0:00

The one thing that I also recognize

0:02

in my own life and watching other

0:04

people is that regardless of their position

0:06

in life of their with their kids time with

0:09

into their family is really comes down

0:11

to a choice. Because I've seen people

0:13

in other words without the financial means in

0:15

a lot of time with their kids

0:17

the I've seen people with a lot

0:19

of financial means not spend time with

0:21

their kids. kids. Hello everybody. We

0:24

had I think 591 registered for the

0:26

for the master class today.

0:28

Hal is and I want to I

0:30

want to welcome you to special master class is

0:32

brought to you by to you by the Achieve Your

0:34

Goals Goals and this will air as a

0:36

special episode of the Achieve Your Goals podcast. It's

0:39

also brought to you by Front

0:41

Row also bought you by and the masterclass today

0:43

is on how to achieve your

0:45

family goals in 2020. 2020. For For me,

0:47

getting cancer a few years ago

0:50

was a huge wake -up call that I said

0:52

family was my Family was my number

0:54

one priority, but if you looked at

0:56

my schedule, it didn't tell the same

0:58

story There was a was a misalignment that

1:00

family. I I more than anything than anything,

1:02

yet was putting them on the back burner

1:04

for work. for work. way too often. often. my

1:07

good And it took my

1:09

good friend here, who founded who

1:11

founded is a mastermind for which is

1:13

a mastermind for family men

1:15

with businesses, not I think far with

1:17

families. And I think far

1:19

too often as an entrepreneur,

1:21

general, right, as a in life in general, get

1:24

As a dad, you often get focused

1:26

on work, on being a provider, and

1:28

you lose sight of the fact that

1:30

your kids aren't gonna remember how many paychecks,

1:32

you know, how many mortgage payments you

1:34

made, made or how much money you

1:36

accumulated, right? Or how many achievements, if

1:38

you're an entrepreneur that you got under

1:40

your belt, they're gonna remember how much

1:42

time you spent with them and the

1:44

impact that the time you spent with on

1:46

who they became the their character and

1:48

their emotional they And as and know, You

1:50

can't get that time back, right? You can

1:52

always make more money. all You can't make more

1:54

time. You can And ever since I've been a member

1:57

of front row you can't is more it began, John,

1:59

what year did you start? Rodas? It would have

2:01

been October of 2016. October of 2016. So

2:03

we're on, so over three years now. So

2:05

I've been there since the first retreat and

2:07

ever since then it's the number one thing

2:09

now that John and I talk about. Every

2:11

time we talk before we talk about business

2:13

and it was embarrassing. My wife would always

2:15

go, hey so how's Tatiana and how are

2:17

the kids? And I would go, I have

2:20

no idea. She goes, you were just talking

2:22

to John for like an hour. I'm like,

2:24

yeah, we don't, we don't talk about family,

2:26

right? We just talk about business. And that's,

2:28

sadly, that's, that's too often the conversation. And

2:30

again, it's going, well, families might not one

2:32

priority, but I don't talk about them. I

2:34

don't, I don't put them first in my

2:36

schedule, right. And so John really decided that

2:38

he wanted to step up in his own

2:40

life. And because if family was going to

2:42

be number one, he needed to find a

2:45

way to align his work with that value.

2:47

And so he founded Front Road dads. And

2:49

it's been hugely transformative for me and hundreds

2:51

of other members of Front Road dads over

2:53

the years. And I'll tell you how today's

2:55

master class came about and then we'll dive

2:57

right in. We're going to flip the script.

2:59

John's going to interview me. So if you're

3:01

listening to the Cheever Girls podcast, you've heard

3:03

this like once or twice, we've done this

3:05

before with other people, but John said a

3:07

few months ago we were talking a few

3:10

weeks ago about family and about what we're

3:12

going to do differently in 2020 and I

3:14

was sharing some radical changes that I'm making

3:16

in my life like radical changes that were

3:18

very difficult to make. Now I'm so happy

3:20

that I did and he said how why

3:22

don't we flip the script and all interview

3:24

you And you shared like how you came

3:26

to these changes, how you're making such difficult

3:28

changes that will give other people permission and

3:30

courage to really put family first in 2020

3:33

and achieve all of their family goals. And

3:35

I said, that sounds fun. You can interview

3:37

me. You can interview me. And so, John,

3:39

I'll turn it over to you. And I

3:41

don't know if you have anything that I

3:43

missed there in the introduction, but to otherwise

3:45

we can jump into the questions. Now, then

3:47

that's perfect. ever blueprint in San Diego from

3:49

the stage in front of 500 people and

3:51

the amount of comments that I had heard

3:53

both directly directed at me I overheard the

3:55

comments directed to you about what you shared

3:58

and the impact of that and I can't

4:00

wait to get into some of that today

4:02

so I just want to say thanks for

4:04

making time because I know this is something

4:06

you're really focused on buddy is where you

4:08

invest your time and I think what's really

4:10

cool about this is that as we'll sort

4:12

of unpack you know, family being one of

4:14

your highest values. And I say one of

4:16

your highest because, you know, family is one

4:18

of your highest values. And what I was

4:21

about to say is that, you know, I

4:23

say one of because I think we'll get

4:25

into your values and how you've ranked them.

4:27

And there's a reason why I say one

4:29

of your highest values. So I'm excited to

4:31

get into that and see how things change

4:33

so cool as that as somebody, you are

4:35

very well read. a great deal of content

4:37

and information and you've dug deep into yourself,

4:39

I can't wait to see what we'll find

4:41

out because many of us have been on

4:43

this journey with you buddy and I can't

4:46

wait to see the evolution. So let's first

4:48

of all get into, let's talk a little

4:50

bit about the year. I think that it

4:52

makes sense to start because we're recording this

4:54

in December, depending on when people are listening,

4:56

if you're live or listening on the recording,

4:58

it's December and we're closing out not only

5:00

a year, but a decade, right? And so

5:02

let's take a moment and look back and

5:04

say, what was this year about for you

5:06

and what can we celebrate with you in

5:08

2019? What were some highlight moments, if you

5:11

will? Yeah, well, I'll start by just being

5:13

real transparent in that this, as you know,

5:15

this was the most difficult year of my

5:17

life, and a big part of that started

5:19

with me losing sight of my values, right?

5:21

I mentioned that when I was on the

5:23

cancer journey, I got really clear that I

5:25

was a workaholic, like I was working way

5:27

too much in putting that first. And what

5:29

happened is I got a book deal for

5:31

the miracle equation, right, with a traditional publisher.

5:34

then I had all these deadlines that were

5:36

for six months that just stressed me out.

5:38

And I realized that I had taken a

5:40

huge step backwards in living my values of

5:42

putting family first because I had to have

5:44

this book done and I had to have

5:46

this chapter was due and all of a

5:48

sudden I'm staying up late to write and

5:50

I can't make it to be by my

5:52

wife's side and our family, you know, friends,

5:54

I mean, you were there sometimes, right? My

5:56

poor wife was by herself with the kids.

5:59

And once I had committed, I was like

6:01

in the middle of it, I couldn't undo

6:03

it. So the year started off really rough

6:05

for me in that regard. And then I

6:07

got really clear from that learning the hard

6:09

way that I have gone out of alignment

6:11

with my values. I've unlearned the lesson that

6:13

I had learned throughout the cancer journey that

6:15

I was on. And so I once the

6:17

book was done, I went, okay, I got

6:19

to dive into family. And Yeah, there were

6:21

some high moments in terms of like my

6:24

daughter Sophie for her 10th birthday, I took

6:26

her to see Queen with Adam Lambert. I

6:28

made it a front row experience, you know,

6:30

we did, we flew her first class, like

6:32

we went all out, picked up in the

6:34

limo, like never done anything like that for

6:36

the whole family, let alone it was me

6:38

and my daughter, really a special time, but

6:40

That's not the highlight to me. To me,

6:42

the brightest moments from this year really are

6:44

found in the daily, the weekly, and the

6:47

monthly rituals that my wife and I have

6:49

put into place to ensure that our family,

6:51

we are strengthening our bond and our connection.

6:53

And I'll give you a few examples of

6:55

these that you can model in your own

6:57

world or in your own way in your

6:59

family. The first is I now have two

7:01

hours scheduled every morning with my kids. So

7:03

before they go to school, so the first

7:05

hour at 6 a.m. I wake up and

7:07

I wake my kids up, I do the

7:09

miracle morning with them. And we'll see how

7:12

long this last because we've been here for

7:14

a few months, but this is come and

7:16

gone before. So I'm not saying this is

7:18

going to be forever. Hopefully it will be

7:20

this time. I feel like we found our

7:22

groove. But from 6 a.m. to 7 a.m.

7:24

we do a miracle. and I helped make

7:26

breakfast as a family and get the kids

7:28

out the door and then two days a

7:30

week I drive them to school. So Tuesdays

7:32

and Thursdays I take the kids to school

7:35

which extends it from until about 8.30 so

7:37

from 6 a.m. to 8 or 6 to

7:39

8 30 it's family time in the morning

7:41

and I mean John you know me and

7:43

I think for most entrepreneurs like that's not

7:45

how it used to be. My wife, I

7:47

used to delegate and hurt you, you get

7:49

the kids ready, I'm working, I'm paying the

7:51

bills, I'm providing for our family. And John,

7:53

you're the one that said that to me

7:55

years ago when you were founding front row

7:57

dads that you realize that your kids are

8:00

not going to remember or value or be

8:02

shaped by how many mortgage payments you made,

8:04

right, or how many books you sold, or

8:06

how many speeches you gave. Right, they were,

8:08

it was about the impact that you made

8:10

in their life and the only way to

8:12

do that is through quality time. And you

8:14

really just, I can't thank you enough for

8:16

inspiring and living that as an example for

8:18

me, because that changed my world more than

8:20

almost anything. So the daily rituals, I wake

8:22

him up in the morning, spend two hours

8:25

of quality time in the morning, and then

8:27

I now only work, this was a big

8:29

one, I only work when the kids are

8:31

in school. So I get off every day

8:33

at 3.30, and so that when they get

8:35

home, I can greet him, we can go

8:37

play ping pong or go shoot, or play

8:39

a board game or go shoot hoops, but

8:41

again, it's realizing, I wish I would have

8:43

spent more time to spend more time, I

8:45

can get that. You know, there's a little

8:48

bit of like, my daughter's 10, I'm like,

8:50

God, why didn't I figure this out when

8:52

she was one? But you can't go back

8:54

in time and change the past, but you

8:56

can change everything else. So I only work

8:58

when the kids are in school, so that's

9:00

from 8 to 3.30. And the last one

9:02

at least, I put them to bed every

9:04

night before bed and help with their bedtime

9:06

routine. And, you know, and so I like

9:08

bookending the day with some quality time with

9:10

some quality time with both the time with

9:13

both the time with both the time with

9:15

both the time with both the We finally

9:17

started doing weekly family meetings a couple months

9:19

ago. This was this was a tough one

9:21

to get my wife on board and then

9:23

she's like she ran away with it. Now

9:25

she runs the meetings which is so great

9:27

because I'm great at getting things started. I

9:29

don't like running stuff. So she actually has

9:31

taken over and she's like, we've all got

9:33

journals and, you know, printed with Elrod Family

9:35

Meeting and we've got an agenda. And the

9:38

meeting is essentially to give everybody the family

9:40

a voice to talk about what's going well,

9:42

what are we grateful for? What do we

9:44

appreciate about everybody? What are we struggling? What

9:46

are some areas? And our kids have said

9:48

some things to us. I'll give you a

9:50

real specific example. We asked her. And my

9:52

seven-year-old son said, well, sometimes you guys fight

9:54

in front of us, and I really don't

9:56

like it. It really scares me, and it

9:58

makes my stomach feel tight. And like, I

10:01

just brought in my, we look at my

10:03

daughter and she's going, yeah, I get really

10:05

tight in my stomach too, and I'm just

10:07

going, oh my God. Yeah. you know that

10:09

my wife and I look at each other

10:11

and so you know now if it wasn't

10:13

for these family meetings these weekly rituals we

10:15

wouldn't have been conscious because the point of

10:17

that is to create a safe space where

10:19

everybody can share what they might be afraid

10:21

to share and that goes adults kids and

10:23

so since then we've limited screen time The

10:26

kids actually came to a family meeting asking

10:28

for more screen time and we explained why

10:30

they needed less screen time and they agreed

10:32

and they're like, it's amazing. We're like, wow,

10:34

if it wasn't with the family meeting. So,

10:36

and then monthly we do the date nights

10:38

and things with the kids and quarterly we

10:40

do the family board meetings. But those rituals

10:42

to me are the high points of our

10:44

life because it's not about the trip. That's

10:46

not what shapes your kids' character. It's how

10:48

are you showing up every day? What's the

10:51

quality time that you're spending with them every

10:53

day? How connected do you feel? And maybe

10:55

most importantly, I got this from a book

10:57

I'm reading right now, hold on to your

10:59

kids, the most important thing from a parent

11:01

and a child, it's not about their behavior,

11:03

it's not about, you know, we're always trying

11:05

to change behavior, it's about the strength of

11:07

the relationship. Yeah. That gives you influence in

11:09

your kid's life. How much do they feel

11:11

love and connected and respected by you? Not

11:14

disciplined and not right. And so that's been

11:16

a huge game changer is to spend that

11:18

quality time where they really feel a deep

11:20

connection and you know and we feel it

11:22

too. How you know when you're talking about

11:24

your scheduling time. getting off at 3 o'clock

11:26

every day. I can imagine that, you know,

11:28

if we share it, that some people that

11:30

you might share that with might have the

11:32

reaction and say, hey, that must be really

11:34

nice, right? Like I wish I had a

11:36

life that I could do that. And I

11:39

reflected on that for a second and thought,

11:41

okay, so 10 years ago, I was leaving

11:43

a corporate position and starting a new journey

11:45

into this entrepreneurial space. I spent all my

11:47

savings, the year after that, they were foreclosing

11:49

on my home. I share that because I've

11:51

been in places where financially it was a

11:53

wreck, right? I've also been in places where

11:55

I was making more money and had more

11:57

choice in my daily schedule. I had the

11:59

freedom to be able to do some things

12:02

that I couldn't, maybe I felt I couldn't

12:04

do at other times in my life. But

12:06

the one thing that I also recognize in

12:08

my own life and watching other people is

12:10

that regardless of their position in life that

12:12

time with their kids or investing into their

12:14

family is really comes down to a choice.

12:16

Because I've seen people in other words without

12:18

the financial means spend a lot of time

12:20

with their kids. And so I just wanted

12:22

to bring that up because I think that's

12:24

a really big distinction that a lot of

12:27

this does come down and we're not talking

12:29

about the dire straight situations where it listen

12:31

of course food safety right shelter those things

12:33

are basic human needs but once those are

12:35

met it's too easy to get into start

12:37

up mode with your business and say this

12:39

one more thing this one more quarter this

12:41

one more launch this one more activity for

12:43

all of us I think and I've seen

12:45

this again with all different financial demographics is

12:47

people that make choices So, do you see

12:49

the same thing? Absolutely. I mean, when I,

12:52

when my daughter was born, my wife and

12:54

I moved back in with my dad because

12:56

we were broke. We had, we had to,

12:58

my house was foreclosed on. I had nowhere

13:00

to live and no one, and like we

13:02

just moved with my dad, right? So, I

13:04

mean, you know, I was humbling, I was

13:06

30 years old, moving back in with dad

13:08

with my wife and our soon born daughter,

13:10

you know, and, you know, and yeah. I've

13:12

been on both sides as well. Let's talk

13:15

about values, because I want to go back

13:17

to the comment I made earlier about family

13:19

is one of your highest values. What are

13:21

your values? And how is that now starting

13:23

to shape and shift things in your world

13:25

presently? Yeah, I've gotten really clear that what

13:27

has caused all of my problems in every

13:29

challenge that you face, my coach Jeffrey Williams,

13:31

he says that every challenge you face is

13:33

filling your day with things that are not

13:35

in alignment with your values. right? Things that

13:37

you don't love to do and that cause

13:40

you stress and usually there are other people's

13:42

values that are being thrust upon you and

13:44

you're you're not you're not blocking them you're

13:46

just you're taking it and you're doing it.

13:48

So for me I've gotten really clear my

13:50

values and it's been a long process to

13:52

live them you know I've I didn't really

13:54

clear my values and it's been a long

13:56

process to live them you know I've I

13:58

didn't just I've gotten really clear my values

14:00

and it's been a long process and it's

14:02

been a long process. But I would say

14:05

it should mean that you should plan your

14:07

exit strategy. Life's too short to do something

14:09

that you don't love doing. So for me,

14:11

my three top values are health, family, and

14:13

freedom. And I would prioritize them in that

14:15

order. And health is only really above family

14:17

because without my health, as I almost learned

14:19

the hard way, you can't be there for

14:21

your family, right? So that is my highest

14:23

priority. But the family in my heart, right,

14:25

that's really my top priority. So and then

14:28

what I've done this year is And this

14:30

is actually the maybe the most important lesson

14:32

I shared at our best year ever blueprint

14:34

event last week, which is that you have

14:36

to clear on your values and then here's

14:38

the lesson or that's one lesson, but it's

14:40

to shut down everything that is not in

14:42

alignment with your values. And so what that

14:44

looks like for me, it was big major

14:46

changes. It was our best year ever annual

14:48

event. You probably heard, we made, I made

14:50

this the last one. because I realize it

14:53

took so much time and energy and stress

14:55

on me and my body that it was

14:57

counterproductive to my health and counterproductive to my

14:59

family, time my family, took me from them.

15:01

Now freedom, it provided income, so that was

15:03

part of the hard reason it was, you

15:05

know, to shut down and letting down a

15:07

lot of people, it's this great event. I

15:09

run a mastermind, we shut down the mastermind,

15:11

another huge part of my business. We also,

15:13

I canceled three international speaking engagements, which were

15:15

some of my highest profile, highest paid speaking

15:18

engagements. One was in Russia, one was in

15:20

Ukraine travel destination in the world. But they

15:22

all fell on my kids' holiday breaks and

15:24

it didn't work out to take them with

15:26

me. So I thought if I'm going to

15:28

be in Russia or Ukraine or Greece versus

15:30

at home with my kids, it's a no-brainer.

15:32

And that to me is the lesson. Once

15:34

you're clear on your values, you have to

15:36

love yourself enough and love your family enough

15:38

to shut down everything that conflicts. with your

15:41

highest values because if you don't life's gonna

15:43

pass you by and you look back and

15:45

go what the hell was I doing that

15:47

all for how could I have let that

15:49

happen and it's a hard thing to do

15:51

and it's not overnight but if you can

15:53

do those two things right down the list

15:55

of what are my highest values right down

15:57

all your values then prioritize what are your

15:59

top three and I would imagine if you

16:01

have a family families up there whether it's

16:03

the family that you we're born with, born

16:06

into, or created, or the family that you

16:08

chose, right? You know, friends in circle of

16:10

influence, but get really clear on what are

16:12

your highest values, and then start looking at

16:14

what do I need to shut down that

16:16

is conflicting with these values, because that's where

16:18

fulfillment comes. The fulfillment comes when you shut

16:20

down the things that don't align with their

16:22

values, and you start living a schedule that

16:24

you love to live, time doing the things

16:26

that mean the most to you. Yeah, I

16:29

want to ask you in a second, how

16:31

about saying no, because that is such a

16:33

difficult thing. I want to talk to you

16:35

about how do you say no, right? Because

16:37

I hate disappointing people, right? I know you

16:39

do. So let's get into that in a

16:41

second. But before we do, I just also

16:43

want to mention to anybody that's with us

16:45

live that if you have a question and

16:47

you want to post it, we will be

16:49

reviewing these. the end of the call and

16:51

we'd love to try to get to as

16:54

many of those questions as possible. So feel

16:56

free to, you should have a Q&A option

16:58

there on your screen for anybody that's joining

17:00

us and feel free to post a question

17:02

there or if you'd like you can post

17:04

it in the chat box as well. So

17:06

how let's get into how do you say

17:08

no? What have you figured out about that?

17:10

Yeah, it's once you're clear on your value.

17:12

So I gave these lessons and again my

17:14

coach Jeffrey Williams actually inspired this as well.

17:16

He's adding a lot of value in my

17:19

life. But so he said we were talking

17:21

and we were talking, he's big on the

17:23

cause of disease is dis-ease from not living

17:25

in line with your values, right? You create

17:27

stress in your body and if you don't

17:29

stop that, right, your life will stop you

17:31

from not living in line with your values.

17:33

And so he gave me a really simple

17:35

framework and be yourself. And know yourself is

17:37

to, and I already, we touched on this,

17:39

but it's to know what your values are,

17:42

right? Get really clear on your values. Love

17:44

yourself is to be, love yourself enough and

17:46

your family enough, I said this earlier, to

17:48

shut down everything that is not in alignment

17:50

with your values. And then number three, be

17:52

yourself, is to create a schedule that is

17:54

filled with things that you love to do.

17:56

And like I said, this isn't an overnight

17:58

process, but here's the reality. Anything is possible

18:00

if you're committed. you can change anything in

18:02

your life no matter where you are now,

18:04

there's nothing that's preventing you other than our

18:07

own limitations, self-imposed limitations, limiting beliefs from going

18:09

where we want to go, creating what we

18:11

want to create. So it starts with being

18:13

willing to scheduling time and being willing to

18:15

sit down and go, what are my values?

18:17

What are the things I do right now

18:19

that are not in alignment with these values?

18:21

What changes do I need to make? Right?

18:23

So know yourself, know your values, love yourself,

18:25

shut down things that aren't alignment and be

18:27

yourself. Start living true to your values because

18:29

that is your authentic self and that is

18:32

where happiness is. That is where joy comes

18:34

from. It's where fulfillment comes from. And so

18:36

when it comes to, so that's the setup.

18:38

And then how do you say no? you're

18:40

clear, you've got to have those tough conversations.

18:42

And you just have to tell people exactly

18:44

kind of what I said. You say, hey,

18:46

I've gotten really clear. These are my values.

18:48

I'm no longer willing to say no or

18:50

to say yes to things that don't feel

18:52

right to me. And as much as I

18:55

love you, right, today was actually my last

18:57

team meeting, I disbanded my team, another huge

18:59

change. I had built a team all year.

19:01

And I said, guys. I've got to cut

19:03

it off. I've got to focus on health

19:05

and family this year and doing what I

19:07

need to do minimally to support the family,

19:09

but not changing the world and growing this

19:11

movement right now. I've got to kind of

19:13

put that on pause while I take care

19:15

of my mental, physical, and emotional health. And

19:17

so that was it. It was just being

19:20

really clear, hey guys, and it was drawing

19:22

the line in the sand. Here's the deal.

19:24

I was too wishy-washy for quite a while.

19:26

I was like, I kind of need to

19:28

step away, but I don't want to hurt

19:30

your feelings. And you guys have put so

19:32

much time into it. Like that's how I

19:34

was. And so we just kept having meeting

19:36

after meeting, and I would be stressed out

19:38

going, why are we having this meeting? I

19:40

don't even know what to talk about. I'm

19:43

trying to end this. And a good friend

19:45

of ours, Amber Phil Howard, she said, Hal,

19:47

it's like an ex- girlfriend, she gave me

19:49

the knowledge, like an ex-girlfriend that you're still,

19:51

you know, calling, that you know, it's not

19:53

right, she's not in alignment with your values,

19:55

but you're still calling her because you love

19:57

her and you don't, you feel bad to

19:59

break up with her. She goes, you need

20:01

to have your final meeting and go, guys,

20:03

I love you, but it's time to end

20:05

this, right? At least, at least until further

20:08

notice. And so it's being willing to love

20:10

yourself enough. being willing to have those difficult

20:12

conversations and if you need to script it

20:14

out right here's three ballpoints these are my

20:16

values what we're doing is not in alignment

20:18

and here's what's changing I'm sorry that hurt

20:20

your feelings but I've got to do it

20:22

right and you just you have to be

20:24

courageous and I'll tell you it was so

20:26

scary to do it John you know it

20:28

took me months to shut down all these

20:30

projects and things I've been doing but now

20:33

I'm like oh my god I'm so grateful

20:35

to you to all the support of our

20:37

the front row dad members, the band members,

20:39

because you guys were a big part of

20:41

helping me to get clarity on this, you

20:43

know, my neighbor Tim Nick alive, front row

20:45

dad, band member of ours, all of you

20:47

guys really helped me to, you know, you

20:49

supported me to have that courage and now

20:51

that I just did it and it was

20:53

all those conversations were painful and difficult to

20:56

have, but I'll tell you on the other

20:58

side of those conversations is liberation, is you

21:00

getting to actually live fully expressed the way

21:02

that you want to live. Also want to

21:04

clarify for anybody who might be new to

21:06

this conversation of what is a band, right?

21:08

And a band for everybody is for it

21:10

within front row doubts within our brotherhood. This

21:12

applies to everybody men men and women. It

21:14

could be any category, any topic, any business,

21:16

any industry, whatever. It's a small group. So

21:18

we, our role is for people meeting monthly,

21:21

preferably in person, but sometimes virtually. And we

21:23

have, of course, guidelines and, you know, intentions

21:25

set in place for our band, ours for

21:27

our group for everybody is no business talk.

21:29

And we take turns leading the group. So

21:31

each one of us leads for three months

21:33

and then we pass the baton to somebody

21:35

else. And that way over the course of

21:37

the year, each person gets a chance to

21:39

lead equally. And we've had reviews of each

21:41

other. Hey, where do we see strengths in

21:43

one another? Where do we see blind spots?

21:46

For us, the band concept was play on

21:48

both a band of brothers, but also literally

21:50

like a band where people bring new talent

21:52

to the table and as a result to

21:54

that you make something better. because of the

21:56

group playing together. And what I want to

21:58

honor how is that you show up to

22:00

those meetings, to those breakfast meetings with such

22:02

authenticity, such, you know, you're open, you're vulnerable.

22:04

And the reason that you hear the message

22:06

is because you ask great questions and you

22:09

receive information. And it's not always about agreeing

22:11

with everything everybody says, you know, it's about

22:13

that great debate that happens where you discuss

22:15

things and you look at it from different

22:17

angles. But it's been said so many different

22:19

ways that we can't see label from inside

22:21

the jar. And that's been said by lots

22:23

of people in lots of different ways, but

22:25

the concept is there where we often need

22:27

people in our lives that we've invited in,

22:29

we've created a safe space to have that

22:31

dialogue, right? And we should have that for

22:34

our businesses, and we should have that for

22:36

our personal lives. Things that are important to

22:38

us, we should have crafted conversations around those

22:40

subjects. And so this was missing for me.

22:42

I feel fortunate to have had lots of

22:44

friends in life, right? To have lots of

22:46

great conversations, lots of fun, asking, and I

22:48

would go deep with friends in great conversation,

22:50

but nothing's been quite like what's happened over

22:52

the last year with our band, where we

22:54

have momentum and things are building, right? And

22:56

to me, that's really, really exciting. Yeah, it

22:59

is the night, I mean, earlier before we

23:01

started the recording today, I was like, John,

23:03

hey, I need to have some front row

23:05

dads one on one time with you, like,

23:07

you know, just just discuss some challenges that

23:09

are going on in my family and have

23:11

a brother, a friend that I can count

23:13

on to give, you know, give perspective. And

23:15

it's, I mean, it's been, it's been a

23:17

game changer for me. Yeah, absolutely. Let's talk

23:19

about these values, how also, and as we

23:22

do, I'd invite everybody who's listening to consider

23:24

your own values, or maybe to carve out

23:26

some time, especially this time of year to

23:28

sit down and say, what do I value?

23:30

And how have my values maybe shifted? But

23:32

your values, health, family and freedom, correct? Yeah,

23:34

correct? Yeah. Yeah. And when you look at

23:36

those values, when you think about health, let's

23:38

stay there for a quick moment, this applies

23:40

to everybody, right? Because they say, right, when

23:42

you have your health, you have a thousand

23:44

dreams, but when you don't have your health,

23:47

you have just one. And so let's talk

23:49

about your health a little bit. And I

23:51

want to talk physical and mental health, which

23:53

are two huge subjects. We can add spirituality

23:55

to that too or any other type of

23:57

health that we want to consider, but talk

23:59

to us a little bit about where that

24:01

journey has taken you and how is this

24:03

so important to achieving your family goals? Why

24:05

is health mental and physical? you so important

24:07

with achieving your family goals. Yeah, so my

24:10

health, so quick status update, my physical health

24:12

is great. I'm, you know, I've been tested

24:14

for cancer, I'm still tested, I've been in

24:16

remission for the last couple of years, I

24:18

get tested every few months, they're not finding

24:20

any cancer cells or pre-cancer cells, so that's

24:22

very good news. But I am still on

24:24

chemotherapy for five more months, which is getting

24:26

it's more difficult every month that goes by.

24:28

My mental health this year has been the

24:30

first time in my life where it has

24:32

been excruciating. I've developed and I talked with

24:35

this at the best year. About a year

24:37

ago, I started developing anxiety for the first

24:39

time in my life. I've never had anxiety

24:41

and I've gone through some tough stuff. And

24:43

I've gone through some tough stuff. And you've

24:45

ever seen in a wheelchair. And I've gone

24:47

through some tough stuff. Then I'm diagnosed with

24:49

cancer, I go, best thing that ever happened

24:51

to me, I'm sure I've been to learn

24:53

and grow. So interestingly enough, physically, the cancer

24:55

journey was the most difficult thing I've ever

24:57

endured in my life. I lost 40 pounds,

25:00

and I'm a skinny guy to begin with.

25:02

You know, six feet tall, I was 127

25:04

pounds, lost every hair on my body, I

25:06

looked very sickly, I looked like a cancer

25:08

patient, and I was on death doorway many

25:10

times. You know, they had to delay the

25:12

chemo the chemo treatment because they had to

25:14

delay the chemo treatment because they had to

25:16

delay the chemo treatment because my body, the

25:18

chemo treatment because my body, the chemo treatment

25:20

because my body, couldn't had to delay the

25:23

chemo treatment because my body, couldn't had to

25:25

delay the chemo treatment because my body, So

25:27

that was the hardest physical time in my

25:29

life. Well, I never anticipated the mental and

25:31

emotional challenges that would follow a couple years

25:33

later, but I started out with this anxiety

25:35

and it really came to a head and

25:37

you were there for me. In fact, the

25:39

front row dad's you and Tim and Justin

25:41

were really there for me, my group, my

25:43

band, a few months ago. And I'll just

25:45

say this, I said it on stage, I

25:48

text my wife, I was laying in bed

25:50

for a couple hours, I couldn't fall asleep,

25:52

I was just overwhelmed with life and business

25:54

and all the projects I had, and I

25:56

had taken on a goal to save, solve

25:58

every problem that I was facing, that humanity

26:00

is facing, brother, my team, they're like, okay,

26:02

that's what we're doing, whatever. Could we pause

26:04

for a quick second on that? Because I

26:06

think that's really important. know, we

26:08

don't have to get

26:10

super into it, but

26:13

that's really big, but

26:15

yeah, there were some

26:17

specific things, right? You

26:19

were watching some movies.

26:21

You were having some

26:23

breakthroughs You were having

26:25

a level of awareness

26:27

that previously maybe maybe

26:29

didn't have yeah for

26:31

me It was it

26:33

was so I I'm

26:36

a believer like one

26:38

of my first quotes

26:40

that I ever Wrote

26:42

in a book was

26:44

the moment you take

26:46

responsibility for everything in

26:48

your life Is the

26:50

moment that you have

26:52

the power to change

26:54

anything in your life,

26:56

right? And I think

26:58

a more specific way

27:01

to say it is

27:03

to the degree that

27:05

you take responsibility For

27:07

everything in your life

27:09

determines the degree of

27:11

power that you have

27:13

to change anything in

27:15

your life And that

27:17

that popped in my

27:19

head and I was

27:21

like I was watching

27:23

documentary on the plastic

27:26

in the ocean which

27:28

you've taken on yourself

27:30

and Seeing how many

27:32

how much plastic it

27:34

was actually called inside

27:36

the garbage of the

27:38

world And that was

27:40

kind of what sparked

27:42

it and I go

27:44

and I just went

27:46

wait a minute I

27:49

need to take responsibility

27:51

as a member of

27:53

humanity to solve every

27:55

problem that humanity is

27:57

facing I said I

27:59

think we should all

28:01

take that level of

28:03

responsibility And I thought

28:05

not that I can

28:07

do it by myself,

28:09

right? I'm not gonna

28:11

go out and fix

28:14

everything I thought but

28:16

I've got you know

28:18

connections and and a

28:20

platform and a level

28:22

of influence that I

28:24

could probably and I

28:26

know a Lot of

28:28

people like connections I

28:30

probably like put together

28:32

the team of people

28:34

like hey Let's figure

28:37

out who's working on

28:39

these areas and kind

28:41

of get us all

28:43

working together And so

28:45

that I became I

28:47

was racking my brain.

28:49

I was googling every

28:51

day Like, you know,

28:53

what are the biggest

28:55

problems humanity is facing

28:57

and I'm watching documentaries

28:59

And I just went

29:02

deep down the rabbit

29:04

hole and that on

29:06

top of trying to

29:08

be the best husband

29:10

and best father I

29:12

could be and lead

29:14

this team that I

29:16

had never led before

29:18

and we had launched

29:20

like 12 new projects

29:22

We have the movie

29:24

coming out. We have

29:27

an event. We're planning

29:29

for we have masterminded

29:31

meetings All right, like

29:33

it just came to

29:35

a head one night

29:37

and I text my

29:39

wife and I said

29:41

sweetheart I don't want

29:43

you to worry. I'm

29:45

not Suicidal,

29:48

I'm not gonna kill myself, but I

29:50

feel like I want to die I cannot

29:52

handle life and I don't know what

29:54

to do, you know, she came in and

29:56

comforted me and said hey I think

29:58

that sweetie you have a lot on your

30:00

plate, on you plate, you know, you need a good

30:02

night's rest. And I was like, I was like, you're

30:04

probably right, you're probably right. probably I woke up

30:07

the next morning and I had a flood

30:09

of anxiety to the point where you and

30:11

I were supposed to play volleyball. We do

30:13

front volleyball, every Saturday. dads volleyball And I And I I'm

30:15

like. you, I'm like, don't think I can can come. You're

30:17

You're like, what's, are you sick? What's going on? on?

30:19

I said. I can't explain it, but I

30:21

can't see anyone right now. I don't

30:23

want to see anyone. want to see got

30:25

worried, John got God, when like, oh like, God,

30:27

know, your like, know, what's like on.

30:29

He said, you you come out? You know, being

30:31

around friends is probably good. And I couldn't

30:34

explain. know, I had never suffered anxiety where I

30:36

didn't want to even talk to him right then.

30:38

I didn't want to face anyone. I just

30:40

wanted to hide from life. And, to even to

30:42

to him right then. I band member Tim

30:44

and Justin, we got together

30:46

and to hide from life and realized

30:48

that I had had way too too much on

30:50

my plate. And of course, when you're trying to save

30:53

the world, I also had the distinction the distinction

30:55

this thing that I think I need to save

30:57

humanity. to I just need to save my family. need to

30:59

save my And right? And my mind,

31:01

quantity had come above quality where it's

31:03

like, well, but the world needs

31:06

me. needs me. I go, no, no, no, no,

31:08

no, no. This woman that I married

31:10

and and my life to and are two babies, Ten

31:12

10 and seven, they're still babies to

31:14

me. babies daughter and son, they need

31:16

me. And it's more noble. it was a

31:18

real paradigm shift. It's more noble for

31:20

me to go deep with them with them

31:22

to try to... try to... change millions millions and

31:24

of lives. lives so I remember the

31:27

question that you asked, asked but but

31:29

mean, that mean it. that was it and I

31:31

on your help and Tim's help, Tim's

31:33

the next day, I emailed my staff and I'm

31:35

like, Hey, I let half of my staff go.

31:37

I I called John Berghoff a week a week later. I'm like, buddy

31:39

and I was so scared to call him. I'm

31:41

like, like He's going to hate that. I'm telling I'm

31:44

can't do the event anymore. People love this anymore. it

31:46

love money. And he was such a great friend

31:48

as well. He's a fellow as well. He's a and we

31:50

shut dad. event we the mastermind and, you know, and

31:52

then I canceled my speaking engagements I you know, one

31:54

by one, I kind of kept canceling these things.

31:56

I And now I have freedom in my schedule. in

31:58

my schedule to actually. on what

32:00

matters most to me. Health, family, and freedom.

32:02

And by committing to all these things and

32:04

all these people because I didn't want to

32:06

hurt people's feelings, and also by suffering in

32:08

silence, I don't want to let that go

32:11

by. I was suffering in silence. This whole

32:13

year I've had anxiety and depression. And I'm

32:15

the positive guy. I'm the guy that helps

32:17

other people and inspires them. So I didn't

32:19

want to burden anyone with my issues. I

32:21

don't want to, everybody's got their own stuff.

32:23

I don't want to burden you with mine.

32:25

And then I also don't want to make

32:27

people feel like I couldn't handle it because

32:29

I was trying to help them handle it.

32:31

And it was once I stopped suffering in

32:33

silence. It's such an important lesson for everybody.

32:35

that too many of us are suffering in

32:37

silence and some of the best advice I

32:39

can give you is to be vulnerable and

32:41

be willing to ask for help and the

32:43

people that love you that they will you

32:45

know for me once I asked for help

32:47

I got more of it than I can

32:49

handle and it was amazing that the wisdom

32:51

I needed to solve all my problems were

32:53

in my circle of influence it was in

32:55

my friend group and in my family. All

32:59

right guys I want to take just a

33:01

quick second to talk about something really important

33:03

now and know you're listening to the show

33:06

because you want to level up your game

33:08

at home but if you want to take

33:10

the next step within front row dads I

33:12

want you to do something today which is

33:14

text the words front row dads to three

33:16

one four six five one seven six five

33:18

one seven seven three separate words front row

33:21

dads it's not case sensitive I want to

33:23

send you a few things right away first

33:25

I want to send you recording from a

33:27

master class that I recorded with my good

33:29

friend and author of the Miracle Morning Hal

33:31

Elrod. He's a father of two amazing human

33:34

beings and we recorded a show called The

33:36

Five Habits of a Front Road Dad. I

33:38

want to send that to you because I

33:40

think it is well worth listening to. Second,

33:42

I want to give you 45 minutes of

33:44

a mind-blowing conversation that I had with a

33:46

woman named Kiminami and the show is titled

33:49

Have Better Sex. Hugely popular, this will rock

33:51

your world and likely your spouses as well,

33:53

but I want you to have access to

33:55

this information. Number three, I want to give

33:57

you access to 1300 other front row dads

33:59

inside of our Facebook group where you can

34:01

ask any questions. any win and give any

34:04

resource that you think could be valuable to

34:06

the community. And lastly, I want to include

34:08

you in one email I send out each

34:10

week. It's short, it's to the point, and

34:12

I pull from my life experiences along with

34:14

the insights from more than 135 members of

34:16

our brotherhood. I want to give you the

34:19

best of the best in each email. So

34:21

all you have to do is just text

34:23

the words Front Road ads to 314, 665,

34:25

667 and we will get you started today.

34:29

Hal I love your your honesty man

34:31

it's something that I just hear it

34:33

from everybody how much they appreciate that

34:35

and I I remember feeling that when

34:37

you were in the business of saying

34:39

no so that you could say yes

34:42

to the most important things I thought,

34:44

oh, this is going to be one

34:46

of Hal's greatest gifts to his community

34:48

because so many people are overextended. And

34:50

the thing is, all those things are

34:52

great things. All the things, there's so

34:54

many great charities in the world and

34:56

people to meet and, you know, so

34:59

many places to travel to. I mean,

35:01

imagine picking your next travel destiny. It's

35:03

like, there's tons of places that are

35:05

wonderful to travel to. And when you

35:07

try to do it all. feel it

35:09

all, hear it all, walk into a

35:11

room and meet everybody that's there. It's

35:13

so overwhelming, you can get nothing done.

35:16

And that ability to focus in and

35:18

to be able to really be present

35:20

with the one person in front of

35:22

you and the project that you're with

35:24

and to feel into that is so

35:26

important. And I think that as a

35:28

society, as a human race, that our

35:30

ability to slow down a little bit,

35:33

I think about Joe Sanek and his

35:35

slow down school. You know, I think

35:37

how many times earlier in my life

35:39

I was trying to speed things up.

35:41

How much more fast could I be?

35:43

How much more productive? How much could

35:45

I get done? And now it's going

35:47

so fast. At age 44, I look

35:50

at my life and say, all right,

35:52

whoa, how do I pump the brakes?

35:54

How do I slow things down? How

35:56

do I actually, to me, productivity is

35:58

when I'm pausing more that. pause

36:00

in life to just feel and see and

36:03

experience and realize you can't know it all

36:05

you can't do it all you can't right

36:07

it's just so I just love you for

36:09

that man so so much thank you thank

36:11

you thank you I want to acknowledge by

36:13

the way Benjamin posted a question that I

36:15

think we should get to here just a

36:17

few minutes which is oh sorry no Benjamin

36:19

I answered your question about the family board

36:21

meeting A book written by our mutual friend

36:24

Hal and I, friend Jim Shields, great great

36:26

book, check it out, audio book too, that's

36:28

a game changer. And then the other question

36:30

was about your family meeting, that, what is

36:32

a framework for a family meeting, right? Yeah,

36:34

great question. And you can Google this, right?

36:36

How to do family meeting, which is where

36:38

I started, and there's a book on it

36:40

as well. But the simple structure is we

36:43

all start by sharing a win for the

36:45

week, something that went well, and something we

36:47

appreciate about each person in the family, right?

36:49

So, you know, my daughter will go and

36:51

she'll say, I appreciate that mom takes care

36:53

of us every day and she's always there

36:55

when I'm sad or hurt or I need

36:57

some, you know, to cry on and count

36:59

on mom. I appreciate dad, always makes us

37:01

laugh and has fun with us and plays

37:04

ping pong, right? So she'll go around the

37:06

circle. And then we'll say, what was, and

37:08

actually Ursula, my wife does, it's like, what

37:10

was your rose? I think I might maybe

37:12

mess this up your rose your bloom and

37:14

your butt or something it's like what what

37:16

basically what it's a rose thorn and butt

37:18

yeah you know that right yeah rose thorn

37:20

and but yeah so it's like what went

37:23

well what you know was challenging and what

37:25

are you excited for coming in so that's

37:27

how we yeah so since my wife think

37:29

over the meeting that that we do the

37:31

rose bud bloom thorn flower things And when

37:33

I did it was much more left brain

37:35

win lost, you know, but yeah, so that's

37:37

how we start and then everybody writes down

37:39

we have a journal throughout the week and

37:41

we can write down things that we want

37:44

to talk about and so we'll usually then

37:46

go around the journal and say we'll usually

37:48

let my son or daughter start first and

37:50

hey, what do you what do you guys

37:52

want to talk about anything that you have

37:54

on your agenda? And so they usually have

37:56

something on their agenda and then what my

37:58

wife and I started doing is

38:00

we actually do a meeting a day

38:02

or two before to talk through what

38:05

our issues are what we think needs

38:07

to be talked about and actually try

38:09

to kind of get on the same

38:11

page versus just springing it you know

38:13

I think they made that mistake the

38:15

first few meetings I'm like I think

38:17

we should do this and my wife's

38:19

like you know like giving me the

38:21

look like You should have cleared that

38:23

with me, don't bring that, you know,

38:25

like, oh, my bad, my bad. So

38:27

now we actually have a little marriage

38:29

meeting before the family meeting, right? But

38:31

yeah, that's it. And then we'll usually

38:33

end with planning an activity together or

38:35

engaging in activities. So that's one tip

38:37

we got in one of the articles

38:39

we read or whatever, which is like,

38:41

make sure the kids always end with

38:43

something. That's exciting, right? So go out

38:45

to dinner as a family or go

38:47

out to the park and play or

38:49

whatever. So we'll go out and play

38:51

and before the playing is up the

38:54

planning. So we'll plan our next date

38:56

night typically, plan the next date night,

38:58

plan the next family board meeting, that

39:00

sort of thing. Very cool. Guys, thanks

39:02

for the questions. We're gonna, Hal and

39:04

I will dig into a couple of

39:06

those right now. Does that sound good,

39:08

buddy? Can we do that? Yeah, whatever

39:10

you want. Okay cool I want to

39:12

answer this next one from Jeff Stein

39:14

and sorry if I'm mispronouncing anybody's name

39:16

but Jeff's basically I'm summarizing his question

39:18

here which is shifting focus with work

39:20

and your miracle morning and what he's

39:22

saying is that it's a very busy

39:24

time of year for him workwise and

39:26

so sometimes he'll shift down on his

39:28

miracle morning time and devote more of

39:30

that to work time. and he's wondering,

39:32

you know, do you have personal criteria

39:34

about how you might adjust your miracle

39:36

morning time based on seasons of life

39:38

or time of year? Yeah, so what

39:40

I will do is, yes, there's absolutely

39:43

the big answer, big picture is there's

39:45

flexibility in the miracle morning, right? I

39:47

mean, you know, make it fit your

39:49

lifestyle and serve its purpose. So some

39:51

ways I will do it is I

39:53

will do a shorter miracle morning in

39:55

the morning, right? So I'll do a

39:57

shorter miracle morning in the morning, right?

39:59

So I'll do 30 minutes. That's one

40:01

option. Sometimes, depending on what I feel

40:03

like I need from the miracle. go

40:05

deep. So some mornings, like if I

40:07

have, like before a family meeting, you

40:09

know, I will read this book I

40:11

have on the family meeting, right? I'll

40:13

just, I'll just read that. If I'm

40:15

spending time with the kids or I

40:17

really feel like I need to focus

40:19

on my marriage, I'll just read for

40:21

an hour of marriage, right? So if

40:23

there's an area of my life that

40:25

needs, or a business book, if there's

40:27

an area of my life that needs

40:30

focus, I will dive in on one

40:32

of the savers. When I was writing

40:34

the miracle equation in my last book,

40:36

I would, you know, scribing as one

40:38

of the savers, I would often do

40:40

a very short, I would read my

40:42

affirmations for like five minutes that were

40:44

focused on that book. why I was

40:46

writing it, what my purpose wasn't writing

40:48

it, what I, you know, the mindset

40:50

that I needed to be, the mental

40:52

and emotional space to be able to

40:54

be at my best to write, and

40:56

I would, so I'd use like, you

40:58

know, five minutes to get myself in

41:00

that state, and then I would scribe

41:02

for the next hour or so, right?

41:04

So I would write, you know, write,

41:06

literally write the book, which really is

41:08

just a way of saying that, that

41:10

was my work, you know, you know,

41:12

I'll do a shortened version often if

41:14

I have extra work time or I'll

41:16

do less of the savers and also

41:19

can be shortened in that, you know,

41:21

just to make sure that it really

41:23

supports what I need that particular day.

41:25

How next question comes from Benjamin and

41:27

he wants to know about, you know,

41:29

maybe alignment with your spouse when it

41:31

comes to improving your family situation. And

41:33

so let me layer on a little

41:35

bit of my own, to this question

41:37

as well, which I think whether you're

41:39

listening to this, you're a man, you're

41:41

a woman, married or not, this is

41:43

a relationship question in some ways, which

41:45

is, this is in business owners, or

41:47

you're on a team, right? And the

41:49

question is, how do you align with

41:51

people, right? That's what I hear from

41:53

this question. So especially maybe if you

41:55

have somebody where you're not as aligned.

41:57

One person's a planner and the other

41:59

one's not, right? You like to have

42:01

a two hour family meeting and somebody

42:03

else is more of a 10 minute

42:05

family meeting. How do you strike common

42:08

ground? How do you align with the

42:10

people that are most important? And one

42:12

thing. want to mention about this is

42:14

that we just posted a poll to

42:16

the live attendees and the question is

42:18

what category of life if improved upon

42:20

would have the biggest impact in your

42:22

family and I'm not shocked to see

42:24

by the way that of the five

42:26

options that we gave marriage is the

42:28

number one right that if improved would

42:30

have the biggest impact on your family

42:32

overall is your marriage. And so maybe

42:34

how you can sort of loop in

42:36

together here thoughts on marriage and especially

42:38

as Benjamin's question says like, hey, how

42:40

do you kind of align to improve

42:42

your family situation? Yeah, it's a great

42:44

question. And I think you've got to

42:46

get your partner on the same page.

42:48

And I'm not some masterful where I

42:50

was just like, all right, sweetie, let's

42:52

do this. And she's like, great, you

42:55

know. So there was definitely some, it

42:57

was a long process. But here's what

42:59

I've found, is that it's about timing

43:01

is that, you know, they say timing

43:03

is everything. Well, here's what I find.

43:05

My wife, you know, I have a

43:07

bad memory, so I always bring things

43:09

up as they happen, right? John can

43:11

tell you that, like, if we're talking

43:13

and he's like, oh, we should text

43:15

somebody someday. I'm like, I'll pull on

43:17

my phone and just do it, right?

43:19

Like, I just take immediate action because

43:21

I don't trust I'm going to remember

43:23

later. And so if my wife does

43:25

something that I feel like, you know,

43:27

might be not so positive or I

43:29

have a different or I have a

43:31

different memory. And that would, I found,

43:33

I learned the hard way after I

43:35

don't know how long it took me,

43:37

probably years, until we finally had a

43:39

conversation about it. And she goes, look,

43:41

I understand you, you want things done

43:44

differently and you have your idea of

43:46

how things should be done, and I

43:48

have my idea. But when you bring

43:50

it up every single day, you know,

43:52

it's wearing, you're always, you're point, this.

43:54

And she goes, I'm just waiting for

43:56

you to say something. And I don't

43:58

just waiting for you to say. and

44:00

as long as it wasn't urgent and

44:02

you know kid wasn't in danger which

44:04

is never the case that I'd write

44:06

it down and that we would talk

44:08

about it once a week when we

44:10

have a one-hour marriage meeting right we

44:12

go to a coffee shop and we

44:14

chill. And because here's what she said,

44:16

what it allows her to do is

44:18

to get in a mindset that okay,

44:20

there's gonna be some feedback and some

44:22

might be, you know, constructive, critical, whatever

44:24

you wanna call it, right? And, but

44:26

she gets in that mindset versus, you

44:28

know, she's frantic or any of the

44:30

kids ready and I'm harping on something

44:33

she's doing that I don't agree with

44:35

right. And it's like, that's not the

44:37

right time. or your husband. And then,

44:39

you know, and the same thing. So

44:41

there's the marriage meeting that we do

44:43

every week, and then there's the family

44:45

meeting that we do every week, right?

44:47

And so those, and we've all been

44:49

doing, I mean, these are relatively new

44:51

for our family, it's like three months

44:53

old, maybe, but they have been game

44:55

changers, and you know, the kids are

44:57

giving us, we didn't realize that our

44:59

behavior was affecting you in that way,

45:01

or that your brother's, you know, is

45:03

to be open about, hey, here's how

45:05

I'm feeling. Some of it's great, some

45:07

of it's not so great, right? And

45:09

so as a couple and as a

45:11

family, that has been more beneficial for

45:13

us to get on the same page

45:15

than anything else we've done is that

45:17

weekly structure, those meetings, and that space

45:20

where the purpose is to grow as

45:22

a family. And I love the quote

45:24

I heard from Robert Kiyasaki that he

45:26

said he and his wife do the

45:28

miracle morning every day. And most couples

45:30

grow apart as time goes on, but

45:32

as long as you keep growing together,

45:34

you don't grow apart. So, yeah. You

45:36

know how one of the things that

45:38

I have realized in my own personal

45:40

life is that the reason Tatiana, and

45:42

for those of you who I haven't

45:44

met yet or don't know, we've been

45:46

married for 11 years, we have two

45:48

boys, Tigers, ten, oceans, five, she didn't

45:50

want to have weekly meetings with me.

45:52

And the reason being as I've discovered

45:54

as I've become more self-aware, one of

45:56

our pillars of front row dads is

45:58

emotional mastery, which is about self-awareness and

46:00

self-control. how it's not what we're saying,

46:02

it's how we're saying it, right? That

46:04

for me, it was learning that my

46:06

tone, my intensity, the energy that I

46:09

brought to those meetings was not one

46:11

that was really fun for her. Until

46:13

I realized that it wasn't the meeting

46:15

that was the problem, it was how

46:17

I showed up to the meeting, it

46:19

was my energy that I brought that

46:21

was, until I was sensitive enough or

46:23

dialed in enough on that, learned enough

46:25

about her, how she interpreted that we

46:27

were then able to have more productive

46:29

productive meetings. still not perfect. I'll say

46:31

it's not perfect at all, but we

46:33

are definitely making progress. So that's weird.

46:35

Mine is perfect. One of the things

46:37

I want to share real quick is

46:39

that this was something that I heard

46:41

from JP Sears, who we just had

46:43

time with recently in San Diego. And

46:45

I think this is on one of

46:47

his recent videos. It was a roomy

46:49

quote that says, raise your words, not

46:51

your voice. raise your words not your

46:53

voice. And it is man and I

46:55

have it hanging right next to me

46:58

right now at my desk and this

47:00

has been something that I've really been

47:02

working on this year is that to

47:04

me a front row dad or a

47:06

front row mom or person who is

47:08

really elevated in their state they bring

47:10

an energy to a situation and so

47:12

much of what we can resolve and

47:14

how we can evolve is based on

47:16

the energy that we bring. and then

47:18

being able to energetically choose our words

47:20

more carefully and not try to use

47:22

that intense energy to move something or

47:24

push something forward, but to invite people

47:26

into a conversation, to let them choose

47:28

to step forward and to be engaged

47:30

with you. because if you are a

47:32

high-performing, hard-charging, entrepreneurial dad, which we have

47:34

so many in our group, that oftentimes

47:36

trying to bulldoze your way through something

47:38

and force it into your family, into

47:40

your kids, into your spouse, you know,

47:42

it's not going to work that way.

47:45

So I just wanted to offer my

47:47

own personal experience with that. Well, no,

47:49

and I can completely relate. My wife

47:51

didn't want to do family meetings either,

47:53

or marriage meetings, because she felt like

47:55

it was just a dump. my wife

47:57

or her, right? Like, as you know,

47:59

because I'm the one keeping the running

48:01

list. She's kind of like. I have

48:03

a checklist to all the things. Yeah,

48:05

exactly. But, and by the way, here's

48:07

a really quick, actionable step for you

48:09

guys on how, what does that look

48:11

like? My original list for the family

48:13

meeting and the marriage meetings used to

48:15

say, I think we should dot, dot,

48:17

dot. I really think we need to

48:19

stop being on our cell phones in

48:21

front of the kids. And then I

48:23

erase the I really think we need

48:25

to right to what do you how

48:27

do you feel about dot dot dot

48:29

I do what do you guys think

48:31

about mom and dad not being on

48:34

our cell phone this was last week's

48:36

one of our topics not being on

48:38

our cell phones not being on our

48:40

topics not being on our cell phones

48:42

when we're in your presence unless it's

48:44

for like an important thing like we

48:46

need to text you know somebody or

48:48

but not playing a game or not

48:50

getting into Facebook in Facebook you're the

48:52

kids love, they're like, we would love

48:54

that, we would love that, right? And

48:56

that's an example of how simple, yet

48:58

beautiful, right? A simple question. What do

49:00

you guys think about us doing this?

49:02

And how would that be better for

49:04

you? Right? What do you think about

49:06

us doing this? And how would that

49:08

be better for you? Right? What do

49:10

you think about us? You know, and

49:12

then we check in every week. You

49:14

shared that you don't like mommy, daddy

49:16

fight, right? Like how do you feel

49:18

like, we've done since last week. Yeah.

49:20

Unfortunately, the answer wasn't as positive as

49:23

we had hoped. And then Sophie, you

49:25

know, you said, right, like, how do

49:27

you feel? You know, so we check

49:29

in and then we like renew commitments

49:31

and yeah, it's, you know, it's similar

49:33

to like a coaching call if you're

49:35

in life coaching, right? Like you make

49:37

a commitment, I'll do this and then

49:39

you check, your coach checks in with

49:41

you and, you know, and you keep

49:43

it moving forward until it becomes a

49:45

habit and. Yeah, so many of the

49:47

elements of achieving your family goals over

49:49

the course of the year come down

49:51

to nuances It's it's not always about

49:53

it's not working double the amount of

49:55

hours. It's not it a lot of

49:57

it is nuances and I really want

49:59

to that because we see that

50:02

in sports and in other areas of life

50:04

where it's just even a good quote you

50:06

know good quote is just just a little

50:08

change to the word remove one at it

50:11

right can either make a break a quote

50:13

or a joke in sports to little tweak

50:15

and boy find that sweet spot and and

50:17

that's where it's not it's not swinging twice

50:20

as hard right it's not that it's nuances

50:22

and I think family is the same way

50:24

yeah How let's, I'm looking at the clock

50:27

here and I want to be respectful of

50:29

everybody's time, including your own, but if you

50:31

can, talk a little bit about community for

50:33

a moment going forward and specifically, you know,

50:36

you mentioned it at the beginning and let's

50:38

talk about this because I'm imagining people have

50:40

heard us talk about front row dads and

50:42

bands and, you know, going into the new

50:45

year, part of what I would believe to

50:47

be true of achieving your family goals is

50:49

who are you going to be. partnering with

50:52

and as we say in the front row

50:54

community is who's in your front row right

50:56

so when you think about front row dads

50:58

maybe you could speak to that for just

51:01

a moment about how are the people in

51:03

your life going to help you move forward

51:05

holding you accountable having great conversations how is

51:07

that part of your best you're ever Here's

51:10

what I realize when I joined front row

51:12

dads. I realize that I had a lot

51:14

of friends, like you said, we'd occasionally talk

51:17

about having, you know, our marriage or, or

51:19

being a dad, usually when shit was going

51:21

wrong, right? Like, you know, oh my God,

51:23

did I tell you my kid did? All

51:26

right, like, oh my God, did I tell

51:28

you my kid did? Ah, was all right?

51:30

Like, oh, my wife's, like, my most important

51:33

area of BYED, and it's actually, was shared

51:35

by a friend of mine. But the idea

51:37

that life is just a game, like we

51:39

think, you know, we put so much pressure

51:42

on achievement and success and the reality is

51:44

all that matters is you and your people,

51:46

your family, your friends, you're like, that's it.

51:48

The deal of it, that is all that

51:51

matters. And what Fronto doubting me realizes, I

51:53

invested a lot of time and money into

51:55

my business people. was going to mastermind. I

51:58

was leaving my kids to justify that I

52:00

need to go to this four-day event in

52:02

California, right? Because I need to learn how

52:04

to do better in my business to make

52:07

more money, right? Like, well, what am I

52:09

doing it for? What matters is at home?

52:11

Why am I in LA? Right? And so

52:13

I was investing time money and energy into

52:16

my business that was taking me further away

52:18

from what I valued most. And when I

52:20

joined front of my dad's, I realized that

52:23

that was the first time I had invested

52:25

time money and energy into my family for

52:27

my kids, for my wife. And that's been

52:29

it man. Every time I go to a

52:32

retreat or we have our weekly in our

52:34

month, our monthly band practice and we, the

52:36

four of us meet the front road dad's

52:38

band. I just walk away reminded, renewed that

52:41

not only is family is so important to

52:43

me because often like, you know, we're, we

52:45

usually share it at our front road dad's

52:48

meetings, what's working well, what's not working well.

52:50

and the not working well you're like oh

52:52

thank God I'm not the only one right

52:54

you have somebody to kind of go brainstorm

52:57

and talk to but I tell you the

52:59

what's working well usually in the first hour

53:01

of any front-road dad's anything right I've got

53:03

like a list of oh my god here's

53:06

13 things I'm gonna empower I'm gonna start

53:08

with one but I'm gonna start implementing these

53:10

are all things that could change my life

53:13

as a dad and I love that one

53:15

of the rules that front-road dad's anything is

53:17

not allowed to talk about to talk about

53:19

business I love that, right? I love, you're

53:22

not, now sometimes we'll like sneak off in

53:24

the bathroom, be like, alright, I heard you're

53:26

doing like that. But for the most part,

53:28

rightly we adhere to that, and it just,

53:31

it keeps what matters most at the forefront

53:33

of your mind so that you are living

53:35

in alignment with what matters most to you.

53:38

Yeah, and that's been front road ads for

53:40

me. It's been, and I say this unequivocally.

53:42

it's been the most valuable investment of time

53:44

money and energy that I have ever made

53:47

and that you know that's one of the

53:49

reasons that we're here today because I believe

53:51

so much John in what you're doing to

53:54

the point where I've been jealous I'm like

53:56

dude can I like be a co-felt like

53:58

co-created like I love I love,

54:00

I love what you're

54:03

doing and it's so

54:05

my heart. most what matters

54:07

most to me. I just so to man, I

54:09

just, I want to share it with

54:11

every the on the planet. I Well, I think

54:13

it's obvious everybody who's listening that you are

54:15

co -creating it. We are building this thing.

54:17

And I'm so happy that these conversations

54:19

are happening because as I shared from stage

54:22

as I shared from that best year of our buddies buddies

54:24

guy in our band, Tim, your neighbor,

54:26

he had said to me a couple of

54:28

years ago, we were having an honest

54:30

conversation. I said, all right, let's be really

54:32

honest. What's the thing that you could

54:34

tell me the thing that you could tell me that maybe, else

54:36

it? else wants to say, be true, be true, right? Where's

54:38

a a blind spot me is what I

54:40

was asking and he had said, said. Hey,

54:42

you know, you talk about being a

54:44

great dad and all those things, but

54:46

I can see room for improvement there still,

54:48

right? You've made improvements, but I still

54:50

see room to grow. to grow. And here's

54:53

an example. And here's an example. And

54:55

I see this and I see this, that type

54:57

of honest conversation was a game changer

54:59

for me. And the idea of not

55:01

hiding, I was really good at hiding,

55:03

hiding at my computer, hiding hiding at my computer, hiding

55:05

speeches. I was good at hiding. speeches, I

55:07

was good at but this was a place

55:09

where was a place where I was getting better because

55:11

I was having these interactions that were

55:13

causing that and the thing is that we

55:15

it during the show it's kind of

55:17

a it's never learn everything but you can

55:19

learn something learn everything, but that one

55:21

thing and that change everything. change everything,

55:24

it is a lead domino, because it is

55:26

a it is a piece of the puzzle that

55:28

holds it all together or by doing this

55:30

one thing, changes everything. That's what we're after.

55:32

Right? not after 12 new ideas every single

55:34

week, we're after week, or one or two

55:36

ideas or over the course of a year the

55:38

be absolutely be influential for you and your

55:40

family. you and your So Hal, I'm so grateful

55:42

that you're a part of it. I

55:44

love doing life with you life with you and then

55:47

these other guys into the group. You know,

55:49

big vision is know, see it one day

55:51

see hundreds of countries or, you know, a

55:53

hundred... of we say you know, ,000

55:55

members, and this this network for men

55:57

that has never existed before,

55:59

that is really. on family men with

56:01

businesses, not businessmen with families. And whether

56:03

you're out there listening again and you're

56:05

a woman, a man, wherever state you

56:07

are in your life, this is about

56:09

community. This is about finding a community

56:11

that aligns with your highest values. And

56:13

you can kind of see, that's been

56:15

the theme of our call today. And

56:17

if anybody wants to learn more, then

56:19

I would say, be an investigator in

56:21

any area of your life. If you're

56:23

thinking, hey, this is the thing I

56:25

need to do for your family, great.

56:27

Chances are, this is the thing you

56:30

need to do for your family, if

56:32

you have one. What I mean by

56:34

that, by the way, is your given

56:36

family and your chosen family. So regardless

56:38

of where you are on this call,

56:40

you can choose your family and then

56:42

choose how you're going to show up

56:44

and support them this year. Yeah. John,

56:46

so if somebody wants to join the

56:48

Brotherhood and be part of it, because

56:50

I'm with you, I really feel like,

56:52

this is, you know, I told you

56:54

this, it's probably a few months, a

56:56

few months, a few months, a few

56:58

months, a few months ago, And it

57:00

occurred to me one day, in fact

57:02

it was when I was having the

57:04

idea that I need to solve every

57:06

problem humanity is facing. I was like

57:08

John Roman solving the problem of bringing

57:10

families together and elevating their consciousness as

57:12

a father and then as a family.

57:14

And I called you and I said,

57:16

John, I was like, I just, like,

57:18

it just hit me. Like you are

57:20

elevating consciousness one father at a time

57:22

and then therefore one family at a

57:24

time. It's funny that from the dads

57:26

is like when I used to go

57:28

to all these business conferences my wife

57:30

was like no, you know, like why

57:32

are you going to another business car?

57:34

I sweetie, I need to learn a

57:36

new trick on how to like a

57:38

new strategy or whatever like right? This

57:41

is the one, and I hear this

57:43

from wives in front of front row

57:45

dads, right? Like, it's the one event,

57:47

she's like, no, go, go, go, go,

57:49

go, go, go, and come back, and

57:51

I come back, you know, then I

57:53

come back, and I'm better, like, go

57:55

and come back, and I come back,

57:57

and I'm better than ever, and I

57:59

come back, and I'm better than ever,

58:01

and I'm, you know, then I come

58:03

back, and I'm better than I'm. B-Y-E.

58:05

That's an abrogation for best year ever,

58:07

right? So Front Roadad's.com/B-Y-E gets you to

58:09

a special page just for the Miracle

58:11

Morning community. We only open up enrollment

58:13

a couple times a year for Front

58:15

Roadad's and this open enrollment is not

58:17

being broadcast to my audience or anywhere

58:19

else. It's literally just for the Miracle

58:21

Morning community. So if you're listening, by

58:23

the way, if you're out there listening,

58:25

by the way, if you're out there,

58:27

And if you feel like you are

58:29

somebody who aligns with the idea of,

58:31

you know, our five pillars are intentional

58:33

parenting, right? How do we become the

58:35

primary educators for our kids' lives? You

58:37

know, Dan Martel says whether you're, you

58:39

know, home, everybody's homeschooling their kids, whether

58:41

they realize it or not. This is

58:43

a, you know, integrated living, which is

58:45

really work life. harmony, how do you

58:47

get both to succeed at a very

58:49

high level? We have driving relationships, which

58:51

is marriage, we have emotional mastery, as

58:54

I mentioned, self-awareness, self-control, and then vibrant

58:56

health, mental, physical, spiritual. If you value

58:58

those conversations, then this could be the

59:00

community for you. So Frontroadads.com/BY. You'll see

59:02

there's an online program that you can

59:04

just access on the go. You can.

59:06

join our live monthly calls or you

59:08

could even apply to come to one

59:10

of our retreats. And this is, you

59:12

know, we have the one in the

59:14

spring and one in the fall, we

59:16

get together for a couple days and

59:18

talk about the most important areas of

59:20

life. So that's how people can get

59:22

at frontroadads.com/B-Y-E. Best year ever, yeah. Best

59:24

ever blue print event. Awesome. Well, everybody

59:26

for tuning in or everyone that tuned

59:28

in, I want to thank you for

59:30

your valuable time and energy and attention.

59:32

And I hope that you hearing me

59:34

share a little about the radical changes

59:36

that I'm making in my life this

59:38

year and going into next year. I

59:40

hope that was valuable for you. And

59:42

if I were to sum up anything

59:44

to take away from the call, right,

59:46

it's those three ideas. Know yourself, love

59:48

yourself, be yourself, get clear on what

59:50

your values are, your highest values. that

59:52

you can begin living in alignment with

59:54

them. Love yourself. Love yourself enough to

59:56

shut down everything. Maybe not today, maybe

59:58

it's a six-year exit strategy on some

1:00:00

of the things you got to change.

1:00:02

Mine wasn't overnight, but shut down everything

1:00:04

that is not in alignment with your

1:00:07

values. That is the key that unlocks

1:00:09

the door to fulfillment and freedom. So

1:00:11

you love every day because you're every

1:00:13

day waking up and you're doing things

1:00:15

that are in alignment with your highest

1:00:17

values and loving yourself enough to shut

1:00:19

down things means loving yourself enough to

1:00:21

have the difficult conversations with people that

1:00:23

you don't want to let down that

1:00:25

you don't want to burden that you

1:00:27

don't want to burden that you don't

1:00:29

right but that you don't want to

1:00:31

miss their expectations but you've got to

1:00:33

do what's right for you have to

1:00:35

your oxygen mask on first as they

1:00:37

say and then number three be yourself

1:00:39

create your self create a schedule that

1:00:41

you wake up every day and you're

1:00:43

excited to live it and you're excited

1:00:45

to live it. because you will only

1:00:47

get one life. This is it. We

1:00:49

get one life and make sure that

1:00:51

yours is one that you love to

1:00:53

live. And for those that are, whether

1:00:55

your mom, your dad, or neither, thank

1:00:57

you for joining us. Hope get a

1:00:59

lot of value. And John, any last

1:01:01

thoughts or comments where we hang up?

1:01:03

Wrap up. No, I would just say

1:01:05

that thanks to everybody for being here

1:01:07

and investing time and wanting to achieve

1:01:09

your family goals. You know, if you

1:01:11

want more content, more information, if you

1:01:13

like podcasts and you happen to be

1:01:15

listening online for this, check out Front

1:01:18

Road Dad's podcast as well where I've

1:01:20

interviewed Hal and other men on the

1:01:22

subjects, the pillars that I just discussed.

1:01:24

So we'd love to go deeper with

1:01:26

you on those areas to support your

1:01:28

family and a couple people we're asking

1:01:30

about. They were saying, hey, when's the

1:01:32

mom's group coming to life? So if

1:01:34

you want, you could check out front

1:01:36

row moms.com. You can enter your name

1:01:38

and your email and there is a

1:01:40

group building around that. We should have

1:01:42

more information about that down the road.

1:01:44

And for everybody else, if you didn't

1:01:46

get your question answered today on the

1:01:48

master class, please go to Facebook and

1:01:50

you could get support. if really we

1:01:52

just didn't get to it, it's not

1:01:54

any of the other places that I

1:01:56

mentioned, just send me an email. John

1:01:58

J-O-N at Front Road dads.com, and I'll

1:02:00

try to help you, and I'll just

1:02:02

shoot you a quick video message or

1:02:04

give you a resource or a connection

1:02:06

if I can be supportive. So that's

1:02:08

it, buddy? Yeah. I do want to

1:02:10

say that the front row dad's Facebook

1:02:12

group is phenomenal because you have all

1:02:14

these members that are in the group

1:02:16

that are learning from each other and

1:02:18

it's such an interact like engaged community

1:02:20

like you have a dad question or

1:02:22

a mom quite like posted in there

1:02:24

and whether it's on marriage or parenting

1:02:26

yeah you can get a lot of

1:02:28

support so all right well goal achievers

1:02:31

members of the miracle morning community fans

1:02:33

of front row dads we love you

1:02:35

we appreciate you and we will talk

1:02:37

to you next time thanks for joining

1:02:39

you joining us today Hey

1:02:42

guys, if you haven't already done so,

1:02:44

go right now to front row dads.com/Facebook

1:02:46

and join the conversation that's happening right

1:02:48

now online. We designed this group for

1:02:50

guys who are entrepreneurial in their thinking,

1:02:52

that are high performing guys with low

1:02:54

egos. We're looking for the dads that

1:02:56

believe in teaching their kids how to

1:02:59

think, solve problems, and be real leaders.

1:03:01

We're looking for guys who believe in

1:03:03

being family men with businesses, not businessmen

1:03:05

with families. We're looking for the fathers

1:03:07

who have great knowledge, but also believe

1:03:09

that they have so much more to

1:03:11

learn. And we're looking for men who

1:03:14

want to add value by sharing their

1:03:16

wisdom and those that are willing to

1:03:18

ask the questions that we all need

1:03:20

and want answers to. That's front row

1:03:22

dads.com/Facebook or simply go to Facebook, type

1:03:24

in front row dads and you'll get

1:03:26

to our group. And what we put

1:03:28

in there, links to all the podcasts

1:03:31

and videos and other resources that you

1:03:33

can't get access to anywhere else except

1:03:35

for in this group. We want to

1:03:37

give you the best ideas to help

1:03:39

you with your marriage, balancing work and

1:03:41

family life, communication strategies with your spouse

1:03:43

and also your children. travel ideas and

1:03:46

even suggestions on the latest gear that

1:03:48

would save you time and help you

1:03:50

be more effective. We've got updates on

1:03:52

upcoming events and so much more. Go

1:03:54

right now to front row dads.com/and

1:03:56

the conversation, I I'll

1:03:58

look forward to connecting

1:04:00

with you there. you

1:04:03

there.