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Amy wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome

0:27

to Help Me Be Me. I'm your

0:29

host, Sarah Mae Bates. I'm a writer,

0:31

director, mom, and a breakup coach with

0:33

an MAMFT. And this podcast

0:35

is kind of like a personal relationship in that I

0:37

talk to you like you're my friend. I provide

0:40

tools to help you feel more grounded,

0:42

empowered, inspired, and most of all, help

0:44

you see yourself. This is

0:47

aimed at creating more harmony and happiness in

0:49

the relationship you have with you so

0:51

you can better guide your life and also be

0:53

better to those you love. Take

0:55

what helps and leave the rest. This

0:58

is not a diagnosis for treatment. If

1:00

you're really struggling, call your local emergency

1:02

services. Hi

1:11

friends, it's Sarah. This

1:15

is an episode I'm calling a Joy

1:17

Tune Up. It's for curbing

1:20

multitasking. As

1:22

I multitask. It's curbing multitasking,

1:25

enhancing calmness and beauty. Another

1:28

name for this episode was A Thousand

1:30

Points of Light. And

1:32

it's because there are

1:35

so many touch points in our life that

1:37

really infuse our life with richness and depth

1:39

and joy. And we

1:42

can add new influences. We can change our approach

1:44

to our existing life. Everything in life is the

1:46

same, but we just change our approach to those

1:48

things. And then our

1:50

entire life changes. Our whole experience of this

1:53

life changes. And I think one

1:55

important ingredient in that is when we draw

1:58

a boundary around. a

32:00

correct answer, a pure and correct

32:03

answer to all what

32:05

should I do questions. And

32:07

our job is just to step back and

32:10

welcome it to appear. It's like for like

32:12

even little things. If you have ambivalence

32:14

around like, well, should

32:16

I go to that

32:18

movie? Or is it better if

32:20

I stay in and I work on this project

32:22

that I really have to work on? If

32:25

you just step back and

32:27

know that like there's kind of like

32:29

two textures or two energies for what

32:31

feels better to you, what feels more

32:33

rewarding to you, eventually it'll come forth.

32:36

Eventually there's a thing that kind of

32:38

fits the shape of no, that's that

32:41

feels right. Throwing

32:43

that out in case it helps. All

32:45

right. Next tool. This

32:47

is a little bit unrelated to the

32:50

vibe so far, but I

32:52

wanted to keep

32:54

it in here because it's really about bringing

32:56

color to your person, but it's called building

32:58

up your Armada. It's like

33:00

a me booster. This is

33:02

for enhancing your, your felt

33:05

sense of identity. I

33:08

want you to think of your

33:10

person as the sum of all

33:12

that you have access to. And

33:14

that is your breath as a person. It's

33:17

not just you. It's every person

33:19

who loves you, every person and

33:21

experience you have ever, ever interacted

33:23

with. It's every cool story

33:26

you've ever heard. Every

33:28

new cool thing you've read about every

33:30

image you've ever seen, every place you've

33:32

ever walked by, every place you've ever

33:34

appreciated. So I

33:36

just want you to grow into this definition and

33:40

claim it. That is

33:42

who you are. It's not just like the

33:44

actual things you have done. Your secret weapons

33:48

are all the things that you

33:50

appreciate, all the people that

33:52

stand behind you, and you should always

33:54

play all of your cards and

33:57

hold none back. And by that

33:59

I mean how

34:01

you identify and your own PR, the way

34:03

you talk about yourself, the way you present

34:05

yourself, the way you push yourself out into

34:07

the world, really own all

34:09

of that as you, as the sum of

34:12

you. And

34:16

own all of your connections. Really think

34:18

of your energy as a being, as

34:20

all, every point of contact that you

34:22

have. That is your resume.

34:24

As a teenager, your first resume will

34:27

be literally a combination of all the

34:29

people who love you and have

34:32

helped you to build up a sense

34:34

of a bigger self. So same

34:36

goes for being an adult. All

34:39

right, the next tool, solving

34:42

for blank or you get

34:44

what you pay for. This

34:47

is just a weird one. It's kind of similar

34:49

to one of the other tools, but one

34:51

thing that struck me is when

34:55

we really think about value

34:57

in terms of what

35:00

it should cost

35:03

and what it deserves to cost and

35:05

what it deserves, how much time it

35:07

deserves to take based on

35:10

its best outcome, based on

35:12

the most pure, positive, effective

35:16

outcome, how we

35:19

select things changes. So

35:22

for example, when

35:25

you are shopping or when you are making

35:27

a decision, I invite

35:30

you to ask, what should

35:32

this thing really be for

35:34

it to be the best and most beneficial

35:36

in my life and or the life

35:38

of others? Instead of, I think

35:40

one thing that we constantly do is

35:43

we ask, how can I get it for

35:45

less? How can I be the most aggressive?

35:48

How can I get by? How

35:51

can I do it for the

35:53

least amount of time? It's like we're constantly trying

35:55

to squeeze more out of things. But

35:58

when we change our value, scale away

36:01

from that. And it's not about efficiency.

36:04

It's not about less money. It's not

36:06

about, uh, cheating the thing, milking it

36:08

for something else. Instead,

36:10

we are the primary,

36:13

uh, value

36:16

we are engaging at based off of is

36:18

greatness. Greatest value,

36:21

greatest value of enjoyment,

36:24

of level of excellence, of

36:27

love experienced, of impact on self,

36:30

of what that thing should cost.

36:34

Everything, our experience

36:36

of the thing changes and also the

36:38

value we get out of the thing

36:41

changes exponentially. Um,

36:44

example for you. I ended up, we

36:47

were talking about vacation again. We were at

36:49

a hotel that was not ideal. I didn't

36:51

love it. Didn't like the location. And then

36:53

I ended up getting a much

36:56

fancier hotel for one night.

36:59

And what happened is

37:02

that that hotel was so much better.

37:04

We got so much free,

37:07

everything from it. The service

37:09

was so much better. The pampering

37:12

was so much, the value came

37:14

back exponentially because the

37:17

thing I had chosen was just,

37:20

I want to, I want the best product.

37:22

I want to have the best product. That's

37:24

an elitist example. I'm

37:26

hoping that translates to something more practical. Other

37:30

example that might not relate to you in any way, but I'm going

37:32

to throw it out there as well. I recently

37:34

worked with a very, very good director.

37:36

I am a director myself. And

37:39

one thing I learned from watching this

37:41

person work is when

37:44

you approach a project, you think

37:47

what could create the best

37:49

possible version of this

37:52

film? What do I need to

37:54

cover? What do I need to shoot to make the

37:57

best possible version of this

37:59

story? That perspective will

38:01

create a better outcome. My

38:03

perspective in the past has been like, what can I

38:05

do for cheap? What can I fake?

38:07

What can I fit into this? Cause it's

38:09

like my energy has been guided

38:12

by things that are not aligned with value.

38:14

So those two examples are my way of

38:16

saying, I invite you to

38:18

ask of your life, what

38:20

will bring me the greatest value?

38:24

And if that means like, I'm gonna wait

38:26

another year to take a vacation. Cause I

38:28

really wanna have this perfect thing. I

38:31

don't wanna have the second, you

38:34

know, compromised, rushed version of the thing.

38:36

I just think it changes how

38:38

we approach everything. What should the

38:41

thing really be? Okay,

38:45

next couple of tools. I have some journal prompts

38:47

for you. Different

38:50

areas. First tool, diagnose

38:53

my chronic life problem. This is a

38:55

journal exercise. I

38:58

think we all have kind of like karmically

39:00

what we're trying to work out in our

39:02

lives. It's some, we probably

39:04

know what the thing is. So

39:07

I wanna invite you to journal. Like

39:09

what is your karmic problem

39:11

to overcome? What is the thing that

39:13

you constantly need to let go of?

39:18

And what is the thing you're working on? Like

39:20

I think for a lot of people, it's a feeling of

39:25

lack of enoughness. Like I'm

39:27

constantly trying to prove my value, that kind of thing.

39:31

For me it's chronic busyness. Like

39:33

a feeling of scarcity. That's a constant kind of

39:35

theme. Next journal prompt,

39:38

what qualities do I savor? Or

39:41

I used to love. This

39:43

is a list of things

39:46

that you just

39:48

enjoy. For me it's

39:50

creation. The act of creation,

39:52

working on things I'm passionate

39:54

about, peacefulness, beauty, being

39:57

in beautiful places. Also what were things that you

39:59

used to love? and as

40:01

a kid and this is just a good map

40:03

for how to bring more joy in your life.

40:06

Things that you used to do and get

40:08

joy from are still present in your

40:10

person and when we can bring some

40:13

of those back, it's just like we remember a part of

40:15

ourselves. Alright,

40:17

and then the next journal prompt, I

40:21

invite you to do some journaling around

40:23

what another version of your future looks

40:25

like that is

40:28

much more grand, like what is

40:30

the most preposterous version of your

40:32

future? And

40:35

I mean like beyond what you ever thought

40:37

could be possible. And

40:41

that is just hard for us to imagine in general.

40:43

I think we're so used to seeing what's like right

40:45

in front of us. It really

40:47

takes being creative and exploring the ideas

40:49

to get ourselves to aim higher. And

40:54

the next tool is somewhat related. Expect

40:57

the no filter. There's a part of

40:59

us, as soon as we set a

41:01

goal that's way too high, we

41:04

get an immediate feeling of

41:06

discomfort and negativity. It's

41:09

like our body doesn't fit yet and our body

41:11

wants to reject it. And so

41:13

some part of our body will immediately say,

41:15

but oh no, I actually don't want that

41:17

at all. No, that doesn't sound fun at

41:19

all. Just expect that

41:22

and continue to push yourself to

41:25

claim higher and higher goals. It's

41:27

like you need to even just start to dream

41:29

bigger for you to even know

41:31

that you would love, love

41:34

this thing that's so far off. You would totally

41:36

love it. You just have to allow yourself the

41:39

practice of visualizing it and

41:43

knowing that that's a realistic outcome for

41:45

your life. All

41:48

right, the next tool is

41:51

sort of a weird

41:53

one, but I invite you. It's called mapping what

41:55

you're capable of. This is

41:57

an assignment to just broaden out the away.

42:00

awareness you have of your own abilities.

42:04

Whatever you think are your abilities, I would

42:06

guess it's at least triple

42:08

that. You are capable of

42:11

so much. In modern civilization, we don't

42:13

get many opportunities to stretch

42:15

ourselves. But

42:17

when you think about moving your body toward a goal, we

42:21

set the goals too low often. And

42:24

when we are tested in situations of survival, you

42:26

can really witness what you're capable of, but outside

42:28

of that, as I said, you're only seeing what's

42:30

in front of you. So

42:32

this is a good tool also if you're feeling in a rut

42:35

or if you're slightly depressed. The

42:38

goal or the tool is I want

42:40

you to try to do fill in

42:42

the blank thing, but

42:45

harder, higher, farther than you ever

42:47

have before. Whatever

42:50

that thing is, it feels right for you.

42:52

The most complicated recipe you have ever cooked.

42:55

The longest hike you have ever

42:57

taken. The longest

42:59

you have ever run for. Whatever

43:04

the thing is, trying something you have

43:06

never tried before and then getting proficient

43:08

at it, I think is the greatest

43:10

way to understand. Remember

43:13

your own sense of agency. And

43:16

what we're shopping for here is that feeling of

43:18

accomplishment to say, yes, I can

43:20

do that. I can do many things. I can

43:22

do, it's just like a reset button

43:24

for all these other areas of life. And

43:29

from that point, we can think more broadly

43:31

about what we choose to do in our

43:33

life at large. So

43:37

don't get hurt. Just an invitation.

43:40

And those are my tools. Before

43:43

I close, I wanted to thank my latest sponsors. Thank

43:46

you for everyone who supports the show.

43:48

If you have the means, donations really

43:50

help. You can head to

43:52

yaywithme.com and click donate. And

43:54

if you don't have the means, totally understand. If you

43:56

could share it with someone, it could help. That

43:58

helps me as well. In

44:01

closing, life, you

44:04

know, many moons, many highs, many

44:06

lows, many plateaus, and just remember

44:09

to ride those and expect

44:11

them and not react to them when you're in

44:14

the lows and know that they average

44:16

out in the end. We

44:19

just have to really what we can do

44:21

is change how we relate to all of

44:23

those things, change how

44:26

we respond energetically to lows.

44:30

If we can just witness, become that

44:32

silent witness and not become invested in

44:34

what those things mean, you

44:36

can change everything about your life.

44:38

You can change everything about your life just

44:40

by changing yourself, just by changing your

44:43

own energetic perspective. So

44:46

we hope this episode is helpful. I send you

44:48

my love and don't forget to

44:50

smile.