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4:25

This is an episode kind

4:27

of about fear of inadequacy,

4:30

but also consciousness. And it

4:32

is based on an insight,

4:35

I feel like a lot

4:37

of people, a lot of

4:39

people have a deep, unseen

4:41

fear of inadequacy. Like,

4:44

whether you're a parent. whether

4:46

you are a college student,

4:48

whether you are a young

4:50

professional, an old professional, it's

4:52

one of those things that

4:55

hides from view because it

4:57

threatens our ability to function

4:59

like this this idea we're

5:01

not good enough and however

5:03

it's kind of like a foundational

5:05

belief in within the ego and

5:08

therefore it's like I think just

5:10

built into a lot of people

5:13

and That fear of inadequacy creates

5:15

a lot of static and defensiveness

5:17

and complication in our everyday flow.

5:20

And I think if we were

5:22

more aware of it or could

5:24

notice it, it would allow us

5:27

to move through life from a

5:29

place of self-manifested love and safety.

5:31

And I think that's because we

5:34

can, when we notice it, we

5:36

can kind of do a work

5:38

around with ourselves where we... hold

5:40

ourselves and then process it and

5:42

then can move on from a

5:44

place of confidence, safety and love.

5:46

I think another way that fear

5:48

of inadequacy shows up is in

5:51

the feeling of scarcity, like a

5:53

focus on the idea of there's

5:55

not enough, I have to try

5:57

harder, I'm always going to be

5:59

cheap. I'm always going to be

6:01

grasping. So this is an

6:03

episode with working with that

6:05

in particular. And before I go

6:08

into this episode, I wanted to

6:10

talk about a recent experience that

6:12

sort of set it up for

6:14

me. And I just recently had

6:17

one of those moments where

6:19

I noticed I had changed. I don't

6:21

know if you can relate to that

6:23

where you get to a stage when

6:25

you're like, oh, I'm different now. And

6:27

you look back. at a former

6:30

self that was maybe more

6:32

troubled or maybe more graspy.

6:34

And there's that realizing when

6:36

we can, we notice that

6:38

we have embodied something that

6:40

we've been trying to embody

6:42

for a very long time. And

6:44

we see, wow, I now own more

6:47

of myself. I am more in the

6:49

seat of myself in a deeper way.

6:51

So I recently realized I had this

6:53

kind of change and I could feel

6:55

it in just my quality of... I

6:58

guess, and I feel a lot more close

7:00

to myself, close to the

7:02

world. I don't know if

7:04

this is something that is

7:06

related to what I've been

7:08

working on, or it's something

7:11

that's related to consciousness

7:13

change, but either way, I

7:15

think it happened in part

7:17

because of my aspirations and

7:19

having a goal in mind

7:22

of processing specifically

7:24

things that I was not

7:26

proud of. like anger is

7:29

one of them. And because

7:31

that is something that's very

7:33

ego threatening, like whenever there's

7:35

something you're not proud of

7:37

about yourself, you have to

7:39

go into it and you

7:41

have to like dig in it

7:43

and really be open to

7:46

accepting that as true of

7:48

yourself. And so in that process,

7:50

I think what we do is

7:52

we separate from ego as a

7:54

judgment on who we are and we

7:57

can kind of see around the edges

7:59

of it and And I think it

8:01

only really happens when we feel

8:03

we're willing to go into something

8:06

that feels unsafe to explore. I

8:08

think one core trade of ego

8:11

is that it's built upon the

8:13

primal hidden fear in all humans.

8:15

And unless you work to unearth

8:18

it, unless you work on that

8:20

fear of like, I'm not good

8:22

enough, then you can't

8:24

understand that the falsity of

8:27

it. It's like if you have

8:29

that hidden fear of like, I'm

8:31

not good enough, the other side

8:33

of that belief is actually, I

8:36

expect myself to be perfect, I

8:38

should be perfect, which is,

8:40

as you can hear, a crazy

8:42

and stupid thing to expect of

8:45

ourselves. And it's not only

8:47

impossible and false, it's also

8:49

a really harmful ideal. Like

8:51

even if it were attainable,

8:54

it's based on a belief

8:56

that perfect is good. Perfect

8:58

is also a culturally created

9:01

definition. And it's

9:03

also created by our

9:05

life experiences, but it's

9:07

this warped kind of ball of

9:10

glass that we think in

9:12

our blind ego that translates

9:14

to if I'm perfect, I

9:16

will be happy and healthy.

9:18

But in reality, it does

9:20

not translate. Like, if you

9:22

actually were able to attain

9:24

perfection, it does not translate

9:26

to being happy and healthy.

9:28

So this expectation of ourselves

9:30

that we should reach for perfection is

9:33

also the one that enables us or

9:35

sets up the basis for us to

9:37

push others down and think of others

9:39

as less than. So it's like they're

9:41

kind of one and the same. And

9:44

that. that feeling of needing to

9:46

push others down is also

9:48

what causes us to be

9:50

more materialistic. It's like materialism

9:52

is really built on a

9:55

belief that we need something

9:57

more to feel satisfied and

9:59

whole. say that as a person

10:01

who loves nice things and

10:03

loves stuff. Like I love

10:05

stuff and I love you know

10:07

my German car like there

10:10

are so many things that

10:12

are materialistic about you know

10:14

what we enjoy in the

10:16

world but I'm just saying

10:19

as a personality trait if

10:21

you are defensive and if

10:23

you have a You feel more

10:25

grounded when you have others

10:27

under you, like you push

10:30

others down. That's a symptom

10:32

of being more defined

10:34

by that hidden belief that

10:36

you are unworthy. So it's

10:38

like, they're two sides of

10:41

the same coin. It's very

10:43

interesting. And so, if you are

10:45

a person who is, there's something

10:48

in your life that's really

10:50

bugging you, about you. Like those

10:52

things that kind of stick like

10:54

thorns in your consciousness and your

10:57

memory like they kind of replay

10:59

and you cringe Those are all

11:01

little capsules That are ripe with

11:03

potential for growth if we just

11:06

go into them and dig around

11:08

in them and we kind of

11:10

untangle all the little individual beliefs

11:12

that have created them. It's because

11:15

something in us doesn't it doesn't

11:17

sit right with us and we

11:19

don't understand why When we

11:21

can work with those

11:23

little blocks in particular,

11:26

like by looking into

11:28

them, we get a

11:30

little bit closer to

11:32

ourselves, we grow in

11:34

our personal experience of

11:36

wholeness, peace, joy, love,

11:38

connection to others, and

11:40

our love reservoir grows

11:42

more expansive. So from

11:44

a less than, fear-driven

11:46

place, we are... we're

11:49

constantly chasing something outside

11:51

to booster ourselves.

11:54

And when we can

11:56

have less fear and

11:58

we have more self-accepting...

12:01

self-acceptance, more openness, we just

12:03

feel more calm. I think the

12:05

underlying current that is created is

12:07

I don't need to apologize for

12:10

who I am or get wrapped

12:12

up in manipulation or the need

12:14

to please others because ultimately how

12:17

that makes me feel when I

12:19

do that is going to be

12:21

me on me. It's like I

12:24

at the end of the day

12:26

live with me and I just

12:28

need to Embrace where I am

12:31

on this life path. It's just

12:33

true. There's no need to alter

12:35

it or change it for others.

12:38

It just is. And so when

12:40

you can really 100% authentically be

12:43

in that space in that intention,

12:45

it's a very nice energy. It's

12:47

like there's no more of the

12:50

grasping and underfoot, you know. I

12:52

need, I better have blank, I

12:54

need to smile, whatever that thing,

12:57

that fear of lack. It's, that's

12:59

like such a, we create such

13:01

a barrier to just being present

13:04

in our lives. So with that,

13:06

there are three parts to this

13:08

episode, the what the why and

13:11

the how, the tools. Part one,

13:13

the what. moving closer to freedom

13:15

from ego on a casual basis.

13:18

That's what I'll say. It's like,

13:20

it's not like you're going to

13:22

get rid of your ego forever.

13:25

Maybe you will. I don't know.

13:27

But like, it's always going to

13:29

kind of like pop its little

13:32

head out when it's a situation

13:34

that's intense or stressful or, you

13:36

know, it's going to keep you

13:39

functioning like the animal that we

13:41

are. But when it's overactive in

13:43

the wrong way, we just notice

13:46

it. and we can step back

13:48

from it. It's like we're very

13:50

aware of the way it works.

13:53

And this process suits us because

13:55

it ends a battle with what

13:57

is. Like there's a constant need

14:00

for us to control and maintain

14:02

our position in a fictional scale.

14:04

It's like a fight with a

14:07

fear of worthlessness. And once we

14:09

can see around the fight and

14:11

put it aside, it's like we're

14:14

free. We're just we can live

14:16

in a peaceful state. Part two

14:18

of the why. I think a

14:21

lot of us have a separation

14:23

from self ownership and that is

14:25

because of our past and also

14:28

survival, you know, like we have

14:30

a constant grasping need for control.

14:32

We of all people though need

14:35

to be there for ourselves and

14:37

supporting ourselves and not at ourselves.

14:40

However, we all have nervous system

14:42

damage of some sort and by

14:44

that I mean just like the

14:47

kind of short circuits of our

14:49

wiring attached to various ages and

14:51

milestones in our lives that made

14:54

a dent, you know, like they

14:56

become our no-go zones. where the

14:58

brain kind of goes offline. And

15:01

by that I mean just moments

15:03

we were traumatized, triggered, felt like

15:05

really intense powerlessness and discomfort where

15:08

we had to just take our

15:10

brain offline. So depending on what

15:12

age those experiences happened, there is

15:15

an actual change in the way

15:17

your brain functions. This was a

15:19

huge epiphany for me when I

15:22

was in school for my MFT

15:24

because it explained a lot of

15:26

the lack of capacity of people

15:29

in my life where I was

15:31

like, oh, that's why. It's not

15:33

because you're an asshole. It's just

15:36

because of this very long period

15:38

of your upbringing and your development,

15:40

where there was just a gap

15:43

in what you were able to

15:45

tolerate. So I say that because

15:47

all of us have our own

15:50

version of that. Small versions, big

15:52

versions, and so therefore when we

15:54

get triggered as adults. who can

15:57

work on ourselves, take care of

15:59

ourselves. Our job is to A,

16:01

acknowledge the triggers and B, move

16:04

through them with what I'll call

16:06

third person support for that self.

16:08

In just the simple act of

16:11

acknowledging where that pain is from

16:13

and saying like, I think what's

16:15

happening right now is this time

16:18

in my life is coming up

16:20

for me. The deep fear I'm

16:22

experiencing right now is I'm not

16:25

going to be able to live

16:27

through this or I'm not good

16:29

enough. Whatever it is. That third

16:32

person support allows us to move

16:34

past the thing we previously thought,

16:36

I'm just going to die from

16:39

this. I'm totally incapable. I can't

16:41

tolerate it. I won't tolerate it.

16:44

Like whatever those like no-go zones

16:46

are, we move past them and

16:48

over... Not too long of a

16:51

period of time, they just weaken

16:53

and weaken and weaken. And so

16:55

they're so faint, they just become

16:58

little like scents that drift through

17:00

the air. And that is how

17:02

we become whole. Slowly over many

17:05

practices, we become whole and we

17:07

graduate our consciousness. That's actually what

17:09

the original title of this episode

17:12

was, is graduating your consciousness. Maybe

17:14

I'll keep it that. It doesn't

17:16

explain a lot. That's my... That's

17:19

what I'm weighing right now, but

17:21

confidence is really just trust and

17:23

self. That's it. You're no longer

17:26

questioning. You just know. So with

17:28

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Whatever that thing is as you

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You know the thing, the divining

27:27

rod? It's like back in, actually

27:30

no, they still use it today.

27:32

If you are a very like

27:34

tuned person, like on the spectrum,

27:36

for example, you have like a

27:39

much higher sensitivity to the energy

27:41

of things in general of matter.

27:43

But divining rods are what people

27:46

use to find springs, like underground

27:48

water reservoirs of ours. And that...

27:50

a stick that's shaped in a

27:52

little... I don't know what to

27:55

call it. Three points converging together.

27:57

They... those divining rods can feel

27:59

water this is also true for

28:02

our bodies and our beings our

28:04

inner beings there there are times

28:06

we're in a conversation and we

28:09

can just feel that little like

28:11

reservoir of sadness of emotion that

28:13

wants to flood out And oftentimes

28:15

we just resist it or we'll

28:18

try and channel it into a

28:20

different story. Our brain takes over

28:22

and we want to find a

28:25

label for it. We'll say it's

28:27

like, oh, it's because of this

28:29

stupid thing. It's because of this

28:31

reason of my career or it's

28:34

like we want to intellectualize it.

28:36

And sometimes it's just a little

28:38

pocket of spring water that wants

28:41

to come out. And all we

28:43

have to do is allow for

28:45

that. Sometimes we just need to.

28:47

to flood out some emotion and

28:50

then we can be lighter. The

28:52

human experience is hard and we

28:54

of all people must be so

28:57

compassionate toward ourselves. And I say

28:59

that because a lot of the

29:01

time we're like, no, but I

29:03

don't want to cry. I don't

29:06

want to be sad. I don't

29:08

want to be vulnerable. I don't

29:10

want to feel like I'm falling

29:13

apart. Or we think, why am

29:15

I crying? What's wrong with me?

29:17

It's because it was in your

29:20

body. Sometimes there is no story.

29:22

Sometimes it's just a pocket that

29:24

got stuck. And there is a

29:26

great sense of relief when we

29:29

can all allow emotions to leave

29:31

our bodies. It's like a very

29:33

therapeutic release. It doesn't always have

29:36

to be bad or about something.

29:39

All right, the next tool

29:41

is called growing our relationships

29:43

or breaking the self-pity addiction

29:45

I say that because I

29:47

think of self-pity as an

29:49

actual addiction in the same

29:51

way that like being really

29:53

fixated on aging or really

29:55

fixated on weight or really

29:57

fixated on money like there

29:59

are all these kind of

30:01

like addictions or business is

30:03

another one self-pity is its

30:05

own drug because of the

30:07

feelings like the habitual feelings

30:09

that are released when we

30:12

go into self-pity it's it

30:14

becomes very familiar and very

30:16

like addictive because it floods

30:18

us with the same set

30:20

of chemicals in our bodies

30:22

and so as we practice

30:24

that habitual thought process of

30:26

self-pity meaning I hate myself

30:28

I'm such a loser I

30:30

regret so many things God

30:32

that's so like me to

30:34

be so selfish and mean

30:36

and evil that's an addiction

30:38

and a tool to break

30:40

this especially when it comes

30:42

to relationships I'm just inviting

30:44

you to do this practice

30:46

it's a three-step manual work

30:48

around it's like if it's

30:50

sticking in your consciousness it's

30:52

a sign that something's not

30:55

sitting right So, I always

30:57

think of those as invitations.

30:59

It's like the little capsule

31:01

with growth serum in it.

31:03

If you can just go

31:05

into it, something is not

31:07

aligned with what you believe.

31:09

It's a lovely invitation for

31:11

growth. So, instead of going

31:13

into like, I hate me,

31:15

I'm the worst, so fucking

31:17

terrible, and then just being

31:19

like, self-pity, self-pity, and like,

31:21

it's like a little pity

31:23

party. Instead, just go right

31:25

into that murky darkness of

31:27

I did something wrong, I

31:29

don't like it. And ask,

31:31

if I can take me

31:33

out of the equation, what's

31:35

left? What's left? Let's just

31:38

do that. I want you

31:40

to do this almost like

31:42

as a journal practice. What

31:44

is left now that I

31:46

took me out of it?

31:48

Now it's just somebody else's

31:50

experience. What was the experience

31:52

they felt? Just translate it.

31:54

Like really get into... the

31:56

other person's reality. And once

31:58

you've done that I want

32:00

you to ask how can

32:02

I support them in that

32:04

wound? This just the practice

32:06

of trying on somebody else's

32:08

vantage point is what will

32:10

allow you to get into

32:12

a feeling of A not

32:14

self-pity but B love and

32:16

compassion. Because although it may

32:18

not be true to your

32:21

intentions, like if you have

32:23

hurt somebody else, as soon

32:25

as we can get into

32:27

their experience and we can

32:29

offer love to someone or

32:31

we can support them in

32:33

the way that they have

32:35

been hurt, that is immediately

32:37

how we have freed ourselves

32:39

from the thorn. And it's

32:41

also like a little door

32:43

that unlocks, it's like everyone

32:45

just needs to be seen.

32:47

As soon as we can

32:49

see somebody else over ourselves.

32:51

It's like it unlocks them.

32:53

and they can be there

32:55

with us as well. All

32:57

right, the next tool, freedom

32:59

hack. This is just a

33:01

reminder for being free from

33:04

the self-pity addiction that is

33:06

ego. As soon as you

33:08

have made a mistake, acknowledge

33:10

it. Not to others necessarily,

33:12

but to yourself. Like, I'll

33:14

actualize it and just... As

33:16

soon as you notice it,

33:18

trace all the little roots.

33:20

And if the roots are

33:22

not evidence, because usually the

33:24

roots are something that we

33:26

have not accepted, that we

33:28

are expecting of ourselves on

33:30

an unconscious level, it's a

33:32

lie. It's usually like, I

33:34

am expecting myself to be

33:36

blank. And as soon as

33:38

you can trace the root

33:40

of like, oh, I have

33:42

this really fucked up expectation

33:44

of myself, then you can

33:47

forgive yourself readily, and then

33:49

you... have already started a

33:51

process of change because you're

33:53

no longer hiding and running

33:55

from the thing. You're on

33:57

the other side of it

33:59

noticing it as it's occurring.

34:01

in your body. It's like

34:03

you've already moved closer to

34:05

truth than reality, which is

34:07

the only block to change.

34:09

You know, like, there really

34:11

needs to be that safe

34:13

space for exploring what you

34:15

are working to change. And

34:17

the only thing that self-hatred

34:19

and intolerance does is block

34:21

change. It's a trick. It's

34:23

not in service of change.

34:25

When you are in self-hatred,

34:27

you are actually just, it's

34:29

a veiled version of having

34:32

the party of whipping myself

34:34

with chains of self-pity. Okay,

34:36

next to all, the sheer

34:38

importance of energy. I just

34:40

want you to think of

34:42

yourself as a conduit of

34:44

electricity that spreads... more of

34:46

itself through others like a

34:48

wire connecting to another wire

34:50

because it's quite literally what's

34:52

happening and so when you

34:54

have something that comes up

34:56

like self-hatred for example or

34:58

I feel ashamed I feel

35:00

low I feel insecure it's

35:02

really important to pull it

35:04

on out and process it

35:06

just name it that's it

35:08

actualize it outside of your

35:10

body because it's not about

35:12

I'm not telling you like

35:15

go out and be fake

35:17

and be fake and be

35:19

like I love myself even

35:21

if you're like feeling that

35:23

inside. It's just about being

35:25

able to genuinely embody your

35:27

target and what you are

35:29

what your values are and

35:31

as soon as we are

35:33

are disconnected from ourselves because

35:35

we're resisting something, we're no

35:37

longer really feeling like we

35:39

have the same target. It's

35:41

like, I'm just pretending I

35:43

don't see this terrible thing.

35:45

As soon as we can

35:47

just name the thing we're

35:49

feeling, I can come back

35:51

to, but my goal, what

35:53

I'm really trying to do,

35:55

is head toward growth and

35:58

wholeness and confidence and authenticity.

36:00

It's like you can. remember

36:02

like I'm not really this

36:04

thing this thing is occurring

36:06

in me it's not me

36:08

and and then we're not

36:10

as compromised by pettiness all

36:12

right next to all this

36:14

you might have already done

36:16

because of the other sections

36:18

of this podcast but as

36:20

a journal exercising I invite

36:22

you to unearth your hidden

36:24

primal fear beneath all of

36:26

our grasping and explosiveness is

36:28

a hidden fear. And it's

36:30

usually one that we're just

36:32

not aware of. We don't,

36:34

we forgot it was there.

36:36

We didn't know it was

36:38

there. But wherever it is,

36:41

it's where we are exploding.

36:43

Like my, what I have

36:45

kind of worked backward from

36:47

with just anger, explosive anger,

36:49

is like I hate yelling,

36:51

I hate it. And when

36:53

I yell, what I've realized

36:55

is it was based on

36:57

me not accepting. a truth

36:59

that there's no way that

37:01

my kids are not going

37:03

to be imperfect. I didn't

37:05

accept that that was true.

37:07

I didn't realize, no, that's

37:09

just true. You're not going

37:11

to ever be perfect at

37:13

all. And that just really

37:15

recognizing that. Yeah, your kids

37:17

are going to really fuck

37:19

up and you're really going

37:21

to fuck up. Just in

37:24

recognizing that, I'm like, oh,

37:26

I can't really be mad.

37:28

There's no reason to be

37:30

mad because that is actually

37:32

just true. So if we

37:34

can just see whatever that

37:36

hidden fear is and then

37:38

recognize where we're expecting some

37:40

lie, it's like it just

37:42

gets us closer to a

37:44

more healed and aligned place

37:46

for us in our own

37:48

behavior. All right, next tool,

37:50

am I falling for the

37:52

trick for the trick? There

37:54

is a tendency toward urgency

37:56

and rushing and over functioning

37:58

that I think so much

38:00

of of society abides by

38:02

today. And that is in

38:04

part because we kind of

38:07

fall into like an unconscious

38:09

routine, just like it's really

38:11

addictive to fall into a

38:13

systemized routine. And also the

38:15

ego has this belief that

38:17

we need to boost ourselves

38:19

up in order to have

38:21

power and control and not

38:23

die. So it's like we're

38:25

constantly chasing this idea of

38:27

enoughness or more than enoughness

38:29

and that's based on the

38:31

fear that we're not enough

38:33

already. So we're I think

38:35

a lot of us are

38:37

constantly being overactive as a

38:39

means to stave off low

38:41

self-worth which allows us to

38:43

feel safer because we think

38:45

I'm so overactive I'm over

38:47

delivering I'm over scheduling I'm

38:49

efforting beyond what is kind

38:52

of right to myself and

38:54

Therefore, they can't say I'm

38:56

worthless because they owe me.

38:58

It's like that gives us

39:00

a weird sense of grounding

39:02

in that we're like, I

39:04

know now because I'm doing

39:06

all this extra shit that

39:08

I am enough because they

39:10

can't say I'm not enough.

39:12

However, really just taking, robbing

39:14

ourselves of a positive end.

39:16

our birthright version of a

39:18

great life experience. So I

39:20

will often ask myself, just

39:22

because it is easy to

39:24

fall back into that habit

39:26

of overfunctioning, I'll ask myself,

39:28

am I falling for the

39:30

trick? Am I falling for

39:32

that trick of busyness and

39:35

addiction to urgency? Or can

39:37

I come back into trust?

39:39

I am enough. Life is

39:41

enough. The moment is enough.

39:43

There is enough of everything.

39:45

It is our birthright and

39:47

the natural way. to exist

39:49

on the planet in expansiveness,

39:51

slowness, wholeness, and the quiet,

39:53

unhurried day that is filled

39:55

with moments that exist with

39:57

nothing to do as nature

39:59

does. And so, the

40:01

visual I often use for

40:03

people is it's summer in

40:06

Paris and the sun is

40:08

setting and there's nothing to

40:10

do, there's no phones, there's

40:12

no internet, the only thing

40:14

you are doing is sitting

40:16

outside people watching, watching the

40:18

sky change, and that is

40:20

your job. That is the

40:22

only thing you're supposed to

40:24

do. That energy just doesn't

40:26

even feel like it's something

40:28

we could ever have. Just

40:30

that length of nothing to

40:33

do that idea of nothing

40:35

to do. It's like Some

40:37

some of us just can't

40:39

even imagine it like a

40:41

life like that, but that

40:43

is What life is it

40:45

shouldn't necessarily be filled with

40:47

stuff and things to do

40:49

in a list All right

40:51

next to all overreaching or

40:53

taking up too much space.

40:55

So when we get through

40:57

this kind of processing of

41:00

the feeling of worthlessness being

41:02

kind of hidden in there.

41:04

What we recognize is that

41:06

we are overactive and taking

41:08

up too much space in

41:10

all of these areas of

41:12

our lives. And one thing

41:14

I just wanted to invite

41:16

you to reflect upon is

41:18

where are there areas of

41:20

your life currently where you

41:22

are taking up too much

41:24

space, like being overactive, unleveling

41:27

the playing field? I did

41:29

this a ton before I

41:31

did most of my therapy

41:33

work. on myself. And that

41:35

is because of a feeling

41:37

of needing to have a

41:39

leg up, a fear of

41:41

not, of being at the

41:43

mercy of others, of others

41:45

having any power over me

41:47

or of owing them. It's

41:49

really just the fear of

41:51

not enoughness. But eventually what

41:54

happens when you have, when

41:56

you step back and and

41:58

don't overreach into areas that

42:00

are not your own. And

42:02

by that I mean doing

42:04

other people's work for them.

42:06

taking care of people in

42:08

ways that they can take

42:10

care of themselves, making decisions.

42:12

for people who should be

42:14

making those decisions for themselves,

42:16

taking away responsibility from other

42:18

people around you. As soon

42:21

as you step back and

42:23

you allow others to rise,

42:25

it allows you to watch

42:27

them grow and you honor

42:29

and respect them, but you

42:31

also create spaciousness and come

42:33

into your power in a

42:35

very different way. your energy

42:37

changes and you're no longer

42:39

in a negotiation a constant

42:41

grasping negotiation of what your

42:43

actions mean. It's like you've

42:45

just come into your own

42:48

power and you just are

42:50

your own power. So if

42:52

you are a person who

42:54

identifies as being controlling, just

42:56

I invite you to just

42:58

tune in and ask. Am

43:00

I getting a feeling of

43:02

power and safety in the

43:04

face of feelings of inadequacy?

43:06

And how can I start

43:08

to step back and come

43:10

into my own self-trust? All

43:12

right, the next tool is

43:15

called my wire damage. I

43:17

talked earlier about nervous system

43:19

damage and just I wanted

43:21

to invite you to acknowledge

43:23

what your specific moments are.

43:25

Like whatever happens to recur

43:27

for you if there are

43:29

areas that take you offline,

43:31

what are the moments that

43:33

are big ones for you?

43:35

We all have them. Like

43:37

for some people it's moves.

43:39

moves are associated with loss

43:42

or for some people the

43:44

need to speak your truth

43:46

and have others know your

43:48

truth has so much charge

43:50

and import. And so if

43:52

you haven't been able to

43:54

do that in some area,

43:56

it will be very traumatizing.

43:58

It'll feel like you're wronging

44:00

yourself. There are all these

44:02

things that have big weight

44:04

for us in our present

44:06

day lives and we're like,

44:09

why is that? Why am

44:11

I feeling such reactivity? Why

44:13

is that so big? So

44:15

if that's true for you,

44:17

I invite you to go

44:19

into what is this? What

44:21

moment did this originate? No

44:23

wonder. The really important thing

44:25

is just to acknowledge that

44:27

that is true. Just recognize

44:29

we all need to be

44:31

seen. Just like a partner

44:33

needs to be seen in

44:36

their pain. You, little you,

44:38

needs to be seen by

44:40

big adult functioning present-day self-you.

44:42

And just by doing that,

44:44

we feel okay. We feel

44:46

supported. We can move stronger.

44:48

We can move through it.

44:50

We can move through it.

44:53

All right, next tool is

44:55

called boundary bless. This is

44:57

a weird one, but having

44:59

rock solid boundaries is a

45:02

really empowering soothing state. And

45:04

like a lot of people

45:06

hate setting boundaries or it

45:08

feels really uncomfortable. But as

45:10

soon as you do it,

45:12

it means you feel no

45:15

tension. You have no personal

45:17

qualms. And so I just

45:19

bring up boundaries as something

45:21

to go through, think about

45:23

as you go through your

45:26

day. If there is something

45:28

that you do that makes

45:30

you feel a little bit

45:32

iffy about your own values,

45:34

that's a wishy-washy boundary. And

45:36

as soon as you can

45:39

recognize that that is... is

45:41

actually creating a feeling of

45:43

lack of safety. It's creating

45:45

much more static in your

45:47

life than is worth it.

45:50

Like an example is, I'm

45:52

gonna, I got an extra

45:54

thing from Amazon. Maybe I'll

45:56

just keep it. There's some

45:58

feeling in there. It just

46:00

feels a little itchy, just

46:03

feels a little staticky. It's a

46:05

boundary you're crossing with yourself.

46:07

And if we can just

46:10

notice it and like say like,

46:12

oh, no, no, I don't

46:14

like that. It's like everything

46:16

just becomes lighter. It's like

46:18

as soon as we can

46:20

just align with the boundaries

46:22

consistently, we don't have to worry

46:24

anymore. We just feel lighter.

46:26

All right, next tool. The thrill

46:29

of meaning. That's the happy life.

46:31

If you are a person who

46:33

has a current life situation where

46:35

you feel a little empty, you

46:38

have a sense of longing, know

46:40

that it is not a symptom

46:42

of lacking the right stuff or

46:44

not not having a relationship or

46:47

not having the career you want

46:49

or whatever the thing is, it's

46:51

very likely the result of not

46:53

having a source of meaning in

46:55

your life. And by that I

46:58

mean something that you that

47:00

deeply resonates with you. And

47:02

that can be very random

47:04

and small. It doesn't mean

47:06

like, if you're a lawyer,

47:08

quit and move to Ecuador

47:10

and work with an orphanage,

47:13

it's just, it can be

47:15

something very small, but you

47:17

need a practice in your

47:19

life that connects deeply to

47:21

a source of meaning for

47:23

you. And by that, I mean writing

47:25

a wrong for you. So journal on

47:28

that. If it has any

47:30

resonance whatsoever, next tool is also

47:32

a journal, prompt, my story. I've

47:34

given this before, but I wanted

47:36

to bring it back because I think

47:38

it's really important to think about

47:41

the story you are telling yourself

47:43

about yourself. And as a frame

47:46

for this journal entry, I just

47:48

want you to think there's a

47:50

little wrapped group of children, they're

47:53

kindergarteners, and you're telling them a

47:55

story. about your life. Those kindergartners

47:58

will feel it very immediate. And

48:00

if you change that story,

48:02

the group will respond real

48:04

time. Emotionally, they will feel

48:06

it. They will experience it.

48:08

And so, whatever your story

48:11

is about your life and

48:13

what it is, I want

48:15

you to, if it's a...

48:17

Sad, terrible, stress-filled story that's

48:19

filled with doom and like,

48:21

this is my problem, this

48:23

is always gonna be my

48:25

problem, and it's never gonna

48:28

change. Like, those kindergartners are,

48:30

like, feeling really sad. I

48:32

want you to just try,

48:34

try rewriting a nice story.

48:36

And I just, I'll offer

48:38

you one right now, to

48:40

try on. I am creating

48:42

a peaceful, non-heard existence. And

48:45

that is something that is

48:47

possible for me and will

48:49

be for me. It is

48:51

something that we all can

48:53

have. And if you feel

48:55

so compelled after this process,

48:57

I want you to also

48:59

look at what you have

49:01

to do tomorrow. Like what's

49:04

on your to-do list? Is

49:06

there to-do list reflective of

49:08

something that will support a

49:10

positive story? And if not,

49:12

how can I bring in

49:14

one thing? that does. All

49:16

right, the last tool, I

49:18

just love this one. It's

49:21

a very weird one. It's

49:23

called All That a Little

49:25

Pot Can Do. It's a

49:27

personal reflection. I want you

49:29

to choose an ordinary object,

49:31

a tool that you use

49:33

a lot in your life.

49:35

I chose a small pot

49:38

in my kitchen. If this

49:40

is like an annoying practice,

49:42

you just use the same

49:44

one. make it just a

49:46

little small pot. Maybe yours

49:48

is your favorite pencil set

49:50

or your laptop, I don't

49:52

know. Whatever it is, it's

49:55

like a tool. And if

49:57

you look at this object,

49:59

whatever you've chosen. Just think

50:01

about how much it has

50:03

done. How much it has

50:05

created. How amazing is that?

50:07

This thing has made so

50:09

many marvelous dishes, so many

50:12

delicious combinations of foods and

50:14

has fed so many people.

50:16

So this little pot is

50:18

just like you. And I

50:20

just want you to marvel

50:22

at that for a moment.

50:24

All that you create and

50:26

make true. All that you

50:29

bring true. All that you

50:31

bring. All that you bring

50:33

true. All that you bring

50:35

true. All that you bring.

50:37

All that you bring. All

50:39

that you bring. to the

50:41

lives of others, all that

50:43

you have organized and built,

50:46

all that you have made

50:48

with your hands, all the

50:50

love that you have given

50:52

to others, all the conversations

50:54

you have gifted to others

50:56

that have actualized change and

50:58

realizations for them. All of

51:00

this capacity, you are limitless.

51:03

You are filled with so

51:05

much potential. You create. So

51:07

much in this world. Never

51:09

forget that. Never underestimate that.

51:11

It's it's a wonderful and

51:13

amazing thing all that you

51:15

are. So before I close,

51:17

I wanted to send out

51:20

a big hug and a

51:22

thank you to all my

51:24

sponsors, my patron patrons, all

51:26

of my sponsors via yay

51:28

with me, big love to

51:30

you all. Anyone who has

51:32

the means, donations always help

51:34

out the show. If you

51:37

don't, if you could share

51:39

this with someone who could

51:41

help, that helps me as

51:43

well. So in closing, what

51:45

is your expectation of the

51:47

world? What is your expectation

51:49

of your day? Of what

51:51

is going to happen today?

51:54

Whatever you notice, you are

51:56

defaulting to... Just remember to

51:58

come back into that feeling

52:00

of safety. Like cleaning our

52:02

energy is really just soothing

52:04

ourselves so we can get...

52:06

back home away from that

52:08

fear hurt energy. And when

52:11

it comes up in a

52:13

cloud, we have to acknowledge

52:15

it and give it some

52:17

witnessing so we can move

52:19

past it because our energy

52:21

spreads and it creates roots

52:23

outward or waves literally. If

52:25

you listen to the telepathy

52:28

tapes, then it will give

52:30

you an idea of just

52:32

how important our is being

52:34

aligned with truth. Truth. It's

52:36

our gateway to our life.

52:38

So our mission is really

52:40

just how do I move

52:42

through the world without fear,

52:45

anxiety, I need to control

52:47

clouding my flow toward the

52:49

future and knowing that all

52:51

times are now. Like whenever

52:53

we come into this moment

52:55

that is now. How

52:58

can I tune? How can I

53:01

tune myself? It's always possible. It's

53:03

always accessible. Soon as we go

53:06

into the past or the future

53:08

is when we start to get

53:10

lost in a story. So know

53:13

that you're always empowered. You're always

53:15

empowered in now. I wanted to

53:18

leave you with words from my

53:20

therapist. Also, side note, if the

53:22

show telepathy tapes triggers you for

53:25

any reason, ignore what I just

53:27

said. I will put a link

53:29

in the show in case anyone

53:32

is interested. I think it's an

53:34

amazing wonderful show, but if it

53:37

brings up anything for you, ignore

53:39

it. I wanted to end with

53:41

words from my therapist because it

53:44

really changed how I was living.

53:46

It was right when I first

53:49

started going to my old therapist

53:51

and it was the first time

53:53

anyone had said anything like it

53:56

to me and it changed everything

53:58

for me. because your expectations really

54:01

do create the future. So here's

54:03

what I will tell you. This

54:05

is what she told me, and

54:08

I want you to know as

54:10

well. You can be happy. You

54:12

can have a good life. You

54:15

can have peace. And you can

54:17

have love. You can have health

54:20

and good people surrounding you. And

54:22

separate from what she said, that's

54:24

what she said. It's true, though.

54:27

But I didn't. believe it before

54:29

then. It was the first time

54:32

I really had hope for that.

54:34

It's true. It is true. In

54:36

order for that to happen for

54:39

us, we have to learn to

54:41

tolerate and welcome that into our

54:44

world. We have to experience that

54:46

within ourselves and we have to

54:48

start to be able to trust

54:51

ourselves. And we really have to

54:53

start by just having that goal

54:55

to experience. that safety in our

54:58

relationship with ourselves. Because once we

55:00

do that, the rest of the

55:03

world is not at us. It's

55:05

not personal. It's not a threat.

55:07

There's nothing we have to grab

55:10

or stick onto ourselves. It's like

55:12

we know we are enough. So

55:15

I hope this helps you and

55:17

I send so much love and

55:19

please smile. So,

56:01

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