Episode Transcript
Transcripts are displayed as originally observed. Some content, including advertisements may have changed.
Use Ctrl + F to search
0:30
Greetings Adventurers. I am
0:32
your dungeon master, Michael Damaro.
0:34
And my pronouns are he
0:36
him. Hi, my name's Nika,
0:38
and my pronouns are she her.
0:40
I play Rourke. Hey everybody, it's
0:42
great to be here. Thank you
0:44
so much for having me. My name
0:47
is Tim Lanning, my pronouns are he
0:49
him. And I play Chuck. Hey
0:51
everyone, I'm Jennifer Sheek, my
0:53
pronouns are she, her, and
0:56
I am playing Saline Von
0:58
Esper. Hi, my name is
1:00
Mike Bachman, my pronouns
1:02
are he, him, and I play Screech
1:04
Echo. Bobbit came into
1:06
being, in this moment. I
1:09
was, I was burned. Yeah, you gained
1:11
Cinteans. Covered in Hope
1:13
for the Future and Placenta.
1:15
Yes. Hey guys, we are
1:18
doing a charity stream. Wow.
1:20
after Easter. Well, yes. Yes,
1:22
that's crazy. So crazy. Do
1:24
we want to make any
1:26
announcements that we can't walk
1:29
back? Yeah, I do. I
1:31
do that too. We're not
1:33
getting any nose? No, we can
1:35
do it. I don't care. Okay.
1:37
You stayed thin. Feet to the
1:39
flames. I'm going to run
1:41
the charity stream game. What?
1:44
We're so excited. You're not
1:46
David, I'm mad at you. trip canceled
1:48
yeah it's like i thought i'm gonna
1:50
do something else no sorry yeah and
1:52
he's like i i got a running
1:54
game for you guys because i don't
1:56
want to edit this we're not going
1:58
to tell you what time Our
2:00
our slot is because you need
2:02
to get there at four o'clock.
2:04
Yeah, maybe ours is at seven
2:06
four o'clock Easter Yes, there's gonna
2:08
be a lot of fun. Mm-hmm.
2:11
This room is always fun. Yeah
2:13
April 26th and 27th 4 p.m.
2:15
Eastern to 4 p.m. Eastern I'm
2:17
gonna be playing commander again at
2:19
4 a.m. So I'm definitely gonna
2:21
need some of y'all to be
2:23
there to give me the energy
2:25
energy energy energy energy Yeah, but
2:27
as always a whole lot of
2:29
fun And it's for the Trevor
2:31
Project. So the Trevor Project, yet
2:33
again. Trevor Project. We've raised over
2:35
$111,000 over the past handful of
2:37
years, so that's pretty freaking sick.
2:39
That's incredible. Deja vu on top
2:41
of Deja vu. Because every year,
2:43
it's just like, oh wow, things
2:45
are so bad. I wouldn't be
2:47
surprised if you didn't get any
2:49
money, because things are so bad.
2:51
Things are, I mean, this is,
2:53
it's a very volatile time. right
2:55
now for everyone. That being said,
2:57
you don't have to give money
2:59
if you want to give of
3:01
your time, aka being in the
3:04
chat. We always really appreciate, there's
3:06
usually a core group of a
3:08
handful of folks that are there
3:10
for almost the entire thing. And
3:12
that means a lot to us.
3:14
That's crazy for the folks in
3:16
the AM times. Yeah, because we
3:18
still do like viewer raffles in
3:20
the Twilight hours. Yeah, a lot
3:22
of prices, or like the tag
3:24
gives the strength that the streamers
3:26
need. Yeah. And if you were
3:28
to stay the whole time, the
3:30
odds of you winning something are
3:32
pretty good. Yeah, because we still
3:34
do like viewer raffles in the
3:36
Twilight hours. Yeah, a lot of
3:38
prices obviously, but it's for Trevor
3:40
project, a good cause. Now more
3:42
than ever for the 14th time.
3:44
Yeah, it's truly every year it's
3:46
now more than ever. I'm sure
3:48
next year will be now more.
3:50
That means we gotta just keep
3:52
fucking doing it. We gotta keep
3:54
fucking doing it. That's like the
3:57
only thing we can do. Last
3:59
year pronouns were legal. Yeah, and
4:01
now they're not. We can't. wait
4:03
for the year that we get
4:05
to pick a different charity because
4:07
it's not right. That's like something
4:09
else. Finally it's for the dolphins.
4:11
We should do it maybe in
4:13
the future we can do a
4:15
charity for those paying ones that
4:17
had terrorists put on them. Yes.
4:19
Yes. Yes. To help them race
4:26
the runners race the sales
4:28
race the sales captain an
4:30
unidentified ship is approaching over
4:32
Roger wait is that an
4:35
enterprise sales solution reach sales
4:37
professionals not professional sailors with
4:39
LinkedIn ads you can target
4:41
the right people by industry
4:44
job title and more we'll
4:46
even give you a $100
4:48
credit on your next campaign
4:50
get started today at linkedin.com/results
4:53
terms and conditions Hey, this is
4:55
Paige from Gagli Squad and this
4:57
episode is brought to you by
4:59
Nordstrom. Nordstrom is here to help
5:01
you dress in a way that
5:03
feels totally you with the best
5:06
spring styles. From Boho dresses and
5:08
matching sets to Must Have Bags
5:10
and Sneakers, discover thousands of items
5:12
from lots of your favorite brands,
5:14
like mango, reformation, Veronica Beard, and
5:17
Farmrio. It's easy too, with free
5:19
shipping and returns, in-store order pickup
5:21
today in-store and at apply nordstrom.com.
5:23
Everyone has a reason to change.
5:25
Growing old, heartbreak, a fresh start.
5:28
Whatever it may be, Peloton is
5:30
here to get you through life's
5:32
biggest moments. With workouts you can
5:35
do on your time and motivation
5:37
that keeps you coming back. Peloton's
5:39
tread and all-access membership help you
5:42
track progress in classes from runs
5:44
to Pilates, making you stronger and
5:46
your fitness goals a reality. Find
5:49
your push. Find your power. Peloton.
5:51
Visit One Peloton. It's
6:07
super easy to do at mintmobile.com/switch.
6:09
Up front payment of $45 for
6:11
three-month plan equivalent to $15 per month
6:14
required. Intro rate for three months only.
6:16
Then full price plan options available. Taxes
6:18
and fees extra. See full terms at
6:21
mintmobile.com. a com slash guarantees. They are talking about
6:23
every major financial network in the world. Every
6:25
central bank has an opinion on it. Whether
6:28
it's good or whether it's bad, you have
6:30
the leader of the empire of the United
6:32
States of America talking about the Bitcoin and
6:34
the policies. Now I think Hey, you guys. Hey, guys. Hey, you guys. Hey, you guys. You leveled up. That's right. You leveled up. Can we quickly go around the
6:37
table and in? I
14:20
probably would have taken Wizard now,
14:23
but I don't feel like it's
14:25
it's right yet for my character
14:27
lore wise Okay, okay, that makes
14:29
sense. I don't feel like he's
14:31
ready to fully embrace the magic.
14:33
I've I just want to say
14:35
thank you for that because I
14:37
think that's so beautiful I like
14:39
it. I think it's like I'm
14:42
a warlock and we're like don't
14:44
worry about it I'm not mad.
14:46
It's good. Listen, if you give
14:48
me the chance, I would change
14:50
it. I would change something. I
14:52
don't know what I'd be. Well,
14:54
I think we do know what
14:56
you'd be. You'd be an artificial
14:58
warlock. Nika is new to fucked
15:01
up ill-advised characters. So like... great
15:03
time with a character that's not
15:05
like fully like specked out like
15:07
yeah I loved Rowan as a
15:09
character I will not be playing
15:11
a Ranger again you know this
15:13
is this is fully specked out
15:15
you don't think this is specked
15:18
out no I I personally like
15:20
to hit with my attacks and
15:22
effects due to the bonuses being
15:24
high enough that they actually do
15:26
things but I hit it so
15:28
you're rogue you can't miss so
15:30
if you come if you combo
15:32
things in the right way yeah
15:34
You can make it happen. Yeah,
15:37
and I get to go first
15:39
all the time. I like it.
15:41
There's some combos that are cellar.
15:43
Some that are okay. Yeah. Yeah.
15:45
I mean, Warlock plus anything is
15:47
almost always good. Warlock's just good.
15:49
Okay. What do you look like,
15:51
my friend? Yeah, what are you
15:53
wearing these days? Well, probably topless.
15:56
I mean, he's... Man. I'm a...
15:58
I'm a fucking eagle. Oh yeah,
16:00
it's been a dog for a
16:02
while. A weird bird. A weird
16:04
bird. A guy or a dog?
16:06
No, he hasn't been a dog
16:08
for a while. He's a dog.
16:10
A monkey eating a bird. Oh
16:12
okay. Yeah, yeah, it's a type
16:15
of, it's a Philippine eagle. Okay,
16:17
no, I do remember the eagle
16:19
now, I do, but I think
16:21
that like in my heart, like
16:23
when I think of like the
16:25
like essential screech in disguise, it's
16:27
beholder, I still think you're an
16:29
ant. I still think you're a
16:32
squirrel. I still think of drop
16:34
bear. Yeah, there's a lot of
16:36
options for you. Yeah, no, he's
16:38
got, he's got a history, but
16:40
I mean you always have to
16:42
be looking forward and not to
16:44
the past. Yeah, yeah. We didn't,
16:46
but down the road there's gonna
16:48
be like statues for you and
16:51
it's like every single one. Yeah,
16:53
it's like the back cave where
16:55
all of his old. Like Ironman
16:57
has all, yeah, yeah, fuck. Yeah,
16:59
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
17:01
you have Batman too. I feel
17:03
like it's been like two years
17:05
since you had a new person.
17:07
I feel like the eagle has
17:10
been more recent though. I did
17:12
forget about the eagle more than
17:14
I did any of the other
17:16
personas too. Yeah I agree with
17:18
you. If I was a fan
17:20
and we were shooting the shit
17:22
and talking about it, I would
17:24
say, I think Screech is going
17:26
to be an eagle for quite
17:29
some time. Yeah. Because you have
17:31
that cool ass cloak and shit.
17:33
Aren't you a bat? I have
17:35
like, like one, or like, you
17:37
have like four bats, don't you?
17:39
I could not be more clear
17:41
about my character. I don't understand
17:43
where all this confusion is coming
17:46
from. Stop yelling at me. We
17:48
have so, wait, so we've, because
17:50
the, because Roark has corvids and
17:52
rats, Corvids and rats, and then
17:54
Screech has bats, and do you
17:56
have anything else? Any other animal.
17:58
Yeah, I have frogs, and also,
18:00
I have a frog in a
18:02
frog, and a rat. This is
18:05
a whole. Fluckin' Pluckin' Pluckin' of
18:07
Damn Easter! This is a whole
18:09
fucking passer of Plagues! You just
18:11
subbed some locusts! I can only
18:13
have one of each though, and
18:15
well, I can have two bats
18:17
if you count myself. Right, and
18:19
they don't, and you have no
18:21
control over them as we have
18:24
established. I think you have three
18:26
of any of any combination of
18:28
it. I think I got like
18:30
4,000 corbids. Your corvic thing is
18:32
so crazy. I love it. We
18:34
got to do something with that.
18:36
You have how many? Well, okay,
18:38
let me look it up, let
18:41
me look it. I just remember
18:43
that you said that you said
18:45
it. None of you have more
18:47
ball bearings than my character has
18:49
them. That's true. That's fine. Who
18:51
are the king of ball bearings?
18:53
997 left. There's ball bearing shops
18:55
in like every corner. Shut up
18:57
Michael, no they're not. That's how
19:00
Chuck's gonna get back at you
19:02
for at your bakery stuff. Can
19:04
I have 101 ball bearings please?
19:06
You guys may have your ball
19:08
bearings and your corvids and your
19:10
bats and stuff, but I have
19:12
a haunted doll. I have to
19:14
remember that day. I have to
19:16
most dick pills. That is true.
19:19
It is hard to remember all
19:21
the stuff. Previously, on Green's Adventurers,
19:23
you get the resistance base and
19:25
they actually, they usher you into
19:27
talk to ratma, sort of right
19:29
away. I mean, Roark wouldn't be
19:31
hurt because I would know. Chuck,
19:33
I don't know how to say
19:35
this, but yes, she is. She
19:38
is dead. Shut the fuck on.
19:40
Roark, I'm so sorry. Um, Saline
19:42
did everything she could. She couldn't
19:44
save Chuck. What happened to him?
19:46
I think it's better for me
19:48
to let Saline tell you. Chuck
19:50
gets up, kicks the fucking door
19:52
open. Holy shit, you fell for
19:55
it. Happy prank skipping! I have
19:57
17 more pranks and I'm going
19:59
to pull on you today. Oh
20:01
my God! List them. Obviously the
20:03
war thing, but the muffins count,
20:05
right? That wasn't... That was someone
20:07
else. No! This is a cow?
20:09
This is a crab in my
20:11
bed, you? Is that just happened?
20:14
That just happened. Damn it! This
20:16
is a sewer crab. So I
20:18
was able to decode some of
20:20
the information that you read back
20:22
to me, and we have worked
20:24
out that the shipment is going
20:26
to be delivered next Thursday. It's
20:28
actually going to the endless bazaar.
20:30
Now, Blather Snipes's journal. It looks
20:33
like it's actually coming for Whitmore
20:35
Fort. You guys know Whitmore Fort,
20:37
right? And the caravan route that's
20:39
going to be coming by... Where
20:41
should we attack it though? We
20:43
have to stop it from. So
20:45
what we're saying is that we
20:47
should maybe intercept them before they
20:49
get to the city? Is that
20:52
though? It does look like there's
20:54
some kind of info about the
20:56
shipping here, but it's kind of
20:58
coded. So... Can we get a
21:00
code breaker? Yeah, we could work
21:02
on some sort of cold breaking
21:04
sort of thing and see if
21:06
we could figure out how many
21:09
gods maybe they have. I bet
21:11
that tip for that would have
21:13
is how many gods. Yeah, you
21:15
know, you might be right. You
21:17
might be right. I don't want
21:19
any bad blood between us. I
21:21
say we get rid of the
21:23
oriole and I'm really winking. But
21:25
Dick Odi, you know, stays around
21:28
and, you know, who knows? Maybe
21:30
I'll find somebody else to be
21:32
my sidekick to be my sidekick
21:34
in the future. I'm showing up,
21:36
right? He just shows up where
21:38
he wants. Hey, hey everybody, gather
21:40
round, gather round. I'm still mad
21:42
at you. Oh yeah, sorry, pranksgiving,
21:44
you know. I believed you, Ratma.
21:47
It was, we were coming back
21:49
from a very stressful mission. That's
21:51
why I thought it would be
21:53
funny. You let you let you
21:55
let off some steam. I mean
21:57
you got us. You got our
21:59
asses for sure. You interrupted me
22:01
giving Rock this beautiful gift. Work.
22:04
Yes. Look at this beautiful... gift
22:06
I got you. It's an intricately
22:08
carved comb. It's so pretty. She
22:10
sold her hair though. Oh fuck!
22:12
How's everybody doing? I mean, well,
22:14
doing okay. I mean, you did
22:16
just make me think that my
22:18
dad was dead. So that was
22:20
like, I think, exhilarating. That was
22:23
yesterday, I think. Yeah, is today
22:25
Thursday or what's happening? Yeah, no,
22:27
it's Thursday, it's, uh, today's, I
22:29
think it's, uh, Sunday? Okay, gotcha,
22:31
so pranksgiving was yesterday. Yeah, we
22:33
still you really got me good.
22:35
Yeah, sorry about that. You know
22:37
me I can't help it. Yeah,
22:39
well I think now I mean
22:42
we probably should plan for how
22:44
we're gonna well I've got two
22:46
choices for you. Oh, oh hell
22:48
yeah. I mean you can pick
22:50
a third choice. Let's hear your
22:52
choices. If you just want to
22:54
sit here and plan you can
22:56
just sit here and plan. Well
22:58
So this is this kind of
23:01
low-life landlord guy. I mean, he's
23:03
technically a noble. Buck a landlord.
23:05
Um, so kill him. So, well,
23:07
we don't want to kill him,
23:09
but we do want to abduct
23:11
him. Oh, yeah, say no more.
23:13
Okay. This sounds interesting. I'm liking
23:15
this. So you could, so tonight,
23:18
you got two choices. I can
23:20
send you out. You can go
23:22
to this sort of low-life bar
23:24
in the Atlanta district. I believe
23:26
it's the Red Lantern district. Don't
23:28
threaten me with a good time.
23:30
And you can fight this guy
23:32
or his guy, or whatever, you
23:34
can do that. Oh! The other
23:37
option is you can stay here,
23:39
go to the tavern and have
23:41
a quiet night in, but you
23:43
will have to answer. Five questions
23:45
about the missions you've done so
23:47
far. So let's go out. We're
23:49
going to go out. Yeah. Rip
23:51
this town up. I'd rather adopt
23:53
that man that you want us
23:56
to. Yeah, I'd rather go to
23:58
a brothel with my daughter. He
24:00
used to say brothel. She said that
24:02
it was a dive bar. In the Red
24:04
Lantern District. I'd rather find
24:07
a new career with my father. Yeah,
24:09
tell you what, there's a lot
24:11
of grapple points in the Red
24:13
Lantern District. Do you know what
24:15
I'm saying? I do. I
24:17
think. I'm so glad I've
24:19
got my 150 feet of
24:22
silk rope. And just to
24:24
clarify, is this Knuckles the
24:26
Combination Brothel Fight Club?
24:28
No, it's a different
24:30
place. Okay. Is it also
24:33
a combination? It is
24:35
a combination. Okay, what's
24:38
a combination? Brothel KFC.
24:40
It's very funny. No,
24:43
it is a combination
24:45
gambling den and
24:48
blood sport arena.
24:50
Well, I mean there's some data
24:52
that suggests games of chance
24:54
like that and bloodsport arenas
24:57
lead to less overall violence
24:59
You know people get their
25:01
their impulses or the opposite
25:04
Yeah, yeah, are you sure you don't
25:06
want to do the survey? There's
25:08
some good questions like which teammate
25:10
do you think is hiding something
25:13
big? What? Wait, what? Maybe you
25:15
do want to do that one?
25:17
Don't look so weird to
25:19
say. Michael, don't you dare
25:22
reveal my bakery? We've been
25:24
stealing from your bakery.
25:26
Yeah, bitch. Other things like that.
25:28
All right, all right. So yeah,
25:30
well, I'll I'll send you the
25:33
details. You've got a few hours.
25:35
If you want to set up
25:37
your rooms or anything, you know,
25:40
whatever you want to do. You
25:42
guys got the afternoon, but
25:44
we can skip ahead to
25:47
this evening if you would
25:49
like. And now, let's
25:51
take a quick adventuring
25:54
break and hear a word
25:56
from one of our sponsors.
25:58
Do you say... data or
26:00
data? Well, at my house we
26:03
say data, but no matter how
26:05
you say it, paying a fortune
26:07
on your monthly data plan is
26:09
just outdated. But with Mint Mobile,
26:12
premium wireless plans start at just
26:14
15 bucks a month, and all
26:16
come with high-speed data, or data,
26:19
your choice. An unlimited talk, text,
26:21
delivered all on the nation's largest
26:23
5G network. Use your own phone
26:26
with any Mint Mobile plan and
26:28
bring your own phone number, along
26:30
with all your existing contacts. Ditch
26:32
overpriced wireless wireless and get three
26:35
month of premium wireless service from
26:37
Mint Mobile for just 15 bucks
26:39
a month. No matter how you
26:42
say it, don't overpay it. Shop
26:44
data plans at mintmobile.com/greetings. Up front
26:46
payment of $45 for three-month five
26:48
gigabyte plan required, equivalent to $15
26:51
per month, new customer offer for
26:53
first three months only, then full
26:55
price plan options available, taxes and
26:58
fees extra, see MintMobile for details.
27:03
Sunday, Sunday, Sunday night in
27:05
the bedroom! It's a night
27:07
of ED crushing mayhem! Put
27:09
the pedal to the metal
27:11
with hymns! The high octane
27:13
solution to get your confidence
27:15
and your hog back up!
27:17
No awkward doctor's visits! Hymns
27:20
is changing men's health care
27:22
with a fully online process!
27:24
Just fill out an intake
27:26
form and a licensed medical
27:28
provider will help you find
27:30
the right treatment. If prescribed,
27:32
your med's shipped directly to
27:34
you! For free! Chewables! Viagra!
27:36
Sialis and generics! Up to
27:38
95% less! No insurance needed!
27:40
One low-price covers treatment and
27:42
I'm going care! This isn't
27:44
a pit stop! It's a
27:46
full-body burnout! Hims has already
27:48
helped hundreds of thousands of
27:50
men take control in the
27:52
bedroom, and now it's your
27:54
turn! Don't just rev your
27:56
engine! Let it roar! Start
27:58
your free on my visit
28:00
today at hims.com/Greetings! Hymns! You
28:03
paid for the whole seat!
28:05
You deserve to edge! The
28:07
future products include compounded products
28:09
which are not approved or
28:11
verified for safety effectiveness or
28:13
quality by the FDA. Prescription
28:15
required. See website for details
28:17
restrictions and important safety information.
28:19
Prices vary based on the
28:21
product and subscription plan. Spring
28:23
is in the air, but
28:25
you know what's not in
28:27
the air at my house?
28:29
Litterbox stink. That's because we
28:31
use pretty litter. It gets
28:33
rid of all of the
28:35
odour so that we can
28:37
enjoy the wonderful sense of
28:39
spring instead of the wonderful
28:41
sense of our cat. Pretty
28:43
litter's non-clumbing formula traps odor
28:46
and moisture. It's super absorbent,
28:48
lightweight, low dust, and one
28:50
six-pound bag works for up
28:52
to a month. Since pretty
28:54
litter changes colors to indicate
28:56
early signs of potential illnesses
28:58
in my cat, like urinary
29:00
tract infections, kidney infections, and
29:02
more, it's also giving me
29:04
some extra piece of mind.
29:06
Pretty litter even chips right
29:08
to your door, so you
29:10
never have to worry about
29:12
carrying those huge tubs around
29:14
or running out. Pretty litter
29:16
helps keep my house smelling
29:18
fresh and clean, and my
29:20
cats are happier and healthier,
29:22
all thanks to it. Try
29:24
and you'll love it. Go
29:26
to pretty litter.com/greetings to save
29:29
20% on your first order
29:31
and get a free cat
29:33
toy. That's pretty litter.com/greetings to
29:35
save 20% on your first
29:37
order and get a free
29:39
cat toy. Pretty litter.com/greetings. Terms
29:41
and Conditions apply, see site
29:43
for details. Race
29:51
the sales, race the sales!
29:53
Captain, an unidentified ship is
29:55
approaching, over. Roger, wait, is
29:57
that an enterprise sales? solution.
29:59
Reach sales professionals, not professional
30:01
sailors. With LinkedIn ads, you
30:04
can target the right people
30:06
by industry, job title, and
30:08
more. We'll even give you
30:10
a $100 credit on your
30:12
next campaign. Get started today
30:14
at linkedin.com/results. Terms and conditions
30:16
apply. have a lot of
30:18
items right now. Like, what
30:20
are we carrying with us?
30:22
Because I was just thinking
30:25
about like setting our rooms
30:27
up and I was like,
30:29
Sleen having you like knickknacks
30:31
to put up? Like, any
30:33
do dads? I mean, I
30:35
got my doll. I have
30:37
my doll. I can also,
30:39
I have a bag of
30:41
holding. I can, I made
30:43
one. I get, I have
30:46
one. And so like we
30:48
could put like all of
30:50
our stuff for our rooms
30:52
in there. fancy style rugs,
30:54
but then also have a
30:56
lot of posters of like,
30:58
Dritz, because he's so hot.
31:00
Different sexy heroes. A lot
31:02
of other goth guys, yeah.
31:05
Yeah, lots of goth guys.
31:07
How'd you get this literal
31:09
poster of Dritz? And then
31:11
there's like a super, like,
31:13
fan art style one of
31:15
the jokester. Like, really, like,
31:17
sexy. He's like he's got
31:19
he's got a shirt slash
31:21
down here and he's all
31:23
and he's and he's doing
31:26
the pose His titties and
31:28
his ass are out at
31:30
the same time. Oh my
31:32
god, and his ass is
31:34
caked up. He is he's
31:36
so oh man And he's
31:38
got he's got he's got
31:40
the come gutters Yeah, you
31:42
can see all of it.
31:45
Don't ask how it's just
31:47
it's I don't like you
31:49
guys. I mean she used
31:51
to be a bard Brooke
31:53
had a lot of free
31:55
time that she just drew
31:57
She had an illustrious A03
31:59
account. Yes. Night falls. It's
32:01
late. You're ready to head
32:03
out into the red lantern
32:06
district. So we're trying to
32:08
abduct Dirk Grumbles? It's Dirk.
32:10
Grahambles. I don't have a
32:12
notebook. Oh, why? Well, because
32:14
I just, I ran out
32:16
of paper. You ran out
32:18
of paper? Yes. All right,
32:20
Water World. I love that
32:22
movie. What is specific itself?
32:25
Okay, Water World. All right,
32:27
so I wonder if we're
32:29
going to have to either
32:31
gamble or jump on into
32:33
that MFing, freaking fighting pit.
32:35
Well, I do guess we
32:37
should, you know, try to
32:39
blend in so that we
32:41
can get closer enough to
32:43
this guy snacking. I have
32:46
this magical dice that will
32:48
roll whatever I want. Oh,
32:50
that seems really useful. Yeah,
32:52
do you want to do
32:54
it? I didn't stand like
32:56
this. Is that Chuck or
32:58
Tim talking? Who the fuck
33:00
is Tim? That's a... I'm
33:02
stuck in my character. Can't
33:04
get out. I don't know
33:07
to breathe anymore. That was
33:09
Chuck. Pac-Man does probably have
33:11
a cheating dice because he's
33:13
a bad guy. You don't
33:15
have to have a cheating
33:17
dice, you can just lie.
33:19
Pac-Man. Stop saying that. Nika's
33:21
gonna get yelled at in
33:23
two years if he keeps
33:26
it true. God forbid I
33:28
actually roll like a Nat
33:30
20. Someone will be like,
33:32
you fucking stupid bitch. That's
33:34
your cheater dice. You dumb
33:36
cut. What's ever accused me
33:38
of lying about a role?
33:40
I don't understand why. Which
33:42
is why? It's because you
33:44
have a peener. Silly, do
33:47
you want this dye? Oh
33:49
yeah, I could, I mean,
33:51
I'm really good at lying
33:53
and you're tricking people. You've
33:55
pressed me at the party,
33:57
so. Yeah. Where we saw
33:59
no one interesting. Well, we
34:01
saw some people, didn't me.
34:03
Well, yeah, I'll take this
34:06
dye. Jennifer, it's called. The
34:08
dice of being... Diceet, though!
34:10
Charlen's dice. Charlen's die. Okay.
34:12
And that's your fucking camera.
34:14
Okay. All right, so you
34:16
get to the roll and
34:18
brawl. Brawl. Roll and brawl.
34:20
Roll and brawl. Roll and
34:22
brawl. Roll and brawl. Roll,
34:24
what? Roll and brawl. Yeah,
34:27
roll and brawl. They have
34:29
like bouncers. Welcome
34:31
to Roll and Brawl. We have
34:33
Beef and Brew on sale tonight.
34:35
Well, let's get ourselves some beef
34:37
and bruise then. Yeah, well, we'll
34:40
take whatever you suggest. Walk away.
34:42
There's gambling tables and there's like
34:44
a... people fighting in the background.
34:46
There's it's all smoky and and
34:49
there's a loud band playing which
34:51
seems to be annoying. I hate
34:53
this place. But you've got your
34:55
you've got your description of grambles.
34:57
He's a stocky but beefy little
35:00
guy. He's got big muscles even
35:02
though he's not huge otherwise and
35:04
He's got a receding hairline and
35:06
he's got kind of nice clothes,
35:09
but But they're a little they're
35:11
not tasteful. They're a little garish.
35:13
Okay, oh garish not the other
35:15
keyboard and this is the man
35:18
we're here to kid Okay, this
35:20
is the man you're gonna get
35:22
up. He look he is the
35:24
saloon would think he is the
35:26
stink of new money upon him
35:29
Oh Yeah, I bet he's got
35:31
a ring on every finger. Oh
35:33
my god. Two on each pinky.
35:35
He's like a muscular Joe Pachey
35:38
Yeah. He's one of the gambling
35:40
tables. He's got, there's two guys
35:42
standing nearby who are clearly guarding
35:44
his like bodyguards. Yeah. I feel
35:46
like we obviously shouldn't like go
35:49
up to him immediately. I think
35:51
we should like be somewhere else
35:53
and like watch for a little
35:55
bit. Yeah. Are other people eating
35:58
beef? Yeah. Where are people eating
36:00
beef? There are some people eating
36:02
beef. Some people drinking brew. And
36:04
some are watching the fight and
36:07
some are gambling. Is there like
36:09
a bar, like a bar area?
36:11
There is, there's a bar area,
36:13
there's, again, there's a shitty band
36:15
playing really loud. They probably sound
36:18
like scosh. Yeah. Stop it! I
36:20
was just going to ask, what's
36:22
the literal song I was playing?
36:24
What's the chord? Is it minor
36:27
chord? I don't know what's inside
36:29
my head anymore. It's actually, it's
36:31
polka music. It's not ska. I'm
36:33
actually back in because I make
36:36
a little more beer gardeny. I
36:38
can see that, a little beer
36:40
gardeny. I say let's go up
36:42
to the bar. The one other
36:44
feature that I need to mention
36:47
is there's also. a like standing
36:49
stockstill war forged guy just standing
36:51
in the middle of the place
36:53
and he just standing there motionless
36:56
you're like is is it a
36:58
statue is even on I don't
37:00
know what's the deal this feels
37:02
like the first time we've seen
37:05
one of these guys and inside
37:07
a building right yeah they usually
37:09
have been outside patrolling but not
37:11
it's true x nay on the
37:13
magic casting a, okay, I have
37:16
to just have to rely on
37:18
my own wiles as a human
37:20
being. We're fucked, kidding, I'm kidding.
37:22
Reliant are wiles in that die.
37:25
Yes, okay, I actually have a
37:27
question about this die and how
37:29
it works, because it says when
37:31
you... role you can control it.
37:33
Could I like control it if
37:36
somebody else rolls it? Good question.
37:38
Because I feel like that could
37:40
be very useful in a gambling
37:42
situation to make somebody else have
37:45
a dice in control of that.
37:47
I mean it's a very short
37:49
text. Yeah it doesn't really say
37:51
a lot. Whenever you roll the
37:54
six-sided die you can control which
37:56
number it rolls. Okay it's probably
37:58
just me then. All right. Yeah.
38:00
Fair enough. So, you know, I'm
38:02
happy to play the role, you
38:05
know, get in there and talk
38:07
to people, whatever, to get the
38:09
info, distract. Just one problem. I
38:11
don't know how to play any
38:14
of these games at all. Okay.
38:16
No, we didn't do, like, that
38:18
wasn't, like, a thing. Not rat,
38:20
rat foot? No. No. If I
38:23
feel like Chuck and Rourke know
38:25
their way around and whenever we
38:27
go to ask for the beers
38:29
and beef, Bruce and beef and
38:31
we don't get it, I feel
38:34
like Rourke would like, like just
38:36
kind of go and act like
38:38
she knows what she's doing and
38:40
get us the beers and beef.
38:43
Yeah. You're used to be behind
38:45
the counter. Yeah, Chuck was a
38:47
soldier, so he knows. Hello card
38:49
games. I think a truck should
38:52
come with me and like hang
38:54
behind me and whisper what to
38:56
do in my air as a
38:58
table. Yeah. But I'll play it,
39:00
I'll play it out too, Chuck.
39:03
I'll be like, oh, I don't
39:05
know, like I, this is such
39:07
a fun new thing. And I'll
39:09
use that to, you know, do
39:12
my tricks. All right, well, let's
39:14
enjoy the beef and brew and
39:16
kind of. See what the vibe
39:18
is for at least a handful
39:20
of moments. What if we take
39:23
our beefs and bruise over to
39:25
watch the fights? Okay. And see
39:27
what's going on under that side
39:29
if there's any interesting people. Can
39:32
we walk by the robot? the
39:34
war force as we do it?
39:36
Or do we want to do
39:38
it? Maybe we don't want to
39:41
go near it. Because my mind
39:43
is like it's watching, it's watching
39:45
all of us and like recording.
39:47
Can we, if we go near
39:49
it, can I knock on it?
39:52
Yes. Is that rude? I don't
39:54
know if that's not rude. I'm
39:56
gonna do it. It would be
39:58
considered rude. Now I'm an artifice
40:01
or I'm very into tech her
40:03
with the... The big guy. We're
40:05
gonna get murdered. You get within
40:07
two feet and he turns towards
40:10
you and he says, produce your
40:12
identification citizen. Christ. Oh, just back
40:14
up. Real slow. Produce, your identification
40:16
citizen. Does he follow me or
40:18
does he stay where he is?
40:21
No, he's, he's turning towards you.
40:23
But he doesn't move. No, he
40:25
steps toward you. Like a robocop.
40:27
Okay I could just I want
40:30
to just keep backing up. Stop
40:32
moving or you will be under
40:34
arrest. Mark show the papers Ratma
40:36
gave you. Okay I show the
40:39
papers that Ratma gave me. Yeah
40:41
that's what I thought. I snatch
40:43
them back real fast. I think
40:45
we should try to stay under
40:47
the radar that guy but it's
40:50
good the fighting but here's the
40:52
thing now he's not gonna fuck
40:54
with us because he knows we're
40:56
legit we can do whatever the
40:59
fuck we want that's not true
41:01
I might but also he wasn't
41:03
fucking with anybody yeah I think
41:05
we just need to stay away
41:07
from him actually I kind of
41:10
wanted to get a closer look
41:12
but I think we should try
41:14
to stay under the radar that
41:16
guy but and it is good
41:19
to know that we can't get
41:21
that we can't get that close
41:23
so thank you for that we
41:25
can't Initiating radar. Shut the fuck
41:28
up. Let's go over there, run.
41:30
Lowering radar height. We didn't want
41:32
to give Michael time to fuck
41:34
us over with that. We already
41:36
got it. Yeah, or I go
41:39
do it now. Whatever. We've got
41:41
the beefs and brews. She was
41:43
on her way for the beefs
41:45
and brews and she got arrested.
41:48
Oh. No, I thought we were
41:50
all going together. I thought we'd
41:52
like, we yes and the beef
41:54
and brews. We did. We didn't
41:57
want to give Michael time to
41:59
fuck us over with that. We
42:01
already had the beefs and brews.
42:03
We were walking towards the fight.
42:05
We were walking towards the fight
42:08
zone. We were walking towards the
42:10
fight zone. We were walking towards
42:12
the fight zone. We were walking
42:14
towards the fight zone. We were
42:17
walking towards the fight zone. We
42:19
were walking towards the fight zone.
42:21
We were walking towards the fight
42:23
zone. We were walking towards the
42:26
fight zone. I've had a new
42:28
beautiful character. Yeah, why you want
42:30
it? That's true. Where do these
42:32
beasts and proofs come from? Now
42:34
the audience doesn't know. There's someone
42:37
behind the counter, wiping it down.
42:39
Who is it? Martin Short. It's
42:41
Martin Short. It's Martin Short. Hello,
42:43
I'm Martin Short. This is my
42:46
Martin short. That's not bad. That's
42:48
pretty good. Hi, Martin short. I
42:50
would love four beef and bruise,
42:52
please. Five beef and bruise, please.
42:54
Okay. Five? He delivers your beef
42:57
and brew and then he disappears.
42:59
And I'm gone. Bye. What the
43:01
fuck? That guy's amazing. I'm off
43:03
to see my friend Steve Martin.
43:06
Oh, there's no murders in this
43:08
building. I got five because I
43:10
assume the oriole is with us
43:12
somewhere. He uses beef and brew.
43:15
I keep telling you if you
43:17
keep feeding him, he's going to
43:19
keep showing up. Listen, he's real
43:21
cool. Have you ever met him?
43:23
Yes. Yeah, he is so cool.
43:26
Thank you for saying that. He's
43:28
not. Sometimes I feel like you
43:30
all don't you all don't like
43:32
him or something. I'm gonna kill
43:35
him. It's less about like and
43:37
dislike and more about being scared.
43:39
Yeah, you know, I have to
43:41
be scared of him. He's just
43:44
a child. No, that's why we're
43:46
scared of him. Yes, why we're
43:48
scared. I don't know any child
43:50
who can do that. I've never
43:52
seen a child so and I
43:55
heard the said I thought you
43:57
were gonna say cool but you
43:59
didn't I feel like you're not
44:01
even listening and whenever we say
44:04
the oriole scary you just hear
44:06
the oriole's like he doesn't even
44:08
get us man it just gets
44:10
automated to translate it all right
44:13
well if the oriole's here don't
44:15
feed them because then they'll keep
44:17
coming back but let's just take
44:19
these Martin short themed beefs and
44:21
bruise and sit over there. I
44:24
would like to eat the beef
44:26
out of the Orioles beef and
44:28
bruise and then I want to
44:30
take the fat off of my
44:33
beef and the fat off of
44:35
his beef and the fat that
44:37
everyone else doesn't eat off of
44:39
their beef and mix it together
44:41
with some random seeds that I
44:44
have him and make a little
44:46
sick cake for him. Okay. That's
44:48
for him. And I take out
44:50
of my pack an orange and
44:53
I slice it in half and
44:55
I put some grape jelly on
44:57
it? I don't get that one
44:59
at all. Orange and grape jelly?
45:02
This is interesting. That's what Oreo,
45:04
that's what you feed, oils. You
45:06
guys should have oils around in
45:08
your area. You can put out
45:10
orange slices, yeah. You can cut
45:13
an orange or... That feels like
45:15
it's something that might be real,
45:17
but I still want to fist
45:19
fight you. I also was the
45:22
person who brought up baked potato
45:24
nails and they are a real
45:26
thing. Yep, no, we should know
45:28
by now to doubt you ever.
45:31
Oh yes, yeah. If it's some
45:33
weird, like, hick shit that is
45:35
about something, it will be, yeah.
45:37
No, you're very smart and not
45:39
just in hick shit all around,
45:42
but sometimes you trick us. I'm
45:44
also a big dumb bitch. That's
45:46
the best way to be in
45:48
my opinion. Like I'm smart but
45:51
I'm also a big dumb bit
45:53
okay? I have three college degrees
45:55
but I'm a dumb bitch. What
45:57
type of beef is it buddy?
46:00
What type of beef is it?
46:02
So it's like a, it's a
46:04
skewer and there's pieces of beef
46:06
on the skewer. I like that.
46:08
That sounds great. This beef is
46:10
pretty good. I snuck a bite.
46:12
What's the fighting situation? Get your
46:14
hand out of my bolt. Who
46:16
are you talking to? Roar, she's
46:18
grabbing all the fat out. That's
46:20
the good stuff. I literally was
46:22
just gonna say, I'm in their
46:24
finger in his beef. Get the
46:27
back! Don't finger daddy's be! I
46:29
mean, be like, I'm gonna gnaw
46:31
on the fat! It's good! So
46:33
the fight is, the two dudes
46:35
have their, each of their left
46:37
wrists tied together? What? A strap
46:39
match, kind of. Yeah, it kind
46:41
of is. And then they're just
46:43
punching each other with the right
46:45
fist. Wow. Oh, that's pretty sick.
46:47
They can't get away. Oh, this
46:49
is. This is intense. This is
46:51
intense. I didn't know these were
46:53
here. I would have been going
46:55
here more often. I think this
46:57
is actually in a tavern. What?
46:59
You guys were saying this is
47:01
intense. Oh, I see. All right,
47:03
yeah, so David, if you go
47:05
back and edit out where I
47:07
am confidenting naked, I don't want
47:09
that in there anymore. No, I'm
47:11
on her side now. That's good.
47:13
And the one guy goes down
47:15
and the other guy just beating
47:17
them. Look at Jesus Adam! Oh
47:19
my God! Oh shit, he's gonna
47:21
kill him! Does he kill him?
47:23
Stop, kill him! I yell over
47:25
my beef. rip his head off
47:28
and there's like he's like punching
47:30
and there's like spurts of blood
47:32
coming out and like teeth and
47:34
stuff. No! Are there people like
47:36
you know they're betting on stuff
47:38
I as soon as I just
47:40
like picture the guys being like
47:42
yeah they're all like screaming and
47:44
like cave his head in and
47:46
you know all sorts of stuff.
47:48
Do they kick a kneecap out
47:50
just like in the real movie
47:52
Blood Sport? Do they? I mean
47:54
I imagine more of just he
47:56
was punching him when he was
47:58
on the ground but... I'm really
48:00
glad that you said no to...
48:02
Yeah, I know it was really
48:04
specific, but you mentioned blood's I
48:06
don't I don't like knee stuff
48:08
I know I don't either but
48:10
you mentioned bloodsport earlier and then
48:12
I got really nervous because if
48:14
you say bloodsport I think of
48:16
like the 1980s 1990s martial arts
48:18
movie Oh, but then like the
48:20
guy who's he's like basically incongest
48:22
and the guy rolls him over
48:24
and then just breaks his knee
48:26
for some of his. Oh, oh
48:29
my god. Oh, sure. It's really
48:31
terrible. Stop. That's how they know
48:33
that. That's how the fight ends.
48:35
The fight only ends when somebody's
48:37
me gets blown out. Uh, kind
48:39
of want to get in there.
48:41
Yeah, man. Get in there. You
48:43
should get in there. Take my
48:45
shirt off. Yeah. Take your fucking.
48:47
Oh, wow. You look, your, your
48:49
nipples look hard today. Yeah. What
48:51
does, wait, what screeches, CRISMA? He's
48:53
got a plus two. Okay. He's
48:55
comparable to. She would
48:57
look at him, but like respectfully.
48:59
Does screech have chest hair? No.
49:01
Yeah, what's your, what's your hair
49:03
level? Screech is smooth. No! Okay,
49:05
that's okay. I thought he was
49:07
smooth, but I needed to ask.
49:09
Yeah. It didn't make sense to
49:12
me. Like a slippery fish. Burke
49:14
looks more than she should, but
49:16
she makes it less obvious. Yeah,
49:18
well you can't look directly at
49:20
it because of the glint. That's
49:22
so true. Right, it's too, it's
49:24
too bright. So true. Oh, yeah,
49:26
Screech, you're looking good, bud. You
49:28
should get in there and make
49:30
some, make some coin. I mean,
49:32
get some info. I don't think
49:34
you should go in there, this
49:36
seems very dangerous. But he's so
49:38
strong. Screech, I don't think you
49:40
want this, like, like, well, you
49:42
don't think I can handle it,
49:44
I can handle it, I can
49:46
handle it, but, like I can
49:48
handle it, it, it, it, it,
49:50
it's too. Yeah, they're just blasting
49:52
each other. Come and blasting. You're
49:54
just full on blasting. It's not
49:56
safe. It's not safe. Scrooge, you're
49:58
like the best fighter. I've never
50:00
seen. Where are you trying to
50:02
get him to go in there?
50:04
We have one. Guys, guys. Guys,
50:06
let's, can we bring it in?
50:08
I wouldn't be able to use
50:10
two weapon fighting. I think he
50:12
should go in there. Okay, wait,
50:14
wait, wait, wait, wait, what if
50:16
we send him in there? But
50:19
what if we send him in
50:21
there, and like, we give him
50:23
like, say he needs like his
50:25
mantra, he needs time to to
50:27
meditate beforehand he needs to get
50:29
in. I was
50:31
kind of stealth. Well, well, no,
50:33
okay. No, you can't stealth. He's
50:35
slowly touching you. And remember, uh,
50:37
you can't do that. I don't
50:39
think that's gonna work, but you
50:41
just surprised me before. Well, remember,
50:43
that's, you can't do that. I
50:45
don't think that's gonna work, but
50:47
you know, you, you just surprised
50:50
me before. Well, remember that, that
50:52
meal I made you guys, like,
50:54
yelling at you. So everybody needs
50:56
to roll 2D10 and add that
50:58
to your hit point maximum. And
51:00
you know, maybe this will help
51:02
you with wisdom saving throws. Hell
51:04
yeah, I got 17 hit points.
51:06
I got 13. Thanks, Papa. You're
51:08
welcome. I got 18. It's not
51:10
temp. It's real. I think I
51:13
have a thing where I can
51:15
also add to your max hit
51:17
points. Okay. I think it was
51:19
only like 5 or something, but
51:21
that would still give us extra.
51:23
And it's for like eight hours.
51:25
Okay, where do I miss? Let's
51:27
just fucking go, be crazy. Yeah.
51:29
We knew we were going to
51:31
a fight gamble pit, so. Well,
51:33
okay, but, um, let's remember that
51:36
our goal, we have mission. Yeah.
51:38
And it doesn't involve being the
51:40
fighting pit. Yeah, but I think,
51:42
I think this guy, look at
51:44
him, he's peacock and he wants,
51:46
I bet if Screech does good,
51:48
this guy will probably try to
51:50
like, like, I don't know. flirt
51:52
with him or something. You're blinded
51:54
by blood loss right now. I
51:56
am not. Not at all. You
51:59
seem like really into it. You
52:01
were saying like kill him and
52:03
knock his head off. That's what
52:05
I thought it was fake. And
52:07
then that is his tooth. That
52:09
is his tooth and that is
52:11
gross. Yeah, like that's what you
52:13
want screech to go on there?
52:15
Get his tooth? Oh yeah, screech
52:17
is really strong. He can do
52:19
it. What? Now why are we
52:22
doing this? Can I, could I
52:24
have used, it's an eight hour
52:26
spell, so I feel like that's
52:28
the thing I could easily have
52:30
done in the morning or whatever.
52:32
And we could have it, and
52:34
it would be three creatures within
52:36
range, so the three of you
52:38
guys would have maximum hit point
52:40
and current hit points increased by
52:43
five. Oh wait, wait, wait, wait,
52:45
wait, wait. I could use it
52:47
at three hit points, so it
52:49
could be 10 if I used
52:51
it at level three. Yeah, I
52:53
think I extra hit points are
52:55
great. You tell me I love
52:57
them. I love them. I love
52:59
them. You can do too to
53:01
save some other stuff for if
53:03
you need to do other things?
53:06
I don't know. Okay, yeah, I'll
53:08
just I'll do it at level
53:10
two and then everyone can have
53:12
five. All right, and that's like
53:14
real hit points, right? Yeah, it's
53:16
like it's just like yours. It's
53:18
like it's just straight five. Hell
53:20
yeah, I'm about to get reckless.
53:22
I have an idea too. Okay.
53:24
Because when, you know, I can
53:26
embolden bond us, and as they're
53:29
punching you, I can get some
53:31
of that meat punch. Thus, make
53:33
you feel a little bit stronger,
53:35
baby. I mean, that works to
53:37
me. I have to go to
53:39
a bathroom all together again. Well,
53:41
first try to figure out when
53:43
you have to fight. Is
53:46
there like a booker, like a
53:48
scheduler? Yeah, we gotta go talk
53:51
to the guy. I heard you
53:53
want to, you guys thinking about
53:55
fighting? I think just me. Yes
53:57
for me, Selena Gomez. Yeah, yeah.
54:00
Hey, we can put you up
54:02
next. You, uh, you, you ready
54:04
to go, buddy? Not next. I
54:06
have to go take a huge
54:08
shit with my three best buds.
54:11
Wow, we gotta still wipe up
54:13
the blood and stuff, so you
54:15
got like four minutes. Oh, purpose,
54:17
plenty of time. He's gonna, he's
54:20
gonna need more time to that.
54:22
He usually takes a while. So
54:24
maybe like one after that. We
54:26
could do it for a bit.
54:28
Yeah. You're just, I mean, I
54:31
guess if you can't, I guess
54:33
if you can't, I can't, I
54:35
can't, I can't, I can't, I
54:37
can't, I can't, I guess, I
54:40
can't, I can't, I can't, I
54:42
can't, I can't, I can't, I
54:44
can't, I can't, I guess, I
54:46
can't, I can't, I can't, I
54:48
can't, I can't, I can't, I
54:51
can't, I can't, I can't, I
54:53
can't Crazed right now. It's not
54:55
even enough time to plan my
54:57
phone. Salina's really concerned about Screech's
55:00
rectal health. She doesn't want him
55:02
to pop any hemorrhoids. I just
55:04
worry about all his entire body's
55:06
health. Okay, I see what he's
55:08
not actually pooping. Yeah, Screech, if
55:11
you want to fight next, that's
55:13
fine. I don't know what we're
55:15
doing here. Why are you being
55:17
so weird about this? Can you
55:20
cast a spell on me while
55:22
I'm pooping? Do I have to
55:24
be standing? I think I have
55:26
to see you. He's gonna be
55:28
fighting. He's got to like get
55:31
unload, like if he's gonna be
55:33
up there. I thought you did
55:35
stand when you pooped. Okay, I
55:37
don't have to see you when
55:40
you poop. Michael, is there a
55:42
glory hole kind of situation that
55:44
we can peek in and not
55:46
have to see him poop? If
55:48
there's a glory hole, my dick
55:51
is coming through it. I'm sorry.
55:53
I've never seen a glory hole
55:55
in real life. There's no glory
55:57
hole, but the material is such
56:00
that you could just stick a
56:02
dagger through and easily make a
56:04
glory hole. All right. I don't
56:06
like that. It's not real. That's
56:08
real. I stole a valor. I
56:11
don't need to see him. So
56:13
you don't need to make a
56:15
glory hole. That's where you're... Yeah,
56:17
we... Yeah, we... A glory, a
56:20
glory, a spell glory hole. We
56:22
should probably still make a glory
56:24
hole, just in case. So yeah,
56:26
you get a D4. for the
56:28
next 10 minutes. For what? Just
56:31
anything. For the glory hole. Okay,
56:33
cool. I like it. And then
56:35
whoever I'm bonded to, we can
56:37
like share pain and shit. Whoa.
56:40
Tell you what? You come hit
56:42
this glory hole. We'll be pretty
56:44
bonded. Can I haste him? Oh
56:46
my gosh. Sure. Will that be
56:48
too much. But only lasts like
56:51
a minute, right? Yeah. less a
56:53
minute and then they like fall
56:55
asleep I think we hilarious if
56:57
we did it okay how long
57:00
how long are they gonna fucking
57:02
fight that's ten rounds I feel
57:04
like I could get it done
57:06
in a minute I can poop
57:08
in less than four I could
57:11
definitely fight less than one I'm
57:13
just nervous that it might not
57:15
be like a traditional combat situation
57:17
right like around it's I don't
57:20
know I don't know I don't
57:22
know my initiative is so high
57:24
well this is happening. I would
57:26
like to, Selena's keeping an eye
57:28
on our target, dirt grambles over
57:31
the gambling table. Is he still
57:33
over there? Michael? Okay, good. All
57:35
right. You too also get the
57:37
D4, by the way. Guides only
57:40
last for a minute, so, you
57:42
know, whatever. Okay, I won't do
57:44
that. I won't, that is all
57:46
I will do. Are you hasting
57:48
or no? I don't think so.
57:51
Because, okay, hold up, because it
57:53
is... I think you'll be too
57:55
fast. Well, you'd have to cast
57:57
it and then, like, run out
58:00
and then the fight would have
58:02
to start immediately. Oh, yeah, dude.
58:04
If you're like, go, go, go,
58:06
go, go, go, go, go, go,
58:08
go, go, go, go, go, go,
58:11
go, go, go, go, go, go.
58:13
If you're not casting guidance, I
58:15
will give us 10 hit points.
58:17
to do the, is it aid?
58:19
Yeah, so what did you give
58:22
us before? Five, so five more?
58:24
It was five, so all I
58:26
will do by, yeah, 10. We
58:28
never get to. I literally hated
58:31
you last time bitch like literally
58:33
every time I'm with you and
58:35
I get a chance I hate
58:37
your ass. Stop fighting. Yeah, but
58:39
I feel like it never like
58:42
really like we know all like
58:44
our moments never quite right. Hmm.
58:46
I hate that my fist is
58:48
blurred out. Tim and I Shuck
58:51
and Slee had the same amount
58:53
of hit points right now. How
58:55
many do you guys have? 96?
58:57
96? I only have 87. Damn,
58:59
I got 91! So he's like,
59:02
hit me! How do you have
59:04
so many? Okay, wow, let's put-
59:06
I have a high con. Let's
59:08
put the magic, the straight up
59:11
magic folk up front. Y'all are
59:13
the, the tanks right now. Yeah,
59:15
con is my second highest step.
59:17
Yeah, I have a much, I
59:19
think I have a much higher
59:22
AC than screech, I think. What's
59:24
your AC? Twenty. Twenty. My AC
59:26
is bad, though. My AC is
59:28
only 15. Anyways, okay, they they
59:31
bring you into the ring and
59:33
And are you are you going
59:35
in as screech echo or yeah,
59:37
you got you out of it.
59:39
You need a name you need
59:42
like a name. Are you going
59:44
in as your bird costume? Oh,
59:46
can I have a lucidore mask?
59:48
Oh, I always carry one of
59:51
those on me. Yeah, screech mysterious
59:53
mysterious Yes, yes. Okay. L-L-E-H-H-L-E-H-L-E-H-L-E-H-L-D-L-D-L-D-L-D-L-D-L-E-L-D-L-E-L-D-L-E-L-D-L-E-D-L-D-L-E-D-L-L-D-L-L-L-D-L-L-L-L-L-D-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L- They're
59:55
not all strap matches some of
59:57
them. They have to suck each
59:59
other off You never know when
1:00:02
it's gonna be a sucking match.
1:00:04
You have to They'll call us
1:00:06
69 if there's two dicks? Yeah.
1:00:08
Yeah, absolutely. More so, I'd say.
1:00:11
It's a 69, it's more of
1:00:13
the position than the- Okay, so
1:00:15
you have to 69 each other,
1:00:17
folks. So there's a huge hairy
1:00:19
guy. He's just got, he doesn't
1:00:22
have, you know, he's all topless
1:00:24
and whatnot. He's like the opposite
1:00:26
of screech. Oh, we're both topless.
1:00:28
He's very furry. He's kind of
1:00:31
like. Sweety and dripping though, you
1:00:33
know, and he's big. It's all
1:00:35
the beef. Beefy got, yeah, he
1:00:37
looks like he's been drenched in
1:00:39
beef and brew. Should be rubbed,
1:00:42
screeched down in the the oral
1:00:44
beef fat? So he's harder to
1:00:46
grapple? Yeah, that's not a bad
1:00:48
idea. That's a great idea. He's
1:00:51
like, no, that's my oral beef
1:00:53
fat. Don't make choice for my
1:00:55
character, it's not nice. So you're
1:00:57
just, you're just sitting in your
1:00:59
corner and then looping you up.
1:01:02
Okay, what if Michael, I keep
1:01:04
a stash, this is notorious five
1:01:06
years long, that I have sausage
1:01:08
rolls on me, a cold sausage
1:01:11
roll, the fat will congeal, and
1:01:13
I would like to scrape all
1:01:15
of the conjure fat off of
1:01:17
the sausage rolls and then use
1:01:19
it to rub over Screech's body.
1:01:22
Yeah, to race through the glory
1:01:24
hole to do it, though. I
1:01:26
do that eagerly, greely. All right,
1:01:28
so Screech is, he's all greased
1:01:31
up. I'm a sloppy boy. Is
1:01:33
a big sloppy, why is my
1:01:35
skin burnt? He's a gooey boy.
1:01:37
Trying to decide what this guy's
1:01:39
name is going to be. I
1:01:42
want to go down a water
1:01:44
slide now. I feel so smooth.
1:01:46
It's a little too fast. We'll
1:01:48
never find you. Yeah, so he's
1:01:51
a big hairy guy. And they
1:01:53
tie your wrist together. And he
1:01:55
goes, I'm gonna fucking kill you.
1:01:57
Shut the fuck up. Shut the
1:01:59
fuck up! Bitch! Shut the fuck
1:02:02
up! Yeah! Shut the fuck up!
1:02:04
And he smells, he smells bad
1:02:06
and you're all tied to him
1:02:08
so you can't get away from
1:02:11
him. and stink. Yeah, he
1:02:13
definitely doesn't smell like five-year-old
1:02:15
murder sausage grease. Screech just
1:02:17
got mad COVID, so I
1:02:19
can't smell. Oh, yeah, yeah.
1:02:21
We don't talk about a
1:02:23
lot, but he always has
1:02:25
COVID. And you hear, clang,
1:02:27
clang, as the bell rings
1:02:29
to start the fight, yeah? And
1:02:31
then we'll end our episode. That
1:02:33
was too scary. I hope you...
1:02:36
What are you gonna do? I
1:02:38
don't know. I'm gonna fucking end
1:02:40
this dude. You're not gonna be
1:02:42
able to dodge He's not gonna
1:02:45
be all the dodge Michael
1:02:47
you're you were I love
1:02:49
that you you gave us
1:02:51
a little like wrestling-esque situation
1:02:53
to get rowdy over here
1:02:55
Mm-hmm. Thank you for that.
1:02:58
Just a taste another thing
1:03:00
that we get rowdy for over
1:03:02
here is die heart dice Thank
1:03:04
you for going to twitch. TV slash
1:03:06
geeky ink every single Tuesday unless it's
1:03:08
a Thursday sometimes. We give away die-hard
1:03:11
dice live! So you can join in-
1:03:13
I hope I win this week. Huh?
1:03:15
I hope I win this week. It
1:03:18
doesn't matter if you do. You won't.
1:03:20
You won't win. Yeah, Nika won
1:03:22
last week and I rescinded it
1:03:24
like a mean, mean man. I literally, I've
1:03:26
won twice and I don't win
1:03:28
anything and I still haven't. I
1:03:31
still haven't. I'm never apologizing. Deal
1:03:33
with it. Every single week we
1:03:35
give away some beautiful Die Hard
1:03:38
Dice dice. Go to Die Hard
1:03:40
dice.com. Enter the offer code. Dragons
1:03:43
with an exclamation mark at the
1:03:45
end to get 15% off your
1:03:47
order. It's a special treat just
1:03:50
for you, the listener. We get
1:03:52
a kissy on the back end.
1:03:54
Hashtagad. All right. Few more
1:03:56
seconds to enter. Close. Draw.
1:03:59
Congratulations. to Jack Quixote. Help
1:04:01
me. What was I supposed to
1:04:03
say? Jack Quixote. Jack Quixote. Oh,
1:04:05
yeah. You have won the diehard
1:04:07
dice. I haven't really won Jack
1:04:09
Quixote. I thought I was going
1:04:11
to win. No, you didn't. You
1:04:13
were so close, Michael. I could
1:04:15
have won. Jack Quixote, you win.
1:04:17
Don't say you never win anything.
1:04:19
You're very special. Everyone loves you.
1:04:21
Ah, shit. They have their whispers
1:04:23
blocked. Sorry, Jack Quixote. You are.
1:04:25
They are here, though, which is
1:04:27
good. Just put in the chat
1:04:29
and everyone will promise not to
1:04:31
take it. Yeah. Be honorable. Be
1:04:33
honorable. Thank you, everybody, for joining
1:04:35
us. If you want to get
1:04:37
in touch with us, we are
1:04:39
on Blue Sky at D &D Podcast,
1:04:41
and we are on Instagram at
1:04:43
GreetingsAdventurers. I'm at ThriftyCrafts. I'm at
1:04:46
Tim Lanning. I imagine it from
1:04:48
Chic. I am at Nika Howard.
1:04:50
I'm at Mike Bachman. Didn't get
1:04:52
your fill of action and adventure
1:04:54
in this episode of Queens Adventures.
1:04:56
Well, that's unfortunate because this was
1:04:58
solid fucking gold. But you can
1:05:00
also turn into these other geekly
1:05:02
ink shows like Dear Internet, the
1:05:04
D20 Day Show, Wayward Shores, No
1:05:06
Page Unturned, and Taverns and Caverns.
1:05:08
If you love the work that
1:05:10
goes into the show, then make
1:05:12
sure to follow our editor David
1:05:14
on Blue Sky at Spud Camp.
1:05:16
If you want to support the
1:05:18
show, then make sure to go
1:05:20
over to Patreon where you can
1:05:22
get ad -free episodes and so
1:05:24
much more. Join now at patreon.com/dndpodcast.
1:05:26
After you've finished rambling in the
1:05:28
serfs, head on over to wherever
1:05:30
you listen to podcasts to leave
1:05:32
us a five star rating and
1:05:34
review. New episodes come out every
1:05:36
Monday, so go subscribe, get your
1:05:38
quest log filled, and get ready
1:05:40
for things to get dicey. Thank
1:05:42
you, everybody. Until next week, keep
1:05:44
it dicey. Beee
1:07:47
Beeeeeeee
1:07:49
Beeeeeeeeee Beee
1:07:52
you talking about? No!
1:07:54
Alright, All right. I don't
1:07:56
know what I'm doing, I'm
1:08:02
Papa, can you hear
1:08:04
me? Papa, are you
1:08:06
there? Can you hear
1:08:09
me? Jason, do you
1:08:11
roll? My God is
1:08:13
an awesome God he
1:08:16
made! Be poop right
1:08:18
now, so my sister!
1:08:20
Stop and export
1:08:23
and upload!
1:08:27
Hey, this is Paige from Gagli Squad
1:08:29
and this episode is brought to
1:08:32
you by Northstrom. Northstrom is here
1:08:34
to help you dress in a
1:08:36
way that feels totally you with
1:08:38
the best spring styles. From Boho
1:08:41
dresses and matching sets to Must
1:08:43
Have Bags and Sneakers, discover thousands
1:08:45
of items from lots of your
1:08:47
favorite brands like mango, Reformation, Veronica
1:08:50
Beard, and Farm Rio. It's easy
1:08:52
too with free shipping and returns
1:08:54
in store order pickup and at
1:08:56
Northstrom. Everyone has a reason
1:08:58
to change. Growing old, heartbreak, a
1:09:01
fresh start. Whatever it may be,
1:09:03
Peloton is here to get you
1:09:05
through life's biggest moments. With workouts
1:09:07
you can do on your time
1:09:10
and motivation that keeps you coming
1:09:12
back. Peloton's tread and all-access membership
1:09:14
help you track progress in classes
1:09:16
from runs to Pilates, making you
1:09:18
stronger and your fitness goals a
1:09:21
reality. Find your push. Find your power.
1:09:23
Peloton. Visit One Peloton.
1:09:25
Ever wonder what your lashes are
1:09:27
destined for? The cards have spoken.
1:09:29
Mabeli New York mascara does it
1:09:31
all. Whether you crave fully fan
1:09:33
lashes with lash sensational, big bold
1:09:36
volume from the colossal, a dramatic
1:09:38
lift with falsies lash lift, or
1:09:40
natural looking volume from Great Lash,
1:09:42
your perfect lash future awaits. Manifest
1:09:44
your best mascara today. Shop Mabeli
1:09:46
New York and discover your lash
1:09:48
destiny. Shop now at Walmart. Acast
1:09:52
powers the world's best podcast.
1:09:55
Here's the show that we
1:09:57
recommend. Welcome
1:10:02
back to Two Judgey Girls, I'm Mary from
1:10:04
the Bay. And I'm Courtney from LA.
1:10:06
TJG is the podcast where we
1:10:08
spill all the tea on your
1:10:10
favorite reality TV shows, celebrity gossip,
1:10:12
and everything in between. We're here
1:10:14
to bring you our unfiltered opinions,
1:10:16
hilarious commentary, and plenty of laughs
1:10:18
along the way. We're two SDSU Delta Gamma
1:10:20
sisters with a microphone and a
1:10:22
whole lot of opinions. Each week
1:10:24
we dive headfirst into the wild
1:10:27
world of reality television from Bravo
1:10:29
to all the trash TV you
1:10:31
could want. We break down the
1:10:33
drama, dissect the latest scandals, and
1:10:35
share our thoughts on everything from
1:10:37
the jaw dropping moments to the
1:10:40
embarrassing antics. But that's not all.
1:10:42
We're not here to just
1:10:44
gossip. We're here to connect
1:10:46
with you, the jurors, and
1:10:49
share our love of all
1:10:51
things pop culture. Whether we're
1:10:53
dishing on the latest celebrity
1:10:55
breakups, discussing our favorite guilty
1:10:58
pleasure movies, or sharing embarrassing
1:11:01
stories from our own lives,
1:11:03
we promise to keep it real,
1:11:05
keep it fun, and keep you
1:11:07
coming back for more. Come, Judge,
1:11:09
with us.
Podchaser is the ultimate destination for podcast data, search, and discovery. Learn More