14:04

Congratulations, you are now a Sunday

14:06

Times bestseller. Your book is entitled

14:08

How Not to be a Supermodel, very apt, knowing you,

14:10

I must say. Do you think you're going to get

14:12

this made into a mini series? Is it going to

14:14

be like Rivals Part Two? I

14:17

can see Jackie Collins written all over it. Yeah, it

14:19

would be so good. It would be very funny. I mean,

14:21

we'd have to find a red fur, number

14:24

one. Do you know, I went on

14:26

eBay and vented the other day, looking

14:28

for that coat. Who made it again?

14:30

Ghost. I'd love

14:32

to buy that back. You'll just have to read

14:35

the story, guys. It's very entertaining. It's

14:37

just a succession of bad decisions.

14:39

And I think I've got that

14:42

thing. Is it sunk cost

14:44

fallacy? Have you heard of

14:46

this? Is it called sunk cost

14:48

fallacy? Oh my God,

14:50

have I just made up this entire phrase? Also

14:52

sounds like phallus, so I'm really worried. Oh my God's

14:55

sake. So you get three quarters of the way through

14:57

a really bad film and you think, well, I may

14:59

as well finish it. Oh, okay. Yeah,

15:01

yeah, yeah. Got it. Got it. I've

15:04

had cooking. I might as well finish making it. Exactly.

15:06

So this is the thing with a lot of my decisions. This is what I struggle with. I

15:10

think I've started it now and I

15:12

started to go on with it. You

15:14

know, like the other week I

15:16

was trying on this ring that I knew

15:18

did not go on this finger,

15:21

will not go on, has never been able to go on it. And

15:23

I thought, I just, I should see if

15:26

I can get it on this time. It was on for a

15:28

week, just couldn't get it off. And it was massive. It

15:31

was this vintage Bulgari ring that

15:33

I never wear because it's ridiculous.

15:35

It looks like I'm sort of some

15:38

all your barons wife. And

15:40

because it's so massive and it's just got

15:42

diamonds all over it, it's ridiculous. I

15:45

can't put my fingers together. Nice. So I

15:47

spent a week not bit cleansing my face

15:49

like this. Not

15:52

being able to hold anything because my hand was stuck

15:54

like this. How

15:57

did this affect you when you were modelling?

16:01

This is what the book's about. It's the

16:03

fact that I would make a split second

16:05

decision. I'd think, no, I won't get the

16:07

cab. I'll just get

16:09

on the Metro in Paris and

16:12

then I'd end up getting lost on the Metro. I'd be

16:14

late. Or maybe getting on an airplane

16:16

and going on holiday with a complete stranger. Right. I know

16:18

you've got a big problem with this. I've really got a

16:20

big problem with this. So there's a chapter in the book

16:22

where I went on a five-day luxury holiday with a man.

16:24

This is really good. You're going to love this. Now,

16:27

the thing about it was I'd met him a

16:29

couple of times before, but he lied and said

16:31

that all the people that we knew in New

16:34

York were going to be there. Let's

16:36

call the place Morocco. I've changed a couple of things

16:38

because I didn't want... It's not

16:40

even about being sued. I think he had quite a powerful dad

16:42

and I just don't want to get killed. So

16:45

I had said, look, everyone else is coming, aren't

16:47

they? He was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I

16:49

bought my ticket. Landed in Morocco. I

16:52

text all the people that I knew on the way to say,

16:55

see you there. And

16:57

then as I landed and turned on my phone,

16:59

all these messages came through saying, see you where?

17:02

Got out. It's just this guy. And I

17:04

said, where's everyone else? He was like, oh,

17:07

they'll be coming. Now, at that point, was

17:10

there not a matador in front of

17:12

you with a big red flag? Right.

17:15

So first of

17:18

all, I was very used to going all around

17:20

the world and just being met by a random

17:22

guy and then being driven somewhere. So that wasn't

17:24

that scary. Poor mother, but OK. She

17:27

just didn't know. Secondly,

17:30

I did genuinely think that they were all going

17:32

to turn up. Wasn't until about one

17:35

or two nights in when I thought, ah, they're

17:37

not coming, aren't they? But their text to you

17:40

saying we're not coming didn't also raise a red

17:42

flag. Some of them did a text back. Which

17:44

is also not a red flag. OK. You're clinging on

17:46

for hope at this point that you're not about to

17:48

be murdered, like taken. I told you about his girlfriend

17:50

that didn't speak as well, didn't I? Yes, I did,

17:52

because she didn't have permission to speak. So I'd always

17:54

thought that he was slightly strange because a couple of

17:56

times I'd met him, he had this girlfriend, she was

17:58

a very young model. and she

18:01

didn't speak or respond to anything. And

18:03

so I thought that she couldn't hear

18:05

or speak. Turns

18:08

out, when I said,

18:10

how's your girlfriend? And he said, oh, we're no,

18:12

we're no longer together. And I

18:14

said, oh, you know, it must've been quite hard

18:18

with her not being able to hear or speak. Being

18:20

deaf and mute. Yeah. But she wasn't.

18:22

No. Deaf, nor was she mute. I

18:26

just don't think that he ever let

18:28

her speak. So anyway, he's massively rich,

18:30

this guy. He's got a yacht, jet

18:32

skis, knows how to use the

18:34

right knife and fork for everything. I'm from

18:36

Vedich. I had been working in McDonald's

18:38

and to live out a few years before that, driver

18:42

Metro GTI, have

18:44

no clue, didn't grow up with any money. I

18:46

managed to wear the wrong outfit to every

18:49

single thing we go to. Shocking, knowing you

18:51

as well as I do that. I find

18:53

that utterly shocking. But do carry

18:55

on. It was so bad. So I end up

18:57

on this holiday, to be fair to him, doesn't try

18:59

it on at all. Not really. But

19:02

then he says, we're going to fly to

19:04

Libya today on a little extra

19:06

trip. I know a private island, I can't remember

19:08

if it was Libya. I'm sort of changing things

19:10

around a bit. I thought,

19:13

okay, this is getting weird. Didn't have a friend called

19:15

Epstein, did he? I just want to check that was

19:17

like. No, it wasn't that kind of island. There was

19:19

actually nobody on this island. Take a break. Even

19:22

better. That night, on the last night, he did

19:24

try and crawl in with me. I didn't put

19:26

that in the book. I thought, my

19:28

answer said, you know what Ruth, this gets a bit

19:31

too dark. So let's leave this bit out. Your friends

19:33

were already having panic attacks. Your mother's crying. Thing

19:36

is, I'd already seen his Willy. Wait.

19:39

He had his feet up on the

19:42

coffee table and we were chatting over

19:44

breakfast. You know, when someone shorts in

19:46

the gap and it was just all little

19:49

and coiled, like. It

19:51

was really small. Oh no. And

19:54

that's when you don't want to find out if he's

19:56

a grower, not a shower. I didn't want to find

19:59

out anyway. Who's that? I was actually quite a good

20:01

looking guy. He was very groomed, put together. I mean,

20:03

anyone would have thought eligible, right? Massively rich. But you

20:05

left all of this out of the book. I

20:08

did. There were part I left so much out of

20:10

the book. The book was about half as long again,

20:12

but I was only allowed 90,000 words. So

20:15

I had to chop, chop, chop a lot of it. But

20:18

when he crawled into the bed with me. Well,

20:20

wait, where were you sleeping? Where was he sleeping? I

20:23

was in my own room. And he came into your

20:25

room. He crawled in. No. Got in

20:27

behind me. I've never planked so hard in my

20:29

life. If you had been

20:31

able to get a crowbar into my buttocks, you

20:35

couldn't have got a rizzler paper in there. I

20:38

was clenched as tight as a clam. So he's trying

20:40

to spoon and you're like, this is absolutely not going

20:42

to happen. It was after the horse riding incident. Oh,

20:44

Jesus Christ. I had loads

20:46

of pinpricks all over me because I

20:48

went bareback horse riding. And

20:51

I had these jeans on that had, they

20:53

were ripped, right? Oh my god, they were

20:55

so hideous. And they had about 1,000 tiny

20:58

golden safety pins all the way up the

21:00

inside. And you put your legs on

21:02

a horse while you were wearing them. I wore those.

21:04

Not the poor horse. No saddle. Because I said, yeah,

21:06

I don't bear back riding. But the poor horse were

21:08

the safety pins, Ruth. That's maybe

21:10

why he galloped along the beach. Maybe one popped

21:13

open. Anyway, by the time I got off, they'd

21:15

all just gone ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping.

21:17

They had all stuck into my legs. So when

21:19

he crawled in and tried to do this, whatever.

21:21

I don't know what he was really trying to

21:23

spoon. But how'd you get out of that? I

21:26

just planked. I've been in that situation where someone has crawled

21:28

into a bed next to me. And

21:31

I've gone, oh, this is abs. Not my husband,

21:33

obviously. Pre my husband. I've done it with

21:35

Rich. I do it now. And

21:37

I've been like, oh, this is absolutely not gonna

21:39

happen. Thank God I was in pajamas though. And

21:44

you went home after that, yes? Can we just put a- This

21:46

was the last day. He sort of slunk off and

21:49

that was fine. Gave it up. There wasn't, I mean,

21:51

how lucky is that though? That it could have been

21:53

very different. It could have been very different, which is

21:55

why when I read it, I was like, how has

21:57

she ever told me a story? There's a whole chop.

22:00

The whole chapter. There's a chapter called, Wait

22:02

I Could Have Died. Because

22:04

when I was writing it, I was thinking, how did

22:06

I not die then? How did I

22:08

live through that one? Yeah. And

22:11

people wonder why a book about not being a

22:13

supermodel would be interesting. How

22:15

was the process for Rich when he read

22:17

the chapter about him, which I read first,

22:19

obviously. It's the only time I've seen him cry.

22:21

And I only saw him. Okay, I find

22:23

that really weird that you don't see Rich

22:25

cry. He's not a crier. He's

22:27

not a crier. Have you had kids? Yeah,

22:30

but I was off my tits on whatever they would put into

22:32

you. So I have no idea. But

22:35

it's not even that soppy. The last couple

22:37

of lines you write are soppy, but in

22:39

a lovely way. Do you think though, that

22:41

reading two chapters of a book that directly

22:43

talk about you through the eyes of somebody

22:46

you love and that you know loves you,

22:48

must be quite... When I was writing, I

22:50

was thinking, this will be quite

22:52

a weird thing to read. Yeah, maybe. Because

22:55

you relive all of those memories, don't you?

22:57

Yeah. And there's so much

22:59

sort of heart that's gone into it to remembering

23:01

and knowing the way that someone remembers something as

23:03

well. So for context, for those who don't know

23:05

and have not got your book, you

23:07

wrote Rich on the job because

23:10

he's a photographer. Yes. He

23:13

shot my first ever pictures. We didn't get together then. No.

23:16

It took years and years of dicking around. Well,

23:18

maybe you dicking him around, really. Yes.

23:21

Yeah, fair enough. And how many years ago? That

23:24

would have been 24 years ago. And

23:26

how many children? 23 years ago. How many children?

23:29

Two children. And how old? Nine

23:31

and seven. Who'd have thought? I

23:34

know. Camo Rich. What was the

23:36

strangest transition from both

23:39

working as like a photographer model to then giving

23:41

up and doing blogging and writing and

23:44

then becoming parents? That journey must be

23:46

quite weird. I don't know.

23:48

It all melds into work. It's just what you do, isn't

23:50

it? It's just what you do. Well, because we've always

23:52

been at home together full time. Yeah. Which

23:55

would make a lot of people split up. Oh, I

23:58

mean the amount of time that that's why we've always

24:00

said our house is the most important thing to us

24:02

and we would spend money on nothing else so long

24:05

as we spent it all on the house because we

24:07

spent all our time at home.

24:10

And so in a way the house was lovely though. Yeah,

24:14

we just sort of pootle around and get on really

24:16

well but because

24:18

of that I think there wasn't any transition

24:20

we just spent a lot of time together

24:23

with no free time. I mean

24:25

with all free time I suppose and

24:28

now we spend a lot of time together

24:30

with no real free time.

24:34

And you do start to feel like

24:36

we always joke that it's a bit

24:38

like being you know managers at the

24:40

Ritz or something that you're looking after

24:42

these two really high-profile really demanding guests

24:46

and you're just sort of

24:49

swapping over. Rich is there with an

24:51

apple sliced perfectly so that you know

24:53

one of them will eat it and I'm going the

24:55

other way with something else and warmed milk or whatever

24:58

for table three and you're thinking

25:00

how did we get here? Yeah. But in a

25:03

way it doesn't feel I suppose

25:05

because it's been so gradual it doesn't really

25:08

feel that different and because I'm always

25:10

shooting mad shit let's face it at

25:12

home. I mean did he know he was going to

25:14

have a second career shooting you doing like ads for

25:16

Sky where you're hanging out the roof at 11 p.m.

25:18

pretending to be a beetle. Do you know what a

25:20

lot of the time he doesn't get involved so I

25:22

set up the tripod because my thing

25:24

is I don't know whether

25:26

this happens with Jim does your

25:29

voice change when you talk to

25:31

Jim? Obviously. Usually like ugh.

25:35

So I hear my voice change. It's

25:38

a different one that is only for them

25:40

isn't it? Not

25:43

in that way. I find that

25:45

if he's recording I don't... You turn

25:47

into a model photographer? Yeah

25:50

it's just I can't do it. You can't be

25:52

as goofy. And also what I don't want to

25:54

happen is sometimes I most of the time I

25:56

don't even tell him the ideas I've got now

25:58

because I don't want to... him to do the

26:01

face where he does the eyebrow and then I

26:03

think oh maybe it is a bad idea. It's

26:05

the most ridiculous thing you've ever done. The

26:08

giant poo coming out of the colon. Remember

26:10

that one? I feel like we need to link to

26:12

that. We'll link to it don't worry.

26:15

I had to do a Sky job and

26:17

it was for MC Grammar. Have you heard

26:19

of him? Oh my god he's amazing. It's

26:22

this guy who raps kids books. Right

26:24

that would be why I haven't heard

26:26

of him. And now and you know

26:28

Sky I think bought his entire

26:30

catalogue of videos but

26:32

he'd done one about the digestive system

26:34

and it was how to teach kids about digestive system. Sky

26:36

said to me with my agency

26:40

can Ruth do something

26:42

about rapping and she can

26:45

choose volcanoes digestive system. So

26:48

I sent back my creative and said can I dress

26:51

as a giant poo. I bought

26:53

a brown sleeping bag and I just had my face poking

26:55

out of it like this with a thing tight and

26:58

I'm going to make a kids tunnel. You

27:00

know those play tunnels. I'm going to wrap it in red.

27:02

It's going to be a colon a rectum and

27:05

I'm going to emerge from it rapping. They

27:08

went yeah right then. Yeah I

27:10

learnt the rap. I lip synced. That was the

27:13

hardest part. But apparently they still

27:15

use it internally. No

27:18

pun intended. I mean I don't

27:20

think it's like an example of best practice but

27:23

they use it just to show what

27:25

can be done. The

27:28

world's your oyster guys. Look at what you

27:30

could be doing. Model to poo. Here

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29:03

I'm trying to remember how we met because I know

29:05

people are gonna, they ask and I, how did we

29:07

meet? I can't remember, it's obviously amazing wasn't it? It

29:09

was obviously mind-blowing. You were beauty mouth. I was beauty

29:11

mouth, I was mother's mouth then beauty mouth. Were you?

29:13

Yeah but then I quickly realised the kids would not

29:15

let me publish any of the stories that I wanted

29:17

to because they'd be embarrassed and I thought fair enough.

29:19

So I changed it to beauty mouth. Oh my god

29:21

you were a mum fluencer before you existed. No no

29:23

no I don't posted like three times before I thought

29:25

this isn't gonna fly they're not gonna let me do

29:27

this. Yeah. Thank god I did because there's no way

29:29

I could have published any of the stories about Ava.

29:31

No. Where did we meet?

29:33

Must have been a blogger blogging event or I

29:35

think we were, there was about 10 of us

29:37

maybe that we were all invited to all the

29:40

same things. It was the days of the OG

29:42

bloggers, there were very very few of us. Yeah

29:44

yeah yeah. I mean it was like Jane Cunningham.

29:46

Jane Cunningham British beauty blogger London makeup girl. Grace.

29:48

Yeah. Yeah. Sam and Nick. Yeah. Pixie Woo. London

29:51

beauty queen. Yeah. Our model

29:53

recommends ibacainecarolinehyrans.com a couple

29:55

of years in. Yeah there

29:57

was Louise. Hold

36:00

on. I've got this oil spray right

36:02

and it's called, it's from Mowley Skin

36:04

Rituals. Yeah. Right and

36:06

it's called something like sacred. Not sacred

36:09

fanny or just it's along

36:11

those lines. It should be called sacred

36:13

fanny right because if I

36:15

ever want it, if I spray on

36:17

a bit, he doesn't know this. Yeah of course.

36:19

If I spray on a bit. We all have

36:21

our secrets. It works every single time this stuff.

36:23

Really. We'll put a link everyone don't worry. Smell

36:26

all the symptoms. Oh everyone's paying attention now. It's

36:29

called M-A-U-L-I sacred something.

36:32

Something spray. Sacred union?

36:34

Sacred union. No way. Sacred

36:37

union. No way. Does what it

36:40

says on the tin. Okay this is, I just want to

36:42

want you to make sure that you're looking on Marie's face

36:44

when I tell her that you do know that my son

36:46

Max edits these videos. Oh Max, I'm

36:48

so sorry. He'll be all right. He'll be like.

36:50

His heart will be so worst. He probably has had a

36:53

long time. Seeing that Max is going to edit.

36:55

I'm just going to say. So you

36:57

don't actually go. I'd

37:01

be too scared of getting cystitis. Well yeah fair enough. I

37:03

want to put anything directly on there. So you'd save the

37:05

sacred union spray. I would say. Because then if the house

37:07

is on alert you can have a shag around the back.

37:12

Oh my god what an image. Okay

37:14

so he's going swimmingly. What is your buy

37:16

it for life product? But I think you've just answered that.

37:20

Buy it for life product. Oh

37:22

okay. What do you buy you

37:24

never without? Philip Kingsley

37:26

flaky itchy scalp shampoo. Okay

37:29

we're right back down to earth with a bang now

37:31

because there's nothing sexy about that. No. Okay great. Well

37:33

I don't know. They sent me

37:35

when I was doing something for them

37:37

last year a scalp camera. Really

37:40

really. No don't do it. Oh my

37:42

god it was amazing. The

37:45

difference between I

37:47

mean to be honest you could just wash your hair

37:49

and it would you know do the same thing. It's

37:51

just having flakes and then it being clean. But

37:54

it's one of the only when I was in the shower

37:56

the other day I was

37:58

thinking to myself you know when. Do you formulate posts

38:01

in the shower and it will catch phrases and

38:03

stuff? Catch phrases and more product.

38:05

More like, oh, I should do that. I'll do

38:07

this today. Oh, no. I think of complete sentences

38:09

that I'm then going to write into posts and

38:12

stuff. I have to come straight out and then

38:14

I'm onto my phone. But you're a writer. Ideas

38:16

come to me. And

38:19

I was using that shampoo and conditioner. And

38:21

then in my head I was saying, you

38:23

know, I will buy this until my dying day.

38:25

And I was thinking of all these different sentences

38:27

that I would write into a post. Oh, yeah,

38:29

it was quite dramatic. But it's one of the

38:31

only it's just I go back to it again

38:33

and again and again. I have a

38:36

really bad scalp when I was modeling. And

38:38

I remember a hairdresser saying to me, because

38:41

there was just so much product build up.

38:43

Of course. And there was

38:45

something in certain dry shampoos as well that just,

38:47

I mean, still does. And some of them just

38:49

makes my scalp just flare

38:52

and go really sore and really itchy. And

38:55

this hairdresser said you need the clearest shampoo you

38:57

can find. And he recommended a couple. And

39:00

I think that's always been the thing for me is

39:02

finding something that, oh, my God, this has gone really

39:04

boring. But people who

39:07

want to know about the shampoos and a flaky scalp

39:09

were sorted. I feel like I

39:11

know the answer to the next one, too. Yeah, go on. I

39:13

think it's a different product for each, to be quite

39:15

honest with you. What is your favorite smell of a

39:17

product? But I think that might be Rich's favorite smell

39:19

of a product without him knowing. Oh, Loxitan, you know,

39:22

the almond range. Yeah. But not the shower gel. For

39:24

some reason, the shower gel always smells different to me.

39:26

Also, you could kill yourself with that shower gel. I've

39:28

had many a slip. Yeah. Many a slip. Many a

39:30

slip. No, I've got the

39:32

tiny little pot of the body lotion

39:34

on today. Very nice.

39:36

Good choice. And I just I like

39:38

the packaging. It all feels

39:41

very old school French, doesn't it? It's just gorgeous.

39:44

Beautiful. Yeah. They're also onto a winner because they own

39:46

Sol de Janeiro. So they are raking

39:48

it in. And who else do they own that I

39:50

found out the other day? Elle. Elle-mise. Cha-ching.

39:52

Yeah. Big cha-chings all around. Okay,

40:03

next question, focus. What

40:05

is your favourite self care activity? Keep

40:07

it clean. I mean,

40:09

when you say activity, where does my mind go

40:11

to? Where would, how do you relax? Like

40:14

I get on the sofa, fire on, on

40:16

the sofa with a blanket, watch telly. Yeah.

40:19

Don't even know if I've got the effort to drink a brew at that point. I'm just

40:21

like. My favourite thing that just makes me

40:24

so happy is knowing that I'm going to

40:26

be at home for at least a week

40:28

stretch in front of me. Nice, I never

40:30

get that. Because then I'm in

40:32

the routine with the kids and then I'm

40:35

in my routine with Rich. We cook,

40:38

we get our plates, we sit in front of the

40:40

TV. Do you get our? We do our our connecting.

40:42

Do you ever watch a film? Sometimes.

40:45

Like what if it's longer than an hour?

40:48

Oh I do, yeah, but two hours. I mean, I'm really pushing

40:50

it. If he ever says a film and it's a weeknight, I'm

40:52

like, you do realise it's half past

40:54

eight. And that's not

40:56

going to finish for at least two hours. So when would you binge watch

40:59

something then? Never. You don't binge

41:01

anything? So I've always got a book on the go. So

41:03

in the back of my head, I cannot

41:05

wait to get into bed.

41:08

So I scroll the internet while I've got the

41:10

LED mask on, which is probably going to eventually

41:13

make me go blind. Probably, yeah. But I've got

41:15

those little goggle things that you stick through. Right.

41:18

So I look at my phone like it's

41:20

through the screen. I do my bit

41:23

of scrolling, like thinking God, I'm going to go

41:25

blind. I'm going to go blind. All

41:28

the time having this underlying anxiety that

41:30

the LED lights are somehow, you know,

41:32

really relaxing. So it's really relaxing. It's really relaxing.

41:34

And then I finish off all my stories of whatever I've

41:36

got to do for that night, put my phone

41:38

down and then I read and then I read until I go

41:40

to sleep. Wow. And

41:42

that is self, is that self care? Yeah.

41:45

I just love being at home though. Yeah. That's

41:47

my thing. If we ever leave, oh we're leaving the

41:49

house, okay. Yeah, same. This is novel. Makeup

41:53

just to touch on because you do

41:55

like doing your little, you know, routines on

41:57

Insta. Do you think though it's

42:00

She's always the same makeup though, isn't it?

42:02

I very rarely deviate from my

42:04

look. If you look at some- I don't think anyone deviates when they

42:06

look at my look. Kase Jane Hughes. But she's

42:08

a makeup artist. I know. It's different.

42:11

When you, when you know Sam- Kase Jane Hughes does things

42:13

with brushes I don't think Picasso could do. When she goes,

42:15

she'll just put this hideous stripe of something horrible on her

42:17

face and then she'll get a brush and go, and

42:19

she looks like a model. Piss off, can't be doing

42:21

with it. Get someone nervous, frankly. And Sam and Nick-

42:23

She's too talented. All of them. And you

42:26

look at, I know. And they do all these different looks. I

42:28

think, oh God, I should, you know if I'm going to do

42:30

makeup routines- Well you keep it real. I

42:32

should be changing up a bit. But I feel like I do

42:34

that. I do keep

42:36

it real. If you can only wear one item of makeup for the rest

42:38

of your life, what's it going to be? Like

42:42

mine has to be blusher, which you found out

42:44

sadly to your- However, have you ever tried? Yeah,

42:46

I know. I just did my makeup and I

42:49

needed to blend out my makeup. And I- I

42:52

wasn't in the room and Ruth said, can I use

42:54

your brush? Can I use your big brush? And I

42:56

said, yeah. For some reason I thought it'd be just

42:58

without product, but it was preloaded with about 5,000 applications

43:00

of really pigmented

43:02

bright pink blusher. I'm an older nan, what'd you

43:04

expect? So, right. But what would it look like

43:06

if you did no other makeup? This is what

43:09

I think people don't think through. If I didn't

43:11

put any blusher on. No. So

43:14

people do this question. They go, well, yeah, I'd

43:16

just do, I don't know, eyebrows,

43:19

right? How would you place- If

43:22

you did nothing else and just your eyebrows or

43:24

nothing else and just blush. All

43:26

right, then mascara. All right, then mascara. So

43:30

mine would be a toss up between mascara

43:32

and just something like

43:34

the Vive complexion bar. Like a

43:36

really lovely, slinky. Cause

43:39

let's face it, you wouldn't, if you picked foundation- Why

43:41

do you have to be- This is why you like

43:43

this. What do you mean? Why can't you just answer

43:45

the fucking question? No, I'm sorry. Why you like this?

43:47

You have to go down this whole tangent of intelligent

43:49

thought. It's a podcast asking

43:51

you about your favorite makeup item. Just answer

43:53

the fucking question. Do you know, I

43:56

feel like I owe it to people. I owe it

43:58

to people to have thought about it, can you? though.

44:00

I mean I want

44:02

them rushing out and going oh well I'll just

44:04

go and buy a blush. A

44:06

loaded blush brush. That's not gonna happen. And

44:08

they'll go around with no makeup on. Okay

44:10

if your makeup bag smashed on the floor

44:12

what would you be most gutted about breaking?

44:15

And you can't say well my lipstick wouldn't break.

44:17

Just work with me here Miss Analytical.

44:20

You were gonna say that when you're gonna say well I'd still have

44:22

all my blushes. I was thinking what would break? None of it. I

44:25

mean it'd be a huge cushion. Can you see what it's like trying

44:27

to be a friend? Can you see

44:29

what it's like trying to have any kind of conversation

44:31

whatsoever? It's just like well no well that wouldn't happen

44:33

because in 1832. I do hate this question though because

44:35

it all works in tandem doesn't it? You just saved

44:37

one thing. So you're gonna save your makeup bag. Save

44:39

your makeup bag. There you go. No one's ever said

44:41

that. I'd save my makeup bag. I've

44:43

taken care of it for you now. She can't even

44:45

answer yes to that. Do you know what I mean?

44:48

You know you constipated or what? What is

44:50

going on? I was really thinking. Do you

44:52

know what my most used makeup product is?

44:54

I reckon. Steady we might get an answer.

44:56

Go on. The V I want

44:58

in either mahogany or coffee. So

45:00

I've got on now. Since

45:03

my eyes have started going

45:05

in the downwards direction. Drooping

45:07

you might call it. I find that I

45:09

can cheat them by applying

45:11

the darkness, blending it out but cheating it

45:14

upwards at an angle and it just about

45:16

creates an optical illusion that counteracts. Lucky you

45:18

I can't do that at my age. I've

45:21

got to get surgery. They're hanging off. Hanging

45:24

by thread. Right let's just wrap this up. I

45:26

think what's interesting is if people like this lot are

45:28

going I can't understand anything that's happened

45:30

here. No one's going to listen to this but

45:32

if you remember our very first YouTube video. I

45:34

feel quite disordered. Yeah bless us. Okay fine. I've

45:36

had so many requests when people said so

45:38

you're doing second episode. You know second season pod. Can you

45:40

and Ruth please film another YouTube video like you used to when

45:42

you pulled a pair of fucking high heels in a candle out

45:45

of your handbag. I

45:47

just put them down as if it was just perfectly normal for

45:49

that to happen. Did you see that video the other day

45:51

in a map? This guy on the radio is going through.

45:53

I think his co-host bag

45:55

and he's just crying. Yes the avocado.

46:00

That would be you. I properly laughed at that. That would be you.

46:03

And I pulled out a bag of £60 worth of change

46:05

because I was using meters at the time because there was

46:07

no apps on phones and you were like, this is a

46:09

fucking weapon because it was literally pound coins.

46:11

You could put it in a sock. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

46:14

Okay, Ruth. I feel like no one's gonna

46:17

have any context to me though if they

46:19

don't know me. Okay, so describe yourself in

46:21

five sentences. No, Ruth Crilly is a British

46:24

veteran model, writer. We didn't even talk

46:26

about the... Sunday Times bestselling author. We

46:29

didn't even talk about the photographers. We've

46:31

worked with all of them. Prune shoots.

46:33

Prolific blogger. Prolific blogger and writer. Beauty

46:35

insider. Sunday Times bestselling

46:38

author. And mother. No

46:40

one cares. I feel

46:42

like it's the least interesting thing about me. No, it's really not

46:44

because your kids are immense. No one wants to hear about other

46:46

people's kids. No. I know for a

46:48

fact when I get the phone out, I can feel

46:51

people around me grow knowing they're gonna have to look

46:53

at my grandchildren. I can feel them well.

46:55

I don't because I do. But they're

46:57

only selected people. Only selected people. I do try and wind

46:59

my neck in. I don't go to people on the tube.

47:01

Do you want to see my grandkids? But

47:03

you know. But it's when people you

47:05

don't know very well, then they start doing it

47:08

and you think, I don't care. Zero interest. Yeah,

47:10

your kids are ugly. Your

47:12

kids are ugly. You shouldn't have bred. I

47:16

never think that. Yes, you liar. You

47:18

absolute don't care. I'm gonna say that. What?

47:22

I've never discussed that. I feel like children grow into their faces. Okay,

47:24

we'll leave it there. Do you have a burning question for me? Right.

47:28

Do you know what? I was gonna ask you a serious question. Oh

47:30

no. But this takes us off on a

47:32

real tangent. Oh God, thank God. That hasn't happened before. Right. I'm

47:35

gonna go for a real tangent. I'm gonna go for a real tangent.

47:37

I'm gonna go for a real tangent. I'm gonna go for a real

47:39

tangent. I'm gonna go for a real tangent. I'm gonna go for a

47:41

real tangent. I'm gonna go for a real tangent. I was gonna ask

47:43

you a serious question. Oh no. But this

47:45

takes us off on a real tangent. Okay, thank God.

47:47

That hasn't happened before. Right.

47:50

If you didn't want to have any

47:53

kind of injectables or aesthetic treatments, what's

47:55

the best thing you can do? For... Oh,

47:58

I can see these lines starting to come on my lips now. What

48:00

can I put on that? Retinoids. Yeah, do

48:02

that already. Retinoids. There's no like

48:05

intensive. Like the zip payload. You could

48:07

try and keep that round

48:09

there. Okay. Have you seen

48:11

that thing that people put in their mouth and

48:13

then it's like a giant pair of lips on

48:15

top? No, you could try. I mean, they're trying

48:17

to rejuvenate, but ultimately if you have spent 40-ish

48:19

years talking, smoking, which

48:21

you did for a long time, how

48:24

long did you smoke for? Ten years. That's what

48:26

it is. Yeah, because I don't

48:28

really have those, but I've never smoked and

48:31

I spend so much talk, so much time talking. I feel

48:33

like when people go, oh, do you do face sugar? I'm

48:35

like, no, I just nag. Sucking cocks. Do

48:40

not put that in. So

48:43

that was your burning question. Yes. No,

48:45

if you're, if you were

48:47

going on a desert island

48:49

and you can only take one

48:51

skincare product, I've thought this through

48:53

so much to various scenarios. I

48:56

just want to know if you're on the same wavelength, what

48:58

product would you take? There's no shade, but

49:01

you're surrounded by sea water. There's

49:03

maybe a freshwater spring. Like? And

49:06

there's a coconut tree. This is

49:08

very important that you know this because I've

49:10

thought all this out. I actually, I'm

49:12

so proud of myself. Last night I was

49:14

going to sleep. I was thinking about my burning question and

49:17

I thought about a whole skincare routine I

49:19

could design using nature, but there would be

49:21

only one thing I'd need to take. I'll

49:23

take you then. Okay. Could

49:26

tell me though, see if you can get through my conundrum. I

49:29

wouldn't tell you in SPF. Why? Because I'm going to

49:31

die. I've got no food. What's the

49:33

point? It's coconut tree. How long do

49:35

you think coconut water can sustain you? How many? The

49:38

flesh of the coconut fish. We're

49:40

going to see. I'm not fishing. Sorry.

49:44

Are you going to eat it raw? Come on. You got

49:46

a sushi. Okay. I would take

49:48

some kind of a balm that I

49:50

could use to wash the salt water off

49:52

my face, but also to nourish it afterwards

49:54

when it's dried out from the salt water.

49:57

Wasted product. Oh God. Coconut oil.

50:00

Nature's cleanser. Right, okay. So you don't need to take

50:02

your bum. Go on, you've got three. You can take

50:04

some of this now. Okay, but how are you gonna

50:06

extract the oil, Ruth? Sharp stick. Okay,

50:09

got a Bunsen burner anywhere, or any kind

50:11

of heat, or? The sun. Okay.

50:13

A magnifying burn. Because at the moment you've

50:15

got coconut. Oh balls. Look, you don't have

50:17

to take it so literally. For

50:19

God's sake. Pot kettle, big fucking black, I'm

50:21

sorry. Okay, all

50:24

right. So you take the bar. What would you take?

50:26

SPF. You liar. Because it's

50:28

the only thing I can't cover with everything

50:30

else. Only for my face. My

50:32

body would be burnished. I'd be like Giselle

50:34

by the time I got back. With a

50:36

white face. With a white face, but

50:38

I can do some tanning drops. Oh, tanning drops. You

50:41

got abs tape? Yeah, because you really need tanning drops on

50:43

a desert island. Jesus Christ,

50:45

I need a break. I'm absolutely exhausted.

50:48

Thanks for joining us, Ruth. That's all right.

50:50

Thanks for having me. Your book is available

50:52

now. In our backpack, e-book and audio

50:54

book from all good booksellers.

50:57

All good booksellers. How not to be

50:59

a supermodel. And when's the paper

51:01

back out? Oh God, like

51:03

next year. Next year, sometime, yeah. And where

51:05

can people find you? They can

51:07

find me at Ruth Crilly on Instagram. And

51:10

on the sub stack, a model recommends.

51:12

Walk back the old- AMR. The

51:14

AMR brand name. Or in your

51:17

bathroom spraying sacred union on your fidget. After

51:19

a month. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha

51:21

ha ha. You

51:23

can hear much more from our chat this Wednesday in our

51:25

listeners questions episode. So make sure you tune in. Send

51:28

your questions for me and my guests

51:30

to answer to pod at carolinehirens.com. Until

51:33

then, I'm glad we had this chat. New

51:38

episodes are available every Monday and Wednesday.

51:40

Follow us subscribe now on Apple, Spotify,

51:42

or wherever you get your podcasts. Glad

51:45

we had this chat is produced by Walter Wall Media.