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for Hidden Brain comes from Abbott. of

10:00

time with them, and they were

10:02

a huge family, a family storytelling

10:05

family. They told stories

10:09

like many, many families all the time,

10:11

but they had all the kinds of

10:13

family stories. They had the every day,

10:16

tell me about your day to day, what happened,

10:18

sharing their own. Remember this

10:21

is like when we went to the beach

10:23

last summer, and they had the big iconic

10:26

stories. Every

10:28

Thanksgiving, every Thanksgiving, the

10:30

story about how

10:34

one of the uncles crashed the car

10:36

through the trees when he was a

10:38

teenager, had to get told. And it

10:40

had to get told the same way

10:43

with the same punch lines every

10:46

year. And

10:48

I started to realize how

10:51

important that was to keep

10:54

that family cemented as a happy, healthy

10:57

family. Yeah. Yeah. So

11:00

it's not the information in that uncle car

11:03

crash story that was important because everybody

11:05

knew the facts already. Everybody

11:08

knew every detail of the story. If you told it

11:10

the wrong way, everybody would correct you. And

11:15

what went through your heart when you saw that? I

11:17

mean, you must have been happy to be part of

11:19

this family that had this rich family lore, but was

11:21

there a part of you that sort of said, that

11:24

noticed that you didn't have that?

11:26

I mean, is that how you, was

11:29

that made aware to you? I think

11:31

it was obvious. I mean, it was such

11:33

a contrast that it was

11:36

so different than the way my family interacted.

11:46

As Robin became a researcher, she was

11:48

to learn that family stories are not

11:50

just family stories. They

11:52

are much more than dinner table conversation

11:54

or fodder for Thanksgiving table punch lines.

11:58

Family stories turn out to play a crucial role. in

12:00

the mental health of the people who tell the stories

12:03

and the mental health of the people who listen to

12:05

the stories. They can

12:07

serve as anchors for identity and self-esteem.

12:10

Told right, they can change the direction

12:12

of our lives. You're

12:18

listening to Hidden Brain. I'm Shankar Vedanta.

12:30

Support for Hidden Brain comes from Anthropik. Anthropik's

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14:20

is Hidden Brain. I'm Shankar Vedanta. Robin

14:23

Fiversh is a psychologist at Emory

14:25

University who studies the way parents

14:27

and children communicate. Early

14:30

on in her career, she spent extended amounts

14:32

of time with families listening to

14:34

how parents talked with children. I

14:36

was interested in how families,

14:40

particularly mothers, talked

14:42

with their three, four, five-year-old

14:45

children about the events of the

14:47

child's life. So

14:49

we did a lot of work where

14:51

we would visit families in their homes

14:53

and hang out with them. And then

14:55

we would explicitly ask mothers

14:57

to sit down with their child and talk

15:00

about some things that have happened, some

15:02

special occurrences. We gave them very

15:04

few instructions and we

15:06

looked at how the past got

15:09

reconstructed. And

15:11

we discovered that this was really

15:13

an important part of children learning

15:15

how to narrate their own past

15:18

and also that it

15:20

actually helped children increase their

15:23

ability to remember the past. We

15:26

found that different mothers do this in different ways and

15:28

it has a lot of consequences

15:34

not only for how children remember things

15:36

but how they feel about themselves. So

15:39

mothers and children who are

15:41

more elaborate and detailed in

15:44

these kinds of early memory

15:46

conversations have children who

15:49

have higher self-esteem, even very

15:52

early in development. They

15:54

also have higher emotional understanding because

15:56

so many of the events that

15:58

we talk about or emotional.

16:01

So I was talking with my

16:03

colleague, Marshall Duke, talking

16:06

about the power of these early

16:08

conversations and how important it was

16:10

for children to build up their

16:12

own narrative story, the

16:14

story of who they are. Marshall's

16:17

a clinical psychologist and he said,

16:20

yeah, that's totally important, but

16:23

I bet that what's equally important

16:25

is how families talk about the

16:27

family past, the family history. Coming

16:31

from the family I did, I was like, I

16:33

don't think that matters as much. I

16:35

really think that that's not as important. So

16:38

we had this conversation and we were part of

16:41

a big funded research program.

16:43

We had the means to

16:45

do this. We said, let's

16:47

use our resources to figure

16:49

this out. So

16:57

that's when we decided to just tape

16:59

record families talking over the dinner table

17:01

to see what they talk about. So

17:04

we tape recorded these families and we simply

17:06

asked them, you know, just tape

17:08

record a few dinner time conversations. We were

17:10

not there. We just, this is

17:12

old technology was literally a physical tape recorder.

17:15

One of those cassava quarters. Um,

17:18

families tell stories

17:21

all the time. Some

17:23

reference to a past event occurs every

17:25

five minutes in a

17:27

typical Tuesday night spaghetti dinner. Wow.

17:30

And we know from

17:32

other research that 40% of

17:34

all human conversation is

17:37

referring to past experiences. So

17:40

that's what human beings do. We talk about what

17:42

happened to us and we ask other

17:44

people what happened to them. We tell

17:47

stories. We listen to stories all the time.

17:50

Most of the stories, and we're talking about, you

17:53

know, it's 35, 40 minute dinner time

17:55

conversation. Most of the

17:57

stories are what are called today. eye

18:00

stories. So most

18:02

of these table conversations were four,

18:05

five people. You're coming

18:07

back together at the end of the day and you

18:09

want to weave yourself back together as a family. So

18:12

a lot of it is, tell me about

18:15

your day, what happened? And

18:17

you know, we got what we expected. How

18:19

was your math test? Did you

18:22

make up with Jenny after your fight

18:24

yesterday? But what also surprised

18:26

us is that the

18:28

parents also talked about their

18:30

day with their children. They

18:33

talked about what happened at work or what happened

18:36

in their social life. So

18:38

they're starting to open up the world

18:40

for their teenagers. This is what an

18:42

adult world looks like. This is

18:45

the world you're going to be developing

18:47

into, right? It's not just

18:50

your perspective on the world. I'm telling

18:52

you stories about my world. So

18:55

it's really opening the world up for them. So

18:58

that's a lot of it. But then

19:00

about a third of the stories are

19:03

these family stories where the family

19:05

is talking

19:07

about something is said and

19:09

somebody says, and

19:11

it's just as frequently the child as

19:13

the parent. That's like

19:16

when we went to grandma's last Thanksgiving

19:19

and then they start talking about that.

19:21

Or that's like when we went to

19:23

see Jaws and

19:25

embedded in those conversations, you

19:29

get family history where

19:31

parents will start talking about when

19:33

they were children or

19:35

their grandparents' lives. And

19:39

then it turns out the families had told

19:41

more of these everyday

19:44

stories were in fact doing better.

19:46

And what really predicted good

19:49

functioning both for the family and

19:51

for the child were the

19:53

family stories. So

20:02

in other words, can you talk a little bit about

20:05

that when you say that the fact that children were

20:07

doing better, they had better well-being? How so? So

20:10

families that tell more stories show

20:12

more trust and community

20:15

within the family than specific to

20:17

the child. Children

20:20

within families that tell more of these stories, and

20:23

particularly tell them in a certain way, and I do want to

20:25

come back to that, have higher

20:28

self-esteem, they have higher

20:32

academic competence, they're doing better in school,

20:35

they have higher social competence,

20:37

they are more socially skilled.

20:42

And in later research, because of course we followed

20:44

up on this first study with

20:46

lots and lots of research, as

20:49

they get older and you can start to assess more

20:53

mature aspects of well-being, like a

20:55

sense of agency, a sense of

20:57

maturity, a sense of meaning and

20:59

purpose in life, all of

21:01

that is higher for children

21:04

and adolescents and young adults who

21:07

know more of these family stories. So

21:20

as you were probing the

21:23

relationship between these family stories

21:25

and well-being, including

21:27

long-term well-being, you

21:29

and a colleague created an instrument called

21:31

the Do You Know Scale.

21:34

What is this tool do, Robin, and what are some of the

21:36

kinds of questions you have on it? The

21:39

Do You Know Scale is a 20-item

21:41

yes-no questionnaire that Marshall

21:43

Duke and I developed simply

21:46

to assess as a very, very

21:49

rough index the extent to which

21:52

families talk about their shared and

21:54

family history. We ask adolescents and

21:57

young adults, do you know where

21:59

you are? your parents met? Do

22:01

you know where your mother went to school? Do

22:04

you know what sports your father

22:06

played in high school? Do you know

22:08

where your grandmother grew up? Do you

22:10

know what school your grandmother went to?

22:12

Do you know how your grandparents met?

22:15

So we're not getting stories, we're just

22:17

getting yes-no. But in order

22:19

to answer yes to a question like that, we're

22:23

making the assumption you must

22:25

have been told these stories. And

22:28

it turns out it's a pretty

22:30

good assessment of it in two

22:32

ways. One, this very simple 20

22:35

questions yes-no is a

22:37

good index. It relates

22:40

to self-esteem, agency,

22:42

meaning and purpose in

22:44

life, emotional competence. So

22:48

there's something that this is tapping

22:50

into that's meaningful. There

22:53

was one question on the do-you-know scale

22:55

that I found very striking. It's

22:58

do you know about a relative whose

23:00

face froze in a grumpy position because

23:03

he or she did not smile enough?

23:05

What was the point of asking that question, Robin? That

23:10

was Marshall and I are

23:12

both of Jewish heritage. And

23:15

this I think is something that

23:17

is culturally Jewish. We both grew

23:19

up with caregivers,

23:21

parents or grandparents who would say

23:24

to us when we would cry

23:27

or scowl, be careful.

23:30

Your aunt Linda cried

23:32

all the time and her face froze in that

23:35

position. And we both

23:37

had that story. So when we

23:40

were thinking about family stories, we

23:42

would just it was kind of

23:44

an inside joke to be honest.

23:47

So we ended up just tagging it on

23:49

to the end of the questionnaire. But

23:51

we get asked about that question more than any

23:53

other question. What

36:00

is vicarious memory? A

36:03

vicarious memory is a memory that you

36:06

Have of something that happened to somebody

36:08

else so I can tell you for

36:11

example I can tell you a story that happened

36:13

to my husband when he was a child. I

36:16

wasn't there I didn't know him when he was

36:18

a child, but he's told me that story I

36:21

know that story and so I have

36:23

a vicarious memory of it

36:25

That's what these intergenerational narratives are

36:28

most of our knowledge of the world is vicarious

36:31

and these vicarious memories essentially

36:34

provide models

36:37

or views of how

36:40

the world works So

36:43

when we have these stories

36:46

of our parents and our family They

36:50

become ways of understanding Both

36:53

how the world works and how

36:55

we fit into that world One

37:09

of your studies looked at how

37:11

children coped following the 9-11 attacks

37:13

with specific attention to the role

37:15

of the family stories being told

37:18

Tell me about that study and what you found What

37:21

we discovered is that the families who had been

37:23

able to talk more openly

37:25

and in more collaborative ways about

37:29

difficult and challenging experiences pre

37:31

9-11 Had

37:33

kids post 9-11

37:36

who were showing better Aspects

37:39

of well-being they were showing

37:41

fewer behavior problems fewer

37:44

indexes of depression less

37:46

anxiety fewer

37:49

symptoms like anger problems

37:51

substance abuse So

37:53

there was something about Being

37:57

in a collaborative storytelling

37:59

family family that buffered

38:02

them against some of the anxiety

38:04

that we all experienced after 9-11.

38:09

There was another study conducted by

38:11

the psychologist Adam Brown of the

38:13

New School that looked at how

38:16

familiarity with family stories affects military

38:18

veterans. What did he find, Robin? So

38:22

as you might imagine, military

38:24

veterans who have seen combat come

38:26

home, and it's very, very difficult

38:29

for them to talk about their

38:31

experiences for multiple reasons. One,

38:33

they themselves are traumatized. They

38:36

don't want to traumatize their listeners. And

38:39

frankly, their listeners don't

38:41

always encourage wanting

38:43

to hear about the awful things

38:45

that had to happen. We saw

38:47

this with World War II vets,

38:49

Holocaust survivors. It's a general

38:52

pattern of people who have experienced

38:54

trauma. We see it with refugee

38:56

families. But the

38:58

veterans who came home having

39:02

experienced traumatic combat in

39:05

Iraq and Afghanistan, the

39:08

ones who knew more of

39:10

their family history showed higher

39:12

levels of adjustment and well-being

39:15

than those who did not. And

39:17

again, it's some suggestion

39:20

that having that

39:23

as a buffer is

39:25

helpful. And I think it's

39:27

because that tells

39:29

you we're a family

39:31

that perseveres. We've

39:34

been through hard times. We've

39:37

gotten through them. We

39:39

stay together. We get through it.

39:51

In one of the stories that you elicited

39:53

from one of your research participants, a 14-year-old

39:56

named Mary, she told you about a

39:58

story involving a woman. her

40:00

grandfather and her father. Tell me

40:03

that story, Robin. This

40:05

was an African-American family, and

40:09

it shows how family stories can situate

40:11

us not only in a family history,

40:13

but in world history. So

40:16

this is a story about the civil

40:18

rights movement and about

40:20

this family's role in the

40:22

civil rights movement. So

40:24

Mary told us this story that her

40:27

father, when he was in a stroller,

40:30

was taken to a civil

40:33

rights rally where MLK spoke in

40:36

Atlanta by his, I

40:38

think it was by his grandparents. And

40:41

he still remembers it, even though he was

40:43

so young he was in a stroller. And

40:47

according to the story, it really

40:50

changed his

40:53

perception of the world. He

40:55

felt validated,

40:57

and it was the awakening

41:00

of his political consciousness. Now, is that possible?

41:02

Probably not, if he was in a stroller.

41:05

But it's still

41:07

a great story. And Mary

41:09

herself used that story to

41:11

talk about her own interest

41:14

and work in political activism.

41:23

So when Mary tells that story

41:25

of her father in a stroller listening to

41:28

the Reverend Martin Luther King Jr., what she's

41:30

saying is, that is my story as

41:32

well. That

41:34

is my story, not just of me and my

41:36

family, but of my people. You

41:50

found that when young people tell

41:52

family stories from the perspective of

41:54

a parent or an ancestor, this can

41:56

have very powerful effects.

48:00

So, for example,

48:02

we came, we worked hard.

48:07

Unfortunately, we didn't have

48:09

as much success as we might have liked.

48:12

There were some back steps that we had to take, but

48:15

we overcame, and now

48:17

we are here and

48:20

we're still together. That's

48:22

a characterization, because all family sagas

48:25

are a little bit of

48:27

all of those. But the problem

48:29

with an ascending, everything's great all the time,

48:31

is it's not. And

48:34

life happens. And if that's all, if that's your

48:36

model, when something

48:38

bad happens, you have no resources.

48:40

You have no, well, I know

48:43

Grandpa Joe went through something like this

48:45

and was okay. You have nothing

48:47

to rely on. So you just have

48:50

no coping skills. Desending, of course, is this

48:52

kind of spiraling

48:54

down into rumination. So

48:57

the oscillating story is one where you

49:00

have a sense of, life

49:04

has its ups and downs, but

49:07

we are a strong,

49:09

persevering family we

49:11

will overcome. We will get through this.

49:21

You say that it's really valuable for

49:23

parents to share stories of their own

49:25

transgressions with their children. What

49:28

are these transgression stories and why are they

49:30

important to share? Transgression

49:33

stories are stories that really challenge our

49:35

sense of who we are. We did

49:37

something that we're ashamed of, not proud

49:39

of, we feel guilty about. We

49:42

hurt somebody or did something wrong. And

49:46

we all do it. I

49:48

mean, hopefully in our lives, small transgressions.

49:51

We lie, we cheat. We

49:53

do a little bit of stealing. We

49:56

betray a trust. We break a promise.

49:58

So, for example, So we're

50:01

working with adolescents. So the stories

50:04

that the parents tell, the transgressions are

50:06

minor. They cheated on an exam.

50:08

I'm relatively minor. A lot of them

50:10

are about lying to their parent or

50:12

sneaking out. I

50:15

think sometimes adolescents

50:18

and young adults think that their

50:20

parents don't

50:22

understand what

50:25

it is to go through teenage angst.

50:28

They don't understand what it is to be

50:31

angry or dark or moody. But

50:36

in fact, we all have those

50:38

memories. And it's one thing

50:40

to say, oh, yes, I felt like that too

50:42

when I was your age. I

50:44

think it's another thing when you tell a story like this,

50:47

it gives it a

50:49

texture, a reality. It's like,

50:51

you really were a brat. Wow. You

50:54

do get it. You get who I am. You

50:56

get what I'm feeling. You

51:07

also say that collecting and saving

51:09

physical objects can also keep family

51:11

stories alive. Robin, you

51:13

treasure an object that connects you to

51:15

a woman whom you've never met named

51:17

Annie Lester. What is this

51:20

object and who was Annie Lester? The

51:23

object is a diamond engagement ring. So

51:26

when I married my husband, unfortunately,

51:29

both of his parents died relatively

51:31

young and he neither

51:33

was alive when I met him. So

51:36

I never had the opportunity to meet either one of them.

51:39

But when we got married, he

51:42

was able to give me his mother's

51:44

ring. His mother's name was Annie Lester.

51:48

And he has a fairly

51:51

large and very good

51:54

storytelling family. So

51:56

I have been enmeshed in stories

51:59

about... Paul, his father,

52:01

and Annie Lester, his mother, and

52:03

everybody has these fabulous stories. But

52:06

I never got a chance to meet them. But

52:09

through this ring, I feel connected

52:11

to his mother. And his mother

52:14

was... She was a wisp

52:16

of a woman who was a force

52:18

of nature. She

52:20

also was very wild in her teenage

52:22

years, settled

52:25

down, and... was

52:28

just fiercely loyal

52:31

to her family. And anybody

52:33

who did any kind

52:35

of threatened harm to her family got

52:39

a lesson from Annie Lester. She had

52:41

a sharp tongue and wasn't afraid to

52:43

use it. She

52:45

was stubborn, but

52:48

unbelievably loving. And

52:51

I just love those characteristics. So

52:54

I feel connected to her, even though I've never

52:56

met her. Stories

52:59

carry a connection, even

53:02

when that person is no longer there. And

53:05

that connection, for me, with

53:09

Annie Lester, is a connection of love

53:11

and compassion, so that I

53:13

can still feel that love and compassion, even

53:16

when the person is no longer there. As

53:19

you were listening do today's

53:21

story, you may have

53:23

found yourself casting your mind back

53:26

to your own family. Did

53:28

you come from a storytelling family or a taciturn

53:30

family? Did you notice that some people in

53:33

your family loved to tell stories, while others didn't see

53:35

the point of it? Do

53:38

you think they needed it further? Do

53:40

you think they needed it in a town?

53:43

Do you think that others should try? Not

53:46

even between the paperman. In

53:48

our companion story to this episode, available

53:50

exclusively to subscribers to Hidden Brain

53:53

Plus, we explore the

53:55

complex gender dynamics in family stories.

53:58

We explore why women tell stories. differently

54:00

than men and why both men

54:02

and women tell stories about women

54:05

differently than stories about men. Robin

54:08

also shares some specific techniques to elicit

54:10

from family members the deep, rich,

54:13

and collaborative stories that seem to

54:15

predict better mental health and self-esteem,

54:17

especially for young people. If

54:20

you're a subscriber, that episode is available

54:22

right now. It's titled, How

54:24

to Bind Your Family Together. If

54:27

you're not yet a

54:29

subscriber, please visit support.hiddenbrain.org

54:32

or apple.co. hiddenbrain.

54:35

You can get a free seven-day trial in both

54:37

places. You'll instantly have

54:40

access to all our subscriber-only content,

54:42

including past episodes, and

54:44

stories where listeners ask our favorite

54:46

guests their own questions. Again,

54:49

that's support.hiddenbrain.org or

54:53

apple.co.hiddenbrain. Robin

54:58

Fiebuch is a psychologist at Emory

55:00

University. Robin, thank you so much for

55:02

joining me today on Hidden Brain. Thank

55:04

you. I really enjoyed it. Hidden

55:10

Brain is produced by Hidden Brain Media. Our

55:13

audio production team includes Annie

55:16

Murphy-Paul, Kristen Wong, Laura Quarell,

55:18

Ryan Katz, Autumn Barnes, Andrew

55:20

Chadwick, and Nick Woodbury. Tara

55:23

Boyle is our executive producer. I'm

55:25

Hidden Brain's executive editor. We

55:30

end today with a story from our sister

55:32

show, My Unsung Hero. This

55:35

My Unsung Hero segment is brought to

55:37

you by T-Mobile for Business. Today's

55:41

story comes from Gary Dietz. He

55:44

wants to thank four unsung heroes who

55:46

helped him over the span of two

55:48

hours. Gary's

55:50

son, Alexander, has a rare

55:52

genetic condition that causes intellectual

55:55

and behavioral challenges. Some

55:57

time ago, for Alexander's 24th birthday, Gary

56:01

and his partner Eileen decided to

56:03

give Alexander one of his favorite

56:05

experiences, a walk around Boston. On

56:08

a warm fall day, the three of

56:10

them drove from their home in New

56:12

Hampshire to Charlestown, Massachusetts. From

56:14

there, they got on the ferry to Boston's

56:17

North End. And when we

56:19

got on the ferry, my first unsung hero

56:21

of the day was actually the woman taking

56:23

tickets on the ferry. It was a very

56:25

crowded and beautiful day and she

56:28

could see that there was something slightly

56:30

amiss with Alexander. He seemed very nervous

56:33

and I thought that was extremely

56:35

perceptive and compassionate of her. And

56:37

while we were waiting online, the

56:40

woman taking the tickets just waved us by. It

56:43

was a very subtle thing to do and it

56:45

made the ferry ride a little bit more bearable.

56:48

After they got off the ferry, they found a

56:50

restaurant. Alexander seemed fine, so

56:53

they went inside. But right

56:55

after they ordered, Alexander started to

56:57

get agitated and soon he was

56:59

having a physical meltdown. And

57:01

this was going to be

57:03

very challenging within the city because when he

57:06

has a physical meltdown, he can hurt himself

57:08

or others and we really shouldn't

57:10

be in a restaurant. And this hadn't happened

57:12

when we'd been out really for a few

57:15

years. So we very quickly

57:17

asked the bartender. He was a really cool

57:19

young man and we had just put our

57:21

order in and I said, excuse me sir,

57:23

is it too late to cancel our order?

57:26

And having worked at restaurants when

57:28

I was a kid, I kind of knew it

57:30

was probably too late to pull the order, but

57:33

he just waved us off and he said, no

57:35

problem, I get it. You guys come back another

57:37

time when things are better for you. And

57:40

again, this concept of perception

57:42

and compassion happened a second

57:44

time that day. They

57:47

left the restaurant and walked around, hoping

57:49

Alexander would calm down. Gary

57:51

decided to call an Uber to get back

57:53

to that car in Charlestown. As

57:55

they waited for the Uber, Alexander became

57:57

more distressed and began to get aggressive.

58:00

Gary and Eileen had to physically restrain

58:03

him. And that's when the

58:05

Uber driver pulled up, a man

58:07

named Muhammad. Muhammad was completely

58:09

nonplussed. It was just like a

58:12

normal thing for him, which

58:14

I thought that was really weird. Because when we

58:16

got in the car, he actually pulled his seat

58:18

forward, leaned forward, put his hands

58:20

all the way on the dashboard so that

58:23

Alexander couldn't grab him. And

58:25

it was really clear to me that

58:27

he knew what was going on, which

58:29

was really surprising honestly. So he started

58:32

to drive the Uber and Alexander was

58:34

still at the height of his meltdown.

58:38

And the only words really that

58:40

Muhammad said to us the whole time

58:42

were in sort

58:44

of broken English, I have a

58:47

cousin, same thing, I understand. And

58:50

at that point was

58:52

super heroic for me because I was

58:54

worried that the Uber driver would kick

58:57

us out because Alexander was being dangerous.

58:59

Or that I would be embarrassed or

59:01

any one of the million feelings that

59:04

parents of special needs young adults that

59:06

have challenges experience. But

59:09

he immediately made me feel as

59:11

comfortable as I possibly could at that point

59:14

for the few minute cab ride back

59:16

to Charlestown where our car was parked.

59:20

They got out of the car. By this point,

59:22

all of them were hot and sweaty. Alexander

59:25

needed water, so they found a cafe and sat

59:27

down at the patio. But

59:29

it was about to close. And so

59:31

I sort of waved to the person who

59:34

was inside the cafe and she waved back

59:36

to me, clearly indicating we're

59:38

closed, we're closed. And I

59:40

try to make signs there that, you know, I know

59:42

you're closed, but I really need your help. Can

59:45

you come out? And after a few seconds, she

59:47

sort of caught on to the context. She

59:50

brought them some ice water. Mary

59:52

rubbed it on Alexander's head to help cool

59:55

him down while Eileen went to get the

59:57

car. By the time she came

59:59

back, Alexander was in the car. Santa was finally getting back

1:00:01

to his normal self. He gave

1:00:03

us a hug and a handshake, which is the

1:00:05

way he indicates that he's calmed down. And

1:00:08

we were ready to drive back to New Hampshire. Eileen

1:00:11

and I were a mess, but

1:00:13

the only thing we could really talk about

1:00:16

that made us feel better were these four

1:00:18

people that really showed

1:00:20

that situational awareness, that compassion, that

1:00:23

ability to really put themselves

1:00:25

in our shoes. And that's

1:00:27

really why I call them

1:00:29

heroes. If

1:00:33

Gary could speak directly to his four heroes, this

1:00:36

is what he would say. Your

1:00:38

grace and helping me and my

1:00:40

son and my family in that

1:00:42

moment may seem like

1:00:44

a little deal to you, but

1:00:47

to me, it changed

1:00:50

our day and

1:00:52

also changes ever

1:00:55

so slightly my perception of

1:00:57

how crappy the world can be sometimes for

1:01:00

my son and for the

1:01:02

things that we experience with my son. So

1:01:05

just because it seemed little to you doesn't

1:01:07

mean it wasn't giant for us. And so

1:01:09

I wanna thank you for that. Thank

1:01:11

you. Gary

1:01:19

Dietz of Brookline, New Hampshire. This

1:01:22

segment of My Unsung Hero was brought to

1:01:24

you by T-Mobile for Business. You

1:01:27

can find more stories like this on the

1:01:29

My Unsung Hero podcast or on

1:01:31

our website, hiddenbrain.org.

1:01:35

I'm Shankar Vedantam. See

1:01:37

you soon. Bye.