0:00

Welcome to Ghost of a

0:02

Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica

0:04

Linciado. I'm an astrologer, psychic

0:07

medium, and animal communicator. And

0:09

I'm going to give you

0:11

your weekly horoscope and no

0:13

bullshit mystical advice for

0:15

living your very best life. Luella,

0:17

welcome to the podcast. What would you

0:20

like you're reading about? Thank you for

0:22

having me. I am going to go

0:24

ahead and read my question that I

0:26

submitted. So I said, hi Jessica, thank

0:29

you for all the time and effort

0:31

you put into your work and services

0:33

for the public. I've been listening to

0:36

your podcast and have not missed an

0:38

episode since 2020. I'm writing to inquire

0:40

about the ongoing struggle I've had when

0:43

it comes to consistent collaboration with others

0:45

and community organizing and creative spaces. You've

0:47

often said to get in line and

0:49

support those who are already doing great

0:52

things and activists and organizing spaces, which

0:54

I have made an effort to do.

0:56

Yet no matter how much I reach

0:58

out to people, organizations, groups to offer

1:00

my support in terms of my time

1:03

and tasks, I feel I'm constantly following

1:05

up with people and people never seem

1:07

to fall up with me to continue

1:09

to work with me more even when

1:11

I'm given very positive feedback in terms

1:14

of my contributions and involvement when I

1:16

do get to help out with something.

1:18

I feel as though I'm constantly chasing

1:20

people to be able to volunteer my

1:22

time and energy and it has been

1:25

so confusing to me when I'm seeing

1:27

people always asking for support and I

1:29

am jumping up and down trying to

1:31

offer my support and it feels not

1:33

wanted. Is there something I am missing

1:36

in terms of my energy and personality

1:38

or how I'm approaching the work that

1:40

is blocking the ability for me to

1:42

be taken up on the offer and

1:45

be more involved in community or creative

1:47

work with others? It's a great question.

1:49

So let's dig in and for

1:51

the record. You're born in 1991,

1:53

you're a cancer, people don't need to

1:55

know everything else about you, right? Yes.

1:57

Okay, okay, so that's all we're sharing.

2:00

But can you give me like an

2:02

example of this happening? Yes, so

2:04

I have had people ask like, oh,

2:06

let's, I really want support in

2:08

doing a community event, for example,

2:10

and I'd like your support, and I

2:13

get really excited, and I start

2:15

getting the ball rolling, and they're like,

2:17

oh, like, I don't know if

2:19

I can do it anymore, or they

2:21

kind of get cold feet. So

2:23

that's one example, or other examples

2:25

I have is I'll be constantly reaching

2:28

out like two, a couple of

2:30

the non-profits in my area and community,

2:32

and say like, like, I can

2:34

volunteer, I can do this, I

2:36

can do this. And like, yeah, we'll

2:38

let you know, let you know,

2:40

let you know. And then they don't

2:43

ever get back to me. I

2:45

often volunteer just at different events

2:47

and then I'll reach out to the

2:49

people who organize and say, hey,

2:51

I volunteered, I was helping out with

2:53

this. I'd love to continue helping

2:55

and work with you more and

2:57

be more involved and then I don't

3:00

hear from them. and I've also

3:02

like been asked for support for other

3:04

things like I wanted to help

3:06

someone with starting a zine that

3:08

they really wanted to do and they

3:11

were an up and coming astrologer

3:13

and I used to be in like

3:15

work with media and so I

3:17

was really excited and had started

3:19

like doing a whole like timeline everything

3:21

for us and like outline and

3:23

then they got cold feet as well

3:26

and I feel like that frequently

3:28

happens where it's like we'll talk about

3:30

it and then I'll start like

3:32

planning for it or I'll get

3:34

really excited and then it's like it's

3:36

like I feel like I kind

3:38

of get bailed on or like they

3:41

bail out or you know. Here's

3:43

my question about those in the

3:45

cold feet situations because there's two categories

3:47

you're sharing in the cold feet

3:49

situations are people then going forth and

3:51

doing the thing with someone else

3:53

or are they just like they're

3:55

just not doing anything? Okay. And then

3:58

in the other situation, something else.

4:00

Right. And then in the volunteer situation,

4:02

is it a situation where you're

4:04

like, these people are not super

4:06

organized or? or do they seem very

4:08

organized and they're not taking you

4:10

up on volunteer opportunities? It feels like

4:13

both. It feels like both of

4:15

those scenarios have happened. Great, okay.

4:17

So I got answers. The first thing

4:19

is, you have a little stellium

4:21

in capricorn, right? You've got urineus and

4:23

Neptune and the moon and the

4:25

north node all sitting on top of

4:28

each other. Everybody's in the second

4:30

house. So you've got all, you've

4:32

got this earthsellium in an earth house.

4:34

You also have Saturn in that

4:36

earth house. So for you, when you

4:39

seek to do something, you're like,

4:41

I'm going to do it. If

4:43

I want to cross the street, guess

4:45

what I'm going to do? I'm

4:47

going to literally cross the street. I'm

4:49

not going to think about crossing

4:51

the street. I'm not going to

4:53

think about crossing the street. I'm not

4:56

going to process about crossing the

4:58

street. I'm going to cross the street.

5:00

That's what I'm going to do.

5:02

True is false. That feels true.

5:04

Okay, so the tricky thing about, there's

5:06

like a lot of layers to

5:08

this, okay, so, but I want to

5:11

just start with this one. The

5:13

tricky thing about having all of

5:15

this capacorn stuff in your chart is

5:17

it can turn you into a

5:19

bit of a literalist. You're like, somebody

5:21

says, will you hand me the

5:23

pepper and so you instantly grab

5:25

the pepper and hand it to them,

5:28

but they may not be ready

5:30

for the pepper. They may not have

5:32

actually thought anyone was going to

5:34

hand on the pepper. Yes, yeah, okay.

5:36

So there's that now. There's something

5:38

else here is that you have

5:40

another little mini-cellium not a little mini-cellium

5:43

in Leo You've got Venus sitting

5:45

on top of Mars sitting on top

5:47

of Jupiter all in Leo and

5:49

it's in the eighth ninth house

5:51

This means that when you come, you

5:53

come with energy. When you come,

5:56

you come with like passion, like let

5:58

us fucking do this. True or

6:00

false? Yes, that feels more true.

6:02

Okay, okay. Then how literal I couldn't

6:04

be. Interesting, okay. And so just

6:06

not seeing that you're very... or it's

6:09

just not that's just not how

6:11

you think of yourself. But tell

6:13

me, like, does that feel like it's

6:15

not accurate? So I feel like

6:17

I do have instances where I can

6:19

be very indecisive. But I will

6:21

say that any time I have

6:23

decided, like, oh, no, I want to

6:26

do this, or that's what I

6:28

want to do, then I will go

6:30

do it. And so a big

6:32

struggle I have is just being in

6:34

decision or having lack of clarity,

6:36

because once I know, then I

6:38

know I'm going to make that happen.

6:41

So you're going to do it.

6:43

So that is actually really classic Capacorn

6:45

energies. Capacorn is not a decisive

6:47

zodiac sign. It's a zodiac sign

6:49

that is motivated by, I want to

6:51

do it, I want to finish

6:53

it, I want to do it, I

6:56

want to finish it. Leo wants

6:58

to start, but Capacorn is a

7:00

little bit more like, I'm going to

7:02

take all the steps, I'm going

7:04

to do all the steps. So let's

7:06

come back to your Leo, okay,

7:08

because the way in which you

7:10

get excited about things, you can come

7:13

on. Capital S, Capital T, Capital

7:15

R, Capital O, Capital N, Capital G.

7:17

That's the most strong. Am I

7:19

right? Yes. A little bit. And

7:21

on top of that, you've got your

7:24

Pluto in the 12th house in

7:26

Scorpio, you sweet little millennial you, squaring

7:28

your Jupiter, your Mars, and your

7:30

Venus. So when you come on

7:32

strong, you come on strong. Yes. Okay.

7:34

So somebody says I need help

7:36

and you're like bitch I can help

7:39

you let me show you how

7:41

it can help you. Yes. Okay. And

7:43

so a number of things I

7:45

think happen altogether. One is I

7:47

would encourage you to reflect like over

7:49

the course of the next several

7:51

months on when you hear somebody communicate

7:54

something to you, how literal you're

7:56

taking it. So you're a reverse

7:58

capicorn. However, you got that capicorn moon,

8:00

you've got a bunch of stuff

8:02

sitting on top of each other in

8:04

capicorn. It doesn't feel like you're

8:06

being literal when you're being literal

8:08

because it just feels like you're engaging

8:11

with reality as it presents itself

8:13

to you. So when, let's go to

8:15

that astrologer because you gave me

8:17

the most information about that example.

8:19

When an astrologer says, I want to

8:21

create a zine. I'm really excited

8:23

about this. Then you were like, okay,

8:26

so this person is currently excited

8:28

and wants to create a zine.

8:30

And so of course, I'm taking all

8:32

of those things that face value

8:34

because why wouldn't I? And then, so

8:36

that's the cap corn parts. And

8:38

then all that Leo is like, so

8:41

let me tell you exactly how

8:43

we're going to do it. Here

8:45

are the three options of how we

8:47

can do it. I'm really excited.

8:49

I can take care of it. Don't

8:52

you worry? is tricky when you

8:54

have clusters of planets. And in

8:56

your case, you do actually have a

8:58

cluster of cancer, which we haven't

9:00

gotten to yet, a cluster of leo

9:02

and a cluster of cap corn.

9:04

And then you got your little

9:06

Pluto and your Saturn just like hanging

9:09

out and fixed signs. But other

9:11

than that, you got clusters. And for

9:13

anyone who has like stallions or

9:15

clusters, what happens is it's very

9:17

hard to perceive things outside of your

9:19

perspective. you it things just feel

9:21

like they're like obviously confusing we're obviously

9:24

clear or like you asked for

9:26

help i offered help what is

9:28

the problem like it is very everything

9:30

is like at face value in

9:32

that particular right yes correct yeah okay

9:34

okay this is where we come

9:36

back to like for we're using

9:38

the astrology the astrologer seen as an

9:41

example and i feel like all

9:43

the situations are unique but they're also

9:45

there's like these common threats right

9:47

is that because you take people at

9:49

their word and at face value.

9:51

You get then excited and you

9:53

start infusing it with all of this

9:56

energy and all of this potential

9:58

and all of this excitement. And

10:01

if we're looking for like, okay, well

10:03

what is the thing that you could, like

10:05

where is your role to play? It's

10:07

like I'm trying to figure out how to

10:10

say this to you. Do I say

10:12

to you from the perspective of your birth

10:14

chart or from the perspective of other

10:16

people? I'm like 50 -50ing it. So I

10:18

just, I wanted to share that that's what

10:20

I'm having a hard time figuring out

10:22

and I'm gonna say it this way. If

10:24

you created a practice of, okay, the

10:27

rando person is like, I need help with

10:29

this thing and you're like, that is

10:31

what I'm good at, that is what I'd

10:33

love, I wanna support you, I wanna

10:35

be a part of this. To take all

10:37

of your energy and to say, okay,

10:39

keep that energy going, that's my energy, that's

10:42

my excitement and then take a pause

10:44

and reach out to that person and say,

10:46

what kind of support are you looking

10:48

for? What stage of development are you at

10:50

with your project? Are

10:52

you looking for somebody

10:54

to jump in headfirst

10:56

and help or are

10:58

you exploring? Is this

11:01

making sense for what

11:03

to do? Yes, it's

11:05

what I'm hearing is

11:07

that I maybe need

11:09

to pause and

11:11

instead of jumping in headfirst

11:13

because I get so excited

11:16

about wanting to help and

11:18

be supportive that I need

11:20

to ask more questions to

11:22

find out where they're really

11:24

at and if they're actually

11:27

ready to jump in and

11:29

how much of my help

11:31

they're actually asking for. Yeah,

11:33

and also to get a

11:35

sense of like, some people

11:38

are controlling about their projects.

11:40

Some people are insecure about

11:42

their abilities. Some people are

11:44

overwhelmed easily, right? Like there's

11:47

just a couple of examples

11:49

of how a person could

11:51

be. So what you're missing

11:53

out on is the opportunity

11:55

to figure out who you're

11:58

kind of hopping into bed

12:00

with. before you hop in the bed.

12:02

Because you're hopping into bed being

12:04

like, you wanna go, I wanna

12:06

go, so let's go. And the

12:08

other person or the other person

12:10

or the other, like, and sometimes

12:13

it's an organization might be like,

12:15

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I'm

12:17

not sure. I don't know how

12:19

to do this or I'm not

12:21

sure when to do this, you

12:23

know, and so what may happen

12:26

is that people react to you

12:28

in a way that is like

12:30

protecting themselves simply because there's this

12:32

this intensity of energy coming

12:34

at them. And I imagine you've

12:36

experienced this in personal relationships as

12:39

well because of Pluto. So I

12:41

feel like that describes most of

12:43

my relationships. I know I can

12:45

feel my energy and I can

12:48

feel that I'm intense and I

12:50

like try to like almost proactively

12:52

sometimes try to like tamp that

12:55

down because I like I want

12:57

to be in relationship with others

12:59

and I don't want people

13:01

to be like like scared or intense

13:03

or like or I don't even know

13:05

what the right word is but I

13:08

don't want I guess to people to

13:10

be put off by my energy

13:12

when that energy is genuine like

13:14

excitement and like, you

13:16

know, like passion probably and

13:19

like, yeah. So this is where

13:21

we come to your little

13:23

cancer stelium. You have a

13:25

son in cancer. It sits

13:27

opposite urinists. So you're like,

13:30

you're a go, go, go,

13:32

go, go, go, go, go, go,

13:34

go kind of person. Like

13:36

your nervous system is always

13:39

on. Do you sleep? Yeah,

13:41

I'm not surprised. Am I

13:43

surprised? So you've got your little son

13:45

in cancer, sitting opposite urinous, otherwise it's

13:47

not in aspect to too much in

13:49

your chart. But then you've got mercury

13:52

sitting very close to the north node,

13:54

and then they're both sitting about seven

13:56

degrees, seven eight degrees from chiron, and

13:58

they're all in cancer. and in the

14:01

8th House. And so people sometimes

14:03

freak out when they see that

14:05

they have the South node conjunct

14:07

a planet because we're not meant

14:09

to cultivate our South node. We're

14:11

not meant to like hang out

14:13

in the energy of our South

14:15

node. But that doesn't mean you

14:17

don't embody your mercury. Like of

14:20

course you think and you have

14:22

friends and you have opinions, right?

14:24

But this is where your South

14:26

node... mercury conjunction and again they're

14:28

very close is kind of one

14:30

that I want to like hang

14:32

out around for with you because

14:34

part of what it speaks to

14:36

is that you have like on

14:39

a spiritual level a habit of

14:41

collaborating like merging with people you

14:43

don't want to like hey let's

14:45

hang out and let's connect it's

14:47

like let us do this completely

14:49

yes And the thing about mercury

14:51

in cancer is mercury is your

14:53

mind and it's your beliefs and

14:56

it's your attitudes and it's how

14:58

you communicate and it's how you

15:00

listen. And cancer is super emo.

15:02

Cancer can be passive aggressive. It

15:04

can be really like come at

15:06

things sideways. So while your energy

15:08

is very direct, you may not

15:10

verbally communicate as direct. as your

15:12

behavior and your energy is? Yes,

15:15

I feel like I do get

15:17

told a lot that I'm like

15:19

too direct? Too verbally direct. Yes,

15:21

that I'm like too like direct

15:23

or blunt or like I often

15:25

am the person that says things

15:27

in the room that no one

15:29

else was going to say. So

15:31

let's let me like pull at

15:34

this a little bit more. Do

15:36

you say a lot? So when

15:38

you're being blunt and direct, are

15:40

you being like, no, that doesn't

15:42

work? Or are you being like,

15:44

here's my experience, here's my thoughts,

15:46

here's the story, here. And that

15:48

doesn't work. The latter, for sure.

15:50

Okay, okay, okay. I do need

15:53

to self-edit a lot. Like when

15:55

I'm trying to communicate my perspective,

15:57

I do know I have a

15:59

tendency to feel like I need

16:01

to over-explain. Yeah. Yeah. I mean,

16:03

if I'm being totally honest, your

16:05

question. I loved your question, so

16:07

I chose your question, but it's

16:10

significantly longer than I usually choose.

16:12

Usually I see a question that

16:14

long, and I'm like, no, I'm

16:16

out, it's too long. But I

16:18

was like, okay, I'm gonna try,

16:20

I'm gonna try this one out,

16:22

I'm gonna try this one out.

16:24

And this is me just being

16:26

a fucking Capacorn, you know what

16:29

I mean? And also like having

16:31

limited time and energy, it's not

16:33

me trying to be a dick.

16:35

means that you're juggling tons of

16:37

data in your mind and in

16:39

your senses and emotionally all at

16:41

once. It is fucking loud. It

16:43

is noisy. There are many actors

16:45

and players in your head at

16:48

all times. Yeah? Yes. Okay. So

16:50

that's part of why you verbally

16:52

share sometimes like the whole kitchen

16:54

sink, everything in the kitchen, and

16:56

also maybe something out of the

16:58

living room. But there's another reason

17:00

why. And so some of that

17:02

is like, okay, so you maybe

17:04

you need to edit, maybe you

17:07

need to figure out what to

17:09

share or like when it's appropriate

17:11

to share all the things. But

17:13

that's not the part I'm going

17:15

to speak to right now. The

17:17

part I'm speaking to right now

17:19

is the part of you that

17:21

feels you need to defend, contextualize,

17:23

and explain in order to be

17:26

direct, or in your attitude in

17:28

that moment. Yes. And that defensiveness,

17:30

this is like the one thing

17:32

about the mercury and cancer placement

17:34

that I think gets people in

17:36

trouble, is that that can come

17:38

across this defensive, so it pushes

17:40

people away when you're trying to

17:43

pull them in. Yeah. Yeah, I

17:45

can definitely see that. Yeah, because

17:47

usually, so if I'm being defensive

17:49

with you, you believe on some

17:51

level emotionally that I have a

17:53

reason to defend myself, right? Like

17:55

what did I do that I

17:57

am, you know, trying to like

17:59

prove that I didn't do anything?

18:02

Does that make sense? Okay. And

18:04

so because your energy is just,

18:06

I mean, it is very, very

18:08

strong. focused, consistent. But your words

18:10

can be like kind of mapped

18:12

all over the place. There's like

18:14

that inconsistency comes across and that

18:16

inconsistency may play out in a

18:18

couple of different ways. It may

18:21

come out where you may feel

18:23

that you're being more direct than

18:25

you are. So people are responding

18:27

to like the blunt thing you

18:29

said in the long message you

18:31

sent. But there may be a

18:33

way that you're diluting your message.

18:35

Or, conversely, there may be a

18:37

way that you are asking people

18:40

to, again, this is the merging

18:42

piece, asking people to be more

18:44

intimate than they're ready for in

18:46

a collaboration. Got it. Does that

18:48

resonate with your experiences? Yes, I

18:50

can definitely see that. I think

18:52

that I get excited and then

18:54

I think, oh, well, they brought

18:57

this to me or they were

18:59

talking about this or had this

19:01

idea. So, like, they're obviously going

19:03

to be just as excited as

19:05

me and then I just get

19:07

taken away with that and then,

19:09

yeah, and then get disappointed and

19:11

probably confused that I am actually,

19:13

like, I guess, coming on too

19:16

strong in that initial, like, venture

19:18

towards collaboration. Yeah, and I want

19:20

to be really careful because like

19:22

this idea of like coming on

19:24

too strong or being too much

19:26

I want to like take it

19:28

and put it in the trash

19:30

folder like let's throw that fucking

19:32

idea away a little bit here

19:35

okay because it's not that you're

19:37

coming on too strong. It's that

19:39

you are believing that everyone is

19:41

like you. And you don't realize

19:43

that's what you're doing. You are

19:45

believing that if I say, hey,

19:47

I'm looking for help with X,

19:49

that means I am ready to

19:51

be served with X. You were,

19:54

because if you said it, that's

19:56

what you would mean. Yes. And

19:58

actually that's very, I'm actually on

20:00

the other side of it. And

20:02

now that you say that does

20:04

help me because I'm looking. for

20:06

support and like building out my

20:08

website for work. And even to

20:11

someone not responding to me for

20:13

three days, I was like, but

20:15

I'm ready. Like, what are we

20:17

doing? Yeah. You're like, if you're

20:19

looking for employment and I'm trying

20:21

to employ you, why in the

20:23

world would you not just be

20:25

on it? Now again, Capicorn Stallium

20:27

to Capicorn Stallium, I have the

20:30

same problem, right? But it is

20:32

us assuming that everyone has our

20:34

own birth chart. So the truth

20:36

is, you know, somebody who's a

20:38

lot more watery and has less

20:40

fixed energy, or somebody who's, you

20:42

know, whatever, like at a period

20:44

of their life, we could talk

20:46

about it astrologically, we could talk

20:49

about it circumstantially, whatever, they might

20:51

be like, okay, this... Opportunity is

20:53

so important to me that I'm

20:55

going to sit on it and

20:57

I'm going to craft the perfect

20:59

response. So I need to take

21:01

time in order to achieve that.

21:03

For you, you're like, bitch, get

21:05

this conversation started and we will

21:08

work it out together. But different

21:10

people have different ways. And so

21:12

I want to just like slow

21:14

down and ground it into, don't

21:16

make yourself smaller. Don't worry about

21:18

coming on too strong. None of

21:20

that. But instead. Hold more space

21:22

for how different people are and

21:25

be more inquisitive About where people

21:27

are literally at in the literal

21:29

moments So making and this might

21:31

be something you could like literally

21:33

like just like create a note

21:35

in your phone and then like

21:37

copy and paste and adapt it,

21:39

like you know, edit it for

21:41

different kinds of communications. But if

21:44

you're reaching out to someone over

21:46

DM or email or whatever, you

21:48

could create a little template of

21:50

being like, hi, I am interested

21:52

in being of support. Where are

21:54

you at in your journey of

21:56

looking for support? What kind of

21:58

support are you ready to receive

22:00

at this time? I'm really enthusiastic

22:03

and available now. Got it. Okay,

22:05

I really like that. Yeah. So

22:07

you're being really direct. And you're

22:09

forcing them to be accountable. Because

22:11

what happens for you is that

22:13

you get to this point where

22:15

you're just like, if you're asking

22:17

for something that means you're ready

22:19

for that thing, but that's absolutely

22:22

not the case for people. And

22:24

like in the case of like,

22:26

let's say, organizations, they might be

22:28

overwhelmed by volunteers. They may have

22:30

really needed volunteers and then something

22:32

happened where like. two people really

22:34

committed and all of a sudden

22:36

they don't need support and it's

22:39

not that they're like I don't

22:41

need you it's just they're doing

22:43

the easiest thing in front of

22:45

them because everybody's fucking struggling in

22:47

in those kinds of settings right

22:49

yes what's especially hard is that

22:51

because you have a mercury moon

22:53

opposition and you're a cancer right

22:55

it is it is hard for

22:58

you to not take things personally

23:00

Yes. No, I literally am of

23:02

the mind that everything that happens

23:04

to you personally is personal to

23:06

you, right? Like, I'm not going

23:08

to tell you it's not personal

23:10

when somebody does something to you

23:12

because it is technically, literally personal.

23:14

However, when you, you personally, come

23:17

up to somebody with great enthusiasm

23:19

and you're like, let's go. Like,

23:21

I want to have this adventure.

23:23

I want to do this thing.

23:25

I want to like help in

23:27

this way. It is personal to

23:29

them, but it's also not personal

23:31

to them, because that's just who

23:33

you are. Got it. You're not

23:36

trying to take over their thing.

23:38

You're not trying to marry them.

23:40

You're just like, I want to

23:42

be, this is who I am,

23:44

and this is how I come.

23:46

I come with all this. enthusiasm,

23:48

right? It is not personal to

23:50

them. It is who you are.

23:52

And also it is personal to

23:55

them. So the same thing is

23:57

true in the reverse, is that

23:59

if somebody is like not the

24:01

kind of person who responds to

24:03

phone calls, then they're never going

24:05

to respond to your phone calls,

24:07

even if you really, really like

24:09

them too. You know what I'm

24:12

saying. And so this is where

24:14

I want to go back to

24:16

your pludome. your Pluto and Scorpio

24:18

struggles with this. So everybody's Pluto

24:20

and Scorpio struggles with this. And

24:22

then on top of it, it

24:24

squares your Venus and your Mars

24:26

as well as your Jupiter. And

24:28

this placement or these placements make

24:31

it really hard to accept other

24:33

people as they are when you

24:35

believe they should be different. Wow.

24:37

Does that make sense? Yes. And

24:39

it's interesting because I feel like

24:41

I maybe project that like people

24:43

aren't. accepting me, but you saying

24:45

that is maybe realize that I

24:47

am probably actually projecting on, oh,

24:50

I want them to come to

24:52

me a certain way, or we

24:54

have this energy about this situation

24:56

and they're not. And so then

24:58

I feel like, oh, maybe they're

25:00

not accepting me, but it's me

25:02

actually projecting wanting them to be

25:04

a certain way. It's a flippity,

25:06

it's relational, right? And also I'm

25:09

guessing a lot of these people

25:11

that you're interacting with are also

25:13

millennials. Yes. So this is why

25:15

I wanted to be really clear.

25:17

This is a Pluto and Scorpio

25:19

problem. If everybody's got this complex

25:21

in their nature, then you're going

25:23

to see this reflected back to

25:26

you over and over and over

25:28

again. So you're doing it to

25:30

them and they're doing it to

25:32

you. It's like a generational thing.

25:34

And kind of like related to

25:36

that, you have power. And your

25:38

power is to say to yourself,

25:40

if I feel rejected, And it's

25:42

not a situation where like you're

25:45

dating someone and they're like, I've

25:47

rejected. you right like which is

25:49

a rejection right okay but if

25:51

it's like in these situations where

25:53

it's not clearly a rejection it's

25:55

just truly mystifying behavior for you

25:57

and you're like what are you

25:59

people why are you I'm here

26:01

what's going on Sometimes it does

26:04

have that emotional gravity to me

26:06

though because I get so excited.

26:08

And that's part of why I

26:10

wrote the question is because I've

26:12

been feeling like lonely within community

26:14

and really wanting that sense of

26:16

collaboration with others. And so like

26:18

sometimes there is that sense of

26:20

that feeling like, oh, I projected

26:23

as if it was like something.

26:25

As if it was like a

26:27

lover or a bestie. Yeah. Okay.

26:29

So that is really clear that

26:31

that's how it feels. I do.

26:33

I want to validate. that's where

26:35

I start that's where you want

26:37

to always ask yourself if you're

26:40

like okay I don't know that

26:42

it's that deep for you and

26:44

they aren't thinking about it that

26:46

way and therefore that's not what's

26:48

happening from them and because that's

26:50

not what happened what's happening from

26:52

them that's where I start that's

26:54

where you want to always ask

26:56

yourself if you're like okay I

26:59

don't know if that's what's what's

27:01

happening for them then the question

27:03

is can I who's a good

27:05

communicator? Or if I if I

27:07

if I consider the thought that

27:09

they're simply not a good communicator

27:11

not that they're not communicating with

27:13

me because they don't like me

27:15

because they're rejecting me but if

27:18

it is possible that they are

27:20

simply somebody who spends two weeks

27:22

before responding to an email which

27:24

I am guessing people listening to

27:26

the list and will be like

27:28

that's me like a ton of

27:30

people you know what I mean

27:32

if you can consider that then

27:34

can you accept okay This is

27:37

not a compatible person for me

27:39

to be working with because that

27:41

hurts my fucking feelings Yes, because

27:43

I don't want to do that

27:45

or can you say to yourself?

27:47

Okay, I'm gonna leave That message

27:49

out there. I'm not going to

27:51

energetically take it personally and slam

27:54

the door shut to protect myself

27:56

but instead say to myself this

27:58

project is of interest and if

28:00

they ever respond back you can

28:02

say can you share with me

28:04

a little bit of insight into

28:06

the cadence of your communication like

28:08

do you like to communicate like

28:10

once a month I'm a person

28:13

who likes to like start a

28:15

project do a project get a

28:17

project done is that how you

28:19

work ask them questions about how

28:21

they communicate and that can really

28:23

help the truth of the matter

28:25

is Having relationships with people who

28:27

leave you on red, it's just

28:29

never gonna be comfortable. Like it's

28:32

not, that's not a thing for

28:34

you. You have, your relationship placements

28:36

are in fixed signs and squared

28:38

by a fixed Pluto. You're like,

28:40

you read a fucking text, you

28:42

respond to a text, right? Yes.

28:44

Yeah. I mean, agree, agree. So

28:46

you're just like, this is how

28:48

it's done. And if you don't

28:51

do it that way, that must

28:53

be because you're an asshole. You

28:55

don't like me. You go straight

28:57

there. You go straight there, right

28:59

there, right there, right there, right.

29:01

I do, yes. Listen, I am

29:03

like the worst person to advise

29:05

you on this in a way

29:08

because I also have a fixed

29:10

Venus and I'm like, yeah, that's

29:12

that's an how people do things.

29:14

But if you kind of pull

29:16

back from your own birth chart,

29:18

your own lived experience, your own

29:20

personality, your own whatever, and you

29:22

can say to yourself, is this

29:24

a person who at one point

29:27

would respond to texts all the

29:29

time and now is changing their

29:31

behavior? the only thing I know

29:33

of them. And if it's the

29:35

second, then you know you're projecting

29:37

that personalization, that rejection onto the

29:39

situation. And the truth of the

29:41

matter is maybe you don't like

29:43

them. Maybe you don't like the

29:46

way they collaborate or work. And

29:48

they're not a good person for

29:50

you to try to build community

29:52

or projects or do volunteer work

29:54

or whatever it is with them.

29:59

School book. and lawmakers around the

30:01

country are banning and challenging books

30:04

at a pace not seen since

30:06

the 1980s. The American Library Association

30:08

tracked 729 challenges to library, school,

30:11

and university materials and services in

30:13

2021. And librarians have even been

30:15

threatened with criminal charges and jail

30:18

time in some places in this

30:20

country for lending out challenged books.

30:23

You can contact your representatives about

30:25

this issue by emailing, calling, or

30:27

tweeting at them, and above all

30:30

else, by banned and challenged books.

30:32

Support the important work of authors

30:34

who are being banned or challenged

30:37

and in the process support independent

30:39

bookstores. My favorite bookstore, Marcus Books,

30:41

is the oldest independent black-owned bookstore

30:44

in the country and has a

30:46

banned and challenged book list on

30:49

their website. You can go to

30:51

Marcus books.com to see this list

30:53

and to shop or visit whatever

30:56

independent bookstore that you love. support

30:58

band and challenged books and authors

31:00

today. So let me just pause

31:03

and see. What's up? What's up?

31:05

What's happening in your noodle right

31:08

now? Yeah, I think that all

31:10

makes a lot of sense and

31:12

I think for me, then like

31:15

the question comes up is like,

31:17

because I haven't had great luck

31:19

with that, I think just like...

31:22

you know, thinking about, and I

31:24

know this is just about me

31:26

doing more research on my end,

31:29

but like thinking about how I

31:31

can find those people, right, that

31:34

are more compatible with how I

31:36

want to collaborate and organize and

31:38

to be in community with, you

31:41

know, so yeah. So let me

31:43

speak to that. So there's two

31:45

things I'll say to that. One

31:48

is you have been playing out

31:50

a trauma pattern. in community and

31:53

in friendship, I'm guessing maybe in

31:55

dating as well. This trauma pattern

31:57

of, I'm just trying to... up

32:00

and you're rejecting me. I'm

32:02

just trying to literally answer the

32:04

question you asked and you're not

32:07

listening to me. This is something

32:09

that goes really deep and we

32:11

can look at your ancestry for

32:13

it for your parents specifically for

32:16

the pattern. You know what I'm

32:18

talking about right? Yes. You have been

32:20

playing this out and so as

32:23

you've been playing this out What has

32:25

happened is you go into the

32:27

world and you're like, I want

32:29

to help, I want to connect.

32:31

And people are themselves. Sometimes

32:34

they're dicks, sometimes they're

32:36

rejecting you. I'm guessing

32:38

eight out of ten

32:40

times. It's actually people

32:42

just being themselves. And

32:44

you taking it personally. And

32:46

the pattern will persist until

32:49

you change. So that's a fucking

32:51

annoying thing, right? As an

32:53

astrologer, real talk, it's like

32:55

this pattern is playing itself

32:57

out and you have the,

32:59

the kind of like, the

33:01

assignment here is to recognize

33:04

when you get activated and

33:06

the story you tell yourself when

33:08

you get activated, when

33:10

you get activated by

33:12

perceived rejection. And that

33:14

is totally fair from

33:16

childhood stuff. The truth is. You

33:19

are not being rejected as

33:21

much as you think you are or

33:23

even for the reasons you think you

33:25

are Your narrative is too ironclad.

33:27

It's too well developed You're always

33:30

seeing the same reason for

33:32

the same thing that happens

33:34

over and over again, and

33:36

it doesn't make sense because

33:38

you're not doing anything wrong.

33:40

Yes, yeah, okay. And so part of

33:42

this is your retelling of the

33:44

story. Yes, like how I'm playing back

33:47

the situation to myself in my head.

33:49

Yes. Yeah. And the narrative that I'm

33:51

telling myself about. Yes. Yeah, about who

33:53

that person is, what their intentions are,

33:55

what their feelings are, what their thoughts

33:57

are. So if I can use myself

33:59

as a. example. I am also very

34:01

direct and I have been told

34:03

by countless people who love me that

34:05

my emails and sometimes conversations can be

34:07

terse just like way to the point

34:10

like when I especially if I'm upset

34:12

I use very few words and I

34:14

just like I just get in there

34:16

without a needle I just go in

34:18

and every time that someone has given

34:20

me this advice like 100% of the

34:22

time people who love me are like

34:25

that's terse you're I don't know I'm

34:27

always like no I'm being to the

34:29

point, I'm being clear, and I'm not,

34:31

like I just, it's really hard for

34:33

those of us who have really clustered

34:35

charts to not completely see

34:37

things from our perspective because

34:39

it just feels like obvious,

34:42

it feels self-evident. Yeah. So it's

34:44

not that. There's something inherently

34:46

wrong with the way I

34:48

think or communicate or or

34:50

my beliefs around what's the

34:52

best way to communicate It's about

34:54

being adaptable to feedback

34:57

and being adaptable with

34:59

humans Because this brings me to

35:01

the kind of other thing I

35:03

wanted to say is like you're

35:05

not going to only want to

35:07

collaborate with people who are

35:10

actually really good at getting

35:12

things done Because those people often

35:14

don't need your help, right? Sometimes

35:16

they do, and sometimes they don't,

35:18

right? Sometimes it's like organizations, and

35:21

they do, and then sometimes it's

35:23

especially in like individual, more like

35:25

individual or small group situations. You

35:28

know, opposites attract, that's a thing.

35:30

And so this brings me to the other

35:32

thing, which is really important. It's making

35:34

the decision, am I willing and

35:36

able to adapt my stories? and

35:38

my communication to be better kind

35:40

of in the flow of what's

35:43

happening. So if I come back

35:45

to my stupid example about my

35:47

terse emails, I have learned to,

35:49

not always, but to practice writing

35:51

emails that I think are way

35:53

too flowery because they are easier

35:55

for other people to read. So

35:57

I am a better communicator which

36:00

makes me feel better because people

36:02

respond to me the way I want

36:04

them to respond to me. I'm not

36:06

being dishonest or disingenuous, but I'm adapting.

36:09

Yes. Okay. So for you, what this

36:11

will mean is nothing in the short

36:13

term. Like literally, like don't overthink what

36:16

I just said because I could see

36:18

your brain starting to melt a little

36:20

bit about like what does that mean

36:22

and how do I do that? Am

36:25

I saying that correctly? Yes. is every

36:27

single time. So I'm giving you like

36:29

a list because you do have a

36:32

lot of popcorn placement. So I'm giving

36:34

you a list and I'm giving you

36:36

a homework. One thing is when you're

36:39

in a situation where it's happening again,

36:41

or you're like, fucking fact, like whether

36:43

it's a friend or volunteer thing, it

36:46

doesn't matter. It's happening again. Catch yourself

36:48

in the narrative and be like, oh,

36:50

I believe that this pattern is playing

36:53

itself out again. So you, first of

36:55

all, you catch it. The second thing

36:57

you catch it. Is this person actually

37:00

really being consistent? And like nine out

37:02

of ten times the answer is yes

37:04

in your experience, eh? Yes, yeah. So

37:07

that means they're just being themselves. Yeah.

37:09

And that means the bubbles burst in

37:11

your narrative, right? Like that tells you

37:14

that they didn't mean as literally as

37:16

you thought what you thought they meant.

37:18

It does mean that they are showing

37:21

you who they are, and you find

37:23

it confusing. You don't like it. You

37:25

find it demoralizing. You're the one who

37:27

doesn't like it. Maybe they do like

37:30

the way you communicate. Maybe they don't.

37:32

You actually don't know that. But you

37:34

can in these moments figure out whether

37:37

or not you like it. Yes. Pluto

37:39

and Scorpio can be very highly identified

37:41

with being the victim, but like the

37:44

victim not in a piscian way, but

37:46

in a like. trauma way like people

37:48

are harming me people are rejecting me

37:51

people are fucking with me kind of

37:53

thinking right and so there is a

37:55

way that when that narrative gets kicked

37:58

up inside of you, I mean, sometimes

38:00

it's like somebody walks up to you

38:02

and stumps on your foot. Okay, I'm

38:05

not talking about those times, right? I'm

38:07

talking about these times where it's like

38:09

gray area. And so in these times

38:12

where it's like, it doesn't feel like

38:14

gray area to you, but it is

38:16

not somebody stomping on your foot. In

38:19

these times, it's important to say like,

38:21

like, okay, is it possible that they're

38:23

thinking about this situation about this situation

38:26

and experiencing this situation and experiencing it

38:28

in a radically different way than I

38:30

am. And if you come up with

38:33

the answer is yes, you don't have

38:35

to figure out what those other ways

38:37

are. You don't, okay? You don't need

38:39

to fill in that space, but you

38:42

do from that place, want to practice

38:44

a couple things. One is to recognize

38:46

that some of what you're feeling is

38:49

anger at them. And it's more comfortable

38:51

for you to project it out as

38:53

I am being rejected and like I'm

38:56

going to fight that emotionally. It may

38:58

actually be that like when we come

39:00

back to like that astrologer with the

39:03

zen thing, when I look at them

39:05

energetically, they were just like kind of

39:07

overwhelmed and a little flippy. Does that

39:10

make sense? What I'm saying? Yes, okay.

39:12

Recette. Yes, totally. And when you were

39:14

like, I'm going to do these things,

39:17

we can do all of these things,

39:19

we can do them well, they were

39:21

just like, I can't, I don't know

39:24

how to do that. So they shrunk

39:26

from you. Yeah, 100% and I think

39:28

that is often the pattern with me

39:31

too because I tend to provide a

39:33

lot of information at once that can,

39:35

which I have noticed and have been

39:38

trying to work on of just like,

39:40

I don't need to provide all the

39:42

information at once, you know, or have

39:44

me just like two intents of the

39:47

tone or just like, yeah, so. And

39:49

being able to recognize. Not that there's

39:51

nothing wrong with providing all that information.

39:54

I want to be exceptionally clear. Like

39:56

this is not like there's something wrong

39:58

with... situation. You're not too much. It's

40:01

about recognizing that all the information, the

40:03

perfect information, the most helpful thing possible

40:05

is what you're capable of, but that

40:08

doesn't mean it's what I'm capable of

40:10

receiving. So it is much more important

40:12

that you communicate in a way that

40:15

somebody else can hear so that you

40:17

get your needs met and they get

40:19

their needs met, then that you show

40:22

them that you're capable of everything all

40:24

at once. Which by the way you

40:26

are, by the way you are. you

40:29

are capable of everything all at once

40:31

like that's how you that's how you

40:33

do and and yeah so this is

40:36

where practicing asking the question like I

40:38

would love to support you in X

40:40

where you add in the process I

40:43

would say asking people like how are

40:45

you with long emails or long texts

40:47

ask people that because if anyone

40:49

asks me I will say fucking

40:51

terrible I'm terrible at that. And

40:53

that might say to you, okay,

40:56

that every email, I'm going to

40:58

drop a different, like, data point

41:00

on Jessica. Not, I'm not going

41:02

to give all the data points

41:04

to Jessica. It's, okay, I can

41:06

only give like a paragraph or

41:08

two to Jessica, so I have

41:10

to figure out what I want

41:13

to do. Or I was really

41:15

excited about, you know, doing this

41:17

volunteer project with Jessica, but now

41:19

that she's communicated that she's like,

41:21

needs to move really slowly and

41:23

she doesn't do well with long

41:25

emails and it takes her a

41:27

week to respond to emails. Maybe

41:29

actually I'm not as excited about

41:32

working with Jessica on this. and

41:34

like really just not offer too

41:36

much because she may drive me

41:38

fucking nuts being slow and slowing

41:40

me down. Yes, yeah. And it's

41:42

okay that you, I'm going to

41:44

use myself as an example, it's

41:46

okay that you would find me

41:49

annoying. It's okay that you'd be

41:51

like, oh I was so excited

41:53

to work on this thing and

41:55

then I got to know this

41:57

person a little better and I

41:59

realized we are not a great

42:01

match for that thing. So this

42:03

brings me back to your North

42:05

node. cancer and conjunct mercury in

42:08

the eighth house. And you know

42:10

what I don't usually with people

42:12

your age focus too much on

42:14

the notes. And this is why.

42:16

Because at your age or in

42:18

your early 30s, you are not

42:20

meant to be imperfectly embodied with

42:22

your north node in the second

42:24

house, conjunct the moon, that's not

42:27

where you're supposed to be. The

42:29

struggle is meant to be your

42:31

struggle. This problem is your problem.

42:33

And that doesn't mean like it's

42:35

your problem, fuck you, like that's

42:37

not what it means. It means

42:39

this is something you have on

42:41

a sole level come here to

42:44

work through. And whenever we work

42:46

through sole level issues, they're significantly

42:48

harder than everything else. Because like

42:50

at your very core, it doesn't

42:52

make sense when it's happening. Like

42:54

at your very core, you do

42:56

want to merge with people that

42:58

north node and that south node

43:00

in the eighth house. wants you,

43:03

you really, you have this habit

43:05

of merging with people before you

43:07

know whether or not you trust

43:09

them, before you know whether or

43:11

not you're compatible with them, before

43:13

you know whether or not they're

43:15

worthy. And so if you can

43:17

practice creating more space so you

43:20

can suss out compatibility, appropriateness, timing,

43:22

yada yada, that will really help

43:24

you. And if you practice doing

43:26

that, you will probably be bad

43:28

at it. You know what I

43:30

mean? Nobody's good at working through

43:32

nodal issues, like nobody is good

43:34

at it. Anyone who tells you

43:36

they are, I just don't even

43:39

understand what's happening. Because the south

43:41

note is the thing that we've,

43:43

we have done in our past

43:45

lives to great success, but in

43:47

this life, we are learning that

43:49

that is not what we are

43:51

meant to do. We've already learned

43:53

that, you've already, on other spiritual

43:56

journeys, you have already learned how

43:58

to merge. And how to like

44:00

carry somebody else's ideas across the

44:02

finish line. You've already done that.

44:04

That's not what you're meant to

44:06

do in this life. And it

44:08

doesn't mean that you cannot be

44:10

in a supporting role at all.

44:12

It simply means that you need

44:15

to show up as yourself and

44:17

then collaborate instead of dive in

44:19

from a merging perspective. Because you

44:21

yourself have a lot of fucking

44:23

ideas. You have very strong ethics

44:25

and ethos. You have very strong

44:27

energy and drive. And so just

44:29

pouring yourself into someone else's cup

44:31

is uncomfortable because it's not right

44:34

for you. Hmm. Well, it definitely

44:36

explains the, I guess that that

44:38

feeling of it feeling forced and

44:40

I've been essentially leading my life

44:42

trying to do that. I think

44:44

that I I still have a

44:46

lot of doubt and fear when

44:48

it comes to my own ideas.

44:51

And I think that maybe hearing

44:53

you say this, it's like I've

44:55

been seeking others to be like,

44:57

oh, I want to help them

44:59

do their thing, because then at

45:01

least I can feel like I'm

45:03

being useful and needed at least.

45:05

And I don't have to like.

45:07

then essentially spend all this time

45:10

doing something on my own that

45:12

like nobody wants or something. Yeah.

45:14

Yeah. So there's so many layers

45:16

to this, but kind of like

45:18

keeping it on the topic of

45:20

your primary question. Yes. You can,

45:22

let's say there's an organization or

45:24

like a person who's doing this

45:27

really great thing in the community

45:29

and you're like, I want to

45:31

fall in line, I want to

45:33

support. Like, you know, I want

45:35

to help with this thing. Yes.

45:37

You can still do that, but

45:39

again, it's not you pouring yourself

45:41

into their cup and merging. Instead,

45:43

what it is, is you owning

45:46

that you have a set of

45:48

skills. You have, you are a

45:50

force of fucking nature. You come

45:52

to this with the drive to

45:54

do things. Now, I'm going to

45:56

assume... for the fact that you're

45:58

like looking to hire somebody to

46:00

build your website, that building websites

46:03

is not your set of skills.

46:05

It is not your expertise, right?

46:07

Yes. So it's not a question

46:09

of like, you don't have to

46:11

be all the things, but to

46:13

pretend that you're just, you're not

46:15

pretending that you're merging with people.

46:17

You are trying to merge with

46:19

people. You're trying to become, again,

46:22

you know, fill their cup, but

46:24

that is not your truth. And

46:26

that's why it doesn't work. Your

46:28

truth is to own your values

46:30

and to own your value. To

46:32

take steps that reflect that. And

46:34

so sometimes those steps mean being

46:36

supporting caste. I mean, Capacorn is

46:38

like the power behind the throne.

46:41

Do you know what I'm saying?

46:43

Leo's the throne. Leo's the throne.

46:45

But Capcorne is the power behind

46:47

the throne. And your North node

46:49

is in cap. And it's in

46:51

the house of values. It's in

46:53

the second house. So identifying your

46:55

values and... owning your value is

46:58

a huge part of, it's like

47:00

the antidote to merging with other

47:02

people and filling yourself in their

47:04

cup. Now, listen, we don't have

47:06

all the time in the world,

47:08

but I want to say, when

47:10

you date, who do you date?

47:12

He's, she's, all of them? Technically,

47:14

he's, why, why technically? Oh, well,

47:17

I have been in one relationship

47:19

for, er... the last 17 years.

47:21

Oh my god, 17 since you

47:23

were a teenager. Yeah, but it's,

47:25

sorry, that was such a loud

47:27

reaction. No, no, no, I mean,

47:29

it's a valid reaction. And, but

47:31

it is honestly like, which is,

47:34

this, I'm not gonna say that

47:36

much about it because it is

47:38

going to hold their topic, but

47:40

it's currently like first or in

47:42

the process of dissolution. So, yeah,

47:44

so that's why. So A, A,

47:46

A. Okay, okay, okay, and he's

47:48

a he. Yes, yeah. So I

47:50

want to say, you loath to

47:53

break up with friends, with dates,

47:55

you fucking hate endings. You really,

47:57

and this is for a lot

47:59

of reasons, but one of them

48:01

is when you have poured yourself

48:03

into someone else's cup, what happens?

48:05

You break the cup, then what?

48:07

Then you're a puddle. Then you

48:10

have no shape. And that is

48:12

a very real struggle for you.

48:14

And there's no easy way to

48:16

handle this. Right? The stories that

48:18

you tell yourself about where you

48:20

belong or where you don't belong

48:22

or whether or not you're too

48:24

much for other people are really

48:26

important They're very important Because you

48:29

could easily tell yourself that you're

48:31

too much and also you're not

48:33

too much and you've a right

48:35

to be big and like end

48:37

up being like in a power

48:39

struggle in your own thinking in

48:41

your own guts before you even

48:43

flirt with someone collaborate with somebody

48:45

befriends somebody And that is what

48:48

we call the interjected perpetrator. It's

48:50

taking in shit from your childhood,

48:52

shit that you saw your parents

48:54

do, and taking on the worst

48:56

parts of it, and just like

48:58

shoving it at yourself before anyone

49:00

else can shove it at you.

49:02

It's okay that you don't believe

49:05

in yourself and that you're insecure

49:07

and you're scared. It's like, you

49:09

wouldn't be a human if you

49:11

didn't experience those things. But I'm

49:13

guessing the people who you're like

49:15

truly close to, who've known you

49:17

for a long time, would back

49:19

me up on what I'm about

49:21

to say. You are a light.

49:24

You are loyal and motivated and

49:26

weird and consistent and all over

49:28

the place. And like you are

49:30

this like incredibly strong, powerful, caring

49:32

person. Yeah? Yeah, I hope that

49:34

people that my friends would say

49:36

that. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And

49:38

once you decide what it is

49:41

that you really want to do,

49:43

you just need to take the

49:45

steps and taking the steps. I

49:47

don't know if you've ever taken

49:49

a hike. Sometimes you walk in

49:51

a direction and then you get

49:53

rocks in your shoe, or you

49:55

trip, or you run into fucking

49:57

annoying people on the path, or

50:00

you backtrack and take another way.

50:02

Or at a certain point of

50:04

the path, you're like, it's taking

50:06

too long, I'm miserable, why do

50:08

this? So when I say taking

50:10

the steps, I don't mean that's

50:12

perfect and without struggle. I just

50:14

mean, when you decide this is

50:17

the path I'm going to take,

50:19

you are successful. You do it.

50:21

Now, sometimes you're successful at things

50:23

and you're like, fuck, why am

50:25

I so successful at this thing?

50:27

It is not a good thing

50:29

for me. But you are successful.

50:31

And so I want to say

50:33

that whatever comes next for you,

50:36

I want to like challenge you

50:38

to allow yourself to be who

50:40

you are because it will be

50:42

good. It will be good. And

50:44

this way that you've held yourself

50:46

back and merged with other people

50:48

for identity and for validation. It

50:50

feels bad and it doesn't bring

50:52

you the results you want. It's

50:55

a habit and it's a really

50:57

deep habit. It's like an inherited

50:59

pattern habit. It's a deep one.

51:01

And so it's supposed to be

51:03

really hard and painful to break

51:05

the habit. But breaking the habit,

51:07

it's like you are going to

51:09

be stunned at how much easier

51:12

life is when you stop. preemptively

51:14

trying to get into things that

51:16

could go wrong because those things

51:18

aren't going wrong. You will have

51:20

so much more energy and have

51:22

so much more capacity. You're really

51:24

like, you have a lot of

51:26

power and a lot of support

51:28

around you. But man, you know,

51:31

it's interesting that the question that

51:33

you asked was about like, I

51:35

want to help other people and

51:37

it's not working. Because you're actually

51:39

right now, as I look at

51:41

you psychically and I'm not like

51:43

focused on your question anymore, you're

51:45

actually trying to advance yourself right

51:48

now. Yes, I'm definitely at a

51:50

crossroads in my life, and I'm

51:52

trying to figure out what I

51:54

want to do next for like

51:56

the you know my I don't

51:58

want to say like calling necessarily

52:00

because I do believe that giving

52:03

that like space, you know, in

52:05

terms of how you engage

52:07

with your day-to-day work to change,

52:10

the grace for that to change,

52:12

but the next step on terms

52:15

of what I'm doing for my

52:17

work and my day-to-day journey and

52:19

wanting to have that feel like

52:21

it has purpose and meaning. I

52:24

think that's where I thought, well,

52:26

I'm meant to get that purpose

52:28

by... helping support what other people's

52:30

dreams are, what they're doing, their work

52:33

and their, you know, and that's how

52:35

I find my purpose is by helping

52:37

others. So let me speak to that.

52:39

You can still do that without pouring

52:42

yourself into them. Okay, just so we're

52:44

clear, I'm not trying to point you

52:46

away from that because I agree. You're

52:48

a great coach and cheerleader. You're really

52:51

good at supporting things and getting

52:53

them across the finish line. So I

52:55

don't want it, it's just about.

52:57

having more spaciousness, asking more

52:59

questions about other people, accepting

53:02

that they are radically different

53:04

from you. But I want to

53:06

kind of like come back to what I

53:08

was just saying because I'm getting distracted by

53:10

your question again. And I want to say

53:12

this to you is that giving yourself permission to

53:14

be large and in charge is a part

53:17

of this journey. So in other words,

53:19

like if we're going back to this

53:21

website example, being able to be like,

53:23

oh, this person doesn't respond in a

53:26

timely fashion, instead of taking that personally

53:28

because this isn't a personal dynamic, at

53:30

least not yet, being like, this person

53:33

is not making me happy at the

53:35

onset. I want somebody who responds really

53:37

quickly because that's how I like to

53:39

work in collaboration. large and in

53:41

charge. You're allowed to be big enough to

53:43

know what you like and what you don't

53:45

like. You don't have to be punishing, you

53:48

have to take a personally, you don't have

53:50

to personalize it to them, but to be

53:52

like, this isn't a great compatibility situation. Like,

53:54

I won't slam the door shut because maybe,

53:56

you know, any number of things stop

53:58

them from responding swiftly. pushing until you

54:01

find somebody who responds swiftly because

54:03

you fucking like that. And you

54:05

don't need to defend it, justify

54:07

it, or contextualize it. You're allowed

54:09

to just like that. Yes. Okay?

54:11

Yes. Okay. Yes. Okay. That's what

54:13

I needed to tell you. And

54:15

I wonder, did we answer your

54:17

question? Yes, I think so. Okay.

54:19

Okay. So then are you guys

54:21

actively breaking up or are you

54:23

thinking about it? It feels like

54:25

something that's... that's actively happening, but

54:27

I don't know if they're, I'm

54:29

farther along in realizing that I

54:31

think that needs to happen than

54:33

they are. So you've been said

54:35

it directly? I've brought up multiple

54:37

times. Okay, you've brought up, you've

54:39

brought up that you want to

54:41

end, but you haven't ended. Well,

54:43

I've asked to have like a

54:46

break basically because I know how

54:48

hard it's going to be because

54:50

of the length of time. I

54:52

don't think that it's a situation

54:54

where I can just be like.

54:56

Okay, we're done. You know, and

54:58

so it's been where I've asked

55:00

for a break multiple times and

55:02

then, but that hasn't necessarily, we

55:04

haven't found a compromise in that

55:06

because it's been so hard and

55:08

that it's been such a struggle.

55:10

So I'm gonna be really direct.

55:12

I'm gonna challenge you on how

55:14

direct you are because I'm gonna

55:16

be really fun to direct. Okay.

55:18

Okay. This is not something you

55:20

ask someone. So this is where

55:22

your habit around merging with other

55:24

people kind of bites you in

55:26

your butt, right? You want him

55:28

to agree with you on when

55:30

and how to end? That's never

55:32

going to happen. And I say

55:34

that because 9.9 out of 10

55:36

breakups around the globe and across

55:39

time, one person's more ready than

55:41

the other. It's not like, you

55:43

know, a mutual orgasm at the

55:45

same moment is a thing for

55:47

most people most of the time

55:49

either, right? We know this. These

55:51

are fantasies. And so if you're

55:53

waiting for him to feel the

55:55

way you feel, to be ready

55:57

when you're ready, then you're still

55:59

in the relationship and you're not

56:01

changing. You've already changed, but you

56:03

haven't owned and embodied those changes.

56:05

So you're playing out the same

56:07

pattern we've been talking about. You're

56:09

like, hey, are we ready yet

56:11

for me to be free? And

56:13

he's like, no, we're not ready

56:15

for you to be free. We're

56:17

not ready for you to be

56:19

different. And if you think there's

56:21

a time that's going to come

56:23

where he's like, yes, fly little

56:25

bird, it doesn't make sense. Why

56:27

would he do that? He wants

56:29

to stay in the relationship, no?

56:31

Yeah, he definitely does. Why would

56:34

a person who definitely wants to

56:36

be in a relationship with you,

56:38

say, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

56:40

go by, see you later, no

56:42

problem? So what you're trying to

56:44

do. Is that everybody be in

56:46

agreement? Have everybody be feeling what

56:48

you feel when you feel it?

56:50

So this is now showing up

56:52

in a radically different place in

56:54

your life, right? But it's the

56:56

same theme. If you accept who

56:58

he is, and you know who

57:00

he is, you've been with him

57:02

for 17 human years. Yes. If

57:04

you accept who he is, has

57:06

he ever been ready when you're

57:08

ready for exactly what you're ready

57:10

for? No. Never in 17 years,

57:12

correct? No. So if that all

57:14

of a sudden magically changed, maybe

57:16

you wouldn't want to break up

57:18

after all. But instead, what I

57:20

want to ground you into is

57:22

you have the right to say,

57:24

I love you. I do not

57:27

want to burn this bridge. And

57:29

this is what I need. And

57:31

this is where I am. Did

57:33

you see how few words I

57:35

used? Yes. I did not defend

57:37

it. I did not justify it.

57:39

Now, this might be another example

57:41

of me being terse, right? So,

57:43

but there's a lot. The words

57:45

between what I would say and

57:47

what you would say and what

57:49

you say is basically giving him

57:51

a handbook on how to talk

57:53

you out of it. You're basically

57:55

asking to be talked out of

57:57

it. Because you don't want it

57:59

to be your fault. You don't

58:01

want to be the bad guy.

58:03

You're for sure the bad guy

58:05

in this breakup. Okay? And that's

58:07

okay. It's not, that doesn't mean

58:09

you're a bad person. It means.

58:11

in all breakups one person's more

58:13

ready than the other to leave.

58:15

And I want to like be

58:17

the voice of giving you know

58:19

of giving you like permission to

58:22

want something that he doesn't want

58:24

to do something that will hurt

58:26

both of you because you know

58:28

because you know right now I

58:30

know you've been ready for years

58:32

and At a certain point, if

58:34

you want your life to be

58:36

different, you have to be the

58:38

one who's different. And these issues

58:40

are intertwined. Do you know what

58:42

I'm saying? It's kind of the

58:44

same thing. If you accept who

58:46

he is, if you truly accepted,

58:48

that this man is who you

58:50

know him to be. Maybe he

58:52

would change later, but who he's

58:54

been today, and for the last

58:56

17 years, you know who he

58:58

is. If you accept it, then

59:00

you have to kind of end

59:02

it. Not because you don't like

59:04

him or love him, but because

59:06

there's a compatibility problem. And I'm

59:08

not saying you need to get

59:10

off this call and go break

59:12

up with the man. You know

59:15

what I mean? That's not what

59:17

I'm saying. I don't want to

59:19

be like... I mean, you see

59:21

my chart, so you know I'm

59:23

not good. No, you're not. The

59:25

waffle is real. But this is

59:27

where... A couple things. One thing

59:29

is I think I needed to

59:31

say that too because part of

59:33

me is like well that's what

59:35

we should have done the fucking

59:37

reading about from the beginning but

59:39

we did an important reading on

59:41

an important topic okay so I'm

59:43

glad we did that but also

59:45

like this is a very big

59:47

thing in your life so that's

59:49

one thing the other thing is

59:51

okay look at you You know

59:53

what the truth is, but you're

59:55

not ready to mobilize. So actually,

59:57

it turns out you know what

59:59

it's like to be on the

1:00:01

other side, right? Yes. Yeah. Wow.

1:00:03

And so that's just valuable to

1:00:05

have access to that data of

1:00:07

like, oh, sometimes I know what

1:00:10

the truth is and it takes

1:00:12

me 1,200 years and 17 days

1:00:14

to do the thing. And that's

1:00:16

not because you. aren't smart or

1:00:18

because you don't really actually want

1:00:20

to make a change. It's because

1:00:22

some things hit you in parts

1:00:24

that are not super adaptable and

1:00:26

are scared of change. And everyone's

1:00:28

got those parts come up in

1:00:30

different spots. And so as you're

1:00:32

kind of like letting somebody else

1:00:34

run your life in a way

1:00:36

in one area, you're trying to

1:00:38

grasp with all your hands in

1:00:40

your feet, life in other areas.

1:00:42

And I'm now seeing energetically, oh,

1:00:44

some of the fervor with which

1:00:46

you're grasping these other parts of

1:00:48

your life are a little bit,

1:00:50

like a little bit of a

1:00:52

reaction to this other thing that

1:00:54

you're not doing for yourself. So

1:00:56

it's kind of designed to fuck

1:00:58

you up, because you know what

1:01:00

I'm saying? Because it's really meant

1:01:03

to be focused on this thing.

1:01:05

This is, this thing is, is,

1:01:07

I mean, I got to say,

1:01:09

I really didn't see this until

1:01:11

I saw it. And now that

1:01:13

I see it, I see it,

1:01:15

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

1:01:17

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

1:01:19

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

1:01:21

I'm like, I'm like, Okay, we

1:01:23

should have been talking about this.

1:01:25

So for whatever that's worth. Yeah.

1:01:27

Again, you don't have to do

1:01:29

anything right away, but to kind

1:01:31

of own this and to work

1:01:33

on this feels really important. Yes,

1:01:35

yeah. Good. Well, I'm so glad

1:01:37

we did this and I really

1:01:39

hope it was helpful. No, it

1:01:41

was so immensely helpful. Thank you

1:01:43

so much for taking the time.

1:01:45

Really appreciate your energy and just

1:01:47

thank you again for all the

1:01:49

work that you continue to do.

1:01:51

I know that the community at

1:01:53

large, the large, erstrology community really

1:01:55

appreciates present. So thank you. Thank

1:01:58

you. Very kind. Every year

1:02:00

say the end is

1:02:02

near but we're

1:02:04

still here, and

1:02:06

we're still here

1:02:08

All right