0:02

Uh, hey, hey everyone in

0:04

Homeroom 3. Um, Student

0:06

Council is selling candy

0:08

grams if anybody wants

0:11

a candy gram for

0:13

Valentine's Day? Uh, no one, huh? Oh,

0:15

do we have to do it in

0:17

front of the whole class or can

0:20

we see you later or? Um, you

0:22

have to, you have to buy

0:24

it now. Today's the only day.

0:26

Troy, did you want one? Yeah,

0:28

Troy, did you want one? So

0:30

how does the buying process work? I

0:32

would just say like my crush's

0:35

name. Well you would give me $20, you

0:37

would tell me, you would tell me, you

0:39

would write down, I guess, or tell, whisper

0:41

in my ear. Oh no, Troy, don't get

0:43

up from your seat, okay? Just stay

0:45

in your seat. You can communicate

0:47

with him from the back of

0:49

the room. Thanks, Mrs. Sullivan.

0:52

Oh, no problem. Okay, so I can write

0:54

it down and you'll just come and

0:56

get it off my desk with the

0:58

20 or... Well if you get ball up the 20 and toss it

1:00

to me, I'm... Yeah, you need to get together. We could pass the

1:03

20 forward, I think, to the front of the class, and then

1:05

you can just communicate to him who... We don't have all day,

1:07

so just tell him what you want to send. I don't really

1:09

want to send. I don't really want to pass the 20 up because,

1:11

you know, I feel like it keeps happening, I keep passing things

1:13

up, but by the time it gets to the front, it,

1:15

it's either been telephoned, it, it's either been telephoned,

1:17

it, it's either been telephoned, or it, or it's either been

1:19

telephoned, or it's either been telephoned, or it, or it, or

1:21

it's either been telephoned, or it, or it, or it's either

1:23

been telephoned, or it's been telephoned, or it, or it, or

1:25

it's, or it's been telephoned, or it I thought you definitely want

1:28

to buy one for Mrs. Sullivan because

1:30

I know you're like fucking in love

1:32

with her or whatever. No worries. I'm

1:35

having, I have to go, can I go to,

1:37

can I go to the, can I go to

1:39

the nurses office? No, protect. I'm having a heart

1:41

attack. Troy, you're not having a heart

1:44

attack. I'm having a test in a

1:46

couple minutes, okay? Bring it on, pass it

1:48

out. going to sort out whatever this

1:50

candy gram thing is. Happy Valentine's Day everybody,

1:52

but we can't have this take up all

1:54

of our class time. You can send your

1:56

candy grams to your crush, but we can't

1:58

have it take up all of class time.

2:00

Okay. Um, um, and this year

2:03

we we partnered with, um, I

2:05

don't know how to pronounce it,

2:07

Brax, Brox, B-R-A-C-H, whatever that is.

2:09

We partnered with them to make

2:12

special for the high school special

2:14

little candy hearts. Some of them

2:16

have like two fingers, like you're

2:18

fingering someone. Some of them have

2:21

like, two penises, two penises. Some

2:23

have like two penises touching some

2:25

have some have some. Huh? You

2:27

can't do we get to pick

2:30

do we get to pick which

2:32

one we do or is it

2:34

random? Uh, I let you pick

2:36

You'll let me for 25 for

2:38

$5 more well, I don't want

2:41

to do the two penises one.

2:43

That's gonna send the wrong message

2:45

to my crush. Uh, you know,

2:47

solving the fingering one if that's

2:50

Because you're talking at lunch? Oh!

2:52

I think I'm good. I don't

2:54

think I need one. I don't

2:56

think I need one. I don't

2:59

think I need one this year.

3:01

All the next year. I mean,

3:03

it's for charity. Troy, you're not

3:05

going to get $20 for charity?

3:08

It's for charity? Yeah. I guess

3:10

discernibly rock with her, except she's

3:12

really bummed out. Bubmed out. She

3:14

has the blues. She has the

3:17

winter blues. Her dad owns a

3:19

Pontiac GMC dealership. So, rich people

3:21

can be sad. I don't think

3:23

yaks go around much. I think

3:26

Pontiacs go in the way admits

3:28

abuse. How would you know? Well,

3:30

I think she can be sad,

3:32

but does she need $20? Yes.

3:35

She's saving up for a Dodge

3:37

Durango, which makes no sense because

3:39

she can get a discount. Yeah,

3:41

she can probably get a free

3:43

Pontiac or GMC. Get a Grand

3:46

Dam. What are you doing, charity?

3:48

Charity. What are you doing, Charity.

3:50

Charity. Um, okay, you know what?

3:52

I'll write it down. I'll just

3:55

write it down on a 20.

3:57

You know what? 25. I'll do

3:59

20 I'll write it down, I'll

4:01

pay for the, I'll do, I

4:04

guess the fingering one is fine.

4:06

I didn't, I only heard two

4:08

options, so I guess I'll take

4:10

the fingering one. Okay. And you

4:13

can just give it, just because

4:15

I'm in a hurry to get

4:17

to the other home rooms, you

4:19

can just hand it directly to

4:22

Mrs. Sullivan. No. No. Nope. No.

4:24

All right, bye guys. Yeah,

4:29

everyone just come in. Take your

4:31

seats. Take your seats. Let's just

4:33

get down to it immediately. Who

4:35

would like to present their poem

4:37

first to the class? I'd like

4:39

to go first, please. Ah, yes.

4:41

Toby, of course. Everybody just take

4:43

a seat? And let's just all

4:45

promise that we're not going to

4:47

have a repeat the last time.

4:50

Toby read his poem. We're not

4:52

going to do that again. Everyone

4:54

I just need. Please don't. Is

4:56

Toby going to read the same

4:58

poem as last time? I don't

5:00

know, Toby. The assignment today was

5:02

like sort of a love-themed film.

5:04

Are you going to read the

5:06

same poem as last time, Toby?

5:08

I don't think so. I think

5:10

I understood the assignment. Great, great.

5:13

So then Colton, at ease, I'd

5:15

say? Well, no, it's not going

5:17

to be a repeat at the

5:19

last time, as long as he's

5:21

not reading. your responsibility here. Whoa,

5:23

I'm not a high school bully.

5:25

Colton. That's unfair. I'm not a

5:27

high school bully. I had a

5:29

reaction to a disgusting poem. Colton.

5:31

I get you have a certain

5:34

responsible as the class bully, or

5:36

you have a certain responsibility as

5:38

the class bully. Let's just, Toby,

5:40

read his poem and let's just

5:42

not freak out, okay? Hey, can

5:44

I just say, um, Colton isn't

5:46

officially the class. Bully he bullied

5:48

one time. I mean that doesn't

5:50

discount if someone else I read

5:52

it silently, I think I'm done.

5:54

No, Toby. No one heard it.

5:57

Can I be excused then? Please,

5:59

just take a seat. If you

6:01

want to read your poem, get

6:03

in line, okay? Read my poem,

6:05

get bullied. Toby, I'm sorry. You've

6:07

just been up here clearing your

6:09

throat? I read it silently, I

6:11

think I'm done. No, Toby. No

6:13

one heard it. Can I be

6:15

excused then? If Toby's going to

6:18

read this poem, and we know

6:20

that I have a visceral reaction

6:22

to Toby's. Maybe Colton, just let

6:24

Colton go. No, I think Colton,

6:26

this is a good exercise for

6:28

you. This is a good exercise

6:30

in self-control. I ran this one

6:32

by several family members. None immediate

6:34

because I don't have any. But

6:36

they all agreed that this one

6:38

was not upsetting. I don't have

6:41

a problem with Toby. He read

6:43

the poem to his extended family

6:45

members because he's an orphan and

6:47

are you going to say something

6:49

about that? Why would I have

6:51

to, why would I say something

6:53

about him being an orphan? Back

6:55

on my day, you would have

6:57

said something like that. I will.

6:59

Stephen, no. Stephen. What? I feel

7:02

I'm not even going to get

7:04

a chance. Okay, Toby. Whenever you're

7:06

in. This is sloppily sucking on

7:08

beef jerky by Toby, no last

7:10

name because I'm an orphan. Can

7:12

I be excused? I think I'm

7:14

going to have a bad reaction

7:16

of this based on the title.

7:18

And trust me, me, me in

7:20

the 80s, I would have been

7:22

all over this. I would have

7:25

been freaking out, I've been foaming

7:27

at the mouth, okay? Steve would

7:29

have been coming out of my

7:31

ears, Colton, as a former bully

7:33

myself. I get you, I see

7:35

you, Colton. I think you're projecting

7:37

a lot of what you were

7:39

doing on to me. I'm just

7:41

not into hearing super, hypersexualized poetry.

7:43

Colton, you and me? We're the

7:46

same. Your poem read the title

7:48

again. I did I mouth the

7:50

words again Toby from the top.

7:52

This is slop. Sucking on Beef

7:54

Jerki by Toby, no last name

7:56

because I'm an orphan. Golden, uncover

7:58

your ears. Open your eyes and

8:00

uncover your ears. You told me

8:02

to bite my tongue, which only

8:04

stops the reaction coming out of

8:06

me, not what I'm hearing. Why

8:09

can't I just cover my ears?

8:11

Listen to the poem. Go ahead,

8:13

Toby. I can see he's... He's

8:15

grinding against the podium. I know

8:17

it's going to be sexual. I

8:19

just need it for inspiration. Is

8:21

that so wrong? No, go ahead.

8:23

Go ahead. Go ahead. Toby My

8:25

mouth waters in anticipation. Slim Jim,

8:27

I guess, but I prefer a

8:29

thick dick. As I unwrap... This

8:32

is the same. The meaty wand.

8:34

This is the same. The meaty

8:36

wand. The meaty wand starts to

8:38

press against my lips. It gives

8:40

purchase. Our last prompt was beef

8:42

jerky. This is the same boa.

8:44

No, I've changed some words. I

8:46

don't think so. I remember it

8:48

vividly. Oh yeah, I guess I

8:50

forgot. Keep going, keep going, it's

8:53

going great. I lost my place.

8:55

It's okay, just started at a

8:57

random spot. No, my home. I

8:59

know, I know, you're an orphan,

9:01

you lost both your parents. Yeah.

9:03

Can I, keep going, okay. You

9:05

can skip to the end if

9:07

you want. No way is Toby

9:09

gonna win, horniest orphan? That's the

9:11

superlidence. I definitely got that one.

9:13

Stephen. I'm horny orphan orphan. I

9:16

got a lockdown. My parents are

9:18

gone and I want to fuck

9:20

so bad. Just skip to the

9:22

end of your poem, Toby. Sorry.

9:24

Can I make excuse to the

9:26

bathroom? No. I'd shit my pants.

9:28

And that's never been an excuse

9:30

to leave my class before and

9:32

I'm not starting today. If we

9:34

could get out of here by

9:37

shitting your pants, you guaranteed, I

9:39

could be shitting my pants right

9:41

now. I would be shitting my

9:43

pants. I'd be embarrassed, but I

9:45

really just didn't have anybody to...

9:47

teach me how to be embarrassed

9:49

so this is sloppily sucking beef

9:51

jerky by Toby no last name

9:53

because I'm worth it He's

9:55

gonna win Best

9:57

Orphan, he's gonna

10:00

win Best Orphan

10:02

for sure. Best

10:04

Orphan. He's going to Listen

10:07

to the rest of

10:09

the episode now

10:11

by starting your free

10:13

seven -day trial at

10:16

Patreon.com. sure.