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Valentine's Day destination. Guys,

1:03

welcome to Green Eggs and Dan

1:05

where I interview amazing people with

1:08

amazing minds. And

1:21

all I care about is what is in

1:23

their fridge or do I? Today

1:25

we are trying something different. Me

1:28

and my compadre, my BFF in comedy

1:30

and in life, Jordan Carlos, are going

1:32

to try a new series called What'd

1:34

You Eat? A monthly series where we

1:36

just talk about what we had for

1:39

the last week, what

1:41

came up food wise, restaurant

1:43

wise, at

1:45

the dinner table, at the breakfast table, at the

1:48

coffee shop, wherever, and we

1:50

just go through it with each other like the

1:52

two chums that we are. What

1:55

do you think, Jay-Z? I think it's a great idea to chum. I'm really,

1:57

I'm happy to chum the waters with you, buddy.

2:00

I love that. What is 1925? Why

2:02

did you say chum? I like it. I like

2:04

it. It's cute. Yeah, let's go

2:06

chum. We're off to a great start. Yeah, buddy.

2:08

Let's talk about it. Yeah. How

2:12

about you

2:14

and I talk about all the shanks and all

2:17

the chumps we had down on down on

2:20

Old Doia Street? Oh

2:22

my god. Oh my god.

2:30

Right away, you made me think of Keen's

2:32

Chop House, which I think is one of

2:34

the oldest steak houses in New York. That

2:37

is one of the only places in America that you

2:39

can get a mutton chop and it is

2:42

delizioso. And

2:45

it's just such a cool place. They

2:48

have old pipes hanging

2:50

from the ceiling. It's

2:52

great. I love it. All those

2:54

bestest just leaking into your food, things like that.

2:56

It's just so authentic. Like, give me 30 bucks.

3:00

Give me 30 bucks for this mutton chop, you son of

3:02

a gun. You

3:04

just wish for better times when the

3:06

milkman delivered and women knew their place.

3:09

Oh boy. I

3:12

kid. I kid. Where

3:15

is this place? I want to know because I want to add it to

3:17

my list of places to go. It's

3:19

great. If you're ever in

3:21

the middle of Midtown with nothing to do,

3:23

Keen's Chop House. I think it's somewhere. Oh,

3:26

Keen's. I've been to Keen's? Yeah. It's

3:29

like 40th Street or something. I've been

3:31

to Keen's. I love Keen's. They have

3:34

such hostility to vegetables. I

3:36

love any chop house. Like,

3:41

can I get some greens? Sure. But

3:43

let me slather it in all the

3:45

greens I could possibly manage. Just

3:48

drowning in green. It's

3:51

like the vegetables will kill you, man. Or

3:53

they'll give you just like steamed broccoli that you're not going

3:56

to eat. You're just like, oh god, what is this? So

4:00

let's start off what you eat

4:02

with what I ate.

4:05

One of the meals I had this week, I

4:07

actually went with a couple of

4:09

buddies to Lowry's Prime Rib in

4:11

LA, which is a prime

4:14

rib restaurant. Yeah, that caters

4:16

to like hospice patients, I

4:18

believe. Like

4:22

they're on a hospice and they're like, you want

4:24

one last meal? I'm like, take me to Lowry's.

4:27

And they wheel all these old people into

4:29

Lowry's. Wait a minute, you

4:31

mean as in Lowry's seasoned salt? Yes,

4:35

exactly. So it actually comes from

4:37

a restaurant called Lowry's. It's like

4:39

a big sort of beautiful

4:42

room, like a steakhouse-y type thing. But

4:45

all they serve is prime rib. At

4:47

least that's what they're known for. What

4:49

in the Roscoe? And they got

4:51

very, very famous for their salt,

4:55

their seasoned salt. And that is

4:57

what you've heard of, yeah. You

4:59

see where I'm going with this, right? No. What

5:01

are you a white doing? And

5:04

just like, that's definitely in Crenshaw.

5:06

That's definitely in Inglewood. You're

5:09

not giving any context. You know

5:11

good and goddamn well. First of

5:13

all, only black folks have

5:15

Lowry's seasoned salt in their pantry, okay? And

5:17

I didn't know that you

5:19

did this. I'm jealous because I've never

5:22

been and I didn't know that. But

5:24

I definitely have Lowry's seasoned salt in

5:26

my pantry. Any self-respecting black person, Bourgeois

5:29

or otherwise, has Lowry's seasoned

5:31

salt at all times. You

5:33

understand? Well, get ready

5:36

for a plot twist, my

5:38

friend. Because there was Neri,

5:40

a black man or woman,

5:42

in this restaurant. It

5:44

simply caters to all the white people. I

5:49

wonder if the salt is like the

5:51

get-out version of Lowry's, that like we need

5:53

to get somehow get

5:56

into the hands of the blacks. No,

5:58

there were no black people there. Black

6:00

people there. I was like what do you negative black

6:02

people? What is that supposed to be Clarence Thomas is

6:04

there? What are you talking? What

6:09

are you talking about? I'm I'm

6:11

really surprised by that. I'm really surprised with that because

6:14

Lowry's has a story tradition Story,

6:16

it's it's almost like it's like having arm

6:19

and hammer buddy in your house. You know,

6:21

it's like wow I had no idea. Yeah,

6:23

you gotta have it. Yeah, it's so funny

6:25

because I heard of the restaurant before hearing

6:27

about the salt Oh, yeah, well you But

6:33

anyway, we went here and it's a very

6:35

kitschy place in LA it's like a super

6:37

kitschy place It's where you take your grandparents

6:39

for their whatever, please, you

6:41

know, they're final meal and final

6:43

meal before they're executed What are

6:45

you talking about? Yes Your

6:49

grandpa who's on death row But

6:52

we wanted to go and I I insisted I

6:54

was like guys it's gotta be great. Let's go

6:56

It's gonna be a fun and I brought a

6:59

group of like there was a there was a

7:01

very famous food writer amongst us like it was

7:04

that we were rolling in deep and I

7:07

cannot express how

7:10

awful this meal was And

7:14

I'm not saying this as a pretentious like oh

7:17

I'm an aged a Five wagyu

7:19

it has to be I went here

7:21

wanting to love it I

7:23

went wanting to love it like

7:25

you'd go into a Dave and Buster's like

7:28

wanting to love it Like I wasn't there

7:30

with my fancy food hat on I was

7:32

there for like my spirit I wanted the

7:35

full experience They have this big Zeppelin that

7:37

they that they this is eel Zeppelin They

7:39

like roll around and they open it and

7:41

has the enormous prime rib and they just

7:44

cut off parts of it Oh,

7:47

yeah, those things. It looks like

7:49

the hand is like a mini Hindenburg about

7:51

to explode and Let

7:54

me tell you I would have

7:56

rather have eaten the charred remains

7:58

inside the actual Hindenburg Then

8:02

the steak that they served us. Oh my

8:04

god. The humanity. The humanity. This

8:07

thing was like a piece of

8:10

grizzle. This was the funniest

8:12

part. So they roll it around and there's a guy

8:14

who's like, who's like not a chef. He's

8:17

just a cutter. He's there to cut the thing. But

8:20

he's wearing like a full on

8:22

cartoonish chef's uniform with a like

8:24

gold medal, like a gold medal

8:26

around his neck. He sprouted himself.

8:28

He got some award. I don't

8:30

know what award it is back in the day.

8:33

And they come over and it has

8:35

this humongous prime rib on its side.

8:38

So it's like, you know, vertical. And

8:41

they asked like, what do you want yours?

8:43

And I'm like, medium rare. Okay. He

8:46

slices a piece. What do you want yours? Rare. Okay.

8:50

Slices the next piece. What about you? Medium

8:52

well. Okay. Slices

8:54

the next. Like they're all the same temperature. He's just cutting down

8:57

the rib. And everything

8:59

was so grisly and gross. A hundred percent

9:01

was not prime beef. I swear to you,

9:03

it was not. It was choice at best.

9:07

The vegetables, the salads, the

9:09

sides, nothing was

9:11

good. Iceberg. Nothing was

9:14

good. It was so bad that my friend and

9:16

yours, Mark Priceman, literally

9:18

stole the fucking

9:21

decanter. He stole

9:23

the decanter because he thought we've

9:26

got so robbed that I need to rob

9:28

this thing. Oh, I love that. Larry, if

9:30

you're wondering what happened to that decanter, Mark

9:33

Priceman has it. Mark Priceman has it. Somebody

9:35

questions, somebody follows. First of all, this

9:37

seems like the kind of place that is not centrally

9:40

located in Hollywood. It feels like I'm

9:42

getting a Rancho Cucamonga vibe. I'm

9:44

getting like a Fullerton, California. I'm getting like

9:46

a, like a, in Bimi Valley. No

9:48

dude, La Cienega, La Cienega Beverly

9:51

Hills. La Cienega Beverly

9:53

Hills. Everything that

9:55

you think about this place is wrong, Jordan. I love

9:57

it. I love it. It

10:00

makes sense in the universe. I like it

10:02

because if the meal is

10:04

so bad, let's say I'm at Death Door

10:06

on stage four, you know, full-blown cancer

10:09

riddling my body like Swiss cheese. Okay?

10:13

Yeah. If I eat this shit that I'm like, you know what?

10:16

If I eat this terrible meal, I'm like, yeah, I

10:18

could die now because I've done

10:20

food and food sucks

10:23

and I won't miss it. And

10:25

it also makes me think about

10:28

last meals. I think if

10:30

Danadu ever got first of all, you'd be

10:32

wrongly convicted for something that you didn't do.

10:35

Okay? But if

10:37

you were ever convicted for murder

10:39

one in the state of

10:42

whatever, California, or wherever they have

10:44

the capital punishment, I think

10:46

you're the only person on Death Road that would ask

10:49

for substitutions. Like on them last meal.

10:53

Yeah. Is there a caviar supplement?

10:57

Turn off the electricity. It's going to take

10:59

another few hours. I'd like to do the

11:01

tasting menu, please. I really would like to

11:04

do the tasting menu because I'm

11:06

going to do this. Oh

11:09

my God. If not, that counts as cruel and unusual

11:11

punishment. I don't have the chef's menu. Thank

11:14

you so much. Oh my God. I just said.

11:16

But it's funny because I had a, I did have

11:18

a, I had an

11:20

event in Vail a couple of

11:23

days later where the food writer Paul

11:25

Feinstein, who was at

11:27

the table, was the person interviewing me.

11:30

And we had this talk and he was like,

11:32

he was talking about how my book is like,

11:34

the subtitle of my book is how I

11:36

let food become my life navigator and how maybe that's a

11:38

dumb way to live. And he was

11:40

like, Dan, I know you and you still are

11:43

insane about food. And like, you're

11:45

not taking your own advice. And

11:47

my whole thing was like, look, we had that

11:49

meal at Larry's last week

11:51

and it was probably the worst meal I've had

11:53

in a couple of years, but it was probably

11:55

the most fun I've had at a meal in

11:58

forever. Cause we had so much. fun

12:00

bonding over the fact of how bad this meal

12:02

was and we were with amazing friends you

12:05

know well the whole thing was like it's called

12:07

breaking bread it's not called breaking you know wild

12:10

yeast sorghum single ferment

12:12

you know sour dough

12:15

so I was going back to the whole thing

12:17

of like the food should be

12:19

secondary to the company and to the

12:21

camaraderie the meal brings around

12:23

so it's almost like sometimes you can bomb

12:25

but in a good way like

12:28

it can be a great bomb like the

12:30

one of the best bombs ever was

12:33

Bill Burr bombing in front of a

12:35

Philadelphia audience where he just rants and

12:38

it's it's pretty priceless he just keeps going

12:40

and he doesn't care and he knows that

12:42

they hate him and he hates them

12:44

back and it's actually great

12:46

on so many other meta levels

12:49

so if you're talking about companions

12:52

conversation experience and and almost like foxhole

12:54

friends where it's like remember that horrible

12:56

thing that we did that we will

12:58

never do again and you

13:00

drive by it and you're like well how are you

13:02

my god you know like yeah yeah

13:05

you know you have to have a

13:07

couple of good meals to get get

13:09

like out of your system right it's

13:11

so good oh god that's that's great dude

13:13

I love that for you Jordan Carlos mm-hmm

13:16

what about you what did you eat what did

13:18

I eat good question what did we calling it what did

13:20

you eat or what you eat I think it's what you

13:22

eat yeah what you eat

13:24

again yeah what do you eat and hey

13:27

Donny you don't have to edit this out people

13:29

should know how this how the

13:31

how do you make that's right

13:33

I said what would you eat

13:35

here's what I was down in

13:38

Chinatown on Doyer Street Doyer Street is

13:40

the one of the only streets in New York City that

13:42

does this kind of like ah

13:44

the s-curve and

13:46

it's it's cricket there's no cars to go down

13:48

it it's it's weird I like

13:52

Chinatown it looks like one of those like

13:54

those like the Chinese dragons the New Year's

13:56

dragons it actually looks like it okay I'm

13:58

gonna I'm gonna not I'm not gonna yes

14:00

and that but my

14:03

daughter who's a lot like her mother Reads

14:07

the New Yorker back to back side to

14:09

side and it's all of 11 years old

14:11

and it's like dead Have you read about

14:13

the the face of this mess is in

14:15

China and I'm like, okay kid just read

14:17

highlights, please All right, for God's sake what

14:20

happened? Can we get this get a highlight like a

14:22

subscription? so she she

14:24

reads about this place called cafe mob and

14:28

So I'm kind of like alright, she wants to go

14:30

there for a birthday. So we're like, okay What baby

14:32

girl wants to go we go and it

14:34

is like it is a

14:36

Hong Kong like

14:39

fever dream explosion in your face

14:41

of Wow of

14:43

its ornamental. It's larger

14:45

the the the plates are larger than

14:47

life It's drunken noodles, but it's also

14:49

like hey man, you want pancakes? We've

14:51

got those too like it's just like

14:53

so dizzy and nuts I felt like

14:55

I was in a pinball machine, but

14:57

it's good man It's really good and

14:59

there's like this bear tea that you

15:01

can get where it's just like hey

15:03

man Do you like to get cranked

15:05

on sugar with the kids? Here you

15:07

go I was like, do

15:09

you have any alcohol? They're

15:12

like now Wait

15:18

was it like it was a super sugary

15:20

tea dude. It was a super sugary tea

15:22

I I literally just like

15:26

I I pissed out of sugar cane It

15:30

was so it was it was very

15:33

refined sugar it had been to finishing

15:35

school It was like it was mostly

15:37

sugar and some tea the bathroom was

15:39

in a refrigerator It was

15:41

like no one would believe you what dude.

15:44

I highly recommend cafe mob who on Toya

15:46

Street I have to give a shout if

15:48

if you know it's not only like cray-cray

15:51

in the banana But it's

15:53

it's it really delivers. It's

15:55

very good food. It's

15:57

so insane, but it's really good food

16:00

and it's pretty affordable

16:02

and Since

16:04

New Yorkers, I'm with my like married into

16:06

New York family They're like, you

16:08

know, they talk a mile a minute like we're on the fucking

16:10

floor of the New York Stock Exchange They're

16:12

just like are you gonna eat that? You gonna get that? What are we gonna get fucked right?

16:16

It's their speed. It's like

16:18

eating with Muppets. It worked. It

16:21

was fine What does that

16:23

place look like? Is it like a like

16:25

a dim sum type place? Are there big

16:28

tables like banquet style with that thing in

16:30

the middle that rotates? No, hello. It's not

16:32

it's just it's it's a I don't

16:35

know. I don't ask questions. I don't know what

16:37

permits were allowed and what weren't but it's

16:39

just It

16:43

is like it's almost like

16:45

anime exploded it's dude, it's

16:47

animalicious It's so

16:49

crazy. It's Sailor Moon. It's

16:51

like it's The

16:54

studio Ghibli like I thought Totoro was

16:56

gonna fucking service dude. It was not

17:00

Like I was like, I could

17:02

not take an edible. This

17:04

is incredible. This was like Wow It

17:07

was a living edible. It was a red like

17:09

a more a cop like a more a common

17:11

thing come to life. Yes No

17:23

alcohol, they're like, nope only uppers Now

17:28

at the other end of Dory's Street, which is kind

17:30

of crazy because my daughter wanted to go there there's

17:33

a place called Chinese tuxedo where Crazily

17:35

enough Ronnie Chang had done a special

17:38

Latest special on Netflix and we went there

17:40

now that place is really cool. I love

17:43

I love it It's not one

17:45

of the places that I've talked about before words like Asian

17:47

inspired now It's really run by

17:50

Chinese American folks that are from the neighborhood But

17:53

it's you know, it's a little it's a

17:56

little elevated but what I like about it

17:58

is it's very much like never Indiana

18:01

Jones in the Temple of Doom at the beginning, when

18:03

Indiana Jones was in this Hong Kong nightclub

18:05

or whatever, so that

18:07

could have happened at any time. That could have

18:09

broken out at any time and I was kind

18:11

of hoping for it, but it was people dressed

18:14

to the nines. It was like, it's

18:16

just a really good dining, like

18:21

high fashion, elegant

18:23

Chinese experience. You

18:26

know what I'm saying? I was like, aw, that's

18:28

good. Oh, so he went

18:30

there, JC scored there, and

18:32

then the final place, because you gotta

18:34

have two locations on a date, not

18:36

three or four, but two locations on

18:38

a date. Oh, God. Wow.

18:42

We're doing inside jokes, Dan's dating life,

18:45

everyone. Oh, my God.

18:47

DM me for detail. Yeah, hit me in the

18:50

footnotes. So, like, I

18:53

think there's something lost that's coming back

18:55

and it's, I told you I wanted to

18:57

talk about this. Wait, hold on. Before

18:59

you transition. Please, please, please, please.

19:01

Can I go on a tangent, on

19:03

a tangent, off of what you just

19:05

said? So, I actually, it's

19:07

funny, like, I'm with you. The

19:09

classic, you know, the

19:12

classic fancy, classic fancy,

19:15

love, big fan. Mm-hmm. Newfangled,

19:19

hipster fancy, I'm having some issues with,

19:21

especially when they take a culture that

19:24

is not necessarily fancified. Where am I

19:26

going with this? Ask

19:28

me what I ate. Um, what

19:30

did you eat? Well, last week, when

19:32

I was in New York City, I

19:35

went to a restaurant with my parents and

19:37

my brother called Bangkok Supper Club. It's

19:40

the hottest new restaurant in New York.

19:42

Everyone's going crazy for it. Pete Wells

19:44

gave it like three stars or something.

19:47

Like, everyone's going nuts about this

19:49

place. I did make

19:51

a reservation, but they did the old, we

19:53

have two tables, one at five

19:56

o'clock, one at one

19:58

in the morning. And

20:00

I was like, I

20:03

had a comedy show so I was like,

20:05

we'll do the early one. So five o'clock.

20:08

Now okay, I get there

20:10

at 4.55. Jordan

20:14

and Carlos, it was like 16 degrees

20:16

outside. Like

20:19

it's frigidly cold. And

20:22

I'm standing outside at 4.55 and

20:25

these fuck faces are like getting ready

20:27

to open the door. And

20:29

there's a big window there. You can see

20:31

the host and the hostess in their little

20:33

section doing nothing. I'm

20:36

staring at them because there's like a

20:38

vestibule in the front. They could have let me in. I'm

20:41

freezing. It's nuts how cold it

20:43

is. Wait, hold on. Was it a

20:45

vestibule or a porta-cuchet? It was a... Was

20:49

it an anterior? An

20:51

empty room? Sorry. A

20:53

vestibule? I didn't go to Brown.

20:56

I only went to Johns Hopkins. I didn't go

20:58

to fucking Brown. Where

21:00

they taught you these things. Dude, that's the Harvard

21:02

of Baltimore and you know it. Alright, go ahead.

21:05

Baltimore of course is

21:07

the Paris of Maryland.

21:11

Oh my God, I'm dying. Anyway,

21:18

I'm fucking staring at these assholes for

21:20

five minutes and I'm like, if

21:22

my parents show up, I'm

21:24

not going to let them stand outside in

21:26

the cold while fucking trust Fundy 1 and

21:29

Fundy 2 are standing, you know. So

21:32

finally, five o'clock rolls around and they open

21:34

the door. It's like me

21:36

and a couple people waiting outside and they're

21:38

like, welcome to the Bangkok suburb. I'm

21:41

like, hi. I

21:45

have a table for five. And

21:48

they're like, are the other guests here?

21:51

And I'm like, no, they're not yet. They're here in

21:53

a second. They're

21:55

parking. Okay, you're going to have to wait

21:57

here. So now I'm in the fucking vestibule area. I'm

22:00

not where they are, where they had their

22:03

little heater heating them. I'm on the other

22:05

side that is getting the crosswind and

22:07

I'm just staring at these assholes. I

22:10

was about to big time them. I was about to do

22:12

a little, do you know who I am? But

22:15

I said no. I

22:18

want the people to know how

22:20

commoners are treated at the Bangkok Supper

22:22

Club. So

22:25

eventually my parents

22:27

show up and I'm like, my parents are

22:29

here but my brother is not. But

22:31

do you mind if we go sit down at our table

22:34

and they look at us like, I'll take pity

22:36

on the old, fine. So

22:39

they fucking let us go sit at our table. I

22:42

guess this is my issue with a

22:44

lot of the IT restaurants in New

22:46

York City that are, for

22:49

lack of a better word, ethnic. They

22:52

are so watered

22:55

down and so

22:57

meant to appeal to

23:00

like boring,

23:02

again, I hate to make this a race thing, but

23:04

like boring white palettes that they're just

23:06

like, oh, this is the best.

23:09

It's like I'm having Thai food but I'm

23:11

not surrounded by Thai people. And

23:16

the food is not challenging to me

23:18

like most Thai food. Low staff. Fucking,

23:22

it's bullshit, dude. It's

23:24

like it has a little

23:26

fart of Thai, like not

23:28

full on. Just a little

23:30

tiny wisp of spice. And

23:33

it's like, it bothers me so

23:35

much. And the prices were

23:37

so fucking egregious. Oh no. It

23:40

blew my mind how expensive this place was.

23:43

Was it a hundred a person? Probably,

23:45

yeah, I got to around that. But it was like

23:48

one of the appetizer things was like a bao

23:50

bun with duck and foie gras. And

23:52

I'm like, oh, cool. And it was

23:54

like $32. And I was

23:57

like, great. Okay. I'm

23:59

imagining this. there's gonna be four of these buns." And

24:02

I'm like, okay, can I get one of those for

24:04

the table? And she goes, oh, there's

24:07

only two of those per order.

24:09

And I was like, oh. And she was like, yes, and only

24:12

enough for one person. And I was like, what?

24:15

I was like, can I order that

24:17

anyway? Bro, it was like two fucking

24:20

symbols of a bow bun with

24:23

like a tiny slice, like

24:25

a prosciutto thin slice of

24:27

duck breast. Tell them why

24:29

you mad. Tell them why you mad.

24:31

Wow. Dude, the

24:34

slice of foie gras was so thin

24:36

that they could have taken it off

24:38

of a live goose and it still

24:41

would have lived fine with that much

24:43

liver missing. He didn't need that anyway.

24:46

He's like, that's a bad part of my liver. You

24:48

force feed me, I gotta lie, I gotta lie. Go. That's

24:52

duck, dude. Okay, well, thank you. That's so

24:54

crazy. I'm not gonna do that then. I

24:56

mean, yeah, there's, listen, the city is

24:58

replete with these kind of restaurants. It's

25:01

true. I will, tip of the cap,

25:03

of course, in Chinese tuxedo, because at least they're

25:05

down on Doria street. It's

25:07

local people making good, and I like that. And,

25:10

you know, I mean, am I a

25:12

hero for it? Sure, those are your words.

25:14

But it's just kind of like, otherwise, I think

25:16

people need to know, and eventually on a long

25:18

enough timeline, it'll be revealed that this is just

25:20

like, this kind of stuff is just like a

25:22

dressed up TGI Friday. This is a dressed up

25:25

TGI Friday, you know? It's like, you

25:27

know, it's basically

25:29

like, you got a lot of memorabilia,

25:31

you got a lot of

25:33

things that demarcate, that you're in

25:36

some place kind of exotic, and

25:38

then you get like a proximity to the

25:40

culture, but without having to immerse yourself

25:43

completely in it. You know, you're not going to

25:45

Jackson Heights. You're not going to Jackson Heights. Right.

25:48

And I get it. I understand. You know,

25:50

it's just like, but just be aware that

25:52

that is not really, that the real thing

25:54

is just a simulation, you know? This is

25:56

a simulation rather than the

25:58

IRL, you know? So, I mean,

26:01

that's my thing. Yeah, yeah, I

26:03

feel you. And then on top of that, you

26:05

pay more for the simulation than you do the

26:07

real thing. Oh,

26:09

way more. That's the issue. Yeah. I

26:12

mean, mind you, you are in the West Village and I

26:14

get that they have rent and whatever, but it's like, fuck

26:16

me, man. And just be nice

26:18

to people. Be nicer to people. Oh,

26:21

that. I have another one.

26:24

Unless you're, are you ready to go for it? Can

26:26

I reverse it on you? I know you don't like

26:28

when the servers are mean to you. You take it

26:30

personally. Yeah, I'm

26:32

a normal human being. I take

26:34

it personally when someone's mean to me. I

26:36

don't give a fuck if it's a server or a normal

26:38

person, and anyone in real life. I

26:41

think you have... I

26:44

mean, this is a broken record, but yeah, I do

26:46

think servers get this fucking... They

26:48

get this like pass from everyone. They're

26:51

like, he must have had a bad

26:53

day. It's like, yeah, but he just

26:55

flipped his dick out and slapped you in the face

26:57

with it. He must have had an awful

26:59

day for him to have done that. Let's give

27:01

him 30%. I

27:05

would say, you never saw the beginning

27:07

of Reservoir Dogs, where it's like,

27:09

they're talking about tipping. Yeah, they're talking about tipping and

27:11

they're like, don't you know waitresses make the worst amount

27:13

of money? If anybody, it's like, you know, it's like

27:15

you get paid like what, $2.17, $5 an hour, plus

27:17

you depend on tips. So

27:21

I would say, yes, it would be in your

27:24

best interest to act nicely, but

27:26

like... Yeah, all the more

27:28

reason. All the more reason.

27:30

Wait, you're making my point for me. They

27:33

are underpaid, they are

27:35

underpaid, and to make up

27:37

for that delta, they got

27:39

a fucking be nice and smile. Wow.

27:46

I'm never eating with you again.

27:48

If people find out what you

27:50

just said... Jordan, no,

27:52

I'm sorry, but it's the same

27:54

as for our careers. We

27:57

don't get a pass if we had a bad day and have

27:59

to go on stage. We have to fucking bring

28:01

it no matter what because that's what we are

28:03

in the service industry. We're in the service

28:05

of laughs. It's what we have to do. I'm sorry.

28:08

But this is Jin Z you're talking about, man. And

28:10

Jin Z, they need a

28:12

moment. They need a rest. They

28:15

overcorrect because we never did. They overcorrect because we

28:17

never did. You know what I'm saying? It's like

28:19

we never did. We're like, suck it up. Knuckle

28:21

it out. Stick it back

28:23

in. Again, you're making my point for me. No, I'm not. I'm

28:26

not. I'm not. I'm not. You're

28:28

making my point for me. No, I'm not. They

28:31

get mental health days or whatever the fuck they

28:33

call them. What are they? I need

28:36

a mental health day. I need a mental health day. Yes, a mental

28:38

health day. Yes, they get mental health days. Have you ever have you

28:40

ever dared to take a mental health day? My

28:44

whole fucking life is a mental health

28:46

day. No,

28:50

we are of a different generation. We truly are.

28:52

Yeah, just keep going. Keep going. The

28:55

Love of Fairy event is on at

28:57

Whole Foods Market with deals on delicious

28:59

desires through February 14th, the floral department's

29:02

in full bloom. So look for savings

29:04

on double dozen bunches of roses in

29:06

the meat and seafood departments. Save on

29:08

animal welfare certified New York strip steaks

29:11

and sustainable wild caught lobster tails to

29:13

make the night sizzle. Gifts from the

29:15

wellness and beauty department are always a

29:17

nice touch. And you have

29:20

to grab those chocolate dipped strawberries.

29:22

Like Whole Foods Market your Valentine's

29:24

Day destination. Jordan, yeah. What

29:26

do you eat? Good question. Great question. The

29:29

second place you went to after that, and it should only be

29:32

two locations, we went up to a rooftop

29:34

bar and it was really cool. It was this

29:36

place up near the

29:38

UN and it's on Beekman place. God,

29:42

what was it called? It was called

29:44

Ophelia. Ophelia. It's a rooftop bar. Ophelia.

29:47

It's in an old penthouse. And

29:50

this place used to be like, it was

29:52

like a dormitory for ladies back in the 1920s.

29:56

And you have a single

29:58

room occupancy like the Amazon. Like

30:00

it it was crazy, dude, and

30:03

wow they had old ads about

30:05

how guess I want you to

30:07

guess how much a one-bedroom apartment

30:10

was a week 19th

30:13

a week a week What's

30:19

it get I'm gonna guess a

30:21

thousand bucks Back

30:24

then In the

30:26

19th, I don't the 1920s when it was

30:29

a hundred bucks. No,

30:31

no, no way how much 12

30:33

dollars What 12 dollars

30:35

who if you wanted laundry done two more

30:38

if you wanted to wait done? Yeah

30:40

I'm looking at pictures of this place. It's freaking

30:43

stunning. It is stunning. It's great and

30:45

it's beautiful It has that like the

30:47

black and white checkerboard floors beautiful

30:51

art deco windows Nice,

30:53

you know what? I really feel like

30:55

Ophelia is a great place in that

30:58

the cocktails are very good The service

31:00

is nice. The views are incredible and

31:02

it really it it definitely To

31:06

me I was like, you know what I live in a modern city

31:09

I live in a beautiful modern city

31:11

and and what we forget sometimes about

31:13

New York is One

31:15

of its greatest assets is

31:18

the skyline itself. It's so

31:20

romantic sweeping and inspiring And

31:23

when I was having my Negroni, I

31:25

got to see people banging a building

31:27

or two over, you know No, you

31:29

didn't sure. Absolutely. Every time wait, really

31:31

every time every time you go to like

31:33

a rooftop restaurant It's

31:36

half the fun. You're seeing people like just go

31:38

at it, dude animals Amazing

31:42

I mean I was like dude, they're definitely

31:44

in the first few weeks. This is uh This

31:50

is the uh, weirdest five star uh

31:52

Yelp review for Ophelia I've ever heard

31:56

Come for the drinks stay for the fucking There's

32:00

a lot of that in the city. There's a lot of there's a

32:02

lot of you know, people that are putting

32:04

on a show things like that You know, yeah,

32:06

so it's like see a lot of it and

32:09

you know the rooftop You might be a kid

32:11

you little bit of this you get a little

32:13

bit of that But you if the best part

32:16

is the view the drinks the lights as

32:19

my wife pointed out It's almost like a snowflake

32:21

in that It's never

32:23

gonna be the same You know

32:25

the pattern the lights that are on in each

32:27

building will be different Another

32:30

night another another kind of yeah And

32:33

it's a beautiful constellation. It likes it. Ophelia.

32:36

I can't I just highly recommend it It's

32:38

good time and it's there's even more

32:40

space in the summer than there wasn't a winter

32:42

But there's blankets and things like that to curl

32:44

up and then get cozy. Mmm.

32:46

That's my mo. Yeah, so that's

32:48

that's what I was eating Great and

32:50

drink. I've got one. I've got one last one

32:52

go for it. Go for what you got ask

32:55

me ask me There here's a

32:57

question. Yeah, what G? So

33:01

last week when I was in veil you really

33:04

I Went

33:10

to this restaurant called man talk, which is

33:12

a wonderful seafood place in veil and

33:16

I ordered the Chilean sea

33:18

bass off of the menu and It

33:22

got me thinking of food

33:24

rebrand because You know as

33:27

the listeners as long longtime

33:29

listeners probably know Chilean

33:32

sea bass the real name of the fish

33:34

is Patagonian tooth fish and oh

33:36

sure it wasn't it It wasn't moving

33:38

off the shelf. No one wanted

33:41

anything to do with the motherfucking tooth

33:43

fish So they hired

33:45

like an ad agency to rebrand this

33:47

fish and they pulled out a thin

33:49

air The word Chilean sea

33:52

bass this bitch ain't even a sea

33:54

bass, but they were like Chilean sea

33:56

bass Let's go and the

33:58

world went bonkers over Chilean sea bass to

34:00

the point where it was like at the

34:02

point of extinction. But they finally brought it

34:04

back and now they're sustainable. Similar

34:08

story with Sablefish. Sablefish

34:11

had a very tenement

34:13

Lower East Side sort

34:17

of a Jewy connotation.

34:20

And they rebranded this and

34:23

called it Black Cod. Oh

34:25

yeah. And Black Cod. Black

34:27

Cod is a fucking Sablefish. Okay.

34:30

And it changed the name to Black Cod. And

34:33

then it started selling like gangbusters and they

34:35

charged like five times what the price was.

34:37

So you're saying this is the Ralph Lauren

34:40

of fish. Because Ralph Lauren's real

34:42

name is Ralph Lipschitz. Exactly.

34:45

Okay. You're

34:49

saying sometimes your government name

34:51

does not work. Sometimes

34:53

you have to change it. Someone

34:56

was like, guys, we got to get

34:59

this Sablefish out of the shtetl. Okay.

35:02

Oh God. We need a new name. We

35:05

need to get this out of the shtetl.

35:08

This was it. And this was the... And

35:10

this was the climate. You're just going to...

35:13

It was me. I

35:17

do not know that. That

35:19

is fascinating to me. Yeah.

35:22

But it does remind me of people

35:24

like Cary Grant. Cary

35:28

Grant. You know what his birth name is, right?

35:31

Ralph Lipschitz. Archibald

35:33

Leech. Archibald...

35:36

That's kind of a cool name. But

35:39

you know... Seems like a lateral

35:41

move to me. You know who

35:43

wasn't? Hal Warner. He was like,

35:45

you need to change it to Cary Grant.

35:48

They're like, get that crap name out of here.

35:51

Cary Grant went on to name to great

35:53

fame. You gotta like... That

35:56

is fascinating. Here's

35:58

where I'm getting at though. What yeah,

36:01

what's the point? These

36:03

rebrands are out there. Okay, it

36:06

is happening in real time. Okay There

36:09

is an oil. Oh boy on

36:12

the shelves of your supermarket right

36:14

now. Okay that you can find by

36:17

the name rape seed

36:19

oil Rape

36:22

not grape. I think I've heard it. I've heard it.

36:24

I've heard this is a thing Which

36:26

begs the question if

36:28

any food needed a rebrand If

36:33

anything could use a

36:35

little freshening up It's

36:38

fucking rape seed oil.

36:41

Yeah. Yes. They they stick with

36:43

it. Who is Who

36:46

is the president of rape seed oil

36:48

who's like a granddaddy? I

36:51

I really think we

36:53

need to do now now

36:56

My father called it rape seed oil

36:59

Grandfather called it rape seed oil. I'd

37:01

be damned if I'm the one who

37:03

changes the name rape seed oil He's

37:07

got some like woke grandchild who

37:09

like just graduated from Bates College

37:11

and he's like Grandpa

37:15

grandpa, I know grandpa stop

37:17

shaking grandpa. It's not the We

37:21

don't need your tremors right now. Oh my god Grandpa,

37:24

please listen to me You

37:29

gender bender grandkids

37:32

don't understand Tradition

37:36

no grandpa. It's not that It's

37:39

literally the word rape is in the oil

37:42

granddaddy That's

37:45

amazing there was no such thing as

37:47

rape when we came up with this

37:50

oil Oh my god, you listen to

37:52

me Brock Turner senior about this Okay.

37:56

Oh my god, dude, that's that's

37:58

so scary That sounds scary.

38:00

I do. It's not nuts? Can I ask a question?

38:03

If there's rapeseed oil, then there

38:06

is rapeseed. What is rapeseed? Um,

38:09

okay. I just looked this up right now. This

38:11

is in real time. I'm reading it to you.

38:14

Rapeseed oil is produced from the seeds of

38:16

the rape plant. Why is it called

38:20

that? A yellow flowering plant belonging to

38:22

the mustard or cabbage family. There are

38:24

two main types of rapeseed oil, industrial

38:26

and culinary. And I'm going

38:29

to say consensual and non-consensual. Jesus Christ.

38:31

Date? Jesus Christ. There's

38:35

a rape plant. Ladies and gentlemen, you

38:37

heard it here first. Why? There's

38:40

a plant called the rape plant.

38:42

What's happening in horticulture? This

38:47

is the other thing. Aren't

38:49

all the Woksters changing the names of

38:51

birds with the Audubon Society and whatnot

38:53

and giving them like, how

38:56

is rapeseed oil untouched? That

39:00

does remind me of one other thing,

39:02

which is in because things are so

39:04

like esoteric, like, like, you know,

39:06

so many cultures and

39:08

things like that, like, like, you know, culinary subculture.

39:10

So rapeseed, no one ever thinks about it. It's

39:12

just like, whatever, whatever. I don't care. There's

39:15

also in birding. I don't know if you know this or

39:17

not, but a bird's

39:19

overall looks, presentation

39:22

and coloring is

39:24

called its jizz. Oh

39:26

boy. J I Z Z.

39:29

If you look up videos about bird jizz,

39:32

they're like, oh my God, this bird's

39:34

jizz, it's got so much jizz.

39:37

It's got jizz coming

39:40

out of every pore. Come

39:42

on. I swear to God. Hang

39:45

on a second. Hey God.

39:47

Birding jizz. Okay. Oh

39:52

my God. All right. It's going to be

39:54

the first and last episode of What'd You

39:56

Eat? Yes.

39:58

Jizz. Impression of a bird,

40:01

Wikipedia, if the internet is

40:03

to be believed, jizz or

40:05

jizz. I guess these people are like

40:07

in a gif versus jizz, battle

40:10

over jizz. It's the

40:12

overall impression or appearance

40:14

of a bird, garter from such

40:17

features as shape, posture, flying

40:19

style, or other habitual movements,

40:21

size and coloration combined with voice and

40:24

habitat. Let me tell you something, okay?

40:27

These people live among us,

40:29

they know the word, and

40:32

yet they're like, look at that mallard

40:34

just flying at that jizz. That's

40:38

ropes. That shit.

40:41

Something out of that flamingo.

40:43

Good lord. Yeah, dude.

40:46

I think we're going to start a GoFundMe to

40:50

get an ad agency to take

40:52

on both the jizz account and

40:55

the rapeseed oil account.

40:59

This is our way of making a difference. We want

41:01

to make a difference in the world. Please

41:03

do. I feel

41:05

like I need the world to

41:07

know this and they don't.

41:11

No, they don't. We're starting a Venmo account. Just

41:13

give a dollar to at-rapejizz. There's

41:21

even a running, identifying birds

41:23

with jizz or jizz in

41:26

ornithology. Oh my god. Dude, we are unhinged

41:28

right now. This is not good. Normally- Rain

41:31

it back to the bucket. When

41:34

there's two hosts, there's the one person who

41:36

rains in the other person. You and I

41:38

are like, it's like

41:40

two Lenny's from Of Mice and Men with

41:43

no George to fucking tell

41:45

us to not kill a rabbit. Look,

41:47

George has got to kill us anyway.

41:50

Sorry to spoil the plot. I

41:52

want to say something now. Ask me what

41:54

I ate. Jordan

41:57

Carlos, what did you eat? Okay, I went back

41:59

to an only but a good one. I'm a good lady. It turned

42:01

out to be not so bad. Back

42:04

in the days, you go over to Jeff's over

42:06

on West 10th and

42:08

I guess it's Christopher. Jeff's

42:11

is called? Yeah, Jeff's or Jeffrey's. Excuse

42:13

me, Jeffery's. Oh, yeah,

42:15

Jeffrey's is by the

42:17

same guy as Joseph

42:19

Leonard and Jeffrey's

42:22

Grocery. From Wisconsin,

42:24

we went there, solid meal.

42:28

Solid meal. Right away.

42:30

Let me tell you something, okay? Gabe

42:32

Steltman. I'm sorry, that's his name. Gabe

42:35

Steltman. That's the restaurant's horror. Yes. Gabe

42:37

Steltman from Wisconsin, I believe.

42:39

In this age of just heightened everything,

42:41

I can tell you one thing that

42:43

still works. You

42:45

walk into a restaurant that's

42:48

vanilla. You walk into a vanilla

42:50

restaurant and you're an interracial couple. You're

42:52

like, we don't have a reservation, but we like a

42:54

seat and we like it

42:56

kind of like a nice. They'll

42:59

hook you up because they want to,

43:02

it looks good. It just looks

43:04

good. Your optics are

43:06

very good. Yes, the optics are great.

43:09

They're really good. So they're always like, yeah,

43:12

right away, let me see what we can do for you. You

43:15

know? Other

43:18

girls come in with vocal

43:20

fry. They're like, what's the

43:22

word? What the fuck out

43:25

of here? Oh my God. He was alone.

43:28

That is

43:31

so good. That is so good. I should

43:33

do that if I want to go out

43:35

with someone who's of a similar race as

43:37

me, rent someone of a

43:40

different race, get the table and then swap. This

43:43

could be a service. Hello sharks. Have

43:47

you ever tried to get a reservation

43:49

and you're just a homogenous

43:51

couple that's going to have to wait two

43:53

hours? You've heard of back rent.

43:56

This is called black rent. It'll

44:01

only be for an hour or so. Yes.

44:05

In a very funny twist, why don't you

44:07

ask me what I ate? What'd you eat,

44:09

man? I'll tell you what I didn't eat.

44:12

I didn't eat at

44:14

Gabe Steltzman's new restaurant in

44:17

Brooklyn called Sailor. Oh.

44:20

So, Sailor, I was in New York last week.

44:22

I was in New York and Vale last week. But when I

44:24

was in New York, one of the restaurants that

44:26

I tried to go to with my good

44:28

friend Dave Mecklewitz, and I bring him up

44:30

because Dave is like head of food at

44:33

all of Discovery Network. Yeah,

44:35

right. Yeah. You're telling me

44:38

about him. Yeah, he's a great guy and he

44:40

basically stacks up all the... He's

44:42

a very powerful food man. Yes.

44:45

Again, we weren't pulling rank though and

44:48

the chef at this restaurant is April

44:50

Bloomfield who used to be

44:52

the spotted pig. And

44:54

she... She has a reputation. She has

44:56

a reputation. She... Well,

45:00

let me tell you something. That reputation did

45:02

not follow her at Sailor because... And by

45:04

the way, I consider her friend-ish. Like

45:07

I DM'ed her asking her for reservation.

45:09

She replied to me and said, when

45:12

and how many people? And I told

45:14

her and then she just never saw

45:16

the message. Nice. Nice. But

45:19

anyway, I told my buddy Dave, I was like, let's go

45:21

at 5.30. Put

45:24

our name down. We'll go to a bar until our

45:26

table is ready because it's the hot place in town.

45:30

Bro, we walked in. This has never happened to me.

45:32

We walked in and we were like,

45:34

can we put our names down? And

45:37

she goes, honestly, there's no point.

45:40

And I was like, excuse me?

45:43

She's like, there's 30 people waiting. We're

45:45

not going to get to you. Honestly,

45:47

like just you should go somewhere else. And

45:50

I was like shocked. I was like, I didn't

45:53

even want to like rattle off. Like I used to work at the

45:55

spot to pick. I used to... The

45:58

green eggs went down. He

46:00

was not having it in that kind

46:02

of annoying Brooklyn, you know, hipster way.

46:05

And so we just left, we left. And

46:09

we, it was so crazy. No,

46:13

it's that kind of, you

46:15

know, it's the cat energy. It's

46:18

like you're walking into, you know, the

46:20

restaurant energy they have in Brooklyn, you walk in,

46:23

it's like, oh, I'm sorry. You

46:26

know, it's like you're walking into a teenager's room

46:28

without knocking. Like

46:30

your place is business. Take our

46:32

name and we get, it's like a fucking open

46:34

mic. When you get to my name, call me.

46:37

What the fuck is the matter with you? It's

46:40

a restaurant, yeah? Oh my God, it's

46:42

so true. They're like, what are you

46:44

doing here? But I will tell you,

46:46

we ended up going across the street at,

46:49

to a restaurant called Colonia

46:51

Verde. Okay. They

46:54

couldn't have been nicer. And

46:57

again, they had no idea who we were. We

46:59

weren't pulling rank. They could not

47:01

have been nicer. The food was fucking

47:04

stellar. It was a

47:06

warm environment. You know what they

47:08

were doing but right, just to bring it all around? They

47:10

were doing sort of like elevated, like

47:15

Latino food. I don't know, it

47:17

was pretty general Latino. Like they had stuff from

47:19

everywhere. Like there was pan de queso on it.

47:21

There was like, you know, there was

47:24

like Peruvian chicken. They were like

47:26

grabbing from wherever. All the food was really, so

47:29

they were doing what Bangkok Supper Club was trying

47:31

to do but couldn't do. It

47:33

retained the like original, the OG kind

47:35

of punchiness. Yes, the

47:37

constitution of it, yeah. Exactly.

47:42

But they added their own little touches and

47:44

it was like beautiful space, good mezcal and

47:46

wine program. I mean, and they were so

47:48

cool and so eager to like, we showed

47:50

interest in the mezcal. They just brought out

47:52

all these things to have a taste. We

47:55

had the best time. So, you know,

47:57

until sailor treats me good. So

48:00

they've done me dirty. I'm

48:02

a colonial verde guy all the way. Uh oh.

48:05

I got, see that's what makes this so hard.

48:07

Colonial verde went out of business yesterday. Oh.

48:12

Hey, sailor people, if you're

48:14

listening, just kidding. Just

48:17

kidding. I'll wait. I'll show up at three

48:19

o'clock and put my name down. No,

48:22

I mean, honestly, there's

48:25

so many places like that in New York where it's like, it's

48:27

all about, it's the scene, it's everything like

48:29

that. You know what I'm saying? That's what

48:31

it is, baby. We love it.

48:34

If there's no like DMV type line to get in,

48:36

we don't trust it. There's a place

48:38

in Brooklyn Heights called Apartment 4F that has six,

48:41

seven dollar croissants, whatever it is. There's a

48:43

place across the street from it that's just,

48:45

uh, it's been there for 30 years. That

48:48

place is drying up like a prune and

48:51

Apartment 4F has a line down the

48:53

block. You know what I'm saying? Like down

48:56

the block every morning, people like lining up

48:58

at 5am for the croissant, you know? So

49:02

it's all about what's hot in these streets, dude.

49:05

It's hard, you root for the little guy, but

49:07

you know what's going to happen, dude.

49:10

You know what's going to happen. Yeah,

49:12

but the truth is hype eventually ends

49:14

and then your reputation is how nice

49:16

you are to people. Honestly, that's with

49:18

any restaurant that stood the test of

49:21

time. You could

49:23

be dressed like a homeless person to walk into fucking

49:25

Balthazar and you're going to be treated nicely. And

49:27

the reason is because they know service and they know

49:29

that they don't want to be a flash in the

49:31

pan. That was what

49:34

bothered me was her attitude. She could have said, listen,

49:36

this is going to sound crazy, but the New

49:38

York Times review just came out. We are so

49:41

bombarded. We have 30 people

49:43

here. Can I put your name down for a reservation

49:45

on another day? We'd love for you to come. But

49:47

it wasn't that. It

49:49

was literally she said the words,

49:51

honestly, you might as well just

49:53

go somewhere else. OK, well,

49:56

that's not going to make me want to come back to your

49:58

restaurant. What you do at that moment. As

50:00

you take the little dais that she's on

50:02

the podium, you throw it out the plate

50:04

glass window. I just

50:06

say, you're never gonna forgive me. And

50:14

then everyone leaves because they're scared and you go take

50:16

a seat and order food as you

50:18

wait for the cops. I'm

50:21

enjoying my meal. I'm

50:23

enjoying my meal. I don't know what

50:25

your problem is. Yeah,

50:28

I think that's good. I think

50:30

it's good. Oh my god, dude.

50:33

Oh man. Jordan, I think this

50:35

is a perfect place

50:37

to wind down.

50:39

A wonderful inaugural episode.

50:42

Oh yeah, which is... Let us know what you think

50:44

in the comments section. This is a new venture for

50:46

us. I

50:49

just realized I never get as excited

50:51

and passionate and heated

50:54

when I talk about food as I do

50:56

when I talk with my BFF Jordan. Oh!

51:00

I hope the listeners enjoy this as much

51:02

as me too. I love you, man.

51:05

And I feel the same way. You definitely

51:07

trigger something deep within

51:09

me. But I don't.

51:11

I don't even think about these things.

51:13

And you're like, tell me about your

51:15

restaurant experiences. And the

51:17

trauma that's unearthed

51:19

is... It's extensive. It's extensive.

51:23

Oh, well, no. Listen, I'll end

51:25

it on a positive note. You are a

51:27

beautiful tableau of a human being. Your

51:31

brain, your outsides, your everything, it all

51:33

contributes to your wonderful jizz. Thank

51:39

you.