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ads. Hi

2:05

Hi Fanatical Fam, it's me,

2:07

Sequoia Simone from Outside of

2:09

Space and Time. This

2:11

is a bonus episode from

2:13

our Patreon archive, which was

2:15

originally published in the before

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times on October 21, 2019,

2:21

Wow, yikes. So if

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You can also find our merch

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links are in the episode

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description and on our

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website, fanaticalfix .com. Enjoy the

2:50

episode. And

3:05

that's our new theme song! If

3:28

you need a good

3:30

friend, you can count on

3:33

me, you can count

3:35

on me, you can

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count on me. Hello, I'm Sequoia

3:39

Simone. And I'm Kim. And

3:41

this is Fanatical and Wear To

3:43

Find Them. It's your Patreon

3:45

bonus content about Harry Potter fan

3:47

fiction. Here we are. How's

3:50

it going patrons? Yeah, how are

3:52

you? Let us

3:54

know. No, I'm kidding.

3:56

Actually though. actually though, do let

3:58

us know. Yeah, if you haven't

4:00

made your way over to the Discord,

4:03

go there and get

4:05

sorted. Yeah. You

4:08

can do that there now. We're

4:10

adding stuff. We're constantly trying to figure

4:12

out more stuff to do in there and

4:14

adding stuff. Don't forget. Go

4:17

over there. Check it out. Get

4:19

sorted. Read a bunch of

4:21

the recommendations. are making it

4:23

so weird. Get

4:26

over there because also that's where

4:28

the writing competition is. Yeah. I

4:30

mean you don't have to participate

4:32

if you don't want to we're

4:34

not gonna make you we're not

4:36

gonna make you but but also

4:39

if you want to see the

4:41

submissions I think maybe some of

4:43

them might go up in there

4:45

maybe we'll see yeah that's where

4:47

you find the rules for a

4:49

writing competition if you wanted to

4:51

partake in that and also I

4:53

am going to be putting together

4:55

a Patreon only like Let's reread

4:57

the Harry Potter books book club

4:59

because I've forgotten what happened in

5:02

the Harry Potter books. It has

5:04

been completely replaced by fan fiction.

5:06

Yep. So we're going

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to be putting that together using the

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discord. So go over there. Go

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over there. Look at it. You're paying for it.

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Yeah. Cool,

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cool, cool. Speaking of things you're paying

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for if. These bonus episodes

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are available on Patreon via an

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RSS feed and if you're not using

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that It's a super convenient way

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to just see the episodes when they

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get posted. Mm -hmm So if you

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need help setting that up if

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you need help finding it let us

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know and we will help you

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have to listen on Patreon. You won't

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have to listen your Go to

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a website and download it from there

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like it's 2000 and whatever. Yeah,

5:58

no. And then you'll also get all

6:00

of our bonus stuff we just

6:02

did. An episode where we just chatted

6:04

with our listener, JD, who

6:06

did his... on Harry

6:08

Potter and the love and

6:11

stuff like that. So

6:13

keep stay updated. Stay connected

6:15

with us. We love

6:17

you. We love you.

6:22

Yeah. That's cool. That's cool.

6:24

That's cool. That's cool. Or whatever. Or

6:27

whatever. All right. So what's going to

6:29

happen today is it's my turn. Yeah.

6:31

Get your predictions in. Put them on

6:33

the discord. You might notice that

6:36

we're kind of doubling up sort of.

6:38

In the in the and if you think

6:40

of like our bonus episodes and live

6:42

streams is the same thing. Oh,

6:44

yeah Yeah, but we're not because

6:46

I don't want to be the

6:48

only one that does the live

6:50

stream. Yeah, we're trying to figure

6:53

out This is happening on all

6:55

sorts of fronts guests and the

6:57

way that our fucking segments work.

6:59

We're like, but if we do

7:01

things every other, then that means

7:03

only one person does that thing.

7:06

Oh no. Whoops. How is our

7:08

podcast work? We'll figure it

7:10

out. Anyway, so I'm reading today for

7:12

this bonus episode. So

7:14

get your predictions in. I'm

7:16

ready. Three predict.

7:18

Make three predictions for the story. Message

7:21

in a pumpkin. This

7:24

story came out post

7:27

order of the Phoenix

7:29

and the genre is

7:31

humor slash romance this

7:33

sounds fucking cute as

7:35

shit Okay said message

7:37

in said pumpkin will

7:40

be delivered during the

7:42

Halloween feast Okay, is

7:44

that it that's a

7:46

prediction yes, that is

7:48

a prediction where that's

7:51

one we're actually gonna

7:54

But Jesus Christ, okay. Let's

7:57

see. The message

7:59

will be from Draco

8:01

to Harry. Excellent. And

8:04

the message, let's see, no,

8:06

nothing, no more about the message.

8:09

Let's try something else. Sitting

8:23

in a tree, F

8:25

-A -L -L -I -N -G

8:27

in love. Listen

8:29

to the olives and whomping willows forever,

8:32

thank you. Oh dang, are you

8:34

not gonna cut that? No, I'm putting that

8:36

in there. Here's the

8:38

thing, my last narration. Someone

8:41

will choke on food

8:44

this story. Excellent. Great, I like it, I

8:46

like it very much. Let's do

8:48

this thing. All right. Luna.

8:51

had an idea and a

8:53

very good one at that.

8:55

Oh, hell yeah. She

8:58

intended to take Harry's blood.

9:01

She intended to take all of

9:03

Harry's blood. Fine. Here

9:05

we go. It's Luna's hobby again. No, it's

9:07

not. It's a different Luna than that

9:09

one, please. She

9:11

intended to tell her one

9:14

true love and she was certain

9:16

he was her one true

9:18

love. How she felt.

9:20

and she was going to do it in

9:22

the true spirit of Halloween. Her

9:25

message would be carved into a

9:27

pumpkin. Carved into a

9:29

pumpkin. I was kind

9:31

of picturing like a inside of

9:33

a pumpkin. I mean,

9:35

that's what the message in

9:37

a pumpkin. That message on a

9:39

pumpkin. Although

9:41

the carving is into the pumpkins.

9:44

True. But also, I mean, I

9:46

do when you carve a message

9:48

into a pumpkin. You

9:50

kind of got to keep it succinct. Yes.

9:53

Or do you carve

9:55

into a pumpkin like a

9:57

whole Shakespearean sonnet? Do

10:00

that. Yes. On

10:02

to a pumpkin and

10:04

sports. Do you want to

10:06

do you want to guess who Luna's true

10:08

love is? OK, yeah, because my my my

10:10

fucking prediction is wrong. Here we go. I

10:13

don't know. I feel like this story

10:16

is just like already very wholesome and cute.

10:18

So I feel like it's not going

10:20

to be something too bonkers. Sure. I'm going

10:22

to say Ginny. She says

10:24

he. Oh, damn it. I'm

10:26

going to say Ron. Hmm.

10:30

Hagrid had already agreed to let her have

10:32

one of his magically enlarged pumpkins to

10:34

carve. How big is this pumpkin? She's got

10:36

to carve a sonnet and she is

10:38

gonna do it. I was joking and now

10:40

I'm like, here we are. Hagrid's pumpkins,

10:42

I feel like they talked about that in

10:45

the books. They're like big enough that

10:47

a fairly decently sized person could fit inside.

10:49

Yeah, so she is not out of the

10:51

question. The message, oh, you know. Then

10:53

Luna could be the message in the pumpkin.

10:55

She jumped out of the pumpkin. I

10:57

think was kind of what I was hoping

10:59

for when I read the name, but

11:01

that's no, that's not what's going to happen.

11:03

Sorry. Sad. Luna got

11:05

along well with Hagrid. He had

11:07

a proper appreciation for unusual beasts,

11:10

which was hard to find. She

11:12

had the feeling he thought she was a bit

11:14

strange, but she liked Hagrid just the same. I

11:17

don't think that's true. I think Luna actually complains

11:19

about what a shitty teacher he is. Yeah,

11:21

well, Luna has a lot

11:24

of ideas about it. About

11:26

stuff about stuff. Yeah, and I

11:28

can't imagine that I mean if she

11:31

thinks Hagrid's a bad teacher She

11:33

probably thinks other teachers are bad teachers

11:35

just based on the fact that

11:37

they don't believe the weird shit. She

11:39

just does it was going very

11:41

well She thought she had filled her

11:43

cauldron with the pumpkins innards and

11:45

she fully intended to dry out the

11:47

seeds and make a nice necklace

11:50

with them. Oh Like them make a

11:52

nice necklace. That's fine, too. That

11:54

makes sense Perhaps

11:56

she would make one for Ginny Weasley,

11:58

too. Friendship necklaces, weird

12:00

seed necklaces. Can you see

12:02

Ginny getting that necklace? Oh,

12:06

thanks, Luna. I

12:08

guess I'll wear this now. And she would

12:10

wear it. She would wear it. She would

12:12

wear it, and she would be like, oh,

12:14

wow, this looks dumb, but it's Luna and

12:16

their friends, and she would wear it, but

12:18

also wow, Luna. Wow, weird. Carving

12:22

the words would be no problem.

12:24

Magic. She knew a very handy

12:26

spell for that. Excellent, C. She's

12:28

to use magic. Ravenclaw students

12:30

had a tendency to learn a lot

12:32

of handy spells. Yeah. Look

12:35

at us, Ravenclaw. We know all the spells.

12:38

Well, meanwhile, the Gryffindors are running around like,

12:40

how the fuck do I do this? And

12:42

the Ravenclaws are like, hey, did you know?

12:44

We know how to do magic. Then we

12:46

do magic here at this wizarding. What if

12:48

I punch the pumpkin? Imagine

12:52

like Ron punching a

12:54

message into a pumpkin. Stupid.

13:01

It would sit in the great hall

13:03

right across from his usual spot. She

13:06

wasn't going to sign it. She was sure

13:08

he would automatically know it was her though.

13:10

He's not going to know. He was very

13:12

perceptive like that. Who is very

13:14

perceptive like that? A passage of

13:16

time. It's not fucking Harry. It

13:19

is not here. He's not

13:22

perceptive. Ron walked into the Great

13:24

Hall on the of

13:26

October. I guessed right. You did

13:28

guess right. But how do you actually

13:30

feel about Luna slash Ron? Honestly,

13:35

not because I hate it.

13:37

It's like it just

13:39

wouldn't it's it's it wouldn't

13:41

happen for not like

13:43

crazy bonkers like hilarious reasons.

13:46

Absolutely incompatible. Exactly. It's

13:48

just not. Ron is too

13:50

Ron. Ron is too

13:52

Ron. Here we go. That

13:55

is our commentary. Ron's

13:57

too Ron. There you go. We're

14:01

known for all of our

14:04

very insightful. Yeah. Yeah,

14:07

that's why we do a chapter

14:09

page by page. That's

14:11

what this is, right? It

14:14

is. Here we are. We

14:16

have the non -take -takes on

14:18

the Harry Potter books. Ron's

14:21

real Ron. Ron's real Ron. There you go. It's

14:25

not observant. Also, this is

14:27

not going to work. Yeah.

14:30

All right. Tell me. Let me lay

14:32

it on me. Ron walked into

14:34

the Great Hall on the 30th of

14:36

October. Harry and Hermione to his

14:38

left, fully expecting another average day. I

14:41

don't know why you would ever expect an average day

14:43

at Hogwarts. That's stupid. No.

14:45

His expectations toppled over

14:47

like a drunken Harry Potter.

14:50

What? Parentheses.

14:52

It was a well -known fact that the boy

14:54

couldn't hold his liquor. No.

14:57

it's not. No, it's not. That's nothing. No

14:59

one knows that. Harry's

15:02

like half a butter beer in.

15:05

Can't stand up, that boy. No. That's

15:07

not true. When he saw what

15:09

was carved into a pumpkin across the

15:11

hall. Across the hall? So she's

15:13

got this huge pumpkin sitting across from

15:15

where he sits by the wall,

15:18

and it's got a message carved into

15:20

it. a sonic carved into it.

15:22

enormous message, and the enormous message is,

15:24

Weasley is my king. The

15:26

eyes were even dotted with hearts.

15:29

Wow. Wow.

15:39

It's freaky. That's

15:41

the song that was used to bully

15:43

Ron. Well, no, they

15:45

turned it around. They did. Yeah,

15:48

because then the Gryffindors start singing it. Oh,

15:50

they do. new version of it. That's true.

15:52

OK. Afterwards. So yeah, that's fine. finally does

15:54

good. When he does a good. But

15:57

also, how

15:59

is that supposed to? How is he supposed to know

16:01

that's Luna? Just

16:04

know. Fine. Fine. No, he's

16:06

real perceptive. No, he's not. Hermione

16:08

and Harry, the wonderful friends

16:10

that they were, started to laugh.

16:13

Nice. Because it

16:15

is funny. It is very laugh at

16:17

Ron too. Yes. Like

16:20

somebody likes it.

16:23

Wow, rude. As

16:26

they slowly continued toward the table amid

16:28

the stairs and snickers of the rest

16:30

of the school. Harry seemed

16:32

to enjoy not being the center of

16:35

attention for once. Yep. Ron.

16:38

was tempted to backhand him. I

16:42

think you have an admirer,

16:44

Ron, Hermione said. Ron glared

16:46

at her, though she

16:48

and Harry kept laughing. State the obvious,

16:50

Hermione. Hermione, it's now

16:52

your job to help Ron

16:54

figure out who the admirer

16:56

is. Hermione knows. Hermione, I

16:59

guess we'll get there, sorry. Oh my

17:01

gosh, you just spoiled it. Spoiled like two

17:03

sentences for now. Spoiler. I

17:06

reckon she's right, Ron. I mean,

17:08

there are hearts, Harry said. Harry's

17:10

putting it together. He's coming together

17:12

for Harry. He's

17:15

having some little thoughts. Ron caught

17:17

Harry and Hermione sharing a look

17:19

as they sat down. Oh, they

17:21

both know. No, Harry

17:24

doesn't know. Oh, OK. Fine. He hated

17:26

it when they did that. He

17:28

could never tell what they were up

17:30

to. That's

17:32

thick. Ron not being

17:34

able to tell what Harry and Reiner up

17:36

to? I'm sorry, Whit. That's nothing. I'm sorry,

17:38

Whit. I

17:41

like

17:43

that Ron.

17:46

What? I like

17:48

that Ron's so dumb. Yeah.

17:58

What? He demanded of them scowling.

18:01

What was that look for? Hermione

18:05

hesitated. It's just

18:07

that Harry broke in finishing for

18:09

Hermione. It looks like love good

18:11

wants to be your queen. I

18:14

guess Harry didn't know what was happening. Harry definitely knew

18:16

what was happening. Fine, he figured it out. He put

18:18

it all together. How did he put it all together?

18:20

Hold for the text. Hold for the text. Ron's

18:22

eyebrows shot up into his hair and

18:25

he glanced over at the Ravenclaw table. Surely

18:28

enough, Luna was staring intently

18:30

at him. Being

18:35

real subtle. Is he

18:37

being perceptive? Visual

18:41

bit. Stop

18:44

staring. I mean, yeah, she

18:46

wants to see what his

18:48

reaction is to the pumpkin

18:51

she made. She made it

18:53

for him. Stop staring

18:55

at me. That's what she's doing.

18:57

He glanced back at his friends. Really

19:00

Ron it's been obvious Hermione said

19:02

smirking oh ever since the train ride

19:04

fifth year when she nearly died

19:06

laughing over one of your jokes Is

19:08

that a thing that happened it

19:10

is a thing that happened and it

19:12

is actually what most Luna Ron

19:15

is built off of He's just like

19:17

one time. She laughed really hard

19:19

at a joke. She I think it

19:21

was twice Okay, and she calls

19:23

him Ronald All right, that's not anything

19:25

that's well those were the hints

19:27

I got nervous when I read that

19:29

part. I'll admit it. I was

19:32

like, what's happening? She doesn't

19:34

have a crush on him. Just not allowed. Here's

19:39

the thing. I mean. She.

19:47

We've talked about all of this before in

19:49

our Luna episode. We have talked about a

19:51

lot of this before, but like

19:53

she could have had a crush on

19:55

him. Yeah, maybe she did. And then she.

19:57

realized what a Ron he is. And

20:00

then he was rude to her. He's really

20:02

rude her. As he is. Oh,

20:04

Ron. What's he

20:06

going to do in this story? Now I'm

20:08

nervous about what's going to happen in this

20:10

story because he's being Ron. Yeah, he is.

20:12

And he's so rude. Harry looked as puzzled

20:14

as Ron felt. What was

20:16

so obvious about that, Harry questioned? Oh,

20:19

yeah. Harry's only in on half of

20:21

what? Yep, Harry was not quite all

20:23

the way there. Harry could get to.

20:25

Oh man, she's staring at you real

20:27

hard. But he can't get to whatever

20:30

happened before. course not. That would understand

20:32

some emotional intelligence. Although is it really

20:34

emotional intelligence? No. Laughing

20:37

at other people's jokes does not necessarily mean

20:39

anything. No. I laugh at your jokes all the

20:41

time and I fucking hate you. Yeah, that's

20:43

true. That's true.

20:45

Can confirm. Hermione

20:48

rolled her eyes. Just

20:50

when I thought there was hope for

20:52

the two of you, you turned out to

20:54

be just as clueless as ever. Haven't

20:56

you learned by now that when a girl

20:58

laughs like that at a boy's jokes,

21:00

it means she likes him? Here's the thing,

21:02

I'm not here for this heteronormativity. Hermione.

21:05

Hermione. And

21:07

two, that's nothing.

21:10

Yep, that's nothing Hermione.

21:13

Ron blinked. Well, that

21:15

explains a lot. No,

21:17

it doesn't. Everybody's

21:19

making a lot of real big

21:21

leaps here. I mean, it's

21:24

not a leap that Luna likes Ron.

21:26

She is staring at him. Hermione

21:30

laughed and shook her head.

21:32

You boys are positively hopeless.

21:35

I pity the woman that actually ends up

21:37

with either of you. Ron

21:43

turned away from the conversation and

21:45

blocked out Draco Malfoy's impromptu performance

21:47

of Weasley is her king. A

21:49

song that she is currently composing

21:52

on the fly. I bet it's

21:54

beautiful. Oh, I bet it's very

21:56

good. Listen. She would like

21:58

to live in a bin. Weasley

22:01

is real poor. Oh,

22:09

Draco. I think he

22:11

had to have used.

22:13

the collective intelligence of

22:15

the entire Slytherin House

22:17

to write it the

22:19

first time. I mean,

22:21

who would he get

22:23

up from other than

22:25

acting head of the

22:27

Hogwarts drama club? Musical

22:29

theater enthusiast. Yeah,

22:35

yeah. Draco's composing a song on spot.

22:37

Great. That's all I ever wanted. While

22:41

his toast wasn't exactly more interesting,

22:43

he needed to sort things out. Luna

22:46

liked him. He supposed Hermione

22:48

was right in saying it had

22:50

been obvious. No, she was wrong.

22:52

She's wrong. She's wrong. The problem

22:54

was that he didn't know how he felt about

22:56

Luna. Yes, Ron is thinking really

22:58

hard, staring at his toast. He can't eat and

23:00

think at the same time. That's

23:02

a reference to an episode that hasn't come out yet. How

23:06

does time work? Okay,

23:10

I mean, here's the thing, Ron, you

23:12

don't like her. He's gonna think

23:14

about it real hard. Here we

23:16

go. All right, okay, any girl likes

23:18

me. Hmm. In

23:22

his view, she had always been

23:24

Ginny's very strange friend. True.

23:27

True. Of course, the

23:29

Department of Mysteries had changed that.

23:32

Luna had definitely proven that she was

23:34

smarter and more focused than she appeared. True.

23:39

Still, he hadn't paid much attention to

23:41

her. During his fifth year, there

23:43

were bigger things on his mind such as

23:45

Hermione. Luckily,

23:49

he had gotten over

23:51

that severely misguided

23:53

obsession. No, he's

23:55

over it. No, he's not over it.

23:58

He's never over it. He's never going to

24:00

get over it for his whole entire

24:02

life. He's over it. It

24:04

had been difficult. brush off. I'm not

24:06

cool with this. Look,

24:09

here's the thing, I'm gonna tear

24:11

your OTP apart. Rushing off my

24:13

OTP, rude. It had been

24:15

difficult to realize that Hermione was completely

24:17

wrong for him. He did struggle with

24:19

it. Oh, okay, like right

24:21

now where he's just sort

24:23

of trying to decide he likes

24:26

Luna on the fly while

24:28

staring at his toast? Yes. Like

24:30

that? Yeah, but he had

24:32

done it. Spurred on

24:34

by one of Sheamus's comments. I

24:36

don't know how you two are still friends. It's

24:38

like you can hardly stand each other. Wow,

24:42

Seamus. Spicy. That is

24:44

so spicy, boy. Is that from the

24:46

book? I actually don't know. Discord

24:50

at us. Yeah.

24:52

Oh, no. Here it is. See, this

24:54

is exactly what I was saying earlier. Who's

24:56

read the Harry Potter books? Not us. He

25:00

was very close to correct. Ron

25:02

and Hermione didn't get along well at

25:04

all. Ron liked to be right,

25:07

Hermione liked to tell him he was

25:09

wrong. But

25:12

wait, what? Yeah, but Ron needs

25:15

someone to tell him that he's

25:17

wrong. Because he is. Because he's

25:19

wrong, and also Hermione's always right,

25:21

and also Hermione wants to be

25:23

right. But there are times when

25:25

Ron is right and Hermione's wrong,

25:28

and it, fuck. Let's

25:30

not talk about that. Okay, fine. Ron

25:33

wanted to have fun. Hermione

25:35

wanted to bury herself and everyone

25:37

around her in books. What

25:40

a buzzkill.

25:43

Ron's here to

25:45

eat snacks

25:47

and play chess.

25:53

Hermione's such a buzzkill. Oh my

25:55

god. He liked Hermione well

25:57

enough, but it should have been

25:59

very obvious that dating her would

26:01

be a disaster. because

26:04

he likes to be right and he likes

26:06

to have fun. So he needs

26:09

someone who also likes when he's right

26:11

and fun. What? That's

26:16

not Luna. Luna, however,

26:19

wasn't at all like the

26:21

Brainiacs that Ravenclaw were supposed to

26:23

be. The only books he'd

26:25

ever seen her with beside school

26:27

books were very weird volumes

26:29

like The Beginner's Guide to Creating

26:31

Ghoul Traps. like

26:35

that. I like that. I like

26:37

that book. I like that book a

26:39

lot. But also I like how

26:41

he's basing their like possible compatibility on

26:43

how many total books he's ever

26:45

seen within her possession. Run

26:47

hates books. Because

26:50

he likes to party and books are

26:52

the opposite of party. Unless it's school

26:54

trap books. That sounds like

26:56

a party. Sounds like a party. didn't

26:59

seem like the studying type, and

27:01

she was certainly too far away

27:04

from Earth to nag him about

27:06

studying. What is

27:08

the studying type? She

27:10

even liked Quidditch, though

27:12

her enthusiasm was oddly

27:14

shown. Is

27:16

this after she has

27:18

a commentated a match when

27:21

this came out? I

27:23

think so. No,

27:27

that happens in the Half -Blood Prince,

27:29

doesn't it? Yeah, never mind. Okay. So

27:31

yeah, cuz Lee Jordan is the same

27:33

year as Fred and George and they

27:35

all graduate. Maybe he's talking about her

27:37

lion hat. He is. Um, yeah, she

27:39

does like Quidditch. Yeah. That

27:42

doesn't mean she doesn't also

27:44

like to study, but she

27:46

doesn't like to study boring

27:49

stuff like school. Luna

27:53

won't nag him. Nag, nag,

27:55

nag. Kill

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29:24

you learned by now that

29:26

it's rude to stare Harry

29:28

said quietly Hermione snickered on

29:30

Harry's other side Stare at

29:32

the toast. I think he's

29:35

probably shifted his gaze Now

29:37

staring at Luna, I would

29:39

guess or Draco who is

29:41

inevitably still singing the song

29:43

Hermione snickered on Harry's other

29:45

side Oh, shut up, the

29:47

both of you. He snapped.

29:50

Ron didn't like having to change his mind

29:52

about things, especially people. Ron,

29:54

you do not have

29:57

to change your mind about

29:59

anything. an undeniable fact. Ron

30:01

liked Luna. Why? No, it wasn't.

30:04

You just had to reason your

30:06

way into it while staring at

30:08

Toads. And Luna. No.

30:13

A passage of time. No, I'm mad. Look,

30:16

just because this isn't your OTP, that

30:19

is actively shitting on your

30:21

OTP. What are

30:23

you so mad about? Oh no. A

30:26

passage of time. Hermione looked up

30:28

from her book as Luna approached the

30:30

table that she, Harry, and Ron occupied

30:32

in the quiet library. She

30:34

noticed Harry glancing up as well.

30:36

The only one oblivious was Ron. He's

30:40

busy studying. Hermione

30:43

kicked him in the shin. Oh,

30:46

what was that? Hello, Ronald.

30:49

Here she is. Ron whipped

30:51

his head around so quickly that it must

30:53

have caused an injury. Oh, geez. Luna,

30:56

if he cried, has

30:58

his neck snapped and he died. It's

31:02

a great big Ron's dead. Nope,

31:14

none of that's happening, sorry. Oh no. Blushing

31:16

down to his toes, several

31:19

nearby students looked over at them to see

31:21

what all the commotion was about as Ron's

31:23

neck snapped and he died. Hermione

31:25

nudged Harry with her elbow, hiding

31:28

a smile. We've

31:30

got to go to get something

31:32

from the common room, haven't we, Harry?

31:34

Let's go. Try

31:37

to be a little bit more

31:40

subtle there, Hermione. That is subtle. It's

31:43

Ron and Luna. Oh, man. I don't know

31:45

what's happening. No. Harry, thankfully,

31:47

understood what she was doing. Thankfully.

31:51

And he went without argument. That

31:53

checks out, thankfully. She

31:55

yanked him behind a nearby bookshelf,

31:57

which went unnoticed by Ron and Luna.

31:59

Oh, so they're going to spy

32:01

now. What are we doing,

32:04

Harry asked quietly, frowning in confusion. Eavesdropping

32:07

naturally. Hermione

32:10

said, peering through the

32:12

bookshelf. Of course,

32:14

what else would we do? Harry

32:17

replied in a sarcastic tone,

32:19

shaking his head. What

32:21

else would we do? Oh,

32:25

don't act so high and mighty,

32:27

Potter. You know you want to

32:29

listen. Besides, Ron likes to

32:31

eavesdrop on you whenever you were

32:33

talking to Cho last year. Hermione

32:35

said innocently. He did it first. He

32:37

did it first. So obviously, we're going do

32:39

it right now. Here we go. And

32:41

how does she know that? She was probably

32:44

dropping with him. Yeah, obviously. That

32:46

was enough justification for Harry, and he

32:48

leaned in next to Hermione to hear what

32:50

Ron and Luna were saying. Oh,

32:53

no. You really think

32:55

Hufflepuff has a chance this

32:57

year? Ron said doubtfully, eyeing

32:59

Luna with a raised eyebrow. She

33:02

had occupied Hermione's empty seat. He had

33:04

a feeling that Harry and Hermione were standing

33:06

behind the bookshelf, nearest to them, listening. Because

33:09

that's where he was at. Yeah, he

33:11

knows. He certainly wasn't going

33:13

to ask her out with those

33:15

two eavesdropping. Oh, come on. Be

33:19

too embarrassing. Whatever.

33:21

Friends would know that he likes a

33:23

girl. And

33:25

they wouldn't know

33:27

later. When

33:30

they're inevitably behind the bookshelf again, they're

33:32

not gonna not be behind the bookshelf

33:34

at any point, Ron. Yep, obviously not.

33:36

So instead, he struck up a conversation

33:38

about Quidditch. He's just nervous. Fine.

33:42

He knew Hermione would eventually get bored with

33:44

listening to them and leave, and Harry

33:46

naturally would follow. Weird.

33:50

Of course Hufflepuff has a

33:52

chance, Luna said. They're just

33:54

jinxed. No, this is

33:57

good. Nope, this is good

33:59

conspiracy theory. Yeah, yeah I'm

34:01

sorry to tell you this Ronald,

34:03

but I think they have

34:05

a better chance than Gryffindor. Oh

34:07

shit Got told Ron nodded

34:09

reluctantly. Yeah, you could be right

34:11

there with all new beaters

34:14

and chasers I don't know if

34:16

Harry's seeking skills will be

34:18

enough. Oh damn. They will be

34:20

150 points Quidditch is broken.

34:22

Yeah You're

34:26

certainly a good enough keeper

34:28

to prevent the other teams from

34:30

scoring against you. Luna said,

34:32

smiling almost shyly. I

34:35

mean, what?

34:38

She's she's trying to do a flirt.

34:40

Yeah. It's very

34:42

kind of adorable. Yeah. Ron

34:45

flushed. Luna continued her cheeks

34:47

turning faintly pink as she

34:49

did so. I've taught

34:51

my lion hat to sing Weasley

34:53

is our king, though. You

34:56

can't really understand the lyrics. There's

34:59

incoherent roaring in

35:01

the Ravenclaw section. That's

35:04

incredible. Constant

35:06

roar. Ron

35:10

was sure he had turned

35:12

a shade of magenta remembering

35:14

the pumpkin in the Great

35:17

Hall. Did he forgotten? Yeah,

35:19

he wasn't thinking about it. He just remembered.

35:21

She said Weasley is our king. And then

35:23

he was like, oh, right. No,

35:31

Harry and Hermione would not

35:33

be leaving that bookshelf anytime soon.

35:35

Nope. Are you

35:37

overly warm, Ronald? Luna

35:39

asked, tilting, because he's

35:41

bright red. Oh, OK. I was like, what is

35:43

happening? This is bright red and probably sweating

35:45

a lot. If I had to guess, he's bright

35:47

red and sweaty. I was going to be

35:49

like, that's a weird move, Luna. Are

35:52

you hot? You want to take some clothes

35:54

off? Luna

36:00

asked tilting her head in

36:02

an owl -like fashion. Sorry. What? You're

36:05

red. Are you hot? Oh?

36:10

Yes, it's very warm

36:12

in here. Don't you think? Oh,

36:14

no. Ron's sputtered. This is not going

36:16

well. Beginning to wish he could

36:18

crawl under the table and hide. I

36:20

mean, you could. You could. Luna

36:23

actually would probably join you. Yeah, Luna

36:25

would be like, oh, is it colder underneath

36:27

the table? Luna

36:32

said she seemed to be

36:34

thinking for a moment Ronald,

36:36

do you know who? Who

36:39

carved that pumpkin in the great

36:41

hall? Oh, jeez.

36:43

Ron panicked. Oh

36:45

I'm panicking. She would expect him to

36:48

know and then he would have to

36:50

ask her out with Harry and Hermione

36:52

listening in and he was gonna mess

36:54

it up horribly. It's

36:56

fine Ron. She's weird. She'll

36:59

deal with whatever comes out.

37:02

Sorry Luna, I have to go.

37:04

Oh, no, that's not no,

37:06

but not that I've got quidditch

37:08

practice. I completely forgot. No,

37:10

you don't talk to you later.

37:12

Oh, you don't He rushed

37:14

out of the library shooting Harry

37:16

and Hermione a glare as

37:18

he did so This is not

37:20

their fault. I mean they

37:22

did make him nervous. Yeah,

37:25

but No,

37:27

I don't buy it. He

37:29

also he started it. He

37:31

did my being weird Yeah,

37:33

he didn't look back long

37:35

enough to see the disappointed

37:38

expression on Luna's face. Oh

37:40

That's sad bugger Hermione said

37:42

sadly Is that good swear?

37:44

Yeah, that's good Hermione just

37:46

don't fucking Eves drop next

37:48

time be polite Hermione said

37:50

sadly glancing at Harry. I

37:53

think he needs our help

37:55

Oh no, that's the opposite. Harry

37:57

frowned dubiously. I don't know

37:59

Hermione. Maybe we shouldn't interfere with

38:01

this. What if it goes

38:03

wrong? Ron wouldn't speak to us

38:06

for weeks. Correct.

38:09

Don't do it. But also, even

38:11

if it goes right, he probably

38:13

won't speak to you. Don't do

38:15

it. Don't be silly. Of course

38:17

we should help. Hermione replied, Ron

38:19

would understand. Besides...

38:21

Everyone could use a little help.

38:23

Merlin knows you could have used

38:25

some help last year. I

38:28

did not. When did you fucking help

38:30

then? I

38:32

did not need help, Harry

38:35

said defensively. Cho was completely

38:37

mental. That wasn't my fault.

38:39

Oh god. Oh, he still

38:41

needs help. It was. It

38:43

was. Someone help this boy.

38:45

Harry. No, it was

38:47

totally your fault, dude. Oh gee. Hermione

38:53

said, rolling her eyes, whatever you

38:56

say, Harry. Still, Ron

38:58

is going to need our help.

39:00

We both know he's completely hopeless

39:02

with girls. He's worse than you

39:04

are. Harry glared at her. He

39:07

is worse than Harry is. Yup. That's

39:09

a fact. Yup. And

39:11

that's saying something. Yup. Harry

39:13

is bad. Yup. We

39:17

just need to give him a little

39:19

push, Harry, and I know just how to

39:21

do it. Come on, we've got to

39:23

go see Hagrid. Hermione grinned, grabbing Harry and

39:25

dragging him out of the library. Nope,

39:27

this can only end badly. They passed Luna

39:29

on the way out, but she was

39:31

entirely unfazed by their odd behavior. Oh,

39:34

geez. A passage of time. What are they

39:36

going to do? Ron

39:39

knew something was abnormal.

39:43

Oh, no. When Hermione

39:45

and Harry snickered as they approached

39:47

the Great Hall for the

39:49

Halloween feast. Oh, geez.

39:52

He questioned them about it, but

39:54

Hermione refused to answer, and

39:56

Harry only offered him a vaguely

39:59

guilty look. Harry,

40:01

you're so bad at

40:03

keeping a secret, my dude.

40:06

What the fuck? Oh

40:10

no. When they walked

40:12

in, Ron immediately searched for the

40:14

cause of the snickering. He

40:16

found it, right next to the

40:19

source of all of his current troubles.

40:21

Next to Luna's pumpkin sat another,

40:23

which held a similar message to the

40:25

first. Lovegood is

40:27

my queen. This

40:30

is a bad

40:32

plan. Why is

40:34

this the plan? No, this

40:37

is a bad plan. They

40:39

did it. They've

40:42

done this to him.

40:44

Oh no, Hermione! What

40:46

the fuck is this

40:48

plan? Pretty similar to Albus'

40:50

plan in Curse Child. Albus

40:55

Severus' plan? Oh! Oh,

40:58

fuck. Fuck

41:00

that. I'm sorry I brought

41:02

it up. That was a mistake.

41:05

Ron glared at Harry,

41:07

who now looked extremely

41:09

guilty. And then at Hermione,

41:11

who only shrugged, you needed

41:13

our help. Ron, Hermione told

41:15

him, didn't he, Harry? This

41:20

is not help this

41:22

is not help She made

41:24

me do it Harry

41:26

said sheepish later Ron. Oh

41:29

I'm sure she put the imperious

41:31

curse on you Ron snapped Why

41:33

didn't you stop her? What are

41:35

friends for if they won't even

41:38

save you from complete humiliation? He's

41:43

right. He's right. Listen, this is

41:45

the wrong way to go about this.

41:47

How about if you just didn't

41:49

interfere and didn't eavesdrop and make him

41:51

nervous and just let it happen?

41:54

I mean, he would fuck it up.

41:57

Yeah, but it's Luna. Yeah.

41:59

So she'd be like, whatever,

42:02

it's fine. Well,

42:06

you eavesdropped on me and Cho. That's

42:08

nothing. I

42:11

had to get you back somehow. By

42:13

putting this pumpkin out

42:15

that's clearly from you in

42:18

the middle of the

42:20

entire Great Hall in front

42:22

of the entire school. I

42:26

mean, people did eventually stop

42:28

making front of Ginny for the

42:30

poem. Eventually.

42:33

And also, this

42:35

doesn't, okay, wait, this doesn't even solve the

42:37

problem. What do you mean? He still has

42:39

to ask her out. What

42:41

you mean? Oh, Jesus,

42:43

fucking Christ. You

42:46

could have at least not dotted

42:48

the eyes with hearts, Ron said.

42:51

It has. OK, if you're going to do the message,

42:53

you got to do the message like the first message

42:55

was done, Ron. Come on, let's

42:57

get to the table quickly before the entire

42:59

hall is laughing at me. Too

43:02

late. They hurried over to the Gryffindor table,

43:04

but not before Luna caught up with them.

43:08

Luna said, throwing

43:10

her arms around his middle. Ron

43:13

staggered backward, quite startled by

43:15

the sudden impact. She released

43:17

him, beaming. I

43:19

just knew he would figure it out.

43:21

She said happily, and telling me

43:23

with another pumpkin is such a sweet

43:26

idea. I hope you

43:28

watched out for snarks, though. They love

43:30

to infest pumpkin patches. Ron

43:33

blushed and ignored Luna's

43:35

last comment. He knew

43:37

Hermione was going to be

43:39

insufferably smug for the rest

43:41

of the evening. Upon

43:43

brief inspection, he saw that Hermione

43:45

was already quite pleased with

43:47

herself. So

43:49

Luna continued an almost hopeful expression

43:51

on her face. Oh jeez. Do

43:53

you want to help me look

43:55

for crumple horn snorkex tomorrow night?

43:59

I'd love to. Ron

44:01

accepted grinning. Well,

44:11

it wasn't because he didn't

44:14

know the impetus was not on

44:16

him at that point. Yeah

44:18

Hermione knew exactly the thing. She

44:20

was right I Still think

44:22

she was wrong, but that's fine.

44:25

Oh, yeah, obviously. No, you

44:27

include your friend on things like

44:29

that, but So I don't

44:31

know Okay, what do you think

44:33

I I'm actually not sure

44:35

I think I'm inclined to give

44:38

it to you I'm

44:40

inclined to want a

44:42

point, but the message I

44:44

said, this

44:46

said message, is

44:48

given in the

44:50

Great Hall. At the

44:52

feast. At the feast. And Ron's

44:54

return message is in the Great Hall

44:56

at the feast. I

44:58

think maybe I do get a point. Wow.

45:03

I don't think you did it. Wow, this is

45:05

such a, like I feel, I

45:07

haven't had this feeling. And

45:09

so long, I didn't know I didn't

45:11

remember what it felt like to get a

45:13

point. I'm so excited for you. I

45:15

think this breaks our cold spell. I mean,

45:18

I didn't get any points in this

45:20

episode that happened the past. Sometime.

45:22

Happened in the past for us, but in the

45:25

future for you. Spoiler alerts, I fucked up. Yeah.

45:30

Wow. Yeah. Do I get to

45:32

tell the world? This is a Patreon only episode,

45:34

but I get to go out into the

45:37

world. Yeah, that's a good plug. Why not? And

45:39

be like, I got a point. Not

45:41

as a plug. That's not how

45:43

I, I don't always mean that.

45:45

I just mostly mean that. Congratulations.

45:50

Yay. Does that count

45:52

towards the Slytherin House Cup? It does. I

45:55

think that puts us at two points. Slytherin,

45:58

here we go. Does that mean I need to

46:00

sort myself? I've been

46:02

having an identity crisis. I know.

46:05

We went to leaky con you

46:07

guys and she was being

46:09

such a Slytherin. There was so

46:12

much because I was being

46:14

real shitty. She was

46:16

wearing her hat. She's

46:19

wearing a baseball cap and all of

46:21

a sudden she became something else. It

46:23

was interesting. Um,

46:26

I don't know. You don't have to sort

46:28

yourself if you don't want to. Fine. I'm

46:30

going to get points for house shithead. OK,

46:33

fine. That's not what I meant by

46:35

that. OK,

46:37

so I got a

46:39

point. Congratulations. And

46:41

now it's time for

46:43

a quick fic. Yeah,

46:48

let's go with question mark. So

46:51

in my quick fic,

46:53

I read a story where

46:55

it was Saint Marauder's

46:57

era. Excellent. And it's Lillian

46:59

James. Sure. But

47:03

it's about how

47:05

Peeves is in love

47:07

with Lily. And

47:11

so he's just like,

47:13

fucking with James so

47:16

hard. Oh, that's good.

47:18

That's a good premise. What the fuck? And

47:22

then they have to come

47:24

to a peace offering. What's

47:26

the peace offering? So

47:29

like Lily and James finally get

47:31

together and then Peeves stops pranking

47:33

everyone and is like sad Peeves

47:35

and then James has to go

47:37

to Peeves and be like listen

47:39

Peeves my man like you are

47:41

just so good at pranking like

47:44

I I wish that I was

47:46

as good at pranking as you

47:48

are good at pranking and then

47:50

Peeves is like wow I am

47:52

good at pranking and then everything's

47:54

fixed Work

48:05

I suppose And now

48:08

it's time for the

48:10

rex zone I'm recommending

48:12

a story today called

48:14

knock knock in which

48:17

Harry attempts to tell

48:19

Luna a knock -knock

48:21

joke fuck yeah It's

48:24

short. It's sweet. It's

48:26

adorable, and I like

48:28

it excellent, so check

48:30

that Oh

48:35

man, did we have we not figure that out

48:37

yet? We will figure

48:39

that out. It'll be in the

48:41

description in any case. Yeah, and in

48:43

the discord somewhere. So

48:45

is that it? Yeah, because we

48:47

don't have to do any of

48:49

the things that go at the

48:51

end. Nope. Thanks as always for

48:54

supporting us in this weird thing

48:56

that we do. Yeah, we love

48:58

you all very much. And

49:02

also, thanks as always to the Wamping

49:04

Willows for the use of our theme song.

49:06

It's the song Wolf Star, and we

49:08

sang another one of their songs earlier called

49:11

Draco and Harry. Is that what that

49:13

one's called? I think it's called Draco and

49:15

Harry, but in any case, you should

49:17

just probably listen to all Wamping Willows' songs.

49:19

Yup. Because they're great. Yup. Um,

49:23

wow, okay, okay,

49:25

that's uh... This

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