0:00

This is a global

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player original podcast.

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Ed Gamble and

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Matthew Crosby. Radio X. Hello and

0:09

welcome to the Ed Gamler Matthew Crosby

0:11

podcast of the radio show that we

0:13

do on Radio X which is called

0:15

the Ed Gamler Matthew Crosby show. I

0:18

like that. I like that serious, sedate,

0:20

business-like. Well it is just to let

0:22

everyone know what's happening. Yes, well we

0:24

can tell you now it's pre-record. Yes.

0:26

And one of the delights of doing

0:28

a pre-record is friends who are just

0:30

strolling through London can pop in and

0:33

we've got a wonderful friend here, James

0:35

Acasteraster. James Acaster. Hello. It is early January.

0:37

Yes, it is early January. We all went

0:39

for breakfast. Yep. It was very nice. It

0:41

was so nice. A lovely breakfast with a

0:43

bunch of other comedians. Yes. At the Wolsey,

0:46

at the Wolsey, the Wolsey, the Wolsey,

0:48

which isn't our usual fair. No, just

0:50

so people know. Posh, right? Very posh,

0:52

very nice place. They put us in

0:54

a sort of separate bit. Yes, so

0:56

that people couldn't see us. We had

0:58

our own table right up on the

1:00

sort of balcony bit and there is

1:03

only one table on that balcony. Oh,

1:05

so they were, but it didn't feel

1:07

like all we're on a fancy table,

1:09

it felt like we were being, no

1:11

one can. you know it's it's it's

1:13

a lot of very posh people and

1:15

tourists yeah yes and businessmen and businessmen proper

1:17

old school yeah people having business business business

1:20

breakfast I think so yeah well that's what

1:22

we were doing I went to the toilet

1:24

at one point and a businessman come out

1:26

the toilet and he did a smile at

1:28

me really confident smart I went in and

1:30

it stank it didn't a dump and I

1:33

was like that's a businessman man yeah you

1:35

don't go to the dump with the walls

1:37

of the walls you deal with it yeah

1:39

he goes there all the all the time

1:41

It's basically his personal office. I don't think

1:44

I'm comfortable with doing my first day outside

1:46

my own property. Has to be in

1:48

the gamble residence? Yeah, or a hotel.

1:50

One that you're staying in? Yes. I'm

1:53

not happy doing the first one of

1:55

the day where someone could walk in

1:57

straight after me. Do you know what I

1:59

mean? Sure. Oh, it's going to be a,

2:01

it's a pretty bad one in the first

2:03

dump of the day. Well, normally. Yeah. Yeah,

2:06

normally, because it's all the poison from the

2:08

evening. Yeah, it's like animals when they come

2:10

out of hibernation. Yeah. Or when a baby's

2:12

first born. You know the first maconium they

2:14

do is like everything it's all the like

2:17

all the other stuff that's swimming around all

2:19

the hair and stuff. Oh that's like that's

2:21

out of the baby I thought you were

2:23

talking about like a baby being born as

2:25

being a turn no no I was saying

2:27

that no no I was talking about a

2:30

baby I thought the first double of day

2:32

is like giving birth to a baby yeah

2:34

well you've eaten sometimes they'd well eat a

2:36

baby yes and like fat back Can we

2:38

say that on the podcast? Get in my

2:41

belly. Yeah, get in my belly. It's a

2:43

good character. What a crazy character, man, respect.

2:45

Yeah. I had a fat-fath-fathered action figure. Wow.

2:47

Yeah, yeah, and if you pressed it, you

2:49

pressed it, you pressed it, it did some

2:52

of the fat-fath-frasas, and one of the catphrases

2:54

were just, yeah, get in my belly, one

2:56

of them was just a big fart. I'm

2:58

so sexy. Yeah, I think so. I think

3:00

it did that as well. I'm dead sexy.

3:02

Yeah. Other white meets? Was that? Oh yeah,

3:05

that's good. That's a deep, that's a deep

3:07

cat. That's a deep cat. That's a deep

3:09

cat. It's a deep cat. It's funny one

3:11

though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's another one of

3:13

the, when you're saying we want to eat

3:16

the baby, he wants to eat the baby.

3:18

Yes, he does, he drinks, he drinks, he

3:20

drinks, he drinks, he drinks, he drinks, he

3:22

drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks,

3:24

drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks,

3:27

drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks,

3:29

drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks,

3:31

drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks,

3:33

drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, stool

3:35

sample and often powers drinks it and goes

3:37

bit nutty bit nutty yeah yes yeah I

3:40

loved that what a great series of film

3:42

in hysterics watching that and I couldn't believe

3:44

it when that film came out. I loved

3:46

Wayne's world, of course. I was the target.

3:48

I've talked about this before, but I basically

3:51

dressed and had to say... Oh, Stephen, if

3:53

you enjoy Matthew remembering things. Oh, yes. This

3:55

is quite the episode. I do. I do

3:57

enjoy it. But I had the same haircut

3:59

as Wayne when I was a kid, when

4:02

I was 10 years old. I wore it.

4:04

Exactly, yeah. Same face as Garth. regularly compared

4:06

to Garth, she was a kid and now

4:08

she's got the sort of Garth, she's got

4:10

the hair cut now as well, I thought

4:12

she, yeah. But I was so disappointed when

4:15

I saw a picture of Mike Myers and

4:17

he didn't have long hair, I thought, well

4:19

I assume your wane, and it was only,

4:21

you know, it's like years later you watched

4:23

the movie and go, oh he's not a

4:26

cool dude. I watched it and thought, well

4:28

that's, he cracked light like. He cracked. He's

4:30

Shrek, yeah. Mike Myers is a cool dude.

4:32

Yeah, yeah. But Wayne's not called. No, but

4:34

Mike, Mike, Mike, is not Shrek, though. Well,

4:37

in a way, he's sort of, in my

4:39

head, he sort of is. Yeah. No, fat

4:41

boy's instead a Shrek. Yeah, that's like, like,

4:43

early Shrek. Yeah, yeah. Two sides of the

4:45

same coin. Yeah, they are two sides of

4:47

the same coin. And where does the love

4:50

guru fit into this? That's top top of

4:52

the list for me. We don't talk about

4:54

that. Don Oliver's finest work. Pants? Yeah. Didn't

4:56

know John Oliver was in the love. John

4:58

Oliver was in the love. That was his

5:01

big film rock. Sweet that under the carpet.

5:03

Yeah. Doesn't really do much acting anymore. I

5:05

think he did one episode of community. No

5:07

first season I think he's season I think

5:09

he's. First season I think he's. So

5:12

he's the new he's the new he plays being

5:14

in the line. He plays being in the line.

5:16

I don't if he's in the Mafast movie. Yeah,

5:18

apologies. Apologies to our guests. Just one day. Just

5:21

one day in my life. That's all I ask.

5:23

Just one day. Anyway, we've got an email in

5:25

from my brother Luke Crosby. Wow. He's got in

5:27

touch because we weren't getting many emails. So Matthew

5:29

said to farm out to his family. I saw

5:32

him over Christmas. I'd send him over Christmas. I

5:34

sent him over Christmas. I'd send him over Christmas.

5:36

I sent him over Christmas. I sent him over

5:38

Christmas. I sent him. I sent him over Christmas.

5:40

I sent him over Christmas. I sent him. I

5:43

sent him. I sent him. I sent him over

5:45

Christmas. I sent him. I sent him. I sent

5:47

him. I sent him. I sent him. I sent

5:49

him. I sent him. I sent him. I sent

5:51

him. I sent him. I sent him. I sent

5:54

Dear Ed Matthew and Vin case of emergency break

5:56

glass. Nice. How are you? Very well. Thank you,

5:58

Luke Crosby. How are you? I'm really good, thanks.

6:00

I'd like to offer a totally unbiased view on

6:02

last week's podcast. I don't think either Ed or

6:05

Vin appreciated how good and interesting Matthew's Roland River

6:07

on anecdote was. I'd obviously forgot. about that. It's

6:09

one of the rare anecdotes where I forget about

6:11

it while it's happening. Who's Roland Rivers? That was

6:13

two weeks ago and that was exactly my question.

6:16

Yes. So Roland, Roland Rivron. You'd recognise him. He

6:18

was he was a sort of... I mean, he

6:20

was a comedian, he was part of French and

6:22

Saunders' house band, Roar Sex. Remember the French and

6:24

Saunders TV show, Roar Sex with a band, Ryan

6:27

Riverman is... A TV personality? Danny Baker, but not

6:29

as good. As you well know, I love Danny

6:31

Baker. Yes. Good to see Danny Baker on my

6:33

own for my birthday. How do you even going

6:35

to see him? He's doing a live show, The

6:38

Black Heath Halls. What's a Danny Baker live show

6:40

look like? Well, he just... Well, he just... He

6:42

starts talking about Rick Waite. He starts talking about

6:44

Rick Waite. He starts talking about Rick Waitman. He

6:46

starts talking about Rick Waitman. He starts talking about

6:48

Rick Waitman. He starts talking about Rick Waitman. He's

6:51

about Rick Waitman. And I cannot. And I can't

6:53

home and talk in the mirror Matthew. I can't

6:55

always. I mean, is it Danny Baker live show?

6:57

Is the audience all men like you and Danny

6:59

Baker? Yeah, but sadder. Yeah, yeah. Hmm. I'll be

7:02

a young buck at that in that audience. Yeah,

7:04

yeah. He did a tour with Whisping Bob Harris

7:06

and I'm still, I still think about it all

7:08

the time. Why didn't I go? I was too

7:10

involved with being a dad. Anyway, let's not get

7:13

into that. If I was a grandeur, I would

7:15

have been there like a shot. Anyway, Roland Griffin,

7:17

he had a chat show. Why are we doing

7:19

this again? For James's. I don't know about it.

7:21

He had a chat show in the Thames. In

7:24

the Thames, right? Now, what you imagined. No, I'm

7:26

not going to say that. And what Vin imagined

7:28

when I was telling this story, is it was...

7:30

on top of the, like, you know, a desk

7:32

floating on top of the Thames. No, him and

7:35

his guests... In my head, it was like Allison

7:37

Hammond on the weather map. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah.

7:39

But him and his guests had like a life

7:41

jacket on and they were floating in the Thames

7:43

while he interviewed. It's insane. But I think this

7:46

is an interesting thing and I was trying to

7:48

tell these two about it and they just... What

7:50

was the chat show called? Riveron. It was called

7:52

Riveron and it was there was a floating river

7:54

river and river on you can have some fun

7:57

with them. Rolling on the river on the river

7:59

on here. The River on Thames. No, no, no.

8:01

That suggests that more thought was put into it.

8:03

I call it Roland on the river or...

8:05

Rolling on the river. It was called

8:07

Riveron, anyway. So, uh... I don't think

8:10

either Edorvian appreciates how good

8:12

and interesting Matthew's, Roland, Riveron, anecdote

8:14

was. I get the impression you

8:16

thought that the Rowland interview just

8:19

gets on the temps... on a

8:21

platform, pod or boat. Well, I've

8:23

just got to get through this

8:26

message from his brother's email. You

8:28

know, I don't mind you talking over me.

8:30

I don't love it, but I'm used to

8:32

it after six years. Yeah, sure. Whereas it's

8:34

not fair on parole. It just seems like

8:36

a gimmick, doesn't it? It is a

8:38

gimmick, yes. If he was a better

8:40

interviewer. Oh, he's a shocking interviewer as

8:42

well. He's an absolutely shocking interview. That's

8:45

a good gimmick for you, though. If

8:47

you had a chat show, all the

8:49

questions come from your brother. Yeah. It's

8:51

not a bad idea actually. It's a

8:54

new feature for next week's show. Luke,

8:56

get back in touch. Yeah, he's on

8:58

a platform of hobbies. Actually in the

9:00

Thames, submerged in the water. The chat

9:02

show set is bobbing around in the

9:05

water too and he's conducting an interview

9:07

while floating chest deep in the river.

9:09

It's with his, I'm just reiterating what

9:11

it was. The same stuff. It's almost

9:13

as if I said this and not

9:16

my brother. the credit he deserves is

9:18

James Harriet joke earlier in the episode

9:20

was also excellent and was dismissed as

9:22

weird it does sound like I've written

9:24

this now this cannot continue yeah that's

9:26

right there's a band called Harriet you

9:29

see so that's I made the case

9:31

Something about sick in your hand per

9:33

cow's ass, to what I was in

9:35

the arts, I think. Anyway, good luck

9:37

in the charts next week. He's the

9:39

second to make that joke already. Yeah,

9:42

he made it last time I played

9:44

Harry. Especially to Matthew, Luke Crosby. Thank

9:46

you, Luke, and thanks to any other

9:48

family members who want to get in

9:51

touch Sunday at Radio X. Cody's. Okay.

9:53

My family members or otherwise. I like

9:55

this dynamic. I think it's fun. I

9:57

think it's nice to see, I think

9:59

it's fun. someone else, I'd just like,

10:01

it's a different dynamic, you know? Yeah,

10:03

yeah, yeah. No respect. Zero respect. No

10:05

respect at all. And he's sort of

10:08

the naughty little boy in this pairing.

10:10

And in our one, I think I'm

10:12

more the scamp. Yeah, you are the

10:14

scamp. And Ed has to be, you

10:16

know, the adult. I'm too tired to

10:19

be a scamp. Well, you've been a

10:21

little bit of a scamp. Yeah, yeah.

10:23

You are being a scamp, if you've

10:25

got it. I genuinely don't find him

10:27

interesting, isn't it? Yes. This is the

10:30

problem, yeah. But it's very useful because

10:32

I think Ed, Ed very much reflects

10:34

the listener as well. Yes. Yeah. So

10:36

he's very, you know, like, I will

10:38

start off on a story, you know.

10:41

It's going to be about Eric Morgan

10:43

or something like. I've not got Eric

10:45

Morgan stories. Don't get the bleak ready.

10:47

Oh, okay. I start on an actor

10:49

about Freddie Parrot Face Davies. Okay, that's

10:52

yeah, yeah. Sneaker player? No, no, comedian,

10:54

comedian. I've got none about John Parrot.

10:56

No. Okay, I'm not going to talk

10:58

about John Parrot. Why? What's that? Why

11:00

won't you talk about John Powell? Because

11:03

I was talking about Freddie Parrot face,

11:05

David. Anyway, what did that seem like

11:07

suddenly it was too far? For John

11:09

Powell. Yes, the line is very odd.

11:11

You had a really spicy story. No,

11:14

no, I don't, I don't, I don't,

11:16

I don't, I don't, I've got, I've

11:18

got no dirt on parrot. No dirt

11:20

on parrot. Anyway, basically I'll, the dynamic

11:22

works, but it does require Ed, Ed,

11:25

Ed, do a lot, do a lot,

11:27

do a lot of the kind of

11:29

the kind of sin eater. really for

11:31

the, for the podcast, you know? Yeah,

11:33

that's true. That's a cool name for

11:36

a band. Sinita. Well, you might get

11:38

confused with Sinita, so I'm a cows

11:40

friend, so people might get. I'm on

11:42

board with that. Yeah. You only do

11:44

Sinita covers, but you're, Sinita, but you

11:47

only do Sinita covers and you do

11:49

like in a sort of death metal

11:51

style. That's good stuff, man. I'll go

11:53

watch that, man. I'll go watch that,

11:55

man. Yeah, I'll watch that. Yeah, I'll

11:58

watch that. Yeah, I'll watch that. Yeah,

12:00

I'll watch that. Yeah, I'll watch that.

12:02

Yeah, I'll watch that. Yeah, I'll watch

12:04

that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

12:06

yeah, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll,

12:09

I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll,

12:11

I'll, I'll, of Big Red GTO. See,

12:13

this is the thing. No, I don't

12:15

know any of her songs. Only a

12:17

person in the world who could name

12:20

a Sinita song. What was her other

12:22

one? Was it? So Macho. So Macho.

12:24

So Macho. You know, so Macho. So,

12:26

Macho. So, Macho. So, Macho. So, Macho.

12:28

So, Macho. So, Macho. So, Macho. So,

12:31

Macho. So, Macho. So, Macho. So, Macho.

12:33

So, Macho. So, Macho. Yes, that's nuts.

12:35

Well, the episode, the intro is for

12:37

the podcast. Yeah, but we do the

12:39

intro and then and then the main

12:42

body of the podcast is us with

12:44

our guest and that's the episode. But

12:46

you guys are doing an intro with

12:48

the guests. Yeah, but then it is

12:50

a good thing. Yeah, but then it

12:53

is a good thing. Yeah, this is

12:55

on authors. But this will not be

12:57

on the air. The other stuff is

12:59

on the air. So people can listen.

13:01

Yeah, I'll play it. Campbell and Matthew

13:04

Crosby. Hello and welcome to the Ed

13:06

Gamble and Matthew Crosby show on Radio

13:08

X until 11am. Now normally this would

13:10

be a themed intro that one of

13:12

us has written. Yes indeed. I've just

13:15

decided for no particular reason that to

13:17

revert to normal introductions from now on.

13:19

You're kidding me, we're not doing the

13:21

intros anymore. No. This is wild. Or

13:23

are we? Or is this actually Matthew

13:26

Crosby speaking, doing an impression of Ed

13:28

Gamble? Well you've heard my impressions. People

13:30

have heard me trying to... No I

13:32

haven't, Ed. This is like inception. Yeah.

13:34

It's maybe go cross-eyed. You've forgot to

13:37

do it. I forgot to do it.

13:39

I've been busy. I just thought sleep

13:41

was better. You've been busy being asleep?

13:43

No, did it? Yes. Yeah, no, I've

13:45

been busy. And then I decided to

13:48

have sleep as well. I think if

13:50

you're saying that, because normally I spend

13:52

all night writing the intro, you see,

13:54

but I thought tonight, last night I

13:56

thought I'll have some sleep that I

13:59

was talking about, some of this sleep.

14:01

Can I just say, if you're ever

14:03

saying I've been busy? You don't want

14:05

to say sleep in the same run-on

14:07

sentence. I've been busy, I needed a

14:10

sleep. Yeah, I think just stick with

14:12

that. No, I think just stick with

14:14

I've been busy. Because we accept, you

14:16

know, you're a much in demand. People

14:18

assume I'm sleeping as well. People assume

14:21

I'm sleeping as well. People assume I'm

14:23

sleeping as well. People assume I'm sleeping

14:25

as well. People are saying I'm sleeping

14:27

at both ends. Because I do a

14:29

podcast about candles about candles. And one

14:32

of last week's episode was about what

14:34

happens if you burn a candle at

14:36

both ends. What's it called your podcast

14:38

about candles? Is it too early? Is

14:40

it too early in the morning? Can

14:43

I write it and tell you next

14:45

week? I tell you what, should we

14:47

play a song and then you can

14:49

have a thing about what your podcast

14:51

about candles is called? And what did

14:54

he's like? Radio X. This

14:57

is Radio X. Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.

14:59

Welcome to the show, everybody. It feels weird

15:01

now because obviously we had a little chat

15:04

in the intro. Yes. But now we're having

15:06

another little chat now. It feels like... Does

15:08

that mean we're going to finish a link

15:11

earlier today? No. No, no, no. No, but

15:13

we've already done a link then. Well, you'll

15:15

be hearing from my agent, because I'm contracted

15:17

to do a certain amount of links. That's

15:20

true. No, the thing is with radio, it's

15:22

not like, you know, it's not like a

15:24

normal office job where you can go, I'll

15:26

work really hard this morning, and have a

15:29

really lazy afternoon. Is that what people do?

15:31

I believe so. That's certainly what I used

15:33

to do when I had a proper job.

15:36

They're all drinking cans. Well, that's because it's

15:38

because it's because it's rock- that's because it's

15:40

because it's because it's rock and rock and

15:42

rock and rock and it's rock and it's

15:45

because it's rock and it's rock and it's

15:47

rock and it's because it's rock and it's

15:49

rock and it's because it's rock and it's

15:52

rock and it's rock and it's because it's

15:54

rock and it's rock and it's rock and

15:56

it's because it's rock and it's rock and

15:58

it's rock and it's rock- and you know,

16:01

I'm waiting to hear about the men. Is

16:03

that right? Is that okay? I think so.

16:05

Yeah, I think that's the sort of humor

16:08

we should be doing in 2025. That's right.

16:10

You know, some of the changes I agree

16:12

with. get rid of the intro yeah I'm

16:14

happy with that yeah that that that that

16:17

that style of humor though yeah yeah less

16:19

less on board with really that's more your

16:21

sort of thing I thought stuff from the

16:23

you love the past yeah and that's that

16:26

yeah but not not the recent in fact

16:28

actually what I was doing there was actually

16:30

feminist oh I'm interested to hear how this

16:33

plays out yes gone why is I'm saying

16:35

why don't we let the ladies have a

16:37

can and Scratch it downstairs. I'm not sure.

16:39

I don't like let in that sense. Yeah,

16:42

I don't like any of the words in

16:44

that sense. It's really I wish we'd never

16:46

said anything. I like the word ladies. This

16:49

is this is already a this is already

16:51

a problem when I've got to grab the

16:53

reins of the show and steer. That's that's

16:55

a problem. Well you don't like the word

16:58

ladies? You don't like you don't like ladies.

17:00

You don't like, you don't want women to

17:02

work in the office, is that what you

17:04

say? I was just turned back on me.

17:07

Anyway, isn't it? No, see, there you go.

17:09

You're all victims these days, aren't you men?

17:11

All are welcome in the listenership. Anyway, we've

17:14

got a wonderful show ahead. We've actually got

17:16

a surprise guest. Yes, a surprise guest will

17:18

be coming in. A surprise guest just around

17:20

the corner. We're not going to say who

17:23

it is, because it's a surprise, because it's

17:25

a surprise, because it's a surprise. It's a

17:27

great guest. It's a surprise guest to us.

17:30

It's a surprise guest to us. It's a

17:32

surprise guest to you. Stay tuned for the

17:34

surprise guest. But for now, Harvey Danger. A

17:36

little bit of Peep. Yeah, we're going to

17:39

pop on an episode of Peep Show. This

17:41

is not a clue to the guest. We

17:43

don't have Ludwig coming in. Oh, I'd love

17:46

to have a no. Why would you say

17:48

that? Radio X. Oh, it's a tricky start

17:50

to the year, isn't it? Everything's dark, rainy.

17:52

Some places are very snowy. The trains have

17:55

ground to a halt. Oh, come on, Britain.

17:57

Get yourselves up for this year. It'll be

17:59

summer soon. Make Britain great again. No. Is

18:01

that what you're saying? No. That's not what

18:04

I'm saying. No? Okay. I'm saying that, you

18:06

know, it'll be summer soon. So, let's just

18:08

pretend. It's bright outside. Yeah! Let's put some

18:11

summer tunes. Pop your shorts on. Pop your

18:13

shorts on. Bang on some summer tunes. Do

18:15

you want to hear a summer tune, Matthew?

18:17

I love a summer tune. Let's listen to

18:20

Condem to Rott. Oh my goodness me, that's

18:22

too much. Is it? That's summary baby. Oh,

18:24

I feel like I want to put an

18:27

umbrella in my coffee. No,

18:30

no, no, I don't know where

18:32

you're submarine. The depth of hell.

18:34

Exactly, it's like an Hieronymus Bosch

18:36

picture, is it? Yeah, oh, that's

18:38

good. I don't know. If Hieronymus

18:40

Bosch was a band. I've not

18:42

said the name of the band,

18:44

it's a bit grim. The song

18:46

is called Condem to rock. Oh,

18:48

that's a bit grim, is it?

18:50

Yeah, yeah. All the rest is

18:52

fine. Condem to rock. It's called

18:54

Condem to rock. It sounds like

18:56

that. And the band name is

18:58

a bit grim. Yeah. The name's

19:00

a bit grim. You can tell.

19:02

The video is a bit racy,

19:04

you know? Is it? Is it

19:06

a bit racy? What do you

19:08

mean it's a scale a scale

19:10

extric? Nothing sexier than a woman

19:12

popping a coin in your mouth.

19:14

Matthew Crobley and Radio Ed. Radio

19:16

X. I'm as everyone. Snow Patrol

19:19

on Radio X. It's Ed Gambler

19:21

Matthew Crosby with you until 11

19:23

a.m. And we are delighted to

19:25

be joined by a surprise. Surprise

19:27

scoop for Daddy. A surprise scoop

19:29

for Mother Matthew. Mother Matthew has

19:31

scooped out a big old surprise.

19:33

And the scoop. It's James A.

19:35

Custer. Whoo, a scoop. Yeah. Mother

19:37

Matthew. Mother Matthew scoop. This show

19:39

is twisted. A crazy show you

19:41

guys have got going on. And

19:43

this is, this is, there's a

19:45

lot of backstory basically. You can't

19:47

just leap in on this episode.

19:49

You've got to go all the

19:51

way back to the start. Yeah.

19:53

Yes. So the Ettomite. And you're

19:55

not going to refuse to. I'll

19:57

explain you very quickly. do the

19:59

whole thing. So very quickly, two

20:01

scoops for daddy is what we

20:03

say, we've got two guests on.

20:05

What you say. We all say

20:07

it really, we all say, two

20:09

scoops for daddy, I'm daddy, the

20:11

guest to the scoops, but it

20:13

can also be three scoops, but

20:15

your mother Matthew. Well, here's the

20:17

thing. So Mother Matthew is new.

20:19

As of 2025, I've been, I've

20:22

been reborn as Mother Matthew, have

20:24

been reborn as Mother Matthew, have

20:26

been reborn as Mother Matthew, so

20:28

now I'm one scoop for Mother

20:30

Matthew. And that's who you are. Anyway

20:32

having you for a bit, but unfortunately.

20:34

when things happen on our show we

20:37

forget about them within two weeks so

20:39

we will not remember why he's

20:41

mother Matthew next week sure this happened last

20:43

week and we can't remember the listener's name

20:45

no got you so there you go how

20:48

happy can you really be with that not

20:50

that happy not that they've named you

20:52

but they've lost their own name

20:54

oh it's like like Tim Tyler

20:56

do you remember the TV show

20:58

Tim Tyler Where, here we go.

21:00

So, so this, and again, this

21:02

will happen. You don't need backstory

21:04

for this. Matthew's very old and

21:06

remembers things that no one else

21:08

does. Every time he made a

21:10

wish, it would come through. You

21:12

mean home improvement? No, no, not,

21:14

not, not, not, not, not, not,

21:16

not, not, not, not, not, a

21:18

little, man, Taylor, right, it was,

21:20

it was, it was a, a kid's

21:23

show, where, where every time he made

21:25

a bit of his a bit of his

21:27

laugh. So he, and it was like, I think it was a German

21:29

show, but it was dubbed. Yeah, it was, yeah. But yeah, like a

21:31

millionaire heard his laugh and went, I want that laugh. And so they

21:33

did some magical spell or whatever, but yeah, that's, that was, so that's

21:35

what's happened to this poor listener. Anyway, if anything, I've made it. Poor

21:37

Tim Tyler. Poor old Tim Tyler. What a show that was, but you're

21:39

how much of his laugh to do? That's got to do, that's got

21:41

to be a, that, that's got to be a, that, that's got to

21:43

be a, that, that's got to be a, that, that's got to be

21:45

a, that's got to be a, that, that, all of, all of, all

21:47

of, all of, all of, all of, all of, all of it, all

21:49

of it, all of it, all of it, all of it, all of

21:52

it, all of it, all of it, I mean, I don't know, we'll have to

21:54

go on the Wikipedia. Don't pretend like now you don't know about Tim

21:56

Tyler. No, I know about Tim Tyler. You're an expert a minute ago?

21:58

I know about Tim Tyler. I know about Tim Tyler. but I

22:00

don't remember how many episodes there were,

22:02

but I remember he would say stuff

22:04

like, hi. I bet you, he talked

22:06

like this, because it was a dub

22:09

to show, I bet you three Smurfs

22:11

that an elephant will go over there

22:13

and stand on its head. And his

22:15

friends go, no, there's no way an

22:17

elephant would go down its head. And

22:19

then an elephant would wander over, stand

22:22

on its head, and then an elephant

22:24

would wander over, stand on its head,

22:26

and it said, this is a live

22:28

action show, the adventures of Tim Tyler,

22:30

and Tim Tyler. I think it started

22:32

with his father dying in a gliding

22:34

accident. Robby, this can't be real. Robby,

22:37

you've dragged this. I don't know if

22:39

it is real or not. I think

22:41

it is. You haven't mentioned any tiling

22:43

yet. Oh, he wasn't a tiler himself.

22:45

That was his name, his surname was

22:47

Tim Tyler. His surname was Tim Tyler.

22:49

But yeah, anyway, so that's what's happened

22:52

to our poor listener. Now, by the

22:54

way, James is here because he had

22:56

something else to do in London and

22:58

he was here early and just wanted

23:00

to kill some timeout the cold. Yeah,

23:02

I'm the roadie for Snow Patrol. And

23:05

that was live earlier on. That was

23:07

in studio performance and I was tuning

23:09

in their stuff. You are all they

23:11

have. I'm all they have. I tune

23:13

the drums, the guitar, the bass, I

23:15

do the might checks. I do all

23:17

of it. Well, thanks for bringing this

23:20

guy in as well. Very surprised to

23:22

see Mr David Bowie. Here he is.

23:24

On Radio X. Radio X. Radio X.

23:26

Radio X. Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.

23:28

Christmas television mini series. We're back Matthew.

23:30

Hello. Yes. Mobs are up. Yes. Ed

23:32

Gamal and Matthew Crosby joined by James

23:35

A. Castro. the studio and Massey's telling

23:37

us about a TV show he remembers.

23:39

So in Germany it was Tim Taylor,

23:41

of course it was. So when was

23:43

this? 1979 it was, so a year

23:45

before I was born. But it was

23:48

shown as Tim Tyler, but then when

23:50

it was shown on British TV, it

23:52

was the legend of Tim Tyler, the

23:54

boy who lost his laugh. It was

23:56

1979 children's television miniseries based on a

23:58

1962 children's novel. So I didn't dream

24:00

it. It did exist. But it did

24:03

exist a long time ago. I'm the

24:05

only person who still remembers it. Yeah,

24:07

clearly. Good to hear it's a miniser.

24:09

I was thinking that like, otherwise the

24:11

lighters have really got to be like...

24:13

He'd have to lose tiny bits of

24:15

his laugh every week, wouldn't he? Barely

24:18

persept. Yeah. 13 bits of his laugh,

24:20

basically. It was 13 episodes, yeah. 13

24:22

year old Tim Tyler had an irresistible

24:24

laugh and it's thus very popular. The

24:26

mysterious Baron? It's a grumpy and very

24:28

wealthy businessman, always wearing a black carnation

24:31

in his buttonhole and he tries unsuccessfully

24:33

to buy Tim's laugh and then he

24:35

murders his father. That was how it

24:37

started. He murdered his father. So Baron

24:39

a gliding accident. Well it made it

24:41

look like a gliding accent with the

24:43

Baron murdered. I think the Baron tampered

24:46

with the glider in some way. But

24:48

uh... And I guess he's like, well

24:50

you don't need you laugh anymore, you

24:52

may as well give it to me.

24:54

I think what happened was he was

24:56

like, look, look at the power I

24:58

have, I'm the Baron. I'm the Baron.

25:01

So he says, look at the power

25:03

I have, I'm the Baron. Yeah. Now

25:05

give me your laugh. Yeah. I've killed

25:07

your dad. So I'll kill other people

25:09

in your family and let shoot. Give

25:11

me a laugh. To financially support his

25:14

stepmother, Tim no longer resists the Baron

25:16

and swaps his laugh for the ability

25:18

to win any bet he makes, no

25:20

matter how absurd. So is he making

25:22

money off these bets to support his

25:24

stepmother? I don't know if he does.

25:26

I don't know if he's using it

25:29

like Biff's Almanac in Back to the

25:31

Future too. Yeah. But he should be.

25:33

Yes. That's a reference I understand yeah,

25:35

there we go anyway, um, it was

25:37

a... Do you remember the Queen's nose?

25:39

Oh! Manless can harmony, yes please. I

25:42

remember the Queen's, that's fantastic show. You're

25:44

from a younger generation. I would say

25:46

if you have a magic coin, if

25:48

you rub the nose, it grants a

25:50

wish. I wouldn't get in the habit

25:52

of always holding that coin. Yes. Idily

25:54

rubbing it. and using phrases that start

25:57

with I wish. Yeah. And she did

25:59

that so much. And a lot of

26:01

bad stuff happen as a result. Yeah.

26:03

You need to at least keep it

26:05

in a little bag or something. A

26:07

little, a tiny little pouch. I would

26:09

have it on my neck like a

26:12

medallion. Yeah, that's nice. So I know

26:14

where it is at all times, but

26:16

I'm not grabbing it and rubbing it.

26:18

How would you attach it to the

26:20

chain? Because you're not allowed to tamper

26:22

with a coin, because that's treasonous and

26:25

you'd be hung. Well, first you rub

26:27

the nose and say, I wish that

26:29

I can't be hung. I wish that

26:31

I can't be hung for trees. Yes,

26:33

I wish. That's always my first wish.

26:35

If ever I imagine what it would

26:37

be like to meet a genie. My

26:40

first wish is always, I imagine, well,

26:42

then we go. Oh, yes. Finally, back

26:44

on ground that we're familiar. That's not

26:46

one of the options in the Dream

26:48

Restaurant, is it that you can... Is

26:50

it that I can be hung or

26:52

not? Yeah. You can, of course, it's

26:55

the Dream Restaurant, so you can do

26:57

whatever you like. It's Popcom's or bread

26:59

or hung for trees. Or hung for

27:01

trees. They're really ready to pick hung

27:03

for trees. It's the secret third option.

27:05

It's happened once or twice. We always

27:08

edit that out. Yeah, sometimes people are

27:10

hung for trees and on the pop

27:12

for trees that pop-up. I'm a Graham.

27:14

I'm a Graham. Yeah, yeah. To name

27:16

but one. Do you want to plug

27:18

your special, James? Or should you just

27:20

play a song? Hector's welcome on now

27:23

TV in Sky and HBO Max. If

27:25

you're listening, have people listen to this

27:27

in other countries? Oh, yeah, big time.

27:29

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The German audience who

27:31

love Tim Tarler. Yeah, they've all tuned

27:33

it. Yeah, they can watch my special

27:35

in HBO Max available in Germany? I

27:38

think. Very good. Although I don't like

27:40

it as much because it's one that

27:42

I'm not in the audience for the

27:44

filming of. Yeah, it was tough. Was

27:46

that a conscious choice? No, no, we

27:48

tried to ship it, he wouldn't do

27:51

it, he refused to turn up. Well

27:53

it was in Northampton. He was outside

27:55

of London, he wouldn't do it, he

27:57

wouldn't turn up, but like, it was,

27:59

you know, it's hard, not having his

28:01

laugh in the audience when I'm filming

28:03

something. Radio X. bit of extra news

28:06

here in 2002 a 26 episode animated

28:08

series based on the Tim Tala novel

28:10

was produced 26 episodes they they saw

28:12

the 13 and thought it's really getting

28:14

into the story enough let's double it

28:16

and then 2002 and 2002 back again

28:18

We're all, it feels like we're certainly,

28:21

these things can be. Yeah, they come

28:23

in cycles, don't they? The same stories,

28:25

yeah. It's very much like the sort

28:27

of, the Star is born for a

28:29

German mini-series. It's only, it's only a

28:31

matter of time before another one comes

28:34

out. Are you working on anything at

28:36

the moment? Could Tim Tarla be the

28:38

next project here, James? You'd do well

28:40

with the Tim Tarla. I think Tim

28:42

Tarla sounds up by street as much

28:44

as I'm enjoying and making. I'm enjoying

28:46

making fun of making fun of it,

28:49

making fun of it, and making fun

28:51

of it, I think, I think, and

28:53

making fun of it, I think, I

28:55

think, I think I think I would,

28:57

I would love, I would love, I

28:59

would, I would, I would, I would,

29:01

I would, I would, I would, I

29:04

would, I would, I would, I would,

29:06

I would, I would, I would, I

29:08

would, I would, I would I'd love

29:10

to take that on. I'd be the

29:12

next person to take on the tip.

29:14

Would you be the Baron, perhaps, if

29:17

you're writing it and you're the showrunner?

29:19

I'd like to be the Dad. Yeah,

29:21

and then like, just being one episode,

29:23

turn up in like flashbacks and memory,

29:25

like move faster in the sky. Yeah,

29:27

yeah, yeah, you'd be a sky dad.

29:29

Yeah, a bit of a move faster

29:32

type dad. I don't know if you

29:34

died in the sky, you'd want to

29:36

appear in the sky, it's just a

29:38

reminder of how you died. Yeah, you'd

29:40

want to be a ghost in the

29:42

ground. You'd want to appear in pudel.

29:44

Yeah. Who else records in this room?

29:47

Who else records in this very studio?

29:49

Yeah. Well, everybody basically to have a

29:51

mystery for you. We need to solve

29:53

it by the end of the episode.

29:55

Who left their little pot of chili

29:57

flakes? pot of chili flakes here in

30:00

the studio that's been left behind by

30:02

someone else and I want to know

30:04

who's left this pot of chili flakes

30:06

here. Johnny Vaughan snorts them while the

30:08

songs are on. Wouldn't surprise him? I

30:10

think it's just a studio pot. I

30:12

think it's just a studio pot. I

30:15

think it's just like, you know, yeah,

30:17

some condiments left for whoever to use.

30:19

Whoever wants the chili flakes. If you

30:21

want to dip a little bit yourself,

30:23

you feel more than more than welcome.

30:25

This is what happens. There's communal condiments.

30:28

Can you not see the massive pot

30:30

of mustard in the middle of the

30:32

room as well? Well, I thought, yeah,

30:34

Vin's got his hand in it. I

30:36

got stuck in there like Winnie the

30:38

Pooh and Johnny Vaughan did the show

30:40

and he sent him into space. Oh

30:42

yeah! But they weren't Johnny Vaughan did

30:45

the show when he sent him into

30:47

space. Oh yeah. But they weren't one

30:49

of the people who's going into space.

30:51

He was one of the hosts. He

30:54

was one of the hosts. Yeah, tricking

30:56

people into going into space. I guess

30:58

you're not, like, because obviously there's a

31:00

lot of sort of, um, they rumble

31:03

it really quickly. Well being checked and

31:05

stuff. Yeah, I think so. When they

31:07

looked out the window, went to the

31:09

space. Johnny Ford. He was dressed

31:11

as an alien to his credit.

31:13

He was dressed as an alien

31:16

to his credit. He paid himself

31:18

for you, James. How would you feel

31:20

if your dad was David Seaman?

31:22

Oh. Is he the goalkeeper? Yes. I'd feel

31:25

like I was in safe hands. There

31:27

we go. Oh lovely. Just so good.

31:29

This is why, this is why you,

31:31

well I was going to say book

31:33

James A. Caster, this is why you

31:35

give him somewhere warm to sit. Yes.

31:38

Just as easy to kill a little

31:40

bit of time and I'm glad that

31:42

I can feel the time being killed.

31:44

Or dying in a guiding accident. I

31:46

was really hoping to get away from

31:48

the legend of Tim Tarla. To be

31:51

honest with you. All loads lead to

31:53

Tim Tarla. All roads lead. I've got

31:55

to rewatch it, actually. I've got to

31:57

watch it. You've got to watch it.

31:59

All right, so you're gonna rewatch it this

32:02

week and next week we can do a

32:04

film review of the legend of Tim Tarla

32:06

Sounds good. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I'm gonna watch

32:08

it I'm genuinely gonna watch

32:10

it. Yeah, okay you watch a few

32:12

episodes. I'll watch a few episodes I'll

32:15

do my review You can recall this

32:17

little voice note just give a couple

32:19

next week again Yeah, anything going on

32:21

in London next Sunday you can pop

32:23

into the show again. Yeah, but with

32:25

pleasure You can host the um both

32:28

spin-off podcast when you're discussing each episode

32:30

Yeah, that is the rules if there's

32:32

a show that people like I've got

32:34

to do the spin-off podcast. It's great.

32:36

It's perfect 13 episodes Yeah, it sounds

32:39

fantastic. I don't think there's anything about

32:41

I don't like. We've not seen it.

32:43

Huh? My favorite show. James, thank you

32:45

very much for coming into the studio.

32:47

Oh what? It's freezing outside. I can't

32:50

believe it. I'm so sorry ma'am. We

32:52

do have to do some actual sort

32:54

of show. We've got to get off

32:56

the Tim Taylor situation. Anyway, James A.

32:58

Caster, heckler's welcome. Stream now on Sky

33:01

Comedy, now TV, or if you're in

33:03

Germany, HBO Max. Matti

33:06

give us a quick blast, thank you.

33:08

Here we go. What bless your dance!

33:10

It's reef! Crunch and crumble. This is

33:12

Radio X. We're going to be talking

33:14

about tight relies now of course. Your

33:16

tight relatives. Yes indeed. Some of you

33:19

will have spent the festive period with

33:21

your relatives. We've asked you. Are they?

33:23

And not like they've been working out

33:25

and they've got abs a steel. We're

33:27

talking about not willing to put their

33:29

hand in their pocket, spend a bit

33:31

of cash. This one from Stephanie I

33:33

absolutely love. My uncle used to sell

33:35

his day-old paper to my granny for

33:37

half the original price. As a pensioner

33:39

she was willing to save the money

33:41

so she would pay for it. If

33:43

she didn't pay him, he'd throw it

33:45

in the bin and not give it

33:47

to her. His own mother! who was

33:49

the loveliest woman. I've got other stories

33:51

about him, but this always comes up

33:53

to illustrate his tightness. Stephanie, that is

33:55

exactly what we're looking for. Yes, this

33:57

is from Steph, I don't know if

33:59

it's the same person. Could be the

34:01

same step, is it about her uncle?

34:03

Well, no, sister and partner, my sister

34:05

and partner. My sister and her partner

34:07

have moved in with my parents' share

34:09

of electric and gas. They moved in

34:11

to try and save up for a

34:13

deposit on a house. Fair enough, fair

34:15

enough, that's fair enough. They said yes,

34:17

so she cooked gorgeous and extravagant roast

34:19

dinner for them all. The next day

34:21

she invoiced my parents 40 pounds each.

34:23

No! 40 quid. For a roast? For

34:25

a roast at home. Separate invoices for

34:27

mom and death? That's unbelievable. That is

34:29

unbelievable. That is unbelievable. That is tight.

34:31

What did it all say? Because that's

34:33

a lovely thank you to cook a

34:35

roast dinner for someone if you're living

34:38

there rent free to save up money

34:40

for a house. Which is sensible. Dropping

34:42

a text is bad enough, but making

34:44

it official. Also afterwards without saying that's

34:46

what you're going to do. Going through

34:48

the accountant, no way. This is from

34:50

Ed. Now it's a bit long but

34:52

it's well worth it. We lived with

34:54

a trainee accountant in our final year

34:56

of university and he wanted to celebrate

34:58

his 21st birthday by booking a room

35:00

and some tables at a local bar

35:02

sports place. Plenty of people accepted the

35:04

invite. So the day came and we

35:06

were ready to be bad at Paul

35:08

and darts and drink lots of beer

35:10

which would be offered to the birthday

35:12

boy. We woke and were greeted by

35:14

a text from the man himself requesting

35:16

£1.23 from each attendee before the event

35:18

started. Obviously, everybody thought that, well, I'll

35:20

buy him a pint, he'll be fine

35:22

with that instead. This was apparently unacceptable.

35:24

He raged about the house telling us

35:26

how unacceptable this was. Then... People started

35:28

dropping out. More text was sent. One

35:30

pound 67 now because Steve was pulled

35:32

out. Oh wow. Two pound 46 please,

35:34

Julia and the French not aren't coming

35:36

anymore. He raised and raised throughout the

35:38

day and didn't drink because I'm losing

35:40

enough money. I don't want to spend

35:42

any more. That. is phenomenal. Wow. You

35:44

can't live life like that can you

35:46

totting up whether you're up or down

35:48

just assuming these things even themselves out

35:50

over the course of a season. This

35:52

is from you and I think it's

35:54

the I-E-U-A-N. You and I'm going to

35:56

go with you and yeah it's lovely

35:59

spelling of it. Housemate of mine at

36:01

Union insisted on heading to the local

36:03

markets by 30 bananas because it works

36:05

out cheaper than buying five or six

36:07

at Tesco. Try to explain to him,

36:09

he wouldn't get through that many bananas

36:11

before they rot, but he wasn't having

36:13

any of it. 26 of the bananas

36:15

rutted before he had the chance to

36:17

eat them. Well, isn't there this thing

36:19

that it's also, it's dangerous to eat

36:21

too many bananas? Yeah, potassium poisoning. I

36:23

don't know if anyone's ever died a

36:25

bit, but presumably somebody must have done.

36:27

30 in one sitting is going to

36:29

be heading towards problems. I think you'd

36:31

be, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think

36:33

even a monk, I think even a

36:35

monkey, a monkey, a monkey, a monk,

36:37

a monk, a monk, a monk, a

36:39

monk, a monk, he would, he would,

36:41

he would, he would, he would, he

36:43

would, he would, he would, he would,

36:45

he would, he would, he would, he

36:47

would, he would, he would, he would,

36:49

he would, he would, he would, he

36:51

would, he would, he would, he would,

36:53

he would, he would who would eat

36:55

like 12 every morning? No. And he

36:57

was really fit. He played for ages

36:59

and ages, like until he was like

37:01

in his late 30s. So there's got

37:03

to be like a belka. That's age,

37:05

is it? Yeah, yeah. We're a fast

37:07

bowler. Is that where the expression fit

37:09

as a siddle comes from? Yeah, that's

37:11

exactly where it is. I thought as

37:13

much, I thought it. He actually used

37:15

to throw the skins onto the skins

37:17

onto the pitch. They don't even want

37:20

to, they took us as an old

37:22

cricketing term, isn't it? This one from

37:24

Amy Leanne, I love this. One of

37:26

my friends at school wouldn't give anyone

37:28

petrol money as that would make the

37:30

driver an unlicensed taxi. We were 17.

37:32

Also that is not true. That's not

37:34

true. No, that's not definitely not true.

37:36

No, that's not true at all. This

37:38

is from Sophie. I just love the

37:40

opening line of this. My aunt used

37:42

to come over for Christmas dinner with

37:44

only a pot of cream. But not

37:46

a full one. She'd scoop out some

37:48

at home and leave what she thought

37:50

was enough for four of us. Brackets,

37:52

she's wealthy. Yeah. You know, some of

37:54

the tightest people I know are some

37:56

of the richest people I know. Yeah.

37:58

And vice versa. point. What's the point?

38:00

What's the point? No pockets in a

38:02

shroud. Yeah. You've got to enjoy it.

38:04

Check it out there. That's a good

38:06

phrase. We had another phrase through actually

38:08

which I thought you would probably know.

38:10

This is from cat. My mum used

38:12

to say my dad was so tight

38:14

he could squeeze an orange in his

38:16

pocket and capture juice in a thimble.

38:18

I love that. Yeah. Yeah. I don't

38:20

understand it. It doesn't matter. It's like

38:22

this is Efers and I really enjoy.

38:24

And I really enjoy this. On tight

38:26

relatives in Ireland there's a very specific

38:28

saying for someone who's a bit of

38:30

a penny pincher they say are sure

38:32

he still has his communion money Irish

38:34

lilt added for effect love that I

38:36

love a can of Irish lilt Matthew

38:38

Crosby and Edward Radio X Kings

38:44

of Leon, but do you think Matthew Crosby

38:46

that the kings of Leon are tight? No.

38:48

No, surely not. They're called kings. They're kings.

38:50

They live a very lavish lifestyle. Do they

38:52

dress as kings? I've never seen kings of

38:54

Leon live. Do they dress as kings? I've

38:56

never seen kings of Leon live. Do they

38:58

dress as kings? I've never seen kings of

39:00

Leon live. Do they dress as kings? I

39:02

think they must have saved a lot in

39:04

the early days. I can have a hair

39:06

coat whenever I want. Imagine that. We need

39:08

to up Mattie's feet on the show. Yeah.

39:10

I can't. I have tops two a year.

39:12

Really? No, no, no, no, no, no, no,

39:14

no. Tops, no, no, no, no, no, tops,

39:16

no, yeah. We are talking about your tight

39:18

relatives on the Agamblea Matthew Crosby show. It's

39:20

like Victor of Dibly, isn't it? No, no,

39:23

no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, no,

39:25

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

39:27

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

39:29

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

39:31

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

39:33

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

39:35

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

39:37

no, no, Bring it back at Christmas. This

39:39

is from H. I have a friend who

39:41

carries around a small notebook. She writes down

39:43

everything she spends in it, but at the

39:45

back of the book is a money owed

39:47

section. If we go out and she offers

39:49

to get you anything, it goes in the

39:51

book and she expects full payment back. We

39:53

were in the car once and she stopped

39:55

to get fuel, came back after paying and

39:57

had two twos in her hand. She got

39:59

in the car, chucked one at me and

40:01

said, there you go. Then before we drove

40:03

away the book away the book. came out

40:06

and she wrote my name, date, item, and

40:08

price in the book. She told me how

40:10

much it was and said I could transfer

40:12

the money to her later. It's become a

40:14

joke now, but honestly, tight. That's really tight.

40:16

And also, I don't think you can add

40:18

stuff to the book that they haven't asked

40:20

to be added to the book. Definitely not.

40:22

And don't add it to the book in

40:24

front of them. You can't give someone a

40:26

present and added to the book. It's not

40:28

fair. and got the cheaper one. Fantastic. Regular

40:30

pay. Yeah, nothing special about that. We

40:32

don't need special K in this house,

40:35

thank you. We're not special people. Mad,

40:37

mad thing to do. Because what's he

40:39

spent on fuel doing that? Well exactly,

40:41

but it's the principle of the thing,

40:43

isn't it? He's crazy, that guy. He's

40:46

absolutely, he's absolutely bonkers. But then that's,

40:48

that's the way, you know, this is

40:50

the problem with money, isn't he? He

40:52

just, he sends you do, lally. It's

40:54

a tech, we should just get rid

40:57

of it. We should get back to

40:59

a barter system, that's what I say.

41:01

Bring back the vicar of Dibli.

41:03

Bring back the vicar of Dibli

41:05

and get back to a barter

41:07

system, thank you very much. I

41:09

don't want to get all LBC on

41:11

the radio now, but these are things

41:14

that need to come back. Once for

41:16

a teacher gift at school, me and

41:18

the two teachers I worked with, kids

41:20

skiing and to Dubai in the same

41:22

year. I won't read the last bit

41:24

because it feels, uh, libelous. No, I

41:27

don't think it's libelous to say that

41:29

children spoil themselves, but still. They do.

41:31

But it's not the kid by the

41:33

present, no? No, it's not. It's not

41:35

the kid. It's got nothing to do

41:37

with the kid. It's got absolutely nothing

41:39

to do with the kid. You can't

41:41

blame the kid for it. But I

41:44

think the cellophane bags and the bow

41:46

would have cost more than the biscuits

41:48

than the biscuits. This is from Tracy.

41:50

My in-laws are quite tight. When my

41:52

husband was young, he was giving some

41:54

cocoa pops that just didn't taste right. They

41:56

used UHT milk rather than fresh as it's

41:58

cheaper, but the car... and looked exactly

42:01

the same as the orange juice,

42:03

orange juice cartons. So he got

42:05

cocoa pops with orange juice on

42:07

it and he had to eat

42:10

them rather than waste them. Chocolate

42:12

orange? You know what? Do you

42:14

know I used to advertise chocolate

42:16

orange? Dawn French. You know what

42:19

show I love? Dawn French is

42:21

vicaradie. This is Fontaine's DC here.

42:23

They still got their communion money.

42:25

Radio X. Ed Gamble and

42:28

Matthew Crosby. You are thick. We have the

42:30

thickest listeners in radio. I've just read this

42:32

one. Yeah? This is mortifying. Go on, do

42:34

you want a brine shelf? Friend of the

42:37

show. Shelfy? Yeah. Great to hear from Shelfy.

42:39

He's thick as well, is he? Oh my

42:41

goodness, he's sick. Go on Shelfy. After a

42:44

shocking overnight frost, I went out to discover

42:46

my car wouldn't unlock. The keyhole was frozen

42:48

over and the open button and the open

42:50

button was having zero effect. I read up

42:53

on the internet of Central, locking. I dragged

42:55

a hairdrier and extension out into the street

42:57

and blasted it, absolutely nothing. Resigned with being

42:59

very late for work, I called the breakdown

43:02

service and sat inside waiting. I then spotted

43:04

my neighbour who, it appeared, had come out

43:06

to give his best effort to open my

43:08

car, which was a bit weird as we're

43:11

not that close, and I hadn't asked. It

43:13

popped open with no effort. Just as a

43:15

breakdown van arrived, it suddenly dawned on me.

43:17

That's not your car. You left your car

43:20

at work. You left your car at work.

43:22

I had to send the repairman back and

43:24

explain to my neighbour why I'd spent almost

43:26

an hour trying to break into his car.

43:29

Poring boiling water on your neighbour's car. Of

43:31

course your neighbour came out to help. Yeah.

43:33

You didn't come out to help either. He

43:36

came out to see what was wrong with

43:38

you. You came out to help you into

43:40

an ambulance. Yeah. Oh Shelfy. Well please do

43:42

keep those coming in. Can't that like crack

43:45

your windows and everything. Oh yeah. the handles

43:47

maybe. Yeah, I wasn't someone else's car. Yeah,

43:49

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No damage to Shelfie's

43:51

car, it's miles away. Please do keep those

43:54

coming in Sunday at radioX.co. UK. Ed Gamble

43:56

and Matthew Crosby. Radio X. We have the

43:58

thickest listeners in radio. Thickers. Thickers. So this

44:00

is from Imogen, a lovely thick listener, who

44:03

says, me again with a thick story. Was

44:05

checking fences in some fields? I'm assuming from

44:07

the rest of this that you work in

44:09

the sort of farming world. Well, she might

44:12

just be so sick, she goes around checking

44:14

fences. She goes around checking fences. She says,

44:16

we're checking fences. Okay, so it was cruel

44:19

to him back in school, wasn't it? Here

44:21

he comes. The old fence checker. Fence checker.

44:23

So she was checking fences as in fields

44:25

when I came across a metal gate that

44:28

were blown fully open and was touching an

44:30

electrical fence that was meant to be around

44:32

10 10 k-k-k-k-k-k-10-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-s. Which I'm a 10,000 volts.

44:34

10,000 volts, right? That would make more sense,

44:37

yes. Hang on, what were you assuming? What

44:39

was that? What were you assuming? I thought

44:41

KV was the term, you know, you measure

44:43

it in KVs. Killer volts. Killer volts. Exactly.

44:46

Yeah, no, exactly. So, yeah, no, exactly. So,

44:48

so, anyways, we're both right. Anyway, no, no,

44:50

no, no, I, yes, I'm, I'm, I'm thick.

44:52

You, you mean, you get the listeners you

44:55

deserve. No animals were in the field at

44:57

the time, but the gate needed to be

44:59

closed. Not wanting to electrocute myself and being

45:01

too thick to think about turning the fence

45:04

would stop working so... death didn't get me

45:06

that day didn't know that at the time

45:08

though keep up the decent work imaging p.s

45:11

this is my favorite p.s of any message

45:13

we've ever got got booted in the kneecap

45:15

four times by a four-foot pony this week

45:17

well good luck in the charts this week

45:20

imaging radio x dead boy and super ghost

45:22

people's relies are so tight they're still tight

45:24

I've got so many of these messages. Do

45:26

send in yours to Sunday at radioex.co.org, if

45:29

you have a story of a tight rally

45:31

that you want us to read out on

45:33

the air. This is from Jake. On a

45:35

family holiday when I was a kid, my

45:38

dad stole the oven light bulb out of

45:40

the cook it in our button in shalet

45:42

at the end of the holiday because our

45:44

one at home had broken and he didn't

45:47

want to buy a replacement. Is that just

45:49

criminal? Yeah, that is also criminal. That's a

45:51

separate textor. This one from Abbey, 15 years

45:53

ago, I shared a flat with a guy

45:56

at the fringe. and I asked to use

45:58

a couple of his eggs because I'd run

46:00

out. I told him I'd buy a box

46:03

later, but he'd calculated the cost and very

46:05

seriously asked me for 12p per egg. Wow.

46:07

I asked if he was joking, he wasn't,

46:09

and he didn't appreciate me laughing. He genuinely

46:12

wanted me to give him 24p instead of

46:14

just taking a couple of eggs in the

46:16

box I'd be buying. Well, you've got a

46:18

bargain there, because you could have said, I'll

46:21

buy you the whole box, oh, oh, she's

46:23

saying, she's saying, I'll say, I'll say, I'll

46:25

say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll

46:27

say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll

46:30

say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll

46:32

say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll

46:34

say, I'll, I'll say, I'll, I'll say, I'll,

46:36

I'll, I'll, I This is from Laura, my

46:39

ex was incredibly stingy, pretty much the reason

46:41

I broke up with him. When we did

46:43

break up, he asked for the TV off

46:46

the wall that he'd purchased a couple years

46:48

before, or the money which he priced to

46:50

the nearest penny is new, 1256 pounds 26.

46:52

I thought about giving it to him in

46:55

coins. This man also gave me an invoice

46:57

for half the costs of a weekend away

46:59

for my birthday. Oh no! And this is

47:01

the killer. That man had lived rent-free in

47:04

my flat for several months. Bad man. I

47:06

think any time you're invoicing... Or you shouldn't

47:08

be going out with your relatives. No, do

47:10

not go out with your rellies. I guess,

47:13

you know, the longer you go out with

47:15

them, they'll become your rellies, don't they? And

47:17

then you've got, that's why people have to

47:19

get divorced. This is from Haywood. Went out

47:22

on a first date with a guy that

47:24

wasn't happy about just splitting the bill 50-50-50,

47:26

so actually took himself two pound change out

47:28

my purse on the table to make sure

47:31

on the table to make sure he'd on

47:33

the table to make sure he didn't on

47:35

the table to make sure he didn't sure

47:38

he didn't, to make sure he didn't, to

47:40

make sure he didn't, to make sure he

47:42

didn't, to make sure he didn't, to make

47:44

sure he didn't, to make sure he didn't,

47:47

to make sure he didn't, to make sure

47:49

he didn't, to make sure he didn't, he

47:51

didn't, he didn't Can you imagine? Again, another

47:53

crime has been committed. You can't go into

47:56

somebody else's purse on any date. But also

47:58

usually, I know on a first date you

48:00

want to project quite a good image. yourself

48:02

right? Or do you want to be honest?

48:05

There's got to be a balance in there

48:07

somewhere. Most people on a first date are

48:09

doing like the version of themselves they'd like

48:11

to be. So that's that guy's version of

48:14

himself. Imagine what he's actually like. He's taking

48:16

the whole person. He's taking the whole person.

48:18

He's a robber. But do send those in

48:20

folks if you've got more stories of

48:23

your tight relies. Send him Sunday

48:25

at Radio X. It was so nice,

48:27

you know what, it's great, isn't it,

48:29

to be here in, you know, the

48:31

West End effectively, show business people are

48:33

just wandering past, they wander in, it

48:35

was so nice having James, just wandering

48:37

to the studio and come and enjoy

48:39

it. James Acaster. If you make James

48:41

Acaster on the show, do get the

48:43

podcast and also you have a whole

48:45

load of bonus James, because he stuck

48:47

around with us. to do the intro

48:49

and outro as well. He did. So

48:51

he's on the podcast as well. Yes.

48:53

So get the podcast, wherever you get

48:55

your podcast, Global Player though, that's the

48:58

main place to get podcast. I don't

49:00

know anywhere else. Where else could you

49:02

get a podcast these days? Global Player

49:05

is the is the one-stop shop. Get

49:07

it from, that's the shiny shop to

49:09

get a podcast from. Otherwise you have

49:12

to get them out on the bin.

49:14

And if you think you are Ludwig

49:16

or above... Knock on because we will

49:18

open you. I've actually walked through Leicester

49:21

Square with Ludwig before. How's that for

49:23

a celebrity annex? Whoa, how have you

49:25

been sitting on that this many weeks?

49:28

I know. What were you doing with

49:30

Ludwig? We are doing a live pilot

49:32

for a show at the Leicester Square

49:34

Theatre and we popped out to Pratt.

49:36

Lovely. Yeah. Is he as lovely in

49:38

real life as he appears on Ludwig?

49:40

Now it bearing might have not seen

49:42

Ludwig. He actually is. He is, isn't

49:44

stressed on Ludwig. How can you be

49:46

stressed when you're strolling to prayer? Yeah.

49:49

Especially with an Ed Gammer. What's Ludwig

49:51

getting at prayer? Good question, I don't

49:53

remember. In my mind a soup? A

49:55

soup? Yeah, yeah, yeah, soup. Well that's the

49:57

type of the podcast, in my mind a

49:59

soup. Thanks very much for listening. And that will mean

50:01

people are sick right to the end to work out why

50:03

it's in my mind. In my mind a soup. In my

50:06

mind a thick soup. He's getting a meaty soup. He's not

50:08

getting like a just a pure veg help. He's not getting

50:10

a tomato. He's getting something that's quite stocky. It's got substance

50:12

like the way himself. Not stocky but substance. Do you think

50:14

about Ludwig now, the character? I'm always thinking about Ludwig of

50:16

the character. I've still not seeing it. I've heard it. I've

50:18

heard it. I've heard it's very good. I've heard it's very

50:21

good. I've heard it's very good. It's very good. I'm very

50:23

excited about series two though. Very excited about series two. Cannot

50:25

wait for series two. We're going to be talking about series

50:27

two, aren't we? Oh yeah, yeah, this is now just a

50:29

run up to series two. Stop talking about the trait and

50:31

start talking about Ludwig. It's got the lady from Motherland in

50:33

it. Does it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she was in Gavin

50:35

and Stace over Christmas. Yeah, she's great. Anyway, it's definitely the

50:38

end of the show. It's the end of the end of

50:40

the show. Stay tuned for Danny Wallace, stay tuned for Danny

50:42

Wallace, our best, our best, our best, our best, our best,

50:44

our best, our best, our best, our best, our, our, our

50:46

best, our, our, our, our, our, our best, our, our, our

50:48

best, our, our, our, our, our, our, our best, our, our,

50:50

our best, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, This

50:55

is Radio. Ed

50:59

Gamble and Matthew Crosby. That was the

51:01

show folks. Thanks very much for listening.

51:03

James is still with us. Still with

51:06

us. Great show guys. I enjoyed listening

51:08

to that. Yeah, it's a good show

51:10

man. So we said just before we

51:12

got on Mike, would you like to

51:15

do some, Beck Rex with us, we'd

51:17

like to talk about what you've been

51:19

listening to, what you've been watching and

51:22

you want to do it as a

51:24

quiz. Well, no, I said all we

51:26

could, all we could do, all we

51:28

could do a quiz. Okay, you can

51:31

do a quiz for me. All right,

51:33

let's see if I can come up

51:35

with some genuinely some some some some

51:38

quiz some quiz questions Yeah, just do

51:40

some do a quiz in the meantime

51:42

while you're thinking of that Yeah, what

51:44

I've been listening to yeah, I've been

51:47

watching I'm watching the traitors because it's

51:49

January So I'm gonna be obsessed with

51:51

the traitors because it's January So I'm

51:53

gonna be obsessed with that for the

51:56

whole month of January James is not

51:58

happy with me for recommending this but

52:00

I'm going to I went on a

52:03

Rob and Romish binge. Great stuff. Funny

52:05

guys. It's so funny. Yeah, yeah, fair

52:07

enough. The drag one, the West End

52:09

one, made me like proper cry laughing.

52:12

The Lion King one. The Lion King

52:14

one. Yeah, that's great. But it's when

52:16

it's when they're stood there with the

52:19

Star of Frozen and they have to

52:21

sing let it go and Rob really

52:23

tries and he's so bad and he's

52:25

no one can believe how bad he

52:28

is. It's so funny. You've got to

52:30

try that. And they do, they always

52:32

try. That's what's so funny about it.

52:34

Have you seen the Pennentella one? No,

52:37

not yet. I mean, because they're great

52:39

anyway, obviously, Pennentella. Then, yeah, yeah, no,

52:41

they're really, really good. I thought they

52:44

were, I thought they were amazing. Worst

52:46

live show I've ever seen. I've been

52:48

a long time fan, absolutely love them.

52:50

It was so expensive. Like every trick

52:53

wasn't even a trick I could not

52:55

believe they were doing it. So they

52:57

fooled you basically into buying it? Oh

53:00

they fooled me all. Yeah. Do you

53:02

reckon that's what they're trying to do?

53:04

The greatest trick we ever pulled is

53:06

getting me able to come and see

53:09

this show. Yeah well they used to

53:11

do a show. I remember they did

53:13

a thing once it wasn't magic tricks

53:15

it was like let's see let's do

53:18

experiments on how like stupid the public

53:20

art. Yeah. and they did a thing

53:22

where they opened a fake restaurant that

53:25

was like, you know, a tasting menu

53:27

and people went in and they just

53:29

served them cheese whiz and cheap things.

53:31

Yeah, but they described it like it

53:34

was fancy and everyone said it was

53:36

amazing. I think that's what they did

53:38

at the Apollo. So you think they're

53:41

going to bring out a show? Yeah,

53:43

and they go, we did a bunch

53:45

of non-tricks, I don't even have anything

53:47

in it. Yeah. And everyone came to

53:50

see it, and they paid this much

53:52

money, and they paid this much money.

53:54

They did a trick where it was

53:57

like there was a flower on stage

53:59

and then the shadow of the flower.

54:01

Oh yeah, that's a really famous trick.

54:03

They've done that every show they've ever

54:06

done. It looks nice. But it's not

54:08

a trick. He goes on and he's

54:10

just like pooding the flower and the

54:12

shadows doing different stuff. behind me went,

54:15

oh my god, how did I do

54:17

that? And I nearly turned around and

54:19

went, you should be ashamed of yourself.

54:22

So you're stunned by this. And one

54:24

of them's not even talking. One that's

54:26

not even tall. Talking. Talking. And he's

54:28

not tall. And he's not tall. He

54:31

can talk. Same guy. I don't like

54:33

the fact he does talk. You know,

54:35

like interviews and stuff, he'll talk. Also,

54:38

he gives advice to Rob and Romish

54:40

in that episode. It's quite odd. Yeah,

54:42

yeah. Yeah, he's the one who runs

54:44

his mouth all the time off. Didn't

54:47

they fall out as well, isn't that

54:49

a thing? Yeah, they don't know. Yeah,

54:51

they fall out as well, isn't that

54:53

a thing? Yeah, they don't like each

54:56

other. Yeah, they don't like each other.

54:58

Yeah, I'm familiar with that. Yeah, I'm

55:00

familiar with that. Have you recommended anything

55:03

yet, James? The Traitors? Oh, the Traitors.

55:05

I mean, I guess a stupid recommending

55:07

that when everyone, everyone's watching that. Yeah,

55:09

that's fine. Heckler's welcome? Heckler's welcome. Yes,

55:12

of course. My own show, please, watch

55:14

that. I've not watched it yet. I've

55:16

listened to the album. Oh yeah, the

55:19

album's different, yeah. People could listen to

55:21

the audio version, which is I recorded

55:23

in Ket. Just great. Almost no on

55:25

now TV. Will do. I've not, I

55:28

mean all I'm all I'm watching at

55:30

the moment is the traitors. Yeah. Because,

55:32

and it's very very good. I'll do,

55:34

you know what, I'll do another re-wreck

55:37

because it's coming back in April for

55:39

Ball and Bow. Oh yeah, I went

55:41

to that. Because you went this, you

55:44

went this week and I absolutely... This

55:46

is Kearns and riches. This is Kearns

55:48

and, yeah. They came on the shows

55:50

to talk about it. They came on

55:53

the show to talk about it. Kearns

55:55

and riches doing an homage, a tribute,

55:57

a pastiche of Michael Ball and Alfie

56:00

Bow, I think I might do the

56:02

same thing. Like during the show she

56:04

was going, I've got to bring this

56:06

back. to see this. I've got to,

56:09

you know, I hope they get that

56:11

April run done because we've got to

56:13

start on our Christmas show with them

56:15

for next year. That's right. I've got

56:18

to do Tales of the River Bank,

56:20

haven't we? We're doing Tales of the

56:22

River Bank. We decided when they came

56:25

on the show, we're doing Tales of

56:27

the River Bank. Right. Who do you

56:29

think is playing all the different animals?

56:31

Toad, yeah, yeah. It's very hard to

56:34

say who, okay, I would go, maybe

56:36

Kearns as the badger, maybe riches as

56:38

ratty, Ed as toad, and I guess

56:41

that makes you moly, probably. So that's

56:43

completely, apart from me as toad, which

56:45

everyone says. Yes to be. That's obviously

56:47

locked in. Yeah, that's locked in. I

56:50

think CROBB is ratty. I'm ratty. Yeah,

56:52

yeah. Kearns is moly. And Adams Badger.

56:54

Okay. Yeah, I can see that as

56:56

well. Yeah, I can see that. I

56:59

mean, you know, it's difficult because like

57:01

the others are sketch performers. So you

57:03

can go, yeah, I can see them

57:06

in any role. Yes. Sure. I'm told.

57:08

I'm assuming the idea for the whole

57:10

thing, game, because you're Mr. Don. Okay,

57:12

I can't remember where they're. Well, you

57:15

can book your own tickets. So, with

57:17

theater.com. My friends. My friends are in

57:19

it. Yeah, no free rides. No free

57:22

rides. No free rides. No free rides.

57:24

So, to agree to put a show

57:26

on is just give the website address.

57:28

Yeah. So, you can buy tickets from

57:31

there if you can't see them yet.

57:33

Just email. Yeah. Just email. Yeah. Good.

57:35

Yeah. We'll be doing it. So, here's

57:38

a Walthamstow, 1, 1200 seat. Luke. Luke

57:40

Crosby if you for listening. Please email.

57:42

Please email. Please email. next week at

57:44

the usual time of 8 a.m. on

57:47

a Sunday or on the pod. Yeah,

57:49

I know, I know. What? Six years.

57:51

My gosh. No wonder we look as

57:53

bad as we do. I remember being

57:56

on the way in for the first

57:58

show. and going, I'll do it for

58:00

a year. Yeah. That's how early it

58:02

is. Absolutely. And now, it's just, here we are.

58:04

Here we are. But you live in Lesser Square

58:06

now? Yeah, I do, yeah. Made it easier. Yeah,

58:08

living that bit in the middle. Yeah. Well, you

58:10

live underneath it. It opens up like Tracy Island.

58:12

Yeah, and it head comes to work. Yeah, yeah.

58:15

I go to all the premiers. Yeah, that's right.

58:17

They really should stick your stick your

58:19

hands in the, stick your hands in

58:21

the, you hands in the, you know,

58:23

you know, you know, you know, you

58:25

know, you know, you. the concrete outside.

58:27

You know, they've got those, they've got

58:29

those metal hands. They seem like they're

58:31

going to really go through. Like Man's,

58:33

Man's Chinese Theatre. But we really do

58:36

need to call the show. We need

58:38

to record the show, don't we? But

58:40

anyway, get in touch with you, you

58:42

can tell us how that story would

58:44

have gone. See you soon, bye bye!

58:46

Goodbye.