0:00

Raised by enough This

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is Love Line.

1:01

Love Line.

1:03

Love Line

1:06

may contain

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sexual

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oriented

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content.

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This

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is

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sexually

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oriented

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content.

1:26

Vicker of Christ, that's

1:29

Dr. Drew. Phone number

1:31

1-800-L-O-V-E-191. Dr. Drew is

1:33

a board-certified physician. An

1:35

addiction medicine specialist. What's

1:38

up, Vicky? Later on tonight, one

1:40

of the best stand-up comics

1:42

currently working. Drew, you know

1:44

I don't like stand-ups. You

1:46

don't. No, no. In fact,

1:48

I can't recall the last

1:50

time you actually said something

1:52

positive about A comedian. Well. You

1:54

won't hear me say anything negative

1:56

about Dave a tell. Dave you

1:58

know from inside and well just

2:00

about everywhere but Davis I've seen him

2:03

do stand up on more than one

2:05

occasion and is excellent so what he's

2:07

going to be in here later on

2:10

tonight let me say this Drew and

2:12

I by the way both in New

2:14

York City this evening and I'm just

2:17

had a huge dinner he's about to

2:19

fall asleep on us oh well it's

2:21

one 105 out here yeah but you've

2:23

just arrived with three hours ago no

2:26

no no I got up at 545

2:28

this morning Not good, but I was

2:30

funny for me. You know, but had

2:33

the town car driver that never... Stop

2:35

talking. Never stop talking. And in town

2:37

car guys, guys who drive the town

2:39

car, sometimes some of the most overqualified

2:42

guys in the world. You know, they

2:44

know everything about local city government, and

2:46

they know everything about almost everything, but

2:49

yet it's still 12 bucks an hour,

2:51

and hopefully so and flips them 10

2:53

bucks when they get out to the

2:56

passenger loading zone over at LAX. But

2:58

that was fine. Got up, went to

3:00

bed at 2, got up at 545.

3:02

What I wanted to say is that

3:05

we're over here at CVS in New

3:07

York in Manhattan. I was walking down

3:09

the hall and running a little bit

3:12

late and had to stop at the

3:14

door because it was one of those

3:16

office doors where the people paste up

3:19

all the comic strips that they think

3:21

are funny. But it's not so much

3:23

that they're funny but that it's them.

3:25

Oh, this is me. I'm a huge

3:28

Cubs fan and this is a joke

3:30

about and so it's going to mean

3:32

something. uh... i i i i think

3:35

those things should be reviewed before they

3:37

go up in that they have to

3:39

be an eight plus on the comedy

3:41

scale right i always stop at the

3:44

person's door you expect an eight right

3:46

they do it a lot they do

3:48

it on lockers it in the chock

3:51

lounge and stuff you know people just

3:53

first off who is that person who

3:55

and true close your eyes and imagine

3:58

a scenario the wildest scenario where you're

4:00

thumbing through a newspaper, find a cartoon

4:02

that you think is particularly amusing, then

4:04

get out the scissors, cut it out,

4:07

bring it into work, and scotch tape

4:09

it to the door or locker or

4:11

whatever, whatever represents you over at the

4:14

office. Has to be living in a

4:16

parallel universe. Yeah, you would never, it

4:18

would never happen. And let me ask

4:20

you this. You know, it would be

4:23

a great thing to do. I always

4:25

think about this. What if somebody said

4:27

to you, look, we're going to give

4:30

you $10 million. If you just do

4:32

one of these mundane things that other

4:34

people do, you see it all around,

4:37

it's nothing extraordinary. You would just never

4:39

do it. Couldn't do it. You would

4:41

just walk around going nuts, pasting up

4:43

things. You just didn't do it. Knitting

4:46

your dog, a sweater. I lost the...

4:48

I lost it. Yeah, but you would

4:50

never, like, you would never ever put

4:53

one of those things up. It smacks

4:55

a little bit of comic book store

4:57

owner. Here's all I'm saying. I don't

4:59

want to be, you know, Ebenez or

5:02

Scrooge, but if I'm running in a

5:04

workplace, you got a cartoon, you want

5:06

to duct tape to the door of

5:09

your office, I gotta review it. it's

5:11

got to be a good knee slapper

5:13

sure if it's not the god damn

5:16

funny thing i've read all month just

5:18

going in the garbage yeah you go

5:20

ahead and put it in your upper

5:22

drawer it's not going on the front

5:25

how many how many family circles up

5:27

there 45 oh no I just I

5:29

stopped by this person's door and I

5:32

had to stay there even though I'm

5:34

running late for the show I had

5:36

to read each each one on the

5:38

door and then it becomes a sort

5:41

of weird it's like that that that

5:43

loose tooth that's painful be have to

5:45

keep flicking it with your tongue like

5:48

no i have to finish the door

5:50

before i move on but then all

5:52

of them feel a little little more

5:55

little less satisfying than the last and

5:57

now you're angry why did this person

5:59

put this up but then they're sort

6:01

of specific so you feel like ah

6:04

this must mean something to them they're

6:06

star wars fan they're red socks fan

6:08

there's something going on and then maybe

6:11

somebody else cut it out because they

6:13

thought it spoke to them and put

6:15

it up and then what he'd do.

6:17

Then now it's a joke. Yeah. Uh-uh,

6:20

no, maybe, maybe, maybe it was one

6:22

of them. No, maybe it was one

6:24

of these things where it's like, Drew.

6:27

You'll appreciate this. Drew, he loves border

6:29

collies. I get something that's so funny

6:31

to a border collar, a collie owner,

6:34

I'm gonna cut it out and put

6:36

it on Drew's locker. And then you

6:38

can't take it off. All I'm saying

6:40

is, it's gotta be, God damn funny

6:43

or it's not going on the door.

6:45

I know it's a little sort of

6:47

Nazi Germany ask, but it's a workplace.

6:50

You just wasted a good minute. Well,

6:52

what would be a minute and a

6:54

half of everyone else's time? For me,

6:56

who reads at a third grade level.

6:59

Oh, that was nine minutes. I wonder

7:01

where you were all the time. And

7:03

I had to read it and had

7:06

to drag my finger across it. I

7:08

went back out there looking for you?

7:10

Yeah, I was reading the door. The

7:13

horrible, horrible cartoon Drew. We'll look at

7:15

it during the break at it during

7:17

the break. Alright, so Drew, do you

7:19

got the calls worked at? Yeah, we're

7:22

ready to go. Hey guys, you might

7:24

hate to interrupt. Yeah, you got an

7:26

engineer over there? Yeah, you're out of,

7:29

Adam, over modeling, so you got to

7:31

sit back for the Michael's. Since Mike

7:33

was off the whole time, so if

7:35

they could call me, that'd be great.

7:38

Well, not here, there's no engineer. Well,

7:40

you want to be back here? Yeah,

7:42

just like that. Is that good? Yeah.

7:45

All right. You want me to do

7:47

the whole cartoon on the door thing

7:49

again? That's never right. He'll be right

7:52

back up. Do you guys don't have

7:54

any pedenciometers in front of you or

7:56

anything? No. No, we got the clock.

7:58

It's not running. But I do love

8:01

a potentiometer just for the name. I

8:03

use that just for you, Kirlo. I

8:05

love that. Yeah. Dustin is 21. Yeah,

8:08

hey, what's going on? It's happening dusty.

8:10

What's going on vicar? Yeah, vicar of

8:12

Christ. That's a new name. Vic out

8:14

of you. You are my hero, man.

8:17

Thank you. I've got a question. About

8:19

in September or October, I was having

8:21

sex with my girlfriend. And it was

8:24

kind of hard going in. And like

8:26

a couple days later, after I had

8:28

like all these little scabs around it,

8:31

I don't know, my penis. On the

8:33

shaft? Yeah. All right. He's good. Yeah.

8:35

Yeah. And like, there's one on the

8:37

top that just hasn't gone away. No.

8:40

I don't know on the top of

8:42

your penis. I'm sorry. I got to

8:44

apologize for this chair. It's like it's

8:47

from Knoxbury farm like this novelty chair.

8:49

What is this? You could get this

8:51

much noise out of chair if you

8:53

just buried it in sand for six

8:56

years. Just put it out just put

8:58

it out in the in title pool.

9:00

On the top of your penis, mean

9:03

the top flat part of your penis

9:05

or the tip? Like the top, like

9:07

around where I would have gotten circumcised.

9:10

Yeah, it's very difficult to interpret what

9:12

you're describing. There's scabs all over the

9:14

place. One doesn't go at. You know,

9:16

did it hurt when you originally broke

9:19

out? It's just what? It's like a

9:21

scab. Did it hurt when it originally

9:23

broke out? Listen, get rid of him.

9:26

I don't need to help anyone tonight.

9:28

That's true, you don't. Yeah, let's cut

9:30

the show short. All right, let's try

9:33

Shannon, who's 16. Shannon? Yes. Well, he

9:35

needs, Dustin needs to go to the

9:37

doctor. He needs to go to the

9:39

doctor. He needs to see it. Somebody

9:42

needs to go to the doctor. He

9:44

needs to see it. He needs to

9:46

see, it, it's the easiest to me,

9:49

it's sort of more accurate to make

9:51

sort of more accurate to make, sort

9:53

of more accurate to make, sort of

9:55

more accurate to make, sort of more

9:58

accurate to make, sort of more accurate

10:00

to make, to make, to make, to

10:02

make, to make, to make, to make,

10:05

I have been having really bad back

10:07

pains. So my doctor wanted me to

10:09

take prenatal vitamins and I'm on birth

10:12

control and I was just going to

10:14

see if that would affect anything of

10:16

this birth control. Prenatal vitamins? No, it's

10:18

just basically iron containing vitamins. But what

10:21

about the back pain? Why aren't they

10:23

evaluating that? Oh, well, they are, but

10:25

they just thought that would stop the

10:28

pain, like, or ease it or whatever.

10:30

No, we'll have nothing to do with

10:32

the pain, but it wouldn't. Natal vitamins?

10:34

Are you having heavy bleeding also? No.

10:37

Really? I'm on birth control, and you're

10:39

having back pain, and the doctor tells

10:41

you take prenatal vitamins. Yeah. You know,

10:44

back pain, smack pain. Yeah, you need

10:46

an evaluation. He doesn't believe you. He's

10:48

not paying attention or not really evaluating

10:51

you carefully. You come in all the

10:53

time. Or he thinks you're an opiate

10:55

addict. Right. Have you come in complaining

10:57

about pain repeatedly? Yeah. All right. For

11:00

you over years? I thought that might

11:02

be something. That's what he suggested. Yeah.

11:04

He opens your file. It's just a

11:07

big picture of a walnut. It's just

11:09

true, you have this house. No screw

11:11

in a ball. Yeah, it's a screw

11:13

in a ball or a walnut or

11:16

even a combo, I like to screw

11:18

in the walnut. It's confusing, but you

11:20

know, it's kind of a one-two punch.

11:23

True, if you have someone, especially female,

11:25

complaining of persistent back pain and you

11:27

can, you know, you throw an MRI

11:30

machine or you throw an x-ray out

11:32

or you don't see anything. And she's

11:34

not playing, you know, lacrosse at the

11:36

collegiate level. You just figure opiate addict

11:39

or the screw in the ball, right?

11:41

You worry about that. You always also

11:43

worry that even when you're dealing with

11:46

the screw ball, that you miss something.

11:48

So she should have an evaluation of

11:50

the retroperitinem, the place where the kidneys

11:52

and the uterus sends up. And just,

11:55

you know, things can happen back there,

11:57

it can be difficult to take. So

11:59

probably an MRI or an automobile would

12:02

be a smart thing addition, MRI or

12:04

the back. Potter back up for a

12:06

second as engineer Anderson likes a say.

12:09

I just want to see, how many

12:11

times you've gone in there complaining of

12:13

back pain? Oh, he's just like massaging

12:15

in. What kind of doctor is this?

12:18

Oh, maybe it says there's a chiropractor.

12:20

It's not a doctor. Yeah, that's really

12:22

like getting the prenatal vitamins. You're looking

12:25

at give you zots. You've got to

12:27

see a doctor if you have a

12:29

current vaccine. He has said that it

12:31

was mild degenerative changes. Shannon, you're 16.

12:34

Go see a doctor. You can get

12:36

tumors of the retroperitinem, you can have

12:38

pelvic pathology, all kinds of things can

12:41

refer to the back. Get this evaluated

12:43

properly before you're having definitive intervention. You

12:45

need a diagnosis before you can figure

12:48

out a treatment plan. Chiropractor is sort

12:50

of like half doctor, half head shop

12:52

owner too. It's not, you're not actually

12:54

a doctor, are you? What do you

12:57

do as a chiropractor? You don't go

12:59

to medical school. You're like an herbalist.

13:01

Yeah, and why is it true? Who

13:04

decided that everyone who's in the business,

13:06

like the masseuse, masseur business, has to

13:08

be nuts? Why can't a sane person

13:10

want to just make a hundred bucks

13:13

for rubbing somebody down for 55 minutes?

13:15

Is everyone have to be all spacey

13:17

and talk about the toxins that are

13:20

built up? Yeah. It's a bummer, by

13:22

the way, when they're working on you

13:24

and they're like, oh, yeah, oh. This

13:27

is your toxin center. It's like, is

13:29

that attached to me? Yeah, yeah, it's

13:31

in you. Fantastic. Yeah, oh, yeah, you

13:33

store. You store, and there's such geniuses

13:36

with you. You have a lot of

13:38

tension, you store tension in your back.

13:40

No, I store at my heel. Of

13:43

course, I store at my back, you

13:45

wait a minute. It's in your back.

13:47

I could feel and by the way

13:49

who could ever argue with them, right?

13:52

No, no, no tension No, I keep

13:54

that in a foot locker my parents

13:56

house, right? How'd you know? How'd you

13:59

know? Oh, yeah, yeah back off that

14:01

mic You're yeah, I'm too much. Yeah,

14:03

I'm excited. Yeah, let me tell you

14:06

this just terms of poor etiquette twice

14:08

as much as I did. He, uh,

14:10

oh my God. It was funny, he

14:12

was, uh, he was talking about, uh,

14:15

Burbank Airport versus LAX, and he goes,

14:17

uh, yeah, you know, Burbank's just a

14:19

much faster, cleaner way to get out

14:22

of Los Angeles. I'm like, well, you

14:24

know, I agree with you, but flying

14:26

in New York and then I don't

14:28

have any flights. Oh, it's yet blue

14:31

is gonna open like four flights starting

14:33

in May, out of Burbank, by the

14:35

Burbank, by the way. So he's talking

14:38

a Burbank for quite some time. Did

14:40

you let a Burbank? Oh yeah, dude.

14:42

Five flights in New York coming up

14:45

soon. Anyway, he's talking a Burbank. And

14:47

then eventually, after he's talking Burbank up

14:49

for 20 minutes, I say, well, you

14:51

know, the reality is though, when you're

14:54

leaving at 6 AM. Burbank is 15,

14:56

20 minutes and LAX is 25, 30

14:58

minutes. I mean, just, you know, when

15:01

there's no traffic, it's really only about

15:03

10 minutes difference. And he goes. Yeah,

15:05

but you're in and out of Burbank

15:07

a lot faster. The security line is

15:10

shorter. And of course, LA acts are

15:12

always the constant terrorist threat. And I'm

15:14

like, huh? He's like, sure, Burbank's never

15:17

been targeted for terrorist attack. They've thwarted

15:19

many terrorist attacks aimed toward LAX. I'm

15:21

like, I'm heading for LAX now with

15:24

my nervous flying wife, you understand. And

15:26

you just waxes on about all the

15:28

potential terrorist activity that's going on at

15:30

the place he's going to drop us

15:33

off at and speed away from. In

15:35

just a second, I think, what do

15:37

people, what do they, what is that?

15:40

And it's a thing that guys who

15:42

drive do, like whenever I would fly

15:44

into Vegas, it'd always be that, where

15:47

are you going from? LA, oh. Yeah,

15:49

I lived out there for a while,

15:51

couldn't take the gang violence, the corrosive

15:53

smog, and impressive. Like, I'm going back

15:56

in nine hours. I have a house

15:58

there, you understand? Yeah, yeah, I couldn't

16:00

take it with all the gangbangers and

16:03

volcanoes. It's like, do people think of

16:05

the guy is driving me to the

16:07

guy who's driving. He's leaving the car

16:09

running. I'm going to head on in

16:12

and camp out in the place in

16:14

the captain's desk. Nice. Fantastic. What was

16:16

I complaining about? I know, we're not

16:19

taking enough calls. Here's Lonnie 21. I

16:21

wasn't complaining about that. Oh, maybe I

16:23

thought of something else. Lonnie 21. Hi.

16:26

Hey Lonnie. My boyfriend and I have

16:28

been together for probably about three years.

16:30

And we just recently had a kid.

16:32

Our sex life was great before I

16:35

had a kid. And now it's just

16:37

kind of gone. I don't know. You

16:39

have no libido? When we do have

16:42

sex, but it's gone. You have no

16:44

drive to have sex? Yes. Is it

16:46

because of the stress of raising a

16:48

child or is it something biological, do

16:51

you think? I'm not sure. Well, I'll

16:53

tell you what. It's very common for

16:55

women to be completely shut down biologically

16:58

for up to a year after a

17:00

baby's born. Did you breastfeed or do

17:02

you continue to breastfeed? Um, I've read

17:05

Fed for about two weeks. I had

17:07

Patna hold, so it didn't work for

17:09

me very well. Wow. That's a boner

17:11

breaker. I'm sorry. For the child. I

17:14

mean, Mom, it doesn't matter me, so.

17:16

I know, but I'm mad, I'm asked

17:18

to go home and masturbate. Now forget

17:21

about it. No, forget it. Are you

17:23

a big gal? No. I wouldn't think

17:25

so, but... Kansas. Who's on the other

17:27

line? Is someone on the other line?

17:30

No. No. My daughter that's my daughter.

17:32

She's sleeping on me right now. Oh,

17:34

she's snoring and here snoring all right.

17:37

Yeah, she's a snore All right. Hey,

17:39

did she sleep on her back or

17:41

on her side? Uh on her stomach

17:44

Oh flip her over I'm telling you,

17:46

I flew out from LA today, saw

17:48

everybody trying to get comfortable sleeps on

17:50

their stomach, rolled over on their chairs,

17:53

head pressed against a window, back bent

17:55

the wrong way. And everyone who's used

17:57

to sleeping on their back just spread

18:00

out, saw and logs peacefully. Teach the

18:02

kid to sleep on their back. Well,

18:04

there's the whole problem with SIDS, though,

18:06

so. Oh, you get SIDS on your

18:09

back? How do they recid- On earth?

18:11

I have a stomach. Oh, well, they'll

18:13

flip them over. Yeah. But this is

18:16

a common thing, and you got to

18:18

talk to your doctor. Something that's as

18:20

simple as getting on a birth control

18:23

pill, or sort of rekindle your biology

18:25

a little bit. There are things that

18:27

can be done about it, okay? Okay,

18:29

so I, what should I, I mean,

18:32

he has completely, just like, what is

18:34

wrong with me? Give him a, give

18:36

him a BJ. Oh, no. Well, look,

18:39

here's the thing, everybody. Think about all

18:41

the things in life you do that

18:43

you don't want to do, and weigh

18:45

that against the things that you do

18:48

want to do. I mean when you

18:50

really start focusing, you know, we really...

18:52

In terms of preserving your relationship, let's

18:55

talk, I get more to talk to

18:57

her. No, but here's something, we don't

18:59

need her to talk to her, that's

19:02

all I'm saying, that's basically how I

19:04

go into, I approach the show that

19:06

way, I don't need them to talk

19:08

to them. No, I know. Here's what

19:11

I'm saying. You take your life, and

19:13

you sort of just break it down,

19:15

whether it's... taking the garbage out or

19:18

driving the kids to school or carting

19:20

them off to watch when they're literally

19:22

games and like Pico Rivera or something.

19:24

Whatever it is, an anniversary, buying some

19:27

jewelry for the old lady, whatever it

19:29

is, 90% of your life, working otherwise,

19:31

it's just getting up and doing stuff

19:34

you have to do in order to

19:36

keep your relationship going in order to

19:38

keep, you know, roof over your head,

19:41

food in the refrigerator. In a way,

19:43

if you're shut down sexually and your

19:45

relationship is suffering because of it, once

19:47

a week give the guy BJ. I

19:50

know it doesn't feel great to you,

19:52

but it takes five minutes, puts a

19:54

smile on his face and you guys

19:57

don't get a divorce until you work

19:59

out whatever biological problem is going on.

20:01

Unfortunately, women when they're shut down sexually,

20:03

the thought of sex becomes sort of

20:06

like, ugh, shuddering. So it's hard for

20:08

them. It's not a work to a

20:10

corolla. It's the same thing. One time

20:13

I started to say walk, but the

20:15

corrals thought I was saying work and

20:17

everyone just shut that. They shuttered, shuttered,

20:20

shuttered. Yeah, it's going to walk. And

20:22

we are talking about preserving relationship. And

20:24

I guess maybe women don't appreciate how

20:26

important it. And we are talking about

20:29

preserving relationship. And I guess maybe women

20:31

don't appreciate. to. But do you know

20:33

the other thing is postpartum depression that

20:36

I need to brush up to 12

20:38

months after pregnancy is a postpartum depression

20:40

that certainly can shut down your libido

20:42

as well. I'm looking again for Discovery

20:45

Health tonight for couples that had a

20:47

three summit ruin their sex life and

20:49

for men with premature e. Call in.

20:52

Yeah let me say that's true. Say

20:54

it. Uh, David tell us here. Well,

20:56

we'll talk to Dave, a great comedian,

20:59

David tell after the, uh, after the

21:01

break, because we're going to go into

21:03

it right now. But... There's a really

21:05

interesting call here. Woman got an orgasm

21:08

from an MRI scan. Wow. And there's...

21:10

MRIs are... what you would do to

21:12

someone if you were effing with them.

21:15

Well, the older ones, yeah. Oh, that's

21:17

the one I have. I had to

21:19

go in head first into this guy.

21:21

Oh, yeah. It's just like a monkey

21:24

beating a trash can with a wooden

21:26

spoon with your face is mashed into

21:28

it. Talk about getting weird. Yeah. All

21:31

right, let me, let me, tell me

21:33

if you can pick up on this

21:35

vibe, Drew. Back to the guy driving

21:38

me to the airport today. Yeah. So

21:40

the guy, this is a, this is

21:42

a weird thing. Guys should drive town

21:44

cars like to talk. I'll just usually

21:47

let the guy talk. But once a

21:49

while somebody gets on to your topic,

21:51

your wheelhouse. Right. But you realize they're

21:54

talking and they're not really. It's a

21:56

weird frustrating thing. They don't know what

21:58

they're talking about. Even if they know

22:01

what you're talking about, they don't understand

22:03

that this is your thing. Yeah. So

22:05

the guy's like, he's on his Burbank,

22:07

you know, Burbank's great. It's close by

22:10

versus the terrorist Mecca. by the way

22:12

where I'm taking it. By the way,

22:14

ironically trying to make time. You want

22:17

that bomb to go off before you

22:19

guys get there. I'll see if I

22:21

can, I'm gonna jump on La Brea,

22:23

see if I can get you there

22:26

for that whole place goes up. Mushroom

22:28

cloud of fire. It would be awesome.

22:30

But anyway, so he's driving there and

22:33

he's going, you know, I'll tell you

22:35

one problem with Burbank, the cops. Oh,

22:37

they hand out tickets. Oh, and I'm

22:40

like, oh, what? Don't get me started.

22:42

And he's like, yeah, they, they, too

22:44

close. Okay. So he's like, he's, and

22:46

he just keeps going. Now, no, don't

22:49

take Hollywood Way because, and I'm like,

22:51

yes, the cops and Burbank, those pussies,

22:53

those, uh, by the way, it's not

22:56

Burbank, it's rape, it's a weird, frustrating.

22:58

thing when everyone understands a frustration of

23:00

someone not knowing what you're talking about

23:02

or someone talking to what you're right.

23:05

But it's a weird thing when they're

23:07

talking about your sort of your stock

23:09

and trade. With equal passion? With equal

23:12

passion? Oh, he's usurping your thunder. No,

23:14

but they have no idea that that's

23:16

your thing. They're not knowing. How dare

23:19

you? How dare you? you're speaking to

23:21

the vicar of Christ that might remind

23:23

me of my pardon for my point

23:25

is is it's like if someone was

23:28

had no idea what you did for

23:30

a living right started talking about addiction

23:32

medicine but didn't hear anything you were

23:35

saying oh and you never found out

23:37

you were an addiction medicine right they're

23:39

just sort of going and they're just

23:41

getting into every specific thing that you're

23:44

in to every specific thing that you're

23:46

into but never here it's a weird

23:48

frustrating experience yes and by the way

23:51

dropping you off at the uh... Well,

23:53

the world's funniest comedian is in studio

23:55

tonight. We'll take a quick break and

23:58

we'll bring him in after this. This

24:01

is your radio media. No flying will

24:03

be ready. talking

24:36

to a mic that ain't working.

24:38

How about that? Why use this

24:40

one? Come over here. We have

24:42

an engineer in here, that'd be

24:44

great. Come over here, Adam. Let's

24:46

try this one. Test, test? There

24:48

you go. Testing, testing. Another thing.

24:50

Another thing that's amazing is our

24:52

engineer is a husky guy with

24:54

a ponytail. You don't see that

24:57

too often in radio. Yeah. Got

24:59

a little that strip club DJ

25:01

in him, Ken, or engineer out

25:03

here. Hey Ken, what's happening brother

25:05

man? I think one of our

25:07

mics works, the other one doesn't

25:09

work. There it is, coming back,

25:11

coming back. Here we go. Yeah?

25:13

And you got that one? One,

25:15

two, three, four. All right. You

25:17

want to swamp back? Yeah, here

25:19

we go. Go, go. Hey, hey,

25:21

hey, yeah. And I'm not over

25:23

modulating now? No. Well, I'm going

25:25

to just go ahead and figure

25:27

that everyone over there in Los

25:29

Angeles has done their job and

25:31

the great Dave Atel is poised

25:33

at the microphone in Culver City.

25:35

Dave, is that true? That's true.

25:37

That's me. What's up? What's up?

25:39

We're gonna go do it in

25:41

your apartment later on, true. You

25:43

can add your part. Okay. Yeah.

25:45

Dave is, I was saying this,

25:47

I realize it sounds disrespectful, but

25:50

now that Mitch Hedberg has passed,

25:52

David tells officially the funniest stand-up.

25:54

And not that he wasn't before

25:56

Mitch. It's official, it's official now.

25:58

But it was like, it was

26:00

a neck and neck thing, and

26:02

now Mitch is gone, and he'll

26:04

be missed. I was a big

26:06

fan. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, Mitch was,

26:08

there is a bit of a

26:10

race to rehab with some of

26:12

the comics and I'm probably the

26:14

sea biscuit of that crew. But

26:16

in terms of Mitch, for all

26:18

of his fans and friends and

26:20

family, it's such a sad loss

26:22

and he really was a great

26:24

comic and I give him legendary

26:26

status. I put him up there

26:28

with Bill Hicks and those guys,

26:30

Sam Kennison. So, if only Drew

26:32

knew who Bill Hicks was, it

26:34

would really make that statement more

26:36

poignant. But the thing the thing

26:38

about and I've I've drew as

26:40

you know, I'm a I'm a

26:43

comedic snob Yes, and that I

26:45

don't like people I don't like

26:47

going outdoors He hates comedians and

26:49

he speaks of you with glowing

26:51

love David, there's a lot of

26:53

guys, I think, and Dave, don't

26:55

be modest here, but there are

26:57

people, and I'll tell you what,

26:59

let's speak about Mitch Hedberg, but

27:01

we'll think of you when you're

27:03

talking about Mitch, so that way

27:05

you can be modest, and that

27:07

way, you know, also get your

27:09

point across, which is, I think

27:11

there's a lot of standups out

27:13

there that just... almost approach it

27:15

like an acting gig like look

27:17

i want to do stand-up i'm

27:19

gonna buy some jokes i'm gonna

27:21

write some jokes i'm gonna steal

27:23

some jokes i'm gonna memorize them

27:25

just like an actor would memorize

27:27

a monologue right and i'm gonna

27:29

go up there and do myself

27:31

i'll treat it like a gin

27:33

rummy handle discard a few i'll

27:36

discard a few i'll collect a

27:38

few i'll get a nice tight

27:40

20 minutes and i'll make some

27:42

travel and do some cruise ships

27:44

i'll do a few appearances on

27:46

a few appearances on a few

27:48

appearances on a few appearances on

27:50

letter appearances on letter on letter

27:52

doing it, need to do it,

27:54

have to do it. That's how

27:56

Mitch was, that's how Dave is.

27:58

You know, there's just people, this

28:00

is what they do, not what

28:02

they can do, what they should

28:04

be doing, what they do do.

28:06

They actually do it. Yeah. And

28:08

they need to do it, and

28:10

they need to do it, and

28:12

they should be doing it. Sorry

28:14

Dave. No, that's cool, man, because

28:16

I know what you're talking about,

28:18

like the seven minute wonders, where

28:20

there's guys. You know, they got

28:22

these big dreams about like, you

28:24

know, I'll do Leno or Jimmy

28:26

or whatever one time and then

28:29

I'll, you know, get my own

28:31

pilot and, you know, I'll go

28:33

from there to movies and then,

28:35

you know, somehow it'll end up

28:37

great and all that big house

28:39

and all stuff. But it's a

28:41

long process and along the way,

28:43

some things, you know, you hit

28:45

some bumps, you know, it's kind

28:47

of like... uh... you know it's

28:49

in us to do it and

28:51

mich was definitely one of those

28:53

and unfortunately the lifestyle of what

28:55

you're talking about as you know

28:57

it's not really conducive to uh...

28:59

you know and all the temptations

29:01

yeah all the temptations are right

29:03

out there for you on the

29:05

road and and you know it

29:07

takes a real strong man or

29:09

woman to you know resist well

29:11

i mean you just think about

29:13

what you do when you travel

29:15

versus what you do when you're

29:17

at home i was drunk when

29:19

you're right airport at seven thirty

29:22

the flight was delayed twenty minutes

29:24

i had put down uh... like

29:26

three highballs by eight twelve this

29:28

morning i mean normally i wouldn't

29:30

be drunk at all ten you

29:32

and i say You and I

29:34

are like a generation too late.

29:36

We're the functional drunks that we

29:38

grew up with. Like my dad.

29:40

Like my dad. Like my dad

29:42

never missed day work and he

29:44

never missed hitting me. You know,

29:46

like that kind of drunk. But

29:48

no, I'm kidding. You know, you

29:50

know, it's like drinking is my

29:52

thing. That's my big problem. But

29:54

I'm with you man. It's so

29:56

hard to resist it, you know.

29:58

And imagine, like I said, if

30:00

you're... Is the new medication for

30:02

that? If you're... What is it?

30:04

Jesus. Oh, that's cold. The body's

30:06

going to give us those answers

30:08

to a camp problem. Yeah, it's

30:10

good. What's up? It's a new

30:12

medication that decreases the drive to

30:15

use alcohol. You're supposed to take

30:17

it with comprehensive treatment, but it's

30:19

very good. It's very effective. Is

30:21

it like that? I mean... No,

30:23

you still drink on it. I'm

30:25

down to three paces a day.

30:27

You can, but you're not supposed

30:29

to. I mean, you're missing the

30:31

point. We get sick? No. Okay,

30:33

it just decreases the drive. I

30:35

can try and see what it

30:37

would do. But all I'm saying,

30:39

all I'm saying is, is normally

30:41

my booze starts when I get

30:43

home from the radio at 1230

30:45

at night. If I travel, the

30:47

booze starts 20 minutes after I

30:49

get to the airport, whenever that

30:51

is, and I couldn't imagine doing

30:53

it for a living. It just

30:55

be one big long cocktail party.

30:57

Yeah. And also the same with

30:59

everything that's sort of bad for

31:01

your smoking, eating. junk you eat

31:03

when you're strung out, you get

31:05

up early, you're traveling, you're eating

31:08

stuff, you're not exercising the way

31:10

you would. I mean, it's a

31:12

lifestyle that can erode you physically

31:14

pretty quickly. Yeah, you love it,

31:16

Dave. Yeah, you get into the

31:18

habit. Like when I was touring

31:20

with Mitch, it was Mitch and

31:22

Lewis Black, another great comic. And

31:24

we, you know, we're all, none

31:26

of us are like, are gonna

31:28

be a men's health magazine. I

31:30

mean, we're just, you know, straight

31:32

ahead drunks and, you know, we

31:34

drink and do all that kind

31:36

of smoke and everything. But we

31:38

felt for Mitch because he had

31:40

just come off of one of

31:42

his bad episodes. And meanwhile, this

31:44

guy has to tonight. It's like

31:46

amazing, you know, but I guess

31:48

that's part of the addiction. It's

31:50

like you can always get to

31:52

do it But it's stopping is

31:54

the hardest thing. What did what

31:56

did he? This is a great

31:58

comedic interview by the way. What

32:01

did he, did he, did he,

32:03

O.D. or what actually happened to

32:05

him in the, in the, in

32:07

the big picture? See, I, I

32:09

really have, and I'm not holding

32:11

back or anything, but I will

32:13

say that he, I don't know

32:15

if he O.D. O.D. the way

32:17

we've seen in movies, but. He

32:19

evidently was doing something and we're

32:21

waiting on the toxicology to come

32:23

back about what exactly happened to

32:25

him. But I will say one

32:27

thing about the whole drug addiction

32:29

thing and Mitch that a lot

32:31

of people tried to reach out

32:33

to him to help him and

32:35

that comes from like... other comics

32:37

friends family my managers all these

32:39

people who knew and loved Mitch

32:41

they saw him and they really

32:43

wanted to get him help the

32:45

only person who didn't think he

32:47

had a problem was Mitch and

32:49

I really do believe that that

32:51

he you know thought he can

32:54

control his his thing or learn

32:56

how to do it differently and

32:58

you know the denials a defining

33:00

feature of addiction yeah dr you

33:02

can tell everybody that like once

33:04

he admits he has the problem

33:06

that's part of the cure yeah

33:08

he never got to that point

33:10

it was sad you know yeah

33:12

Because he did deserve a second

33:14

chance. Everybody deserves another chance. Well,

33:16

speaking of another chance, you want

33:18

to see Dave Atel this Friday,

33:20

April 8th, he's going to be

33:22

at the Canyon Club, and Agora

33:24

Hills. I got a bunch of

33:26

other stuff here, Dave, like the

33:28

Insomniac tour and that kind of

33:30

stuff. What stuff do you want

33:32

to hit? If we're gonna plug

33:34

some dates, I'll be at the

33:36

Canyon Club and then the next

33:38

day Saturday I'll be talk about

33:40

Temptation I'll be at Cesar's in

33:42

Tahoe, so Adam have you been

33:44

there? Yeah, that's mountain drinking beautiful.

33:47

Yeah, Tom's amazing by the way

33:49

There's nothing else to do. Yeah,

33:51

it's just drinking and gambling It

33:53

is a beautiful place if you

33:55

can get out of you know,

33:57

the lake the lake is amazing

33:59

And let me tell you a

34:01

revelation I had over in Tahoe.

34:03

They don't really have strip clubs

34:05

in Tahoe. They don't. But you

34:07

know what they do have? They

34:09

got a lot of pent-up women

34:11

at clubs. They're looking at a

34:13

party. It's almost better than a

34:15

strip club. It's like a civilian

34:17

strip club. You know what I

34:19

mean? Yeah, it's crazy. There's just

34:21

tons of women around that town

34:23

from parts unknown that are looking

34:25

to humiliate current and ex-boyfriends. It's

34:27

awesome. Yeah, Lake Tahoe is really,

34:29

it's like 30 shades of blue.

34:31

Good Dave, get on there, get

34:33

on one of those boats and

34:35

take a lap around that lake.

34:37

See now that's something if I

34:40

didn't drink, I would do. because

34:42

you know with the drinking drinking

34:44

yeah you know it depends I

34:46

have my episodes but when you

34:48

drink you know like you miss

34:50

like a whole day you like

34:52

oh man I got to get

34:54

up and then like oh no

34:56

I'll just sleep till a showtime

34:58

and right they don't give a

35:00

crack it and not to use

35:02

an improper term there but give

35:04

a shot at the recovery I'd

35:06

say that I didn't know this

35:08

was a intervention Yeah, true. This

35:10

feels like, you guys were so

35:12

afraid to be violent, you went

35:14

to New York to tell me.

35:16

We don't have any business here,

35:18

we're coming home in the morning.

35:20

Now, you're right, like, the thing

35:22

that sobers me up the most

35:24

is having to work, and you

35:26

guys know how it is, where

35:28

it's not like... a nine to

35:30

five job this whole thing that

35:33

we do it's like you have

35:35

to get up for radio promotions

35:37

at six in the morning and

35:39

i try and like be a

35:41

little professional i had my days

35:43

where i go in like you

35:45

know smelling like the night before

35:47

and right just got too hard

35:49

you know i'm getting old so

35:51

so i i agree with you

35:53

man you're right we can all

35:55

learn something from what happened to

35:57

Mitch and you know i guess

35:59

moderation is the way to go

36:01

it's just hard to pull off

36:03

you if you if you're an

36:05

alcoholic you can't Dave's not an

36:07

alcoholic stuff. It's a disorder of

36:09

brain a liquid adventure. And so

36:11

the way the drive mechanisms... become

36:13

altered, there's something called a corkatope

36:15

and releasing factor that becomes... Booray!

36:17

enlisted in the amygdala. All right,

36:19

come on, the man. And neuropreptide

36:21

wide drops down. You can't control

36:23

it, you just can't. Here's Paula,

36:26

who's 25. Paul. Hi, hi. I

36:28

had an MRI today on my

36:30

knee, and it was a series

36:32

of six different scans, I suppose.

36:34

And during two of them, I

36:36

actually had orgasms. Wow. And I

36:38

was wondering if Dr. Juic could

36:40

explain that. You're an alcoholic. It's

36:42

great for guys never brought a

36:44

woman orgasm via air force. Now

36:46

we all need an MRI machine.

36:48

Yes. Basically you're at a metal,

36:50

medical facility. Knocking them out. Was

36:52

it a cold table? Was it

36:54

cold, is it, why, why cold?

36:56

Never in the cold, but she

36:58

told us if she sat on

37:00

a cold surface. Oh, she said

37:02

in her bathroom floor. Yeah, yeah.

37:04

Oh, no, it was, you know,

37:06

it was kind of like a

37:08

little cut. I was on like

37:10

a. All right, actually. And is

37:12

it, was it shaking? Is that

37:14

what caused the interaction? So I

37:16

was wondering about that. I asked

37:19

the... Orghasma Ray. Well, what was

37:21

she pointed at women? Actually, as

37:23

a guy, I interviewed a guy

37:25

that's putting in orgasmic stimulators into

37:27

the spine. It is certain that

37:29

we put these stimulators at the,

37:31

what's called, the cata aquana, the

37:33

typical spinal column. Women have orgasms

37:35

when you turn the electricity on.

37:37

Nice. It's weird. Are you multi-orgasmic?

37:39

Yes. Yeah, so you have yeah,

37:41

you just have them all over

37:43

the place doesn't take anything for

37:45

you Am I the only one

37:47

who wants to know how your

37:49

knee is? What what what they

37:51

find? I don't know until I

37:53

have a follow-up It's probably not

37:55

major. A little fluid. Yeah, and

37:57

I was also wondering if they

37:59

were just scanning my knee, would

38:01

there be anything on the MRI

38:03

that might? have led the technician

38:05

or my doctor to find out

38:07

that I was having orgasms. No,

38:09

no, no, no way, no way.

38:12

You're screaming at the top, you

38:14

know, it might give him a

38:16

hand. Stop to the technician again.

38:18

Yeah, right, going back to the

38:20

scanner at night, flicking this wood.

38:22

Yeah, you break the hand to

38:24

the place, yeah. It's hard to

38:26

imagine how the magnet itself could

38:28

have caused this kind of thing.

38:30

I just, I just don't quite

38:32

get that. I suppose it's... What

38:34

about the thing where they hook

38:36

the probe up to the person's

38:38

spinal column? How does that work?

38:40

That's actually something that has to

38:42

be slipped up a little electrode

38:44

into the spinal column. You put

38:46

a hole in your skin? Do

38:48

you have a regular vibrator? Or

38:50

do you have a regular vibrator?

38:52

I know this guy who does

38:54

pain management noticed that it was

38:56

because you putting spinal stimulators into

38:58

control pain, these women started becoming

39:00

orgasm or having spontaneous orgasms. Because

39:02

like you see a tongue ring,

39:05

you know, the chick's good to

39:07

go. Orgazion. You see the extension

39:09

cord hanging out of smaller backs.

39:11

Like, all right. We're in. We're

39:13

in. Do you have a regular

39:15

vibrator? See, I think you should

39:17

get one. No, she just flips

39:19

on like a fluorescent bulb and

39:21

all of a sudden. She's almost

39:23

excited. She's on, yeah. The toaster

39:25

oven fires up. Yes ma'am. So

39:27

I thought it was kind of

39:29

harder to explain because the technician

39:31

said that the most important thing

39:33

for the MRI was for the

39:35

patient to remain completely still. So

39:37

I thought that it couldn't possibly

39:39

vibrate. So I was wondering if

39:41

it was in fact the magnet.

39:44

I've never heard of the man, maybe

39:46

it's possible, I've just never heard of

39:49

that, I suppose it's possible. Let me

39:51

float something true. They always tell women

39:53

to take more iron. I always

39:55

say women are more iron than maggots.

39:58

Nothing conducts a magnet like an

40:00

iron. Think about it, Drew. Before you

40:02

just dismiss it and laugh at all,

40:04

think about it. It's an interesting phenomenon.

40:07

I just don't see how they...

40:09

Okay, iron in the blood, right? No,

40:11

I know. Flip the electromagnet on. It

40:13

starts getting pulled down toward the vagina.

40:16

Vagina becomes in gorge, okay? With

40:18

blood, thus stimuli. It's a flipping on

40:20

it too. Just think about it.

40:22

Be so dismissive and stuck up. All

40:24

right, let's take a break. Davidel is

40:27

over there in Los Angeles, Dr. Dr.

40:29

Drew and I around. here in

40:31

Dave's home turf in New York City.

40:33

We'll take a quick break. We'll be

40:36

right back after this. Love Line. We'll

40:38

be right back. Dave Attel is

40:40

in Los Angeles tonight. Dave is now

40:42

officially the world's funniest stand comic.

40:44

I like the way Dave doesn't even

40:47

take a beat with the vicar. Well

40:49

my thing is, it's one, another, uh...

40:51

You're too kind man, it's embarrassing.

40:53

Well no, I've seen Dave do stand

40:56

up on way more than one occasion,

40:58

he's just an awesome stand-up. There's a

41:00

lot of good people out there,

41:02

but Mitch was that was a big

41:05

loss for comedy because he was

41:07

so unique Yeah, he was he was

41:09

excellent, but Dave you would be a

41:11

bigger loss for comedy not your family

41:14

necessarily, but for comedy That is

41:16

funny Dave found this Friday April 8th

41:18

at the Canyon Club in the Agora

41:20

Hills, and then Saturday the ninth he's

41:23

gonna be over at Tahoe, right?

41:25

Yeah, Caesar's Tahoe. Caesar's Tahoe. Caesar's Tahoe.

41:27

All right Drew who we talk

41:29

a nice fisting call. Yeah, oh Michelle

41:31

20s. 7. Hi. Hey. My question is

41:34

about, sorry, hold on, excuse me, I'm

41:36

at work, I've got to speak

41:38

outside. So everyone I work with doesn't

41:40

here. Where do you work? I work,

41:43

I can't say where I work because

41:45

I probably get in trouble for

41:47

that, but I'm a caregiver. I take

41:49

care of people who have Alzheimer's

41:51

and dementia. So it's not them, I'm

41:54

worried about us, the people I work

41:56

with, I don't want them hearing them.

41:58

Okay, all right, let's go on.

42:00

Okay, anyway, my question is, I'm, I'm,

42:03

I'm, I have a really really high

42:05

sex drive and I'm, I'm always curious

42:07

about, you know, exploring new things

42:09

and doing new kind of stuff. Well,

42:12

my boyfriend today, we were, we

42:14

were messing around and he started to

42:16

finger me and was using two fingers.

42:18

And it was kind of a progressive

42:21

thing where I was like, okay,

42:23

try another one, another one, another one,

42:25

and well, eventually it ends up being

42:27

a 15 situation where... Especially got the

42:30

14 finger. And how buddy... Past

42:32

his wrist. You know, past his wrist

42:34

had gone in there, like maybe

42:36

an inch or two down from his

42:38

wrist. So part of, I mean, the

42:41

lower part of his arm. And the

42:43

thing is, I really liked it.

42:45

So I'm a little sore now, but...

42:47

You're so concerned that I mean is

42:50

that is that dangerous? Should I not

42:52

do that? Is that? You know

42:54

you can cause your wreathful damage and

42:56

you can cause some Yeah, you

42:58

could traumatize the area, but it's it's

43:01

sort of meant to stretch pretty good

43:03

Yeah, you know, it's funny if you

43:05

pull out the scarves that never

43:07

ended up drum drums going away Let

43:10

me give a little, let me just,

43:12

let me just, let me give a

43:14

little, let me give a little

43:16

math. We don't, on radio, we just,

43:19

you know, it's the theater of

43:21

the mine, but when I hear, here's

43:23

a first thing, I hear, I hear

43:26

graveyard shift, I hear 20 pounds overweight,

43:28

then I hear caregiver now we're

43:30

up to 50 pounds overweight and then

43:32

I hear off up to the elbow

43:35

fisting and now we're about 85 to

43:37

90 pounds overweight where are you

43:39

you're big gal? You know I'm probably

43:41

close to about 100 pounds overweight.

43:43

It doesn't really look that way but

43:46

I had you at about 90. That's

43:48

where you have to do the radio

43:50

math. You haven't done that yet.

43:52

Yeah, okay. All right. All right. And

43:55

hey, let me ask you something about

43:57

the caregiving shoes. You guys just can't

43:59

wear regular sneakers. You have to

44:01

wear those weird flesh-colored ones. They're sort

44:04

of rounded off in the front

44:06

and maybe have a Velcro strap. They're

44:08

just creepy. Even pumps, like high heel,

44:10

you know. Yeah, I want to hear

44:13

you coming down the hall. That'll

44:15

be good for the taps. Yeah, she

44:17

got stiletto heels. Taps. She's got a

44:19

hundred pounds extra weight on her and

44:22

she's wearing a nice stiletto. All

44:24

right, so what about it Drew? Is

44:26

this something that could harm a

44:28

down? Obviously you could. You're talking about

44:30

maybe tearing and again I worry more

44:33

about your wreaths damage and your attract

44:35

infections that kind of thing. But

44:37

it's not as though it's the kind

44:39

of thing if people do this thing

44:42

and it's not as though people are

44:44

entering the hospital daily with the

44:46

actual ruptures. Yeah, but you know like

44:48

what's in it for a guy?

44:50

It's like you'd be like you'd be

44:53

like you're stretching out your own... underpants

44:55

like you got to go in there

44:57

and wait a minute buddy with

44:59

something a lot less than a fist

45:02

what kind of strategies like you're giving

45:04

yourself a wedgy what kind of strategy

45:06

is this yeah he's that he

45:08

was my little thought bubble as a

45:11

matter of fact it's gonna be

45:13

a huge disappointment when mr. penis comes

45:15

a knock and after the fist leaves

45:17

right it just so nice yeah here's

45:20

the thing I go in with

45:22

something smaller like a popsicle stick or

45:24

something then the penis seems a toe

45:26

perhaps a little piggy big Yeah, I

45:29

know I go with the little

45:31

one. Yeah, and I cut the nail

45:33

Oh, so it's in your wences.

45:35

Sign your wences, what stories you'll tell.

45:37

It's all right. So, you say, two

45:40

inches past the wrist, huh? Yeah, well,

45:42

probably about an inch, maybe close

45:44

to two, but... Wow. Let me ask

45:46

you this, Drew, is this, he wasn't

45:49

wearing one of those medical alert bracelets,

45:51

was he, like, I'm a diabetic?

45:53

Oh, right. Here's the thing, Drew. Yeah.

45:55

minuscule down. I don't know, but

45:57

there's a more, the pouch bigger, the

46:00

area bigger. I don't know, yeah. Maybe

46:02

you're not in, you know what I

46:04

mean? Maybe you're not in, maybe

46:06

there's, the whole area is inflated, so

46:09

you're not really in as far as

46:11

you think you're in. Maybe, I just

46:13

don't know. I rarely talk to

46:15

small women who are into this. Yeah,

46:18

yeah. I get back to me.

46:20

All right, so here's a thing. If

46:22

something, if something doesn't hurt, if something

46:24

doesn't hurt, if something doesn't hurt, if

46:27

something doesn't hurt, if something doesn't

46:29

hurt, if something doesn't hurt, is it

46:31

doesn't hurt, is it doesn't hurt, is

46:33

it doesn't hurt, is it doesn't hurt,

46:36

if something doesn't hurt, is it

46:38

doesn't hurt, is it doesn't hurt, is

46:40

it doesn't hurt, is it, if

46:42

something doesn't hurt, if something doesn't hurt,

46:44

if something doesn't hurt, if something doesn't

46:47

You know what I'm saying? Something doesn't

46:49

hurt. Well your body, pain is

46:51

basically there to give you feedback to

46:53

let you know it's something you need

46:56

to stop doing. Right. Not hurt or

46:58

things that don't hurt? I don't

47:00

trust this guy by the way. What's

47:02

he do? He drive a rig?

47:04

No, he's a warehouse manager. Oh, I

47:07

thought he was a conductor of Philharmonic

47:09

or something. A picture guy fails. Did

47:11

he fail to overhand or underhand

47:13

like, you know, like Lady Softball. Yeah,

47:16

how's he got? First to start out

47:18

just as fingers going in and once

47:20

his hand, then base close of

47:22

hand and made a fist and he

47:25

can turn it and stuff. All

47:27

right, so he's just working it out.

47:29

You say fist, but you're not really

47:31

making a fist. It's more like fist.

47:34

She said he closed his hand

47:36

once he was in there. Yeah, but

47:38

isn't it sort of like you're trying

47:40

to, it's like you're trying to fish

47:43

something out of a vending machine

47:45

more than it is you're actually trying

47:47

to kill the machine with your

47:49

hand. Well, you can't just give it

47:51

the right hook. Yeah, there's a kit

47:54

cat up there and it didn't fall

47:56

all the way down to the

47:58

shoot. No, you gotta get it. Then

48:00

he closed his hand around it though.

48:03

All right. Yeah. Yeah, no, no, okay

48:05

sign. Well, here's my point. Who

48:07

says chivalry is dead? All right, yes,

48:10

chivalrous, yes, yes. I were. Do

48:12

we need to take a right through?

48:14

Yeah. Yeah. David Tell is in studio

48:16

tonight. I'll tell, I can go for

48:19

Fisting Call every show. I really

48:21

could. It's been a long time. Dave

48:23

is going to be at the Canyon

48:25

Club this Friday, April 8th, and then

48:28

Caesar's Tahoe on the next day,

48:30

Saturday. Take a quick break. We'll be

48:32

right back after this. All right,

48:34

guys. Here's the deal. 877,

48:37

889, date.

48:40

If you

48:43

need to.

48:46

Call love

48:49

line, 1800

48:52

love, 191.

49:06

Are we going? Hey. Hey everybody. Hey

49:09

Dan the engineer. Where's that finger thing

49:11

that I got in the radio so

49:13

the engineer guy could give me the

49:16

finger? No, not that one. Yeah, the

49:18

pointing. Not that middle finger. Yeah, like

49:20

I grew up. watching sitcoms were once

49:22

every like 15 episodes something to do

49:25

with radio and the engineer was so

49:27

animated with that big finger you're on

49:29

and it would show the meters going

49:31

and they do that thing where I

49:34

hold one ear I hold my cup

49:36

a hand over one ear you know

49:38

how come we never do that thing

49:41

Drew where we cup our hand just

49:43

over one ear remember how Keith Partridge

49:45

used to sing he'd be going to

49:47

a recording studio every once when I

49:50

do the one hand over the one

49:52

ear and over the beginning of laughing

49:54

used to do that oh yeah Gary

49:57

Owens let's do that David tell in

49:59

Do you mean the big hand, like

50:01

the Howie Mandel hand? Is that what

50:03

you're talking about? No, not the hand

50:06

purse. Not a blown up love. But

50:08

the hand, you know. back in the

50:10

day when guys would go into the

50:12

recording session when it was studio like

50:15

when Keith Partridge or Davy from the

50:17

monkeys would go in and they had

50:19

to do a ballot it was always

50:22

one hand cupped over one ear and

50:24

they were seeing it was holding a

50:26

headphone up to their ear yeah it

50:28

was it was pressing the headphone but

50:31

it was like they were caressing themselves

50:33

too you know it was very it

50:35

was like they were hearing the ambient

50:38

noise and then the focus but it

50:40

was like They don't do that on

50:42

American Idol anymore. I mean, no, there's

50:44

no, there's no, they don't do that.

50:47

All right, let's do that, Drew, and

50:49

let's get the engineer to give us

50:51

a finger. Always God. Dave. Good. Dave

50:53

Atel is here the world's funniest stand-up.

50:56

I saw Dave when I was in

50:58

San Francisco many years ago, about five

51:00

years ago, doing some just fantastic work

51:03

and then many other times of course

51:05

since then yesterday. I'm looking for people

51:07

that have had three sums and that

51:09

has screwed up their sex life and

51:12

men who have premature E. Nice. And

51:14

diabetic males who didn't take care of

51:16

their diabetes and they're having a rectal

51:19

problems. Dave, by the way, can be

51:21

found at the Canyon Club in the

51:23

Cora Hills, coming up this Friday and

51:25

then Caesar's Tahoe on Saturday. And I

51:28

was talking to Drew or taking a

51:30

long walk to get some coffee about

51:32

how this dog is the best thing

51:34

ever did. And I showed Adam, Dan

51:37

Radher's chair. Yeah, it was nice. He

51:39

sniffed it. Yeah. Smelt newsy. My, uh,

51:41

my wife used to always want to

51:44

go on vacations. Actually, my wife doesn't

51:46

want to go on vacations until she

51:48

hears other a-holes bragging about. Yeah. Oh,

51:50

yeah. Oh, we want to Van Oahu.

51:53

Oh, oh, another. We got a cabana.

51:55

And then my wife starts going, why

51:57

aren't we go? How come we're, you're

52:00

always working on your, we're never going.

52:02

So she gets all into that. And

52:04

then we have to go on these

52:06

vacations. And it's never a good time

52:09

and it's expensive and all this stuff.

52:11

But I realized I just got a

52:13

dog about six months ago and she

52:15

doesn't like to go on vacations because

52:18

she doesn't like to leave Molly. Yeah.

52:20

Now it's like, what's Molly doing? And

52:22

then it's all this speculation. Do you

52:25

think Molly knows where we're going? No,

52:27

she announced that she does know. Molly

52:29

doesn't think we're coming back and I

52:31

play into it. No, she thinks we've

52:34

abandoned her. She's trying to like, oh,

52:36

you know, oh dear, it's a kibble

52:38

or something right now. We should get

52:41

back as soon as possible. So now

52:43

she doesn't want to go anywhere. Which

52:45

is awesome. That's good. You got a

52:47

woman who doesn't want to go on

52:50

vacation, save herself some, you know, some

52:52

service and some money. But so she's

52:54

always wonder about the dog, but I

52:56

was thinking. I told her this and

52:59

maybe it was a mistake, but she's

53:01

always wondering, like, she's always saying to

53:03

me, you know, who's Molly, like more,

53:06

and what about Molly, Molly, Molly, Molly,

53:08

you scare Molly, when you do this,

53:10

and mine, I keep saying, it's a

53:12

god damn, it's a dog, it's a

53:15

dog, she doesn't think about anything, no,

53:17

Molly knows about this, and I said,

53:19

Dory, if, here's on a sofa. And

53:22

you were on the other end of

53:24

the phone, but... Okay, and all the

53:26

trees are both the same. No, no.

53:28

Hitler, Hitler has my severed head under

53:31

his arm. You're frantically calling Molly's name,

53:33

but Hitler has a playing card with

53:35

peanut butter smeared on it. You want

53:37

to know who Molly's going to? Oh

53:40

yeah. Going right over to the dictator.

53:42

Oh yeah. My severed head, just bleeding

53:44

all over his way. You guys go

53:47

right for the... Right for Hitler. You

53:49

need to have kids, because then that

53:51

dog will become a dog, a dog,

53:53

a dog, a dog, a dog, a

53:56

dog, a dog, a dog, a dog,

53:58

a dog, a dog, a dog, a

54:00

dog, a dog, a dog, a dog,

54:03

a dog, a dog, a dog, a

54:05

dog, a, a, a, a, a, a,

54:07

a, a, a, a, a, a, a,

54:09

a, a, a, a, a, a, a,

54:12

a, a, a, Well see then I

54:14

don't want that because then no more

54:16

vacations though you can't really leave the

54:18

kids alone. I'm already working that angle

54:21

with the dog. It was awesome because

54:23

we're out here in New York and

54:25

I was like well we're leaving Wednesday

54:28

we'll come back Friday and then When

54:30

she found out two weeks ago, she's

54:32

like, well, why are we coming home

54:34

so early? Why aren't we staying the

54:37

weekend? Why aren't we doing some shopping?

54:39

Why aren't we having a good time?

54:41

Then on the plane out here, I

54:44

was like, you already miss smiling. She's

54:46

like, yeah. And I said, you're glad

54:48

we're coming home Friday. She's like, yeah.

54:50

And I said, you're glad we're coming

54:53

home Friday. She's like, yeah. We're glad

54:55

we're coming home. Now I'm going to

54:57

forget. You, Liam Neeson walked out of

54:59

our hotel. Wow. Williams is in our

55:02

hotel. Wow. Lindsay Lohan tripped in front

55:04

of our car. Cool. Hi. I saw

55:06

John Stamos. Tonight? Wow. Yeah. Weird. What's

55:09

going on this town? You know, what

55:11

do you think we're in Baton Rouge?

55:13

We're in Manhattan. You wait a year.

55:15

That is a good, that is a

55:18

good, that is a good, uh, wetchmicoa.

55:20

You know, grouping of celebrities, Liam Nieson,

55:22

Lindsay Lohan, Pat marita, you know, some

55:25

scientist, got a bit of a celebrity

55:27

poker thing going there. John Stamos, like,

55:29

what couldn't you get done with those

55:31

four celebrities? Sitcom, movie, dramatic comedy, it's

55:34

all covered, buddy. All right, let's take

55:36

some phone, and then you add David

55:38

Tell, the list, and the huge night,

55:40

huge night. It's mad, mad world. A

55:43

non-siting. Let's, let's, let's take a call.

55:45

By the movie, by the movie. Mad

55:47

Mad World. That is a great movie.

55:50

But all television actors. Yeah, no, there

55:52

was guys that weren't. Who? Jimmy Durante

55:54

was in it. Okay. All right. For

55:56

a few seconds though. There was Phil

55:59

Silver. Spencer Tracy, right? I fear again

56:01

for a few seconds. The movie is

56:03

about a bunch of television actors never

56:06

been in a film before. Think about

56:08

it. Well, probably not. Yeah. It was

56:10

the booty tang of that generation of

56:12

that generation. It says it right on

56:15

the poster. It sure does. How they

56:17

knew a movie called Pootetang would come

56:19

along 45 years later. I'll never know,

56:21

but it was a ballsy move and

56:24

they went for it. Dick Sean was

56:26

in it. Dick Sean, he was great.

56:28

Yeah, all right, let's take some calls,

56:31

Drew. Lisa, 18. Lisa? Been on hold

56:33

about 80 minutes. Uh-oh. Lisa, see there.

56:35

Lisa? caller who goes by Lisa. All

56:37

right. Let's go the next call. All

56:40

right, this is Amanda 23. Hi. Hey.

56:42

Hi, I have a few questions for

56:44

you. Well, I guess I should tell

56:47

you a little bit about it first.

56:49

I've been seeing this guy for about

56:51

three months now. And the first time

56:53

that we had sex, we used a

56:56

condom. And afterwards, we were just having

56:58

pillow talk, you know, and I asked

57:00

him if he had sex without a

57:02

condom and he said no. And I

57:05

was like, well, we'll have to fix

57:07

that, you know. And so I got

57:09

on birth control. Wow. So we have,

57:12

when I give him head, like there's

57:14

a lot of pre-come, you know? And

57:16

I didn't think it would, it would

57:18

matter, but like when we're having sex,

57:21

it gets really wet, you know, and

57:23

like I'm not, I don't think I'm

57:25

feeling as much as I could, you

57:28

know, because it's so like... And you

57:30

think that's from what comes out of

57:32

him? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think so.

57:34

I mean... No, that's you. That's you.

57:37

That's you. Yeah. Really? I don't know.

57:39

I'm thinking that maybe it's because he's

57:41

always had sex with the condom on

57:43

and maybe that like helps, I don't

57:46

know, helps it feel better for him

57:48

with the condom. I don't see, I

57:50

don't think it's me. You think he's

57:53

ejaculating? Yeah. And then continuing to have

57:55

intercourse? No, no, no, I think it's

57:57

just pre-come. Because like when I give

57:59

him head, I can tell there's like

58:02

a lot of pre-come. Yeah, but first

58:04

off, let me tell you something, speaking

58:06

of experience, a little pre-come goes a

58:09

long way. In your mouth. Everywhere. Everywhere.

58:11

Drapery, fabric, everything. Headliners everywhere. You know

58:13

what I'm saying? A little dab will

58:15

do you in the neighborhood. So what

58:18

seems like a, you know, relish tray

58:20

of goo coming out of them is

58:22

really nothing more than, you know, a

58:25

small half a tablespoon. Oh, it's most,

58:27

you know, and that's not going to

58:29

give you such intense lubrication that you're

58:31

not going to be able to feel

58:34

things. Yeah, you're... It also makes me

58:36

wonder how the atomic fits going on

58:38

for you too. Hmm. It kind of

58:40

hurts him. I mean, I don't know.

58:43

I thought, well, I don't want to

58:45

have to go back to condoms, you

58:47

know, I just got on his birth

58:50

control. You didn't answer my question about

58:52

the anatomy that you two share. He's

58:54

octagonal shaped and she's a blonde. She's

58:56

like a cylinder, sir. I'm sorry, I

58:59

can't hear very well on my cell

59:01

phone. Okay, well, let's try to figure

59:03

this out. Are you guys boyfriend and

59:06

girlfriend and girlfriend? Yes. Sure. Well, there's

59:08

a little something cooking here. What's going

59:10

on? I don't know. I just... He

59:12

works at... He's a manager at the

59:15

same store that I work at. We

59:17

both were to get coffee shops. He

59:19

works with a different one. And he

59:21

just, he comes in every once in

59:24

a while and we... Uh-uh. Uh-oh. Cool.

59:26

He's just having a good time. He

59:28

might not look at you as his

59:31

girlfriend. Well, so am I. No, Amanda,

59:33

you just said you're in love with

59:35

him. Yeah, you're into him. You said

59:37

you're in love, Amanda. What kind of

59:40

denial is that? I didn't say that.

59:42

You said that. Yeah, sure, I'm in

59:44

love with him. He would never say

59:47

anything like that. He's just having sex.

59:49

Yeah. Is he married or something? No.

59:51

Yeah, all right, but you you don't

59:53

trust him completely do you? Not is

59:56

not her boyfriend. I don't You don't

59:58

trust him completely do you? Well we've

1:00:00

only been together for three months. What's

1:00:02

that a trust? They just hook, they,

1:00:05

she said they hook up when he

1:00:07

comes by to examine the coffee house.

1:00:09

Wow, really? Call your thing? No, no,

1:00:12

no. I used to use that code

1:00:14

for oral too. Hills Brothers buyer, I

1:00:16

bang on the door. Yeah. So all

1:00:18

right, I don't, listen, you, what's her

1:00:21

name, Drew? Amanda. Amanda, you sound, you

1:00:23

sound a little confused, a little naive.

1:00:25

You sound like you're in a little

1:00:28

over your head and you also sound

1:00:30

like maybe you're scared to ask the

1:00:32

important questions of this guy, like, hey,

1:00:34

what's up? They can't even get close,

1:00:37

didn't that, you guys even date? Yeah,

1:00:39

yeah, we do. Yeah. Yeah, they walked

1:00:41

her over to refill the Splenda Hopper

1:00:43

one time. That was it. All right.

1:00:46

No, look. Here's what you need to

1:00:48

do. All right, if you got, first

1:00:50

thing you need to do is make

1:00:53

sure you're committed to this guy, make

1:00:55

sure he's committed to you and talk

1:00:57

and make sure you're having a relationship.

1:00:59

Yeah. Well, I don't know that I

1:01:02

want that. I mean, I'm just, I'm

1:01:04

having fun. And I think, no, you're

1:01:06

not. Oh, Amanda, please. Who are you

1:01:09

kidding? You are, you're having fun because

1:01:11

you believe that if you did ask

1:01:13

him, you won't get it. You're not

1:01:15

going to get the answers that you

1:01:18

want. Yes, yes. Who are you kidding?

1:01:20

Where's your dad? What did he do

1:01:22

to you? My dad's probably at home

1:01:24

sleeping at home sleeping. He smokesought pot.

1:01:27

He smokes pot my entire life. He's

1:01:29

like a resource. That's great. He's neglectful.

1:01:31

And so you have intimacy problems. Or

1:01:34

you never get close to another man.

1:01:36

No, man. That's what's going on. Hey,

1:01:38

that's how it happens. All right, baby.

1:01:40

Look, I know you're laughing the whole

1:01:43

thing off, but you have some intimacy

1:01:45

issues here. You're going to have to

1:01:47

look into this. This is not a

1:01:50

laughing matter. And as far as sex

1:01:52

goes, ah. a little lube or see

1:01:54

what I know already you're lubricating it's

1:01:56

not him though it's not his his

1:01:59

copious amount of pre-com okay were you

1:02:01

were you sexually abused Amanda at some

1:02:03

point no you have no abuse right

1:02:05

that no sometimes people don't by her

1:02:08

stepdad but not me at all ever

1:02:10

that's not really abused you know but

1:02:12

by the way that that mom usually

1:02:15

brings in an abusive yeah yeah Can

1:02:17

I ask you a question for me?

1:02:19

Did you guys ever have sex lab

1:02:21

work? Like since you both kind of

1:02:24

worked together? No. Why not? Well he

1:02:26

works at another store. Oh, okay. We've

1:02:28

never worked together or anything. But he

1:02:31

is a manager, so I mean, we

1:02:33

can't really tell anybody, you know. Right.

1:02:35

He's a manager at another store. Hey,

1:02:37

let me ask you a question. I'm

1:02:40

usually pretty good with those tip jars.

1:02:42

then someone got me a gift certificate

1:02:44

one of those credit card type gift

1:02:46

certificates like Starbucks or the coffee tea

1:02:49

bean and leap sack or whatever and

1:02:51

I realize I never tip when I

1:02:53

pull those things out because you hand

1:02:56

them the card and they hand them

1:02:58

back to you yeah you guys got

1:03:00

to hate those things right those cards

1:03:02

just go tipping with those things no

1:03:05

not really I don't see it like

1:03:07

that I mean if people tip us

1:03:09

that's cool it's not I mean they

1:03:12

get the same treatment you know I

1:03:14

don't I know, I know they get

1:03:16

the same treatment, but you're bringing home

1:03:18

less money, the more those that get

1:03:21

used, right? Well, we divvy out our

1:03:23

tips every week, depending on how many

1:03:25

hours you work that week. Right, and

1:03:27

you used to have 500 bucks to

1:03:30

divvy up, but now you have 280

1:03:32

bucks to divvy up, is what I'm

1:03:34

saying. But thanks for the great answers,

1:03:37

by the way. Yeah, it doesn't really

1:03:39

bother me either way. It's not about

1:03:41

me. I love my job. I love

1:03:43

where I work, so I'm just happy

1:03:46

either way. All right, good. Good, good.

1:03:48

You need to get clear with this

1:03:50

guy about what you're doing here. And

1:03:53

your fear of what his response might

1:03:55

be is what's preventing you from going

1:03:57

in deeper. So you gotta do it.

1:03:59

Yeah. The whole manager thing, we always

1:04:02

talk about it in terms of managing

1:04:04

a restaurant and what just says. The

1:04:06

new version of that. Yeah. I worked

1:04:08

in the restaurant one time. And my

1:04:11

manager had worked at a strip joint.

1:04:13

before he started working there. So I

1:04:15

guess he was used to like fooling

1:04:18

around with people and I don't know

1:04:20

he was flirting with me and stuff

1:04:22

and now I have like we did

1:04:24

our thing you know and now I

1:04:27

have like I'm attracted to people in

1:04:29

authority you know. Amanda, that's not good.

1:04:31

You already had that problem. That's why

1:04:34

you hooked up with the manager at

1:04:36

the restaurant. And by the way, all

1:04:38

managers at restaurants do that, not just

1:04:40

the ones that have been at strip

1:04:43

clubs. And the fact is, the reason

1:04:45

you have that attraction of the authoritarian

1:04:47

mail is because you didn't have a

1:04:49

father. Let me tell you what I'm

1:04:52

going to tell my son. As it

1:04:54

stands now, I'm just talking to my

1:04:56

dog. But when I have a son,

1:04:59

I'm going to say listen son, you

1:05:01

either get a gig where you make

1:05:03

some money. or you get a nice

1:05:05

poontang gig like managing. Yeah, you know,

1:05:08

that's the whole thing. You don't have

1:05:10

to do it. Oh, I see the

1:05:12

restaurant. Man's a restaurant. It's the greatest

1:05:15

job ever because A, you don't have

1:05:17

to have any brains to manage a

1:05:19

restaurant. B, the pay is pretty decent.

1:05:21

C, there's a never ending flow of

1:05:24

hot young hostesses and servers all blowing

1:05:26

in, all coming through the door, and

1:05:28

they're all counting on you to make

1:05:30

their shift for them. about how these

1:05:33

guys that go for the women for

1:05:35

whom they're responsible how exploiting them perpetuates

1:05:37

their pathology yeah does it really cement

1:05:40

in their problems yeah why it's so

1:05:42

bad for them yeah and yes she

1:05:44

whenever Dave and I know it just

1:05:46

sounds like where Squaresville over here. No,

1:05:49

I'm with you a hundred percent. We've

1:05:51

been doing this show long enough to

1:05:53

know that whenever we hear Chick go,

1:05:56

oh no, I'm just in it for

1:05:58

a good time, I'm just having a

1:06:00

fun time too, it's just kicks. I

1:06:02

mean, I'm horny, I'm using him. Yeah.

1:06:05

And 99.9% of the time, she realizes

1:06:07

that if... if he if she ever

1:06:09

asked him the question what's up with

1:06:11

us will you commit i'm looking for

1:06:14

a more stable relationship he'd be out

1:06:16

of there and that's why they don't

1:06:18

bring it up so they instead of

1:06:21

asking the tough question of course the

1:06:23

answer is going to be no they

1:06:25

talk themselves into this lifestyle and it's

1:06:27

not them Right. That's her thing. It's

1:06:30

like, oh, we're just having a good

1:06:32

time. Yeah, nonsense. Right. But where are

1:06:34

those checks? Yeah, I know, right. There's

1:06:37

two checks I missed in my life.

1:06:39

I missed that check who's just, hey,

1:06:41

baby, I'm just going to nail you

1:06:43

twice a week. And? And the one

1:06:46

that beats the hell out of the

1:06:48

girl you cheated with. Yeah. I'll kill

1:06:50

her. Yeah. Listen, baby, I got a

1:06:52

problem. That's pretty good, too. The fisting

1:06:55

one, I like all three of them

1:06:57

rolled up into one, one sandwich wrap

1:06:59

of a woman. She'd be 800 pounds,

1:07:02

but she'd be kicking ass, taking fist,

1:07:04

kicking fist. Kicking fist, yeah. Dr. Drew,

1:07:06

how come it's never like, there's no

1:07:08

male version of that, like men aren't

1:07:11

really attracted to women in authority, you

1:07:13

know, I mean. I mean, there's no

1:07:15

whatever. Yeah, you're right. One of the

1:07:18

things about men is that they have

1:07:20

appetite of response, they drive response to

1:07:22

visual stimuli. And women don't really have

1:07:24

that. Their drives are activated by other

1:07:27

things, psychological issues, intimate dialogue. the need

1:07:29

arouses and attractions built on very traumatic

1:07:31

histories and so that's what triggers their

1:07:33

appetite for men they see something they

1:07:36

like and power that then they're going

1:07:38

after it and also Dave I think

1:07:40

man contrary to popular belief we're looking

1:07:43

for targets of opportunity we are like

1:07:45

the hyenas and the bushes we're looking

1:07:47

for the gazelle that's injured we want

1:07:49

to pounce that the woman with the

1:07:52

who's running the company, this is potential

1:07:54

trouble for us. Let's just nail the

1:07:56

hot temp. So much easier. She's in,

1:07:59

she's out, she's stupid, she looks the

1:08:01

same except for we can get in

1:08:03

her pants, it's none of, you know,

1:08:05

we don't have to deal with it.

1:08:08

It's like a shark will go after

1:08:10

a fish that's wounded much sooner, it's

1:08:12

not going after a swordfish, it could

1:08:14

get stabbed. You know what I mean?

1:08:17

If it will, if there's nothing else

1:08:19

around, but it's in nature, you go

1:08:21

after the lame one. You go after

1:08:24

the injured one. You go after the

1:08:26

weak one. The women. That's why I

1:08:28

go after the handicap. Right, of course.

1:08:30

I, and physically, mentally, whatever. Women hate

1:08:33

a male that's injured. That's when they're

1:08:35

fat. Fuy. Yeah, they're not into that.

1:08:37

Men, hang back, look for an easy

1:08:40

target, target, and pounds. And if you

1:08:42

don't, The woman goes out to a

1:08:44

bar, her self-esteem at all time low,

1:08:46

she's feeling pretty down. She sends up

1:08:49

a flag. A sense of a flag

1:08:51

saying, I'm a wounded, you know, little

1:08:53

fun. Somebody help me, guys start circling

1:08:55

like, pick right up. Guy, believe me,

1:08:58

I spent half my life in this

1:09:00

position. Yeah, you're going out, it's like,

1:09:02

oh man, I just had my heart

1:09:05

broken, I've been screwed over, it's like,

1:09:07

you got this. Stink of failure on

1:09:09

you. What was that couple you went

1:09:11

up to? You said that one time

1:09:14

you're horribly shocked. I had, uh, I

1:09:16

was actually, I think Dave, I was

1:09:18

out with Canyon at the Canyon Cup,

1:09:21

I was in a gora, I swear

1:09:23

to Christ, I was working. David Tell's

1:09:25

gonna be performing that Friday night. You

1:09:27

can still smell my rejection in that

1:09:30

train wreck. Close your eyes. I went,

1:09:32

so I got dumped by my girlfriend

1:09:34

by my girlfriend. You know, I wasn't,

1:09:36

I was probably, I don't know, 24,

1:09:39

25, I was swinging a hammer for

1:09:41

a living, I was in good shape,

1:09:43

I wasn't bad looking, and I had

1:09:46

plenty of attractive women in the past,

1:09:48

and I went out there with my

1:09:50

buddy, and his folks we his folks

1:09:52

were out of town they had a

1:09:55

house up in the hills so we're

1:09:57

like look I need a confidence builder

1:09:59

we need to go to this dive

1:10:02

in agora and we need to get

1:10:04

ourselves a few drinks and let's just

1:10:06

scrape up anything that walks into the

1:10:08

place we'll bring them back to your

1:10:11

parents place will have a good time

1:10:13

I'm just I'm looking for you know

1:10:15

yeah you know what I mean I'm

1:10:17

like a fighter that was been savagely

1:10:20

knocked knocked out I need a tomato

1:10:22

can to pad Let's go. I'm not

1:10:24

looking for Roy Jones Jr. I just

1:10:27

want a W. And so we go,

1:10:29

so we're tooling around the place and

1:10:31

I find a couple women that look

1:10:33

like slugs. Like they're just, they're heavy

1:10:36

sat, they got hook noses, they're clearly

1:10:38

together, they have no boyfriend, they got

1:10:40

nothing cooking and I say, well these

1:10:43

two will be easy pickings, they're not

1:10:45

gonna be any great shakes if we

1:10:47

get them naked, but what the hell,

1:10:49

let's blues it up and have a

1:10:52

good time. down and one of them

1:10:54

looked up to me and she said,

1:10:56

why? Wow, I must really stink a

1:10:58

failure. This would be, just chick would

1:11:01

have been easy pickings if I had

1:11:03

the girlfriend from two weeks ago. No

1:11:05

problem, but she sees them wounded. She

1:11:08

sees them desperate. Nah, not going to

1:11:10

have nothing to do. I raped her

1:11:12

in the parking lot. Funny story. No,

1:11:14

we got nothing and I went home

1:11:17

and I really, first off I want

1:11:19

to kill myself because I'm like, wow,

1:11:21

now I've really bottomed up. But second,

1:11:24

and look, I'm not trying to be

1:11:26

a pig, but as a human being,

1:11:28

you know the people you can get

1:11:30

and the people you can't get. And

1:11:33

then the people who'd be happy to

1:11:35

have you and the ones you'd be

1:11:37

happy to have. Let's face it, you

1:11:39

go to a bar and you divide

1:11:42

up the room. It's like, she'd be

1:11:44

lucky to have me. I'd be lucky

1:11:46

to have her and then there's a

1:11:49

small group in the middle we'll call

1:11:51

the push. We'll both be unhappy. That's

1:11:53

the way I look at it. Not

1:11:55

both satisfied, both miserable. Both feel like

1:11:58

we failed. Both apart. It's kissing your

1:12:00

sister, it's like time. But the point

1:12:02

is, is when you go up to

1:12:05

one of those people, you know, all

1:12:07

right, this person would be lucky if

1:12:09

I'm talking to them, and they tell

1:12:11

you to hit the brakes, that means

1:12:14

you've got to stink on you. Well,

1:12:16

then that's what women do. They sense

1:12:18

that stink of failure and they

1:12:20

will have none of it. And

1:12:22

then there's some guys they present

1:12:24

to, and what's that? What is

1:12:27

that? I don't know. I don't

1:12:29

know. He's going to be out

1:12:31

in the Gore at the club.

1:12:33

I got dumped in at

1:12:35

the Canadian Club. Yeah,

1:12:37

it's going to be good.

1:12:39

I'll do a reenactment in

1:12:41

your honor. Also going to

1:12:44

be in Caesar's Tahoe on

1:12:46

Saturday, the 9th. We'll take

1:12:49

a quick break. Be right

1:12:51

back. There

1:13:06

buddy, it's Love Line, I'm

1:13:08

Adam, that's Dr. Drew, Dave

1:13:10

Atel is here tonight. I

1:13:12

realize Dave, Dave's name is

1:13:15

sort of, sort of like

1:13:17

Pizadora, you don't really

1:13:19

know where one stops and

1:13:22

the other one begins. Like,

1:13:24

I used to Pizador of

1:13:26

Stan of Comedy, everybody. I

1:13:28

thought her name was Pizadora.

1:13:31

Yeah, for, I didn't know it

1:13:33

was Pia. Zadora, it sounds, whenever

1:13:36

you hear her name was P,

1:13:38

is Adora, and I thought, Dave

1:13:40

Atel, I always thought it was

1:13:42

Dave Vatel. Right, Dave Vatel.

1:13:44

Yeah, your parents radiates for naming

1:13:46

you something that ended with a

1:13:48

V. Yeah. It could have been,

1:13:50

if they named you Rob, it

1:13:53

would have been easy. You would

1:13:55

have been Rob Atel. That would

1:13:57

have worked, but instead it's Dave

1:13:59

Vatel. They always call me, like

1:14:01

they would call me David, and I

1:14:03

always hate that name because that name

1:14:06

to me is like a real, like

1:14:08

an adult, you know, like a lawyer

1:14:10

or something, you know, like a dentist.

1:14:13

And you know, I never felt I

1:14:15

lived up to the ID part of

1:14:17

the name there, so just go David.

1:14:20

Yeah. It gives a little quickness to

1:14:22

it, you know. No, it works and

1:14:24

it's nice in the, you know, syllable

1:14:27

department, but I think a lot of

1:14:29

people think your name is Dave Vattel.

1:14:31

Vattel is rooted by the one. Well,

1:14:34

there's a lot of, there's a lot

1:14:36

of guys, there's of course Dave Chappel,

1:14:38

who's great, and then there's Mitch Fattel,

1:14:41

who's another guy. So there's a lot

1:14:43

of, you know, similar sounding stuff. Yeah.

1:14:45

All right, well, that's that's why I'm

1:14:48

going with the vicar of Christ. Sounds

1:14:50

like that. No, King of Pain. Heather

1:14:52

17. Heather 17 is on the phone.

1:14:55

Heather. Hi. I was calling because I

1:14:57

had a question about like, I know

1:14:59

how you're talking about how like molestation

1:15:02

messes up, you know, kids and they're

1:15:04

younger and everything and how it mess

1:15:06

up like a special preferences as they

1:15:09

get older and they tend to like

1:15:11

things that are bad for him as

1:15:13

far as relationships and everything. Like, I

1:15:16

guess molested by another little girl. She

1:15:18

was only two years older than I

1:15:20

am. And, uh, it was when I

1:15:23

was nine. And, like, I don't think

1:15:25

she really realized what she was doing.

1:15:27

And I think her father, like, did

1:15:30

some really freaky stuff with her. But,

1:15:32

like, yeah. Well, child and child sexual

1:15:34

abuse is pretty common. So what has

1:15:37

the consequence been? Um, well, other than,

1:15:39

like, well, I had, like, like, a

1:15:41

really bad boyfriend when I was younger.

1:15:44

I got with him when I was

1:15:46

14 and he was 21 and I

1:15:48

said 100 years. Yeah boy. Where were

1:15:51

your parents and all that? Why did

1:15:53

they allow that? It's creepy unless you're

1:15:55

from a different country in which case

1:15:58

we can't judge. But how did your

1:16:00

parents allow that? My mom was an

1:16:02

alcoholic growing up and like... I have

1:16:05

a dad and he's actually a really

1:16:07

good dad, but he chose to close

1:16:09

his eyes and let me go off

1:16:12

with my mom and we spent two

1:16:14

years pretty much strung out on crank

1:16:16

from the times of like 12 and

1:16:19

then I was like 15. You were

1:16:21

strung out on a crank? Yeah, I

1:16:23

lived with my mom, my boyfriend and

1:16:26

they were abusive to me and... You

1:16:28

may like him, but he's a great

1:16:30

guy. I understand you may like him,

1:16:33

but he was gone and you needed

1:16:35

him. Your mother was a drug addict.

1:16:37

Your boyfriend was a drug addict and

1:16:40

you're an addict and evidently not in

1:16:42

recovery right now. I mean, this is

1:16:44

a very seriously disturbed situation. I am

1:16:47

in recovery now after my mom got

1:16:49

evicted from her apartment and... My boyfriend

1:16:51

went to jail, I had no choice

1:16:54

but to go back with my dad

1:16:56

and he said the only way I

1:16:58

could live with him is if I

1:17:01

stopped using drugs and so... That's good.

1:17:03

I've been in rehab now so I've

1:17:05

been clean like off crank for over

1:17:08

a year now and like I'm still

1:17:10

going to therapy and everything like... That's

1:17:12

good. All right. We don't talk about

1:17:15

the sexual aspects of it and... Why?

1:17:17

Because I don't know, I don't like

1:17:19

talking about it. I mean... Think about

1:17:22

what kind of a-hole the 21-year-old is

1:17:24

that would be with a 14-year-old. And

1:17:26

you're not even, just think of a

1:17:29

whole 18-year-old with a 14-year-old. I know.

1:17:31

Think about how big of an a-hole

1:17:33

that guy is, how seriously... He was

1:17:36

usually messed up in the head. Yeah,

1:17:38

seriously sick, criminal. Yeah, is that a

1:17:40

kind of guy you're looking for again

1:17:43

or no, no After I got clean

1:17:45

like I didn't date anybody for over

1:17:47

a year and then I'm a really

1:17:50

great guy and he's really good to

1:17:52

me and everything Oh good I like

1:17:54

it's really like it really like it

1:17:57

makes me feel guilty because I like

1:17:59

I in a way like he was

1:18:01

really meaning me like and now this

1:18:04

guy's really sweet to me and it's

1:18:06

all like a Anderson? Uh-oh. Anderson's taken

1:18:08

a leak right now. Uh-oh. All right.

1:18:11

Well, what are you going to do?

1:18:13

So when you guys do that, I'm

1:18:15

dealing with it and I can't talk

1:18:18

to you and deal with it. Okay.

1:18:20

All right. All right. So I don't

1:18:22

know. But here's here. Okay. A couple

1:18:25

of thoughts. One is good for you.

1:18:27

You're sober. But the sexual, when you're

1:18:29

sex and somebody's kind to you, it

1:18:32

exposes you to the shame you've been

1:18:34

feeling. At least when people feel, treat

1:18:36

you like crap, you can sort of

1:18:39

attach yourself to that bad self and

1:18:41

then feel sexual. But it's hard for

1:18:43

you to feel sexual when you realize

1:18:46

that you're disconnected from parts of yourself.

1:18:48

Right. The other part of this is

1:18:50

considering all the, you know, crack abuse

1:18:53

and horrible mothering and dad, I know

1:18:55

dad's a great guy, I just chose

1:18:57

to turn a blind eye to all

1:19:00

the abuse you're suffering. To me, I

1:19:02

would downgrade him from a great guy

1:19:04

to a good guy, you know, because

1:19:07

a great father doesn't turn a blind

1:19:09

eye to his daughter's suffering and being

1:19:11

sexually and physically abused. That's just a

1:19:14

good dad. I would downgrade him to

1:19:16

good. The other thing is, though... This

1:19:18

new guy, he doesn't need to know

1:19:21

all the details about this guy burning

1:19:23

you with a crack night while he

1:19:25

filmed you guys in a reverse cowgirl

1:19:28

position. That's just gonna freak him out.

1:19:30

Just let him have, it's like your

1:19:32

adolescence and your childhood was taken away

1:19:35

from you in a sense, let the

1:19:37

new guy have his, let him just

1:19:39

date a teenage girl and you guys

1:19:42

just have a relationship. Meanwhile you have

1:19:44

your therapy to do, you have your

1:19:46

recovery to do, that's fine. When you

1:19:49

guys get together, see if you can

1:19:51

just enjoy each other as 17 year

1:19:53

olds enjoy each other. And the abuse

1:19:56

that you were asking about with the

1:19:58

11 year old when you're a 9,

1:20:00

probably the least of your worries in

1:20:03

terms of how you function sexually. Right,

1:20:05

the abuse is from mom and from

1:20:07

the whole boyfriend. Yeah, the girl on

1:20:10

girl stuff when you're both young and

1:20:12

it just happened once or twice. or

1:20:14

looking at your rap sheet, this is

1:20:17

you stealing some hard candy. Right? Right?

1:20:19

All right. Carlissa 20. What's up, Carlissa?

1:20:21

What's up, Carlissa? What's up, Carlissa? What's

1:20:24

up? Dave's still there? Yeah, what's up,

1:20:26

honey? Hey, I saw you guys in

1:20:28

Vegas on your last show for the

1:20:31

tour. Oh, cool. Yeah, it was awesome.

1:20:33

I think you stole a show, but

1:20:35

it was so great because Mitch and

1:20:38

everybody was so. Cool, they were like,

1:20:40

we were all their friends and they

1:20:42

were kind of talking to us and

1:20:45

joking around. It wasn't really a show

1:20:47

with them, or like, all of us

1:20:49

hanging out, you know? Yeah, it was

1:20:52

a great, yeah, that was a great

1:20:54

show and that was the end of

1:20:56

the tour. And by the way, I'm

1:20:59

going on another live stand-up tour with

1:21:01

Kami Central, starting April 20th, and you

1:21:03

can check like the web. Comedy Central's

1:21:06

website for dates, but we're going to

1:21:08

end again in Vegas on the 4th

1:21:10

of July with me and a couple

1:21:13

other comics So it's going to be

1:21:15

a good time again. So thanks very

1:21:17

much and thanks for coming to the

1:21:20

show Yeah, you're welcome One question probably

1:21:22

the doctor can answer this I every

1:21:24

once in a while I'll have extreme

1:21:27

pain while having sex with my longtime

1:21:29

boyfriend and it seems like the back

1:21:31

of my vaginal canal is like closing

1:21:34

in and my cervix I can feel

1:21:36

it really loud or something and really

1:21:38

loud. Sure, who makes his hands down?

1:21:41

Well you have, have you ever been

1:21:43

checked for any metriosis? Neighbors would call

1:21:45

the cops or a little girl friend

1:21:48

I had but her cervix would close.

1:21:50

Never hadn't even been checked for any

1:21:52

of these things? Not recently, no, but

1:21:55

I also have IDS and my intestines

1:21:57

are kind of messed up too, but

1:21:59

it's not that. What's IDS? I have

1:22:02

irritable bowel syndrome. Oh, okay. Come on.

1:22:04

Anyone learn anything from Kelsey Grammar's wife?

1:22:06

And by the way, if my wife

1:22:09

was like, look, I got irritable bowel

1:22:11

syndrome, all right, I gotta educate the

1:22:13

world, sweetie, go up in the room

1:22:16

and think about it. Your diarrhea. going

1:22:18

on a tour while you're leaving a

1:22:20

trail all over town. I agree on

1:22:23

steward contents. I need Howard Stern doing

1:22:25

45 minutes on you every morning please

1:22:27

get back in the room and take

1:22:30

a crap. No I know it's a

1:22:32

big joke and all but for me

1:22:34

it's like extreme pain makes me want

1:22:37

to die kind of pain. I don't

1:22:39

know if anyone else has that. When

1:22:41

you have your wife has it. You

1:22:44

talk about when you have sex or

1:22:46

from the irritable bowel syndrome? Both. All

1:22:48

right, well, were you sexually... Let me

1:22:51

say this, having a vigorous sex with

1:22:53

someone who has irritable bowel syndrome is

1:22:55

like when you're eating one of those

1:22:58

puffer fish. Yeah, be very careful. It's

1:23:00

a loaded handgun. Yeah, it could go

1:23:02

off. You're not a sexual partner, you're

1:23:05

part of the bomb squad. You need

1:23:07

a tarp. Yeah, get the robot to

1:23:09

have, I get the robot to have

1:23:12

sex with her. I just work the

1:23:14

robot from behind the shield. I'm going

1:23:16

to be behind the van. Robot's going

1:23:19

to have sex with your sweetie pea.

1:23:21

I don't need any trouble. Carla said

1:23:23

you have other pelvic pain besides during

1:23:26

intercourse? Just what I said before, but

1:23:28

something also, it hurt for three days.

1:23:30

I hurt to send out my stomach

1:23:33

with swollen. It hurt the pee and

1:23:35

other stuff. Well, you want to go,

1:23:37

you want to try to feel out

1:23:40

sexual abuse part? Yeah. Carlais, any sexual

1:23:42

abuse? No. No? Absolutely not, no. Really?

1:23:44

Hmm, why do I not believe that?

1:23:47

I don't believe it either. When did

1:23:49

you lose your virginity? When I was

1:23:51

18. Hmm, hmm, and where's your dad?

1:23:54

He lives in Northern California. He wasn't

1:23:56

around the other. That's what you want

1:23:58

to... How come? Parents got divorced when

1:24:01

I was a kid. He just came

1:24:03

down for like weekends and stuff out

1:24:05

here. Great. Why were they divorced? He's

1:24:07

a drug addict. Okay, by the way.

1:24:10

Now drug out alcoholics, you know, sometimes

1:24:12

do funky stuff to their kids or

1:24:14

have friends that do bad stuff to

1:24:17

their kids. He wasn't around enough to

1:24:19

even do that. I was, I don't

1:24:21

know. Well, he can't come back on

1:24:24

the weekends. You were what? You were

1:24:26

what? Very what? I was a very

1:24:28

sexual repressed, the little girl though, growing

1:24:31

up Christian. So, I don't know if

1:24:33

that has anything to do with it.

1:24:35

Well, there's definitely, you know, growing up,

1:24:38

you know, with the fear of God

1:24:40

instilled in you and then having a

1:24:42

junkie dad who would come around on

1:24:45

the weekends and confuse you, is it

1:24:47

enough to sort of get the stomach

1:24:49

acid churning? Yeah. All right, but the...

1:24:52

There's things going on. I mean, here's

1:24:54

what we've learned, at least I've learned

1:24:56

from doing the show, that everything sort

1:24:59

of... everything that affects your stomach and

1:25:01

half the things that affect your vagina...

1:25:03

up in your skull. Yeah. Yeah, when

1:25:06

we talk to people that are having

1:25:08

a lot of pelvic pain and a

1:25:10

lot of stomach this and a lot

1:25:13

of that, usually... Usually folks that had

1:25:15

you know less than a great challenge.

1:25:17

Really heavy trauma. What's about trauma? Yeah.

1:25:20

And trauma does affect the wiring in

1:25:22

your brain growing up. There's absolutely no

1:25:24

doubt about that. It's not. It's not

1:25:27

to say that it's not pain, but

1:25:29

what is pain? I mean, especially the

1:25:31

stuff that's happening in your guts, you

1:25:34

know. So the irritable bowel syndrome needs

1:25:36

its own form of treatment. You need

1:25:38

an evaluation to see if you have

1:25:41

endometriosis. You're sort of a setup for

1:25:43

endometriosis. sexual abuse until proven otherwise. So

1:25:45

you might, there may be something more

1:25:48

here than you're telling us. Well, just

1:25:50

having a chunky dad is in his

1:25:52

grounds for therapy. Well, what? You're going

1:25:55

to tell us something more? How I

1:25:57

put this nicely on the radio, I

1:25:59

used to masturbate with a hanger if

1:26:02

that maybe something. No, no, no. How

1:26:04

old were you when that started? When

1:26:06

I was a little girl. abuse symptom.

1:26:09

Really? Somebody did something to you. That

1:26:11

is not a normal behavior. Yeah, you

1:26:13

need to, yeah, you need to, yeah,

1:26:16

you need to look, putting things up

1:26:18

yourself that normally don't go there is

1:26:20

something because somebody else, it's not funny,

1:26:23

it's because somebody else, it's not funny.

1:26:25

It's because somebody else did that to

1:26:27

you. Somebody did some weird stuff to

1:26:30

her early off. What if tangers? And

1:26:32

that's where the pelvic pain comes from.

1:26:34

What do it? I just needed something

1:26:37

long to hit the back I guess

1:26:39

I don't know. No, no, no. Carlos,

1:26:41

this is very disturbed stuff. This is

1:26:44

very disturbed stuff. So maybe you hurt

1:26:46

yourself with some of this stuff too.

1:26:48

Who knows? Like a picture of mom

1:26:51

like walking in and going, we either

1:26:53

have a very disturbed daughter or she's

1:26:55

locked her keys in her vagina. It's

1:26:58

one or the other. You need to

1:27:00

get some treat over there. This is

1:27:02

serious stuff. And by the way, who

1:27:05

are you talking to when we say

1:27:07

something's up with you? And you don't

1:27:09

tell us about the whole mommy dearest

1:27:12

thing with the vagina. And the drug

1:27:14

addict to dad. I mean, this is

1:27:16

really serious stuff. My dad wasn't around

1:27:19

me. We didn't bring the drugs around.

1:27:21

But when he was around. When before

1:27:23

he left, something happened, you may not

1:27:26

remember it, but something happened there. And

1:27:28

your behavior is some sort of traumatic,

1:27:30

compulsive repetition of that, because that is

1:27:33

a completely abnormal behavior for your young

1:27:35

girl. A little therapy, baby, not for

1:27:37

us, for you. No, that's cool, but

1:27:40

is it, is it, you're saying it's

1:27:42

unnatural for a young girl to masturbate?

1:27:44

with a hanger inside her. That is,

1:27:47

that is, what happens is somebody else

1:27:49

put something in you and that's set

1:27:51

up a compulsion to do the same

1:27:54

thing over. Yeah, you want to use

1:27:56

something else in a closet with one

1:27:58

of the shoe stretchers. Yeah, that's a

1:28:01

different thing. You weren't masturbating, Carlesa. You

1:28:03

weren't masturbating, Carlissa. You weren't compulsively putting

1:28:05

things inside you. Here's the point, it

1:28:08

can't be normal to do that with

1:28:10

the code hanger. It's obviously a grass

1:28:12

address, right? Oh my. And here's, unless

1:28:15

your vagina was in a cast, and

1:28:17

if you can't get it in. Yeah,

1:28:19

yeah. True, can you put a vagina

1:28:22

in a cast? Let's do it. All

1:28:24

right, here's the thing. You know, everyone

1:28:26

listens to showing, it's like, look, somebody

1:28:29

calls, I got a little problem with

1:28:31

lubrication, you guys got to start off

1:28:33

with where's the dad, and you got

1:28:36

to start up with the molestation, you

1:28:38

got to start up with the molestation,

1:28:40

you know, it cut her break, she

1:28:43

asked a question, give her an answer,

1:28:45

but our opportunity when I was 18.

1:28:47

No, no, no. There's much more here.

1:28:50

She may not, she may have been

1:28:52

divergentized as a child, but somebody put

1:28:54

these, these drug acts will put things

1:28:57

in kids and stuff. Yeah. Do weird

1:28:59

stuff, and that's what happened to her.

1:29:01

All right. All right. Uh, David Tell.

1:29:04

A good time, though. David Tell's gonna

1:29:06

be the Canning Club over in Agora

1:29:08

Hills, everybody. I think I can top

1:29:11

that hangar story, though. That's a rough

1:29:13

one. You just tell the story about

1:29:15

me getting dumped over there 15 years

1:29:18

previous. And then at Caesar's Tahoe this

1:29:20

Saturday, the 9th. We'll take a quick

1:29:22

break. We'll be right back after this.

1:29:36

Here buddy, it's Love Line, I'm Adam,

1:29:38

that's Dr. Drew. We're out here in

1:29:40

New York City tonight, Dave Atel is

1:29:42

over there at Los Angeles. Dave can

1:29:44

be found at the Canyon Club in

1:29:47

Gora, that's out in Southern California, this

1:29:49

Friday, and then Saturday, Lake Tahoe, beautiful.

1:29:51

And let me tell you something. I

1:29:53

went, I had my... Bachelor party in

1:29:55

Lake Tahoe and we did the lake

1:29:57

and I did it drunk and you

1:30:00

could do it too Dave I'll do

1:30:02

it I'm gonna do it take it

1:30:04

out there with they have like a

1:30:06

jet ski rental or something Yeah, yeah,

1:30:08

that's that's a little ambitious David Get

1:30:11

on the glance I'll take a look

1:30:13

at it. I'll give you that we'll

1:30:15

split the difference What happened to the

1:30:17

glass bottom boat? Those were good. They

1:30:19

were like everywhere though. There were movies

1:30:21

about that. There would be sitcoms or

1:30:24

it would be written into the script.

1:30:26

There's a lot of glass. It'd be

1:30:28

like worked in a, you know, Bob

1:30:30

Hope, you know, where he want to

1:30:32

see Angie Dickinson under his glass bottom

1:30:34

boat or something like that. It's not

1:30:37

a glass bottom boat. Yeah. What happened

1:30:39

to it? Dave. I think it's the

1:30:41

pimp my ride thing that I need

1:30:43

you to bring back some glass bottom

1:30:45

boat do they exist? I don't know.

1:30:47

It just seems like there's a lawsuit

1:30:50

waiting to happen with that. Yeah, it

1:30:52

seems like a bad idea. So bring

1:30:54

back the glass bottom boat humor? If

1:30:56

you could just bring back the boat.

1:30:58

I'd like to bring back the I

1:31:00

like to talk about that like some

1:31:03

suflay humor. Suflay. Yeah, that part where

1:31:05

it Act one of the sitcom The

1:31:07

wife's in the kitchen. She's got the

1:31:09

suflay the kids come home from school

1:31:11

and slam the kitchen door She runs

1:31:14

to check the suflay. It hasn't fallen

1:31:16

yet. That's that one and then quicksand

1:31:18

We must have more sand. You weren't

1:31:20

being there. It's just a quick sand

1:31:22

in general. Yeah, more quick. It's also

1:31:24

the mother-in-law jokes. You remember that, like

1:31:27

Allen King and all those guys, they'd

1:31:29

have all them. Oh, my mother-in-law, the

1:31:31

crazy something. Yeah. A lot of mother-in-law.

1:31:33

It's order now. Yeah, I know and

1:31:35

you used to be able to kid

1:31:37

about About substance abuse like and be

1:31:40

which Larry Tate would always say make

1:31:42

mine a double right Yeah, most important

1:31:44

thing we need to bring back of

1:31:46

course is amnesia through being hit on

1:31:48

the head Well, that's what I like

1:31:50

I've learned I've learned that from watching

1:31:53

us 70s sitcoms, which is blunt force

1:31:55

head trauma making you lose your memory.

1:31:57

And the only thing that can bring

1:31:59

it back is more blunt force. Yeah,

1:32:01

another hit, closed head injury, yes. And

1:32:03

when you get, and when you get

1:32:06

the amnesia, you'll quickly adopt somebody else's

1:32:08

identity. That can happen too. But point

1:32:10

is, you get hit on the head

1:32:12

with a coconut, only a frying pan

1:32:14

can bring your memory back. Yeah. And

1:32:16

I wake up as who? Dave would

1:32:19

tell okay fine Dave you be drew

1:32:21

okay now you've never seen in the

1:32:23

movies where a guys is Where a

1:32:25

woman is fondled with a coat hanger

1:32:27

and she wakes up in the power

1:32:30

of 10 women or something. Yeah I

1:32:32

think there was a scene in Escape

1:32:34

to Witch Mountain. Yes I recall as

1:32:36

I love that Yeah, where there was

1:32:38

or it was either that or the

1:32:40

the barefoot executive I got to figure

1:32:43

it out I know it was a

1:32:45

Disney may have been a son It

1:32:47

was a Herbie movie. I believe Herbie.

1:32:49

There's a Herbie movie. We're so much

1:32:51

raped with a coat hang. And of

1:32:53

course it was Herbie goes to Mexico

1:32:56

and there was like a horrible coat

1:32:58

hanger factory scene. Herbie goes to Nogales.

1:33:00

have the hang her for a second.

1:33:02

She's right. Bring back the the meteor

1:33:04

that exposes us some some radiation that

1:33:06

makes giants. Yeah. Or gives us superpowers.

1:33:09

Oh those were the days. Yeah. All

1:33:11

right Drew now do we have time

1:33:13

for a call? No. I think we're

1:33:15

done. No? All right, we'll take another

1:33:17

break. Boy, I like to take calls

1:33:19

on this show, Drew. I don't know

1:33:22

about you. You really under the calls.

1:33:24

Dave, what's your, what's the long-term prognosis

1:33:26

for you? You go to Gora on

1:33:28

Friday, you go to Tahoe on Saturday,

1:33:30

then what? Then April 20th, I start

1:33:33

this Comedy Central live tour, and it's

1:33:35

gonna be basically me and a bus

1:33:37

traveling all over, you know, doing theater

1:33:39

gigs, You know, I did some TV

1:33:41

stuff recently. I shot a pilot, so

1:33:43

we'll see what happens with that, but

1:33:46

you know, that's all boring. The stand-up

1:33:48

is where it's at, and I'll keep

1:33:50

going until July, and like I told

1:33:52

that. Was I just Oscar there? Did

1:33:54

you cut me off? Is that your

1:33:56

music? No, no, that was, we love

1:33:59

you doing stand-up, I'll be in a,

1:34:01

you know. in a walker going on

1:34:03

now you know we should you know

1:34:05

we should know we should really do

1:34:07

this we should go look David tells

1:34:09

amazing stand-up comic we at all all

1:34:12

love to see him in a nightclub

1:34:14

setting i want to do a sitcom

1:34:16

for fox we know it's going to

1:34:18

suck on the other hand who could

1:34:20

blame Dave for making a few bucks

1:34:22

and want to you know have a

1:34:25

little retirement money let's all past the

1:34:27

hat give Dave some money he won't

1:34:29

have to do the crappy the crappy

1:34:31

sitcom and we'll put him on stage

1:34:33

where he belongs belongs All right? Put

1:34:35

me down, put me down for 500.

1:34:38

Let's get you, yeah, yeah. No, I

1:34:40

was just going to tell you, like,

1:34:42

you know the whole thing with, like,

1:34:44

you know, these sitcoms and all that

1:34:46

stuff, how, like, especially me, like, I'm

1:34:49

a horrible actor, so I went into

1:34:51

it, like, really frightened. I was like,

1:34:53

oh God, this is going to be

1:34:55

really bad. And then it turned out

1:34:57

to be a pretty good experience, especially

1:34:59

from where I'm coming out to be

1:35:02

really bad. And then it turned out

1:35:04

to be a pretty good experience, especially

1:35:06

from where I'm coming, like, like, like,

1:35:08

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

1:35:10

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

1:35:12

like, like, like, you know, you know,

1:35:15

you know, doesn't have to stay in

1:35:17

the yard, he gets to come inside.

1:35:19

You know, it's like Thanksgiving or something.

1:35:21

So that's how I felt. It was

1:35:23

like, it was a cool experience, but

1:35:25

I'll be out on the road till,

1:35:28

you know, the road says no. All

1:35:30

right, we're gonna take a quick break

1:35:32

back with David Tell in a minute.

1:35:34

All right, guys, here's the deal. Look

1:35:36

in the hookup, call the date line,

1:35:38

call the dateline. One, eight seven, seven,

1:35:41

eight seven, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight,

1:35:43

eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight,

1:35:45

eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight,

1:35:47

eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight,

1:35:49

eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight,

1:35:52

eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight,

1:35:54

eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight,

1:35:56

eight, eight, eight, eight, nine, eight, eight,

1:35:58

eight, If

1:36:02

Loveline, 1 -800 need to... Call

1:36:04

Love Line. One eight hundred. Yeah,

1:36:06

everybody, that's the show.

1:36:08

We gotta go. I

1:36:11

want to thank David

1:36:13

Tell for coming

1:36:15

in. Always a delight,

1:36:17

Dave. Sorry to Thanks

1:36:19

a lot, guys, man.

1:36:21

And enjoy New York,

1:36:23

by the way. the

1:36:25

fun. Have fun. shall.

1:36:27

until next time, this

1:36:30

is the time, of

1:36:32

Christ the vicar of Christ for Dr. Drew

1:36:34

didn't know this

1:36:36

was a I didn't know this was

1:36:38

a, uh, intervention. This has been

1:36:41

Line. Love Line! The opinions The

1:36:43

opinions expressed in this

1:36:45

show are not

1:36:47

necessarily those of the

1:36:49

staff, management, sponsors, sponsors, and

1:36:51

the station. The producer for Line

1:36:54

is Annie Gould. Love Line is

1:36:56

a is a presentation

1:36:58

of Westwood One Entertainment.