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1:07

we go. Hello to you. Hi.

1:11

Carlson, can you hear me? How do

1:13

we sound? Do we sound? Or

1:15

I sound, I guess. You sound

1:17

crystal clear from my end. Okay.

1:20

Good volume and everything. Okay. We

1:22

just did a recording and I

1:24

don't know if Zoom did an

1:27

update or something, but it was

1:29

very like the The other

1:31

person came in nice and loud, and

1:33

we did not. So was

1:35

a lot of adjusting, and yeah.

1:38

Oh, it happens. Yeah. And then

1:40

you just cross your fingers that it sounds good enough,

1:42

and then you just go on to the next

1:44

episode. Yeah, you bounce it out. You'll

1:46

probably be able to pick out which episode

1:49

it is here in a couple of weeks, where

1:51

it's like whatever they talk it, yes, hi,

1:53

how's it going? And for us, it's,

1:55

hey, hey, how's it going? That

1:58

was like a lot of my early episodes

2:00

because I always wanted to keep it down

2:02

a lot because of like getting rid of

2:04

the background noise, but it turns out I

2:06

was just too dang quiet Yeah, I know

2:09

what I usually have to jack yours up

2:11

by about Five to ten decibels

2:13

just to keep everybody on the same

2:15

I'm still trying to figure it out

2:17

too because I'm looking at I'm like

2:19

that's not very loud But like is

2:21

it the microphone Ryan? Do you have

2:23

these issues? I think

2:25

it's just settings are different on each

2:27

one. You know, it's it's it's no

2:29

big whoop It's just when it's all

2:31

one track like on the resume recording

2:33

where it becomes an issue But if

2:36

it's like, you know ours come in

2:38

eight And yours comes in

2:40

like a four that it's like, okay, I just need

2:42

to raise it four, you know what I mean? Well,

2:44

that's what I used to do for me. I'm

2:46

like, okay, I'm one and a half. Polina is

2:49

point eight. We're good. I'm

2:53

scale from NPR to morning

2:55

radio. Hey,

2:59

everybody, it's douche in the nozzle. That's good.

3:04

There's Thursday traffic and on

3:06

the 5 going down to

3:08

some holdup receded. I

3:11

also, before I forget, I

3:13

also want to wish you

3:15

a happy anniversary from Job

3:17

Redacted. Oh, thank you. Yes,

3:19

25 years of trying to

3:21

kill a 10 -year -old boy.

3:24

What? As

3:27

Saisho Bob once said. It

3:30

was on an episode

3:32

that's now 15 years old.

3:35

Or 10 years old

3:37

at least. Oh boy. Yeah.

3:41

But yeah, it's fun. So

3:45

the whole thing with the

3:47

25 year, the quarter century club,

3:49

they call it is, you

3:51

know, instead of the discounted hotel

3:53

rooms, now you get free

3:55

hotel rooms, several asterisks is

3:57

what asterisks is. Well, the discount

3:59

rate has to be available. And

4:02

it's anyone, it's only

4:04

for hotels said company owns

4:06

outright, like Like property stuff, not

4:08

just management. Oh, and so

4:10

it ends up being like 10

4:12

to 15 percent of said

4:14

companies buildings. But

4:17

it's still better than nothing. I'll give it

4:19

that. That is something at the very least,

4:21

you know, it's just like, you know, hey,

4:23

you get 25 percent off blah, blah, blah.

4:25

I'll take it. Yeah. So it's like, so

4:27

it's not every single hotel, like, for example,

4:30

here in Utah, you know, there's. 30,

4:33

40, maybe upwards of 50 hotels in

4:35

the state. So it's like, oh, cool. I

4:37

can get like up to three nights

4:39

at each hotel, blah, blah, blah. That's like

4:42

half the year. I'm just living in

4:44

hotels just here in the state. It's

4:46

two, two hotels in

4:48

Park City where I don't

4:51

have a reason to

4:53

go there. But

4:55

but it is cool that

4:57

in certain cities, like, for

4:59

example, San Francisco, there's...

5:01

hotels downtown I could stay

5:03

at for three nights apiece. You

5:06

know when discounted rates are available.

5:08

So we're talking like Thanksgiving and

5:10

Christmas, right? Yeah Or what I'm

5:12

kind of excited about New Orleans.

5:14

There's about nine hotels I can

5:16

stay at During the hurricane

5:18

season But yeah, it's stuff like

5:21

that like like there's a hotel

5:23

in Reno There's a couple in

5:25

Vegas by the convention center.

5:27

So it's like cool road trips

5:29

will be kind of fun, but

5:31

it's also like the trip we're

5:33

going on for Power On Con.

5:35

It's like there was a

5:37

hotel in Denver that was available,

5:39

which is awesome. Nothing

5:42

in Colorado Springs though, but it's

5:44

like, okay, cool. So I

5:46

pay discounted rate for those nights

5:48

and get a hang out

5:50

with Captain Power himself. See

5:53

amazing national parks and 30

5:56

breweries within like a five

5:58

mile radius of our hotel

6:00

downtown. I

6:02

mean, terms and conditions, but you're going to

6:04

make it work. Oh, absolutely. Well,

6:07

especially now that we also have a van. Oh,

6:09

congratulations on the van. Yeah,

6:13

we've already got a goal

6:15

for our first big van trip.

6:17

Yeah, van trip, van trip.

6:20

For Izzy's birthday. Yes.

6:23

If anyone wanted to join us,

6:25

we can now see eight. Easily,

6:28

like with actual seat belts and everything.

6:30

Yeah, more if needs be. Yeah,

6:34

it's a it's a it's a large van.

6:36

Yeah, so it's a it's an

6:38

eight seater 40 conno line

6:40

and it's got the room in

6:43

the back for like people's

6:45

bags and stuff. Yeah. Oh,

6:47

yeah. Oh, yeah. She's

6:50

what did I look up? I

6:52

think she was like 18 feet long.

6:54

Yeah, that's my right. Are

6:57

you allowed to go like what is

6:59

the height of warning warning you cannot

7:01

clear this? Although

7:05

that'll be when we take the

7:07

The rack off the rack off. It's

7:09

got a letter rack On top

7:11

like the the rack that they can

7:13

hang the letters off of it

7:15

because it's a work truck how interesting

7:17

Yeah, yeah, so I don't know

7:19

did Did Steve tell you the story

7:21

of the saga of our van?

7:23

I read the bullet points that he

7:25

shared on the Patreon. You hear

7:27

that everybody? Patreon .com. Yeah, I love

7:30

movies. That's everything. Yeah, so

7:33

it's a

7:35

2008 Ford Econoline

7:38

150. So it's

7:40

got the the little bit smaller engine.

7:42

Yeah, it's still 5 .7, but yeah.

7:45

But yeah, so it's an

7:47

8 -seater. It was a work

7:49

fan for, according

7:51

to its car facts for its whole life. So

7:53

basically it was sort of like the heavy equipment,

7:55

you know, drives over there and then this is

7:57

the one you bring the whole crew over in.

7:59

Oh. You know, they just have like their lunch

8:01

bags and stuff in the back. Oh, sure. Yeah,

8:04

so it lived

8:07

basically between New York and

8:09

Ohio its whole life and apparently

8:11

an electrical company drove it

8:13

out. It blew its transmission in

8:15

Ogden. It got towed over

8:17

to, happened to get towed to

8:19

our mechanic where is sort

8:21

of my second home between all

8:23

of our old cars. I

8:25

got a punch card. Yeah,

8:27

and Steve and I went in actually to, I

8:30

mean just about Oh, we were

8:32

picking up the Honda. That's right, were picking up

8:34

the Honda, checking on the status of the track, and

8:37

we told, I don't know, something came up and

8:39

we were saying we wanted to crest the old

8:41

van, and we pointed to the resty one in

8:43

the parking lot, we're like, something like that. And

8:45

the mechanic's assistant, Shaggy, was like, well, you know,

8:47

you might be able to buy that one for

8:49

a couple hundred bucks. And we're like,

8:51

oh, really? And he's like, here's the key. You want go check

8:53

it out? And then we're

8:55

back all skeptical, like, OK, why can we

8:57

get this for a couple hundred bucks? Or whatever.

8:59

He's like, oh, transmission went out, blah, blah,

9:01

blah. So we're immediately thinking, OK, how much is

9:03

a new transmission? Oh, and then

9:06

he was like, we've already scouted a new transmission.

9:08

There's a working one over at the junkyard. It'd

9:10

be like two grand installed. And we're like, hmm.

9:14

That's cheaper than a van. Getting

9:17

closer to what we would

9:19

expect, okay. Yeah, but those

9:21

vans are selling for 9 ,000

9:23

right now. Yeah, even the

9:25

used ones. Used ones with twice as

9:27

much miles on it too. Like it

9:29

was under like 200 ,000. Steve and I

9:31

legit put a bid in on one

9:33

with no engine and no transmission. Just

9:35

the hull of a, was it like

9:37

a 72 port -a -conna -line or something?

9:39

For a thousand bucks and we lost. Wow.

9:42

Oh, yeah, vans are hot

9:44

right now. I guess so. Oh,

9:46

of course, if you've been

9:48

on the various TikTok what have

9:51

you, of course, it's about

9:53

taking them and turning them into

9:55

your new one bedroom apartment. Yeah,

9:58

hashtag van life, hashtag van dweller.

10:01

Yeah, plus, you know, we're in

10:03

Utah where everybody has seven

10:05

kids. and so they

10:07

physically need a van that big. So we're

10:09

in a hot area for the first, a

10:11

hot item anyway. So

10:13

yeah, so I

10:15

got a text the other day my

10:18

mechanic was like hey so the guy

10:20

uh uh sold me the van for

10:22

scrap and signed over the title you

10:24

want it for 400 bucks oh by

10:26

the way the tow truck accidentally knocked

10:28

out the back window so we'll have

10:30

to get that fixed and we were

10:33

like sold i will bring you cash

10:35

that is exciting so yeah so uh

10:37

we had it towed so our mechanic

10:39

does like transmission replacements but none of

10:41

their guys is trained to like rebuild

10:43

a transmission so he recommended his friend

10:45

on the other side of town so

10:48

I had it towed over there the

10:50

other day they're gonna take a look

10:52

at it our mechanic seems to think

10:54

it's not the whole transmission that it

10:56

might just be the torque converter he

10:58

said the fluid like looked really good

11:00

when they like pulled everything out it

11:03

just won't go into gear oh yeah

11:05

yeah yeah like But the engine

11:07

runs on everything else. Engine runs

11:09

great. It starts up just fine. It's

11:11

car fax ahead. No accidents. Just

11:14

maintenance work. It's a little

11:16

rustier on the edges from living on the

11:18

east coast, but you know what? That's fine. Sure.

11:21

Yeah, the seats are in really good shape. It

11:24

doesn't smell like anything other

11:26

than just old van. It doesn't

11:28

have oil spills in the

11:30

back or anything like that. It's

11:32

just used. carpet basically yeah

11:34

but more like mechanical smell versus

11:36

like wet dog yeah well

11:38

well maintained like yeah exactly um

11:40

nice yeah so we added

11:42

another rusty crusty vehicle to our

11:44

our line of yeah we

11:46

got the back window replace already

11:48

and yeah the mechanics assistant

11:50

shaggy was like man this fans

11:52

got more attention in the

11:54

last like 10 days and it

11:56

probably had the last 10

11:58

years Well,

12:01

this van is going to be treated like

12:03

a member of the family. I

12:05

mean, yeah, that's how we treat all

12:07

of animals. Vanessa Van Gogh, you mean?

12:09

Yes. Yes, Vanessa Van Gogh. Yes,

12:14

yes, I do. And

12:16

since this one does have all

12:18

the windows, it's not a cargo van.

12:20

We can't paint our... monkey on

12:23

the side of it like we had

12:25

originally planned, but I am thinking

12:27

even though it's a 2008 maybe we

12:29

got to get the big Like

12:31

70s super graphic sticker, you know the

12:33

like oh, yeah try out of

12:35

color like lightning stripe down the side

12:38

Or maybe they have the ones

12:40

where he gets like it's still transparent,

12:42

but it can go over the

12:44

windows now Yeah, yeah do like some

12:46

yeah, we were talking about like

12:48

maybe getting a wrap on it. There

12:50

it is Yeah Yeah,

12:53

so many ideas. And

12:55

you can follow all the updates

12:57

at patreon .com forward slash e

12:59

-i -l -f movies. That's everything in

13:02

the movies. Plug, plug,

13:04

plug. Yeah, the reality is, though, it has

13:06

the best paint job of our three

13:08

cars. So the Honda and the truck and

13:10

the Jeep need new paint more than

13:12

the van does. 2008,

13:15

I know yours is in the 90s.

13:17

Your Honda is. Steve, what year is

13:19

your Jeep? 04. Oh.

13:22

Yeah. I know. The thing is,

13:24

Jeeps haven't changed since, like, 1953. I could

13:26

tell you, in 1973, you'd be like, yeah,

13:28

I could see it. But

13:31

yeah, and then my mom's truck is a

13:33

2000. OK. So

13:35

Vanessa's the newest car we

13:37

have. And the restiest. Yeah.

13:41

It's that van life, baby. Yeah, but I

13:43

happened to be there when the guys

13:45

came out to replace the back window. The

13:47

tow truck knocked out. Yeah. And the

13:49

van, so they they pulled up in uh

13:52

to Fort Econo lines and they were

13:54

like oh you're the one who bought this

13:56

one like I didn't know they were

13:58

gonna be there I was like gonna have

14:00

it towed over to the transmission shop

14:02

and apparently they were late uh but uh

14:04

they were like yeah uh we're actually

14:06

we're asking Mark about if we could buy

14:08

it we're gonna use it for parts

14:10

for the rest of our fleet oh man

14:12

and I'm like oh shit that was

14:14

gonna be gonna be a bidding war so

14:16

yeah so our $400 van is you

14:18

know gonna be a bit but Since they're

14:20

selling for 9 grand, we figure if

14:22

we can fix it up for under 9

14:24

grand, we're ahead of the

14:26

game. Absolutely. Take

14:28

that, everyone else. That's right. Right?

14:32

Because the thing is, if you're going to

14:34

buy a 17 -year -old van, it's

14:36

going to need work anyway, so your $9 ,000 van

14:38

is still going to cost another 2 grand. Yeah,

14:41

easily. Yeah, so really if

14:43

we're under 1100, although I don't want

14:45

11 ,000, I really don't want to spend

14:47

11 ,000. I'm hoping we don't have to.

14:49

Now, I think it may be 2 ,500

14:51

more said and done. Before

14:53

we get into the wraps

14:56

and any other modifications and

14:58

stuff like that, obviously, yeah.

15:00

And a spoiler. You

15:02

know, for the van life. Van life!

15:05

So yeah, for it so much. We're turning

15:07

into a war rig. Shh, don't tell nobody. Yes!

15:12

We gotta have a little compartment in the back

15:14

for the midget to jump out and set off

15:16

the... The Rockets and stuff.

15:18

So the reason we really asked you

15:21

here was who plays the guitar and looks

15:23

good in spandex because we're going to

15:25

need a flamethrower guitar player for the front.

15:27

I heard Ryan's interest peaked. Yeah. I

15:29

wanted to I wanted to see the I

15:32

mean, if you didn't bring up the guitar, I

15:34

was going to suggest it. So sadly, I

15:36

can hear your guitar player. But oh, man, is

15:38

that why we need to keep the ladder

15:40

racks? Oh, yeah.

15:43

We were talking about what would be the funniest things

15:45

we could hang off of those. Yeah, so

15:50

yeah, so for my 40th birthday, we're going to go

15:52

hit the big five. Anybody who

15:54

wants to come out can come

15:56

catch a ride with us. And

15:58

for anyone who doesn't know what

16:00

the big five are, it's the

16:02

Utah National Parks, it's Zion Arches

16:04

Canyonlands, Capitol Reef and Bryce.

16:07

Yeah, Bryce Canyon. We

16:09

have a hard enough time getting

16:11

out of the house just to

16:13

go to the sporting goods store

16:15

by that name, so All right

16:18

Diana from ask reddit from a

16:20

while ago, this is throwback How

16:22

would you get a small cylinder

16:24

5 .1 inches in length about

16:26

4 .5 inches in girth unstuck from

16:29

a mini M &Ms to a

16:31

mini M &Ms tube filled with butter

16:33

and microwaved mashed banana Bro, did

16:35

you get your dick stuck in

16:37

an M &M tube? It's a

16:39

cylinder. It sure is. Dicks

16:42

are cylindrical. Oh,

16:44

geez. Apparently the

16:46

only answer that guy gave

16:49

anyone after that was

16:51

simply one word hospital and

16:53

then never logged into

16:55

the account again. This

16:57

account has been deleted. Hospital. No,

16:59

the account wasn't deleted. It was left.

17:02

He was never seen

17:04

again. Mashed banana. Yeah,

17:07

it was brought up

17:09

on some who's missing eight

17:11

ounces out of their

17:14

can of tomato paste, but

17:16

there's just a round

17:18

hole in the middle of

17:20

the tomato paste can. I

17:23

had a reaction.

17:26

Like warm apple pie.

17:28

Oh, somebody else posted that one. They

17:32

opened up a can of tomato paste and it

17:34

looks like a vagina. I

17:36

should call her. Gross.

17:44

Gives the phrase, comes at a can,

17:46

new meeting. Get out. See

17:51

this is the side of Reddit I like.

17:55

I mean it has many sides but that's the one

17:57

you like. That's the one I like. Yeah,

17:59

I'm here. I'm just, um, Diana advised me to try

18:01

to uncork the stupid wine bottle before we're on the

18:04

air and now I'm wishing it started even sooner because

18:06

I don't know what I'm doing. Actually,

18:08

Diana. You gotta get your

18:10

wine saver. Yeah, I wish. Do

18:13

you have a rabbit, the one

18:15

for opening bottle openers, not the

18:17

other one? Not

18:19

to my knowledge. Okay.

18:23

What's the sex toy gonna do with this wine bottle? There's

18:25

there's the that's the one that we have

18:27

where it like left on the side and

18:29

pops up. Okay, he doesn't have a rabbit.

18:31

No, Ryan, get your penis pump real quick.

18:33

And if you put that on top and

18:35

give it about I'd say about eight squeezes.

18:38

Yeah, it's pressure differential makes sense. I

18:41

mean, I mean, do you have the series

18:43

three or the series five though, because the

18:45

plastic on the series five can take the

18:47

cork blasts three. I'm not 100

18:49

% sure. I

18:56

assume Ryan's going to get his

18:58

bum now. Is

19:02

that what that thing's for? Yes. Yep,

19:05

he's definitely got the penis bum now. Sushi

19:10

just went at the deepest side. Yeah,

19:12

Sushi's judging the fuck out of me. I

19:14

don't like that. Here's

19:19

everything penis pumps for you. Is

19:23

somebody with no testicles? I do not

19:25

give a shit about this. Look

19:27

at what you're licking my dick now.

19:29

Exactly. You

19:32

got lucky this time. Yeah,

19:34

right. This one made me

19:36

cum. Hold on, hold on, hold

19:38

on. Ah,

19:43

my top! Thank you

19:45

Diana. You're welcome. I

19:50

legit learned how to do that one month ago.

19:52

I know nothing about wine because I don't drink

19:54

it But I definitely watch some YouTube videos on

19:56

how to work with this thing. Yeah

19:59

For the win. Yeah, see

20:01

you twist the top. It's

20:03

like a screw. I

20:06

Was mad when it wasn't a screw top. I'm like,

20:08

what the fuck is this cork doing here? This

20:11

cork's covered in wax too. What the

20:14

hell's going on? Oh, you gotta peel

20:16

the little little foil off

20:18

and then there's like the waxy thing and

20:20

sometimes there's that wire cage that it's

20:22

in. Right? How do I get the cord

20:24

back in to keep it fresh? Somebody

20:28

gave us a really fancy wine and

20:30

we were like, it's a screw top. We

20:32

unscrewed the screw top and it was a

20:34

cork. Yeah, a cork inside of the

20:36

screw top and we're like, bastards. Got

20:40

your hopes up. Oh,

20:43

yeah. When we got married,

20:45

Steve's work gave him $2 ,000

20:47

worth of wine? About that. Yeah, mean retail.

20:49

Like, you know, so it was like 10

20:51

bottles, but like they were all really good.

20:54

Well, let's let's rephrase it. They

20:56

for the party they got to about

20:58

no, they gave us They had stuff

21:00

for the party. They gave us that

21:02

box of curated wines and they gave

21:04

you a co -worker the box of

21:06

curated wines. That's okay. These are

21:08

for your guys's honeymoon because she came over and

21:10

was like, I know this is really just for

21:12

us. We know you guys

21:14

don't really drink wine. I'm so sorry. And

21:16

we're like, no, no, don't worry because

21:18

so we ended up giving a bunch of

21:20

people for Christmas like and then like

21:22

For every when I was still in California

21:24

for my family my family enjoys too

21:26

much wine So I would like bring a

21:28

bottle for every get -together and Apparently they

21:31

got tired of me telling them about

21:33

the wines because I would like look it

21:35

up and So I got cornered one

21:37

Thanksgiving and was like nobody wants to hear

21:39

about your stupid wine and how much

21:41

he spent I'm like we got it for

21:43

free, but whatever so I stopped talking

21:45

about the wines and then I get this

21:47

text one day from my aunt like you

21:51

brought this uh the so -and -so wine it

21:53

was really good where did you get it and

21:55

I'm like which wine and she sent me

21:57

a picture and I'm like oh that's one of

21:59

the ones Steve's work gave us it's like

22:01

$250 and she's like I drank a $250 bottle

22:03

of wine on a Tuesday and I was

22:05

like look you're the one who told me you

22:07

don't want to hear about my stupid fancy

22:10

wines and she was like well if I'd known

22:12

that you should have told me because I

22:14

find it like it was a whole thing yeah

22:16

if I'd known that I would have taken

22:18

it and re -gifted it Right. Hey babe, remember

22:20

when we drank that Cartier champagne or whatever on

22:22

the podcast? Yeah, that was worth like 1200

22:24

bucks it turns out. Dude. Right.

22:27

We've had almost immediately after drinking it.

22:29

Yeah, I believe it's in the

22:31

episode like we should look up how

22:33

much this is worth. Hey

22:36

Steve. I

22:38

do sell the bottle around here though because it

22:40

was a cool bottle. Oh yeah. We could have

22:42

bought a van for that much. Right? Uh,

22:46

we just had to wait for the right

22:48

time. No way. Yeah, we did for, yeah, for

22:50

what, our 250th? Yeah, yeah, it was some

22:52

big episode, like 300 or something. Yeah.

22:54

Awesome. Well worth it. Yeah. And

22:57

I'm not gonna lie, it tasted like

22:59

Gloria for air. Yeah, yeah, it was

23:01

very, yeah, it's an

23:03

okay champagne. I like, and here, I like

23:05

Gloria for air, so. If Two Buck

23:07

Chuck was still around, no. Oh, apparently

23:09

the Two Buck Chuck is no longer Two

23:11

Box. What? No. I mean,

23:13

it's supposed to be what? 249

23:16

now? I heard it was

23:18

three or four bucks, but we can't get it

23:20

in our state. So yeah, because it's too cheap. No,

23:23

because we can't have nice things in

23:25

Utah. Yeah. So in Utah, in

23:27

thanks, Mike Lee, in

23:29

grocery stores and restaurants, you

23:33

know, in grocery stores, they can't

23:35

sell any alcohol over 5 %

23:37

alcohol by volume. All right. You

23:39

have to buy it from the liquor store,

23:41

which is state run and has bankers hours.

23:44

And then in a restaurant, you

23:47

can serve alcohol, but they

23:49

have to pour it behind a

23:51

Zion curtain in case children,

23:53

because children can't watch it be

23:55

poured. And you have

23:57

to order food with it. but if you

23:59

go to a bar you can't have

24:01

kids but you can have alcohol. So Steve

24:03

and I mostly go to bars. That's

24:07

a lot of rules. Yeah, there

24:09

a lot of weird late got

24:11

weird rules like and it used

24:13

to be like 3 .2 alcohol

24:15

for grocery stores. So like we

24:18

first moved here Budweiser had to

24:20

make a special Bud just for

24:22

Utah because regular Bud Light was

24:24

too alcoholic for grocery stores and

24:26

it was called this buds for

24:28

Utah. I

24:35

love it because I don't

24:37

drink Budweiser it doesn't matter to

24:40

me. Everything

24:43

I'm talking about movies. Help

24:48

me guys. This

25:04

was the

25:07

start of

25:09

an apocalypse

25:12

that would

25:14

sweep the

25:17

entire world.

25:22

That was five years ago. My

25:24

name is Alice. The

25:28

survivors followed a radio signal to

25:30

Alaska. This is Arkadia,

25:32

on emergency frequency. We

25:34

offer safety and security, food

25:36

and shelter. But I

25:38

could only one. Claire,

25:42

who did this to you? Umbrella.

25:47

We have to move on. Our

25:50

only chance for survival is finding the

25:52

source of this signal. This

25:55

is Arkadia. We offer safety

25:57

and... food and shelter. Boonday!

26:02

Come on! The men responsible for

26:04

this disaster took refuge underground. The

26:09

umbrella corporation safe.

26:12

Everything is quiet here. They

26:14

feel secure. They're

26:16

wrong. Now

26:21

this is a pleasant surprise. The

26:34

Umbrella Now

26:36

this is a

26:38

surprise. Hey

26:51

boys, is

26:53

that any way to treat a lady? Yeah!

27:01

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Steve. And

27:04

I'm Izzy. And this is Everything

27:06

I Learned Movies. And tonight. Oh,

27:08

tonight. We continue

27:10

the year of

27:12

the Apocalypse with

27:15

2010's Resident Evil

27:17

Afterlife. It's

27:19

the fourth one, guys. Resident Evil 4. So I

27:21

think I realized this is the one I owned.

27:23

I thought I owned the one where they were

27:25

in Vegas. but no, this is the rooftop scene.

27:27

I was I like, Putting

27:30

on yeah, it it wasn't the

27:32

top of the Tropicana or

27:34

whatever the movie was this one.

27:36

Okay, that makes sense. But

27:38

babe, we're not alone for this

27:40

one. Oh, thank God as

27:42

this is a Resident Evil movie,

27:44

we have to have our

27:46

Resident Evil experts our residents of

27:48

evil you might say. oh

27:50

Please welcome Diana Ryan from the

27:52

Happily Ever Aftermath. Welcome, Ryan.

27:54

die. Hello. hello. Hello.

27:56

hello. So great to be

27:58

here again. More

28:00

zombies. Yeah.

28:04

That's what a zombie like. Not actually a lot

28:06

of zombie folks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Zombies

28:09

were more like, you

28:11

know, just kind of background.

28:13

They really were. Yeah.

28:16

Do you guys remember your first time watching

28:18

this movie, Ryan, which theater was it? This

28:21

was this was a red box rental. Yeah.

28:24

And it was. Yeah,

28:27

like I hadn't heard great things, but I'm

28:29

like this far into the franchise. And I

28:31

think I like just kind of put it

28:34

on and maybe started to get distracted and

28:36

do something else midway through, which, yeah, it's.

28:39

Yeah, there's not a lot else to tell. I think it was like in

28:41

the middle the night after dying and went to bed. It's like, I'm

28:43

going to put this on, see if it's any good. And then I

28:46

watched it and I'm like, Hmm. So

28:48

that's pretty much my story. Diana,

28:50

was this first time watched for you then? It

28:53

was for the podcast. I put it on and

28:55

I took notes and I paid lots of attention

28:57

and I had lots of commentary. So yeah, that

28:59

was my experience. Yeah. My pitch to Diana for

29:01

this movie was like, OK, we got to get

29:03

through one more of these and then they're going

29:05

to start to get kind of good again. Yeah.

29:08

Kind of good. I'm going to set expectations. I

29:12

mean, we'll see if the raw tomatoes have to say

29:14

about that. Yeah. Babe,

29:16

remember your first time? Was it after you

29:18

bought it? Yeah, yeah. This is one I

29:20

pulled out of the Walmart $2 bin. Nice.

29:22

Remember they sold the two, the three, and

29:24

the five? Oh, I remember. Yeah, yeah. So

29:26

this was and I was like, Resident Evil,

29:28

why not? And I watched it and I

29:30

was like, yep, I have no idea what's

29:32

going on. I think I was the first

29:34

one and then this one. And I was

29:37

like, but that's fine. But she

29:39

started off reminding everybody that my name is

29:41

Alice and I worked for the Umbrella Corps.

29:44

Yeah guys this was the Netflix one for me

29:46

like similar to Red Box or whatever I

29:48

used to get the Netflix at home up until

29:50

what 2023 when they stopped doing that. Let

29:53

me take it away. Because

29:55

we can't have nice things. Thanks,

29:57

Obama. I did

29:59

look into buying a red box. Apparently that

30:01

was like a number one question on the

30:03

internet. As soon as everyone found out they

30:06

were going, they were going out of business. So

30:09

they're discontinuing their proprietary software. So

30:11

you can buy a box, but it

30:13

won't fucking work. You can basically

30:15

buy an empty ATM machine. Dude,

30:18

how cool would it be? How cool would

30:20

it be to load all of the movies into

30:22

a red box and then just like be

30:24

able like put them back into it. I don't

30:26

think you can handle my library. It's

30:29

sure. I think they have like 35

30:31

movies. Maybe like a hundred

30:33

or something. But no, it's 35 different

30:35

titles, though. They've two or

30:37

three of each. That is the kind

30:39

of thing. Yeah. I I could see it

30:41

being plausible that some hobbyist out there

30:43

is going to create like their own homebrewed

30:45

firmware that you can like load into

30:47

it and and repurpose it as just a

30:49

home video library thing. I'm not going

30:51

to promise that could happen, but it's within

30:53

the realm of possibility. I would I

30:55

would at least like, you know, search the

30:57

web for that if you're that curious. Yeah,

31:00

I got one too. All you have to

31:02

do is add the your credit card information and

31:04

right. Sushi,

31:06

you dig in a hole for your

31:08

bone in the carpet. Yeah. As

31:10

a tradition, he's going to be so

31:12

disappointed when he gets to China

31:14

and realizes everything's upside down. Yeah,

31:18

I have the same experience that

31:20

you did when I watched it

31:22

of like not like like I

31:24

was thinking like okay Do I

31:26

need to go back and watch

31:28

Extinction again so that I'm fresh

31:30

on the details that they're building

31:33

on, which would have been ill

31:35

advised because it would have only

31:37

increased my confusion and frustration. But

31:39

there's like just enough continuity to

31:41

drive you crazy. Like you

31:43

should be able to appreciate like, wait, did

31:45

Claire say something about, about looking for her brother?

31:47

Did she even mention a brother? I

31:49

don't know. So yeah, well, I'm sure

31:51

we'll get into that, but yeah. But

31:57

before we get too deep into this, guys, I

31:59

don't know about you. I'm a little

32:01

thirsty. Oh, I'm still sober. A

32:03

little peeky behind the curtain.

32:05

Today is St. Patrick's Day! Hi!

32:08

Hi! Oh, Charlie, Charlie! So

32:11

we have a Smithwix,

32:13

or was it Smittix? Smittix!

32:15

Smittix Red Ale. Product

32:18

of Ireland. Our ruby

32:20

red brew with a gentle hot

32:22

bitterness, sweety malt notes, and a

32:24

refreshing balanced taste. 4 .5 % alcohol

32:26

by Vauryum. 21 and

32:28

over. Uh, matap.

32:32

Uh, here we go. Oh,

32:35

it's top. Nice. And

32:37

the pour. Oh,

32:39

trullo trullo. Beautiful red

32:41

beer. Steve, stop

32:44

quoting the leprechaun from The Simpsons. They're

32:47

magically delicious. All

32:52

right, beautiful red beer off

32:54

white foamy head. Lots

32:56

of bubbles. Lots of bubbles, and

32:58

they're lingering. Steve's

33:01

gone in for the sip. Yeah, wow.

33:03

I really like this mixed red. It's

33:05

like a red lager. Like it's very

33:07

smooth, little caramel notes and stuff. And

33:10

these ones came from Costco, so they're actually fresh. So

33:13

for the longest time, I thought I

33:15

didn't like Guinness because it tasted nasty.

33:17

And it turns out, actually, like Guinness,

33:20

I don't like two -year -old Guinness has

33:22

been sitting in the back of a

33:24

bar from, like, years past. From last

33:26

St. Patty's Day, yeah. Or two St.

33:28

Patty's Days ago, or where the fuck?

33:33

Finding stuff that's fresh is sometimes more

33:35

of a challenge. I thought the same

33:37

thing of red stripe until we were

33:39

on our honeymoon in Jamaica. Yeah.

33:41

We're literally drinking beers

33:43

in the ocean. Staring

33:45

at the red stripe factory. It

33:47

was fantastic. I

33:49

wonder how fresh this is. Yeah,

33:53

literally it was a nice warm

33:55

day. We were holding our bottles in

33:57

the water to keep them cold. Wow.

34:00

Good times. Ah,

34:03

but speaking of good times,

34:05

2010's Resident Evil after life.

34:08

He's back, baby, writer -director Paul W .S.

34:10

Anderson. Who's he? You know him.

34:12

He's the best W. Anderson. You know,

34:14

from the good three musketeers. Oh,

34:17

you guys, I love that, and I'm so

34:19

angry we don't have a sequel. Well,

34:22

I'm sure we'll be talking about that later

34:24

in this movie. The

34:26

good ol' sequel beg at the end. Definitely

34:29

not like a lot of... Uh,

34:31

dirgeable spawning up at the

34:33

end. But

34:35

guys, who else is back? Mia

34:37

Jovovich is back, as Alice. Allie Larder's

34:39

back, as Claire. Apparently

34:42

Sienna Gouri is back, as

34:44

Jill Valentine. Yeah,

34:46

head scratch. We'll

34:48

save that. Yeah, yeah. But

34:50

we got some newcomers. We

34:52

got Kim Coats as Bennett. Oh,

34:55

Ryan, you refer to him as what

34:57

again? Oh, well, as much the character as

35:00

the actor, but as soon as he

35:02

showed up, I think I refer to him

35:04

as a dollar store Tom Savini. Yeah,

35:08

I mean, it's got that vibe, you know. Yeah,

35:10

with even more blaring blue eyes.

35:12

Yeah, yeah. He's been over

35:14

150 things. You might know him as

35:16

Tig in 92 episodes of Senate. Sons

35:18

of Anarchy. He was in Goon. He

35:20

was Chet in the Last Boy Scout.

35:23

He's the guy that fucks around and finds out

35:25

when Bruce Rollos knocks his nose into his

35:27

brain. Yeah. Innocent

35:29

blood. He was... Oh, that's right.

35:31

He's the Drifter in Waterworld. Remember

35:33

the Drifter? Oh, yeah. Six

35:36

episodes of Night Man. Oh, Fighter

35:39

of the Day, man. Oh. Silent

35:42

Hill. And he

35:44

was Devilface in... Almost

35:46

the last movie we saw in

35:48

theaters, Blumhouse's Fantasy Island. Oh, shit.

35:50

That was the last one we

35:52

watched before lockdown. Oh,

35:55

man. Steve straight up

35:57

was like, oh, is this going

35:59

to be the last movie we ever see in a theater? We

36:02

should have stopped at The Invisible Woman,

36:04

or The Invisible Man, I guess it was, but you know

36:06

what I mean. Right. Also

36:08

new in this movie, Wentworth

36:11

Miller as Chris Redfield. Yeah,

36:14

that guy. Oh, I'm glad you

36:16

asked. Uh, he's the guy from Prison

36:18

Break, like all 90 episodes. Excuse

36:21

me. Uh, he's an underworld, nine

36:23

episodes of Madame Secretary, and

36:26

of course Captain Cold in 24

36:28

episodes of DC Legends of Tomorrow

36:30

and 24 episodes of The Flash.

36:33

Captain Cold, everybody. Do

36:35

you remember who he was in Underworld? Uh,

36:38

I assume the bald one. No,

36:40

no, no. okay. No, he's not Scott Speedman.

36:42

And I was what to say. He's not that

36:44

guy. He's none of those other guys. I'm

36:46

sure he was just brooding in the corner being

36:48

mad. Probably just a brooding kind of bald

36:50

buff vampire or something. He kind of

36:52

seems like he has werewolf energy to me. But

36:55

he's definitely not Michael Sheen.

36:58

No. Wait, double

37:00

checking. No, he is not Michael Sheen. He's

37:04

definitely not Bill Nighy either. Oh,

37:06

my God. But

37:09

of course. Sean Roberts as

37:11

the new Albert Wesker How

37:13

did you uh, how'd you

37:15

describe it you were getting

37:17

a Brad Pitt from interview

37:19

the vampire energy when he

37:21

took the glasses off? I

37:24

was like oh my god, I

37:27

was like he's giving more Brad

37:29

Pitt from interview the vampire than

37:31

he is Neo from the Matrix.

37:33

Yeah It was like Neo from

37:35

the Matrix if he was serving

37:37

context Tell

37:40

me I'm wrong you guys,

37:42

please. But

37:44

he's been in over 90 things. Oh,

37:47

she was... I heard

37:49

90K movies with 90K years

37:51

of experience. I

37:55

mean, I didn't look at all

37:57

of them, but you might know

37:59

him as Rogue's Boyfriend from X

38:01

-Men 2000. No one remembers

38:03

that movie. Safe. What? How dare you?

38:06

He has that one scene where, you know, they

38:08

kind of kiss or whatever, and then he dies. Oh,

38:11

yeah. I was about to say,

38:13

what? You mean Iceman? Oh, no,

38:15

no, no. The one she put

38:17

in a coma. Exactly. Yeah.

38:20

He's also Wesker and the rest of

38:22

these spoilers. He's

38:24

in triple X return of

38:26

Xander Cage and babe, he was

38:29

in Jesse Stone, Stone Cold. Oh,

38:32

that means we watched it. That's right. Guys,

38:34

we binged all the Jesse Stone movies

38:36

so you don't have to. My

38:39

mom is of the generation

38:41

where Tom Selick is a

38:43

good -looking cowboy. Oh, so

38:45

since the 1950s? Okay. Pretty

38:47

much. She doesn't know

38:49

about his red pilling and I'm just gonna

38:51

let her not know. It makes her

38:54

life happier. So we watched all the Jesse Stone movies

38:56

because she wanted to watch a good -looking guy. Turns

38:58

out the Jesse Stone movies

39:00

are just Tom Selleck being

39:02

really sad around murder cases

39:04

for like nine movies and

39:06

drinking a lot and having

39:08

an ex -wife he talks

39:10

to on the phone But

39:12

he does have a dog

39:15

I mean most of the

39:17

time So anyway, how'd you

39:19

guys watch this one Ryan

39:21

was your blu -ray again? Yep.

39:23

Yep blu -ray collection all

39:25

six well

39:28

uh this is allegedly on the

39:30

blood bank uh though the blood

39:32

bank was down when we needed

39:34

it last night uh so we

39:36

uh we got it for four

39:38

bucks somewhere yeah and guys we

39:40

start off as all movies should

39:42

we start off in tokyo in

39:44

the rain and i'm like okay

39:46

wait do we start the wrong

39:48

movie do have u amazon but

39:50

uh Yeah, we just get some

39:52

of the slowest panning I've ever

39:54

seen in a movie, like rain

39:56

falling, going up some girls like

39:58

boots and legs and eventually making

40:00

it up to show this Japanese

40:02

girl just standing in the rain

40:04

with no umbrella. based on those

40:06

tights, she's a bad guy. Yep.

40:08

Those tights were definitely

40:11

suspect. Those are the tights

40:13

of a villainous. Right? And

40:16

then eventually, I don't know, she locks

40:18

eyes with a guy just walking down

40:20

the street. He's got an umbrella. He

40:23

looks like he's about to offer it to her. Guys,

40:26

are these star -crossed lovers? Oh, shit,

40:28

she went for his jugular. Oh, my

40:30

God, there's so much blood. Turns out

40:32

she's the world's most fashionable zombie. Yeah.

40:36

She really was not

40:38

showing in the least

40:40

bit up until she

40:42

she pulled up again. Bilbo

40:45

Baggins when somebody was talking about

40:47

his ring. Yeah. So

40:51

yeah. And apparently she was like

40:53

patient zero for Japan. I presumably she

40:55

got like bitten on the plane, walked

40:57

right out of the airport and out

40:59

to that city square. I know. Yeah,

41:02

I don't know, man. Yeah. She

41:04

didn't wear a mask on the plane or

41:06

something. And so it took a while. Lesson

41:09

learned. But yeah, then we

41:11

pan out. We see the lights go out

41:13

all over Tokyo and the Japan and the

41:15

world. Roll credits, guys. What do we think

41:17

of Resident Evil after that? Yeah. Well, you

41:19

know, you watch that and then it's just

41:22

like four years later. I'm just like, oh.

41:24

Oh, okay. So it's a re -pocalypse. Right.

41:26

Oh, and of course we get the speech

41:28

from Alice. My name is Alice. I

41:30

worked for the Umbrella Corporation. I

41:33

was basically a security person and then the

41:35

virus got out and killed the world and

41:37

blah, blah, blah. Hygiene's ensued

41:39

from there. The

41:41

last one was kind of a Mad Max movie.

41:43

Don't worry about it. But

41:47

yeah, we get four years

41:49

later and we start off

41:51

with somebody getting sniped. Yep.

41:56

And then, uh, you know, we

41:58

see a couple, uh, I thought

42:00

was really interesting about this first scene is,

42:02

uh, we're back in Japan. Uh, we see

42:04

like zombies getting sniped and a couple of

42:06

snipers up in like various buildings or whatever.

42:09

And, uh, like they're talking to one another, like

42:11

over the radio, but it's all in Japanese

42:13

with no subtitles. So you kind of get the

42:15

gist, but it's always like, what? You don't

42:17

have subtitles. Oh, yeah. We

42:19

had subtitles. Oh shit.

42:21

You had subtitles. Yeah. We did not have subtitles

42:23

on. We

42:25

should pull out my DVD, Steve. I'm sure

42:27

it was super important. It was

42:29

it was pretty much what you expect.

42:31

The only the only thing you missed

42:33

is that they refer to the zombies

42:35

as biohazards, which is the title of

42:37

the original game franchise in Japan. It

42:39

was only changed to Resident Evil for

42:41

the American release. OK,

42:44

so a little little fanny strike

42:46

there. But yeah, otherwise it was not

42:48

much information of importance. Yeah,

42:51

and uh, you know one

42:53

of the guys named Toshi and

42:55

he gets uh, he's like

42:57

how's everything over there? Oh everything

42:59

is going And then Toshi

43:01

Toshi are you okay Toshi? This

43:05

is where Wesker starts just

43:07

like report in report it. I'm

43:09

like you just saw his

43:11

head come off. Yeah, right? You

43:14

still attached you could still like

43:16

blink or do something for like 15

43:18

seconds, right? This boss sucks. Oh

43:22

What, what's the saying Diana? Just, just

43:24

because you demand results doesn't mean you'll

43:26

get them or something. Yeah. Okay. I'm

43:28

back on his side then. Yeah. But,

43:31

uh, yeah, but we, yeah, we transitioned

43:33

to the underground Tokyo hive or whatever

43:35

for the, the umbrella core. And yeah,

43:37

we see Wesker, he's a breakout or

43:39

is like, or like, he walks into

43:41

like the security room basically and is

43:43

like, What's going on top site? We

43:45

lost all of our snipers. We lost

43:48

about 30 minutes ago and he's like,

43:50

and you didn't wake me up from

43:52

my beauty rest or whatever. I'm

43:55

sorry. I know last time the guy I replaced

43:57

last time he woke you up at a beauty rest,

43:59

you ripped his head off and shut down his

44:01

neck. I didn't want that to happen. But,

44:04

uh, but, uh, but

44:06

you know, there, there's,

44:08

um, Basically, they're all

44:10

down. The elevator is coming down. So like, oh,

44:12

shit. All right, security. Get around the elevator

44:14

and blah, blah, blah. Get ready. It's going to

44:16

be a bloodbath, you know. And

44:18

yeah, we see like the riot team set

44:20

up in front of the elevator and

44:22

it opens up and there's nothing in there.

44:26

And then Alice is standing in a

44:28

parking lot behind them. She almost seemed

44:30

surprised how easy it was to sneak

44:32

up on them and starts unloading clack -clack

44:34

-clack -clack -clack -clack. Or, I'm sorry, not unloading,

44:37

tossing shirikens and pulling a fucking Kitana

44:39

blade out and going full kill Bill

44:41

on these bish. She basically runs the

44:43

crazy 88 on these motherfuckers. And

44:47

then, okay.

44:50

And then the next wave of security guys

44:53

come in after she wipes out like 20

44:55

of them. And then I

44:57

don't know, she's like her eyes twitch a

44:59

little bit and then she sends out

45:01

a fucking shockwave. I'm like, what the fuck?

45:03

Remember, she's gonna ask the force. Yeah.

45:06

Well, okay. And with this one in particular,

45:08

like after the shockwave goes through and like

45:10

knocks them all out, the ground is still

45:12

perfectly fine. Just there's a couple of rocks

45:14

like on top of it. And

45:17

so I'm like, so where, where did

45:19

those come from? Like out of the ground

45:21

and then immediately back into their divots. but

45:26

yeah so you know oh

45:28

cool she's got the force

45:30

and oh shit some rando

45:32

dude just killed our lead

45:35

actress that's that's her all

45:37

on me everybody she's i

45:39

think she's having another kid

45:41

or something no but uh

45:43

no Alice is down though

45:45

but Ryan they send in

45:48

the clones they do those

45:50

laughy daffy clones Yeah,

45:56

two more at first

45:58

and then more and then

46:00

all that sporty ponytail

46:03

Oh, yeah, and they're like

46:06

skin tight leather matrix outfits or whatever

46:08

with all the buckles on them. And

46:10

yeah, you know, it's 2010, baby. Yeah,

46:12

I left it in the post -apocalyptic world where,

46:14

you know, skimming over how they

46:16

managed to get to Tokyo from from wherever

46:18

from North America and also managed to like

46:20

pick up these uniforms along the way. They

46:22

must have found a heck of a sporting

46:24

goods store or something to to lit up

46:26

on katanas and stuff. Yeah, that's it. It's

46:28

actually probably all vinyl. Yeah,

46:30

it's all vinyl. And

46:33

now you just hear. Yeah.

46:36

Start getting all like hot and sweet. This

46:38

really doesn't breathe. Oh, my God. Oh,

46:41

it's a good thing I've got the force. Otherwise, this

46:44

might be really stinky. But

46:47

yeah, all the clones come in and start

46:49

killing the second wave of Wesker is like,

46:51

all right, we'll flood that floor with nerve

46:53

gas. And there was like, but there's our

46:55

people there. Did I fucking stutter? Pop kills

46:57

the one guy. Anybody else? Yes,

47:00

sir. Flooding with nerve gas. seems

47:03

excessive I mean if the guy doesn't like

47:06

the orders he's being given what's he gonna

47:08

do anyway leave and go work for another

47:10

company I mean yeah yeah yeah the other

47:12

company which is a I assume general electric

47:14

I know they're still around

47:16

I'm sure But

47:19

yeah, so yeah, we got lots

47:21

of lots of guns being fired and

47:23

glass breaking like all the windows

47:25

and super slow mo you guys know

47:27

how it is and And then

47:29

two of the clones just jump out

47:31

the window But apparently it's down

47:33

like a shaft or like an atrium

47:35

shaft or whatever But they fire

47:37

their little grappling hooks that grab on

47:39

to something and I don't know

47:41

They're just matrix matrixing the shit out

47:43

of this scene But then like

47:45

Wesker pops one of them And

47:48

then the other one like er er er er er er

47:50

er er er er er er er er er er er

47:52

er er

47:55

er er er er er er er

47:59

er er er

48:15

He picked that a little scab or whatever. was

48:17

like, ah, man, I got a little blood. That's the

48:19

power of the T virus. I

48:21

guess. And yeah, he just

48:23

wonders his little chopper flies off in

48:25

it and, you know, like eight or

48:27

nine of the clones come out and

48:29

like firing at it. But of course

48:31

it's bulletproof, stealth, double propeller technology, whatever.

48:35

And as he's pulling away, of

48:37

course, that's the self -destruct. in

48:39

three, two, one.

48:43

And then this bomb, I

48:45

don't know if it just set off

48:47

a completely controlled explosion or opened up

48:49

a portal to the Delta Quadrant or

48:51

something. Cause like, cause like

48:54

there's like a mile radius

48:56

in every direction, like into the

48:58

ground, above whatever it stops there.

49:00

It's like the, the, the dome

49:02

over Wanda vision. And

49:06

and then basically it goes back in and

49:08

it's like there's nothing like everything is vaporized and

49:10

I assume sucked into a black hole. Yeah,

49:12

just killed the shit out of those clones, you

49:14

know, right? It sends a

49:16

clear message like if however much

49:18

you were expecting us to to

49:20

follow up on the sequel hook

49:22

from the last movie, here's your

49:24

answer. Kaboom. You know, they're we

49:26

don't have the budget for 18

49:28

years. You're lucky you're

49:30

getting one. Right. But

49:33

luckily we still have one as she just

49:35

walks up behind him in the chopper and

49:37

she puts the gun in the back of

49:39

his head, gets the drop on him. Ryan,

49:41

what the hell happens? What

49:44

happens is that Wesker administers

49:46

the Kudugras to everything that

49:49

was kind of happening in

49:51

continuity and stabs an anti

49:53

Jedi syringe right into her

49:55

neck. And we're just not

49:57

doing any more of that

49:59

nonsense either. Yeah,

50:01

basically she's like any last

50:03

words and then Wesker basically said

50:05

rewrite and like got up

50:08

stabs her in the neck with

50:10

And it injects something's like

50:12

well remember the first movie we're

50:14

back to that now. You're

50:16

human again Not me though. I'm

50:18

like super fucking cool And

50:20

I'm gonna whoop your ass like

50:22

I'm agent Smith for the

50:25

next couple of minutes. Yeah It

50:28

was right here that Diana and I

50:30

for whatever reason we were like just really

50:32

like preoccupied with with hairstyles and makeup

50:34

and everything and and and like the fact

50:36

that the clones Yeah, we're saying they

50:38

had their uniform We appreciated that like the

50:40

clones were all given a ponytail whereas

50:43

like Alice classic was still with her classic

50:45

haircuts and And I also stopped to

50:47

notice that like oh, yeah, and look at

50:49

Wesker's haircut remember That's how I used

50:51

to wear my hair when we started dating

50:53

before he made me stop No

50:57

sort of it's true sort of

50:59

like Joe hair helmet look this looks

51:01

right back, you know nice No,

51:03

it was not that's why I asked

51:05

him to stop doing it We

51:07

was talking about mergers and acquisitions and

51:09

showing you his cool new car.

51:11

That's in blood and bone. I

51:13

Didn't want him to that's why

51:15

I told him to get rid

51:17

of the haircut Don't just stare

51:19

at it Diana eat it And

51:21

that's never seen Americans like those

51:23

again And thus

51:25

I did my career in virus engineering. There

51:28

you go. Was

51:30

it a virologist or whatever? Yeah.

51:32

From 12 Monkeys? I don't know. So

51:37

yeah, so he whoops on her for a little

51:39

bit, and then he's like, any last words? I

51:42

was expecting her to fucking flip

51:44

around and jab something into his

51:46

neck. But no,

51:48

she says, thank you

51:50

for making me human

51:52

again. And then, I

51:54

don't know, apparently the autopilot sucks ass

51:57

because then it's like three inches from crashing

51:59

into a mountain. And

52:01

then we get the... Oh, go ahead. Oh

52:03

yeah, I guess he got distracted because he

52:05

was too busy stabbing her in the neck.

52:07

We're just like, yeah, revenge is awesome. I'm

52:09

going to step over here and not fly

52:11

this plane anymore. Yeah, that's just that he

52:13

forgot to set the autopilot or whatever. Right.

52:16

You know, the inflatable guy that pops up in

52:18

place. Take

52:22

us home, Victor. Yeah,

52:28

so they crash and we get

52:30

the like. Freeze frame pan around

52:32

matrix thing like at the moment

52:34

of impact and I'm like well,

52:36

yeah, they're obviously gonna fucking die

52:39

because it's an exploding helicopter after

52:41

he's thrown into a mountain through

52:43

the windshield Which is already shattered

52:45

glass and metal at this point

52:47

so it's more like a pink

52:49

cushion he's been thrown into not

52:51

even sitting with seat belts on

52:54

yeah, yeah But uh, yeah, then

52:56

we cut to the fiery wreckage

52:58

and I don't know Alice has

53:00

a boo boo. And,

53:03

you know, totally human stuff. Guys, I'm

53:05

going to mention at least nine times

53:07

in this movie, the totally human stuff

53:09

that Alice is about to do. Oh,

53:11

my God. Now that she's human. Nope.

53:13

Here's the thing, guys. Do we know

53:15

that the human. So the

53:17

the the Alice got turned into a

53:19

human. Is that the one

53:21

that we're following through the movie? Or

53:23

is this just another one of the

53:25

Alice's? We don't know. Oh, that was

53:28

the backup Alice that was like hiding

53:30

in the bathroom or whatever. Yeah, we

53:32

don't know. Yeah, there we go.

53:34

Like like not every Alice had to

53:36

go on every mission some of them

53:38

could be in other parts of the

53:40

planet Totally that they could be all

53:43

over the world everywhere But I mean

53:45

the haircut was well, okay Yeah, oh,

53:47

I'm sorry. We're following the continuity of

53:49

the haircut in this universe But the

53:51

outfit she wasn't in vinyl Yeah, so

53:53

she walks away and then we cut

53:55

to six months later. I'm like, okay,

53:58

here we go And,

54:00

I don't know, we get the signal

54:02

like, hey, there's this place, Arcadia in

54:05

Alaska. It's disease for infection -free and

54:07

a safe haven for anyone who wants to come

54:09

here, blah, blah, blah. And we see her flying

54:11

this little, like, biplane or whatever. And

54:13

of course, she's doing her daily

54:15

vlog or whatever. It's 177 days without

54:17

any signs of life. I'm

54:20

not sure how long I can take this.

54:22

And I'm like, says the woman with

54:24

an infinite supply of makeup, obviously, based on

54:26

your appearance right now. I

54:28

keep making similar comments through this where

54:30

I'm just like, did she get prettier?

54:32

Did she get a, you know, that's

54:34

not an Instagram filter. How is she

54:36

doing this? It's part of the T

54:38

virus. I mean, if

54:40

you're going be doing the video diary V log

54:42

thing anyway, you might as well look good for

54:44

it. It can't be harder to find mascara

54:46

than airplane fuel. And

54:49

it wasn't until this moment, Steve, when you

54:51

like repeated the message about the signal, you

54:53

know, we're safe, we have this, we have

54:55

that. And like, I just like,

54:57

I'm like, wait a minute, this is

54:59

post 28 days later. And I really,

55:01

really liked that movie. So I'm just

55:03

like, oh, I don't

55:05

know why that didn't like. Trigger something

55:07

for me as it was happening in

55:09

this movie and I guess it's just

55:11

like just way too sterile Just like

55:14

will you go to Arcadia? There's no

55:16

food. There is food here. There is

55:18

safety here, and I'm like, yeah, I'm

55:20

sure there is whatever don't care Like

55:22

I like having completely forgotten this movie

55:24

apparently I still just every

55:27

time there's one of those like, oh, please

55:29

come join us. We have food. We have

55:31

shelter. I'm like, it's trapped. It's an extermination

55:33

camp. It always is. Because everybody who's

55:35

got food. They want to turn your broads into breeders. I

55:37

mean, I just... The real apocalypse will

55:40

happen and I will 100 % not

55:42

go anywhere anybody tells me to go

55:44

because I'll be like, nope, it's a

55:46

trap! We have food and water and

55:48

shelter, fuck off! We

55:50

will take... We will take

55:52

care of you, for

55:54

what price? Like, I mean,

55:56

I'm sorry. Who's God am I worshiping

55:59

because you told me to? What's going

56:01

on right now? Any like refuge I

56:03

trust is going to be giving a

56:05

lot more details and probably like under

56:07

promising and hopefully over delivering. Like we

56:09

have room for 12 more people. We

56:11

have food for 20 more days. If

56:13

you're hearing just like we have food.

56:16

Yeah, you don't you don't want anything do with

56:18

those people. or even just

56:20

like, okay, we are in need

56:22

of this. If you have this, we will

56:24

trade you this for this because we have

56:26

this. Like that's a little bit closer, but

56:28

even so. Of course I'm a doctor. Why

56:32

would you even question that? Like

56:34

a doctor of philanthropy? Master

56:37

of fine arts, but still. a

56:40

doctorate, I think. Anyway.

56:44

What school? What

56:48

do you know about

56:50

the University El Presidente de

56:52

Mako? Trump

56:55

University, why would you ask? I'm just

56:57

gonna say any place that's randomly willing

56:59

to take anyone, not even do a

57:01

little bit of a vetting system, I

57:03

don't want to be part of. There

57:05

are a lot of people, even if

57:07

they're the last people on earth, I

57:09

want nothing to do with. You will,

57:11

at best, be food. Rates.

57:14

I watched a boy and his dog. I

57:17

got the joke. So

57:19

anyway, yeah, she's Everybody out there,

57:21

go watch a boy and his

57:23

dog. Don. That's

57:25

right. It's a

57:27

good one. It's a good one.

57:29

18 year old Don Johnson and

57:31

his telepathic dog, Blood, are

57:34

walking through a post -apocalyptic wasteland

57:36

looking for food and some

57:38

poontang. That

57:40

sounds like a movie we should talk

57:42

about on this podcast. Fun fact we

57:44

did! What? It's my mom's favorite movie.

57:46

We did it for Mother's Day. Like

57:49

May 2018 or something? Look it up,

57:51

guys. You can find it. Like that? Yeah. Either

57:54

way, Dan has heard it. It's

57:56

in the feed. Absolutely. Check it out.

57:58

Yeah. So yeah,

58:00

170 days. That's signs of life. And she also

58:02

throws in a, I hope the crew from

58:04

the last movie made it because they were heading

58:07

up here in a helicopter, memba. Mamba!

58:09

So she lands on this landing

58:12

strip in the middle of Alaska that's

58:14

completely filled with planes. Yep.

58:17

And like she doesn't even really have

58:19

a parking spot for her plane. And

58:21

she goes wandering to the beach and

58:23

there's a chopper on there. Oh wait, it's

58:25

the chopper from the last movie. Look,

58:27

there's my notebook just in case I had

58:29

any thoughts about it being something else.

58:31

And so then we get a flashback to,

58:33

you know, Kmart and Claire from the

58:35

last movie. I

58:38

don't know, then she sets up

58:40

her selfie stick with the Sunset

58:42

in the background to record her

58:44

selfie video. And she's like,

58:47

I just wish I knew where they'd

58:49

go. And then something runs

58:51

by. What was that? And

58:53

I don't know, she follows it back

58:55

to the plane field or whatever. And

58:57

one of the planes has the doors

58:59

open. And she peeks in

59:01

with the gun out, of course, because, you know, crap, crap,

59:03

crap. And then, ah, cruise!

59:08

Crow jumpscared guys. It's a Resident

59:10

Evil movie. There's gonna be crow

59:12

jumpscares Fortunately, they weren't zombie crows

59:14

just regular like jump scare crows.

59:16

Yeah, or crows on fire. Oh,

59:18

yeah, at this point, they should

59:20

all be zombie crows, right? Oh,

59:22

absolutely. But there's no infection up

59:24

there. Is he the thing said

59:26

so? Yeah, because nothing migrates up

59:28

there. Not at all So

59:33

yeah, but then she gets attacked

59:35

by it as I've written down as

59:37

a dirty chick. I don't know

59:39

And eventually she like drop kicks her

59:41

or whatever and I don't know

59:43

pulls a robo beetle out of her

59:45

chest Like what the fuck are

59:47

we doing movie? Right? Is that

59:49

does that ever come back? Yeah

59:51

Yeah, because because it was find out

59:53

it was like pumping the the

59:55

amnesia drugs into her So so we

59:57

can restart her story. Does anyone

59:59

else ever happen? Yeah,

1:00:02

yeah when they obviously cared

1:00:04

deeply about this movie Definitely

1:00:06

was watching the entire time

1:00:08

No one fault you for

1:00:10

that is he yeah But

1:00:13

yeah, no, yeah my my

1:00:15

control device on the sternum

1:00:17

naturally where you put it Yeah,

1:00:20

exactly. The most direct

1:00:22

route. Because they say the way to a

1:00:24

woman's mind is through her stomach or her

1:00:26

breastplate. I don't know. But

1:00:29

yeah, we didn't cut tonight. Got the fire going

1:00:31

and we find out the girl tied up. Oh,

1:00:33

shit, it's Claire. That's who it is. I

1:00:36

didn't know if it was

1:00:38

her Kmart, some random chick. It

1:00:40

was just dirty chick from

1:00:42

the late 2000s. But

1:00:45

yeah, she's like, do

1:00:47

you remember me? And

1:00:50

then we see that, I don't know, satellite

1:00:52

surveillance is watching them, so it's like, okay, cool,

1:00:54

Wesker knows she's there, tracking her the whole

1:00:56

time, we know how this goes. Then

1:00:59

we cut to them flying off past

1:01:01

issues like, and I'm on my way

1:01:03

to Vancouver, Seattle, San Francisco, work my

1:01:05

way down the coast until, I

1:01:07

don't know, they end up... She

1:01:11

figures out like, oh yeah, memory loss

1:01:13

drugs and Claire starts coming to but she's

1:01:15

still like, I don't remember you or

1:01:17

really anything else, but could you like untie

1:01:19

me or whatever? And

1:01:24

Diane and I are we feel so validated

1:01:26

that we are not the only ones who again,

1:01:28

we're obsessing over the makeup here because by

1:01:30

the time like by the time Claire is waking

1:01:32

up in the airplane, she also has impeccable

1:01:34

makeup and it kind of looks like her hair

1:01:36

has been shampooed too. And like,

1:01:38

oh, conditioned. Yeah. It was completely different actress

1:01:40

because I thought it was Kmart right when

1:01:42

she was dirty. And then when she was

1:01:44

clean, I was like, who the fuck is

1:01:46

this bitch? And Steve's like, that's the

1:01:48

girl she picked up from the plane. Did

1:01:51

you own this movie? I'm like, yeah, but

1:01:53

doesn't mean I watched it. And I can

1:01:55

only assume that like Alice cleaned her up

1:01:57

and put her makeup on for her while

1:01:59

she was catatonic. Oh, and her hands tied

1:02:01

behind her back. Oh, that's one of Alice's

1:02:03

guns. She's got homers. The

1:02:06

makeup shotgun. It's

1:02:10

a hobby. I mean,

1:02:12

I'd like to say it's slightly

1:02:14

more subtle makeup than that. I

1:02:18

had to drop the good line there, by the way. Oh,

1:02:21

sorry, Claire, that was the quarters.

1:02:25

Sorry, the makeup's in this

1:02:27

way. Roll

1:02:30

credits on Claire. Or

1:02:33

is it? So

1:02:36

yeah, they eventually make their way

1:02:38

down to Los Angeles and we see

1:02:40

them flying over the Hollywood side,

1:02:42

completely smoldering in like the entire city.

1:02:45

And I'm like, oh, too soon.

1:02:47

Yeah. That is literally what I said.

1:02:49

By the way, would it still be

1:02:51

smoldering? It depends

1:02:54

how recently or four years ago.

1:02:56

Four years ago. I mean, a lot

1:02:58

to burn there. Like

1:03:00

who's starting new fires? Well,

1:03:04

and that's the other thing, because the

1:03:06

first thing she says when she's flying over

1:03:08

all these burning buildings and stuff, and

1:03:10

like smokestacks or whatever, there's no signs of

1:03:12

life down there, and I'm like, you

1:03:14

don't fucking know that. What is this? Centralea?

1:03:16

Where the fire's just gonna burn for

1:03:18

100 years straight? By the way, look up

1:03:20

Centralea. Yeah, it's the Silent Hill universe. Mark

1:03:23

Dacoscus just blew that place up again and

1:03:26

I am Omega. That's what it was. Nailed

1:03:28

it. No. That's

1:03:31

a future episode. Well,

1:03:35

anyway. And

1:03:37

then yeah, they spot something and on

1:03:39

a rooftop has spelled out help us.

1:03:41

I would consider that a sign of

1:03:43

life. How about you guys? I would

1:03:45

consider that a sign of life. How

1:03:48

about the thousands and thousands of zombies surrounding

1:03:50

that said building. Would you consider that

1:03:52

a sign of life? Yeah, because she

1:03:54

even says not even the undead and

1:03:56

thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands. Well,

1:03:59

probably just because they were, she couldn't see them

1:04:01

because they were all concentrated in that one city

1:04:03

block, you know, in the way that you often

1:04:05

would build a high -rise prison right in the

1:04:07

middle of a dense downtown neighborhood. You're right.

1:04:11

That was the other thing. I'm like, what is this building

1:04:13

until we get inside? It's like, oh, it's a prison. Huh.

1:04:16

I thought this was the building that

1:04:18

Shaq was trying to steal the, or

1:04:21

the people in Steel were trying to

1:04:23

steal the money from, like the Federal

1:04:25

Reserve or whatever in that Shaq movie

1:04:27

that nobody remembers but me. Yeah. We

1:04:29

were saying Noctomy Plaza maybe. Oh

1:04:31

yeah, there we go. But

1:04:34

yeah, it's completely surrounded by zombies

1:04:36

and yeah, she cuts Claire free because

1:04:38

guys, they got to try to

1:04:40

land on that roof. And

1:04:43

it is not a big roof and

1:04:45

it is good 30 stories high because

1:04:47

that's how we stack our prisons and

1:04:49

Now I will say whatever else one

1:04:51

has to say about this movie this

1:04:53

scene was totally badass. I will defend

1:04:55

that opinion Yeah, yeah,

1:04:58

they start running around like, oh, we got a

1:05:00

clear path, get a clear path, everybody. And

1:05:02

then, yeah, like the kind of skidding along the

1:05:04

road and like hitting things on the way

1:05:06

because it was just too wide. Yeah, like first

1:05:08

she just like kind of goes down and

1:05:10

buzzes them and like very nearly hits the roof

1:05:12

to communicate like what she's about to do.

1:05:14

That's like that. Yeah, like no radio, just

1:05:16

like skim the roof like, OK, oh, shoot, she wants

1:05:18

to land here or he wants to keep saying he,

1:05:20

which I thought was kind of funny. Yeah.

1:05:22

And then the fact that they improvised a

1:05:24

cable break, which is pretty clever. Yeah.

1:05:27

So yeah, the cable break when

1:05:29

the guy's like running that or whatever.

1:05:31

And I'm like, if you're the

1:05:33

counterweight, you are going to be launched

1:05:35

into space, sir. I

1:05:38

don't care how buff you think you are. Well,

1:05:40

yeah. And okay. So she comes down and,

1:05:42

you know, it's going pretty well, clunk, clunk, clunk,

1:05:44

clunk, clunk. And, you know, it's out there.

1:05:47

And then when he decided to flex his muscles

1:05:49

on the cable weight, as she goes over

1:05:51

and I'm like, so he's dead, right? Yeah. No,

1:05:54

no, he's a. He's

1:05:56

from San Juan. He's part

1:05:58

of Hobbes' family. Right.

1:06:01

I assumed the plan was to tie it

1:06:03

to something and they just didn't manage

1:06:05

to do that in time. Well,

1:06:08

and speaking of which, you

1:06:10

know, what was it, the former

1:06:12

sports? Yeah, the basketball player who

1:06:14

like has to run up and basically slam

1:06:16

dunk the back rudder to keep her from

1:06:18

falling over. Right. And like uses his weight

1:06:20

down and I'm just like that, you know,

1:06:23

they. Eventually use that in a fast

1:06:25

and furious one. What was it? Let he

1:06:27

grabs Paul Walker's character. And I'm just like,

1:06:29

yes, let's just pretend that we can do

1:06:31

this with our with our body weight. And

1:06:33

what kind of vehicle was that? Because I

1:06:35

was going to say in fair. I'm not

1:06:37

going to defend it as realistic, although airplanes

1:06:39

by their nature are fairly light. That plane

1:06:41

probably weighed significantly less than like my car.

1:06:43

So. And also, according

1:06:45

to a lot of the statistics

1:06:48

that come up when Claire's on

1:06:50

the little tablet there, she's only

1:06:52

110 pounds. So I

1:06:54

think Yeah, in your bra. Look,

1:06:58

she's also only four

1:07:00

feet tall. In

1:07:02

her bra? She

1:07:05

is a model, anyway. But

1:07:08

yeah, so yeah, everybody's safe. And yeah,

1:07:11

the propeller's just fine. Don't worry that

1:07:13

it hit like... bunch of things, including

1:07:15

the sidewall that it almost went through,

1:07:18

propellers just fine. And they're

1:07:20

like doing their intros. Hi, I'm Luther. I was

1:07:22

a basketball player. Hi, I'm Crystal. I'm the chick that's

1:07:24

definitely going to have a speaking role in this

1:07:26

movie. Football player. Was it football

1:07:28

or basketball? I thought it said NBA. Yeah,

1:07:31

yeah. Yeah. And

1:07:36

And yeah, there's like Angel, who was

1:07:38

the Angel Hobbes, who I can know.

1:07:40

Angel, who was the guy doing the

1:07:42

line. And they're like, are you

1:07:44

from Arcadia? Sky Captain, is

1:07:46

that you? No, are you from Arcadia to save

1:07:48

us? And she's like, well, what do

1:07:51

you know about Arcadia? Like I was just up

1:07:53

there and like nobody was there. Oh,

1:07:56

okay. Yeah,

1:07:58

then who are you? What are you doing here?

1:08:01

But that they somehow piece together that

1:08:03

Arcadia is in a place. It's a

1:08:05

ship. We've been getting a signal from

1:08:07

them for like the I Think they

1:08:09

said a couple of weeks or whatever,

1:08:11

but then it stopped two days ago,

1:08:14

right? Yeah, they have a

1:08:16

recording of the the signal just

1:08:18

going like and I'm like if it's

1:08:20

a recording Why would why does

1:08:22

it sound like someone's attacking the

1:08:24

person in the middle of the

1:08:26

recording that makes no sense? Yeah,

1:08:28

we are infection -free So

1:08:31

to be clear, okay, so the plot

1:08:33

is that Claire's group mistakenly thought they were

1:08:35

talking about the town of Arcadia in

1:08:37

Alaska traveled up there and evidently so did

1:08:39

a lot of other people, the owners

1:08:41

of all those other planes that have been

1:08:43

parked there. And they all made the

1:08:45

same mistake because it was supposed to be

1:08:47

this ship the entire time. Yeah,

1:08:49

I've been going up and down the

1:08:51

western seaboard or whatever and picking up survivors.

1:08:53

And it's like. That could have been

1:08:55

part of your message, maybe just throwing that

1:08:57

out there. Yeah. Maybe that's

1:08:59

the part that got cut out. It's

1:09:02

like tragic and almost comical to think

1:09:04

that there were like dozens of other groups

1:09:06

of people who like flew to Alaska

1:09:08

just because they didn't like because they have

1:09:10

this one proper now to go off

1:09:12

of and like. And they got

1:09:14

eaten by zombie bears. No, no, they said

1:09:16

that the ship must have been parked up

1:09:18

there and come down the coast at one

1:09:20

point. We we have a based on the

1:09:23

message everybody thought yeah, we're up here in

1:09:25

Alaska went up to Arcadia, too That's why

1:09:27

they aren't all still in Arcadia, right? And

1:09:29

I guess I would explain is it moves

1:09:31

but the message is like oh, we're up

1:09:33

in Alaska come find us So everybody's going

1:09:35

to Alaska, you know, it's like man. We're

1:09:37

in San Jose and ink shit down here

1:09:39

So wait they have a ship named Arcadia

1:09:41

that was in harbor at the town of

1:09:43

Arcadia and they felt no need to disambiguate

1:09:45

as long as like, you know Oh, well

1:09:47

if it whether it's the ship or the

1:09:49

town they'll come to the same place and

1:09:51

then the ship sails away and then like,

1:09:53

am I wrong? Is that not what we

1:09:55

were supposed to take away from? I don't,

1:09:57

I mean, I mean, I imagine somebody on

1:09:59

the ship was just like, uh, captain, do

1:10:01

you think we have enough detail of shit?

1:10:03

We should go to Arcadia Alaska. Shouldn't we?

1:10:05

We had all the important information in there.

1:10:07

I'm not recording it again. I know. See

1:10:09

that that's, that's the backstory. I want to

1:10:11

see that like they did all this, not

1:10:13

realizing they were going to confuse people and

1:10:15

after they realized everyone was going to Arcadia

1:10:17

Alaska and they had to go catch up

1:10:19

with them. We only

1:10:22

have enough tape for 30 seconds. We got to

1:10:24

get as much as we can in there. No

1:10:26

second takes. It's the

1:10:28

Paul W .S. Anderson way. But

1:10:35

yeah, they say the signal stopped two days

1:10:37

ago and then it's just been kind of

1:10:39

out there in the ocean, just like not

1:10:41

moving, like they almost dropped anchor or something.

1:10:44

And they're like, well, what do you think that means?

1:10:46

I don't know, man. We just got to get. Uh,

1:10:48

and then all of sudden Claire's like, oh yeah, I

1:10:50

remember that ship now. It was up there in Alaska. And

1:10:53

I was waiting for Alice to like,

1:10:55

I don't know, funk and dump slapper

1:10:57

or something like. Hey,

1:11:00

sorry, just trying to hear it all lose. Anything

1:11:02

else you want to tell me? I don't know.

1:11:04

The plot doesn't call for it yet. I remember.

1:11:07

You can blame it on my amnesia beetle.

1:11:10

Yeah. Like, well, why aren't you on

1:11:12

that ship then? I don't remember. Of

1:11:16

course. I'm now convinced that

1:11:18

this movie was one rewrite away from

1:11:20

being an amazing horror comedy. I

1:11:23

listen Claire versus

1:11:25

the zombies or

1:11:27

whatever. Exactly. Like

1:11:30

Tucker and Dale versus Evil. But,

1:11:33

uh, yeah, so then,

1:11:35

uh, I don't know, we. We pan around

1:11:37

like under the Citadel, which is this prison

1:11:39

that they're in, right? And

1:11:41

there's digging zombies, like there's

1:11:43

zombies pulling a fucking

1:11:45

Shawshank. Yeah. Zombie Devereaux

1:11:47

crawling through a mile of shit. Trying

1:11:51

to get into the prison. Trying

1:11:53

to get into the prison. I

1:11:58

don't know, we meet, you know, Bennett,

1:12:00

who's basically like an ex -movie producer asshole, like

1:12:02

they're in the mess hole, again, doing the

1:12:04

introductions just in case you missed him the first

1:12:06

time and trying to get character traits going

1:12:08

and all that. The presence of a Mr. Bennett,

1:12:10

sadly not indicative that this is about to

1:12:12

become a Pride and Prejudice story. That's a different

1:12:14

zombie movie. Sorry,

1:12:17

Diana. That

1:12:19

it's not a Pride and Prejudice and Zombies? Yeah, I know

1:12:21

you're disappointed. But

1:12:24

they start talking like, hey, now they

1:12:26

got the plane here. We can just

1:12:28

take them over one by one. And

1:12:30

Alice is like, dude, I barely survived

1:12:32

the last one on some aguffin bullshit.

1:12:34

So I mean, there's only so much

1:12:36

plot armor for me. You guys are

1:12:38

screwed. I'm

1:12:40

very attractive. I don't think maybe you

1:12:42

can come with me. I'm sorry. Are

1:12:44

you fucking the director? I

1:12:48

hate to break this to you. Allie Larder, I'm staring

1:12:50

at you as I say that. But

1:12:55

yeah, then they go downstairs

1:12:57

to, I don't know, where they

1:12:59

have a random dude in

1:13:01

a cage for some reason. And

1:13:03

this is, you know, Wentworth

1:13:05

Miller. We don't know his name

1:13:07

yet. because there's

1:13:09

a very particular part of the scene

1:13:11

where I'm like, doesn't he recognize anybody

1:13:13

else in this fucking place? Maybe one

1:13:15

person in particular, but no.

1:13:18

But yeah, the, what was the name, Wendell

1:13:20

or something that's like watching the, the

1:13:23

watchman of the cage. He's like, yeah, he

1:13:25

peering shit in the walls. All right,

1:13:27

let's go check it out. And, you know,

1:13:29

Alice gets to talk to. This

1:13:31

guy in the cage, my name's Chris. Are

1:13:34

you the one that flew that plane and landed on the

1:13:36

roof and I'm like, shut the fuck up. You don't know that

1:13:38

happened. They were really

1:13:40

loud up there. Maybe you could just

1:13:42

hear them through the ceiling. And

1:13:46

then we get the whole story of

1:13:48

why he's there. He's like, I was a

1:13:50

cap, but you know, we're supposed to

1:13:52

like evacuate the prisons or something. And then

1:13:54

everyone got kind of mixed up because

1:13:56

everything went to shit. And now they think

1:13:58

I'm a prisoner here and have me

1:14:00

locked up. I'm a good guy. I just

1:14:02

act like I know like an evil

1:14:04

guy. You can trust me. You've

1:14:06

seen prison break, right? Right. I'm

1:14:08

an expert. But

1:14:11

he's like, hey, they

1:14:14

don't believe me, but I know a way out of

1:14:16

here. And she's like, really? You want

1:14:18

to tell me? And he's like, no,

1:14:20

I mean, I want to get out of here first.

1:14:22

I don't know. That's

1:14:24

right. This is where she,

1:14:27

Alice shows Luther her weapon belt

1:14:29

that she unravels. And it's,

1:14:31

I don't know, every single weapon

1:14:33

from Forge and Fire. Like

1:14:35

it's all the cookies and like size

1:14:38

and shirikens and a couple axes and

1:14:40

stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Every now if you

1:14:42

can find as long as it has

1:14:44

a weird shape, you know, right?

1:14:47

Only the cool stuff like the fantasy blade section

1:14:49

is what she has. She has

1:14:51

that one from Cobra. You

1:14:54

know, something from like Deathstalker

1:14:56

two warriors from hell or whatever.

1:15:00

But. But she also has, I

1:15:02

don't know, a roll of quarters or something with

1:15:04

her. And Luther's

1:15:06

like, what's all this about? Are you a

1:15:08

coin collector or something? So

1:15:10

that night, Wendell's doing a watch

1:15:12

at the cage or whatever,

1:15:15

and he's hearing the noises in

1:15:17

the wall again. And

1:15:19

then we see they're kind of

1:15:21

coming up through the tile in

1:15:23

the shower room. Fade

1:15:27

to black guys. What do we think? No, We

1:15:31

then cut to I don't know

1:15:33

a giant ax man dragging a giant

1:15:35

axe through the streets of LA

1:15:37

Yeah, basically pyramid head from a silent

1:15:39

hill has shown up in this

1:15:41

movie. He's like well I needed a

1:15:43

giant zombie with a cool fucking

1:15:45

weapon Yep, we had the Nemesis in

1:15:47

the last one. It's like an

1:15:49

axe on one side and a big

1:15:51

hammer on the other Diana

1:15:54

were trying to decide what

1:15:56

to call this guy. Apparently,

1:15:59

yeah, production is the

1:16:01

axe band. I was calling him MC Hammer. Yeah.

1:16:05

You said, oh, that was better than mine. I

1:16:07

was going to call him Potato Sackhead. Yeah,

1:16:12

that is what I named him. Yeah,

1:16:14

and the hammer side of the

1:16:17

axe is more like a giant meat

1:16:19

mallet, like it's got the little

1:16:21

tenderizer. Honestly, I want a human size

1:16:23

one of these for working in

1:16:25

the kitchen. Chop, chop, chop.

1:16:27

Smash, smash, smash. Babe, I don't want you

1:16:29

to have that. There's no way you

1:16:31

don't cut yourself like a thousand times. Babe,

1:16:33

I use very sharp knives every day. But

1:16:36

not flinging them back at you. Yeah, how hard do

1:16:38

you swing them? I've

1:16:40

seen you prepare

1:16:42

a wonderful... Chicken

1:16:45

katsu. Yeah, I got

1:16:47

my poundy -poundy. Also,

1:16:50

just so you know, it did come up the

1:16:52

other day. My mom was worried we didn't have a

1:16:54

firearm in the house because what if we needed

1:16:56

to protect ourselves? And I was

1:16:58

like, you know, I'm not that experienced

1:17:00

with guns, but I'm very experienced with my

1:17:02

kitchen knives and they're readily available. And

1:17:04

she was like... Yeah, you're probably better with

1:17:06

a knife than again. I was

1:17:09

just like, oh, mom. I would explain to her,

1:17:11

we have lots of knives and stabbing weapons here,

1:17:13

and she's like, I don't see them, I'm like...

1:17:15

Did she bring it up with you, too? No, no,

1:17:17

but in that case, I'm like, I don't see

1:17:19

them. You sure don't. I don't want you seeing them.

1:17:22

Specifically you. Yeah,

1:17:27

so what happens from here? Oh yeah,

1:17:29

so yeah, X -Men Dragon. We

1:17:31

then cut to the shower room. And

1:17:34

they're like yeah, Alice you

1:17:36

can just you know have a

1:17:38

shower here I'll just be

1:17:40

on the other side of this

1:17:42

door that I'm definitely gonna

1:17:44

close while you're showering It's a

1:17:47

prison you can't have doors

1:17:49

yeah prison using tango and cash

1:17:51

you know what it's like

1:17:53

But then you know Alice she's

1:17:55

like getting the water going

1:17:57

all sudden she hears a noise

1:17:59

And she starts peeping around And

1:18:02

then there's Wendell just hiding behind

1:18:04

some random rack of clothes. He's like,

1:18:07

oh, oh, there you are I

1:18:09

was I was just looking for mice.

1:18:11

Please don't kill me and Then

1:18:13

surprise motherfuckers zombies show up and they

1:18:15

have the I don't know Octo

1:18:17

face like their face opens up into

1:18:19

like four tentacles with spikes and

1:18:21

teeth and shit on them Yeah,

1:18:23

there's a name for that. That's like in the

1:18:25

video games. I didn't play that far in the

1:18:28

series. I don't even start with a name or

1:18:30

something. But yeah, OctoFace is fine by me. Yeah.

1:18:32

And apparently they, yeah, they hate

1:18:34

voyeurs. So they just like devour that

1:18:37

guy first. They

1:18:41

like the funk that they have

1:18:43

on them. They just attract to

1:18:45

them first. But then, yeah, of

1:18:47

course, you know, pop, pop, pop,

1:18:49

pop, windows down, you know, you

1:18:51

get taken out by a couple. And then

1:18:53

they immediately find the hole in the, I

1:18:56

thought in the same shower room, like

1:18:58

two, three feet away, like, oh, what's this

1:19:00

giant tunnel leading to nowhere? But

1:19:02

they're like, all right, dang, they're going to come up

1:19:04

through here. We got to go. this goes

1:19:06

to the sewers but so they'll be

1:19:08

here like anytime and then uh they're like

1:19:11

well what are we gonna do I

1:19:13

think we need to hear Chris out you

1:19:15

know what his plan is like his

1:19:17

way out and so I don't know this

1:19:19

is where they go to him and

1:19:21

he's like oh now you want my help

1:19:23

out of here and then I'm like

1:19:26

does he not recognize one very particular person

1:19:28

in this crowd no is her hair

1:19:30

different and but then he's like Claire Claire

1:19:33

is that you? And she's like,

1:19:35

I don't know you stranger danger. He's

1:19:37

like, it's me. I'm your brother.

1:19:39

Remember? And I'm like, there's

1:19:41

a very easy way to find out if

1:19:43

he really is her brother or not. What's

1:19:46

Claire's last name? But

1:19:51

instead they got to be like, I don't know

1:19:53

if I can trust you because my amnesia and blah,

1:19:55

blah, blah. But it's like, oh, your last name's

1:19:57

Redfield. I'm like, oh, that works for me. Maybe you

1:19:59

fuckers know that, you know? Claire,

1:20:02

do you know that? But,

1:20:05

uh, but then, uh,

1:20:07

right, right. You know what, Diana? What's

1:20:10

what's Chris's plan to get out of this place?

1:20:13

Oh, shoot. So there is.

1:20:16

There is an armory, but

1:20:19

it's flooded in all this

1:20:21

water. And there's also like a

1:20:23

big. So I was

1:20:25

wondering like, this is a prison, where's the

1:20:27

tank? But

1:20:29

unfortunately it was not a

1:20:32

tank so much as a

1:20:34

just large vehicle, larger than

1:20:36

a van. A UPV, an

1:20:38

urban pacification vehicle. That's what

1:20:40

they called it. The

1:20:42

guards have themselves an RV. Right

1:20:45

and my I think mean is

1:20:47

he had the first thought of

1:20:50

oh man if we didn't hadn't

1:20:52

just named our van Vanessa van

1:20:54

go So that is locked so

1:20:56

they have to like Use some

1:20:58

welding equipment to get that lock

1:21:00

on one side so so team

1:21:02

a will be opening up this

1:21:04

area here to get to the

1:21:07

UPC Wait, we know the NPC

1:21:09

the non -playing guy. No, he's

1:21:11

not playing vehicle. Yeah. Yes. Playing

1:21:13

vehicle. So they're over there on

1:21:15

that side. And then team B

1:21:17

is going to be going down

1:21:19

into the armory. Yeah, like two

1:21:22

floors underwater. And I'm like, well,

1:21:24

good luck, everybody. Oh, you guys

1:21:26

totally human, by the way. What

1:21:28

two four year. Oh,

1:21:30

yeah, sewer water. Oh, sewer

1:21:32

water. Guys, guys,

1:21:35

even if you survive the dive, you're

1:21:37

not surviving long. Well,

1:21:40

part of it though was I'm just

1:21:42

like okay Ryan if all of this

1:21:44

is underwater you can have your weapons

1:21:46

but they're gonna get like non fiery

1:21:48

weapons right because is any of that

1:21:50

ammunition usable yeah depending on the weapon

1:21:53

I mean there's a couple that can

1:21:55

shoot underwater and stuff or you

1:21:57

know get wet and still work but

1:21:59

yeah not these badass weapons yeah I

1:22:01

mean most speaking of which so she

1:22:03

is about to dive in Alice is

1:22:05

about to dive in and she hands

1:22:07

Chris a gun And

1:22:09

I'm just like, is that going to get the

1:22:11

thing wet? Is that bad? Is that bad? And

1:22:14

then I also think about like that video I

1:22:16

watch where it's just like movies where you're shooting

1:22:18

guns underwater and it's just not effective. And then,

1:22:20

you know, the movies are liars. But

1:22:22

so, yes, so there's that

1:22:25

part of it too. But thank

1:22:27

goodness we find out eventually

1:22:29

Alice and Chris and I don't

1:22:31

remember her name. Crystal. Crystal.

1:22:33

Crystal. Thank you. Yeah. That's

1:22:35

not confusing. Whatever. Awesome.

1:22:38

Apparently she was a, you know,

1:22:40

champion swimmer, something, something, high school,

1:22:42

blah, blah, blah. I don't care.

1:22:45

Um, she's going to go with them because

1:22:47

it's the Poseidon adventure and they're all like, you know,

1:22:49

able to, you know, dive in there and find

1:22:51

it. I couldn't even hold my breath through like the

1:22:54

first part of that scene. So. Yeah,

1:22:56

it's right. Yeah, all totally human stuff,

1:22:58

especially when they like punch through the

1:23:00

steel wall when they're about to drown.

1:23:02

And I'm like, totally human, everybody. Totally

1:23:04

human. No, like I said, I think

1:23:06

that was a different Alice. So somewhere

1:23:09

in Japan, there's a totally human Alice

1:23:11

wandering around. And she died in

1:23:13

the crash. Oh, that's right. Yeah. She died. This is

1:23:15

the spare one that was hiding in the closet

1:23:17

for comedic effect later. She

1:23:19

was going to jump out of the

1:23:21

bathroom. Go surprise. Surprise. Well, fuck off. Yeah.

1:23:25

Oh, and also at the gate

1:23:27

the axe man has arrived and

1:23:30

now he's you know whacking the

1:23:32

gate with the axe thing Yeah,

1:23:34

so yeah Alice and Chris and

1:23:36

crystal they make it to the

1:23:38

other side into the armory But

1:23:40

then crystal gets fucking deep blue

1:23:43

seed by a bunch of zombies

1:23:45

who apparently follow them underwater to

1:23:47

there and just suck her in

1:23:49

and They're not human so they

1:23:51

can do that, right? And

1:23:54

then, oh yeah, that's right. Okay, then they

1:23:56

get to the armory and like lock the

1:23:58

door behind them and they look around and

1:24:00

she's like, nice. She

1:24:03

has a moment. Yeah, I

1:24:05

was good. Yeah, that was probably

1:24:07

the most genuine smile we've seen from

1:24:09

Alice this entire series so far. Right.

1:24:13

Not since Carlos dropped his

1:24:15

pants in episode two. Nice.

1:24:22

I miss him. We all

1:24:24

do. He comes back, right?

1:24:26

Right. But

1:24:30

they also realized, oh, shit, we're trapped in

1:24:32

this army because there's a bunch of zombies out

1:24:34

that door. We got to find another way

1:24:37

out. Meanwhile, they finally break into

1:24:39

the garage with the UPV. But

1:24:41

there's one pretty major problem.

1:24:43

Ryan, what is it? The

1:24:45

engine is not inside the vehicle. Oh,

1:24:47

some bitch. Well.

1:24:52

You would think that would be the big

1:24:54

the most shocking thing to happen when they

1:24:56

got in that garage. But then Bennett pops

1:24:58

Angel for no fucking reason. And

1:25:00

I'm like, what the fuck? What is

1:25:03

happening? Movie? I mean, what

1:25:05

I believe the reason was that

1:25:07

there was a plane that seats

1:25:09

two there. And yeah, it has

1:25:11

his one flunky and then Angel.

1:25:13

So yeah. Yeah. So yeah, he

1:25:15

shoots Angel and then we and

1:25:18

then, OK, this is the same.

1:25:20

But fucking bothered me. Because,

1:25:22

uh, Alice and Chris, they get

1:25:24

out of the armory, dot, dot, dot,

1:25:26

somehow. I think they crawl through

1:25:28

a vent or something, like diehard, I don't know. And

1:25:31

then, and then they hear like,

1:25:33

what's that noise as the plane starts

1:25:35

up? And I'm like, that motherfucker

1:25:37

is 30 floors above you. You

1:25:39

have water in your ears still. Totally

1:25:42

human. But,

1:25:46

uh, but yeah, they

1:25:48

get to the rooftop and, uh, Basically,

1:25:51

Bennett's like starting it up and you

1:25:53

know all the other guys like trying

1:25:55

to stop them But you know you

1:25:57

can't really stop the plane other than

1:25:59

like I don't know shooting at a

1:26:01

tire or something Maybe hope the engine

1:26:03

explodes or the propeller is broken as

1:26:05

it should be but uh, you know,

1:26:07

Bennett's like I don't know flipping them

1:26:09

off and saying sucks to be you

1:26:11

fuckers Goes off of the rooftop basically

1:26:13

knows dives towards the zombies And I

1:26:15

was waiting for just to be a

1:26:17

little But no he uh You actually

1:26:19

kind of pulls up on that lever.

1:26:21

It kind of levels it out. Loves

1:26:23

that so good you see. fucking

1:26:26

streak of blood zombies that like buzzes

1:26:28

through. It's kind of like touches. Yeah,

1:26:30

it just touches down on the on

1:26:32

the terrain for like maybe 10 or

1:26:34

20 yards and gets up in the

1:26:36

air again. I enjoyed that scene too.

1:26:39

Everything to do with airplanes in this

1:26:41

movie was awesome. And and even

1:26:43

even just the rooftop takeoff, like I'm

1:26:45

not going to say that would work in

1:26:47

real life, but I do know enough

1:26:49

about like actual aviation that like. A nosedive

1:26:51

is a way to gain airspeed like

1:26:53

you can get yourself out of a stall

1:26:55

like that. So I don't know. Maybe

1:26:57

maybe I saw a top gun Maverick. I

1:26:59

know what they're talking about. Exactly. I'm

1:27:01

an expert. Yeah, but I love movies like

1:27:04

going through the zombies. It basically sounds like

1:27:06

someone getting a touch up at a barber

1:27:08

shop like. But

1:27:12

yeah, you had a pretty visceral reaction to

1:27:14

those zombies getting like smeared into a big

1:27:16

red streak on the on the concrete. I

1:27:18

mean, that was. Yeah, totally

1:27:20

human, right? Yeah, the

1:27:22

zombies No my reaction. Oh, yeah,

1:27:24

okay. Sure. Yeah. Well those poor

1:27:26

souls That was pretty awesome though.

1:27:28

Just the red skid mark But

1:27:31

but guys no time to enjoy

1:27:33

that red skid mark because knock

1:27:35

knock who is it? All the

1:27:37

fucking zombies are at the rooftop

1:27:39

now pop -pop -pop -pop -pop -pop. Shoot

1:27:41

it. Shoot it. Shoot it. It's

1:27:43

the fucking swarm And

1:27:46

I don't know. They make it to

1:27:48

the freight elevator previously unseen in this movie. And

1:27:51

there's like, well, it doesn't work.

1:27:53

So what are we going to do?

1:27:55

I don't know. Hold on. Pop,

1:27:57

pop, pop explosion. Elevator falls. Alice

1:27:59

survives an explosion three

1:28:01

feet behind her, apparently. Oh,

1:28:03

yeah. Totally human. Didn't

1:28:05

she use a grenade to sever the cables that were

1:28:08

holding it up? Was that what it

1:28:10

was? OK. Yeah. She like tossed a grenade onto the

1:28:12

top of the elevator car. It's like that will disconnect.

1:28:14

Okay, but she wasn't from a safe distance

1:28:17

either. Neither were the

1:28:19

people in the elevator. Oh, and

1:28:21

this is also we've gotten the payoff to the quarters

1:28:23

by now, right? Uh,

1:28:26

okay. Oh, yeah. I think I read the

1:28:28

rooftop battle. Yeah, she's she's loading them

1:28:30

into her shot shells. Oh, yeah, yeah, because

1:28:32

okay. So yeah, the explosion happens. Alice. Seemingly

1:28:34

gets knocked out for a period

1:28:36

of time from the explosion because she

1:28:38

like gets up And there's no attack

1:28:40

by the zombies while she's I don't

1:28:43

know. I thought she was attaching a

1:28:45

bunchy cord to herself Because she takes

1:28:47

a little a Not a rope but

1:28:49

like a like like like like a

1:28:51

cord of some sort. Yeah Yeah,

1:28:53

it wraps it around herself and gets

1:28:55

her guns out and just goes running

1:28:58

through plop plop plop plop plop The

1:29:00

zombies are like I don't know, hundreds

1:29:02

of them just waiting for her to

1:29:04

get dressed. She runs, jumps off

1:29:06

the edge, follows behind her like

1:29:08

a bunch of lemmings. And

1:29:10

I was expecting like, as soon as like

1:29:13

the bungee cord thing happens, like all these

1:29:15

zombies were like gonna hit her. Right?

1:29:18

Yeah. But no, it's not even a

1:29:20

bungee cord. It's just, again, totally human. She's

1:29:23

falling to her death. It doesn't

1:29:25

snap her back like, not

1:29:27

Gwen Stacy. She

1:29:30

just kind of parlays it to

1:29:32

a side swing. And

1:29:35

it's perfectly the exact distance

1:29:37

she needs, like fucking machete with

1:29:39

a roll of intestines to

1:29:41

just land with all the zombies.

1:29:43

Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pulling out

1:29:46

the shotgun, firing the, blasting the

1:29:48

quarters like a blunderbust. And

1:29:50

I say, damn your

1:29:52

human physics. And

1:29:57

her human brain, where she was

1:29:59

able to land exactly where the elevator

1:30:01

landed. Yes, exactly. Moving her in.

1:30:03

Come on, come on. Come on. How

1:30:05

the fuck did you get down

1:30:07

here? Wasn't easy. But

1:30:10

no. That's a story

1:30:12

for a different time. I'll

1:30:14

tell you if we survive. But

1:30:17

now the new plan is, all right, we're going

1:30:19

to get to the sewers. Sewers lead into a

1:30:21

storm drain. Storm drain leads to the sea. And

1:30:23

I guess we swim out there. Cool. Sure. And

1:30:26

then as they're like all right,

1:30:28

let's go team The person has

1:30:30

ran down his grant from the

1:30:32

walking dead an Asian guy. I

1:30:34

don't know if they were even

1:30:37

said his name Oh, yeah, it

1:30:39

was like Kim Young or something.

1:30:41

Yeah. Yeah, that's right Get split

1:30:43

in half with a giant fucking

1:30:45

ass You just got deep blue

1:30:47

sea to funk And of course

1:30:49

they're like oh shit run Well,

1:30:53

except Alice because no, it was

1:30:55

Claire. That's right. Claire stays behind and

1:30:57

has the fucking shower room fight

1:30:59

with the ax man. Yeah. And

1:31:01

this is some of the slowest,

1:31:04

slowest motion I've ever seen the

1:31:06

fight because we have to show

1:31:08

wet Claire. This was just porn

1:31:10

at this point, right? Yeah. Yeah.

1:31:12

And it was just like the

1:31:15

process of wearing down the the

1:31:17

ax monster through like, I mean. I

1:31:19

don't know if you read this differently for

1:31:21

me, but it's basically just like, you know,

1:31:23

kind of keep pouring damage onto them until

1:31:25

you eventually wear them down. I mean, you

1:31:28

see the bar get lower and lower. That's

1:31:30

exactly what I said. I mean, I wonder

1:31:32

if like we had the water level and

1:31:34

like, are we trying to. like on purpose

1:31:36

make this feel video gamey if just like

1:31:38

you you beat this guy until his HP

1:31:40

reaches zero that's that's the secret to defeating

1:31:42

the axe man i guess i'll see the

1:31:44

way i read it was yeah we see

1:31:46

claire like unload a couple shotgun blast like

1:31:48

in the face and of course he just

1:31:50

like gets up just fine still going takes

1:31:52

another one just fine uh he tosses the

1:31:54

axe and alice of course pops out of

1:31:56

left field and like I don't know. Reminds

1:31:58

Claire, she has to duck to not get

1:32:00

chopped in half. And then

1:32:02

Alice, of course, she pulls out

1:32:04

her shotgun, but because she's

1:32:06

totally human, her shotgun blast fucking

1:32:09

eviscerates his skull into a

1:32:11

million pieces. And then coins

1:32:13

scatter everywhere. Yeah, it's

1:32:15

like fucking Mario. Oh,

1:32:17

my coins. He pulls

1:32:19

a sonic. Scott

1:32:22

Pilgrim and a zombie. So

1:32:27

after that head explosion, we then

1:32:29

cut to the the descent portion of

1:32:31

this movie. We

1:32:33

have them crawling through the sewers

1:32:35

through a mile of human shit. And

1:32:38

oh, God, we even see there's like

1:32:40

blood and guts and feces and shit

1:32:42

on these walls. And I'm like, well,

1:32:44

they're dead. They at least have

1:32:46

the virus, right? Like somebody has an

1:32:48

open cut or got some under their

1:32:50

fingernail or something. They've got a virus.

1:32:52

I don't know if the T virus

1:32:54

is sick or something. They're

1:32:57

straight to the Z virus at this point. But

1:33:01

uh, but yeah, Luther, uh, he

1:33:03

pops up out of nowhere. It's like, Hey,

1:33:05

be quiet. They're almost here. I think I found

1:33:07

a way out though. Uh,

1:33:09

so they go that way and, um,

1:33:12

I, so, okay.

1:33:15

And then they have to like

1:33:18

jump down a hole like it's

1:33:20

a reverse big trouble in a

1:33:22

little China situation So they so

1:33:24

they you know a couple people

1:33:26

jump down, but then I know

1:33:28

the zombies pop behind Luther and

1:33:31

Somehow pull him into his death

1:33:33

and there's an explosion and it

1:33:35

seals up the hole on this

1:33:37

in the ceiling Okay without like raining

1:33:40

rocks down on anybody and then

1:33:42

they're like, forget him. He's

1:33:44

gone now. I'm pretty sure we could just

1:33:46

poke those rocks and get him out of

1:33:48

there. And then guys, I

1:33:50

don't know if you didn't realize this. Apparently

1:33:52

there was a fucking boat right there that they

1:33:54

were able to take out to ship. How

1:33:57

did they get there through the thousands and thousands

1:33:59

of zombies? How did the boat still work

1:34:01

after four years? You know what, shut up

1:34:03

Izzy, it's just a movie. But

1:34:05

also,

1:34:08

luckily, they're taking it

1:34:10

nice and slow into that famous LA fog. Oh,

1:34:12

famous LA fog. Steve.

1:34:15

Humans have been dead for four

1:34:17

years. Nature is healing. Oh,

1:34:19

shit. Yeah. Didn't.

1:34:21

Didn't extinction establish that like the climate got

1:34:23

all screwed up by the T virus?

1:34:25

Like, no, no, right. I don't know if

1:34:27

you heard Wesker when he stabbed the

1:34:29

injection into Alice's neck. He's like, oh, yeah,

1:34:31

I fucking the weather's back to normal

1:34:33

too. Did he have another checkmate

1:34:35

for the weather? Yeah.

1:34:39

L .A. still 72 degrees. Oh,

1:34:41

yeah. Whether it's on fire

1:34:43

or not. Oh, yeah. See,

1:34:45

Steve. It was smoke. Yeah, sure.

1:34:48

That it was that low rolling

1:34:50

smoke going out into the action.

1:34:52

Yeah. So is it the the

1:34:54

classic L .A. smog? Oh, shit.

1:34:56

There we go. It's normal.

1:34:58

Yeah. Yeah.

1:35:00

So they so they pull up to

1:35:02

the Arcadia and they go on

1:35:05

board. Yeah, it's basically Alice, Claire

1:35:07

and Chris, you know, the

1:35:09

Alice in the Redfields and

1:35:11

they see the crash plane

1:35:13

from Bennett. But

1:35:16

they're like, oh man, I guess

1:35:18

he made it maybe. Yeah, but there's

1:35:20

no one on the deck here though.

1:35:22

This is this is weird, right? Yeah,

1:35:24

we should look around and then I

1:35:26

don't know they look around it

1:35:28

They're like, oh everybody left in a

1:35:30

hurry this but They were checking the

1:35:32

records and the captain's deck or whatever

1:35:35

And they're like, yeah lifeboats left three

1:35:37

days ago and but they still say

1:35:39

there's 2 ,000 people on board. That's

1:35:41

weird Where

1:35:43

are all the people so they go

1:35:45

check it out into the hole of the

1:35:47

ship or hole right? Yeah, don't

1:35:49

know my terms into the starboard of

1:35:51

the ship, right? But

1:35:54

But then the first thing

1:35:56

they see is like the umbrella

1:35:58

core logo on the door

1:36:00

and they're like oh shit I

1:36:02

know what this means. It's

1:36:04

a trap And then this is

1:36:06

when Claire's like I remember

1:36:08

now And I'm like fucking of

1:36:10

course you do It's

1:36:13

convenient, right? But of

1:36:15

course she remembers that's why I

1:36:17

didn't get on the ship because they

1:36:19

just kind of showed up and

1:36:21

took some people and I ran away

1:36:23

and I don't know Robo beetle

1:36:25

in the chest whatever I don't know

1:36:27

it doesn't matter but the door

1:36:29

opens as doors do from time to

1:36:31

time and apparently in this uh

1:36:33

it's like a laboratory but it's like

1:36:35

it's a cryogenic chamber for like

1:36:37

a couple thousand people that they just

1:36:39

have on ice you know for

1:36:41

experiments And they're like,

1:36:44

oh my god, that's horrible. Oh Kmart's

1:36:46

here We should we should let

1:36:48

her out and all the other popsicles

1:36:50

and so they hit a couple

1:36:52

buttons and of course beep -boop beep

1:36:54

Oh, what happened? Like yeah, that's how

1:36:56

cryogenics work guys even in the

1:36:58

not too distant future Totally human. Yeah.

1:37:00

Yeah, you hit it You hit

1:37:02

three buttons beep -boop beep Walt Disney's

1:37:04

gonna walk out. Are the shoes gone

1:37:06

yet? Like oh So

1:37:14

Oh man, Disney could run

1:37:16

for president now think about that

1:37:18

He's not a running joke

1:37:20

from the last 40 plus years

1:37:22

Anyway, so Anyway, I don't

1:37:24

like this timeline. So anyway back

1:37:26

in the back in the

1:37:29

cryo chamber At least one of

1:37:31

those things is like broken

1:37:33

and there's blood all over it

1:37:35

and I'm like wouldn't they

1:37:37

have heard that shit? Anyone

1:37:40

no, okay But uh, but

1:37:42

yeah, they and then Alice

1:37:44

god god bless this movie.