reply and it seems

12:57

like it's taking days where I

12:59

used to just do it from

13:02

bed if it's midnight, I just

13:04

get right back to you. It

13:06

is not because I don't want

13:09

to get back. I am excited

13:11

and more motivated, I think more

13:14

motivated, I think. Then I've been

13:16

in a long time when it

13:18

comes to work. It's everything else

13:21

that has been difficult like I

13:23

Usually cook all the meals in

13:25

the house and stuff. I like

13:28

to cook but like It's a

13:30

weird feeling to just be here

13:32

all day and there's work to

13:35

do and then like it's like

13:37

okay. I got to make dinner

13:40

and it feels like this monumental

13:42

task when it's like no I

13:44

got to go make Chicken like

13:47

chicken and rice or some shit

13:49

like it's not it's you know

13:51

it's it's it's it's not a

13:54

monumental task, but it feels like

13:56

it when I feel like my

13:59

body's working at half speed all

14:01

the time. And yeah, it has

14:03

been tricky. I'm working through it.

14:06

More importantly than my shit is

14:08

the new arc. We're talking about

14:10

that on February 1st. We're going

14:13

to be talking about it in

14:15

our Discord. I urge everybody out

14:17

there to join that Discord. If

14:20

you're having any trouble joining it,

14:22

please hit us up. We'll send

14:25

you a link. Something about the

14:27

Discord link, we have to refresh

14:29

it every once in a while,

14:32

even though there's no expiration on

14:34

it. It's a bit odd, but

14:36

like, yeah, just let us know.

14:39

We want to make that our

14:41

central location, because... One, there's too

14:44

many social media things and most

14:46

of them are awful. I don't

14:48

want to post on Twitter or

14:51

Facebook or anything like that. I

14:53

just, I don't have fun being

14:55

there anymore. So, we kind of

14:58

just want a central spot where

15:00

everyone can see what we're doing

15:02

and we can easily share audio,

15:05

video, all that and links. The

15:07

website will be back up before

15:10

the beginning of the new arc.

15:12

There's going to be... a simplification

15:14

of things. Things will be a

15:17

bit more visually impressive. We're working

15:19

on all that. Excuse me, I

15:21

promise. I think this is gonna

15:24

be a good thing for our

15:26

community. I think we're gonna welcome

15:29

a bunch of new people. There

15:31

will be one main story to

15:33

follow. There will be extra stuff

15:36

on Patreon. There always will. The

15:38

entire cast will be involved. They

15:40

always will. They always will. They

15:43

always will. I'm looking forward to

15:45

getting that excitement going. When we

15:47

do some kind of special event

15:50

or crossover... big story moments. We

15:52

want to put trailers out for

15:55

that stuff again. We want to

15:57

get you guys, you know, we

15:59

want that feeling of unity, of

16:02

excitement, of like, hey, did you

16:04

all see the season finale of

16:06

blank like that, that feeling? And

16:09

it's been difficult to have that

16:11

when there's four groups constantly. And

16:14

the way, the way we record

16:16

the show, that's not. very feasible

16:18

anymore so we've been working behind

16:21

the scenes to get this ready

16:23

to go and holy shit like

16:25

I'll be able to talk more

16:28

about it after February but I'm

16:30

putting this in our main feed

16:32

I'm putting it in our patron

16:35

just for free just to you

16:37

know I will be doing the

16:40

DM diary stuff again for anybody

16:42

out there what it is is

16:44

me talking about things I'm doing

16:47

on the show, things I'm working

16:49

on, I'm working on cartography, I'm

16:51

going to be talking about that,

16:54

I'm working on new mechanics because

16:56

it's A5E, I'm going to be

16:59

talking about that. Not just what

17:01

I'm doing, but why I'm doing

17:03

it and the psychology behind doing

17:06

these things. And even more importantly

17:08

than that, I want to open

17:10

it up to Q&A. If you

17:13

guys have questions, send them, please.

17:15

I may even have like maybe

17:17

a channel open on... on the

17:20

discord just for DM diary questions.

17:22

And we could sit and talk

17:25

about that stuff. I want this

17:27

to be a two-way street. I

17:29

want you to be able to

17:32

talk to me about this. And

17:34

I want to be able to

17:36

share all the stuff that I'm

17:39

working on here and kind of

17:41

give you a reason as to

17:44

why. Because the question that I

17:46

get more than anything over the

17:48

almost 13 years we've been doing

17:51

this is how how do you

17:53

do it basically like how do

17:55

you DM how do you make

17:58

you know there's a thousand sub

18:00

questions, like how do you make

18:02

sure people are happy? How do

18:05

you prep a dungeon? How

18:07

do you, all that? But

18:09

like, it mostly boils down to

18:11

how do you get started? And

18:14

then how do you maintain

18:16

happiness levels? So I'm

18:19

gonna be answering all

18:21

those questions very slowly

18:23

as they come up. So

18:25

if you got them, let me

18:27

know. The

18:30

DM diaries aren't going to be

18:32

like this all the time. I

18:35

just won't. I would rather

18:37

you guys know what's going on

18:39

behind the scenes, even if

18:42

it's a little embarrassing

18:44

for me or inconvenient

18:47

or whatever. I would rather

18:49

you guys know exactly what's

18:51

going on and why it's

18:53

going on, then guess. Sometimes

18:57

that's going to be good things.

18:59

Like it's, you know, for the

19:01

first time next month, we

19:04

booked a hotel, M&L, we've

19:06

never had a honeymoon, an

19:08

evening, we've never really had

19:10

an evening alone, there's always

19:12

pets, there's always work, there's

19:15

always something. This is the

19:17

first time in 10 years,

19:19

our anniversary was the 15th

19:22

of January, and this is

19:24

the first time that we're getting

19:26

away just us we're just going

19:28

to a hotel it's not even

19:31

far away it's like an hour

19:33

away but like it's something

19:35

and there's museums and stuff

19:37

that we're just we're just

19:40

gonna go do something that

19:42

isn't work and I'm I'm really

19:44

looking forward to that I want

19:47

to do more stuff like

19:49

it and I In

19:51

the spirit of us changing everything

19:53

so everything over for arc six

19:55

I want to I want to

19:57

break outside that comfort zone I

20:00

And part of that is doing

20:02

this, making myself share things with

20:04

you guys, making myself accountable for

20:06

what's going on behind the scenes.

20:08

Accountable is probably not the word

20:10

I want, but I don't know

20:12

what else would fit. So February

20:15

1st, we're going to be, we're

20:17

going to be spilling the beans.

20:19

Like what is the setting? What's

20:21

it called? All that stuff. February

20:23

1st. It'll be on our discord,

20:25

come hangout, the announcement's been on

20:27

our socials, but please try to

20:30

come out to it live, because

20:32

it's going to be the kickoff

20:34

to something new and wonderful, and

20:36

we're... I cannot tell you the

20:38

level of excitement for the cast

20:40

right now, because it's just something

20:42

we've never done, since we've had

20:45

everybody assembled. It's something new. It's

20:47

something we've never done, it's something

20:49

assembled. It's something new. It's something

20:51

new. It's something new. It's something

20:53

new. It's something new. totally new

20:55

and very excited scary, I guess.

20:57

So we could really use your

21:00

support more, you know, now than

21:02

ever, just listening and letting us

21:04

know and commenting and all that

21:06

good stuff. So thank you guys.

21:08

I really appreciate it. I'm going

21:10

to try to do at least

21:12

two of these a month over

21:14

on patron. These are normally... on

21:17

our patron, but I wanted to

21:19

get this one out to everybody

21:21

just to kind of, I don't

21:23

know, just to kind of refresh

21:25

things, just to give it a

21:27

fresh start. So thank you all

21:29

so much. Truly, truly appreciate every

21:32

single one of you. You could

21:34

join our patron for absolutely free

21:36

and we try to post updates

21:38

there through text and things that

21:40

in case you don't see them

21:42

on social because sometimes... Socials a

21:44

mess. Discord, patron, that's where you're

21:47

going to be able to see

21:49

everything. And then. eventually

21:51

on our website

21:53

when that's done

21:55

being revamped. being thank

21:57

you guys so

21:59

much. And I

22:02

will see you

22:04

all on February

22:06

February 1st a brand

22:08

new start to

22:10

the show. the show.